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outofbinaryspace · 3 years

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yoyoyoyo this is just for me but read if you want pls don’t reblog tho

TW: sex

me and my bf are both ace so from the beginning we agreed that we obvs wouldn’t have a sexual relationship

but then

back in September

he explained that he would be interested in basically helping me explore sexually and his only rule was that i don’t touch his dick

and i asked him about it and he said that all he really needed to have a good time was to please me

so once he was back at the dorms we obvs started hanging out a lot more and doing sleep overs and he would ask each time he slept over if i wanted to do anything and the first thing i thought of was that it would ruin the night idk why i just thought that’s what would happen

and then i came up with like ground rules and accidentally triggered his trauma because i couldn’t figure out a way to give clear consent and tbh i think it was because it would be admitting that there is a small part of me that does have a sexual desire and i felt really weird about that cause you know ace

anyway after i accidentally triggered his trauma, he said no more sexual talk

and ironically after that conversation i realized i would be comfortable if i asked him instead of him asking me because that way it wouldn’t feel so random and out of nowhere

but anyway i agreed to end talking about it because i was also uncomfortable

and that was early October

i accepted it would be awhile (like a few months, a year, who knows) before i could bring it up again and be like hey maybe we shouldn’t completely close the door on this conversation since we’re both going to change and grow as people so how we deal with our respective shit will also change

so for the first couple weeks i felt extremely weird around him because we had finally gotten into a routine and it felt normal

and now i didn’t know what to do like i wanted to give him space and i kinda wanted space but he acted as if everything was fine so i tried to do the same and eventually everything smoothed back over

so now we’re in early November

i had kinda stopped thinking about ever having a sexual relationship with him which kinda hurt because i know he’s been with other people (he told me straight up he tried sex with both guys and girls whereas i have not) and i kinda felt like our relationship wouldn’t be as like serious or meaningful which i know is bs but like yeah

anyway everything is back to normal, we had a fun Halloween party and it was really nice

we’ve spent a lot of time together, he sleeps with his shirt off and i sometimes do too

he keeps cracking sexual jokes and so do i

and then

something interesting happened

i told him i wanted to shower before we hung out

and he jokingly asked if i needed a hand

now me being me i try not to overthink (because i always do) and i try to not get anxious over it so i end up just responding with lol because i didn't know what to do since we agreed to not talk about sex stuff anymore

so we hung out, had a good time

and he gave me the normal hug and kiss on the cheek except there was a look in his face that i’d seen once before and i’m still not sure what that look means but it looks like he's debating something or like that he wants to say something or ask something or do something more

then after i left

i get home, watch Netflix (currently binge watching girlfriends) i’m mostly awake by the time he texts me

and surprise surprise

he says he may have overreacted and is open to doing/talking about sex stuff again with the same rules as before

i told him that he hadn’t overreacted because he made valid points and like i understood where he was coming from

and i asked him if he was sure about it because like i didn’t want him to feel like i needed this to have a relationship cause i don’t it’s just something that i’m curious about and haven’t really explored (i did try last summer and had a few chances to try but idk just never worked out)

and he said he was sure

so i asked him if he wanted to hang out tonight after my shift is over and he said maybe cause he had some homework to do

tbh tho i am really in the mood and my bf has incredibly dextuorous hands (he's basically a real life rogue) so now i can’t stop thinking about it and like i realllllllyyy want to experienceeeee it tonighttttttt cause otherwise i’d have to wait a week and he’s leaving on the 25th to go back home so i don't really want to wait

#tw: sex #verso ramblings #i didnt want to talk to les friends about it cause im really awkward about sex stuff #i mean my two best friends follow my blog #but like they can read this if they want or ignore it #but yeah #these are my thots #dont reblog #you can like if you want #just dont reblog

