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lemondemonpickuplines · 2 months

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you, yes YOU could become the next greatest LD pickup artist! that is, if you have a couple free minutes and are a fucking loser. just like me! submit your pickup lines today!

to jumpstart your beautiful and creative minds, I've made a list of songs that are yet to have a line under the cutoff. Remember, though, we're only Lemon Demon in name - you're also welcome to post about a Mouth song, a YouTube video, or anything else that speaks to you and that Neil Cicierega is a part of. GOOD LUCK!

Error

Bowling Alley

Wrong

Hazel's Modus Operandi

Idiot Control Now

Pepper and Salt

Holy Bison Beaks

Fire Motif

Elsewhere

Hydroelectric Viking

The Saga of You

Mr Wolfgang

Destructo

Fly Straight

Oz Explodes

Booja Jabooja

Chu Chu Rocket

Switzerland**

Birdhouse In Your Soul

Mold en Mono

What's In The Toaster

Sunbeam Light Show Flower Seed

Musical Chairs

Matches and Nails**

Relativity

Fancy Pants Manifesto

Go To Hollywood

Sick Puppy**

Almond

Bad Idea

Behold the FUTURE

Not Applicable

Roman Robot Statues

Run, Harry, Run

Take a Picture

There's a Robot in My Head

Dead Sea Monkeys

What Will Happen Will Happen

Subtle Oddities

Gonna Dig up Alec Guinness**

Smell Like a Cookie All Day

Eventuality

March of the Living Figments

Lollipops

Bicycle Race

Fuzzy

Bottom Line

Sky Blue Up

I Want to Wake Up

Stampy

Zero Gravity

Mothers All Over the World

Pirate in a Box

How To Poop

Neil.soul

Dinosaurchestra Part One

Archaeopteryx**

This Hyper World

The Too Much Song

Stick Stickly

Princess Unicorn Bunny Kitten Angel

Abraham Lincoln's Head

Funniest

Snakes On a Plane

Turkeys

Kaleidoskull

Gadzooks**

The Afternoon**

Nightmare Fuel

The Wiggles Hate Each Other In Real Life

You Got a Toothache

320x200

Strangelet

Today's Secret Word

While My Keytar Gently Weeps

Treasure Map

Creepy

Super Hey Ya

Prelude to Presents

Spiral of Ants

Geocities

Angelfire

Gravitron

Moon's Request

Cat Hacks

Kubrick and the Beast

WIERDNESS

Everybody Likes You

Christmas Dog

Clark Kent

Degrassi

eBaum's World Dot Com

Fly Away

Happiest Shit Ever

Sorry For the Text Posts

Experiments in VOPM

Happy Songs

Hydoelectric Viking Funeral

It's Gonna Get Weird

Illemonama Polkarama

Magic Dance

MyNewSong

Pokerap

Prince Ali

Robo

Vanilla

Wiry Song

Wolfden Radio

Yellowfish

Zip-up Rap

**the songs with asterisks may or may not already have lines. my blog is old enough now that I struggle to comb through the whole thing, and tagging isn't always perfect. don't worry about re-using a song, though; as long as it's not an egregious duplication of an existing post, you're alright.

also, I only post every few days, so forgive me if it takes a while to get to your submission. sometimes I don't post lines until months after they've been sent in, so if you've submitted and I haven't posted, it may just be lost in my ass-long queue. or i just don't think it's very good. but you have no way of knowing, do you.

#lemon demon #neil cicierega #not pickup lines

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copperbadge · 1 year

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halfdeadfriedrice

Sam, have you talked about where you keep these "in the moment" to do lists? Is this a subset of google Tasks?

Oh! Yes I should have said, it’s just in Tasks, not even any kind of sub-list.

The way I have Tasks set up now is that I have two lists I consult regularly: “Daily” and “Weekend”. If it’s a weekday and I’m working, I have Daily open; if it’s a weekend OR if I am not working (ie, in the evening, on a holiday, etc) I have Weekend open. Some tasks move back and forth between the two, especially now that I work from home, but most live in one place or the other.

The task list is open in Gmail as a sidebar, and my gmail is Always Open, so if I’m at a computer I have easy access, I just click to gmail’s tab and add the items to the list that’s currently open. If I’m not at a computer (for instance, lying in bed thinking about what I need to do between getting up and starting work), I open the Tasks app on my phone and do it there.

For these “in the moment” lists, I just add a huge honking number of items all at once, and they all go to the top of the list because that’s just how Tasks rolls. Once I’ve written down Everything That Needs Doing I will sort it by timing or priority -- like, if I’m about to go to the kitchen, I might enter a random list of “adderall snack mug dishes scissors sharpener” and then order them more appropriately:

-- Mug

-- Adderall

-- Snack

-- Dishes

-- Knife Sharpener

-- Desk Scissors

This tells me that I need to take my mug to the kitchen, take my afternoon meds dose, put a snack in the toaster oven to heat up, do the dishes while it’s heating; at this point I’ll move “snack” to below “dishes” just to make sure I absolutely do not forget there is something heating in the toaster oven once I’m done with the dishes. So now the list reads

-- Dishes

-- Snack

-- Knife Sharpener

-- Desk Scissors

Okay! Dishes done, ate the snack, automatically before I leave the room I check Tasks and check those two off. Right! The knife sharpener! I grab the knife sharpener as I leave. Because I have now attained Knife Sharpener, but I will need to return it to the kitchen, I move Knife Sharpener to below Desk Scissors to remind me that after sharpening the scissors, the sharpener should be put back in the kitchen, NOT just left lying on the desk.

