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britesparc · 1 month

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Weekend Top Ten #630

Top Ten Chocolates

Well, there’s chocolate. And, there’s chocolate. But! Only Wonka makes your confidence sky-rock-a-let. So put your hand into your pock-a-let, grab yourself some Wonka chocolate!

Ahem.

The problem being, of course, that Wonka Chocolate doesn’t actually exist. Well, okay, there’s something called Wonka Chocolate, but let’s face it, it doesn’t make you fart hummingbirds or whatever. Sadly, proper Wonka Chocolate remains the province of tall tales and masterful musicals that shockingly didn’t even get nominated for a single Oscar, despite having several of the best songs of the year.

Yes, even better than I’m Just Ken.

Where was I?

Oh yes, Easter. A celebration of renewal, of springtime, and of course the inspiration for the classic film The Life of Brian. So in a moment of spiritual solemnity I’m going to focus on the true meaning of the season by writing a list about chocolate.

This is no hifalutin list of blends and flavours; oh no sir. I did consider that, but then I thought that sounded both like a lot of hard work and also a bit pretentious. No, this is just chocolate products that taste really nice. Not cakes or anything though; basically bars. Chocolate bars. And stuff.

And that’s all there is to it. Now let’s all eat like we’re in the Ironic Punishment Division.

Dark Chocolate Orange: I like dark chocolate, I like orange-flavoured chocolate. There’s also something about the size and heft of the Chocolate Orange slices (segments?) that gives them a bit of gravitas; they’re small enough to have a few, if you feel like it, but also substantial enough to feel like a decent bit of chocolate on their own. Essentially, they tick all the boxes.

Dairy Milk: it’s classic, right? Now, generally speaking, I do prefer dark chocolate; I love those sexy Lindt bars and even a Bourneville. Those aren’t on this list though, but take it as read: they’re great. However, you really have to hand it to the simplicity and verisimilitude of Dairy Milk; it goes with everything. Snapping off a square from a big bar is one thing; but Easter eggs. Is there anything nicer than the shape and consistency of Dairy Milk Easter egg chocolate? I don’t care what comes with the egg, just give me several enormous Cadbury’s ones.

Starbar: going onto actual chocolate bars now, and I do like a bit of something in it. Starbars are great because they are soft but substantial; chewy, crunchy, and really jut have a lot going on. They feel light enough that you don’t get post-choc guilt attacks, but they also have their own bit of weight and substance regardless.

Cadbury’s Caramel: don’t give me any of that “Dairy Milk with Caramel” nonsense. This is its own beast. Dairy Milk chocolate, yes, but with really nice caramel within. Simply the best choc-and-caramel combo; sorry, Galaxy. And does anyone else miss the curiously sexy bunny?

Maltesers: I think I’ve become more and more drawn to the simple elegance of a Malteser as I’ve gotten older. The chocolate may not be Cadbury’s, but it’s sweet and light, and the soft, sugary sensation of dissolving one in your mouth borders on the sublime. I could probably eat a boxful if I allowed myself.

Peanut M&Ms: the connoisseur’s cinema snack of choice. There was a time when my wife and I could not be caught dead without a pack, either at the flicks or just in the car. However, they’re kinda expensive and very sweet and also the kids might have choked on them. But maybe they should make a comeback.

Crunchie: a thick, sturdy block of delightfully sweet honeycomb wrapped in a thin layer of chocolate. One of the most enjoyable chocs to eat due to its combination of subtlety and lightness and also it’s chonky boi energy. Can be soft, can be sharp, always tasty.

Boost: lower down the list than perhaps it really deserves. I really love a Boost, but they are superficially similar to the rather lighter and slightly more flavoursome Starbar. Their comparable heftiness can be what you’re after, and they are tasty. Plus – let’s not forget – they’re slightly rippled with a flat underside.

Reece’s Pieces: I struggled with how to rank these, because the actual Reece’s Pieces – the M&M-style things that Elliot feeds E.T. – aren’t that exciting and have that fake US chocolatey taste. But the other stuff they do – the bars and peanut butter cups and all that jazz – are amazing, probably the best synthesis of peanut butter and chocolate. So taken all together they rock. Despite being American.

Mint Aero: just pipping a Toffee Crisp at the post, because I couldn’t not have mint chocolate. I love mint chocolate, but it is something to be savoured, not an everyday delight. Whilst there are nicer chocolates and better incorporations of a minty flavour, there’s something about the softness and airiness of an Aero that makes it compelling.

Just bubbling under: Viscounts, Rolos, Munchies, and Kit Kats. And, of course, the aforementioned Toffee Crisp. Who’s hungry?

#top ten #easter #chocolate #wonka #cadburys #reeces pieces #eggs

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numoonadaptogen · 1 year

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I did those incest tribes some better. Lmao.

— Leo was painted all around.

SMH. School. It’s what y’all need. You do, really, you need an education on schools of thought.

