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#pregnancy is terrifying af and disgusting
ana-the-unknown · 27 days ago
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Human babies are terrifying and the fact that whole ass people in my life expected me to think about having them and be nurturing towards them is just so fucked up to me,, I have such a deep disgust and fear of pregnancy and of human people holding fresh babies, those things are terrifying and I want nothing to do with parasites and parasite holders the sole fact that our species is parasitic in nature to reproduce is just messed up,, like,, why do we have to hold creatures in a belly pouch that contracts our muscles and innards and puts us at risk of death if the thing grows too big to exit ,, what the actual fuck it’s terrifying and real talk this whole concept is one of my deepest darkest fears,,
Like,, I’m ace and transmasc so this whole idea in particular makes me so thankful I don’t have to deal with all that,, may my womb be baren forever and may I be able to remove my uterus asap
Also in relation to this is why the whole submissive and breedable meme really triggers me and makes me uncomfortable af
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sambergscott · a year ago
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Lights Out
Summary: The elevator jolts and the lights flicker, before plunging them into total darkness. There's a Brooklyn-wide power outage, they're stuck in the precinct elevator and Amy is claustrophobic AF. Then her water breaks.
Based on this amazing (!!!) s7 finale theory by @luna-minerva​. Thank you so much for letting me turn that into this. I really, really hope you love it. 
She has a birth plan written out by her sixth month of pregnancy detailing her preferences for labor — dimmed lights, calming music, an epidural, Jake by her side at all times — laminated in the apartment, her go bag (already pre-packed in their family friendly sedan) and her everyday purse. She sent copies to her doctor, both their parents and Captain Holt, printed one for Jake to keep at work and saved a digital copy in the Notes app on both their phones. Just in case.
(“Single spaced, double sided: Santiago Style,” Jake grins when she hands over the final draft.
“Of course. It’s an important document about the most important moment of our lives. I want everything to go smoothly.”)
And for most of her pregnancy, it does. She sends him out for pierogis, potato pancakes and hot chocolate most nights, cries over every car commercial on TV and waddles around the apartment making sure everything is perfect for when the baby arrives. The doctor assures her that they’re both healthy, but she should take an early maternity leave, given the stresses of her job.
She survives for one day before she’s back at the precinct, prompting several raised eyebrows and whispers from around the bullpen. Ignoring all of them, she hitches her purse onto her shoulder, lifts her head, and marches determinately to her old desk.
“FOMOW?” Jake guesses with an amused smile.
“It’s not FOMOW,” she huffs in annoyance. “I just finished organising the nursery and since I was passing the precinct, I figured I’d come visit my husband, if that’s OK with you.”
“Hey, I’m not complaining,” he holds his hands up. “I’ve missed having a beautiful lady to look up at when my paperwork gets boring.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully. “I suppose you’ll do.”
She rolls her eyes, sitting down and trying to make herself as comfortable as possible, a difficult task when you’re as big as a whale and your back has been aching all day.
“Peralta,” Holt’s new assistant barks as he leaves Holt’s office, “you missed some signatures on this report.” He drops it on top of all the other open case files, candy wrappers and clutter on Jake’s desk, a welcome change from the way Gina would turn their work into paper airplanes and fly them across the bullpen. As Jake starts scribbling his name, Holt’s assistant notices Amy. “Can I help you, ma’am?”
“Oh, I’m OK. I work here. Well, I used to work here. I’m on maternity leave.”
“Of course,” he nods, realisation spreading across his face. “You’re Sergeant Santiago. Captain Holt mentions you constantly.”
“He does?” She clutches her heart. “Jake, did you hear that? Holt mentions me.”
He mouths “dork” and she sticks her tongue out at him.
“So when’s the baby due? You look ready to pop any day now.”
“Two weeks,” Jake answers on her behalf, sensing danger. The ‘ready to pop’ comment has been driving her crazy for weeks. She is well aware of her size and does not need perfect strangers reminding her. She’s pregnant, not a contestant on America’s Next Top Model. She’s supposed to be big. He shoves the signed documents into Holt’s assistant’s hands and glances apprehensively back at his wife. “You OK?”
“Mm-hmm.” She plasters on a brave face. “Can’t believe I’m saying this but I actually miss Gina.”
Jake snorts and presses play on CCTV footage of a robbery.
She twists her engagement ring on her finger, braids the ends of her hair and straightens a pile of folders on the desk. She is something of a workaholic and not being able to do anything is torture. “Any cool cases you’re working on?” She asks Jake, because what else are husbands for if not living vicariously through their work while on maternity leave?
“Hipster coffee shop got broken into last night. The owner was devastated that she had to drink Starbucks this morning like the rest of us instead of her fancy $8 million gold infused coffee blend from Outer Mongolia.”
“At least she gets to drink coffee,” Amy responds snarkily.
“Worth it though,” he grins. “And I’ll be your personal in-home barista once this baby is out.”
“Thanks, babe. You’re the sweetest.” She rounds their desks to give him a chaste kiss (she may not be in work but they are still at work), when something catches her eye on the screen. She instructs him to rewind the video, pointing out that the intruder has the same bone structure and blonde hair as the owner behind the counter.
Jake gasps. “It was an inside job!”
A failing business tries to scam the insurance company; it’s a tale as old as time.
He grabs his phone, gun and jacket in a rush to arrest the owner before they skip town.
“Can I come with you?”
“What?”
“I want to come with you. I’m the one who solved the case.”
“You’re pregnant. You can’t.”
“I’ll walk ahead of you, pretend I’m just a normal customer,” she pleads. “You know I’m good at going undercover. Remember Dora?”
“Of course I remember Dora, Johnny loved Dora, but this is different. It’s too dangerous.”
“They own a hipster coffee shop, Jake,” she deadpans. “They’re not going to hurt a pregnant lady. I’m FOMOWing so bad, I just want to be there.”
“Ames-.”
“Please, Jake,” she kicks her persuasion tactics up a few notches, pulling out the doe eyes and pout that she knows he can’t resist.
“Fine,” he concedes before she starts crying and playing the “I’m having your baby” card. “You can come. But if anything dangerous goes down, you have to get out of there straight away. You can’t get involved.”
“Deal.” She shakes his hand firmly (she took a refresher seminar a few months ago) and retrieves her purse from her old desk, following him to the elevator like old times. Peralta and Santiago off to take down bad guys (and look good doin’ it). Of course, there will be no actual taking down of bad guys nine months pregnant, although she could do it if she wanted to, she’s definitely felt the urge to kick Charles in the shin whenever he brings them disgusting foods or tries to kiss her belly.
Just being there is enough for now.
