#or decide that it's all become too hard

[kyndaris]

Laughing Queen

In school, I was the quiet one. With my head down, I wasn’t really one to draw anyone’s eye. Nor did I see the point of being popular. I suppose you could say that I was more a wallflower than anything else. Even among the circle of friends at high school, I was somewhat on the periphery. My interests were always a little niche. It’s not every little girl that likes to pretend play Neopets or Zoids or Dragonball Z and gallop around the playground. And in high school, I suddenly found interacting with the boys that were my own age just wasn’t as fun as it used to be.

So, it’s been a little strange that as I’ve entered the workplace, I’ve seemed to adopt the persona of a ‘social butterfly.’ I say this with quote marks because I don’t really consider myself a social butterfly. Rather, I’m curious about the lives of those around me and want to foster a sense of camaraderie that seems lost now that my life is on such a different trajectory than those I might have considered close friends in the past.

In fact, I’ve become such a ‘social butterfly’ that I’ve basically become the office clown - joking around with my work colleagues or deadpanning with perfect timing about something deprecating because my humour seems to skew towards the black. It’s made me wonder if maybe I should take up stand-up comedy. 

Would I be any good? I certainly make people laugh in the office and sometimes through my blog. I’ve had friends or workmates send me sentences I’ve written followed by the laughing emoji face. That means they think it’s funny...right? RIGHT?!

Honestly, one of these days, I need to get past my fear that everyone around me thinks I’m nothing special and secretly hates me. What happened to the debonair child that didn’t care what others thought and who marched to the beat of her own drum?

She’s gone. Crushed by the weight of anxiety and depression and the impending destruction of the planet. 

That aside, I don’t feel like I’d make a good stand-up comedian. First of all, I’d need good material. The only things that immediately spring to mind would be talking about my experiences and probably leveraging the racist angle. But that’s not always everyone’s cup of tea. My worldly experiences are quite limited. And my jokes aren’t truly jokes but observations said in a funny way because I haven’t thought too hard on how I should phrase things. Sometimes it’s just me perpetuating a stereotype that I’ve adopted. For example, heightening my stalker tendencies by reciting whole addresses or birthdays. 

Other times it’s me just remarking on the stark nature of our reality and dropping truth bombs. And in these times of great distress, if we don’t laugh, we’re crying. So, why not laugh to bleed out the tension?

Maybe one of these days I should actually attend a comedy act. Get a feel of what it means to stand in front of a crowd of people and simply lay out the tragedy of our lives to them. It’s said that the best comedians are the saddest and loneliest people on the planet. So, yes. Perhaps I’ll play up the misery that came from attending a competitive high school or use the intergenerational trauma that has trailed me for years as fodder.

Life is full of ups and downs. Rainbows, sunshine and roses might be how the optimists of the world like to see their lived experiences but it’s the realists and (more importantly) the pessimists that bring out the laughs when the glass is half-empty.

So, should I pursue a career in comedy?

Maybe. 

But probably after I’ve tried out proper gainful employment, make a living as a YouTube/ Twitch star and then falling back on becoming the next viral TikToker. For a Millennial that’s about to hit the big 3 0, it’s the only viable pathway to success. My suffering shall be the fuel that lights the fire the world over! And when I tell you all to LAUGH, YOU WILL OBEY!

This is Kyndaris, signing out.

*cue uproarious applause*

#personal blog #to be or not to be a comedian? #maybe if I ever lose my job #or decide that it's all become too hard #tragedy and comedy #hand in hand

[blinkpen]

wait hold up did everyone suddenly become OK with saying anything about Heckuva Badshow that isn't completely unearned praise/did everyone only start mocking viv's mind-numbingly juvenile writing style WHILE I WAS GONE???

