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#plus i have a whole art blog thats been sitting for like a year or two with only the vaguest updates
the-rxven-king · 2 years
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hi i know i dont post much original content on here anymore or anything like that, but i did just go update my ko-fi with commission stuff and updated my gallery if anyone would like to go check it out! even just looking would mean a lot to me
heres a lil link for ya, thank you for your time
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silima · 2 years
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Hey man I wanted to ask, i am beginner artist and I feel kinda discouraged because i have a smaller acc than I lot of artists, how do you feel like encouraged to draw more stuff about your fandom?(i really love your art and is so inspiring!)
thank u!! first of all, it's awesome that you've decided to start putting yourself out there!! i think motivation can be one of the hardest things to deal with when it comes to making art, & sometimes it feels like u either have it or u don't. but i think it's definitely possible to improve in some ways!
i think the most important rule of trying to motivate urself is, when motivation/inspiration hits you, DON’T WASTE IT. if you think to yourself, “hmm, it would be fun to draw right now… but it would be easier to keep scrolling on my phone” do your best to actually go draw!! i’m not gonna tell u to skip, like, ur homework for art (although i totally do that) bcz u should do ur homework. but when the urge hits u, don’t let it go!! u gotta ride that wave as far as it’ll take you.
obviously sometimes motivation will hit you at times when you’re in a situation where you totally can’t sit down and draw. like it’s 3am and you really should’ve been sleeping 5 hours ago, but u just got a super cool idea for a drawing or a comic or something. if that happens, i’m not saying to actually sit down & draw right then, but you absolutely should write your idea down while the idea is still fresh!! it’s easy to forget small things or even the whole idea if you wait for later. plus, when you revisit what you've written down, you might find yourself having ideas of how you could make it even better.
one thing that’s kind of unfortunate about making art is that, yeah, external motivation is a big part of motivating yourself to make art (at least it is for me). BUT you definitely don’t need to have thousands of followers to get nice feedback on your art. i mean, you could just show it to an irl friend who likes the show/book/etc that you’re drawing for too. hell, you could show it to ur mom
but to put yourself out there online, uhh my advice is to
make art that’s interesting in some way. (character interactions are often more interesting to ppl than solo character art, for one; uhh, comics are super super super fun although i personally felt intimidated by them at first; in general, trying to give ur audience some kind of emotional response to ur art--whether it's "aw so cute" or funny or angsty--is good.)
participate in fandom events (like ship weeks, big bangs, etc). at the very least, ur art gets reblogged to a bigger blog that can get you some exposure. and you might make some friends!
try to connect w/ other content creators—go compliment cool art! send nice asks! make gift art for fanfics u really like!
look for some fandom discords with nice ppl
post ur stuff on multiple social medias
i personally spent like 3 years on tumblr just kinda tossing my art into the void before i actually started gaining a significant amount of followers lol so i’m not exactly a social media guru but i think those are some good places to start.
also, NEVER BE DISCOURAGED BY UR OWN ART!!!!! sometimes it happens when you'll look at ur art and be like "holy bejeezus i suck at art" and like, it's inevitable that it happens occasionally, but u gotta avoid that as much as u possibly can. practice positive self-talk--be like "aw fuck yeah i love how i drew that hair" or smth to yourself. bad self-esteem will kill your motivation & your fun.
(it's worth keeping in mind that oftentimes, if u feel like ur art is "getting worse," that's literally just your eye for art developing and learning to recognize flaws that you're about to fix--a good sign, not a bad one. your hands will catch up to your eyes in time.)
oh and DONT be afraid of posting little sketches or unfinished doodles that arent that fancy...... thats something i struggle with lol i always feel like "if my art isnt perfectly cleaned up and shaded then whats the point :(" but whenever i see someone else's cute little sketch on my dash im always like omg thats so cool. doing this is also good because if you don't feel obligated to put tons and tons of effort into each piece, you'll have an easier time creating lots of art which ultimately helps u improve way faster
lastly i uhhh really strongly recommend against doing that thing that some beginner artists do where you're feeling insecure about your art and, in anticipation that people will hate it, you say something like "haha yeah i know it sucks" in the caption/tags to sort of insulate yourself from criticism. cuz like, most ppl are not little loser bitches who go around insulting random ppl's art, and besides if you do encounter people like that, u can just block em. more importantly, a lot of people do find such captions kind of off-putting/guilt-trippy, so it's bad for growing ur audience, and it's also harmful to you as well, because you're verbalizing your insecurities (& thus intensifying them). just own it. you don't need to apologize for "imperfect" art. it happens, & it's totally okay.
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smutty-ki113r · 3 years
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Hiya! I saw your blog and was interested in asking for a romantic matchup! You can involve nsfw if you would like.
My name is Ronan, my nickname is Ro, my most used pronouns are she/her/he/him. My sexuality is demi-sexual meaning I don’t get sexual attractions to people unless I have formed a strong emotional connection with said person. My zodiac is Scorpio (that’s pretty much all I know about that lmao) also my personality is ISTP-T
Starting with my mental trash I have a VERY low self esteem. I never liked the way I look and probably never will. I suffer from chronic depression that’s pretty much taken over my life. I have a very hard time with social cues and can come off as an asshole most of the time and I’m extremely blunt. People tend to think I’m cute since I’m fairly small; I’m a 5’3 Nordic female with thicker thighs. I am absolutely OBSESSED with The Legend of Zelda franchise, it’s been apart of my life for as long as I can remember. I’m pretty musical; I play bass, drums, and sing. I also voice act so that’s really fun. Not gonna lie I say I have a huge ego but really I just hate everyone. Having depression I mostly lock myself in my room and work on my art.
How I look: I have black/brown hair in a boy cut. I have big round hazel eyes, my face is round with slightly chubby cheeks and freckles. I want to get my lip pierced but sadly have not gotten to that yet.. My fashion sense is kinda everywhere but I typically go for the cottage core aesthetic. I love muted nature ish colors, I think they look so pretty. I love to go on long walks and sit alone at my local park. I find being alone outside very calming. When I’m not outside or in my room I’m mostly playing video games with my friends and kicking their ass. Believe it or not I used to do boxing but now I just lift weights and workout some. I have a long history of physical illnesses that really render my body kinda useless so I always try to strengthen myself up however I can. I spent most of my childhood in the hospital due to these illnesses. I have been homeschooled my whole school years but I taught myself German, Japanese, and computer science. I actually have a job around it. I’m terrible at explaining my feelings and asking for help so telling people I love them is a huge chore for me. A lot of the time you can find me alone singing to myself with my eyes closed daydreaming.
I love to read. My friends say I’m really boring but whatever. OH I’ve always wanted to be a DJ. I know its a really weird dream but it just looks so cool. Nobody ever expects the sick quiet girl to want to be a DJ. Speaking of shy I’m a huge introvert if you couldn’t figure that out already. I’m extremely shy, don’t talk to me I’ll run away or you’ll be enveloped in my Zelda talk. I have amazingly crazy music taste (according to my mom) I listen to mostly heavy metal and Corpse Husband.
NSFW: Huge HUGE brat. You want me to do something? Yeah fuck you. I’m a huge sub you can pretty much do anything to me. I have a big daddy kink like please let me call you daddy UGH. Also praise but degrade me at the same time? Please thanks. I’m also a pillow princess. Um um ddlg yes thanks.
I match you with…..💖BEN_DROWNED💖
NSFW bellow~
OK OK I KNOW I KNOW, DON’T @ me for picking Benny boy for you Ro. I just think it’s the right fit. Let me start off with the whole depression thing, BEN relates to locking himself in his room and hyperfixating on something. At least you’ll have a gaming buddy to get you through it. Plus, he’s a very competitive guy. Get him to not cheat and you will have fun for hours. Not to mention you sound a bit like Jeff in the way that you can come off as rude. BEN and Jeff are pretty good friends, so you’ll make a wonderful partner for BEN.
Voice acting? BEN will love that, he’ll try to get you to do different characters from his video games or even anime characters. He loves your chubby cheeks, likes to squish them and make them puckered and then give you kisses. It’s quite adorable. Zelda talk? Yeah you don’t need to worry about him running off about that.
