#or really any day tbh. i have no standards for myself i'm just here to vibe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unpretty · 19 days

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Hello! I am the tumblr anon who keeps getting you stuff from your wishlists. i was having a horrid day, went to your throne selfishly to see if you had anything that would cheer me up, then realized that i couldn't think of anything to buy for myself that i wanted, so i settled on buying stuff for an internet stranger that they wanted, hoping that at least that might make things in the world somewhat brighter. hope it worked!

MY ANONYMOUS BENEFACTOR

i was actually going to post about my throne wishlist ONCE AGAIN getting cleared out, because my stuff got here

and while throne alerted me to the fact that i would soon be receiving many novelty beverages to drink while listening to a podcast about alex jones, i did NOT realize there were also AMAZON WISHLIST ITEMS

so now my desk at work finally has a matching pink cat paw mousepad, and i have a little cold roller for my aching feets, and a special serum distributor to distribute serums on my scalp. i don't actually have any serums right now so i cannot review it but now that i have a special thing i'm gonna invest in some serums.

here are my reviews thus far of NOVELTY BEVERAGES, which you did not ask for but i'm doing it anyway

so i added an olipop sampler to my throne wishlist because i was intrigued but wary. they have a health angle and stevia so it seemed like it would taste bad. but i liked their design and also i didn't mind the stevia in that apple pie tea, so i thought maybe i got over my stevia thing

olipop cream soda: this was a bad one to try first because the flavor profile of a traditional cream soda is mostly sugar. it's just vanilla sugar, carbonated. so a sugar-free version is very stevia-forward. there's not enough other flavor to overpower the weird mouthfeel. i can drink it but it needs to be chilled and sipped in small amounts, maybe in a fancy glass.

olipop root beer: tbh i may have been wrong about the cream soda because this one also had weird overpowering Something flavor. i assume it's the stevia but maybe it's their proprietary blend of plant fibers, which is a weird thing to flex about your soda having. as a sarsaparilla and birch beer enjoyer, i like more bite than a standard root beer, and this has less. you'd think with their branding they'd be able to really lean hard on MEDICINAL ROOT FLAVORS but instead they chickened out and made it so mild it's barely different from the cream soda.

i haven't tried the other olipop flavors yet, but will report back with my findings

i also got a wild bill's craft soda sampler because. it looked good. and i was right. also now they keep sending me emails like YEEHAW PARDNER THANKS FOR BUYING OUR PRODUCT HOWDY GIDDY UP

wild bill's strawberry cream soda: it's so good. you can tell it's bad for you. the strawberry flavor is powerful and candy-like. it's like one of those crunchy grandma strawberry hard candies, in drink form.

wild bill's rocket pop soda: literally tastes like a melted popsicle got carbonated. it's everything i dreamed. i cannot possible afford to drink this regularly but i want to.

i haven't tried grape or orange cream yet but i'm guessing they'll be good. their website says they have a ring pop flavor now and i wanna try it so bad.

i'm also very excited to try the hot cocoa when it gets here, and to have more of the tasty beef jerky :3

#original #THANK YOU ANON ILU #i am sipping my rocket pop with glee #and i am so glad you got me the olipop so i could try it without feeling terrible

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cookinguptales · 8 months

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Oh, travel ask! Did you make that call (i think it was?) about if they were cool with your dad in the spa for his tattoos?

Oh, I didn't think I'd get travel asks! I'm always happy to talk about travel, haha.

I had to fuckin SEARCH, tbh. I did find a phone number, but I don't have great hearing so I struggle with phone calls sometimes. I always prefer to communicate via text when possible. (I also know a little JSL, but that wasn't really helpful either lmao.) I kept looking for emails or question forms at the tourism board for the little onsen town.

Eventually, I went to their IG and sent them a DM in Japanese like "okay, we're American, we're visiting, and my dad has a couple small tattoos! are there any inns in town/public baths that will allow him in?"

(The fact that we're visibly non-Japanese was actually useful information here; people offer visible foreigners a lot more leeway with this rule because they know you're operating off of different cultural standards. Japanese tattoos are often evidence of, if not criminal activity, then... I guess a person choosing not to visibly separate themselves from people involved in that lifestyle. (Yakuza, etc.) But if they know you're coming from a very different framework, they won't feel that you're trying to frighten/offend anyone. It's kind of complicated, I guess.)

And I'd kind of resigned myself to getting no answer because the IG was not often updated, but I did finally get an answer!!! We were really lucky because only two inns out of the entire town did allow tattoos and by chance I'd chosen one of them. Phew!

That said, I'd kind of worked a backup plan into the reservations if they weren't going to let him in day-of. I booked an inn that had a private bath you could book! So no one would even see the tattoos. :)

More and more ryokan and public baths are allowing tattoos, especially when they're on foreigners, but we're still bringing coverup bandages just in case. Sometimes they're fine with it as long as you cover them up.

#the idea of anyone finding my father's tattoos scary is... kind of laughable tbh #one of them is just straight-up little totoros so...#one is a zipper tab that he had placed at the bottom of a large scar as a joke #to make his cancer surgery scar look like a big zipper #and one he got on his shoulder when he was in New Zealand #apparently he went to a Maori tattoo artist and was like #'I love your art but idk what's culturally respectful as a white person so can you help me choose something'#and the guy talked to him a while and found out dad's an avid fisherman so he gave him a stylized fish hook on his shoulder #and that's it. :)#the travel bug #replies

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fluffydisneyprincess · 1 year

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Even More Feelings from the Genshin Event

So I made a big long post the other day about how I, for as much as I dislike him a lot of the time, am actually incredibly similar to Kaveh. I likely would have done the same thing or similar to what he did. I've always said if I won the lottery I'd only spend enough on myself to live in moderate comfort (I mean like... middle middle class here) and the rest would go to charity.

But I also get Sachin's view. There's a lot of ugly in the world and a lot of it comes from humans just by nature.

He is 100% right and I hate him for it. Empathy means you'll feel another's pain as your own which can drive you to eliminate pain or become despondent because there is pain everywhere.

Alhaitham casually calling out the empaths for getting in their own way. Nbd. Totally fine. 👍

I actually really liked this because before this he says that by all definitions and standards Sachin is technically correct, but I think even Alhaitham would struggle to see the world as completely hopeless. It's absolutely true that someone or something can be "correct" without that really having any meaning.

