#oh yeah I'm depressed

[sirhampter]

#I found a text generator #I like to have fun sometimes #epic guitar riff #oh yeah I'm depressed #depression #cool text #fire

[shadowboxmind]

Maybe a hot take, but I don't think the Traveler was being inconsistent or out of character in the last archon quest at all. People are getting upset at their reaction to Lyney and Lynette's behavior from the perspective of players, with meta knowledge of the story that the Traveler, the character, doesn't have.

The players know, for example, that because they're playable characters, Lyney and Lynette are ultimately friendly and on "our" side, and we can also trust that what they told us about their backstory is true. The Traveler does not have that knowledge.

TO BE CLEAR this post is talking about my thoughts on the TRAVELER'S thought process. If we want to talk about how I personally would have reacted to the situation, I'm an overly trusting bleeding-heart who would absolutely get scammed and probably murdered by Fatui in this universe.

(Also characters, even main characters who you normally like, can do things you disagree with and that doesn't mean they're badly written. I mean, sometimes they are, but I don't think that's true in this particular case)

But think about it! Looking at the entire situation from an in-universe, in-character POV, it's a really bad look for Lyney and Lynette overall, because here are the facts as the Traveler is aware of them:

Lyney and Lynette are not only members of the Fatui, the primary antagonistic force in this story, but are specifically members of the House of the Hearth, which is known to specialize in espionage, subterfuge, and sabotage.

Both of them also work in a field that would further require them to be masters of misdirection, audience manipulation, and drama.

They "coincidentally" ran into the Traveler right as they arrived in Fontaine and immediately began to do them favors and be very friendly, including saving them from Furina, bringing them to meet their family, and gifting them VIP tickets to Lyney's show.

During the trial, the twins withheld key information, and not just about their identities (and listen, I get it, I fully empathize with why they did it, I get the reasoning, but it's still a bad look when it gets figured out) but also about what they were doing in the tunnel.

They admitted that the entire magic show was a ruse to do, guess what? espionage! To break into the room with the Oratrice's core and find out how it works. To, through subterfuge, obtain Fontaine's secrets about the nation's most important mechanism and central source of power.

The Traveler has known these people for like, a day total.

So what conclusions might the Traveler draw from these facts? When the evidence shows that Lyney and Lynette have a record of misdirection and obfuscation for their own ends? When the Traveler has no way of knowing if even their initial meeting was orchestrated for an ulterior purpose? How are they supposed to know if the tragic backstory is even true, or if that's just Lyney trying to win back some favor and sympathy? In my opinion, at that moment, they don't. Hence the coldness.

My interpretation of events is that the Traveler does like the twins, and wanted to keep liking them, but was struggling to reconcile their initial impression of two friendly magicians with the realization that these two friendly magicians were dishonest with them for most of the time they'd known each other, so they needed to have some space to figure that out.

And for those saying the Traveler is inconsistent, here's the thing: they still helped Lyney. They still acted as his attorney, investigated thoroughly, won the case, and cleared his name. They've done similar for other Fatui members in their acquaintance—they helped Childe with Teucer, they helped Scaramouche/Wanderer with getting his memories back, they helped that other member of the House of the Hearth fake her death and escape the organization—whether or not they fully trusted them, and generally they didn't.

As for the Traveler's supposed hypocrisy, my view of their relationship with Childe is that it's only improved because, despite Childe trying to nuke Liyue in the past, the Traveler knows that

a. They can handle him if it comes down to a fight again; b. He likes them, regardless of if the feeling is mutual or not, and is indeed aggressively friendly to the point where it's easier to just be civil; c. Childe is generally upfront and honest about his actions and will strike from the front, not stab them in the back; and d. He's worked together with them before when they had a common goal (for example, the labyrinth they went through with Xinyan).

They know how his mind works and what motivates him. Childe is a known quantity, the twins are not, and it took in-story time and shared experiences for the Traveler to get to even this point of neutrality; they were openly suspicious of him during his story quest.

As for holding his Vision for him, the Traveler didn't exactly volunteer for the job, Childe literally threw it at them with no warning and peaced out. What do you expect them to do, drop it in the sea? That would be inconsistent with their characterization.