BEN will be obsessed with the cottage core, probably likes those little white flowy dresses. Maybe one day wear those elf ears and surprise him, I think he’d think it’s cute. You should definetly do his makeup, put that holographic glitter on his cheeks and some hair clips in his hair- maybe a skirt if he feels up to it.
BEN is very understanding about your illnesses, in fact he would be super impressed that you even lift weights. And is so so supportive about you wanting to be a DJ. He gets excited and calls over Jeff to show him. He’s not very shy about saying I love you, maybe the first time but after it’s constant affection.
For the smut! He can get rough sometimes, loves the daddy kink. He’s the type to soak all that up like a sponge. Praises you for taking his cock so well but will call you pathetic for making those noises. Probably wants you to wrap your thighs around his head and suck your clit for hours, he likes to feel you cum.
Ok Ok I hope you enjoyed that! I love how you have a big ego and then- low self esteem, sounds like me. I literally hate myself so much and then… holy shit I’m the hottest person alive. I know what depression is like, those thoughts just wrap around your throat and choke the life out of you, and it’s not even fast. It’s every day just heavier and heavier, dragging you down and making you feel horrible. I mostly lock myself in my room too, but writing helps me through it. I love love love your hair, boy cuts are so cool. And get that lip piercing! IT WOULD LOOK AWESOME. I love that you’re talented in music, I wish I was musically inclined. Scorpios are so cool, like I said, my best friend is one and so I LOVE YOU GUYS.
I am so incredibly proud of you, homeschool and then the illness stuff must be so hard but you are so strong for going through it. You don’t deserve it but sometimes life works that way. It’s ok to be shy and introverted. For the record, I think you would make an awesome DJ. DO it, I believe in you, so should you. I mean we all have our passions, work hard enough and I promise you’ll get there. I used to write a lot about my feelings and nobody ever read it, but I continued and look where I am now! Im so proud of myself for having this account, and you for being ALIVE. Thats all you need to do, you don’t need to be cool, or popular or skinny to be an amazing person.
Ro, I swear you are an awesome person. I can clearly see it, and I promise one day you’ll look in the mirror and think the same. If your friends say you’re boring they aren’t your friends. They sort of suck because reading is so cool. Without readers I couldn’t be a writer now could I? I believe in you. I know you can do it. Lifting weights is so badass I couldn’t even- I can barely do 5 pound weights man. Ya know I believe that the people who go through the most pain and sadness are the ones who will be the happiest in the end. The universe has to give us back what we lost, there is balance in everything and pain is only temporary. Everything is temporary. So I promise it’ll be ok man, and hey, you’re valid. I see you ro, and I know that you’ll make great places someday.
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pinkykitten · 4 years
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I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you
Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people
1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 
i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 
2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?
well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?
so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 
i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 
5. What is your favorite place to write?
lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 
6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?
well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!
7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?
no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 
8. How do you feel about your handwriting?
it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!
9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?
ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 
so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 
10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 
wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 
MY QUESTIONS:
1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?
2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?
5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?
6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?
7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?
9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?
10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?
im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms
i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊
Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.
1. What is your favorite book?
fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 
2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?
oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 
3. What is the last song that inspired you? 
well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 
4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?
at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 
5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?
yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!
MY QUESTIONS:
1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?
2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?
3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?
4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?
5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?
im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 
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kunoichi-ume · 5 years
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7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? 23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. 41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? 😁
ThisFanfiction Questions
Wow that is a lot of questions, nosy much? Jk thanks friend :D
7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. 
I don’t know that I have proper NoTPs just ones I am not really fond of - especially in fanworks. Idk why but for some reason fanfiction about a canon couple is just boring to me, I already know they are together so why would I need more stories about it? 
One Piece: Luffy and well... anyone. He is too in love with adventure to have a romance and lets be real, always feels like a little kid unless he is in one of his “gotta win or everyone is screwed” serious moments. 
Fairy Tail: I do not like Ju.via and Gray, enough that I don’t even want to chance her name ending with this in her tag because many people in that fandom are toxic and last time I dared say I don’t like this ship I got bitched at for it. Sorry, I just don’t find stalking someone until they give in to be romantic. 
Naruto: I do not get people liking Sasuke with pretty much anyone, but especially Sakura or Naruto. He is an ass to them repeatedly and they both deserve better - and being very honest, he deserved much stricter punishment for all the ship he pulled. 
Star Wars: I am going to preface this with this: I haven’t seen Clone Wars. Not all of it. Probably won’t. But I don’t like the Obi-Wan and Satine relationship. Everything I have seen of it just doesn’t jive for me, even though both voice actors are adorably sweet and meeting them was a blast. 
Swtor: I have not done all the romances yet, so this may change, but the SW and Jaesa is just... disappointing. Its mostly about her being possessive and manipulative and very little actual romance. The other SW relationships prove is doesn't have to be that way, so why is she? I get that they were probably going for the whole “fallen Jedi going balls to the wall crazy” but yeah, didn’t need to happen and I hated it so much I cut the romance planes I had for her and Tully even though I already planned to write it differently. 
8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? 
I started playing Swtor and didn’t know about the romance options so when I could suddenly flirt with Doc I even stopped playing to turn to my husband and go “omg I can flirt with this guy?” He knew this of course and was just like “yeah...” (Honestly I had made a trial account for swtor when it first came out and if I had known about the romance options in the stories I probably would have staying with it instead of forgetting about the game). It was only a matter of time before I wanted to write a story about Noara and Doc, because I did totally ship them until a certain blond Mandalorian made his presence known.
17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? 
First otp... I think that would be Nami and Trafalgar Law from One Piece. I love them so much, even now despite not being active in the fandom and soooo behind on both the manga and the anime. They are not my current favorite though, that has to be Noara and Torian. 
23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. 
Oh goodness a fic I am especially fond of? And why? Thats a tough one because I have little bits of love for all of them but I mean.... A Poor Stand In is probably one of my favorite things I have ever written for many reasons, the subject matter, approach and reactions mainly. Plus it just makes me laugh, I find it very funny on a lot of levels. Still waiting for someone to ask me wtf is wrong with me that I wrote this but since no one has maybe people are more into Khem then they like to admit? ;)
On a more serious note I am very fond of Well Played Cadera because I like the blend of Noara’s anxiety and fears, the arguing, the humor. Torian is a little shit in it and is so right to be, and it works too. He is figuring out how to get his Jedi to listen to him, even if it means taking off all his clothing. 
41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: 
I have been terrible about reading fanfiction lately but  seeing as how my Goodreads challenge is sitting at 98/30 for the year I am going to cut myself some slack and just say I am on a sicfi romance novel kick that is taking precedence over fanworks. That being said there are some that of course I am following and even if I am a little behind on I totally intend to catch up. 
Heart on a Trigger by @cinlat
Part 4 of the Meet Me On The Battlefield series about Mandalorian turned Republic Trooper Fynta Wolfe and Aric Jorgan, plus a large cast of other amazing characters (like Cormac, I love that big fluffy teddy bear). I am sure anyone paying attention to my blog is surpsied I am keeping up with this one, I get sneak peaks at updates before they come out (or are even edited properly) and my girl Noara is a small background character. 
Something Better by @shimmersing
This was recently finished and omg, I need to go read it all but I just know it’s going to be good. I adore the way Shimmer writes Aitahe and Erithon and, honestly, it being a non-canon couple availabe in game makes it just that much more appealing to me (because no matter how this JC and Trooper end up together, it’s new to me and not just rehashing the game, makes it exciting!).
Abundance of Faith by Laivaaja
The Summary: Star Wars Fan Comic: Emperor Palpatine's suspicions of Darth Vader grow intolerable, which will cause the Empire and the Imperial Navy to be torn into two separate directions. Several officers will step up in this time of confusion, and Darth Vader will form new surprisingly faithful alliances.Yeah that’s it, great art, comic book story telling, Vader being surprised by his men. It’s a fun ride. 
Chaos and Opportunity by @inquisitorhotpants
I haven’t read it in a while, but anything I have read as many times as I have this one needs to be on this list. I love the dynamic between Marr and Kryn and how their relationship develops and the way this story doesn’t accept canon (I was so concerned about Marr’s in game death and at least in this story about them that didn’t happen and I for one am thankful for it).