Then this same insightful genius realizes "Oh right, there is celebrating going on. People might get together during that" Honestly I love him sm

Nahida and Scara show up later to collect the research and Nahida basically explains it as there is no one truth. Everyone has a different version of it.

She also explains that Scara was in the competition because of her. (Which I kind of assumed from the get go tbh)

She was HOPING he would like... socialize and maybe make a friend or at least learn how to talk to people.... oops

After this Scara says something to the effect of "Don't I have enough use to you as a prisoner?" To which Nahida says "In Sumeru even prisoners deserve an excellent education 😁) LMFAO NAHIDA PLS

I'M SO MAD BECAUSE SCARA ACTUALLY SMILED FOR THE TEENIEST SECOND AFTER SHE SAID THIS AND I DIDN'T GET A SHOT OF IT. I AM SO MAD.

Nahida is encouraging his education in Vahumana because it will help him.

AND HE SMILED. HE APPRECIATES IT.

Fffssssss

#genshin impact #genshin scaramouche #genshin wanderer #genshin nahida #genshin spoilers #a parade of providence spoilers #scara really is so very babygirl #theres a lot of philosophy behind the Sachins research but it comes down to view honestly #i

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sir-yeehaw-paws · 7 months

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back in your ask box!!! i watched your final thoughts for yakuza 1 video (well done on being able to stand some of the glitches like god) and i was wondering if you had any more that you forgot to say or didn’t think of in the moment? i just really love hearing people’s final thoughts on game or other piece of media

That video ended up getting WAY sappier than I expected in the end but I seriously should've seen it coming TBH. I'm a sappy person at heart and anyway let's not get too sidetracked.

So I will say I definitely forgot to mention the camera. Having no control over the camera does mess with me quite a bit. Because Kiryu will turn around and you'll notice in the videos I uploaded of fights-he sometimes just stops hitting enemies. They're gone. Lots of times enemies would get stuck behind wall and other objects. I was also constantly checking the map in the menu itself, because I kept getting directions mixed up.

Not a game breaker, does make for some intense awkwardness. (Some of it's my own fault, I am hardly the gaming champion around here ahaha)

Combat got repetitive. My own fault because as I said in the video, I didn't finish Komaki's training thanks to the input issue. I had other skills I developed too, but I wasn't ever remembering to pull it off. So I didn't vary it to the degree I could've.

At the ending, I was going to finish the hostesses but I messed myself up there because you have Haruka permanently in the endgame. And her bond with Kiryu decreases if he goes to those places (it dropped when I bought weapons at Beam) and I feel bad making her sad so that was my own issue.

There is one place where the original game is better than Kiwami that is..going to probably be a 'hot take' but-not having Majima ambush you every twenty seconds makes for a less stressful game experience overall. You can get from point A to point B with only the standard street goons (which are VERY persistent you can barely get around the block without at least two ambushes: and they have bigger enemies that are in larger groups) but those fights are fairly quick, and pay well!

Majima, meanwhile, can seriously drag out. It's not as bad in the beginning but you'll come up to the end of Kiwami like "please..just one break..I do not have any more healing items."

For RGG'S first game out of the gate, it's good. I enjoyed it more than I expected too. It's all the same elements I love with Yakuza (as I had sapped about in the video) and the characters are recognizable, even in this rougher around the edges stage.

The dub itself is a strange point. As I said, again in the video, I've done some digging on it. The localization is considered decent, (apparently 'hit some balls' is translated as accurately as it could be) but that excessive swearing really shoves it into the 'trying to hard B movie' stuff. HOWEVER.

It has a GOOD cast and there's times where it's done really well. I don't have the kind of professional experience to claim someone is 'phoning in a performance'. I can't make that call. Not all line deliveries are very good, and there's some odd changes between how characters talk from beginning to end. There was one point near the end where Kiryu delivered a couple lines and sounded like a completely different person?? It was odd.

Directing is where it really shows. I feel like with the voices behind it, and the localization team, had it been given better directing, it would've been a bit I guess. stronger? I feel it's important to keep in mind too with it being the first game (and RGG wasn't some triple A studio back in the day either) they did pretty good.

;)

The games good! It's fun, it's recognizable. and I honestly think that if I had gone into Yakuza with this as my first game, I'd still be here. I got into Yakuza via Yakuza 0 and have since gone through the entire series. It's very important and special to me and I genuinely enjoyed Yakuza 1 more than I expected.

I didn't anticipate hating it, of course. But I was still a little surprised regardless since it is so infamous in the fandom. My only regret is that unless you own a PS2 or a really good emulator, so many people can't play it. Which is a shame overall. That's not unique to this and Kiwami, the remake is out there and known. But still. Sometimes I get a little sad about how hard game preservation has gotten.

#yakuza #yakuza 1 #asks #answered asks #SORRRY I RAMBLED

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year

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I feel like I’ve really been struggling to find books that I enjoy/am super excited to read. Can you recommend any books that you love or that have helped you get out of a reading slump? Contemporary/historical/paranormal are all great! Thank you!

Yeah, for sure! I haven't been in a true slump for a while. I have been through a bit of a book hangover these past few days just because I keep wanting to reread what I read before versus committing to new stuff, but that's different. I will say that I think combining audiobooks and standard reading has helped me avoid slumps. But audiobooks aren't for everyone, obviously!

Anyway, here's a lot of books with more info than you needed.

Okay, so.... I've been trying to lay off ranting about them too much because I still have friends who need to read them, and I'm working on a powerpoint/intro thing about them, but it's hard because Mila Finelli's Kings of Italy series is like. The best shit I've read in a while. Easily the most a series has consumed me since the next series I'll mention, which I read around October of last year--and it's a lot shorter, so it's easier to read through. I literally just ran through these books like a madwoman. I read through the wee hours of the morning; I read on a bus with a weird individual reading over my shoulder; I read on the subway; I read waiting for the subway; I read on a bench; I read in a restaurant while doing a solo bottomless brunch which was one of the most transcendentally peaceful experiences of my life. And now I've just been reading again, and trying to convince myself not to get the audiobooks because that would be RIDICULOUS but IS IT??? IS IT THO???

