#or therapy and a book on how real life boundaries friendships and relationships work | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marinetteplztakeabreak · 3 years

Text

chloe in my adrininogami roommates au

under the cut bc its a little long (1500 words of notes about chloe in this au)

ADRININOGAMI ROOMATES AU RECAP: its not really an au its just a timejump, Adrien Nino and Kagami are all like 18-19 and roommates, hawkmoth is still out there and lb and cn still dont know each others’ identities, Nino and Kagami know each others’ secret identities but don’t know Adrien’s and he doesn’t know theirs, Nino is at university while Adrien and Kagami are just taking a gap year and working minimum wage jobs and honestly they are all thriving and bffs

Chloe is a music major

At the same university as Nino

i have very little knowledge of the universities of Paris so this is going to be partially based on the American system, im sorry but youre going to have to suspend your disbelief real quick

so the university has a rule where first year students have to live on campus in the dorms

Nino escaped this rule because he is a goshdarn music nerd and quest for knowlege cannot be stopped

There wasn’t even an AP Music Theory class at his high school when he started there but he was like “whats up guys i have self-confidence now and i think it would be pretty nifty if we had this class” and then talked to teachers and convinced a bunch of his friends to sign up for it so now its a class

And thats the only AP Music class and he still wanted to learn,,, so he just,,, started taking online college courses,,, in music theory,,, for fun,,,, the absolute nerd <3

he will ramble excitedly about music history to anyone who will listen and you cant even be upset bc he is so energetic about this

All of this is to say that, by the time he graduated high school, he had already completed a bunch of college classes, so he got to enter university as a sophomore, which is how he is living off campus with adrien and kagami

Chloe, however, is a freshman, so shes gotta live on campus in the freshman dorms and have a roommate

her roommate, by the way, is Juleka

Chloe has calmed down significantly by this time and sucks a lot less. She and Juleka are not friends by any account, but basically, when they were signing up for roommates, they were both like “whelp this is better than rooming with a total stranger, i wont talk to you or bother you if you dont talk to me”

chloe and juleka have not actually spoken to each other since school started,, they pretty much stay out of the dorm room unless they are sleeping and then they stay on their side of the room and do not make eye contact and dont touch each others stuff

and chloe is totally fine with this

just kidding, hahaha, she is sad and lonely and wants to make friends but is terrible at it,,, her models for friendship include Adrien who she knows she messed up with completely and the best thing she can do now for their relationship is avoid him so she doesnt mess it up more,, and Sabrina, who is also refusing to speak to her now and basically taught chloe that the way to do friendship is to like? do their homework or something??

(juleka is vibing and living her best life btw, shes just also an introvert and only goes to the dorm when she is tired and needs to refresh and also chloe is the one acting like they shouldnt talk)

SO,,, chloe is a music major bc she thinks its pretty nifty and fun and also because she is trying to avoid anything to do with her parents,,, she has reached the point where like “be a dissapointment to my parents” is like,, her life goal,,, which is kinda a “good for her” situation and kinda a “holy heck plz get her some therapy situation”

wow we’ve got a bunch of backstory but we are finally to the point of this post

Chloe has several classes with Nino and she keeps accidentally flocking to him because she already knows him from high school and he has such good vibes

Nino is kind of just trying to avoid her,, he doesnt HATE her,, but,, it is chloe,, yknow

but then they get paired up for a group project and the group meets at nino’s apartment, and adrien is not in the building whenever chloe is there, on purpose,, they will be friends again eventually but their friendship is taking a little bit of a break and adrien is still learning how to have boundaries so he’s just doing what’s best for his mental health

chloe is totally fine with this and doesnt miss him at all

just kidding she is lying

BUT

you know who IS just chilling in the apartment while chloe is there

kagami

who is now like 19 and having some actual self confidence and happiness and who is chilling in her apartment with nino, one of her best friends

and chloe gets through the first group meetup at nino’s house and doesn’t spent any time just staring at kagami who’s chilling reading books in the corner (yes she does)

chloe is actually trying her hardest to be nice to the group members and make friends and prove that she can be a good person and a hard worker but she has very little social skills or work ethics skills and is having complicated emotions about adrien and hasnt even realized it yet but she is falling HARD for kagami,

all that is to say that chloe is a little bit distracted from the group project

but anyway they meet up again and this time chloe has done a ton of research and prep beforehand bc she doesnt want 2 be caught offguard made to look like a fool again and everyone is like what the heck, since when does she study things?

and anyway the project goes pretty great

but then

chloe has a goshdarn crying breakdown

because she is experiencing too many emotions all at once

the combination of just,,, university coursework is stressful and living without servants for the very first time in her life and parental issues and not having friends and also literally everything is just aaaa

so she starts crying in her dorm while doing homework while juleka is there but she literally forgets that juleka is there bc juleka is kind of a cryptid

and juleka just kinda stares at her for a minute and then is like “u good”

and chloe tries to pretend shes not startled and is like “haha yeah its fine”

and juleka is like “have u considered getting a tutor”

and chloe, who is stupid, is like “hmm i should ask nino to tutor me but only at his place and only when kagami is home and i should make sure that i look super cute and i need to study beforehand so that i look cool and smart in front of kagami,, i mean,, for no reason at all i just think this is a good idea”

she talks to nino and nino is like “ok i guess i can help tutor you but u have to actually make an effort and also stick to a schedule so youre not there when adriens there bc we are respecting his boundaries and also you need to-”

and chloe is like “great perfect done”

and then she actually does everything nino says

so basically

she ends up passing all of her classes and making friends

literally just because she is too stupid to actually try to talk to kagami

they literally do not have any conversations other than like “hey, whats up?” “nothing much lol” for like,,, an entire year

also chloe does not admit to herself that she has a crush on kagami for that entire time either

meanwhile adrien and nino and kagami are all a little confused bc chloe keeps flirting at nino??? and adrien is like “im pretty sure she likes girls but idk???” and nino keeps being like “hey chloe what’s up, i just got back from hanging out with my amazing girlfriend alya who i am very in love with,, and who is my girlfriend,, who i am dating”

and chloe has literally no idea why he is doing this but continues to flirt at him and subconciously hope that kagami will catch some of her flirting vibes and falls in love with her

so basically

they are all stupid

BUT Chloe and Nino do become actual friends and chloe actually respects him for the amazing wonderful smart talented kind person that he is and he helps her make some new friends and they get to the point where they are a super great study group and she’ll listen to all his homework assignments and proofread some of them when its like finals cramming time and they are supporting each other and their friendship is good

#chlogami #chloe bourgeois #ml chloe #nino lahiffe #kagami tsurugi #adrien agreste #juleka couffaine #adrininogami roomates au #platonic adrininogami #adrininogami

86 notes · View notes

live-long-and-time-warp · 3 years

Text

It’s hard to leave your toxic friends... but it’s so worth it

I don’t normally do this, but as I sat in a Saturday morning meeting thinking about all of the things I felt this past Friday, I felt compelled to share my story.

A brief background: throughout college and for several years afterward, I considered my tight-knit group of college friends as some of my closest. In addition to my best friend of 20 years, some friends from high school, my work team, and some other dear friends scattered across the globe and throughout the U.S., this group of college friends was who I considered to be my foundation. This group of friends was extremely important to me, but it was not without its bumps in the road.

In my senior year of college, I had a falling out with one of these friends, the ringleader I’ll call her. I say this because she is quite honestly the source of 95% of my problems with this group. She is a master manipulator, and an expert gaslighter. There were a few others that contributed to this too, but she was by far the worst.

I can’t elaborate on every single thing that this person said and did over our 7 year “friendship” but a brief summary would be: asking me point blank if I thought I might be a lesbian after coming out as bi (to this friend group and in her presence, I might add) only several months prior; asking me how much money I spend on books about “Chernobyl” every month with the implication that she’s concerned about my finances; telling me that my resume may not be as impressive as I think it is (I’m the deputy director of a nonprofit with both state-based and national projects and had been for close to a year prior to this conversation); would clean up the crumbs from in front of me while I was still eating and comment on my messiness; told me that one of our mutual friends doesn’t like discussing politics with me because I get too fired up (again, I work for a nonprofit that deals with social justice); telling me that crying while comforting my friend who had just lost a loved one to suicide after they began crying was weird and that I “stole her thunder” (we were slightly drunk, I’m an empath, and she was talking about some deeply personal things that moved me and crying was my natural response... and oddly, she was appreciative of my tears because I was “the only person that actually stayed with her”); and so much more that I know I’m forgetting.

There were many other things more insidious, including gaslighting me about my inclusion in several group activities and why it should have been obvious why one friend disliked me enough to not invite me to her wedding after years of claiming cluelessness.

In our senior year, I left that friend for the first time after she humiliated me at a party by commenting loudly and with condescension on my weight. When I cut ties with her, I felt as if I had just left an abusive relationship, and for a while I didn’t want to seek a friendship with her again.

But the other friends in our group still hung out with both of us, so eventually I allowed myself to be sucked back in.

In the years after we graduated, I thought that this person had actually changed- I worked abroad for a year after college, and after returning I saw a marked difference in her demeanor and how she interacted with us. She seemed more self-aware of how her words and actions adversely affected other people, and I thought that maybe the ugliness of that horrible portion of my senior year was now just a faded scar.

But then things escalated very quickly. Over the course of several weeks at the beginning of this year, I started to feel myself questioning whether I had made the right choice in rejoining the group: I was so sure of how I felt after I left it the first time, I felt so empowered and free. So why did I allow myself to rejoin them? Was it really the right choice?

I got my answer a week after the insurrection at the Capitol. One friend who already had a history of saying hateful things about women (which I tried to put a stop to to no avail) finally went full white supremacist asshole, and instead of joining me in calling his comments unacceptable and defending me as he mansplained my job to me, the ringleader criticized me and told me that “I can work in activism and politics and be wrong”.

That’s the moment I finally woke up.

I left the chat that very moment. Every time they added me back without my consent, I left again.

Every time I got message from the ringleader that was full of gaslighting comments and false apologies, I didn’t say a word. Just deleted the message. Finally, I was able to gather the strength needed to block those toxic friends from all social media and my phone. One of these friends was someone I tried to make like me for years after I was told that she hated me for no reason, by her own admission.

Some may not agree with this approach, but I made the choice to cut contact and go radio silent on my own after consulting my friends, specifically my best friend who had been there for me during the incident my senior year.

As weeks went by, some of the true friends from that group reached out, and then immediately backed off after my polite request for space, indicating that I was welcome back at any time and they were always here for me.

The ringleader chose the opposite approach. She continued to gaslight me, made a group chat with myself, the white supremacist, and herself. She sent me messages from her second account, one that I remembered to unfriend but forgot to block. She told me that if I don’t “course correct” by a certain date she would block me on my account (too late, bro) and that “we wish you all the best”. This implies that it was on behalf of the entire group, something I know three of them would never do. However, at this point, I have had to distance myself from all of those friends so as not to give the ringleader the attention she wants from me.

I lost over half of my closest friends over night. It felt like my skeleton had been torn from my body. I considered giving in several times and reaching out to them. But now, over a month later, I understand how necessary it was to excise what was essentially a malignant tumor. The Chernobyl researcher in me wants to compare it to Acute Radiation Syndrome (ARS): an unseen poison that slowly infiltrates every part of your mind and body and rots them from the inside out.

2020 was an extremely hard year for me, as it was for so many. I am so lucky and privileged to have been in the financial situation that I was and had the support of my genuine friends and family.

But it was still the worst year of my life. I have suffered from pretty bad OCD for most of my life, and while I usually keep it under control, last year it became nearly impossible to do so. I also fell very deeply into clinical depression, and worked to the point of burn out and exhaustion. The primary thoughts I had during this depression were:

“Why aren’t you working? You’re lazy.”

“You’re a failure, you’re 26 and haven’t applied to grad school yet.”

“You piece of shit, still living with your parents? What a disappointment.”

“What is wrong with you?”

It was unbearable. I’m honestly not entirely sure how I survived it, but I think a certain 3-year-old goddaughter of mine and a few close, real friends had something to do with it.

I worked very hard with my friends, a therapist, and a psychiatrist to overcome this depression and get my OCD back under control. Now, I feel like such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I still have depression, and the OCD will always be with me (like a bad habit... literally?); but I am so much more happy with myself and my life, as I should be.

And I am very, very, very well aware that therapy was not the only reason I have recently begun feeling this way. It’s very hard to see that you’re being manipulated while it’s happening. Because of my trusting nature, sometimes manipulative comments would be interpreted as heartfelt guidance.

It wasn’t until I started the journey away from them that I saw just how much this group and their negativity (because even the best of them weren’t always the kindest) impacted my mental health.

The event that made me want to share this story is this: yesterday was a rough work day. As a full-time community organizer, I am pretty much burnt out all of the time. Breaks are taken, but with projects addressing issues from COVID relief to systemic racism and police brutality, it never feels like enough.

I had to officially take a step back as a sole lead on an annual event that I organized for two years, and it was gut-wrenching.