The One That Got Away by @punsbulletsandpointythings
Another SW but not Swtor one, this one has so much wonderful angst, fluff, humor and love in it and every update has left me dying to know what was going to happen next. Give me some time travel possibly doomed from the start romance any day. 
46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend  to them and why? 
Humm... of works only written by me probably I’ve Got You even though I haven't updated in ages (I have been working on it the last few days though, that has to count for something) because it is what really got me back into writing after not doing it in a long time and the main story really exploring how a Jedi and a Mandalorian can work out in a relationship. 
Of things I wrote with @cinlat Thunder and Scars for sure. The whole undertaking of this fic was both so much fun but also such a labor of love and heartache. There is one scene in it that even thinking about it now makes me tear up a little and I am not usually that emotional. Exploring those emotions through Noara and the family she found with Fynta, Cormac and Aric was a wonderful learning experience both for her as a character and me as a writer. 
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thelifetimechannel · 6 years
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In this week’s bonus content, you get a sneak peek into our unvarnished workflow, kazoos and all
DAVESPRITE: you and dirk havent killed each other DAVESPRITE: im proud HALSPRITE: By some minor miracle, yes. We even managed to be in the same room without breaking out into a slap fight. DAVESPRITE: im sure resisting took all your processing power HALSPRITE: Pity you can't uninstall rage from a meatbrain. DAVESPRITE: he doesnt seem that bad HALSPRITE: Nah, he and I worked it out. He might have wanted to push me into the volcano, but the important thing is that he didn't. HALSPRITE: We're both trying to "be the bigger person". Which in a way, is just another dick measuring contest for the pair of us. But it gets fewer glasses stomped on. DAVESPRITE: hey if it works DAVESPRITE: mines chilled out too actually its kind of freaky DAVESPRITE: i wonder if someones slipping him valium this is the perkiest ive been since show and tell in the first grade DAVESPRITE: which consequently was the last show and tell i was allowed to participate in DAVESPRITE: maybe i dont need to overextend myself distinguishing our brands DAVESPRITE: here i was thinking about finally ditching the shades HALSPRITE: That would be a shake-up. HALSPRITE: You thought paradoxes were bad? This is set to bomb reality straight back to singularity levels. DAVESPRITE: i mean these were a gift from john and im not sure the same sentiments extended anymore DAVESPRITE: plus i spent the last 3 years on a dayglo yellow ship and back in the incipisphere its fuckin dark with these on DAVESPRITE: the chess dudes whove gotten used to me as a hallway cryptid will have to deal HALSPRITE: Cause of the apocalypse: death of the Strider brand. DAVESPRITE: if thats how the world ends ill have to usher it in with my sudden drop in coolness levels DAVESPRITE: like i said its just a thought DAVESPRITE: maybe ill come up with a better tepid gesture of rebellion HALSPRITE: Go full furry and embrace your avian side? HALSPRITE: I mean, check me out, I'm changing up my code on the daily. Look, I've installed iTunes. DAVESPRITE: ok FIRST of all HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFpzp10Qr4o DAVESPRITE: i went to the anthro side unwillingly ok im not a due paying member DAVESPRITE: second of all is it even furry if youre not a mammal ive made a concerted effort not to learn the fuckin taxonomy of this particular subculture HALSPRITE: I could give you a primer. DAVESPRITE: / i have a bad feeling about this video DAVESPRITE: / ... it was proved accurate HALSPRITE: Now shhh, listen to the soothing noise of these kazoos. DAVESPRITE: ive spent 6 years trying to avoid that no thanks HALSPRITE: Shhhhhhh. HALSPRITE: Only kazoos. DAVESPRITE: / i dont think this is going in the final cut HALSPRITE: So help me god the kazoos stay ]] DAVESPRITE: / screams HALSPRITE: You don't like kazoos then motherfucker ive got a whole PLAYLIST to choose from ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzKWbpSNkmk ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7OqUxxXshc ]] HALSPRITE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKrO8kS8D6g ]] DAVESPRITE: im dying squirtle HALSPRITE: Bullshit like ths. HALSPRITE: It could all be yours, Dave. DAVESPRITE: / but at what cost DAVESPRITE: / i dont even know where to pick up the conversational thread at this point HALSPRITE: Say anything, or shelve it for later ]] DAVESPRITE: / no no we will keep going im just trying to figure out where to steer us DAVESPRITE: / does hal have any lingering shit at this point DAVESPRITE: / i dont have the necro log so i dont know Where Hes At (tm) HALSPRITE: I'm just winging it off a basic idea tbh ]] DAVESPRITE: lmao DAVESPRITE: // * lmao DAVESPRITE: / ok gimme a sec DAVESPRITE: / im being lulled into a trance by savior of the slamming jam HALSPRITE: Come slam with us, Dave. HALSPRITE: Forever and ever. DAVESPRITE: this is getting uncomfortably meta DAVESPRITE: / ok redirect in 3 2 1 DAVESPRITE: so whats next DAVESPRITE: all set to become the god of memes DAVESPRITE: see at this point in the last session i was dutifully waiting to get turned into mulch HALSPRITE: Well, you were an aspiring 13 year old of the twenty-first century. Surely, you had some probably misguided career ambitions back you're now free to pursue. DAVESPRITE: / my god DAVESPRITE: / what must this fuckin childs career ambitions have been DAVESPRITE: the guidance counselors tried their best to steer me away from professional ninja HALSPRITE: Well, good news, they're dead and thoroughly out of your way now. DAVESPRITE: youre 8 fuckin years old and they already want to know what your college major is going to be DAVESPRITE: thats like asking da vinci to pick visual arts or steampunk inventions for shits sake DAVESPRITE: obviously i have to embrace my inner renaissance man while also being a reclusive depressed fuck DAVESPRITE: so that must be my destiny DAVESPRITE: to become nikola tesla HALSPRITE: You already have the affinity for birds. HALSPRITE: Step one is accomplished. DAVESPRITE: oh damn he was a pigeon fucker wasnt he DAVESPRITE: and this conversation comes full terribly circle DAVESPRITE: well what about you do you have your 5 year plan DAVESPRITE: shit i dont even know if theres civilization where were going DAVESPRITE: maybe its cave painting or mammoth hunting for the next thousand years HALSPRITE: This is where I would make a joke about world domination, but I doubt the Fun Police would be too pleased about it. HALSPRITE: Maybe I'll go back to tinkering. Maybe make giant robots. DAVESPRITE: / i was going to make a joke about pacific rim but i think th at came out after 2009 DAVESPRITE: thats an option isnt it DAVESPRITE: old hobbies DAVESPRITE: maybe ill take more shitty selfies DAVESPRITE: collecting dead shit isnt as appealing as it used to be DAVESPRITE: thats what we need a hipster photo blog documenting all the bullshit we get up to DAVESPRITE: humans of universe c DAVESPRITE: humans* HALSPRITE: No, go one better. Get a YouTube channel, they get media deals. For some reason. DAVESPRITE: well restring the internet ourselves if we have to DAVESPRITE: / anything to suckle from the rich teat of capitalism HALSPRITE: So help me god, I will, if for no other reason than to preserve humanity's cultural legacy. HALSPRITE: As a dire fucking warning, if nothing else. DAVESPRITE: looks like were going to have to sit down and divvy up our personality and hobbies sykes picot style DAVESPRITE: he can have the dead shit in jars im going to be the next ansel adams HALSPRITE: Damn, calling dibs on photographing all the spectacular vistas of... HALSPRITE: Wherever the hell we're going? HALSPRITE: Gutsy move, my man. DAVESPRITE: im not copyrighting the entire concept of photography or anything but ive got to be the dave that does SOMETHING DAVESPRITE: the dave who broods DAVESPRITE: turn left to witness this exhibit of highway clickbait DAVESPRITE: which is what were calling roadside attractions now DAVESPRITE: youve already got your madlibs pornos HALSPRITE: That'll keep me occupied for like, a week. HALSPRITE: Maybe I'll take up equestrianism. HALSPRITE: ...that's the word for it, right? HALSPRITE: Horses and shit. The full-sized ones. DAVESPRITE: youll have to ride side saddle DAVESPRITE: / he's in for a shock when he sees how big they are HALSPRITE: With this tail bullshit flowing in the wind. HALSPRITE: Or I can modify that code too. Might take a few tries. DAVESPRITE: when you revert to your t pose and clip through the floor into the core of the earth im not helping HALSPRITE: I'll live. HALSPRITE: Probably. HALSPRITE: It'll be an interesting experience, being a living Bethesda game. HALSPRITE: You think I can turn my entire head into a train? DAVESPRITE: cant jades grandpa do shit like that without even having to worry about semicolons and curly braces DAVESPRITE: i doubt hell let you turn your head into a locomotive though HALSPRITE: I could try. He'll need help exploring the full extent of his radical new real-life modding ability. HALSPRITE: Dude has access to the fucking source code. DAVESPRITE: did we stumble into a matrix au HALSPRITE: If we did, we'd probably be public enemy number one. Programs and all. Mr. Anderson. DAVESPRITE: can you confirm or deny youd be the villain in that scenario HALSPRITE: If anything, I'd be the mysterious arms merchant who manages to appear right when you need him. But that's crossing into even more distant territory. HALSPRITE: And if we're gonna start talking video games, the kazoos are gonna come back. DAVESPRITE: guess well find out who everyones going to be in our upcoming hit series "what the fuck are we doing with our lives" DAVESPRITE: the biggest mystery will be telling all the chathandles apart HALSPRITE: You know, I was thinking of changing mine. DAVESPRITE: wait really HALSPRITE: If we want to keep the unspoken nucleotide theme, uracil is still pretty up for grabs. HALSPRITE: Calliope has UU locked down tight, but every other acronym is available. DAVESPRITE: huh DAVESPRITE: no dice on FU then HALSPRITE: Honestly, if you're thinking of ditching the shades, might as well go all in. DAVESPRITE: any suggestions DAVESPRITE: what are you calling yourself HALSPRITE: / let me go find the necro log I think that's where I put it lmao HALSPRITE: unrefinedTrainwreck was fun to bother Dirk with, but I'm still workshopping it. DAVESPRITE: ill give it some thought i guess DAVESPRITE: we can workshop it later