The series should be read in order, imo, and the first two books are a full duet, so not standalones. What I think makes this series stand out, aside from the emotionality combined with eroticism (these are.... definitely among the very hottest books I've ever read) is the choice to focus on the mafia in Italy, versus the mafia in America, which is what a lot of mafia books do (from what I'm told). So you get like, actually Italian characters and culture, versus Eyetalian (the Americans that love chicken parm and have their own unique culture that is nonetheless *nothing* like Italy Italians, who to be fair have many different cultural nuances due to the regionality of Italy, dialectal differences, economic--). I'm not Italian, but I have lived in a couple different parts of Italy and make it a priority to travel there whenever it's possible (which isn't often because money, but if I can I do it). The dudes in these books feel like Italian men, albeit with obligatory romance novel exaggeration. In most romances, they feel Eyetalian.

Mafia Mistress and Mafia Darling are about Fausto Ravazzani and Frankie Mancini; he is a don in Siderno, her dad is a part of a Toronto branch of the organization who runs afoul of him, Frankie is basically given to Fausto's son and heir Giulio in marriage. But before Giulio and Frankie can marry (she is not happy about this arranged marriage thing, and tbh neither is Giulio) Fausto decides "fuck it, she and I are vibing, she's not a virgin anyway, she's gonna be my new mistress" because Fausto is That Guy. It is age gap, it is very daddy, it has a heroine who's like defiant but is she really? Because she really does love the daddy thing. There is spanking and some light degradation and rough sex and a loooot of spoiling. And also DRAMA. If you have ever wanted to try an age gap romance.... this shit nails everything I personally love about it. Fausto is classy and old school and will also cut a man up into a million pieces and feed him to dogs, probably.

Mafia Madman, my favorite in the series, comes next, and it is a VILLAIN ROMANCE. The villain of the previous duet, Enzo D'Agostino, kidnaps Frankie's sister Gia as a part of a REVENGE PLOT, because he is both very smart and incredibly cracked. Like, my dude is living on a VILLAINOUS YACHT. His plan is to keep Gia in a cage and break her will and then dot dot dot, he hasn't thought it COMPLETELY THROUGH, but then! Gia turns out to be the greatest weakness for a man such as he: a FUCKIN' BRAT. This bitch is doing naked yoga in her cage, she's telling him all the filthy things she'll do to him (not that she waaaants to ohhh nooooooo, she haaaates him especially when he DOES STUFF to her), she's driving him out of his mind which is already very tenuous! A new classic for me, I can't stop thinking about it, and again, even better if you read the first two books first (and they're absolute bangers so you should). 15/10, would stay in the cage. Enzo and Gia are a perfect match of wills, and watching them break and fall in love is gorgeous. A top tier grovel, too, if you see

Mafia Target, the most recent release, also incredible. This one follows Giulio, Fausto's oldest son, who's hot as fuck, and naturally a MAFIA TARGET. Someone, someone whose name perhaps rhymes with Schmenzo, has in fact taken out a hit on Giulio (and semi forgotten about it? Because Gia's pussy is God? Gia fucked that man so good he deadass forgot about a really important mafia hit he put out? I love them) and has hired the best assassin in the game, Alessio Ricci. Anyway, Giulio sees a guy in the club, he gets head from him, as he does, and then he's advised that Alessio Ricci is trying to kill him and realizes THE GUY IN THE CLUB WHO SUCKED HIM OFF WAS ALESSIO RICCI LMAO. Anyway, this one is a extremely hot, extremely emotional, and probably the most straightforwardly romantic book in the series? Because Giulio and Alessio are better at Feelings than Fausto and Enzo, if still very Bad At Feelings. Another top fuckin' tier grovel. (For the record, Fausto does a good grovel in his duet, but imo the subsequent books have better grovels.)

These books are pEAK. And if you're interested in an historical series by the same author with a different name to break you out of your slump--Mila Finelli is Joanna Shupe, and I'd recommend reading her Uptown Girls trilogy for slump breakage. I also love love LOVE her Fifth Avenue Rebels series, but Uptown Girls might be a bit more... compulsively readable? The similarities and differences between her historicals and her mafia books are fascinating (Clay Madden -> Enzo D'Agostino... there is a pipeline).

The other series (and I do feel like a good series is a great slump breaking tactic, because if the series is good you domino them) I find incredibly readable is, of course, Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark. There are like, 19 books in this series, I enjoyed all of them though some are stronger than others. They are probably best read in order. I just blazed through them, but you could always read a few, break, read a few, break.

Of course, Lisa Kleypas's Wallflowers is a great historical series. I also find her Gamblers of Craven's duology so so good from a duology POV, and I say this as someone who read Dreaming of You by itself and read Then Came You years later.

Lorraine Heath is obviously incredible. I'd read her Once Upon a Dukedom series for slump breakage; I adore the first book as one of my favorites of hers, and the second is a general fan favorite.

Tracey Livesay has an amazing contemporary called American Royalty, which is about a British prince falling in love with an American rapper. It's very "Harry and Meghan if Meghan was MEGAN (Thee Stallion)" and it's super hot and lovely. The sequel is out this summer, so you might wanna get a head start!

Heated Rivalry and The Long Game by Rachel Reid are two of my favorite contemporaries ever--and it's a duet! Focuses on Ilya Rozanov (cocky, charming, self-assured) and Shane Hollander (golden boy, uptight, anxious), hockey arch rivals who have been hooking up on the DL since their rookie season. Very much a FEEEEELINGS duet, but also very, very hot. I've read both a billion times.

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb and The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes (in that order) by Cat Sebastian is a pair of queer historicals that can be read as standalones but read better together and in order. Kit is a retired highwayman who's approached by Percy, a nobleman. Percy and his stepmother, Marian, need Kit's help to rob Percy's father; in the process of training Percy to do it, Kit, of course, falls in love with him. Percy is one of the more relatable characters ever, he is a BITCH AND A HALF LOL.

Something Fabulous and Something Spectacular (out today!) are a pair of hilarious queer historical romcoms by Alexis Hall. Begins with Something Fabulous, which is about Valentine (a duke!) proposing horrifically to a woman he's been pledged to since childhood. She responds by running away, and Valentine goes on a cross country adventure to catch her, alongside her twin brother, Bonny--who he begins falling for.

