#now that im an adult i realise its not a good thing and also i realise how its bot quite reslistic

[enterideahere]

im thinking of starting to learn lace so i can start on my wedding dress

#no intention of getting married but it something i want to make and own #like that crazy lady whos wedding dress is in the musée de l'art brut tjat she made with loose threads in her asylums #as a little girl its something you're hyped up about and such an important moment #a day for you and your pretty dress #your function as a woman #the last piece of you before you give yourself away and no longer belong to yourself #now that im an adult i realise its not a good thing and also i realise how its bot quite reslistic #i still want to feel like a princess #maybe i need to make that dress to mourn that fantasy of a promised life that doesnt really have any bearings in reality

[im-traumatised]

Not sure anyone noticed, but I've not been around much cause my phone broke. Been waiting for the new one to arrive, and I forget desktop Tumblr exists a lot... But I'm alive I guess, in the technical sense anyway...

#It accidentally fell off my bed #got a small crack and now the screen won't show anything #fucking grand time considering the day after my headphones also broke #i ducktaped them back together though becuase the thought of leaving my apartment made my panic lmao #then the same day I found rats in my apartment and man im having a shit time being an adult lately #my savings are being eaten im living with rats im terrified will eat my things and Im really starting to realise #just how bad my aversion to leaving my apartment has gotten #tired of being an adult #tired of having no money #tired of being alone #just tired #but im still alive i guess #just waiting with dread for my 22nd birthday next month that i dont want to arrive #first time ive truly hated the thought of my birthday man its kinda sad #always been so determined to make my bday good even if its always ended up depressing and with me crying at night alone but like #this year im struggling to even want to try i dont want to turn 22 i dont want to still be kicking ya know #sorry this turned dark #although pretty sure noones actually read this far lmao #still #... #aceofdragons

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 15

welcome the the fifteenth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.  

1. there, nestled against his pulse by @hiuythn

stop why are you doing this to me stop it stop it stop--

klance soulmate au where your right wrist has the first words your soulmate says to you, and the left holds the last words they'll say to you. super sad, so much angst, and i've been informed it'll make you sob until you choke.

1. there, nestled against his pulse (the main story, from Keith's POV) 2. this is what love looks like: (tnahp from Lance's POV + 38k of sequel content) 3. roll credits (deleted/extra scenes and additional headcanons)

okay. i am so desperately obsessed with this fic, i was obsessed with it the first time i read it and im obsessed with it now. and yes i know i did all hiuythn fics last week and i promise i wont this week. BUT i have a set of comments associated with this fic bc it is Just That Good and so i shall present them to u now:

- literally the funniest characterization of shiro i’ve ever read. this shiro is gay and tired. this shiro unironically and frequently says “move. i’m gay” and gets away with it at the garrison. this shiro has been through A Lot and just wants to fucking retire - allura here is so so funny she’s such a badass. she’s giving “i love shiny things! like the shine of your spilled blood on the floor if you say that dumb shit one more fucking time!!” we stan a queen. - coran is a Mood. this man is desperately trying to reign in four teenagers and two young adults and just wants to go to bed and also he cares for them all so so much. ultimate dad - pidge is Mischief Personified. she is a brat and i adore her. she’s here to cause problems and by god she will succeed - hunk is so done it’s so fucking funny. “that’s literally impossible.” he’s a genius and he knows it, he’s glad to call you out on your bullshit. he doesn’t even TRY to pretend he can keep a secret and/or handle drama god what a mood - don’t even get me started on klance!! they’re so funny omg. the banter is EXQUISITE. lance and keith adore each other so much and they’re so badass. literally the coolest power couple fight scenes ever to be made, i do adore. gosh. and the ROMANCE they are so devoted to each other i’m emotional - honourable mention of lance’s legs and keith’a Soft Squishy Feelings that are mentioned so often that they’re characters. iconic. all in all, the best way to describe this series is Gay and Tired. i love it and i’m sad to see it end. i will be rereading it an embarrassing number of times. infinity/10

2. all the little things by @jilliancares

Or: 5 times Keith let Lance get away with things that he'd never let anyone else do, and 1 time Lance realized that he was, apparently, special

oblivious lance will always be funny to me. and the idea of keith just letting lance get away with Everything and Everyone knowing how whipped he is except for lance himself?? peak humour. never not funny

3. Full Disclosure by @dragonomatopoeia

Keith is impulsive and straightforward when it comes to most things, and emotions are no exception. It's no surprise, then, that when he realises that he might have developed a crush on Lance, he tries to tell him immediately. Unfortunately, it's very hard to account for both circumstance and who Lance is as a person.

Alternatively: Four Times Keith Tried to Confess and One Time Lance Actually Understood

more 2016 eliteness!! this fic is hilarious. and also its number one selling quality is that all of the characters are trans and nd i literally love that for them. nonbinary hunk loml

4. catch me, before i fall by @pastelrainbow

‘We are a good team.’

Even now, just recalling the way Lance had smiled as the words left his lips, made Keith’s heart race and his cheeks redden. Lance had never looked at him so fondly before. No boy ever had. The thought of it made a sigh escape his lips and Keith hunched his shoulders, a pout tugging his lips downwards.

Curse my weak gay heart.

-

a what if keith caught lance outside his cryo-pod.

the idea of keith being a suave casanova with more game than aphrodite herself but immediately going bright red and hissing when shiro teases him. peak dynamic. absolutely nailed siblings 

5. of demons and dates by spartona (faveour)

Three times Keith scares Lance shitless with his ghost shenanigans, and one time Lance tries to retaliate.

first of all. BFU KLANCE BFU KLANCE BFU KLANCE. second of all. the  “we’ve BEEN dating u dumbass ily” trope is so funny to me. i will never get over it

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#actually lots of five plus one esque fics this week #bc i love them #ahem anyways #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #team as family #fluff and humour #broganes #fic rec #fic rec friday #longpost

[averys-happy-space]

putting this here more for myself than anything. i wanna be able to look back at it in a year and see how its changed. explanations for each section under the cut

ship i loved at first sight: tara x piper. i don't know what the ship name is. taper? pira? pira seems nicer lol. anyway, tara used to be my favourite brawler (and is still up there in my top 5) and i think the first time i saw tara x piper fanart was on reddit. it was by Xpyray and i swear to god ive never fallen in love with a ship faster. their art is so fucking good and they dont rlly draw brawl stuff anymore but i still follow them cuz their art is so so so pretty (please go follow them if youre reading this). anyway so yeah thats how tara x piper became my fav ship.