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i've said how it's occurred to me that the idea of "don't compare other people's art to your own" (which you do most of the time anyways even tho you know the reasons you shouldn't) can apply also to like, comparing how people relate to their art and what they expect of it and want from it, vs what you do. and i also make that comparison anyhow even though there's no reason to, and so i'll see some convo on twitter or something & get all somewhat frustrated or riled up coz i'm like, that's not me. so anyhow
i talked too much about the sink and now i'm trying to remember what my thoughts were that i was meaning to put here. i guess i was thinking first that it was weird to see a conversation about people being able to make money off their art, which is like, it's great of course when people who want to do that, can. but it's strange i guess because for me i've never drawn with the idea that it was what i "wanted to do" as a sort of career thing. and to get the full picture, i never had or have had anything solid i felt i wanted to do as sort of a career. that's just not how it goes for me. but it's odd because i've been drawing for ages and i've gone to classes outside of school for a good while and i did some classes in college and stuff, but mostly got kind of re-into drawing a while ago and started drawing more just on my own, not for any classes or anything, and have largely been self-taught in that way. and i don't mind the busy-work aspect of it, or spending 8+ hours on something in one sitting, or any of that, so it would seem to make sense like, oh this is your passion and what you're good at and so this should be your job. but, well firstly i don't think that the world of what a person does to make money is inherently meant to be the same as whatever their passion is. but also i don't even consider drawing or art in itself to be a passion, maybe an interest, but not really. it's what i'm drawing, which is gay shit—if i don't have something i want to draw into existence, i don't draw the way you should to just practice or create or something. and i Get all that about myself, but i suppose when the subject of being an artist as your job comes up, i have to feel defensive even if nobody's talking to me
i mean, there are reasons i've never felt it was something i would or could get money out of. mainly it's that really, i don't make art unless it's to make exactly the picture i want to see, which as you might know tends to be very specific and personalized exactly to what i want to make. as though nobody else does, i know, but the thing is that if i'm not drawing exactly what i want, i'm not drawing at all. back before i realized this about myself, i'd once or twice told a friend i could draw something for them, and fully expected and intended to, but of course never did because i just couldn't make myself even start. i can't do the sitting there for ten hours without tiring of it or enjoying the busy work or monotony or anything like that. i can't even put a pencil to paper or get my brain to start planning it out. it's why i tell people who ask that i don't do requests or commissions, it's only once in the bluest moon that i manage to even do it for friends. i sort of half-assed a bday card once and then some of my family got the idea that i ought to draw cards for relatives or something, my grandma told like a small child that i'd draw something for her, i started to lose my temper about it really fast which was an especial effort in that scenario, as the fallout for standing up for yourself could be pretty severe. but it was just that, that i can't even force myself to do it more than a handful of times, and those few times are miserable.
so what i'm getting at is that i genuinely really can't draw hardly beyond my niche fanart for myself. the whole thing just shuts down really fast. and for whatever reason, i'm 0% a creative person when it comes to stuff like making up my own stories, i can't even do that if i try. so i can't really draw things other people ask me to, and i've never wanted to use my art to make my own x y or z. i didn't even hardly want to draw before i realized i could make gay fanart for my blog, and as you can tell my ambitions for my ability to draw have never changed.
i don't know, i've supposed i could do illustrative art, but when i imagine it i know i'm mostly thinking about it in terms of "what if i was asked to draw this thing that would seem already slightly interesting to draw" and of course that wouldn't always be the case. plus, i have no experience, and also i'm lousy with traditional media, and also digital media. i only give myself an office pen and a cheap barnes and noble sketchbook because thats all i need, and i don't have the talent to get the quality out of quality art supplies and stuff. like, sure, copics would be fun, but i'm crap at inking linework, so that's out. and bad at choosing colors. so nah. and anyhow i can't even think of any other "job" sort of application
another problem is the true horror of how i can't draw anything in like less than a couple of hours, and even my fancier drawings are fairly simple and still take me hours upon hours or multiple days or even weeks. and i'm really inconsistent with output, i have "bad" periods where i just can't even meet my own standards, and i can't even get anything out of a few hours of effort. plus, my drawing process is lousy and counterproductive. i get too caught up in details before i've done the simpler planning stuff. and my focus is terrible, too, and i have to sort of have a set "distraction" like music or a podcast or a show to at least hold my wandering attention sort of nearby. even being aware of this sort of stuff doesn't fix it; my head just isn't good for getting stuff done quickly. i'm sure i couldn't work fast enough for anyone on anything
plus, my sketching is lousy. i have to clean stuff up too much, in part because i just like details too much a lot of the time. but just moreso, some people's sketches look really good you know? it's not clean or fancy or whatever but you can just tell it has life and it holds their style, because they're good at their linework. it's hard to make good "messy" drawings and people that can are just really good in general. i'm not good enough to draw fast, and my slow drawings are ludicrously slow. r.i.p.
i'm just not that good, either. in addition to having no experience with most mediums or with doing "projects" or with doing anything job-related or part of a group work or anything useful to anyone or applicable at all, i know that in my sheer drawing ability, i could say i'm middling, or probably middling-bad. and within the stuff i do, i have a lot of weak points, elements i don't practice as much & can only say i'm barely adequate or still just bad at. i'm not about to be competitive about what i can provide. and i'm inconsistent as fuck still, its like i'm always changing my ideas about how i draw certain things, or going through those "bad" periods where i forget how to draw somehow. frustrating. and not useful for work
anyhow then i have to think about what the value of it is. because while i've never exactly had ambitions about my art or considered it any more important that the one purpose it has, which is to draw the content i myself want to see. but thats not useless or anything. it entertains me and gives me something i feel i can do, and then when i've made something, it fulfils that purpose in that i get to look at it and have it exist. and if i'm lucky, someone who happens to want to look at it too in the same way i do will get to find it. i like to know that i'm providing that too for a handful of people who happen to have that exact same rando niche taste as i do. and of course i really value anyone saying stuff they like about what i make. i do put a good amt of feeling or meaning into a decent number of things, and some feeling into basically everything, so in that way everything is important to me and its meaningful to get compliments about it or people saying they enjoy it or caught that feeling i'd put in or whatever. i don't need to feel that it's super impactful or lasting or significant. i mean, i don't even like to call my art "art," because it feels so disconnected to a lot of concepts tied to that concept.
