#pls go through my blog and tell me where anyone is being harassed

[troonwolf]

Anyway this post is about me:

So I want to make some things very clear. 

I am doing this because I am sick of the gossip and badmouthing. This person has a much larger audience than me, many that are in the same fandoms as me and who sometimes interact with my art. I plan to open commissions in the future because I’m in desperate financial need, and someone smearing me like this (and name-dropping me, which I know he does in private) could seriously hurt my ability to earn in fandom spaces.

Additionally, I find it ridiculous that someone who claims to hate “toxic callout fandom culture” and etc, is doing to me exactly what he complains other people do: lying, exaggerating, and misrepresenting events to make someone look “problematic” and essentially unperson them in fandom.

With that said-

I have never harassed mywitchcultblr (the author of that post).

I have never sent them messages about Disney, Marvel, Ao3, whether on anon or personally. 

I in fact have never sent anyone messages about Marvel, Disney, Ao3, or ANYTHING else related to fandom.

Nor do I consider “all Ao3 users paedophiles”. I use Ao3. My boyfriend uses Ao3. My friends and mutuals use Ao3- this also goes for Disney and Marvel. Tons of people around me love those things.

No one around me cares that I sometimes criticise those things. When I do criticise those things, it’s always some dumb shitpost that I intentionally leave untagged so that it’s isolated in my own space.

The only time I ever approached mywitchcultblr about “discourse”, was to do with natural systems and DID, because I myself have DID. Even then I was civil, the conversation was over in a few messages, and we never spoke about it again.

When I first met Ann, his blog was a lot different from what it is now. There was barely any NSFW or kink, barely any fandom discourse. He just posted about fandom and LGBT stuff.

When he became involved in fandom discourse, began constantly posting untagged NSFW, being defensive when people asked him to tag things, and overall saying and doing things that made me uncomfortable or that I did strongly disagree with, I just blocked him.

We didn’t argue.

I didn’t send him any messages.

I didn’t send him any anons.

I blocked him and moved on. I set a boundary and moved on. That’s what you’re meant to do, right? Then why am I still hearing about it a year later?

Despite the fact I am just some guy he knew for a few months, he has this obsession with me as some kind of fallen father figure in his personal narrative. I’m always referred to as “someone I looked up to who disappointed me.”

This is inappropriate. I am no one’s role model. I didn’t consent to be your father figure and told you on several occasions how severely mentally ill I am. This would be parasocial if I was a bigger blogger but since I’m just some guy, it’s not quite that but still not healthy or reasonable. 

We were in each other’s lives for a few months and talked occasionally. That’s it.

We didn’t even argue or have a real “falling out”. I blocked him. There was no interaction. But ever since then he spreads more exaggerations and lies about me and I’m tired of it.

Don’t take the word of someone who knew me less than a few months, that I’m a toxic harasser, just because I stopped feeling comfortable on his blog and blocked him for my own comfort.

I wish him no ill will but I do wish he’d stop projecting his father issues onto me, and I don’t say that to be funny. it’s extremely weird and uncomfortable to be put in this situation of “I idolised you because you’re an older queer man in fandom and I’m going to make that your problem if you don’t live up to my ideals.”

I’m just some guy. I’m in my 30s, childless, homeless, gay, majorly spangled in the head. No one should be looking up to me. I shouldn’t be held accountable for other people’s made up versions of me. I think we can all agree that isn’t fair.

If he was just calling me a buzzkill or cynical or annoying, I’d fully agree with those statements lmao! But to say I’m toxic and that people around me will be harassed for disagreeing with me is an exaggeration of my character.

I also want to add that my boyfriend has attempted messaging him in order to have a civil discussion on why he keeps lying about me when it's been practically a year since I blocked him, but Ann doesn't respond.

Anyway, that’s all folks.

#btw I'm keeping the specifics of our differences vague #because if I specify events then this post just turns into a counter-smear #and all I want is for him to stop being weird about me and telling people I will harass them for no reason #or doing this weird ''I used to look up to you'' thing #it's genuinely very invasive and uncomfortable #mywitchcultblr #luke I am NOT your father I am just some crazy old man please move on #he legit makes it sound like we were couple or something #when the reality is i barely fucking knew him and just felt uncomfortable on his blog #ive never spoken a word to him since the block but he comes up with these ridiculous things #that i apparently said #which i never fucking said #it doesnt even make sense so many people blocked him wgen his blog changed #but im being constantly singled out #and his muts and friends are generally enabling his obsession #because they dont realise just how much its based on NOTHING #I BLOCKED HIM AND WE OFTEN HAVE OPPOSITE OPINIONS #THATS LITERALLY IT 😭 #pls go through my blog and tell me where anyone is being harassed #its not there it doesnt exist

[lyracasstuff]

Heya!! I actually just found your blog and I would like to say how amazing your writing it! Aaaa it's so cute and you seem very sweet!! <3

I came here to ask for a idv match up! I'm a female, she/her, I'm bi but I do have a preference towards men. Also, I don't mind a survivor or hunter!! Whatever you feel like atm dear. I'm very energetic when you get me in the right mood!! I love baking and editing! I also quite like photography. I'm a very loving person but can get cold if I feel bad so it's a bad habit TwT. I do give lots of compliments to people and it may seem like i like them but I just really like pointing out nice things about people. I love hugs and kisses especially!! I love it if my s/o could give me attention but not too much yknow? Like i want them to be happy with their life with me and their life outside of our relationship. Umm I hope that's enough!! Thank you for making your blog! It is very nice!! You're doing great!! I appreciate you <3 (ps. Make sure to eat and drink enough~)

Thank you for caring about my health dearie~ Honestly,, I could also say the same for you..(｡･ω･｡)

And I'm quite glad that you enjoy reading my blog posts! It means quite a lot for me whenever I hear people enjoying my blog as much as I enjoy writing them..( ´ ▽ ` )

After much thinking,, I've decided to match you up with...