Wanderer's whole situation is even weirder, since the Traveler was able to experience his actual memories and emotions and therefore has good reason to trust that he's had a genuine change of heart. Not to mention that they're not friends, I'd argue they're in that same nebulous "neutral" zone, and that only because Nahida usually functions as a buffer (and also because, again, the Traveler knows that they can handle Wanderer in a fight, and Wanderer also tends to be blunt and honest).

Also, in Lyney's story quest it seems like everyone got over their problems pretty fast and they're all chummy now, so you can all rest easy that the twins' feelings weren't too hurt about it.

Anyways if you disagree go ham, refute my points, whatever, just keep things civil.

#is there a designated spoiler tag idk #genshin impact #4.0 spoilers #hi non genshin-liking friends i promise i won't be doing this regularly #i just like to think about character relationships #ace attorney ass quest #genuinely rather disappointed that there was no... tension between them in lyney's story quest. like at all #the last time y'all saw each other was dramatic and depressing right after his murder trial and now you're just pals 'n' buddies #and maybe more considering how heavily they imply that lyney is flirting with the traveler #maybe they'll touch on it (the Drama) in the next archon quest #now that would be inconsistent writing with the story quest but whatever #i read comics i'm used to it #shadowboxtalks #speaking of the story quest i said out loud at several points 'oh yeah you're definitely a fatuus' #all that about not forgetting debts #and 'oh yeah you're definitely from the house of the hearth' #sneaky little shits (affectionate)

[mamawasatesttube]

timcassie is so compelling to me. they were not into each other even a little bit. it was such a messy coping mechanism fuelled entirely by grief. they were making out with each other because they were both substituting each other for kon. cassie was far more aware she was doing this than tim was. unironically, dating a girl here is one of the gayest things tim has done

#rimi talks #it is SO messy and its so fun. i don't think geoff even realized the implications but they sure are there when you read it #god... you know its BAD when modern comics have me missing tt03 of all Fucking comics #but like. todays ''tell don't show'' writers would N E V E R do something this interesting #tom taylor would be all. oh! tim we shouldn't kiss. i'm just substituting you for kon because i miss him and you were his best friend! #and then he'd have tim go oh wow cassie you're right i didn't realize that! my bad. all forgiven? yay!!! :) #GOD YOU KNOW ITS BAD OUT HERE WHEN I THINK *GEOFF* DID SOMETHING RIGHT. GOD. GOD #GEOFF MY MORTAL ENEMY GEOFF. grits teeth yeah geoffrey i have to give you this one............ #its just such a deliciously unhealthy coping mechanism. theyre a MESS. theyre using each other. theyre only able to go on bc of each other #its not a romance but it IS a codependency #bart isn't even dead yet when this happens. like. he's just off being the flash. #bart (extremely depressed bc he couldnt stop sbp and hold him in the speed force forever): :| ok #not his circus. not his monkeys. #well it is his monkeys even if he left the circus. but he's too depressed to deal with it #but its so fun. this relationship is haunted. there's a ghost in the middle. they both want to kiss him instead of each other. #tim #cassie #timcassie

[withacapitalp]

Out of This World

Read it on AO3 instead

Tw: Depression

There was a black hole inside of Steve. 

He would lie down flat on his back in the living room. The stone floor beneath him would pull his mind down from wherever it liked to drift to, and he would be able to focus enough to  stare at the ceiling, put his hands on his stomach, and breathe deep into the sensation. 

When things got really bad, it was like he could physically feel it. A dark mass that spread out from his core and swallowed everything around it. If he flipped over to lie on his stomach and press his cheek to the cold marble, then it would sprout out of his back like demon wings, menacing and grim. 

He had never told anyone about it, but he was sure everyone knew. That was the thing about black holes, they dragged everything towards them. He was a magnetic person, people were drawn to him, but when they got close and saw that there was nothing inside, they ran. The empty expanse living in Steve was terrifying. 

He was the only one who couldn’t escape himself. 

No matter what he did, inevitably he would be reminded of what was inside of him. He could try to be happy, but he had to remember it wouldn’t last. 

