you have to be sexy but you have to be sexy in a way that's kind of bloody. you learn this early because you are wearing a ruffled skirt and the snow around your ankles kicks little sand particles against your calves. baby's first catcall. welcome to sexiness! welcome to the eyesore of your own body!
you have to be sexy like high heels. like sculpted eyebrows. like lean stomach and highly treated hair. you have to be sexy like youth is sexy, which means you have to be sexy like boxtox and plastic. a 30 year old can be sexy but she's not going to be bloody, and they like the bloodiness of it. a 30 year old is sexy when she is a whiskey glass and a wooden desk.
but you need to be sexy like an open mouth. you need to be sexy like a bitten apple. like plucked skin and white-knuckling the waxing kit.
so sex is a performance, not an enjoyment. for a while, you just assumed everyone else was also in on the joke - nobody actually likes sex that much, right? like, some men probably do, but why would you? it is like a gender - your gender is sexy. your gender is the performance of sex. you are thigh highs and garter belts. which, to be fair, do make you feel sexy.
part of what does make sex good is that you can tell that other people want you, which means the performance of sexiness is both bloody and wanted, which is good, which means you are winning at having a body. being wanted is the prize. being wanted is the thing you are searching for, not hope. you think you are looking for a soft grave in easy loam, but that is bloody but not sexy. to be sexy you must be bloody like a red open sign. bloody like a handprint. this will make you wanted.
any wanted or unwanted body is subject to supply and demand, which is to say that the more demand, the better you are valued. you must be highly demanded to be valued. this is stated in matter-of-fact by some men. sometimes it is a priest that says it, and sometimes it is a podcaster, and sometimes it is the 45th president of the united states of america.
(if you do not have any experience with being told your value, i want you to grab the nearest bird to you and i want you to crush it into a thin paste in your hand. spit into the center, and then hold your fingers closed tight around it for days and days, long after the rot has set in. feel bones itch inside of your fist. this is only a fraction of what it actually feels like, but it will suffice for a moment.)
good sex feels like you have earned their desperation. you have earned your own value. for a while you operated under the understanding that everyone knew about the power structure, even him. that their desire to take you - the violence of it - means that you must desire to be caught. little prince, guardian fox - you would rather have cut your own arm off. you liked the secret, cunning little voice you keep tucked into a box. you think you are fucking me. i am not even here right now. you are fucking what i conned you into perceiving. this is a painting, not a person. dominion over the body before all things.
so you bend your body like a wheat shaft and learn the steps so perfectly that it almost seems graceful. (if you do not have experience faking your own connection to your body and sexuality, cut each of your articles of clothing just a little bit incorrectly. pour fishbones into each of your meals. this way, you will experience the average noon on a tuesday.)
you have to be sexy like light spilled over a desk, but not desperate. not a noose. you can't be sexy like an electric guitar, you are the acoustic. you have to be on top of the bull but you can't have control over the animal.
okay, okay. the little rabbit of your heart went to sleep so long ago that winter has ravaged your concept of the human soul. there's something very-bad inside you, something that has taken over, a little fetid and rabid animal, angry and hurting and willing to bite first.
oh but even that's a pain that's sexy. open your mouth. be careful not to let the canines show.
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dunmeshi modern labru au where Kabru wants to try fromsoft games to understand why they’re so popular.
he gives elden ring a shot and surprise he gets fucking rolled. can’t get past tree sentinel, tries to fight Margit at level 15, put all his stats in intelligence and not enough dex, hasn’t even found a proper staff, picked warrior as his starting class.
he’s ready to uninstall but he paid full price for this game, he’s at least gonna defeat one boss goddammit. so he tries summoning players for aid and just his luck, he summons cooperator WolfChimeraWyvern.
and this cooperator is SO GOOD, he solos Margit without getting hit, and Kabru is just. in awe. so he adds him as a friend.
and that’s how he meets Laios, expert on all things fromsoft (has literally read every item description, knows the most obscure lore by heart, don’t ask him how many hours he’s played, he has all the platinums)
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was thinking back this morning to my AP art class i took my senior year of hs. and how my art teacher absolutely would not let us do anything other than realism lol. and how i honestly hated that class (and switched out of it after 1 semester)
i will never understand the art teachers that are vehemently against anything stylized. like just bc it’s not photorealistic & uses lineart/a more simplified shading style doesn’t automatically mean it’s not art? i feel like as an art teacher u should just be encouraging creativity in general! if ur students like drawing anime or furries or whatever else, shouldn’t you just encourage that since they’re actually taking time to learn and enjoy drawing? especially in my AP art class, where we were given a lot more freedom to choose what we wanted to draw & didn’t have set projects we would all work on as a class. and yet i was still forced to do realism (which is good practice ig but it’s boring & not what i enjoying doing solely as an artist). which is definitely the reason i ditched that class lol
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This imagine goes out to the self-shippers who either choose not to associate with their family, or unfortunately are in a position where they may not have much of a family at all.
The latter half of the year— specifically, the holidays— can be a tough time for many for a myriad of reasons, but just know that throughout it all, your F/Os see you, are here for you, and will remain by your side no matter what.
Think of all of your F/Os not only as one big family, but your true family, whether or not the first paragraph of this post applies to you. If it all becomes too much and you are disillusioned by the notion that you're all alone— you're not.
Your F/Os couldn't be happier to have you in their lives and are so thankful for you. Romantic, platonic, familial or parental, just you being the person that you are makes them even happier than you could possibly fathom.
💞 Remember that. 💞
💖 Proshippers/Comshippers are not welcome to interact with this post. 💖
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