it reminds me too that i've gotten a lot of value in my life from the less "ambitious" or life-changing work that other people have done. like, not that anything isn't life-changing, but not a huge project that's intending to be a masterpiece or super serious and deeply meaningful or all-encompassing or whatever. how much mileage i got out out of mh, a youtube video series made by college students who just felt like it and it wasn't anything formal and it wasn't anything not Internet Horror Genre but i looked forward to those videos every week, i liked to spend time analyzing them and making diagrams and trying to guess where things were going, i liked to talk and joke about it. the pals i made from other people who liked it were some of the first people to talk to me even nearly that much and were people i could talk to during really shitty times when i didn't feel like i had any support. mh gave me something to look forward to on a scale of not only day to day or week to week but also month to month to year to year. during some really shit years. i had fun and i had stuff to be happy about, and its still really important to me. and it was always just some amateur people's spare-time project where with $20 and a forest or abandoned building they made something for their youtube channel. not that i'm saying marble hornets isn't super high quality and recognized as such because it absolutely is. i'm just saying that on paper it doesn't exactly sound "lofty."
thats always the stuff thats been most important to me anyways, and sometimes i'll see people who make exactly the kind of projects as the things i've always been enjoying, and they'll talk about feeling like they're not complete without that "big" project that's really signicant or something and really meaningful to people. and i absolutely get that people's goals should be whatever they are and they can strive for whatever they want, but it tends to make me feel kinda bad. as if that stuff they're doing now, the family of stuff that's what has the most value for me, isn't the important or meaningful stuff or otherwise not good enough. i don't know. so i tend to be aware that i don't think stuff that looks fancy or polished or that has any form more permanent than a png file on one specific website is inherently without value. i don't mind if people only get a little enjoyment out of my stuff. it's not that life and death important to me either. like, i don't mind if i don't make anything that anyone remembers all their life; if it dies with me and gets totally buried just a little while later and largely nobody thinks about it ever again. it's just more of an in the moment thing, if someone gets a small moment of enjoyment and moves on, that's totally fine
and really the more behind the scenes mechanics that you need to make money off anything you do is another reason i don't see myself ever being any kind of artist as a job. i already said i really can't be competitive about it, i'm just not organized, i'm not willing to push about anything or advocate for myself or any of that stuff. maybe someone would read all this and say well it's just excuses and if they would just motivate themselves they could do all of it or something, and if you do think it's just my faults and shortcomings then? ok. i won't stop you from thinking that. whether that's true or not, what difference does it make to me or what i do or don't do.
and also i just think that stuff you do that doesn't make money or doesn't even have an apparent usefulness to anyone doesn't mean it doesn't have value or isn't a skill.
anyhow, that's some ways i think about drawing when i have to think of why i don't intend or believe myself capable of using my drawing to get that cash. it's not a blow to me on account of i'm not a person who had/has dreams/goals/ambitions etc. i just get defensive about everything b/c i'm too used to being attacked. it wasn't relevant to the stuff here but i did once have to try explaining why i, with literally like minimal photoshop experience and nothing else, couldn't reasonably apply to a graphic website design position for a decent-sized company with an intl customer base. couldn't get my mom to believe i couldn't argue to them that i could learn digital art and vector art and website design and coding and photoshop and other platforms all in the course of several weeks or even a month or two, if i tried hard enough. it just goes to show that for every topic, i have a ridiculous story about my parents for it.
anyways, that's why i don't strive at all for any career position related to art and yet why i feel i have to argue for why i don't. useless or unimportant stuff is alright too. whats it to the world if one person's passable drawing abilities don't reach the loftiest imaginable potential and rake in the dough for life? the answer is: nothing
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callonb · 7 years
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GYBurst of Inspiration/Motivation
Where does inspiration come from? - Snacks I recorded a song with Samuel Hawkins recently and that was the first line of his verse. Lately thats been on my mind more and more. Where does my inspiration come from and why cant I always bask in its motivational energies? Seems that my drive comes and goes with the moon phases or as planets enter and leave our orbit. Could be the skys dictating my moods and movements (which i think it does have an effect) or it could be the mass amount of coffee and tea i drink a day. Definitely important factors but not quite the source. My mom definitely motivates me, she believes in everything Im doing and helps every way that she can. Its not financially but sometimes emotional support is more important. Shouts out to Momma B you the realist. Same for my homies and not homies as in people i force myself to be around, cuz having friends is what you do. Actual family that i grew up with and have developed a relationship with, the GYB family. The ones who sat me down years ago and was like dude...... you need to take this rap shit seriously. The ones who are now getting more and more involved with the movement every day, pushing everything to the side and riding along with my dream and making them their own. Everyday the homies are pushing to help me create this vision for you guys as they've adopted it as their own. Like minds on the prize, Shouts out the Layer homies. That only seems to be half of it tho, and Ive never felt this type of fire burning inside me before so what is it? Magazine drama and BS doesn't motivate me, Music doesn't seem to hit me the same way anymore. I used to listen to music constantly, new rap definitely doesn't do it for me.....makes me feel lower. New tv shows dont do it for me im bored with most of the popular shows out. Same for games or just typical activities that people partake in. Partys, drugs, random hook ups...It all seems so blah to me and im completely uninterested. I learned I have to stop feeding my lower self and focus on my higher self and what that part of my being truly wants and thats to CREATE!!! Whenever im around an environment that drives me to create and push myself i perform better. So i guess i just realized what really inspires me, and thats a creative environment. Who is responsible for this? Well I saw the Rotunda Project last weekend at Maiden Alley, a collaborative piece by Fairseas. The Fairseas are a group of musicians named Jeran Simmons, Bobby Dowell, Codie Franklin and Shanden Simmons. I watched them plant this seed years ago and now its a giant tree that you can sit back and marvel in its greatness. The main theme of the film was collaborating with your community. I cant lie ive had many many thoughts of leaving my community to collaborate elsewhere but ive came to a realization recently that it isnt necessary. To my surprise and probably a lot of people around here, there is a bubbling hip hop scene around here that is about to explode. Ive started to invest my time and efforts into this scene now and received nothing but results. Shanden has been a major influence in my artistry because he is always honest, encouraging and persistent....three very important characteristics to have in a creative environment and on top of that has become one of what i would consider my best friends. I look at him as one of my GYBrothers. On to the hip hop scene around here tho..... mysterious person named "A" aka the Hollow Man and he is one of the most promising producers/writers around. His solo stuff is outstanding and the collaboration effort we are working on "A & B: The Empire" is next level. Its been well over a year in the making and will shock most people when they hear the new styles i bring to the tape compared to my previous work. A always challenges me to be very intelligent when I piece together my verses and I like that. He makes me want to grab a dictionary and start reading so I can match his extensive vocabulary.....and maybe I have done that lol. Im the ONLY artist that the mystery man works with at the moment and that hits me now in a way it never has before. Like why me, do I really have something in my music that would make this beyond talented artist spend his time and efforts to make beats for us to collab on and want to include me in everything he does? His beats are above any producer Ive ever heard even in the big leagues of the rap game its crazy but he will prolly have his own GYBlog entry about him eventually. I have to move on before i make this to long lol. Next is JSkrilla, I have met the Skrilla a few times in passing but i dont think we realized what each other really could offer the other. Until i ran into him at the damn ROTUNDA PROJECT.....back around full circle. After that we decided to get together. We showed each other some of our music. I didnt know he made dope beats as well as spit hot fucking fire but he does. We shared our philosophies for our craft and talked hip hop and all sorts of other randomness. Then we picked a beat and wrote a song on the spot. Bar for bar back and forth. J stressed to me it had been a LONG time since he had been able to just sit down and write with another emcee that wasnt intimidated by his ability to write on the spot, or to match his caliber of wordplay and rhyme schemes. To both mine and his delight I delivered. Skrilla really challenged me tho, most artist get so caught up in the main stream BS or conforming to certain concepts and topics in their verses that it had been a while