Steve could mess around with the kids, dance along to the radio with Robin, try and love the people who chose to stay with everything he had, but the black hole would always return. It would suck up whatever joy he had tried to grow, making it disappear in the blink of an eye, lost to whatever cosmos existed beyond the gnawing hunger in Steve’s stomach. 

It was like it was starving, like he was starving, but not for food. There was nothing Steve could give to make it go away, nothing that would satiate whatever was stuck inside of him. There was just the all encompassing need to have more, to get something that would kill the loneliness that lived there. 

And, when the people around him realized that they really couldn’t make that black hole go away, they left. They ran to keep themselves from getting pulled in, and Steve couldn’t blame them. He had spent most of his life trying to run from himself. 

Even now, lying in bed with Eddie late on Sunday morning, he could feel the first nudges of gravity shifting, the quiet stirrings of empty space needing to be acknowledged. 

There was a black hole living inside of Steve, and nothing he could do to change that.  

“God I swear it’s like you’re the sun,” Eddie sleepily whispered against his chest, unknowingly cutting straight through the icy black tendrils starting to creep up Steve’s spine. 

“The sun?” Steve said, feeling something finally touch the cold dark thing living in his stomach. 

“You just keep us alive and warm, don’t you Stevie?” Eddie mumbled, still half asleep, “Pull everyone into your orbit and make sure none of us go flying off into space alone,” 

Eddie was already starting to snore by the time Steve jogged himself out of his stunned silence enough to kiss the top of his boyfriend’s head and whisper a reverent declaration of love. 

Sometimes Steve felt like there was a black hole living inside of him.

And sometimes he was reminded not everyone saw it that way. 

#tw: depression #Steve harrington #Eddie munson #steddie #steddie ficlet #steddie fic #stranger things #st4 #st #Steve harrington has ptsd #Steve harrington has depression #Am I projecting? #Ohhhh yeah #nah it's a real weird night lads #((You miss ONE day of meds and it's like oh yeah no I remember why I take these)) #Anywho #This probably isn't my best writing but it just kind of clawed its way out of my chest #So here we are #Yeah I'm having an interesting one #It'll pass #Thigns always do #but till then at least I have good ol Stevie to use as my metaphorical little me #Liam speaks up #Writing(withacapitalW)

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[meraki-yao]

This is a mess of a brain rot

So once upon a time I wrote some ideas of what would happen if we put Nick's characters in a room

Yesterday I was reading a fic from Chinese RWRB fandom where George (Mary & George, Nick) Marco (The Kissing Booth, Taylor), and Tom (The Beneath My Feet, Nick) were side characters and school friends with the daughter oc of the fic

All of them are pre-teens, Tom is an adorable, shy baby, George is the prettiest boy in school and has boys literally falling over their feet for his smile, and Marco is Tom's boyfriend who walks him home and defends him from bullies (as much as a boyfriend as a kid can be)

And I was reminded of a fic series from my other fandom (it's Chinese) where the author basically rounded up the actors' other characters (who kinda had either no chemistry or a shit relationship storyline in their original work), made them housemates, and basically paired them up and created a big cross over rom-com

And I immediately started brainstorming and thinking of an RWRB/ Taylor Nick Universe version of the same concept: Henry as an Eng Lit student and Alex a Law student, Robert (Cinderella, Nick) can be Henry's cousin who's doing a musical theatre degree, Marco, Tom, Johnnie (High Strung, Nick) (and maybe Conor (Handsome Devil, Nick)?) could all be music students, George's whole trajectory maybe can be translating into a sugar daddy situation still with some form of King James, maybe all of Nick's characters are in one apartment complex and all of Taylor's characters neighbouring them etc etc... This whole idea got me so freaking excited

And then a slew of questions flooded my mind: How do I want to do this? Comic? Ask blog? Fic? Bullet point posts? Am I gonna commit to this? Is there even an audience for this? How much bullshit can I come up with?

Also, what the fuck am I gonna do with the characters? I only really know Henry, Alex, Conor, Marco, and maybe Robert, and maybe Timmy. I don't really have the time or the interest to watch all of the boys' filmography (sorry I love the boys with all my heart but I'm a really plot-driven viewer when it comes to shows/movies), what am I gonna do with that? What am I gonna do with shipping? I say this with all the love for Taylor but Nick does have a larger filmography thus more characters than he does, and even just with Marco I have no idea who to pair him up with because there are so many possible good ship dynamics but I prefer just sticking to one ship? What the fuck?