you bastards

i have a STOCKPILE of burns i thought i'd never get to use because too many people were still willing to roleplay as mr burns' hounds on her behalf or simply report back to base camp so she could scream SICCEM before insisting she is but a tender wee lamb who needs protection from The Haters while turning on her white woman tears and calling her connections demanding they not give someone a job bc they didn't laugh when she spent an entire workday following them around going PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! FUCK! SEX! PENIS! ASS! FUCK! PENIS! HAHAHAHA! GET IT? PENIS, the FUCK ORGAN, lol, PENIS EXIST! REMEMBER? IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE PENIS! You know, like in Sausage Party? the best comedy film ever made? the one i made a nazi oc for? wait what huh who said that was it the wind shut up anyway PENIS PENIS PENIS Poor Person Supremacists Are Real and Just As Bad As Bad as Aristocrats Who Strangle Their......... Indentured Servants Bc Their Wife Is Being Bitchy PENIS PENIS PENIS COCK WANG DICK SCHLONG WILLY WANG WONG WOMEN ARE STUPID WHOOOOOOORES AND FAT PEOPLE ARE DISGUUUUUSTING! LOSE WEIGHT OR YOU ARE GROSS! THE BAD KIND OF GROSS, UNLIKE THE GOOD GROSS OF SKINNY CIS DICK DICK PENIS PENIS HORSE WEINER SEMEN! YAOI YAOI YAHOOOOOOO oohhMy Cartoon Dad is Sooooo Sad..... so sad, he is like Bojack, only instead of Herb being a total bitch, he and everyone else magically instantly forgives MY bojack without him even giving a proper apology, so he's like, an IMPROVED Bojack, that's how good MY writing is..... so good... so genius... genius like Penius... maverick, more like... maver-dick.... yeah that's it... i'm such a shakeup in the world of Mature Dialogue... Cocktopus... Lesbian Named Vagina.... Clittorissa clit slit penis jizzlord squirt.... oh man Look at my Sad Cartoon Dad Again... Look How Sad he is... Please Say You Want to Fuck Him... Please Fuck My Cartoon Dad.... While I Watch... Let Me Watch You Fuck My Cartoon Dad..... With Your PENIS! LOL! PENIS PENIS PENIS PEE-

hey yeah okay this is turning into a rough draft of bit in and of itself already huh i should stop and dig out the Good Stuff vs just doing a bad viv impression that still manages to be funnier than an entire season plus of scripts combined

#her writing style is just too easy to mock once you start its VERY hard to stop #because yknow. it's easy. it's easy to do it. because the OG writing itself is easy. it's lazily written and therefore can be lazily aped. #if you didn't want this style of critique to happen you shoulda come up with at least One joke distinct enough to be Worth Quoting #you know like come up with a single bit so good it can then have its goodness ruined by overexposure as people parrot it exactly ad nauseum #instead of 'nearly every manifestation of comedy is just a variation of throwing fuckwords in randomly so that's all i have to do' #that's why any additional effort becomes noticeable gravy on this bed of under-cooked half-mashed potatoes #almost like there is learned craft to writing and she shoulda absorbed some instead of deciding she was too good to benefit from feedback #oop

[quinn-pop]

yet another oc that only exists because i wanted to write something very specific

(middle is a little older, hence her scar healing. i like to think she gets a glass eye at some point)

anyway this is mira! (they/she) since that wip is almost 20k words and counting i won’t give away too much but long story short she’s the result of meta going “one last time, i promise” and adopting yet another kid

also galaxia kinda indirectly picked the name :)

i’ve mentioned before that i headcanon that pretty much all astrals are autistic and this is just kinda an extension of that. whereas meta tends to suppress his emotions and conform to others, mira…doesn’t. she gets uncomfortable and upset and lashes out at people easily, and working through their emotions is no small task.

the main reason i chose to write them that way was for the sake of narrative but i’ve grown attached to it because there’s a lot of ideas there i’d like to explore. stuff about navigating emotions and relationships when existing is so suffocatingly uncomfortable. it’s not something i could center around Kirby himself, but i think it makes sense with a post character development meta knight.

they are very loved (omg oldee cameo???)

kirby was definitely very excited to have younger siblings after being used to being the youngest in the room for so long!! (with the like. one and only exception being gooey.) he’s super affectionate with both of them and wants to have a close relationship one day, but for now mira is pretty unappreciative of that fact lol. they don’t like being pestered for hugs

everyone else is okay tho

(i know that’s hard to read. oops. “obvious bite marks”. siblings being siblings.)

