#she doesnt think any differently of me

[cantsaythetword]

This are a little better ❤️

I don't deserve my gf 🥺❤️

#he speaks #she has made sure to tell me like multiple times even tho shes upset/angry and the situation #she doesnt think any differently of me #she still loves #and she isnt angry/upset at me as a person #i really really dont know what incredible saint-like life i led before this one to deserve a partner like her 😭 #and shes doing better now too #not completely ok yet but better #we had some good feel talk in the car on the way home tonight like usual which was v nice #kinda a vent post #but like the tail end of the vent #still gonna be a little shaky for the next while #but im a little more confident that i havent completely fucked everything up with the person i care about the most

[thesupernaturalhouse]

Vaggie: Alastor can you watch the eggs their being....eggs and I have to- just take them off my hands

Alastor: ooo i certainly will....

Vaggie:.....in a peaceful manner. Alastor.

Alastor: mmm well that's less fun, also why should I watch them?

Vaggie: well you're going to some meeting and I have to help charlie-

Alastor: didn't she excuse you from your duties for today?

Vaggie:...why would she- why would I ask for that??

Alastor: why, you have to come to this meeting to my dear!

Vaggie: no I dont?? It's an overlord meeting I'm not an overlord-

Alastor: but you are!

Vaggie: if anything charlie should probably be going with you rather then me- what what??

Alastor: I'll explain on the way! *just fucking leaves*

Vaggie: wha- alastor! Alastor I swear to the lord you better explain!

Alastor: hmmm, well you're an overlord my dear I don't think there's anything else TO explain

Vaggie: right...but I'm NOT an overlord??

Alastor: I beg to differ, I knew there was something off about you but couldn't place it until Charlie said something

Vaggie: Charlie- what does- okay you know what? You're insane. I'm going to go talk to Charlie myself!

Alastor grabs her shirt collar like a kitten: ah-ah-ah you have a meeting to attend my dear! It's be bad manners if you skipped it, whoch I suppose you've been skipping them for the past 5 or so years?

Vaggie: No, I haven't! and let go of my you asshole!

Alastor: hmmm no I don't think I will~ come on now! We're already half way there!

Vaggie: ugh, at least tell me how you and xharlie think I'm an overlord- which I'm NOT by the way!

Alastor: well...do you remember that sinner you saved? The one you had a slat with and ended uo teaching self defense?

Vaggie: how do you-....ah, charlie- what does that have to do with anything??

Alastor radio noise of displeasure: well, APPARENTLY they told more demons, you DO remember the large influx of demons who came to you right?

Vaggie: I.....I um....yeah....

Alastor: well they said they owed you 'favors' correct?

Vaggie:....fuck.

Alastor: they gave you their souls until said favor is called upon! You not using it has apparently given you the reputation of a very lenient overlord, a defensive and protective one at that! So more people cane to you, you trianed them in defense and most gave you their souls so you could call upon them for a favor at a time of your choosing!

Vaggie: going through the 5 stages of grief trying to process it all

Alastor: On top of that, the other overlords seem to be threatened by the fact you have so many souls and demons going to you WILLINGLY, you not showing up to meetings and beong little morningstars girlfriend doesnt help that either!So this will be a fun first meeting~

Vaggie: no no no no no nope! Alastor, you let me go right this second! I am not- no! Alastor! Alastor!!!

Zestial: Alastor and...oh the defensive Overlord nice to meet you again nd to finally meet you

Vaggie: ¿¡Quién diablos es esta araña joder!? (Who the hell is this spider fuck!?)

