#ollie makes a shitpost

[olliesaurus-rex]

Me getting dragged to The Dark Place after McDonald's messed up my order for the 37th time

#Alan Wake #Alan Wake 2 #alan wake spoilers #alan wake ii #ollie makes a shitpost #please enjoy i made this in a grocery store parking lot #okay to rebagel #oh tumblr fucked the quality #lmao rip #also remember to boycott mc'd #i just used it for the memes

[toxooz]

the gym bros tryin to get Ollie to be their spotter like 🥺👉👈💐💐🙏

#ollie #yes thats one of pontis shirts he forgot his clean one at home will make a shitpost comic abt it later #my ass rlly all ''oh boy i finally finished drawing the same 4 ocs over and over again ''🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ draws the same oc yet again #IMMEDIATELY #i ahve to draw sweaty ass men to cope with the fact that im sweating my ass off everyday fuck summer man i hate this shit #if i dont sexualize it i will rip my skin off like a werewolf in a fit of uncomfortable rage #oc #original character #my art #monster boy #monster #monster oc #orc #half orc #demon #half demon #tiefling #muscle #pecs #gym #terato #exophilia #monster bf

[crispytubes]

me being silly

#art #fan art #shitpost #tgamm scratch #tgamm oliver #tgamm molly #tgamm libby #tgamm andrea #tgamm #the ghost and molly mcgee #i dont hate ollie peruse im just very neutral due to my own personal bias #andreas a different story im gonna make her into a smoothie

[we-were-made-of-stars-once]

Happy New Year to my fave lone star.

#hes such a loser i luv him #drink ur damn appy juice #or grape juice #dislyte #ollie ramses #dislyte ollie #meme #shitpost #i literally scribbled this in response to someone saying i was a bit too ooc as cactus boi #this better make up for that blunder/j #this artpiece is a canon event #ollie stood near the punchbowl the entire time at the party #trust me I was there

[theflyingfeeling]

rating the new profile pictures based on how intimidating they look

the solid stare and the messy hair tell me he's onto something, but the 🧍‍♂️ doesn't have me convinced, 2.5/5

a whole babyboy, probably more scared of you than your are of him so you better leave him be, 1/5

the jacket is there to cover the blood stains on his shirt. there's probably a gun in there too. pretty boy hired to do all the dirty work, but easily distracted if you know to pull the right strings. mild danger, 3/5

exposing his hands is just a trick to give you a false sense of security (the other one is holding a flail off-camera), 4/5

just woke up and is not ready to face the day, yes those are tears in his eyes, it's okay buddy just go back to sleep, 0.5/5

he knows what you did. it's too late to run away now. extra point for the cute anorak, 6/5

#blind channel #this has been a shitpost by theflyingfeeling #please fight me #the way i had to google 'medieval weapons' to find out the name of the one i was looking for (flail) #pulling olli's strings = leave a can of pale ale somewhere where he can find it #anyway. what kind of AU can we make up of this while we wait for the song? 👀

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

Fukase crunchy

Opinions

(also draw Oliver 👍🏻9

#ask #gore tw #blood tw #tw cannibalism #SORRY ugh this looks bad but i wanted to make a joke. also i wouldve drawn fukase w/ regular red blood but it just looks wronggg ugh so. yu #I PROMISE I'LL ACTUALLY DRAW SMTHN LEGIT AHKJHSKJH thank you to everyone else too who left suggestions ill get to em #but i gotta shitpost first its my nature. sorry to everyone who recently followed i make a lot of dark jokes like this so. fair warning #im not gonna get into human (well idk if its really 'human' in his case) flesh texture/descriptions rn b/c nobody wants to hear that trust #but ill just say some parts crunchy MAYBE (ex. fingers) but overall? not really unless you go out of your way to like. dry+salt+fry it #ollie the star anon

[valoale]

You know Eurovision controls your brain when Run Away by Sunstroke Project is stuck in your head the first thing after you wake up

Help me

#Moldova I’m coming for you #I’m back at shitposting now that I’ve slept for three days straight after making a long trip and abandoning my flat for three+ weeks #well needed sleep #though I feel more tired than ever #but I think Run Away is here to pump me up #my brain is a wild place #Eurovision #ALSO HOW PUMPED ARE WE TO SEE OLLY ALEXANDER REPRESENT THE UK NEXT YEAR #is this the first time we are actually rooting for the uk #probably #I’m excite #vee talks

[a-sour-nectarine]

Confessions of a retail stylist who doesn't work on commission: if you have two similar options, I will not necessarily encourage you to get the one that looks best on you. Looking good only goes so far. I will sell you the piece that you look most confident and comfortable in. You'll reach for it far more once it's in your closet, no matter how good you looked in the other one.

