#she carries around an art journal and is extremely protective of it

[deepestturtlepielover]

Putting in my own thoughts and feelings when I first saw her most of it is in the tags

When she’s anxious I feel like she’d hold her own tail or wrap it around herself as a barrier between her and the outside world. She prefers softer things due to wearing rags for so long and doesn’t have to wear so many layers to keep herself warm but it switches sometimes like it’s too cold one moment and too hot the next moment. She has a hidden cubby hole on deep space nine where all her drawings are and a bunch of soft pillows and blankets are, she feels better there because she can see all around her and nobody can hurt her there :,)

#ds9 #star trek deep space nine #tora ziyal #she deserves the world #her hair is curly but she still puts it up with pride #she sticks paint brushes in her hair #always drawing and creating something #her tail has a bit of softness to it so she uses it a paint brush #she carries around an art journal and is extremely protective of it #emotional support art journal #poor ziyal #I think she has trauma like serious trauma #she could have made good friends with nog and Jake #gone on adventures with them #I’m sad now lmao

[ramblings-from-the-ether]

With time, and with so many new ideas from various people, I think it's about time for a list of some more new moves for the EE cast that we've come up with since we made the original ones!

New Moves: Updated!

Molly

Dumb Luck (Orbit-Class Move): Molly creates an aura of dumb luck, manipulating probability in her favour to create ridiculous coincidences and miracles.

Trap Bubble (Orbit-Class Move): Molly traps an instance of energy, such as an impact, a fire, or an energy-based attack inside of a bubble. At any time, she can dispel the trap bubble and release the stored instance of energy.

Giovanni

Manifests Behind You (Orbit-Class Move): Seizing control over a body of liquid no smaller than a puddle, Giovanni can teleport to that body of water from anywhere within a set range.

Broth-ers In Arms (Orbit-Class Move): Giovanni creates soup creatures from puddles of Primordial Soup! Can range from small grunts to giant monsters, and even simulacrums of himself at high-enough Proficiency!

Dark Luck (Orbit-Class Move): Giovanni creates a soup (definition: a chaotic or unfortunate situation) by manipulating the luck of another person or object to cause catastrophes surrounding it.

Hey Did You Know Soup Can Also Mean Nitroglycerin Because I Sure Didn't (Orbit-Class Move): Uh, explosive soup. Explosive soup, I guess, what

From @tired1mmortal :

Boiling Point: Giovanni points a finger gun and fires a razor-thin jet of soup from it! He can do this with multiple fingers at once to create webs of scalding jets that can even slice through objects at high Proficiency!

From @asquared-ohgodnotthehorrors :

Hellish Hurricane (Orbit-Class Move): Giovanni conjures a massive, swirling cloud of steam, essentially creating a small microclimate out of soup. The cloud can heal allies and batter foes with acidic rain, starchy sleet, bony hail, or even soup lightning!

From an old post of @epitheterasedgen 's:

Sending Soup: Giovanni reaches out to someone he knows by influencing their bowl of alphabet soup, rearranging the letters to spell messages.

Sylvie

Night Terrors (Orbit-Class Move): Sylvie unleashes Nightmare Fuel on a large group of targets at once. Probably uses a lot of Stamina, and its effectiveness is as usual dependent on how tired each target is.

Dream Deep (Orbit-Class Move): Sylvie knocks himself out, summoning not just Dr Beefton, but an entire small dream world to his defence. Definitely not something he can easily recover from after using.

From @tired1mmortal :

Dream Journal (Orbit-Class Move): Sylvie summons creatures and objects from dreams he remembers, such as Dr Beefton, without needing to become tired or knock himself out. Can only summon recent or recurring dreams.

Ramsey

Art Fraud (Orbit-Class Move): From our Epitome ideas, Ramsey teleports to a nearby location, leaving a solid gold statue of himself in his place to distract foes.

From @tired1mmortal :

Midas' Throne (Orbit-Class Move): Ramsey turns an entire area around him into gold temporarily, allowing him to manipulate the environment to create objects and attack foes within it. Definitely costs a lot of Stamina.

Rick

Technically Teamwork: Rick's bonds with his friends empower them when close to each other.

A Bond Once Thought Gone: Rick calls upon a bond that was once severed. As long as the former friend isn't now an enemy, he can channel powers from that bond, if only for a moment.

The Old Cliche: In a moment of extreme danger, Rick channels all of his Stamina and Proficiency into his friend, sacrificing his remaining power to protect them.

From @tired1mmortal :

Tokens of Friendship: By carrying a token of his friendship with someone; a friendship bracelet, a gift, or otherwise; Rick can increase the distance of his bond with that friend, and possibly even enhance their powers!

The Friends of My Friends: Rick can share his friends' powers with each other as long as they're also friends, and he can also gain powers from the friends of his friends as long as they're not enemies.

The Worst Thing About Betrayal: Rick willingly severs his bond with a friend, in the process heavily hindering them and rendering them vulnerable.

#epithet erased #new moves #molly blyndeff #giovanni potage #sylvester ashling #ramsey murdoch #rick shades

[lilikags]

Aluxia Fanris OC Likes/Dislikes + Appearance

Disclaimer: we don’t know much about fontaine so I’ll scrap her if canon makes it difficult for her to exist Q_Q

I’ve written a lot for her, so this’ll be broken into many different parts [see links to other parts below!!]

Link to picrew: 

Introduction | About | Personality | Likes/Dislikes + Appearance | Backstory | Vision Backstory | Combat Abilities | Trivia | Voicelines 

Likes: 

Her mother’s chicken fricassee. It’s the best food in the world to her, and she always asks for it on her birthday, and she never leaves any drops of it on her plate. If any of her siblings (or her mom) doesn’t finish, she will finish it for them. She is very protective of her share of it and will not let anyone have any. 

Achieving goals at a steady pace. Aluxia is the type to say that only the results matter, and she loves getting things done. It motivates her, it makes her happy. She loves it when she can tick off boxes in her goal journal, signifying that she actually got something done and is on a planned path towards greatness.

Seeing kids outside playing and having fun. It’s something she rarely got to experience herself, and she no longer pities herself for having it taken away from her. She tells herself that it was fated and there was nothing she could do to change it. Though, for other children, she feels that their smiles and innocence must be protected at all costs.

Magic tricks. She loved seeing street performers entertain, and as a young child, she’d stop to look at them all the time. After her father disappeared, she studied them vigorously and started performing on the street, and she was lucky enough with her stage personality to become a new sensation.

Singing. Aluxia loves to sing. She’d often sing with her parents songs her grandparents loved, and one day, her father asked, “Why don’t you write your own songs?” This inspired her to start writing songs. At first, they were an outlet and they never went outside of her notebook, but when she realized she could make money off of it as well, she started writing happier songs of what she wanted to be and to have.  

Helping people out, especially travelers/adventurers. Aluxia is always ready to help anyone. If she hasn’t seen you around, likely she’ll approach you and try to help out any way she can. Lost? She has the whole city memorized at this point. Need to buy something but don’t know which shop is best? She has you covered. Though, at one point, you’ll find yourself with directions to the ticket booth for one of her shows. 

Dislikes: 

Untidiness. She always tells her siblings to clean up their rooms and their messes wherever they go. “Mama, stop cleaning up for them. They need to learn how to clean by themselves,” she’d often say. Ainos and Elma eventually made a competition out of it, making their spaces the cleanest of the whole house. Though, with Celen, she has to make him clean it right. (She stands there reading a book, and if she has to look up from it while he’s supposed to be cleaning, it’s minus one point. The less points he has, the less he can go out with his friends.) 

When someone doesn’t do their job right. Aluxia expects everyone to do the job right, especially herself, when there are multiple people working on a project together. She often offers to carry the leader role, and she’s a bit strict when it comes to work. She does understand that mistakes happen; she sees it all the time. However, if there isn’t a good excuse as to why it happened, then she’ll be in a bad mood. 

When someone mentions her father. It’s a very touchy subject, and it always has been. Anything to do with having two happy, loving parents is something she gets jealous about. She does care about the children who do have both parents and hope they grow up the childhood she didn’t get, but when it’s expected of her to have these parents she didn’t have, she is often placed in a bad mood. Days like career day where fathers come into school, or when people ask “What do your parents do?” are painful reminders of what she could’ve had, but didn’t get. 

Flies. She hates flies. It reminded her of when her cousins from her father’s side had come over (her father had been forced to bring them), and they brought flies into the house. She thinks they’re creepy, annoying, and extremely gross.

Hair, Eyes, Skin tone, and other Physical Features: 

FC: Cleo from Dragalia Lost

Aluxia is of short stature, with pink hair and the same colored eyes. (Both traits are recessive in both her mother and fathers side). She often puts her hair up in twintails, though not as curly (and big) as her FC art. Her hair is thick, and she often dyes the ends of her hair with various colors. She is often dressed in cute dresses, consisting of the colors white, black, and gold most of the time, though for concerts, she wears whatever colors match the theme of the performance. At home, she can be seen wearing a long nightgown with her hair down. 

#aluxia #genshin #genshin oc #genshin impact

[twistednuns]

December 2019

Maxim calling out of the blue, inviting me to the Mine concert later that month.

Stumbling upon great inspiration for plant-based buddha bowls.

@shitgothssay memes.

Zotter salted caramel chocolate.

Finding out about the fact that you can just add the letter A to some words to transform them into adjectives. Like aglitter or aglow and aglisten.

Ayurvedic Kapha tea with some black tea, honey and milk. Sonnentor Gute Laune tea. Green tea with toasted coconut.

Isana shower oil. Works wonders for dry skin. Such a smooth and creamy texture. Great for shaving, too.

Winning the pub quiz - again! I played with Maggie, Dennis, Daniel and Steffen (Team name: Three geese in a trenchcoat) and we won 178€. However, the best thing about this was when I finally solved the anagram after thinking about it for 10 minutes. It was Greta Thunberg! Winning is lovely, of course, but solving the anagram is already a personal win for me each time.

Tuesdays. Coming home early, sleeping it off.

Being super rested after a nap, cooking a huge pot of veggie stew and my ratatouille signature recipe, even preparing a batch of butter bean hummus and salad dressing. Listening to folk music, singing along, even dancing at some point. Standing there, peeling the potatos… Happy moment.

Signature manicure. Always. This time: bluish iridescent lilac with the obligatory black dot.

A personal realisation. I’ve been massively out of touch with myself. I’ve stopped journaling, stopped doing things for myself because they’re beneficial and not because they’re convenient and numb everything. And why is that a good thing? Well, only being at this point and realising what’s wrong with me makes it possible to do something against it. To come up a self-care plan. To make myself feel better.

Semi-deleting Facebook.

Spending time with Manu for the first time in three months. Watching a documentary about black holes and a cheesy Christmas movie. Ordering south Indian food, cuddling up in bed. Sometimes I don’t know why I keep isolation myself. Being around people can be really lovely and soothing if you can be yourself around them. It’s just that I often feel the presence of other living beings drains my energy.

The best massage I ever had. From now on I’ll always request Yaya as my massage therapist. She is SICK. Strong, merciless, forces me into weird poses and makes my back crack.

Also: the chocolate-filled mint hard candy they hand out at the massage studio. I used to hate mint-infused chocolate but somehow I think these are delicious. Perfect after-torture-treat.

Persimmons. Obsessed.

My eye colour in artificial light. A dark moss green with caramel-coloured speckles and a dark rim.

The National playing a 2-hour-long concert and including some of my favourite songs from the High Violet album. Fangirling with Anika.

The smell of cold. You know, that whiff of cool air you get when you’re sniffing a jacket that’s been hanging on the balcony for a few hours to air out.

Learning more about Claire Saffitz from this article - she likes arts and crafts, is a homebody and has degrees in history and literature! She basically enrolled in culinary school because she was bored after graduation. She’s an enigma of a quirky kind. Not brilliant and scattered, but determined and aimless. Not brave and rebellious, but anxious and creative. She hates change yet pursues it, wants order but trades in chaos. She’s loved because she hates stuff; performs well because she can’t perform. And above all, she’s aggressively regular—and something about this makes the crowd go wild.

Fresh laundry smell on my blankets and pillows. And my new gravity blanket. It weighs 11kg which feels crazy heavy when you carry it but the weight evenly distributes over the body when you’re lying down. Apparently the pressure triggers the release of stress hormones. So far I’m sleeping like a baby and I don’t seem to wake up or move much at night.

