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ace-sher-bi-john · 5 months

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Me, feeling lonely: I should try to make more friends

My brain: Here's a list of all the reasons why we don't do that,

I experience hyperfixations which take up all of my mental energy to the point where I barely have enough energy to take care of myself. I can't handle having more than two obsessions at a time, and even that is draining. When my friends talk about their obsessions, I try really hard to listen, but lose interest quickly if it's not my current hyperfixation. In turn, I love to infodump and obsess over small details in my hyperfixations. I try really hard not to do this when talking to people because it feels very self-centered. Like they would care about hearing every single detail about my obsession, with no room for them to talk about their interests...

I'm an introvert and find human interaction exhausting unless that person is my mom (who I could literally talk to all day and never be tired, and she in turn would never tire of talking to me). Even talking to friends online is super exhausting and I overthink everything I say, which is even more exhausting

I have zero ability to gage how close I am to someone. I don't want to make things awkward by being super clingy, because several friendships failed throughout my life due to me being clingy and only wanting to play with one specific person even if they didn't feel like playing with me. So I've overcorrected and now I don't make any attempts to progress in our friendship out of fear of appearing clingy. I'm either the most clingy friend or the most distant friend. Friendships require a healthy balance of both and I am incapable of that, so I go for the option that will be seen as the least annoying/selfish and we remain at best really good acquaintances

My interests are very specific and change every couple of months. Even if I found someone who was obsessed with the same thing at the same time, as well as my more niche hobbies, the friendship would last as long as my hyperfixation. Once we no longer share common interests, I would inevitably talk to them less and less until one day, we're no longer friends. My brain would no longer find that person interesting and I would forget about them

I believe that I have it in me to be a really good friend. To get it right. But it would be at the cost of myself. I would try to make enough room in my brain for everyone else's lives and I wouldn't have any interests of my own. I would constantly be exhausted.

So instead I choose the option that sometimes makes me happiest, but other times leaves me sad and lonely wondering why I can't just be better at being a good friend?

I do have friends IRL. I have four people who I would consider to be close friends, possibly even best friends? Two of them have given me the label of being their best friend. But I don't talk to them as often as I probably should. I talk to one of them almost daily for hours at a time, because they just so happen to be obsessed with BBC Sherlock, the MCU and cosplay. But I fear that the second my BBC Sherlock obsession ends, I will stop talking to them.

Outside of those people, I don't know where I stand with anyone who's not family. I have my old classmates from high school. Some of them I talked to every day and had friendly interactions with, but I don't make any effort to stay in contact with them now and didn't feel much of a connection with when we were in school. I have my co-workers who I don't feel much of a connection to, but they're always happy to see me and sometimes interact with me in a way that makes me feel like we're friends. One of my co-workers hugged me before she went home on the day before she started her holiday break because she was going to miss seeing me everyday while she was off. That caught me off guard. I guess we're friends if she felt close enough to me to hug me?

Apologies for the rant. I just really needed to put that somewhere. I won't make a habit of this.

#basically i know im not a good friend #i also know what i need to do to fix that #but it would hurt my mental health to stop doing what makes me happy #infodumping about my obsessions makes me happy #infodumping with people who share my obsessions makes me happier #but listening to other people talk about their obsessions which i don't share is boring #that's selfish of me i know #but i can't just fix that about me #rant

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charlierejouis · 2 years

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Quick Notes: Chapter 196-198

I'm two weeks behind! Let's get through this.

Chapter 196

I feel like the idea that the Dark Stars could beat the Shining Stars WHILE BOARDING THE EDENS ZERO is a big oversight.

The old "self-destruct and launch destructive software" trick from over 100 chapters ago. Didn't expect to see this coming.

We know Killer is a villain because, despite everything that he's done up to this point, he doesn't believe robots have hearts.

Hey, they found Rebecca in the Distortion World. (Yes, I've started Platinum recently.)

It's cool to see Shiki and Weisz team up on something. Not sure this has ever happened in the series.

Now that they're back on the colosseum, let's check up on Homura.

Never mind, let's check up on Sister.

I understand Clown's mindset, but yikes.

You guys don't get credit for taking out Witch. I wouldn't even give credit to Ziggy for Witch.

Back from vacation in the Aoi Cosmos, it's my guide to Mashima’s School of Despair:

Instill fear in subject. (Set up battles between EZ Crew and Dark Stars.)

Give them reason for hope. (Shiki beats Wizard relatively easily.)

Make the situation worse. (Clown and Killer win their fights and make their way onto the EZ.)

Leave subject with room for hope. (Hermit seemingly defeats Killer.)

Crush hope like a grape. (All the Shining Stars seem to be taking L's.) [YOU ARE HERE]

Everything ends up alright. (You should already know what happens.)

Chapter 197

Classic villain monologue before they're proven wrong. Can't wait to see how this is proven to be too soon.

I'm not a fan of these "flashbacks to time we could have seen in real-time but we were too busy watching something else go down" moments.

"I call my armor the 'peerless armor'." "How gaudy..." Basically.

This might be a question we ask after this fight: when will Homura consider herself to have surpassed Valkyrie Yuna?

With this fight, I hope we start making the comparison between Erza and Homura more.

I don't care how the ships end up happening. Shiki and Homura is my favorite dynamic in the series, bar none.

Chapter 198

"There's a man who values peace in the cosmos"

Did Hermit manage to make her way to the Etherion Door? That's impressive.

There's that payoff! I wonder if the anime will connect this to the earlier moment if/when this gets animated.

Mashima decided to drink his extra horny juice before making this chapter.

Thank goodness Sister isn't playing into Clown's game of killing his dog.

I'm still worried about Sister's use of training.

"We are the superior successors to you lot." Homura just beat Brigadine, Killer only got Hermit through cheese, and Shiki beat Wizard with a tenth of his power. Quite the upgrades, huh?

"Have a good nightmare." That's a dope line to have here.

"I'm not into this getting-tied-up crap..!! You are, and you know it!" Kink shaming

Honestly, "Shiki came to her rescue" is more of a crew-wide thing at this point, not a Rebecca thing.

Rebecca's nightmare would be watching her friends die. So, basically chapters 82-84.

It's good to know that Mashima still can do body horror when he wants to. Better to know he rarely wants to.

"I even have a legit medical counselor's license. Got it online though." How much does this matter in a universe like EZ?

Sister's final pose looks like she finished an all-out attack. (Can't wait to be able to play Persona 5 on Switch in 2 years!)

Well, I'm caught up. If you want an explanation for why this is how it is, read more! If Quick Notes is all you're here for, then see you!

I've been doing Quick Notes for quite some time. I've done it with very little prep time and while I've been deathly sick. While the past 3 weeks have been pretty busy IRL, my real issue has nothing to do with me. It has to do with Kodansha.

As some of you might know, the SimulPub for seemingly all of Weekly Shonen Magazine has been put on pause. I've heard there are some screwy things happening on different sides involving translators. Whether or not this has anything to do with that is anyone's guess. At any rate, official translations of EZ are on indefinite hiatus.

I've been using the official translations for Quick Notes, even when I did this for Fairy Tail years ago. I've read the fan translations, but I prefer using the version that supports the creator to make this happen. It took me a while to get to the point of deciding to use fan translations. However, with FT Month coming soon, I figured I can use them while we wait for the official translations to come out.

Though, this probably means I don't have an excuse to go do the ones for FT's sequel... joy...

At any rate, see you!

#quicknotes #edens zero #edens zero spoilers #edens zero chapter 196 #edens zero 196 #edens zero chapter 197 #edens zero 197 #edens zero chapter 198 #edens zero 198 #f you kodansha #get your act together #also my favorite team is a joke #they're paying 10 million to a guy who plays against them week 1

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mugenloopdalove · 2 months

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I honestly don't know if therapy would help you at this point. You are so closed off from personal responsibility and realizing you need to change your mindset. Therapy isn't an easy fix, it's a tremendous amount of work and it's uncomfortable. You say you can't think of any other hobbies and you'd be bad at them forever anyways?

You've given up before even trying if thats your mentality. Nobody picks up a hobby because they want to be amazing at it. They pick it up because it might be fun. I recently picked up guitar (I've never been in music classes) so I could play some real simple stuff at the camp fire and I'm NOT good. But it's nice to just play a simple song next to the fire. If someone told me I was good at it I'd be insulted cus I know it's a lie.

It really doesn't matter if your brother was good at football in high school. You were in highschool a full decade ago it's time to move past the jealousy of the 'gifted' sibling. He's not worrying about being good at something he enjoys because it doesn't matter in adulthood unless it's your literal job.

You beg for strangers online to tell you you are good at something and then when people come up with things you are good at you shoot them down. Nobody responded to your writing because the vast majority of people following you are in similar timezones to you and you buried your writing reblogs with 1 million other posts so how is anyone to even see them? You victimize victimize victimize and never entertain changing your personal mindset which is the only way to stop your spirals.

Most people don't even post about their hobbies online because they are just doing it for fun not for praise.

I mean like. There's seriously nothing new I can think of that doesn't cost insane amounts of money that I don't have rn??? Like. If people have suggestions cool!!! I'd love that!!!

And it's funny bc I had an excellent therapist that was helping in 2019 but she retired when lockdown happened bc she did not want to do virtual appointments and was pretty fuckin old. I just haven't found the right therapist since.

And sorry but i cannot be content being bad and everything I try. I can have hobbies just for fun. I do Kandi just for fun. I play games just for fun (for the most part). Hell one of the games I was the worst about years ago (overwatch) I now just play and am like PROUDLY shit at. I know I'm garbage but tbh being garbage at overwatch feels more fun than trying to be some stupid pro to me. I love being garbage at fighting games to. My brother MELTS me anytime we play ANY fighting game bc hes a decently ranked comp player and im a button masher. And I'm cackling the whole time.

My problem is there not ONE THING I am good at to me. Nothing. And having a relative that can pick up anything and ace it gets frustrating and makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong that I struggle to be good at anything after YEARS, let alone instantly.