Part 1 | Part 2(here!!) | Part 3

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel au #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel alastor #chaggie #accidental overlord vaggie au #i feel like Al would be pissed at vaggie knowing charlie told him #he lieks to seem mroe powerful/high and mighty and he cant bw that if she knows he gets info form other people #hes very smug at Vaggies panic though #charlie meanwhile already misses her girlfriend #Nifty throwing herself off the roof doesnt help #hazbin hotel overlord #the egg boizs are having a grand old time though #i used google translate for the Spanish part im sorry if its wrong- #i wanted vaggie to say “who the hell is this spider fuck!?” but everytime i tried it always ended up as something different #i tried for like 1p minutes #i THINK i got it down but im not sure if the '!?' changes any words/symbols #translator says it does but im not 100% how right it is so- if its not that then its 'who the hell is this fucking spider' which still work #not to important i guess lol #diablos actually mgiht mean devil and inferno hell but uh....its- its fine #any spanish speakers feel free to correct me😅

[craycraybluejay]

On the next episode of Are Maleness and Sadism Interlinked or Am I Just Weird About My Masculinity and Kink

#my tranny sex mysticism is cooler than your cissy sex mysticism #although gender in general is a construct and everyone ties things to their gender which have little or no #real connection to anything like that #bc gender is identity #clothes are the easiest example but #i think i understand when people say stuff that sounds nonsensical like 'my gender is venus flytrap' #because gender is identity and if its a big thing in your identity you kinda like #connect it to your femaleness or maleness or both neither other #like when a girl fights shes still feminine kicking ass and that doesnt make her any less good at kicking ass #or when a guy does his nails it can very much be a masculine thing for him #its all made up and based on vague feelings and concepts #so sure conservatives feel free to identify as an ak47 you know its not a gotcha #and radfems feel free to keep calling me a monster it makes me hard <3 #but yea like. identity is both complex and simple. its the human condition to identify with things #and i dont think 'neogenders' are particularly new i just think we had different words or no words for that #but people have and always will identify with anything and everything #thats human nature. we mirror and absorb and grow #even twin sisters experience femaleness differently or even call it different things #girlhood or being a lady etc etc #even within the cishet society gender is not as simple as authoritarians would like you to believe #anyway yeah my gender identity is sadistic male aligned freak and other things

[delightfuldevin]

Been seein some rather cold takes about Daisy lately…

I’ve seen some people say that she has no personality outside of fanon, but that’s just not true. There is a very very common misconception among the fandom (at least that I’ve noticed) that if a character doesn’t appear in a “mainline” game, then they have no personality. But I’d argue that the spinoffs actually offer waaaaay more in terms of looking into character personalities. And no, I’m not talking about the RPGs ala M&L and Paper Mario as those are obviously full of personality (and Daisy isn’t in those). I’m talking about the Party, Kart, Tennis, and other sports games.

Yes, Daisy hasn’t appeared in any mainline game since her debut, but she’s been in nearly every sports game and her traits, stats, abilities, victory/loss animations, and various other tiny details add up to her personality. The fact that she’s nearly always yelling or just speaking really loud in general (noticeably more than any other character), the fact that she constantly feels a need to say her name and make herself known, how she loves flowers and considers even a small patch of flowers worth protecting, how she’s easily bored by tasks that don’t excite her and isn’t so reliable for them. She tends to jump around a lot, and spin and dance around when she’s excited! She’s apparently a rather fast runner and that is considered her specialty! These are all traits that are displayed in the spinoffs, and there’s probably soooo many more that I just can’t remember right now.

Now, I do think her tomboyish nature is probably fanon, as I don’t really remember seeing anything to show that she acts that way in the games. I think people probably think she’s tomboyish due to how loud and energetic she is. But hey, there’s plenty of fanon for just about any character from any fandom out there. And what’s so wrong with that? Isn’t the whole point of making fanworks to expand on the framework already provided by canon? If we want to stick to what’s actually “canon” then nearly everything the fandom has created would have to be tossed, because there really isn’t much to work with. Fanworks and fandoms thrive on what fans can create based on the canon work, not just sticking to it perfectly.

It’s fine if you think the “fanon” Daisy outshines the “canon” Daisy and you dislike that. But to say that she has no personality aside from fanon interpretations just tells me that you have a very narrow idea of what counts as “canon” in an already rather simplistic world. The Mario games are very simple and straightforward without much consistent lore that actually makes sense cohesively, but the characters are what keep everything tied together despite that. The characters are nearly always consistent, and that includes Daisy. Even when the setting is completely different and some random new villain shows up with some random new power source to steal or species to torment, our same well-known lovable characters will be the center of the story and that’s what makes it fun!