#what? me? posting something that isnt a shitpost or nerd stuff? its more likely than you'd think #clothes shouldn't just look good #they should also make you feel good #its so important that you feel like YOU in your clothes #i guess thats first world problems #ollie yells into the void

[magnificentsapcaddy]

#bro visited his friend #sifl and olly #mtv #this is a shitpost #look #sometimes you make a meme for yourself and (conservatively) 3 other people okay

[cyberphuck]

Assassin’s Apprentice Abridged: Part One

EDIT: Tumblr randomly swallowed like 500 words in the middle of this, so I've added that back in.

I am finally embarking on my long-threatened project to summarize all of the Farseer Trilogy for my friend Razz so they can understand my shitposts about it but don’t actually have to read it. I started with this post about the cast of characters in the first book.

This is being broken up into sections because the trilogy and AA in particular (as well as Royal Assassin... whew, that one’s gonna be hard) is so insanely long and complex.

And now, Ladies and Gentlequeers, AA Abridged: Part One.

We open on the narrator musing both about writing a history of the Six Duchies (but being unable to because every time he tries it turns into a salty rant about everything bad that's ever happened to him) and also about how very old and decrepit he is. He is hunched over his writing desk, his fingers gnarled and knuckly, literally crumbling away like a Thanos-snapped MCU character as he sorrowfully attempts to make some record of the long and storied life he's lived before he lapses into the sweet void of death.

Fitz is 35.

"I bet you're wondering how I got here," Fitz writes. "It all began when I was born. Neither of my parents bothered to show up."

Actually, the curtain opens on Fitz as a six year old, being hauled up to the front doors of a fort by a cranky older man. "Surely you must have memories of your childhood before six," someone in the audience asks, but Fitz replies "No, I definitely don't, I never did and I'm tired of you asking me that." It never really becomes super important what he was doing before he was six, unless you count the time where he was traveling from the King-In-Waiting's ballsack to the sweet hot vagina of Some Lady He Never Spoke To Again.

Fitz is scooped up and brought inside the fort, and presented to Prince Verity. You'd think Verity would be at least a little upset that his older brother has muddied the line of succession with his long-ago nut, but Verity acts as if Fitz's existence is the funniest thing he's ever seen. "Yep, looks just like him," Verity confirms, then instructs a soldier to bring Fitz to Burrich.

That's right, the cranky old man hammers on the front door, waits for someone to open it, says "this is Prince Chivalry's kid and I'm tired of dealing with him," and then walks off. Despite this, Fitz never develops any abandonment issues and only has healthy and honest relationships with people for the rest of his life.

"Those are all the memories I have of that fort," Fitz writes, "except for that one night that Prince Verity, Burrich, and Prince Regal stood and looked in on me in the stall and Regal complained that I was muddying the line of succession."

Burrich does not think this situation is as funny as Verity did.

But he's honest and loyal, so he sighs and says "C'mon, Lil Accident, I'll find a place for you to sleep." That place is in a horse stall with Vixen, the hound dog, and Nosy, her pup. Burrich looks down at all of them, mutters "Patience is gonna have a fucking aneurysm" and then walks off.

After a couple of weeks, Burrich puts Lil Accident on a horse behind him and they ride away from Moonseye and towards Buckkeep. During this time, offstage, Fitz's father Chivalry gets word of his appearance and does the only sensible and logical thing, which is to ollie out the window while flipping everyone off and yelling "GOOD LUCK FIGURING THIS ONE OUT, LOSERS!" He abdicates and retires to a farm with his weirdo wife, which pisses off basically everyone.

Burrich and Fitz arrive at Buckkeep, the capital of the Six Duchies, a tall castle on a hill overlooking the ocean. Burrich is the stablemaster, in charge of all the critters large and small at the keep. He'd also been Chivalry's right hand man until he'd jumped in front of a boar to keep it from killing the Prince and fucked up his leg. Burrich comes home to Buckkeep with a bad leg and a six year old bastard to find that his bestie has just fucking peaced out without saying anything to him. He's kind of having a bad day. He hands Fitz off to stableboy Cobb, who leads him and pup Nosy to the kitchens to get something to eat.