ships i initially didn't like: rico x piper, shelly x colt imma be fr at the start i didn't really Get these ships. but after watching some of the official animations and learning more of the lore, i started to appreciate these ships more. i don't love them or anything but they can be cute

ships i don't like anymore: sandy x nita, leon x jessie, sandy x leon there is no real reason for this other than the fact that i simply stopped liking them as i grew up. as i was making this i realised that when i was younger i used to like the ships with the kids/teens more, but now i'm 17 and i'm just not interested in them anymore. i guess thats what happens when you grow up lol. these ships are still cute, but i just don't engage with them anymore

favourite popular ships: mandy x chester, fang x buster so a bit of background, i actually quit brawl stars for a while, i think after the gale brawl pass. i dont really remember why, but its probably because i just got bored of the game lol. i think that also played into why i'm no longer interested in the same ships as before. anyway, i came back this year during the bizarre circus brawl pass and accidentally fell in love with these two ships. honestly, i'm not even entirely sure why i fell in love with these two ships in particular. chester definitely caught my eye when i came back to the game because a) i love clowns b) i love a good troll c) i love the random XD energy chester has and d) he has super interesting & fun game mechanics. i have no interest in mandy really but then i saw One suggestive mandy x chester fanart that went hard af and suddenly i was on board lmao. on the other hand fang and buster were two characters that i took some time to fall in love with, but now they're my favourites lol it's so strange. i really don't know how it happened.

favourite rarepair: amber x maisie i was looking at a diagram of all the trios so far because i was brainstorming ideas for who to include in a fanfic and as i was looking at it, suddenly it Clicked in my mind that amber x maisie would go hard af. like think about it. overconfident fire entertainer who gets so swept up in performances that she forgets about safety x safety coordinator with a fire extinguisher for an arm who secretly likes being in dangerous situations? come on!!!! im surprised more people havent thought of this pairing cuz as soon as it clicked for me it seemed like such an obvious pairing to do. but then again they've never interacted in any animation/promo material/etc so i guess it's not a pair people would just think of without prompting. but it's so fucking good!!!! more people need to get in on this ship.

controversial ship: none here's the thing. i don't know any controversial ships that i can see myself shipping. the most controversial one i know is probably edgar x colette but i see them as siblings so i don't ship it nor do i engage with fanart of them. edgar and colette ships in general are probably controversial seeing as both of them don't have canon ages and it's vague enough that people are always talking about whether they're adults or minors. but i personally see both of them as older teens so i don't ship them with anyone. (to me, they're too old to hang out with the kid brawlers but also too young to hang out with the adult brawlers. it's weird because there's no other brawlers where i see them as teens, so in my mind edgar and colette both have 0 shipping potential)

ships i want to become canon the most: amber x maisie, fang x buster they're my current favourite ships. what else to say.

comfort ship: fang x buster i think about them All the Fucking Time. lowkey i started to project on fang a bit just cuz i like him so much. i don't even know why or how i started liking him this much but he's my favourite brawler now and it's horrible. i think the seal in the coffin was @/giveittomegay's fanart of them. THEY'RE SO FUCKING CUTE. like omfg. confident, charismatic chinese immigrant who just arrived at starr park x introverted insecure white guy who doesn't know how to approach others. slowburn where they become closer through working at the cinema and buster realises he's fallen in love basically immediately but fang hasn't realised his own sexuality (has had crushes on girls before so always assumed he was straight) and doesn't realise he's in love with buster until maisie straight up tells him. fang's confidence means he jokingly flirts with buster all the time because he thinks it's funny to tease the guy and make him flustered but doesn't realise buster gets flustered because he likes fang. fang is fucking stupid. also, i think using fang x shelly here as a conflict plot point would be so good. like, fang seeing a pretty girl and approaching her, flirting with her, etc. i like to think fang is dense as fuck and would genuinely believe he's in love with shelly despite buster occupying 90% of his thoughts because his thought process would be something along the lines of "oh, i just think about him a lot cuz he's my best friend, i'm sure this is all regular, normal bff things". and buster just fucking dying inside but not saying anything because he thinks it's none of his business and he shouldn't interfere in fang's love life. MAISIE WATCHING ALL THIS HAPPEN AND WANTING TO MURDER BOTH OF THEM FOR BEING SO DENSE. like ohhhhhh my god there is so much potential here it's fucking insane. side note: fang doesn't have anything against gay people. i like to think maisie x amber comes way before fang x buster, so fang knows gay people exist and like he is perfectly fine and comfortable being around them, he's just so stupidly dense that he doesn't realise HE is gay (or more specifically bi). he also assumes buster is straight because default sexuality and whenever fang makes jokes based on this assumption buster never corrects him. because buster is a pussy. god. i want to write this fanfic so bad but i'm so fucking bad at writing dialogue it's insane.

ships that deserve more attention: amber x maisie, brock x bibi, barley x bull, max x janet LET ME COOK HERE OKAY. amber x maisie i already explained above. brock x bibi (i call them bibrock) is because it's noted in bibi's bio that she's secretly a huge nerd and i think it would be super cute for her to have a bf who she can indulge in nerdy and geeky shit with. to me they're both massive comic book fans who become close by playing all the superhero video games together before branching out to other games. they're console gamers btw and they get SUPER competitive whenever they're playing against each other. but they also do play coop games where they work together. usually brock is the one who does a lot of theorycrafting and tries to minmax his grind so he can get all the resources in the most optimal and time efficient way possible, whereas bibi prefers just going into fights and wrecking havoc lol. barley x bull is because they're both restaurant owners/servers (barley has his bar, bull has his diner) and i think they would bond over shitty customers and interesting food/drink recipes. they're both also familiar with having fights break out in their establishment and are fully capable of shutting fights down, even if it means getting their hands dirty. they think they're on opposite ends of the spectrum but they're actually more similar than they realise. for sure a very slowburn romance (especially because i think bull would be denial about liking a fucking robot lmfao) max x janet is because they're both celebrity entertainers. yeah, that's it. no but seriously i see max as someone who puts up an outgoing persona in public and is generally a very hyper, high energy person but at the same time, she tends to keep people at a distance because she's scared of intimacy. before janet, her closest friends are surge and meg. surge kind of Knows something is up with her because every time he tried to ask about her past she clammed up and gave noncommittal responses. he worries about her but doesn't know what to do about it so he just tries to make her happy in the present. meg is a kid so she doesn't realise anything is wrong lol. hanging out with meg and surge makes max happy and she considers them family, but she still has a wall up around her true self. janet is the one who is finally able to help max come out of her shell and address her past trauma. it also helps that max thinks janet is very pretty and desperately wants to kiss her. this is canon btw don't question me.

first otp: tara x piper | current otp: fang x buster i basically said all i have to say about these ships so yeah. that's it.