mira also has a very love/hate relationship with the egg kid, being so close in age they kinda Have to get along but in typical sibling nature they also fight a lot. sure it’s probably rough for a while but i think in the end they’d be good buddies. maybe not as close as Kirby and Bandee but still.

anyway i have a lot of thoughts and am very busy but. i’m really enjoying writing about all this lately it’s been fun ^^

#I picked a name and then proceeded to write a comic in pen in which i used that name and posted it #and only after all that did i learn that mira is becoming a very popular name. which i generally avoid #but oh well. it’s stuck #im gonna be completely honest a lot of how i pick names for characters is based off of how many puns i can make out of it #im sorry to disappoint you with that information /j #kirbyposting #my art or something #meta knight #kirby #king dedede #metadede #Kirby oc #semi future au #I swear i’ll introduce oldee one day im just bad at having drawing ideas #also trying very hard to not make self deprecating comments over some of this art cause i just. don’t really want to spend forever redrawing #stuff anymore. like I used to do for a lot of these posts. It’s whatever #anyway kinda a part two to yesterday’s post (as in: I made sure they were both ready at the same time so i could queue them together lol) #weirdly enough this isn’t all that different from my dmk interpretation #i can’t really decide what color she is either #part of me wants to say bright blue red eyes because i think that would look absolutely sick but that seems like a bit too much blue #all things considered #maybe bright yellow blue eyes idk ill figure it out later (maybe)

[resident-gay-bitch]

little rich boy sirius who gets disowned and can barely survive without his expensive brands and the basic human need to eat at least once a day meeting the entirely too generous james potter who just falls for the vanity and sincerity of the reformed rich boy and decides that once sirius stops caring about brands and status and rich boy things and just cares about what matters in life he decides to spoil his boyfriend to pieces because he’s secretly sitting on a fucking fortune

#idk i just think it’s funny #like james would find sirius when he’s struggling with money because he’s so bad at saving and prioritising his spendings because he’s never #had too before and so james would teach him how to do all that stuff and emotionally support sirius through it all and sirius just falls in #love with this beautiful guy who’s just so generous and who teaches him so many things and finds value in kindness and sincerity and #compassion and all that jazz and james falls in love with sirius helplessly because he might be stuck up and vein and kind of selfish and #is stuck up and cares all too much about status but he’s trying so hard to be better and he finds empathy because sirius got kicked out for #the worst reasons because he’s always been the black sheep of his highly cultist christian family or whatver and he’s also outwardly queer #and james decides that he wants to give sirius everything and loves the way he looks in expensive makeup and designer faux fur coats and #heels and divine jewellery and all that jazz but makes sirius sell it all and learn what it means to be human and not rely on money and #status and brands and stuff and sirius learns what it’s like to be decent and in touch with humanity and only then does james take sirius on #a surprise luxury holiday for his birthday or something and then just buys him thousands of dollars worth of all these glamorous looking #things and sirius is like omg what the fuck jamie and then he just becomes sirius’ sugar daddy because he can’t help himself but they’re #also in love and much better people because of it and when sirius buys things now it’s not because of brands or because they have big price #tags like he used too. he now buys things with james’ credit card he keeps in his own wallet because he thinks he’ll feel pretty in them or #because he thinks james will loose it if he sees sirius walking around in it or if he sees a really cute toaster that sends him into a #frenzy that has him spending all way too much on an impromptu kitchen renovation but james doesn’t care because as long as his boyfriend is #happy and actually paying attention to the price of things and calculating the best value and taking james’ opinion as well and just being #happy and safe and accepted in his new home and family here with his jamie #please i think they’d be so cute ugh!!! #prongsfoot #bambibelle #drabble #fic idea #marauders #james potter #sirius black #jay talks

[noisytenant]

You can stop capitalism and the attention economy from sucking the joy out of art for you right now*

*at the small price of, perhaps, your hopes and dreams.

Commodification and competition only suck the joy out of art when you buy into them. If you want to make art for fun and not worry about attention economies and algorithms then literally just stop worrying about them, and accept the consequences of that.

What are the consequences? There are artists who have successfully risen to a living wage off posting their art online, and in the shadow of these prominent but rare figures it is difficult not to dream of having even a sliver of their luck. And this is to say nothing about the social and emotional fulfillment of sharing art with others, but I'll be focusing on the economics here.