No one in the past 24 hours has told me I'm good at anything but being a friend which... if that's the case. Why do i have zero irls. Why can't I connect with others at all.

And I refuse to believe NO ONE AT ALL saw that writing I posted. It's not possible. I have 150 followers and I don't think I posted much that day until I got upset that it was being so overlooked.

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livvygames1208 · 9 months

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💛Get To Know Me Questions💛

Hi OliviaGames1208 here and I’ve seen this around so I wanted to do this!

1. What is your full name? Olivia Kathryn Runting

2. What is your nickname? Livvy also spelt as Livi, Livvy Etc. there are way too many ways to spell Livy XD I don’t mind which way it is spelt

3. What is your zodiac sign? I’m a Capricorn (Goat)

4. What is your favorite book series? I don’t read many books XD

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Kinda!😨

6. Who is your favorite author? Not sure but if Fanfics count, Stardown!😁

7. What is your favorite radio station? I’m too sure

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? STRAWBERRY AND NUTELLA

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Epic!

10. What is your current favorite song? Electric Blue-Icehouse, which is also an Australian artist! It means a lot to me

11. What is your favorite word? Maccas!!! (Australian Slang for McDonald’s)

12. What was the last song you listened to? Cool Kids By Echosmith

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Sonic Prime

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Ratatouille and Sonic the Hedgehog 2

15. Do you play video games? Yeah duh! I’m a gamer for a reasonXD My current favorite is Street Fighter 6, and it’s so much fun to play

16. What is your biggest fear? Thunder is my biggest and NUMBER 1 fear! The loud boom of thunder always gets me panicked and I tend to have a panic attack whenever I hear a storm coming

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I’m a cheerful and happy person and I love to make my friends smile.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I am very shy and I tend to be very quiet and not speak up.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Definitely a cat person, reason being is I’m a calm person and i get scared when big dogs are trying to jump up at me, get very panicked.

20. What is your favorite season? Winter and summertime

21. Are you in a relationship? Not at the moment but sometime soon I would like to be in one

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? I miss all the foods I used to have that have either stopped or discontinued and I love being able to go to playgrounds

23. Who is your best friend? Irl Charlotte and online Stardown, GoddessOfLife and a few others

24. What is your eye color? Brown

25. What is your hair color? Blackish brown

26. Who is someone you love? My friends!❤️ and family

27. Who is someone you trust? My mum, my friends

28. Who is someone you think about often? My friends as I love my friends so much!💛 and also my family

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? I’m currently excited to be traveling 15 hours across the world to attend Sonic Revolution 2025 In person. It’s my dream to fly down to LA💛🥹 and to meet OVAS and SonicSong182 is also a huge dream of mine

30. What is your biggest obsession? Street Fighter 6 XD I love that game so much

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? The Wiggles, Adventure Of Sonic The Hedgehog, SpongeBob SquarePants

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? Probably my brother

33. Are you superstitious? Kinda? XD

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Maybe Bees and Bubbles! I have zero clue why I’m spooked of bubbles but I’m scared of bees as I’m allergic to them

36. What is your favorite hobby? Writing and doing artwork, and also just listening to music I love!

37. What was the last book you read? It was a book that was made for when I went to the doctors when I was 4

38. What was the last movie you watched? Sonic The Hedgehog 2

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I don’t play any

40. What is your favorite animal? Cats, Foxes and also Dolphins

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? 1. VoicesOfNathan 2.SonicSong182 3.OmniVAStudios 4.GoddessOfLife 5.Stardown

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Flight and Fire powers

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? I feel peace and comfort when I’m in my room, writing fanfics and spending time with family too

44. What makes you smile? My friends, SonicSong182 and OVAS’ streams, and writing

45. What sports do you play, if any? I play netball, bowling, I go to the gym occasionally

46. What is your favorite drink? Hot chocolate during the winter and strawberry milk, Water and Coke

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? The fan letters for the 182 crew that I’ll be taking to Sonic Revolution in person in 2025

48. Are you afraid of heights? Kinda, it depends what height

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? Writer’s block when writing fanfics

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yes! I went to see a whole bunch of them

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? No, I’m not

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I can’t remember what, maybe maybe a vet or a cat sitter and also a chef too

53. What fictional world would you like to live in BIKINI BOTTOM, MOBÏUS

54. What is something you worry about? There are a lot of things, but I rather not discuss it

55. Are you scared of the dark? Yes I am! As long as I remember

56. Do you like to sing? I’m not much of a singer and I usually like to be alone when I’m singing, I get pretty self conscious when I’m around people when I’m singing

57. Have you ever skipped school? i would never EVER skip school

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? LA and Home

59. Where would you like to live? Possibly maybe at the Gold Coast but Canberra is also home

60. Do you have any pets? I got two Cats Gemma and Twinkle, 4 chickens and 2 fish called Gordon and Angel

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? I'm usually a night owl but I’m an early bird too!

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? i really like both

63. Do you know how to drive? no, I’m too scared to drive

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? I like both, EarBuds when it’s very loud

65. Have you ever had braces? nope!

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Rock, heavy metal and funk

67. Who is your hero? My hero is Sonic The Hedgehog and Miles Tails Prower!

68. Do you read comic books? I still like my comic books, SpongeBob, Sonic and Simpsons

69. What makes you the most angry? My friends getting hurt or being bullied, my protective gear kicks in! No one messes with my friends!

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? I like doing both!

71. What is your favorite subject in school? English/Creative Writing, PE, Cooking, And Wood Tech in School

72. Do you have any siblings? My brother James

73. What was the last thing you bought? Some things to make dinner

74. How tall are you? 5,6 or 5,7 feet.

75. Can you cook? I wanna learn how to cook but I’m too nervous due to getting burnt or hurt.

76. What are three things that you love? Writing stories, Watching OVAS, SonicSong182 and VoicesOfNathan’s streams, spending time with friends, family and my cat Gemma, and Twinkle

77. What are three things that you hate? Thunderstorms, Loud environments and Stress

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? A mixture of both!.

79. What is your sexual orientation? No comment

80. Where do you currently live? That’s a Secret!

81. Who was the last person you texted? My friend Charlotte

82. When was the last time you cried? I think for me is when I found out I’ll be finally attending Sonic Revolution 2025 in person! I’m so hyped! I was crying in tears of joy!😭🤩

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? I got a few favourites: SonicSong182❤️💗💜, VoicesOfNathan💙🎙️, OmniVAStudios, also known as OVAS❤️💛💚💙 StampyLongNose🧡🐱🎂 and a few others

84. Do you like to take selfies? I take a lot of selfies XD especially if I’m at fun places

85. What is your favorite app? Maybe Discord, as I love chatting to my friends on there🥰

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? I’m super close with my mum and brother, I occasionally visit my dad a few times

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? Australia.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? LA because of the sights and Sonic Revolution, (Will be Going in 2025) and London as I wanna explore!

89. What is your favorite number? 8, 12, 18 and 28.

90. Can you juggle? i'm the worst at juggling XD

91. Are you religious? I’m not sure

92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? Probably the ocean, been a huge fan of SpongeBob so that’s possibly why I think Bikini Bottom is real XD

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? DEFINITELY a daredevil, and I would love to try out as many extreme rides as I can!

94. Are you allergic to anything? I’m allergic to Bactrim, amoxicillin and bees

95. Can you curl your tongue? I can curl it.

96. Can you wiggle your ears? I can sorta wiggle my ears but not really

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? Sometimes I do, but I am always scared bringing it up🥺

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? B E A C H! BEACH all the way! I think because I enjoy the waves and everything.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? That’s a tough one but probably “Don’t let him pressure you, stay cool then attack!” Tails-Sonic Colours! And also “Take your time!”

100. Are you a good liar? I feel terrible about lying so no, I’m not a good liar

101. What is your Hogwarts House? RavenClaw or Gryffindor

102. Do you talk to yourself? ALL THE TIME! XD it’s like a calming mechanism, if I’m scared and I like to assure myself it’s okay!

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I’m DEFINITELY an introvert, I like to mostly spend time by myself most of the time and when I finally return home, I get exhausted and I have “LivvyTime” to wind down.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? I like writing and I do keep a Journal on my iPhone, especially when I get to write what happens during the day! So yes! And I also have like a planning book

105. Do you believe in second chances? It depends

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? I would immediately go to the lost and found if I don't find the owner, and let them know about the Wallet

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? I believe so.

108. Are you ticklish? I’m super ticklish!

109. Have you ever been on a plane? A few times yes! A bit scared of the take offs but I LOVE the landings

110. Do you have any piercings? not at the moment, I used to when I was younger!

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Either SpongeBob, Sonic, and Bart Simpson!

112. Do you have any tattoos? I'M TOO SCARED TO HAVE THEM!

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? For me, going to this company called Employ For Ability, it REALLY gave me some confidence about workplace safety and tips! I even play D&D there😉

114. Do you believe in karma? Kinda but not most of the time.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I have worn glasses since I was 13-14 years old

116. Do you want children? No comment!

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My mother 🥰

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? Okay so this is an interesting one, I was with my friends on a school trip and we couldn't get the door to close but when it FINALLY did, I started screaming my head off as it scared me and my friends pretty bad XD

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? A few times, but mostly those are because I can’t sleep

120. What color are most of your clothes? Probably yellow, blue or green shirt with either a black skirt or jeans?

121. Do you like adventures? Im kinda nervous to go on any atm

122. Have you ever been on TV? Yes, I was in an interview for my netball and I even was on the news!

123. How old are you? 22, turning 23 on December 28th

124. What is your favorite quote? “Just Leave It To Me!” -Tails

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Sweet foods!