I sharpen the scissors standing in front of where they live, put them back, take the sharpener back to the kitchen, and now I can go back to the “real” to do list items -- which are conveniently directly below all the items I just checked off.

There’s no real need to have a separate list because as soon as I get them all written down imma do them, or if I don’t, I incorporate them into the pre-existing list at the time (or level of importance) they’ll need to be done. So, say I decide I’m going to wait on sharpening scissors until I can locate two other pairs that need it. NOW my list looks like this:

-- Dishes

-- Snack

-- Gift Screen (this is a work item)

-- Find Scissors

-- Knife Sharpener

Having had my snack, I’ll work on my work queue for the afternoon, and then when I’m finished, the list reminds me that I was going to sharpen some scissors. I go on an epic quest, find a pile of scissors, sharpen them, and then put them and the sharpener away.

The thing about Tasks is that it really is the quickest and dirtiest. I mean yes, my entire life is structured around recurring items in the Daily list, but the point of using Tasks is that it is fast to access and easy to use. I can just throw a shitload of keywords into it, drag them into order easily, and check them off as I go. No single other system -- not a notebook or bullet journal, not project management software, not the spreadsheet in which I keep my daily calendar -- is as accessible, fast, or easy as Tasks, which means I’ll actually use it.

#sam has adhd #halfdeadfriedrice

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anonymouspuzzler · 1 year

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it is time for me to subject you all here to my FUNNY NEW OCs!! meet Buck (AKA THE INVINCIBLE BULKHEAD), Davey (AKA DYNAMO), and Minerva (AKA LAST NERVE; slightly more commonly AKA Minnie). They're all part of a new comic concept I've been bouncin' around in my sweet little head!! Expect a few more posts about them coming down the queue soon...

(Detailed image descriptions under cut!!)

[Image 1: A character design sheet for Buck, one of Puzz's original characters. He is a middle-aged white man with a top-heavy, barrel-chested build, a bushy reddish mustache, and two tufts of reddish hair on an otherwise-bald head. He has a square head, a large round nose, and a heavy brow with no visible eyebrows. The design sheet shows him in three alternate outfits, posing the same in each - one arm held up near his chest, the other down at his side, facing slightly to his left and looking back towards his right shoulder. His first outfit is a beige jacket with pointy lapels and multiple pockets on the chest, over a forest-green sweater and khaki pants; he is also wearing big brown lace-up boots, matching gloves, and large round goggles with orange lenses. The second outfit is the same minus the jacket shoved up on top of his head instead of over his eyes. The final outfit is his sleepwear, an off-white t-shirt that exposes his stomach, and forest-green pajama pants with cuffed bottoms.]

[Image 2: A character design sheet for Davey, one of Puzz's original characters. He is a middle-aged Black man with long, curly dark brown hair, a thin mustache, and a lanky build. He has a diagonal scar going from the top left to bottom right of his face, and is missing his right arm at the shoulder, with a visible scar from shoulder to mid-chest. The design sheet shows him in three alternate outfits, posing the same in each - standing slightly to his left, left arm up in a wave, grinning widely. His first outfit is a pair of light-blue denim overalls with cuffed legs and an olive-green patch on the left knee, as well as pointy-toed, laced-up brown boots and a large brown glove on his left hand, a reddish-orange leather helmet with orange-lensed goggles attached, and a toolbelt around his waist; he also has a massive prosthetic right arm held on by a harness under his overalls, made up of a blender, toaster, and various car parts. The second outfit is the same but with the right strap of his overalls unbuttoned and missing his prosthetic, toolbelt and glove; a detail shot also shows how he looks with the goggles shoved up on his helmet, revealing eyes with long bottom lashes. The final outfit is his sleepwear, light-blue boxer shorts with wavy purple stripes, and blue-and-tan slippers; a detail shot also shows him with a purple quilted sleep mask over his eyes.]

[Image 3: A character design sheet for Minerva (AKA Minnie), one of Puzz's original characters. She is a short, white preteen girl with thick red hair styled in enormous twin braids, an ovular face with freckled cheeks, black painted nails, a little round nose, buck teeth, and an irritable expression. The design sheet shows her in two alternate outfits, posing the same in each, standing neutrally with her left hand in a fist on her hip and the other hanging limply, looking off to the side dismissively. The first outfit shows her in what looks like a school uniform, consisting of an off-white t-shirt with golden-yellow trim on the sleeves, a golden-yellow pleated skirt, white knee-high socks, tan mary-jane shoes, matching fingerless gloves, and a light yellow sweater tied around her neck. A detail shot shows her "rocket boots, with steel toes and bands around the ankles, toy rockets strapped to each, wires running along one side and spiked cleats. The second outfit is her sleepwear, consisting of green cross-patterned boxer shorts barely visible under an oversized purple "VILLAIN CON '97" shirt with a graphic of a skull with X-es for eyes.]

