#i tried for like 1p minutes

[thesupernaturalhouse]

Vaggie: Alastor can you watch the eggs their being....eggs and I have to- just take them off my hands

Alastor: ooo i certainly will....

Vaggie:.....in a peaceful manner. Alastor.

Alastor: mmm well that's less fun, also why should I watch them?

Vaggie: well you're going to some meeting and I have to help charlie-

Alastor: didn't she excuse you from your duties for today?

Vaggie:...why would she- why would I ask for that??

Alastor: why, you have to come to this meeting to my dear!

Vaggie: no I dont?? It's an overlord meeting I'm not an overlord-

Alastor: but you are!

Vaggie: if anything charlie should probably be going with you rather then me- what what??

Alastor: I'll explain on the way! *just fucking leaves*

Vaggie: wha- alastor! Alastor I swear to the lord you better explain!

Alastor: hmmm, well you're an overlord my dear I don't think there's anything else TO explain

Vaggie: right...but I'm NOT an overlord??

Alastor: I beg to differ, I knew there was something off about you but couldn't place it until Charlie said something

Vaggie: Charlie- what does- okay you know what? You're insane. I'm going to go talk to Charlie myself!

Alastor grabs her shirt collar like a kitten: ah-ah-ah you have a meeting to attend my dear! It's be bad manners if you skipped it, whoch I suppose you've been skipping them for the past 5 or so years?

Vaggie: No, I haven't! and let go of my you asshole!

Alastor: hmmm no I don't think I will~ come on now! We're already half way there!

Vaggie: ugh, at least tell me how you and xharlie think I'm an overlord- which I'm NOT by the way!

Alastor: well...do you remember that sinner you saved? The one you had a slat with and ended uo teaching self defense?

Vaggie: how do you-....ah, charlie- what does that have to do with anything??

Alastor radio noise of displeasure: well, APPARENTLY they told more demons, you DO remember the large influx of demons who came to you right?

Vaggie: I.....I um....yeah....

Alastor: well they said they owed you 'favors' correct?

Vaggie:....fuck.

Alastor: they gave you their souls until said favor is called upon! You not using it has apparently given you the reputation of a very lenient overlord, a defensive and protective one at that! So more people cane to you, you trianed them in defense and most gave you their souls so you could call upon them for a favor at a time of your choosing!

Vaggie: going through the 5 stages of grief trying to process it all

Alastor: On top of that, the other overlords seem to be threatened by the fact you have so many souls and demons going to you WILLINGLY, you not showing up to meetings and beong little morningstars girlfriend doesnt help that either!So this will be a fun first meeting~

Vaggie: no no no no no nope! Alastor, you let me go right this second! I am not- no! Alastor! Alastor!!!

Zestial: Alastor and...oh the defensive Overlord nice to meet you again nd to finally meet you

Vaggie: ¿¡Quién diablos es esta araña joder!? (Who the hell is this spider fuck!?)

Part 1 | Part 2(here!!) | Part 3

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel au #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel alastor #chaggie #accidental overlord vaggie au #i feel like Al would be pissed at vaggie knowing charlie told him #he lieks to seem mroe powerful/high and mighty and he cant bw that if she knows he gets info form other people #hes very smug at Vaggies panic though #charlie meanwhile already misses her girlfriend #Nifty throwing herself off the roof doesnt help #hazbin hotel overlord #the egg boizs are having a grand old time though #i used google translate for the Spanish part im sorry if its wrong- #i wanted vaggie to say “who the hell is this spider fuck!?” but everytime i tried it always ended up as something different #i tried for like 1p minutes #i THINK i got it down but im not sure if the '!?' changes any words/symbols #translator says it does but im not 100% how right it is so- if its not that then its 'who the hell is this fucking spider' which still work #not to important i guess lol #diablos actually mgiht mean devil and inferno hell but uh....its- its fine #any spanish speakers feel free to correct me😅

[1p2p-heta-suggestives]

Hi! Could I have NSFW alphabet for 1p Nyo France?

(Read more here for now so people don’t accidentally read this kind of content without wanting to)

A - Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

• She’s really sweet after sex, a lot of it is praising and saying how good they did for her. She makes sure they feel alright and stays until they fall asleep or until they’re ready to go do something else.

B - Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

• She loves her chest, it’s really the only thing she really gets “complimented” on so she decided to just own it, that way it doesn’t hurt as much

• She loves their thighs, will absolutely mark their thighs up in hickeys and bitemarks

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

• Preferably, she’d like them to cum in her hand, usually so she can make them lick it up and degrade them about it

D - Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

• Has had a couple paypigs in her time, she doesn’t really care about them but when she needed money, she knew that she could get it easily via them. It didn’t really bother her, it’s a simple transaction to her: Money for work.

E - Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

• She’s very experienced, she knows what she’s doing but does prefer to have her partner tel her exactly what they want as well

F - Favorite position (This goes without saying)

• Cowgirl, she LOVES riding them. Nothing has proved itself to be better for her

G - Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? Etc.)

• She’s only serious if she’s dominating, she doesn’t like being all that serious just in general

H - Hair (How well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)

• She waxes, she just can’t be bothered to shave that often so it’s easier, in her eyes, even if it does hurt a lot more. It’s the a few shades darker then her hair, quite noticeably.

I - Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

• Only intimate if it’s her partner or if the person is having a rough day

J - Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

• Often, most days, at least. Especially if she can’t sleep with someone.

K - Kink (One or more of their kinks)

• Femdom (She loves being the dominant one)

• Edging the other person

• Bondage, tying the other up

L - Location (Favorite places to do the do)

• No real preference, she doesn’t really care where it happens

M - Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

• Better question is what doesn’t turn her on, she’s almost always in the mood

N - No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

• Being hurt, she doesn’t mind a little spank but if they’re too heavy handed them she’s out the door or kicking them out the door

O - Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

• She’s not actually that good, she says it’s her one weakness. She tries her best but it’s not great, she definitely prefers to receive because she’s embarrassed about it.

P - Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.)

• She’s always quite rough with the other person since she usually sets the pace, but it can be excruciatingly slow if she wants to edge them

Q - Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

• She adores quickies, she finds them really helpful for if she has a busy day

R - Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Etc.)

• Loves risks, loves experimenting, both of those are absolutely fine in her books

S - Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

• She can go for quite a while, maybe 4 or 5 rounds before needing a little break, likely to have a cigarette quickly. She usually lasts around 10 minutes.

T - Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

• She has a literal collection of them. Name it, she probably has it. They’re mostly for her but she will absolutely tease her partner with them.

U - Unfair (How much they like to tease)

• She is a HUGE teaser, it’s her absolute favourite thing. she wants them squirming and blushing underneath her.

V - Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

• Surprisingly, not that loud when she moans. She’s really only loud when she knows that it’ll make the other person flustered or embarrassed because she thinks it’s funny.