Cobb sits FItz-and-Nosy just outside the kitchens and goes inside for delicious pie. A burly man walks by Fitz, does a double-take, then points and yells, "Hey everyone! It's Chivalry's Bastard!"

Fitz shrinks down.

"I heard you don't even have a name!" Burly man hollers, then gets right up in Fitz's face. "Is that true, tiny and defenseless six year old boy that I'm accosting? You don't have a name?"

Fitz yells "NOOOOOO" and, like a tiny, dirty Jedi master, force-shoves the man onto his ass. The crowd, assuming that the dude was just a coward who couldn't handle being yelled at by a toddler, has a laugh and carries on with their tasks. Fitz gets up and he and Nosy run away and spend all day hiding in a hole.

Burrich does eventually find him, and with a hearty "what the fuck you can't just burrow underneath the shed, get out of there," returns him to the stables, where his new home is Burrich's little bachelor pad above the stalls. In the days and weeks that follow, Fitz wakes up, eats breakfast, and immediately escapes the keep to go down to the town and run around with a bunch of street kids.

Fitz doesn't say much but he's game for anything and he has a dog, so he's accepted into the gang as "Newboy." He and his new friends generally just run around making trouble, stealing food, and bothering people. One of the notables in the bunch is Molly Nosebleed, called that because she always looks like someone just got done beating the shit out of her. Wholesome!

One sunny day, Fitz, Molly and Nosy are on the rocks near the beach looking for sheel to eat. I have no idea what sheel is and neither does Google. Then Molly's dad shows up to hit her with a stick to teach her a lesson about having a drunk, violent dad.

Alarmed, Fitz force-shoves Molly's dad into the sand. Molly immediately freaks out and struggles to get dad back on his feet to stagger back to their candle-making shop (or chandlery if you're feeling fancy). Fitz is confused at the intricacies of abusive relationships, but relieved that no one yet knows that he has force-shoving powers.

Aside from his brief encounter with childhood trauma, everything is going great for Fitz. Then one day, while he and his fellow urchins (and Nosy) are running from a dude whose sausages they just stole, Fitz runs right the fuck into Burrich.

"You get your butt right back up to the castle, young man," Burrich says, dragging Fitz along by his ear. "And if I EVER find out you've been down in town hanging out with someone again, I will personally have sex with them a bunch of times," he added foreshadowingly.

"I don't have to do what you say," Fitz barks.

"Bark," says Nosy.

Burrich's eyes narrow. "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asks.

"I don't really know numbers," says Fitz.

"Bark," says Nosy.

"Nosy says that's three," Fitz translates.

"Alrighty then, no more puppy for you, the puppy is going to live on a farm upstate," Burrich says. He drags the puppy outside.

Presumably something cool happens to it.

So now instead of slumming around Buckkeep Town, Fitz spends his days following Burrich around and being taught how to manage horses and dogs but not birds because birds apparently hate bastards. Fitz is careful not to let Burrich see him being friendly with any animals.

One day, Fitz is sitting underneath a table in the Great Hall, being friendly with a bunch of puppies. It's the morning after a party and there's plenty of leftover food to be had, and he's happily stuffing pies down his shirt and sharing pieces with the pups. Then he hears footsteps and who should show up but KING SHREWD!

Shrewd is technically Fitz's grandfather but has never really spoken to him. He's walking along with Prince Regal (*crowd boos*) and the king's new fool, a weirdo albino child who's just cartwheeling along behind them.

Fitz goes "hmm, time to bounce" and crawls out from under the table. Shrewd stops to look at him. "Ah, the Little Accident," he says. "If you leave weapons laying around, someone will eventually pick them up and stab you with them."

"What?" says Regal.

"What?" says Fitz.

"I am not going to leave you laying around for someone else to kill me with," Shrewd says. "Lil Accident, take this pin. I am going to to feed you, train you, house you and clothe you. If anyone's got shit to say about it, show them this pin. It means you belong to me."