Yeah I don't fucking know if there's a point I'm trying to make or a conclusion I'm trying to reach but here ya go Welcome to the mess that is my mind

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry hanover stuart fox #firstprince #marco peña #tom heath #george villiers #meraki fic #maybe? #rwrb rambles #I have no idea what the fuck this is at this point #it's half part midnight i'm delirious and depress and this is keeping me alive lmao #oh yeah Hayes was also in the fic but he was just mentioned and his setting is pretty much the same

[dnangelic]

dark obviously hates being called dark-kun over literally anything else like dark-sama or Just Dark but it's also nice when a muse recognizes that he is or at least should be just like. 17.

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT. #the occasional childish behavior is rlly important to his character if only because him being old as fuck is something #he rlly doesnt gloat about or bring up most of the time #bc how much of that was even him living. he's stuck in the metaphorical basement. he can only ever watch w such brief breaths of existence #hes put himself into depression and a learned helplessness over shit. he sleeps constantly #muts that grimace when i say 'imagine being 17 for 2000 yrs' understand though 😂i trust them #hes always somewhere in between 'oh yeah i TOTALLY know what i'm doing' and not actually knowing anything. ever #very equatable to the older bro hiking his boots up cause he's got daisuke to take care of and all the adults in their canon are #either unapproachable or useless outside of the niwa fam members itself #hes gotta puff himself up to be the responsible one to be bigger to be relied on alllllll the time by everyone else who wants or needs him! #well. anyways. i digress #point is i hope dark comes off as 17 sometimes even if it's in a way that makes people want to tear out their hair

[tittyinfinity]

My neurodivergencies and mental illnesses overlap so much that you could diagnose me with about anything at this point

#ocd and autism put together? must tap on things. must tap in specific rythm. or die. my whole life #adhd and autism? oh i cant focus but when i do that's all ill focus on for months or years #i can't pay attention but i have a photographic memory! so that didn't affect me much in school #also w the ocd and autism i constantly have to be picking at my skin in some way #whether it be dandruff my lips scabs or just chewing on the inside of my cheeks #like i can never stop no matter what #oh and another great thing about ocd and autism put together is that you get Echolalia² #this thing is going to repeat in the background of your head for months #and also you must sometimes say/sing it out loud randomly or you will explode #i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and BPD also #manic and depressive episodes? turned out that was literally just dependent on my pain med prescription #rapid cycling emotions can come from all of those #i also have psychosis episodes and delusions! and hallucinations! wee! #oh and let's put a littlr sprinkle of C-PTSD on top of everything. just for fun #''anxiety disorder'' that was me freaking out about masking and how everyone would judge me #major depressive disorder? yeahhhh there's always that base level of despair #like I'm pretty sure the ocd adhd and autism are like one Whole Thing together #i hear the symptoms of all of those and im like yeah that's me! that's also me! shit! that's also me! #WHY IS THERE SO MUCH WRONGGGG #.bdo

[lord-squiggletits]

I need to reread the comics again to have specific arguments/evidence for this, but like

I feel a bit like I could've been sympathetic to the way other Cybertronian colonies view Cybertron, if it weren't for the fact that at least several of them (as in, ones that get notable dialogue/screen time) are so low-key self-righteous?

Like, idk... there's a lot of criticism of Cybertronians because they're so "warlike" and how their obsession with violence and vengeance is just dragging the whole galaxy down with them, but uh. The Autobot-Decepticon war was basically a product of societal ills bubbling over for like 6 million years beforehand and then finally boiling over into a 4 million year war that lasted as long as it did because the people involved had immense social/psychological trauma from being "raised" in an oppressive society.

