#oh this is also trans!SJ

[touchmycoat]

Qijiuyuan handmaiden au? 👀👀👀 Is there anything from the au you'd be willing to share? Bc that concept sounds Amazing!

oh boy. It's YQY as Count Fujiwara, SJ as Hideko, and SY as Sook-hee. I long to make it historically accurate and relevant to the Japanese colonial occupation of Taiwan.

But thank you so very much for prompting me to dig up my forgotten draft:

Yue Qingyuan kissed him once, against the rough buildings of the Old City. The names and ingredients of construction materials weren’t within the category of things that Shen Yuan knew, but what he did know was the scrape of sharp brick through that hole against the spine of his shirt. That kiss made his back bleed—and he didn’t even know until the next morning.

But that was years ago. Shen Yuan didn’t make a point of counting Yue Qingyuan’s visits either, so that kiss existed like a hazy liquor dream. Not in manifestation, but in its displacement in time. It was simultaneously years ago and just yesterday evening.

So Shen Yuan was taking care to not stare at Yue Qingyuan’s lips when the man was talking. He stared down at the baby in his arms instead, burping the sniffling thing.

“—Lord Yue, seventh son of a royal political family with genuine Japanese blood—”

Qi-jie sourced most of the infants they took in, but this one in his arms had been Shen Yuan’s own find. The mother had been in terrible pain and on the brink of death, but Shen Yuan liked to think he’d given that woman some peace in her last moments. She’d handed the baby over willingly enough with that achingly solemn nod that Shen Yuan had done his best to return.

“—uncle to marry her himself.”

“Disgusting bastard.”

“The Lord arrives just in time to seduce the Lady Qiu, we elope, put her in an asylum, and you all get ten percent of her inheritance.”

A classic Qi Qingqi brow rose.

“Seems kind of harsh for you, Shixiong.”

Yue Qingyuan’s eyes went bleak and flinty.

“You all know there’s someone I’m looking for. This will give me the means.”

“Besides,” Qi Qingqi agreed, always the first to question but also first to reaffirm her allegiance, “who’s to say she won’t like living in the asylum better?”

A-Luo, Shen Yuan thought, eyes going warm as the baby suckled the tip of his finger into his little mouth. His baby was so well-behaved that Shen Yuan had not needed to dip it in rice wine beforehand. Mu Qingfang, who sometimes cringed after idly scratching his upper lip, was less lucky, and had made multiple sad proclamations that if they didn’t get out of this line of business soon, he’d never stop smelling like a fermentation pot.

“Whoever takes the risk with me gets twenty percent plus whatever jewelry we secret out.”

“Is,” Mu Qingfang said, incredulous, “the job so difficult as to warrant that level of compensation?”

“To my knowledge, the Lady—” An opaque pause. “—is not so easy going.”

“So no matter how easy Yue-shixiong is to fall in love with…”

Yue Qingyuan offered Qi Qingqi’s smirk a noncommittal smile, and Mu Qingfang ducked his head to hide a grin.

“So how about it, A-Yuan?”

Shen Yuan gave A-Luo a sweet, lingering kiss on the forehead before handing the baby to Liu Qingge, who was, as always, scowling beside him. A-Luo immediately began to fuss.

“Shen Yuan,” Liu Qingge snapped. Shen Yuan thumbed a streak of coal from his cheek. “I can’t go with you. It’s an unnecessary risk.”

“It’s expedient.” With a side glance at Yue Qingyuan’s steady, yet vaguely ashamed gaze, he added, “But I’ll take twenty-five percent once we’re done. And a passport.”

“A-Yuan has big travel plans for after?” Yue Qingyuan asked, eyes rainbowing.

“Liu-shidi promised to take me away,” Shen Yuan teased. The coal from the steamship had gotten even Liu Qingge’s ears black, but Shen Yuan knew from his dear friend’s expression that the ear tips had gone red underneath.

Gritting his teeth, Liu Qingge hoisted A-Luo more firmly in his arm. A-Luo’s sniffling turned into a reedy, heart-wrenching cry.

“I’ll take care of your baby,” Liu Qingge vowed.

“Which makes him our baby now.” Shen Yuan reached up to untangle the cloth strap binding his hair. He strolled across the room past his martial siblings’ furrowed brows until he stood in front of Yue Qingyuan.

“So this is to be my debut grift.” His smile was quiet but genuine. “Do I get a crowning ceremony?”

“Of course,” Yue Qingyuan replied faintly, hands settling on Shen Yuan’s shoulders to turn him around. With his back to Yue Qingyuan, Shen Yuan felt large hands brush out the curls his hair before twisting it up into a high bun.

Yue Qingyuan leaned forward to take the dark green crown Mu Qingfang fetched and now offered—the one their Master left to Shen Yuan before her execution. His jawline felt sharp as it skidded past Shen Yuan’s cheek, and his breath on Shen Yuan’s neck felt like a secret.

“You get a new character too,” Qi Qingqi reminded. “You want to do the honors, Shixiong?”

Yue Qingyuan’s lips parted, but no words came out. His attention was fixed like a knifepoint to Shen Yuan’s back.

“Yue-shixiong?”

Something had gone bad, but whatever it was, there was too much sun outside and too much future on the horizon for Shen Yuan to get dirty with it right now. He could figure it out later; Yue Qingyuan would tell him if he needed to know.

So Shen Yuan turned around, his hair up and spine newly bared.

“How about autumn?” he asked Yue Qingyuan, who was always so inscrutable in his grief. Shen Yuan figured he must be missing their Master something fierce. “To commemorate the event.”

“Qingqiu,” left Yue Qingyuan’s lips, and across the room, A-Luo babbled an agreement. Shen Yuan—now Shen Qingqiu—didn’t smile, but he did close his eyes to let that name sink in.

Shen, his family name, a symbol of those who’d birthed and lost him.

Qing, his Master’s name, a proclamation of teachings learned from these poor-rotted streets.

Qiu, his new master’s name, and the object of his first (and hopefully last) con.

Somewhere in that name he was presumed to exist.

//

On Shen Yuan’s very first night in the Qiu Manor, Lady Qiu woke up screaming. Shen Yuan came stumbling out of his closet-bed and threw himself across the hall into his Lady’s bedroom, ready to step between her and any sword-wielding assailant.

He found Lady Qiu thrashing in bed, caught in the throes of a nightmare and her expensive silken sheets. After a moment, Shen Yuan threw himself in the way of danger—he caught Lady Qiu’s wrist before she slammed it into the headboard and pinned the Lady once to the bed with a firm shake.

“Lady Qiu! Please wake up, you’re having a nightmare!”

“Xiao Jiu!” Lady Qiu screamed, face screwed up like a wailing baby’s. Her skin was red and splotchy where Shen Yuan could see under the moonlight. “Help me, Xiao Jiu!”

The weight of Shen Yuan’s thumb on Lady’s Qiu’s delicate wrist turned sympathetic.

“I’m not Xiao Jiu, I’m Qingqiu. I’m going to be your servant starting from today. I’m Qingqiu.”

Lady Qiu’s eyes shot open, glistening like congealed blood in the dark.

“You’re not Xiao Jiu?”

“I’m not.” Seeing that Lady Qiu was settling down, Shen Yuan quickly let go and pulled back to stand up straight. “But where would Xiao Jiu be? Can I go get him for my Lady?”

On the bed, Lady Qiu was silent for a while. Though Shen Yuan couldn’t see her face, her legs were akimbo above the sheets, and her knees looked as delicate as eggshells. Shen Yuan longed to bundle her back up and tuck her safely away.

“No,” came the Lady’s voice, suddenly cold with grief. “You can’t. There is no Xiao Jiu, Xiao Jiu is dead. You. Get a light on.”

Shen Yuan struck a match and lit the gas lamp on the bedside table. The bottom half of Lady Qiu’s face was hidden under her comforter, and her lashes fluttered once in Shen Yuan’s direction.

“You’re…” she murmured, those eggshell knees of hers kicking again. Her nightgown, Shen Yuan noted, had slipped up to her thighs, and only a corner of the comforter was pulled over her stomach, leaving her chest heaving under one thin layer of satin.

“Everybody’s dead,” Lady Qiu told him. The firelight scorched such vivid shadows across her pupils as black as cooling lava. “I’m so alone. Qingqiu, are you here to comfort me?”

Why a male servant? Qi Qingqi had asked while they were going over the details to the job, shapely brows scrunched up in a piercing frown. Shouldn’t a fancy lady be in want of a handmaiden?

There are, Yue Qingyuan and answered haltingly, reasons. You’ll just have to trust me. Her last servant was also a local boy.

Shen Yuan felt something in his stomach go tight at the sight of the Lady Qiu so exposed and vulnerable on the bed like this. And when her hand stretched out, palm open in need, Shen Yuan couldn’t help himself anymore.

He exhaled in passion and leaned back over the bed. He freed the comforter from its useless twist around Lady Qiu’s body in one succinct pull and rolled the Lady up all soft and warm in it.

Then he sat down at the very edge of the bed, resting a hand on Lady Qiu’s now-protected shoulder.

“I’m here to comfort you,” Shen Yuan promised. “I’m here to give you everything you need. My lady is not alone anymore. Qingqiu will take care of you.”

“—qiu…”

Shen Yuan shushed her murmurs softly, patting the Lady’s shoulder in a slow, pulsing rhythm.

“Can I sing you a song?” he whispered.

He counted five sleepy beats before the Lady, almost imperceptibly, nodded.

//

A black, black sky

it’s about to rain

Grandpa grabs a hoe to dig up taro

He digs and digs

digs and digs…

#plot stockpile #asks #the twist of course is that the real QHT is dead #and QJL's one of the classic sister complex nutjobs who attic-wifes SJ #and makes SJ dress up and perform as QHT #young and helpless SJ went along with it and thought it might actually be a way to squirrel away money and such #but as time went on realized she was never getting out #oh this is also trans!SJ #she does the readings she is made this sex object #and finally YQY comes and finds her and promises to save her #but they need a sacrificial lamb #they need a 'Shen Jiu' to frame for kidnapping the lady #and that's SY

[cum-villain]

ok i know the post in question was from last month but i do want to hear the explanation about trans shen jiu because ive always adored that concept and i want to know other peoples' thoughts about it (only if you want to, of course!)

omg i would ADORE to talk about trans shen jiu

ok so like. we know in canon shen jiu very much distances himself but from Men as a group. and it is definitely a trauma response, his abusers were men while his helpers were women so he learned to very much distinguish between the 2. but also. very much gives "kill all men" "arent you a man" energy.

SO since he distances himself from manhood that much, i would like to say she is not a man. therefore in my ideal "sj is ressurected post-canon" she also is able to transition and be SEEN as a women and jhdgjhgfdasash Feels. theres gotta be an airplane-style hrt plant out there somewhere gjgdfh

#shen jiu #trans shen jiu #also my trans sj art will be coming out of the queue today i believe? or tomorrow not sure. i think today tho. #svsss #oh look an ask #nonnie #braincell posting

[zarasu]

My favourite SV fic moments/tropes (Part 1)

- Sqq delighting in the suffering of his students (/affectionately?)

- a character saying "fuck this, im out" and leaving everything behind to go become a wandering cultivator/farmer/craftsman/etc.

- Sj being an unrepentant asshole

- but also: Sj desperately wanting to be loved

- every creative take on the Endless Abyss or the system

- Lbh wanting to be pretty

- Yqy being a secret troll

- that specific moment after Binghe kidnapped Plantzun, when he finally realises who it is and goes: oh shit

- Sqq figuring out pre-abyss that Binghe is gay for him and having a crisis about it

- Binghe being the more mature one in a relationship with Sj

- Sy (or Sqq) having gender feelings/trans or nb Sy (or Sqq)

- Lbh having depression, trauma and other realistic consequences of canon

- Sy&Yqy friendship

- Sqq having to confront his sexuality

- but also: canon divergent Sqq who knows he likes men going into Svsss

- Top Sqq!

- neurodivergent Sqq, neurodivergent Binghe, neurodivergent characters in general

- related to the point above: Lqg being autistic af but it's actually no problem for him bc he doesn't care what other people are saying anyway

- trans that gender, genderswap, lesbingqiu, het bingqiu, gender in all of its forms

- Sy being the reincarnated Sj

What are your favs?