Joseph Desaulnier!!📷

Let's first address the big elephant in the room: Photography..（・∀・）

Since the both of you love photography,, I can most *definitely* imagine you two taking pictures of scenery found in the manor..

As well as *some* of the silly things that happen outside of matches.. Although,, it's more on your end than Joseph's..

However,, I must also remind you that you WILL be bombarded with questions partaining to your "equipment"..(｡･ω･｡)

Whether it'd be a modern HD camera or your smartphone,, it's safe to assume that Joseph will be VERY much curious about these "equipment" that you have brought from the "future" ((even though we call it anything *but* from the future..))

"Are you telling me that this camera of yours can capture pictures instantly??? With just a simple press of a button??? Then, does that mean you won't have to stand for long periods of time to take your picture???"

((Fun fact: the first cameras that were patented require you to stand for long periods of time to take your picture which explains why plenty of the pictures during the Victorian Era were people staying in one position like standing..))

"This "smartphone" can ALSO capture pictures?? Would you mind showing me how, ma chérie??"

"The quality of the pictures are ABSOLUTELY DIVINE! From what time period must you be to access this kind of machinery, ma chérie???"

I highly suggest that you study your equipment thoroughly because Joseph *will* be asking questions about your photography equipment..

Well,, that and Joseph will *literally* fumble with *every* single nook and cranny of said equipment where he might actually break something on accident..

Which is rare for the gentlemanly and disciplined Joseph,, however we ARE talking about one of his biggest passions here..╮(─▽─)╭

Another topic here that is perhaps connected somehow is editing!!（⌒▽⌒）

Joseph is quite astonished when you told him one time that photos can be tweaked from your time period..

Now, on one hand,, he is amused as he sometimes *does* struggle with getting the perfect picture when the environment around him just isn't having it..

But he also can't fathom the idea of people actually editing their photos so much that sometimes,, the unedited version looks far too different than the edited version...

When I say that,, I specifically mean people who probably use photoshop just a *bit* too much..(^_^;)

Not that there is anything wrong about it as everyone knows.. After all,, sometimes we just use it solely for entertainment by making weird, abstract collages of people..

((Like photoshopping a bunch of characters from different fandoms to make some sort of crack-crossover movie poster..╮(─▽─)╭))

It just that Joseph prefers less edited photos as he believes that a photo can shine on it's own when it's taken skillfully..

((Another fun fact: Based from what I can gather, the French in the 1800s preferred a more natural look, which is evident by their choices in makeup like powder for the face or some simple rouge for the lips and cheeks.. Of course,, we are excluding the hair as we all know that big, elaborate wigs were all the rage in this era..))

In fact,, he might even throw a *little* shade towards photos that are super edited...(◎_◎;)

Pls tell him to calm down and not insult people who do something similar to that.. It'll only escelate and get worse in the future..

Okay,, now that we've discussed those, I think we shall head on over to other things, don't you think??（・∀・）

Another reason as to why I paired you with Joseph is because of your upbeat and loving energy!!（〜^∇^)〜🧡

Joseph's life before the manor was already pretty gloomy, and it hasn't really improved when he got into the manor..

So your very energetic and affectionate nature will surely bring in some lost warmth to his life!!（＞ｙ＜）

Although,, please be patient with him for at least a little while.. After all, him *suddenly* receiving love and attention is a bit overwhelming for him to process all at once..╮(─▽─)╭

When he *does* gets used to it, he appreciates it very much..(∩_∩)

With that being said however,, he is still quite disciplined about the time that you two spend together AND the time that you two spend seperately from each other so you won't have to worry about having your boundaries being meshed together..（・∀・）

On the topic of affections,, Joseph will actually be a bit shocked to hear you dish out compliments to everyone in the manor.. And quite frankly,, as well as everyone else that you complimented

((Listen,, we're talking about the Victorian Era,, where modesty is highlighted as a core value..))

I'll be honest in saying that for a split-second,, Joseph *might've* actually thought of you as a flirtatious person

So when you explained to him that that's just how you are and that you just like to point out nice things about other people,, he's confused..(^_^;)

"Wait, but you complimented Mike's juggling act. Shouldn't that mean that you would like to court him??"

"Didn't you tell Victor that you thought he was sweet?? Pardon me for asking this, but are you... Interested in him, ma chérie?"

You're going to have to explain to him that just because you like a certain aspect of a person,, that doesn't mean you actually like them AS A WHOLE...

He may or not have demanded that you bake for him the next time that you two will have your afternoon tea together..(⌒_⌒;)

It's his "apology gift" as he puts it...

Okay,, I know I said that Joseph absolutely appreciates your loving side,, but he also *adores* your more "colder" side..

And no,, it's not because he's a masochist..(｡･ω･｡)

See, as much as Joseph relishes in the feeling of protecting someone he cares/loves.. Even he can admit that sometimes,, it gets too exhausting when your partner is the *literal definition* of a walking doormat..

I don't know about you,, but I kind of picture Joseph as someone who wants to have a partner that, at the *very least*,, can stand on their own two feet.. It gives Joseph a sense of pride,, see???

In conclusion,, I personally think that you and Joseph would work wonders for each other!! Different in your personalities, but united through the same common interest of photography.. I'd say its a decent balance of "opposites attract" and "similarities attract"..

🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷🎞📷

Author's note: On the topic of people photoshopping the heck out of their photos.. DON'T HARRASS/BULLY/INSULT THEM PLEASE!!! I will be blunt in saying that I frankly do not care whatever your intentions were, because when you strip said intentions away from the grand scheme of things,,

All that's left is a situation where someone insulted/bullied/harassed another person just for editing their photos a bit too much..

And when you put it like that,, wouldn't you agree that it sounds idiotic? Because in all honesty, it is..(¬_¬) After all,, those photos won't be affecting you much in the long run now,, would they??

And even if you said that you did it with good intentions, the way you acted upon these "intentions" was poorly done when it could've been handled *much* more efficiently...

So in short,, pls don't harrass anyone that you know that does these to their photos, it's not only for their sake but also yours..( ´ ▽ ` )

I apologize for ranting like that,, however I feel as though these types of situations are completely meaningless AND avoidable had it not been for the people that continue to stick their fingers into others' honeyjars.. So I personally as though it needs to be said.. Again, sorry if this rant is a bit unsettling and a bit "rough on the edges"..(⌒_⌒;)

Well that's about it.. Until next time,, I'll see you all in my next post!!ヾ(＠^∇^＠)ノ💚

#identity v #identity v imagines #identity v headcanons #identity v x reader #identity v photographer #identity v joseph #idv #idv headcanons #idv x reader #idv imagines #idv hcs #idv photographer #idv joseph #joseph desaulnier #joseph desaulnier x reader #joseph desaulniers x reader #idv matchups

[janiedean]

I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #anonymous #ask post #anti-jonsa #anti jonsa #anti-jonerys #anti jonerys #both of them for equality

[sammyxorae]

Falling For You - Chapter 2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: cussing, kissing, fluff

Summary: This chapter is literally a filler chapter, it kind of sucks but oh well. Spencer x Y/N learn they have more in common than they thought when it comes to life experiences, but they also learn more about each other and their feelings. :P

***

Spencer came back into the living/family room. He looked upset but in deep thought.

“Hey, are you ok?” you asked as he came over and sat down next to you.

You could tell he was really holding back, but you stayed quiet now. Spencer rubbed his face and began talking about his Mom going missing.

“I’ve had some stuff go on in the last couple of months and because of the nature of my job, sometimes the people I care about also get affected by it. Now she is missing and we can’t find her,” he went on, you could see tears running down his face. You lightly put your hand on his knee, not wanting to startle him.

“You don’t have to tell me everything if you’re not comfortable, I understand. Sometimes it’s just nice to have someone to be around,” you said in a calm, soothing voice. This was one of those times that you were glad that empathy was a natural gift for you, but not because of being a therapist, just that you really did feel for Spencer.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic and although many individuals who aren’t being treated are more likely to leave where they’re staying and get lost, she is getting treated and staying somewhere. She was being watched by someone, who I was paying to stay at my house while I was working during the day. It was safe there…” he quietly spoke, doubting his own words, “or so I thought…”

“I’m sorry Spencer, I really am, but I also understand what you’re going through. My mom has schizophrenia and I’ve seen her have episodes and run away, even when she was on medications and being treated. Growing up I had to pretend that my mom was just on vacation somewhere and that no one could come over. I also know what it’s like to have someone go missing. My best friend had a habit of doing that when we were kids, but one day she was finally taken from her Dad and placed with someone else. Losing someone regardless is scary.” You empathize with him and share a very deep part of that you didn’t normally let out. It felt like taking a breath of fresh air, someone who wasn’t going to judge you.

“I hate to do this to you, but I do have to leave. I have to go into work even though I’m supposed to be on ‘leave.’ Hopefully I can find my Mom,” his eyes showed exhaustion but looked at you as if they were smiling. It made you blush and you couldn’t hide it, making him chuckle.

“Of course you can go,” you smiled, still blushing by the looks that he kept giving you.

“I’m going to stay a little bit longer, they said they don’t need me until 8am and it’s 5:30am. But when I leave, I could always come back later. It shouldn’t take long. Here’s my number though,” he took out his phone and grabbed yours on the table, putting each other's information in both. “As long as that’s okay of course. I don’t want to intrude,” he looked at you again.

You can stay as long as you want with the way you keep looking at me. Stop Y/N. Reel it back. You smiled at him, grabbing his hand again, “of course you can come back over. I’d love that. Again, I’m really sorry about everything you’re going through.”

Normally you don’t just hug someone randomly, especially because some people don’t respond to touch well, but you just had this instinct driving inside of you to hug him. At first his response was to jolt, to the point you almost stopped, but then he put his arms around you, pulling you into him like you were when you woke up a half hour ago. Have you ever just met someone and immediately you feel comfortable with them? No matter what is going on and how upset you may be, they find a way to soothe you, to the point you couldn’t get mad at them? Well, that’s how you felt with Spencer.

“You know, I don’t normally do well with touch. It normally bothers me, but I didn’t feel that way with you,” he looked at you again, and damn was that man making you melt into a puddle of water.

You decided to be brave, reached for his face and kissed him. His lips were soft and he was more than willing to return the kiss. You smiled as you pecked a few at each other and you could feel the heat rising in your body.

Spencer began to speak softly, “There’s a possibility you may be feeling this way because of me saving you. I’m sure you’ve heard of transference be-” you shut him up by kissing him more. This time with more force and moving your body up so that you could straddle his lap. You felt the pain on your knee and leg from the day before, but told yourself to shut up and continue before the boy genius decided to talk again.