W - Wild card (A random headcanon for the character)

• She’s completely unashamed of her libido, body count and sex life, she wants to enjoy her life as much as possible and this is just another way she does it

X - X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As per usual for the hetawomen, cup size because I still have no idea how to describe a vagina :)

• C cups, she will show them off as much as possible, it’s like she’s proud of them

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

• Pretty high, like a good 8/10, it’s rare she turns down sleeping with someone

Z - Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

• She doesn’t usually fall asleep afterwards, she always gets food first, at least.

#Hetalia Smut #1p #Hetalia #Nyotalia #Nyo France #1p France #1p Nyo France #1p Hetalia #1p Nyo Hetalia #1ptalia #1p Nyotalia #1p Headcanons #Nyo Headcanons #Hetalia Headcanons #Nyo Hetalia Headcanons #1p Hetalia Headcanons #1p Nyo Hetalia Headcanons #1ptalia Headcanons #1p Nyotalia Headcanons #Nsfvv Alphabet

[1p2p-heta-imagines]

Can you do a ramble about 1p Romano or are they just when you have the urge to?

I like the layout of them :)

I can ramble about pretty much any character at any time so here's me rambling about him.

He's so heavily consumed by religious guilt, he's a mess about it. Every swear, every cigarette, every glass of wine, all of it makes him feel like a horrible person but he cannot stop himself.

Every time he looks into a mirror, he sees his grandfather staring back at him. He knows how similar they look so he actively avoids mirrors so he doesn't have to be reminded of how much of a failure he feels compared to his grandfather.

People can tear the headcanons that he has BPD from my cold dead hands. He fits all the symptoms, at least in my interpretation of him.

But also narcolepsy. It's not often that he gets sleep attacks, being that he's on medication, but if he decides he's suddenly completely fine/healed and doesn't need any medicine or help and stops taking them, it doesn't shock anyone to see him asleep on the floor for a couple minutes.

He can and will hold a grudge for the pettiest of things. He has gone decades without talking to someone because they got into an argument and he refused to see them.

He's been a smoker for pretty much all of his life, he's not sure why he ever started. He doesn't like it but he still smokes almost a pack a day. Every time he's tried to stop, he's failed, so he's just given up on that.

#Roman Rambles #Hws Romano #1p Romano #Hws South Italy #1p South Italy

[tiredoflyme]

I've been fighting a fatigue flare for what feels like months now. I started drinking coffee (which I hate the taste of), way too much which then kept me up later at night. Then I dialed it back and the coffee became as effective as water. I tried black tea, but it's not enough. I seem to have fallen into something of a schedule with it.

Wake up between 7:30-8:30a, get out of bed after 30-40 minutes, eat breakfast, watch the news, go back to sleep around 10:30a, sleep like the dead until 1p, slowly wake up over the next hour, usually "start my day" around 2p (depending on pain and depression, that phrase might be meaningless), ac tually functional around 6-8p, asleep around 10:30-11p, wake up in the middle of the night to pee, sleep until morning.

At least there's a level of predictability but I feel useless as the time and have been increasingly depressed about it. Plus my spine feels like it's twisted up in giant knots and my chiropractor has been out of the office the past 2 weeks. I'm afraid I injured my hip(s) again between I'm getting aching pains there and I'm hoping I just pushed too hard at the gym with PT.

Basically I just needed to complain and vent about my whole situation to the internet. But if you have any recs for getting through a fatigue flare with slightly more grace than me, I'd love to hear it.

#complaining #personal #chronic illness #chronic fatigue #fatigue #chronic pain #mental illness #depression #back pain #spoonie #disability #send help

[frogtanii]

℗ me and my husband

atsumu x fem!reader (poker face ending)

series masterlist

♡´･ᴗ･`♡

wc. 3.2k (holy shit)

warnings. NOT PROOFREAD, v v soft domestic, marriage :00, smut!! (is marked off!!), soft dom!tsumu, hair pulling (giving), unprotected sex, slight praise kink, pretty vanilla ngl

an. can be read as a one shot but u might be confused lmfao also this took SO LONG OMFG also also heavily unedited, take things w a grain of salt lmfao anyways don’t forget to feed me ahaha m rlly proud of this so i hope y’all like it <33

it was moving day and atsumu was about to lose his mind.

today was the official day of the hyper house disbandment and while most of the members were still figuring out new living arrangements and thus remaining past the deadline, you were one of the few trying to get out as soon as possible.

makki and mattsun were so excited to have you move in, they showed up early that morning to help you pack. now, it was around 1p and it was almost time for you to go. you still had a few more boxes to go but things were speeding right along.

normally, atsumu would be right by your best friends helping you out but he was currently in the middle of a breakdown.

you were leaving. leaving. he had no idea when he’d see you again (even though you promised to meet up weekly to catch up), if he would ever see you again. for all he knew, makki and mattsun would just hide you away forever, never to be seen again.

okay, so he was panicking.

it was just... atsumu was in love with you. he’d known for a while (way longer than he’d like to admit) and he selfishly thought he’d have more time with you so that he could work up the courage to confess. but now? you were like three boxes away from a distance that he didn’t know if he or your relationship could recover from.

it wasn’t that he was bad at long distance but the tragic events that the house brought, brought the two of you closer together and he didn’t want to lose that.

atsumu let out a groan and dropped his head against the wall, his mind running with scenario after scenario, all ending in failure and utter embarrassment.

“hey, you okay?” you called out, a large box cradled delicately in your arms. as atsumu turned from the plaster in front of him, he allowed himself a moment to take you in.

you were wearing short athletic shorts, worn converses, and his t shirt. a thin sheen of sweat covered your skin, the lights above reflecting off of it, giving you a warm glow.

of course you looked hot moving boxes.

you called his name again in concern and he immediately felt his heart clench in guilt. you’d already been through so so much and here he was fantasizing about you instead of being there for you like a good friend would.

atsumu let out a sigh and shot you a wide, albeit empty, smile before walking over to you and taking the box out of your hands. the furrow in your brows told him you saw through his expression but he ignored it and made a show of lifting your box above his head and carrying it to mattsun’s car.

“see, what would ya do without these guns angel?” he joked, placing the cardboard into the trunk. you rolled your eyes and poked him in the side playfully. “die, probably.”

the butterflies in his stomach kicked up at the underlying sincerity in your voice but he tried his best to overlook it. it was much harder than it seemed, especially when you looked at him with such fondness in your gaze that made him want to kiss you senseless.

gulping hard, he quickly turned away from you, busying himself with fitting your things in the truck like a game of tetris.

“atsumu.” your voice was firm but pleading and he didn’t dare look at you for fear of spilling everything right then and there. “wow, ya sure got a lot of stuff, huh? wonder how much of this was bought with ushijima’s money,” he started to ramble but thankfully he was interrupted by makki whooping as he walked out of the house.