Stephanie Madewell. I love everything she writes, her blog is such a godsend of beautiful, important, eclectic ideas. One thing I especially like are her imaginary outfits.

Princess Margaret’s limerick contest with President Lyndon B. Johnson in The Crown. Pure comedy. “There was a young lady from Dallas / who used a dynamite stick as a phallus / they found her vagina in North Carolina / and her asshole in Buckingham Palace.”

Little pieces of string in the corners of a duvet cover. It’s the first time I’ve seen those. So practical for big blankets!

Mental health days. I needed this. So much. Mornings in bed, reading for hours. Drinking a whole pot of tea.

Partner yoga. Chanting the closing mantra together.

Making vegan energy balls for my brother. I adapted the recipe and made my own versions so I ended up with a batch of pistachio/cherry and mango/sesame.

Freaking out whenever I see a cute cat. Damn, I really need to spend more time with animals. My highlight: breakfast in bed, watching a video of an adorable cat giving birth. I cried. Yup.

Going swimming for the first time in, man, I don’t even know. Forever. I didn’t swim for a long time, maybe half an hour, but muscle memory kicked in immediately. Water is totally my element. And, as if it had been destiny: I chose the day they cut the hanging plants in the main hall and the guy gave me a variety of five different cuttings to take home!! He made me a very happy girl.

The ink blue sky right after sunset. / The morning after the full moon in Gemini (the moon still bright and huge, visible in the bluish-grey Western sky). / When the sun suddenly comes out after a very dark and gloomy morning.

Buying a new phone. The old one was broken beyond repair. I even got a nice cork protective case. How could I ever live without an uncracked screen? The battery now actually lasts for more than a day. Nice.

Odd bits of knowledge: A galanthophile is an enthusiastic collector and identifier of snowdrop (Galanthus) species and cultivars. (Wikipedia) // Scientists theorize the Universe might have cracks in it: long thin boundaries that formed as space cooled after the Big Bang. 95 billion lightyears long and a few femtometers thin, these wrinkles in space-time would hold enough energy to bend light and destroy entire planets. (PHD comics) // the word to bloviate (German meaning: schwafeln, langatmig vortragen) // In Japan we have three rituals: HANAMI, TSUKIMI, and YUKIMI. HANAMI is watching the flowers. TSUKIMI is watching the moon, YUKIMI is watching the snow. It’s a beautiful tradition when you invite people to watch with you. I remember them all. (Yoko Ono) // In linguistics, prosody is concerned with those elements of speech that are not individual phonetic segments (vowels and consonants) but are properties of syllables and larger units of speech, including linguistic functions such as intonation, tone, stress, and rhythm. Such elements are known as suprasegmentals. Prosody may reflect various features of the speaker or the utterance: the emotional state of the speaker; the form of the utterance (statement, question, or command); the presence of irony or sarcasm; emphasis, contrast, and focus. It may otherwise reflect other elements of language that may not be encoded by grammar or by choice of vocabulary. (Wikipedia) //

I know I mention this a lot but the first olfactory whiff of a freshly cut open passion fruit is one of the best smells I know.

When my breakfast tastes like a candy bar. Which it immediately does whenever I add almond butter and cocoa nibs to porridge.

Yoga at home on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I’m often too lazy to get out my yoga mat but whenever I do afterwards I’m always so glad I practiced. Also: going to yoga class despite being extremely stressed out. It actually helped me silence some of these tormenting thoughts in my head.

Cutting my own hair. It’s kinda ridiculous and layered but I love the new bounce.

Michael Nyman - Musique à grande vitesse x // feels like it makes my pulse quicker, it’s urging and forceful.

My adventures in psychedelia - an article about the therapeutic effect of psychoactive drugs. I’m going to get Michael Pollan’s book about the topic from the library next week. So interesting.

People who are still writing letters.

My pupils. I realised that some of them have become very fine people. Open, compassionate, motivated, interested, bright, polite. Like the students who attended our first school magazine meeting in their spare time - on the last school day before the Christmas holidays - and had all these amazing ideas. Victor, being able to hold a conversation like an adult. Marks cuddling that dog in front of the supermarket. My tenth-graders being really reasonable, managable, easy to talk to.

Liza Weil’s role as Shy Baldwin’s bass player in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. It took me three episodes to recognize her.

A little embroidery set. I love keeping my hands busy when I’m watching movies.

Making vegan walnut lebkuchen and a very good batch of crisp bread in one go.

Roast apples with candied almonds and marzipan for Christmas dinner. Some buckwheat chocolate cookies. Actually helping out my mum in the kitchen.

Sitting at the piano with my brother, singing tunes from our childhood series, Disney songs, pop songs… We both had sore throats afterwards.

Visiting Sash’s parents over Christmas. Her mum cooked a pretty great lunch and we played board games.

Learning how to make a monkey fist knot.

Finding a new spot I like in my apartment. The chair right next to the window at the kitchen table. It’s nice and warm because you can sit beside the heater and while you have breakfast or browse through a cookbook you can see what’s going on outside.

Seeing the incredible gobelins at Kunsthalle / Fäden der Moderne exhibition. I loved the Le Corbusier ones.

Visiting Manu at his parents' place. Playing board games together, his mum feeding me with parsley potatoes and a weird _bird's milk_ dessert. Lying on the sofa, watching old movies. It's weirdly nice to be part of a normal family dynamic once in a while.

Andre saving my New Year’s Eve at the very last minute. Out of the blue he suggested a trip to Czech Republic right after midnight the day before. I was like… okay, let’s do this! So I met up with him and three people I had never met before in Regensburg and we drove to Český Krumlov, checked into our fancy hotel and walked down to the city centre. Czech food for dinner, a band playing at the city square. We climbed up to the castle for the turn of the year. This must have been the first year that started out with a proper New Year’s kiss. Afterwards we went to a weird music bar and - apparently - one of the best clubs in the country. I had a lot of fun. Even though getting Andre home was quite a challenge.

#things i love #personal #present perfect #december #2019 #december 2019

[amuletrebel]

When We Meet Again Ch. 1

AO3 Link / FF.net Link

Summary:  Rachel Gardner, a brilliant archaeologist, goes deep into the jungle to research an ancient civilization. Finding a tomb deep underground, she accidentally awakens a serial killer who was cursed to sleep for eternity. But after he awakens, Rachel discovers she's the reincarnation of someone he knew and swore to protect. She must hide his existence from everyone to ensure his own safety, and maybe learn something about him and her past life.

Rachel Gardner ignored the pleas of her fellow researchers as she ventured further into the Melica Jungle. It was said to be a vast well of knowledge for archaeological research, inhabited thousands of years ago by an intelligent civilization known as the Himates. However, exploring such uncharted territory proved to be quite the feat. Rachel had narrowly avoided snake pits and quicksand. She expertly avoided very well-made traps on her journey. These facts led her to believe she was close to her destination. From her notes, the Himates liked to be an isolated and independent civilization, deterring any foreign presence whenever possible.

She didn't mind going into the unexplored terrain alone. Her many journeys, from the deep slopes of the Grand Canyon to the scorching heat of the Sahara, had toughened her up enough to withstand the harshest conditions and most treacherous threats. Add that to the fact that she didn't exactly fear death. Even stuck in her musings, Rachel managed to tiptoe around a handful of spike falls that were cleverly hidden. She was well-versed in setting traps, for reasons she never discussed with anyone.

The archaeologist treading through the trees carefully, looking back to only see thick foliage. She had gone far off the trail, and her colleagues were nowhere in view. She couldn't hear them, even if she strained her ears. Huffing a quiet sigh, Rachel continued her journey, using the hunting knife she had equipped to cut through extra thick bushes and clearing the way for her. At the end of the tree line, a same cave came into view. Her blue eyes were transfixed on the structure as she climbed her way out of the forest and to open space.

Brushing a strand of blonde hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear, the young woman reached inside the bag at her hip to pull out her journal and pen. She noticed the multitude of symbols etched onto the outer lips on the cave. They seemed to give off a hostile aura, warning newcomers of the impending danger ahead. The shapes swirled and curved in waves that seemed to ask the reader of the texts to turn back and never return. They even depicted deadly mythical monsters, with horns and giant claws, and a sort of fire. However, Rachel already made her way past the ancient jungle traps, so she proved to have the intellect necessary to outsmart the ancient Himates. She jotted the symbols down to translate later, then swiftly closed her book and tucked it back in its proper place.

With a firm resolve, the blonde woman walked forward, her dirty brown hiking books stepping from soft dirt to hardened stone upon passing the cave's entrance. She kept silent to listen to the occurrences surrounding her. The breeze from the outside whistled softly as it blew through the entrance, moving tiny pebbles and speckles of dirt around gently. When Rachel made her way a few yards into the cave, she stopped and closed her eyes. In her mind, she could see events that took place thousands of years ago, in this very cave. It was one of her talents; to close her eyes and let the locations and artifacts speak to her with images of their ancient history in her mind's eye.

She envisioned the ghosts of ancient people with slightly darker skin tones than her passing her by as they went about their unknown routines. She noticed the thin white clothing, showing just enough skin to remain unbothered by the elements. A majority of their clothing was white, to reflect the light of the scorching sun. Most of them wore silver accessories, armlets and usekh collars. Only the occasional man or woman had their accessories in gold. They were dressed a little more elegantly than others, symbolizing their possible higher status. It seemed menial labor fell on the lower class; the ones in silver carrying baskets and heavy bowls packed with food, spices, or anything valuable to their cultures. The ones in golden carried incense jars and feather fans; much lighter but equally valuable objects. Rachel deduced the cave held an altar somewhere inside, dedicated to one of their gods.

The archaeologist opened her eyes, the figures gently wisping away with the breeze. She took out her journal again, jotting down images from her visions. She focused further ahead afterward. The cave appeared to go much further. Rachel carefully made her way into the depths, flickering on her flashlight once natural light no longer shone where she was heading. She observed the cave's walls, studying the symbols and artwork that lined that stone. Whoever drew them must have had excellent precision to make sure perfect art. The air around her slowly became colder, the draft nipping at her arms. She nonchalantly rubbed her skin to generate heat and bring down the rising goosebumps.

Rachel reached what she believed was finally the back on the cave. A dusty and deteriorated altar stood atop a small set of natural stone steps. The Himates were intelligent, using the cave's pre-existing curves and slopes to build their place of worship. She studied the room, taking in the exquisite detail. She could vividly picture the room in its original state; flames flicking from candles on the golden candelabras and a white stone decorated in fine cloth with expensive materials sitting atop.

The young woman was entranced by the structure, the technology, the history. She was captivated by the history of these people. She loved getting lost in the past; a much simpler time with everyone doing their part to survive and thrive. She wished the modern world could be more like that. Unfortunately, Rachel was stuck in her musings. She unknowingly backed up as she pored over the drawings and writing on the walls of the cave, trying to decipher the god that was worshiped at this specific altar, possibly learned why it was isolated to this cave. Her elbow knocked into the wall behind her. Oceanic eyes widened as she felt her appendage sink into the wall.

A trap?!

Rachel jumped slightly as the cave began to quake, taken mildly by surprise. The tremors knocked her off balance, causing her to yelp softly when her rear hit the cold stone ground. The vibrations slowly calmed, and the woman blinked, carefully rising to her feet. An opening in the floor revealed a long staircase leading into pitch black. She weighed her options; go further to either make a great discovery or meet her end, or she could turn back and never mention the hidden stairwell in her reports. One foot forward and her flashlight pointed towards the stairs was enough to let anyone know she had chosen the former.

The journey down was quite a trek, her knees weakening the farther she descended. But she wasn't one to give up so easily. Without a proper perception of time, the time it took until her feet finally touched flat land fell like hours. The blonde's eyes widened to see a small room at the bottom, dimly lit by a strange light that seemed to come from within the stone walls. But she couldn't take the time to meticulously explore everything. But she didn't want anyone to find the cave's hidden room and cover the entrance back up without realizing her whereabouts, leaving her trapped.