Now, I cry often, but I don’t usually get to have therapeutic cries. You know what I mean? Like, as you cry, all of the tension that built up in your body by negative feelings is finally being released with every breath and sob?

Well, the dam finally broke in a team meeting on Friday. I started sobbing and couldn’t stop. And my colleagues were so, so kind. They let me vent, they let me cry, they would not accept my apologies for crying. They told me that I was strong for setting up boundaries, and that they were here for me.

We spent a lot of time at the end of the meeting each talking about our self-care routines. And as I sit here typing this, I am actively trying not to cry at the purity of their support.

This experience has taught me what real friends are. Real friends do not put limitations on your emotions and fears.

Real friends do not give you deadlines for processing your feelings.

Real friends do not criticize you for things that, while they may not agree with, do not affect anyone’s health or marginalize anyone.

Real friends don’t marginalize vulnerable communities.

Real friends help and support you with constructive criticism (when it’s asked for) and love, not patronization and manipulation.

I thought I knew all of these things before, but I know now that I am still learning... and that that is perfectly okay. I don’t regret most of the times we shared together. I am appreciative of the positive memories that their friendships gave me.

Three of the friends in this group are actually good people, and maybe one day when the dust is settled I’ll reach out to them and establish one-on-one friendships with them (if they want to).

And I have to thank my real friends, including @tryingtobealwaystrying, for all saying the exact same thing: you deserve so much happiness and fuck all of those guys.

So, the point of this post is to tell everyone this: you can leave your toxic friends. It’s incredibly difficult, stressful, and honestly traumatizing. And there’s no shame in needing time or feeling unable to leave those friends now. There’s also no shame in returning to those friends.

But please know, from this nerd to the reader: anyone that makes you feel any less than the beautiful, amazing human being you are and doesn’t want to help you become an even better human on your own terms is not a true friend. They don’t deserve you or the light you can bring into their lives.

And every agonizing step away from those friends is a step closer to a happier, healthier life.

#toxic frienship #mental health #living with ocd #depression #storytime

7 notes · View notes

amygeeunit · 4 years

Text

The Quarantine Chronicles: These Last Five Years & What I Thought I Wanted

There’s nothing like being alone in your own thoughts at 1:00am in the midst of a global pandemic... Instead of aimlessly scrolling through my Instagram timeline or checking my bank account with all the money I have saved from not going out, I’ve had time to think about what the 28 year old, almost 29 year old Amy needs versus wants...

I think in high school or at some point in our lives we have all fallen victim to “By the time I’m age this, I want to have x, y and z.” At 16, I thought at 25 I would have my life 85% figured out. Pretty funny concept now that you think about it, right? I actually laugh at how naive or how troublesome it is to have these unrealistic goals and tag an age onto them... I pictured myself living in a nice apartment, potentially dating someone, or if not just focusing on my career. Fast forward to 2020, besides this year being a complete clusterf*ck, I’ve had extra time to sit down and think of these last five years in a nutshell.

All I remember from 2015 was going to Vegas, still working in retail, having foot surgery and getting into CSUF. The rest is foggy because it’s been five years. Huh? I thought 2015 was last year...

2016 seemed to be one of my better years. I started at CSUF, went to Iceland, interned at Rastaclat, ended up getting a job at Rastaclat, entered into my first serious relationship, moved back out to Orange County and felt like at 24 - 25 I was killing the game (or so I thought.)

2017 wasn’t too bad. I graduated from CSUF in the spring, went to Oahu, continued on in my relationship and spent a majority of my time focusing on my career.

2018 is when life started to get real interesting. My pup, Ben G, passed away while I was out in Illinois visiting my cousin (long story to save for another post,) I started a new job at Pretty Great LLC, traveled to escape 99% of the time, started taking birth control that made me bloated, emotional and feel weird and moved back to Moreno Valley. During this time, my relationship started to crumble due to lack of communication, the wave of grief I was experiencing and everything in else in between that couples go through. I started going to therapy in July and in August, I had my first panic attack. In September, I decided I needed to get as far away from my life as possible. I booked a flight to Japan to visit Sarah since she was stationed out in Yokosuka. Yokosuka has a naval base and is about an hour from Tokyo. I talked to my boss at work a few weeks prior and asked for a week and a half off. Luckily, he was one of the most understanding and best people I have ever worked for in my career so far. Most bosses would have told you to “Get over it” or “Figure it out.” Rob Myers was a saving grace for me that year for letting me have my time off to not think about life.

While I was in Japan, I remember the time change messing me up quite a bit. I think it took around three days for me to finally be okay without passing out in the middle of the day. In short, this trip changed me. It changed how I traveled, it changed how I process emotions, it changed my outlook on life, it changed many things for me. I came back from this trip and my relationship was virtually over. I didn’t know how to feel, I didn’t know what to do, it just sort of fizzled like a candle using its last part of the wick. October came and I spent my birthday in Big Bear with my parents. I remember crying in the cabin when we got back from Octoberfest. I don’t think it really hit me that I was single, with no friends around and that 27 was already a shit show on day 1. I visited my best guy friend and his sisters in Arizona at the end of October to make up for the previous weekend. I had no idea that November could get any worse for me, but it did. It was two days before Thanksgiving, November 20th, 2018.

I was driving from Moreno Valley to Santa Ana one morning on my way to work. I took my normal route, left at my normal time, a pretty standard commute. About 2 miles from work, I was at a stop light. At this stop light I waited for about 30 seconds while the other cars went. The light turned green. As I was pressing my gas to accelerate, out of nowhere, a semi truck plows its way through the intersection and t-bones my driver’s side. I remember screaming. I remember it being like a scene from a Final Destination movie where the victim doesn’t know that death or uncertainty is upon them. In that moment, I remember thinking “This is it.” My reflexes shifted real quick and that was it. I remember pulling off to the side of the road leading up to the 5 freeway. I felt like my soul left my body for seconds then came back. I was shaking. I called my dad first and let him know what had happened. I called my mom and then the insurance company. I exchanged words and information with the driver. I remember being upset, but I couldn’t yell or get any words out. I just went by the protocol of what to do when you get involved with an accident. Sure, I have been rear ended before, but never t-boned and let alone by a damn semi truck. This accident passed, I was awarded some half ass money and in the midst of it all, I remember being so mentally drained that I cried out for help on Instagram Stories... I remember going through survivors guilt. I remember saying to myself “Why am I still here? There are people that die in accidents or by drunk/distracted drivers all the time... Why do I still have to live this life of pain and suffering?” In my mind and in 2018, I never knew how to take pain and suffering very well. I didn’t know it would shape me for what these next couple years would throw at me.

December came and went. It was like a sigh of relief for me to know that the vicious cycle of the 2018 rollercoaster was coming to an end. At this point, I kind of gave zero f*cks as to what happened in life. A few days before Christmas, I visited my Grandma in Illinois and my grandparents’ grave site. I think my trip to Illinois was some type of closure to my 2018 year. I hadn’t been back to Illinois since my Grandma’s funeral in 2011. It was a cold and frigid trip. It was the first trip I had ever driven by myself. The only cool thing was running into Ja Rule at the Palm Springs Airport (before the Fyre Festival documentary came out, otherwise I would have yelled at him.) He was on my flight to Chicago. Jeffrey Atkins, you sneaky motherfucker, you! How I wish I would have known about you tricking people with that one guy... I ordered a “Survived 2018″ crewneck from this small online business store, went to Disneyland with my mom on Christmas and threw caution to the wind.

2019 was interesting, but not as heavy as 2018. I called 2019 the year where I “rushed to get back to normalcy.” I realized the commute to PG was getting tiring pretty fast, I accepted being single and got back into dance. Dance saved my life, point blank. Whether it was subbing, teaching, training or being on a team, it brought back a sense of joy and also established new friendships along the way. I started a job at a marketing agency in March 2019 that was a short commute and about 6 months in, I realized this was something I wasn’t a fan of. It took me a while to realize that that was okay to feel uneasy about the jobs I once knew.

If I had to rate 2019 on a point scale, I would say it was a 6/10. I felt like the last few months I was suppose to be back to normal and healed from a lot of things I kept to myself. Dating people was weird because 1. I felt behind. What I mean by that was I thought by age 27 - 28, I would have met my “person,” by now. As I seen other friends get proposed to, plan their weddings and start their families, I started to feel like the odd woman out. Was there something wrong with me? Am I that complicated or hard to love? Are my values not aligning with people I like? Am I going to be that person that gets married at 40 or even at all? Will I always be the friend and not the potential girlfriend or wife? Who knows? 2. The reciprocity factor of it all and setting boundaries. 3. I don’t think I ever got over everything that had happened in my first relationship because we never cheated on each other, our trust when out without each other was never questioned and there was a best friend component in it. I was filled with regret, frustration and memories I forced myself to black out even after going to therapy and journaling it. Fact: I dread my birthday each year. I don’t like my birthday in general, but October I have mixed emotions about. The anniversary of my Grandma’s death is on 10/13, my Grandpa’s birthday is 10/14 and my birthday is 10/20. I spent the last couple months of 2019 drinking more than usual, especially after my friend, Beka, passed away suddenly in November. December came and went. I had my first trip to Puerto Vallarta and enjoyed some much needed beach time. I had this “idea” that I would move to the east coast with Sarah because I wanted to start over. That idea went out the window. I ended 2019 with buying a new car after having paid off my Kia Forte back in 2016.

It’s now 2020 and boy... It has been a shit show for the world I feel like. I can’t even begin to describe what a rollercoaster of emotions everyone is feeling right now, but I do have one word for me personally: gratitude. I started off the year so uneasy with finding out my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer again for a second time. I remember going into February with no expectations, yet I had expectations (weird right?) Without going into too much detail I felt like that quote by DJ Khaled saying “Congratulations, you played ya self!” I was constantly frantic about work, friendships, relationships, my future, dance, my parents, basically everything. I was a walking, talking ball of stress. March came around and I downloaded Bumble (yup, I went there) and matched with a really nice guy who actually knew two of my nurse friends. Then, COVID-19 was in full effect in the states and suddenly the idea of dating or wanting any kind of human interaction made me cringe... I had to politely excuse myself and move on. I checked in on friends and they checked in on me.

I’ve spent more time with my parents, more time on myself and then it finally clicked: I am where I need to be in this exact moment. I don’t want to date anyone in quarantine, I don’t want to understand or have expectations for another human like I’ve been searching for these last 6 months. What the fuck, Amy? You are everything you need right now and it is not in another person. I’ve danced in quarantine, I’ve cried in quarantine, I’ve laughed in quarantine, I’ve journaled in quarantine, I’ve found myself again in quarantine. As easy as it sounds for most people, the concept is quite large. Since I was 18 years old, I have ALWAYS wanted to live by myself and try it out. It’s ten years later and in the midst of this uncertain time period, I know that 2020 is the year that I finally accomplish this. So, in short, 2021 I’ll be back on the “dating” field or whatever, but 2020 is my year to literally work. on. myself. This includes: my relationship with myself, my relationship with my friends, family, acquaintances, coworkers, etc., my health regiment, my mental health, my physical health, my emotional health, I think you get the point, right? In a time where some of us feel alone, I feel secure. My days vary and maybe I’ll post something tomorrow where I say “That post was trash, quarantine was terrible,” and while it is on most days, I’m so grateful to connect more deeply with people on a spiritual and conversational level. I was tired of hiding behind my day-to-day busy routine when I finally came to terms with myself.

We are all in this together. We are all processing what we need and want. I use this blog as a way to express and share what so many people keep to themselves. Maybe you can relate, maybe you think I’m too out there. Either way, to each their own.

Until next time.

#quarantine #quarantinechronicles #bloggingfromquarantine

2 notes · View notes

depressionkid666 · 5 years

Text

a far too accurate explanation for how and why we lived on our own same wavelength.

Mirror Soul Meaning: Twin Flames

What Is A Twin Flame?

Sometimes discussed in terms of a “mirror soul” or “soul connection”, a twin flame is the other half of your soul. It is theorized that a soul can split into two after ascending to a high frequency. Thereafter, the soul lands in two different bodies.

If you compare a twin flame vs. soulmate, it’s important to note that a soul mate is someone who is made from the same kind of energy as you, but who has never existed in fusion with you. So, although soul mate connections are highly significant, an encounter with a twin flame is on another level entirely. Usually, this will lead to romance. However, it can also manifest in the form of an intense friendship.

“We think we meet someone with our eyes. But we actually meet them with our soul” ― Mimi Novic

If you have a twin flame, you are fated to meet this person at some point in your life journey. The two of you will be pulled together like magnets! You will know when you’ve connected with this person because you’ll immediately experience a sense of recognition. Many people describe an uncanny sense of having known their twin flame all their lives. When you encounter the person who carries the other half of your energy, it can create a profound and life-altering sense of wholeness.

Your relationship will naturally be extremely intense because twin flames are mirrors of one another. This person will not only provide a sense of wholeness; they will also elevate your self-knowledge, including knowledge of your flaws. Consequently, there’s a potential for conflict as well as happiness. Rest assured that it is possible to have a happy, healthy relationship with your twin flame. However, this is only possible if you can learn to love yourself, as your twin flame is part of you. This love must be honest and unconditional! Otherwise, a part of you will always be driven to reject your twin flame.