#svsss #svsss ideas #svsss fanfiction #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #fic tropes

[endlesslyramblingaboutblorbos]

I may be going a little insane but hear me out here

Trans girl Luo binghe who comes out to her Shizun and sqq is in immediate denial bc he’s like wth is this, that’s my stallion protag he isn’t a girl oh god I’ve coddled him too much and made him think this I’m such a horrible person but of course he can’t be outwardly transphobic how could he hurt binghe like that??? What do u mean??? He can’t break his heart he has to cling to the protagonist’s thighs!!! (And also he can’t bear to see binghe hurting cough cough) and he ofc blames himself and feels guilty for “breaking him” or whatever bc sqq has sooooo much internalized transphobia and his own gender issues/he grew up in the 2000s as a chronically online kid.

and meanwhile airplane had meant for binghe to be a vent character or someone he could reflect himself onto (gonna use he/him pronouns for sqh bc his gender issues are undecided in this idea) as someone expected to be strong and manly and the man of the household but really just wanted to live as a girl or outside of gender expectations and pidw was going to be catharsis of realizing you didn’t have to live up to the standards you and others assign you but then money issues kicked in and it became the pidw sqq (and we) know. So sqh kinda didn’t think about that og concept until uh oh weird sqq (unknown to him as being sy) is nice enough for binghe to explore her gender?? He didn’t intend this but alr it doesn’t effect him.

and then bingge who had never been happy as a man and had internalized transphobia but not societally, more like through trauma (sj hurt me bc I was a man so if I am not all that was for nothing and my suffering was invalid because blah blah mental gymnastics) and then in bingge vs bingmei (more literal this time) she sees this girl she could have been and is so broken by that aghdfjdkdhffhf

anyway enjoy my idea (I’ll never be normal again)

#svsss #fic stuff #scum villains self saving system #bingge #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #bingqiu #shang qinghua #transgender #its pride month and this is my treat to myself #Another gay little au #This is so unpolished sorry

[puckgoodfaggot]

what are some of your favorite Jewish books so far?

i haven’t gotten to read as many as i’d like bc this process has overlapped with phd research stuff that fried my brain for months on end, but i really love ‘essential judaism’ and ‘the honey and the sting’, especially ‘essential judaism’ because it gives the full range of like, what the deeply orthodox do all the way to what modern reform/liberal judaism does. it is a little american-centric, so the british jewish experience is a little different sometimes, but otherwise i’ve found it super helpful. i also loved reading moshe ideal’s chapter in ‘mysticism and language’ and would love to read more on mysticism. i’ve also enjoyed what i’ve read so far in ‘choices in modern jewish thought’ and i cannot wait to get into ‘according to whose will’ which teddy just gave me and is about transgender orthodox jews. ‘the aura of torah’ has also been fun to have. someone at shul loaned it to me and it basically just has chapters for each parshah with the thoughts of some foundational kabbbalistic/hasidic thinkers. there are a million other books i want, and i really want to read jewish fantasy, but that’s most of what i’ve been able to get to this far. (alongside like. the torah, ofc. and the various sheets and readings from synagogue and adult ed)

oh!! i also really liked some of the articles i read on golems and trans judaism! idk if articles count for this but i loved ‘pursuing the golem of prague’ by hillel kieval and ‘on transition: normative judiasm and trans innovation’ by sj crasnow!

#kam does judaism

[popculty]

Queer as Folk Horror: A Two-Part Crossover Podcast Episode

We really put the ‘cult’ in Popculty with this one... 👑🐻🔥😶

In a very special crossover episode, Carver Casey of the Spooky & Gay podcast joins me to slice and dice our favorite (and not-so-favorite) horror movies. We talk queer horror classics, the genre as allegory, and turn a queer lens on some A24 faves to answer the burning (heh) questions:

Ari Aster: Auteur or just another white guy? (Maybe both?)

Is Midsommar actually good, or is Florence Pugh just INCREDIBLE? (Maybe both!)

Hereditary: Transmasculine allegory or transphobic trash? (Maybe...just the latter.)

🎧 Listen to Part 1 now, and follow The Popculty Podcast to get Part 2 as soon as it drops!

Part 1 transcript below 👇

SJ: [sings] Spooky and gay, spooky and gay, spooky and gay, with Carver and SJ! [normal voice] Hey, Carver!

Carver Casey: [laughs] Hi! How are you, SJ?

SJ: I'm super excited to do this crossover episode! I don't think either of us have done one on our respective shows, right?

Carver: Absolutely, this is our first crossover.

SJ: And also, I was just realizing, this will be the first episode that's, like, all trans... And that makes me really happy. [both laugh] Listeners, you are in for a treat, because you will hear no cis-splaining in this episode.

Carver: It's a guarantee.

SJ: It's just going to be us awesome non-binary folks talking about horror movies! Which is not something that I typically talk about on my podcast, although you certainly do on yours. Do you want to introduce yourself to the Popculty audience?

Carver: I'm Carver Casey. I am one-half of the Spooky & Gay with Carver & Jay podcast, where ALL we talk about is horror. [laughs]

SJ: It's great. I love the title.

Carver: Thank you, thank you.

SJ: And I really enjoy the podcast. I would say it's gotten me interested in horror again, honestly. Horror is not really a genre that I pay a lot of attention to. It's in the periphery, and I'll go see, you know, your Get Out, your Jennifer's Body, love that kind of stuff. But it has to really permeate the mainstream, or what people are talking about, for me to really want to see a horror movie. But yeah, I would say your podcast kind of got me interested in it again and looking at it from a different perspective. So that's been fun.

Carver: I'm so glad to hear that. I think that's definitely one of the things that Jay and I wanted to do coming into this. Queer folks are often excluded from these communities. And there is a thriving and interesting and vibrant queer horror community that I love sharing with other people. I was gonna say, we have also been loving your podcast. I caught up on the Black Widow episode, which threw me on a whole Florence Pugh kick--

SJ: [excitedly] Oh!

Carver: I had my roommate watching Fighting With My Family--

SJ: Yas!

Carver: We're on a whole professional wrestling kick at my house now. [laughs]

SJ: All right! And I am responsible... [sighs dramatically] I feel honored. [Carver laughs] That is awesome to hear, because I am very much on my own Florence Pugh kick, which is actually why I really wanted to talk about Midsommar. Like 80% of it is because of Florence Pugh. [both laugh] So I'm really glad we're on the same page there--

Carver: Yes.

SJ: --because I am going to geek out about her so much when we get to Midsommar.

Carver: Glad to hear it.

SJ: So for Spooky & Gay listeners, I am SJ. I host the Popculty Podcast, which is pop culture with a 'y', both in spelling and in mission, where we highlight the stories being told by and about women, LGBTQ+ folks, people of color and those with disabilities. I thought we could just start off by talking a little bit more about our own personal relationships with horror. Do you want to tell us about your horror journey? How did you get into it, what's appealing to you, what's your history with it?

Carver: I come from a horror family. From as long as I can remember-- Like, the first movie that I have any memory of seeing any part of is Rocky Horror Picture Show. When Frank-N-Furter pulls the tablecloth off, and you know that they're eating Eddie for dinner, that's literally the first image of film that I have a memory of. I would be the kid sitting on the couch with a blanket pulled over my head, crying, so afraid of what I could see through my fingers on the TV, which was literally next to nothing. And as I got older, and I had the opportunity to sort of catch these films and see myself in them, as a queer person, as a closeted, egg-uncracked trans person, seeing people facing odds and being really beat down upon by these forces that were out of their control, I could see myself overcoming them, because I saw these characters overcoming these unimaginable things. You know, all I have to do is go to high school; this person is fighting a dream demon! Like, I don't have to do that. [laughs]

SJ: I love that. I love that horror films were like an escape for you, and also, I think the way you put it last time we talked was, "an exercise in being brave."

Carver: It absolutely is. You know, you see these things, and you're volunteering to have something larger than life, something oppressive, and interact with it. You can turn it off at any time. You don't have to interact, you can stop, you can not put it on. And so, by putting it on, sitting through, confronting this thing that you're afraid of, it gives you the wherewithal to be able to do that when you're encountering things you're afraid of in your real life.

SJ: That's such an interesting way to look at it. You literally have control over it-- you have *remote control*--

Carver: Mm-hmm!

SJ: --over a horror movie. And that can help you kind of prime yourself for those experiences in real life, which yeah, as queer people, as trans people, we are much more likely to encounter in the real world. I love that framing.

Carver: I know you said that this is usually a genre that you don't break into very often. Were there ever any standouts for you, throughout your life? And maybe some of those that you've revisited that you're like, 'Oh, this has a whole new meaning to me now'?

SJ: Yeah, actually, it's funny you ask, because just this past week, in thinking about our conversation and preparing for it, I was just thinking about my history with horror... Like I say, I didn't grow up with it. The extent of my exposure to the genre was one time, one of my uncle's put on a Chucky movie and scared the shit out of me, and I had nightmares forever, because I was too young. [laughs] I know you really love Chucky, and that's actually apparently a very queer TV series now. Love that evolution for Chucky. But, I mean, that just terrified me as a child, and I really avoided it for many years. I would go long periods throughout my life without watching any horror movies. I just never really felt compelled to scare myself like that. And I already have an anxiety disorder. Honestly, my brain is scary enough, and I just didn't feel the need to, like, add onto that shit-pile. [laughs drily] And so yeah, I just kind of avoided it for a while. But over the years, I have dipped my toe in more and more, and I've found that I don't scare easily at all anymore-- it takes a lot to scare me-- but I tend to go for the socially-conscious stuff, or horror comedy, that kind of thing. If I'm going to dip my toe in it at all, it kind of has to have a purpose. I hate slash-y, gory, just for gore's sake, kind of stuff.

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: The first time I had a real appreciation for horror was in college, I audited a couple of Film night-courses. One of them was looking at horror as it was used in various social justice movements, which was really, really interesting. And that was the first time that I had an actual appreciation for horror. Before that, I just thought it was base, not for me, just blood and guts, and didn't have much meaning, right? But in this class, we looked at Night of the Living Dead, you know, and how that is such a great race allegory. And we looked at Freaks-- that movie from, I want to say, the 1930s-- which critiques how people with disabilities were looked at by society. And then we did a unit on gender and sexuality, and the movie we watched for that was High Tension. Do you know this movie?

Carver: Yeah, I know High Tension. I haven't watched it yet--

SJ: [excitedly] Ohhh!

Carver: --I'm saving it for a very special day for myself. But I do know the plot, I know what happens. Spoilers don't ruin a movie for me, ever.

SJ: For listeners who don't know, this is a 2003 French slasher movie. It kind of made waves at the time it came out. It's pretty well known...

Carver: It defines a genre, French Extremity.

SJ: There you go. So, you know how it ends? Okay, I'm not going to fully spoil it for our listeners, just in case they want to go in blind. But when I watched this movie for the first time in that college class, I wasn't sure what I was watching, and I was not beginning to interrogate my gender at that point. So it kind of went over my head as just a slasher movie. I rewatched it last week, and it really hit me in a way that it didn't hit me on my first watch. And I feel like I appreciate it much better knowing the ending, because everything clicks into place. And also watching it from a trans perspective, it's just-- For me, High Tension is probably... I mean, you asked what horror movies have ever resonated with me? I would say, this, for me, is like, the pinnacle of queer transmasculine allegory and exploration. And the whole time I was rewatching it this past week, I was just like, 'Oh my god.' Baby-me had no idea, but now, I'm just so glad this movie exists. And I do think that knowing how it ends will actually give you a better experience of it. So I'm really excited for you to watch this eventually, one day. I think it's a really interesting movie. It is gory-- It's a slasher movie, there's some fucked-up stuff in it, for sure. But wow, I...

Carver: We nearly covered it last Valentine's Day on Spooky & Gay...

SJ: Ugh!

Carver: This close.

SJ: You gotta let me know when you watch it, and when you do that episode, 'cause...

Carver: Would love to hear what you have to say on it.

SJ: Maybe that could be our next crossover episode. [laughs]

Carver: Absolutely. [laughs]

SJ: That'd be so good! That'd be so good. Yeah, so that's my horror journey. And that's the big movie that comes to mind for me.

Carver: I find it really interesting that that particular movie is one that got to you, just knowing that it is such a violent, gory movie, that many people did write off as being just a blood-and-guts movie. That's a lot of what people said about it, and so I love that it was able to speak to your own personal experience in a way that was really...touching, right?

SJ: Yeah, it surprised me, to be honest. Because it's the exact opposite of the kind of movie that I look for. I hate violent deaths and cruelty just to be, you know, a shock factor. I hate that kind of stuff, and this definitely falls within that category. But-- the main character, the whole time, is wrestling with her gender identity and sexuality in a way that makes that violence necessary. You know, so I say, I don't appreciate horror for horror's sake, necessarily. But I like when there's some greater value or meaning, and for me, I found that this time around. I can totally see how a lot of people-- like, I would say, straight, cis people-- probably would just watch this movie and be like, “I have no idea, it's just a fun slasher movie.” But I think for queer viewers it means a whole lot more. And I'm just, like, grateful it's out there.

Carver: Absolutely. When I was in college, I had an art history class where the teacher said something along the lines of, “you can see what each generation is afraid of by watching their horror movies.” Horror has always been an allegory, just like you mentioned, Night of the Living Dead-- The day that movie was wrapped, George Romero had the film in the trunk of his car, and over the radio, he heard that Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated. And he just knew what he had, and what they were ready for. And many people weren't ready for it - He got a lot of criticism for casting the actors he did. And he always said that [that actor] was the best person who showed up. This role wasn't written for a man of color, and almost all of the lines were rewritten by that actor. He was like, "I'm not going to play someone who's uneducated. I'm not going to play someone who's vulgar. Because I'm neither of those things. And I'm not going to represent myself this way." And the reason that that character has so much power is because these people were able to come together and use the little bit of platform they had to get their message across. And I love that that's always been happening.

SJ: Exactly. Horror has always been an allegory, you know, not just from the beginning of cinema, but really, from the beginning of the genre itself. If we go back to one of the original examples of horror literature, Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein as an allegory about her own grief over losing her child. And I think that's what we miss, if we just write the whole genre off as, "it's slashers, it's blood and gore, it's haunted houses. That's not for me." I really would encourage people to give it a second look, and to realize that throughout history, the horror genre, just like any film or television, has its purpose in the current cultural moment.

Carver: Yeah. I don't think that the horror genre is for every person, but I think there is a horror movie that every person would resonate with.

SJ: Sure.

Carver: And that may be something like Get Out or Midsommar, or these things that are able, like you said, to really punch through the cultural zeitgeist. But it may also be... Well, a movie that I personally really love is All Cheerleaders Die.

SJ: I've heard of it...

Carver: It's very silly, but it's just like, a girl gets revenge for a friend's assault, and then her and all the people she associates with are murdered and brought back by her ex-lover, to really get revenge on the people who deserve it. It's campy, it's silly, it's like the horror version of But I'm A Cheerleader. I just feel that from it so much.

SJ: Interesting.

Carver: It's just a little low-budget, most people haven't seen outside of this community, movie. And there's one for everybody. [laughs]

SJ: I agree, I agree. And I think Get Out kind of proved that to a lot of people. Like, everyone saw Get Out, even people who would normally never go to see a horror movie in the theaters. Because it had something to say, and it said it very effectively. Yeah, I think there is a horror movie for everyone, whether they know it or not. I think that's a good take. Would you say [All Cheerleaders Die] is sort of your queer horror touchstone, or is there something else that really resonates with you?