So when the colonists come in being all 'omg you people are so violent and uncivilized why don't you just like, stop fighting' it kind of pissed me off a little bit as a reader/person like. Idk the colonists really came into this society of people full of massive amounts of trauma where even before the war society was super oppressive and no one has any experience of living "normal" lives unaffected by violence and bigotry. And the colonists were like "ummm wow why don't you guys just??? stop fighting???." Like idk it wasn't EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, in fact I think that when it was played for laughs it's quite a funny "fridge horror" type element. It was just annoying because like.... IDK???? It's just really annoying to watch a bunch of people who lived relatively sheltered lives on their own planets come to a different planet full of traumatized people and be like "omg why are you people so fucked up" IDK BRO MAYBE BECAUSE THEIR SOCIETY WAS OPPRESSIVE AND THEY LIVED THROUGH A LIFELONG WAR???

It also doesn't help that the colonies were literally founded based on imperialism and conquest so like, it's fucking rich to hear colonists scolding Cybertronians for their violence ruining the whole galaxy while literally sitting on planets that their Primes colonized from others. The hypocrisy of this is briefly mentioned in Unicron (literally the FINAL STORY OF THE SERIES) but like, that's basically the only time Cybertronian characters are given a reprieve of sympathy from other characters in universe and it's so tiresome.

I've talked to other people who didn't like the colonists and thought they basically (narratively speaking) existed just to shit on the existing characters, and it's actually really easy for me to sympathize with/outright agree with that assessment of the story considering how much of exRID/OP seems to be preoccupied with "Cybertron/the Primes/Optimus sucks" with very few reprieves for anything positive happening and even fewer chances for characters to get to explain themselves and experience a little bit of justice? Like, as the audience, it's just very frustrating to see the characters you spent hundreds of issues keeping up with get shit on by a bunch of "literally-who"s and then not really get a chance to ever defend themselves, either by literally defending themselves in conversation or having some sort of narrative thing happening that vindicates them at least symbolically

#squiggposting #paused work to muse about this which i prolly shouldn't have lol #oh well i'll still get stuff done #like idk an example of this is how pyra criticized OP for using religion to manipulate people #(lets just ignore how she said she would teach OP but never actually did) #but in the story there's never any sort of confrontation where pyra learns about history or talks with OP #and OP gets to be like. yeah on my planet primes fucking sucked and i'm the only one trying to redeem their image #also ive been fighting an endless war that lasted 4 mil years in which me being a shining figurehead was basically #the sole motivating force keeping my army from just collectively succumbing to endless despair #and i also had to use this shining figurehead image i had to keep the opposing army from genociding a bunch of organics #like not once does OP get to express his side of things he's basically just shit upon endlessly by other characters as he keeps doing plot #i feel like i had another example but i can't recall who/what was involved lmao #like idk it's not just that barber's writing is depressing and dark and edgy. i LIKE stories that do that kind of thing #it's just that it feels a bit as if the story is ENDLESSLY depressing and dark and edgy with almost no reprieve #as if it's mostly presenting the flaws of the characters with no chance for them to justify or redeem themselves #idk i feel like there was another better point/example i was gonna make but i can't remember it #like idk i guess a dark depressing story would've been better if the characters at least got to defend themselves #bc as is it basically feels like they (esp OP) get shit on endlessly and never once get to express anything about it #so like. they get shit on in universe. but also as the reader since there's never a contradicting viewpoint or the character defending them #it's as if you're supposed to take this one-sided criticism of them at face value and it just doesn't seem fair AS THE READER #if i read about OP getting shit on by some people and defended by others and also him expressing his opinion on himself #then that just feels like a normal fair narrative where i get to take sides #but if it's just OP being shit on and he hardly expresses much about it #then it feels like i as the reader am expected to agree with the portrayal being shown? #but in reality the portrayal just feels negative and unfair and one sided to me #and why the fuck do i want to read a story that's just the characters i know and like on an endless shame parade #also shout out to 'literally who' aka slide calling OP 'literally fascist' lmao #one of the most cringe moments of the entire comic. wait no. i can think of a more cringe Slide Moment #when unicron is about to destroy the planet and trypticon is getting shot and dying(?) in the background #and the story decides to pause and focus on Slide so she can monologue about how evil and tyrannical OP is

[b4kuch1n]

done with the current dip pen comm queue (just in time for another Nib Accident too lol. I’m learning how to take care of the tools as well) so uh! it’ll take me two days to get a replacement and get some other stuff done. which means slots will be available again this saturday!