Most Common Twin Flame Symptoms

While the above summary of a twin flame will help you get a general sense of what to look out for, there are also more specific indicators that you’ve encountered your other half.

The most common twin flame signs are as follows:

* Intuitively knowing what the other person is doing, feeling, or thinking about. Plus, you find that they can detect the same things about you.

* Sharing many of the same interests, values, hobbies, and preferences. For example, your twin flame probably has a lot of books in your favorite genre. Similarly, you likely gravitate towards the same food as well.

* Often having the same thoughts or emotions at the same time, even if you’re in different places. When you’re together in person, this may result in you saying the same thing at almost the exact same moment.

* Feeling a strong physical pull to touch and be close, whether in a romantic or platonic setting.

* Having the same dreams at night, and frequently appearing in each other’s dreams. Sometimes your dreams will only overlap in theme, but the core message and feeling will be similar.

* Feeling like you can easily communicate without speaking out loud. A simple glance will often be enough to tell you what your twin flame thinks about what’s going on around you.

* Understanding complex or hidden parts of each other. This can be uncomfortable and confronting, but it can also be deeply liberating and validating.

* Sharing some of the same vulnerabilities and weaknesses. You may see some of your old faults in your twin flame, or have some of your present difficulties highlighted by the way this person behaves.

* Feeling like it’s safe and natural to be your authentic self around this person. For example, even if you’re normally shy, a twin flame will quickly make you feel comfortable enough to just be you.

7 Twin Flames Stages

Meeting a twin flame is a special, life-altering moment! However, it’s only the beginning of what is in store for both of you. Encountering one another kick-starts a dynamic new part of your life; one that will facilitate growth, inspire change and challenge you to fully accept yourself. Think of encountering your twin flame as the first step on a journey.

We’ll explore each of the twin flame stages in turn, and look at the connection between twin flame symptoms and each of these crucial stages. Some are primarily associated with wonderful experiences while others can be emotionally arduous, but all of them are necessary parts of encountering the other half of yourself. There are seven major twin flame steps to the process. Nonetheless, be aware that you may go through them at a slow or faster rate than other people will.

Stage 1. The Search

The search stage involves a strong sense of yearning and an acute awareness that something is lacking in your life. Even if you’ve never really thought about soul mates and twin flames before, this is the stage at which you begin to believe that there really is a perfect match out there for you. In all likelihood, you’ll doubt this feeling at first; you may feel unsure about what you should do with it, but at the deepest level, you will find it impossible to shake the conviction that you will meet “the one”.

The search stage is also partly about preparing your life for the incoming arrival of your twin flame, even though you may not know why you are doing this. For example, you may start a journal, engage in therapy, or work to find closure after past relationships. On an unconscious level, you know that all of these things are necessary if you are to welcome your twin flame.

Stage 2. The Awakening

As noted above in the discussion of soulmate signs, you tend to just know when you’ve encountered your twin flame. This second, awakening stage is where you physically meet, and the awareness of your compatibility hits you head on. This will often be a chance encounter that is full of coincidences and little signs that your meeting was destined to take place.

Sometimes, you won’t be together for very long, but even brief contact is enough to make you aware that something special is happening. It’s also worth noting that the awakening can take place in a dream, meaning that you “meet” your twin flame in the dreamscape before you ever cross paths in real life. Regardless of how you meet, you will be shaken by the intensity of the bond you feel. You may feel intoxicated by it, and find that all of your waking moments are occupied by thoughts of this person.

Stage 3. The Test

The test stage of a twin flame experience is defined by trying to understand your relationship with this other person. It is all about establishing boundaries, testing your limitations, and moving past the purely blissful experience of initially falling in love.

This stage will only occur once you’ve had enough time to enjoy a “honeymoon” phase. Plus, this stage is crucial if you are going to have a more meaningful, long-term relationship. For example, it is at this point that you will negotiate what your future will look like, and will begin to notice what may constitute obstacles to that future.

Although you are destined to know and love each other, you will still engage in conflicts (in the same way that before you met your twin flame, you engaged in conflict with other parts of yourself). Whether and how you resolve these conflicts, will define whether you’ll be able to stay together.

Stage 4. The Crisis

While twin flame love can be euphoric, it also inevitably involves a crisis stage. While this is often unpleasant, the good news is that it can also catalyze a deeper, more stable bond in the longer term. This stage involves significant anxiety and worries about your bond with your twin flame, and the crisis can be just about anything. It may be related to grief, betrayal, struggles with self-love or any number of other things that put pressure on your connection with your twin flame.

In spite of the supernatural compatibility of twin flames, this is often a point at which the two people decide to separate (a process that is extra painful given that it involves giving up a part of yourself). However, if you can get through the next few stages, you will emerge stronger than ever before.

(( if you see this thing at all, maybe send a sign ))

Stage 5. The Running Or Chasing Stage

No matter what form the crisis stage takes, it is always followed by a running or chasing stage. You may be in either role, and you and your twin flame may switch back and forward between the two roles. This stage revolves around one twin flame distancing themselves, often out of fear of confronting the level of intimacy that the two of you are capable of experiencing. The twin in this role will be in pain and will feel very defensive and resistant. Meanwhile, the other twin flame will give chase, believing that the bond is worth fighting for and working on.

This stage can only end up when the running twin stops trying to get away, and the chasing twin stops trying to push. Often, the end of this stage is characterized by both twin flames realizing that there are forces at work beyond their control.

Stage 6. The Surrender

In the surrender stage, both of you will start to give up on a previous need to control your relationship. In this context, surrendering isn’t about giving up on your connection, but rather about accepting that neither of you can escape from destiny. This can be a positive realization that releases you both from past anxieties and allows you to better live in the moment, trusting that the universe will lead you to where you need to go.

Do note that it’s only possible to progress through the surrender stage if both of you work on the issues that led to the crisis and the running/chasing stages. For many people, the core issue here relates to the fact that twin flames are mirrors. So, often, the things you will need to work through are the negative feelings you have about yourself, which are reflected back to you in the eyes of your twin.

Stage 7. The Reunion and Joining

When you and your twin flame move on to the reunion stage, you’ll have a sense of relief at the fact that balance is being restored.

In going through the previous, challenging stages, you’ll have learned a lot about yourselves and about the potential attached to the unique kind of love you have found.

For some twin flames, this reunion will be physical in nature. For example, the two of you may finally come back to the same place, agreeing to share a home, or finally physically consummating your bond.

Irrespective of the particular form the reunion takes, it carries with it a sense of peace, acceptance and reciprocal understanding.

If you can weather the more tumultuous parts of your journey, twin flame energy inevitably leads both parties to this joining stage. After the reunion, the hard work is over; all you need to do now is live, enjoying the sense of completeness that can only be found in each other’s companionship.

2 notes · View notes

a-woman-apart · 5 years

Text

Hope

Remember, if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, please get help.

Crisis Text (U.S.): 741 741

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

You know what I said a couple weeks ago about waiting a couple of weeks before you make a Drastic, Negative, Irreversible Decision?

Well, I have confirmed evidence that it is true. It sounds cliché as hell, but when you are staring down a dark tunnel you really cannot see the light at the end of it. It feels like the pain will never end, and that nothing will ever be different. This is definitely a lie, because things will get better.

They will, because you are going to make them better.

How?

Well, first of all, you need to realize that depression is not just caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Even if that is true, that chemical imbalance can be exacerbated by external circumstances. I am talking about real people, places, or things that generally contribute to your feelings of despair.

Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself.

· Are you in a romantic relationship that is sexually, physically, or emotionally abusive?

· Have you experienced childhood trauma?

· Are most of the people in your circle people who belittle, undermine, pressure, and/or demean you?

· Are you in a codependent relationship with a family member or significant other?

· Do you work at a job that has become unsatisfying, unfulfilling, or unbearable?

· Are you under lots of pressure to perform academically?

· Are you homeless, living in poverty, facing financial insecurity, or living paycheck to paycheck?

· Do you live in a war zone or a country where your basic safety and freedoms are constantly threatened?

· Do you have a chronic physical illness in addition to your mental illness?

· Do you spend most of your time alone and/or feel that you cannot depend on other people?

· Do you feel that you have to perform or put on a show in order for others to respect your needs, wants, or desires? (This includes having to pretend to be cis or straight in order to be respected or cared for)

· Do you base your self-worth on your money or achievements, only to have that self-worth come crashing down when you ask yourself “what’s next?”

· Are you afraid that others will “discover” that you are a fraud and do not deserve the status or position that you have?

· Do you constantly feel bored or unchallenged, like you are simply moving through the motions of life with no purpose or meaning?

I am aware that the author Johann Hari is a controversial figure, but so much changed for me when I read his book, “Lost Connections”. He looked at causes of depression—some of the things I just mentioned—and possible cures. These cures were not based primarily in treating patients with medicine. Lots of people claim that Hari discouraged or undermined the use of antidepressants in his book, but that was not the interpretation that I got.

My understanding is that he posited that the medicine is kind of a “jump-start” for the brain. I have experienced severe bipolar depression before. I was listless, monosyllabic, barely able to get out of bed or take care of my daily hygiene. I was under the care of my parents. The medicine did not “cure” me, but it gave me enough motivation to begin attending groups, psychiatrist appointments, and therapy sessions.

For most people, medicine is a part of a holistic treatment plan. In my case, it isn’t even the primary ingredient—especially since I no longer take antidepressants at all (A/N: I stopped under the supervision of a psychiatrist; never, never, never stop taking antidepressants or any other psychiatric medication cold turkey).

You see, once I got my manic symptoms under control with mood stabilizers, I thought I was in the clear, but I started to experience symptoms of depression again. However, this was the “good”, or “high-functioning” kind of depression. When you’re “high-functioning”, you can go through the day wishing you could die but you’re still alert, efficient, and outwardly cheerful. Unfortunately, this “less debilitating” depression kills more people. When you are in this state, if your goal is to die, you often have the energy and motivation to follow through. It is extremely isolating because most often, you have created the perfect illusion that everything is fine, and so others often don’t think to reach out to you to make sure you are okay. You also have created walls that you yourself may struggle to break through.

I knew that I wasn’t okay, so I reached out for help. My experience was similar to Johann Hari’s. I was put on antidepressants that would work for a while, and then they would stop, and I would be switched to another. My weight fluctuated wildly, and I experienced a variety of other unpleasant side effects. I was finally removed permanently from antidepressants when the antidepressant drug, Effexor, contributed to me having a mixed episode (mania + depression), which, like high-functioning depression, carries a high suicide risk. I have written extensively about the horrible withdrawal I experienced from Effexor.

This is not to say that my negative experiences are universal to all. Bipolar depression is often resistant to antidepressants, and most antidepressants carry the risk of pushing us into mania. People with Major Depressive Disorder/Unipolar Depression often respond better to antidepressants. My best friend has been on the same high dosage of an antidepressant for years and it helped to increase his motivation and pull him out of a rut. He, like me, though has attended therapy and changed key things in his life that were keeping him stuck.

My point—after saying all that—is to say that drugs alone won’t solve your problems.

Also, you have a real reason to be depressed.

This is not to say that neurons misfiring in your brain don’t contribute to your depression, or that there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance. However, often there are things in our lives that make us feel small, trapped, or powerless, and these are often things that we can physically point to if we ask ourselves the right questions.

E N V I R O N M E N T A L

One big thing is work. You may work in a job you actually despise because you want to support your family. Most of us spend a third—or more—of our day at some kind of job. Maybe school is your job, and you’re drowning in a sea of assignments and deadlines.

Maybe there is no feasible way to leave that job or school (yet), but Johann Hari gives tips on how to hate it less. You could rearrange your schedule, change departments or majors, request different kinds of work, or otherwise try to find meaning in an outwardly shitty situation.

F I N A N C I A L

If you are in financial trouble, you could begin utilizing your community resources more. This includes getting local or government help with food and bills, but it also involves things like attending free job training and educational workshops or going to your local library so that they can connect you with employment resources. Libraries and colleges also often host hiring events and have bulletin boards where you can see the latest job postings for your area.

You could stop also depending on people financially who belittle you or make you feel guilty for receiving their help. Some people do nothing but give off unproductive energy—it isn’t worth it to receive assistance from these kinds of people, because you will never be able to do enough to pay them back. Even if you pay them back the physical resources, they will constantly try to violate your boundaries by saying, “Look at everything I did for you and you can’t even do X”. Run, do not walk, from these kinds of people.

A B U S E

As for abusive situations, these can be incredibly isolating. Your abuser has probably already driven wedges between you and your friends and family. You can however call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline and get help. If you feel like you are in danger—even if that person has never physically attacked you—you should still call and get help and advice. They can connect you with shelters and other resources. They also provide help for people who are suffering from spiritual abuse, an overlooked but often devastating form of abuse.

You can also call Day One Services and get help if you are dealing with emotional abuse.