She speeds up, reaching the elevator before him and pressing the down button first. She smirks at him over her shoulder and steps inside when the doors open. Despite being married and expecting a kid together, their competitive edge has never wavered. In the last few months alone, they’ve bet on the sex of the baby, who would cry first when they heard the heartbeat, what fruit or vegetable their baby is that week and who can put a diaper on a football fastest. Bets are the cornerstone of their relationship — the original bet sparking Jake’s realisation that he liked her liked her — and Amy can’t wait for their kids to join in when they’re old enough.
(Kids, plural, because for some reason, even after difficulty conceiving and morning sickness and FOMOW, she would still go through pregnancy all over again. They don’t quite want eight like her parents, but at least one more would be nice).
Rosa’s black boots stop the elevator doors closing and she squeezes through the gap. “Got an early lunch date,” she explains.
“Oh,” Amy says, sharing A Look™️ with Jake. Rosa hasn’t dated anyone since Jocelyn dumped her, choosing to be on her own for a while since she hasn’t really had time alone to process her almost marriage to Pimento, prison and coming out. Repairing her relationship with her parents has been her #1 priority and this is the first Amy’s heard about her seeing someone new. “Is it... serious?” She tries not to push too hard because otherwise Rosa will just close off (it’s pointless asking about names or jobs or appearance), which is hard because she just wants her to be as happy as she is with Jake, but also knows from past experience that Rosa will eventually reveal the information when she’s ready.
“It could be,” she responds vaguely. “I like her, but she’s a doctor so we both work way too much.”
“Well, I hope it works out. You deserve someone really great.”
Rosa pulls her in for a tight, unexpected hug. “Thanks, Santiago,” she murmurs, her voice cracking as if she’s about to cry.
The elevator jolting and lights flickering ruins the moment. After a few terrifying seconds, it stops completely and they are plunged into darkness.
Amy’s blood runs cold, panic filling her lungs. She’s had this nightmare a million times, having suffered with claustrophobia ever since her brothers locked her in a closet as a kid.
She hears Jake’s “cool, cool, cool, cool, cool” and Rosa saying that it’s probably a power cut, but she can’t speak. She can’t do anything but think about how they’re never going to get out and how the squad will have to send them food supplies through the safety hatch in the ceiling and how they’ll have to raise their baby in this tiny metal box, teaching her to count using the buttons to the different precinct floors.
She feels pain, a fun combination of Braxton Hicks that she’s been having for weeks and panic attack. She tries to focus on her breathing and not on the four walls closing in on her. When the breathing techniques fail, she focuses on Jake.
Kind, funny, handsome Jake. Her husband, but more than that, her best friend. She concentrates on the toothpaste stain on the front of his shirt, his unruly curls that she loves so much, the ring on his finger glinting in the light from Rosa’s phone. His own phone is pressed to his ear and she can only hear one side of the conversation but it’s clear that he’s debriefing Holt.
“- Me, Amy, Rosa -"
“- We’re fine, just stuck -"
“- How long?  -”
“Shit.” He hangs up, pocketing his phone. “Power’s out everywhere. Our back-up generators haven’t kicked in, something about air in the fuel system. The fire department are busy with the blackout and we’re apparently not an emergency, so. We could be in here a while.”
“Shit,” Rosa echoes his sentiment.
“Yeah. You OK, Ames?” He turns his attention to her.
She shakes her head meekly.
“Claustrophobic?” Rosa guesses, remembering her reaction to being locked in the trunk when she was trying to get her and Gina to face their fears.
She nods.
“We can play Celebrity to distract ourselves. I’ll go first. He’s the greatest actor -.”
“Bruce Willis,” Amy and Rosa say at the same time.
“Thought I’d give you an easy one to start,” he blushes.
Amy almost laughs despite the overwhelming fear. She loves him, Bruce Willis obsession and all. She takes a few seconds to think of someone good. Then, “They’re in - oh - water -.”
“They’re in water?” Rosa repeats, confused. “You mean like Jaws?”
“Or Finding Dory?” Jake adds. He made her watch the movie with him after Pimento’s Memento disease and now wants to buy a fish and call it Dory, even though he famously killed her fish back when they were dating. “Is it Ellen?”
“No, my water.”
Jake and Rosa both look down in horror. She buries her face in her hands. As if this situation could not get any worse.
“At least this classifies us as an emergency now,” Jake quips.
Rosa does Amy a favour and punches him in the arm.
--
They notify Holt — who in turn notifies the FDNY — and Jake sends a text to both their parents.
Rosa climbs onto Jake’s shoulders and opens the safety hatch so Charles can lower a care package of towels and bottled water into the elevator.
(He also delivers Sour Candies, upon Jake’s request).
Terry tries to pull the doors apart, but even his tree trunk arms are no match for the heavy metal.
Amy breathes through her contractions, stubbornly determined to stick to her birth plan and give birth in the hospital.
Her body, however, has other ideas.
“Four minutes apart now,” Rosa announces. She punches a wall out of frustration. “Where the hell are those firefighters?”
“They’re not going to make it in time,” Jake responds, equally frustrated. “Camila warned me months ago that Santiago babies come early, fast and are always boys.”
“This baby is half-Peralta and a girl. She might be the exception.” Amy takes a sip of water, ignoring the look of disbelief on Jake’s face.
“Diaz, you went to med school, tell my wife that this baby isn’t going to wait.”
Rosa opens her mouth to speak but Amy cuts her off.
“Diaz, tell my husband that the contractions aren’t even that painful and we have time.”
--
As it turns out, they don’t have time at all.
She’s feels pressure, the urge to push, and not even the glug glug glug of Rosa’s babbling brook sounds can calm her down.
“I do not want to give birth in the precinct elevator,” she cries.
Jake, on back rubbing duty, exchanges nervous glances with Rosa. She’s fully dilated and with the fire department still busy tackling other emergencies, this is happening. Right here. Right now.
“You know, it’s actually kind of perfect, Ames. We first met outside this elevator, right? And I kept the elevator doors open to let you win the Jimmy Jabs because of my massivecrush on you. And then you let me win to save our car. We fell in love in this precinct. It’s where we had our first for realz kiss, where we got engaged, where we got married. It’s kind of fitting that it’s also where our baby is going to be born.”
She tilts her head back to kiss him, ignoring Rosa’s complaints that they’re gross.
She thinks back to her wedding vows. Not everything is in our control, but as long as you’re with the right people you can handle anything. And you, Jake Peralta, are the right person for me. She can handle this with Jake by her side. She can bring their daughter into the world.
“OK... I’m ready.”
“That’s my girl,” Jake says proudly, shuffling into a better position to hold her hand and see the baby when she comes out.