#devin speaks #super mario bros #princess daisy #i mightve gotten a bit too personal with my views of canon vs fanon but i still think it needs to be said #people who argue over what is considered canon in a video game series are so funny to me #especially a series like mario that has expanded soooo far from its original premise #its different than a show or movie since most shows will finish their main story before delving into spinoffs #most of the mainline games are literally just bowser kidnapped the princess and mario has to save her #very few of them offer any insight to personality of anyone #that isn’t to say theres none at all but i still think the party kart and sports games offer waaay more #of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions and if you dislike daisy or think shes boring then whatever you do you #i am simply sharing my opinion as well :) #sorry time to be salty real quick #literally the entirety of waluigis personality comes from the spin offs but no one talks about him??? #he is literally in the same boat as daisy but i never see anyone saying they dislike him for his ‘fanon personality’ #really makes you think #people rag on peach for ‘having no personality’ too but hers shines through the spinoffs as well #and even the rpgs!! shes actually in those and has multiple voicelines and cutscenes and people *still* say she has no personality! #i know this is about daisy but gosh mario ladies in general are treated rather poorly unless theyre eye candy #im glad rosie debuted in a mainline game with a clearly given backstory spoon fed to the player so she doesnt get this treatment lol

[cleromancy]

i absolutely do not vibe at all with any red hood steph concept ive ever seen because fucking nobody engages with it in any depth its just 🤔🤔 steph is basically the same as jason right? people who dont like jason online say so so it must be true~

like i need you first of all to walk back several steps and understand two major things about utrh and stephanie brown here. the first is that steph got into crime fighting in the first place bc she wanted to ~spoil~ the crimes of her c-list supervillain father. the second is that the core of the tragedy of the red hood is that batman is supposed to be his fucking dad.

so if you do want to do a red hood stephie concept here which. to be clear is not something i am INHERENTLY opposed to. you have a couple options to make it potentially coherent but you need to actually be deliberate and clear about what youre trying to do with that concept. you need to step away from jasons tragedy and look at hers and figure out where exactly her anger and hurt are coming from and who exactly theyre directed at, as well as what specifically in your au concept it would be so different than the canon one where when she comes back she wants to do pretty much the opposite of what jason wanted when *he* came back.

and. crucially. if the difference is the relationship she has to bruce being different you actually do need to show not tell that dude. im sorry but if you just *tell* me that in your universe that steph has a more deep and meaningful relationship to bruce i 100% always am like "ill believe it when i fucking see it". like, she has parents of her own and while that doesnt preclude having a more signficant relationship with bruce (see: timmy)... you really do have to do the legwork or it looks like youre just writing them out and asking us to take your word for it that Of Course steph wants bruce to adopt her, hes batman! gag, retch, spew. do notdo this.

FRANKLY in a reverse robins concept i vibe way more with steph as red robin than anything specifically her getting the dumpster costume from whoever you do put in the red hood role. (frankly x2 i still think if they really truly had to do the storyline they did in canon where shes still trying to do bruces dirty work for him and hires assassins to kill tim to ~make him better~ lmao she should have been the one who wore the Bad Robin uniform before tim got it instead of fuckin ulysses i just think it would have been more coherent and also funner for me personally)

anyway if you link me a red hood steph concept here and it sucks or does any of the things i Just finished critiquing i will be very irritated and i will not be polite to you about it. just as a fair warning.

#still kind of mad about this one time the topic came up and someone linked me a rh steph bc 'shes so sexy in it' #i was like bestie does the term gay man mean anything to you. and they were like #'oh sorry im asexual so i forgot that when some people say sexy it means they want to Fuck them' #... #like can you walk me through any of your logic here. why sexy was the adjective you used in the first place instead of like #'interesting'. 'compelling.' 'charismatic' even #why are you acting like im the weird one for assuming you meant attractive or swoonworthy being the main draw of the character. #why am i supposdly the one who made it about whether or not *either of us* wants to fuckthe fictional character. i wasnt even thinking that! #i truly madly deeply did not assume anything more than that you meant attractive when you said attractive #lmfao. #this wasnt even the only time that shit has happened to me. please do not do this. #i would love to say with confidence 'you wouldnt say shit like that to a lesbian about sexy men' but frankly i do have a sinking feeling+ #that they would #whatever. none of that was the fucking point #the point is jasons evil era doesnt work if u just copypaste it on steph shes a totally different character the context is totally different #text #dc