I S O L A T I O N

It takes a community. It takes us leaning on each other and working together. The lie is that you do this thing called life alone. You don’t. In disaster zones or war-torn areas, depending on the community can mean the difference between life and death.

I know many of us don’t live in a disaster zone, but we still need community support. A lot of us don’t have friends—and struggle to make them—but if the Friendship Goal is too lofty, then you should start by just spending more time with people in general. You could start by just sitting in a coffee shop or going to a park and people watching. Or you could try to join online groups where you can speak freely about your hobbies. When it comes to taking the bigger steps, like joining an offline group or volunteering, set the bar super low.

I had been using Meet Up to try to find groups in my area, and I made this absurdly low goal of “attend one Meet Up this year”. Not five, three, or even two. Just one. I was terrified, but I did it. I still haven’t gone to another one, but it was a starting point. It helped my brain see that I could do it. Loneliness and isolation are dangerous; any small action you can take towards reducing those two factors will be incredibly helpful.

P E R S P E C T I V E

Sometimes our issue can be with the way we see the world; Johann Hari described some of these as “Disconnection from meaningful values”. If your fundamental view of the world is that you need to just continually climb the ladder of achievement—hording material wealth along the way— until you die, you lack meaningful values. If you have physical comfort, but your life lacks purpose or meaning, it can feel incredibly bleak. We need to both change our outward circumstances, and our behavior and way of thinking in order to see improvement. We need to stop thinking we deserve less, and instead start cutting out toxic people and working on moving out of toxic environments.

S U M M A R Y

At first, when I dropped out of my university, broke up with my boyfriend, and started planning to quit my job (and leave my overpriced apartment) I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Most therapists and psychiatric professionals would not recommend that someone with a mental health condition make that many changes at once. I overhauled everything within a six-month period, and the stress of it all made me need to go to inpatient. I was very ill physically for a while, lost tons of weight, racked up medical bills, etc.

In the end, though, what do I have? I can say that I am truly happy for the first time in ages. My tears are now happy tears. Everything worked out. I’m going to go to a much smaller, more accessible college for my Bachelor’s. I’m moving in with friends to save money and deal with the loneliness issue. I have a new job that is currently a much better fit than the old one was. My ex and I continue to be close friends, but it did take a period of adjustment. I was in big financial trouble, but now, with support, I am getting back on my feet. I was even able to sell my piano keyboard to make a few more simoleons.

Of course, sometimes I still feel very anxious because This Is A Lot, but my anxiety crisis is over. All these new life events are teaching me something that I severely lacked: flexibility. I am also now more resilient, knowing that having made it through this, I can make it through anything.

You are going to make it, too.

I understand that it is important to make sure you keep an internal locus of control. This means that certain things in your life are your responsibility and yours alone, and that you have power to change those things. You can’t make someone love you, but you can ask that they treat you with kindness, dignity, and respect, and remove yourself from the relationship with them if they do not acknowledge your request. You can’t singlehandedly change the world, but you can volunteer and do other things that make a difference in your local community. These changes often have a ripple effect that alter the surrounding areas for the better.

It is going to be hard to change your environment, improve your financial situation, and discover your purpose in life. You could think you have it all figured out, and everything can change. If you feel overwhelmed, please reach out for help. Trust me, tons of resources are just a Google search away. If you’re stumped, go to your local library and ask for advice or books on the subject you’re struggling with.

For those of you who can’t leave home, even here on Tumblr there are users who have compiled tons and tons of “master posts” for things like “How to Get a Job”, “How to Be Frugal” or “How to Make Friends.” Even if you can’t make it to your local library, there are often links to databases in the library catalog that have a wealth of information on every subject. I know a huge amount of you struggle with executive dysfunction so starting and completing tasks can be really hard, but there’s posts for that, too. Even if all you do is get out of bed today and eat something instead of laying in bed and constantly scrolling through here, that is a start.

I know this has gotten incredibly wordy, but the point of it all is please, please, PLEASE don’t give up! You really can make positive changes, but it takes time. Don’t throw all the time you might have left away.

#hope master post #how to have hope #suicide prevention #using community resources #removing toxic people #living with mental illness #living with anxiety #living with depression #changing your environment #getting rid of bad friends #leaving abusive relationships #spiritual abuse help #domestic abuse help #emotional abuse help #use your local library #places to find job help #reducing stress #johann hari #lost connections book

1 note · View note

bewitching-elizabeth-olsen · 6 years

Text

Press: An Emotional ‘Sorry for Your Loss’ Finale Sees Leigh Facing Her Fears

COLLIDER – Once you get past the fact that one of the best shows of the year is on Facebook — yes Facebook! — you’ll know that Sorry for Your Loss is indeed worth it. The series follows Leigh Shaw (Elizabeth Olsen), whose husband Matt (Mamoudou Athie) died suddenly three months before we meet her. The first season chronicles the following two months over ten half-hour episodes, as Leigh is still coming to terms with her life without Matt. But from the onset, Sorry for Your Loss is at heart a family drama that includes Leigh’s adopted sister Jules (Kelly Marie Tran), a recovering alcoholic, and their mother Amy (Janet McTeer), who owns a fitness studio where both her daughters work. The series also tracks Leigh’s complicated relationship with Matt’s brother Danny (Jovan Adepo), the only person who really understands the depth of her loss, and her friendships that have suffered in the wake of such a devastating event. It’s a beautiful series that never gets too dark, and yet it doesn’t shy away from frank and difficult discussions about relationships, depression, and grappling with death.

Towards the end of the final episode of the season, Amy tells Jules and Leigh how Leigh used to ask why the characters in fairy tales always went to the woods, where the bad things were. As Amy explains, it’s because you have to go to the woods — that is, the source of fear — to find out who you truly are and where you are heading. It’s an important moment for the Shaw family as each of the women comes to terms with something dark and hidden in their own lives. Jules seems on the brink of relapsing, until Sabrina brings up her unresolved issues about her adoption as a potential flashpoint for her addiction. For Amy, it’s about reconsidering her relationship with ex-husband Richard, who is making overtures after over two decades of separation.

But of course the deepest well of fear lies within Leigh, who has found out Matt’s secret — his comic book was going to be published. And she wants it to be, for herself, despite Danny’s protestations that it might not be what Matt wanted. The show gave viewers the opportunity to see things from both perspectives as well during those final days of Matt’s life. He got the good news but didn’t share it. And then, suddenly, he died, which Danny still believes was intentional. But for Leigh, answering that question is not the point anymore. Whether Matt killed himself or it was an accident, it doesn’t define who he was to them. That’s been a long road for Leigh, who wondered if she really made Matt happy (Danny assures her she did), and worried that she didn’t know him well enough to see the signs of him possibly being suicidal. She tells Danny, after they see the psychic (a line the show toed very well), that whether it was an accident or mental illness, it wasn’t the Matt they knew and loved who chose to go off that cliff.

It was the penultimate episode in Palm Springs, though, that really seemed to set the stage for the series moving forward, as Leigh went on a romantic getaway by herself to the hotel Matt had secretly booked for them. There she met a sweet man, Tripp, who she sleeps with. But she’s clearly not ready for it to be anything more, and daydreams about what it would have been like to have gone with Matt. Leigh let down a physical barrier, not an emotional one, and yet it was still an act of moving forward. As “Jackie O” in her group therapy confirms, there’s no event in their lives now that isn’t going to carry the memory of their lost loved one, and yet, you still have to move on.

In that way, Sorry for Your Loss’ first season has been one long meditation on that idea. It’s been about Leigh finding her way forward, not existing just to feel grief every moment of her day, because she can’t (and no one can) survive that. She pushed her own boundaries with her impromptu birthday party, and struggled to keep it together at her friend’s wedding. But in other ways she’s been extremely hesitant to move forward, searching constantly in Matt’s past (through his phone, through conversations with his mother and Danny about his childhood) to find where things went wrong. That’s completely natural, and one of the things that has made this series so excellent — it feels real. The conversations and the struggles are all familiar, even though Leigh does live in a particularly cushy world otherwise (we see her go to work a few times at the start of the series, but increasingly, the show just became about her beautifully floating from one event to another. To its credit, though, we do see Jules and Amy at the studio quite a bit!)

That thread of moving forward and moving on is something that was also central to Jules and Amy’s stories, which wrapped up nicely or (if the series returns, and it should) set up new explorations for Season 2. Danny’s trajectory this season has been less certain, though. While Sorry for Your Loss has done a beautiful job of keeping Matt central to the storyline (so much that he is a genuine character on the show, not just a ghost), it still doesn’t feel like we know Danny all that well, what he likes or who he is outside of Matt. His relationship with Leigh has been an important one, but him leaving a message on Matt’s phone about how he’s falling in love with Leigh (when he knows, presumably, is listening to the messages — and by the way, is Leigh still paying for Matt’s cell phone plan?) felt a little bit like a misfire. The earlier scene of Leigh thinking back specifically about him touching her face felt more in line with the show’s excellent nuance, but Danny’s declaration needed a lot more unpacking. But, perhaps that’s what Season 2 is for.

Matt’s comic being published (hopefully) feels like the moment that starts a new chapter for Leigh, with her seeing his work live on beyond him. It’s a reflection of what she knows — that he still lives on within her. And for the first time, she had a memory of Matt that made her laugh, remembering a dumb joke he told her when they first met. Though she is still flooded with difficult memories that make her tear up, rightfully, in that moment it seemed possible for her to remember Matt with happiness. And that’s important. It’s what leads her to her woods, essentially, as she hiked the trail where Matt died, going to the overlook where he slipped or leapt. She can’t know, but those tears and her smile shows that that’s ok. Matt has gone, but she’s alive. Now it’s time to find out what that means.

Press: An Emotional ‘Sorry for Your Loss’ Finale Sees Leigh Facing Her Fears was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

#SPOILERS #Elizabeth Olsen #Avengers #Scarlet Witch #Avengers Infinity War #Avengers Age of Ultron #Captain America Civil War #Kodachrome #Ingrid Goes West #Godzilla #Sorry For Your loss

5 notes · View notes

lovehealgrow · 3 years

Photo

Relationship Therapy for Individuals in Sacramento, CA.

We Help People Have Better Relationships.

Why are relationships so hard? Is it you? Is it them? Or is it the relationship? Ugh–you’re not quite sure.

But you do know one thing–you are ready for a change.

Relationships, marriage, dating, intimacy–it’s tough! But, it doesn’t have to be this way!

Our therapists are here to help.

Schedule Now

You are not alone.

“Why am I so bad at

relationships

–when everyone else seems to have figured it out?”

Aren’t relationships supposed to be the good part of life?

Then, why does it seem like they are so hard?

When it comes to work, your home, hobbies, and friendships…you mostly have it all together.

But your love life–that’s another story.

Whether you are perpetually scanning the dating apps, been married for years, or serially monogamous (until inevitably, it ends)…

you are stressed out, overwhelmed, feeling alone— and a little bit hopeless.

It doesn’t need to be this way. With relationship therapy for individuals, we can make that happen.

Relationship therapy for one can help you figure this out. You and your therapist will look at your life-long relationship experiences and patterns. Perhaps how you healed from a childhood that was maybe a little less than ideal. And, most of all, improve your relationship with yourself.

So you can learn healthier communication and relationship skills. Improve your current relationship. Or, set the groundwork for a relationship in the future.

Schedule Now

If you are considering relationship therapy for individuals in Sacramento, CA, you may be…

–Worried you’ll always feel alone. Or, worried you’re bad at relationships. Maybe you’ve had current or former partners give hurtful feedback. Maybe they said that you are too needy. Or, don’t communicate very well.

-Frustrated that relationships can feel so energizing and hopeful in the beginning. But soon, your partner shows signs of pulling away and shutting down. Or, just not opening up very well. Mixed messages really hurt!

–You may have read a lot of relationship self-help books. Probably listened to all the relationship podcasts. Or, follow lots of relationship advice Instagram accounts. You want to learn more about how to find and build healthy relationships. But for some reason, you still feel stuck and confused by your own (or their partner’s) feelings and behavior.

–Confused about what you should do. Stay in your current relationship or leave? Continue meeting people on dating apps even though it seems like nothing’s going anywhere? “Just learn to love yourself” and give relationships a break altogether? It’s hard to figure out what direction to go. And, it feels like time just keeps on passing as everyone else seems to have it all figured out.

Our relationships therapists can support you in relationship therapy for individuals by:

-Listening, like really listening. We want to get to know you, your experiences, and what your important relationships have been like. Relationships across the board have an impact. Our relationships with our family, our first, and formative friendships. Along with dating relationships and significant romantic relationships. These all help shape how we feel, think, and act when it comes to building an emotional and physical connection with partners.

-Supporting you as you make connections between past and present–patterns pop up all. the. time. when it comes to our relationships. Sometimes we are aware of these patterns. And, sometimes we aren’t. With a deeper understanding and awareness, we can start changing our own dance in these patterns to build the relationships we want.