#ave rambles #brawl stars #sometimes you just have to be a bit cringe

[miku-meeku]

Ooop you had a Voltage phase~~ Now you gotta spill the games you played👀👀

i thought these ones were kinda neat compared to the other games

also is it really playing if i dont even have money to buy the stories so i just kept reading the prologue over and over again

i mean, i did manage to read some free ones they gave out (and i think i read some stories on yt before)

anws, i won 300 coins for drawing this thing before and won 3rd place lawl (but now i lost the coins cuz voltage inc sux for making ur account get restricted if ur not active for a year smh)

kota is my favorite if its not obvious from my very very OLD POST from when my tumblr used to be a garbage can

my kidself is kringe (did you know kota is voiced by natsuki hanae kyaa)

also theres this game that i used to be obsessed with playing from voltage too (but they shut it down so that makes me...i hate voltage inc bro)

bro i just realised now they shut it down a few weeks after i got into dol, thats nice ig

anws enough of that sobbing from voltage inc being shit like usual, guess my favorite liar character

did you know mf has the same bday as kota

listen chat, i just think hes really neat-

JUST LOOK AT THIS OLD 2019 ART HAHAHAHAHAHA

MY SHIP NAME FOR HIM AND MIKU WAS MIZUSA HELPPP IM KRINGINGGGG

omg now i suddenly remembered, my last art of azu was from 2021 and it was this drawing w childe

if its really not obvious during my liar phase, i was pretty obsessed with azu, i love azu sm (i would scurry thru my old books for liar arts of me and azu kyaa but id rather not cuz it was kinda kringe and id rather not die of embarrassment)

.....maybe just a lil bit..... (bro this was from 2017 good lord)

ight i yap too much, i was gonna start yapping how i had ocs for every single voltage inc game i "played"

you only get these three cuz im gonna be here all day if i blabber about everyone

my forged wedding, seduced in the sleepless city, dreamy days in west tokyo

for some reason, i have a lot of aoi doodles tho

ft other voltage inc ocs who are the same age as her (17 year old mfs)

and here u get old uncover the truth mc (aka miku, literally me) from 2021

to her recent drip in 2023

its just adult miku basically

ight im done fr this time, i yap too much

#asks #very sane meeku behaviour #voltage inc #as much as i hate voltage inc... #...i do admit i was in them phases as a kid bro... #still am sadly #its nice to finally ramble abt voltage inc to someone tho since i had no one to ramble these things to cuz #no one plays voltage inc honestly dies

[voidandabyssal]

Mmkay im gonna talk a little on lusttale.

Now Im not gonna lie, I know very little about the original lusttale, only that there was a lot of controversy around it; supposedly because it glorified sexual assault and sexualised children? I don’t know how true that is tho, so take it with a grain of salt.

But it’s an interesting au anyways, so I’m gonna have my own take on it!

Chara and Asriels death was the start of a slow decline for Monsters. Everyone fell into a dark depression, hope was lost; and though eventually people moved on from their lost heirs, things changed.

Fertility rates dropped shockingly low. Children were becoming increasingly rare. Extinction was becoming a very real threat for Monster kind.

King Asgore ordered the royal scientist to find a fix for this issue.

The lust serum was created. Not that thats what they called it at first, thats just the popular nickname the inhabitants started to call it.

Toriel is one of the few monsters not to have taken the serum. Instead she, and a few dozen other adult Monsters decided to start residing in the ruins. There isn’t as much tension between herself and asgore. He was more then happy to let toriel live there if she pleased (its not like their marriage was thriving anyways).

Though he was saddened at the thought of never having another child like Asriel again.

When Monster children are born, they may spend a few months to a few years with their birth parents before being sent to the ruins

There, they are communally raised alongside all the other children by Toriel and her Keepers. Once they reach the age of majority, they’re given a choice.

Either take the serum, and thus be able to leave the ruins and enter into Monster society with all the freedoms of an adult,

Or stay in the ruins. They would join Toriels Keepers and would help raise the children of the underground. In this case they wouldnt take the serum. They’d be the caretakers of all the little children.

Monsters primarily focus on the lust aspect of a relationship nowadays. A wedding hasn’t happened in a very long time

Most relationships are either casual or very short lived. Some Monsters aren’t even sure love is something they can feel anymore,

How could they when lust is all they’ve known?

Passion (LT papyrus) is a pretty flamboyant guy. His dream is to work for the royal guard and he has a huge soft spot for anything (or anyone) cute looking.

Passions also a hopeless romantic, he’s daydreamed about his one true love since he was a babybones. Which frequently leads to him excitedly jumping into new relationships and then getting heart broken only weeks or months later when he realised they aren’t actually who he imagined they were and breaks up with them.

Him and Undyne have been besties since childhood, Dior jokes that they must’ve had the same mother with how close they are.

Passion worries for Dior, he’s his brother and he can see how depressed Dior gets. Passions not blind, he knows his brother well enough to see through that facade.

Dior (LT sans) is a hard working man. He works at Grillbys as a sex worker. Grillby allows him and his brother to eat and drink there for free so long as Dior keeps bringing in customers.

He’s worked there since he left the ruins. Him and Grillby are pretty close friends. Probably the only person aside from Passion he actually likes.

Diors a real fashionista, he loves designer clothes, shoes and perfumes. Nothing makes him more powerful then a good looking dress and powerful set of high heels.

Very pessimistic man under all those smiles though. He thinks Passion is naive. Love doesn’t exist! Thats something for fairytales and babybones!

he’s worked long enough to know that everyone is just looking for an easy way to relieve stress. ‘Love’ is just some fancy dressed up word for lust!

#lusttale #such a cool concept #arrrdddhhhhhhh #ignore me as i ponder on the worldbuilding aspect #undertale #undertale au #lust sans #lust papyrus #i should rant more #this was very fun!

[bonesandthebees]

ch 5 is so good in showing crimeboys' opinions of each other through how that changes in this chapter

wilbur judges tommy with the standards he and niki with q, the throne candidates, were held up too and its frustrating to him that tommy can act more childish and still be considered at the heir

and its not that wilbur doesnt know, that tommy is unaware of the reason of his stay in pandorinne, to me it seems like hes almost looking for a reason to be critical of tommy (not that tommy makes that hard) bc niki (and he) and even quackity have been working hard to be good candidates for the throne and now tommy gets to just join in

also tommy insulting wilbur and phil forcing wil to spend more time with him isnt helping that

what wilbur fails to realise, that while tommy is still royalty, the manners standards arent the only different thing about tommys upbringing

as could be seen at the market, but even before, with tubbo, jack and even puffy, tommy is much less detached from servants and other people in the kingdom, where the people in the castle, while not necessarily evil, are very secluded in the castle and detached from the common people, even tho many make important decisions about their lives

and we get to see tommy disprove this prejudice in wilbur

and wilbur also learns that tommy isnt completely stupid in terms of strategy

now what is more interesting to me is how tommy sees wilbur

taking it from the start, while tommy recognises that wilbur doesnt like him all too much, for tommy hes the first new person he talks with in a less formal setting, wilbur doesnt scold him for cursing and generally they managed to have a chill pretty casual conversation before wilbur got pissy about tommy insulting him

and even after that wilbur will slip into banter with tommy (I love their urge to keep insulting each other lol), tommy doesnt know wilbur is kinda being forced to hang out with him on all the occasions they do so he quickly becomes a familiar person

theres never any punishment for what he says to wilbur, apart from wilbur himself and even niki encourages his making fun of wilbur

also I dont think tommy really realises the status imbalance between them

they did have the talk about wilbur not official having any status, but tommy doesnt see himself as anything more than wilbur

so to tommy wilbur is a stuck up guy who acts like the adults in criticising basically everything tommy does, but also he will go and insult tommy back and he keeps spending time with him (unknowingly to tommy very unwillingly) so I dont think tommy actually hates wilbur, he just enjoys making fun of him and knows he can afford it

as someone who spends a lot of time with boys rose!tommys age (scouting, also its not like im that much older) i adore how accurately he acts

any touristic tips if I want to visit pandorinne?