Serial killing could cause a decline in local incest … I mean …

#my iPod #my dreams #brandy meadors incest troubles #who cares #Celine Dion #reeces pieces #serial killers #ashwin sood #bend it like beckham #I drove all night #my struggle #waste my time and find out like he will later find out #incest tribes

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fandomsmeantheworldtome · 5 months

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#reece shearsmith #tlog #*i want to be that small piece of plastic*#seriously i do🥵#my gifs

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amalthea9 · 4 months

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My. Jelly had found out that it was Hannah's birthday on Christmas Eve. He had seen a birthday card from her father on the kitchen counter of her flat a few days ago. But Hannah hadn't brought it up to him at all. He assumed she was afraid he would feel pressured to do something for it.

"Nah fuck that," he grunted to himself. "She deserves the world puttin' up with me."

So he started planning. He didn't have much, gigs were almost non existent these days. But he had enough for a little cake. He still had tons of balloons obviously, some decorations that weren't too trashed. He would make it work.

Hannah was very happy when Sean asked her if she could come spend Christmas eve with him at his place. She still hadn't mentioned her birthday, and she didn't want to really. It would just stress him out and he didn’t need any more of that. He had already told her how sorry he was he had no funds for Christmas. To which she immediately replied with a heated kiss against his lips shutting him up and saying she just wanted him.

So on Christmas eve afternoon, she went to his flat. The door was already open, and when she entered, she gasped in surprise.

There were white, pink, and purple streamers lining the walls. Balloons of the same colors were everywhere.

"...Sean?" Hannah called out softly. "Wha-"

The sound of a cazoo cut her off and she looked to see a clown blowing into it, Mr. Jelly to be precise.

"Well hullo there young lady!" Mr. Jelly greeted her cheerfully. "Im Mr. Jelly! And you must be the beautiful princess who's birthday it is today!"

Hannah blinked and then a shy smile spread across her face.

"How did..." She began softly.

"I'm a clown, love, we just know these things." He replied winking at her.

Hannah beamed at him and giggled. "Of course."

Mr. Jelly made his way over to her and offered his good hand to her like a gentleman.

"Now if you'd take a please, birthday girl we can get started!"

Hannah was lead over to a chair that had been wrapped in gold wrapping paper to mimic a throne.

"Now! What does every Princess need?" Mr. Jelly asked cheerfully.

"Um..a..prince?" Hannah asked cautiously.

Mr. Jelly kept his smile on but blinked and thought about how he completely missed this opportunity to be Hannah's prince. Fuck.

"Eh..noooo." he muttered through his teeth.

He recovered himself and stated with enthusiasm "Every Princess needs a crown!!"

Hannah gasped in delight as she watched Mr. Jelly go over to his bag and pull out a plastic tiara. It was small but so cute. It had white gems with a silver base paint on the plastic frame. Mr. Jelly carried it over in such a careful way, and placed it gently on Hannah's head.

Hannah squealed in delight as the tiara was placed on her head, making Mr. Jelly chuckle softly in satisfaction.

He stepped back and exclaimed "Beautiful! Now! Would Princess Hannah fancy a make over?"

Hannah nodded enthusiastically, even though she knew that the make over was comprised of a metal comb, a bit of cheap lipstick attached to a hook attachment, and a mascara brush a little smaller than a toilet brush. But she loved him so she wouldn't refuse. The cheerful clown began with the comb but was fairly gentle with it, not tugging too much. When he switched his attachment to the lipstick and turned to face her, he paused.

"Actually your highness," he began thoughtfully. "I'd say you don't need a make over. You're perfect already."

He winked at her and spun back around to his bag. While Hannah blushed and shook her head with a flattered smile.

"Now Princess Hannah!" Mr. Jelly began spinning back around with a long inflated balloon in his left hand. "What is your favorite animal?"

Hannah knew that Mr. Jelly was very limited to what he could make given his hook, so she chose one that she knew he could do.

"Dog!" She replied confidently.

"A unicorn you say?" Mr. Jelly replied with a smile.

"Erm..." Hannah muttered, her expression one of confusion. She was about to repeat herself when Mr. Jelly continued.

"Well to get a unicorn we'll definitely need to say the magic words. You remember the magic words, Hannah?"

Hannah grinned and tried to remember the words from his gig. She started out in a quieter voice.

"Iggy biggy...smelly belly..." she watched Mr. Jelly nodding and he joined in.

"Do some magic for Mr. Jelly!" They said in unison excitedly.

Mr. Jelly looked around the living area with a puzzled expression. Hannah looked around too, rather intrigued as to where this bit was going.

"Well I didn't hear anything, did you?" He asked Hannah.

Hannah shook her head as Mr. Jelly made his way over to the bedroom door down the hall saying something about perhaps the unicorn got lost a long the way.

"Aha! Here she is!"

Hannah heard Mr. Jelly exclaim in excitement as the clown made his way back to the living room with something on a cord. When Hannah saw what was behind Mr. Jelly, she gasped in utter delight and flew out of her chair in excitement.

Before her was a giant unicorn made up of smaller balloons. They had been tied together in a pattern of colors. White for the body, gold for the horn, and purples for the hair and tail.