“last box bitches!” you shot atsumu one final worried look before running over to makki and mattsun, yelling the whole way there.

atsumu was grateful your back was to him because he couldn’t hide the affectionate look that overtook his face, a soft smile spreading across his lips as he watched you hip bump your friends while cackling wildly.

god, he was so in love with you.

what was he going to do when you moved out and away? what if you found someone, someone how loved you as much as he did (not possible)? he would wish for your happiness even at the expense of his own but... what if you both could be happy?

caught up in his thoughts, atsumu didn’t register you saying your goodbyes to the remaining members until you were finally in front of him.

“i’m gonna miss living with you tsum.” you unceremoniously launched yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face in his chest. his heart leapt violently at the contact and he prayed to every deity above that you didn’t hear it underneath your head.

he barely managed to hug you back before you pulled away, your eyes slightly teary and red. “um, well, makki and mattsun are waiting for me so uh,” you trailed off looking back at the van and your friends who were so (im)patiently waiting for you to join them.

atsumu’s breath quickened as you scooted a bit away from him, truly getting ready to leave. no, no, it couldn’t end like this, awkward and distant. no, he wasn’t going to let it.

“atsumu?” you asked worriedly, reaching out a hand to touch him when he didn’t respond but he couldn’t hear you. he felt hot all over, like he was going to explode or magically combust if he didn’t get the words out into the air.

“tsum, are you oka-“ “i’m in love with ya.”

you paused, shock written clearly all over your face. the fear of rejection slammed into atsumu like a brick, the feeling settling in the pit of his stomach like a rock but he still didn’t stop.

“i’m in love with ya and i have been for forever. yn, yer beautiful but yer face and body aren’t even the best part of ya, even though they’re pretty damn great. yer just-“

“tsum-“

“-yer so kind, especially when ya don’t need ta be. yer badass but ya care fer others so deeply and ya make me wanna be a better person. ya make me a better person. i know ya-“

“tsumu please-“

“-ya probably don’t feel the same and that’s alright but i needed ta tell ya, before ya leave and fall in love with some other scrub, just in case we can be happy together and-“

all of a sudden, your hands were buried in his shirt and you were pulling him close to meet your lips with his, your mouths meshing together in a soft and passionate kiss.

bliss. atsumu was in sheer bliss. your lips were as soft as he thought they would be as they moved with his, his hands coming up to grip your waist and pull you even closer to him.

sooner than he would have liked, his lungs started burning for air so he pulled back but not very far, instead resting his forehead against yours.

“i was trying to tell you i liked you too, idiot,” you muttered, your eyes still closed as you spoke. he chuckled, a wide grin overtaking his entire face as he really took in what you were saying.

you liked him back. you liked him. holy shit.

but instead of saying any of that, he decided to tease you a bit. “just like? if i recall, i just confessed my undying love for ya.”

you pulled back with a faux scoff, hitting him in the arm with a huff. “shut up you ass. of course i love you too.” you couldn’t keep your real smile off your cheeks while you confessed, your soft expression bringing another wave of desire over atsumu’s body.

“can, can i take ya inside angel?” he allowed his true intentions to be heard in his words, your eyes widening when you figured out what he meant. you nodded vigorously before shooting a look to makki and mattsun. mattsun just waved you off and got into his truck while makki yelled, “get that dick!”

you heated up horribly, grabbing atsumu’s hand and pulling him towards the house and to his room. he allowed himself to be dragged along, sending winks to the other boys as he went until the two of you were standing right in front of his door.

“i love ya,” he whispered, lifting your hand to his lips to place a gentle kiss there. you grinned. “love you too tsum.”

that must have been the final straw because the minute the words left your mouth, he was on you.

••• smut begin•••

pressing you up against the door, atsumu ravaged your mouth, his tongue tangling with yours as he walked you backwards into his room, laying you down on the bed so that he was hovering over you, his hips pressing hard against yours.

instinctively, you ground up into him, rewarding you with a loud groan and a gasp of your name. “fuck angel, yer killing me here,” he laughed breathlessly, rolling his hardness against your thigh. you let out a breathy moan and tangled your hands in his hair to bring him back down to your lips.

as you continued to kiss him, his hands scrambled at your waist, pushing his hands under it to grope at your chest. you giggled at the cold of his fingers but he didn’t pay it any mind, moving down from your mouth to your neck, sucking dark marks into the sensitive skin there.

“ah, shit tsumu,” you tilted your head to the side to give him more access, just as he reached under your bra to tease your nipples. a startled gasp left you, your back arching into his careful touch. “that feel good angel?” atsumu asked, voice low and gravelly as he pinched the delicate bud, drawing another noise from your throat.

you nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. you bit your bottom lip while he pulled your shirt and bra off, tossing them somewhere in the room. as he scanned your half naked body, he noticed you quieting yourself and he lightly shook his head. his thumb found its way to your lip, carefully pulling it from between your teeth.

“wanna hear ya angel, let me hear yer pretty noises, yeah?” without letting you respond, atsumu dove back into your chest, suckling one of your nipples into his mouth while toying with the other, a sigh of his name sending a bolt of arousal straight to his loins.

he grinded against you absentmindedly, losing himself in you, eventually switching sides to give the same treatment to your neglected bud.

while atsumu seemed to be having the time of his life attached to your tit, you were getting impatient, your arousal completely soaking through your underwear. you needed more.

tangling your fingers in his blond locks, you attempted to tug him away from your chest but his reaction was unlike anything you could’ve expected. “aahh!” he let out a strangled whine, his hips bucking against your side.

“please, tsumu, need more,” you breathed, his needy reaction not lost on you as pulled his hair a bit harder. you were not disappointed as his eyes rolled back and his mouth opened in a silent moan before dropping his head to your shoulder.

“fuck, fuck, okay angel, i got ya, i got ya.” atsumu swiftly disposed of both yours and his bottoms and underwear before lifting your leg and positioning himself at your entrance.

“tell me if i hurt ya, alright? i love ya,” he smiled down on you, your heart swelling two times at his carefulness. “i love you too,” you replied, watching as his pupils grew and a low groan broke free from his chest.

“oh angel, ‘m gonna ruin ya.” that was the last thing he said before he pushed into you, both of you letting out whimpers as he stretched you open, the blunt head of his cock just a few centimeters shy of your cervix.

your back arched in pleasure, both of your hands scrambling until they found purchase on his back, your nails digging in just when he started to thrust shallowly into you.

“f-fuck, how’re ya s-so fuckin’ tight?” atsumu growled through gritted teeth, every word punctuated with a roll of his hips. you couldn’t respond as you were too overwhelmed with pleasure, his cock rubbing against your g-spot with every slow movement.

speaking of slow, he was moving way too leisurely for your tastes. you needed him to move faster and you knew exactly how to do it.

sliding your hand up from his back, you grabbed a good chunk of hair from the back of his head and pulled. his reaction was immediate and oh-so gratifying.

an honest to god whimper poured from his lips and he instantly thrusted all the way into you, his length driving into your g-spot perfectly. you both let out twin moans as he started rocking into consistently, every movement bringing you closer and closer to your peak.