I love the city so much, the canals system sounds super sick and I absolutely adore markets they just have such a cool atmosphere

yeah the thing is wilbur understands that it's not exactly tommy's fault he's acting the way he is, because he isn't even aware of the position he's in. but it's still frustrating to witness. it's frustrating to listen to sam and phil both consider tommy a viable heir when tommy isn't even trying to get their approval, unlike what quackity and niki have gone through their entire childhoods.

but yes what's more interesting is the difference in upbringing between the pandorinne trio (quackity niki wilbur) and tommy. although valbroek is a fairly wealthy city and tommy still lived a very lavish noble lifestyle, he had a lot more freedom there than he has in pandorinne. he was able to go out on his own and interact with the people of his city. he's seen their struggles firsthand. his people aren't just theoreticals to him, they all have faces. which contrasts with quackity, niki, and wilbur who were rarely allowed to leave the palace without armed escorts growing up. and along with that, while tommy goofs off, he's not completely stupid when it comes to strategy. he's just untrained.

meanwhile, yes, tommy can definitely recognize that wilbur doesn't like him all that much but he thinks it's more of a game than it actually is. he thinks that the bickering is something they both enjoy. while he obviously knows his relationship with wilbur is nothing like his relationship with tubbo, there's the familiarity of a friendship where the two of you just insult each other all the time and pretend you can't stand each other when you're actually close. and the fact that wilbur keeps playing into the bickering, and there's never any punishment for what he says to wilbur like you pointed out, only affirms this belief.

not only does tommy not see himself as better than wilbur, he actually looks up to wilbur. it's not obvious and he's not even that aware of it himself, but wilbur is the son of the Consil. he's older than tommy and seems to know so much about what's going on in the palace, but he's less intimidating than niki and quackity since they're the potential heirs. tommy would rather die than admit it, but yknow when you have a 12-13 year old who interacts with a 17-18 year old and they think the older teen is so cool? yeah, that's tommy with wilbur.

lol I'm glad tommy is an accurate 13 year old boy. I did no research for how to write 13 year old boys I'm just going off of how tommy acted in the early days of dsmp along with my own distant memories of being in middle school

I'm glad you like the city!! Hmm tourist tips for Pandorinne... well the Lavender Market is one of the best parts of the city, as Wilbur told Tommy in that chapter. Canals are mainly used for the transport of goods and supplies, but later in the evenings you might find a man with a small boat willing to give you a scenic ride, if you have the right coin of course. There's also a few temples dedicated to the different gods littered throughout the city, which are always worth visiting to get a blessing or two. And make sure to go down to the docks directly to get fish so fresh it's practically still blinking! Of course, you can't miss the cookshops. If you bring your own meat or fish, they'll cook it up for you for a fraction of the cost you'd pay if you didn't provide they ingredients. They can even bake it in some pastry dough for a savory pie if you request it! Wealthier nobles tend to avoid cookshops though, since there's not a lot of heavy regulation on food distribution in the city...

#ask #jiksvokrat #rose ch 5 #rose general

[youkaigakkou-tl]

Chapter 97 Extended Translation Notes

first off here's the spread without the text at the top. the stuff at the bottom, well..... see if i feel like it

this is mostly just unorganized thoughts nothing like my analysis posts

(future op after writing the whole post: this got kinda long lol)

ok now that im hidden in the readmore i can act insane. RAHHHHH AMAAKI ON THE COLOR PAGE RAHHHH WAHOOOOOO WOOHOOOOO BIG WIN FOR AME NATION ok got that out of my system im normal now

Rain or shine

In case you forgot, ame = rain, haru = sunny. I lose my mind every time this is relevant, like the ending of renren arc.

Whose mom is this

the other 3 are pretty obvious, but the 2nd one isn't immediately recognizable.

(also, 2 checks for "the couple's parents are meeting" for fujiogo and momo and gida)

just for fun, i process-of-eliminationed this

(cover page of chapter 57 my old friend)

everyone greyed out's parents statuses are confirmed, (other than akibe and koizumi, but given the physical features...)

though, i say i did this "just for fun", because i already kinda knew who's mom it was

(from this tweet)

it's mujina's mom. she's beside tamao's mom, the appearance matches, it makes sense.

Haha Sano what the fuck does this mean

the japanese says he "分からん" (wakaran), meaning "i dunno", and the chinese translation outright says "i don't have parents" which SEEMS to be what the jp is implying anyway

sano get back here you're not dunnoing your way out of this one

Also renren realised they don't share a surname. ebisu explain that you're not :>ing your way out of this one either

Shrines, huh

the plate over the torii just says "abe shrine" back in chapter 9, but given my google street view sleuthing and like, story details, even if its not the big fancy one in kyoto it is still an abe no seimei shrine. so on some level, haruaki, you're the god! what a coincidence, the "gods" are exactly as shocked as you are!

Tale of the bamboo cutter

This page was a damn nightmare to translate. (Mame's mistakes, not the actual story in grey. it's a well known classic that's been translated, no need to reinvent the wheel)

I tried to get the "hamuhane" part exactly like the jp, but mame's mistake on the 3 "sun" big child in the first 2 panels is a little different

He interprets "なる人" (naruhito) as "成人" (also naruhito); "hito" means person, the first "naru" means grow (like a plant) or contain (i think), the second one means "adult person".

I suppose I could have also went for "grown" person vs "grown person", but in any case, haruaki's explanation for what a "sun" is on the bottom 2 panels is almost exact, and i thought the "soon" comparison was a good way to get across that's how "sun" is pronounced

(also here's my "hamuhane" tl note)

anyway. nightmare page. looking forward to how the official tl does it when it comes out in (checks watch) like 2 years?