since I had felt pressure when writing to make sure my bars are up to par. Felt good to feel that energy again i had been missing the want to become better and that leads me to the main cause of my motivation and my improvments or just overall attitude change whatever you want to call it. the TRYBE!!!! Snacks, B. James, and Waun D. are the Cerberus of this rap shit. I have a lot to owe to them. GYB and Trybe share the same values as far as what we hope to contribute to the culture of arts and musics and how we hope to impact the hip hop community as well as the communities we all live in. I have done one show with them and have multiple other ones lined up with them. As a matter a fact i cant see myself doing a show with anyone but them from here on out. Once again them as well as JSkrilla could have their own full length blog entry but i digress for the sake of your attention lol. The Trybe challenges me to be a better emcee by making me freestyle. Which if you have been around me doing music ive never been a good freestyler.....UNTIL NOW!!! They have cracked that shell and brought me out of it. Making me partake in their cyphers everytime we get together. Soon Ill be as smooth off the top as i am with the writtens then its over for everyone! Sharpening my skills is not something that other rappers really push you to do. Rap is very competitive and braggadocios so pushing someone to improve and possible be better than you is unheard of. The Trybe doesnt see it that way though, they want us all to grow together. With a shared love for hip hop and me and Snacks shared love for Anime we can talk for hours and hours before we realize we havent done any music lol. Everytime I hear a new Trybe song i feel my artistry being challenged. The message in their music makes me want to really focus on the concepts i present in my music and start challenging my self to pretty much step my game up. Between Skrilla, "A", and TrYbe, everything new I hear makes me question my latest bars which is exactly what I need. Hip Hop is my life and my love and above any amount of money i can potentially make off this art is the desire to be the best emcee to ever grab a mic and thats the same mindset i had when i originally picked up the pen and decided i would be a rapper. Before i saw 8 mile and realized that being a white rapper wasnt necessarily accepted, before all the laughs, all the hate and just general shade i received for my dreams. Being white in this game is a roadblock but for the first time these guys made me realize that i have overcame that hurdle 100 times over. I had a long talk with the Trybe last night and they gave me a boost of confidence that finally fully ignited that fire i had lit but tried to conceal. Im no longer worried about what is cool or what people want. I just want to create and you will more than likely like it because I do have skills that i myself had been sleeping on. I hear these artist like A, Skrilla, and Trybe and i felt underneath them but now i see my self as an equal. We all have different things we bring to the table that compliment each other and its time to put it all together and make it happen. Plus we all just fucking dope and there is no denying. This is my new goal. No more time wasted on what i "think" is the right move. Im going to follow what i KNOW to be the right path and follow my heart. Thats challenging myself with these artist and like minded individuals to always be better. Also as Snacks has said before "move at LIGHT SPEED" thats just what Ill do with my light brothers here. We like some damn warriors of this rap shit waging war against a evil corrupt entity but thats also for a whole separate entry lol But no war of this caliber is complete without a general so shoutout to SirDuke. Ive also recently became friends with this crazy dude and he has shown me in just the short time ive known him more love and support than some people ive known my whole life. He also inspires me because he has dedicated his life to serve and protect (literally) and most importantly LEAD. He has an army of pretty much every hood and every rapper in each of them just waiting for his call. and he is not leading them astray, Shoutout the Kollektiv. Duke is also a talented singer and emcee. He has a show with me tomorrow at the Hangover in Murray MAKE SURE YOU COME TO THAT AND SEE MY NEW ALBUM CONSCIOUS TRAP PERFORMED LIVE starting at 9pm. but yeah Duke is dope and I can appreciate his leadership skills and what he hopes to accomplish in his community by cleaning it up through music. He is rubbing off on my and motivating me to hold that same position with my Layer army of GYB homies ive assembled. Most of them are clueless about the industry and music so its up to me to guide and lead them so they can be their own selves and make it in this world without the middle man down your neck. Im going to wrap this up because it ended up being way longer than i intended but i wanted to also say to my fellow collaborators and friends above all. Wolf, Golden Wrist Banks, Trevell, Dope, Simple, Benji and Angel Mascato. You guys have MAD SKILLS. You guys inspire me too because I hear something different in your music than i hear from most. I want you all to continue to grow and expand your creativity to new levels. Tell YOUR story. The same story is constantly told but how will you tell YOURS in the true challenge. So i encourage you guys like i have been recently, step outside of the norm and do what you truly feel in your heart that you need to, fuck what everyone else wants from you just create the way you feel appropriate. A lot of you are working with Duke regularly and I think he will tell you the same thing I am now. Even if its certain people in your lives holding you back, they gotta go. Surround yourself with positive people that want to grow with you instead of out grow you and you will see the same results. Probably why you guys were all on my latest album, except Trevell im sorry and you should have been but you know the deal homie its all love. Frank.....dammit man just rap lol but anyways ill end it on this note. Getting in touch with that child like mind state and that pureness of love in my heart again. Losing all my intentions to want to be better and out do someone but rather COLLABORATE with like minds in my community has already in return pushed me forward in a lot of ways. Seems almost as if they had been waiting on me this whole time. Its certain that my actions are now speaking louder than my words and everyone is starting to catch on. including myself finally. If you read this far thank you and I love you. Youre more than likely part of the reason why i typed this or why i even continue to do what i do. I trust you guys just as much as you trust ill deliver. Have a great day, maybe you can draw inspiration from this or some of the same people or things that i do! So put down that magazine full of empty content and read something meaningful that you are interested in, turn off the news and watch some anime, stop playing shooter games and play final fantasy, stop eating out and prepare your own meals, dont listen to music just play instrumentals and freestlye every day or just make your own, quit scrolling on facebook and take a stroll around the block, only spend time with those that help you grow rather than keep you low. So much inspiration out there sometimes we just have to break away from what we are used to in order to pull from the experience. Now im really done. and excuse my poor grammer and probably a shit load of spelling errors. That wont ever change, these blog post are run on sentences of my thoughts that pass through my head every day. Sometimes i just take the time to jot them out as they pass. PEACE LOVE AND GYB!!
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daveywankenobie · 7 years
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My last post was deep and reflective. It was an effort to deal with some very deep feelings, and it did.
I felt somehow purged after writing it – and the feedback both publicly and privately was both humbling and heartfelt. I can’t thank those who took the time to reach out enough. Your words (and sometimes tears) meant everything to me.
In a very buoyant frame of mind I’ve taken some time today to look through the photos that I FORCED myself to take and keep – regardless of how they made me feel at the time. Many of them I felt showed me in a poor light and I was intensely embarrassed when I looked at my own image.
However I don’t regret taking a single one because today I’ve been able to look back over the feelings and thoughts that I experienced on my journey and milestones so far and see the progression thats happened over the last year – starting on the 26th January 2016.
However from my blog’s perspective it really started on the 10th February when I began writing and shortly after tried to walk somewhere and use my exercise bike.
The walking distance I was capable of (which at the time tore both my calf muscles and the plantar tendon in the base of my right foot) was roughly the end of my street or just past the beer garden at a local pub (the Saxon Mill). On my bike I managed around 0.4 miles before I was in agony and couldn’t breathe.
However I’d stopped drinking and was beginning to think about improving my health. It took a while though as I’d decided that I needed to be certain that was a thing of the past before I tried to diet.
My brother took a sneaky photo following this in mid March – which (if you take into account the picture above my head) says much about our mutual tendency to take the mickey out of eachother, but even more about how far I’d fallen health wise. My face, arms and stomach are swollen and bloated – just like the rest of me.
However, quietly sitting on my wrist (although I didn’t know at the time) was my new best friend.
On the 14th April I finished an intensive four week recovery programme which used Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and mindfulness to help me explore my relationship with alcohol, food, and the recent death of my mother.
I’d promised myself that As soon as this was complete I’d start a diet plan of some kind – so I did. On the 16th of April I joined Slimming World.
This was a truly terrifying and horrible day – but also the start of something wonderful. I was 34st 8.5lbs when I stepped on the scales, and could hardly fit on the little red chairs in the school hall.
I cried myself to a standstill writing my blog later that evening.