It was the size of a pony and floated gently along guided by Mr. Jelly on a cord.

Hannah stood in awe and delight, her hands on her mouth as she squealed again.

"Her left leg's a bit fucked up because it's shorter..."

She heard Mr. Jelly mutter in a low voice as if in apology.

"It took nearly all night and by the time I realized it was fucked up I had-"

His apologies died on his lips as soon as he felt Hannah's own pressed to them. His eyes grew wide at the surprise kiss, but he soon melted into her loving kiss and snaked his arm around her waist. When they finally pulled away for air, Hannah knew she had smudged grease paint all over her mouth. And she didn't care.

"She is wonderful, Sean," Hannah whispers, her eyes shimmering. "She's perfect and I adore her. Thank you so much...for all of this."

Hannah's eyes became misty as she says the last words. Mr. Jelly quickly ties off the unicorn to the nearby throne chair and takes Hannah up into both arms.

"Don't thank me, love," he replies softly. "You deserve a happy birthday, and this is the very least I could do. I wanted to buy you a proper gift but...with money and all...this is all I could afford."

"And it's more wonderful than anything you could have bought me at a shop, Sean!" Hannah replied, hugging him against her. "Because this is your joy! Being an entertainer! And giving someone the best birthday ever. Which you did for me today."

Mr. Jelly smiled a soft smile, and he brought his good hand up to gently stroke her cheek.

"You're much more than just someone to me, ya know?" He whispered, his eyes meeting hers with adoration. "I...I love you, ya know that right?"

Hannah's heart fluttered as she caressesed his cheek tenderly as she whispered.

"I know, Sean. I love you too." she brought her lips close to his again, kissing him softly.

Mr. Jelly broke away before things got too heated and excitedly whispered.

"You've got a cake in the kitchen, my princess."

Hannah gasps in delight and Mr. Jelly took her hand and led her into the kitchen. The cake was small but the perfect size for two people. It was lavender colored with white trim, complete with a unicorn candle and the words "Happy Birthday Hannah."

Mr. Jelly lit the candles on the little cake and say happy birthday in the most over the top way, making Hannah giggle terribly. She blew out the candles and he cheered.

"Mr. Jelly?" Hannah asked with a cheeky smile.

"Yes, princess?" He replied as he put two pieces on paper plates.

"Could we...save the cake for later and move on to the 'private party' I booked for the bedroom?"

Mr. Jelly looks over to her to see her little grin and biting her lip. He smirks as he says, "Well, I suppose that's alright. You did book a private party also.."

He winks and grins at her and she helps him put the cake and pieces into the fridge.

Hand in hand and giggling they headed to the bedroom.

If it wasn't unlucky to tell her boyfriend what she had wished for Hannah would have told him that she wished for more days like this with him in the future.

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A COMPLETELY self indulgent and unedited fic for myself and Mr. Jelly that I manage to finish before midnight on my birthday 🤣🤣🤣I hope it was enjoyable in some way for you lovelies. I enjoyed writing it.💜💜💜

@ariel-seagull-wings @professorlehnsherr-almashy @angelixgutz

#psychoville #mr. jelly #reece shearsmith #my grumpy little clown #who stole a piece of my heart without a fucking warning ��🤣🤣#self insert #self insert fic

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arowrath · 7 months

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dessert i got has nuts in it. i cannot imagine trying to navigate daily life with a nut allergy i would go fucking crazy. theyre everywhere

#text #like. all the vending machines have reeces pieces. they sell pbjs at the cafe #etc. Like u walk into any room and the chance someone is or has been or will be eating nuts is astronomical #like how do u. survive. ?????#my brother is severely severely allergic to nuts #but hes at a specialized school thing w only like 20 students. so its not rly a problem they jsut banned nuts #but i worry for when hes more like. in the outside world

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notebooknonbinary · 1 year

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Mike bakes Will a cake for his seventeenth birthday (his sixteen was spent in the Upside Down).

Will: this is a fire hazard!

Mike: you mean a fun hazard!! :D

Will: no Michael, I do not.

…

Will: …but thank you.

Mike: :) Happy Birthday Will! I also got you flowers!

#bylerweek2023 #Day 3: birthdaygate #byler #vee art #the cake is peanut butter flavor😌 the little circles are Reece’s pieces #stranger things #Mike wheeler #will byers #-#sorry it’s not in color lol #if anyone wants to see my Attempt at coloring the cake on my phone (it looks Awful) lemme know lololol #anyway happy birth to The Boy ever

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tehrogueva · 7 months

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Happy early birthday rogue!! I'll try to draw something :D

awwww thank you that would be so sweet

#ask rogue #rogue answers #reece-pieces

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lacnunga · 2 months

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The bloody cheek of companies to make bags of sweets smaller, raise the price on them and then have the nerve to slap a 'more to share!' sticker on them.

#share? absolutely not #also sidenote. i tried reeces pieces for the first time a few days ago #deadly.#theyre so snacky and so small i could gobble them by the handfull #this and butterfingers are dangerous pb items to me #americans do some good sweets

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missacensnakelover · 6 months

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