And that’s all the questions! Love you all and thank you so much for the support!💛💛

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fizzingwizard · 1 year

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a rant because sometimes you gotta, or just tear your hair out (warning for incels, misogyny, and incel logic lol lol)

I just read a message that stated 1) incels harassing women online counts as a "social experiment" 2) those "social experiments" are trustworthy because there are "thousands" of them (although despite a long back-and-forth, none were ever actually presented, neither were links or sources or even any proof why I should believe the elusive women in question are even real), 3) all the women in these "social experiments" immediately agreed upon being told they're ugly bitches to meet up irl with these hot but rude men, apparently with zero of the concerns for their own safety most people online have, 3) this proves without a doubt that negging absolutely works in general on the majority of women, and that when women complain about rude behavior from men online it is because they have a victim complex and not because they want the rudeness to stop.

Now aside from the perfect "tell me you're an incel without saying you're an incel" moment, here is what is essential for all women, and really anyone with more than one brain cell, to remember when interacting with them:

When your opinion is realistic, decent, empathetic, and rational, but the other person still insists that their unfair, unreasonable, cold, self-serving, offensive opinion is the correct one, you have to know that you are right anyway. This is one of the essential skills of being an adult: how to spot when an opinion is a good one. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not all opinions are created equal. Because of human individuality it is near impossible to know anything about our nature with 100% certainty. No doubt negging does work on some people who maybe enjoy the rise of being provoked, or who have experienced too much poor treatment in their life that their boundaries are blurred. But by the same token, it is that very complexity of nature which makes any generalization that conveniently serves one's selfish purpose immediately suspect.

And if a person presents their opinion boldly and with confidence, a reasonable person will feel confused, and wonder if they're missing something. Because that person is decent and knows that information needs to be verifiable, that personal anecdotes are not by themselves a social experiment, that social experiments themselves have flaws and variables which need accounting for, and that anyone can lie with ease on the internet - but they afford the same value of honesty to the other person, whose dogged persistence throws them for a loop. That's when you simply MUST trust in your own discernment.

No sources means no validity. No proof that the participants involved are even who they say they are means no credibility (this is doubly true when - as in the case I saw today - the person makes wild claims without proof while simultaneously disbelieving screenshots and other sources given by others which say he's wrong because they can't be proven). "My friend is a 6 foot tall model type and he's never been rejected by any woman ever and went on one hundred dates in a single year" tells you absolutely nothing that can be verified, nothing that can prove this isn't an outlier if it is true. And it throws OP's opinion in such an entitled, self-serving, convenient light that even if it is true, it needs more information to justify it, not less. But you can be sure they'll never admit that and will endlessly dodge the point, and rely purely on bravado, which for some reason is better able to convince certain types of emotionally-motivated people than actual facts.

Incels are emotional vampires. They prey on each other's dissatisfaction and misery. Instead of supporting each other to lift themselves out of their hole, they are so afraid of what they'll see in the light that they use every method in their power to rationalize why the light is bad and wrong and the cave may not be everything they ever dreamed of but at least it won't hurt them. They believe PUAs because it lets them feel powerful ("even if I never have a chance to use these skills myself, now I know how to control women"). They don't believe a word real women say because it makes them feel helpless ("women lie and I know this because what they say doesn't agree with how I'm feeling. men who agree with them are chads who do it for sex or weaklings"). Everything they believe is rooted in undeveloped, uncontrolled emotionalism. No one else deserves sympathy, no one understands them. They hate women but want to date them but dating women is a horrible experience but they clamor to know how to pick them up but being with them is awful but only chads get women but their life would be so much better if they had a girlfriend but women only like guys who treat them badly but im a nice guy even though no one apparently wants that...???

The logic of the incel is always: how can I make myself the martyr? Men don't abuse women: women want to be abused (problem solved!). Women don't want to date me: women only like bad guys (I don't have to put effort into self-improvement!). I had a bad experience with a shallow and mean woman: this proves the majority of women are shallow and mean (but if a woman has a bad experience with a shallow and mean man it's because she likes bad guys instead of nice guys like me and she should have chosen someone better if she didn't want to get abused).

Not all opinions are created equal. Not all opinions are created equal. Believing something because it divests you of all responsibility for considering another person's feelings or experiences is not sensible. It is not worthy of respect. And it does not negate the need for evidence. Vague, nonspecific allusions to "social experiments" don't count. Nor do your friends joining in with their personal tales of woe (which in this case were two persuasive essays titled "Girls liked me better when I was hot" and "I saw incels talking about females they successfully negged somewhere on the Internet" lol).

Being an adult means judging for yourself. If you don't have discernment you will be lost in the mire. The problem is that these guys are fine being lost as long as they can continue to suck other people in by clouding their judgment with brags, boasts, and addictive bursts of unguarded emotion. So to anyone who ever doubts their discernment because of how fucking convinced these guys are that they're right just because: keep the tools of verifiable evidence, controls for variables, and humility always at hand and you'll never be lost. You might be wrong sometimes - happens to the best of us - but you'll be respectable even then. Don't let them trick you: it is NOT better to appear right, or have the appearance of righteousness, than it is to be open-minded. And you CAN'T be a nice guy if you choose the former, because the former DOES cause harm, both to women and to emotionally vulnerable men who get tricked as well. My dude, that is not being nice: that is literally being mean.

(By the way, since personal anecdotes :) :) count as social experiments :) :) :) evidently, here's mine: When I used online dating, I got four types of messages: detailed descriptions of graphic violence the sender would like to do to me despite our never having spoken before; conversations which began well then degenerated into him hurling insults and accusations at me because I didn't text back right away; requests for sex despite my prefs stating that I don't hop into bed without knowing someone well and was only interested in long term relationships; some genuinely good conversations with nice, non-abusive men. I met my boyfriend that way. It took a lot of patience, a lot of rejection, and a few tears (the violent messages were really creepy to me), but we're still together five years later and he has never, not even once, ever been mean to me. Go figure.)

#rant

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agustdakasuga · 2 years

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Where have I been?

Hey fam, so remember I said I would post an explanation of where I have been? And everything else. So here it is. It can be triggering so you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.

Let’s kind of start from the end of last year.

During my break from university, I got a job and everything was kind of going smoothly.

But of course, it was short lived. I got “involved” with someone and it was just a mess. I won’t share what happened because it is just too triggering for me but tldr, I was manipulated and emotionally broken. And at the end of it, I was left alone to pick up the pieces of what I once was. I made decisions that I regret and my mental health took a toll.

I was in a very dark place. My depression and anxiety came back, I felt like my life was in shambles. To top that off, my chronic pain was flaring up and I lived each day in physical, emotional and mental pain.

What made it worse was that no one really knew all this was happening. I forced myself to put on a smile and go through life like everything was okay when clearly, it was not. I was afraid of judgement and ‘i told you so’s that I shut everyone out.

I spent my days just wallowing in this dark pit. I started questioning everything and I blamed myself a lot.

When university started again, there was another problem that came up where I had to deal with the administrators downplaying and questioning me about my chronic pain condition. Again, this made me question why I even bother to explain condition, which I have been dealing with for 10+ years, to them when they already made the decision to not believe me.

My grades started to fall and I questioned why I was doing this to myself? I changed my course of study at the start of 2021 and I questioned whether I did the right thing. I cried everyday and was consumed by all that doubt.

I did not know what I was doing.

My best friend fell into debt and while I wasn’t earning much, I helped him. I loaned him a big chunk money. It wasn’t enough to pay the debt entirely but it was all I could do. Then, I lost my job and my income was zero. My best friend didn’t lose his job but he was demoted from a full time to part time, meaning his income was halved. He has been taking on more jobs to try and pay the remaining off.

Then the other day, something horrible happened that left me traumatised. I will not go into detail because I want to protect his privacy but let’s just say that I awoke to a message in the middle of a night and I hope to never receive that message ever again. In my life.

Now, I am once again scrambling to find a job to support myself while working around my school schedule as it picks up again. And with new medical conditions being diagnosed, I am spending more on doctor visits and meds.

I am trying to be okay, to deal with all these things that keep happening. To move on. But it’s proving to be more exhausting.

I know everyone has their own problems and obstacles in their lives, no doubt. But I just thought this explanation is the least that I owe all of you, who are waiting for me to come back with my series. I am grateful to everyone here and to the wonderful support system I have both online and irl.

Hopefully, WOAC can start to be posted soon. I promise that there are drafts that just need editing before I can post them. Thank you.

- AGUSTDAKASUGA

#tw #read with caution #an explanation #where have i been?#mental health

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vannitey · 3 years

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our little christmas || kmg

Kim Mingyu // 782 words // fluff

note: My Dear @solarwonux I hope Your day is amazing! Yes I’m you secret santa and i hope you will like it! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I just want to say I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH! Thank you for being an amazing person and thank you for being in my life! I know we talk less, but schools are kicking our asses. I love you i love you i love you ♥ i’m sending you a lot of hugs and i hope we will have chance to see eachoder irl and i will never let you go ♥

Christmas time! The most wonderful time of the year! The few days to spend time with family and thank them for a whole year. Together with your closest friends, you have a little tradition where every year on Christmas eve you have a get-together and exchange presents, watch Christmas movies and have a marvellous dinner.

This year will be different, because most of your friends are coming home to spend the whole holiday with their families. That means only you and Mingyu stay in the city to celebrate your "friend-mas".

You were in quite the rush; everything was turning out not how you wanted it to. A lot of assignments for college with deadlines almost till Christmas. People are crazy like, hello it's Christmas time! The only things you should be thinking about right now are what to cook for Christmas dinner, what presents to buy and how much sleep you will get during this break.

Honestly, you were happy that this year you'll only have to spend Christmas with Mingyu. Only one present to prepare, perfect because you don’t have much time to go shopping or think of what to buy for your other friends, but there is a problem. You don’t know what to prepare for him. This must be something as special as his person. Yes, he is a very special person to you. Everytime you see him your heart does a flip. How long has it been like this? Maybe a few years, you stopped counting on year three.

The perfect present is always when you give it from your heart, but you don’t have time to prepare something by yourself. Three days aren't enough for it even if you try hard. Hundreds of stores and still nothing. It's a good idea to stop for today, maybe the next day will be more successful.