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yallarewild · 7 years

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20 reasons why i think self dx is dangerous (as a nd/mentally ill person who’s spent a decade researching psych)

this was made purely to highlight the dangers of self diagnosis and the importance of necessary medical treatment

important disclaimers:

self dx =/= self advocacy, i.e. researching symptoms that you think you might have and trying to compare them to your own behavior without actually dxing yourself, regardless whether you are going to seek medical help. i believe this is extremely important: it can provide you w/a sense of validation to know you’re not alone, and it can put you in touch with your feelings a little more once you realize there actually may be something going on with you.

this post is not made for the intention of judging the character of people who self dx- there are many other posts out there about the ableism factors, the trivialization of mental illness, or the way tumblr communities handle mental illness, etc.

tl;dr: .it’s not a fucking joke, please go get checked out by a professional medical practitioner, or don’t (but pls do), but whatever you do please don’t self dx

i often see the phrase “no one knows you better than yourself” as a justification for self dx and while you’re the only one who has access to your emotions and thoughts, no one is objective about their health, thoughts, and emotions. it’s impossible to truly dx yourself with any mental disorder because you subconsciously bring different types of cognitive biases into the process – this is why “medical intern syndrome” is such a prevalent phenomenon. you might know your emotions and thoughts, but this fails to address the fact that your perception of your feelings are grossly affected by your true mental illness (which says something ab your mental illness in and of itself).

not having access to mental health care doesn’t mean you should dx yourself with a mental illness, its not black or white. i often see teenagers saying they don’t want to get a prof dx because they don’t want their parents involved and i totally understand that, ableism is so terrible and i’ve experienced it for so long, trust me. luckily, there are ways to access mental health care at little to no cost, insurance or not, without getting your parents involved, but im not here to judge those who struggle w/resources to care.

untreated mental illness does not go away & a pro dx is crucial for access to treatment, disability benefits or other types of care or services. this could literally mean life or death. the prognoses for untreated mental illnesses are across the board terrible and may have devastating effects on your life: the longer they’re left untreated because you decided to not seek treatment, the more disabling they’re going to become. like one argument for self dx is that not everyone can access mental health care/resources…so instead they do something that literally prevents them from accessing resources….. uhhhhhh ??

you could put yourself in grave danger because symptoms of mental disorders may actually be life threatening symptoms of serious physical issues requiring medical care: thyroid issues, liver damage, vitamin deficiencies, blood/bone/brain infections, neurological disorders, many types of cancer, autoimmune disorders, brain tumors, epilepsy, diabetes, etc

you could put yourself in grave danger because you may be dealing with early symptoms of a more serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, DID, etc. there are many early symptoms that mask other disorders. obv all mental illnesses are very serious but if you self dx with depression because you’re experiencing the “negative” symptoms of schizophrenia: lethargy, lack of affect, etc. you may not think a pro dx is necessary and early treatment is crucial for successful long term treatment of schizophrenia.

there is so much misinformation about what symptoms look & a psychiatrist is able to determine the degree and direction of the symptoms. there is a huge spectrum within each symptom and it honestly takes a trained medical professional to determine the severity. for ex: mood swings are common in both bipolar disorder & BPD but they look and feel totally different for each disorder. people justify this with: “well i fit the literal dsm diagnosis” except,,,, you probably dont. the dsm was NOT designed for people who are not medical professionals to interpret- there are nuances of specific symptoms that determine a dx

just because you experience several behaviors doesn’t necessarily mean you have a mental illness at all, diagnoses are based on the specific combination of symptoms. you may look at mood swings, anxiety and issues w/interpersonal relationships, and think you def have bpd; however it’s important to factor in that mood swings/anxiety are associated with hormones, eating patterns, stress, situational conditions etc but since you’re in the lens of looking for a diagnosis you might point to that and think it fits within that diagnostic criteria. im not saying you’re faking or don’t have a mental illness, im saying one or more of your symptoms may not be accounted for mental illness.