#bakuspeech #thank you my first pen nib (in all manners that count really). you've served me extremely well #especially for how I treated you lmao #you know what. gonna pin it to my corkboard later. it deserves a place on there #I think it's specifically because I'm using a pretty thick non-water-based ink I got a Long time ago #for brush inking when I was doing that. and boy oh boy does it dry Thicque #and it dries really fast. so by the time I get to wiping my pen it's already caked there lol #so I might have to try using other inks as well. knowledge! learning! #I'm thinking opening for comm at noon instead of night like last time? so folks with different schedules can see it lmao #but yeah. I'll take my time! I'll mess around with it. its been real #I wanna start drafting the comic proper and stuff... Im so glad I'm still so excited about doing this after over a week lol #really kinda what I needed after the March Madness (adhd induced nonsense depression) #hope folks who've got a comm from me so far enjoyed what I drew!!

[shu-of-the-wind]

everything about kakashi makes ten times more sense as a fellow adult who also is alive mostly against their own will actually

#kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #like that motherfucker is DEPRESSED depressed #and as a child i didnt get it #and now i'm thirty and i'm like. oh #oh yeah. he just doesn't want to be alive. okay. that tracks now #alix rewatches naruto

[nohoperadio]

I've made the beanfluencer beans enough times now that I've used up two full jars of miso paste, and the reason this is high praise is because miso paste is exactly the kind of grocery I would typically buy for a recipe I only make once and never find another use for and throw it away after two months cos it's gone bad. Feels pleasantly novel to be low on a jarred substance and have to buy more of it because I want more.

BONUS MISO TRUTH: I first went vegan (from vegetarian) when I was 18, I chose as the transition day the exact day I moved out of my mom's place to start uni, which was a horrible decision for countless reasons, among which was the fact that I had essentially no experience at all with cooking or indeed food shopping at this point. And 2010 was a very different era, at least where I am there wasn't like a bunch of stuff labelled "plant-based" on the shelves, food brands didn't acknowledge the concept at all and it wasn't that uncommon to meet people who didn't even know what vegan meant. Veganism was genuinely hard mode back then. Anyway one of the first purchases I made in my new life was a thing of miso paste, because it was one of the few real food items I found in the store that was vegan-legal, but I didn't know what the fuck it was and all I could think to do with it was smear it thickly on some toast. Which tasted really bad! So I threw it away. And that's roughly how good I was at veganism and indeed all of the rest of my life for about the next five years.

#god fuck this is why I should never talk about my life #I'm like “oh that's a fun story” but then I realize it's always just incoherent babbling that's equal parts confusing and depressing #jesus CHRIST #...well anyway yeah these are really good beans you should try them! #I'm probably more excited to eat bread in the context of these beans than in any other context #that's my pitch! #uninteresting

[kinnbig]

🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

#this is so incredibly stupid #but i've just spent such a long time worrying about my physical health and everything going on with that #(and there's still so much weirdness and uncertainty and scariness going on with my physical health) #but it just somehow never occured to me that i'm also depressed. #like. i had BAD depression as a teenager but i've been mostly mentally okay in the last 5 years. my issues have mostly been physical. #and then these last few months since all this scary health stuff started happening i've been so lethergic and unmotivated #and have been isolating myself from my friends #and struggling to find fun in any of the things that i love #i've been sad and stressed and empty but somehow. SOMEHOW. i did not consider that i was suffering from some Mental Unwellness dfkjfdjkdjkf #i just thought i was being pathetic #🫠🫠🫠 #it sounds so stupid but now i realise i actually feel a bit better? #like oh. OH! depression! i hate you but i know what you are! #i'm not just a bad friend and an embarrassingly pathetic creature. there's a reason!!!!! #and there are ways to deal with it!!! #cool!!! #but also like it makes sense?! i'm incredibly sick and in a lot of pain and spending so much time getting tests and worrying #of course that's going to affect my mental health lol. #okay. anyway. yeah #tbd

[eddis-not-eeddis]

Dealing with newcomer's embarrassment gets easier if you are surrounded by people you have no respect for.