~ ♥ ~

43 hours till christmas eve and you still have nothing. Head empty, zero idea for present. What you can by for him? Next scarf? Cooking book? Socks? Well, socks are alwayts the best presents, but not this time. He have everything, and you don’t have enought money to buy something fancy or even a cool old camera. It’s too late to buy something online. Now you just want give up and buy stupid gift card for any store.

Buying presents for family? No problem. For yourself? You always have something in mind. But this case is more complicated. Why didn’t you simply start thinking about a present for him earlier, like a month ago? Why? Now you are where you are.

~ ♥ ~

D-day! You’ve just started preparing some snacks and side dishes while thinking about everything that can happen this evening. You were lost in your thoughts and didn’t even hear when Mingyu randomly burst through your apartment door.

“I’m here! Hide all the presents!”

You turned your head towards your noisey friend. “Mingyu, what the heck?!” you said surprised by the sudden visitor.

“Is it wrong that I missed you?”

“No.” you replied, baffled by his question.

~ ♥ ~

After watching a movie you both sat down by the fireplace to open the presents you prepared for each other. You were scared that he won’t like the gift you had for him. But you didn’t know Mingyu also fight with himself on his mind.

“Are you ready?” you asked

He didn’t answer, only looked at you with a big smile on his face. You were so nervous and just wanted to run away to your room and hide. While he was opening his present you were just sitting there and biting your lip.

When he unwrapped the present from you, he saw a little photo album. He opened it carefully and started looking at all of the pictures which you put in it. There were a few words from you in every photo. Your memories from campings, meeting with your group of friends, playdates, movies night and the last picture where he is looking at the camera and you look at him with a soft smile on your face. Under the photo there were these few words “I loved you long before I had guts to let you know”.

You were waiting for his reaction and when you watched a smile slowly appear on his face your heart started beating faster.

“It’s your turn” he whispered.

It was a small, light package. You started unwrapping it and after seconds you just start laughing. In your hands was a photo album full of photos of you that you had no idea were taken and finally your photo together with this quote “You have a place in my heart no one else ever could have”.

#tct secret santa #seventeen oneshot #svt mingyu #kim mingyu #seventeen imagines #mingyu fluff #seventeen fluff #svt oneshots #tct family

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endlessdelirium · 4 years

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Nothing to see here (or "We can't stop here. This is Bat Country!)

Hello from The Void! How did you get here? Well, I probably liked one of your posts, or I read something you posted that really resonated with me to the point that I broke my silence and actually responded (instead of just lurking like a creepy ghost). Or you're probably like a creepy ghost yourself and saw my username enough times or read one of my comments that made you wonder just who is this moron spouting off all this nonsense? Either way, you thought you'd check out my account and return the favor, or something, I really have no idea why you're here lol.

The thing is, I made this account years ago. I had a couple of irl friends who also had accounts, so I followed them plus a handful of other people from my interests back then. And it was great for awhile, until social media fatigue set in. This was nothing new. There'd be new social media sites that would be trendy for a time, and I'd be curious enough to try it for awhile, until I realize lol I'm not a very social person irl, why would I be better at it online? So I start losing interest until I eventually stop checking in. Even now, I am barely on any social media sites. I keep my Facebook account active because that's pretty much the only way people could get in touch with me if they don't have my number, and I'm on Reddit all the time but I barely post/comment there as well and just mostly lurk (like a creepy, creepy ghost wooohhh. Nah, but seriously, social anxiety is a real bitch!) Other than that, I practically have zero social media presence.

So I'm pretty much done with Tumblr... until Haikyuu dragged me back in. I can't really remember when I entered the fandom, I think I started watching sometime in late 2018 and I've been obsessing ever since. Reading the manga wasn't enough, I wanted more content. The Reddit sub was okay... for awhile. Eventually I wandered back into the wastelands of Twitter and Tumblr, all in my pursuit of extra Haikyuu juice. Yes, there's no point denying it, I'm pretty much an addict at this point. Stop judging me.

The thing is, I'm also incredibly lazy. I didn't see the point of creating new accounts when my old ones are still serviceable. For all intents and purposes, this account is pretty much dead. It's just, sometimes (okay, lots of times) I would scroll through Haikyuu tags and I would find something funny, insightful, pretty, interesting that I just have to like it (or is it hearting something? Sorry, I'm not really well versed in Tumblr lingo anymore) or leave a comment to show my appreciation. Which is all well and good, it's just lately a couple of people have been following my account, which isn't terrible per se, I just find it a bit weird since I haven't posted anything new in years. Really, the only thing I updated was my profile pic, since my account was supposed to be a personal one, and wasn't supposed to be dedicated to just a specific fandom so the pic I originally used was one of my irl head which is just... ick! I don't know what I was thinking. So I changed it because I didn't want to frighten anyone by manifesting my mug in their notifications, and really Hinata's head is infinitely better than my head so it can only be an improvement for my account.

Other than that, I pretty much left everything as is. I didn't have the heart to delete everything. In a way, it's kind of like a time capsule for me, still, I don't really recognize the me who made these posts anymore. I mean, I don't have amnesia or anything. I sorta remember them, but since they were made by a younger version of me, one with different interests and obsessions (I mean still share some of these things with this person, it's just a lot has changed as well, and I've since changed my opinion about some things) there's a sort of detachment as well. Which is why it feels like receiving a jolt of electricity everytime I get a new notification that someone has liked a picture or post. It's like "Huh?", I sort of remember the post, but also not really since it was litterally from years ago made by a younger and more naive me. "Okay, I guess?" is all I can say at the end.

So, what now? I still don't want delete my posts. Even though it kind of weirds me out now, I still like having it as a record. Like "Hey, this was ME! Wasn't I weird? I mean, I'm still weird, but in a slightly different way. Anyway, wasn't I a riot?" I also don't feel like making a new account. I still don't really consider myself active in these parts. I just like scrolling through my tags of interest (like a creepy stalker), liking awesome fan arts, and leaving a comment or two when I couldn't contain myself anymore and I just had to say something. I've also thought about re-blogging things sometimes, but I feel that would tip my account back into a semi-active state, and I don't feel like it just yet. Maybe in the future. For now I kinda like keeping my account as is, as a time capsule when I was still active here.

So, where does that leave you? I still don't really know why you're here, but you're welcome to have a look around. Just remember you're looking at an old account and it would help if you view it like a window to the past. I don't mind if you like anything, just know I only have vague memories of making any of those posts so I can't really discuss any of them now. If you're okay with all of that, then make yourself at home... or not, I'm not the boss of you lol.

Anyway, you're still here? And you read everything? Why? I mean, wow, what a trooper! I gotta reward you with something. You know what, here's a picture of Hinata. Did I draw it? Of course not, don't be silly! I like art, but unfortunately art doesn't like me so I can't draw to save my life. So this here's just regular manga panels of Hinata. But not just any Hinata, it's Third Year Hinata! Why? Why not? I see many itenerations of Hinata on Tumblr including Brazil Hinata, but for some reason I don't see Third Year Hinata get as much love on here. I don't really get it. He is so precious. So here he is!

Bonus: The Duality of Hinata

Thanks for stopping by. Have a nice day!

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #426

“insatiable furnace, burning up our surplus / watching all essential life become another servant”