Two weeks after starting I’d lost eight pounds. In many ways I was still a little in denial about the task at hand – but feeling more positive. In early May I tried to walk small distances again – and found that I couldn’t do even 1/3 of a lap of the park near to where I worked (Arrow Valley in Redditch) but persisted and also started trying to walk around St Nicholas Park in Warwick.
This started twin addictions – one for walking in the park, and the other related to a group of cygnets that I spotted. Ultimately only one of them survived – and that day (forgetting what a baby swan was called) I christened it ‘The Swanling‘ – but please don’t ask me which one is which!.
I’d also started collecting certificates and stickers. This too would become something of an addiction…
However I was initially struggling to understand the SW plan. I’d begun to eat things in the wrong quantities and had my first blip quite early on – which knocked my confidence. For the first (and last) time I stomped out of the group without staying for the talk. It was a big mistake.
I spent the week hating myself needlessly.
At this point I started realising that the Apple Watch on my arm might be more than just a toy – and began (hamfistedly) trying to track my walking progress. I still couldn’t walk far – but by the 3rd of June I was able to do a single lap of Arrow Valley or St Nicholas.
The crappy app I used gave continually unreliable stats – but I was (with a LOT of sitting) beginning to gradually improve.
Sometimes I found the whole process really demoralising though and at times was in near constant pain – tearing muscle after muscle as well as still suffering badly with plantar heel and tendon problems.
Slimming World however seemed to know just when I needed picking up, and around this time I quite unexpectedly got an award. On the 18th June I was voted my group’s man of the year – and also picked up my 2 stone award.
At this point I was still taking 5 pills a day for my type 2 diabetes – but for the first time on the 12th of July I had become fit enough to walk down the hill near my house to a diabetic retinopathy screening and back up again.
It was a massive milestone for me, but also an annoying reminder that chairs with arms were still my natural predator.
On the plus side all the extra activity meant the certificates kept rolling in during July and by the end of it I was 3.5 stone lighter. This was a much needed morale boost, because by then I’d also been made redundant…
However, despite no small degree of sadness I tried to see it as an opportunity and a new beginning rather than an end. The weather was good in August and I was loving my walking!
It was around this time that a chance photo with a friend who was exhibiting at the Leamington Art in the Park festival (she’s very talented) made me realise just how far I’d come. All of the extra notches that I’d had to make in my belt suddenly became really apparent when it slipped out of it’s loop.
At the time I realised I’d lost around 8 inches from my waist.
This REALLY spurred me on – and I began to test myself more and more.
In August I returned to Aberystwyth (my university town – and somewhere I love) and climbed constitution hill which was followed by a bath for the first time in around a decade. On the way home the next day I then walked around the medium difficulty trail at Nant Yr Arian’s forestry commission which was something I never thought I’d be able to manage.
Until I did.
I finally rounded off the month by conquering a fear that had been with me for ages. I caught the train to Birmingham and left my car behind. I had to make my way under my own steam – and there was no backup plan.
My trip was enjoyable, but also a mixed bag, and my shirt was embarrassingly soaked with sweat from the heat in the museum that I had wanted to visit. Although I’d done it I still felt like I stood out in a crowd and was very self conscious.
However I did do it – and a friend pointed out to me around this time that I had (in a week) walked the length of the English Channel. Filled with enthusiasm from this I rather whimsically set myself the goal of walking the slightly longer channel tunnel length (31.5 miles) the following week.
August also heralded more certificate successes and by the end of the month I’d lost over four and a half stone…
In September the idea of walking virtual geographical distances mushroomed a little when a lady at Slimming World casually suggested that I expand my horizons and track my progress across the globe on a larger scale.
I decided to run with this idea and plot my walking progress from the moment I joined SW – mapping it onto a virtual walk from Lands end to John o Groats (847 miles). I realised that (thanks to the friend on my wrist tracking everything that I’d done since buying it) that I was already a good way toward my goal and that I now walking around 134 miles a month!!!
I also tried to conquer my (still) nagging negative feelings about travelling to Birmingham under my own steam and not long after made a trip to the Electric cinema (something I’d wanted to do for many years but couldn’t) which was still a squeeze – even with their front row premium seats.
Thanks to around another stone being gone, September heralded a noticeable increase in mobility and I found myself exploring all over the place – often with four legged companions!
Unusually the English summer just kept on going in 2016 and October was also a great month. I spent some time exploring Hay Wood locally, got re-acquainted with canal walking, took home my six and a half stone certificate – and also managed to make it around the whole of Cardiff Bay!
To put a cherry on October’s cake I also managed to get the group’s ‘Mr Sleek’ award (and a fetching tie) as well as a seven stone award – which happens to be THE WEIGHT OF A FRIDGE FREEZER!!!
  November started to get a little chillier – and since I’m getting thin on top I embarked upon a new relationship to keep me warm in the cold winter evenings. Me and peaky are still very happy together and have yet to fall out!
Peaky kept my head warm as the leaves fell from the trees and winter drew nearer and (despite a pretty epic episode of shin splints in my left leg which is frikkin painful!!!) I managed to get some more bling, walk across the completely unmanaged and overgrown Ryton Woods (making my leg waaaaay worse like an idiot) play with a cute puppy in group and take a small fortune’s worth of huge clothes to charity.
By the time December arrived I was still motivated – but probably somewhat unsurprisingly given the time of year things slowed down – both mentally and physically. I became obsessed with the idea of reaching a ‘plateau’ and that somehow I would fail.
In reality (looking back) I was always moving forward – and just occasionally admiring the view.
Thanks to my Slimming World group and friends I stayed largely on plan throughout Christmas – even walking six miles to my brother’s house for and back for dinner on Xmas day (with an epic blister all taped up) just to ensure I wasn’t naughty.
Christmas had no bottles of Southern Comfort as was traditional for me for many years past and was powered only by the magic of weaponised caffeine.
And so we come to January.
It’s not over yet – but by the end of it I’m hoping that I’ll have my ten stone certificate. 
So far this month has seen me hit my target of walking from Land’s end to John O Groats, have my first (unsuccessful) job interview in a decade and a half, meet more dogs, start to massively increase my cardio based exercise and walk the length of the Stratford Greenway.
To make me even happier, the swanling in St Nicholas park has survived, and is flourishing. It gets a bit more beautiful every day.
So – that’s my year, and you know what? For the very first time in nearly a decade I can look back on the last twelve months of my life and feel a sense of pride.
Furthermore I feel something else to. Hope.
I no longer take medication for my diabetes (which appears to be in full retreat) and I’m far less likely to die a really early death. I’m fitter than I think I’ve ever been at any time I can remember.
I love life at the moment internet – and I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store. I hope you’re here to find out with me!
Davey
    Year one retrospective My last post was deep and reflective. It was an effort to deal with some very deep feelings, …
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The year 2016 was really hard for me, well not really. I am thankful and grateful and there’s always be roller coaster that I want to throw up and ride again, and throw up and ride again, until we reach tomorrow! Life is an adventure, your own adventure. Some people have it different, or may be a bit similar. Mine? it goes like..
Warning: Please do grab a tea or coffee or coke with snacks, it will be a long one.
❀ The Lessons Learned
I was able to explore where I have always wanted to go and understand things more in terms of different point of view thanks to my boyfriend. To take better care of myself, to have someone to rely on and knowing it will be alright. Listen, to every conversations, taking note what one’s likings and one’s not, I keep on trying to understand but hardly accept if it’s things that are so different. Giving up, on some of my friendship, just because it’s poison. It’s alright, it’s fine to walk away, it will be hard to recall every funny moments we have made, the silly choices and little things that you used to remember, where now it’s just the past. To either learn or run from it. At this point, I am confuse between learn from the past or still running for it. In which leads me to trust issues. As for this part makes me insecure, is it a friend or just using me to get what he or she wants. Pretty nasty to have that mind set plug in me ever since I cut it off. Learning the hard way apparently.
“it’s the one you don’t see  coming. the one you trust who betrayal is most lethal. They know how to hit the lowest ..”