That was until he threw his hand into your hair, gripping it enough to make you moan on his lips, but also gentle. You did the same to his hair, and slowly peppered kisses over to his ear, breathing hot air into them. The light giggle that came out of your mouth coincided with the moans that came from his mouth. He pulled your hair to have control of your head with one hand to get access to your neck, while his other hand wrapped around your body, pulling you in as close to him as he could. You honestly felt as if he wasn’t going to let you go, but you really didn’t care if he did or not.

You started to feel something underneath you and you smiled knowing exactly what you felt.

“Hmm.. wonder what that is?” you whispered into his ear, now biting his earlobe and then moving quickly back to his lips with even more need than before. You slowly started to move your hips against his, both of your kisses sloppy with one another.

“Y/N, I want this more than anything, but I want to do this when you’re ready. I don’t want this to be a one time thing,” he spoke quietly, stopping you and holding your face. “I met you less than 24 hours ago and there is something you’ve done inside of me that I can’t even explain.”

“I feel the same way as you do,” you leaned into him as your heart rate started to slow down. You put your head on his shoulder and he hugged you again.

“I want to do this right, if that’s what it is. Please,” he begged you and whispered into your ear.

You heard what he said, you weren’t upset, in fact, you agreed with him. As much as you wanted this man to take you and show you what he’s made of, you needed to go slower and at this point, you felt as if your body was about to give into another bout of sleep.

He didn’t need to hear your response, he got your answer when you kissed him gently again and slid off into his arms to cuddle him. Slowly, you began to fall asleep again.

***

The two of you fell asleep but this time you were woken up to a body not behind you and Spencer’s voice talking. You tried to listen, but decided against it. You didn’t want to eavesdrop, it really wasn’t fair. If he wanted to tell you, he would.

You grabbed your phone and saw that you got another couple hours of sleep in. It was now 7:30am. Spencer hung up the phone and came over to you.

“They may have a lead on my Mom, more than they did just a few hours ago,” he spoke. “I really need to go.”

“Go, go. Let me know what happens or call me before you come over, I might be sleeping,” you laughed.

He kissed your forehead and was out the door.

Still a little sore and tired, you went and took some tylenol, noticing that you could at least walk better today, and you felt like you should probably try to sleep again and in bed this time. Walter came over and licked your face as you laid down in your bed. Again, you felt sleep hit you like a brick.

***

After a few hours, you woke up noticing that it was around 12pm and that it was going to be a long unproductive day. You got out of bed and tried to clean whatever you could without hurting yourself and finished up some session notes from the few days before, but that time it was 3pm. You called your friend and told her about Spencer. She, of course, harassed you about it and told her to shove it, but that you definitely had an interest in him. She ultimately told you she would kick his ass if he hurt you.

You let Walter out, managing to get down and up the stairs without much of an issue and fed him. You sat down on the couch again, noticing it was around 4:04pm and thought you should probably eat, but when you started to think about what to have, you fell asleep again.

*KNOCK* KNOCK* *KNOCK*

You woke up, not knowing what was going on. “What?” you grumbled to yourself.

*KNOCK* KNOCK* *KNOCK*

You grabbed your phone and noticed that it was 7:34pm and you had no phone calls or texts, so you definitely weren’t expecting anyone. You stumbled off the couch in clumsiness and reached the door. You rubbed your eyes and opened the door. If you weren’t awake then, you sure as hell were now.

Spencer was standing right in front of you, but this time he looked different. He was wearing an FBI jacket, still looking handsome as ever but there were 3 others behind him. Two girls and a much older, fatherly-looking, handsome man.

Spencer walked into your apartment, the other three introduced themselves. The brown headed one being Emily Prentiss, the pretty blonde was Jennifer Jareau, or JJ, and the older man was Dave Rossi.

You let them in and looked at Spencer as he was walking around your place.

You walked over to him, stopping him and looking him dead in the eyes. This was something you hadn’t seen in him before, though only knowing him for 48 hours, that would make more sense. But no, this was something sinister, anger, and you were a bit frightened.

“Spencer!” you yelled with your hand on his chest, “What the hell is going on?!”

“We need to talk.”

***

taglist - @spnackleholicswainer @alexa-ann-blog @crazysocklovingfangirl@totallysupernaturaloneshots @crowleysplaythings @i-dont-understand-that-url @baritonechick @samanthasmileys @sammys-angel @dont-hate-relate-pls@thegameison97 @growningupgeek @ive6669 @your-favorite-emo @fandom-has-ruined-my-life @youcanhavit @hillface89 @angelkurenai@letmewriteyourlove @fangirl1802 @robbenedictxreader @ellienovak@psycho-moose-sammy @ashiewesker @hudine @paddy121996-blog@wayward-mirage @zymmas @evyiione @heatherhoney2000-blog @gabriels-trix @your-not-invisible-to-me me @carry-on-my-wayward-girls@reigningqueenofwords @writings-of-desire @haylaansmi @justanothetfangirl​ 

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fan fiction #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #doctor spencer reid #dr spencer reid #dave rossi #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #cat adams #falling for you

[vts-ship-and-let-ship]

"but forced therapy and institutionalization is bad and people shouldn’t be celebrating that." ok so should we just let them free to do whatever they want and continue sending death and rape threats to people? There's no way they would ever agree to therapy on their own, and if they need to be MADE to go and kept away from the internet then so be it, at least no one will have to suffer their harassment and threats. They're a fucking menace.

Therapy is supposed to help you gain coping mechanisms for your mental health issues, not a dumping grounds for people who do awful shit.

Forced Therapy won’t fucking help anyone and would make the problem worse get your head out of your ass, also don’t advocate for shit that causes medical abuse, to people who are mentally disabled. Thanks.

You’re on anon, so you’re not gonna engage with this in good faith, but hey I’ll bite.