Carver: Seed of Chucky is a movie that I saw the week it came out, waited, anticipated as a teenager. I was so ready for it, and I didn't understand for years why people hated it. I thought it was funny, it has John Waters in it, it's disgusting potty humor, like all the other things that were coming out at that time. But there's also this character who is struggling with their gender. They're a doll, they don't have anything, anatomically, to give them a direction on gender to go, so all they have is the ability to speculate. And when they're asked to put themselves in one category or the other, they say, "Can I be both?" And a doll says, "Well, some people..." And that tiny line in this terrible, low-budget, filmed-in-Ukraine-for-tax-purposes movie just lived in my head forever. Just that "Well, some people" line stuck with me. Every time I was like, 'Well, I don't feel right in this body...' 'Well, some people don't feel at home in their bodies.' And so, anytime I had this question, or I wanted to invalidate myself, I just had this little thing that could pop in my head and be like, 'Well, you know, some people do feel this way.'

SJ: Yeah.

Carver: And it lived with me forever. And I'm so glad that people are finally giving it that credit, because I know, at least I hadn't been exposed to a genderqueer representation before that. And yeah-- it just so happens to be a doll whose name is Shithead. [laughs]

SJ: Hey, sometimes it comes from the most unexpected places.

Carver: Yeah! [laughs]

SJ: We never know where representation will find us. [both laugh] That's great. I can totally see that. I can see how that would really stay with you, and just give you that nugget of validation for what you were feeling. Because so few movies at the time would have even had that tiny line. I can't think of any movies or TV that even acknowledged a nonbinary existence, prior to, I would say, a couple of years ago, honestly.

Carver: Absolutely. And you know, this was, I think, 2008/2009... Maybe 2007?

SJ: Wow.

Carver: Pre-2010 for sure.

SJ: I mean, that's early. That's early in the game.

Carver: Absolutely. And I think that can be wholly attributed to the fact that the creator of that story is a gay man, is someone who is in the community. And he saw an opportunity to bring just a tiny bit of information, even if it's mostly played as a joke. And I believe he had one of the first out gay characters in a horror movie, in his movie that came out right before that, Bride of Chucky.

SJ: Yeah, the person who's creating the film or show that we're seeing is so important. And that's why I talk about a lot on my show, who is behind the thing that we're watching, right? Because contrary to what fucking Matt Damon told Effie Brown on that season of Project Greenlight... [Carver chuckles]... diversity is not something that just happens in front of the camera; It also happens behind the camera. The person who is telling the story brings their own biases, their own prejudices, their own perspectives and lived experiences, to create the thing they're showing you. So everything is filtered through them, and when we're only getting to see things filtered through heteronormativity and cisgender people and men, that's so narrow! So it does mean something-- it means a lot-- when you have anyone from outside that perspective who gets to tell a story. And yeah, I think for sure the fact that he's a gay man had a huge amount to do with that - He was embedded within the community, he had probably met people who were nonbinary, and then he put that into the story, and look how much it helped you. Right? Like, that's an incredible cycle. That's incredible. And it never would have happened if he was not a gay man with this slightly different life experience to offer.

Carver: Absolutely. And I know in hindsight now, it wasn't just me. There were so many people who hung onto that representation for years, that now it is a cult classic. It gets played every Pride month at some dingy theater.

SJ: Wow.

Carver: It seems like a low-budget genre film, but every low-budget genre film has been the thing that kept somebody from taking a step off the bridge, you know?

SJ: Yeah. Yeah.

In the new ‘Chucky’ Syfy TV series, non-binary actor Lachlan Watson portrays the character Glen(da) from the original film.

SJ: Speaking of...

Carver: Taking a step? [chuckles]

SJ: Well...There is that. [chuckles] There is that, and we will get there. But no, I was gonna say, speaking of filmmakers and the importance of who is telling the story-- I have to confess that I feel a little guilty for choosing the movies that we are about to talk about today. [Carver laughs] It feels so off-brand for me. I never talk about straight white guys on my show - I'm not interested, they do nothing for me, their stories don't connect with me. And to be honest, Ari Aster is not an exception. I don't particularly care for him as a person, from all the research and interviews I've read. He just seems like just another pretentious fucking white guy. His success story is still very much a privileged one - He basically came out of nowhere and just *zooped* right to the top. And he just gets to make whatever the fuck he wants, handed a blank check to write and direct his vanity projects... I can't even think of a female director who has ever gotten that chance. I mean, he's on his third movie in a row, within the span of four years, that he is writing and directing, with studios saying, "Make whatever you want! You're Ari Aster, you're the auteur!" I can't think of a single female filmmaker, especially within the horror genre, who has gotten a chance to do that, can you?

Carver: Not really, no. Besides the woman who directed the Fear Street movies...

SJ: Okay.

Carver: She got to do all three, and she did those films back-to-back-to-back. But that was last year, you know? And they did not want her to direct all three - They actually only wanted her to direct two of those. And the male director they had for the third one wasn't available, so they let her do all three.

SJ: [scoffs] So when it does happen, women are only the second choice, never the first.

Carver: Yeah. [laughs drily]

SJ: Yeah, so, you know, I definitely come to this discussion a little frustrated with myself for brainstorming an entire list of incredible women-directed horror movies, and then at the last minute, going with a basic dude. But-- You know, it's an opportunity to do the flip-side of what I normally do. Normally, I highlight women directors and writers, and celebrate all the good that they do. The flip-side of that coin is to critique the things that we don't like so much. I have reasons for choosing these movies. Midsommar was the one that I first came to you and was like, "Do you want to talk about this?" And I have reasons for that, which we will get into. And we're definitely going to be offering some criticisms. But yeah, I just wanted to preface this discussion with that acknowledgement, that this is very much not in my typical wheelhouse.

Carver: Well, that's great, because if there's one thing I'm known for, it is making A24 fans mad, so... [chuckles]

SJ: Oh! Perfect. This is going to be that. [laughs]

Carver: Excellent. Something that we do on our show is we talk about horror movies in general. What makes them queer horror, and what makes us queer horror, is that we're queer people, and we're filtering our opinions through our lens. So we talk about lots of movies that most straight audiences are going to go to and not see most of the things we're seeing. But we can filter that through the experience of someone who has lived a different life than the movie was marketed for, than it was made for, and really flesh out what everyone else is seeing about it.

SJ: Absolutely. That is totally what I would like to do. Because everyone has seen these movies-- Mainstream audiences have seen these movies, and they have already come away with whatever opinions and experiences they've formed. But this really is, like you say, an opportunity for us to share our-- I think, going to be very different-- experiences of both of these movies, coming at it through a trans and queer lens. I think it is a valuable thing to do, to offer people a completely different take than the one they probably have. With that said, let's go ahead and dive in. So Ari Aster's first feature film, Hereditary, was released in 2018. Probably everyone listening to this has seen it, if they're going to see it. I don't really feel the need to do too much of a summary, other than maybe just a brief synopsis... I think you're probably better at those than I am, so I'll let you take this.

Carver: A family dealing with the grief of losing their eldest matriarch soon compound that grief with the loss of the granddaughter, Annie--

SJ: Oh, wait-- Charlie, right?

Carver: Oh! Charlie, yes. Annie is the mother. And so the film is really learning the truth behind the lies-- the lives-- of both the matriarch and Charlie. And maybe that involves some cult-y stuff. [laughs]

SJ: Yes. [laughs] Definitely involves some cult-y stuff. That was good! That was a really good synopsis.

Carver: Thank you!

SJ: We could print that.

Carver: [laughs heartily]

SJ: So that is Hereditary. Trigger warnings for this movie, I would say, are substantial - Suicide, decapitation, and self-harm... Those are the big ones I can think of, can you think of any others?

Carver: If you are especially sensitive to family dysfunction, this would be a very hard watch.

SJ: True. So, how do you feel about Hereditary?

Carver: I think calling Ari Aster an auteur is completely valid. These are incredibly well-made movies. The shots are intentional, the lighting is intentional. There are these wonderful elements that I think introduced a lot of people who are used to going to the movies and just having a good time, to sitting down and thinking more critically about what they're watching. And that is the credit that I will give him. [laughs]

SJ: Sure. I'll cosign, yeah.

Carver: But the thing with these films is that I sometimes feel like Ari Aster has his message, and then the movies have their own.

SJ: Yes.

Carver: And looking at them independently, it's kind of like if you're looking at a piece of artwork-- like a painting or a physical, unchanging artwork-- and then there's a three-page artist statement towards the side of it. You may read all of that and get the full intention behind it, or you may sit there and look at it, and feel what you feel about it. So that's what I'm doing with Hereditary. I had shared an article with you about people seeing themselves in Charlie.

SJ: Yeah.

Carver: And... it's very easy to see Charlie's character as a trans allegory. But I think that it contributes to one of the ways that trans people are depicted in horror. There are two main ways, in my opinion-- As either the villain and the monster and the thing you're supposed to be afraid of. And then there is the fear of the transition, the body changing, and what it takes to want to change a body. And I think that, in many ways, it is easier for trans people to see themselves in those narratives, but I think they're equally as harmful, because it's showing the actualization of a trans person living in the body they want to as a horror. And I don't love that parallel, as far as representation goes.

SJ: I... actually, am with you 100% on this. And I'm really relieved, because when you sent me that article... I don't know, I just kind of assumed that you really liked Hereditary, and I didn't want to have to fight you on this! [both laugh] But we are 100% on the same page. The article we're referencing, I will put in the show notes. It's an article from Them...

Carver: Yeah, Them.us.

SJ: They're a queer online outlet that I really like (usually). So they had an article written by Sasha Geffen, on how Hereditary is this trans masculine allegory. So I read that article, and I was like, "Huh. Do I need to rewatch Hereditary? Because I don't remember any of this." I mean, I watched Hereditary when it first came out, and honestly, it did nothing for me. I think it's very well-made - Like you say, the shots are very intentional. But I rewatched it after I read the article, and then I read the article again, and I was just like, "I see what you're saying, but I just have to blatantly disagree." I think, like you say, it's easy to see the trans allegory, but I hate the implications, right? Because I do think it plays into what you're talking about, and even what Geffen references themselves - This history, particularly within the horror genre, of having villains and monsters be trans people. We see this in Psycho, we see this in Silence of the Lambs with Buffalo Bill, right? There's this long history, and I just feel like this movie is playing into that. I don't think it's offering anything different or new.

So many of the things Geffen has to say about the trans masc experience are relatable - Their criticism of the Atlantic piece, that they're comparing Hereditary to, is spot-on. They're basically taking apart ROGD, the "rapid onset gender dysphoria" nonsense. So I think a lot of things Geffen is saying are totally valid. This one paragraph-- I'll just read it, because wow, I have a lot of feelings about it. [both laugh] They write, "Hereditary's transition allegory involves not only the violent death of a girl, but also the torture and eventual evacuation of a cis male body. Charlie does not merely change, but steals something that belongs to a man. That Charlie's transition requires so much physical violence speaks to a lingering anxiety among many cis people that transition is, at best, a form of mutilation, and at worst, a kind of death - a sloughing of one body in exchange for a new, different one. A girl dies so a boy can live as a boy. The impulse to transition is often interpreted as a form of self-destructive madness. And, in the case of trans masculine people, it can be read as a flocking to power - a magnetic pull away from the subjugated gender toward the one in control." Whoo! [both chuckle] There's a lot to unpack there. I think that reading of how cis people view the trans masculine transition is, unfortunately, more or less accurate-- as wrongheaded and reductive and harmful as that view is. You know, that's not the truth. That's not in any way our lived reality. But at the same time, I think the movie is just reinforcing those super transphobic, cisgender views. I don't think it's challenging them at all.

Carver: I absolutely agree. A movie that keeps coming to mind for me, as far as trans representation with this, is another movie where the character themselves never say they're trans. I don't know if you're familiar with Sleepaway Camp--

SJ: No...

Carver: --but it's a very controversial movie. It's a slasher, definitely not your thing. But to me, it's a queer classic. It is about a little girl who goes to summer camp, and all the people who bully her, or try to do bad things to her, start dying. It's sort of a whodunnit, and then at the end of the movie... And I want to say, this came out in the 1980s, 1970s... It's very old. And the crux of the movie is that... Gosh, this is hard to explain in a way trying not to be spoiler-y...

SJ: It's okay. I would say, spoil away if it takes the spoil to make the point.

Carver: So, in Sleepaway Camp, the ending of the movie is when you find out who has done it, it's Angela. And Angela is on the beach with the head of the boy who has been flirting with her on her lap. She stands up, covered in blood, his decapitated head falls from her lap, and she has a penis.

SJ: Hm!

Carver: And many, many people-- And it's a completely valid argument, to read this as transphobic.

SJ: Sure.

Carver: And I think the intentions around it were transphobic. But I saw this movie first when I was coming into my gender identity, and personally-- Angela never says that she's trans, and isn't given the choice to live as a woman. She and her twin sister were in an accident, where her sister died, and Angela was put in a house where the matriarch said, "I already have a boy. Angela is such a beautiful name." And so, I read that movie, at least, as the horrors of being forced to live as a gender you don't identify as, and the fear of keeping up with that...lie, you know?

SJ: Mm-hmm.

Carver: And so, when I think about the way I have to twist my mind around Charlie being trans... Charlie never says that she is trans.

SJ: Right.

Carver: Charlie didn't put Paimon in their body. It was all choices made by other people. And so I have a really hard time warping that idea into Charlie being trans. And when I do, I don't feel good about it.