-Identifying stuck areas and unsticking them. You want a secure attachment. But, you’re anxious in relationships. And, keep finding partners who are avoidant? Let’s explore that. You get stuck in your head and extra self-conscience on dates or in times of intimacy? Let’s build some skills to keep you in the moment. You over-analyze every interaction and start to feel pretty panicky? Or beat yourself up inside? Let’s free you from that time exhausting cycle.

-Being the unbiased, non Judgemental person in your life so you can open up about the hurting, embarrassing, scary parts while also learning to really love yourself.

Relationship therapy for individuals can help you:

-Get out of your head and build a real connection. You want less stress when it comes to relationships, and it is possible!

-Learn communication techniques that foster better connection.

-Feel more confident when opening up emotionally, having sex, or asking for what you want.

-Set healthy boundaries that aren’t just good for you. But, help others know and love you as well.

-Finally understand that love yourself, self-compassion thing. Not in a cheesy way. But, genuinely have a better sense of connection to yourself.

Click here to schedule an appointment

#relationship #therapy #communication lovehealgrow

0 notes

notgonnashutup · 3 years

Text

A healthy possibility before i forget it (and positive thoughts):

1. Maybe you did do ok things with x. Maybe you were healthy enough, set boundaries well, were happy. And maybe she was the one attracted to a healthier person, doing her own work toward a healthy relationship. And while dating maybe being in something healthier made her feel unsure and unready. Maybe she was ready next time, or eventually, and has had or is in healthy relationships now. Maybe you did do enough ok. Maybe yeah, you might attract people who don’t like back - but you also usually do look for any reasonable warning signs of that, and you can’t control if people choose to lie about how they feel. You controlled your own actions throughout that relationship with x, set boundaries, were happy, and you ended it when you weren’t and felt it would not be beneficial for you. That was overall pretty good.

You have friends who have loved you even if you panic in front of them. You have maintained healthy loving friendships. Maybe it is enough. Yes you can always improve, but maybe it’s not as bad a past acts as you thought either. And maybe your good enough right now Is good enough for a healthy relationship and for finding them. Maybe not ideal, but not impossible.

2. You did so many steps of recovery before seeing ACA. Being realistic here, you JUST read The Body Keeps the score and learned how people recover from trauma including Complex PTSD which is what’s at the core of your self destructive curves. And in The Body Keeps the score you saw real proof that: yes ACA can help some people (trauma bonding groups did seem to help people), SO did Theatre, SO did Therapists who did different types of therapy. So did Neurofeedback. Trauma people did not need to do ALL of these things, just one or some, to get to a healthier more functional base. You do NOT need to do the ACA book or program at all, fully, obsessively, or any more than you feel like.

What trauma needs to recover is: to be able to process the emotions but also recognize we are no longer in the time they originally happened, and to be able to access our creativity to come up with alternatives to what had happened. Like the kid who saw the twin towers, then the next day drew a trampoline to save people - he got to cry and grieve and feel his fear, then think up how it could be okay. Trauma recovery needs you to feel what you really feel, think what you really think. Some therapy helped just letting people finally run when they felt those emotions - unlike when it happened and they were stuck frozen. Yoga has helped, self defense classes has helped trauma. Additionally, recovery if you self abandoned means up internal self love and care. A variety of things can work, CAN be enough on their own or in various combos. You do NOT need to do ACA at all or perfect, or any of those things, to be “good enough” to make a good life for yourself.

3. Heres what you have done so far (and I’m forgetting a lot of good stuff I know you also did!)

You knew how to form healthy friendships, you’ve had some healthy friendships throughout life, that allowed you to have a healthy good-enough model to practice some healthier relationships.

You acted back then and up to now, acting probably helped you process a lot of the damage and keep some of yourself feeling less abandoned. Also it probably helped you work out some trauma pain and still does. So much of that probably helped you have more flexible thinking and an easier time recognizing when some pattern you did was hurting you overall in life in the long run.

Your first love was bad yeah, but because it ran the gamut of bad codependent issues it taught you so much about what you wanted to fix. And after it ended, you were able to compare it to your healthier friendships and see a lot of what you did wrong. You were able to model future dating on healthier friendship models and expectations. You were able to recognize your own red flags you get drawn to, you learned boundary setting is so important for you to practice and use.

Engineering sucked yes. During it you connected to spirituality, to the universe, and it gave you hope to live with tarot until you could finally help yourself. And it helped you in its own way. And it has since. That helped you love you even when you found it too hard to love you at all. That helped you want to live. That helped you have the strength to want to hope for a good life for yourself. And that still does, let’s talk to universe more because it’s answers are direct sometimes. And we trust the universe more than any panicked thought in our head. The universe will tell us Clearly if we ask.

And after engineering? That awful depression helped us notice our codependent and destructive traits outside of romantic relationships. It sucked a lot, but it helped us realize to not do what people say, that people pleasing will kill us if we try to live that way. It helped us realize we only want to be alive if we have control over our life choices and freedom to make our choices. So we began valuing what we want; what’s good for us. Many more healthy friendships modeled off good ones before, much more cultivation of our inner likes and dislikes and things we didn’t have a chance to explore about ourselves when we’d been people pleasing and destroying ourselves. Our panic attacks got BETTER, remember. They went from many times a day to once a month or every few months. Sometimes a few some bad weeks, but so much better. We had hope we could mostly live a good life. We could have good friends and time to see them, time for hobbies and nieces, time to sleep and eat, a job we found contentment doing. We were starting to practice recognizing what’s good and bad choices for us.

The overworking year. Yes it was bad for us. We learned good lessons though. We learned how to recognize when we made an overwork mistake, that we didn’t really want. We learned what overworking does to us mentally - from relatively happy to suicidal and panic attacks daily. We learned that even if we don’t mind the job we will break down mental health wise. And we will also break down physical health wise. We learned to prioritize taking care of our body and mental health over any urge to people please or be perfect or good. Even if something is a “less good” choice we learned to realize it is still good for us if it’s better for our health.

We learned a lot, we improved a lot. All of that helps us today. We can have healthy relationships - we have healthy good friendships. We can make choices we like for ourselves - we like our job, what we do, it allows us to be healthy. We can do some things we like - we are trying to do the things we can. Panic attacks still get in the way of trying some things we love - and we work on it while trying to appreciate what we can do right now. Panic attacks still happen over mistakes sometimes, blowing what’s not much into a horrifying situation for us until we calm down. We read Complex PTSD by Pete walker, we know childhood emotional flashbacks happen and may happen throughout life, and the answer is to be kind to ourselves and love ourselves to not prolong those flashbacks that can linger and drag us into less healthy “coping” mechanisms for a while (like overworking).

We learned self compassion from Kristin neff and learned to cry! We learned to actually reach out to people when we emotionally need help! To be honestly fully ourselves with friends! These are good things!

We are not rescuers, we do know how to detach from people we can’t control (mistakes we struggle with during panic attacks and mom we struggle with during panic attacks - or emotional flashbacks). Overall, we learned that pretty naturally after our first love - maybe because we had learned good friendship and practiced boundaries with friends, practiced detaching and not trying to rescue or stay miserable with bad friends. So we knew what to do instead of the old pattern. Maybe it was the acting that helped who knows. But I know detachment I mainly struggle with only when I’m stressed or it’s a high importance mistake, or when it’s my mom and a high importance mistake now (sometimes if I’m stressed a low importance one). Those will trigger my “coping” mechanisms that means I’m in an emotional flashbacks lasting during a panic attack or for a while after. I know overall I am aware of these things. These are huge good steps. I do not make these mistakes all the time. I am aware of when they crop up usually.

You are aware you slip into overworking (both codependent people pleasing and fear of mistakes/trying to be self sufficient instead of self care) and more worry about people pleasing (codependent behavior). You are aware of these avenues you slide sometimes when stressed or feeling overwhelmed you made a mistake. You got a codependency workbook and are taking steps to work on it, along with just noticing it and reminding yourself you are not responsible for how other people feel or act. You try to maintain awareness about when you’re overworking and stop to take care of your health better. You do know how to stand up for yourself when overworking you have done it before. And standing up to personal overworking? You’re doing it right now I love you I know you’ve done it before and will be able to in the future. You learned ages ago what triggers you into unhealthy thinking and being aware and knowing to step away helps. Knowing if the source of the feeling is “I’m bad/hopeless if I dont do x” means it’s not coming from a rational self caring place. Knowing if the source of the feeling is panicking you, it is worry driven and the ideas motivating you are in a state where they might hurt you so you should try to step back. You should pause, rest, calm down, try to find clarity about what you actually want or might even need, what you’re already capable of, and how that disaster thinking is probably not true. As long as you are alive, mistakes are fixable - and if they are not that is okay, there will always be new paths to take, and mistakes help us learn, they are normal and everyone makes them regularly. And mistakes can be good for us, can even help us sometimes by bringing us to a better outcome in the long run. We will learn to detach from mistakes better over time. We already do so good a lot of the time. We can often spill water now, or forget something, or frown, cancel a plan, cry, reach out to a friend, hear something negative mom said, study a language which is many mistakes as you talk to people, we already are much better about accepting mistakes we make. We are still improving, but we are doing pretty good too.

In fairness and kindness to us: when we had more panic attacks and backslid, was when we lived with our parents and overworked very bad and made ourselves sick. It makes sense we fell into bad coping patterns, that we fell a bit behind on the panic attack progress we made. We also had the stomach eating issues, it’s hard to not be stressed extra when you can’t eat without pain.

Once we moved out, we were better for a while! When the covid pandemic happened, our panic attacks returned to usually about once a month. Considering we were improving from our backslide, still in stomach pain stressing us, and then only a bit better minimized panic attacks before they started coming back monthly during a pandemic? That’s pretty realistic. And they were worse when we knew we had to establish boundaries with our roommate. We struggled with self love versus fear-guilt for not people pleasing, some extra panic attacks, but we did manage to set healthy boundaries. It wasn’t perfect how we did it, but we did succeed. We also got better at coping with panic attacks and getting through them. Not perfect, but okay. What I’m trying to say to us is: backslides happen, it makes sense why. We try to make good choices for us and sometimes make mistakes but we got through them. We sometimes try to do one thing healthy like set boundaries but have panic attacks more (just like doing things we love makes us panic), that doesn’t mean the boundaries weren’t important and good. We did a good job! And it gets easier. Next time boundaries will be easier for us to handle talking about with others, it’s never gonna be as hard as during a pandemic when you can’t eat without pain. It’s kinda funny how we learn that way sometimes - the universe loves challenges when we manage to do it. But also universe be nicer to me lol.

And I haven’t done things I really love since moving out. So who knows, maybe eventually I will have less panic attacks or none in those areas too. So please know I know you are doing good, you’ve been doing good, this is the right direction and this is a good amount of awareness and effort. You don’t have to be perfect, you are good enough. I trust and believe as you are you can handle making a good life, make good choices and handle things ok if you don’t sometimes or life goes somewhere unexpected.

QueuePost

#advice #to cheer myself up #good things #nts #note to self

0 notes

growthpeacelove · 4 years

Text

Reflection

Watched a Shallon video and she said to think about boys that we didn’t necessarily love but we admired and wanted to be them. They were our emotional getaway cars. In thinking about what I was going to write - I realized the patterns that will be coming up.

Matt - my first college heartbreak. He was a physics major. He told me he liked me and asked me out and I declined because I was scared. I was scared of getting my heartbroken and ironically I did get my heart broken regardless. I admired his work ethic and how he studied and knew what he wanted to study. I admired that quality about him. He knew about a few subjects and shared them with people. He wasn’t embarrassed of being a nerd at at a top university. Silly right? I don’t even know if I liked him or I wanted to be him. I wanted to know what I really wanted to study. Have a concrete idea of what my life will look like in terms of my career and my passion. I admired how he budgeted and thought about money. I admired him. I don’t think I genuinely liked him. I was so upset over how things ended for years. He was always in the back of my mind - I hoped I would run into him and I checked his LinkedIn - I never got closure - I never got to show him that I actually grew out of being scared of love and a relationship. I wanted to prove myself to him.

Mian - I met him at what was probably the most vulnerable time of my college career - my sophomore year and he was as toxic as they got. A privileged brown boy in so many aspects like wealth, male privilege, and the baby and only son in his family. He never knew that I grew up without money - that I couldn’t even imagine the life he lived. I had never been so close to wealth like that before. He also asked me to be his girlfriend. I refused as it would feel too real and of course I was stuck on Matt. We were on and off in someways until October of my senior year. I thought he was a very smart person and admired him for being in Econ and how he had a great GPA. I was still trying to figure out my major, I had failed two classes that semester and I felt like a major idiot, while my resume was way better than his - I always felt so small and dumb next to him. He knew this. He knew that I idolized him to some degree and when he told me he thought I was smart for having connections to get a startup internship and take CS course and have a filled out resume - I, for that moment, felt validated. This man who mistreated me - was my world for so long - I cared about his career, his faith, and well being because I didn't believe that I needed to focus on myself. I was hoping to become a better version of myself after I fixed him/supported him. I was broken. I was broken after he ended our friendship and relationship in October of 2018 and yet so grateful for that. I spiraled yes, but I really made progress on who I wanted to become. I faced my demons. In the end after our last conversation and confrontation really - I realized that he was actually the broken one and his wealth and privileges would always shield him from taking any responsibilities for his actions and the hurt he caused in my life. I did want to show him - I’ll be honest here - that I was doing so much better - that he lost such an amazing woman. He doesn't deserve any kind if update other than my LinkedIn status updates.