Lush Money by Angelina M. Lopez. Self-made lady billionaire wants a baby, and convinces a prince of an impoverished nation to marry and impregnate her in exchange for a financial bailout. HOT. ENEMIES TO LOVERS. INSANE.

Nobody's Baby But Mine by Susan Elizabeth Phillips, for an older contemporary. A fucking insane book wherein a genius scientist tricks an aging NFL star into knocking her up so that she can have a baby of middling intelligence, who's "normal". Her thought process is that she's super smart and he's super dumb, so they'll make an a average kid. Except oops, this motherfucker is actually QUITE smart, and when he figures out her deal he's like "nO KID OF MINE WILL BE A BASTARD" and forces her to marry him. Has a scene where he shows up at the class she's teaching, leans against the doorway, and menacingly goes "CLASS IS OVER" and honestly? It worked real hard.

Priest by Sierra Simone. Erotic romance about a Catholic priest who starts getting worked up by the woman telling him all this dirty shit during confessional, except they actually fall legit in love and there's some really gorgeous religious pondering throughout.

Queen Move by Kennedy Ryan. Childhood friends torn apart by circumstance meet again later and feel sparks, but she's a hardcore political fixer and he has a id and a baby's mother. Angsty drama and reconnection, I fuckin love it.

Ruby Dixon's Aspects and Anchors series, which is a cross-universe fantasy romance series in which the heroines get thrown through portals into this high fantasy world. They basically have to serve these gods as their tethers to the mortal realms, and obviously... the gods fall for them. Can be read a standalones but I'd read them in order. Hot, romantic, and fun in a way Ruby Dixon excels at.

Preferential Treatment by Heather Guerre is a romance about a woman who becomes her CEO billionaire boss's dom. It's hot, it debates whether or not a billionaire can be ethical, and he gets. on. his. kneeees.

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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mikelogan · 2 months

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9, 24 and 27 for the creator asks!

9: Would you say your style has changed a lot since you first started creating? oh for SURE. regardless of what i consider my start bc i used to gif from like 2015-2017 and then i didn't start up again until april of 2023. this time around, i have learned SO much, and i'm sure part of that is just bc of how much gif styles have changed in the last 6-8 years, but also bc i joined a couple gifmaking networks and have gotten so much help through them, found so many resources, and learned tons! to compare, here's one of the sets i was proudest of from Back In The Day. now, it's definitely not horrible, but the coloring and the slow framerate make me borderline homicidal. this one is marginally better, and i remember thinking i was really Doing Something with that typography 😂 here are some of the sets i made early on in my Return to Gifmaking this past April/May. this was one of the first times i'd ever combined multiple gifs into one and girl. what the fuck happened. why are the framerates Like That? what is this typography? i had no business making early l&o gifs 540px wide bc the quality is bad enough at 268px 💀and i think this one is a good example of i got the spirit! the execution just wasn't quite there. i like the main gif with the overlay of the sky, but i'd do the typography very differently and idk if i'd do it in b&w? i could try and remake it tbh, it's been 9 months since i made and posted it.

24: What’s your step by step? How do you organise your editing process? buckle up 😂

make clips of the scene(s) i want to use if i don't already have them

import video frames to layers

action 1: grouping and timing (groups all layers and sets frame rate to 0.05)

delete any extra frames

crop to whatever dimensions i'm using

action 2: sharpening (two smart sharpen layers) + vivid sharpening (i used this tutorial and i usually keep that folder at 30% but sometimes drop it down to 10-15%)

coloring! it depends on what i'm giffing, but i color everything from scratch at least the first time. i save a LOT of my psds, like there's one psd that i use for almost all my tfothou gifs, a couple for hill house depending on the tint of the scene i'm giffing, one for law & order that sometimes needs to be adjusted just a little, one for the good wife, one or two for satc, etc. but they're all psds that i created myself.

typography (if applicable) which almost always involves scrolling through the entire list of fonts just to use one of my go-tos

action 3: this save action from anyataylorjoy

export > save for web!

upload to hellsite (derogatory) and gifsets always immediately go to my drafts, even if i want to post them right away, just so i can make sure i'm happy with everything and try to catch any last-minute mistakes

as for general organization, i'm organized on my computer to a near-ridiculous standard, but it works for me lmao. my psds, templates, and project psds (where i save an entire finished gif if it's for a larger, complex set and then never get rid of them lmao), and all overlays, textures, icons, graphics, transitions, etc. are meticulously organized. my finished gifs are also organized into their own folders.

27: What’s your favourite font to use? in general, monsterrat. i use it for everything in google docs, and it's my fave sans serif to go with serif or script fonts. when i'm using it for giffing, i usually use semibold.

#answered #bazkrekkers #tysm melone!!

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kogameh · 9 months

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So...I took some time from my day off and played every songs in Growing Stars until the last minute...

And that was…that was really a LOT of fun!! I know people scoff at rhythm mobages having a similar Chunitm/Soundvoltex kind of layout (or more so what ppl call Guitar Hero format now haha) lately and while I will miss all the older games that have their own unique playstyles..I…kind of get why recent ones go for this specific "standard"? Long ramble short, I think this layout is just perfect for "easy to learn, hard to master" kind of methodology no matter if you're playing on a phone or a tablet, no matter if you're playing with thumbs or index fingers, it's flexible for everyone and requires not too much learning curve… It's almost addicting to discover new things in these chart patterns and retry them until to get the hang of their playstyle. And I think each game under this format/UI does have some sort of chart pattern and style that are unique to their own games and songs, that if…If I were to ignore the brand attached to it, I don't think any other games with similar formats like Bandori or Pjsekai…will ever fill that gap for me…now that this game is gone…haha…

…The entire time I played, I really, really wished that this game was the game that existed back in 2017 instead of LoS… (and I was one of those who defended this joke of a game to hell when it existed)