"...Okay, sure," Fitz shrugs. He puts the pin into the collar of his shirt. Shrewd nods magnanimously and walks on. Regal flips him off. The Fool cartwheels out the door as they leave.

That night, Fitz goes home to Burrich's bachelor pad, but Burrich turns him right back around. "You done gone and did it now," he says. "King Shrewd noticed you and now you're gonna have to go live inside the castle like a fancy lad. Go on."

"But despite my fear and resentment of you, I see you as a protector and father figure," Fitz says.

"Oh little boy who blew up my life, I love and resent you too," Burrich assures him. "If you get lonely, you can come back down here and I'll murder another puppy for you."

Fitz trudges up to the castle. He has a room of his own. There's a fucking weird tapestry on the wall of the ancient King Wisdom consorting with... what is that thing? Slenderman? It's creepy.

Weeks go by. Fitz is kept busy with new lessons in reading and writing and 'rithmetic, as well as swordery. Once in a very long while, he makes the trip back down to the town to visit his buddies, but those trips become fewer and farther between.

It's the middle of the night.

Fitz wakes up to a draft and a light in his face. There's an old man at the foot of his bed, holding up a lantern. "Come with me," the old man says.

"Oh," Fitz yawns, getting out of bed. "It's the call to adventure."

The old man leads Fitz to a doorway in the wall that hadn't been there before. This is where the draft was coming from-- a steep staircase leading up between walls. Old man leads Fitz up a maze of passageways and then finally to a huge hidden room with all the amenities a crazy old wall-man could want, like a fireplace and comfy chairs and a big bed and a library and a science lab.

Also, the old looks like he took a hot frying pan to the face. Like he really looks like hell.

"Wrow," Fitz says.

"Wrow indeed, boy," the old man agrees. "My name is Chade. I bet I look familiar to you. Well it's because I'm King Shrewd's brother and I blah blah blah I have a weasel named Slink. Next you're going to ask what the fuck happened to my face. I can tell everything you're thinking, because I'm a master spy and assassin and-- now this part you should take to heart-- I am always right about everything. Never doubt me."

"Okay," Fitz says.

"Good. That out of the way, let's train you to kill people."

#rote #robin hobb #farseer trilogy #fitzchivalry farseer #aa abridged #farseer trilogy abridged

[lightpickles]

I frequent both the Harvest Moon and the Story of Seasons subreddits, and holy shit the people on there reacting to SoS AWL are obnoxious goddamn. Read more for my griping.

Everything is a complaint! M(uffy)olly has the same personality as she had in her original game! Nami is still standoffish! Ma(rlin)tthew is too obsessed with Celia (valid)! Negative things happen which is bad!! Lumina's existence is a criminal offense and there has to be at least five posts a day about how it's Creepy and Icky and Disgusting that she's there (with the implication that pursuing her is Heinous)!!

Like I know nobody's gonna be 100% pleased, and I love discussion of negative reactions! But jesus howard christ it's endless and THE dumbest shit. So much falls under It Is Not That Deep Bro, and I generally love to makes things That Deep. Participating in those subs is usually a lot of fun and brings me a lot of joy in the form of shitposting, memes, analysis, fanart, etc. but good goddamn it's been unbearable there since release.

#there are plenty of legitimate complaints both objective and subjective #like. i haven't bought it because i need a computer that can actually run it #for one thing. but i hate the random pink soap bubble lookin sheep and the bubble chickens when we have the perfect AWL cows too #the censorship of names is fucking bizarre and goofy at best. if i ever get a better laptop i am finding a mod to circumvent that shit ASAP #and lots of other criticisms too. but some of it is just Painfully Tedious And Repetitive #i am so sorry that the cold aloof girlypop from the og game is still cold and aloof #im so sorry the tropes are troping. im so sorry #pickle jar

[olliesaurus-rex]

My sister puts up with a lot

#do i even use tags for this? #i don't know if i should tag both JK and a grouper together? #ollie makes shitposts #ollie talks

[snorunt-enjoyer]

Heyo!!!! So y'all know the @aether-foundation-pr account right? Yeah I'm Admin Kayla from there, but I made this blog because I can't do fandom shitposting or just randomly screech about stuff I like as the PR manager. So this exists now :D

For all of y'all who don't know me however, name's Kayla, I'm a They/Them. I love Ice Types and Super Paper Mario. Welcome to my personal hell :DDDDDD

Pokemon I have overview

Kertsy - Big as fuck Avalugg I have been informed is of the Hisuian Variety girlie, although I will personally refer to her as a Sinnohian Avalugg since it's a location based evolution.