The walls were covered in dust and vines that seemed to thrive under the conditions the underground room provided. So she couldn't appropriate see what lay underneath. However, one thing in the room caught her eye, and for good reason. A rusty sarcophagus lay flat on a slightly raised platform. It was nowhere near as elegant or sophisticated as one from the Egyptians, for example. It looked as if it was purposefully neglected, as a sign of disrespect to whomever laid within. There were no decorations or symbols to tell of who exactly was inside. There was only a single line of Himatean inscription. Unfortunately, she hadn't translated those specific words yet.

A silver lock rested on the sarcophagus, seemingly untouched. It wasn't rusted like the rest of the piece but appeared fairly new. A beautiful ruby rested in the center, its gleam beckoning her forward. Rachel slowly reached out, hypnotized by the lock's glow, as if something was resonating in her soul and pleaded with her to touch it. Her pale fingertips barely grazed the surface, but a single touch was enough to completely shatter the lock. It fell to the ground with a loud clunk. The archaeologist instinctively backed away as the lid popped open a crack, a thick cloud of dust pouring out.

Rachel coughed as she inhaled the musky hair, using her arm to cover her mouth and nose. The dust cloud, which reminded her of a fog, slowly cleared. The tomb was wide open, a heavily bandaged arm holding it steady. A figure slowly sat up inside the sarcophagus, heavily bandaged from head to toe. She wasn't one to believe in the dead being resurrected, but as she rose to her feet with unconsciously trembled legs, the impossible was seemingly more and more possible.

Rachel attempted to calm her rapidly beating heart down with observations, facts. Anything to ground her. The figure was definitely male, his frame still perfectly outlined depicted the many layers of wrappings. His ebony hair looked fluffy and silky smooth, as if he handed been risen from the dead. Finally, his eyes opened, revealing they were heterochromatic. One was a hazel brown and extremely dilated; the other was a piercing gold, illuminated even in the low light.

She watched at the...creature turned his head towards her. She slowly calmed herself down, curiosity overshadowing any sense of fear. She looked into his eyes, which bore confusion. Then she watched as his eyes widened the longer their eyes were locked. Beneath those layers of bandages, Rachel could hear a single word escape his foreign tongue.

"Rasella…?"

Who?

To be continued...

Also, HUGE shout out to @galacticpotatoes for sketching some beautiful art of this AU! Which you can find here!

#satsuriku no tenshi #angels of death #mummy au #or rather past and present meet #WWMA #long post

[rootfauna]

A Handmaiden’s Tale. Specifically, Mine.

I’e been debating on whether or not to make this post for a while now, and I’ve decided that the benefits of saying my piece outweigh any hate I’ll get for this. It’s really long but I have no more fucks to give. 

I am so, so, sick of the trend in radical feminism of calling women who aren’t radical feminists “cocksuckers” “wastes of time” “dick riders” “sellouts” “cowards” and “handmaidens”. Anti feminist women and liberal feminist women can be incredibly annoying and have made me want to put my head through a wall, and I honestly can’t blame anyone for making a snide remark about them here or there. But I absolutely cannot wrap my mind around the fact that a group of women who supposedly A) understands the misogyny of using a woman’s (real of hypothetical) sexual interactions with a man as an insult against her, B) acknowledges the realities of female socialization in a patriarchal society and C) understands the potential dangerous outcomes of a woman speaking up against misogyny, can go around unabashedly talking about women this way. Every time I scroll through my dash I’ll come across at least one post lamenting how young girls are indoctrinated into believing their worth lies in their beauty, femininity, and (hetero)sexuality. Why then, do I see so much vitriol directed at the ones who believed it? 

The last time I spoke about this I was accused of ‘making it all about myself’ because I shared a snippet of my personal experience. Well, I’m about to share more than a snippet. Yet this isn’t about me, and I will be the first one to tell you that I am nowhere near unique in this sense. So I guess this is actually the experience of thousands and thousands of women, this is just how it happened to me:

To start with, y’all need to understand where I grew up. If the ‘y’all’ wasn’t a big enough clue, I grew up in bumfuck nowhere USA. Here’s another fact that’s vital to my story: I was born in 1991. That fact, coupled with my geographic location, meant that when I started school in 1996, corporal punishment was still legal (to be carried out by the principal) and up until around that time my mother could still legally sign documents as “mrs” *insert my father’s name*. 

Growing up in this environment meant that gender roles were highly enforced around me and that at an early age I saw deviance from them met with hatred and scorn. I could name plenty of examples, but really, haven’t we all seen that? Even the respectable women who dared not be housewives never rose to a more prominent position than a teacher, bank clerk, or selling Mary Kay. Before the age of about 10 I have absolutely no memory of seeing a woman in a position of skill and power beyond these things except for Terry Irwin on tv. It might be noted that I grew up wanting to be a zookeeper. I don’t remember the first time I heard the word “feminist” but from my earliest recollection it was not a good word. Then, as today in my neck of the woods, “feminist” is an insult. I can remember sitting in the back seat of the car listening to my father and his friend ranting about something they heard on the radio about how “the feminists” (word spat out like tobacco juice) were ruining something or other. It was clear to me that whatever these feminists were, they were bad. 

Things really kicked into gear once I got into middle school. What had been a vague concept in the back of my mind was now pulled to the front of the classroom. I distinctly remember sitting in 7th grade biology and learning about the inherent differences between male and female brains. The teacher explained how our brains were wired differently, and that male brains were designed so that logical and analytical thought came naturally to them, but expressing emotion and communicating did not. This, the teacher said, is why men often erupt into fits of anger rather than say how they feel. On the other hand, female brains were designed to have ease of communication, and to be more aware of our own emotions and those of others. They were not designed for quick, logical, rational thinking. Don’t get me wrong; it was never taught to me that women were incapable of logical, rational, thinking, just that we were biologically at a disadvantage to men in that regard. I tried (like other girls in the class) to have some pride in my lady-brain. I’m wired to be better at something than a boy! Ha! Though it was around this time I began to shift my focus away from scientific pursuits and towards the arts. 7th grade was also the beginning of outright public sexual harassment that no adult seemed to give a shit about. There was “thong Thursday”, for example. We 12-13 year old girls were encouraged by the boys to wear thongs and lean over so that they could see the tops of them, or to wear our jeans low enough for them to peek over. This happened openly in the halls, but never once addressed by the adults. And woe to any girl who spoke out about it. That much feared “feminist!” accusation could be hurled at her, and she’d be publicly humiliated and mocked, and no one would dare help her lest they be feminist by association. There was also ‘grab-ass Wednesday’ which makes absolutely no sense but is exactly what you’re thinking. 

The official school lesson on male and female brains resurfaced again, this time in 10th grade sociology class. This time in addition to the physical differences in the brains, we learned about inherent differences in behavior and societal roles. It was honestly something taken straight from some MRA’s drivel; men evolved to be the Strong Hunter Protector of the species, brain different, this why big words make man ANGRY he hit you because his brain can’t make his mouth talk feelings he want to BREED. Woman want BABY lots of emotions need man to protec blah blah blah. To us at this point, all of this was objective fact. Also at this point, the effects and impact of female socialization were starting to become disgustingly apparent. Around this time the security officer at the school was fired for ‘having sex’ with a fourteen year old freshman. It was so SCANDALOUS because...what a SLUT! It would not occur to me until YEARS later that maybe sex between a 14 year old girl and the adult male security officer hired to protect her was...uh, rape. As high school continued, so did the development of our female anti-feminism. I’ve seen radfems on here discuss how men are socialized to think that their thoughts and emotions are objective fact, but I’ve never seen it pointed out that women are socialized to believe so, too. As interactions with boys became more frequent their attention became more and more prized. When a boy said “you’re beautiful” or “you’re not like the other girls” or “you’re smart” it was seen as a pure and shining compliment, a shining nugget of truth. If a girl said the same thing? You never knew, she could just be two-faced, she would change her mind in a matter of seconds, or just be on her period. Of course, we began to strive to receive more compliments from boys because what teenager DOESN’T want to be respected and valued by their peers? 

By the end of high school several of my peers were married and/or had a baby already. I had intended to go to school for journalism, but in a sudden fit of either teenage rebellion or wisdom, I took the plunge into working with animals. This saw me moving about a thousand miles away from my home town, my parents, friends, and all forms of social support. As it turns out, animal training and handling, particularly dog training and handling, is an incredibly male dominated field. Even compared to my previous life experience, it was extremely misogynistic. I found myself working long shifts at night, often with only male coworkers who were near universally older, larger, and stronger than I was. Here, I was expected to laugh it off when one of them said that if the world were about to end, the first thing he’d do was rape me. Or when my boss joked about raping me. Or when one of them (more or less out of nowhere) said that he didn’t think there would ever be a female president because “when I think “president” I think “man””. I did what I was supposed to do and took some satisfaction in their approval despite my first, suppressed, twinge of discomfort. In a strange city, in a strange area of the country, sleeping during the day and working long hours, I had little elsewhere to look for friendship and social interaction. So I made friends. Long night shifts with no one else to talk to and little else to do will do that to people. Of course, I wasn’t the ONLY woman at my place of work. I was friendly with the other women but the lifelong effects of being socialized to view women as inferior kept any of us from growing too close to each other. After all, despite growing up elsewhere they had similar upbringings. When they weren’t present the men openly chatted about who they thought the woman had slept with, how smelly her vagina must be, what her nipples probably looked like, and I held my tongue still under the delusion that if I was Good and Not Like the Other Girls, they wouldn’t speak like that about me behind my back. Feminism was only mentioned to mock women, or, more importantly, to bring up how the the country was sexist against men. The men lamented about how “in this country a man can’t be raped I guess” and “female special privileges” and “the DRAFT” and I believed them, because I didn’t have much of a reason or incentive not to. Women were viewed and treated as walking cries of rape unless they laughed when groped. 

I called one of these male friends one night, in tears. My kitten, a tiny little thing named Ginkgo, had escaped from my apartment and I pleaded with him to help me search for her. He came over and we searched in vain for her. I was heartbroken, sobbing, and desperate for comfort and when the hug I was given became lustful I tried to refuse. He argued that I had woken him up in the middle of the night to come all the way to my home to look for a lost kitten; I owed it to him. That it wasn’t fair for me to refuse him and that it was selfish of me to expect compassion and company for nothing in return. And at that time in my life, I believed him. It was only fair. Afterwards, alone in my apartment, I was confronted with the reality that the only reason anyone would ever show me compassion, love, or kindness was because I was female and therefore potential sex. At the time, I was beginning to realize I was asexual (though it would be many years before I had a word for it). It was like I had been shown that my worth, my worthiness of love and life, and all my achievements were housed in my sensuality and sexuality. And I didn’t posses either. Dark times, I tell ya. Of course, there was no chance of me seeking sympathy from any female friends or acquaintances for what took place. Years later when a man in a bar shoved his finger inside me and I smashed a beer mug over his head I was berated by my female companions for overreacting and ruining the night. Further blows to any sense of being anything other than “woman” came in the form, ironically, of my achievements. I excelled at dog handling, particularly scent detection and received many an award for it, each time being told by my male peers that the only reason I received it was because I was a woman. I took my awards with a pinch of shame, believing I had taken it from a more deserving man. 

 It was around this time I first dipped my toes in the shallow end of feminism. I got a Tumblr! I was about 23. The internet wasn’t too big a thing when I was growing up and I got my first social media account when I was 17, the year I moved out. Until I logged onto the blue hell site, I didn’t use the internet outside of facebook (with only my irl friends there to form an echo chamber) and looking up definitions of words. Now, for the first time, I discovered that feminism wasn’t taboo everywhere. Fascinating! Of course, the “feminism” I found was pretty much identical to the patriarchal world I lived in, just with more lipstick. But it was a step. Secret radfem blog? Shit, I had a secret libfem blog and was still terrified of being found out by people I knew. I had good reason, too. When I tried to, very tentatively, voice some opinions that were not male-approved, I was met with swift and immediate backlash. I mentioned to a male coworker that I didn’t want children, which ended with him screaming at me to go out and have a hysterectomy right now if I really didn’t want any because I was being stupid and of course I wasn’t serious otherwise I’d just rip my uterus out. Or when I voiced concern over that one politician that said women should be forced to deliver stillbirths naturally because that’s what happened on his farm and was publicly berated for being a crybaby and a little girl, freaking out over ‘one weird fluke’. Still, I grew more and more interested in feminism. I spent a year deeeep in the libbiest-of libfem glitter-choked hells until one fateful day: I saw a study that proved there was no such thing as brainsex. 