Afterwards I put up with shitty men who never really cared - who could tell that I was just too available and I wasn't sure of myself and all my amazing traits. They could see that I was in low low place despite my achievements and success. I was not the main character of my life - they always were - they occupied my mind and my life as I focused on going from one man to another. I saw men- who I again- admired them. I didn’t necessarily care for them as much as I thought I did. Engineers who had graduated and created a life for themselves - those in STEM majors who were sure of what they wanted to do. This made me realize I spent so much of my time thinking I was never as smart if not more as the men I spent time with. This is upsetting to think about because I am the most creative, smartest, and personable one of all of them.

This past year after turning 21 has been very different - I actually set boundaries - I checked in with myself and spoke to my friends about how I felt about these men - I recognized when I liked them for their traits than them. I still made the same mistakes but I am working on recognizing that I want to focus on myself. I am learning how to understand myself - be kinder to myself and stop punishing myself. I give myself the most time. I will only see them once a week - twice if they are lucky. They now have to provide me with some sort of benefit be it great company, chance to vent, driving lessons, gifts, attention all on my own time. I don’t drop everything for them, I do not give gifts until I get a gift. I can speak confidently about what I love and what I care about. I talk about my career with them - I am not worried about making them feel bad if I am doing much better.

I simply do not want to spend time with someone who not as ambitious as me. Trust me - I have a bottomless well of ambition and ideas. Every week I think of something new I want to pursue. I am a multifaceted human being with interests of all kinds especially niche interest from home decor and adult tik tok to singing to YouTube career aspirations, lover of healing practices and therapy and self help books, I love being sexy, I love guide making, I love fancy ice cream, I love puzzles and minimalism, I love attention and alone time, I love acting and youtube drama. I aspire to be a CEO, business owner, real estate guru, into skin care, modeling to some degree, scamming, make up looks, photography, tea, new cozy blankets, flowy dresses, different fashion trends, trying new clothes, nature, mountains, the midwest, accents, stand up, writing in all forms, reading thrillers, self help, business books, and so much more.

In reflecting I have come to the conclusion that I admired traits such as confidence, vision for the future, and intelligence. All of these traits are ones that I eventually worked on for myself.

I am in love with myself.

0 notes

westendin · 4 years

Text

10 GREAT REASONS TO TAKE AN ACTING CLASS

Maybe you've always dreamed of being an actor, but never yet had the chance to try it, and don't want to put it off any more? You might have done a few plays at school, or a beginner's course once upon a time, and would love to get back into it. You might work in another aspect of theatre, or teach drama, and would love to communicate better with actors or students. All of these are great reasons to sign up for an acting course this Spring.

However, having taught and directed adults from all walks of life for nearly twenty years, I’ve seen acting offer benefits that go far deeper than "mere" professional training. Here are ten ways in which taking an acting class can enhance your day-to-day existence.

1. IT'S A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE

Perhaps the new term has brought you to a new town to study or work? Or your life circumstances have changed in some way? Maybe all your friends are married with babies, or you're sick of the pub, perhaps you've recently retired or gotten divorced, or you feel stuck in your social circle and would like to make new friends? By its very nature, a drama class breaks down barriers between people through group and partner work, building trust and, most importantly, shared laughter. As students focus on creating work together, interaction happens without thinking about it too much, friendships spark, post-class social occasions start to spring up, and you suddenly find yourself with a whole new social circle which has the added zing of creative collaboration.

2. IT'LL BOOST YOUR CHARISMA

One of the silliest myths around acting is the idea that "Presence" is some magical thing that "special" people like Cillian Murphy or Saoirse Ronan have, while the rest of us are unremarkable mortals. Of course, some people may have cultivated their presence to a greater degree, but it's accessible to everyone with a body and breath. Stage Presence is simply the ability to be fully present in your body and in the moment, so that you can access the power needed to radiate your being out into the audience and respond truthfully to your fellow players. Nearly every style of acting training seeks, through different techniques, to bring students into this experience, which makes it easier and easier to be present in our outer lives as well as on stage. You'll notice over time how much more grounded and magnetic you feel!

3. IT'LL SPARK YOUR IMAGINATION

And one of the most ridiculous myths about becoming an adult is that you lose your imagination. Or you might have always felt that some people are just born more imaginative. That's not necessarily true, it just looks like that because, for any number of reasons, some people just find imagination easier to access - a little like presence. You just have to trust that it's there. Indeed, imagination begins with presence, being still and observing, and then taking what you observe and asking questions about it and that way transforming it. A good drama class will allow the space for people to try out ideas in their raw form, and then learn how to shape them. A good facilitator will keep an eye out to make sure that everyone in the group has space to explore and that people listen to one another. It can often take time to trust yourself to follow your creative impulses, but over six to twelve weeks, if you go with what comes up, you will definitely surprise yourself.

4. YOU WILL LEARN TO EXPRESS YOURSELF MORE CLEARLY

For students whose first language is not English, an acting class is an ideal place to utilise their existing linguistic knowledge in all kinds of dramatic situations, to learn new words and phrases as they are encountered in scripts and improvisations, and master the subtleties of how words and syllables are stressed. Clearer expression is also a by-product for native speakers, as we explore breath support, resonance and diction for the voice. As we commit to our characters, we learn how to commit to the words we speak and what we are trying to achieve with our words. We become aware of how we use our body to express ourselves, and notice the things we might be doing which unconsciously counteract the message we want to get across. We learn how to ground ourselves and connect with the space and audience before speaking, which is invaluable for those with a horror of public speaking, but whose work demands it of them from time to time

5. YOUR CONCENTRATION AND MEMORY WILL IMPROVE

The best acting exercises will have multiple benefits. For instance, many exercises around developing physical presence have a knock-on effect on your concentration with their demands upon you to be ready and responsive in the moment. Getting on top of your cues in performance trains your mind not to drift, while learning lines and memorising (and most importantly, making sense of) of the actions that have to happen do wonders for your sense of recall, which can help stave off memory loss later in life.

6. YOUR INNER CHILD WILL THANK YOU

My absolute favourite thing as a teacher of adult drama is registering the difference at the end of class between the shy, guarded individuals who come in after a long day of conforming to the demands of work and/or home life - of responsibility and productivity, of fitting in to the space they have carved in the world - and their sparkly-eyed dopplegangers who bounce out of the room full of energy, mischief and a kind of breathless incredulity because they have just played for two or three hours, with nothing too serious at stake, and nothing too heavy to take home with them. This is because drama at its heart is gorgeously ephemeral, and yet powerfully transformative.

7. IT'S A SAFE SPACE TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR SHADOW

And my absolute favourite thing about being an actor is playing a villain, because, let's face it, behaving badly is ridiculously fun sometimes. You get to do and say things that you'd never be allowed to (and probably wouldn't really want to) in the outside world. This is me, for instance, playing an evil nun called Lucifer - and having a ball! Everyone needs that safety valve where they can own and release the darker aspects of their nature, take them out into the light in such a way that they are not acted out on anyone in reality, but also to find the power in parts of themselves they might have repressed. Shadow selves are not always bad - in fact it has been said they contain the real gold in your personality - they might just be modes of being you might have been afraid of, or might not have permitted yourself to explore. An experienced facilitator will create a safe space for all of this to happen by keeping a strong boundary between acting and reality, and, especially for beginners, always keeping it at the level where it is fun. An acting class should never be therapy, but at the same time, you never know the gold you might find!

8. IT WILL BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE

One of the most common questions I get asked when people phone me up to enquire about courses is “I’m really shy, can I still do the course?” and my answer is always “If you are shy, and want to get out of yourself, this course is the best thing you can do!” The first thing I ask them to do is to be aware of what their personal line is in terms of what they are comfortable doing - it varies from person to person and situation to situation - and then go the equivalent of one or two steps over that line week by week, thereby incrementally pushing that line forward. Most traumatic memories around performing in public from childhood come from where the personal boundaries of a child are not respected and they are pushed too far into the deep end of a situation before they are ready. Confidence begins with minding your own boundaries and learning how to challenge them in a safe way. A good teacher should be able to sense those boundaries and know how to respect them, but also how to safely coax you that one or two steps over the line. However, the best teacher will make sure you are having so much fun, that you won’t even notice that this has happened!

9. YOU'LL ENJOY WATCHING MOVIES, TV PROGRAMMES AND THEATRE SHOWS MORE

As you learn different filters through which to observe the world in order to interpret and create characters and the relationships between them, you will gain a deeper appreciation for how the media you watch are put together. You’ll see differences in approach, for instance, actors who work from outside-in as opposed to inside-out. (I will write a more detailed blog post on this in future, but if you’re curious now, come along to a class!) Having worked hard at mastering a particular technique in class, you cannot fail to be wowed when more experienced artists make it look effortless. The experience of mere entertainment gives way to the more satisfactory experience of craft and you’ll probably start enjoying long spirited discussions after evenings at the cinema or theatre!

10. YOU CAN'T BEAT FUN, FREE, LIVE ENTERTAINMENT FROM YOUR PEERS ON A WEEKLY BASIS!

It’s great being entertained by professional actors, whether live or on the golden or silver screens, but I have to say nothing entertains or satisfies me quite as much as being in a room with my peers, creating work from our own experiences and for our own enjoyment. And nothing makes me laugh quite so much either. When you think about it, this is the way people used to entertain themselves - telling stories to one another, enacting them with whatever was to hand, singing songs, doing our party-pieces. This is how society used to come together and it sometimes makes me sad that this, along with so much else, is outsourced to people who have been airbrushed beyond all recognisable resemblance.

For more information, visit our website, or call 0330 088 4194 in order to enquire or book.

#musical theatre workshop #courses for kids #courses for schools #courses for adults

0 notes

not-poignant · 7 years

Note

You won't disclose personal stuff but it's okay if we ask like, for advice and stuff right? Do you have any resource materials on trauma? The generic material I find just...miss the mark. Same but for overstimulation (from like gentleness, painless experiences make me uncomfortable af) and being touch starved. Is it, like a thing I can learn about? It is very distressing in my everyday life and before reading your stuff it was just plain awkward. I thought I was just being stupid. Thanks, Love.

Always fine with people asking for advice with the standard caveats that I’m just one noodle floating around in a world of a lot of other noodles and I definitely don’t have my personal life or anything sorted out and I’m no substitute for therapy / counsellors etc. :D And I am not a therapist whee.

As for resources, tbh, I haven’t found a great deal. I’ve read a lot of books on trauma over the years (and I own a lot) and there’s two I’d tentatively recommend to folks with trauma. They are:

The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild, which is fantastic. Looks at a cross-section of trauma (i.e. war vets / rape victims / but also people who have been bitten by dogs and can’t handle dogs, so it’s not like idk... discriminating between types of trauma - because some books do this).

The reason I like this book is because it looks at body-trapped and body-centred trauma, and also looks at the ways in which bodies can process trauma and how we can even release it potentially through the body, and bypass cognitive thought. Potential downsides are that it’s not really written for clients, it’s written for practicioners, so you’ll be looking at a lot of therapist-centred advice, but there are also really helpful case studies and so on. Additionally, while it suggests exercises a client can try, most of those exercises are intended to be used in conjunction with a therapist in a trusted safe space. It’s pretty possible to extract some of those exercises into your personal life though, but I’d suggest being cautious with it, because a lot of trauma healing tends to come from developing a trusting relationship with someone else and knowing you won’t get hurt in the process.

The other is The Trauma Spectrum by Robert Scaer. This is an academic book by a neurologist turned psychologist, who became fascinated with untreatable or resistant pain disorders that seemed to develop after trauma, especially heart-related and joint-related disorders after car accidents, where - as a neurologist - he could find no tangible reason for the pain even though the pain was real. Through study, he became fascinated with body-based trauma. This book is essentially a long academic exploration of the physiological nature of trauma.

I love this personally, because I find nothing more validating than very long academic articles saying exactly why trauma fucks you up, and what chemicals are behind that, and what that does to the body etc. Downsides include that this is more aimed at therapists again, and not clients, and is pretty dense in its language. But upsides include exploration into new ways of looking at trauma (not just cognitive behavioural therapy) and is particularly useful for people who have body-based expressions of anxiety or trauma that resist treatment (like ongoing pain that can’t be diagnosed, fibromyalgia when it’s linked to trauma, digestion issues, vertigo etc.)

There’s no websites I’ve ever used for support that have actually been supportive, and there is almost nothing out there for touch-starved people. I have never seen a single thing about people who’ve had problems with gentleness (which I can too, btw, so I feel you there, it’s shitty as fuck). That’s partly because ‘touch-starved’ - while a physiological, real thing, is something where fandom tends to be ahead of the curve re: psychology. In that sense, you’re more likely to find transformative ideas for how to potentially heal from touch-starvation / touch-phobias etc. via fanfiction that deals specifically with those subjects.