[Image 4: A sketchy design for "Golden Boy", one of Puzz's original characters. He is a stout, muscled white blonde man wearing a superhero costume, consisting of a tight sleeveless jumpsuit with an eight-pointed star on the chest, maroon briefs, a belt with a large round buckle, knee-high maroon boots with flared edges, matching gloves, and a long, flowing maroon cape with glittering golden interior held on by a large golden yellow clasp. He also has a pale orange visor over his eyes, and his hair is styled with swooping bangs. He is grinning proudly, flexing with his left arm, the other on his hip in a heroic pose.]

[Image 5: A series of sketches on notebook paper in purple ink, showing the early design process for Buck, Davey and Minerva. From top to bottom and left to right, there is: A sketch of Buck from the shoulders-up in profile; Minerva from the hips-up in profile; Davey, wearing his helmet and goggles, from the shoulders-up in profile; Davey in profile without the helmet and goggles, then a detail shot of him from the front; a rough silhouette/shape test slash height lineup of Davey, Buck, and Minerva; a sketch of Buck in his jacket from the waist up; another detail sketch of Davey's face from the front, testing a different eye style and face shape, then a test of the same face shape with helmet and goggles on; a very rough sketch of front-facing Minerva from the waist up.]

[Image 6: Early design sketches on notebook paper in pink ink, testing out outfits for Davey, Buck and Minerva. The first row shows Davey in his "standard" outfit, minus prosthetic, Buck in his "standard" outfit, and Minerva in her "standard" outfit. The second row shows them all in their sleepwear, with this version of Davey's having long pants instead of boxers and a floral print eye-mask instead of quilted.]

[Image 7: A sketch of Davey and Buck on notebook paper in blue ink. Davey is posing with one leg up on a box, his left arm resting on his knee, grinning widely with sparkles around him. His helmet and goggles are on, but his prosthetic is not. To his right is Buck, standing with his hands on his hips, glancing over his shoulder towards Davey. His goggles are shoved up on top of his head, and he is not wearing his jacket.]

[Image 8: A sketch of Minerva on notebook paper in blue ink. She is holding a polaroid camera in both hands, a photo being printed out of it, and she is looking back over her left shoulder with a petulant expression. Sitting on the ground in front of her is her pet black-and-white rat, Oreo.]

[Image 9: A sketch of Davey, Buck and Minerva in casualwear, drawn on notebook paper in blue ink. Davey has his hair in a ponytail and is not wearing his prosthetic. He is dressed in a tank top with long arm-holes, tucked into short sweatpants that end just below his knees, and wearing high-top Converse-style sneakers with socks barely peeking out above them. He is holding a large grocery bag in his left hand and looking off to his left. Buck is wearing a jacket with a fluffy collar, open over a nondescript t-shirt, long pants, and boots. He has on sunglasses and a knit beanie. He is standing with his right arm in his pocket and the left hanging at his side. Minerva is wearing a sweater over a collared shirt, and a pleated skirt with safety pins along the edges, and her usual mary-jane shoes. She stands with her arms at her sides, looking slightly left, appearing bored.]

[Image 10: A black-and-white drawing of Puzz's OCs Buck (left), Davey (top right), and Minnie (bottom right), plus Minnie's rat Oreo. Buck is a middle-aged white man with two tufts of hair and a bushy mustache, wearing goggles on top of his head and a turtleneck sweater. Davey is a middle-aged Black man with curly hair in a ponytail, a missing right arm, diagonal scar across his face, thin mustache and big ears, wearing overalls and a leather glove. Minnie is a preteen girl with massive twin braids, buck teeth and freckles, wearing a t-shirt, fingerless gloves and a sweater tied around her shoulders. Oreo is a black-and-white pet rat. Minnie and Davey are both posing with their heads in their hands and grinning smugly, looking over at Buck, who is blushing and trying to ignore them.]

[Image 11: Three colored pen drawings of Davey. In all three, he has his hair in a ponytail and is wearing overalls with the right strap undone, and no prosthetic. The leftmost drawing shows him from the waist up, looking off to his left in apparent mild confusion, right eyebrow raised and left eye slightly closed. He is lifting his left hand to bring his pointer finger near his chin, and there are a couple sweat droplets on one side of his face. The top-right drawing shows him from the shoulders off, looking off to the left with a warm smile, eyes crinkling. The bottom-right drawing shows him from the waist up, hunched over with his chin resting on the back of one hand. He looks incredulous and slightly annoyed, left eyebrow raised and eyes narrowed, grimacing very slightly, with a "..." speech bubble.]

[Image 12: Two colored ink drawings of Davey. In both, he is drawn from the shoulders-up and is wearing overalls with the right strap undone, and no prosthetic. In the first, he is looking directly into the camera with a lovestruck grin, eyes sparkling, blushing warmly. There is a speech bubble next to him with a big red heart. In the second image, his face is partially in shadow and he is staring intensely into the camera, brow slightly furrowed and with a tight, humorless grin, saying bluntly, "I'll [censored]ING kill you."]

[Image 13: Two drawings of Buck and Davey together. In the first drawing to the left, Buck, seen from behind in his sleepwear, is holding up Davey, wearing a baggy blue tank top, in his arms. Buck's face is barely visible, but Davey's is smiling warmly, looking lovingly at Buck. His right arm is around his shoulders and his legs are kicking playfully. In the second drawing to the right, the two are sitting together with Davey on the left and Buck on the right. Davey is wearing his overalls and boots, but no prosthetic or helmet; similarly, Buck is in his sweater and khakis but no goggles or jacket, and has also removed his boots to reveal ribbed black socks. Davey has his legs crossed and his arm around Bucks shoulders, kissing him gently, eyes closed. Buck has turned to lean into the kiss, eyes closed and looking happy. He is propping himself up with his left arm behind him, while the right rests on Davey's knee. There are two little heart symbols above their heads.]