SJ: Agreed. Absolutely agreed. Yeah, that's really the same way I feel. I think it's a bit of a stretch to say that Charlie is trans, to be honest. Because the thing that Geffen quotes as proof of that is when Charlie says, "Grandma wanted me to be a boy." Well, okay, that's not saying that *she* wants to be a boy. But this reviewer kind of takes that and runs with it as 'Charlie feels trans,' and I just don't necessarily see that for her. And then also, throughout this piece, they keep conflating and interchanging the names 'Charlie' and 'Paimon'. Paimon is the demon that is trying to possess a male body and doesn't want Charlie's female body, and so eventually-- Yeah, we're gonna spoil this movie. [both laugh] Y'all have seen it. So, Paimon is the demon, but Geffen keeps conflating Charlie with Paimon. And not only is that confusing the message, where I'm like, "Well, okay, so are you saying the demon is trans, or Charlie is?" But if you do conflate Charlie with Paimon, then you are *literally* saying that this trans person is a demon, which-- harken back to our previous argument! [both laugh] Trans people don't need to be vilified or demonized on screen any more than they already have been, historically, throughout film and throughout the entire genre of horror. And I just feel like, kind of any way you slice it, if you want to read a trans allegory into this movie, I hate what it has to say. I think it's just playing into that really tired, damaging, transphobic trope.

Carver: Absolutely, I agree with you.

SJ: And I think what would have made it feel different, what would have made me able to see Geffen's argument, is if we had at any point been invited or encouraged to empathize with Charlie. But we are never allowed to do that. I mean, she is weird, and creepy, and evil, and snipping the heads off birds for the whole 30 minutes that she’s on screen, and then she is gruesomely decapitated. We are never offered the chance to empathize or connect with her.

Carver: I think, as well, not only are we the audience not ever empathizing with Charlie, but none of the other characters seem to be either. Every relationship-- besides possibly the relationship with the grandmother, which we're never shown-- is very much at arm's length. It's the mother using her as a pawn to keep the son from drinking, but not considering, 'Does a 13-year-old want to be at a party with drinking and teenagers and unfamiliarity?' None of the characters have empathy for her until she's gone, and then they want to talk about how hurt they are. But they weren't giving her the time and attention when she was there.

SJ: Right. So how is that doing anything other than further othering trans people, if we are to infer that Charlie is trans, you know what I mean?

Carver: Especially the way the movie was marketed, where it was *only* this character and only the odd sounds that she makes. They hinged so much of the interest of this movie on this character that it seemed, frankly, uninterested in.

SJ: Very much so. And there's also possibly an element of ableism going on here... I wasn't able to fully confirm this one way or another, so I wondered if you might have some behind-the-scenes info that I don't. But Milly Shapiro, who plays Charlie, has a rare disability called cleidocranial dysplasia, which gives her kind of a unique look. And I'm wondering if there's a sort of ableism that came into the casting of this character. Because another thing that Ari Aster tends to do, for no reason and kind of randomly, he will insert these characters with some sort of facial deformity. And it doesn't seem to be for any purpose other than to unsettle us. It's just like an image of what he thinks is the grotesque, to lend more of a sinister, unsettling atmosphere. I don't know if you have any more background information, but the film seems to use lighting, makeup (or lack thereof), camera angles, and directing of her posture to emphasize her facial differences. Because if you see pictures of Milly Shapiro in real life, they're much more emphasized in this film than they are in real life. There's even possibly some prosthetics going on... If that is the case, I find that pretty troubling.

Milly Shapiro / Charlie

Carver: So, the information I have is that I follow Milly Shapiro on TikTok...

SJ: Oh, nice!

Carver: ...and she has said that they did use some facial prosthetics to accentuate it.

SJ: Oh, boy... Well, that's not great. To be clear, it's not a problem to cast a person with a disability, or who has facial disfigurements or burns, or anything like that. It's a problem to cast them and then enhance those differences, in order to make them appear more "monstrous." Charlie, as you said, was very much marketed as the creepy, evil entity in this movie. So that's why it's problematic.

Carver: Yes.

SJ: I'm so glad you have the insider scoop!

Carver: She also actually spoke *today* about how because of Hereditary, she was bullied mercilessly throughout the rest of her high school career, because she was "the ugly girl" from Hereditary.

SJ: Oh my god!

Carver: As far as I know, she does some acting now, but she's focusing more on her music. I actually believe they use they/them pronouns...

SJ: Oh, okay.

Carver: I can't remember, but I believe maybe both... Certainly 'they' somewhere in there.

SJ: Awesome. Okay, thanks for the heads-up. I just Googled it, and it says, "Milly Shapiro identifies as a lesbian and uses she/they pronouns." Okay, cool. Good to know. Wow, I had no idea about that background, but that's horrible to hear. And that sort of confirms my worst suspicions, that they did use prosthetics, and that had the exact real-world consequences for Milly Shapiro as one would expect. Again, to me, that's ableism, and that is Ari Aster, who now has this pattern-- because it shows up in Midsommar too-- of using these images of people with deformities or disabilities, or, in Midsommar... Well, actually, in both Hereditary and Midsommar, the aging female body he also thinks is disgusting, apparently.

Carver: [with distaste] Yeah.

SJ: You know, it just keeps showing up. And I really have a problem with what he thinks is "the grotesque," and the way that he uses it, and the way he enhances it for maximum shock value. Especially with this new information, I really hate the way that character was portrayed, and how that disability was played up, because that's just another way of othering them. And it really does not lend any credence to this Them article-- you know, to their thesis.

Carver: Yeah. [chuckles]

SJ: Wow. That just sort of cements it for me. That character, to me, is a combination of transphobia and ableism.

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: [sighs] I don't like it at all.

Carver: I think when you think about what we were saying earlier, about horror being a mirror of what people are afraid of at the time-- 2018 is the year after [with disgust] *the man* was elected... [SJ gives a humorless chuckle] ...and there was a constant bombardment against trans people and universal health care. And I think there is a way to see this movie as, yes, it is about grief and family, but it's also, in a larger cultural context, about being afraid of what the youth are going to accomplish, and what the youth's needs are. Because it is very much the older generation against the younger generation, and then the younger generation growing up and using those same tools to attack their children.

SJ: That's a really interesting lens to look at it through. I hadn't really thought about that. I just have to say one last thing about this article. The last line of it is, [dramatically] "Aster's fable understands just how deep gender goes." [regular voice] And I just have to say, absolutely not! As someone who has listened to and read more interviews with this man than I wish I had, [both laugh] Ari Aster is not a man who has put any time or thought into his own gender. This is not someone who set out to make a trans allegory, I'm sorry. I think it's basically an accident, and I don't think he put any sincere thought or empathy into this movie as a trans allegory. I don't think he is someone who understands gender at all. I mean, this is the guy who once said, "My method of writing women is just to put myself in them.” [Carver chortles] Are you kidding me? Like, this is not a man who knows how to write any gender other than his own. And I just think Geffen is giving him way too much credit. To me, this film is the embodiment of really the basest transphobic fears of the male cishet mind. And I think to give him more credit than that is just-- overly generous, to say the least.

Carver: This is my second watch of both these movies, and this time around I'm like, "These movies just *barely* pass the Bechdel Test."

SJ: Yeah. [scoff/laugh]

Carver: And I think they do because Ari Aster knew they had to.

SJ: Right.

Carver: Like, I'm sure there is an early draft of this where they didn't, and he was like, "I gotta give this person speaking lines, so they can talk to each other!"

SJ: A hundred percent! I guarantee you the first draft of both of these movies was genuine trash. And I guarantee you that he got some notes and had to rewrite the hell out of it. But even so, my other huge problem with this movie is that it is *so* white. There is not a single character of color in this movie. And I can't remember the last time I saw that in film. Like, this is 2018-- this is just a couple years ago-- and there was no consideration that we are only showing white people on screen here? And if you look behind the camera, it's the same shit. I went on IMDb, I'm combing through the profile pics, and it's just white guy after white guy. So that, to me, is a real problem. That's a huge red flag. Because what movie, post-2000, is this white?? Truly!

Carver: And I think when you think about race in Midsommar, it becomes even more problematic.

SJ: Whoo! Oh yes, indeed. [both laugh] I can't wait to talk about that.

Carver: Especially the world that Hereditary is in... Were there even people of color in the support group meeting that Annie went to?

SJ: Maybe, but they didn't have any lines.

Carver: Exactly.

SJ: If they exist, they're just so background that it didn't even register.

Carver: Obviously I don't know Ari Aster-- I can't say this with any certainty-- but I think it really reads as someone who is like, "I'm just not going to put people of color in this, because if I do it wrong, I'm gonna get in trouble."

SJ: [exasperated sigh] Yeah.

Carver: And it's like, do the work to put a good representation out there, instead of just being like, [whiny voice] "I'm scared I'm gonna get in trouble, so I'm just not gonna." [laughs]

SJ: It really does read that way. And you can tell he probably got called out a little bit for the whiteness of this movie, because, oh, there's one Black person in Midsommar! So we got that box checked. [exasperated sigh]

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: No, it's really glaring. This movie was co-edited by a woman, Jennifer Lame, but other than that, it's all-male below the line. So this makes a lot of sense, all the issues I have with this movie... There is a direct line between what shows up on the screen and what is happening behind the scenes. And I really believe that when you have a more diverse lineup below the line, behind the camera, that comes through in front of the camera. But here, it's just homogeny going both ways, and I think that's a big part of what makes this movie so blah for me, and even problematic. Because you don't have *anyone* with a slightly different perspective who's contributing. And then I also have to critique-- because we just came off on Popculty doing this mental health series, and we're talking about depictions of mental illness in TV and film... Guess which genre has the worst track record with this, by the way? [laughs]

Carver: Mm-hmm.

SJ: Yeah, so we talked about that. And this movie just perpetuates a lot of the harmful tropes you see over and over in media - The support group is not shown to be effective in doing anything other than facilitating Anne Dowd's character to weasel her way into Annie's life; Annie tells the support group that she has a history of mental illness in her family, like DID and schizophrenia, but then we learn in the end that that was actually attempted or successful demonic possession. That's not helpful for people with mental illness to see, and it also further others and vilifies people with mental illness by conflating demonic possession with things like schizophrenia. That's the exact type of thing that I talked to Megan in that mental health episode about, that we don't want to see anymore.

Carver: That's such a major thing in horror, specifically in the Exorcist/possession sub-genre, which is a genre that I really enjoy, usually. But it's something that I can't enjoy without really noticing the way that it vilifies these people. There's the one side of the coin that sees them as evil, or that they have evil inside of them. And there's the side of the coin that I tend to be on, where oftentimes what is being done to them is awful and beyond their control, and maybe inside of them, but isn't necessarily part of them. And as someone who has struggled with mental health, I relate often to those characters. But I can do that and still see how completely damning that could be for people who aren't seeing it from my perspective.

SJ: Horror has a lot to make up for-- I'll just say that-- when it comes to its mental health portrayal.

Carver: Mm-hmm.

SJ: To wrap things up with this movie on a slightly more positive note, I will say that Toni Collette's dinner table rant-- That is pretty iconic, for a reason. [both laugh]

Carver: Yes.

SJ: I think it also addresses the guilt and blame that happens within families, when one member is responsible in some way for another's death, or feels responsible. Ooh, that scene really encapsulates that blame/guilt dynamic she has with her son. You do feel that tension throughout the film, and I think that is really effective.

Peter: [mumbling] Just seems like there might be something you want to say.

Father: [warningly] Peter...

Annie: [calmly] Like what? I mean, why would I want to say something, so I can watch you sneer at me?

Peter: [more clearly] *Sneer* at you? I don't ever sneer at y--

Annie: [chuckles mirthlessly] O-ho, sweetie, you don't have to, you get your point across.

Peter: Okay, so, fine. Say what you want to say, then. [Annie gives an exasperated sigh]

Father: [more firmly] Peter.

Annie: I don't want to say anything. I've tried saying--

Peter: [slightly louder] Okay, so, try again. Release yourself.

Annie: Oh, release you, you mean?

Peter: [shouting] Yeah, fine! Release me, just say it! Just FUCKING say it!

Annie: [fists slam on table] DON'T YOU SWEAR AT ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT! [chair clatters] Don't you EVER raise your voice at me, I AM YOUR MOTHER. Do you understand? All I do is worry and slave and defend you. And all I get back is that FUCKING FACE ON YOUR FACE! So full of disdain and resentment, and always so annoyed. Well, now your sister is dead! [calmer, more sympathetic] And I know you miss her. And I know it was an accident. And I know you're in pain. And I wish I could take that away for you. [cruelly] I wish I could shield you from the knowledge that you did what you did. [shrieking] But your sister is DEAD! She's gone forever! [sobbing] And what a waste... If it could have maybe brought us together, or something! [accusingly] If you could have just said, "I'm sorry," or faced up to what happened, maybe then we could do something with this. [practically spitting the words] But you can't take responsibility for anything!! So now I can't accept. And I CAN’T forgive. Because... [catches breath] Because nooOBODY admits ANYTHING THEY'VE DONE!!!

Carver: Peter wants to blame himself-- He does already. And Annie wants to blame Peter, but she won't say it. She's not willing to take responsibility for anything that she's a part of in this movie. And that is not how mothers are normally depicted. Women are usually expected to have everything together and be planning for every emotional need of the men in their lives. And that is a role that Annie has refused to take on. Which is refreshing in some ways. [laughs]

SJ: Totally. I'm all here for female characters getting to be more complicated and nuanced and messy, and maybe unlikable, than we typically are used to seeing them. I'm here for mothers blatantly expressing to their children that they never wanted to have them. Because that's the complete opposite of the really idealized version of motherhood we so often get. And to me, this is a more honest one-- Like, a lot of mothers resent their children at some point, a lot of mothers experience postpartum depression. And that's just not something we acknowledge or talk about. So anytime that is hinted at or addressed head-on, I'm all for it. I love a complicated mother. [laughs] You know? I love a complicated female character.

Carver: Absolutely.