“i love ya, i love ya so fuckin’ much, angel—shit—yer so amazing, i love ya,” atsumu rambled while pounding into you, deep curses and whines of your name interspersed with his declarations of love. if you could speak, you would reciprocate but you were too busy holding on for dear life as he fucked you into oblivion.

desperate for some kind of anchor to reality, you grasped onto his locks again, gripping tightly as drawn-out cries of his name slipped from your open lips. you were close, so close and he knew it too.

“feel ya clenchin’ around me like a good girl, ya gonna cum fer me? gonna cum fer me angel?” atsumu’s hand snaked down between your bodies to rub fast circles on your clit, a shaky sob finding its way out into the open air.

“oh shit, yeah, ‘m g-gonna cum for you tsum, ‘s all for you,” you moaned, clamping down on him sporadically as you started to cum, your vision whiting out and your thighs trembling while you gushed around him.

your mind was floating off when you felt him cum with a shout, his warmth flooding you and spilling out as he collapsed onto your chest.

••• smut over •••

the two of you lied there for a while, attempting to regain your brain and feeling in your legs. you vaguely made note of the wet rag cleaning between your thighs and the following weight falling down beside you but it was only after a few more minutes that you really came back to yourself, rolling over to lay on atsumu’s bare chest.

“holy shit, tsumu,” you said in awe, your boyfriend (!!) laughing at your reaction. “i’m just that good angel, what can i say?”

you groaned and hit him in the chest but you couldn’t keep the smile off your face if you tried. “you are such a menace!”

“only fittin’ that i picked a gremlin ta be with then,” atsumu teased while playing with a piece of your hair. mock offense filled your chest as you sat up, fixing him with your ‘angriest’ glare.

“is that the kind of language you’ll be using in your vows, mister?” you were only joking but when atsumu’s eyes widened and a blush spread across his cheeks, you realized your mistake.

you opened your mouth to apologize or to make some kind of excuse but he beat you to the punch. “ya wanna marry me angel?” he asked, looking so vulnerable with hope shining in his brown irises. you couldn’t bear to lie.

“of course tsum, you’re it for me,” you reached out a hand to caress his cheek and he leaned into it, his own coming up to cup yours and hold it against his face.

“good.” and that was the end of that, that evening’s... extraneous activities having thoroughly tired to the point that you fell completely asleep with your face against one of his pecs.

if you had stayed awake a little longer, you would’ve seen atsumu pull out his phone and start a new note titled, “my angel.”

if i just said i loved you, it would be an understatement. it would be like saying the sun’s surface is just a bit warm or that the arctic is just a little chilly. it would be an injustice to you and to how i truly feel about you. love—

“-is a word that is much too soft and used far too often ta ever describe the fierce, infinite and blazing passion that i have in my heart for ya angel. ya acknowledge my strengths and ya accept my faults. ya make me wanna be a better person every day. so, today i vow ta laugh with ya and comfort ya during times of joy and times of sorrow. i promise ta always pursue ya, ta fight for ya, and love ya unconditionally and wholeheartedly for the rest of my life. ya are my best friend and i’m the luckiest person on earth ta call ya mine- wait are ya crying?"

the audience burst into laughter as you frantically tried to wipe away your tears, punching atsumu softly on the arm. “of course i am, you ass.”

the officiant cleared his throat, grabbing both of your attentions. “it is the bride’s turn to give her vows. if you may?”

you nodded and atsumu already felt like crying. again. he’d cried that morning while getting dressed and then again when you walked down the aisle in the most beautiful dress he had ever seen. now, as he watched you pull a folded piece of paper out of your bra, he knew he’d made the right decision in confessing to you, all those years ago.

he also knew he was definitely going to cry again.

“atsumu, falling for you wasn’t falling at all—it was walking into a house and knowing that you’re home. today, i want to make you promises that i will always keep. i promise to never stop holding your hand or accepting your kisses. i promise to not hit you too hard when you insult me or call me a gremlin. i promise to share my food with you, to never go to bed angry, and to try and understand your obsession with professional men’s volleyball. i promise to love, respect, protect and trust you, and give you the best of myself, for i know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone. i choose you. i’ll choose you over and over and over, without pause, without doubt, i’ll keep choosing you.

i used to never truly enjoy moments because i was always waiting for what's next. the next thing horrible thing to happen. now that i have you, i enjoy the moment. every moment.

today seems like it's the start of a new journey, but i already belong to you. falling for you wasn't falling at all—it was walking into a house and knowing you're home. i love you.”

and at least in this lifetime

we’re sticking together

me and my husband

we’re sticking together

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #hq smau #haikyuu x reader smau #haikyuu smau #haikyuu #hq x reader smau #haikyuu angst #hq angst #haikyuu fluff #hq fluff #atsumu x reader #atsumu x you #atsumu x female reader #atsumu x y/n #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu miya x female reader #atsumu miya x y/n #atsumu miya x you #atsumu miya #miya atsumu #atsumu smut #atsumu miya smut #atsumu fluff #atsumu miya fluff #hq atsumu #haikyuu atsumu #atsumu angst #℗ poker face

[killhimjustkillhim]

AITA for not picking up my s/o up from the ER?

I am a (34) f and my s/o (30) m have been together for years and got into a fight last night.. Earlier last month I got covid to which 5 days later got a double ear infection and then a week later got bronchitis to which I was severely sick and am still recovering from. During this time I tried to work remotely with my job and ended up having to take 4 days off to rest. I am now back at work by this time I found out I was pregnant with our first (my 3rd from a previous relationship). For the last year our oldest who is trans has tried to harm themselves to which I have gotten him help which I've had to take time off work and even had been late at times due to him having rough mornings. My work has been supportive and is a 4:45a-1p shift. During my lunchbreak I take the kids to school. This last week I almost got written up (was given a warning) due to our oldest not being ready in time and I was late for a patient and am a AODA counselor. I told my family I couldn't do this to my anymore and had to be careful. This last week, my best friend I haven't seen in 5 years and lives out of the country has been staying with us. I've been cooking, cleaning, doing errands, all while having the worst morning sickness I've ever had. I am puking 5-6 hrs a day. This last Thursday my family cooked, but left me a huge pile of dishes to do for "the next day" since our rule is whoever doesn't cook has to do dishes, which my best friend did to give me a break. My pregnancy has also caused me severe fatigue, and I still have bronchitis. My best friend has been amazing and stepping in to take care of me while I have been like this. Last night was the first night we would be able to be alone without kids or my S/O in the house. Well he called stating he was passing a kidney stone, puked, almost lost consciousness and couldn't drive. He was 45 minutes away, me and my best friend got in the car and I drove to him, left his car which I will pick up tomorrow and drove him back to our hometown (since he wanted to be at that hospital). All while being nauseous and sometimes throwing up in my mouth, but needing to get him to the hospital I didn't stop. We drop him off at the hospital, my friend ordered me and paid for some light stomach food since I didn't eat all day my diet has been crackers, raw veggies, and water to which right after when I was in the store next to the restaurant to buy juice for some ginger so I don't keep puking he calls stating "The walk-in won't accept me please take me to the ER". We go to pick him up, pick up the food that is done, and the juice which was on the way and took 5 minutes and take him to the ER. I tell my s/o since the entire night is gone and the ER can take hours. I can pay for a cab, but won't be able to get him since I have to wake up early for my work, have supervision right away in the morning, and am already on thin ice. The hospital is 5-10 minutes away. He didn't even respond, slammed the car door, and went into the ER. I called him, he did not answer. At that point I was upset and messaged him telling him I was upset. When I got home, I ate and went to bed which my best friend understood and was supportive. Well, my s/o got out 2 hours later. Messaged me about how he was upset that he wasn't the main priority and how I left him there. He got a ride from his parents and told me at 2:00a in the morning when I woke up to take our new puppy to the bathroom that he was still pissed at me and his mom thought it was messed up that I left him there. I snapped, I'm now sleeping on our spare mattress, and don't want to talk to him since when I snapped he told me "I was petty" and that he would never abandon me at a hospital. So my question is... Am I the asshole?