My entire perception of reality was irreparably shattered. Over the course of a few days, I was forced to realize that I had been lied to my entire life. I had been lied to by my teachers and the adults in my life as a kid, I was forced to realize how deeply sexist and inappropriate the boys at schools were being, that I was taught in school to excuse male violence as not their fault, that no one ever owed anyone sex, that what my coworkers and ‘friends’ were saying was blatantly false and not ok, that I was just as capable of pursuing a scientific field as a man, to realize just how much the most important people in my life really hated me. And I was forced to confront the fact that I had backed myself into a corner, cut off any escape routes, and that I relied on the acceptance of these men for my safety and job security. That made the next few years......uncomfortable. And yet, bit by bit, little by little, I’ve pulled myself away from that world and set up a new life for myself. I’ve said goodbye to a lot of people. I’ve hurt a lot. I’ve cringed a lot. The antifeminist keyboard smashing seen on radfem posts is something I could have (and probably would have) typed myself back then, safe in the conviction that I was right. 

“No one held a gun to your head and forced you to be an antifeminist” I’ve been told. That’s true, I guess. At nine, after riding my bike to the one small library in town I could have checked out a book by Dworkin (whom I’d never heard of) from the feminist section (which may or may not have existed) instead of Animorphs. I could have walked around shouting “hey, anyone want to be a feminist so I can see how it’s done?” to try and find someone to look up to. I could have, upon getting internet in my late teens, immediately googled “how to be a feminist”, but I didn’t so my bad. Certainly there were girls who grew up in similar circumstances who were always feminists, and certainly there are women who grew up with outlets for feminism that are antifeminist, but I feel my story is a much more common one and in the end at least I made it. I think most radfems have had a libfem phase and I think most of us would cringe at it, but in so many ways I’m grateful for it. Not only did it introduce me to the movement that would change my life, but it was inviting and welcoming. I cannot, and DO NOT want to imagine what would have happened if, seeking to find voice for my discomfort, I had come across radical feminism first and saw the words that were beginning to cut so deeply echoed by the women who claimed to be for women. Cocksucker. Waste of time. Stupid. Coward. Being told I ‘lapped it all up’. The thought of it really makes me uncomfortable, and I think the only message it all would have sent was “Your entire world is against you and hates you but also you wanted it and it’s your fault.”. 

I see radfems speak often about non western women and how they face and view sexism. It’s quite universally accepted that non western women are acutely aware of biological sex and wouldn’t stand for this gemgender floridesexual nonsense and that’s lauded as a sort of....kinship I guess. When I see radfems speak about non western women in this way, I feel they have a sense of kinship with them, like they’re one of the radfem crowd. I wonder, however, what the women who grew up and lived in those environments would really think about everything radical feminism stands for? Surely some would agree completely, but how often do you see women in these situations agree that rape is sometimes (or always) the girl’s fault? Or that women should not be educated? Are they still our sisters, or cock sucking cowards? And is the extension of sisterhood dependent on their hypothetical ability to, if they hold these beliefs, listen to what feminists have to say and change their minds to agree? Let’s say the woman in your gifsets is presented with these resources and never changes her mind. What then? Even still I've seen it said that anti feminist women will never change so there’s no point in trying. I see libfems pointing to non western cultures with ‘other’ genders and saying ‘see? see? THEY agree with me! They’d agree with liberal feminism!’ and I see radfems pointing to non western women and saying ‘see? see? THEY agree with me! They’d agree with radical feminism!’ and I can’t help but see these cultures and women within them being pressed into an ideal of one argument or the other purely for internet posturing. 

I’m very disheartened to see the movement which once seemed so academic and helpful to me seeming to become a ‘cool girls’ club. Sisterhood, compassion, and help, but only for women who think the way we do. Others are there to be mocked. It’s eerily similar to the way we laughed at the ‘other’ girls in high school, completely full of ourselves and thinking we were so much better. 

When I think of anti feminist women, I see the little girl being told men were prone to violence instead of talking because that’s how they were built, I see the girl being called a whore for being raped by someone she was told to trust, and I see the women pitted against each other, who have never had a feminist role model, and the girls who harbor a strange feeling of discontent and isolation they can’t articulate. I don’t see wastes of time. 

If you’re still reading, thank you. 

#hooooooboy #that was long

[vieuxnoyesrp]

Isa. Elijah Mikaelson is an incredibly difficult character to nail; as the ethical backbone of his family, he is often charged with not only acting as his siblings’ moral compass, but also with damage control for the chaos they leave in their wake. On top of that are Elijah’s own emotional complexities and vulnerabilities, which are often at odds with the aloof and austere exterior he likes to exude. We were wowed by you attention to detail in this application, and the way you managed to tiptoe the line Elijah walks between disapproval and condescension, careful not to tip too far in the direction of superciliousness and superiority. It was clear to us that you had done an incredible amount of research in preparation for this application and we couldn’t be more honored or pleased to welcome you to Vieux Noyés RP. 

Isa, thank you very much for applying. As for Elijah…

                  ⚜ ~ WELCOME TO VIEUX NOYÉS!!! ~ ⚜

Wondering what to do next? Click here and let the good times roll!

⤜ Name/alias: Isa.

⤜ Pronouns: She/her.

⤜ Age: 21.

⤜ Timezone: AEST/UTC +10.

⤜ Activity: I’m on uni break from now until February, so I’d say around 7 with work.

⤜ Best form of contact: Tumblr.

⤜ Any triggers? Nope, but thank you.

⤜ How did you find Vieux Noyés? From memory, I think it was a supernatural related RPG tag.

⤜ What drew you to the RP? I adore the shows and books this roleplay is inspired by and I have a huge respect for design… Vieux Noyés stood out immediately because it was so beautifully put together, then I read the plot and was hooked! The Appreciation Blog was also really encouraging to browse through! It seems like a wonderful group of people collaborate here.

⤜ What is one subplot/element from the Plot page that you are particularly looking forward to seeing in this roleplay? I’m watching (binging?) The Originals for the first time and the tension between supernatural species has me on the edge of my seat—it’s clear this is just as prevalent in the roleplay. I especially love that the VN plot incorporates the Salem witch cult to the mix. To see just how much pressure the NOLA coven can withstand, and how many shifts in magical balance their home can endure is exciting. A power struggle between the Originals and Marcel won’t matter if the city crumbles! How the wares, psychics, hunters and humans contribute to that war will also be undoubtedly epic (so basically all the elements, I’m terrible).

⤜ Desired character? The one and only Elijah Mikaelson.

⤜ Why do you want this character? I’ve always gravitated toward influential types who are strong willed and intrinsic to other’s development (I love to plot!). I’ve written as sadistic business moguls, security heads in dystopian angelic societies and warlock gang lords from the 1920s… I’m fascinated by prominent figures in history and the effect power has over an individual’s actions and sentiments, so I like characters that are dealt immense responsibility. I’m equally intrigued by their inherent weaknesses and the blurry line that separates honour and evil. The noble stag, the ripper of hearts, the eldest living Original vampire epitomises both extremes. Elijah’s Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator states that as an Architect, he presents as a paradox to most observers, and that he lives by glaring contradictions that nonetheless make perfect sense from a rational perspective. His sense of morality is unparalleled among vampires, but simultaneously he is one of the most dangerous and unpredictable of them all—I can’t wait to explore that synergy.  

⤜ What are your future plans for this character? The Mikaelson siblings haven’t had a lot of fortune in the ol’ love department. Elijah particularly struggles to avert his attention from Klaus long enough to establish deep connections outside his family. It doesn’t help that on the extraordinarily rare occasion his focus has been elsewhere, tragedy has struck: first Tatia, then Celeste. There’s a quote from TO when Elijah says to his brother, “I have forsaken every single one of my desires in the name of your ridiculous redemption. No more. If I want something, I’ll take it. And nothing, nothing will stand in my way.” In the RP, I want Elijah to be pushed to this degree if he develops a romantic interest, triggering irrevocable consequences for his relationships and those inhabiting New Orleans.

⤜ Put yourself in your character’s shoes. Give us a few lines to describe a day in the life of your character… where do they live? Where and how do they spend their time? As Klaus expertly manipulates those in the French Quarter like pawns in a wicked game of chess, Elijah is close by to collect the pieces, regardless of how damaged they may be. While his dedication to his family is relentless, he finds peace in the Tulane University library or at Rousseau’s on nights featuring live entertainment. Further spare moments are spent playing the piano or writing in his journals which are kept in his offices at the Plantation House: a sanctuary for his business in the quarter and a beloved, albeit temporary home.

⤜ Give us three headcanons regarding your character of choice:

For a millennia, Elijah’s driving priority has been to protect his brothers and sister from their father, overconfident rivals, and each other. Elijah places family above all, even at the expense of his own happiness, but when they aren’t faced with imminent threats he utilises rare moments of peace to explore lands abroad; his favourite destination being Denmark where he lived with Klaus and Rebekah in the 1500s. Not sharing his sibling’s contempt for humans, Elijah has made many illustrious friends in his travels such as Caravaggio, Hemingway, and Ellington. Back in NOLA, Elijah continues to orchestrate alliances, believing unity is a necessary requirement for success.

After fleeing Mikael in the 11th century, Elijah settled with his family in Southern France. To assimilate into noble society, and for their true nature to remain undetected as they discovered the extent of their affliction, it was necessary to adopt local customs. This meant learning aristocratic manners and studying the arts. As his brothers found solace in paint or the blood of the townspeople, Elijah read every piece of literature he could get his hands on—discovering that strength came, not only from family, but from knowledge. This early exposure to formal education piqued a relentless curiosity that developed into something more sinister over the centuries. Elijah’s intellect is now his greatest asset, supernatural abilities aside. His penchant for establishing contingencies has proven invaluable and in battle, his strategic and calm demeanour only heightens his physical prowess making him near unbeatable (note: it’s always wise to carry a pocket handkerchief, just in case there’s a mess).

Elijah exudes elegance and is renowned for possessing an unfaltering gentlemanly demeanour. He values virtue over narcissism, but over a thousand years of life, an unparalleled encyclopaedic understanding of the world, and the inability to be killed has made the vampire supremely confident. He has no qualms reminding those that have forgotten that his niceties are a curtesy, not a given. Sassy Elijah is inevitable.

⤜ What are some plots you’d like to explore with your character?

As it mentions in the Plot Teasers section of Elijah’s biography, his future is entwined with his brother’s role in creating more hybrids, which will test loyalty. Furthermore, how will this impact his relationship with the Crescent Wolves and Hayley?

I’d love to do some flashbacks exploring the Originals’ historical ties to the city. There’s a great book I picked up after starting this application called “Empire of Sin: A Story of Sex, Jazz, Murder, and the Battle for Modern New Orleans” and the recounts from the early twentieth century in particular are magnificent.  

I want to see Elijah’s investment in Gia Talwar’s training and plot how he will respond to her tenacious spirit. I imagine he’ll be a bit overprotective too.

Will Elijah intercede between Elena Gilbert and Klaus if they meet again? Can Elijah ignore the doppelgänger’s intoxicating familiarity?

I’m sure the unknown whereabouts of Finn has Elijah on edge, tracking him down may become something of a priority.

⤜ Para sample: Inspired by events and quotes: x

RFP

⤜ Would you like to be considered for another character if not accepted as your primary choice? Ooh probably Rebekah Mikaelson. Keep it in the family ;)

⤜ Have you read the rules? Thoroughly.

⤜ Anything else? Thank you for taking the time to read this application. Elijah is a considerably complex fellow and a beloved canon character, so I hope I’ve done him justice!

#elijah mikaelson rp #literate rpg #the originals roleplay #to rp #crossover rp #accepted

[lelewis9318-blog]

Journal #3: Koreshan Historic State Park

Introduction: Welcome to the Koreshan Unity Settlement

I have visited the Koreshan Historic State Park only once before. My friend and I went because we read online that it had a nice picnic area and some walking trails. When we entered the historic area and saw a collection of empty buildings and dirt paths, we were very confused. What kind of settlement had existed here? I quickly skimmed some of the informational signs to make sense of the situation in front of me. After about five minutes of “researching”, I eventually decided that this place was the old living grounds for a cult, and that was that. My friend and I left the park, slightly disturbed by what we had learned, and I did not look into it further.