[Image 14: A black and white drawing of Puzz's OC's Buck (a barrel-chested, middle-aged white man with a bushy mustache and two tufts of hair, wearing round goggles, gloves, a jacket with pointed lapels, and a turtleneck sweater) and Davey (a lanky, middle-aged Black man with a massive prosthetic right arm, thin mustache and diagonal scar across his face), wearing overalls, leather workman gloves and a leather helmet with round goggles). Buck is grimacing with his arms crossed, while Davey is behind him sticking his tongue out and posing with a V-sign. A screenshotted tumblr post by auroraanorth is above them, reading "why are my two favorite tropes 'seemingly powerful and dominating guy turns out to be kind of pathetic' and 'silly goofball of a man turns out to be terrifyingly powerful'.]

#Anonymous Puzzler art #Anonymous Puzzler originals #tw for bare chest and amputation #i've become very enamored with these new guys very quickly so get ready to see more of 'em #and of course feel free to ask questions if yer curious! that goes for all my OCs of course but these guys are Very On My Mind lately LMAO #Villain Coded comic

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freneticfloetry · 26 days

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Teaching me what Miette actually looks like! 😓🤗🤭

But really. Your trademark is the 911ls post/gif which comes through every day at the same time 🤗 And also tk as the "bravest toaster", he is a brave toaster 🥺

Tessa my dear, that was seriously one of the brightest spots of my week. 🤣

As for the posts/tags, what can I say? I’m a creature of habit. (That, and my queue is stacked through the end of August.)

#about meme #what’s my trademark?

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vampysparkz · 1 year

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The Fool pt. 1

Ajax Petropolus X Oracle!Reader

TAGLIST:

Word count: 1,084

Trope notice:

Hurt-Comfort

Later Angst

Secret Admirer

Border Credits: @rpinkling

WARNINGS/NOTICES/IMPORTANT INFO:

This depiction of Y/N is derived from a poll I made! Y/N has been built as using She/Her pronouns, and is biologically female. There may be a little bit of self deflection here, just for funsies because I love character building. | This current chapter is safe, but a later chapter is planned to contain smut, so keep that in mind if that's not something you're comfortable with! I'll be sure to add a pre-added warning when I post it to let y'all know. | The song that is used in this fic is Black Honey by Thrice (highly recommend giving it a listen, especially while reading) | Language | Mentions of Readers mother being in a hospital

"I keep swingin' my hand through a swarm of bees"

".....!"

"I can't understand why they're stingin' me"

".....N!"

"But I'll do what I want, I'll do what I please"

"Y....N?!"

"I'll do it again 'til I've got what I need"

"Y/N !!"

◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　

Y/N's head snapped up when she heard the muffled beeping of her alarm, the deafening noise is drowned out by the blasting music on her Bluetooth earbuds. She sighs, taking the earbuds out of her ears, Dustin Kensrue's voice and the beat of the drums still audible from the headphones, dropping them onto her nightstand. As her ears adjusted to the noise that engulfed her surroundings, she roughly smacked the off button on the alarm clock, silencing the ear-splitting repetition.

"What was I dreaming about again?" She mutters, sitting up and slowly dragging herself out of bed, picking up the blue constellation-print blankets off of the floor, and setting them on the bed, before looking down at her pajamas. She huffs, untucking her t-shirt from the band of their bra, and rightening the band of her shorts.

Before her mother went insane, she had said her dreams were a 'gateway into her divination', so Y/N was constantly trying to recall whatever fantasy she had concocted, but she always came up fruitless. Her dreams escaped her as soon as she opened her eyes, so she wore the headphones, trying to drown out whatever possible premonition that would make its way to her.

Y/N yawns, stretching with a soft yawn, and looking towards her backpack, that was propped up against her vanity. "Right... First day of school, better get ready" She sighs to herself, and went about getting dressed, pulling on the standard Nevermore uniform, and put on her array of crystal and protective jewelry. She made sure to keep the necklaces tucked into her shirt, but paused when she looked down to her jewelry holder, eyes trained on the carnelian necklace that sat on the plate.

(Note: Carnelian is used to boost confidence, self esteem, energy, creativity, sexual energy, amongst other things)

"Wouldn't hurt" She shrugs, picking up the necklace and fastening the clasp around her neck, tucking the crystal into her shirt. Once she deemed herself ready, she grabbed her backpack and made her way out of the bedroom, and into the dusty hall, walking down the staircase. Blue and purple light streamed in through the tinted windows as she walked into the kitchen, stepping around the empty wheelchair to grab the loaf of bread, tossing a few slices into the toaster.

She was caught up in her head, relaying over usual first day of school thoughts, absent mindedly picking up the jam and butter from the fridge, setting it on the counter. Once the toast popped up from the toaster, she quickly made her pieces of toast, and looked over to the nearby clock, noting the time... It being 5 minutes after her usual leaving point.

"Shit!-" She shouts, cramming both pieces of toast into her mouth as fast as she could manage without choking, before bolting out the door. Heavy platforms flunked against the concrete as Y/N booked it out of the large, empty house, and towards the academy's bus queue.