#kill him #Reddit #AITA

[gamer-logic]

Hetalia Platonic Ships Week Day 6: 1p-2p Drunk Headcanons!

Alfred: Thinks he's Captain America and uses a trash can lid as a shield. Knocks out Allen with it accidentally after trying to throw it.

Allen: Gets a Texan accent and will sing country songs horribly and annoyingly loud.

Mathew: Doesn't drink often, but does it for hockey. Immediately goes into hardcore mode and gets aggressive. Has succeeded in beating up both Russias before with his bare hands after losing a game. James is subtly scared of drunk Mathew.

James: Surprisingly is a lightweight but won't drink to keep Mathew in line when he does. Has tried to tie hockey sticks to his and Kuma's heads to make them look like moose and try to start fights. Kuma just inwardly polar bear sighs at his owner's antics and quickly knocks him out and carries him on his back. Kuma lets him and sometimes Mathew sleep on his back when they're passed out or having a hangover.

Arthur: Well, we all know how he is when drunk, but one should never give him a spellbook. The last time that happened, he made Alice in Wonderland real. Now that was a trip!

Oliver: Unsurprisingly, he's a complete lightweight and can't hold his own. Gets really bubbly and tries to bake everything while dancing. When I say everything I mean everything. The kitchen still stains on the ceiling after he chaotically baked every sweet known to man and then proceeded to initiate a one-person food fight.

Francis: Gets really silly and loses his fashion sense. Arthur has a video of him trying on curtains for a dress, toilet paper for a cape, and a lampshade for blackmail purposes.

Luiz: This is a man who has a tolerance level rivaling Thor. Has a preference for aged wine.

Yao: Actually lets loose and acts more like Xiao. Xiao takes full advantage and they immediately cause havoc. Yao may have a high tolerance due to his age, but Xiao's combos will affect him almost instantly, as will any other combo since he's only ever drunk Baiju and other old drinks straight.

Xiao: If you thought he was a chaotic force of nature before, he becomes the perfect storm when drunk and no one can stop him! Also, his combos will get anyone drunk within the first 10 minutes and he especially loves using it on Yao who he'll follow behind with a camera for blackmail. He and Gilbert are the two major sources for blackmail and will compete over who's got the best pics.

Ivan: Has a high tolerance, after all, he drinks vodka on an almost daily basis. If one can get him drunk though, he'll actually start getting sad and cry, pouring his heart out. Viktor will sit and be there for him while also making sure he never goes hard so he doesn't end up like he did.

Viktor: Literally never gets drunk and no one has ever been able to get him drunk. Some think it's because he has an astronomical high tolerance level and they're not far off the mark. He's drunk so much to cope with all the terrible stuff in his life that it's lost its effect and he literally can't get drunk anymore, no matter how much he wants to. Even hard liquor doesn't work and he keeps trying to fill the void.

Ludwig: Can't handle anything besides a good beer. He'll be the life of the party, completely contradicting his usual strict demeanor and everyone will collect blackmail for when they get in trouble at the next meeting. Gilbert has the most and will sell it for a good price. He's made a good sum of money and this keeps his video game funds filled.

Lutz: Will get so energized he'll be doing laps for a while until he eventually crashes once again. He's got to retain those muscles somehow! Also has a reasonable level of tolerance.

GIlbert: Likes going on rants about the old days as the Teutonic Knights. Ludwig and Klaus like hearing the stories he otherwise wouldn't share if sober. They've sworn a vow of secrecy.

Klaus: Loses his anxiety and depression for a while but believes he's still a knight. But this knight is more akin to a stereotypical knight and he'll try rescuing the dogs, Klaubird, and Gilbird from the vacuum.

Luciano: Also has a huge tolerance level but on the rare occasion he gets drunk enough, he'll start acting more like Feliciano and say Ve~ after every sentence. According to Flavio, this is how he use to act before Rome died and he had to become the boss. Also, Flavio has managed to get pics of him while wearing a homemade Wario costume courtesy of Flavio who's dressed up as Waluigi to compliment Feliciano and Lovino who're wearing Mario and Luigi costimes.

Feliciano: NEVER, EVER GET HIM DRUNK. If you thought he was hyper before, he goes ham like the Tasmanian devil when drunk. Though he's fine after drinking wine, if he gets anything stronger he'll become chaos.

Lovino: Will get affectionate, more happy-go-lucky, and cuddly, completely contrasts his regular tsundere attitude. Flavio takes advantage to have him try on his new clothes. Has been convinced to wear the Luigi costume by a sober Feliciano because he thought it was fun.

Flavio: Prefers drinking while designing. He gets a lot of inspiration while tipsy so he has a reasonable tolerance level.

Kiku: Otaku side comes out and gets extremely extroverted. Alred thinks drunk Japan is really fun to do stupid stuff with.

Kuro: If he gets drunk he won't show it. But Gilbert has somehow managed to acquire video of him pretending to be an actual ninja and trying/failing to stick to walls and naruto run. We suspect Kiku may have something to do with GIlbert getting the video. Never let him find out!

#hetalia #hetaliaplatonicshipsweek #hetalia 2p #hetalia headcanons #aph america #aph china #aph england #aph russia #aph canada #aph france #aph germany #aph prussia #aph romano #aph japan #aph italy #2p england #2p america #2p japan #2p prussia #2p germany #2p china #2p canada #2p france #2p russia #2p romano #2p italy

[ask-2p-hetaliaaa]

What would the 2ps do as youtubers?

2ps as youtubers:

Allen: Would be one of those fake ghost hunters that makes it onto Nuke's Top 5s.