[sawtual]

on the floor. thinking about how in saw 2 when amanda was flung into the pit she could have just screamed and cried and given up and begged to be helped out but she dug and searched for the key anyways, trying to give xavier his best chance even though im sure she felt like he was the least deserving person in that moment. thinking about how amandas belief in johns philosophy crumbled around her as she watched people kill each other and be cruel and selfish. literally how was she supposed to be normal after that experience i genuinely feel crazed thinking about her going into thay house and leaving it a completely different person

#NOT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUT U GET IT. like shes given up on people. she doesnt think theres any redemption for anyone. including herself . #SOBS! #the way shes so jaded and shut down in saw 3 except when shes having severe outbursts and breaking down ... baby girl your bpd! #text #saw #amanda young #mandy.... :( #fucking freak friday has me acting unwell i believe!!!!

[capaldiera]

i started reading this fucking out of character thick of it fanfic like a week ago bc even tho i could tell from first glance it was going to be ooc i was just curious and it sounded kind of funny slash tragic. (how are you tagging grief child death domestic violence attempted suicide on a ttoi fic hello?) and i dooo like complaining And for the most part if it weren't supposed to be about those guys it would just be pretty good so im not Regretting it? but i didn't realise how many stories were in the series and im probably 150k words in. and not much more than halfway through

#and it doesnt even have sex scenes. fml #me.txt #iam also so fed up with writing that seems to romanticise women prioritising men andtheir emotions over their own personal safety/ wellbeing #like im not saying you cant Depict that but maybe lets unpack that. and not treat it as if it's just that woman's inherent personality #rather than a something shes been Taught to do #though while we're on the subject actually i dont think the way nicola is written is in character either #like i focus on malcolm bc its more egregious but nicola is not.. shes not putting her kids before herself like that. #i know losing one of them might make a difference but its not even presented like it's bc of that. its just oh im writing a woman well her #priority must be her kids! well no she is a bad mum and doesnt really like her kids so #but that didnt stand out to me so much until i started rewatching s3. #i was more like ah yes. famously anti-racist feminist ally malcom tucker who easily goes not just hours but months at a time without saying #anything homophobic and uses the occasional ableist turn of phrase in his mind but usually keeps it to himself. #i mean i can definitely understand not wanting to comr up with and write realistic malcolm tucker dialogue. i wouldnt want to. #but well the whole thing is a bit he wouldnt fucking say or do any of that #but again. i could see that clearly from the description and walked in eyes open #its good tho its given me a lot to think about at work.

[theokusgallery]

I freaking love your au and your latest comic because MAN

I FELT THOSE LAST WORDS AND I WAS LIKE "OH FUCK"

First panel was already a bit unsettling itself - like you get it's just intimate manners as you do as a couple but he felt so possessive already and

Sunny's inner thoughts

I'm sure 100% his abandonment anxiety will increase drastically the more he stays with nick and honestly slay

I mean it's kinda obvious

But like I felt that

Yeah

Nick is unhinged

Nick is crazy

Y'all are gay for him

Good 😵💥

Sunny has soooo many issues. So many of them. He's so vulnerable and he makes himself vulnerable to Nick while still being intimidated by him, it's... Dude's got some problems.