They all disinfect their hands with Purrell from Amy’s purse and Rosa explains what’s going to happen and Jake jokes that he feels like Sandra Oh in Grey’s Anatomy.
Rosa rolls her eyes. “Christina was a heart surgeon, dumb dumb. You’re thinking of Addison. What?” She questions at their surprised expressions. “I like Grey’s Anatomy! It makes me feel things! I’m not totally heartless.”
Amy releases a string of expletives as another contraction starts.
“We’re going to start pushing on the next one,” Rosa instructs, forgetting her favourite medical drama.
Amy nods quickly.
Jake brushes fallen strands of hair away from her sweat-covered skin and takes her hand. “Squeeze as hard as you need to, babe.”
--
No amount of studying or listening to her mom’s stories could prepare her for the pain of pushing a baby out. It’s worse than the time her brother pushed her off the monkey bars when she was eight and she broke her arm, worse than the time she got shot in the line of duty, worse than the heartbreak of Jake being sentenced to 15 years in prison. It’s worse than anything she’s ever experienced and when it’s over she has so many questions for her mom, including why on Earth did she do this so many times?!
She’s also going to thank Jake for not complaining once and buy Rosa many drinks for her part in all this.
Having her colleague deliver her baby was definitely not part of the birth plan, but out of everyone they work with, she’s glad that it’s Rosa.
Rosa who’s been there for Jake since the Academy.
Rosa who has always had her back, too, who comforted her when Jake was in Florida, helped get her to her Sergeant’s exam on time and encouraged Jake to ask her out.
(And thank God she did).
--
Labor is exhausting.
It’s painful and emotional and long.
“You’re so close,” Jake cheers her on when she hits a wall.
“He’s right. I can see her head. One more push, Santiago.”
“I can’t-.”
“You can,” Rosa insists. “1,000 push ups.”
“OK,” she whispers. Rosa doesn’t just throw around 1,000 push ups willy nilly. It means something. And if Rosa is so confident that she can do this, then she can do it.
She pushes and pushes and eventually hears a baby’s cry.
It’s the most beautiful sound she’s ever heard.
When Rosa places her in Amy’s arms for immediate skin-to-skin, all four of them are openly weeping.
She’s the most perfect person she’s ever seen.
“I love you both so much,” Jake murmurs, kissing the top of Amy’s head. He leans down to kiss his daughter, too, marvelling over the fact that he gets to say my daughter now.
They cuddle for a while, quietly bickering over who she looks most like. They decide that she has Jake’s hair, nose and mouth and, when she opens her eyes for a second to see what all the fuss is about, he is thrilled to discover that she has the same beautiful eyes as her mom.
They wrap her up in Jake’s favourite blue hoodie to keep her warm and Rosa snaps their first official family portrait and sends it to their parents, Amy’s brothers and the Nine-Nine’s WhatsApp group. She reads out the messages of congratulations that fly in, making Jake and Amy both cry some more.
Finally she interrupts their family time to cut the cord, pulling out her pocket knife and lighter from her leather jacket.
Jake’s eyes go comically wide. “You’re going to use a knife?”
“Do you have any other suggestions?” She snaps.
He falls silent.
“Thought so.” She sterilises the blade (recently sharpened following Brad Leone’s tutorial from the BA Test Kitchen) with her lighter and carefully cuts the umbilical cord.
“Say thank you Tía Rosa,” Amy coos, stroking her daughter’s tiny hand.
“Tía?”
“Mm-hmm,” Amy hums with a tired smile. “We were going to ask you to be her godmother anyway, but I think you have more than earned that role now.”
“I’d be honoured,” she responds.
--
After another hour and a half stuck in the elevator, the lights come back on, the elevator doors open with a ping and they are suddenly faced with a crowd of concerned police officers, firefighters and paramedics, little Maya Peralta gracing the rest of the world in the most dramatic of fashion.
The firefighters spring into gear, holding the elevator doors shut while others help Amy into an awaiting wheelchair.
Jake hovers next to the paramedics as they check Maya’s vitals. Thankfully, everything is normal, they clean her up and replace Jake’s blood-stained hoodie with a warm blanket.
“She’s perfect,” the female paramedic tells him as she hands Maya back to her dad, confirming what he knew the second he laid eyes on her.
They then turn their attention to Amy, who is fine — more than fine, she’s the happiest she’s ever been — just a little sore. They decide to take them both into hospital as a precautionary measure since Maya is two weeks early (Santiago Style!), packing up their equipment while Jake and Amy introduce the Nine-Nine’s newest recruit to the rest of the squad.
Terry says something about little girls being the best, Hitchcock and Scully claim not to have known Amy was even pregnant and Holt’s stoic façade crumbles when Maya grips his finger with her entire hand.
Charles’ eyes are red and puffy like he’s been crying, but he’s uncharacteristically calm when Jake asks if he wants to hold her. He nods, of course, and is enamoured with her the moment he feels her weight in his arms.
This isn’t how she planned it —none of it is — she wanted the controlled hospital birth and the grandparents to meet the baby first and she really wanted to catch the perp from the coffee shop robbery, but Jake was right. It’s kind of perfect that she was born here, in the Nine-Nine, surrounded by their second family.
She meets her husband’s eye and smiles.
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restingdomface · a year ago
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Okay I can’t believe I’m going there, but, Lan Wangji’s magical healing cock and also mpreg AU:
Okay. So. Instead of Jin Zixuan being a dick to his crush, he genuinly never had a crush on her at all, and in fact, it never came to light until the Sunshit Campaign started, but JZX had a crush on Jiang Cheng all along. Jiang Cheng, who, reluctantly, returns his affections. Wei Wuxian is disgusted. His brother has terrible taste in men wtf.
So. Things went differently this time. What’s the change here? Meng Yao never left Nie Mingjue’s side. Of course, he did the spying thing, but he never betrayed him (this could be a part of my idea where NMJ and MY plan to actually have him be a spy and send him off after a planned execution of a soldier that NMJ decided needed a death sentence more than banishment, or, an AU where MY presented the idea to Wen Rouhan that his coming to WRH’s side was the betrayel itself). Now how does this change things? Because I honestly and truly think that if MY didn’t go to Jin Guangshan’s side afterwards, JGS wouldn’t have had the sway to execute anyone else in the Wen Family, or do anything horrible like that.
TBH he tries to wipe out the rest of the Wens, but it goes so badly and this time MY isn’t on his side (lol you know JGS would have tried tho, imagine how humiliating it would have been to be publicly denied by your own bastard son at the banquet after wow) and so JGS ends up removed from power entirely and JZX gets made sect leader instead.