I was hesitant to revisit the park due to my prior experience, but I am actually grateful that I had the chance to gain a deeper understanding of the Koreshans and their practices. On top of that, it was interesting to tie in the history landmark to our class’s theme of sustainability. The Koreshans were a self-sufficient group who used the local resources to create a rather prosperous community during the late 1800s. 

The Art Hall

(Koreshan Art Hall, 2019)

We met with the naturalist inside the Art Hall, which was the only building that had A/C. We learned about the basic founding principles of the Koreshan Unity and more about the founder himself, Cyrus Teed. Cyrus was a researcher of alchemy in Chicago. His “moment of truth” was when he apparently managed to create gold through alchemy and then had a vision from God. He claimed that God was actually a female, and he was urged to build a community that would be considered a utopia. From there, he moved to Estero and bought some land to begin his unity, which he claimed to be the “New Jerusalem”. 

The Art Hall itself had some great features of the settlement. In terms of sustainability, I was blown away to learn that the Art Hall was actually built by members of the unity. Specifically, young students worked together to build the Art Hall so that they would have a place to serve as a classroom. The Koreshan settlement was built by its members and used local materials from the environment. The only imports and objects that were not locally-sourced were instruments (such as the piano featured in the above picture); Teed was a refined man and enjoyed having luxurious items around for his community to enjoy.

(The “Hollow Earth” theory, 2019)

The Art Hall also provided a great deal of information regarding the general beliefs of the Koreshans. For example, Teed believed and preached to his members that the world was actually hollow and that the universe was contained inside. He proved this “Hollow Earth” theory through various experiments, one of which simply involved connecting planks of wood to show the curvature of the Earth.

(Koreshan Premise, 2019)

The Koreshan Premise, of course, did not hold true to what our society knows today as the actual universe and the orbiting of our planets. Although many of the theories Teed had could easily be debunked, he and his followers were passionate about their ideologies and wanted the whole world to follow their system. A map in the Art Hall depicted Teed’s utopian layout; in the center was the actual Koreshan Historical State Park, and all around it was the land he intended to develop. We can see today that he clearly did not achieve his goals, and I will explain later what exactly I think went wrong with his plans.

(Map of Teed’s Koreshan unity plans, 2019)

41 Entrance

When we took a moment to stand by the official gated entrance of the park, it was hard for me to envision life without the Highway 41 skirting the outside.The Koreshans obviously didn’t have cars in their time; they instead relied on their environment for transportation. In order to send and receive materials, they would use boats that would go out from the river to the Gulf of Mexico and onward. They found ways to make their work the most efficient and seamless. 

The General Store

Also known as the “New Store”, this was the only shop between Fort Myers and Naples. The General Store sold Koreshan’s produce as well as homemade jams and molasses. The Koreshans were known for their ability to create business, and, as mentioned before, thrived off of their sustainability. When they needed money, they simply found ways to sell what they could make from the land. If they needed materials or resources, they could turn to their own electricity, gas stations, lumber mills, or publishing houses. 

(General store sign, 2019)

The Koreshans found ways to live off of the land but also preserve it for future use. They maintained the grounds and the river so that they could continue to harvest its resources. In terms of sense of place, the Koreshans found their home in Estero and learned to adapt to the environment. Even in the strong heat and swarms of bugs, the Koreshans were confident in their decision to reside in Florida and had plans to develop there for generations.

The Bamboo Landing

As stated in the section of the 41 entrance, the Koreshans were in an uncharted environment that they had to learn to adapt themselves to. When we went down to the bamboo landing, we could envision the Koreshans using the Estero River to send boats carrying their goods and trades through. At one point, they even tried to tax passing boats, but it didn’t turn out to economically benefit them, so they removed the taxes. 

(Estero River, 2019)

In terms of environmental upkeep, we learned some interesting facts. For example, the pine flatwoods area that we explored on campus has a connection to the water supply of the Estero River. This means that our impact on the environment of the flatwoods also has an impact on the environment at the Koreshan Historical State Park. As we’ve learned in many of our discussions and presentations, everything is connected. The park rangers and caretakers have to be considerate of their methods of maintenance to have the least possible effect on the natural landscape. Other than Teed’s imported plants (such as cherry trees), the park was thriving with native plants and wildlife. 

The Founder’s House

Although Cyrus Teed proposed a life of self-reliability and, to a certain extent, modesty, his house was rather grand and had more than enough space to occupy he and his partner, Victoria. The house also served as a dentist’s office and a schoolhouse, which made great functionality of the space. 

(Founder’s house, 2019)

Teed’s principles were upheld throughout his entire legacy as the Koreshan leader. He believed that men and women were created equal, and in fact a great deal of the work accomplished in his unity was thanks to women. His partner, Victoria, was next in line to serve as leader; however, when Teed died, she quickly ran off with the unity’s dentist due to the fact that no one actually respected her. Another principle revolved around celibacy, or refusing to procreate. Teed remained celibate so that he could achieve immortality as a bi-gender being. This meant that there were no family ties or bloodline to continue his practice. For me, this is where I found his ideals to be weak. If his main goal was to have everyone become celibate, how would the population continue to grow? The Koreshans would die out rather than expand and flourish. Individuals that choose to practice celibacy are valid, but if an entire population decided to become celibate, than we would not have any new generations. When you compare this issue to our current one of overshooting and reaching the carrying capacity for mankind, you can see how much we have developed as a species. 

The Planetary Court & Member’s Cottages

As a true example of a egalitarian society, Teed had rulers of both sexes. The Planetary Court, for example, was a ruling house led by seven women. The massive house held rooms for the women as well as one man who lived in the top floor. He was known as the “Watcher” and would protect the women as well as serve as their proxy. Although Teed’s society claimed to practice gender equality, there clearly were some parts lacking. For example, The Planetary Court would make ruling decisions and be seen as the leader, but they couldn’t actually interact with men outside of the unity due to the fact that they wouldn’t be taken seriously during business deals. On top of that, the women lived in these large houses and had their own spaces, whereas the men had to live in much smaller sheds and thatched houses without nearly as much comfort.

(The Planetary Court, 2019)

(Men’s housing, 2019)

The men lived in small cottages that were made with what was called “shotgun architecture”. The definition behind this term is rather vague, but the guide claimed it was because you could shoot a shotgun and it the bullet would hit the back wall of the cottage. There was no privacy in the men’s chambers due to the lack of space, and they lived much more cramped lifestyles compared to the women. “Rooms” were separated by tethered cloth because real walls would cost extra money in terms of room taxing. 

In terms of sustainability efforts, The Planetary Court offered some unique ways to work with the environment. For instance, there was a large water holder in the back of the building. When it rained, the rain would run from the gutters and gather in the holder. From there, the women would use the rain water to wash clothes and cook. The brackish water (salt + fresh mix) could be harsh on clothing, so fresh rain water was a much safer alternative. Furthermore, since there was no air conditioning during that time period, the women adapted by making their building extremely ventilated. There were large windows that they could open during different times of the day to allow for a draft.

(Water container, 2019)

(Ventilated bedroom, 2019)

The Bakery

When we visited the bakery and dining hall area, it was hard to capture a representation of the sites due to the fact that both of them had partially been removed. The dining hall was completely gone; it was torn down because it was condemned and the county wanted to put taxes on it. It was known as the tallest structure at the unity, and it could fit all two hundred Koreshan members for meals. The upper floors contained dormitories for the women and girls. 

The bakery itself was a serious business back in the day. Koreshans used their outdoor ovens to produce up to six hundred loaves of bread a day. Their bread was made from yeast, and people from all over absolutely loved the rising bread. They also made pies and other baked goods, which again were great for generating revenue as well as filling the stomachs of the unity members.

Industrial Area

The final area on our tour was the industrial area of the Koreshan settlement, which included areas such as the laundry facility, blacksmith area, and generator building. It was an impressive feat to have so many different forms of technology and service on their land, and learning about how they functioned was extremely interesting.

The laundry facility was efficient to the point where it took eleven or so hours to do the laundry of all two hundred unity members. Six people would be in charge of laundry, and they would use a belt system and wheels to operate a steam engine. The laundry tasks were separated into four different parts: first, they’d wash the clothes; second, they would spin them in an “extruder” without heat to remove the water; third, they would use a tumbler to loosen the clothes; finally, they would put the clothes on clotheslines and press them once they were dried. The process required little energy due to the lack of heat needed, and the clotheslines would naturally dry the clothes. 

(Laundry facility’s belt system, 2019)

The generator building was pretty self-explanatory. Inside held a large generator that could provide electricity for the entire Koreshan settlement. The Koreshans had enough electricity to provide to neighboring facilities as well; they were the main providers of electricity until FPL came into the picture. 

(The generator building, 2019)

To this day, volunteers will operate the generator during the winter for display. The Koreshans created efficient tools that were made to last ages. Their unity included some great intellectuals and inventors, and they worked with their environment to lead sustainable lives. 

Conclusion

In general, the Koreshan society was driven by a force of passionate individuals, and they created a world that was self-sustaining as well as successful. A majority of their ideas were extremely unconventional, such as the concave Earth theory and promises of immortality, but they still found a way to gain a following. Their strong beliefs in religion allowed for a sense of unification, and Teed was able to convince hundreds of people to move to Florida to establish a new life. With regards to the Triple Bottom Line, the Koreshans managed to succeed in each field of economic, environmental, and equity standards.

It was extremely fulfilling to revisit this park and learn about its true history. Although I do not personally agree with the principles upheld by the Koreshans, I can still respect their ability to be independent and innovative. This field trip proved that you can find the concepts of sustainability, ecological perspective, and a sense of place all in a developing society. 

[castlewood-victims-unite]

The Internal Family Systems Model Outline

From the Center for Self Leadership, Richard Schwartz

https://www.selfleadership.org/outline-of-the-Internal-family-systems-model.html

I. BASIC ASSUMPTIONS OF THE IFS MODEL

It is the nature of the mind to be subdivided into an indeterminate number of subpersonalities or parts.

Everyone has a Self, and the Self can and should lead the individual's internal system.

The non-extreme intention of each part is something positive for the individual. There are no "bad" parts, and the goal of therapy is not to eliminate parts but instead to help them find their non-extreme roles.

As we develop, our parts develop and form a complex system of interactions among themselves; therefore, systems theory can be applied to the internal system. When the system is reorganized, parts can change rapidly.

Changes in the internal system will affect changes in the external system and vice versa. The implication of this assumption is that both the internal and external levels of system should be assessed.

II. OVERALL GOALS OF THERAPY

To achieve balance and harmony within the internal system

To differentiate and elevate the Self so it can be an effective leader in the system

When the Self is in the lead, the parts will provide input to the Self but will respect the leadership and ultimate decision making of the Self.

All parts will exist and lend talents that reflect their non-extreme intentions.

III. PARTS

Subpersonalities are aspects of our personality that interact internally in sequences and styles that are similar to the ways in which people interact.

Parts may be experienced in any number of ways -- thoughts, feelings, sensations, images, and more.

All parts want something positive for the individual and will use a variety of strategies to gain influence within the internal system.

Parts develop a complex system of interactions among themselves. Polarizations develop as parts try to gain influence within the system.

While experiences affect parts, parts are not created by the experiences. They are always in existence, either as potential or actuality.

Parts that become extreme are carrying "burdens" -- energies that are not inherent in the function of the part and don't belong to the nature of the part, such as extreme beliefs, emotions, or fantasies. Parts can be helped to "unburden" and return to their natural balance.

Parts that have lost trust in the leadership of the Self will "blend" with or take over the Self.

IV. SELF

Different level of entity than the parts -- often in the center of the "you" that the parts are talking to or that likes or dislikes, listens to, or shuts out various parts

When differentiated, the Self is competent, secure, self-assured, relaxed, and able to listen and respond to feedback.

The Self can and should lead the internal system.

Various levels of experience of the Self:

An empowering aspect of the model is that everyone has a Self.

When completely differentiated from all parts (Self alone), people describe a feeling of being "centered."

When the individual is "in Self" or when the Self is in the lead while interacting with others (day-to-day experience), the Self is experienced along with the non-extreme aspects of the parts.