Are you a brunette? Yep. It is way past due time that I get it dyed... What is your favorite channel on TV? I don't really watch TV, but if I did, I'm pretty sure it'd probably be Discovery. Have you ever been to Chicago, IL? Yes!! It's my only experience with a truly BIG city, and though I'm not a city person, the experience was pretty magical. It was something I wasn't even remotely used to. Just so much life and business and energy to feel there. Who was your first friend? Brianna. She was the sister of my older sister's best friend. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. :') Do you regret your last kiss? Nope. Have you ever taken a karate class? No. Who was the last person to tell you ‘I love you’? My mom. Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? No. Do you live on your own? Noooo. I don't think I ever could. I would have to stay VERY busy, or else the loneliness would kill me. Hell, even if I was very active in stuff, I still don't know if I could. With how bad my depression is capable of being, it doesn't sound smart at all for me to move out unless it was with somebody. Are your the oldest child? No, I'm the middle kid. How many X-rays have you had in the last 2 years? Two, maybe? One for my legs and the other for my teeth. Are you on good terms with your last ex? Yeah, we're best friends. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? Nah. Do you freak out if a bee/wasp flies near you? ... yes lol. What subjects in history interest you most? The Holocaust. It's just so... shocking and extreme that it's oddly fascinating, but of course horribly sad. Are you superstitious in any way? Nah. How do you get rid of anxiety? Do what? Are there any items of jewelry you never/rarely take off? Yeah, my two rings, my lip piercing, and tragus piercing. Has a song ever made you cry before? There are many. ^If so, what about it brought you to tears? Again, I said "many," so this would be a horribly long list. There are four though - "Eternally Yours" and "Another Life" by Motionless in White, "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, and "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides - that I really, really try to avoid, because I WILL cry. They're all associated with Jason for one reason or another. "Stairway to Heaven," especially, is absolutely forbidden for me to listen to. Would you consider yourself open-minded? Very, honestly. Have you ever met someone online that you wanted to meet in real life? I've met Sara! :') There are a handful of others I'd love to meet, too. Tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. Wow, I have no idea. I don't remember the last time I laughed THAT hard. When you graduate, what color will your gown be? Ugh, it was this insufferable red. We got to vote on it, and I really wanted navy instead, as it looks more formal and not as obnoxious to me, but red won. Do you own a gun? No. My household legally can't because of my suicidal history. What color of shirt are you wearing? It's a black tank top. Do you use any acne medication? Nah, I don't really get acne anymore. Are you emotional or very stoic? I'm emotional as shit. Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? A few. There's Fullmetal Alchemist (as well as the Brotherhood expansion), Deadman Wonderland, and Ginga Densetsu Weed. I've seen bits of others. Which baby animal is your favorite? MEERKATS!!!!!! :') Once they reach three/four weeks, they're fucking precious. I also really like kittens. Do you like jam on your toast and biscuits? Sometimes. Have you ever reread a book? It is very, VERY rare I do this. The only cases I remember are for Because of Winn-Dixie and Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Do you have any religious symbols in your home? I think Mom has some religious quotes on the walls? What religion do you identify with, if any? None. What is you favorite flavor of pudding and/or yogurt? I love chocolate pudding, but I'm not very big on yogurt because of the sourness. I can sometimes eat a cookies 'n cream one, but occasionally I'm like "ew." We’re going to the best amusement park ever, first ride you choose is? One of those water rides where you go down a big slope. Did you have intense night terrors as a child? No. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? No. That'd be dope. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? Ugh, yes. Worst was the first time I got my tongue pierced. It was early into infection though, thank God; I ended up having to take it out and get it re-pierced later. Have you ever shoplifted? No. Do you hate when people say, "Everything’s going to be fine,“ when it’s not? Sometimes. It can feel kinda dismissive of your extreme situation, and sometimes, things simply won't be okay. Like, you can't tell that to someone on their death bed. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? No, oops. Are you a shorts-wearing kind of person? Absolutely not. Nobody wants to see my legs, not even me. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? My grandma's sure as hell was. She was very old-fashioned and "proper" and took cleanliness and manners very seriously. Do you know how to jumpstart a car? Nope. Would you date someone 8 years older than you? Probably. What did you do today? I WENT TO THE GYM AND DID A FULL HOUR OF EXERCISE!!!!! :') For once I am SO fucking proud of myself. I left drenched in sweat, but I also left with a feeling of great accomplishment. I'm going to be going twice a week now with a personal trainer. (: Who was the last person you fell asleep with? Sara. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. People doing that shit terrifies me. Have you ever felt replaced? Sure have. Have you ever kissed someone who was high? No. If you caught your significant other cheating on you what would you do? I don't have a partner, but hypothetically, leave their ass in a blink. I don't fuck with those kind of people. Do you know who Jeffree Star is? Well, yes. I watch him on YT sometimes and (astonishingly) love his music, and I find his work ethic extremely inspiring. That man knows how to hustle. What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage? Probably sangrias. When was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? "The" ex, it's been years. I've removed all pictures I have of him, irl and digitally, because it's triggering for me. How many push-ups can you do? Probably zero. Do you play any games on your phone? There's Pokemon GO, DragonVale, and Dragons of Atlantis that I play semi-regularly. Have you ever received a compliment from a stranger? Yes. Have you ever shaved your face? Just my upper lip to avoid the lady stache, ha ha. What colour is your front door? It’s white. Do you take the stairs or the elevator? If an elevator is available, I will ALWAYS use that. I have an extreeeemely hard time getting up stairs because of having just about no leg muscle. Do you get motion sickness? No. When was the last time you went to your favourite restaurant? Oh man, it's been forever. :/ Olive Garden sounds soooo good right now. Do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings? No. Well, Mom has her earlobes pierced once, but that's it. Are you desperate for anyone’s approval, in particular? It's funny, even though he hasn't been a part of my life for years, I still desperately crave what I think would make Jason proud. There have been many times where my mind has wondered to what he would think of me now... and I know it's not good. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Reading. When was the last time you felt hopeful, and why? Today, after finishing my workout at the gym. I think, finally, that I may be taking another stride forward in life. Do you find yourself asking for the same things for your birthdays and for holidays? Ha, yup: a new tattoo, 100%. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? Girt's recommended some music to me before. He loves sharing songs he likes with me. Of course I didn't tell him it sucked, ha ha. What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? She is very passionate about animals, reptiles in particular, and is simply amazing with them. If you had a child, would you rather have a girl or a boy? A girl for sure. Has anybody ever accused you of doing drugs? No. Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Honestly, do you think that you will wanna settle down in the same town you’re currently residing in? HELL no. I hate this place. Does anyone call you darling? If so who? Sara does sometimes. Are you close to any of your cousins? No. Are you a romantic person? I think I am. What’s the coolest thing you’ve seen out the window of an airplane? Mountains. Have you ever been in the mountains when the moon and stars were up? NO BUT FUCK I WANT THAT. Just lay in a grassy spot with some s'mores or something and just ~vibe~. Do people like your hair? I get complimented on it a bit. Have you ever held birdseed and a bird came and ate out of your hand? Yeah, at a bird sanctuary. Could you ever live in Alaska? Hell yeah, I'd enjoy that. On the main page on YouTube, what’re the three recommended videos? There's one by a WoW gold maker, a song by 3TEETH, and a video of bullsnakes hatching. Do you really care how many friends you or anyone else has on Myspace/Facebook? Couldn't care less. I only "friend" people I know and care about. Does your significant other have any piercings? I'm single. Do you ever get bored of yourself? Oh, all the time. I feel like I'm extremely dull and plain and, well, boring. How many band shirts do you own? Which? Oh goodness, I have no idea. I own a lot. Do you go to shows mostly for the music, the moshing, or the merchandise? I go for the music. It's nice to buy merch, but it's SO expensive that it's dumb. Moshing, I think is just stupid. Have you ever had anything pierced that you don’t have now? Many places, actually. So many holes closed because piercings had to be taken out when I was in the psych hospital. I was so annoyed. Who were you with the first time you watched the last movie you watched? I was alone. Do you have any twins/multiples in your family? Are they identical or fraternal? No. What is the highest number of jobs you’ve had at one time? One. Is your mom a good mom? She is the actual best. Last thing you threw in the garbage? The crust of some leftover pizza I had this morning. I generally eat the crust, but this time it was WAY too hard.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''altaer" by 3teeth

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incomingalbatross · 4 years

Note

Psych, Shaun and Juliet!

Hmm!

So... I don't think Shawn is much of an internet guy, honestly. My impression is that he browses for information (useful and otherwise) quite a bit, but he much prefers his social life to be IRL, face-to-face interaction, even if it's casual.

So, because of that--and because you'd probably have to move them around in time ANYWAY--I think I would probably do this by putting twenty-something Shawn and Jules in the present. As in, during quarantine.

Quarantined Shawn is, unsurprisingly, going out of his mind with cabin fever. He's in some random town in the US, where he was only planning to stay for a couple weeks but surprise! Now he's in his small, probably-not-quite-legal rental for the duration. He does get a grocery store job, which gives him something to live on and something to do, but it's not exactly fun work and the lack of recreational activity/interaction is seriously messing with him.

HOWEVER, it's 2020 and that means there are at least a lot of options for long-distance hanging out with Gus.

This means that, before too long, Gus talks him into ordering a Switch so he can see Gus's Animal Crossing island

(I know NOTHING about AC except all the Tumblr content, but that's enough to know it's exactly the kind of thing Shawn and Gus would get sucked into)

Shawn makes his own Pineapple Island, full of custom pop-culture stuff and MANY pineapples, and quickly becomes very engrossed in making it the Best Island Possible, because he has nothing else to focus on! This involves finding ways to make trades with other players

Enter Juliet (FINALLY) who is ALSO under quarantine stress in Miami and using AC to escape

Shawn tries to get the best of her in a deal

He does not succeed

Impressed by this, Shawn stays in contact with her and makes a better second impression. They "visit" back and forth

Jules's island is VERY cute, but she's also ruthless in running it the way she likes it

At some point they have a disagreement over something trivial, and Jules challenges Shawn to single combat

Shawn: "...I hate to break it to you, but this game doesn't have a combat mode?"

Jules: "There are other games."

She ALSO plays first-person-shooters, as it happens, and they end up arranging to meet in one and go head-to-head

Shawn is not a gamer, but he gets on early and figures out the mechanics, and he's a quick study with an excellent grasp of tactics

Jules wipes the floor with him

She is EXPERIENCED. She's a MUCH higher level than him, and has the skills to back it up

But what Shawn does get out of this is the realization that the challenge and adrenaline of FPS are also fun, and he starts playing with her there too

...Now they have voice chat

As one of them is Shawn, they talk a lot. This is where they really become friends, though they still don't know a lot of IRL Facts about each other. At some point Jules starts joining him and Gus sometimes when they're streaming cartoons together

BUT. Sometimes in the heat of virtual combat, Jules starts slipping into cop lingo. And Shawn responds automatically, because he knows this stuff, and since he's not always sure what's common knowledge and what isn't it takes a while to make him wonder about Jules

But eventually he asks where she learned it, and she goes "...I don't really tell people this often, online, but. Yeah. I'm a police officer"

And Shawn doesn't let his reaction show over the mic (just says, when she returns the question, that "my dad was a cop" in a closed-off sort of tone), but after they part ways he sits there, in his tiny apartment, with all his Henry Issues rushing forward, thinking I've fallen for a COP

"HOW COULD THE UNIVERSE DO THIS TO ME, GUS"

He decides he can live with it, though. He doesn't actually dislike the police as a whole, and he can be a supportive friend at least, right?

At some point he finds out she was getting ready for her detective's exam when quarantine started, and he goes "Oh, I could help you study, I took that when I was 16"

He DOES help, but this also leads to Shawn's Cop Skills being revealed to her

Somewhere in here, I think, they have a late-night conversation about Jules's dad and why she's a cop, and Shawn's dad and why he's not a cop

Fun Fact: I'm pretty sure at this point in canon Jules and Henry BOTH live in Miami

If not, well, it's already an AU 🤷

At some point Shawn finds out she lives in Miami

"...If you ever get a call about a cantankerous old coot named Henry Spencer," he says a couple hours after that, "let me know how he's handling this? Because Gus says he says he's fine, but he's probably going crazy alone without anyone else's rule-breaking to disapprove of. *chuckle* He's probably reduced to yelling at the TV."

So... Jules looks up the name, and finds Henry's called in some tips to the Miami PD over time (he IS a Spencer), though not recently

And

Here's the thing

Jules WANTS to respect her friend's privacy, and his obviously-superior knowledge of his own relationships... But she is a bit of a Meddler. And she ALSO wants Shawn to be able to have a better relationship with his dad, even if it's just the level of HER not-close-but-amicable parallel

And she's heard enough frustration and hurt and occasional wistfulness in his voice to think that, on some level, he really wants that too

So she makes up a reason to meet Henry Spencer, at six feet apart--something police-related, I don't know, maybe just driving through the neighborhood "checking up on people"

And... He's nice. Since he's also starved for human company, it's easy to get your conversation, and he has a lot of good advice to give her as a young officer.