if you self dx and then don’t get treatment and/or medication you’re generally at a HIGH risk for self medication which may or may not include self-harm and substance abuse. since mental illnesses generally do not get better over time, so the longer you wait, the higher your chances of engaging in self destructive behaviors. there are some mental disorders that are literally inherent chemical imbalances that can really only be treated with medication, no matter how much self care you engage in.

i often see the argument that “psychiatrists just go down a checklist to diagnose you and that’s it!”, as well as, “My psychiatrist googled ‘x disorder quiz’ and printed the first one that came up!! i was in and out in five minutes!!!” as justifications for self dx: like either your psychiatrist needs to get their fucking license revoked or that’s just not true. the testing process generally takes an hour and involves diff types of observations of behavior as well as a very long list of questions- it’s not a fucking list printed from the internet from a random site.

additionally i see, “psychiatrists make mistakes too!!” right, true but the chances of a psychiatrist making a mistake vs the chances of you making a mistake are very slim in relation to each other due to the reasons listed here, i.e. decades of research on a phd level

just because some people go to the psychiatrist post-self dx and learn they were correct about their self dx doesnt mean that it applies to everyone and REGARDLESS it doesnt mean you shouldnt get professionally diagnosed anyway. these are a few experiences out of a million. it literally doesn’t mean that you are definitely right in yours.

quizzes taken on the internet aren’t fucking diagnosis (and neither is 6 months of research)??? like i don’t care if you’ve taken ten of them. if they’re designed with the proper controls they could def help SCREEN for mental illness symptoms, but even then it requires a lot of second party consulting, it’s something you’re literally not qualified for, for the reasons listed above.. if i took diff quizzes or tried to research my symptoms i could def try and self dx with so many diff disorders that aren’t even comorbid. they need to be interpreted by a medical professional and are usually designed to help guide ppl towards treatment

“all psychiatrists are neurotypical and dont understand my mental illness!” how do you know they’re neurotypical? they wouldn’t tell you even if they were??? also what does being neurotypical have to do with their ability to correctly do their job???? would you expect an oncologist to have gone through cancer in order to do their job?

the concept of self fulfilling prophesy is hard at work with self diagnosis; if you attach a label of depression to yourself it’s going to influence your behavior and self perception whether or not you’re aware of it. you might end up seriously damaging yourself because youre trying to fit the diagnosis. when i obsessively tell myself i feel very depressed, after awhile i actually prevent myself from feeling better because i keep telling myself i’m depressed, for example.

one phrase i see a lot: “well people self dx with a cold, why is this any different?” well, for one thing, the physical ramifications of a cold and a chronic mental illness ie a literal chemical imbalance in your brain are miles apart. they’re not even medically comparable in terms of immediate and long-term effects. additionally, it really highlights the fact that many people treat mental illness as a personalized experience whereas they treat their physical health w/objective opinions from medical professionals. this analogy is not only inaccurate but it’s dangerous as fuck.

people might not be aware symptoms they’re experiencing are abnormal because that’s their normal state based on their actual mental illnesses. for ex someone who suffers from an anxiety dx might just be used to adapting to it their whole life when they actually have a serious disorder and not even think about getting help for it. your baseline cannot be assessed objectively.

sometimes the self dx community is enabling in a bad way- the lack of treatment for disorders real or otherwise make them more susceptible to encouraging/justIfying unhealthy coping habits. its kind of like the blind leading the blind. like it’s just not a good idea.

just because it might take a couple diff psychiatrists to get an accurate diagnosis isnt a good justification for self dx. this can be due to a million different reasons- maybe you were diff ages when you saw each one, maybe you were exhibiting signs of something else at the time- i was originally diagnosed with depression before bipolar disorder because my mental health hadn’t stabilized so my mania wasn’t present.