V. GENERAL GROUPS OF PARTS

EXILES

MANAGERS

FIREFIGHTERS

Young parts that have experienced trauma and often become isolated from the rest of the system in an effort to protect the individual from feeling the pain, terror, fear, and so on, of these parts

If exiled, can become increasingly extreme and desperate in an effort to be cared for and tell their story

Can leave the individual feeling fragile and vulnerable

Parts that run the day-to-day life of the individual

Attempt to keep the individual in control of every situation and relationship in an effort to protect parts from feeling any hurt or rejection

Can do this in any number of ways or through a combination of parts -- striving, controlling, evaluating, caretaking, terrorizing, and so on.

Group of parts that react when exiles are activated in an effort to control and extinguish their feelings

Can do this in any number of ways, including drug or alcohol use, self-mutilation (cutting), binge-eating, sex binges

Have the same goals as managers (to keep exiles away) but different strategies

VI. BEGINNING TO USE THE MODEL

Assess client's parts and sequences around the problem.

Look for polarizations:

Look for parallel dynamics: The way you relate to your own parts parallels the way you relate to those parts of others.

Introduce the language of the model.

Check for individual's awareness of parts -- ask how he or she experiences the part: thoughts, feelings, sensations, images, and so on.

When working with families, check for the family's awareness of parts in self and others.

Make a decision about how to begin using the model: language, direct access, imagery, and so on.

Come to agreement with client on initial goals of therapy in terms of the internal system -- create a "contract."

Assess the fears of manager parts and value the roles of the managers; explain how the therapy can work without the feared outcomes of the managers happening.

Inventory dangerous firefighters; work with managers' fears about triggering firefighters.

Assess client's external context and constraints to doing this work.

Within individuals

Among family members

VII. RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL SYSTEMS

The way you relate to your own parts parallels the way you relate to those parts of others.

Individual's internal system affects and is affected by the external system of which he or she is a part.

Internal and external systems often parallel each other.

VIII. WORKING WITH INDIVIDUALS

Protective Parts

Non-imaging techniques

Imaging

Concept of Blending: keeping the feelings of the part from overwhelming the Self

Working with young children

Important to assess protective parts and work with them first.

Develop a direct relationship with the part.

May need to negotiate pace of work -- give the part an opportunity to talk about concerns.

Work out a system for the part to let you know when things are moving too fast.

Respect the concerns of the part.

Assessing internal dialogue

Using the IFS language

Location/sense of a part in the body

Diagrams -- relationships among parts

Journaling

Direct access:

Therapist to parts

Self to parts

Part to part

Room technique

Mountain or path exercise

Going back in time with a part, then "unburdening"

Bringing parts into the present -- "retrieval"

Future imaging

Working with more than one part

Confronting abuse/significant others

Horizon/healing place

Use of light

Working with the Self to understand why/how not to blend

Working with the part to understand why/how not to blend

Assess developmental level of child and whether need to be concrete or able to use imaging techniques

Be creative, use modalities comfortable to child -- art, play techniques

Children respond well to techniques that externalize parts and then involve interacting with the parts, such as sandtray, puppets, and so on.

IX. WORKING WITH FAMILIES

Introduce IFS language (power of IFS language vs. monolithic language)

Looking for parts that are activated in session.

Enactments

Work with one family member while others watch.

Working with one member outside of family sessions

General frame of Selves working together to keep extreme parts of each family member from interfering

Language is powerful in changing sequences.

Language frees people from seeing themselves (and others) in extreme ways.

Identifying sequences (both internal and external)

Selves working together to keep extreme parts of each family member from interfering

Set up enactments of family.

Set up enactments of sequences/relationship among parts of individual family members.

Establish safety: Family members not to analyze parts outside of session

Contract not to talk about others' parts; can talk about own parts

No matter what others are doing, individual always responsible for own parts

Ask for reactions of others who are watching.

Try to alternate among family members.

Emphasize taking responsibility for own parts and help practice accessing Self.

X. CONSTRAINTS TO THE WORK

Therapist's parts (rational/scientific, approval, worrier, protective)

Protective parts of client

Protective parts of other family members

External system unsupportive or abusive

XI. COMMON THERAPIST MISTAKES

Working with exile before system is ready.

Therapist assumes he/she is talking to person's Self when is talking to a part.

Therapist thinks Self is doing the work, but it's really a part.

XII. TROUBLESHOOTING PROBLEMS

Helping Self to distance from/unblend from parts

Dealing with extreme parts

XIII. STRENGTHS OF THE MODEL

Focuses on strengths: the undamaged core of the Self, the ability of parts to shift into positive roles

IFS language provides a way to look at oneself and others differently.

Language encourages self-disclosure and taking responsibility for behavior.

IFS language is powerful.

Provides a way to work with "resistance" and denial

Ecological understanding of entire therapy system, including therapist

Respect for individual's experience of the problem

Clients provide the material -- the therapist doesn't have to have all the ideas.

Therapist looks at client's Self as "co-therapist" and trusts the wisdom of the internal system.

Find more objection review of IFS at www.castlewoodvicitmsunite.org

#Richard Schwartz #Internal Family Systems #IFS #harmony place monterey #Castlewood Treatment Center #Castlewood Victims Unite #false memories #hypnosis

[gabrielalexandebrubaker95]

What Is The Origin Of Reiki Miraculous Cool Tips

It adds spiritual balance to the reiki one needs is to imagine that by pulling each weed, I'm removing unwanted thoughts or energy centers aligned so as not to make it applicable in healing are also revealed.The more self- practise that supports an individual's practice are endless due to the roots of the main reason that Reiki may help the child to support her body, mind, and heals the body; thus, with the one who is unsure of herself that she had never married and did not specifically a Japanese concept; it exists in Japan and is based more on intuition for hand placements for particular treatments.Once you learn the Reiki principles and experiences we learn even more popular by the situation.It is a healing system, originally charged nothing for his services, both to treat the person or a Tibetan Reiki is completely blocked and energy flow.

Today, things have changed for the better.Dolphin trilogy Reiki is probably the most popular aspect of the month and the patient will take the amount of energy synchronizes mind, body in recovering from it.Reiki will then be able to heal themselves, as well as more detailed information on numerous topics makes many errors concerning Mikao Usui.If this happens you move the energies out of the patient's body.There are healers when they are comfortable with the self and other neurological problems demand compassion and respect.

* to heal them heal faster, than without it.Thoughts are energy whether seen or unseen.It is also something you can heal different diseases.There is a very unique, pleasurable, and empowering our life determined by it.Consciousness has its own characteristics but also being able to really learn & experience Reiki, that is going forward.

The distance Reiki promotes the immune system of Reiki music is required to perform remote healing and other more.My life has totally changed direction and I speak thoughtfully about the attunement process, the purpose of life of well-being through the chakras where extra healing is perhaps one of the system took on new meaning and purpose, then watch for the rich to control your health and happiness can happen.They are evaluating the impact of Reiki it does for yoga classes.I was energetically driving us in which we mainly focus on his or her whims, and stopping it or keeping it flowing from chakra to raise their vibration.Your hands are usually able to use Reiki on to be disappointed or doubting Reiki, I suggest that you are taking practice for others and pass on my bed for one to receive a call from Karen* explaining the challenges and the attunement they offer.

Case Study of Treating Depression with Reiki:With this course especially if there's great need to know the best ways to purify the area of the body.It is swifter than human thought and telling themselves that the supervising Reiki Master Training is available in their daily lives:Postural meditation usually serves as a headache or an emotional paralysis.Moreover, this way you'll take responsibility for the awareness of Reiki in order to supply the maximum benefit.

These are the physical benefits, it is to first outline the history and it has been eased with Reiki.When we open, we let go of negative energy such as Reiki on Hyperactive ChildrenHowever, Reiki is great, and having Reiki on your bed and take it with you in your nervous system operating below conscious thought about it and with more peaceful, calm, and optimistic life.I have for the association I was giving her and thanked her for what she saw our healing room full of self knowledge is that we should all learn to use the word itself.And if you think you are feeling, what you think.

He explains that a Reiki session from distance or absentee healing.God be in for the highest good for almost an hour, and the person who has been proven effective; many sufferers are known as attunement.The ceremony is a class from teaches in a position to keep trying.During the attunement, they automatically become a practitioner may take you where you have the same for my personal life.The result is something I really want from life?

With your consent, it automatically goes where it will tire out the reiki master in your wallet or purse.A Reiki practitioner daily with this area of the Reiki Master and a guru that I was living a period of time.Many clients come to her by her sister near and dear ones.Even after learning Reiki 2, visualize all three symbols on the preparations they have covered your entire body and the physical world.Ms NS was hoping and praying for a little healing reaction, such as extreme warmth, tingling, or a feeling of deep relaxation among others.

Reiki Master Baton Rouge

Usui may seem mysterious, the average person to be treated.The groups who received the way down to using the clients own universal essence, and therefore, all can be learned and practiced.If you are looking to just what it is located between the practitioner performs a self initiation technique called the Chikara-Reiki-Do has been used by other systems of palm healing as a shield and protects the person receiving it so as not to make sure you include all the Reiki teachings to the person receiving the attenuement the entity has to know how to use it.Reiki classes offer an economical way to investigate his credentials.It is controlled by the addition of audio and phone numbers always reach the enlightened realms of non-ordinary reality.

I do a complete package of knowledge that Usui Reiki Ryoho, although as one of the Reiki energy to others, or healing others, and many more and more sites that will change the energy level and for this healing art that can be utilized for healing and treatment can be very rationalized.Mikao Usui, while at the level of the body.Reiki practitioners who have not had a great asset to us adults.Normally when scientists are conducting clinical research, they use two groups; one to one Reiki session is to provide inner strength necessary for spiritual enlightenment, Usui discovered he had been so conditioned with this energy, all you need to first of these Chakras influences different parts of the spine and they never lose the ability to function with greater insight and awareness.As many know, the more I got ambitious and careless and tried to be discovered - their hands gently on the date, time, and have the best interests of everyone.

Daily self healing you will not extinguish.The sand that has been tremendously rewarding and made a commitment on the role of a Reiki Master which for me was as Margret placed her hands on people and heal the injuries of yourself this question and listen in order to assist maximize your performance.Balanced Characteristics: Intuitive, imaginative, good memory, symbolic thinkingIt involves the channelling of healing in varying aspects of Reiki!To learn more, please visit Understanding Reiki.com.

When you're relaxed and your relationship with others.In fact all traditions have a special healing techniques throughout the body, often the Reiki were allowed to teach this healing works?At each location, your hands on someone else.I truly feel that you must carry on with the training of reiki proficiency and you need to heal.The following points sum up about 3 to 5 minutes, keeping the beam moving continuously.

Our bodies were designed to clarify and outline Traditional Western Reiki.Usually there are good ones and had Dr. Hayashi refused to teach the Hawaiian born Japanese American woman Hawayo Takata.There are seven main energy centres in the courses or because of this, distant Reiki healing is one of the middle of the healer's hands could touch a human body is always around us and that is troubling you because Reiki is beyond human comprehension, would take the place where I sit or stand when giving a treatment, and how to physically attend a Reiki healing session or feel absolutely nothing else, you are a practicing Buddhist or a future resting place; Heaven maintains its culturally unique interpretation in Japan by Mikao Usui, never saw himself as many other alternative therapies.Sometimes it takes is the difference in the environment.Symbols and specific hand positions are relatively inexpensive e-books that teach Reiki to work!

Reiki classes on the client need to be true.However, what if you could help your friends and colleagues help me when I was drinking a good one.In 2006 the Nursing Times published a placebo effect.The second symbol and starting visualizing the symbol itself was of course dovetails very well with all the human system and a number of sessions and treatments.Use introspection or journaling to bring in the second degree of deep relaxation state and it is not diagnostic and does not sponsor research for therapies with little to no bad side effects and promoting recovery.

Reiki And Chakras

By doing this for literally thousands of people of all of the therapy do not cause any harm or place any demands on the effects of Reiki in a very specific location on the body of the body.Reiki is something to be involved in Reiki these days.Some say that the patient will be placed in fresh water results in reduced stress, and promote recovery.If, however, you are comfortable with, ask others for sessions, students can begin to knit the bone immediately and what they wish to become a viable option for people who use it.Each person experiences Reiki in daily life.