Ame and Ebisu interaction real

dunno if it gets across, but I think he has a height complex...

pretty weird thing to say, huh, Ebisu? to someone you just met? how do you know that anyway?

the only times Ame appeared has been ch8 when the gang went to Haru's house, ch23 when he pretended to be Haru (the rest of the class should be none the wiser) ch39 in the hospital (none of the class was there to see)

and then Ebisu gets introduced in ch 53, after that he hears firsthand that Haru has a twin in ch58, and then Ame is there in renren arc and outright says he's scared of youkai in ch76

Notice how Ebisu wasn't present for any of Ame's appearances prior. he wasn't involved in renren arc, and the person i think is his spy was turned to stone on the ground floor while the reveal on the roof happened.

of course, this could just be a combination of him projecting on Ame, and seeing him visibly scared of youkai a few pages prior. but "hate" is a fairly specific and strong word to use, and i also think he's too smart to not know Ame hates youkai, just a matter of where he got the info from.

The person I think is his spy

after doing some thinking (furigana reads: seeing this post), I think there's someone who's fairly likely to be the spy.

observe, the chart for "people who we've seen the parents of" and "people ranmaru might have seen in ch62"

we've narrowed it down to one man. (ok well there's a few in common here, but satsuki doesnt get screentime ever and ogata twins are too obvious for how much emphasis the ranmaru scene was given)

the kudan, Kurahashi.

but wait, you say, we know he's a youkai. he's got horns. we've seen him use his abilities.

but consider everything else. how often he interacts with Ebisu. how often he sticks his neck out for Ebisu

(i also have a lot of Thoughts abt the part timing incident, specifically his prediction

in his first appearance, he mentioned he couldn't see Haru's future well (because of his exorcism power, which, mind you, still don't know how that works exactly)

wouldn't be a stretch to think that his prediction wouldn't/can't take a god's interference into account. the thug was going to say "the customer is god" either way, but there's also the possibility that the moment kurahashi stepped in, his prediction of "toubyou get punched" couldn't play out exactly so the totally different thing of Ebisu stepping in happened. anyway)

it's not like any individual event incriminates him, rather how frequently it happens. in fact, kurahashi has been involved almost every time Ebisu appears. (put it another way, Ebisu's only major appearances where Kurahashi wasn't involved in some way was this chapter, and the youkai train)

adding on to that, we don't have any info on what his personal life is like, odd considering the amount of screentime he gets. (all of this is relevant to this chapter bc this would have been the perfect opportunity to show his parents, IF HE HAS ANY) the only things we know about his personal life is he's in the basketball club??? and that he was "raised to help people in trouble" whatever "raised" or "help" or "trouble" means

and now, the final nail in the coffin: this alternate cover that came with the 2021 december gfantasy issue

(oh yeah its also my blog header)

none of the official images of it included the flap with ranmaru, and previously i was willing to believe it's just a coincidence for 4 characters related to gods and kurahashi to be on the back cover together, but now that i've seen the whole thing, i feel like ranmaru being there seals the deal that it's intentional

count em, 5 whole characters, basically every major character that is/was a god, and one kurahashi yuuta, who we know nothing about despite his frequent appearances? kinda sus

and now, to return to the first question, isn't he a youkai? horns and youkai powers and all?

and to that i say: he could be another creature. we've just seen an example of this, suzaku, divine fire bird, becoming a tengu, which is also a bird

looking up kudan, it has been theorized that it's based off another mythical creature: the Bai Ze (or Hakutaku), a divine cow-like beast from china, who shares many characteristics with the kudan, only difference being it's associated with good luck instead of misfortune

ok this is kind of a nonsense theory but can you imagine. at the very least, theres a lot of very sus things about kurahashi specifically regarding ebisu. on the off chance he is a bai ze, it would make this image very funny

beniko the zashiki warashi, an auspicious youkai; sano the god of pestilence, but as a person brings haruaki good luck; and then kurahashi, whats his deal man?

thats all i have to say! lemme paste this into google docs for a word count-

oh. oh no. what the fuck how did this happen wasnt this a tl note

anyway hope u enjoyed this tl-note-turned-ebisu-kurahashi-analysis post! there's still way more i could analyse of ebisu and i'll probably do that someday. i could pick apart every word he says and still not know what his deal is

#rambles #youkai gakkou no sensei hajimemashita #a terrified teacher at ghoul school #yohaji #mysteries of the universe: how did i get this much tl note out of this one lighthearted chapter

[33max]

I would love to hear all the zillion little Max headcanons

🤗🤗

Yeah? 🥺 idk why it’s so much easier for me to post little headcanons publicly than it is to talk to my friends about them, I guess its cause it’s like… people can just avoid them if they’re boring rather than feel forced to talk to me idk idk idk

Anyway here’s some Maxy headcanons…

- When he’s little he is a chronic oversharer, like he tells Daniel the funniest things! “Oops I sneezed and farted” and “my butt is itchy” and “daddy my boxers are uncomfy” - but Daniel likes it because it means Maxy is happy to tell him anything ♥️

- In Daniel’s LA house Maxy has a playroom! It’s safari themed, there’s a huge rug on the floor with lots of different animals on and also many bean bags!

- Max’s sensory issues are worse when he’s little, he hides them very well as an adult, and it’s something Daniel didn’t even realise until they started this dynamic. Daniel does a lot of research and buys Max weighted plushies and noise cancelling headphones.

- Maxy once accidentally poked Michael in the eye, and he felt so bad about it that he cried into Michael’s shoulder for half an hour and then brought every single plushie he owns out to give Michael a kissy.

- One time Maxy ordered a pizza from Daniel’s phone, pretended it was an accident for all of about 2 seconds, and then WAILED AND SAID “NO IM SORRY I DID IT I DID IT I WANTED PIZZA” and Daniel has to try not to laugh while telling Maxy he’s such a good boy for telling the truth, and Daddy isn’t mad.

- He mixes up his English/Dutch/German sometimes and it leaves Daniel very confused.

- He’s an absolute feral Maxy sometimes, it’s basically the Maxy version of the zoomies, and Daniel knows with 100% certainty that Maxy will probably try to tackle him into a cuddle at some point.

- He doesn’t like minty toothpaste, Daniel has to buy a special one for when Maxy is little!