using the excuse of “ask someone close to you what they think about you possibly having [x] dx” as a legitimate step towards self diagnosis is as bad as saying you don’t have a personal bias… like the answer from your friend/family member is based on so many factors: the nature of the relationship, how honest the person is, their emotional state at the time, their own ability to analyze the people around them, how aware of psychological symptoms they are, their bias towards mental illness, the way the symptom description is presented, the setting the discussion took place, etc etc

last but not least, i see the phrase: “well mental illness didn’t suddenly appear as soon as i got a diagnosis!” obviously it was always there but you may have mislabeled it before your diagnosis if you self dx’d first, thats it. no one is pretending mental illnesses suddenly appear when a professional diagnosis is assigned

your best “research” on the internet is not equal to ten years of medical school, its just not, and it’s concerning to me that self diagnosis is such a prevalent trend on here. please seek treatment, even if it’s in the form of your high school or college counseling center; the links i’ve provided in number 3 may be helpful in locating mental health care, whether it’s a community mental health care center, or a therapist close to you who offers reduced cost treatment.

you owe it to yourself, it’s 10000% worth it.

#self diagnosis #self dx #anti self dx #anti self diagnosis #actuallymentallyill #mental illness #mental illness discourse #ableism #not ableism #prof dx #psychiatry #dsm v #actuallybipolar #mental health community #mental heath support #sjw bullshit #medication #self medication #self care

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dilyndoesit · 7 years

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Hamilton Songs: A Summary of Sorts

