#other than that we’re all good

[dawn-the-rithmatist]

Obsessed with authors like Naomi Novik whose books always seem to say “no, fuck that, there is another way than cruelty, and we do have a choice to be decent, and not choosing it isn’t a burden but a cop out.”

Authors like Neil Gaiman whose books seem to say “we are all simply human, and that is so valuable. This world is worth more because we are in it, when we choose to notice and care”

Authors like Brandon Sanderson whose books say “We are all a little broken, and there is strength in not turning away from us, and there is pain in healing but there is also strength and hope.”

Seriously, these folks do more for my faith and hope in this life than any religion ever has. I don’t have the words to describe it yet but just. Warm cup of apple cider held close to the chest on cold autumn night?? That’s the best I got

#recommendations #does this count as a recommendation?? everyone should read their things if they get the chance. must recommend. there now it’s a red #dawn speaks #the sandman #where death goes from person to person and the episode is a celebration of life as much as it’s life’s end #good omens #where people literally look at Heaven and Hell and say ‘we’re good thanks. we like Human better than Good and Evil’ #the scholomance #where people see ‘for the greater good’ and say in response ‘do better’ #the stormlight archive #which is some kind of ode to pain and healing and the way that process holds something difficult but so so beautiful #I have read fanfiction that has perfectly captured the human condition #and watched children’s shows that spit in the face of all the ways we have chosen to hate each other #it just. it hits different okay. #anyways thanks to people who make things #because you reach people <3

[araindropshallfall]

Every now and then I see a criticism about the pjo series and it blows my mind. I am having the best time. This is healing my inner child. I am on this quest with them. Zero complaints.

#I lied I have one complaint and it’s that they did zero build up to the quest/lightning thief and it felt outta nowhere BUT OTHER THAN THAT #saw someone on Instagram saying the wizard show adaptation should learn from the pjo show mistakes #and I’m like mistakes???????? We’re not all having a good time???? #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #percy jackson #pjo series #percy jackson and the olympians series

[sepulchritude]

[image ID: a screenshot of a tumblr text post with imbedded image. Text reads: I think the most humiliating object in the world is the Fleshlight sleeve warmer

Image of a black plastic object. It stands on four prongs with one longer prong standing straight upward.

Continued text: Its only purpose is to slide into your fleshlight and get it to body temp. It's $30. I want to get every single man who owns one of these into one room and make them do long-form improv. End image ID]

I don’t really get what is the joke here though. Is it bad to not want to put your dick in a cold lube tube? Is $30 too much to spend on making your solo sex life better? Is the joke just that anyone who puts this much effort ($30 and like 10 minutes of prep) into jerking off can’t possibly be getting laid? Are people (‘men’) who spend money/effort on sex toys weird? Degenerate?

I can assure you I’ve spent way more than $30 on way more ‘humiliating’ sex toy accoutrements.

#i mean yeah sometimes storing stuff like this when you’re not using it is awkward #but i don’t really see why we’re dunking on everyone who owns one #screenshotting bc i don’t really feel like starting anything with op but this post just rubbed me the wrong way #literally what’s wrong with it other than your own internalized bias against pleasure for pleasure’s sake #there aren’t a ton of toys designed for penises i think it’s great that they have good ones available #tbh i also wouldn’t want to put my dick into a cold slime tube all the time! #sepulchritudinous

[jinjofitzo]

i fucking hate being black in america sometimes

#vent #i love being black and i love my body of course #but it’s so hard. we’re always brushed over and if we say anything about it #we’re demeaning other causes and causing an issue… #there has been bills passed for the protection of the lgbtqia and asian/pasific islander communities #but there’s still no bill passed for anti lynching #black women are still payed less than white women #and i know ; i absolutely am so glad those bills were passed #i myself am queer and my boyfriend is asian #but im just . im really upset and sad #i feel over shadowed and it’s already hard with discrimination and micro aggressions and #if the kids in my class are joking about lynching me now #wjo knows what my future will be like #jf.txt #tw vent #i wish living life wasn’t so hard man. like #let’s take a daily thing like school #the teachers think that i’m up to no good just because i “look suspicious”! i have to work extra hard to be nice to everyone #and have a great record but #i see kids all the time who get away with so much bad stfuf #but then when im the one who does it i get in trouble… #i don’t feel good at all really… hopefully things can change soon

[anachronistic-falsehood]

anyway. am i allowed to say that yes aimsey is a good role player and they make really cool stories and i’m very excited for her being in purgatory, but i’ve always been kinda meh on them ever since they threw a little shitfit over the existence of bisexual lesbians a few months ago?? like it was kinda hypocritical that he was pissed over bisexual women who may also identify as lesbians, which is an identity that breaks the typical definitions of both of those labels, while also being nonbinary and a lesbian, which is also an identity that breaks the typical definition of both of those labels. ik it was a while ago, they did apologize and explain their reasoning, but it’s just left a bad taste in my mouth ever since