This means, that since JZX is about to marry JC, they’re going to have to move to LanlingJin instead of both of them arguing over if they’d move to Lotus Pier or not. Cause they would argue over that. This means that Jiang Cheng is going to be the next Young Master Jin and Jiang Yanli is now officially the Jiang Sect Leader. Nice.
So. We’re rid of JGS and everyone’s happy and MY probably isn’t gonna kill anyone cause now he can marry NMJ in peace and not have to deal with anyone else, where does LWJ’s magic healing dick come in? Hold on I’m getting to it. Impatient.
So. The Wens. Of course, before JGS was removed from power, Wei Wuxian was actually running around saving Wen survivors and gathering them in the Burial Mounds, so he actually has to be coaxed into leaving by his siblings and LWJ and even JZX and NMJ (who thinks this is rather like that one time he had to coax Nie Huaisang out from under his bed when he became convinced NMJ’s cat was a demon because it wouldn’t stop attacking his songbird and he couldn’t come out cause she was in the room and she would steal his soul but she’s just sitting on the windowsill and meowing at them and NMJ is just silently planning to feed her more and keep her away from the atrium and tbh plz NHS you’re 16 years old you’re too old for this plz stop crying) and it’s great. It’s just great.
Anyways. WWX is paranoid af. Like so fucking paranoid. Cause they have been attacked. He’s got 12 year old girls talking about what the adult men in the Jin sect did to them. He’s got a traumatized toddler on his hip that screams when he sees Jin robes. He’s got children with branded scarring on their faces and wounds you can’t even imagine to come from anything but torture. He’s paranoid. He’s trying to keep the kiddos safe. They’re healers, and he’s given them the tools to heal, but they’re scared, and he’s paranoid without his Golden Core, and he’s scared, and he’s not putting down the toddler plz stop asking, he’s keeping this one, shut up.
So. What can he do but make a few demands? The Lan sect may have strict rules, but they would never attack innocent civilians, and they have rules about killing even animals in Gusu. He asks them to send all the Lan guards they can to escort them to GusuLan. He doesn’t think they’d hurt them in YunmengJiang either, but he can’t risk it. He was there when Lotus Pier burned. Cloud Recesses didn’t lose nearly as many people, and he’s still too traumatized to spend much time in LP rn.
So they go to Cloud Recesses. This actually, also gives the other sects a lot of time to get some glimpses at everyone that came from the Burial Mounds.
Not a single one of them was a cultivator.
This is a little different than canon. WWX can’t handle the loss of his golden core in this one. Not to say that he shouldn’t have done it, but that the resentful energy is dragging him down to the point where all he can feel is paranoia and fear. He’s almost completely unresponsive at this point. He follows after LWJ when told to, and he holds little A-Yuan in his arms, but he doesn’t pay much attention to anyone.
Wen Qing tells them of the loss of his core, but not how it happened. Lan Qiren doesn’t much like WWX still, but he accepts that a cornered animal will bite, and WWX lost his main weapon right before a major war. Of course he would do all he could to keep himself safe.
Jiang Yanli offers for the Wen Survivors to be integrated into YunmengJiang, since they lost so many people. It could help a lot. They accept, since she’s offering them protection and help.
Of course, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli used to Spend A Lot Of Time Together in Cloud Recesses, so love is blooming there between the two sect leaders, and by the end of a year, they’re getting married themselves.
WWX doesn’t go back to LP with them. He couldn’t do it. A-Yuan and Granny and Wen Ning stay with him in Cloud Recesses. Granny talks with Wen Qing regularly, and A-Yuan is attached to Lan Wangji enough that Lan Xichen starts mentioning that he could attend classes there when he’s old enough. LXC is a WangXian shipper and is trying to get his brother to adopt the child. Y’all know he would. WWX spends his time arguing (loudly, but in a room with magical wards for sound so they don’t get in trouble) with a Lan mind healer that talks through his bullshit with him, sleeping the day away in one of the rooms of the Jingshi (because LWJ made him move in right away and WWX couldn’t even argue cause A-Yuan loves him too and he can ask LWJ to play Their Song whenever he wants to hear it) and following after A-Yuan as he enchants (and terrifies) all the rabbits in the field. Also getting yelled at (softly) by LQR for breaking rules. LQR and LWJ have been making it their personal mission to find a way to either purify the resentful energy so WWX can go back to his normal cheerful self that doesn’t jump or hide when startled, or to regain a Golden core so the yin and yang energies can balance each other and keep him stable.
Of course, JYL sends him a message that she’s getting married, and WWX pulls himself out of the fog enough that he can ask them to go to the wedding (he’s being polite, he’s going no matter what they say lol,) and LWJ accompanies him to the wedding. His siblings are so happy to see him there.
Anyways. Things get rocky when WWX hears them talking about kids.
Jiang Yanli will carry Jin Zixuan’s children, and they’ll keep the Jin name. They’ll know that all four of them are their parents, but it’s a way to pass on the name.
Wen Qing will carry Jiang Cheng’s children, and they’ll carry the Jiang name. This also helps to keep track of what kids are heir to what sect.
Of course, Wei Wuxian, the master of ‘I know The Most Obscure Bullshit Ever’, asks why they don’t just have their spouses children. There are spells and potions for that.
Well. No one else in the room knew that but him apparently. Well, they’re still going to go with their idea for the first few kids, and then they’ll decide if other means of pregnancy options are viable.
Anyways. Guess who else didn’t know it was possible for men to get pregnant? You guessed it. Lan Wangji. Who was also in the room at the time.
So. Wedding is lovely. They all have an amazing time. WWX is able to pull himself out of bed every day. He was even able to work on some cultivation items that LQR begrudgingly admits are amazing items and very useful to cultivation.
They go back to Cloud Recesses, and Lan Wangji combs through his and his uncle’s notes till he finds a viable solution to a return of a Golden core that they had originally scrapped because WWX wasn’t a girl.
To return a Golden core to a body by means of very careful pregnancy. Of course, such a thing would be considered stealing under normal circumstances, and most mothers would rather die than harm their child in the womb in a way that could kill them. But this was a method made to keep both parent and child from harm. A way to build the slightest lump of core in the parent, enough to stick and allow a base to build off of later.
Of course, without consulting Uncle (because the man would be horrified at the idea, and LWJ would rather be rejected by the man himself thanks very much) he takes the proposal to the man in question.
WWXA has to think about this one for a long time. He thinks about it while helping Wen Ning with zombie stuff so he can maintain a stable body. He thinks about it while writing letters to his siblings. He thinks a LOT about it while tucking their two year old into bed and reading him a story with the funny voices. He thinks about it when he spends a night in the cold springs with LWJ one night, close enough to touch the man, because without a Golden core, the water is too cold for him to survive in on his own.