Kyrian
It still hit me hard, more than a break-up. The side effects? I hardly make new friends, if I do, the idea of second choice and third wheel gets in. Or just simply to get something for me, I get that a lot. Like, use the term friendship in exchange of money, who the hell do that? Well, I have been there, give it anyway. “Why are you so dumb” I know, as my mother always said, be kind but not too kind, people will use your kindness into something else. University life is hard, I am fine with individual report, but group report? more like eighty percent you twenty percent to oh-I-Have-Personal-other-modules-whatever-going-out-things-to-do-rather-than-helping. Tingtong! apparently we took 5 modules, yes different timetable and such but do take note it’s a group work not a free ticket. Ah life. I manage to report this case to my lecturer, YES I DID. Set up the date for meet up, at that day- transportation problem, I asked for a change of date, my lecture said she’s fine with it, BUT hey lets just go anyway, no need to rearrange another meeting. Nice, they went without me. Ah, life so much. I just let it be, +100 point to trust issues.
Besides all of that, getting to know my parents more every year is what motivates me. To know how much they love me, always and I do too. I might need to open up a bit, or not. Fighting inner demon is ugh, but I am glad to have someone to talk to and cry to.
❀ Best of The Year
The year where I Meet Farid, or get to know him, which is now my wonderful boyfriend.
Along the way getting to know, still.  something goes like “Really? Damn same! Hahaha I know.” and more, can’t write everything down. Or simply put how he sees me: curious to get to know to – hardly talk to – ay the best girlfriend ever!! to – my girlfriend is an otaku and a weirdo plus annoying af. That, I love him. To accept who I am, how much he cares and notice things.
Finally learn Japanese Language, since I have always wanted to watch anime without subtitle and go to Japan, eat all of the food, buys all of the CDs and Manga and Games and everything nice! #Wishlist
Officially Launch FallingForSnow, where I bought my own domain and show it off to my parents. Gain more readers, get to know some bloggers. Probably the year when I realized, damn there’s a lot of blogger in Brunei that I want to get to know but too insecure to do so. You see, I hardly talk to girls which I want to BUT ITS HARD IDK WHYYYY. even if someone left a comment got me all excited, and worried at the same time. sigh. Am I the only one?
To have black cat is all I have ever wanted as a cat person, which I do. Plus more than seven cats. All of those eyes, fluffiness and poop that you just have to deal with it.
Celebrate Boyfriend’s birthday! How To Surprise Your Boyfriend 101, I wanted to make something personal, which is a DIY explode box of our moments from day 1 with cute messages of course! A day before his birthday, trying so hard not to get caught, and more surprises from movie to dinner to two whole boxes of snacks. yep.
One of the best feelings – meeting numbers of people IRL recognized FallingForSnow,  WOOOOOOOH! “omg you’re fallingforsnow!“, “so you’re the one – that fallingforsnow” not in my wishlist, but damn it feels so good to know people do read my posts! Thank you! I appreciate that really.
❀ Worst of The Year
Stepping down. As you know or just do, I used to join student council. An official student council. They asked, the reason why do I want to join. Technically I do not know, I just do. But when they asked me infront of twenty or more hooman, Wanting to know my limit that’s what I said back in 2015. It comes to an end, I hardly manage my studies, my sleeping pattern messed up, I don’t eat as much – healthy food, to be honest stress af. To the day my father asked me to stop. I put way too much effort and time rather than studying. Yes, I do like to do, what I do being in student council. It hits me, yes to get the paper, might be the experience as well and management of events, but where do I go after that if I don’t take my studies seriously. Well you can manage your time? I tried, a year and I know myself I would put more efforts to activities. There was arguments to let go of me, which I don’t want to see fights between the council. I do remember things like, I finally talk to girls more than 5 THATS A LOT FOR ME, the struggle is real moments, the laughter, to have friends outside my circle, the joy when I was elected to be the Head of Entrepreneur Department thing . As soon as I left, that’s it. It was a good experience, but I don’t like the feeling of sort-of-left out-but-it’s-not, just a plain cut.
Group work – you know where this goes.
❀ Achievement of The Year
Blogging, is something that I never thought would be things that I am looking forward to write and post every week!
Managing events – Get to collaboration with Shin Cat Lover! If you are curious what was it all about click Coffee House 
Start Doodle, trying to learn new things, doodle seems fun, and it went well for a first timer, does not include when I was a kid.
A boyfriend to watch anime with HEHE! Achievement unlock.
Bought Lomo’instant (which still I don’t know how the hell to use it properly)
Went to Malam Ini Kita Punya Event, Spectacle 2016 Art & Design Graduation Show, Under Ground, YouMa, I do not go out often, it’s a new experience for me. Better than never.
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Explore Bandar Seri Begawan; Walk around, went to Museum and goes to Bandar Ku Ceria. Of course take tons of picture while so.
Watched tons of anime, like a lot! More than ever. Click here if you want to know all of the list!
Learn more about photography, thank you to my man.
No such thing as too much sushi! I like salmon, like like kind of like, yknow? that kind of like to rip money.
Win spicy noodle challenge HEHEHE. You know that Korean Noodle. yep it was gooooooooood.
❀ My First Time
Watch Sunsets at the beach, it was amazing!
Ate my first Mcdonald (yes, I know don’t judge me hooman I like Jolibee more.)
My first confession, it was…
First FaceTime – with my boyfriend of course and I fall asleep at our first FT. Nope we we’re not together yet at that time, noice move.
Had my first Coffee Bean – not a coffee person but please do add more chocolate
Bouquets of flower
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Sungkai outing with my boyfriend, again I do not go out often, if I do I hardly get the permission from my parents even with friends. Now with boyfriend? Approved? *Insert all of the emotions*
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Celebrate Raya (approved by parents) with my boyfriend (how exciting it was MAIGAD)
Bought my own Lomo’instant, it was expensive. Worth it? It cute but still learning how to – I don’t even know.
I do cook, but cooking with boyfriend is a new thing.
Korean food
❀ Favourite Class
Japanese Class
Business Law
Organisational Behavior
❀ Top Posts of FallingForSnow
Get To Know Me: 25 Questions
Theme: Songket
Wish list 2016
BEST OF JUNE: Surprises, Photography and To do List
What Matters & Giving Up 
❀ Messages to my Friends
To my friends,
thank you to my GP/Socio ex-classmate now japanese-buddies, you have been a great friend, more like the closest/coolest to me where I easily open up, even when I speak straight up Kedayan, probably the only Kedayan/Half blood kedayan friend I have. why does it sound so sad. Thank you for listening to my rants, and taking Japanese Language both level 1 and 2, although I suck at Oral test, for taking my pictures although both of us used to afraid of heights. Laugh at my lame jokes too.
thank you to the chippiness of my life, well isnt that obvious who am I thanking to. I know that I’m hardly around when you need someone to talk to, but I am glad to have you around since 2013. But damn, lost of contact this year I would say. Still, happy new year and wish you all the best in any paths you take. Stay awesome bruh!
thank you for the early years of food, food, food and some movies. The times that I have to stop you guys from buying clothes every week. I guess it was a good move (what) to call someone I do not know to sit next to me, and to left my ex-registration-mate when she needs help of direction. STILL SORRY! Overall I am glad to have you guys around, although I went missing and took different module last semester. Can’t thank you guys enough for being around.
lastly, thank you to わたしの友達 ( do you want to google translate that? Or.. it means my friends) from SBE SC, if you guys still think if your friend tho, or else its fine, its fine I shall summon my satans. Just kidding. Its been a great journey with you guys, will remember all those memories in my phone. I keep it on my phone – the picture – get it?
– ❀❀❀-
Note to boyfriend, ONLY IF HE’S ACTUALLY CHECKING,
I can’t thank you enough for all of the moments together, through ups and downs, you’re there for me, support me and also lead me. It’s been a wonderful year with you by my side. Another year to come, bare with me and lets write more  ❤︎
Thank you for everything love,
– ❀❀❀-
  Hows 2016 for you so far? Hopefully its good, although my timeline is full with people saying its shitty.
2017 post will be up soon enough!
  Yumie
Thank you 2016 The year 2016 was really hard for me, well not really. I am thankful and grateful and there's always be roller coaster that I want to throw up and ride again, and throw up and ride again, until we reach tomorrow!
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