This was her first day at Nevermore, she'd been to similar schools, there being one or two for the 'magically gifted' or strange, but as her mother changed hospitals, Y/N had to change schools. Overall, she was okay with that, she never made a lot of friends, and she had never made plans to be 'lifelong besties' with the ones she made.

Luckily, the bus was empty when it pulled up to the stop, her house being the only one on the street. She climbed into the bus, giving a half hearted wave to the old Gorgon bus driver, before going to sit down in the nearest possible seat.

She then pulled out her phone, opening up her messages, and then her mother's contact, staring at the thousands of unanswered messages. Y/N wrote to her mother daily, good mornings, good nights, life updates, when she'd visit next, but they always went unanswered. Her mom could barely even gather her thoughts enough to lift the phone, Y/N just assumed she let her phone die at some point and never plugged it back in, or maybe the orderlies took it.

"You alright back there honeybun? Looking a little forlorn" The old man calls, causing Y/N to look up from her screen, and over to the bus driver. "Oh, yeah I'm fine... Just uh.. Nervous about today" She lied, in reality, she was perfectly fine with starting at the new school, she had done a card reading or two, and established that everything would (hopefully) go fine. "Ah, well. I don't know if things have changed since I last attended Nevermore, since that was a few decades ago, but I'm sure things will be fine" He nods with a smile, which made Y/N give a soft smile in return, at least he was sweet.

◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗ 　◖◗

When the bus pulled up to the academy, Y/N hopped off the bus, waving to the bus driver. "Bye Mister Chesnok!" She calls, waving to the old man on the bus, who gave a feeble wave. She then turned towards the school, looking over the crowds of students, already gathering in their cliques as staff loaded up their luggage onto the trolleys.

She gave a soft sigh, putting in her headphones to drown out the surrounding voices, pressing play on the side of the earbuds as she walked to the steps of the school.

"I'll rip and smash through the hornet's nest"

Y/N made it about halfway up the stone steps, before she felt someone tap on her shoulder. She gave a soft sigh, and turned down the music, before looking up and turning. There stood six students, of various species, each of them looking at her with hopeful and expecting expressions.

"...Can I help you?" Y/N sighs, her voice clear, speaking with a sort of assertiveness that she portrayed when dealing with peers. "Hi! Uh.. You're the new oracle kid right?" A small gorgon girl squeaked, clutching her backpack. "I'm not reading y'alls fortunes, if that's what you're trying to ask" Y/N rolled her eyes, turning away from them, before a vampire boy cleared his throat. "Well pay you" He chimes, peaking Y/N's interest.

"Do you understand I deserve the best?"

She gave another soft sigh, and turned back to the group. "One reading per person, I charge extra for relationship readings. Schedule with me beforehand, so I can write in breaks." She quips, she usually knew better than this... But the offer of payment was always something that broke her. She was an opportunist after all.

The turned her music back up, and turned back towards the door, walking into the school, leaving the group wonderstruck.

Part one is done! Second part is already being written, so be on the lookout!

#ajax petropolus #wednesday 2022 #ajax petropolus x reader #wednesday addams #nevermore academy #wednesday #ajax x you #ajax wednesday

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badgraph1csghost · 5 months

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(Alt text in HTML)

I didnt want to add this to the original post because it's just too darn long.

You want to know how Black Friday used to be? I mean, it's always been psychological trauma for retail workers, but I'm talking like OUTSIDE the building.

People would queue up. Right? When there was a new game console or something coming out, they'd queue up, sometimes for 16 hours. They'd sleep on the queue. They'd have dinner on the queue. They'd have to limit their fluid intake because there were no toilets on the queue.

Because there were doorbusters. There were door prizes. There were savings unfathomable to the 2023 mind. People would form groups to rush the doors, people would get trampled, there was an incident at Kohl's where the manager got trampled to death by a herd of frantic soccer moms who hadn't taken a piss in 16 hours and absolutely HAD to get the best deals on cookware before anyone else.

Just 10 years ago, it was like this.

You didn't understand the phrase "every man for himself" until you saw a group of American suburbanites, half-frozen from the late November cold-snap fighting-- literally FIGHTING like fucking Mortal-ass Kombat-- to get their hands on what? A god damn toaster oven. At Best Buy one year about 10-12 years ago, a soccer mom went to jail because she cut a guy's hand off to get the last big-screen TV.

Why? Why do that? You don't know, do you? The sales were BIG. I tell you, this TV was as big as the wall in my sitting room and it was normally $995; it was on sale for $350. That's a savings of almost $700 fucking dollars, can you imagine it? No, of course you can't, because we live in the 2020s, where the prices of everything have been going up and up and up for the past 5 years.

TVs like the one I mentioned are now $1500 and go "on sale" for $1490. Yeah, save 10 bucks on a fuckin almost $2000 TV that only cost probably $200 to build in the first place. Black Friday doesn't fucking exist anymore.

And I've been saying this like it's a bad thing. It's not. I want to live long enough to stop seeing Black Friday and Cyber Monday ads in the post. But the fact that people STILL behave like they're gonna walk away with a deal just points to how thoroughly the corporate feudal state has convinced us that 700% inflation is just a fact of life.