It's luck. Commercially successful artists who seem to have "gamed the algorithm" are prone to survivorship bias--it's impossible to know how many artists have tried the same tactics only to get nowhere. And most will attest that every step of these attention-economy-appeasing rituals is demoralizing and exhausting. Many--even those who succeed--give up or take a step back.

But if these rituals are so awful, why perform them? To potentially increase the meager chances of economic success as an internet artist? To see your engagement numbers go up?

I don't want to tell people to give up on this dream because I believe it is impossible. Instead, it is possible, which is the trap. And when the entire economy and job market are so dire, it's difficult not to dream of that lottery ticket.

I do believe we can live in a world where we can survive and make the art that brings us joy--Through significant effort and numerous systemic changes at every level of culture and society. And in the meantime, there is a huge grey area of economic sustainability--if you make even a little money off your art, that's more in your pocket.

But hobbyist artists have been making and continue to make art out of joy and curiosity regardless of how popular or commercially viable it is, it's just harder to find them on common online platforms. They're in your neighborhood, at work, in your family and probably among your friends, sitting at the library leafing through a "How to Draw" book or signing up for an adult beginner's class, if they have the money. And when we promote the idea that art is fun for everyone, we make more space for people to enjoy it.

We have a finite amount of time and energy every day. Our capitalist economy saps us of both such that we have very little left to devote to our passions. But we fail to realize how much more we lose investing in an arbitrary and fickle economy that is, in fact, entirely optional. If you work a day job with clearly defined hours, you may spend several hours miserably--and that is a problem that needs addressing--but your day ends. Meanwhile, the work of a professional internet artist is never done--You are always on the clock.

I feel heartbroken when I see artists lamenting how joyless, soul-sucking, and uninspiring art has become for them in the midst of our current circumstances. I think they are correct in identifying that the attention economy saps them of this joy--But they are not seeing the forest for the trees.

It is the difference between the expectation of success and the reality of disappointment, rather than the disappointment itself, that leads to such a depressing state of affairs. Let go of the idea that sufficient effort scales with reward in a system as arbitrary as ours. Save your energy. The best way to win is not to play.

Art is as beautiful and life-affirming as it ever was. Realize what it has to offer you, and realize what you need from elsewhere. We still need food and a roof over our heads. We still need friends and community. If we want art to occupy a joyful space in our lives, we need to rely on other parts of ourselves to get through the sometimes boring, tedious, and depressing work of living our daily lives.

Our capitalist system and its associated attention economy deserve every criticism they can get, but if we fail to question their fundamental assumptions, we will never truly move past them. We have the autonomy to untangle capital from our artistic lives, if not completely, at least to a more manageable state.

So, believe that art can be fun again. The things you want to see in the world are waiting for you to make them.

#indexed post #long post #Sorry I just get really upset when people talk about how art has been ruined for them by the internet or whatever #You can fix this. And then you get to discover all of the other things fucking up your relationship to art. And the adventure continues. #And hopefully I don't make it sound too easy. I think it's hard. But it's manageably hard #And at least then you're barking up a better tree #Like. I have a complicated relationship to art rn. But I can't relate to the idea that it's not fun any more because uh algorithm and AI #You can opt out of that stuff. #Anyways. There's the rant. #Appended edit: This isn't to say you should never become a professional artist - just that you have to accept the associated drudgery #I decided that I didn't want to be a professional illustrator bc i felt it would affect my passion but i do think i could handle better now #And I think there are many kinds of art and craft - Some may be easier to carry boredom and lack of inspiration than others