He asks why LWJ would besmirch his honor like that. Having a child out of wedlock, his uncle would throw a fit. His name would be in tatters.
LWJ blinks, once, and twice. He quietly tells him the offer could involve marriage if WWX thinks it’s of import.
So. They get married. So they can have a child. Another child. Just. Yeah. Let’s get married so we can mate like rabbits.
They’re in love. Of course they are. But they’re also shy idiots. LWJ is a sex fiend like usual, and WWX quickly gets addicted to it, but they’re both too shy to say anything sappy yet. Well. No. Scratch that. LWJ is fully willing to admit his love to the world. But he’s a very quiet person. So he mostly just tells WWX how much he would do anything for him, and even eats his horrible poison cooking. Not even A-Yuan will touch that shit.
A-Yuan is so excited to be a big brother. His favorite place to lay is curled around WWX’s big belly and giving it kisses while A-Die scratches his hair and reads him stories.
A-Yuan finally gets his baby and Wei Wuxian gets the stability that a Golden core provides so he can continue using resentful energy to dodge the many many scrolls Shifu Qiren will throw at him over the years to come. LQR swears that if that man hadn’t given his nephew happiness and also many great nephews-
Anyways. The Lotus Flowers are all gay and all happy send tweet.
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meowmerson · 3 years ago
Tomione! Tom's reaction to the unexpected pregnancy of Hermione!:)
She wanted to wait until the right moment.
This was delicate news, this was potentially life-changing, this was not something to just blurt out at any random moment. She had a whole plan. He would come over, they would sit down, she would start by telling him that she doesn’t expect anything out of him and she has some news and it might be good or it might be bad but she’s made up her mind and he can make up his, too, and–
Well, it really doesn’t matter what her speech is. It doesn’t happen.
“What do you mean you’re not coming over?”
“Hermione.” Tom said tiredly over the phone, “I can see you this weekend.”
“This weekend?” She echoed, “Tom, it’s Monday.”
“Exactly.” He said shortly, “And I’m busy–”
“No, you told me you were coming over–”
“Is there something wrong?” He asked. “Are you dying? Because you can tell me over the phone these are your last–”
“Do not,” She snapped, “Get sarcastic with me, Tom, this is serious.”
“What is it?” He asked. She was somewhat gratified to hear that he at least sounded a little bit concerned. She hesitated.
“I can’t tell you over the phone.” She said.
He sighed. “I–one second.” After that it was muffled voices, and she knew he had the cell phone pressed against his chest while he spoke to someone else, probably that arsehole Malfoy or one of his other countless, obnoxious friends. 
“I have to go.” His voice returned.
“Tom, no, don’t hang up yet–wait!” She looked at her phone and saw that he had already done so. Frustrated she threw her hands up and glowered at her phone screen, “I’m pregnant, you arsehole!”
There was a thump. She looked up and Lavender Brown stood at her open bedroom door staring at her with wide, wide eyes, an open beer at her feet and spilling out onto the carpet. 
“Oh, hell,” Hermione groaned.
“So you’re…you know?” Ron asked. Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Lavender were all sat down in their living room, everyone staring at her in either shock or fear or, in Lavender’s case, wonder. 
“Stop touching me,” Hermione snapped and slapper Lavenders hand away from her stomach for the fifth time. “Yes, Ron, I’m pregnant–”
“Ugh,” Ron recoiled, “Stop saying that.”
“I am pregnant–” He made another noise of disgust, louder this time, “Ronald, I am pregnant! I have a fucking fetus in my uterus, you git–”
“Okay.” Harry intervened, “Did you…tell–”
“No.” Hermione sulked. Everyone just looked at her for a moment, so she elaborated, “I was going to tell him tonight, but he canceled.”
“Can I feel it kick–”
“Lavender I’m one week pregnant, at best, even if I wanted you touching me you wouldn’t feel anything–”
“Hey, lay off of her–”
“Ugh!” Hermione stands abruptly, pacing around the room, “I’m sorry, Lavender, I just don’t want to be touched right now.”
“Are you keeping it?” Lavender asked, seemingly unbothered. “The baby,” She clarified, as if Hermione didn’t know exactly what she was talking about.
Hermione hesitated. “Yes,” She said, “I think…Yeah. I want to.” It was very quiet now. “I want to keep it.”
For a long moment they all just stared at her, until Lavender jumped up from the couch squealing.
“Can I be the godmother?” She cried, “I call dibs. Ginny can go fuck herself–”
“Hey!” Harry piped up, but was ignored.
“Dibs on Godfather!” Ron said, high-fiving Lavender.
“Hey!” Harry cried again.
“No one in this room is going to be the god-anything if you don’t stop pissing me off!”
“Whoa,” Ron leaned back in his chair, a shit-eating grin on his face, “Pregnancy hormones. Mood swings. I remember this from my mom with Gin.”
“You do not, you were one year old.”
“Hey Harry, shut up.”
“Everybody, shut up!” Hermione cried, “Tom doesn’t even know yet, we’ve never even talked about whether or not we’re in a serious relationship–”
“Seriously?” Harry asked, scrunching up his nose, “You’ve been together a year.”
Hermione ignored him. “–And now I have to tell him that I am somehow pregnant with his child, he’s being a stubborn arsehole and won’t see me until this weekend, I’m freaking out, and none of you are helping!”
Lavender, who was already standing, quickly moved over to pull Hermione into an awkward, consoling hug, followed closely by Harry and Ron. “Hey,” Ron was the first to speak, “Don’t worry. If that arsehole breaks your heart I’ll break his arms.” 
“Ron, Tom would crush you.” Hermione sighed.
“That lanky twat? Please.”
“Why don’t you just go to him?” Harry asked.
“I don’t know where he is.”
“He’s at that stupid Malfoy charity event thing.” Harry said. Hermione pushed away from the group hug and stared at Harry incredulously.
“He canceled on me,” She clarified, “For a charity event with the Malfoy’s?”
Harry shrugged, obviously not seeing the big deal, “Draco told me that his cousin was pretty keen on Tom going, so–”
“I can’t believe it,” Hermione muttered, turning away and making her way to her bedroom, taking the steps of their town house two at a time and stripping her pajama pants off as she went, grabbing a pair of jeans off a hanger and pulling them on, jumping into them and nearly tripping over herself in her haste. “I told him it was important!” She called behind her, pulling off her dirty t-shirt and pulling on a clean blouse, “I told him it was serious and he hung up on me, and he’s schmoozing at a goddamn charity event?”
“Schmoozing?” Someone called after her. 