Oh, yeah, and those stores I mentioned? The Kohl's where so many people burst into the place that the manager got trampled to death? The Best Buy where the guy got his hand cut off? They closed 2 and 3 years ago. No more business. They cut their stock back, still not enough business, and they closed. Yep, nothin' wrong with THIS economy.

#cw death #cw violence #i could have just put this on my neocities weblog #i might still

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sassenashsworld · 1 year

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How about this… do you think Nick would be a good toaster?

He can even refurbish himself as a space heater, and I'm quite sure, based on what I heard in the air, he can refine whisky to make rotgut valuable, but you have to collect it at the exit The issue is that he is shy about it, so he just says he can't and pretend to just drink it

If you ask if someone CAN make him a toaster, I'm very sure whomever dares to think so will be shot before reaching him And I'll be the first in queue to make this person regret it

#nick valentine #fallout 4 #it's not a toaster #but he like to toast the rude guys

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superherospinoff · 1 year

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batfamily in reverse robin AUs

#text posts #spins speaks #youngest child dick grayson is so funny like #guy who’s going to grow up to be the darling of the entire superhero community (like canon) but without as much mental illness #dc #batfam #batfamily #reverse robins #batman #queue and what toaster

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ursbearhug · 1 year

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I'm affronted by their "players will face disconnects when we implement performance changes".

Beta started yesterday, two hours ago. I've seen dozen of complaints about memory leaking. It took them 26 hours to "start" bringing changes to problems players face within 3 minutes of starting the game.

Listen, nobody, and I mean nobody in their right mind, expects to spent 3 seconds in queues for beta testing on servers made out of used toasters. But if your computer can somehow pull through with 80% (and more) of memory going down the drain, then I want to be you and have your specs so bad. One person complained about D4 sucking 80% of his 26 GB... How?? Or more importantly; why?? What could it possibly do with 20gb of memory?? A game that had requirements up to 10? That's double the recommended specs and it's not fucking normal. Yeah go wild and buy yourself 80 terabyte of memory when most games use 10 at best. Why would you need 20? I don't fucking understand what's going on, that's fucking crazy and asinine.

#will delete later

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davidastbury · 1 year

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Guests #5

I love to hear the cultured German voice. It doesn’t have to be Goethe or Heine or The Magic Flute; it doesn’t even have to be in the German language; it’s the sound of the voice that does it.

This morning, in the queue for the toaster, I started up a conversation with a German man. Instinct telling me that he’d speak perfect English and the correctness of his usage would make me feel - probably mistakenly- that his German would be equally classical and precise.

What matters is the musicality of the tone - that reasonable, melancholy, modest, polite lilt - so highly educated and worldly yet deferential. We talked about how hard the staff worked - so busy looking after the guests - and how they appreciated a friendly few words and a hefty tip.

‘Yes, yes’ - he purred. And then in his marvellous, slightly hurt (but not complaining) voice, added - “But yesterday I waited thirty-five minutes for my omelette”’.

Hope to see more of him.

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otome-on-the-side · 1 year

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I posted 2,908 times in 2022

35 posts created (1%)

2,873 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@i-slept-for-13hours-ohshi

@sevensins-stuff

@thread-theocracy

@ttvck

@trashy-corvian

I tagged 2,877 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#love queue - 2,559 posts

#obey me - 2,150 posts

#dear love interest - 395 posts

#twisted wonderland - 352 posts

#gif - 82 posts

#mm - 82 posts

#the ssum - 68 posts

#bloomic - 62 posts

#text - 34 posts

#slidin’ out the queue - 29 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#mammon being emotionally intelligent + beel chugging ‘i love my family’ juice means he gets a lot of baby brother wiggle room when he goofs

My Top Posts in 2022:

you know before we got to see Mephistopheles Actually Talk with Satan is was presented as really impressive that he was the only brother that got along with/was popular with Demonic nobility and like. early on this was paired with his wealth of apparent connections that seemed to come from everywhere. so it seemed like an indicator of how charming and socially skilled he was (and possibly manipulative but eh thats just another social facet in my eyes) bc demonic nobility was implied to be inherently hostile to the brothers.

But post Mephistopheles reveal its fucking revealed theres an easy ass in with these people: “Fuck Lucifer” solidarity

31 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

Beel being cute/sweet with mammon works every time specifically bc mammon can Tell he Means it every single time

42 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

I Am Suffering

(Edit: Figured out what the issue was! There’s a list of banned words in the reblogs!)

62 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

honestly the funniest moment in xyx’s route is hands down

can you fucking imagine being toaster, and learning post everything that your bestie has fucking snakebites. like. its not a surprise with xyx, but my trust in the world would be fucking shattered. ANYONE in the server could have snakebites and that idea would never be able to leave my mind. salo could have em and itd just be “ah damn there sure a lot of variables in the world huh”

66 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hc: the brothers, as avatars of sin, are occupying what was supposed to be temporary posts. Demons, even incredibly powerful ones, cannot channel the main input of a primary sin for forever, and it eventually wears them down. In the olden days, new avatars of sin would be found via ambitious demons killing off avatars that were weakened enough to Be Killed. Now a days though, the devildom has 6 fallen angels specifically cursed to handle a primary sin by their own creator (and one demon that their head of household spawned from sheer excess). These assholes are just. living with their curses, and worse, aren’t showing any signs of going anywhere. Sure, they bicker, but there’s absolutely no chance of getting them to pick each other off through infighting. Worse, if they’re challenged, they show no sign of being weaker than they were- if anything, these freaks are stronger, only having grown into their power and mastery with time.