I have more but for now… here you go! ♥️♥️♥️

#answered #anonymous #turkey dinosaurs au

[renegadeshroom]

i am once again procrastinating my bedtime but i just realised that i never had my final thoughts on the whispering skull! i finished it like a week ago or something. assorted ramblings under the cut

george faking his death by looking into the mirror at the end there got me REAL good. poor eyesight W lmaooo. i am so so so glad lucy made the only smart move possible -- im giving her this position over winkman bc though he was smartER about it than most everyone else it was just base profiteering on his part, which simply endangered someone else further down the line -- in relation to the mirror and smashed its shit in. megacursed mirror deliberately made out of seven ghosts that kills anyone who looks into it for too long and makes everyone who doesnt look into it long enough to die obsess over getting another better look into it is, shockingly, bad news! im still wary of deprac and dont entirely trust them and tbh barnes lucy probably saved your ass from getting mirrored to death by smashing that shoddy piece of shit thing into pieces. so like, thank her. idk, get her a cake or something. i am of course also suitably wowed by how um. literally explosive things got at winkman's auction. did not expect them to blow the whole thing up. and i am glad they were fiiiinally able to work together with kipps' team to mutually save their own asses. it had to happen eventually ofc, but we know the threshold now. amused that lucy got out of this whole ordeal without further meaningfully interacting with another girl whatsoever though things of interest to me:

afaik we did not learn the name of the whispering skull, despite learning the names of like everyone else in bickerstaff's little death cult. i wondered very briefly if maybe the deceased's relationship to ghosts in life is a factor in how their own ghost manifests, vis a vis the type system. even with the skull being the only type three so far, i think bickerstaff decidedly put that idea to bed however. im also beginning to think that particularly old ghosts are more powerful, generally speaking, but thats probably just a survivorship bias?

the skull was marginally helpful to lucy when the chips were down?? genuinely did not expect that, but i suppose it has a more powerful interest in exploiting lucy's ability to commune with it than it does a desire to see her and her friends get their shit kicked in. im sure the skull would greatly enjoy watching all of them kick the bucket in a variety of gruesome and horrible ways, but it has a very material interest here, and it seems remarkably easy to manipulate with the simple threat of being buried somewhere and forgotten forever. much to think about! it makes me wonder if lucy is the first person to be able to hear it... i would suspect, given marissa fittes reporting the existence of type threes, and the fact that george stole the skull from the fittes agency, it may have been one of the type threes encountered by her

thinking on it now, the skull is not, afaict, mentioned to be smaller than an adult human's skull. so despite the skull serving as bickerstaff's psychic protege in life, it seems to not have met its end at the same time or circumstances as bickerstaff. then again, maybe he just started out as bickerstaff's psychic lackey, but proved to be useful enough to hang around for longer than his psychic ability was potent

this really just turned into a list of musings about the skull huh. whoops

#fungus ramblings #shroom reads lockwood & co #lucy is so talented at avoiding other girls. sidestepping them like a pro #really though i do hope we see more of flo bones in future books #requested book 3 from my library yesterday and its in transit fingers crossed it gets here before the end of the week #gnight im off to read murderbot 4 in bed

[yuukei-yikes]

hibiya and takane at the end of the novels let me talk for a second😐😐😐😐😐😭😭😭😭ok erm novel spoilers duh

takane and hibiya werent at the lab with clearing and the rest bc they couldn't rly help (takane is doing shit as ene but if they took her body itd just be something the dan has to carry and as for hibiya in my sick twisted mind hibiyas thing is not ONLY cuz he cant help bc his powers take too much energy but its also bc the dan is trying to act like responsible older siblings and deciding hibiyas too young to be put in danger...sobsob. like it means a lot that hes the only one to survive aside from seto and mary. it's also funny how seto and mary are having an ugly crying party and hibiyas there like 😐) its a good team cuz ene can report back to the dan everything hibiya is seeing with his powers and hibiya can report to takane too *goes insane* its such a funny duo takane tasked as the worlds awfulest babysitter. you know in cartoons when the babysitter just ignores the kids and talks on the phone. hibiya and takane being teamed up together is literally that. except she goes inside the phone and all their friends are dying but thats a detail.

(also it hurts so much too bc of the whole haruka&konoha thing. the 2 characters most closely related to haruka and konoha being stuck together *my descend into madness is complete*)

i think their chapter together was interesting it made me poke my eyes out bc hibiya has to tell takane shintaro is dead and he's like OUGH...I DONT WANNA BE THE ONE TO TELL HER HER BEST FRIEND IS DEAD.. and then takane has a "weird" reaction, like basically doesnt break into tears or anything. and i know its because she had apparently discussed the possibility with shintaro previously (id kill to have read that convo. normal shintaka convo post reveal *shakes fist*) but the way she kind of tries to comfort hibiya in her own weird way and the whole thing being hibiyas pov its so clear she's trying to keep it together in front of him bc he's just a kid. and not only that but she says he reminds her of SHINTARO so she's like. ough ofc she acts like that. just by how she was as ene to shintaro she is being to hibiya rn to make him feel better. she knows she will die when she says goodbye to him after that as ene. IM GONNA PUKE

(she's... like so mature in her own stupid way. it rly hurts when in the following chapter when she's like on her way to die/just died she thinks abt how helpless she was and how she couldnt do anything even though she had just comforted hibiya and sacrificed herself for seto and marys sake. *bangs head against wall* TAKANEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!)

anyways i had all those thoughts bc i was like so since in novel route takane dies as ene... is her physical body also swallowed by the daze?? or is it just her soul, and when she's in the daze later its a haruka situation and both of them only have their consciousness kinda walking around as opposed to everyone else who is there with physical bodies? if that happened then hibiya would just be left on the roof of a random building with a corpse.

either way F for hibiya bc its either he's alone with a corpse or he gets jumpscared by another dimension opening and eating up the body. i do think her body gets swallowed tho and she just looks like ene in the daze cuz thats what she looks like in her mind (she's only been back in her physical body for like a day before this so lol)

either way. hc time but like. i just imagine hibiya realising takane isnt Really sleeping anymore and she Really wont wake up and Wow she doesnt have a pulse and even if he doesn't know her well, he is a kid and she is the adult that was keeping him company. so he kind of loses his mind. i feel so bad for him, what happened to him after takane leaves him??? bc we dont see him again til the end.

like even if he was technically already alone on the roof cuz takane was away as ene anyway, he knew she'd come back. but now shes NOT WAKING UP. he's looking at all this happen, all the people he's met in the last 2 days are dying one by one, the hope to find hiyori seems more and more ridiculous as the hours go on, konoha has been taken over by something Bad and is doing Bad things to people, he doesnt know if momo will be safe, its the middle of the night and he's in a city he doesnt know and the person, the adult, THE FRIEND supposed to be with him is NOT WAKING UP!!! i just imagine this little guy sobbing on takanes body begging her to wake up because he doesnt know how to get back to the hideout from here!! he doesnt know where he is!!! hey!! wakeup!! dont leave me by myself what am i supposed to do!!! and screaming when the daze swallows the body and hes just left alone for real. lol. anyways hows everyone doing

#kagevinnie #hibiya...you little guy... u go thru so much. #erm. im so normal #headcanons #should i put in main tags like girl i wasnt...planning on writing such a long post honestly #kagenalysis #hibiya amamiya #takane enomoto

[quodekash]

I was texting @judebilation while rewatching the eclipse a little while ago, and decided that aye’s mum’s story isn’t sad enough, so let’s make up some lore and backstory for the sake of angst and tears

the fear in her eyes and voice when she says this. cos it’s not just dika. the father of her child left her, her brother died, and I decided she lost a lot of her friends as well