You’re not advocating for healthy helpful therapeutic practices. And I’m sure @antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx would absolutely love to back me up on the fact, PEOPLE IN THERAPY DO NOT GET BETTER BY BEING FORCED!

PEOPLE IN THERAPY DO NOT GO TO THERAPY FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S BENEFIT!

DEMONIZING SOMEONE AS A REASON THEY SHOULD SEEK THERAPY IS A FUCKING ABLEIST THING!

Assuming there is something wrong with someone mentally because they send death threats and rape threats so they should go to therapy, is awful. I don’t know how to tell you that therapy, like seeing a doctor, is for dealing with your own issues.

No one being forced into therapy is going to come out “okay”. 9 times out of 10 it’ll reinforce their beliefs.

Ally didn’t fucking condone the rape and death threats. Ally pointed out that celebrating forced therapy is a fucking awful practice that’s lead to medical trauma and systematic abuse.

But hey you know, when you come into our inbox, when we’ve talked extensively about trauma and abuse, and you’re like, “oh well it’s deserved”.

I don’t know how to tell you that I would never trust you near mentally ill or neurodivergent people who might have intrusive thoughts or bad symptoms.

Also fun fact, did you know this is one of the most fucked up asks I’ve ever gotten in my inbox. I didn’t know how to react. Like. What do I say other than I hope to fucking god I never meet you in real life.

Your insistence that this is better for everyone else, is false, and also too fucking close to people who think it’s okay to,

Force “dangerous” mentally ill people into facilities.

Where they lose their rights as people and might as well live in prison for the rest of their lives.

Hey another fun fact, an abuse survivor with Schizophrenia can never leave a hospital because rather than work with her issues, they labelled her as unsalvageable after she went through horrible sexual, emotional and physical abuse from both her parents.

But you know, so long as we get rid of the “menaces”.

“We should let them” you’re not even fucking involved with their therapy, shut the fuck up. You have no idea what’s going on in their real life so you can’t make fucking judgement. Stop acting like a moral saviour and like you’re such hot shit, you don’t allow them to do shit, and if they didn’t get caught, you have very little to fucking stop them. There’s a fucking line to celebrating something that can end in mental trauma and acting like what they did was okay. You have black and white thinking buddy.

Get off my blog, or better yet, come off anon, I WILL BLOCK YOUR ASS MYSELF.

- Dragon

Sidenote: this is about an addition Ally made with some input on me, saying we shouldn’t celebrate IHPAZ’s forced therapy given their parents were willing to institutionalize them. And that it’s not the best course of action and even gave examples of what might actually happen as a result.

I answered because at first he was confused then hurt. I’d be much more polite if they were gonna act in good faith, but they’re not.

Honestly I’m tired of bad faith shit. I’m an angry call of rage, and as someone who has had a bad therapist, it ended up fucking me over. Therapy shouldn’t be forced onto someone, it’s literally about working through your issues and coping HEALTHILY. Ya can’t do that forced.

Ally is glad IHPAZ isn’t threatening people anymore.

Also this fucko completely ignored my addition that EXISTS ON THAT THREAD to cherry pick a single fucking line from Ally.

To then harass us over that line.

#heavy ableism #dragon speaks #anon #shitty anons to make dragon mad #ihpaz discourse #ihpaz tw #ihpaz

[sheonvinyl]

the snl standby line ~experience~

um. wow.....

so i’m making this post mostly for myself and to have a documentation of these memories while its all still pretty fresh in my brain, but i figured i would share it on here too just in case anyone wanted to read it or chat about it all w me. (side note: if u were in the line too PLS hit me up we MUST discuss)

basically, long story short is my friend and i slept on the streets of nyc for three nights in below freezing degree weather, got standby tickets for the live show and were able to get in......like i was THERE. for the snl LIVE taping. 

feel free to keep reading below the break if you want an extremely detailed description of the whole ordeal and my personal experience that no one asked for dsjkhfksdjh

to be frank our journey did not start out as we had originally planned lmao. when harry announced that he was doing double duty my friend and i immediately were like. let’s start planning bc we’re 100% going. that resulted in a lot of amazon prime orders and reading up on blogs about tips and tricks in order to plan. we were trying to gauge how far in advance we were going to have to get in line in order to have a good chance. we got a lot of our info from a twitter account/blog run by these three women who have been to every show this season and been in the standby line every week so we trusted their advice. they have been so many times that they apparently have a relationship with the security ppl and are in contact with them. and obviously since it was harry this week, there was a lot more buzz about it and higher stakes of actually getting a ticket. people had been tweeting about lining up on MONDAY in order to be in the front of the line. this account reached out to people and nbc and said that security didn’t want anyone lining up before thursday and if people did, they would be asked to leave and not allowed to get back in line again. finding this out made us panic a bit bc we didn’t want to get thrown out for breaking the rules or anything like that. we originally decided to finish up our days at our internships on wednesday, head back to our apartment, gather up all our supplies and head to 30 roc around 10 so that we could be ready to get in line at midnight aka when it would officially be thursday. 

however, when i woke up wedensday morning amidst all the news about harry’s tour dates etc. there was an update that there were ~20ish people in line already. and that set us into a panic. we were confused if they were going to be thrown out or not bc they lined up before thursday, but periodically as we checked throughout the day security didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. so we made the decision to get to the line as quickly as possible after work. not sure i’ve ever moved faster in my life than i did when i got home and immediately threw anything i thought would be remotely useful into my duffle bag. the state of my room right now? despicable.