Yes it's been done. Yes I'm late. But??? I'm?? Doing it??? Act 1: Alexander Hamilton: Man have I got a story to tell you, bout this one bastard-orphan-son-ofa-whore (apple doesn't fall far lmao) ft: many people and lots of tea to be spilt Aaron Burr, Sir: Hi! Omg I totally idolize you, actually I'm quite the scholar mys- HOLY SHIT LAURENS U FUCKIN LAD My Shot: hey 💁🏽 it's me ☺️ and not 2 brag but I'm 😇like the best writer✍🏽and 😩an orphan, so I'm extra special ☺️💖😘😇😍👅😏 The Story of Tonight: Crackin open a cold one w the boys The Schuyler Sisters: Women??! Have valid opinions and rights?!? (Bonus: the one ((1)) song that has Peggy in it) Farmer Refuted: *clears throat* hey uhm maybe no revolution guys? I mean it could go really wr-FUCK YOU KIDDO FUCK THE KING LETS FUCKIN FIIIIIGHT You'll Be Back: I nvr meantt to lose y, ou,, I jsut wantsde to spend ur moneyee... Right Hand Man: hoLY SHIT GUYS ITS THE GENERAL OMG CAN I HELP I HAVE LIKE SOLID PLANS-oh hey alex what are u doin here-wait-nO DAMNIT Winter's Ball: lADIeS!! rIc H LadIEs!! Helpless: fuck. Satisfied: fuck (with more fervor) The Story of Tonight (reprise): hEy aLe X ur geTTin hEterO maRRieD lOl geyyyy Wait For It: I'm basically alone in this world, nothing I have was done for me or is completely mine, because I'm gonna take my time and not just douche my way through life??? Stay Alive: dear diary,, I'm cold and hungry and dad won't let me be leader and Charles Lee is a meanie but dad said no shooting him Ten Duel Commandments: Laurens, don't do this (but like, baby, pls, do this for me) *pew pew* Meet Me Inside: ooooOOOH YOU IN TROUBLEEEEEEEEE That Would Be Enough: hey, it's me ur pregnant wife, can u just stay home and love us? No? Okay 🙃 Guns and Ships: LAFAYETTE imtakinthishorsrbythereinsmakinredcoatsredderwithbloodstains History Has It's Eyes On You: my son, my boy, my child,, pls be careful, ole dad just wants to make sure ur okay Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down): lol bye Eliza I GET TO PLAY WAR AGAIN PEW PEW HON HON HON What Comes Next: oh cool. U moved on. Well whatever, idc anyways, I have my silk and money and ur probs gonna fuck up anyways Dear Theodosia: wow, I have a beautiful, beloved daughter, to love me and be loved, I will do my best to pro-LOOK AT MY SON BURR LOOK HES GOT KNEES AND EVERYTHING Non-Stop: AFTER THE WAR I BECAME A LAWYER AND A DAD AND WROTE 51 OF THE FEDERALIST PAPERS AND LOWKEY STRUNG ANGELICA ON AND IGNORED MY WIFE AND SON AND BECAME SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY WHAT DID YOU DO BURR?! Act 2: What'd I Miss: Hey yaaaaaall, purple pimp daddy is back and ready to attack! Me-OW! 😏😘👅💦🍑 Ft: 🤧🤓✍🏾 Cabinet Battle #1: alexs shoe?? In my me?? It's more likely than you think Take A Break: Babe, lets go spend time together as a family, Angelica's coming all the way from England, your son is already 9 years old and everything. Oh, no? Okay, well fuck you too then. Say No To This: u wnt sum fuq The Room Where It Happens: *burr breathing heavily on glass window* fuck is that macaroni Schuyler Defeated: *aaron finally doing something for himself* yOU HAVE SOILED OUR FRIENDSHIP GARDEN BURR, SOILED IT Cabinet Battle #2: Statement of Neutrality? Never heard of her 💁🏽😶 Washington On Your Side: Alexander, you obviously have daddy issues *or a kink* and so does GWash and that's cheating One Last Time: cmere kiddo, let's play one more round of catch 😀😭🤧 I Know Him: *sipping tea* I give him 3 weeks The Adams Administration: Alex needs to chill™ We Know: we originally had matching leather jackets and our snaps choreographed but Madison sneezed on his so *clears throat* u got sum fuq? My god Hurricane: my life has been shit so lemme add another pile The Reynolds Pamphlet: aLeXanDEr HAMilTOn haD a TORid affaIR Burn: u realize that when u die, only I can save ur legacy? What a shame 🔥 if something 🔥🔥 were to happen 🔥🔥🔥 to the love letters 🔥🔥🔥🔥 💁🏻📜🔥🔥🔥 Blow Us All Away: can I get blown 😏👅💦 by u lovely ladies after I shoot this dude? One, two, three, four, five, six, seve-PEW PEW Stay Alive (reprise): fuck Eliza I thought they came bulletproof It's Quiet Uptown: Hark, is that?? Forgiveness?? Could you?? Imagine?? The Election of 1800: I haven't fucked over Burr in awhile so 😘😃 Your Obedient Servant: ✍🏾"Dear Alex, you've spent literally 30 years of fucking up my life path, can u say sorry?" ✍🏽"UHM!!!! NO!!!!??" "🙃🖕🏾" The World Was Wide Enough: NO ONE SAID THIS WAS NO TAKESIES BACKSIES (ft: Alex's tiring ass) Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: he may have fucked up, but he was still a genius, the love of my life, and I will immortalized his name. Lol but the letters are still gone forever u fuck THE BONUS SONGS IVE LISTENED TO: Congratulations: BOI IM BOUTA 🔥🔥🔥 FLAME YA 🔥🔥🔥 SCHUYLER STYLE Cabinet Battle #3: hey slavery is wrong? When did that become a thing?? Valley Forge: someone fuckin end me, war is hard Laurens' Interlude: 🏳️‍🌈👻😭😭😭 Ten Things One Thing: man, there is no way Burr will kill me 😀 I mean 😀 sure I was a dick😀 but 😀 cmon 😀😀 it's Burr 😀😀

#Hamilton #alexander hamilton #aaron burr #Hercules mulligan #lafayette #james madison #thomas jefferson #eliza schuyler #angelica schuyler #peggy schuyler #king george iii #lin manuel miranda #leslie odom jr #gwashington #hamilton an american musical #I know this has been done before #but like #this was fun #mine

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