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #lmao around this time last year i decided to give up on him n LMAO girl if only you knew #i should have just talked to him but djdjjdjdjd idk it felt weird. but he even like. complained one time that we didnt talk all summer #like LMAO..... bro its two ways. u could have messaged me too xjdjjdjdjdj #tho to be fair i think he did show up to a dinner but i wasnt there bc i had just had wisdom tooth surgery n was 1. blown up like a balloon #and 2. so high on pain meds i couldnt function JFJDJJDJDJDJDJ #n e way whatever jdjdjdjd im just laughing at myself bc how did this man become my closest friend from college Zhfnnddnnd #our relationship is so weird. not in a bad way but in an unexpected way #we sat beside each other an entire semester n never talked til the last day like thats so FUNNY IDK #i even said to him that time. bc we were talkin in the hallway n went to sit for the exam n sat in our regular spots of being one seat awa #y and i was like... you know its so funny that we sat beside each other all semester and only talked today #and he was like.... hahha yeah #i was gonna introduce myself but it felt so stupid JDJJDJDJD #i didnt even know his name LMAO #i had him narrowed down to 2 names. bc he was one of like 2 guys that Always showed up in another class' zoom #and LOL i was right. he WAS one of those 2 shjdjsjsj #n e way. then the next sem came n i didnt know whether to say hi to him or not bc we talked ONCE #and i was still wearing my mask at this point and so id try to smile at him with my eyes but never got a response HDNJDJD and so i got soooo #annoyed with him. and even more so bc i kept making friends with ppl and they KNEW HIM??? and i was like WHO IS THIS???? #then one time he came up to me n my friends before class n we just talked and i was like o lmao this annoyance im having??? its a big ole #crush BDNNDNDND #and in community college its hard to like. know ppls ages and that day i found out he was 2 years younger so i was like o ok 26 n 28 isnt #bad at all #but thinking back.... first things we exchanged that time was age and i think he was also trying to fish for whether i was single bc he was #talkin about this other guy havin a baby n a wife n i was like o wow !! i didnt know!! #jdjxjdjdjdk god when he found out my age he was like... oh i never would have guessed you were older. you look young ZFHJDJDJDJDJD #oh so you were Looking is that right HJXJXJXJZJZJ GOD LMAO #i look back on so many moments n im like oh duh... he must be interested #but for me its like. i will literally more easily believe literally any other theory so i thought he just liked one of my friends Zhjxjx #ya i dont think so anymorem but i thought that up until like mid january HDHXJJXJDDJJDJ

[lunarr-stuff]

...

#its been so long since i actually made a friend #vent #that its hard #to realize that they like me #that they want me there #and that they miss me #that i assume that they dont care and they wouldnt want me there anyway #after who would care about lil ole me #and then they ask #hey where were you why didnt you come #didnt you say you wanted to meet #im just too used to pulling away at the slight bit of disinterest #that it surprises me that they like me #the concept is so foriegn to me #i feel like if i get too close im going to be so dissapointed #know ing so many times that i got sttached that i loved and got spat in the face on #the amount of times i decided to pull away for a bit and then we never talked again #it had happened so many times that it has affected my self esteem to the point the thought that i am a useless person that no one could car #for let alone even see had become a fact in my mind i feel so damn invisible sometimes i cant even feel myself #when people show interest i smile and wave knowing fully well that its all just temporary and i wont see them after the first 3 meetings #it hurts so much #i feel unlovable yet when someone tries i cant believe it and end up ghosting them #i need to believe in myself more #i need to learn to love abit more #even if it ends up hurting me #im sorry #but i need to do this for myself #this person feels like a good person #i should give them a chance #even if it feels like ive already messed up

[anothermonikan]

Have I told you guys about the fucked up dreams I've been having recently? I've been having some fucked up dreams lately. yeah <3