He says he'd offer her cookies if it weren't for the contagion issues (Henry would be a quarantine baker, this is just a fact)

Jules knows that "likeable" and "good parent" don't have to corolate, of course, but she's surprised by how much she likes him

And then "loved ones currently out of reach" come up, because Quarantine Topics

Henry goes on a bit of a rant about his son who's who-knows-where, allergic to authority, and has ZERO sense of self-preservation. "His friend SAYS he's fine, but it's hard to imagine him keeping quarantine, you know? If he is, he's probably bored out of his mind..."

It's not hard to get Henry talking about Shawn

There's bitterness and disapproval there, and stuff Jules disagrees with... But there's pride, too, and fondness, and worry

She leaves sure of two things: A) she still wants him and Shawn to make up, and B) she's going to have to tell Shawn about this, because it feels wrong to keep it a secret

(Shawn is angry, but eventually she gets him to understand that her only real desire here is for him to be okay and not have to carry this hurt around)

(and he's also invested in hearing what she can tell him about his dad)

(so he's okay with her going back)

I'm not sure how things develop here, exactly, but Jules gets closer to Henry and Shawn over time (and Gus! Gus is helpful to this project, as well, though he doesn't want to take sides AT ALL)

I think Jules just ends up being in the right place, at the right time, to be a bridge between them

Eventually Henry and Shawn get in direct contact for the first time in years. It's still difficult, but Jules sets up some weekly game thing for the four of them, and just spending time together helps

Also! Jules has been talking about hard cases with Shawn for a while, but now they come up in the group as well. Watching BOTH the Spencer men solve something together is very impressive...

And at some point they start playing a puzzle game together, just the two of them. They fight, of course, but when the intellectual thrill outweighs their bad blood and they get on the same page, it's... Something to watch. And eventually this teamwork becomes a more consistent thing, and they can beat Gus and Jules at certain types of games, now, as a team

(Also, Words With Friends. Henry is very offended by all the "words" this game allows, which delights Shawn immensely)

Anyway this is why, when the quarantine lifts, the first place Shawn goes will be Miami

He'll see his dad, of course, but first he'll wait outside the Miami precinct for a certain Detective O'Hara (whose name and face he knows by now, of course)

"Excuse me, miss, would you like to see my island?"

"Shawn!"

And then he asks her out.

Jules... Likes him. She knows that. But she tells him she can't do an on-again, off-again thing with him, and if he doesn't know where he's going to be in a year, or five years, or if he'll ever settle anywhere...

He tells her he's actually been thinking, with everything that's happened recently, about being a detective for real. He can't be a cop, but he can be a PI... Not without Gus, though, which means moving home and setting up shop in Santa Barbara. "I do want this to be a real thing, Jules, you and me. It would have to be long-distance, at least for now, but..."

She dimples suddenly, looking up at him. "I think we've proven we can do long-distance, Shawn."

#THERE we go #psych #shules #Shawn Spencer #juliet o'hara #Henry Spencer #ask games #covid mention #quarantine cw #why bless your heart #thank you for this!#it hit just the right spot of Late-Night Creativity last night to get LONG so...#have an entire outline! :P #hopefully this works now #long post #(might add a readmore later)

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missmalice202 · 4 years

Text

Designing Your Melody: Chapter 08 - Teddy Bear

Chapter 01 - Chapter 07

Chuckling softly, Luka reached up and adjusted the headset over his ears. His clanmates’ voices filtered through his ears and he listened to their petty squabbling. He hadn’t gotten to play as much as he usually did with his friends due to his hectic work schedule and putting in studio time with Jagged. In his opinion, he was long overdue for some time off and what better way to spend it than with his friends?

“Yo, my man, what’s up with you lately? I haven’t seen you online in a while.” Carapace asked.

“Oh, you know how it is. Life gets in the way. I’ve been busy working and practicing.” He focused his attention on his screen, watching his teammates decimate a wave of low level enemies. He hung back on his perch on top of a nearby cliff and picked stragglers off with his bow.

“You sound a lot better today,” Chat Noir commented. “Last time we played, you sounded upset about something.”

With one last perfectly executed headshot, the wave of enemies was defeated. He and the rest of his friends waited for the countdown to announce the next wave to begin. While they waited, Luka explained what had been bothering him. “If you guys really want to know, I was looking for someone, but since I didn’t know where to even begin to start looking for her, I was kind of frustrated.

“Then, just the other day, I learned her name through a mutual acquaintance of ours. When I asked for her contact information so I could talk to her, they told me they had to get her permission to share that info with me, so now I’m just waiting to hear back from them.”

“Oh ho ho,” Carapace said teasingly, “So you’re looking for a girl?” Luka could just imagine the smug look on his friend’s face as he said that. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. Sometimes his friends could be such a pain, but he wouldn’t change a thing about them.

“It’s not like that,” he said. “When I first met her briefly, she dropped something that I want to give back to her.”

“It must have been something of utmost importance for you to spend so much time trying to track her down.” He could trust Ryuko’s cold logic to get to the heart of the matter. She often acted as the voice of reason when his somewhat unreasonable friends would get out of hand.

“It is important,” he admitted shyly. “At least, it is to me.” He took a deep breath and prepared to share something deeply personal with his online friends.

“Ever since the day I literally ran into this girl, I’ve heard her song playing in my head and it won’t go away. Even when I’m playing something else, I can hear it in the back of my skull and it’s kind of driving me crazy. I’m hoping that after I find her and return what she lost, I can hear how her song ends and I can get it out of my system.”

Silence greeted his heartfelt confession. While Nino knew that Luka tended to express his emotions in terms of music, the other two weren’t aware of the depth with which he felt things. For Luka, this was the most forthcoming he had been with his gaming friends, but he needed to get it off his chest and it felt right talking to them about it.

“That’s beautiful, Viperion,” Chat Noir whispered, stricken by the intensity of Viperion’s feelings. He was a little envious of how easily he could admit his feelings to others. “Whoever she is is a lucky girl.”

“Chat, like I said before,” he said, exasperated, “it’s not like that. I want her to make me something.”

“Make you something?” Ryuko asked. “I thought you didn’t know who this person was. Why would you want to ask her to make you something?”

“You see, the thing that I want to return to her is actually a sketch she made of an outfit. I think she’s a designer and I want her to make it for me.”

Carapace laughed, “Oh? She’s a designer? Maybe Chat Noir knows her. He is a model.”

Wait, what? Chat noir is a model? Luka hadn’t known this before. They had all agreed to keep online stuff online and real-life stuff offline. But thinking about it, maybe Chat Noir could help him. How many designers out there were named “Marinette”? Not many surely.

“Carapace! You know you shouldn’t reveal your friend’s personal information online!” Ryuko scolded, her usual calm demeanor gaining intensity as she defended Chat Noir.

Carapace, however, was unaffected by her irritation. “Chill, Dudette. I know Viperion IRL and he’s a chill guy. There’s nothing to worry about. Right, Chat?”

“I guess,” Chat says somewhat shyly. “Any friend of Carapace is a friend of mine.”

Luka is somewhat flattered. He’s always felt that there was a degree of separation between he and his fellow clan members. There were times that they talked to each other about stuff they did in the real world that he knew nothing about. They were often vague about the details, but he had figured out over time that Ladybug, Chat Noir, Carapace, and Rena Rouge had all gone to high school together. Rena and Ladybug were best friends and often met up together to grab lunch or coffee when their busy schedules would allow. Chat Noir, Ryuko and Pegasus went to the same university together. King Monkey was friends with Chat and Carapace, as well as being an old classmate of Ladybug and Rena. So, everyone else in his clan knew at least a few of each other in real life. The only one who’s true identity Luka knew was Nino.

He smiled, pleased that his clan members were comfortable with him and trusted him enough to share small details about themselves with him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices a notification pop up on-screen: LADYBUG is online.

He sits up straighter and adjusts his grip on his controller, listening to everyone in the clan chat greet her as she loads in. He’d been hoping she would be able to get online tonight.

Just then, the countdown for the next wave of enemies reached zero and the fight was on. Adrenaline rushing, Luka got ready for battle.

-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-

As he was setting his controller on its charging dock, he heard footfalls overhead. Glancing at the clock, he wondered who on earth would be on his houseboat so late. Before he could get too concerned about intruders, he heard his sister’s voice call down to him as her footsteps tapped down the stairs to the cabin. Tension he hadn’t noticed gathering in his shoulders drained away immediately as he relaxed.

He called out to her, letting her know he was in his room. He unfolded his legs and stood up from his bed, leaving his cabin to give her a proper greeting. It had been far too quiet on board with her gone, too.

When he entered the main living area of the ship, he watched as she roller her large, black suitcase to rest next to the bar that separated the galley from the living room. He crossed the room in just a few steps and wrapped his arms around her slender frame.

“I’ve missed you, Jule,” he mumbled into her raven hair. “Welcome home.”

He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and took in her appearance, making sure that she had made it home safe and sound. Other than her purple-tipped black hair being a little mussed from travelling, she appeared to be in good health.

“I missed you, too,” she smiled up at her older brother.

He turned her around and used his hands on her shoulders to push her over the couch where he gently pushed her to sit down. Sitting next to her, he rested one foot on the knee of his other leg and leaned back against the cushions. “So, tell me, how did your photoshoot go? I want to hear everything.”

The Couffaine siblings spent the next few hours catching up and telling each other everything thing they had missed while they had been separated.

-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-

The next day, Juleka made her way to The Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Patisserie to meet up with Marinette to discuss the details regarding her walking in Marinette’s show for Fashion Week. Considering Fashion Week was only a few short weeks away, they had a lot of work to do and she wanted to get a head start as soon as possible.