#whiskey yelling into the void #SORRY it’s just bothered me for a while #like people are going to yell at you for having an identity they don’t understand #and you’re going to turn around and do the exact same thing to people with identities you don’t understand #like you can’t exist as one identity people will be confused about while also pushing down other confusing identities #because we’re all weird degenerates at the end of the day in the eyes of homophobes #and i’d rather support people with contradictory identities than stand by gays who think i’m weird for identifying as a butch trans man #support weird labels they’re just WORDS who gives a shit we all die anyway and infighting is DUMB #i do think they’re a good person and they meant well it was just something that put me off for a while #and i can’t rly push past it and watch them again yk???? #if u still watch aimsey that’s cool tho!!! i’m not pissed about them having a fanbase i don’t want to like. cancel them or w/e #idk this is just me ranting i’m not trying to start shit and i’m very happy for u if ur excited for qaimsey!! i do like their rp characters

[compacflt]

i'm so curious: what's your favorite thing you've written? something that makes you nod and go, "yeah, that's it right there. i did that." just the best combination of words you've ever churned out in your personal opinion. it makes you proud just Thinking about it. could be a sentence, a paragraph, etc.

very cute ask anon, thank you. im going to assume for your benefit that you mean specifically my icemav writing—obviously I write outside of top gun and am very proud of that stuff but it wouldn’t make sense out of context.

There’s a lot of more recent stuff that I’m extremely extremely proud of on a technical level, but I’m prouder of this paragraph below on a deeper more existential level.

This paragraph was one of the first parts of WWGATTAI i ever wrote—august 12, i think, well before I had fully realized the characters’ voices or their attitudes towards life/each other; I only had about 5k written of what is now a 300k+ project (at the time of writing this paragraph i wanted it to be 10k max) and had no real outline, didn’t know who or what I was dealing with, hadnt seen TGM in two months, had done no research (so it’s not at all politically/militarily accurate or anything, why the FUCK is ice going to fucking GUAM)—and STILL this wound up being my favorite paragraph in the entire fucking series. not to suck my own dick or anything. I’m STILL so proud of this paragraph, 9 months and 275k+ words later, even though i Absolutely Would Not write it this way now.

#narrative distance both incredibly close and incredibly far #he’s trying to rationalize this whole situation and by extent the whole plot of his life #we’re inside his head as he tries to convince both Pete and himself of this huge huge lie #which is that leaving (right after he fucked their relationship and their best friend just died) is worth it for the navy’s sake #and it will make him a good man #in the masculine strong man leadership sense #and Pete (first name instead of last name; über vulnerable in the worst way because he’s crying yet doesn’t want to be seen crying) #counters all of this lie with—does it? does it really mean you’re a good man? it means you’re the weakest most subservient man i know #bending over backwards for the navy instead of your FAMILY #yeah i would absolutely not write this paragraph this way NOW but i am still so proud of what it represents in the story #& the very experimental 2nd person without quotation marks is i think done very well #at least for august 2022 me #some wording/phrasing/detail issues but other than that—a great paragraph! #again not to suck my own dick but you asked! #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun fanfiction #edts notes #asks #this is a terrible chapter in aggregate but it has some of the best diamond-in-the-rough moments in the whole series #ughhh the Pete this has nothing to do with Afghanistan; pete this has nothing to do with iraq etc line…. SOO good omg i love it sorry

[evansbby]

I have a question

What happens if Chris evans openly supports Isnotreal?

Considering you are muslim and you support Palestine?

And Ari is a zionist.

You probably won’t answer this because you definitely don’t care.

Okay?

#I don’t need to prove anything to you 😂😂😂 #not me writing paragraphs and paragraphs explaining to the Zionist anons who kept trying me #not me speaking straight from the heart about all the atrocities I see daily online of the genocide #not me fighting Zionists in both my inbox and especially my dms #just for you to say ‘you don’t care’ #lmfaoooo okay ?? #bestie we’re on the same side here why must you be awful and insinuate things like a fucking weirdo? #anyways I already don’t like Chris Evan and everyone knows that #I’ve expressed on here my fear of him supporting isr*el #I even said why can’t he be more like mark ruffalo #you’re insinuating I’ve never spoken about this which is so confusing to me #bc I have…. #more than others anyways and that’s the truth #anyways to answer your question if Chris supported isr*el I would not be his fan anymore #ari is a character and we all recognise RSDR as a problematic movie #good thing Ari isn’t real right! #everyone likes him for his looks anyways #anon

[trashbaget]

tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍 #but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation. #which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what) #anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴 #i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.) #anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡 #but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦 #cheers to being fools universe

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately #like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad #i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic #and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me #the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic #let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything #like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing #i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard #the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know #with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things #n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case #it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has. #the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others #this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate #its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences #its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control #ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship #we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people #so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there #ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere

[waugh-bao]

I noticed they changed their Spotify profile pic to just the three of them. I get that Charlie isn’t in the band anymore, but it just feels wrong on so many levels.