#sorry this is mostly about a dream I had yesterday and if I just say it it's gonna sound so creepypasta-y #like I have a lot of creepypasta-y dreams it's just how my dreams have always worked hehe #It wasn't fucked up because it was scary or anything it was fucked up because of how I felt in it #how to describe it...like I was like almost too calm and accepting of my fate #like okay previous dream context (whether this was context from another actual dream or just. lore my brain made up idk) #I got sentenced to execution. It's...really hard to describe the context without it sounding really silly. #like it was a part of some sick game that a person planned out and it all ended in a white maze room #I was told I could either choose to go free from a month and then be collected for execution or be trapped in the room forever but alive #and I chose to be executed. everyone knew. we all even had silly inside jokes about it ehe #like my friends were picking music out for it. it was really silly hehe! #but the person who came to collect me for execution was so striking. she was like. almost literally a doll #A big doll!! Like she was so so tall!! she actually shrank to be more my size as the dream went on. she was strikingly pretty #and kind. she was so kind #we walked around and said goodbye to everyone. she made friendly conversation. she guided me through how everything was going to go #god the tenderness of it all makes me sqee a lil aha. a little fucked up I think #it was self-inflicted you see. Rose bushes over a tall fence. that's why she was so tall. to help me over #I caught on pretty quickly that she was a person who decided to stay in the room instead of being executed #that's what becomes of them. they become subservient to the game master. they're made to collect the ones who chose to leave and die later #she told me that deep down she kinda wished that doing this for him would convince him to make her human again and to let her be free #I told her that it was bullshit and that he'd never do that. and she was like. yeah. but a girl can dream right? #another one of those dreams that have lines that stick out in my head as well...okay one of them was just really funny #'Hey guys' 'I'm being executed today :D' 'oh. okay!' #dhdhdh #'It's scary isn't it?' 'yeah. it is' 'Well. It'll all be over soon' #like gwah. gwahhhh #'There is something wrong inside of you' levels of impact on my psyche I reckon #me and the doll girl kissed a few times. it was weirdly quite natural. nothing intensive #but I think we both had an understanding that we weren't seeing eachother again and we cared about eachother #it was so greatly platonic and nice. yearning for something I will never experience aha ^^; #Idk if I even want to be in any sort of QPR but it was definitely nice in this dream

[guinevereslancelot]

i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3

#romantic love i mean #against my will tho bc i want love so bad #but tbh i never feel anything more than awkward when i date 😬 #i only feel comfortable with people when there's no romantic pressure idk #would genuinely love to build a platonic life with someone why do i have to be in love to marry someone and have a family w them 😭 #love is real im just never going to experience it btw #but i still would like companionship and i really want kids tbh #i dont want to settle for not love in a relationship where thats expected or wanted and the other person loves me #but if it was an entirely platonic no pressure relationship that would be nice #maybe that would grow into love but the pressure of romance right off the bat kills the romance #in need to be close friends for like a decade first #sorry sorry im rambling insane thoughts its 11:30 and i just decided to break up with someone #and he's staying at my home so im even more painfully aware of having another person so deeply involved in my life that they become family #sorry you're not family i dont know anyone but my family well enough to let them be family and i never will please get out of my house #i make no sense but basically i love my family and want kids of my own but i dont want romance in there just platonic family love #romantic love is too hard to find and scary and weird i basically want to live with my actual family and adopt some kids someday sorry #this might change if i met the right person but i would need to be friends with them for a long time with no pressure first #and looking for that person is too forced and weird #anyway #its 11:30 in my 20s a week before valentine's day so naturally i am going insane that's all goodnight

[elympios]

Somehow I never thought about the Barbie mug shot meme for Tales but I figure the wanted posters are a close enough thing

#hmmm what if ludger and julius got arrested in the bad ending though #i have actually thought about this but mostly as a creeped out outsider pov thing #like you catch two mass murderers. one who assassinated two heads of state and a bunch of other people including kids #and hes like. a lot more upset over being arrested because hes separated from his brother (who seems to be dying from. something. #that sure as fuck isnt normal but none of the rieze maxians can explain. nor are they particularly inclined to help the other guy whos also #accused of anti RM terrorism. i think poor ludger would lose his mind knowing julius could become a catalyst at any moment and he wouldnt be #there for it. because that really was the entire thing. ludger doesnt expect to be able to save julius from that death #but he knows he can save julius from any earlier deaths #anyway in my head this unfolded as ludger losing his ability to transform into chromatus #and so he gets caught off guard and overwhelmed by cops and soldiers #and then it turns out bisley completed the trial after all and the chromatus abilities have been removed #julius is actually. not dying anymore but maybe his face just stays that way #anyway i didnt think too hard on this one bc its depressing #unless bisley decides to be really nice #but i am still delighted by the outsider pov aspect #i would like ludger to seem absolutely out of his mind obsessed with julius #people are trying to ask him why he killed everyone and he just says it was to protect julius :) #v #x2

[goldentigerfestival]

if there is one thing i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that we'll never ever know the story behind transgressor yuri.

if there are two things i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that leon and aegis' loyal friendship will never ever return.