"GUYS, GUYS, OHHH MYYY GODDD GUYYSSS,..... I THINK THAT WAS THE GHOOOSSTTT?? *pans to matt in a white sheet*"

Matt: Would upload funny out-of-context 5 second clips of his friends every 7 months. Gained popularity as a "top ironic humor figure"

Francois: His whole gimmick is staring into the camera for minutes on end without talking. People use him in reaction memes.

Oliver: Makes cooking videos, but in the style of Ted Nivision and twomad thanks to Allen's help with editing. Sometimes he swears in his videos, and when he does, his loyal following goes INSANE in the comments

Viktor: Makes audiobooks that peoples use as asmr to sleep. People who like Russian accents often flock to his videos as well

Xiao: Makes weed and vape reviews and 'hot boxes'; he collabs with matty smokes.

"WE'RE ABOUT TO HIT A FUCKIN OVER 9000 UHHHH DECIMIBITEABLES PUFF *coughing and gagging in mandarin*"

Luciano: Makes reviews of movies and games that have mafias and gangs. Is absolutely brutal in these critiques.

Flavio: Does makeup tutorials, fashion showcases, shopping vlogs, etc. Would basically be like the Lunch Club if it were full of drag queens

Lutz: Makes really obnoxious yet entertaining vlogs doing stupid shit around his country. Says offensive shit in a joking way that everyone is fine with. Has probably held illegal meetups in a mcdonalds

Kuro: "extreme japanese apoligizing" - makes videos along the lines of that, basically clowning on his own culture. occasionally makes anime reviews.

Gillen: Makes gaming videos out of his twitch streams. Sometimes Roland will just be walking in the background and go "Hi!!" and the chat will not shut up about him for next 2 minutes

Roland: He's like Sam O Nella Academy but Austrian- He'll mainly make parody videos of ww1 and ww2 because we all know the funny ww1 and 2 austria jokes. Since he can play guitar, he adds bits inspired by bill wurtz that are just jingles, ends up being used in memes

Andres: Uploads pirated, obscure Spanish music with blank descriptions and no other context

Egil: twomad videos, basically. everything he posts feels like adhd personified, at random points the video will go 200x speed and back to normal its chaotic

Loki: Is a prank channel, but actually funny because his pranks are "lets set shit on fire until the police get involved"

Denmark: His gimmick is making fun of Francois and trying to beat him in subscribers, but Francois doesn't even know he has a channel. People meme in a bad way like "look at this dumbass"

Bernard: Makes commentary videos like Memeulous and James Marriott, has an ongoing joke of making fun of the 1ps (in a friendly way). at random points a picture of Berwald will pop up with the vine boom sound effect

Thurston: Screams into his camera about things that make him mad, a bunch of teenage girls stan him because they think he's hot and relatable. He then made a video screaming about how much he hates his fanbase, which didn't help at all. It only attracted Bernard's fans who clowned on him

Hermes: Makes videos explaining the lore of Greek Mythology, in a girl-talk sort of way. He tried making true crime videos but kept putting his opinions in which nearly got him canceled.

Caligula: Too old to use youtube. Only has an account to like Luciano's videos.

Germania: Also too old to use youtube. But he does comment on the germanic countries videos with things like "LETS FUCKING GOOO"; has become the Justin Y. of 2p comment sections

Leonas and Franciszek: Have a couples channel that people HATE because they act so fake that it's dreadfully annoying. Has had videos made about them by Bernard, Lutz and Flavio

Anastasia: Makes videos about self-care for both men and women, similar to channels like Sexplanations. Also makes videos teaching young adults to cook simple meals, how to do unique hairstyles using wigs of different lengths and textures, how to have a clean house (making beds, doing laundry, organizing cabinets and fridges), etc. Has a large following of people who genuinely appreciate her work and motivation

Katya: Uploads vertical phone videos of her at casinos drinking champagne, playing darts, winning slot machines, etc

Egor: Similar to SomeOrdinaryGamers. Browses the deep web on his AmogOS system he made.

Raimonds: Viktor doesn't allow him to have a youtube channel

Paul: Takes videos of him rolling down hills and making fun of people at his school. Luckily doesn't gain much traction because people would definitely cyber bully him. Most of the adult 2ps have an agreement to not mention him in their videos lest their followers go after him

Wy: Takes behind the scenes videos of Oliver's videos; Her following is basically just Oliver's following who think she's his daughter (she's not) (This rumor caused a huge scandal within the Ollie simping twitter community)

Romeo: Doesn't have youtube, has TikTok and makes shitty e-boy thirst traps and POVs. Bernard wears his merch as satire in his videos.

#2ptalia #2p hetalia #ask 2p hetalia #asks #all of them #textposts #headcanons

[silvfyre-writings]

Breathe (Hetalia Fanfic)

A fanfic I wrote for the pairing of 1P Australia x 2P Australia for an AU I have built over the years! Enjoy!

1P Australia: Kyle

2P Australia: Archie

----------

The clock struck midnight, ringing throughout the house, dragging Archie’s attention away from the door to it. He gave a sigh before looking back at the door, hoping that in any minute, Kyle would walk through that door. It would be a lie to say he wasn’t worried when all he’d been doing the past few hours were worry and stress. Kyle had had some business with Charles to deal with that day and had told Archie he would be late. “I’ll be home by 10pm at the latest. Charles likes his sleep as much as I do honestly. I’ll call if something happens.” By nine o’clock he’d started to worry. When ten o’clock had come and past with no sign of the man, Archie’s anxiety was in full swing; he was scared, he was shaky and his hands were clenched hard enough to become damp with perspiration. So, when the clock had struck midnight, he began to fear the worst. What if there’d been an accident? What if he’d been kidnapped? The questions started out tame, normal questioned that Archie always asked himself whenever this happened. But as he curled up as small as he could, the questions became unrealistic. Unwanted. What if he’s sick of me? What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if he thinks I’m too annoying?

The thoughts were racing around his mind, repeating and growing stronger, louder. His shaking increased more and he couldn’t help the sob that broke free, nor the tears that started to leak down his face, making breathing even more difficult. Archie covered his face and just cried into the couch he’d curled up on. He knew he was being unrealistic and that Kyle was probably just late; the man was notorious for getting distracted by the simplest of things. I’m just worrying about nothing. Overreacting as usual. He’ll come home… won’t he?

It was dark as Kyle walked up to the door, the outside light having been turned off, or not even turned on at all. He frowned at that, distinctly remembering asking Archie to leave it on. But he didn’t worry too much since it wasn’t the first time the request had been forgotten.

At first, he didn’t see anything amiss as he walked in, but the initial silence had him start to get worried. As the door shut behind him, he called out, “Archie? Ya here?” Kyle listened carefully and could then hear it. The sound of crying.

Kyle’s worry increased as he heard it and followed the sound to the living room, quickly spotting Archie on the couch. “Oh shit.” Kyle swore, taking note of the gasping breaths, the shaking body and the tears.

He stood there for a moment, just frozen as he tried to remember what to do. It had been so long since Archie’s last panic attack that it was scaring him as well. Especially since he didn’t know what had caused this one. No, I can’t just stand here and do nothing. Help Arch first, find out what happened later.