SJ: [over spooky synth music] That's it for this week. But don't worry, Carver and I still have plenty more horror to discuss. Stay tuned for Part 2 next week, when we talk about Midsommar - The Ari Aster film we maybe, actually, kind of liked? Be sure to follow The Popculty Podcast and Spooky & Gay with Carver & Jay to find out. In the meantime, Happy Halloween and Dia de los Muertos! I hope you're watching some good scary movies. We've left our favorite women-directed horror flicks in the shownotes, so have fun with those if you need some recs. Is there a horror movie that has really resonated with you? We'd love to hear about it. Tweet me @popculty and Carver @spooky_carver. You can follow me on Tumblr at popculty.blog, and Carver on TikTok @acamp.slasher. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave either or both shows a review on Apple Podcasts. You can also support The Popculty Podcast at patreon.com/popculty. Until next time-- Support women directors, stay critical, and demand representation. [music concludes]

Matt Damon: When we're talking about diversity, you do it in the casting of the film, not in the casting of the show.

Effie Brown: Hoo! Wow. Okay.

#the popculty podcast #podcasts #horror #horror movies #hereditary #midsommar #ari aster #transphobia #ableism #racism

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

#idislikecispeople #dyscourse #transmed #truscum #tucute

[fierceawakening]

But also, re the disappearance of crossdressers and drag from "the transgender umbrella" in that history post... someone mentioned the idea that we're losing the concept of "crossdresser" because we're now more accepting of people wearing different clothes...

I kind of see that. I mean, it's been forever since people told me wearing pants was unprofessional, and that's good.

But if anything I think I see MORE aggressive policing of men wearing women's clothing now, because there's a whole Discourse Podlet about whether that's insulting or hurtful to trans women, when before it was more like "some people might wear clothes. Some people might take hormones. It's not immediately obvious which someone will turn out to be."

And I don't know how I feel about that, honestly. It feels like things are in some ways MORE essentialist than they used to be. "Oh, if that person is wearing that, they're eventually going to stop using she/her/hers. That's what everybody does."

And... I hate radfems. Like, a lot a lot. But I actually do kind of worry that... eh. The thing radfems are pointing to might be happening, but not for the reason they say it is. Like at all.

What I think I saw happening, and this is the perspective of one person who never felt trans enough and lurked a lot, was that the people who at the time called themselves "transsexuals" (meaning, seeking medical transition, or only failing to do so because of barriers) felt that the people who called themselves "transgender" (anyone gender nonconforming but not transitioning) were kind of... mm.

It's not that we were necessarily worth less (though it did kind of feel that way to me; I was in my early 20s and extremely insecure, for both good reasons and bad) but that, since TS people (using that as an abbreviation so I don't have to keep typing it with ouchy hand) were pursuing things from an indifferent-to-hostile medical establishment where the rest of us weren't, they were more oppressed, so their voices got to be the loudest. Standard SJ type of stuff about reversing who sets the norms and who doesn't. (This is where "cisgender" rather than "not trans" came from too AFAIK--we all used "non-trans" until we all just sort of... didn't, and we all just sort of didn't because we didn't want "trans" to be marked as "deviation from the norm.")

So I don't really think what happened is things got so much better for GNC people that we eventually faded from the community unless we were non-binary. I think what happened is that if we were "just" GNC, on the new schema we were "privileged," so we were seen as less important or even as less trustworthy.

So we either started calling ourselves nb so we could still count as "transgender" or we just kinda stopped talking about it because we were gonna get ridiculed anyway.

(To be clear, I actually DO think nb accurately describes me. But I remember agonizing over whether I was "really genderqueer" (the term most of us used) or whether I just wanted to be taken more seriously/not shut out of conversations.)

[transgenderer]

this is not germane to the point youre trying to make at all and its very off topic but i hated how the language in the reblogged post suggests that afab trans people somehow lack the capacity to understand self-disgust or loathing as deeply as amab trans people. it implies that afab trans people are simplistic and emotionally facile.

oh yeah i mean. i dont know exactly what she meant by that. i soooort of get it, like i think amab bodies are more liable to being framed as like, disgusting? and amab people i think are also more like to be considered predatory. which i think can amplify the rejection of ones body more towards like, hatred. i think this is part of the fixation on like...anime womanhood that really frustrates me, its like, a rejection of the reality of what human bodies are like, in favor of this impossibe idealized body, which i think is unhealthy. but yeah, i mean, i think transmascs face their own particular form of inherent self hatred, because like, lgbt/sj communities have this extreme vision of masculinity as like, evil, so like, while trans women (can) have this hatred of what theyre traditioning *from* (which has the extra problem of being inescapable), trans men (can) have this hatred of what theyre transitioning *to*, which raises its own issues

[takashi0]

I want to confess something: I've encountered the statement "listen to poc/minorities when they something is offensive" when I wrote posts about why I disagree against the criticism of Hazbin being "problematic", and while I usually agree with that statement I also think people should be free to form their own opinions. Do you agree?

I want to ask something: its often said in sj circles that if a marginalized person says something is "offensive", people who dont belong to that group should "sit and listen". Whats your opinion on this? Asking because Ive written posts explaining why I disagree with some criticisms against hazbin hotel.

ie "Vaggie is a racist latino stereotype cuz she feels anger". I personally think people should have the freedom to disagree.

Another question I want to ask: anti hazbns have also compared Angel Dust's design to Rcdart's trans cap, implying both are "equally transphobic". They are saying Angel's design is transphobic because of his chest. WHats your take on that?

See the problem with SocJus rhetoric of “listen to minorities” is that for every individual member of a minority group that does complain about something, there’s a dozen more who are at the very least don’t care/have more important things to worry about or at most think whatever the white liberal is bitching about is dumb.

Case in point: Viv herself is Latina and Bi and SHE MADE THE DAMN SHOW. And considering that Vaggie is from San Salvador like her AND the fact that again, Viv made her goddamn character to begin with, it stands to reason that she specifically made Vaggie the way she is on purpose not giving a damn about any stupid stereotype. In fact given Viv’s statements about the whole purpose of Hazbin being that it’s about flawed people becoming better, I dare say that Vaggie’s anger issues are supposed to be, gee I dunno, a CHARACTER FLAW FOR VAGGIE TO ADDRESS AND WORK ON or something!

Like holy shit, wow what a stereotype. Someone in a horrible environment surrounded by assholes who mock her and her girlfriend is frequently ANNOYED And ANGRY! How awful! How Racist! How dare Viv write Vaggie responding to situations like AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING! 

Would these clowns complain if Vaggie was anything else? Is it really that much of a fucking problem that Viv writes a character as an actual character instead of some milquetoast inoffensive checklist of traits that are approved by the Holy Church of Woke? 

Because I guarantee you if Vaggie was anything else they would still nitpick her to death and find reason to complain. Vaggie’s Black? Oh no! Angry Black Woman! That’s a Stereotype! Vaggie’s White? Oh no! Angry White Woman! She’s a Karen, and that’s racist! I don’t know what the fuck they’d say if she were Asian or Native American but I promise you they’d pull something out of their asses. And when you’re in a game where it’s rigged so you lose no matter what, the only option is to not play and give the GM the finger.   As for Angel Dust: that’s easy! He’s not Trans! He was never meant to be Trans! Otherwise Viv would’ve said so! I’m really goddamn tired of GNC people being assumed as trans by default when that’s a fallacious way of thinking and usually wrong, used by idiots to declare crossdressers like Angel, Naoto or Chihiro to be trans and ignoring all evidence to the contrary and getting peoples’ hopes up for disappointment! It’s stupid! and it needs to fucking STOP.

The difference is RCD has a fetish they try and badly fail to disguise as woke art when they were better off admitting they had a kink. Viv made a weirdo bustyboy twink spider demon because she wanted a weirdo bustyboy twink spider demon and never claimed otherwise! 

#Discourse #disc horse #HH #Hazbin Hotel #chinesegal

[touchmycoat]

Mmmmmmmm delicious mmf dp overstim! Would laugh at Airplane's chapter summary except it's perfectly succinct and exactly what I wanted. 10/10 would recommend. So HOT! LBH and LQG on a competitive mission to give SY orgasms over and over? *chef's kiss* Also love that SY transmigrated into a body that matched her identity and am absolutely psyched that you have a ton of backstory you might share later!

oh ff i almost missed this, THANK YOU DARLING i'm so glad you liked it!!!!! the prompt was SO good ;; multiple orgasms + overstim is a lifestyle and it is one i pursue and one i highly recommendlj nldkjfnlaksjdnf

and yeah i got a little obsessed with the idea of trans woman!SY and trans man!SJ!!! I love the idea of them flip-flopping into bodies they prefer and having a sense of solidarity with each other bc of that lolol, at least from SY to SJ....SJ's a grumpy pants

so these are discarded drafts, not really backstories TTTT The original plan was to set this in the water prison, but that turned out to necessitate a little too much backstory. Then I tried to make it a bingge vs. bingmei thing but stopped when the logistics got too much. Second-to-last attempt was a "inviting LQG in for the first time" post-canon concept but then the fucking FEELINGS took over so i just figured Nope, stop writing plot & backstory, it's Pussy Hours Only.

Anyways, here are the scrapped drafts. There's some stuff I really do like in there:

(also the fic in question)

The Water Prison Ver.

Getting wife-plot’d into abject horniness only satiable by upwards of two men was a pain and embarrassing, yes, but if Shen Qingqiu really stepped back and thought about it, it was a fairly minor price to pay for this body. How wild it had been at first to think she’d woken up in yet another man’s body, only to discover small soft tits and an honest-to-god cunt and feeling like all her dreams had come true, that the ancestors were smiling down upon her as if to say okay yes, we did fuck up on the body assignment upon your reincarnation, so here’s the body you were always meant for twenty-something years late haha happy birthday!

Then the elation had quickly taken a backseat to having to deal with PIDW’s “plot.” Worst of all were the OOC restrictions, which had Shen Qingqiu binding her breasts every morning because the original goods was a man—argh, goddamn System! Of course Shen Qingqiu wanted to support her trans brother but wasn’t this her body now? Perhaps the original goods was enjoying her old body in the modern day somewhere and yeah, it may come with several incurable and chronically painful conditions, but it also came with a dick! Surely if the original goods was allowed to enjoy Shen Qingqiu’s old penis then Shen Qingqiu was allowed to enjoy hisold breasts?!

Fast-forward now to post-OOC restriction unlocking, when she very well could have come out to Luo Binghe—to anybody, really. She didn’t, however, for several reasons, the primary of which was the simple fact that no opportunity really came up. Look, Shen Qingqiu just hated making a fuss, okay? She really wasn’t the type to call for a gathering, either solemn or celebratory, to tell people capital-N-News, nor was she so eager to unbalance the logic of the entire PIDW world (insofar as a mess of cheap tropes and shitty characterization restrictions could be called a literary “world”) with a sudden gender reveal. Or maybe it would actually help her?? The original goods had been portrayed as a man up until the moment of his awful death, but maybe, by stallion novel rules, Shen Qingqiu’s life could be saved if Luo Binghe should get his revenge by BEEP BEEP and then getting her to BEEEEEEP—?

…Well she wanted that even less!! What kind of crapsack universe where women only existed for every flavor of papapa with the protag!! There was also the fact that Luo Binghe was just her student right now. She refused to think about having sex with him in any way—and so the question of coming out to her little white lotus got completely backshelved just like that. Forget it! Shen Qingqiu would just play the immortals-are-immortals-gender-roles-aren’t-important card for now and worry about it when the time came.

(Besides, after a few Shizun is my ideal man! comments and a few why do you say man? Are behaviors you wish to emulate strictly delineated by gender?lectures, Luo Binghe seemed to get the idea. Her bright little Bing stopped calling her a man completely, so everyone was the winner!)

The only person Shen Qingqiu did end up coming out to was Liu Qingge, and that was more a product of circumstance. Having anticipated that Madam Meiyin would be a solo mission, Shen Qingqiu had left her binder off in the inn that morning, which meant that the subsequent plunge into the pool of icy water…

She had not anticipated Liu Qingge passing out from the shock of it all. Really, Qin-gege, after cutting your way through the veritable orgy of much bigger, rounder, and symmetrical tits, thesewere going to knock you out? That spoke more to the nature of the shock than anything else, she supposed, and forced down some amount of wariness when he woke up. How would he react? It wouldn’t really do any harm if he were to force the issue, she supposed, since she was perfectly fine with telling the rest of Cang Qiong that she was actually a woman, but had it not been her here, instead the original goods—? Then she would really have to reassess her opinion of Liu Qingge??

But turned out, she’d worried for nothing. Liu Qingge did not accuse her of being a liar, nor did he demand she fix this deception right away. Instead, he just kind of sprang to his feet, walked into a tree, and then came and sat back down. He asked why, of course, which necessitated a quick little non-lie (growing up, presenting male was always safer, and I suppose I’ve never gotten around to switching back). Then Liu Qingge’s expression was blazing with a sudden intensity Shen Qingqiu didn’t quite understand, but after that it was all over. Liu Qingge declared he’d keep her secret (which was not necessary, but thank you, Shidi), and that was that.

…Until a year or so later, during the whole Luo Binghe-was-back-for-revenge leg of things.

Apparently Liu Qingge vowing to keep Shen Qingqiu’s secret was directly correlated to him kicking up the hugest fuss at Jinlan City until Huan Hua was forced to tie him up too and escort him to the water prison alongside Shen Qingqiu. Ah, how kind and chivalrous of Liu-dage to keep such a close eye on her and her honor! Even though she thought there was little chance her “secret” would be exposed (and ignoring the fact that it didn’t even need to be a secret at all), it was still nice to have the company and backup in case of any emergencies. So despite Luo Binghe’s increasingly stormy expression (had Liu Qingge thrown a spanner into a plan of his?), Shen Qingqiu offered Liu Qingge a little nod of gratitude as they were packed away in the transport.