#GTF Things #Tales of Crestoria #it is rare for leon to be on that kind of respect level with someone let alone risk his own reputation as a traitor to let someone escape #by which i mean in destiny he only ever rly did that for stahn bc stahn was the ONLY person screaming over leon's suffering #and BEGGING him to talk to him and not take on everything alone #so i'd be hard pressed to say he truly made that last second decision for any other reason #other than stahn getting through to him bc if stahn hadn't said anything nobody else was all that worried abt doing so #for him to do that for aegis even in a setting where he wasn't going to be in mortal peril #still risked him becoming a transgressor if anyone had had time to record that #i.e. local dude helps local sinned traitor escape and is by association also a sinner #and that may have affected the ease of his search in restoring stahn to human form #which stahn prob would not have minded but it would still increase the difficulty for leon's search all the same #with yuri forget it im going to be permanently S T R E S S E D that we will never know that story #and i don't think they'd play into the possessed-not-really-yuri thing again after doing it in asteria #and in rays it was only a cameo thing. i fully believe that was actual yuri bc it would fit into his canon-mixed-with-crestoria #so unless the devs for some reason decide to tell us what their plans were for yuri we will never know #and it's been too long now since cresty went down like do i have to write this shit myself #they robbed me of transgressor yuri meeting vicious too woe is me cresty team #im still so desperate for them to turn crestoria back on like pls it's not just my crops anymore it's me too im also dead #i know they won't turn it back on and heck all the data for it is probably long since byebye BUT #even if i enjoy the manga it's not the same without the crossover #i would kill for them to give us that game back it was my fave gacha ever ;; #i say that with the full bias of the fact that i obliterated everything with default leon and completely maxed him in every aspect #but also just the fact that i want cresty's crossover back s o f u c k i n g b a d

[heymrspatel]

julissa! hold up! stop the car! shut the doooooor. were you... by any chance.... cat's freckles and baby curls anon OH MY GOD??

see, the thing is that i've been around and been away, on and off. so i never really connected the two of you!!

wowww! not to be dramatic but this is like an unsolved mystery getting solved in my eyes

anon! hold up! yes i am, that's me!!! 🥹

i was a little lurking goblin back then. just reading and appreciating and loving and dropping into inboxes nearly daily haha and @iansfreckles is beautiful bright sunshine! she really humored me and my silly thoughts. so much so that i became freckles and baby curls anon 🥺 then i wanted to actually get involved in the flailing, so i dropped into her inbox as me, heymrspatel, and was all "hi it's me hi!" 💙

and well, it's been a beautiful ride!! 🥰

#the way that if i think about this too hard i'll actually burst into tears #i would literally watch the show with everyone. consume all the content. read fic. marvel at all the art. and still just lurk. #my life has become infinitely brighter because i decided to drop into cat's inbox. and i will be forever thankful for that! #and mel and macy and anna and leah and arrow and drish and and and - who fielded the silliest anon questions from me back then #i love you all! #OH NO I'M CRYING 😭😭😭 #anon #asks

[mejomonster]

Sometimes I need to remind myself there's a lot of writing styles and different writing choices create different effects and if that's the intention then it's okay to do it differently from say X other person, since that person's style choice may not be to create the same effect as another writer's

Like. Haruki Murakami and Stephen King are not doing the same things, not trying to accomplish the same things. There is a reason one writer may intend to let dialogue do the heavy lifting and leave descriptions absent unless utterly necessary, only the most vital pieces written such as core actions. While another author might revel in pages of description, the setting they place their scenes in being its own character and such a tremendous influence on the point of the story. The author who picks to make time feel unreal and hard to grab and plays with time skips and back and forth for a particular effect, and the one who is much more concrete about time and the when's (perhaps for a murder mystery where the facts of the case are critical). Just because your writing choices are not identical to the choices of those you may admire, does not make them wrong. Your own particular piece of writing, in that moment in time, has its own goals that need to be achieved in their own ways.