“If it was something important maybe I could understand, but the Malfoy’s.” She pulled her boots on and picked up her purse, stomping toward the front door. “He ditched me for the Malfoy’s–”
“Alright I know I suggested this,” Harry said hesitantly, “But maybe you should actually…not go find him.”
Hermione ignored him, grabbed the keys, and slammed the door shut.
Hermione parked down the road from the Malfoy’s frankly disgustingly huge manor, and texted Draco.
Hermione: 
I need you to get me inside your house.
Hermione:
I’m outside.
He texted back.
Draco:
???????????
Hermione:
Draco I will tell Harry that you refused to help me.
Draco:
You’re a fucking goddamn bitch but you’re lucky I’m bored af
Hermione:
Are you coming to get me???
Draco:
Yea
She pocketed her phone. 
It took him fifteen minutes–which was really far longer than it should take–but he came walking up the road that let to his gated front entrance soon enough, smoking a cigarette and dodging out of her grasp when she reached for it to throw it away. 
“I am helping you,” He sniffed, “I am helping you. I’m allowed a cigarette for the trauma.”
“Put it out,” She snapped, “I don’t want to breathe it in.”
“What’s the big deal anyway?” He asked, ignoring her command, “You avoid these things like the plague, normally.”
“I’m never invited.” She pointed out, “There’s nothing to avoid.”
He shrugged. “You’re dodging the question.”
She didn’t answer.
“Here to see Riddle?”
“What do you care?”
“I’m bored.” He whined like a child, “I hate these fucking things and everyone keeps asking me when I’ll get a girlfriend. I don’t know how many different ways I can say I’m gay.”
“Hm.”
Draco got her in. At the look she received from the man checking people in at the door, Draco put his arm around her and said, “Don’t worry Snape, this hideous troll is my date.” Snape scowled at the two of them but rolled his eyes and let them pass. She was horrifically underdressed, but she wasn’t here to sip wine and trade niceties with people she secretly hated, she just needed to find Tom and get on with it.
Draco offered her champagne while she was looking around the room for Tom. She shook her head.
Draco furrowed his brow, leaned in close to her face and hissed, “Are you pregnant?”
“What?” She snapped, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him to the side of the room, panicked that someone overheard. It didn’t really matter if they did, no one knew her here, but her anxieties about telling Tom were getting to her. “What the hell, Malfoy–”
“Oh my god.”
“How did you even–how did you guess?”
“Why would you ever turn down Champagne at something like this?” He said as if it was obvious. “You’re number one priority would be to get drunk just to handle every self-serving bastard with a superiority-complex in here.”
“Draco–”
“Thats why you need to find Riddle?” He looked far too excited. Hermione scowled. “Oh my god, this evening just got so exciting. You’re carrying his spawn and he doesn’t know?”
“Malfoy, stop it,” She made to move around him, but he pulled her back.
“Can I be there when you tell him?” He asked through a grin, “Do you think he’ll faint?”
“Draco Malfoy, I will tell Harry that you have an album of pictures of him on your phone if you don’t let go of me right now–”
He snatched his hand back, sneering, “I do not have–”
“There he is.” Hermione interrupted, seeing Tom across the room talking to an older man she didn’t know. She started to move toward him, but Draco grabbed her arm and hauled her back. 
“Don’t tell Harry I have an album of him–I don’t have an album of him in my phone. Who told you that?”
“Draco.”
“I don’t have any pictures of him on my phone–”
“Draco.”
In her argument with Draco, she didn’t notice Tom catch sight of her from across the room, nor did she notice when he hurriedly crossed the length of the room to make his way toward her. She didn’t notice until he seized Draco’s wrist and twisted his hand away from her, shoving him up against the bar. There was a clatter of glasses disturbed from the impact but nothing fell or broke. 
Hermione reached out and grabbed Tom’s arm, hurriedly tugging him away from Draco who at this point looked terrified. The room had gone much quieter, not silent, but quiet enough that Hermione knew a large amount of people were watching. “Tom, stop–” She said quietly.
Tom let go of Malfoy after glaring him down for a moment and then turned and held her arm, pulling up her sleeve as if expecting a mark from where Malfoy was holding her. She just watched him in silence, and when he met her eyes he had gone from worry to annoyance. “What are you doing here?”
“I have something to tell you.”
“It couldn’t wait?” He asked quietly.
“No, Tom.” She said firmly. “It can’t. 
“Then tell me.” He said. She opened her mouth, hesitated, then shut it again. 
“I want to tell you in private.”
Tom sighed through his nose, then cast his eyes around the room. People were desperately attempting to look involved in their own business while still keeping their eye on the two of them. “I need you to go.” He said quietly when he looked down at Hermione again.
“Why?” She demanded, “Embarrassed to be seen with me?” He rolled his eyes, and truthfully she had only said it to be petty, her second guess was far more likely, “Or does being seen with someone like me put a wrench in your plan to manipulate whoever it is here you think is going to be useful to you–”
“Hermione.” Tom warned. 
“I know I’m being difficult.” She admitted, “I know it, but this is–I need ot tell you this, Tom, and–” Tom glanced away again, and she followed his eyes to the old man he was speaking to earlier. he was staring over at them, but there was another young man there, too, one she hadn’t seen before. A young man who looked exceedingly angry.
“Abraxas Malfoy.” She muttered. Tom looked at her. “Have you been flirting with Abraxas Malfoy?” Tom clenched his jaw. “Oh my god, Tom–”
“For purely business purposes.”
“Obviously I know that,” She snapped, “You haven’t expressed an interesting in even friendship with anyone outside of me the entire time I’ve known you–”
“Then you won’t mind if I let him think we’re breaking up.” 
“Tom.”
“Go home.” He told her, uncharacteristically soft for a moment, “I’ll come after, if you want. But I need you to go home and let me do this.”
She clenched her jaw and said nothing. On one hand, she got a promise form him that he would come after this stupid charity event, but the selfish part of her wanted him to just leave with her now so she could just tell him. She didn’t say yes, didn’t even nod, but she didn’t stop him either when he squeezed her arm once and pulled away, made his way back to the two across the room.
He got about five feet before she lost all self control and blurted, “I’m pregnant.”
Tom stopped moving. He didn’t even turn around. The whole room wasn’t quiet, there were too many people who didn’t give a shit anymore, but the people near the two of them were now unabashedly staring at the two of them. When Tom finally turned, his expression was completely closed off.
“I’m pregnant.” She repeated, softer this time, more final, less panicked. He didn’t move, only stared at her. It felt like an eternity, standing there staring at him trying to gauge his reaction and getting nothing, before he finally moved. His expression didn’t change, but he moved quickly toward her, grabbing her arm and all but dragging her out of the room, past Snape at the door, until it was just the two of them in the courtyard of the Malfoy Manor.