Olivia - Froslass, I don't need to stat gender

Tippi - Gastrodon East who is a weirdly enough Water/Ice type, da boi

Huey - Prinplup, little guy<3

Miles - Snorunt, he don't battle but I love him

Olly - Alolan Vulpix, another little boy. News addition, Olivia adopted him so I kinda had to catch him.

Hello yes it is the same person behind the Aether PR account!!!! I decided to make a shitposting blog for the oc character there, Kayla Pāru! There's going to be a lot of Mario fandom posting because I've established that they're a big fan of the franchise so expect that, I'll tag it as "Mario posting hour" so y'all who only want more Pokemon related things (Aka the Pkmn irl aspect) can only see that stuff.

Please remember no NSFW asks to them.

#pokemon irl #pkmn irl #pokeblogging

[joonasslut]

Inspired by the one ask: How would the guys react when they realise they have feelings for you or when they realise they love you. I apologize in the advance that this is long as I was bored and felt like shitposting 😄

Niko would gently bully you and send memes with “this is you”. Also, I can see him making romantic lyrics and all the time playing romantic songs everywhere he is going with the other guys. The others would be like “so how’s things with them?” “is this about them again?” and gently bully him about his feelings. But as making lyrics is the ultimate way of processing things he would continue. He would also introduce you to Rommi and take pictures of you holding him as “Rommi looks so cute” but actually he would like to take pics of you.

Joel would be shitposting on Instagram or TikTok with lovesick captions and filters. He would give you one of his NIN shirts (😄) and make you wear it. The ultimate way of showing love. He would be all smiley with you. And if you go anywhere with him he would constantly be checking in with you so nothing would be too overwhelming as he knows how life can sometimes be.

I don’t know why but to me Olli seems like a guy who would send you cat memes or funny videos (of cats or otherwise). He would take you on walks around the city and show you his favourite places. Maybe shyly hold your hand so “you would not fall” on tricky parts of tracks in the woods. He would look you into up the eyes (which you of course would not be able to resist).

Tommi for sure would invite you over and make dinner for you both. He would dim the lights and light up some candles to see you smile. He would also tell stupid jokes as he enjoys seeing you laugh. He would sit next to you everywhere and the others would try to tease him about it but he would give them a look and keep sitting next to you.

Aleksi seems like a guy who would constantly be texting with you and checking how your day is going. He would take you on walks with Rilla and invite you over after the walk. You would talk about everything until late at night and Aleksi would show you the new songs he is making.

Joonas would invite you to their concerts and let you stand backstage on his side so he could see you smile while he is playing. He would also invite you over to watch movies and listen to music. He would also be that kind of guy who texts you constantly (hence why he always has his phone in his hands). And if he cuddled you a lot when you were just friends now he is constantly touching you and trying to take you to sit on his lap etc.

these are all so perfect! 10/10!

#blind channel #joel hokka #aleksi kaunisvesi #olli matela #tommi lalli #joonas porko #niko vilhelm #soft thoughts

[cloudycleric]

new pinned post teehee

my name is oliver, but feel free to call me ollie!

i am a minor & use he/him pronouns :)

this is a blog dedicated to byler/stranger things, but i also enjoy IT (especially reddie & stanbrough) & the goldfinch (i’ve read the whole book!)

sometimes i draw, sometimes i write, but mainly just expect shitposts & headcanons/scenarios since high school keeps me pretty busy. i am like an evolved version of 1D imagines lmfao

my asks are always open, so please send me something if you have something you wanna tell me! <3

finally, this is a side blog of mine. so, if you see @cloudyhall interacting with your posts, that’s me! i can follow back from that account & feel free to check it out if you like tally hall. i love making mutuals! :)

love you all! have a great day :)

#pinned post

[theflyingfeeling]

the fanfic writer's urge to create a silly AU out of literally everything she sees 💀

#i have many thoughts about the rock sound cover picture #(and all of them are about olli 💀) #also i am super proud of them so i won't make a shitpost out of that picture although i really want to 😅 #(i feel like chandler in that one episode of friends where he had made a new year’s resolution to not make fun of ppl)