#writing advice #mainly myself so lol feel free to ignore but certainlh do NOT take any of this as a hard rule #just like. ive been thinking about how Anne Rice involves the settings like characters #as does Priest. Priest covers times in very concrete ways because shes writing murder mysteries where #part of the thrill of the reader is to figure out the evidence and details too. #meanwhile an author like murakami may rarely give concrete time #because its surreal like a dream and fleeting and more about the internal mental experience of events than the concrete reality #an author like Sarah Waters in fingersmith uses 2 distinct VERY unreliable biased narrators for one of the BEST reading experiences ive #ever had. while plenty of novels choose a much more reliable single narrator to tell a clear less anbiguous story #and all those writing choices are different because theyre intended to have different effects. #the only Real problem is when you aim to have X effect with a particular choice but it is Not working #and then you have to decide to either change the writing choice to one that better creates X effect #or practice X writing choice because you feel some aspect of it youre doing poorly and not good enough to Get intended effect #or you simply run into the issue of Generally not knowjng how to get the effect you desire and itll take some experimenting #or may simply not be achieved in that particular project. and you need more practice. which this project may become

[piplupod]

ignore this i just need to be insane for a second

#life gets soooooo much easier when u decide u are on a clock thats running out and theres an end to it #like i can just fucking vibe now and not care bc theres an end in sight #im just running the clock out and having a good time as much as possible while the clocks still running #and then! i get to be done! and leave! when things get too intolerable! i can just be done and not deal w it anymore! #incredibly freeing! psychologists are terrified of me! #literally just. okay well I'll just live off the savings i have (very lucky i accumulated those) and then- #-either they run out or shit gets too fucked up for me to handle and i can just off myself then. thank fucking god #living in a way where u are just running out ur rapidly ticking clock is just so fucking freeing #things dont matter anymore and i can finally fucking chill a little bit #I've been living this way for a couple months and damn I've been going thru it sure but theres an exit door for me to use now #and thats making it SO much easier to cope. i have a limited amount of time and i can choose to end the clock whenever. thank god #just waiting it out and vibing in the meantime #anyways tonight was brutal lol and i feel the clock moving ahead rapidly but i am just going to make my silly little art instead of worrying #no need to worry bc theres no future to consider!! if things get too hard i can just leave! extremely freeing! #dont have to worry abt escaping or finances or anything lmao its all unnecessary now #this is probably unhealthy (i mean it definitely is) but i feel like i can deal w things so much better #family can say whatever they want now bc if i ever decide its too much i can just be done #and magically! my tolerance levels have risen! hurray! i can tolerate so much more bc i know it doesnt matter! #okay im done im done. things are so bad lol but at least i have an way out at the ready and no more apprehension abt it #me and death become besties era #she is my silly rabbit she is my rock she'll be there to catch me when i collapse djdjdkdl #I'll delete this later but i just need to be stupid a bit rn bc otherwise im going to do smth so much worse #everything is building and building and i am handling it the best i can! this is my best! #suicide tw

[murobrown]

.

#it's that time of the month when I just want to sell my uterus on black market with human organs #the week leading up to my period is far more worse than the actual period #it made me gain 2 kg and I can't stop freaking out about it...i know i lose them every month but my brain won't leave me alone #it's making me want to starve myself or just work out until i collapse #tmi sorry...how is your Friday evening? #I'm bored and I'm deciding between going to bed before 11 pm or let my brain torture me a little bit more #I don't even think I'm excited about the weekend anymore because it means I'll have to eat again #you just eat and work out and eat and work out and try not think about the calories because we're not doing thay anymore #but deep down my brain still knows the numbers and won't let me go over 900 calories #i perfected my body but destroyed my head even more #i shouldn't say thay but maybe it's worth it #feeling happy in my own skin is the best feeling in the world #and I know I'm shallow because of that but for the first time in my life i like my body #i actually like all parts of my body #and knowing that i did it with all that hard work feels even better #but on the other hand now I'm just too scared I'm going to lose it all if I eat a cookie after lunch #i think I'm too deep into this #is it bad that I like the feeling of bones under my skin? #am I becoming delusional? #that's what a menstrual cycle does to a emotionally unstable woman #it makes me feel angry that out of four weeks in a month i get like max two weeks when I feel good and normal #all of that for nothing #anyway maybe it's time to stop myself..