Carefully, Kyle approached Archie, making sure to make small noises so that if Archie could actually hear him, he wouldn’t panic. He made his way to the couch and slowly eased onto it, being mindful to not touch Archie. When the anxiety had become a problem, Kyle had read up on it and found that touch could make things worse. The previous attacks had never been this bad and had been easy to deal with.

“Archie—” Kyle began and cut off, jumping in surprise as Archie’s head quickly turned to face him, his eyes wide and tears falling down his cheeks. Archie seemed to realize that he was still crying and buried his face back into the cushion on the couch.

“Hey Arch, look at me.” Gently resting a hand on the others shoulder, he leant down a little, repeating himself when Archie refused to look at him, “Look at me Archie. It’s alright. Just breathe for me.” Kyle waited for Archie to look at him before giving a reassuring smile and taking a deep breathe for the latter to follow suite.

The two kept this rhythm up for a while, Kyle exaggerating his breathing and Archie followed, keeping it going until Archie’s breathing began to even out and return to a normal pattern. Once that had happened, Kyle let go of his shoulder and sat there, the silence descending on the two of them.

“You good now?” Kyle eventually broke the silence, his concern still very high for the other, who merely gave a shrug and turned away from him, “Do you… wanna tell me what that was all about?”

Archie was quiet for so long that Kyle had thought he hadn’t heard the question and was about to repeat it when he heard the quiet voice, “It’s nothin’… I just overreacted…”

“I don’t even know what you were reacting to. But I’m sure you weren’t.” Kyle tried to reassure, giving a smile to help Archie relax a little more, but frowned when it just made the latter hunch in more. “Well how about this. You tell me and I’ll tell you if you were. After all, I know you better than you do.”

“You do…” Archie’s voice was quiet, but the small smile he gave showed he was starting to feel a little better, “I just… I got scared… you know how it is…”

“Scared about what?”

“Scared that you weren’t coming home… you said you were coming at nine… and when it hit midnight I just… panicked. I got scared that maybe you were sick of me. Didn’t want to be around me anymore…”

“Oh Arch.” Kyle sighed and reached over to pull Archie against his chest, now understanding where the panic had come from, “I’m sorry I didn’t call to say I would be later. Charles and I lost track of time sorting out that paperwork.”

“I know… you get distracted easily. Can you see what I meant by overreacting now?”

“No. No I can’t. Because you didn’t.” When Archie opened his mouth to argue, Kyle shook his head, “Before you moved in here, Arthur spoke to me. Told me ‘Archie’s loveable and cute, sure, but he struggles sometimes when he’s alone. Anxiety and that.’ So, it’s not your fault you reacted that way.”

“But I-I—”

“But nothing. There’s nothing wrong with how you reacted. Nothing at all. It’s just a part of you that you struggle to control sometimes.”

Kyle smiled as Archie looked up at him with a hopeful expression that quickly faded as tears filled his eyes again and he began to cry. Still smiling, Kyle stretched out on the couch properly, shifting so that they were lying down, Archie simply burying his face into Kyle’s shirt and crying his stress and worries away. Gently, he began to rub the others back, hoping to soothe and calm him.

Eventually, the crying subsided and Archie’s grip loosened as he fell asleep. Not that Kyle blamed him at all, he was well aware of how stressed and worried Archie could get. All he could do was make sure that he was there for him and help make his life a little easier. And he would start by not repeating that night’s events. Closing his eyes, Kyle let out a deep sigh and whispered to the now silent house.

“G’night Arch.”

#hetalia #aph hetalia #aph australia #2p australia #fanfic #oneshot #anxiety

[basement-writings]

Holy shit that really made my day rn. Also I love writing for the nordics so I’m happy their being requested 💕

~~~

“Stay in bed with me for another moment.”

1p Yandere Norway

~~~

You had awoken to the sun coming through the blinds on the window. Turning on your side towards the nightstand you reach for your phone to check the time.

7:34am.

Looking at the time again you tried to wrap your head around it already being the morning, and so soon..?

Trying to think back to the previous night, felt like a blur. Now that you try to think harder about it, you didn’t remember anything of the past week or month along with the people you talked too. All their faces seemed to be blurred out of your memory.

You held your head in your hand, as you started to feel a headache start to bang in your head making it almost painful to think any further.

You didn’t even question the bed shifting as two arms wrap themselves around your waist, a head being tucked in the crook of your neck. The soft breathing on your neck suddenly made you look at yourself in shook, realizing that you barley had anything covering yourself besides of the comforter.

“Stay with me for another minute kære, I’m still tired from last night.”

The grogginess of the morning mixed in with your headache becoming more painful by the second, you could only mumble a response to this stranger that you felt like you should know but can’t.

“Who are you..? Where am I?”

Trying to fight through the pounding pain in your head, you attempted to sit up and shake this stranger off, you felt their grip around your waist tighten significantly while he cooed reassuring words in your ear.

“Shhhhh, shhh, vær rolig kjære, det er greit bare slapp av.”

You slowly felt the world start to spinning around and around, as you struggled to stay awake, wanting to ask so many questions. Who were they? Where were your friends, who were your friends? What did they look like? Did you have any friends?

You felt them pull you down into the ever so welcoming mattress against your will as they began combing their fingers threw your hair. With each stroke you felt yourself drift off along with your headache. All your memories seeming becoming more clearer as you see the same face over and over again in each of them.

“Sove nå, det er ok (y/n).”

Before you knew it you had fallen fast asleep.

~~~

You had awoken to the sun coming through the blinds on the window. Turning on your side towards your lover,

Lukas.

Feeling you shifting in the bed, he opened his eyes to look at you. His crystal Indigo eyes staring into your (e/c) ones.

“Morning honey.”

You greeted him as he slowly sat up turning to you, showing off his bare chest as the comforter only covered his lower body.

“Morgen kjære, do you want me to make you some coffee?”

Giving him a playful smile, you opened your arms to him saying

“Can you stay in bed a little longer with me?”

The usual thin line of his lips tuned into a small but genuine smile as he laid back down. Letting you embrace him as he wrapped his arms around your waist, laying his head on your shoulder.

The only thing running through his mind was, that all his patience with you had finally payed off.

Finally, you were his, and he was yours.

~~~

~Requests are still open for the prompts✨~

Translations (again I don't think these are 100% correct since I got them off of google-)

kære- dear

vær rolig kjære, det er greit bare slapp av- be calm dea, it's okay just relax

Sove nå, det er ok- sleep now, it's ok

Morgen kjære- morning dear/dearest

#Yandere hetalia #Yandere aph #yandere nordics #Yandere Norway #Yandere Norway x reader #TW yandere #Aph Norway #hws norway #hhhhh I feel so appreciated when people say that they like my writing #Like- #ajdjajdhwhdyebsidb-

[1p2p-heta-suggestives]

Lovely Nyo Italy headcanons! Could you please do a nsfw alphabet for 1p Nyo Lithuania?