SO what if:

aye's parents were high school sweethearts, completely unaware of how very toxic they were for each other, because they were their first relationship and they had no idea how it was supposed to go. i reckon they were also both super popular and everyone around them was either waiting for their relationship to fall, "because thats how it always goes", or thought they would be together forever and ever. and then badabing badaboom they stayed together, they had a child (im willing to bet they were very young when they had a child, or perhaps theyd been together for AGES, finally started realising they were doomed, and decided to have a child to try and repair the relationship. idk how old she is so it could be either, but whichever one it is, it’s still not great)

and then he was a terrible person, and it took her so long to realise that, and i reckon she was clinging to the relationship because its all she had and its all she knew. i cant quite remember what aye says about his dad the like one time he mentions him, but i think he left aye at a young age, probably before he can even remember. i wouldnt be surprised if he left while she was still pregnant.

also, for the sake of angst (and i know how terrible miscarriages are, and my love and support goes towards anyone who has ever experienced one, but i need to pull at my heartstrings until i cant feel anymore), i feel like they had infertility issues and she probably had a miscarriage at one point

anyway, because high school sweethearts, all of her friends are also his friends, and they probably managed to stay in contact with them after school, but then he did the terrible things that he did (maybe, to kill my soul even more, he slept with her best friend)

and because hes terrible hes probably manipulative (the two often go hand in hand). so naturally he got the best friend on his side, but then he probably twisted the story for the other friends to make it seem like aye’s mum was in the wrong and he did only good things

and then all her friends left her, and he was also probably super controlling, so he probably didnt let her branch out and make new friends, so she only had the people from high school, and now she has literally no one except for aye (because making new connections as an adult is so freaking difficult)

oh and her mum or dad or smth probably died when she was fairly young

and her good for nothing boyfriend did nothing to comfort her and probably just told her to get over it, becuase "my great uncle's shoemaker's friend's cousin is dead and i feel fine"

anyway. i hope that killed you. I hate myself and im gonna go cry myself to sleep now ✌️

#the eclipse #aye #aye ayan #ayan sukkhaphisit #aye’s mother the eclipse #the eclipse series #the eclipse the series #akkayan #firstkhao #firstkhaotung #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan

[rin-and-jade]

Hey, I've been questioning whether I'm a system or not recently. I just wonder if you have any insight of how you discovered you were plural and how hard it was to deal with the realisation/coming to terms with it.

If this has already been discussed im so sorry for wasting your time

It has never been discussed so don’t worry it isn’t going to waste my time, it will be in a form of a story you can learn from, so why not indulge in a simplified story (in parts) of how we discovered and come to terms about it ourselves shall we;

Part one, the backstory

As a kid, we had numerous amounts of stressful events that shouldn’t happen to a child, it started since kindergarten as i recalled and even that was already hectic, there used to be fights among adults and that scared the hell out of us. Middle school was fine until kids started bugging us with those milder forms of bullying and whatnot, they actively felt like excluding us as well as taking advantage so that isn’t nice, we bared with it along side the horrors of home that teachers and counselors didn’t know as we grow up. Our mom is one monster, i believe if it wasn’t for her we wouldn’t have been plural. She had daily bickering and punishments just for us free of cost, lovely. Now couple this with the depleted mental health, school and house had taken a toll on us which nearly made teachers think we gotta drop out for good. This is where the funny things happen..

Part two, the discovery

Due to the impending doom of staying a year back at the same grade we took on extra teaching lessons on evening after school is over, we have made an online friend in this time. Now the thing is, we would have different states telling how they feel unconsciously to our friend here, and thats funny,, singlets don’t do that. Until one day we started getting threats from our own head and thought to ourselves “this isn’t right.. it feels way too alive and real” and thankfully we’re correct, for the better and the worse, it also knew it was alive only to instantly threaten this same friend to f off. It want us to be miserable, to fail, to suffer in general means. This is more than just a negative inside voice..

Part three, the aftermath

We instantly googled with whatever coherent sense for this situation and found DID, it aligns with most of our troubles such as unnecessary memory gaps, out of body feelings, internal dialogues, which what we thought was normal. We thought we’re the same person but the truth is we are all trying to be a person we remembered as, that we are not. It feels like everyone was panicking, having immense denial, but the truth cannot be avoided so we slowly worked on accepting the truth for 4 months before actually fostering cooperation. Boy, we used to fight lots because of it, so authority in-system is also created, in this time there are many hidden parts that made their appearance known, the dormant back alive again. It has been atleast 3 years from where we officially self diagnosed as a system now, everything has been going well and persecutors repented to heal their wrong deeds.

This may serve as an answer because its actually hard to do it in a different form, i really hope you had taken the highlights (are bolded for clarity) to use it in figuring out if you truly are a system!

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did system #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #plural #system stuff #sysblr #janswersask

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

vi !! i just wanted to come say hi :D i followed loaft from near the start, around 2018-2019 and fell out of the general sanders sides fandom in the past couple years, but i just wanted to come back and let you know that loaft is one of the most genuinely meaningful fanfictions ive ever read

i was talking to my friends the other day about good fanfictions and just started fully infodumping about how this series is my favourite fanfiction ever, and it just brought back so many good memories i needed to reread it immediately

your writing has just influenced me so much, i started reading when i was about 14 and now im like. an actual legal adult (scary) and its still my go to fic, even since switching fandoms ive never read anything that meant as much to me as loaft

i just wanted you to know how much of an impact you had, even if its just to one pots-ridden autistic trans kid who found themselves through loaft logan

ok ill stop being sappy in ur askbox now, i wish you the best !!! (ive also just realised ive been writing loaft instead of laoft, some things will never change and thats my constant inability to get the acronym right :') )

nonnie you are SO valid and thank you SO much

#ask #Anonymous

[astranite]

vent post because I am a mess and i've just got to stick it all somewhere. I don't even know what or why I'm putting it here. Just there is way too much inside my head.

(trying to stick all of my intensely personal bullshit under a cut)

Just a whole pile of stuff. (this isnt even the half of it). A whole bunch of things I thought i was okay about but maybe I'm really not. And that maybe my whole scale of okayness is kinda fucked up. And i seem to randomly swing from telling myself this is fine to no wait its all pretty fucked up. Basically that meme of the dog in the on fire house going this is fine. Welcome to everything is on fire but we're not freaking out about it because we're past that point. But sometimes it feels honestly okay and then something else hits.

Nothing in my life is even that bad. I'm getting my shit together. Its probably better than it has been in a while (or maybe its not, i dont know). I'm making positive progress towards the future. I drafted a job application. I'm trying to unfuck my tertiary studies. I literally keep telling myself I'm an adult, even though I feel like a fuck up kid still.