I don't want to go through my entire history with imas but. I first got into imas through the 2011 anime when it aired. I played Deresute two weeks after it launched. I played pretty much every imas mobile games on launch since that. From Mirishita, LoS, Shinymas, even Saisuta… But back then, I really…didn't have any friends to talk about Deresute or Mirishita despite actively playing them haha ;; I got some friends to play the game and met new acquaintances here and there but…I never really considered myself a part of its fandom despite how much I closely followed the franchise and liked all branches equally…

But then just…SideM anime happened and…that was really, the first time I felt like I had friends in the imas fandom haha… The days when all of us started to play SideMoba, scouring through in-game magazines and Pixiv logs/fics and watching all SideM lives while counting down for LoS to launch…was a moment I'll never, ever forget… Unfortunately, it didn't take too long for us to move on to other interests after the letdown LoS was…so, if only Saisuta was the game that existed back then, maybe things would've been different… (Tbh the only thing that stopped me from playing Saisuta as much as I wanted to was my burnout with mobage and lack of free time, had only this existed when the past me was overly into idol games haha…)

In fact, back in 2018, it was SideM that taught me the term called "hobbyani". And I…really can't emphasize how that was really, and I mean REALLY important to me. Haha. But that's another story I prob would tell on another day. It may be a bit of a common term among kodomo anime circle now but back in 2018, I just…didn't know anyone on the EN side that knows about this "genre" that described my biggest interest from all these years until now, and I knew that from a freaking idol game of all places :')

So…back on topic, Saisuta is not perfect, I've heard qualms about it here and there but the thing is? Most of the criticism I've heard was mostly room for improvement. Despite its flaws, I still can tell that the devs, PR and people involved put a lot of heart into Saisuta… Literally just…everything about this game feels like it's THE symbol of hope and a bright future for SideM, but unfortunately, one thing the devs can't ever fight…is when the higher-ups refused to give them a chance…

I'm aware that the SideM brand is not dead, but it…kinda hurts seeing all its sister games celebrating a game to represent their brand identity and for the case of imas, the games have always been THE medium in-between new concerts and songs, without it, there's almost feels like…nothing to do to call yourself a "producer" for your fav idols haha… Even if imas has gotten better at making their songs and concerts much more accessible, I'd be more likely to just stick to my comfort zone when browsing their catalog on Spotify etc when these games essentially "forced" me to play and "remember" songs that I wouldn't otherwise give a chance. That IS the biggest advantage of having a rhythm game for a music brand…

And I don't think a future game for SideM can ever regain that "trust" that was already shattered and betrayed, nor it will live it up to the quality and potential Saisuta provided because it IS the best form of SideM content we've gotten in years…

…Anyways, I've pretty much voiced all my disappointment with Saisuta's shutdown... I could say more, but most of them are things that are pretty much already said elsewhere...I merely wrote this because I also…have my own "story" and "reason" with this franchise that I needed to mention, haha… This is not the first time I faced a shutdown of a mobage I've played, but frankly, this might as well be the most devastating one I've faced…

Well then. Good night and sweet dreams, Saisuta. May someday you will 再度笑む again.

#kogami's diary #long post #i debated on posting this or just keep silencing until the end. but ah well...

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mcalhenwrites · 10 months

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For what it's worth, I want to read your writing! lack of audience can really get to a writer but I feel sometimes one needs to be reminded of why they write? Are you writing for yourself or to please strangers, which I get is obviously important for motivation and as a professional worker but I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be too down about it. I appreciate your hard work and amazing stories.

For what it's worth, I want to read your writing! Thank you, anon, that means a lot to me!

I agree with "write for yourself", because you'll never please other people/have to select who you want to please, and that's never going to end well. You can't please everyone. I used to be in the Tales series fandom, and I'd have mixed feelings about some of the games that contradicted the way others felt. I liked some of the lesser known/older games for the same reasons people hated them. So as a creator, you have to think about what feels right to yourself. It's good advice, but I have seen it taken out of context. (For the record, I don't see that happening here, because you do clarify that it's harder when you're stepping into the profession. I'll get into that in a minute, if that's okay!)

That said, I think there needs to be a distinction between writing and sharing. Writing is a process for myself, but the career aspect is stressful and straining and honestly feels hopeless most days. I hate the idea that every single part of a story needs to be about the plot, because the formulaic ways of the publishing industry don't work for every story, every writer. I think the existence of fanfic is proof enough of that, actually! So many of us love fics that cover what might have happened behind the scenes or just… we'll read fifteen different stories of the same tropes for a single ship. And tbh, I think a lot of writers - including myself - really prefer to have more canon included than the publishing industry has room for.

I'm trying to find a middle balance, personally. I want to share! I'm an avid reader, and if no one had shared, what would I have read growing up? Plus the want of financial stability, which is pressure I sincerely despise. I'd happily share everything for free if I had $100k-$120k a year for the rest of my life so I could have my house, healthcare, 3-5 cats, garden, video games, and home library. xD

Sharing is actually pretty difficult for me. I barely showed anyone my work until I was in my mid-twenties. I started writing stories down at age seven. I'm now in my thirties. But sharing is something I want to do and it doesn't get easier after all this time of trying to spread my work. Past the perfectionism (I am definitely working on this and have already made improvements) and the history of bullying I've had over my writing (of which there's been a lot). Overcoming all of that is tough. Which means I feel a little extra sensitive to the idea that if something of mine isn't getting traction, it's confirmation of all the times someone mocked my writing or vaguetweeted by a BNF to make fun of fics I'd just posted. And while I'm starting to realize that some of that likely comes from jealousy - not necessarily that I'm a great writer that poses a threat, but just that my writing means that I might take attention from them in the fandom (which is not how that works) - it's still so hard to stop thinking, "What if they were right?" when I don't get any or very few likes/reblogs or kudos/comments, etc.

I have worked very hard to be a better writer, thinking I could escape that. Now I'm beginning to recognize that that hard work has paid off, but I was also never as bad as everyone made me feel (including myself). I want to keep working hard, because my standards for myself are high.

My writing makes me so happy, I can't describe how much. So even through all the pain above? I still do it. I just think that maybe there needs to be more separation between writing and the results of that ever reaching the public eye. (Most of my writing doesn't. I write a lot. XD)

Sorry to get a little real there. And so lengthy, ugh! I never can say things briefly.

Thank you for reading out, though, and thank you for reading my writing. There are more people reading my works than I know, but sometimes I fear that I'm the only one who will want what I'm making.