#ive talked about mental illness and nick before but not sunny... #well. only a bit. ive said sunny's autistic #but he's also got other problems-- such as abandonment issues as you said #sunny's very insecure in relationships - partly because he has a very limited experience with them #and partly because he has self image issues. #when you grow up as an undiagnosed autistic kid you tend to be very aware you're different while not knowing how to change it #everyone thinks and says you're weird but you have no idea what's weird about you so you can't even try to fit in #a friend of mine told me once that she thought i was so brave for not being scared of being different in middle school #i wasn't. i wasn't brave. i just had no idea why people thought i was weird #sunny in this au knows how deeply different he is from other people but he doesn't know /what/ makes him different or how to change it #and as a result he just doesn't open up very much. he's very reserved and doesnt talk to many people. he has like two friends total #which also conviently makes him easy for nick to isolate #sunny also has bpd! and he gets deeply attached to people who show him any kind of affection very easily #as i mentioned before he also tends to fall for people who intimidate or scare him -- people he sees as mentally superior to him #his self image is constantly oscilliating between 'im the greatest person to have ever lived' and 'im the worst thing to have ever existed' #he's extremely unstable. he has mood swings. he gets obsessive easily. he seeks out relationships with mostly toxic or older people #he doesn't have a good support system. he's socially anxious and an introvert. he's openly trans. most people think he's weird. #he has no stable sense of self. he has panic attacks. he's both hypervigilant and oblivious to lies and attempts at manipulation #all of this makes him a very easy target for someone like nick. #at least- at /least/-- nick genuinely loves him. #ask #tosteur-gluteal #rant #arsenic #i start talking about psychology and i get lost. my apologies

[theygender]

This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder

#this is like the equivalent of telling the bees to me #rambling #like ive been thinking about ever since i learned that autism shares a lot of similarities with schizophrenia and looked into that #and then learned about negative/cognitive symptoms and realized i related a lot to them #and then i learned more about schizotypal personality disorder and it was fuckin scary how much i related to it #what with the magical thinking and the severe social anxiety that doesnt go away when i get to know someone #and the ideas of reference and the eccentricity and the communication difficulties and the strange thought patterns #and then i specifically learned about avolition as a negative symptom which describes the exact thing thats ruining my life rn #and. i was scared to talk to my therapist about it bc i was worried it could be used against me somehow #but it was good to talk it out with her and get some additional perspective on whats going on in my brain #and if it means i could maybe possibly work on fixing the avolition and the social anxiety (my two biggest issues for years) #then it would be 100% worth it tbh. and its also kind of helpful to have some sort of framework to understand whats happening in my brain #funnily enough when i told my girlfriend (who was previously mis?diagnosed with schizophrenia and considering autism) #about it she related a lot too. so i guess we'll see how that goes #its. crazy how much of an overlap there is between schizospec orders and autism #i feel like i might should write up a post going into detail about different schizospec disorders to raise awareness #bc like. it is so much more than just hallucinations and delusions #in fact its not even required to have both of those for any schizospec disorder. some only require one and others dont require either #there is so much to the schizophrenic spectrum that i was unaware of and I'm sure that's probably true of other people too

[fslurusami]

you know how sometimes theres some popular character and most of the fanstuff is mostly accurate on the surface but you personally have some lived experience shared w this character that enables you to have a deeper understanding of little nuances under the hood that inform things like their decision making and stuff. its on a sliding scale of accuracy of course. personally i mostly get this with my mental disorders with characters such as ogata but sometimes theres LITTLE TINY THINGS that bother me about specifically the various violence related fetishes. and the fact that it bothers me itself bothers me cuz i feel like. "oh Clearly you havent received or inflicted wounds for sexual pleasure". yes obviously they havent done that. nobody else does that. i am abnormal in nature and insane in the head

#obviously not Rlly nobody else im well aware. but it is uncommon. and it doesnt Rlly bother me but i can often tell #yes ienaga vore jokes are funny but i dont think shes into vore based on what we see of her character and attitudes towards cannibalism #however. usami and tsurumi 100% are. tsurumis gay little speech in that scene would not be out of place on a vore sideblog thats EXACTLY #how certain ppl talk about it. thats literally It. tsurumi tokushirou invented vore in 1907 #thats just the most clear cut and easily explainable example i think but there are so many little bits of tiny nuance idek #there are different attitudes of course but i feel like ienaga doesnt rlly feel any Connection to eating ppl and sure there are ocs and #little stories or scenarios about the pred just being like 'yea its just food' cuz some preys find that rlly hot but. irl there arent rlly #any of that kind of pred cuz if they dont care then. they dont care lol. like they dont Care about vore. so theyre not into vore. u know #so i think shes not into vore sexually and such shes literally just here for medicinal purposes or w/e. but that is just my opinion idk #sorry for vore essay in the tags i am autistic 👍 those deviantart stamps are not ironic they are a Warning #if anybody like. cares about being 1/5th of a mm off in their depiction of masochism or smthng i will answer questions. but be prepared for #me to get at least this ^^^ autistic about it. i dont have a phd in masochism but i can at least say with certainty that i have never #said 'it hurts so good' in real life. the full sentence like that is just a little cheesy in my opinion. 'it hurts' usually speaks 4 itself #og post