Bell chiming to announce her arrival, she walked into the bakery and experienced an intense feeling of déjà vu. She hadn’t been here in forever, it felt like. When she and Marinette had been in school together, she spent many a lunch break at the little bakery, but as time had passed after they had graduated, the two girls had slowly drifted apart. They texted each other from time to time, half heartedly making plans to get together and catch up, but something always seemed to interfere with their plans and they had just left it at that.

Looking back on it now, Juleka felt guilty that she hadn’t tried harder to maintain her friendship with Marinette.

Greeting Sabine behind the counter as she walked over to the stairs that led to the DuPain-Cheng apartment above the bakery, she resolved to do better as she ascended to greet her old friend.

Looking around Marinette’s room, Juleka was a little surprised at how little had changed. The most notable change that had taken place was Marinette had removed all of the pictures of Adrien that had been hung all over her walls. I guess that ship has sailed, she mused to herself. If she was honest with herself, it was probably for the best. The way Marinette had acted around him was frustrating and plain sad at times.

Scolding herself for such judgmental thoughts, she looked at her friend, currently hunched over her sewing machine, oblivious to her entrance from the trap door.

“Hi, Marinette,” she greeted softly.

Apparently, she was so focused on her work that she hadn’t heard her. Juleka walked across the room and tried again.

“Marinette?” she said once more, placing her hand on her shoulder to get her attention.

And she got it. Marinette jolted backwards out of her chair at the touch and flipped right over onto her back, stunning herself in the process.

“Juleka!” She winced as she sorted herself out and got to her feet. “Oh my god, I wasn’t expecting you so soon!” She grabbed her hands and held them, truly happy to see her friend for the first time in years. “I thought you were on location for a photo shoot?”

Marinette led them to her pink chaise, where she encouraged her friend to sit. “Tell me everything. How have you been? Are you and Rose still together? How’s your modelling going? How’s your mom doing?”

Juleka giggled softly at her friend. She really had missed Marinette’s energy. “I’ve been good. Rose and I are still together and she actually recently asked me to move in with her-“

Marinette’s enthusiastic squeal made her wince. “Juleka, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you. When are you going to move in?”

She reached behind her and grabbed the pink, polka-dotted teddy bear sitting at the head of the couch, hugging it to her chest as she averted her amber eyes away from her friend’s eager gaze. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t feel right leaving my brother all alone on the Liberty.”

Marinette tilted her head, brows furrowed in confusion. “Brother? I didn’t know you had a brother.” She tucked a stray piece of her midnight black hair behind her head. “Why did you never mention him when we were in school?”

She held the bear closer to her chest, ducking her head to mumble into its plush head, “He’s two years older than us and when we were in school, he was usually off doing his own thing. He had his music to occupy his time and whenever you came over to hang out, he was usually out performing in a park somewhere.” She gazed at her friend through her long bangs, eyes shining with humor. “I’m actually kind of surprised that your paths never crossed before.”

Marinette giggled. “Well, now that we’re going to be working together, you’ll have to introduce us. I’d love to meet your brother. You guys seem really close if you’re willing to stay with him instead of moving in with Rose.”

She paused, recalling something else that Juleka had said. “Wait a second, you said if you moved out, you’d leave your brother alone on the Liberty. Where’s the Captain?”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, I forgot to mention that Mom’s travelling around Europe right now. She said that she was feeling tied down, being moored in the same place all the time. So, she decided to go on what she called “an inspiration quest”. So, Luka and I are holding down the fort until she gets back, whenever that is…” she sighed.

Watching Juleka talk about her brother made Marinette a little envious of their relationship. There were many times over the years that she had wished that she had a sibling that she could share the kind of bond that the Couffaine siblings obviously shared with each other, but between Alya and Adrien, she figured that they were as close as any true siblings could be.

Shaking off her melancholic thoughts, Marinette asked Juleka if they could get started with getting her measurements so she could begin working on the women’s line of her collection.

As Marinette wielded her measuring tape, the girls used the opportunity afforded to them by working together to catch up on everything they had missed in each other’s lives over the years.

Promising to get together soon to just hang out and not for work, the girls bid each other goodbye. On her way out, Juleka stops at the bakery counter and buys a box full of madeleines and assorted macaroons for her brother to sample when he got home from work that night.

He had told her all about the issues he had been having at the record label last night and she wanted to do what she could to help alleviate some of the stress he was obviously feeling. As they had talked, Luka had grabbed his guitar and played a bit and Juleka couldn’t help but notice how discordant some of the notes had been, making it obvious to her trained ear how upset her brother truly was. To the outside world, it may have appeared that nothing could really get to Luka, but she knew him better than that.

Feeling confident that the box of treats she had bought for him would at least put a smile on his face, she left the bakery with a spring in her step.

That night, after a long day doing deliveries and an even longer evening spent at the record label, and exhausted Luka stumbled on board and looked for his sister.

Instead, he found a white box with “The Tom & Sabine Boulangerie and Patisserie” emblazoned on the top with gold foil. Opening the lid, he saw it was full of his favorite pastries, as well as a note from Juleka.

Luka, I’m staying with Rose tonight. Don’t wait up for me. I visited a friend at her parent’s shop today and thought you might like some of the best pastries in the city. Don’t stay up too late. Love, Jule.

With a soft smile at his kind-hearted sister, he reached into the box and picked a pink macaroon. Biting into the sweet confection, he closed his eyes and let out a soft moan, the delicate raspberry flavor exploding in his mouth. She wasn’t kidding when she said they were the best pastries in Paris.

He looked at he lid of the box one more time to commit the name of the bakery to memory. He’s definitely going to have to look them up sometime and sample some more of their goods if the macaroon he was eating was any indication of the quality of their food.

Opening the lid once more to grab a handful of buttery madeleines, he made his way back to his cabin to play the happy tune the tasty treats his sister had left for him had inspired.

-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-

Chapter 09

*Can I just say that I love the dynamic between the Couffaine Siblings? They’re just so supportive of each other and I just can’t with these sweet children haha.

BTW, ask and you shall recieve @unabashedbookworm . I saw you couldn’t wait until I posted the next chapter, so I got it out as soon as I could (insomnia? pfft, what’s that? lol)

As always, until next time, my Lovelies XOXO*

#lukanette #lukanette february #mlvalentines2k20 #lukanette fic #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous fanfic #miraculous ladybug

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aziraphaleandcrowley · 4 years

Text

Tldr: me word vomiting lots of random emotions and thoughts I’ve been having about my life. Would put under a read more but tumblr mobile is shite. Ignore if you wanna, I just needed to throw this into the world cos I’ve been so socially distant from everyone in my life that I haven’t spoken to anyone about this, and I’m not sure I would’ve even if I actually replied to my friends more than once in a blue moon

...............................................................

Me: honestly convinced I’m never gonna find romantic love cos I’m ace and probably aro - at the very least I’ve never been attracted to/interested in someone enough to want to date them and the whole being sexually attracted to someone and looking a people and wanting to have sex with them sounds fake and doesn’t resonate with me at all.

Me: is theoretically a very sex favourable and positive person but the idea of sex with someone I’m not dating is just so weird to me but damn do I wish there was someone who knew me and my likes and dislikes to be intimate with

Me: is super duper disappointed to not experience love/sex but is simultaneously doing literally zero to create opportunities cos I just don’t speak to anyone outside of my family and colleagues, and the one single guy I had any interest in at work is gay and has left.

Me: reads fanfic constantly and I’m now wondering whether it is beneficial in distracting me from my loneliness or enhancing it. I think both. I think I need a break from fanfic at the very least but honestly don’t know what I’d do without it cos it’s been my go to hobby for so many years and I legit read for 30+ hours a week and that’s soo much time to fill???

Me: really doesn’t want to have kids in the future cos I don’t understand kids in the slightest and pregnancy is terrifying and I still feel like a child myself and I know this is something which may change in the future but I don’t think so and my mum bringing up wanting grandkids on a near weekly basis recently is kinda starting to put me on edge cos I’m already starting to feel like a disappointment cos I’m an only child and I’m the only opportunity for grandkids - which I know is ridiculous but it how I feel and that’s valid

Me: with my grandad in hospital (he’s gonna be fine, he would be out of hospital if he actually did what the doctors and nurses said about doing exercises etc) it has made me think about the family I do have which is: my mum, my dad, my grandad and my uncle. That’s it. I have two other uncles and several cousins etc who I see maybe once a year but they don’t really count.

Me: has a handful of really amazing friends who I haven’t spoken to in months and I don’t even really know why. They’ve all messaged me and I just havent replied. I’m not trying to actively push them away like I did with a friend in the past who I just felt drained with in the end whenever we interacted, but honestly every time I get a message I just feel exhausted at the prospect of ongoing social interaction. And it’s silly cos I know exactly the kind of thing I could message people about to start a conversation, like I could talk to Emily about finally watching Hamilton and how it’s been two weeks and I’m still listening to song on repeat and how she was right about how good it is and yet it’s been a week and a half since I’ve thought about sending that message and yet I haven’t and just uggghhhh @me

Me: is horrified by the idea of being alone for life romantically, and knowing that between my ever dwindling family and me not talking to my friends that being alone if more likely that I ever want to think about

Me: wants to live a happy life of my own but don’t know how to. I want to move out but can’t afford to on my own and it’s super impractical when I can live with my parents for £20 per week for food. But god forbid if anything happens to one of my parents I’m gonna be stuck at home forever cos I have so little family and my parents have literally no one else to turn to.

Me: wants to do a masters in gender and sexuality studies writing about representations of asexuality on screen but I know I could write and entire book which would be great for phd level but I missed the deadline to apply cos June was crazy and all I’ve been doing recently is working 6 days a week then working on my car for a day before working another 6 days. And even if I did a masters and maybe eventually a phd I have no idea what I’d actually do with it? I have so little ambition for anything right now and the future is just a void of mystery in which I don’t even know what I want???