I've had IRL and health issues bringing me down too, which overlapped with stressing out over the editing of the next chapter of the story I've been posting. That chapter wasn't making me happy, so I'm taking a break, ignoring it a few days, and going back with fresh eyes later. So that all was knocking down my mood, and seeing only one person comment on the latest chapter, I was like, "Oh, maybe I'm just making a big old mess of this story"… perhaps because I see the mess in my head? Every possible path I threw out, every scene I want to write but won't fit in the story, every part I feel is lacking, every bit of character and world info, etc. Is that translating into something coherent on the page, I wonder, and… it's a lot to think about.

Sorry for TL;DR on this answer, and again: thank you. ;A;

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 1 year

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I'm still confused over why coladas is so famous. I think because it was the first ofmd smau out there and it had a decent start but damn, it got worse, so much worse. for months even NOTHING was happening but people were eating it up.

and lottie is really dragging it out with 1-2 posts per day, she loves the attention a simple picture of a date can get her.

i mean i just explained it in another ask but it's definitely an algorithm feedback loop thing. it got semi-popular so it got boosted in the twitter algorithm so it more popular and got boosted even more, and so on and so on. then it spills into fandom circles, like tumblr and instagram and discord, bc everyone who spends any time on ofmd twitter has heard of it and a lot of them have caved and read it and "oh my god, it is so worth the hype" (<- a lie, but taste is subjective i guess). and the fact that it's ongoing and has been updating pretty consistently for months just continually feeds it back into the algorithm and fans keep talking about it and it just makes the fic more and more popular.

im not gonna shit on the author for their publishing schedule tho. like tbh, the format of a twitter fic where u can just post a few hundred words a day sounds sexy as fuck for me with my adhd that prevents me from completing full chapters, and i would not be able to keep myself from updating the instant i had enough stuff ready for a tweet. and also i wouldnt blame her for enjoying getting a million incoherent tweets for posting like, a picture of a calendar. i'd get a kick out of that, too.

idk i have been pretty insistent that the fic is nothing special. it's not mind-blowingly amazing and it's not absolute garbage. even the Big issues (racism) i have with it are like, pretty standard in a lot of fics, unfortunately. so i'm not gonna sit here and criticize the author for how they update their fic that they write in their free time. i will criticize the author for Other Stuff tho, lol, but u can go in my pc tag for that

#ask #anon #mine #pc #txt #og #i once picked out a scene to ask a mutual their opinion on it and that scene was objectively absolute garbage #but the fic as a whole has some good parts and some bad parts so like. i think i have to go with It's Fine as my final judgement #it's Fine in terms of the story and writing but it's Bad (in a very run of the mill fandom way) for the way race is handled #but like. me too lol!

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artificial-horizon · 2 years

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"you can never fucking tell whether they're girls or boys". i realised this myself while looking at people of my ethnicity and comparing us to white femininity and masculinity and realised that we look incredibly androgynous in relation to those standards.

I'm glad you relate too lol, it's good to know it's not just me thinking weird shit! I'm not even sure exactly what's behind it, like I don't believe in any way that we're somehow *naturally* more androgynous-looking than white people, so could it literally just be white beauty standards? Cos in a way I feel like white beauty standards emphasize the differences between gender roles (or emphasize humans' apparent sexual dimorphism I guess??), particularly in relation to the "other" gender - so it's like women = hairless vs men = hairy, women = petite and thin vs men = tall and strong etc. Then again I've only lived in majority white countries so I couldn't say that other cultures' beauty standards aren't like this as well!

And like generally I'm sure the factors that lead to a particular ethnicity seeming more androgynous in white cultures are gonna be specific to each case (thinking things like, the traditional clothing for each gender is pretty similar or something), so your reasoning, experience etc may be quite different from mine. Personally, I think I've felt androgynous compared to white people cos the beauty ideals I've grown up with do not take "non white features" into account (in quote marks cos I don't like that phrase at all), so I inherently fall short of both the men's and women's standards. Like, I'm very short but also naturally muscular with a big ass lol, something that's pretty damn common in majority POC spaces I've been in (and is the body type of many of the Black women in my family), but it fails to conform to white femininity or masculinity. Far too broad and thick to fit white women's beauty standards, but far too short and bottom-heavy to fit the men's. And if this is how our bodies naturally look, what the fuck do we do to fit in?!

I also think hair is a *huge* factor, at least in my experience. Talking more about body hair here (as I don't have anything really to add to the great insights many Black women/ppl have shared about hair as in head hair) - white women's beauty standards involve having little to no visible body hair, and at least in the UK where I spent the majority of my life, there's an unspoken assumption behind this standard that many (most?) women will be able to fulfil this with ease. I mean, for many white British women I've met their body hair naturally grows sparsely and in a very light colour, so even when totally unshaven they don't look hairy at all. Not to say that white women have no struggles around body hair and beauty ideals - that would be blatantly untrue - but it's like, what do you do when your body hair naturally grows thickly, abundantly and dark, so you consistently fail to meet this beauty standard unless you like, literally just shaved that day? And then there's the fact that this doesn't help with meeting the male beauty standards either, cos white people think brown people are hairy regardless of gender. This is why for me, as a black/mixed race trans guy*, having visible facial hair does not actually help me pass as male, where it would for many white trans guys. (Never tried to grow out a full beard though so I can't speak on that!) It's either just There when I'm read as a guy, or a target for bigots when I'm read as female, cos ew look at the gross mannish hairy brown female. (I don't think I've ever truly been gendered as a Woman for the very reasons we're talking about here, just as a Female that is failing to be a woman but will be put in the category regardless cos I'm failing even harder to be a man/male.)

*actual gender too complicated to be bothered to write out lol

That turned into a bit of a ramble tbh but again, I'm happy my post resonated with you lol! I'm interested tho, in what ways do you feel your ethnicity is more androgynous compared to white femininity and masculinity? I'd love to know if they're similar or different to my experiences lol so plz feel free to send another ask if you ever want to 🙏🏽 this is legit the first ask I've received on this blog and I'm always down to have more discussions on these kinds of issues! I don't have any majority POC trans spaces irl that are talking about these things but the community on Tumblr is super insightful.