And you made a good point about that physical gap between Mick and Keith in the photo and how they would probably end up calling it quits if something happened to Mick or Keith. I honestly think they would continue on without Ronnie if it came to that, sadly. I just have so many feelings about this.

The picture that they use in their description:

Used to be their profile photo, and I wouldn’t be shocked to see that change in the next couple days either.

I don’t even know anymore…

#I’m going to be really mean for a second #because at this point I feel justified #no one is going to give a shit about this album or steve being in the band 5 years after they call it a day #if that #music critics and historians and all the other people involved in preserving and shaping the legacy of a band #are almost guaranteed to write this off as the period when they really should have quit and didn’t/when they became every other 60s rock #band that tours under its original name even though only 2 members are left #it’s not a good look #and the only era(s) and the only music that’s actually going to last #is what they did with Charlie #most people (and a lot of critics) haven’t given a toss for anything they’ve done since Tattoo You #this album isn’t going to change that #neither is ignoring Charlie’s existence and acting like they’re some brand new ‘energetic’ band #it just makes them seem craven and more concerned with praise and profit than loyalty #I get that mick hates nostalgia #but the reality is. if they ever actually tour with Hackney Diamonds. they’ll play 3-4 songs off it (maybe) in a concert and then go back to #the classics. not closing up shop after Charlie has made this the ultimate Boomer ‘we’re too special for that to happen to us’ nostalgia #trip #setting a torch to their reputation for loving respecting and always directing attention towards the importance of their drummer #for some short term feel good goal #is not going to sit well in the long term #with fans or in their own souls (metaphorically speaking) #the rolling stones #charlie watts #ask response #charliesmydarling

[designernishiki]

finished yakuza 6. but at what cost

#rambling #I really think. it was okay up til the last fight #the last fight is where shit started getting like. regressive #like we went right back to everyone sacrificing themselves and throwing their lives away for the sake of others again (namely kiryu) #when it’s like. you’d hope that the end of the game would have something to do with. NOT sacrificing yourself all the time and like. how #that doesn’t always have to be the answer to everything #but no it’s haruka about to sacrifice herself for her baby then yuta about to sacrifice himself for her and haruto and then kiryu #sacrificing himself for all three of them and fucking Dying* (allegedly) #like there was a whole thing earlier where kiryu was actively scolding yuta for running into something intending to die for the Greater Good #and trying to get him out alive because sacrificing himself isn’t the right or only answer #I know that’s a little different than a last second jump in front of a bullet sorta thing #but not really #point still stands #it’s just like. ok cool we’re back to square one #kiryu is sacrificing himself and running away again #gah hahah sh #and don’t get me started on the letter to daigo that was convoluted as Hell #I’ve already talked about why him being like a Son to kiryu doesn’t make sense to me and hasn’t been represented in any way on screen #but like. ghagsgsghhhh #that letter had some legit reflection in it by kiryu on familial/father figures and the bonds made with people and whatever #which is necessary to me to at least have some closure on that theme (not really but you get what I mean) #but I really don’t think relating it to how he’s apparently like a father to daigo was the way to go #I think that letter should’ve been to haruka and should’ve had some reflection on his father figure (kazama) #or Something like that. given he’s never really expressed many complex feelings about his own father figure and how that plays into how he’s #acted as a father and whatnot #or yeah at least the thing with daigo should’ve been worded differently. becuaee I do believe daigo has some father complex he’s assigned #to kiryu. even if that’s not properly earned (thankfully kiryu is aware of that). #idk man it’s just. complicated. and idk it felt kinda half assed tying it to daigo at the last second #believe me I want daigo to play an important role as much as anyone else this just sorta had like. no build up or connection earlier #anyway I have many thoughts about this ending and they’re all very complicated

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[guest-1-2-3]

Ppl rlly be out here asking why i like or don’t like a certain ship. Heck if i’m supposed to have logical reasons buddy this ship gives me feelings of happiness and makes me smile when i consume content surrounding it and i don’t vibe with the other one. one of them gives me giggles when im on my phone at 2am in bed and the other doesn’t. idk what im supposed to say here bro

#the concept of justifying why a ship is good or not is confusing to me #like i have no logic here at all im just looking for the ship thatll give me a lil serotonin boost yk #especially when i was in the atla fandom this was relevant #IDK why i like zukka more than zutara or kataang or whatever they just make me happy and the other ones are meh #“zukka is a good ship bc blah blah blah compatibility zutara is bad bc blah blah blah hate each other kataang is bad bc blah blah” NAH #especially when it gets serious and its like “WELL ZUTARA IS ABUSIVE—KATAANG IS PEDOPHILIA” like chilllll #u can vibe with the ships u like and let other ppl vibe with the ships they like #we’re all just looking for a lil serotonin boost around here #atla discourse #is like #hilarious to me

[techniiciian]

sometimes, matt can be so oblivious to his heart that he wont realize the truth until he’s laying down next to the person he’s grown old with, shared a bed with, and lived through so many adventures with that maybe, just maybe, they’ve been more than friends this entire time.