Then the Little Palace Mistress visited, and things got a little more…wack. Okay first of all, why would the ingredients to a wife plot show up here and now?! The thorny steel whip was excessive and aesthetically incoherent, but surely the little packet of exploding fuck-or-die powder “that only affected women” was beyond contrived?! Why had Shen Qingqiu been so thoroughly profiled and why was Big Data feeding him such obnoxiously specific “small scenarios”—?!

Credit where credit was due, Liu Qingge actually reacted faster to the threat than Shen Qingqiu herself did, blocking Shen Qingqiu from Luo Binghe’s sight and muttering a terse, don’t let him see! before launching himself forward to drive Luo Binghe away. He was talking about the thrumming discomfort building under her skin, Shen Qingqiu realized. And he had immediately warned her to keep this from Luo Binghe because—

“Shizun?”

—dammit, sorry Liu Qingge, this shit was just too painful! Was this what an honest-to-god period felt like?! Holy shit Shen Qingqiu might honestly contemplate taking her dick back if having ovaries meant dealing with this every month!

“Leave,” Liu Qingge snarled at Luo Binghe, but it was too late now. The papapa-poison (that the Little Palace Mistress had been planning on coercing Luo Binghe into bed with?? Holy shit, Shen Qingqiu was actually kind of glad she took the dose now) was making itself known and Shen Qingqiu kind of had a choice to make.

And when she called for Liu Qingge, Luo Binghe went as white as a sheet before he blew up an entire stone wall.

“I. I.” As furious as Luo Binghe sounded, Shen Qingqiu could just see past the spray of dust and mist how hurt his body language was, how small. It made an altogether different kind of pain squeeze inside Shen Qingqiu’s chest. “I thought that there used to be a time when Shizun entrusted me with everything, and that it was my blood that changed things. Turns out, even back then Shizun had her secrets.”

That was too much. That was way too much.

“Binghe!” That was her I-am-your-Shizun-and-I-am-angry tone, and it was somewhat gratifying to see Luo Binghe instinctively straighten to hear her lecture. “This was not a secret I needed to tell, much less owed anyone!”

Luo Binghe pressed his lips together until they went pale, but he said nothing in response. Breathing through the drumming pain, Shen Qingqiu forced herself to calm a bit before continuing.

“But I did think of telling you, for what it’s worth. I did tell you.”

That last bit slipped out thanks to a combination of the poison and feeling kind of wronged. Fine, so she’d never outright uttered the words hello Luo Skywalker, I am a woman, but Binghe had seemed to get her hints just fine! How could Binghe pretend that she’d, she’d proudly masqueraded as a man in front of him or something, how could Binghe act like he never had any idea?

Feeling even more petulant as a result, Shen Qingqiu added, “I didn’t even tell Liu-shidi. He found out on accident.”

“Shen Qingqiu!” Liu Qingge sounded offended for some reason. Luo Binghe’s eyes flashed.

“Then is Shizun and Liu-shibo not—?”

“Not what?” The pain was getting so uncomfortable now that Shen Qingqiu was having a hard time staying upright, much less concentrate. She had to lean heavily on Liu Qingge’s torso behind her to not slump onto the floor, and the body warmth there was…tempting. So tempting.

“Not cultivation partners.”

“What? No—!”

Before Shen Qingqiu could even work up the wherewithal to be properly shocked by the accusation, Luo Binghe had already blasted Liu Qingge about six feet away, holding Shen Qingqiu upright in his own arms.

“Then Liu-shibo takes too many liberties, touching Shizun like that,” Luo Binghe said coldly. Liu Qingge got up across the stone platform, thankfully acid-free and still in possession of all his limbs, looking furious. “Shouldn’t Liu-shibo know better about respecting women?”

Respecting—hold on, Binghe?! Don’t make this into some fake feminism discourse when Liu Qingge was only trying to help! When Shen Qingqiu had been the one nuzzling up against that firm, firm chest!

“Then you should know better about respect for your Shizun!” Liu Qingge shot back, managing to strike no less an imposing figure despite having his upper body bound up in ropes and his spiritual energy sealed away. This was probably somebody’s peak sexual fantasy, Shen Qingqiu thought, a beautiful man, tied up and vaguely damp, but staunchly unwilling to bow to his captor. Wow, it was hard to believe Airplane wasted a perfectly good character like Liu Qingge, killing him offscreen nonetheless. “Disciples shouldn’t foster inappropriate desires for their teachers. Put her down.”

Inappropriate—what. What. What in the world was all of this, some symptom of Airplane’s inconsistent writing and wilted plot developments? Why was the conversation jumping to so many inexplicable places? Was Shen Qingqiu really meant to believe that A) Luo Binghe’s hatred and grudge towards her dissipated and morphed into sexual attraction just like that simply because she was a woman, and that B) Liu Qingge was the first person to recognize and accept that? Neither of those statements made scientific sense! Please, call the System and straighten out this bullshit!

[Bling bling! The System is at your service 24 hours a day! How can we—]

Before the System’s awful, trauma-triggering voice could continue any further and before Liu Qingge and Luo Binghe could kick each other’s lights out, Shen Qingqiu tossed her head back with a yell of pain. Then, she cut herself out by biting down on the closest thing within reach—Luo Binghe’s bicep.

[—happy to provide dialogue options. Please select from A, I would rather die than be disgraced by demon scum, Luo Binghe, B, as if your frigid Liu-shibo could have helped me in the first place, or C—]

No, no, no, cancel! What the fuck were these awful options, was she just fated to die by this stupid loin-boiling poison right here right now after pissing off one or both of the men who could help? Why in the world would she risk angering either of them when Luo Binghe could go look for a cure outside and when Liu Qingge could, could pass her spiritual energy to ease the pain?!

[Because there is no cure except BEEP! Please select from A, I would rather die than—]

Shitty story, shitty system! You know what? Shen Qingqiu refused to choose, she simply refused. The dialogue options gave away one crucial detail, which seemed to be that if she chose one of either Luo Binghe or Liu Qingge, the other was to be alienated beyond reasonable reparations, and hadn’t she already done this song and dance with the Abyss? Considering how uncomfortably terrified she was of her once-white lotus now, had it been worth it?

[User Warning: failure to select from dialogue options will result in a Grade D punishment phase—]

“I don’t care,” Shen Qingqiu declared out loud, “I don’t care! I’m not choosing!”

Both Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge froze where they stood before turning to look at her.

The Bingge vs. Bingmei ver.

As Shen Qingqiu fled her little cottage home to protect her life, honor, and probably continence, she decided to have words with Airplane-bro. Several of them, in this order:

Fuck you and your absurd, unscientific, bullshit wife plots that pop up everywhere like goddamn mushrooms! Like mold spores! Like maggots!

Actually, fuck words. She was just going to throw hands, because what in actual hell was this situation—

“Liu Qingge!” she howled at the sky. No, it wasn’t because she thought her Binghe needed help beating off that menacing Bingge asshole, but since her good Shidi happened to be in the area after visiting yesterday, what was the harm in getting Binghe some backup? The faster they got rid of Bingge this time around, the better.

The battle dogging her heels arrived at about the same time as Liu Qingge, who descended from the sky in all his war god glory. Shen Qingqiu drew Xiu Ya to intercept him at once, because as pretty much expected, he barely spared the situation a furrowed brow before indiscriminately attacking both Luo Binghes. Catching Cheng Luan in a parry, Shen Qingqiu quickly hissed for Shidi to focus, please, do not attack my husband before you drive off the intruder.

Except, as Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu’s Luo Binghe ganged up on the original goods-Luo Binghe, Bingge smiled menacingly across the clearing at Shen Qingqiu.

“I’d think twice before banishing me,” he declared, spitting aside a mouthful of blood. “Not if you want Shen Qingqiu to survive.”

Right on cue, a stabbing pain in the base of Shen Qingqiu’s stomach sent her to her knees.

“Shizun!”

“Shen Qingqiu!”

“What,” Bingmei asked through gritted teeth, “did you do to her?”

“Banish him,” Shen Qingqiu gasped, clutching at her abdomen. Ouch, ouch, ouch, was this what an honest-to-god period felt like? She really thought she’d been freed from chronic pain and her dick when she got dumped in the original goods’ body, but turned out she was just forfeiting to a lifetime of torment from this bloody Great Auntie?? “Do it, Binghe. Don’t worry, I know the cure.”

“You do not,” Bingge said sharply. “That is a custom poison mixed—”

“—by the Glacier Fox Demon Liu Chuan in the Great Western Tundra?” Shen Qingqiu scoffed. Despite the cold sweat beading her forehead, she still found the wherewithal to smirk. “Like I said, I know.”

“What’s the cure?” Liu Qingge barked, impatient as always. Shen Qingqiu flapped a weak hand at him.

“I’ll tell you later. Just banish him al—”

The poison chose that moment to ball up all her insides in a steely grip and twisting. She choked down blood and a scream both, and Luo Binghe jumped into action.

“Yes, Shizun,” he gritted out, Xin Mo unsealed in his hands. In front of him, Bingge’s identical face twisted up into a snarl.

“No, even if you know the cure, it’s too late now. Look at you. Shizun, you can’t even talk anymore, can you?”

“Shut your mouth,” Luo Binghe demanded. Shen Qingqiu could hear Xin Mo swinging into the offensive, and she wanted very badly to tell Binghe to stop, to keep her husband from needing to take such risks with his psyche anymore.“Shizun says she’s fine! So—”

“Luo Binghe!”

That was Liu Qingge, and there was all of a sudden body heat and a firm chest right beside Shen Qingqiu’s head. Through the cloud of excruciating pain, something was telling Shen Qingqiu to get closer, closer, that was it, that was it.

“What is the cure?” Liu Qingge demanded to know. At the same time, he sat Shen Qingqiu up in his arms, and Shen Qingqiu whined. The single sound, soft and needy, cut across the whole forest clearing and brought with it silence.

“The cure,” Bingge said, voice dangerous and silken, “is intensive dual cultivation. Only, since she’s already at the state where a single partner won’t be enough. Delay any longer and she’ll die.”

The last thing Shen Qingqiu consciously saw was Liu Qingge and her Binghe trading a single glance across the clearing, before Luo Binghe knocked his evil counterpart out and hoisting Bingge into his arms.

//

Th next time Shen Qingqiu woke, she felt significantly better, and there were two cocks inside of her. The first thing she saw upon waking was Liu Qingge’s eyes widening before his whole face went violently red and he flung himself away.

The by-now-familiar sensation of dick inside her cunt went with him, so Shen Qingqiu felt fairly certain in the deduction that it had been Liu Qingge’s dick inside of her, placed there while she was passed out, presumably to save her life.

“Shizun!” came Luo Binghe’s familiar voice behind her, tense with anxiety, and that was, oh, mhm, that was Luo Binghe’s heavenly pillar inside her ass alright. She too knew this sensation from indulging her needy husband’s perversions far too many times. “Shizun, I’m so, so sorry, but—”

“Binghe doesn’t have to apologize,” Shen Qingqiu cut him off immediately. Oh gods, her voice sounded so rough from strain, that couldn’t possibly be pleasant to listen to. Still though, when Luo Binghe shifted inside her, all she could seem to do was roll her hips and moan some more in that gravelly timbre. “Neither does Liu-shidi. Where’s…?”

“Right here, Shizun. Ready to be at your service.”

Her Luo Binghe’s grip tightened around her hip, and Shen Qingqiu petted blindly behind her for his head.

“Binghe didn’t banish him like Shizun ordered, this disciple is useless,” Luo Binghe mumbled. What else could Shen Qingqiu do but drag his head over her shoulder for a sloppy kiss on the cheek?

The "Help LQG is Pining" ver.

Liu Qingge had never, ever imagined the feeling of Shen Qingqiu’s cunt around him, and that was the absolute truth. This wasn’t a topic that came up often in his personal life—he didn’t really let it, actively dissuading any and all improper and vulgar conversation about Shen Qingqiu with a drawn sword or ready fist, especially after Shen Qingqiu’s newly revealed status as a woman—but on the rare occasions that it did (thanks mostly to shameless martial siblings and family members), nobody seemed to really believe him.

Not that it mattered now, because he no longer had to imagine it. He knew for a fact how tight Shen Qingqiu could squeeze around him, yet how vulnerably she could open up. First around his head, then down his shaft, lips fluttering as she kept herself from jerking back up and off. He also knew how red Shen Qingqiu’s face got and how desperately Shen Qingqiu avoided eye contact when she worked to sit down on a cock. He knew where she placed her slim fingers to brace herself (one on the bed and one shakily over his abs) and how her thigh muscles looked flexed on either side of his pelvis.

Liu Qingge also had the distinct displeasure of knowing what Luo Binghe would have to say about all this.

“Do not come.”

“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu immediately scolded. She’d been more than accommodating toward Liu Qingge during this entire process because, for some reason, she believed this was himdoing her a favor. If Liu Qingge were less busy mentally punching himself for taking advantage of her dire situation, he’d tell her that being asked to save her life was his distinct privilege. (But maybe not. He was no good with words.) “Don’t talk to your Shibo like that.”

“I’m only reminding him to control himself,” Luo Binghe protested, shooting Liu Qingge a glare over Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder which Liu Qingge returned. “This will all be for nothing if he climaxes too early, and I don’t believe he’s ever done this before!”

“It won’t,” Liu Qingge said through gritted teeth, “be a problem.” His fingers were embedded stony and white-knuckled in the bedding beneath him and right above them were Shen Qingqiu’s hips. Still, despite the point of most intimate contact between them, every muscle in Liu Qingge’s body was flexed to keep himself at some semblance of a polite distance. This was because Shen Qingqiu was doing the same thing, braced like a bridge on top of him. “Will you get on with it already?”