167 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post #huh #neat

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blindingechoes · 5 years

Photo

The stairs look so stupid next to that wall, it looks like they’re floating. I changed their colour after I took these pictures, but it didn’t help whatsoever. Also I don’t really know why I took these pictures, I tend to just take pics of my Sims if they’re cooking, it’s a weird obsession I have. I think it’s because I don’t/can’t cook in real life, so I like watching Sims use a kitchen without any fear to them. Yes, I am damn near phobic of kitchens, I wish I was fucking joking.

#the sims 4 #ts4 #Effy Keller #well maybe it's not kitchens like the room #more like what's in the kitchens #stoves and microwaves and all sorts of other heat causing appliances #kettles #coffee pots #toasters #you name it #random gameplay #queue

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zhanyes · 3 years

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Tianshan dating headcannons because i also love these two dumbasses too

Also dedicated to @el-mundo-real who requested tianshan headcannons 🖤

. . .

- Literally no one knows whether they’re dating or not. Not even themselves because they don’t talk about it

- Jian yi thinks they’re dating already and Zhengxi says they’re still getting there (somehow they’re both right) and they make a bet

- He tian likes staying over at Mo’s and he’s gotten pretty close to mama Mo

- Mama Mo teaches him how to knit !! He tried to knit a scarf for Mo but it came out a little messy and tangled. Mo still wears it anyway saying it’s a waste of yarn if not used (He’s actually really touched)

- He eats dinner there about 5 times a week and sleeps over thrice a week. He’s a permanent fixture in the house now, he has his own plate and mug, utensils, toothbrush, a spare key, and more than half of his closet migrated to Mo’s closet

- Sometimes Mo “accidentally” wears He tian’s sweaters and He tian dies a little bit every time

- Sometimes He tian deliberately wears Mo’s clothes and it’s always tighter and a bit shorter on his body so when he moves his arms the shirt rides up. Mo guanshan shouts at him to change and to stop contaminating his clothes but his ears are red anyway

- They bicker A LOT. Over the smallest things because He tian loves riling him up and Mo gets riled up too easily

He tian, for the 7th time in 5 minutes: “What does this thing do?”

Mo guanshan, losing his mind: “THAT’S A FUCKING MICROWAVE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT DO?!”

- There are times when homicide is the best option

Mo Guanshan: “I acknowledge that I can be mean sometimes-”

He tian, in the bathtub: “Sometimes?”

Mo Guanshan: “Shut the fuck up. So I brought you a bath bomb as a peace offering.”

He tian: “That’s a fucking toaster.”

Mo guanshan: “Exactly. A bath bomb.”

- Contrary to what his actions say, Mo guanshan is actually relieved that He tian spends most of his time in their apartment. He tian never told him but he can see how lonely the other teenager is

- Mo guanshan tries to teach He tian chores because He tian knows nothing about cleaning or doing everyday things

Mo guanshan: “How the fuck do you not know how to wash dishes where the hell do you eat?!”

He tian, drinking milk straight out the carton: “Obviously on plates, Momo. I just throw them away after.”

Mo guanshan, sputtering: “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THROW OUT PLATES?!”

- The first and only recipe that He tian managed to cook successfully is instant noodles with boiled egg that’s not quite cooked enough. Sometimes he brings Mo noodles as breakfast in bed and he looks so proud of it Mo has a hard time saying that the noodles are overcooked and that noodles aren’t exactly breakfast food (he eats it anyway)

- Mo sometimes, only sometimes, brings He tian grocery shopping because he needs to learn how to buy food for himself. Somehow He tian always ends up in the miscellaneous section where he has a pack of ballpens he’ll never use, 2 journals he’ll also never use, a couple of scented candles, various dog clothes and leashes for the dog he doesn’t have, a couple’s mug, and a vase in his cart

- He tian stopped trying to barge into Mo guanshan’s bed and sleeps on the futon on the floor beside it. It’s not the most comfortable and he had a hard time sleeping on it at first but he likes being in Mo’s company even while sleeping

- Sometimes Mo would move in his sleep and leave his arm dangling on the side of the bed, He tian grabs it of course and Mo wakes up to sweaty palms. He still leaves it for a few moments before harshly slapping away He tian’s hand

- Mo’s hands aren’t smooth at all because of working all the time and practicing the guitar but He tian loves them all the same. He likes to feel the contrast in textures with his slightly smoother hands

- He tian has a thousand pictures of Mo guanshan sleeping in various angles and poses. He has his favorites framed and keeps it on his bedside table in his apartment so when he’s sleeping there he still feels like they’re sleeping together

- Mo guanshan has a few of He tian sleeping but he swears up and down that he'll never do anything as disgusting as that. He makes one of them his wallpaper.

- Sometimes when they don’t feel like sleeping yet they stay up talking and arguing about random things

Mo guanshan: “Why would aliens be in space? The ocean is definitely the way to go.”

He tian: “But why would they be in the ocean? They’ll drown.”

Mo guanshan: “They’re aliens maybe they have gills or some shit.”

He tian: “I’m telling you they’re not in the ocean, Mo.”

Mo guanshan: “And I’m telling you you’re wrong, bastard.”