Me: is starting to think I might actually be kinda depressed. I’ve thought it on and off for longer than I’ll ever admit but I’d do quizzes online and they’d say I wasn’t so I didn’t really think too much more about it (and yes I know an online quiz is shit and means nothing but there’s no one I would want to talk to about it cos I feel like I have to be strong for the people around me and shit but yeah). I know I’m not happy, but that doesn’t necessarily equal depressed. All I know is I’m uninspired and I feel kinda empty. Doing stuff I do enjoy, if I actually do it, just makes me feel tired half the time so I end up trying to nap instead but then I don’t sleep great either, waking up in the night or when my dad is getting ready for work so I very rarely get a solid 8 hours of sleep. I’m irritable a lot too...

Me: even if I am depressed what does it matter? Like it does matter ofc, but my mum is on media for depression and it’s taking her weeks to get an appointment with the doctor to try and get a different dosage. I’m not a danger to myself or others, I’m unhappy, but who isn’t with COVID going on and there are people who need mental health services more than me. Which is really hypocritical of me to say cos I’ve told my best friend so many times that trauma and mental health etc aren’t competitions of who has it worse but it’s the truth. Also my mum and colleagues access the only mental health resources in town and I do not want to deal with interactions with people I know whilst trying to improve my mental health.

Me: I don’t know how many times I’ve said it in posts like this but something needs to change. I was set on a good course at the start of the year. I was getting out, socialising, doing new things, inspired to cook, learn to new music and change my lifestyle, and then COVID happened and since all of that has slowly drained away and I need to find a change to revitalise that. I’d hoped getting back to having driving lessons and working on my car would be a start, and to be fair it’s been less than two week since I restarted doing that, so maybe I can find a new spark of inspiration still. Within a couple of months I will pass my driving test. Hopefully it won’t take much longer than that to get my car finished and on the road (hopefully it’ll take two weeks to finish putting the rear end back together so we can finally get my car back on four wheels, then it’s just lots of little jobs which hopefully won’t take too long). The weather is supposed to be decent this week so I might work up the effort to go for a walk down the fields which always seems to relax me a little. And the cinema reopens at the end of the month so I’d finally have an excuse to get out of the house (I know COVID is not over and things should not be going back to normal any time soon, but I need to do something other than go work for 4 hours everyday and spend 90% of my time at home and most of that time in bed because I have nowhere else to go). I don’t know what else I can be hopeful for in the coming weeks but that’s a start and just listing them out here has made me feel a little better so.

I keep thinking about Patrick from Schitt s Creek, leaving his hometown to escape a life which didn’t fit him and finding everything he needed in a tiny town in rural Canada, and wishing I could do the same, but I know I’d just end up even more alone because I am not a social person in the slightest and don’t kno how to be despite knowing that me making changes is the only way to improve myself.

And then a line from Hamilton about death is easy, living is harder, and I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not in any way, shape or form want to die, but living is hard and I have an easy life. I have enough money that I was able to loan my dad the money to buy a car, and still have more savings after that than he does, I have a good that if not particularly well paid I do enjoy and I’m good at, my family live me in their own way, even tho I feel that part of my social distance and reluctantance towards others is because no one in my family is particularly socially inclined.

Maybe I just really need a hug.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore but I just had so much build of of words in my brain that they had to go somewhere and this has turned into my go to word vomit place

Things will get better. I don’t know when or how but they will. But they won’t if I don’t get enough sleep for a starters. So off to bed I go. If you’ve read all this thank you, I guess, for listening cos I’m not sharing this with anyone irl just yet. And I’m sorry this is so long but tumblr mobile doesn’t let me put in a read now but I want this out in the world even tho no one will see it

#anyway ignore me #long post for ts #sorry #tmi #rebecca speaks #again #with the amount of posts i jave like this on here im really starting to think i need to find an actual person to discuss stuff with #not sure what therapy options there are in the uk cos all my knowledge come from here which is so us centric #but i think im gonna do some research #tomorrow tho #long post #personal

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bookworm-2692 · 4 years

Note

Reader ask meme: A10, B6, C4 and D2?

Questions are from here!

A10: Who did you have your first fanfic-related conversation with? What was it about?

I… don’t remember? First irl conversation? Or online? Online would be someone from the Salad on Dreamwidth in the comments section in like 2014??? Real life… maybe my sister @adrift-in-eden or my friend @lebannabell or another friend who doesn’t use tumblr. Or maybe… wait I remember when I was young and my dad downloaded these “James Potter and the X” ebooks (here is the first on Goodreads), as well as Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality or something? It’s only now in hindsight that I realise they were fanfic lmao. I read the James Potter ones, I remember enjoying them. My dad talked about the Methods of Rationality all the damn time! He found it absolutely hilarious, tho I never read it. I think those would have been the first conversations about fanfic, given that I remember not knowing that term in those days (a couple of months ago my sister and I were talking about this fic at the beach in the ocean and my dad overheard some and started talking about Methods of Rationality again (bc we tried to make him go away by saying “hp fanfic” but he didn’t and instead started relating to us) and it wasn’t until that moment that I was like “hey that’s fanfic… those James Potter ebooks were also fanfic… wtf”, so I clearly didn’t know the term fanfic back when I first read them).

Looking on the Goodreads now, JP1 was published 2007, JP2 in 2008, JP3 in 2010 and JP4 in 2013. JP5 wasn’t published until 2017. I definitely read 1-3 all at once, and definitely did not read #5. From the title on the Goodreads I feel like I recognise #4? Nope ok so I went into iBooks, and I have 1-3 but not 4 or 5. So my dad downloaded them somewhere in 2010-2013? I remember being disappointed it stopped at number 3 lmao. Trying to work out exactly, but all the other ones of his I read were published in 2008 so that doesn’t help. It was definitely after I read the whole series, and I know I started after the last book came out in 2008, and had definitely finished the series multiple times by year 5 or year 6 (2010/2011). So I would’ve read my first fanfic in maybe 2011 or 2012 lets say, at the age of like 12 or 13, and the first fanfic conversation would’ve been with my dad, and would have been about that fic he sent me lmao

B6: What is your favourite story trope? Why?

Um idk about trope?? But I really like stories where it’s like… one tiny thing changed, which changes the entire plot. Canon divergence fics. For Want Of A Nail I think it’s called on TV Tropes? Like all the NDRV3 fics where (spoiler alert) Akamatsu isn’t executed, because Saihara lies that he killed Amami and Monokuma rolls with it, or because he actually killed Amami, or instead Chapter 1 goes as canon, but instead Saihara is the second victim, or changes to Chapter 5: Saihara is Ouma’s hostage, or both Ouma and Momota are in the Exisal, or if they play by the rules in Chapter 6. I also really enjoy when canon mentions a thing happening, but not in any great detail, but then a fic goes over that event in great detail. For example, the First Nonary Game in Zero Escape, or the events of VLR from Phi’s POV, or the audition process in NDRV3 and showing how they actually “become” their characters. Also wasn’t it mentioned somewhere that Hongou went through Gordain’s Game? Dammit this is almost turning into a rec list from me. I guess I just really like long detailed fics with a good plot?

Since some of my favourite fics didn’t manage to fit into the above: (Danganronpa) after the events of DR1, Naegi is kidnapped by Ultimate Despair, (Danganronpa) a time loop AU where we see the loops that lead to the canon timeline, rather than that one being the first one, (Harry Potter) Salazar Slytherin’s brother crawls out of his portrait during Harry’s fifth year ready to be the competent teacher Hogwarts needs (here is my longer recommendation to this fic that I posted a few days ago), (Harry Potter) Harry gets adopted by loving Muggles as a baby and raised in a loving home, (Harry Potter) Draco and Harry another others are 24 and professors at Hogwarts, this expands on the ideas of wizarding Lords and Ladies and has super amazing worldbuilding/characterisation, (Harry Potter) a series of wonderful “what if AUs”, (Harry Potter) 19/20 year old Harry wakes up in a 14 year old Slytherin body in 1942 - deals with Slytherin politics in such a Gryffindor way, it’s absolutely beautiful, (Harry Potter) a Muggle becomes the Weasleys new neighbour, and they all think she’s actually a witch, (Zero Escape) the boys are playing DND over Discord and now a real life mystery is occurring, (Zero Escape) snippets leading up to Dcom, and also during the experiment, (Zero Escape) a look at what happens after ZTD, and how they try to continue saving the world (it’s very good), (Zero Escape) random scenes from every timeline, (Zero Escape) a complete AU, Crash Keys are doing crime, it’s good stuff, (Zero Escape) the story of 1904 Phi (also really good)

I’m now getting tired but if you want more fic recs then please just ask! Also if you have your own fic recs please send them to me!

C4: What thing that fandom loves do you actually kind of hate? Why?

To be honest? The shipping. Like I’m not an anti-shipper, I’m not trying to stop people from shipping. You do you boo. But I just sort of dislike when shipping gets shoe horned in unnecessarily? Similar to how I dislike romance subplots and love interests being added to mainstream media “for the sake of it”. If it’s needed for the plot (or extremely well done) then it’s absolutely fine. But if it has no bearing on the plot, or is badly written, or feels OOC or something, then it annoys me. Generally it’s fine though, but.

D2: Who/Where did you get your last fic rec from?

I think my sister?? When she was reading a lot of Harry Potter fic, she’d send me the best of them and I’d open the links and just have the tabs open until I got around to reading them. I was at uni and busy, so I just kept on accumulating links, and she wasn’t even sending me every single thing I read! She’s since moved on to reading another fandom (and hence hasn’t been sending me any fics in a while), but I still haven’t caught up on all she sent. Some of them were really good though, super amazing.

#ask #bookworm-2692 #chessanator #fanfic #idk this is a lot of rambling #and a lot of not fully answering the question and getting distracted answering an adjacent question haha sorry #but this was fun #i answered the questions in reverse order fun fact #mainly bc the first one freaked me out bc i had no clue #but now that ive determined the answer is my dad?#even more freaked out lmao #ive got like 130 fics in my bookmarks okay i could have gone forever w the second question #but im tired #was like 11:30pm when i decided to start finishing that question #is now 12:20am i need to sleep

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