#( other times matt catches feelings early on and knows it’s love ) #( half the time matt just thinks ‘wow are are really good really close friends’ ) #( sometimes he gets it and sometimes he don’t ) #( looking @ u nev ) #( what’s worse than one dumb boy ) #( two dumb boys ) #( and these dumb boys are so painfully a couple & everyone else but them can see it ) #( matt vc: we tell each other we ‘i love you’ at least once a day and kiss on the mouth . wow we’re such good friends ) #( AND WHATS WORSE IS NEV IS EXACTLY THE SAME ) #( NEITHER ONE OF THEM CAN RECONGIZE THAT THEY ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER ) #( matt vc: i can’t wait to grow old with nev . i bet we’ll be the cutest best friends ) #( SIR YOU ARE ALL BUT LEGALLY MARRIED ) #( what do you mean ur just best friends ) #( YOU CAN BE MORE THAN FRIENDS ) #( matt vc: i wish i had a boyfriend but at least i have nev . the man i cuddle in bed with every night and wake up to every morning ) #( i swear to god ) #( PLS MATT YOU CANT BE THIS UNAWARE ) #( i will say this is a special case ONLY because both nev & matt share one brain cell ) #( so if you think matt is bad then look at nev and know it’s the same ) #( both of them complain about not having boyfriends while they’re holding hands at the aquarium ) #( idiots dumb dumb idiots ) #( i love them so much )

[ayydrienagreste]

I wish zines would tell me why they aren’t able to accept my application. Is it my lack of backgrounds, my anatomy, my coloring, my general subject of art? Could it be that I don’t have enough experience? How do I get more experience if I can’t join any zines? What am I missing/lacking/doing incorrectly that prevents me from being a desirable candidate?

I see “older” more “experienced” artists give the advice of joining or making zines, but they don’t mention that you’re not likely to actually be accepted for them unless you’re already a really great artist or have a lot of followers. It has been really demotivating to apply for zines or other fan projects and get rejected with no feedback.

“Everyone can apply!” really feels like the “Entry level position” of art projects.

#fandom #zine #ignore #I’m sure this is dumb or something that most people already know #but it’s still really depressing applying for 7+ zines and being rejected (or ghosted!) by all of them #I *know* I’m not an amazing artist and I’m not saying that I deserve a spot more than other people #and I’m sure the people being accepted are very talented and hardworking #but even just a ‘your artstyle just isn’t what we’re looking for’ would be better than “’sorry no acceptance good luck’

[danothan]

i keep wondering why my schedule has been so wonky lately as if i didn’t quite literally get into a car crash less than a week ago

#danbles #car accident mention #hello from 5 in the morning #we’re fine everyone’s fine the other person’s insurance is allegedly going to pay for it #but i think it was my first real look at death so i’m still trying to process it #weird guilt feelings for smth that wasn’t even my fault #grief is a weird thing to process i’ve found out! #i’m not used to being angry yet it keeps coming back #it’s very hard for me to care abt things rn #but ik it’s just one of those things i have to ride out. i’ve certainly been thru worse #and the fact that i can confide in my interests is a good sign that i still care at all. and i will care again #i’m rly lucky that i’ve had my sibling to talk to abt this but that’s also bc they were there #and got it worse than me! nothing hospitalizing thank god but we’re still healing #anyway i don’t need sympathy. talking abt this with anyone other than my sib has been rly irritating (is currently in an irritable state) #but i think i just wanted to let ppl know that i’m going thru smth. idk how that helps but it does #i think i just cant reconcile with the idea that i couldve lost someone i care deeply abt and everyone else is just moving on #ah fuck that’s what it is. im angry abt how insignificant a lifechanging event actually is #i don’t want anyone to care but i do think i need someone to know that it’s not normal rn #like i just need to throw it out there into the void that smth Has happened #and then i can go back to a new normal #alright it’s 5:30am now i think i should go to bed fr #also this got rly heavy but i dont wanna freak my friends out. like i’m okay and i’ll be okay #each day has gotten easier so far #and it doesn’t mean i’ve been pretending to be happy #it’s a rly weird duality idk how to explain #like apprently i was laughing a lot during the actual crash! emotions are weird man idk! #christ it’s almost 6 now OKAY GN FR peace and love everyone #normal is right around the corner 👍