we make it to the line a little bit after 8 pm and after an initial assessment, we were around #70-80 in line. and based on that, we decided to stay and set up camp bc we thought our chances were pretty good. (for reference: when the standby tickets were handed out on saturday morning, we were 86th and 87th in line so the number definitely fluctuated based on when people counted us and people maybe being in the bathroom during the count etc.)

everyone around us in line was super super super nice and the ppl we met thru it will def be homies for life. we went through too much together not to be bonded for life ksjdhfksdh. shout out to aisha @teafull​ specifically !!!! we really did that luv......miss u and kristina already babes xoxoxox

wednesday night was definitely the worst sleeping-wise. our set up originally was a waterproof tarp on the ground and then a yoga mat that my friend used as a bed and then our two camping chairs next to the yoga mat. for the first night, i slept in the camping chairs using one to sit in and having my legs propped up on the other one. we each had two blankets and were wearing more layers than i could ever count. we bought a shitton of feet warmers, toe warmers and hand warmers in preparation, but we didn’t really get the hang of using them until the second and third night lol. i woke up probably every hour and a half on wednesday night bc i was either uncomfortable or just so unbearably cold. every time i woke up i made sure to move my toes around bc i was so paranoid i was going to get frostbite lmao. 

thursday was better. we actually got the hang of the hand and feet warmers!! we figured out that if we were wearing shoes they didn’t really work because they were being suffocated and they needed to be in open air to work properly. they worked exponentially better if we didn't wear shoes bc they were exposed to the cold air and heated up really well so that’s a useful piece of information out of this i guess?? sdjhkds. at this point i think there were about 150 people in line. the line wrapped from the back of the nbc building on 6th ave/avenue of the americas around to w 48th street as far as the nintendo store which ends right at the today show plaza (and it got even longer over the next two days). 

one of the worst things about the whole experience would probably have to be the incessant comments from passerbys on the street. they would look at us and speak about us as if we weren’t there. they would also film or take photos of us in the LEAST discreet ways possible which was very irritating. and made me feel like a literal zoo animal on display. i heard comments like “they know the show is on SATURDAY right?”, “they’re doing all of this for that one guy from one direction?”, “do your parents know you’re doing this?”, “you’ve got to be kidding me”, “they’re going to freeze to death for not even a guaranteed ticket to see this guy” and by far the absolute worst one and most offensive thing i heard, “they’re like the modern day homeless”. i could go on a whole separate tangent about this because it makes me so FUCKING angry, but i was very close to confronting some people because of the impeccably inconsiderate, insensitive and blatantly classist comments people were making straight to our faces. additionally some people in line were being harassed by people from radio stations (or people posing as employees of radio stations) that clearly had the agenda of making it seem like fans of harry are dumb and unaware of world issues etc. you can read a more well-written and detailed account about it all on aj’s blog here. but i’ll reiterate that they definitely chose the wrong group to mess with!! the issue was dealt with in record time and i’m proud of and thankful for all the people who stood up to that asshole and put him in his place. he deserved it.

i slept the best on thursday night into friday. probably because i finally had the common sense to buy GLOVES (someone lmk why i thought it was okay to come without them ??? ) as well as buy an extra blanket at a barnes and noble nearby. one of my roommates was also kind enough to bring me her yoga mat and two extra pairs of pants to add to my layers. those two extra layers 100% made a difference. not much happened in the line on friday besides a little bit of drama between a couple of girls at the front of the line who apparently left for 10+ hours that day and (to my knowledge) weren’t kicked out of the line. i don’t want to speak too much on it because i wasn’t directly involved in any of it and only heard it by word of mouth. however, i will say i think there was definitely some suspicious activity from some people that were in line who were for example, using lawn chairs (which are specifically prohibited on the snl webpage) and abusing their break times. 

at 7 pm on friday, the line was shifted so that the beginning of it started at the doors to the nbc studio. i think they do this mainly so that the pages who hand out the standby tickets have easier access to the line? but i’m not positive. our new area was now on 6th ave, smack dab in front of the rear end of 30 roc, basically where the line had originally started. with the amount of people in line (probably around 200 or so at this point on friday) it STILL wrapped around to west 48th even after the shift. and then not even 20 minutes after they moved us was when snl interns came down with CARTS of slices of WATERMELON and CHERRIES !!!!!!! when i tell you i lost it.....

i didn’t get a good picture of the cherries but you get the idea. one of the interns giving us info about what was going on said that harry “was very specific about giving you guys cherries and watermelon” sjkdfhksdjh. and because of his previous behavior w the kiwis i was like....well he’s not playing watermelon sugar then we’re just going to have to prepare for something else. and let me tell you, i have never been more happy to be wrong in my entire LIFE. 

additionally, a couple of men, who i believe worked for snl or nbc, came around with carts of soup for all of us. they didn't confirm or deny that harry sent them (which makes me think he probably didn’t), but the two options were either chicken and sausage or split pea. yes, that’s correct. SPLIT. PEA. when they told me that, i shrieked in their faces, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING” and they just looked at me so weirdly and go, “......no? like which one do you want......” skdjhfkjsdh. they definitely thought i was absolutely off my rocker (which i certainly was, but that’s besides the point). i’m pescatarian so i chose split pea, and if there’s one thing to know about me it’s that i absolutely ABHOR peas, but i ate it anyway. i had to use all of the oyster crackers as well as some pretzel crisps that i brought with me as a snack in order to make it bearable LMAO. however, regardless of if harry sent it himself, it was a really nice gesture and i’m thankful that they were kind enough to provide us with some food. the snl staff also sent down hot chocolate and coffee and pizza over the course of the three days which was very much appreciated as well!