#disclaimer: not an expert or well read on this #hence sticking more to talking about my own experiences #so I'd love to hear others' experiences and thoughts #as in from other POC not white people #in case that wasn't obvious hehe #asks #degendering #racism #tpoc #qpoc #trans poc #white beauty standards

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skinni-girls-eat-books · 4 months

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Monday, January 8th, 2024!

11:32am HCI class this morning, really boring still I regret to inform everyone 😂 no tests this semester, just projects. Easy A but a real brain drain. Not letting the brain drain get to me though! Hopped out of that class (9-11am) and now I'm at Panera getting free coffee (it's chilly out!). I'm going to shoe carnival to use a $15 voucher and also other little errands today. I just realized I'm really hungry (I had 2 prebiotic sodas last night and absolutely BLEW UP this morning so I actually don't think there's anything in my stomach tbh haha). I think I should get a snack bc my stomach will pass start hurting soon. Just checking in! New semesters can be overwhelming so I'm gonna keep coming back here.

11:49am have selected bogo bacon mcdoubles for lunch with my coffee :) eating food is good for you! I am very thankful ❤️

2:34pm lol I went down a rabbit hole and I'm about to be off my phone for the rest of the day. But it's worth it bc I looked on Vividseats and found a $20 after tax ticket to see Company at the Straz tmrw. I have heard of this musical before but didn't know what it was or any of the songs. Omg I didn't the last 1.5 hrs listening to the original Broadway cast recording in my car and investigating the plot and I am very excited!! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about I had no idea that's what I was going to do today and definitely had no idea I was going to see a Broadway show tomorrow night when I freaking woke up this morning, how do I explain to people that this literally is my hobby. Novelty and new experiences is my hobby. Learning about things is my hobby. Listening to new music is my hobby. Reading about how they are being hot and *controversial* about the gender swap in this revival of a 50+ year old play?? I find this fascinating and I am excited AF now about something I couldn't tell you one lick about this morning. This is my favorite thing to do. This is such a perfect example of my idea of a good time.

Do other people never do things like this?? It's spontaneous, but not expensive or dangerous or retarded, it's just spontaneous and interesting to me personally.

4:05pm I actually went to shoe carnival and used the coupon in their email and got a pair of yellow box sandals for $7 even! Just got home, ate a granola bar and am about to take a nap.

11:45pm I want to text him. I'm ALSO FIVE DRINKS IN LMAO. OFC I wish I had a man to fuck rn. I GOT MYSELF DINNER AND DRINKS!!!! NOW it feels like I've been wined and dined and primed to FUCK. But it's literally just me.... I wined and dined myself bc it's the first day of school, things are stressful and they're bound to be more stressful going forward. I wanted to treat myself before I get depressed AF. Is there another man/ woman here?? Fuck NO. I got ME, MYSELF and I BITCH. Dinner was a delicious pizza from king state and a cocktail and 4 shots while I watched "Hair" so yeah ofc I'm COMFORTABLE AND TURNED ON THAT'S LITERALLY ALL IT FUCKING TAKES I'M NOT DIFFICULT BY ANY FUCKING MEANS. one day there will be a man that understands, but until then it's just me, I got me, I know me better than anyone else. All the men I've met are JUST A DELUSION IN MY MIND BRO I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I *CLEARLY* HAVE NOT MET HIM YET and that's ok,bc ..... I got ME.

Hopefully this rant has dissuaded me from texting him bc wtf he's SO FUCKED UP EVEN IF HE ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME HE'S UNABLE TO FUCKING DO SHIT ABOUT IT. HE'S A BUM ASS BITCH AND CAN'T MEET YOUR STANDARDS!!!!!!! YOU MEET YOUR STANDARDS WHERE YOU ARE EVERY DAMN DAY. HE FUCKED UP AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE. LITERALLY LET HIM ROT ONG BC HIS DUMBASS PICKED A LIL BITCH OVER YOU (A STRONG ASS HO WHO DOESN'T TOLERATE BULLSHIT!!!!!). THE END OMG.

1:34am why TF am I still awake ooooorhhg I am killing myself fr.

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eddiediaaz · 2 years

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1. Do you talk with your hands?

2. What sports did you do growing up?

3. What's your lockscreen?

4. What's the best gift you've ever received?

5. Soup, thoughts? (Explain in details)

6. Best encounter you've had with a stranger irl?

7. Biggest regret? (If you have any)

8. Weirdest experience you went through?

9. What's something that scares you?

10. Last meal before you die, what do you pick?

ahhhh i love this!!

i'm gonna put my answers under a read more because it's a bit long

all the time lmao, i'm sure it's distracting

i didn't do a lot of sports tbh. we were really poor and my mom worked the night shift most of the time. but i did gymnastics for a few years, my aunt was a coach and my mom sew the costumes in exchange of my spot there (and my sister's)

art from one of my favorite local artists!! it's the last one in her "free wallpapers" highlight here

it's not one thing in particular, i'd say all the little things my dad did for me last year when i was really depressed. he visited me often, brought me homemade food, brought me small gifts, called me often, made sure i was okay. he helped me so so so much and i will forever be grateful. all the little gifts he gave me that year i will always remember

soup is fucking amazing and i'm angry at myself for not making soups more often. it's sooooo versatile, like, you can make any soup. right now i'm craving potato leek soup, thank you. but i have other frozen soups i've made that i should eat first.

best encounter with a stranger irl... i think it would be anytime a woman comes to me just to tell me that they love my hair or my outfit or my tattoos. it always makes my dad and it makes me smile for hours. i don't receive many compliments in general, i don't really fit in the beauty standards, so when someone (always a woman), takes the time to come up to me and compliment me, it's just everything!!

i feel like i don't have one big regret. i think it's more of a global thing. i'm 30 in six months and i regret not having lived more. i feel like i haven't lived anything interesting and i do regret that a lot sometimes. it's really hard not to compare myself to others and i know i should not do it, but i can't help myself.

the way i have such bad memory lol. weirdest experience hmm... maybe a few years ago when i was in toronto and got food poisoning from a museum there. i had been sick all night at my airbnb that i ad to check out of at 10am, so i barely got any sleep. i was taking the bus to go back home (a 7 hour ride) only at 5pm and cancelled my plans for that day because i was so sick. i had nowhere to go tho, so i went to eaton center (a huge mall) and kept close to the bathrooms lol. i was in a bookstore (indigo) and i was looking truly disgusting, but there was this one guy that kept trying to hit on me and wouldn't take no for an answer, even when i said i was really about to be sick on him. i really think he was fetishizing me for being fat, because there was NO WAY he was attracted to me lol, i looked so sick. anyway i finally was able to leave without him following me, but i looked over my shoulder for the rest of the day there :/

i'm scared of losing my pets and my parents. first thing that came to mind. i know this will come one day, but i'm really scared of it.

ohhhh last meal. my mom's lasagna, i think. with a side of my dad's salad. he makes great salads and it's nostalgic for me.

thank you so so much this was AWESOME!