#oh this other professional saw me do something stupid that messed up my paperwork? #but she does shady things worse than the mistake i just made on purpose to make a buck #oh i just said something dumb to my boss #give him a few hours and he'll say something even dumber to me #oh no the guy who has been working at this job for twenty years just saw me make a rookie mistake #agony abounds but he just did six other things a lot worse than I did all in one day so i'll live with it #oh no the manager is a little disappointed with my performance? #so what he's a pushover and he won't say or do anything about it anyway i'll do better next time #oh no my one coworker hates my guts #she hate's everyone else's guts too and literally never shuts up about it #i'm not special #it sounds kind of depressing--and it can be #but i have a lot of affection for these people regardless of their issues #i just don't really let my failures around them bother me too much anymore because i honestly don't care what these people think of me #i'm not going to make the same mistakes ever again #but i don't have to let this stuff keep me up at night because i did something wrong #if i'm not going to go to them for advice why do i care what they think about me? #it was something that i realized a few months ago and ever since it's made things a LOT easier to deal with #plus #these people aren't dwelling on my failures either #they all have their own stuff going on #yeah they might harp on it for a while bit new things will come up and eventually they forget #they aren't thinking about me that much anyway #XD

[essenceofarda]

To Be Loved: Ch12

Chapter 12 | Read from the Beginning

Before she was born, it was foretold that Princess Lothiriel would suffer greatly from the love of men. Her mother's dying words were words of power, to keep her daughter safe from suffering, to never trust the love of men. Now the Princess Lothiriel has become the Queen of the Riddermark. And though her heart is filled with love, will she learn to accept the love others have for her? An Eothiriel + Post-War-of-the-Ring Fic

New chapter up :) We're (finally???) getting to the more meaty part of the actual plot now haha. Only taken me like 4.5 years 😳😅😬

Anyway, would love to hear y'all's thoughts!!

#eothiriel #eomer/lothiriel #eomer x lothiriel #lothiriel of dol amroth #eomer eadig #lotr #lord of the rings #tolkien fanfic #tolkien fic #lotr fic #lotr fanfic #lotr fanfiction #my writing #i'm actually a bit proud of how this chapter turned out... #also: Thank you to all the kind messages on my most recent post :') #not to be tmi but like within 24 hours of making that post i got my period so like... yeah lol feeling a bit better now #I have pretty severe PMDD for context which is why some of you might notice i sometimes make posts like that like clockwork lol :') #It's funny i'll be severely depressed or worse for a week or two. not sure why. all the bad stuff. And then my period comes and I'll just #be like 'oh how didn't i see the REASON before now' #as if this hasn't been happening every month since i was like 13 😅🤔 #anyway. i need to develop a keen sense of self awareness so i stop whining about stuff online #note to self: stop being a lil bitch! #that or Finally commit to getting my ovaries yanked out 😬 #anyway--feeling a touch better now that my period is underway #but i still appreciate the encouraging and thoughtful comments #even if i feel a lil guilty bc it the hormones talking more than I'd like to admit :| #tho to give myself a little consideration i suppose it does truly feel real in the moment

[blue-nebraska]

Day twenty-nine: Meanwhile...

I was originally going to draw the *Black Lodge Laura hand gesture* for this prompt but I figured every Twin Peaks artist has done that (and I’ve done it in the past myself) so instead I decided to draw Coop and Laura hanging out in the Black Lodge. I don’t know what happens with good Coop in the lodge since I refuse to watch the revival but in this universe, they are only here for a short while before Harry comes to their rescue <3

ID: A black and white drawing of Coop and Laura sitting side by side on the floor of the Black Lodge.

#i messed up laura's face (by that i mean it looks okay but not like Her) and i messed up coop's eyes (by that i mean they look BAD) oh well! #anyway yeah in the twin peaks in my head harry uses the power of love to open the doors to the lodge and saves coop (and laura? if she's #still in there? i'm not sure what's going on with her tbh) and then coop and harry live together in twin peaks and everyone is happy #fuck you depressing revival!! #twin peaks #twin peaks art #fanart #dale cooper #laura palmer #kyle maclachlan #sheryl lee #inktober #described #tp