He still didn’t speak. 
“I should have waited to tell you,” She admitted, “But I couldn’t.”
He met her eyes with an intensity that seemed out of place on his otherwise blank face. She tried to get a read for what he was thinking by the look of his eyes alone but it was an impossibly feat, and she didn’t know what to say. 
He stepped forward, stopped briefly, then came close enough to touch her, one hand pressing against the small of her back and the other on her waist, the base of his palm pressed against her stomach. “It’s only a few weeks at most, you won’t feel anything–” She started.
“Sh.” He cut her off shortly. She paused, but didn’t stop talking completely. Instead she reached up and cupped his face, making him look at her instead of at her stomach.
“I can’t tell what you’re thinking–please tell me what you’re thinking.”
He said nothing. His jaw was twitching wildly like he might be grinding his teeth. Hermione sighed through her nose. 
“Okay,” She said, “I had a speech for this.” She dropped her hands to his shoulders as she started, “I don’t expect anything from you.” She told him firmly. “I’ve made up my mind. I want to keep it. But if you don’t, then I won’t make you–”
“Stop.” He interrupted, ignoring her when she scrunched her nose up and glared at him for cutting her off, “Are you sure?”
“I’m…” His face was still irritatingly blank, but he was watching her closely like he was drinking in every word she spoke, “I haven’t gone to the doctor yet but I’ve taken six different tests and they all came out positive.” He still just stared. “I’m sure I want to keep it, if that’s what you’re asking.”
It was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know–”
“Neither do I.” She interrupted, “But I…I still want to.”
It was quiet for a long time. Then he lifted his hands from her waist to cup her jaw, and when he kissed her it was firm and a bit rough and a bit desperate, his fingers digging into the back of her neck. When he stopped to speak, he didn’t pull away, just spoke against her lips.
“I still have to go back in and tell Abraxas Malfoy that I broke up with you.”
Hermione laughed, “You’re going to tell him you dumped your pregnant girlfriend?”
“He’ll eat it up.” He said. 
He did go back in, and when she pulled her phone out to update Harry, Ron, and Lavender about what had happened, she already had a message waiting for her.
Draco:
I do not have photos of potter on my phone, and I hope he tells you to get an abortion you miserable bitch.
Hermione:
Hm, I wonder who harry will believe. me or you.
Draco:
You are evil!!!! your child will be the spawn of satan!!!
She didn’t end up texting Harry that Malfoy had pictures of him. Instead she sent a group text to her housemates on her way to her car to head home.
Tom is temporarily forgiven for being an arsehole, also Draco is going to be the godmother and godfather. Sorry :/
Harry: 
what.
Ron:
Hermione what the hell
Lavender:
congratulations and also fuck you!!!!!!!!
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greysfanpage388 · 4 years ago
Text
13x17
So I’ve watched the episode.
First off Alex calling Mer hot is weird af haha.
Mer and Amelia actually look cute together when they’re not fighting. And yes- Amelia holding the green drink (which looked disgusting btw), standing beside Mer who was holding a cup of coffee just strengthens my theory that she’s indeed pregnant.
As for Maggie- I don’t understand why she was so against her mother getting a boob job in the beginning. I mean it’s Diane’s body after all- she has a right to do what she wants with her body like Amelia said. She has been living such a sheltered life- and now she’s about to experience real life.
The couple being married for 60 years - wow- I’ve full admiration for them. But I was so sad when the husband had to call the time of death . I totally didn’t see that coming. 😨😭 And it was so heartbreaking to watch the husband walk out of the hospital alone. 💔
Mer and Riggs- I’ve to admit I don’t care much about them. And I need to see Riggs interact with Mer’s children first before I ship them together. The scan room scene was adorable though.
Last but not least- Omelia. It’s so heartbreaking to see them fighting like this. 😨😭😰💔 I really wish they could see things from each otherMs perspective. Owen has been extremely patient and kind to Amelia and gave her the space she needed. But now he’s losing his patience. He has always wanted a family- and Amelia had agreed to start a family with him. But then she suddenly changed her mind and he’s confused. What I don’t understand is how he doesn’t connect the dots about Amelia’s sudden change of mind and fear of having a baby to her previous pregnancy. Amelia , on the other hand, is scared to death. I’ve the vibes that she knows she’s pregnant and is terrified at the idea of embarking on another pregnancy with a less than ideal outcome. Her fear is what made her lash out at Owen. This is lack of communication on both of their parts. Neither are in the right or wrong. Amelia needs to open up to Owen and tell him about her innermost fears and what is preventing her from wanting to start a family with him. ( although I believe she’s already pregnant at the moment). And Owen needs to understand and be there for her and support her when she does finally open up to him. But first they really need to have a heart to heart talk instead of yelling at each other. Btw phenomenal acting from both Kevin and Caterina, especially Caterina this episode. You can really feel all the emotions!!!
So these are my thoughts on 13x17, do let me know what you think about this episode, I would LOVE to hear from you all!! ❤️
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serenagaywaterford · 2 years ago
16) another thing that connected them in S2. Motherhood. Which is weird. Bc Serena is delusional about Nicole being hers. k) "how nobody really paid proper attention when it was building."And I mean, isn't this INCREDIBLY realistic and terrifying? Being inactive, indifferent about others and especially apolitical and undermining the threat...History is like a circle, always repeating itself in the end. I may be critical of the series, but its political observations are always on point. Like
17) that episode where June is separated from Hannah (at the same time the US-Mexico border crossing takes place). l) "Nobody deserves what those women get but it’s important to think critically about these characters and if June recognises she was idle until it was too late, I think as viewers we should be able to say the same" June makes it VERY clear that she feels guilty about i. her last interactions with her mother, ii. her inactivity. That's not victim blaming. It goes WITHOUT saying that
18) that NO woman deserves Gilead. Period. m) "Although I am also someone who counts restorative justice as a viable option for some crimes. I don’t think punitive/retributive justice is always the answer." As if I didn't have enough reasons to like you. I'm with you and I hear you. However, I do understand that some methods are not very feasible IRL due to various limitations. Back to Serena. What do you think will happen to her on the show? Will she survive Gilead's destruction? Will she stand
19) a democratic trial for her crimes? Will she get killed before Gilead goes down? Will she get lynched by an angry mob? I think I'd like it if the series dived more into the dark subjects of mob mentality and eye-for-an-eye types of punishment, but with flipped roles. Sth along the lines of "Can some victims (and their families) become as cruel as the Gilead!criminals in their quest for revenge?" There are the particicutions and Emily's arc, but still. n) "Maybe you have a theory? It’s one of
20) those things I don’t get. Is it cos she’s jealous June has a child and she doesn’t? Is it just a power play thing?" I think it's a combination of both actually. In S1, it's clearly the latter. Serena's being cruel and manipulative: she lets Hannah briefly see her child in order to emotionally torture her. But in S2? It's mostly the former. Obviously, Serena is envious of June's pregnancy, why wouldn't she be of Hannah? Especially given that Hannah (unlike Nicole) comes from a happier place
21) time in June's life. (Aka "God has blessed this /immoral-sinful/ woman with 2 children, why not me?" That must stink.) Another reason that she denies her that time is bc she feels betrayed that her prisoner tries to manipulate her, instead of befriend her. *eye roll* Duh, Serena. (Aka "After everything I've done for her and this is how she repays me." Bitch. You've done NOTHING. Try again.) Her desire to connect with sb, bc she doesn't have anything/anyone left anymore, makes her
22) desperate and a little naive/dumb, lol.