#anonymous #alie replies

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everycoffee · 2 years

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Cypress Coffee

I'm pretty sure this is a local place, not a chain, but I could be wrong. I had to drive through a car dealership to get there, which made me feel like an idiot, but the baristas were very nice. I got the standard iced vanilla latte and a specialty drink called the Summer Love Latte (served hot).

Sweetness (7/10)

Look, it stood alone fine. The summer love latte in particular was good without any added sugar, but both definitely could have been improved by just a single pump of simple syrup. They did have a self serve bar with sugar packets, but how am I supposed to dissolve a sugar packet in an iced drink?

Coffee flavor (7/10)

Unlike D&M, Cypress' espresso shots did not have a specific flavour to them besides "coffee." It was still good, though, if a bit stronger than I'm used to. (Not in a dark roast kind of way, as in the coffee tasted more concentrated.)

Caffeine effect (8.5/10)

No jitters! Even on an empty stomach. The coffee kept me going all day, but I did crash a bit several hours later.

Ice (2/5)

Could have been more ice in the vanilla latte. That said, it was good ice, the drink stayed cold for longer than I expected, and tbh the taste improved after the ice was about 1/2 melted.

Flavor profile

Not much to say here, really. The vanilla latte tasted like a vanilla latte. The vanilla syrup was good -- not synthetic-tasting, but very faint.

The summer love latte, according to their app, has "rose syrup, vanilla syrup, honey, espresso, and milk." I love floral flavors and honey, so I was really excited for this one. Unfortunately, I didn't taste any of that. It might as well have been a slightly sweeter version of the iced latte (which I attribute to the honey). The flavouring was so faint, it might as well not have been flavoured.

Worth (3/5)

Together, both drinks cost about $11. Both were 12oz. Compared to the cost of other 12oz espresso drinks, and givem the novelty of the summer love latte, it's really not a bad price. Given my other ratings, I don't think I'd be willing to pay that much regularly, but it was still a decent treat for myself.

Overall rating (6.1/10)

I feel bad that Cypress' score is so low, but I suppose it was only a slightly-better-than-average coffee experience. Do I think it's worth it to support a local business? Yes, absolutely. Would I take someone new to the area here? Probably not, unless we're already nearby for some reason.

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topconfessions · 2 years

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Ok I want to ask here because I feel like anywhere else I’ll get shouted out lmao but after the post about gd and his gender like I’ve never really gotten it. What is gender? I don’t understand how gender is different from sex? And I’m not trying to be provocative I’m young myself so I hear this language the whole time but it just confuses me. Like how can someone be a man but be a they? I’d love if you could explain lol because if I ask people they get quite tricky or annoyed if you question it, hope you understand

tbh? I'm going to be extremely textbook by this and everyone will be beyond pissed with me for this: gender & sex by science, evolution, medical standards and just from human history is strictly male & female.

Sex

Sex is the trait that determines whether a sexually reproducing animal or plant produces male gametes or female ones.

Gender is more of a social construct these days. If you are at least 25-33+ you arguably know regardless of what social backlash or pressures you would get from people /now/ that let's say from the 40s-2010, there was socially across the globe on a mainstream level no such thing as all of they/them/we/etc. This is all very complex and would take a documentary style deep dive, but all I am going to tell you is it's all right now a new shift and product of this Gen Z and other younger generations (most millennials too) ushering in a new era of the LGBTQ being equals to "cis" people. Cis globally especially in the professional relam was never a thing either, you were either male or female.

You're asking how can a man be a "they" this is all one individual's choosing. Basically they are saying that they are a male biologically and still identify as a male (loosely) but see their masculinity / femininity/ position in society as well as viewing themselves as either gender fluid or not specfically a man. I mean, deep down, I think I was a man in a past life and I could technically go by she / they / them cause of how I look. I easily get mistaken for a man due to my height I'm very tall for a woman and cause I'm tall I can carry more weight than most people combined, I have a wider and broader structure body wise than most women (not brolic or overly masculine) so I used to always get disprescted by pedestrians no matter HOW i presented myself publicly. I could be dressed up in head to toe pink kpop girl style outfits to HIGHLY show I am a female but still have some old ass punk or disrespectful poc passively call me a man just because of my height. So with that being said if I threw in the towel and said fuck it. I'll be both and just do whatever I felt one day i.e being very traditionally masculine one day then very feminine the next? I could pull it off and people would assign me my gender based on how they precieve what a man or woman looks like?

ANYWAYS

honey it's what we as people have defined and made. Not myself, but human kind in the west and some people overseas as well. I can't go any further cause this is very slipper territory. I'm just going to tell you straight up none of this existed about 10-15 years ago and that's a fact at least on the broader level. Nobody was walking down the street in collective pacts saying they were all of those things very openly. they may have defined themselves as that but there was a not a big liberation for that. This is why I used to always bring up age in past kpop talks cause age does have an affect if you can remember how things have evolved since like maybe 2001?

that's all. it's strictly by science male x female unless you are born with a defect that makes you have 2 gentials which you can get surgery to correct. but gender identity is a social construct and nobody implements this onto you but you yourself.

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thebibliosphere · 3 years

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So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After.

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting.

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom.

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man.

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms...

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful.

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*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual.

#long post #writing #ethical non-monogamy #relationship styles #relationship models in fiction #also that kindle link is an affiliate link #because fuck giving amazon free recs

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