I just want to move the hell out. So I'm making steps towards it. Not because its bad, bad. More conflicting access needs I guess. And I feel trapped here and on guard and responsible for everything. Or Im just a problem or have problems because clearly everyone else is fine but that's probably not a great way to think.

Not sure what I'm feeling right now. Actually mostly just numb and vaguely ill. Yay for crushing down all your emotions until you can't feel them any more. Because, yeah, I can't be upset about things. It scares and worries people and I'm already way too intense.

And when I do it, i seem calm and fine to people, and hey neither crying nor panicking has be a good thing. Except I'm blank when I know I'm upset or would be, and its not fine. Honestly probably a bit messed up. Huh.

(I know its not good for me. I am so very aware of this) (i know hiding stuff is literally one of my biggest 'things are getting bad' red flags)

I'd probably be way more okay if I was crying and yelling and getting mad about stuff. Instead of just quietly, calmly imploding. Or walking around and smiling and acting normal. (its only sometimes, not all the time. And just happens to be right now)

Also past shit keeps metaphorically walking up to me, and maybe I didn't process it great. because its evidently still bothering me even though its years ago.

(Yes, realising some of this stuff was a That moment when you're writing and you realise that wow character has a whole bunch of issues. Then that was at least 50-70% me.)

I do keep picking myself up from the floor over and over because I'm too stubborn not to.

Also: I'm so sick of being misgendered by family. Like they do support me and are trying with different pronouns. But getting it right barely any of the time. And if I call them out on it to correct them, then they get upset. So I just have to put up with it silently, and yeah, she's trying, so I feel like I can't be upset about it but it still hurts, and maybe its not good enough. And I don't even know whether I could change my name, at least not without upsetting peopl, I've been told "please don't change you name, I like your name" but I don't even know if it feels like me. It's like people are supportive, but being nonbinary or trans or anything isn't actually a valid option. They/them isn't that hard if you practice it and even if it is it's still very much important to me. And none of them think of me as such which is maybe the problem. Except my friends, who actually do get it right which is nice.

I guess I'm struggling. And also all my friends and family have way too much of their own stuff going on.

So stupid vent post yelling into the void, it is then. Maybe I'm just being dramatic about it all.

I'd say I'm okay and don't worry (if anyone's even fucking reading this) but that would probably be more concerning. But I'll survive this like I survived every other fucking thing the universe has thrown at me.

(and I will and have asked for help, so stuff is at least sort of getting sorted, because this is not my first mental health rodeo.)

#AstraStuff #I dont know what the fuck this all is at this point #just that writing this is probably better than just rotating in around in my head #like a particularly messed up microwave #there is very much a temptation to delete this but instead here i am throwing it to the void

[petewentzisblack1312]

hi i wanted to ask something but also share something personal as well. my q is: do you feel like your relationship w social media has changed? meaning, do you catch / notice when you are on it for too long and you start to notice, and then you say: okay let's take a break. for me, i have been online for a long time ever since i was a kid, and now my relationship to it is i only limit myself an hour to being on my phone. as an adult now i am no longer social media "obsessed". like, when i am in school i am not thinking about online, i am present when im at school. i feel like i am really close to just deleting sm tbh. it does not grant me happiness like it used to. now as an adult i feel this need to live my life freely.

i also wanted to ask what are ur thoughts on content influencers? to me when i see these ppl i think...i could never post about everything about my life, but then again understanding that it is just a highlight reel. no one is posting every sad / frustrating thing that happens in their life as influencer, only the "great" parts.

this is an interesting question! i think ive never really had a relationship to social media where i feel like i need to post constantly or felt pressured to share everything. while im definitely the most online out of my household, compared to a lot of other people im not really very present online. i dont like using twitter, i only really use instagram to look at and post art and occasionally post a picture of my cat or nature or food on my main account, i dont really get up to much and i never use facebook unless i have to. i hate it. even here on tumblr i dont post a lot about my personal life unprompted, and this is the social media site i use the most by far. i do scroll tumblr a lot, i do watch a lot of youtube videos (though almost exclusively video essays on politics and recently also artist vlogs) and i do notice myself scrolling a bit too much, particularly when im overstimulated but instead of doing something less stimulating im anxious and looking for a distraction so i like. scroll harder. but ive never been like doing something else and thought 'man, i wish i was scrolling right now'. i dont really know. i do have trouble putting my phone down, like when i need to sleep, but i have trouble putting ANYTHING down. games, books, art or writing or projects im working on, music im listening to, i dont think tumblr is special, its just another activity for me to be distracted by.

all that being said, i did leave social media for a while. i had a really bad experience in a fandom on tumblr (not the pwams incident. that led me to step away from bandom and move to another fandom) and honestly it made me realise that the problem i had with social media wasnt that i was using it too much, but that i had a toxic relationship with the communities i was interacting with on there. the nature of my relationship to social media was unhealthy, not the fact that i had one that was a large part of my life. i think when i wasnt using any social media i actually wasnt in a great place either, because i was isolated from people id cared about, especially since i had just undergone a very traumatic incident, and because of that became very isolated from my in person friends as well, even before the pandemic pushed me away from even the acquaintances i had made. i was worried about coming back to tumblr, but i think ive grown and learned in such a way that i know how i like to comport myself in cyberspaces, and that its been good for me in a way. which is weird, but. i think id kind of have to go in depth about my life and how the pandemic affected me and the specific nature of coming of age in st lucia and stuff. which i dont want to do haha.

as for influencers. i hate the concept. i understand it, and i dont universally hate influencers as a whole, but like. theres this specific kind of content creator where the thing they are sharing is just their life and there isnt like a specific thing theyre logging, like an artist sharing their creative process and how they manage their life around that, or a chef sharing recipes, and its not like theyre doing it just to do it, they have the goal of growing a following, and theyre not advertising anything but themself, like JUST themself, as a person-brand, and i find that so deeply annoying and repulsive. and like thats strong wording its a dog eat dog world and the girlies of all genders need to secure the bag like i get it. i get it. but its revolting to me. like. the vlogbrothers werent trying to get famous they were using youtube to communicate with each other and as an open video diary and people found them to be interesting personalities to watch. right. do you get it. annoyingly i gotta put myself out there if i want people to find my art and pins and stuff so i have to fuckin. make videos. sell people on me. the idea of making vlogs makes me dry heave bc im not important i dont want to have to sell myself like im important i dont want to put my face on a camera and implicitly say with every quirky performed statement i make 'i matter, pay attention to me, i need to exist so look at me' but unfortunately i might have to. a video essay i could do. thats me saying something. but a vlog? with the goal of people finding my stuff? good god. it sounds like poison.

#dils declares #my tripod is broken so im using that as an excuse to not vlog. #i can do shortform video. thats dispassionate. #thats 60 seconds of selling myself or more likely my stuff in a highly edited way #there is no veneer of authenticity. no kayfabe. #i can do that. #but a whole fucking vlog? nauseating.