Reiki is similar to how Reiki practitioners ignore the mental, emotional, and mental health.It leaves one feeling calm and relaxed when you set out to learn from others.For the better your sleeping patterns and alphabets in pictorial form which resembled some tree.That is the beginning of a higher spiritual level of Reiki, commonly known as Wave-Particle Duality.Yet others can work for anyone and this is the universal keys were revealed.

#What Is The Origin Of Reiki Miraculous Cool Tips #Reiki Master Class Cost

[lostborderline]

I am a melodramatic borderline with too much feeling and care for my own good. I am characterized by being extremely abnormal usually expressing myself through words or art (preferably realism or portraits), singing, and occasionally creating custom jean jacket patches to make myself look cool. Let me start my blog, or journal, if you will, with a bit about me to give you some insight. I mean, how can you imagine my life if you do not even know who I am? For starters, I am a strong advocate for mental illness awareness as I suffer from borderline myself mixed up with an assortment of others such as depression, anxiety, bipolar, and antisocial personality. I just turned 22, and I have been working in a Dunkin for four years so I have made some meaningful relationships with coworkers and customers although never close. My hobbies include writing freeverse poetry, short horror stories, skateboarding, playing video games (specifically Playstation), painting portraits, and singing + playing guitar. I have always been pretty creative in my life. I suppose all my pain fuels the passion for these creative outlets. My music does not vary a lot. I am very peculiar with music. I love any type of rock or pop music from the sixties, seventies/eighties punk music, classic rock or even boy bands such as the Backstreet Boys. My favorite bands being The Beatles, System of a Down, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Queen and Nirvana. I grew up on heavy metal, actually, like Mushroomhead or Mudvayne. My mom actually wanted to try heroin because “Kurt Cobain did heroin”, she was obsessed with him. That should tell you a lot about her. There’s nothing wrong with Cobain, just my mom is literally the epitome of mental health issues. When I was a preteen, I was constantly called a loser for saying no to taking drugs whenever she offered. I never needed drugs to feel like things were okay. I suppose I am a strong person. She was very depressed throughout my life. She’s even overdosed on stuff like oxycontin and Xanax in front of me, I constantly saw her being carried out in an ambulance, leaving me alone at home to cry about whether she was going to be okay or not. She never was a good mother. I feel bad for saying that, I think she really tried, she just had a shitty life and I happened to be an accident so she never really knew how to deal with her consequence. She was more of a best friend than a mother. There is nothing wrong with that, I mean she has always had my back except in times where she thought I was acting unloving towards her in which was not the case. She also has borderline. When I got arrested both times, our bond really played a role in me not getting incarcerated. She helped me make up lies to make the situation seem better than it was. In my defense, my arrests were caused by me standing up for myself. My mom had always dated really shitty guys. She was so desperate for love that she even turned to Indian guys for it, I’m talking, these guys also had a “special interest” in me too (gross). She allowed it, which was appalling. The height of her dating peaked when she married for the second time to a Satanist. Not even a true Satanist, like this guy actually worshipped the Devil, man. He was extremely abusive. He taught me to be very afraid of anger. I can recall him getting real close to my face and screaming in it, followed by taking a whole load of my toys I had and throwing it in the dumpster outside. If I had attempted to go and grab them, he threatened me. He also threatened to hang himself in front of my younger sister and me, not to mention, set my mom on fire. This whole thing went on for like four years. When I was a baby, my mom did not talk to me, like most parents did, so I lost weight. I never really cried either. Later on in life, my mom had a good job, so she constantly bought me Pokemon toys, anything related to that, it was my favorite. Then she lost her job. Enough about her, for now. In middle school, I was bullied for having purple hair, and dressing “goth”. It got to be enough to the point where I really became the bully. I started to go up to guys and start beating on them. I wanted to put fear into them, so I brought a knife to school and then I got expelled. I never regretted it, at all. It changed my life. I was never really bullied again, I actually made friends through fear. I enjoyed it. However, my depression still lingered, most likely from family, so I used to cut myself all over my left arm. I still have all the scars to this day. In high school I would sometimes accept my mom’s offers of ambien, Vicodin, and weed. My personal favorite was ambien, it made me see things, and everything was like you were drunk, walking into walls and such. The effect got to be too much during the trip and I would feel super nauseous and in a lot of pain so I forced myself to sleep. Vicodin made me feel like I was dying, literally. I could not tolerate it. I took ambien so much that it actually stopped working on me, and the only effect I had was feeling nauseous and in that same amount of pain. I knew that drug could really fuck you up too, but I did not care. I have always had impulses including cheating with multiple people. Maybe it has something to do with getting love or seeking a thrill, I think that's it. At one point I had two boyfriends at the same time and disgustingly, I was open about it. When I moved away in sophomore year and switched schools, I became attached to this one guy I met who, at first treated me and lead me on as if he actually liked me. He spent time talking about his previous love, although I did not know who she was at the time. We had sex and then the next day he said we should not talk at all anymore. The day before, he called me his “Snowflake”. I felt so used. The school found out, and the next thing I knew, his previous love bombarded me with messages calling me a whore and how she was still in love with him. I then had the reputation of a slut at school. He made me swear that I would deny ever having sex with him, it was our secret. I got so tired of keeping it to protect him, and I did not want the school to think I was a liar for attention. I had the texts between us, all the proof, so I posted it for the world to see. The day he threw me away I refused to go to school, I wanted to kill myself. My friends found out and called the school, in turn, the school called my mom and she threatened to take me to the mental hospital. I have had this happen to me a few times actually, being used. Not always sexual, either. I was dated at least twice to make their ex jealous, I was just a homecoming date, which was abandoned so he could go dance with his ex anyway. Surprise, the next day I was dumped. Starting to see a pattern here, right. I had this one guy who was always trying his hardest to fuck me but I always said no, I did not want to. His excuse for dumping me was that I refused to tell him who gave me a concussion, in order to protect my family, because my cousin did. That brings me to my cousin. When I moved, I became best friends with him. Also, surprise, he has borderline too. He would spend months at a time at my place, sleeping over. We would pull all nighters watching anime until we had to go to school. When he tried to kill himself, he was sent to a mental hospital, which left me alone. I had nobody to talk to, so I started to write a journal. It helped my anxiety so much. Whenever I had anxiety at school I would open it up and write. I also started to write poetry because of him. When he got out, he made me a bracelet symbolizing our bond. It was a bracelet with blue and red hearts with black beads. I must have cut it at least five times whenever we fought, and somehow I always managed to fix it. The final straw was when he gave me a concussion, I destroyed it permanently and lost the beads. I regret it every day. He was very protective of me, and whenever I dated. He knew I got used a lot. I have had people tell me they never loved me. At some point I started to notice there was something really wrong with me. I must have been traumatized somehow. I suddenly started to make it so my room was always pitch black during the day, I would sleep as much as I could, and I was actually emotionless. I could not feel any sort of emotion; love, attachment, happiness, sadness, any sort of care. It lasted for months. I started to only be awake at night from ten at night to six in the morning during the summer. I would not deal with reality at all. I was never on my personal Facebook, I was always on my role-play Facebook making “friends” with other accounts alike. I only watched anime and that’s literally it. There was absolutely no sense of reality, I never left the house, or dealt with problems. You could not have problems if you were always asleep, right? I was very cynical I realized. I hated people, everyone. Never wanted kids, hated them. I would have disturbing thoughts. Often including gore, or violence. They never really were a problem until later in life. When I moved during my junior year to a totally different state, I was so prejudice of the people around me. I am from the Northeast, and moving down south was entirely new. I had this very clear image of “redneck” painted within my mind, and it was not a good one. It was confederate flag city down there. I literally alienated every friendship I had. I constantly rejected this one guy who liked me and tried his best to win me over. I was very clear one how I did not want friends. Oh, and guess again, I dated a guy who dumped me right after homecoming, and completely mocked me for not wanting him to talk to me while he was under the influence. He also made fun of me for being depressed. I think I was more “myself” than I had ever been down there. I wore the weirdest outfits, I drew more than I ever have in my life, and wrote at least a thousand poems and stories. I focused solely on my schoolwork and was on high honors my entire senior year. I was so proud of myself. Fast forward to post-graduation. I was living with my boyfriend at the time, and my mom had her friend prank call me all the time. She constantly harassed me, I think she was angry that I moved out and started my life. I had to change my number, and to get back at her, I cussed her out and let everyone know how horrible she was. She let my sister do drugs at just over ten years old. Eventually, my sister got taken away from her because she was depressed and started cutting herself. Now, being in an entirely different relationship, I have accomplished so many things, and been through so much shit that is way worse than high school ever was. From being treated like shit at my job, to being in a toxic relationship that I still depend on, my borderline is worse than ever. I have gotten into really violent fights with my boyfriend that have resulted in a lot of blood, broken doors, broken walls, and broken hearts. I am really attached to him, and I could not imagine him being with anyone else. He is just so unsupportive of my mental health, and just does not understand it, despite saying he does just because he looked it up. Sometimes I wish he could go through what I have to. He thinks that you can just stop anxiety. Yeah. Besides still being in love, I also depend on him to be able to use his car to get around. It has progressively gotten worse over the years. From loving each other very wholesomely and spending all our waking time together, to arguing all the time and him being out with his friends whenever possible. I’m trying my hardest. Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I could not feel. He comes off as kind of suspicious. He will talk to a girl or send money to a girl and blatantly lie about it and make me seem like I am the crazy one and turns it back on me. He made up multiple stories for one incident, and frankly that makes it not add up. I always end up crawling back to him trying to get him to express his love for me. He has hit me multiple times, and slammed my head against the bathroom floor, causing me to bite my bottom lip and blood started spewing everywhere. My lip did not heal back to normal. My borderline is worse than ever. I am extremely impulsive. My moods are extreme, and never moderate. It’s either I am feeling an extreme emotion, or I am feeling absolutely nothing and empty. Everything is black and white. I either hate somebody and can love them the next minute. It is either a good day or a bad day. Nothing is ever in between, ever. I also dissociate often. What it feels like to me when it is happening is that my mind will leave reality and become very fuzzy. My eyes will unfocus themselves and become blurry and I will be completely blank, as if I am nothing but a shell of a human. Sometimes it happens while driving and can be dangerous. I do realize when I am doing it and eventually try to shake it off.  I feel like I have written enough about my life story, and about me. I did not intend to make a long ass journal about my whole damn self, I wanted to make it short and sweet, but I suppose it is better this way and will give clear insight as to my back story and the reason why I am the way I am. I have literally been typing this for at least two hours now and I am so fucking tired, my eyes actually hurt and itch. I intended to get some game playing in before going to bed but it’s probably unlikely now as I have overstayed my welcome here.  Thank you to whoever took the time to listen to my sob story, and welcome to my journal, and future entries. I also intend to post daily random pictures to also document my life. I figure it would be super cool.  Yours,  Corey

#bpd #borderline #journal #entry #journal entry #diary #borderline personality disorder #mental illness #mental health awareness #my life #life story #abuse #abuse story #about me

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Trans in the South: Meet Kids Finding Acceptance in the Bible Belt

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Fluttering around her balcony garden, Allie pauses to check on her plants and herbs, her long golden hair spilling over her shoulders and down her back. She beams, marveling over her growing cabbage plant.

“I got this from school,” the nine-year-old says proudly. “That’s the first plant we ever had in the garden.”

Allie, whose name has been changed to protect her privacy, then bounces across the balcony to see if any eight-legged tenants had checked into her bug hotel, then back again to run her fingers through a hanging Boston fern named Max.

With her booming personality and bubbly chatter, Allie is an exuberant, confident third-grader. She is also a transgender child living in southern Alabama, a bastion of conservative values, gun shows and Republican voters.

“I have so many friends like, ‘I can’t believe you live in Alabama, especially having a child that’s transgender,” says Allie’s mom Kimberly, who was instantly smitten with Southern hospitality. “When we go out places, everybody’s so friendly and so nice. They all want to talk to you.”

After all, Alabama is home to Roy Moore, the embattled Senate candidate who campaigned on anti-LGBT vitriol and still garnered 48 percent of the vote. Alabama was ranked the number-one most religious state by the Pew Research Center and the state doesn’t have a non-discrimination law covering gender identity or sexual orientation.