we were a lot less separated in our new spot on 6th ave so everyone in line was able to hang out with each other a lot more which as really fun!! a girl near us had brought cards against humanity and a group of 7 of us played for what felt like over an hour or so which was really good time. aisha won and no, i am not salty about it at all !!!!!1!1!11!11!!!! 

it was really difficult to sleep that night as well because we were on a much busier road with a lot more lights. it also felt colder and windier despite windscreens that staff put up around our barricades (see the poor quality pic of my friend and i with one of them below LOL). i think everyone was really on edge for the next morning so i’m sure that didn’t help with sleeping either. we settled down to go to bed a little past midnight and i woke up at least three times throughout the night to readjust my blankets and sleeping position or check the time.

finally saturday morning came. my friend had to shake me awake at 6:30 am bc i was finally able to doze off again, but the panic in me immediately activated and i was UP and ready to go. we still hadn't come to a full decision on if we were going to choose dress rehearsal or live yet so we were definitely on edge. we basically wanted to wait until the pages came to us and ask them how many people chose live vs. dress so that we could choose the show we were more likely to get into. however, deep inside i know that we both desperately wanted tickets to the live show. we had been keeping track of other people who were farther up in the line via their socials and seeing what they were choosing too. surprisingly (at least to me), a lot of people ahead of us decided to choose dress rehearsal rather than live. in theory, it makes sense because you’d hopefully get to see more sketches that might get cut for time as well as “spend more time” w harry. my friend and i (who is probably the biggest snl fan on the planet, no lie) would’ve been happy with either, but we both definitely wanted to witness the show that everyone else was going to watch on tv. 

when the pages got to us we found out that it was basically split 50/50. an equal amount of people decided to do live vs. dress. for either show we chose, we would’ve been in the 40s for our standby ticket number. and because of that, we decided to SEND IT and sign up for tickets for the live show (and partly because all our friends in line were also sending it w the live show too!!!). we were tickets #41 and #42 and we honestly felt really really good about it, but we didn’t want to discuss it too much or get our hopes up in the event that it didn’t end up working out. 

after that, the actual standby line experience was basically over. we IMMEDIATELY grabbed all our stuff and ubered back to our apartment. our roommates were already up and they greeted us with lights up blasting through our alexa akjhfkdfh. saturday was also conveniently my university’s homecoming weekend, and as seniors in college, my friend and i felt that it was important for us to go. i won’t go into too much detail about it bc that’s not really the point of this whole post, but my friend and i REALLY had ourselves a DAY on saturday. i actually don’t know how we pulled this off. we ended up showering for probably 40 minutes each to scrub the grime off our body and then day drank from 11:30 to maybe 5 pm........like??? whomst???? luckily, i was able to squeeze in a nap before we had to start getting ready for check in at 10 pm back at 30 roc, but i was 110% hungover when i woke up. 

we got to 30 roc at around 9:30 and were told to go to the nbc store to check in. from there they cross-checked the name on your ID and name on your ticket and then lined you up in order based on your ticket number. i don’t think i realized how many people actually ended up lining up for the standby line until we were there....people had ticket numbers all the way up #267 or something. that’s CRAZY!! after a bit of waiting (maybe half an hour?) a security guy came out and told us that they were going to starting bringing the group up into the corridor and get the process moving. he made it clear that this wasn’t a guarantee to get in. the first 40 were taken and then after about 5 minutes they sent probably the next 40 or so (including us in the front of that second group). from there, we did a security check and waited in the hallway outside the peacock lounge (anyone who’s been to a taping of snl, jimmy fallon or seth meyers might know what i’m talking about). while waiting there we saw a few people trickle in and go through a security check as well. those people included zoey deutch (!!!!!!) - who was rocking this INSANE red plaid suit combo as well as the cutest bob i’ve ever seen - as well as GLENNE aka jeff’s wife who was also serving looks™️ with her outfit. 

security then moved us farther down the hallway closer to the elevators and this is where we all started getting really nervous. i had no concept of time bc my phone was running out of battery and i turned it off bc i was paranoid if they saw it they would ask me to leave skdjhfs. it was only a matter of minutes before we knew if we were going to make it in or not. the staff had us line up two by two and kept counting and recounting us. then one of them grabbed a stack of wristbands and counted us one last time before he stopped at ticket #30 and said “congratulations all of you have a seat in the show”. the energy in the room was SO CHARGED. he was handing out their tickets and was urging them to put them on as quickly as possible and then they were ushered into the elevators. side note: there’s rumors that lorne michaels (creator and head of snl) reserves 30 seats specifically for the standby line. so that might be why he originally stopped at ticket #30.

my friend and i were holding each others hands as if our lives depended on it bc it was really make it or break it at this point. a couple minutes later he goes down the line again while counting us and stops after maybe 15-20 people behind us and again goes “congratulations, you have a seat in the show”. my legs literally almost gave out. my friend couldn’t speak to me bc she was trying so hard to hold in her sobs. i had to put on her wristband for her bc her hands were shaking so much LMAO. they quickly usher us into the elevator and as soon as the doors close all of us in the elevator start screaming and cheering bc WE MADE IT!!! but we quickly quiet down because we had been told beforehand that if we were excessively screaming during the show that we would be removed. i’m pretty sure that during dress rehearsal the staff said someone was shouting distracting comments at harry during the pauses and they were kicked out. someone else was also kicked out for drinking which......blows my mind. but anyway.

when they elevator doors open we are ushered SO FAST into the studio and into seats. i almost got split up from my friend bc the page tried to sit me in a single seat and i was like “no no no, i’m with her”. luckily they were able to sit us together on the back wall of the section that was facing front. they weren’t actual seats, but rather a large cushioned bench. most of our standby line peeps were sat in the right-most section of the studio which was sad that we couldn’t sit next to everyone, but also glad that my friend and i were sat together. 

the taping started no more than 10 minutes after we got there. it all happened so quick and i don’t think i’ve really fully processed everything that happened. i won’t talk too much about the sketches because you can all just watch them yourself but i’ll talk a little bit about some of the behind the scenes things that we witnessed. 