[whippedcloudsofcream]

It’s so funny how all the Valkyries fucking despise Gna

#god of war ragnarok #freya god of war #gna god of war #you think that maybe gna is a layered character and the valkyries are just like nah she’s always been a miserable jealous loser 😂😂 #her little journal pissed me off so much #how does odin’s own family his flesh and blood know he’s a conniving genocidal backstabber #(even thrud snapped out of it eventually and she was odin’s number one cheerleader next to heimdall) #and some runt valkyrie he scraped from the bottom of the barrel doesn’t? #like dont you think that all your sisters hating odin is a sign you’re being stupid af?? #that’s a whole different level of delusional bootlicking #it makes me wonder if gna was Jealous of freya this whole time #and liked that freya was out of the picture so she could become the new queen #the way that she stands before the fight #it’s Very flashy and peacocky and not that Natural Menacing the other valkyries had when they were subdued #even design wise compared to freya and sigrun #her ornate mask feels like a costume and doesnt possess any regality #hrist and mist are so irrelevant nobody even comments on them lol #like where was she during their big battle scene?? #except in quick flashes?? #she only fought them after ragnarok because she had nothing left but i think she purposely avoided the big combat area loooool #the fight scene itself pissed me off #the way she gets her ass best by freya is insane already and freya was holding back 😭 #if she had fought freya when she was driven mad to gore out kratos she would not last five seconds #gna really thought she stood a chance #here’s another sad loser lady character for you to be obsessed with or whatever #honestly she deserved the deaths the valkyries longed for her 😂😂 #the fact that freya left her wings on was too much mercy for me

[hella1975]

yes im trying not to be so mean yes im working on my temper but under no section of my Healing Contract does it mention that these things must apply to my sister. in fact if you read the fine print it says im actively allowed to make her miserable. for my mental health

#she's so mean all the time like constantly telling me im stupid and shit #which probably didn't hit as hard before this econ degree but now every time she does it im just kinda like :/ #and i laugh it off obvs bc am i fuck about to look put out by it #so she genuinely doesnt have any reason to stop bc ive not set any boundaries or communicated or yk. done anything correctly #i instead just let it frustrate the fuck out of me until one day im in a bad enough mood that i'll give as bad as she does #which i HATE bc as tough shit as she thinks she is i always think being mean - specifically the primary school way she does it - #is SO embarassing as a conflict method like girl 'you're stupid' is really the best you can come up with? bffr 😭 #like when i say IM mean and SHE'S mean im talking about very different things #im mean less often than her but when i do it it's effective bc i literally catalogue people's insecurities and use them against them #like some fucking anime villian like it's actually uncomfortable to watch and i hate myself every time #whereas her way is effective bc it's all dumb comments ANYONE could make but she says them repeatedly until she wears you down #and of the two methods they're both shit but at least my way isn't cringe LMAO #so if i ever get so frustrated i revert to her method i just get v annoyed with myself like IM better than this she might not be but i am #and we've just been moving things in the garden with mum which is a flashpoint anyway #and me and my sister were just GOING at each other and it was all jokes until i said something she didn't like #and she was like 'what's your problem? it's fine when we're joking but you always take it too far' girl. #like i cannot accurately explain on here how ridiculous that statement is coming from HER #and if id said something actually horrible id get it but the convo was literally just #her: mum can i wear your watch for the chem ball coming up? #me: why do you need a watch for that? #her: ive got a dumb tan line on my wrist that i want to cover #me: i really dont think anyone is going to be looking at your wrists #THAT WAS IT LMFAO??? YOU HYPOCRITICAL LITTLE BITCH #ironically i had a field day with it like her saying that was the worst thing she could have done #latched onto it like a bloodhound fr my eyes must have lit up #i was like 'dont be such a baby' which is basically a fucking trigger word in our house #thought she was gonna hit me with a spade <3 peace and love on planet earth #godddddd i cant wait for her to go back to uni i HATE sharing a room i cannot escape her she's literally here as i type #i hope she knows im slagging her off to my niche online micro-community #hella goes home