“See? He’s rushing me,” Luo Binghe complained darkly. Liu Qingge did his best to keep his entire attention on the half-demon’s sour expression and not on his hand, pumping in and out of Shen Qingqiu’s back passage. “I have no confidence in him, Shizun. We should just try again on our own. I’ll try circling more yang qi this ti—”

“We,” Shen Qingqiu cut him off, “have tried everything, Binghe, and so far no alternative method’s worked. This is the only surefire cure we knowand lucky for us, Liu-shidi was gracious enough to help, so won’t Binghe please hurry up and put it inside already.”

Liu Qingge’s eyes went wide, and Luo Binghe’s face too was the strangest blend of chastised and aroused as he snapped to attention.

“Yes, Shizun.”

And before Shen Qingqiu was even done huffing, everything suddenly squeezed blindinglytight around Liu Qingge—Liu Qingge’s cock and Liu Qingge’s hair, into which one of Shen Qingqiu’s hands had apparently wandered and was now holding on for dear life.

Because Luo Binghe was pushing into her. Liu Qingge couldn’t see it but he sure could feel it, first through the spasms of Shen Qingqiu’s walls, then throughShen Qingqiu’s walls; apparently, Luo Binghe’s cock was just so damn huge that Liu Qingge thought he could feel the head of it skim up his own length in a strangely intimate caress.

When Luo Binghe stopped moving, Shen Qingqiu collapsed gasping into Liu Qingge’s arms. Liu Qingge braced but didn’t hold her, steadily facing down Luo Binghe’s glower.

As much as Liu Qingge resolutely did not hate the position he was in, he’d also come in with a clear understanding aboutthe stakes. Shen Qingqiu was suffering a poisoning, he’d been told, one that required more than one cultivator and more than a few orgasms to properly cure. She’d been in discomfort for weeks, and they’d exhausted every dual cultivation option at their disposal before bringing him in.

Liu Qingge was here to ease her pain, pure and simple, the same way he had done once a month every month for Without a Cure. As much as he hated the isolation that Luo Binghe was imposing upon her with their marriage, he wasn’t here to break them up.

He’d try tokeep his hands to himself.

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe was murmuring. At least when he wasn’t busy glaring at Liu Qingge, he did seem very attentive to his wife. “Is this okay? There’s still a little more to go, shall I use more oil?”

Shen Qingqiu made a weak noise of assent into Liu Qingge’s collar, and Liu Qingge looked away when Luo Binghe began combing her hair to one side and kissing the back of her neck. In the corner of his vision he saw Luo Binghe blindly patting for the bottle of oil, and silently nudged it into his hold.

Between his stomach and Shen Qingqiu’s, Liu Qingge could feel heat begin to build as Luo Binghe resumed his work of burying himself entirely inside his wife’s back passage. Liu Qingge’s muscles twitched, but he did not move. He didn’t move because Shen Qingqiu didn’t move, and even if Shen Qingqiu did decide to move, things might still just be a dance between her and Luo Binghe anyways. Liu Qingge might just keep lying here, stiff in every way and cycling his spiritual energy until Shen Qingqiu got off enough and was cured.

#bingliushen #anon #asks #this shit is long skdjfnlaksjdnflsd #sorry to just dump and run typically i delete all these #i was just having such a Moment™ going 'WAIT FUCK WHY DID I START WRITING PLOT AGAIN' #that i didn't aldkjfalsjdfbalksjdflaksdf #bad drafts #this is very elucidating for my writing process tho lol #have a concept #try to execute it #don't like it #reset the whole thing several degrees to the left

[soilrockslove]

random thoughts about tumblr sj stuff

warning, it’s sort of a rambly mess at this point eesh.

i think maybe there’s an issue about how ppl talk about invisibility vs hypervisibility.... in that we talk about them in ways that suggest they are innate more than we should be?  like there was or is this idea that transfeminine ppl and transmasculine ppl face different stuff because transfeminine ppl *are* hypervisible and transmasculine  ppl *are* invisible, which is cool, it makes sense of a lot of stuff.  but as trans men have become more visible, all of a sudden you have rising up this whole thing with “trenders” and “fujos” that just reeks of autoandrophilia.  and other things seem to work the same way.

like, it’s more like if you at some point pursue social betterment through avenues that include visibility, this is what will happen.

basically it seems like there are several societal states for a thing, like there’s this thing where you can’t be a person in that society with certain traits, or you can.  and there’s the hypervisibility/invisibility thing where either the trait is seen and the presonhood is not, or the invisibility thing where the personhood is seen (maybe) but the trait is not, and it’s somewhat easy (on the scale of 5 years to decades at least) to switch between the two.  and then there’s being “invisible” because you’re actually seen as *part* of the society, whatever traits and all.  the whole “oh that’s just auntie may, that’s how she be” thing.  (and/or apart from the society in a more respected/person-y way “oh, that’s just auntie may who’s the oracle at delphi/in the resistance/whatever”)  and sometimes a sort of visibility that’s also part of society.

idk, this is turning into a rambly mess.

#q #Ramblings #rambly horseshit

[wolvesdevour]

How Not to Write Gay Stories

I’m very torn between writing two different posts and there’s a chance these may combine, so we’ll see how this goes. There are two topics that are in my mind a fair amount: gay fetishism by women authors (both in fanfic & professional writing), and how to translate fanfic writing skills to professional writing (and how it can fail). Miraculously, perhaps, the book I just read, How (Not) To Ask a Boy to Prom by SJ Goslee is a fairly good example of both of these. 

The problem with addressing gay fetishism among women authors is that when is it fetishistic versus well-meaning? It’s hard for me to say why the originators of gay slash fic wrote the way they did, but its hard to miss that when fanfic especially grew prominent, over 80% of writers were women. In Star Trek fandom, the first gay slash fic was published by a woman in 1974: A Fragment Out of Time. By 1973, 90% of ST fan writers were women. 

To clear the air a little: women writers can write good gay stories. One of series I am currently read, The Realm of the Elderlings by Robin Hobb, includes many gay men, some of which are centered POVs. I will not say she is a perfect author, but I deeply enjoy how she writes men. For a good portion of the series, she shows a man growing up: he starts as a young boy, and we see how the men around him teach him to be a man. A very good portion of the lessons stray away from toxic masculinity. He is still taught to be a man, and there are certain “this is a manly trait” aspects (although when she features women as forefront POV, she often includes very similar lessons: ultimately nothing is exclusive to one’s sex, but society is what it is and they may learn lessons differently or overcome different hurdles).

She addresses writing gay men in this interview: Here’s the thing - when I meet a person, their gender identity is most often not the most important thing about them. If we become friends, it’s not because my first impulse is, “I will be friends with you because you’re female.” I mean, there’s a lot of women I can’t stand. There’s a lot of men that I absolutely can spend hours talking to. There are a lot of people on the whole gender spectrum and whether I become friends with them or not has nothing to do with that, so when I am writing these characters, although in some ways gender can influence a plot - for instance, if you want the prince and the princess to get married and live happily ever after in a medieval setting, gender is going to influence that - but for the most part, gender is not much more important than who has blue eyes. What’s more important is who is a skilled navigator, who is tough enough to survive a bad situation, who can think on their feet and find the creative solution to a problem they haven’t encountered before, and that’s got nothing to do with gender. So it was not that I said, “Gee, I will write a book with gay characters.” It was, I’m writing a book, this character has stepped out onto the stage, he’s told me about him- or herself, and this is who they are. As I said: I’m not here to say that women cannot write gay stories. But there is also gay fetishism. I am both a gay man and a trans man; I get a lot of “OMG, you’ll love this!” and cis or straight people presenting me with things that appear inclusive or caring. I personally don’t find memes like “Steve Rogers is a transwoman!”** or whatever amusing. Am I, say, happy to see that Loki is canonically not straight nor cisgender? Yes. I love that. (Does that potentially make Victor von Doom not straight, uh, I like to think so.) I like reading LGBT+ stories, but a good portion of them may not interest me, especially if the writer isn’t part of that demographic and has a tendency to post a lot of art, writing, or discuss a lot of how hot, cute, or general appealing it is that a character or couple are LGBT. That creeps me out. I’m not alone. Very not alone. Absolutely not alone. Here’s another post, this time by a woman that I appreciate:

The worst thing,” one gay friend said, “is that [women in the slash community] aren’t listening to me. You’re not listening when I tell you that you’re being hurtful.”

What I find especially difficult to convey is the nuances to when women write gay men versus when men do. I’ve been trying to collect “gay stories written by gay men” although due to publishing bias, this can be very difficult: As a queer, trans reader, I looked forward to seeing myself in their pages. But I was surprised to find that some LGBTQ-focused stories were reflecting not me, but a straight person’s imagination of me. [Link 1]

The current transman story I like is seen in Early Riser by Jasper Fforde. The character utterly blindsided me in a great way: he never appeared “omg trans” until it was forced to come to light. I appreciate him as well, as a character, because in a harsh survival world, he is a man who survives well. I especially see a lot of “transmen are soft uwu such boi” and I despise this. I did not survive everything in my life to be diminished to pastels and cute/sweet and childish-boyish characteristics.  Similarly, as a gay man, I am not there to be pretty, to serve as a fashion guru for straight people, to be soft and pretty and welcoming. And that’s not how gay men write themselves. This isn’t how transmen write themselves. As a writer, I struggled a lot on how to depict trans characters, and my largest lesson (and I certainly hope to published one day, but who knows) is that I never saw good examples of myself because most typically they are written by straight, cis women.  So what is so wrong with Goslee’s How (Not) To Ask A Boy to Prom? (There will absolutely be spoilers.) The main character is a teen boy who has long hair, loves succulents aggressively, loves narwhals, and has no male friends. His school is supportive of gay men: a very popular football player is gay and has supportive friends, another gay teen (who becomes his boyfriend) has very supportive friends. For some reason, this gay teen is incapable to do anything for himself. He loves art, doesn’t do sports, doesn’t really connect with his foster parents, and seems overly attached to his sister. He is effectively a very flat and “soft” person. Some guys are, of course. Some gay guys are more art, less sports. But the other men? Si & Bern? They’re equally soft. Si is described as soft, beautiful, kind, sweet. He has zero personality. He is described the same way, every time, and is overly described as soft, all men are soft, it’s like they bathe in fabric softener. Bern, the “bad boy” is barely... That. He is supposed to be gruff to the main character, but for the good portion, he is like the main character (Nolan), and Si. They are all the same person, ultimately. 

Bloom might be a good comparison to How (Not) To Ask a Boy to Prom. This is written by a man (Kevin Pancetta) and illustrated by a woman (Savanna Ganucheau). I don’t like the character design. Most of the gay men I showed it to asked if at one of the guys (or both) are women. But it is a story about a frustrated kid who wants to move out of his small town to Baltimore (okay: as a Marylander who grew up in a very small town and eventually moved to Baltimore, I kinda.... Get this), but meets another man who is older, but not creepily too old for him, and its a romance & vague coming of age story. If you grew up in a small city as LGBT+, it’s hard to find your sense of self. You miss out a lot on life; I think Ari reflects that: he wants to be himself.  A lot of this enters into my point 2: The problem of being a fanfic writer, or the pitfalls of translating fanfic writing skills to professional writing. Nolan is not a person; he has no strong characteristics. We’re told he likes narwhals and succulents, he is a foster child, he’s gay, and I have trouble quantifying him the way I do Ari because he’s so devoid of personality. Si is probably the least developed character at all, as the “perfect, Apollo-esque gay football player.” Bern is maybe the most developed, going from gruff-mean guy to gay softy--a motorcycling math nerd.  The problems with fanfic writing is that it is based on knowing characters. As fanfic writers, we don’t have to nail down reality, because there’s a whole piece devoted to who they are. We’re just filling in those blanks. The author seems to primarily be a Teen Wolf fanfic writer (her bio lists “werewolves,” but her tumblr blog is very devoted to Teen Wolf, so well). This brings up another creepy pitfall, which is beyond slash fic writing, there is the aspect of word usage. If you’ve been following my vague live-reading, I’ve been posting about the massive references to “puppy” and other trends. It is creepy to read out of context. 

It seems, according to reviews, that Goslee has trouble with this in her other book, Whatever: or how junior high became totally f$@ked. She has a stream of consciousness that doesn’t explain the main character’s thoughts or the world very well. In fanfic writing, this would end up being a slow burn. “Oh, but are they really going to date?” etc. In How Not, Nolan fake-dates Bern, and googles this concept, finding fanfic works. This gets weird for me, because it’s supposed to be an inside joke, I guess? “Hey teeny nerds: fanfics” but most gay men I know have a difficult relationship with fanfic and with fan community due to fetishism. We get pressed out of spaces a fair amount because of it. (One link above, the Mary Sue one, discusses how women do this.) Of course, this is meant to be a cute, happy book, right? Alright, it’s a cute, upbeat story. Except we don’t get a very good baseline for the world. Bern & Si’s friends are supportive. We get a form of negativity from Bern’s mother, who wishes he’d date his ex-gf, I think? (Bern is bisexual.) Or maybe just date women. So is there homophobia in this world or not? We aren’t given a good sense how Nolan’s parents feel that he is gay? It seems to wholly not discuss his foster parents barring “they are aggressively competitive, Tom makes crazy food concoctions and Marla talks to him about dating Bern.” As a whole, the parents are extremely unimportant other than they provide a home and food. Are they unusual for the area? (And knowing PA, that state can have some major issues.) Or is it common in this world? Is there a reason to not hand-hold? Do they every worry about homophobia when outside school? Do the teachers say shit? There is a lot to consider. The world-building is deeply lacking. Beyond the lack of world, we get a lot of fanfic trope writing. A lot of this I’ve seen from people on my dash who are Teen Wolf fans. I used to like the show & follow TW blogs; I’m not a massive fanfic reader (*ahem* a lot of gay fetishism), but I have read it. For series like TW, you may see what I consider “animalistic tropes;” such as tackling, growling, etc. There is a lot of this. A lot of people are tackling each other to the ground, growling, and there’s this weird moment when Bern grabs the nape of Nolan’s neck that while some men do this, it felt very strange in the moment, particularly aggressively? Because the author openly admits to writing werewolf fanfic, it feels like that is what it is. For authors who write both fanfic and seek to write professionally, this is a consideration. For a gay reader, it’s really weird for a guy to grab another guy’s “nape of the neck” affectionately. (As someone who has worked around large predators, albeit primarily felids, grabbing the neck is a sexual behavior, but that just makes this weirder.) Anyways, it really struck out as weird; just very very weird. Bern is mentioned to not be into PDA (which later in the book, they do it a fair amount it seems, that is also very weird? this happens a fair amount). 