1. the way in which harry RAN between scenes and sketches was INSANE sdkfjhsdkjfh. right after the monologue he basically LUNGED off stage. a staff member (i think its a woman who does wigs for the snl cast) was moving so fast past the main stage after the cameras cut that from what i saw, the way harry had moved so quickly made her TRIP and harry IMMEDIATELY scooped her up basically DRAGGED her backstage skjdfhksjdhfdjkshk. it all happened so fast i still can’t tell if i imagined it happening or not but it was crazy. either way, harry was on the MOVE. 

2. one of my fav sketches by far was the lamaze class one. harry did SUCH A GOOD JOB SFKHSKJDHFSD especially w the accent????? (he actually did so many accents throughout the show i’m so proud of him). he broke a little bit during the lamaze one but as far as i remember that’s the only time he broke?? which??? that’s honestly impressive, especially for the sketches/jokes they were doing (don’t even get me started on the Sara Lee sketch....). also i wasn’t openly jealous of heidi gardiner because of how harry was holding her and caressing her but i was jealous. i will not speak more on this topic.

3. the slow/ballad version of lights up.............BREATHTAKING. there was not a sound in that studio literally everyone was so mesmerized by it. it was honestly gorgeously performed and the back up vocalists did SUCH and amazing job!! the music stage wasn’t really near us but we still had a good view of harry himself and THAT OUTFIT. it was......chefs kiss.

4. when the ballerina photos came up on the screen there was an audible GASP that ran through the audience. i shrieked. i almost grabbed the woman’s hand whom was sitting next to me and i did not know. that is all. 

5. WATERMELON SUGAR !!!!!!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!!!! y’all. have i got a story for you. when the drums hit right before the first “high” my friend and i went FERAL. we were on the edges of our seat the WHOLE song. i had such the urge to stand up and dance but we couldn’t out of fear of getting kicked out ksjhdfkjhs. the entire song we had our hands in the air grooving to it, i was flailing my limbs as MUCH AS I POSSIBLY COULD to jam out to it. additionally, if you watch the performance back you can actually see that harry’s hands are shaking and he’s fiddling with his soundbox on his back during the beginning of the song. we’re pretty sure that his earpiece wasn’t working so he was freaking out a bit. he started to dance a little, but you can kind of tell that he was a bit stiff, maybe because of nerves. then at one point, he looks to someone off stage to his right and he smiles at them and laughs a bit to himself. after that, he starts looking around at the audience up above and there are times that harry looks over to his left EXACTLY in the direction of where my friend and i were sitting/dancing. my friend who has literally ANALYZED this performance from watching it so many times claims that 2:15 is the exact moment that he looks over sees us flailing our entire bodies. and right after he looks over is when he really starts moving and grooving himself and appearing to look a bit more comfortable. while we don’t know FOR SURE if he really did see us or started dancing bc he saw us jamming out, i do want to mention that we were literally the ONLY people in the studio moving like that. we were in the back corner by the sound guy and one of the exits and sitting next to a middle aged married couple who were looking at us like we were certifiably crazy. we had a view of almost everyone in the audience because we were in the last row and as far as we could tell, we were the only ones that were jamming out as hard as we were. so take with that what you will. but from this time forward, i will go on with my life believing that my uncontrollable bodily reactions to hearing watermelon sugar LIVE perhaps made dear harold feel a little less nervous and more comfortable to do his thang :-)))))

i don’t think i’ve clapped harder for anything in my life than i did when he finished performing watermelon sugar and when he signed off the show. i teared up watching him go around to his band and all the cast members giving them the BIGGEST hugs. you can clearly tell that every single person on that cast had the best time with him this week. heidi and cecily both mentioned in their instagram posts about how agreeable he was to everything and how he has to come back to host again. it was clear that he had SUCH a fun experience and he did SO WELL!!!!! i have no doubt in my mind that he is going to host (or do double duty) again at some point in the future. so to those who were in the standby line and didn’t make it in to the taping for live or dress, don’t lose faith. there will for SURE be another opportunity to do this whole thing again. i am so so proud of everyone who was brave enough to face the elements for even a chance to get a standby ticket over these past couple days. you’re all so strong and such warriors. this is certainly not the last time he’ll be doing this. 

as grueling and testing as the whole camping out on the streets and standby ticket experience was, i would do it all over again in a heartbeat. i’m a senior in college and was privileged enough to be able to skip some classes and call out of work in order to do this. i figured that this time in my life is probably one of the only chances where i’ll be able to actually drop everything and sleep on the streets for three days to see one of my favorite people in the world. and in the end, it was all worth it. i couldn’t be prouder of harry and what an amazing job he did last night. this journey is something that i will cherish forever (and will definitely be telling my kids about in the future).

feel free to message me or drop in my inbox if you have questions or want to come chat about it all ! thanks to anyone who actually had the patience to read this whole thing. i’m so sorry for how unbearably long this was dkjfhsdkjhsdk. much love to you all. treat people with kindness :-)

#its embarrassing how long this actually took me to write #im so sorry sdkjfhksjdh #please excuse any and all typos/grammatical errors #this was basically written as stream of consciousness #now i have to go deep clean my room #wish me luck !!! #harry styles #harry on snl #snl #text