[atlas-five]

thinking about helen distortion again

#something i really love about her is how different she is from michael #cuz like. michael was forced into being the distortion (and vice versa ofc) #but helen found her way into it on her own #no help no map nothing like that #she just did #and she embodies more of the direct lying of the distortion more than michael did (from what we are shown anyways) #so i wonder how much of her life she spent lying to herself and/or the world #that convo she has w jon in the tunnels sticks out to me especially cuz shes like #“yeah. realized i wasnt going to stop eating people so i stopped caring” #did michael have the same feeling? part of me thinks no not really #at least not in the same way #michael as the distortion always describes himself w such contempt #he didn't want to be michael. and i don't think michael wanted to be the distortion either #i wonder how much helen denied what she was before just accepting it #cuz she doesnt really seem to have any of the same self hatred as michael #maybe becoming helen gave it back its purpose #maybe bcuz it happened “naturally” (finding her way into being the distortion) instead of having someone forced into it #here i go rambling again #helen distortion #sidenote but I do wish that bith distortions got more fucked up laughing in tbh #the sound makes me brain buzz /pos

[darabeatha]

/ Still thinking about that one scene in Paradise Lost where Adam asks Raphael if angels also make love and the text mentions how Raphael is then visibly blushing over the question but basically ends up confirming that yes, angels do that albeit differently, as there's no need of physical contact even, they can simply make that love manifest in a way a person could feel as if it's air entering their lungs

#;ooc #ooc #ITS SO FUNNY TO ME IDK #what an oddly specific angel question #but also like; what left me thinking is #imagine the purest kind of love; like a love that is of a completely different plane of existence #but still this angel wanting to comunicate this pure tenderness in a way that can somehow be comprehended #but he doesnt even need to touch ur muse like; just by tenderly looking at their eyes; they can feel in every inch of their body a #tenderness never ever felt before; like a kiss directly to every cell on ur body; every millimeter of the infinity of someone's soul- #MAN.... #-SITS STARING AT THE SEA- #there was this one myth about a guy whom his wife couldn't see #but she could feel his warmth and him embracing her; like she lit could feel his love #something like that;;; or it manifests in #getting the best sleep ever because the angel in question id guarding ur rest #AAUGHGGGGGHHHHHHHH ITS SO SWEET #i dunno if;; angels in this context can fall in love like; romantically speaking; i feel like their love would be so much more #but for the sake of writing im just imagining the situation in the cintext of falling in love romantically bc im a s.ucker for that #i think the idea of an angel just being near their beloved and filling them with pure love without even the need of any touch is so wowwww #insanityyyy #u know how I mentioned that i like the imagery of infinite things and/or things that are difficult to imagine? #its that but applied to angels now #the cosmic incomprehensible love that would prob fry ur brain so there has to be another way around it

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the way ryan yaz and graham get the warning from jack directly about The Lone CybermanTM and how dangerous he is and it clearly makes an impression bc once it becomes clear in diodati that there is a cyberman they all start yelling about it but it’s MARY who gets the explanation. it’s mary shelley who actually gets told the gruesome details.

they asked in fugitive, yaz asked. first 13 asked them what jack had told them - just that theyre a fallen empire, not the horror they actually represent - and then when then yaz actually asks her What They Are she just tells them theyre Very Dangerous Do Not Touch. she avoids saying anything about what they do (hi bill) she avoids even hinting at the specific kind of danger they pose to them (HI BILL) regrets that later in ascension too “ive been so reckless with you”

but in villa diodati that vein of memories gets opened and mary shelley asks Right at that moment and immediately gets “organs surgically replaced” and “it drives them insane so they switch off emotion” and the fam just has to Stand There and silently go What The Fuck