I spent a while with a pretty severe touch phobia (while still needing and wanting touch), so I spent a long time craving and trying to track down resources to help me with this. Maybe some things have come out in the past four years, but I am sorry to tell you that there’s pretty much nothing out there specifically on this subject (or at least, there wasn’t). There’s probably individual case studies around, but there’s no like...there’s nothing really very satisfactory. I’ve done way more to heal my issues with this stuff via writing fanfiction than through resources (and that’s the same for trauma, tbh).

I mean you can find plenty of articles on why being touch-starved is bad for you, and you’ll hear those like...repeated stories of monkeys who die of starvation and malnutrition without touch and so on. Or babies who languish without touch. But in terms of ‘when you’re a touch-starved adult and what you can do about it’ resources, things are thin on the ground. You may wish to look into cuddle parties, which are generally non-sexual cuddle parties with a heavy emphasis on consent, designed to allow people access to hugs etc. in a safe environment.

I do think there’s more news articles about touch-starvation and its pervasiveness in contemporary culture, and how this links to sex practices and so on but they’re written as feature article pieces and not as useful things that can be done to help with the subject.

Basically there was no book or website that specifically helped me with touch-starvation, or even trauma. Most trauma writing tends to be aimed at war vets because that’s where the funding is. A lot of trauma writing is still pretty ‘oldschool’ in that it is cognitive behavioural therapy focused (talk focused) or alternatively is a psychologist trying to ‘brand’ a new type of therapy and so is super ‘use this amazing new!thing to Fix Your Trauma (TM)’ and then isn’t realistic about the fact that most people tend to need a multi-modality approach to helping themselves with trauma.

I’d suggest perhaps going to a local library or something and looking through their resources on trauma books, and getting yourself - if you don’t already have it - a good grounding in the different types of therapies used for helping with trauma, and also then a good idea of how diverse different case studies and techniques can be. From there, it’s sometimes necessary to develop different methods that work for you. But it’s a pretty intense process, not to mention the fact that a lot of these books will conveniently never mention issues to do with touch, except for perhaps: ‘X patient had problems with having sex but then after applying X amount of therapy sessions started having sex again satisfactorily.’ Or whatever.

It’s not really helpful for us, right?

I wish I had better news and better recommendations. There are probably trauma tumblrs which are more up-to-date with resources coming out, but I stopped actively looking a few years ago because I just got really exhausted with that sense of ‘oh yes I know about trauma and the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems but what can I do about it’ and tbh writing what I’ve written (and reading similar things) has been way more useful for me personally.

I guess as a final thing, I’d say it’s worth sitting down and asking yourself what you want to resolve, and what you want that to look like. I.e. whether it looks like friendships with non-sexual physical intimacy like hugging, and so on. You probably have some images in your head of things you crave but can’t have right now. Things you miss that you could have, or things you’ve never had that you come back to over and over again.

Breaking that down into ‘if I could get this thing, what form would it come in, and what is my ideal and what would be acceptable on the way to that ideal (knowing that ideals are generally not realistic etc. but a good thing to aim for)’ might help you narrow down what sort of research, books and communities you need to look into. It also might help you see what sort of steps you could take to achieve those things. Sometimes with touch and sensory issues, it starts with visualising getting the thing, imagining it being satisfying instead of triggery (and making notes of what that looks like so you know your boundaries and limits for real life), and just starting to role-model to yourself that it can be safe in your mind.

It may also be worth looking into books that explore touch issues with people who are on the autism spectrum and/or have sensory processing disorders, because more research has been done there with more techniques suggested, and sometimes trauma symptoms can parallel and therefore like, where trauma psychology hasn’t caught up yet, there can be places elsewhere that might help (for example, it was realising I had Asperger’s and learning that people with Asperger’s often prefer firm touch over very soft gentle touch, that I actually made a pretty big leap forward with my own touch phobia in terms of what I needed to ask from people - this might not be the same for you, obviously, but you might be more likely to find resources written by people with sensory processing disorders or issues, than within the trauma community itself. Trauma psychology is sometimes really like...hyperfocused on one thing (minimising flashbacks) over like...other things that are super necessary).

I apologise that this wasn’t more useful! A lack of resources is in part why I’ve had PTSD since 1997, and why I’m not on top of this stuff yet (also stubbornness, I’m very stubborn lol). So I know it can be distressing, and how much it can like...erode resources and just eat away at a capacity for personal contentment and so on. There’s a real disconnect between ‘usefulness of resources’ and ‘applications to actual people living actual lives’ and I think in part it is because trauma is Hard and Complicated and also that a lot of resources are super post-war focused again, because funding issues. :/

#asks and answers #personal #pia on trauma #pia on ptsd #it's really difficult like #i have like 20 books #and some of them i think are great for just #generically explaining trauma #but they don't reach me or mean anything personally #i liked the trauma spectrum because it was so exploratory and kind of liberating #and i really like the body remembers because it's so compassionate #and i also really feel like this author is...#good at breaking through to really sort of 'getting' what happens for a lot of us #touch-starvation is a thing we'll probably get more resources on as time goes by #but it'll be late in proportion to when fandom noticed and started writing about it #in really intense ways #also it's worth looking at the fics that look at this stuff that you *like* re: touch-starvation #and writing down a list of what you like about it #like is it giving you ideas for what you want?#are there certain feelings or things happening in the scene #that mimic what you'd like in reality?#defining it for yourself is an important part of the process #because you can't ask for what you don't know in really clear terms #and even if you change your mind as you go (and you will)#it's really sort of sitting down and exploring what it needs to be for you specifically #that may help more than any one book #but who knows!#i'm no expert #i'm still super fucked up *thumbs up*#Anonymous

17 notes · View notes

mannapolis · 5 years

Text

22 February, 2019

02:17

This comes from the book ”Dual relationships and psychotherapy” by Arnold A. Lazarus:

”Returning to the 1990s, a female patient who had had several prior experiences in psychotherapy brought in the following excerpt from Carter Heyward’s (1993) book, When Boundaries Betray Us, and expressed appreciation for my being a nonboundary-oriented therapist:

Conscientious healing professionals are trying to be genuinely ethical—nonabusive—in our work. It is important that, in this morally critical moment in which abuse, that is the misuse of power, is flagrant and systemic, those of us who work as healers … understand how badly abusive we can be by withholding intimacy and authentically emotional connection from those who seek our help. For “abuse” is not simply a matter of touching people wrongly. It is, as basically, a failure to make right-relation, a refusal to touch people rightly. We as professionals—indeed, we as people on this planet—are as likely to destroy one another and ourselves by holding tightly to prescribed role definitions as we are by active intrusion and violation, (p. 10) [...]

Anonymity and neutrality inhibit the patient’s growth and the therapist’s effectiveness. A boundary represents a limit, a set of conditions, a barrier between people, and while there are no unconditional adult relationships, an orientation that starts from a position of intimacy and openness to any approach that could help patients is apt to be more facilitative than an orientation that starts with “anonymity,” contracts, and boundaries. Once you are oriented toward boundaries, you are inevitably going to be looking for “crossings,” which then will sometimes lead to “violations,” which are tantamount to abuse. It is a fundamental question where a therapist stands on the patient-therapist distance spectrum. I think that we need more emphasis on closeness rather than distance, on intimacy rather than boundaries or barriers to intimacy. I believe that the argument that intimacy is fostered by the therapist’s anonymity is spurious.”

I often try to imagine that it must be difficult to work with a client like myself with the personal history marked by sexual assault and therapeutic misconduct. And it really makes me sad and angry because then I think that if those things HADN'T HAPPENED to me, You would have treated me differently, with less rigidity and distance. I know the boundaries are there to protect not just You but me as well but - God damnit - how am I supposed to learn self-control and independency if I'm being treated both like an eggshell and wild beast?

I just can't stand this artificial relationship anymore. You have done what was possible within the tight limits but they are too tight for me, plus, I need REAL human connection which is not based on mercantile exchange. I don't want high quality services. I want authentic connection. And I needed this experience to realise it with all its clarity.

10:37

”While the analytic approach will eschew socializing with clients, the humanistic, cognitive, or behavioral approaches may not (Williams, 1997). Marquis (cited in Williams, 1997) writes: “The resulting relationship is one in which I have felt quite comfortable, having good friends as clients and good clients as friends” (pp. 48-49). Lazarus (1994a) states, “I have partied and socialized with some clients, played tennis with others, taken long walks with some …” (p. 257). Jourard states “I do not hesitate to play a game of handball with a seeker or visit him in his home—if this unfolds in the dialogue” (cited in Williams, 1997, p. 242).

Contrary to popular dogmatic expectation, I did not slide uncontrollably down the “slippery slope” and did not end up sleeping with John, Jean, Max, Susan, Sue, Jerry, or Jill. In fact, the out-of-office experiences reduced the probability of exploitation because they were carried out in public. The tyrannical creed propounding the “only in the office” policy and the isolation it imposes on the therapeutic encounter are main contributors to exploitation and sexual misconduct (Zur, 2000a).

Lazarus (1994a) has stated succinctly that “One of the worst professional or ethical violations is that of permitting current risk-management principles to take precedence over humane interventions” (p. 260). Indeed, in some situations, not leaving the office, due to defensive practice considerations, can constitute substandard care and an ethical violation.”

It all boils down to the question: what is more important to You - protecting yourself or helping me? And also: would You rather maintain your dominant position secured by the formality of the office where each of us has their assigned armchair or would You be willing to explore with me the ”unpredictable” circumstances of the outside world?

And last but not least, would You be willing to resign from income providing client to gain a friend? I'm quite sure You have enough friends and don't need more. But the tormenting insecurity remains: are You simply protecting yourself, are You not interested in new friendship or do You consider me too unattractive (in broad sense), untrustworthy, uninspiring, immature...?

The fact that I have sexual fantasies about You doesn't mean that I NEED to act on them. I'm not interested in unconsensual sex nor do I have any history of breaking someone's physical boundaries. I find fantasies an invigorating component of a relationship and not a directive.

Personally, I don't see the harmfulness of consensual sex between people who are attracted to each other. Naturally, I don't know if You are attracted to me and what is your moral stand on extramarital sex but that is a completely different story and definitely not to be discussed here, now, or perhaps ever if You choose so.

The ”dramatic consequences” of my relationship with my son's father were not the result of sex. If sex was all we did, it would have ended (or not) without dramatic perturbations. Our mistake was the rush and my ”blind vision” of building a perfect family that I had been pursuing my whole adult life. But I'm totally past that stage. I'm done with perfect family, I'm done with bearing children. I'm walking a new, unfamiliar but exciting path that leads to - I have no idea where and I find beauty in this uncertainty and surprise. I think it would be awesome if You'd like to walk with me a few miles every now and then but I can quite peacefully accept if You choose not to. I am not that selfish after all and I prefer your tranquility and peace of mind to my pleasure.

Speaking of fantasies, do You remember my last dream I had about You? There were three elements: 1. Your foot, warm and soft like baby's foot. 2. The kiss that You initiated and I enjoyed immensely 3. You were peacefully sucking my breast while I was sitting in an armchair in the typical position of a mother breastfeeding her baby and I was gently caressing your head enjoying the moment.

14:46

See how they reach out their tiny pretty heads towards the Sun? Exactly the same way as I reach out to You 😊

19:04

When I'm so hungry like right now, I begin to see things differently and the whole therapy, my love for You, the search for meaning, spiritual quest, philosophy, all of that seems to be completely ridiculous. Which reminded me of Maslow's pyramid of needs. It's more accurate than the list You gave me because it shows the hierarchy of needs and it doesn't omit sex. It even distinguishes the need for sex and sexual intimacy and puts them on two different levels.

22:42

I'm done playing the victim.

I'm on to play the confident woman who knows precisely what she wants and who won't be taken in by clever tricks. I can be smart, outspoken and assertive. I can make mistakes. I can be wrong. But most importantly, I don't need to be loved by those who don't love me. And I don't care what You think about me. I don't even care if You don't think about me at all. I'm letting myself free.

0 notes

garden-of-succulents · 7 years

Note

Wait, so you don't have BPD but you want to write parse with bpd as your representation? How does that work? I'm really sorry, I like your Parse stories and read them and I don't mean to say that you shouldn't write them, but I don't understand where you're coming from on this. Is it really that difficult to identify with any of the characters of color on the same level?

I’ll answer your questions backwards so the long personal story can go under a readmore:

“Is it really that difficult to identify with any of the characters of color on the same level?“

That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the last few weeks. Like, mental health is my wheelhouse, that’s a huge thing I write about; what about writing mentally ill characters of colour? I can do it pretty easily with my OCs (cf. Luis and Maida) but feeling my way into mental health themes with canon characters of colour is more difficult while Kent and Jack are kind of like... low-hanging fruit, for me.