- On rare days they would stay up talking about their pasts and about life in general, with the lights closed and the only source of light is the moonlights from the window

- One of these nights, Mo told He tian about what happened to his dad and their restaurant, why they’re in so much debt over it and He tian holds Mo’s hand tightly throughout

- He knew better than to say that he could pay for that debt so Mo doesn’t need to worry anymore (He still says it anyway and Mo blew a fuse) but he swore to help Mo through other means

- The next day he orders a whole carton of mangoes, apples and peaches in his apartment and learns how to peel properly through youtube and Zhengxi

- He goes to Mo’s part time job in the grocery and helps him peel fruits, Mo guanshan doesn’t mention anything when he notices the bandaids on the other’s hands but he does cook him beef stew for dinner

- As expected He tian’s presence brings more customers and the manager asks if he wants to work there permanently but he said he’s only working for Mo so the manager can give Mo a raise instead

- Once, Mo got sick so he missed his part time job for the day (He was supposed to give away flyers on the streets) and got extra pissy because He tian didn’t visit him and wouldn’t answer his phone

- Apparently He tian took over his job for the day and he only finds out when he goes to the manager and the manager asks when his ‘boyfriend’ can come back to work again because the customers love him

- He tian almost never talks about himself but once he talked about the puppy who disappeared after he saves it and then found out that it’s still alive after all these years

- Mo keeps quiet about it the whole time he was talking and the next few days he takes time to knit a small dog plushie and leaves it on He tian’s futon

- He tian didn’t cry, he didn’t (he did), but he hugged Mo and whispered a sincere thank you. For once, Mo lets it happen

- Mo quickly regrets his decision when He tian names the plushie “Chicken sandwich”

- He tian brings Mo in a lot of not-dates (according to Mo) like arcades, ocean parks, festivals, and fairs because he didn’t get to go as a kid and he wants to experience it for the first time with Mo

- They get crazy competitive in every game. Every. Single. One. If it’s a co-op shooting game they would compete on who kills the most enemies, if it’s a harmless crane game it becomes a competition of who can get the most plushies

- They both each have a photobooth strip. Mo keeps his as a bookmarker in a journal, and He tian has his in the back of his phone.

- They go on a double not-date with Jian yi and Zhengxi and it ends up in almost getting chased by a police car at 2 am in pokemon onesies and holding a bag of chips

- Sometimes Mo would visit his dad in prison and just rant to him about He tian

Mo guanshan: “The nerve of that guy to do something like that in front of a teacher urgh.”

Papa Mo: “Your boyfriend sounds like a fun guy, son. I want to meet him soon.”

Mo guanshan: “BO-BOYFRIEND?!”

Papa Mo: “Yes???”

Mo guanshan: “No??? That bastard isn’t my boyfriend??”

Papa Mo: “Are you sure about that?”

Mo guanshan: “...Yes?”

- Enter gay panique because he doesn’t actually know whether He tian is his boyfriend or not

- They don’t call each other boyfriends and they never talked about it so no??? But they’re also not just friends so maybe??? Do they go on dates?? Can grocery trips be considered dates??

- He rings up Jian yi and the blonde just laughed for 5 minutes straight without stopping and he wonders how he’s still breathing

Mo Guanshan, after hearing Jian yi laughing for 5 minutes: “Are you fucking done?”

Jian yi, trying to catch his breath: “Man this is some top-tier entertainment.”

Mo guanshan: “WELL?!”

Jian yi: “Look bro literally no one knows whether you’re dating, fucking, planning each other’s murder OR planning a murder together.”

Mo guanshan: “What if it’s all of the above?”

Jian yi: “Then congratulations…? Please don’t murder me?”

Mo guanshan: “Urgh you’re fucking useless I should have called Zhengxi.”

Jian yi: “Wait don’t, I don’t wanna lose the bet. How about this, there’s a festival upcoming for couples and families, if He tian asks you then you’re probably, maybe, dating?”

Mo guanshan: “That’s stupid. AND WHAT BET?!”

Jian yi: “Ah woops gotta water my dog.”

- Mo tells himself that it’s stupid and there’s no way he’s falling for that...but he feels disappointed anyway when He tian doesn’t ask him the following days

- He tian asks on the last day before the festival, but he asks mama Mo first and Mo guanshan second cuz he wants to celebrate with both of them. He confessed that he’s never actually went to a festival with a family before so he was trying to build up courage to ask

- Mo guanshan is an absolute goner after that

- On the day of the festival, they find Zhanyi there on a date but decide to leave them alone. While they were leaving Jian yi kept throwing Mo guanshan so much winks that Zhengxi thought he got something in his eye

- The festival was fun but Mo couldn’t take his eyes off how happy and content He tian looks

- Queue cliche fireworks scene but it’s He tian being amazed by the fireworks and Mo looking mesmerized at him thinking, “Ah, I want him to look at me like that.”

- The next day, he drags He tian to visit his dad in jail

Papa mo: “Oh this is a surprise, you’ve never brought someone before?”

He tian, trying to introduce himself: “Hello, sir. I’m He tian, Mo guanshan’s fri-”

Mo guanshan, cuts him off: “Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend, dad.”

He tian:

#19 days #19 days headcannons #19 days hc #tianshan #mo guan shan #he tian #zhanyi #jian yi #zhan zheng xi #am i procrastinating updating my fics and 19 days socmed au by posting random 19 days stuff?#yes yes i am #old xian

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