#that reminds me she never actually tells them what daleks are either i think?? #is less important #but like #look at rose in 1x6 or clara in- well clara got the inside scoop in the dalek asylum i suppose but clara in 8x2 #or amy and rory in the dalek asylum they all get some idea of the horror of the daleks #bill maybe not #NO IM DUMB OF COURSE SHE DOES IN HER FIRST EPISODE #bill gets dragged by the hand into a 'skirmish' of the time war (i think part of the time war?) and the casual way the doctor describes it #thats the horror right there #the fam like. get to watch ryans dad get possessed #and figure it out #anyway maybe unfair comparison maybe thats not all that different #but the way she doesnt actually tell them what they need to know #at any point #is like #aaaaahhhh #babygirl youre digging graves this wayyyyy

[avacadokin]

ok with juanaflippa fucking dying again and tilín dying i am,, less interested in qsmp, possibly by a significant amount.

i understand that the eggs were intended to be temporary but i just cant be invested anymore because i can't make myself hope for a happy ending anymore and the constant repeated tragedy is boring and unsatisfying because it replaces so many potential interesting diffrent arcs with the same oh everyone is sad now because their egg died and any hope is crushes

like the arcs dont even have to have a happy ending (tho i personally prefer them a bit) as long as they fucking exist! like slime's fucking eggxile means less cuz theres no longer the tension between will he get better and save his daughters best friend so they can be a happy family or will he keep making everything worse accidentally. because there's no happy family hope anymore so the loss of that hope doesnt hurt as much

this point is honestly mostly just a preference thing but i was so looking forward to some lighthearted (with angsty undertones) couples therapy arc with slime+mariana and a custody battle arc over tilín to contrast the heavy angst but now there's mo way in hell the therapy arc is happening (and luzu's shit trying to bring back tilín actually seems really cool so i am being a bit mean lumping them together) and it all seems to be heavy heavy sadness. variety is important!

i really want to be invested in all of this but if its not gonna be silly goofy happy and it's not going to bee satisfying what's the point?

angst is cool angst is fun! but it cant be all that, and having it all angst makes the angst less angsty

juannaflippa coming back wrong from hell and the trauma she seems to have experienced down there is never going to be explored, it's never gonna be more than an oh that sucks too footnote, cuz she just immediately fucking died

im probably overreacting to this and they don't have the luxury to plan everything out in advance perfectly cuz of the nature of the challenges and stuff and cuz rolling with and expanding on unexpected stuff is a huge part of the charm, but im just afraid things will just keep going worse and worse and there'll never be a break or fun cuz the intense angsty drama is what gets the most attention and it is their livelihoods so they do have a very strong incentive to go after it even if it (in my opinion ) reduces the overall quality of the experience

#qsmp #vent #minor vent #if someone actually does see this plz reassure me or something #i want to like this #i want to hope i really do #but i cannot think of a single way juanaflippa's arc ends nicely #if she comes back via trial that's repetitive and boring #if she comes back through eggxile or luzu's shenanigans with tilín that would be great #but it does kinda undermine the responsibility of the egg parents and the consequences of egg death as a whole #i mean its still my preferred outcome but i struggle to see how it wouldnt make it seem like the egg life system is pointless #something drastic and an extreme consequence would have to happen #i cant think of a satisfying one but it is possible #if she doesnt come back then theres no point to any of the trial or developing relationship between slime/mariana #and no point to slime trying to be a better parent #we already did the slime and mariana start to get along while trying to be better parents then death #why are we doing it again #the arc had a happy ending and its time to move onto a different one #i thot it was gonna be couples therapy but eggxile works fine too #mariana stepping up to be a (practically) single parent #slime trying as hard as he can to fix what was his mistake this time and make it up to everyone #thats new thats fancy that's different!! #but now we're back to before #makes it feel like there was no point to it ending in the first place #shit this turned into ankther rant #oh well #imma go eat some fruit :] #qsmp spoilers #spoilers #forgot to tag spoilers at first i am so sorry