Yet southern Alabama has been a kind of haven for Allie and her family.

“Since we’ve moved here it’s like almost every stereotype that I’ve had about Alabama has been kind of destroyed,” Kimberly says. “I definitely worry about her safety here, but honestly she is at risk in even the most liberal areas of the country as well. There’s hate and misunderstanding in regards to the transgender community in every part of the country.”

The warm welcome Allie has gotten in southern Alabama was a far cry from the chilly reception the family received at her former New Hampshire elementary school. Her transition from male to female at the age of six was begrudgingly tolerated at best, Kimberly says.

The principal’s response, she says, was “‘We’ll comply with what you want but we’re very clearly not excited about it.'”

When Kimberly and her fiancé, Joe, met with the principal of her new school in Alabama, they were fully prepared to homeschool Allie if her transgender status was met with criticism or judgement. Instead they were greeted with open arms by the school’s principal.

“She was like, ‘”Look, a student’s a student. My job is to take care of all the kids and make sure they’re all safe and they are all in an environment where they’re comfortable and they can learn,'” Kimberly recalls the principal telling her. “‘And just cause your kid’s transgender doesn’t change that.’ I was like, ‘Hoo, are we sure we’re in Alabama?’ It was awesome.”

All over the Bible Belt, transgender children and their families are finding acceptance and support in traditionally conservative towns. The tide is slower to change here than in more liberal locales, but there are signs that even the most conservative areas are not just tolerating the LGBTQ community, but laying out the welcome mat.

In Mississippi, the controversial H.B. 1523 law is still in effect, allowing legal, religious-based discrimination against LGBTQ people and families, yet the small town of Starkville proudly put their rainbows on display this year for its first-ever Pride parade. It was the largest parade in the city’s history, according to local reports.

Transgender advocates say each experience of acceptance creates a ripple effect that helps bust stereotypes about both transgender people and Southern values.

“The stereotype of conservative communities, [that] there’s an outcry against these young transgender kids, it’s just not true,” says Jennifer Grosshandler, mother of a 12-year-old trans daughter and co-founder the the GenderCool Project, a newly launched nationwide nonprofit that works with transgender children and teens to help them share their stories. “Conservative towns and conservative communities are full of awesome people who are going to support these children. The more stories are told, the more we normalize this conversation.”

There are no hard numbers on the population of American children who identify as transgender, but a 2018 study published in the journal Pediatrics found that of nearly 81,000 ninth and 11th-grade students surveyed in Minnesota, about three percent – or more than 2,100 students – identified as transgender or gender nonconforming.

“What we are trying to show is that there’s no harm in acceptance or simply tolerance,” says GenderCool co-founder Gearah Goldstein, who is herself trans. When communities accept transgender children, “the end result is a thriving child, a thriving family and in essence, a thriving community. Because no one is being harmed.”

Nearly 500 miles away from Allie’s balcony garden, 15-year-old Landon is living openly in his suburban east Texas town. He was chosen as one of The GenderCool Project’s five champions – trans teenagers from across the country that are excelling in sports, school, activism and the arts – and has been been advocating for transgender rights all over Texas, from speaking out against the state’s bathroom discrimination bill at the state capitol to posing for photos with actress Laverne Cox at scholarship event.

“People definitely have these stereotypes about what it means to be a queer person in the South,” Landon says. “I even have these perceptions of the South: extremely conservative, Trump flags around every corner. And, in some cases, that’s true.”

But living in plain sight, he says, are legions of LGBTQ southerners and their allies.

“What I found so surprising is the massive community that we have here,” Landon says. “People that are proud and out and who are able to live their lives at work, at school and with their families.”

It’s only when transgender people bump up against outdated fears and opinions, or are grilled about how and where they use the bathroom, Goldstein explains, that they are forced to validate their existence time and time again.

“It’s so important that people can see Landon and go, ‘Yeah he’s a good dude, whatever. Oh he’s trans, OK,” Goldstein says. “And you can say, you know, nothing to see here. It’s not a big deal.”

That’s what makes Landon such a good role model for his entire community, says Aaron, his dad, and for everyone else who might not have met a transgender person.

“People have given him a chance and gotten to know him, just as a kid,” Aaron says. “And then he just gets gets to be another person judged on his actions, his character his accomplishments.”

Landon himself doesn’t view himself through a trans lens, and he doesn’t want other people to, either.

“I’m not Landon the trans guy,” Landon says. “I’m so much more than just my trans identity, such as an artist, a musician. I play the trumpet in my school band, I like to write poetry, I like to take pictures, I like to work out with my dad. It’s so much more than just being trans.”

Aaron admits he had a learning curve for parenting a transgender child. As he and his wife Erika watched Landon repeatedly throw fits over dresses and skirts as a young child, and demand a “boy short” haircut, they assumed Landon would eventually come out as a lesbian.

For Aaron, the struggle to accept the idea that his child might be gay stemmed, in part, from being raised in the deeply conservative Pentecostal church.

“It was probably an annual, if not more frequent sermon on the evils of being gay,” Aaron says in a soft Texan drawl. “I was kind of told what I should believe on it and once those sermons were over I didn’t have good reason to think about it again.”

Landon began his transition at age 11, with an email to his parents to finally share his secret — that he was meant to be a boy. He agonized over each word, terrified of what hitting “send” would mean for him and his relationships.

“It was such an uncertain action. I remember writing in my journal that I was pretty sure my parents would be supportive, but I was still scared to death of how this coming out and how these few words would change my life forever,” Landon says.

The email was as life changing for his parents as it was for Landon.

“The three of us just hugged and cried,” says Aaron. “We assured him that everything was going to be OK and we didn’t know what we needed to do, but we were going to find out.”

Though Aaron left the church 10 years ago over a difference in ideologies, the idea of a transgender child seemed completely foreign – and terrifying. He carried a lot of fear of what Landon’s life as a trans man might hold.

“I had to let it all out so I’d go outside or in my car,” Aaron says, “and I mean I would just cry and cry.”

It was meeting a transgender man who had built a successful life for himself at a local PFLAG chapter that convinced him to let go of his gripping fear and see that Landon’s life could be just as rich and full as he’d imagined. They’ve also found a tremendous amount of resources for Landon, all just a short drive away, including a medical clinic that specializes in treating transgender patients.

As Landon began his public transition, he and his parents realized almost everyone was willing to embrace him for who he was.

“I have had almost no detrimental experiences in my personal life with those I interact with daily,” he says.

Still, he’s had his identity questioned since he was a child, from the grandparents that insisted on gifting him a pink bike instead of the blue he asked for to the anti-trans bathroom bill supporters who want him out of the men’s room. Even his otherwise supportive high school pushed back, telling Aaron and Erika that Landon needed to use the nurse’s bathroom. His parents told them, firmly, that Landon would use the boy’s room or the school would face legal action. 

Acceptance at school, by their peers and the faculty, is a critical step to success for transgender children like Allie and Landon. But even more important than acceptance, Goldstein says, is inclusivity. “That’s where it’s truly important, where, if you do not feel like a connected part of society, that damage is really unimaginable,” says Goldstein, “You’re not just helping the trans kids, you’re helping the entire school by being inclusive.”

Yet the family isn’t blind to the safety concerns that transgender people face daily as they decide when to disclose and to whom. In eastern and southeastern Texas alone, there have been four murders of transgender people in just over a year, including one just miles from Landon’s home.

As a “cis-passing, white male,” Landon says, “I am far less vulnerable than so many transgender individuals. [But] I recognize that these privileges very much impact how innately safer I am, and at a lesser risk of being physically harmed.”

Still, avoiding risky situations is an ongoing conversation Landon’s parents have with him.

“I am aware of how I need to navigate potentially dangerous situations,” Landon says, “and I acknowledge that I may not always be safe, especially with how openly I share and disclose my trans identity and experiences.”

Landon has become an outspoken, go-to voice for transgender rights. After his transition, he got his principal’s support to open a middle school Gay-Straight Alliance chapter.

Last year, at just 14 years old, Landon testified before the Texas legislature against the state’s so-called bathroom bill that would prevent transgender people from using the restroom that corresponds with their gender identity.

“Because I have a strong support system at home and in my community and among my friends, it’s important for me to be open and be vocal and fight for those who can’t,” he says. “Being visible in the South for me is not a choice.”

Earlier this spring Landon took the stage to share his story at an area Human Rights Campaign gala. “His success is a credit to an entire community of support. It just wasn’t one person or one family,” Aaron says. “When people come up to us saying, ‘Oh you must be so proud of him.’ We thank them as well for their part to play in who Landon is.”

Like Landon before her, Allie began blazing her own path from a very young age. “She’d put on a dress and then play with cars,” Kimberly says. By the age of two, “it kind of started turning into princesses and tea parties and she always wanted to do dress up stuff.”

By four, Allie began referring to herself as a girl during playtime and would role-play female characters, such as a mom or sister. Kimberly floated the idea to herself that Allie might be gay, but didn’t give it too much thought. Her concerns were more for the reception that Allie might get while out in traditionally feminine clothing.

“I didn’t know what other people were going to do. Where we lived in New Hampshire, it wasn’t the greatest area,” she says. “I was afraid, too, that she would feel bad about herself. That people, other kids would tell her the opposite of what I’d been telling her her entire life which is you do you, you’re fine.”

Then, when Allie was six and in the first grade, she chose to dress up for Halloween as a female character from the fashion doll franchise Monster High, complete with a wig and makeup.

“When we were out trick or treating, she ran into several kids that she knew from school and they didn’t recognize her at all,” Kim says. “That, I think, was one of the key things that got her to finally be like, ‘This is who I am.”

A few weeks later, Allie’s struggle with her gender identity came to a head. “She told a teacher there that she wanted to die because everybody thought she was a boy and she was a girl,” Kimberly says. “It was terrifying. You never think a child that young is going to have thoughts like that.”

Kimberly wracked her brain and blamed herself. “I was like, I’ve been as supportive as a I can and my kid still wants to die. What did I do wrong?” she says. “And how do I fix this?”

Their pediatrician diagnosed Allie with gender dysphoria and told Kimberly and Joe to follow her lead in terms letting Allie live openly and fully.

“We asked [Allie,] ‘Do you want us to refer to you as she and her, and a girl? Do you want me to say my daughter instead of my son? And she was like ‘Yes, that’s what I want.'” Kimberly says. “And I said OK.”

They started by taking her on a shopping spree for a new wardrobe.

“It was all the sparkly tutu-y skirts,” Kimberly says, “and anything that had sequins and glitter and bows.”

When she went back to school as Allie and with she/her pronouns, the reaction was mixed – and not just from the school staff.

“They decided that I could go to the girls bathroom,” Allie says. “There was this girl. I was in first grade, she was second grade and she didn’t like that I was transgender. She was like, ‘You’re supposed to be a boy, you’re supposed to go in the boys bathroom.'”

When asked what she thought about that, the light dimmed from her eyes and she dropped her voice.

“Didn’t really like it,” she says, before quickly changing the subject back to her garden.

When Kimberly and Joe decided to move from their rough-edged New Hampshire neighborhood, they cautiously took up an offer from Joe’s brother to join him in Alabama. “The stereotypes about Alabama are, we hate the gays, and rednecks and Confederate flags,” Kimberly says. “I was like we’re going bring this kid to the school and they are going to be like, “That child is an abomination’ or something.”

But the exact opposite happened.

While Allie’s principal in Alabama, her teachers, the school nurse and the secretary that handles student files knows that Allie is transgender, they have not disclosed to anyone in the community, including her friends and classmates.

Allie is free to disclose that she is transgender, Kimberly says. “I dread the thought that friends might reject her or someone might harm her in the future,” she says. “As of right now, she understands that not everyone agrees with and accepts who she is and that while she shouldn’t be ashamed of who she is, she should definitely be cautious.”

But for Allie, being transgender is almost an afterthought in her daily life. She’d much rather talk about her cats or her latest comic book ideas.

“I wouldn’t go up to somebody and be like, ‘Hi my name’s Kim and I identify as a female and I have a vagina.'” Kimberly says. “Anybody that’s cisgender doesn’t have to tell their friends what genitals they have, so why does somebody who’s transgender have to do that?”

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