It’s why I’ve started bugging @abominableobriens with thoughts about BPD Nursey, gone back to trying to work my way into Ransom’s anxiety (I can’t find the post where I talk about where I was with this a couple months ago). It’s not a smooth process, though--I’m flopping around being like “but how do I respect Ransom’s personality and preferences but get him some TREATMENT and REST” and “Okay but I haaate conflict-laden relationships and Nursey and Dex’s canon relationship is so full of sniping, how do I write Nursey without Dex?” and that’s the kind of flailing and experimentation I have to do internally or talking to a few people. Mostly the for-public-consumption stuff that’s come out of that process so far has been fluffy romantic headcanons.

So we’ll see how that goes. It’s partly that positive depictions of BPD/the kind of complex trauma I’m interested in are really rare. Before OMGCP, I spent most of my time writing straight-up OCs in fandom contexts because I couldn’t find what I wanted in the source material. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oookay, and now for the long bit: Why I care really personally about representations of BPD even though I don’t have it myself.

So basically, I’ve been depressed/mentally ill since elementary school, but growing up I kind of internalized the idea that letting my family know I was suffering would be so awful and unbearable for them that I could NOT do it. So I hated myself and I was miserable and was convinced that I couldn’t tell any adults about it. The big lifeline for me were young adult problem novels--books about teens in treatment programs for eating disorders or self-injury or, heck, kidney disease or parapalegia--I never saw myself in the symptoms, precisely, which was confusing, but I did see myself in the emotional experience of overwhelming pain, and I was captivated by the idea that feeling so awful all the time wasn’t normal, it was a disease; and a disease that could be treated. There were people who could help me be Not-That--but I couldn’t ask my parents to see a therapist, since that would be too awful for them, so I tried to soak up what knowledge I could through those books (or the nonfiction books that were available to me). The books... were very bland, whitewashed, rendered down to be acceptable; the girls were very soft, very fragile, would never hurt a fly (except themselves). I kind of internalized that as what a Good Mentally Ill Person should look like, and didn’t realize there was any other sort of mental illness.

In junior high school I started being able to articulate this depression to other kids and started making friends, online and in real life, who were also mentally ill like me. We could talk together about feeling worthless and unlovable, and participate in a conspiracy of silence Not To Let The Adults Know.

I’m struggling to explain this and keep my narrative somehow concise, not an essay about my entire childhood--long story short, I’m not Borderline; I was a lot more emotionally stable, even if my stability was in absolute fucking misery. I could take an emotion like a punch to the gut and sit with it, when a lot of my friends would have to get it out somehow--it drove them to do crazy and self-destructive things. (As an adult I know this difference is a lot about genetics and our lives before the age of three.) And also, long story short, I learned that one way to make people like me was to pay attention to them and take care of them. I nurtured out of self-defense and because it was the only way I knew how to socialize. So I was the person all my friends told about their problems.

And I thought they were like me, that we had the same problems, the same illness? I tried to take what I learned from books and apply it, which was all about being patient and giving and empathetic and loyal and A Good Friend. I thought friendship could cure anything. No matter what anybody did to me, I was totally disconnected from my anger and self-protective instincts; I thought I had to be a sponge, soaking up all their bad emotions and loving them no matter what.

So I was totally unprepared for them to split on me. I didn’t know anything about the idealization/devaluation cycle.

Splitting is... so, Borderline Personality Disorder is basically an inability to self-regulate, to integrate, to tolerate ambiguity. Either the person with it is an amazing perfect god, or a destructive piece of shit. Either their friend is a wonderful loving angel, or an evil demon who hates them and wants them to suffer. And this is an opinion that can flip on a dime, depending on how the person feels in that moment. So like--

I was maybe 16 or 17, and made a friend through a speech and debate club I was part of. From out of nowhere she liked me, thought I was pretty and smart and special. I stayed up until 3am one weekend and talked with her; we shared our hopes, our dreams, our favourite books. She sang a Scottish ballad that she said reminded her of me (”black is the colour of my true love’s hair”). The next time we met she gave me a little teddy bear with a hand-written note about what a good friend I was.

Then in the club, it was my job to make sure everyone got to meetings on time and was properly dressed and everything, and someone pointed out to me that my friend was wearing a skirt that was way shorter than dress guidelines allowed for. I had to go tell her that she was supposed to change and said, squirmingly uncomfortable, “People have talked to me...” She stalked off.

That night was a ceremony where people who aged out of the group got to talk a little bit about what the group meant to them, and say goodbye to people, and play or sing a song. Her turn came, and she announced that our entire group was full of fake, awful, petty monsters, two-faced liars, almost as hurtful, hateful, and abusive as her foster parents. The song she played was “Just Like You” by Three Days Grace. I sobbed the entire time and tried to apologize to her, but it didn’t work.

About a month later, she emailed someone in the group to say she’d been angry and hadn’t meant it, and she was sorry for ruining the ceremony.

That kind of thing happened to me with... maybe five or six different people, to greater or lesser degrees, from the time I was 12 to the time I was 20, which is when I finally got a handle on what was going on and how to predict it and keep it from happening. Friendships where everything was fine, wonderful, great thanks, how are you, fine, wonderf--KABOOM YOU’RE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LIS YOU ABUSER (oh wait sorry i didn’t mean it where are you going).

It took a lot of work to learn that I had to get my sense of self from something other than helping other people, to look after my own needs as well as other peoples’, to learn (GASP) to accept and even ask for help. A lot of things changed when my mom told us, when I was 15, that she was depressed and going into therapy, because that meant we were allowed to do these things in our family. I immediately blurted out, “Can I see a therapist too?” So I got more centred in myself, and also finally figured out what was going on with my friends, and got better at maintaining friendships with people with BPD that did not explode, at making friendships that were not based around me being a pseudo-therapist, and at getting my helping-people jonesing out with actual paid work.

So you might notice that a lot of my fics about Kent and BPD aren’t actually from Kent’s perspective or about him--they’re about people trying to live with him. Hurricane or Campsites are stories about people who know what to expect, who have some understanding of what he’s like and how to keep themselves safe. They can find ways to love him for his good parts without letting his bad parts hurt them, can love him without letting themselves be sucked in by the extreme warmth of his regard, can maintain their own boundaries and make their own decisions.

(To be honest, I was initially really amazed to find that people with BPD appreciate my fics or me talking about the subject? Because I am an outsider, because I am writing from this perspective--a medical perspective, no less! The voice of the Establishment! But a lot of people have been really receptive to my POV--which might just be, again, the paucity of positive representations at all.)

I didn’t really think about it this way until I got this ask and started trying to explain it, but... I’m trying to write the kind of story I could have used when I was a kid.

(So then you ask, Lis, you’re still writing about other people, about meeting other peoples’ needs--when are you going to write about children like you were, about experiences like yours? When are you going to tell your own story? and then I change the topic and sidle awkwardly out of the room. I’m not ready for that yet.)

#stuff i wrote #kent parson discourse #race in fandom discourse #mental health #bpd kent parson #bpd nursey #Anonymous

48 notes · View notes

thesecondsealwrites · 6 years

Text

Mirror Soul Meaning: Twin Flames Stages And Signs

You've undoubtedly heard of the concept of soul mates, and have perhaps even daydreamed about finding yours. Nevertheless, you may also have dismissed the concept and think it is an implausible fantasy and settled for a relationship that merely feels comfortable. The reality is that not only do soul mates exist, but it’s possible to form even deeper connections. Experts call these matches twin flames. While twin flame relationships still face hardships and do not always last forever, they represent an important chance for happiness and growth.

So, what exactly is a twin flame? How do you know if you have encountered your mirror soul? In this guide, we'll explain the nature of a twin flame, and outline the most common signs that you have this type of bond with someone in your life. Next, we'll explore the seven distinct twin flame stages that you're likely to experience in any twin flame relationship. Plus, consider what these stages will mean for you and your match.

What Is A Twin Flame?

“We think we meet someone with our eyes. But we actually meet them with our soul” ― Mimi Novic

If you have a twin flame, you are fated to meet this person at some point in your life journey. The two of you will be pulled together like magnets! You will know when you've connected with this person because you'll immediately experience a sense of recognition. Many people describe an uncanny sense of having known their twin flame all their lives. When you encounter the person who carries the other half of your energy, it can create a profound and life-altering sense of wholeness.

Your relationship will naturally be extremely intense because twin flames are mirrors of one another. This person will not only provide a sense of wholeness; they will also elevate your self-knowledge, including knowledge of your flaws. Consequently, there's a potential for conflict as well as happiness. Rest assured that it is possible to have a happy, healthy relationship with your twin flame. However, this is only possible if you can learn to love yourself, as your twin flame is part of you. This love must be honest and unconditional! Otherwise, a part of you will always be driven to reject your twin flame.

Most Common Twin Flame Symptoms

While the above summary of a twin flame will help you get a general sense of what to look out for, there are also more specific indicators that you've encountered your other half.

The most common twin flame signs are as follows:

Intuitively knowing what the other person is doing, feeling, or thinking about. Plus, you find that they can detect the same things about you.

Sharing many of the same interests, values, hobbies, and preferences. For example, your twin flame probably has a lot of books in your favorite genre. Similarly, you likely gravitate towards the same food as well.

Often having the same thoughts or emotions at the same time, even if you're in different places. When you're together in person, this may result in you saying the same thing at almost the exact same moment.

Feeling a strong physical pull to touch and be close, whether in a romantic or platonic setting.

Having the same dreams at night, and frequently appearing in each other's dreams. Sometimes your dreams will only overlap in theme, but the core message and feeling will be similar.

Feeling like you can easily communicate without speaking out loud. A simple glance will often be enough to tell you what your twin flame thinks about what's going on around you.

Understanding complex or hidden parts of each other. This can be uncomfortable and confronting, but it can also be deeply liberating and validating.

Sharing some of the same vulnerabilities and weaknesses. You may see some of your old faults in your twin flame, or have some of your present difficulties highlighted by the way this person behaves.

Feeling like it's safe and natural to be your authentic self around this person. For example, even if you're normally shy, a twin flame will quickly make you feel comfortable enough to just be you.

7 Twin Flames Stages

Meeting a twin flame is a special, life-altering moment! However, it's only the beginning of what is in store for both of you. Encountering one another kick-starts a dynamic new part of your life; one that will facilitate growth, inspire change and challenge you to fully accept yourself. Think of encountering your twin flame as the first step on a journey.

Stage 1. The Search

The search stage involves a strong sense of yearning and an acute awareness that something is lacking in your life. Even if you've never really thought about soul mates and twin flames before, this is the stage at which you begin to believe that there really is a perfect match out there for you. In all likelihood, you'll doubt this feeling at first; you may feel unsure about what you should do with it, but at the deepest level, you will find it impossible to shake the conviction that you will meet “the one”.

Stage 2. The Awakening

As noted above in the discussion of soulmate signs, you tend to just know when you've encountered your twin flame. This second, awakening stage is where you physically meet, and the awareness of your compatibility hits you head on. This will often be a chance encounter that is full of coincidences and little signs that your meeting was destined to take place.

Sometimes, you won't be together for very long, but even brief contact is enough to make you aware that something special is happening. It's also worth noting that the awakening can take place in a dream, meaning that you “meet” your twin flame in the dreamscape before you ever cross paths in real life. Regardless of how you meet, you will be shaken by the intensity of the bond you feel. You may feel intoxicated by it, and find that all of your waking moments are occupied by thoughts of this person.

Stage 3. The Test

(Haven't found your twin flame yet? Sign up now for your FREE Love Tool Kit and discover how to manifest your dream partner… No catches, no credit card required. Click here now to find out more.)

This stage will only occur once you've had enough time to enjoy a “honeymoon” phase. Plus, this stage is crucial if you are going to have a more meaningful, long-term relationship. For example, it is at this point that you will negotiate what your future will look like, and will begin to notice what may constitute obstacles to that future.

Stage 4. The Crisis

Stage 5. The Running Or Chasing Stage

Stage 6. The Surrender

In the surrender stage, both of you will start to give up on a previous need to control your relationship. In this context, surrendering isn't about giving up on your connection, but rather about accepting that neither of you can escape from destiny. This can be a positive realization that releases you both from past anxieties and allows you to better live in the moment, trusting that the universe will lead you to where you need to go.

Do note that it's only possible to progress through the surrender stage if both of you work on the issues that led to the crisis and the running/chasing stages. For many people, the core issue here relates to the fact that twin flames are mirrors. So, often, the things you will need to work through are the negative feelings you have about yourself, which are reflected back to you in the eyes of your twin.

Stage 7. The Reunion and Joining

When you and your twin flame move on to the reunion stage, you'll have a sense of relief at the fact that balance is being restored.

In going through the previous, challenging stages, you'll have learned a lot about yourselves and about the potential attached to the unique kind of love you have found.

Irrespective of the particular form the reunion takes, it carries with it a sense of peace, acceptance and reciprocal understanding.

The post Mirror Soul Meaning: Twin Flames Stages And Signs appeared first on The Law Of Attraction.

from The Law Of Attraction https://ift.tt/2CkFVPJ via LifeChange.site

#The Law Of Attraction

0 notes