---------
I am so onboard with k) to m)! I can’t really add anything more of value (or interest) lol cos to me it just seems so obvious. I don’t know why some people miss it. Although I think EVERYBODY was sort of knocked sideways by how relevant the Hannah/June thing was with current US events. Hit a little too close to home. And GOOD.
You’re very right. Restorative justice is limited by a lot of things, but in theory, I do find it a positive angle to approach some kinds of crime. It’s a small scale sort of thing, generally, and very time and effort intensive process.
As for Serena’s fate... OHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh. Sometimes I don’t like to think that far down the line cos I honestly do not see her getting anything even remotely happy. How she ultimately is dealt with, I don’t know. It really depends on the points the show wants to make. Will it be hopeful, will it be retributive, will it be melodramatic, will it be depressing af? Do they care about how angry viewers will be? Do they have enough for Serena to DO to make it to the final seasons or will her usefulness as a character expire early? (I’d wager they’d want to keep Yvonne around as long as possible but I’m biased.)
Personally, I suspect she’ll be held accountable in a democratic legal system. Although the thing that makes me pause is how Tuello suggested she defect. He very much presented an idyllic future. Now, it could have been a lie to trick her into turning herself over to the (remaining) US for punishment. But, on the other hand, they seem to REALLY want her propaganda. I don’t totally doubt that they see Serena as more valuable as a source of intel/propaganda than to hold her accountable. At this stage, arresting and sentencing her for her crimes wouldn’t really accomplish much for the US yet in the grande scheme of things. IMO, anyway. She seems a better asset for them than a convict or POW locked away/dead somewhere. 
>> “Will she get lynched by an angry mob? I think I'd like it if the series dived more into the dark subjects of mob mentality and eye-for-an-eye types of punishment, but with flipped roles. Sth along the lines of "Can some victims (and their families) become as cruel as the Gilead!criminals in their quest for revenge?" There are the particicutions and Emily's arc, but still."
I fucking LOVE this approach. It’s something I’ve rolled around with for quite a while. If you’re going to deal with mob mentality in terms of the creation and continuation of a fascist system, what about the other side of human reality? Mob mentality can easily swing the other way with the right tinder and spark. Like, we see absolutely justified anger and disgust by survivors/refugees in Canada and then comes the question of what constitutes reasonable reaction to such a repulsive regime. Is violent mob revenge the answer? (I honestly can’t make that determination. I’ve never been in anything remotely like war or fascism.) Maybe it is. Maybe it’s not. And it is the sort of thing I think THT could deal with. Like you said, it’s sort of touched upon with Emily. But put that on a large scale. Is violence sometimes the answer? Is war the only answer with totalitarian regimes? How to you truly hold war criminals responsible?
Of course there would be viewers praising a mob if they kill Serena. I’ve seen people admit as much on this hellsite. (I dunno if I can make a judgement on that either but I personally find that perspective incredibly problematic. But it begs the question: what is justice then?) I think it would be incredibly disturbing to see. Yet, I’m also someone who thought June should have shot them lol. (Not really truly. But I felt the urge to see it during that episode--when I got over the fact the box she was opening wasn’t actually crackers but shotgun shells lol. But it really doesn’t fit with June’s character. Like she considers killing Serena more than once (3 times IIRC), but never does because it’s simply not right and she’s not that sort of person.)
Personally speaking, I don’t want Serena killed. Other characters, I hope die in painful ways. *coughfredcough* *coughallthemeninpowercough* But having her killed by a mob would be quite impactful. And not, imo, all that unrealistic. I just don’t want it. I don’t need absolutely everything to be brutally honest and realistic. Gimme some of that feelgood hope lmao.
>> Another reason that she denies her that time is bc she feels betrayed that her prisoner tries to manipulate her, instead of befriend her. *eye roll* Duh, Serena. (Aka "After everything I've done for her and this is how she repays me." Bitch. You've done NOTHING. Try again.) Her desire to connect with sb, bc she doesn't have anything/anyone left anymore, makes her 22) desperate and a little naive/dumb, lol.
WORD, LMAO. TO EVERY SINGLE WORD re: Serena/Hannah/etc. (ITA agree and thank you for your perspective on the Hannah thing!) 
Like she’s so delusional/in such denial. Serena, girl, you’ve done literally nothing of actual substance for her and often times went out of your way to make things 100x more miserable for her and then wonder why she won’t be your BFF? Just cos you think your jail warden is your friend (Fred), doesn’t mean it’s actually true and transferable.
(I love it? (Not in the way that I think it’s good, morally. Just story/character-wise. It’s so interesting to me how weird and sad she is sometimes.))
In a way I actually feel sorry for Serena, even if she did get herself into this disaster, and she’s perpetuated it in the worse possible way she could. (She’s so unbelievably cruel, esp in S1, and then throws a tantrum when June doesn’t just fall into her arms, so to speak. C’mon, lady.) I think that's what I love about her character. She’s so wrong on so many levels, but she still evokes quite strong feelings the other way as well. Like, her growing desperation and loneliness and need for connection as Gilead goes on is actually... sad? I know many, many fans who bristle and word-vomit at just the suggestion of any such feelings towards her.
I dunno. I’m an idiot and a sucker cos I think when she actually connects with June (and loses the insecurity/jealousy), there’s a whole other person. It’s really fascinating how she changes. And switches back and forth. (Yeah, yeah, I’ve read the criticisms that that’s typical abuser behaviour but... ah. Like I said, me=sucker. I won’t deny I totally understand it but. Gah. I think it’s more complex. Am I woobifying? Yikes. I hope not.)
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