Another part is that there is a lot of use of the word puppy. It is frequents so often that I’d have to stop reading because it was grossing me out. It sounds like that author is into puppy play. This isn’t to kink shame, but this is a YA novel and she writes werewolf fanfic. It starts seemingly, albeit weirdly innocuous with moments like “Bern was smooth and graceful while I was still growing out of my puppy paws” and “She tilted her head like a puppy” and “I followed him up the stairs like a puppy.” But it keeps happening. Then people start growling at each other and it just... Gets a very specific note. Mixed in with how smooth and hairless and Adonis-like the teens are written, especially by an adult woman fan, it feels... Well... It makes my skin crawl. I’m not saying that the author means to. I’m really not trying to be like ‘Hey, guys, sexual predator?” I really, really want to address that that is not my intention. My intention is that this compounds on itself. In the links about how the slash side of fandom can make gay men uncomfortable: this is the perfect example.  I’ve been to events with fans and found myself, barring maybe my fiance, to be the only gay man there. If I’m shipping two characters, such as when I went to a TAZ photoshoot, and my fiance and I are the only gay cosplayers, and almost the only men period, whereas a lot of women are screaming about how cute Taako is, that gets uncomfortable. It’s not about this one fandom. It’s all fandoms. Every single one has had this fetishization problem. It’s why I never entered the Lord of the Rings fandom. I was in middle school and found “my first” fandom, only to see all of the fanfic about Sam/Frodo ships and it grossed me out. As a teen boy, it creeped me out, that all these men had to be sexual to each other, and as I only came across women shipping men, it made it more and more ostracizing.  Maybe I should have addressed this earlier, but: Not all fetishization is sexual. It can be romantic, too. How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom’s relationships are about a teen boy who doesn’t want to date or go to prom. His sister makes him ask out Si, the big popular gay guy. Nolan/the author mocks the GSA (gay-straight alliance) club. While there are problems with some GSAs*, the author, a seemingly straight woman, is mocking an LGBT+ space. There is a chance she is bisexual; I haven’t managed to find otherwise, and that’s how this will appear to many people, as she has a husband. I will also note: a bisexual woman’s experience will differ from a gay man’s experience, and sometimes LGBT+ folks need to not speak for/over each other.  Nolan ends up fake-dating Bern due to a mistake, and there’s a bit of problem I have, with how for a good portion of the book, these gay teens “need to FAKE date”. Worse to me, is that Nolan, upon realizing he likes Bern, breaks up with him and ends up sleeping (non-sexually) in a bed with his sister, deciding to go to prom together. For a straight/cis-presenting women to write this, it’s... Got a lot of different baggage to it. Especially with how idealistic (but not for gay men) she writes the characters, it gets worse and worse. It makes the gay character seem just a little less gay. His relationship with his sister is odd. It’s not “cool” to really hang out with your sister at school; I know, I had a step sister & brother. We were all roughly the same age. If these two went to prom together in the real world? They would be mocked. Also, it really makes Nolan appear not actually gay. As a gay writer, I would have him, if not go at all, go stag. The message here is: it’s better to be straight than gay and without a boyfriend. Hence how it becomes fetishistic: Nolan’s sister, both of which are older teens (around 17-18 or so) sleep together in a bed. It may not be “coded as sexual” but it is ignorant of the history that “maybe gay men can be fixed.” They even dance at prom. This is one step below asking your mother to prom. She is still his sister. It creates a narrative that he, out of the blue, dumps his boyfriend to then sleep/cuddle with his sister and they go to prom. Again, this is seen more in fanfic: we often, especially with adopted siblings, see closeness that can become romantic or sexual. I have a fair amount of friends who are adopted and this trope style is infinitely horrifying to them. It makes them feel like that society doesn’t view them as actually family. It is also a real problem: adopted family members (especially kids) have been abused by their adopted family, as if “it’s okay, they’re not actually biologically family.”

While he does eventually get back together with Bern, it’s after prom that he does this. I don’t even know why Bern accepts him. Nolan has been truly awful to this guy. Goslee doesn’t seem to understand how tenuous gay men’s statuses are. This can be held against Nolan, if not for the simple creepy fact that he sleeps and goes to prom with his sister, that he goes to prom with a woman, he may get a lot of “But are you really gay?” comments. Especially because Nolan dates only one man before going to prom with his sister (and is the one to dump his boyfriend, who he was fake-dating).

Is there more on this I could write? Yes. I probably could, but I also have to get ready to go to a movie with my fiance. So uh... Maybe there will be a part 2? We’ll see. _______ *I personally was forced out of my college’s GSA because the group was actually gay/bisexual people having orgies. So, yea, there’s some problems with certain LGBT+ spaces and being actually open to LGBT+ folks. It was also extremely transphobic and ace-phobic.  **My point with this for clarification is that: I don’t want to be bribed with “lol this person is LGBT+ cuuuute!?” headcanon or otherwise. I am fine with that form of headcanoning, or AUs, but the idea of playing with gender identity and pulling it off as cute, especially by cis or straight people is skeevy and at best, ignorant, at worst, fetishistic.  Link List: LGBT Exploitation in Fandom: we are not here for your entertainment

Fetishizing Homosexuality

gbpt boys’ ask about women readers of mlm stories

The Mary Sue’s On The Fetishization of Gay Men by Women in the Slash Community

Why Are So Many Gay Romances Written By Straight Women?

The Lack of Published Gay YA by Gay Authors? Let’s Talk About It

#long post #lgbt #gay issues #lgbt issues #fandom #fandom issues

[compassionisobligatory]

Performative?

First of all, I love Ann Leckie’s post on On Performance and Sincerity, the main point of which I will summarize as: as social creatures almost everything we do is a performance - it’s done so that other people will see us do them - but often those performances are sincere - we really deeply mean what we do and say. So when people use phrases like “performative allyship” I think that what is meant is insincere allyship - “doing it for the SJ points.” 

While I think I get the idea of performative allyship - the things you do so that other people will consider you a good person and not because you want to or because you think that doing them is actually good - I’m really confused by how widely I see this concept applied?

Like, at the level of institutions I totally believe that almost all actions are performative or “image conscious” because there’s going to be a communications department full of humans doing full-time brand management. Here’s a great post by Sara Ahmed about “Equality Credentials” which is about ways that corporations can do diversity work with a focus on brand and appearance (in contrast to a focus on just or solving problems).

It’s just, is this really common among random people living their life? Like, I guess I get that we do often sort of have personal brands - and we have things that maybe we love that we don’t share because we think people will make fun of us or we’ll lose credibility etc. But I guess I sort of assume that most people are being pretty earnest? And like, maybe the reason that I like X or think X is a good idea is because all of my friends do too, but I’m not consciously going “X will keep my friends happy” I’m just like “oh, my friends like X, so I guess X is pretty cool, I’ll go and join in X too, this is so fun!” is that also what people mean by “performative”? Because that’s not what I’m picturing when I hear the word?

I guess also like “performative” makes me picture that the performance is for other people. If I do something so that I can maintain my self-image as a good person, does that still count as “performative”? I don’t know? I just think that most people live pretty close to their feelings and aren’t doing this whole calculation? But maybe I’m underestimating what a great group of schemers we are? I also think that people are very vulnerable to a pattern where when we start with insincerity our desire for our actions and beliefs to be coherent applies a harmonizing pressure on our beliefs until we are sincere?

I mean, I’ll definitely be like “oh, I know that this is something people will yell at me if I post, maybe I won’t because I don’t have the energy for that fight” or even just not wanting to upset friends or “well, this looks like it’s the topic of the day, I want to participate in the conversation so I guess I’ll read the story and then post my thoughts.” I mean, that’s a performance because it’s done with an

Like, asking for pronouns is a practice that I’m fairly skeptical of, and it’s also definitely catching-on among the population that self-describes as “cis allies” but I think that they genuinely do it primarily because they think that it is helpful or good or beneficial for non-binary or trans people, and not primarily so that their friends will praise them for being good allies? Am I just naive? 

I feel basically the same way about performative or edgy racism? I take people at their word and I believe that they are expressing their real feelings in a way that gives them deniability. I mean, it’s hard for me to understand someone who genuinely empathized with and saw as fully human the targets of their “jokes” still making those jokes?

Is it really possible to lie constantly and not at some point be convinced that you are telling the truth?

[voltz03]

[TRANS/NETIZEN] SNSD confirmed to release 6th full length album in August

[Article] ‘10th Debut Anniversary’ SNSD, full blast in August as a whole group

1. [+4300 -286] Almost all their colleague girl groups are disbanding, but it’s amazing that SNSD celebrates 10th Anniversary

2. [+3010 -240] Finally  ㅠㅠㅠㅠLooking forward to it a lot  ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ I hope SM would work well as much as them for their 10th Anniv. Because the members are always doing well 

3. [+2986 -249] SNSD hwaiting!

4. [+3195 -331] If you look at it, the reason why SNSD keeps afloat this far is because all the members have an entertainment talent. Even if the group itself is active or when they do individual activities, I can see people who don’t enough skills in entertainment but I think everyone in SNSD is going to be okay in any direction. 

5. [+2340 -227] Already anticipating SNSD

6. [+702 -58] Almost all their peers who debuted with SNSD are disbanding. They’re the only one left. Hwaiting

7. [+669 -55] I want you to show us the power of a girl group

8. [+640 -51] Oh yes Soshi Soshi! The legendary SNSD will finally come out with a comeback  ㅜㅜㅜㅜ I want to see you soon Soshi

9. [+606 -52] Looking forward to it  ㅎㅎ

10. [+666 -75] It’s SNSD’s 6th album already

11. [+525 -39] It’s going to be a competition on August 5. But they’re going to have a fanmeeting at a Olympic Hall where girl groups hold their concert

12. [+538 -50] there are idols who are good these days, but still non can follow SNSD. They’re legend,  it’s rude to compare them

13. [+513 -42] I like Lion Heart so much~ looking forward to the song~

14. [+496 -38] I’m really anticipating. I’m having fun watching Soshi’s stage

15. [+496 -49] it’s really out now  ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ yoo hoo

16. [+464 -42] SNSD’s credibility

17. [+415 -37] Gee, Genie, Oh!, Hoot, The Boys, I Got A Boy, looking forward to their 7th glory day  

18. [+392 -36] Oh yeah I’m completely excited. Looking forward to the comeback  ♥♥ I wish they’d release Into The New World Ballad Ver as a digital  ㅠㅠㅠㅠ♥♥

19. [+392 -36] Looking forward to the comeback, hwaiting Soshi~

20. [+298 -21] I’m seeing a lot of girl group disbanding but not much on boy groups., It feels great to see SNSD. I want you to show us that a girl group can also last a long long time like boy groups do. I’ll support you!!!!

Source: OSEN via Naver

[Article] ‘10th Aniversary’ SNSD, ‘The final boss of girl group’ who will show their own musicality

1. [+2150 -213] Looking forward to SNSD’s 10th Anniv comeback. I hope it’ll be as great as the period of their inactivity

2. [+1709 -179] SNSD, Let’s hit daebak with 10th Anniv

3. [+1507 -170] Looking forward to SNSD’s 10th Anniv activity in August this year

4. [+1410 -161] Soshi always never disappoints! Looking forward to their activity this time  ♡♡

5. [+1316 -170] Soshi, let’s hit daebak. Right Now, In the future, forever SNSD

6. [+357 -39] there are times when they want to do personal activities, but it’s really good to be doing an activity like this  ㅠㅠ

7. [+341 -40] I think it makes me proud to see SNSD , it’s touching at the same time, It makes me more sad to see them again  from the 2nd gen girl group

8. [+319 -34] Groups who had debuted at the same time with SNSD are disbanding, I want SNSD to stay in the yard for a long long time... even if we’re flooded with trendy new girl groups, and no longer as good as the old days, they will become the first long running girl group just like Shinhwa. If one day they disbands, it feels like my school days are completely gone  ㅠㅠ

9. [+335 -48] As time goes by i think the balance between the Soshi members is very good. 

10. [+321 -47] I’m supporting Soshi’s Anniversary  6th full album!

11. [+247 -26] Be successful Soshi!

12. [+221 -18] I’ll look forward to the 10th Anniversary with SNSDa fans

13. [+210 -15] Right now, in the future, forever SNSD. Let’s go on for a long time.  ❤

14. [+340 -57] Girl Group final boss.. no matter how many girl groups we have now, SNSD is still alive and a trend with a top title. Still a good group no matter how many records are broken. But the 10 years made by the 8 members won’t change, they will have more stories to write in the future. 

15. [+230 -24] There’s no group who have tried diverse music like SNSD

16. [+206 -16] SM please do it right this time.. I remember what you’d done to SJ’s 10th Anniv before ㅠㅠ SM please work harder. How long has it been since Lion Heart. Soshi 10th Anni activity, let’s hit daebak

17. [+212 -20] Anticipating SNSD

18. [+216 -26] if it’s a girl group, expect Soshi

19. [+199 -24] Let’s go for a lifetime SNSD

20. [+132 -4] the fanmeeting is in Olympic Hall. Wow, they must’ve prepared well.

Source: Ilgan Sports via Naver

Trans by @crownprincesone

#SNSD #Girls' Generation #소녀시대 #2017 #comeback

[tentacleteapot]

#long post #sorry #boring trans stuff