(Thank you, I'm so glad you enoyed those! I want to repeat that I'm not super knowledgeable of the nyos, especially because I couldn’t find ANYTHING about Nyo Lithuania, but I will try my best!)

A - Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

• She gets VERY cuddly afterwards but also very tired so it's likely she'll literally just fall asleep on top of them

B - Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

• She’s quite insecure but she does like her thighs, all the running around she does means they’re quite toned • She loves their arms, most of all, couldn’t begin to explain why

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

• As long as there’s no mess she has to clean up, she does not care where it ends up. Honestly prefers them to just use a condom.

D - Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

• Though not being all that kinky herself, the porn she watches is definitely the complete opposite

E - Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

• Not too experienced, she’s had a few one night stands here and there throughout the centuries but that’s pretty much it

F - Favorite position (This goes without saying)

• Classic missionary works best for her

G - Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? Etc.)

• She’s really only serious if she’s nervous about it, like if it’s the first time sleeping with her partner

H - Hair (How well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)

• She shaves when she knows she’s going to be having sex, she usually really can’t be bothered to deal with it otherwise. It’s the same colour as her hair.

I - Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

• Not all that intimate, she does love them but doesn’t think sex is the best place to tell them how much she does, she’d rather wait until afterwards

J - Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

• Maybe one a day, she needs the stress relief

K - Kink (One or more of their kinks)

• Loves being marked up by her partner • Being praised • Big thing for uniforms

L - Location (Favorite places to do the do)

• Bedroom, it’s very the most comfortable place, in her opinion

M - Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

• Neck kisses, she goes absolutely weak for them

N - No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

• Anything around other nations, she would be absolutely mortified if anyone she knows caught her doing something like that

O - Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

• Prefers to receive, it’s one of her favourite things. She’s not all that skilful but she does try to make her partner feel good.

P - Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.)

• She prefers something fast but also sensual at the same time though she won’t really have complains as long as she doesn’t bruise

Q - Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

• Prefers them, she’s rushing around almost all the time so she loves them just out of the convenience

R - Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Etc.)

• Both require a lot of discussion beforehand and she makes up her mind afterwards, it’s usually 50/50 for her answer

S - Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

• Typically only goes for one or two rounds, she CAN go longer but it’s just the fact that she doesn’t want to. She lasts for around 8-9 minutes.

T - Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

• She has a vibrator but that’s pretty much it, she’s got some issues with carpel tunnel from writing so much so she tries to give her wrist a break

U - Unfair (How much they like to tease)

• Shes not much of a teaser at all and she’s not a huge fan of being teased either

V - Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

• She’s pretty quiet, all things considered. The only time she’s even a little loud is when she’s cumming but, even then, it’s not huge.

W - Wild card (A random headcanon for the character)

• She has skipped a meeting or two so she could masturbate, she claimed to be ill and no one expected her to do that so she gets away with it

X - X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

• (Again, I have. No idea. How to explain. So have cup size :]) A cups, she’s a little insecure about it

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

• It’s pretty high but it’s mostly because she’s stressed all the time and needs a way to get rid of it, it’d probably be lower if she gave herself breaks

Z - Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

• Almost immediately, she’s constantly exhausted and this is one of the only ways she’ll actually sleep

#Hetalia Smut #1p #Hetalia #1p Hetalia #Hws Lithuania #1p Lithuania #Hws Nyo Lithuania #1p Nyo Lithuania #1p Headcanons #Hetalia Headcanons #Nyo Headcanons #1p Nyo Headcanons #1p Nyotalia Headcanons #Nyotalia Headcanons #Nsfvv Alphabet

[1p2p-heta-imagines]

Hello! For that previous ask, yes it's about the ship. Sorry if I didn't clarify it. I also sent the same ask in your nsft blog too 😅

(Thank you so much for clarifying! I hope you enjoy these headcanons 🖤)

• Originally met at a meeting that hosted both the 1ps and 2ps, both had the job of organising and leading said meeting which meant exchanging information and talking a lot

• Viktor confessed first, he doesn’t like crushes distracting him so he typically confesses the minute he realises that he has romantic feelings for them

• Date nights are often spent at home, neither of them usually want to go out so they’re perfectly content cuddling and watching something together

• Ivan has a flower garden so any bouquets he gives to Viktor are hand grown and picked specifically for him. He’ll also give Viktor potted plants instead of bouquets from time to time, and Viktor tries to look after them as much as possible

• Viktor has a tendency to read aloud, Ivan will just sit and listen because hearing his boyfriend’s voice never gets old to him

• It’s very clear Ivan is the more physically affectionate of the two, Viktor prefers showing his love through gifts

• They take turns being little/big spoon because it’s usually reserved for when one has had a hard day or is sad. Typically, they end up cuddling each other when going to sleep

• Viktor cannot bake well, but he know that Ivan has a bit of a sweet tooth at times so he tries his best to follow recipes that he finds so he can gift sweets instead of buying them

#1p #2p #Hetalia #1p Hetalia #2p Hetalia #1ptalia #2ptalia #1p Russia #2p Russia #1p Headcanons #2p Headcanons #Hetalia Headcanons #1p Hetalia Headcanons #2p Hetalia Headcanons #1ptalia Headcanons #2ptalia Headcanons #1p2pRussia #1p2p Russia #Character x Character #Ship Headcanons #1p2pRussia Headcanons #1p2p Russia Headcanons

[emikochan]

First of all, what is the difference between 1p and 2p? Second, could I have the allies with a darling that kisses them to stop them from sentencing someone to death for no reason or something?

Don't know if this is what you meant but here you go~

Concerning your first question, I added a little something to my previous world building post. Check it out🌸

https://emikochan.tumblr.com/post/626815910883344385/1-so-likei-was-wondering-this-is-more-of-a

~~~~~

America:

The whole town got together. All were in a chipper mood to finally see that rat getting what he deserved: Death by Hanging.

You knew that it was a misunderstanding but with no evidence whatsover, your only hope was Alfred's mercy and his soft spot for you.

• You would grab his shoulders in an desperate attempt to catch his attention

• "Ya seein everything, darling? Come sit next to me!"

"Al, don't. Stop the execution."

"Babe, he's a criminal."

"I'm begging you, please. Al, I know it sounds unreasonable but you gotta trust me on this!"

• will eventually give in while scowling deeply. He let the thug alive long enough, so what's wrong with finally getting rid of him?

Al is pissed, his darling will have a lot of explaining to do.

~~~~~~

England:

Your sister didn't cheat and you knew it.

You knew she didn't do it but they are about to kill her still.

Your whimpering stopped long ago but your wide eyes followed the hooded man with the axe slowly approaching your bend-over sibling in pure panic.

• "Arthur... Arthur, please." you whispered.

"We talked about this, (y/n). We all know what she has done."

" She's all family I'm left with, stop this!"

• All tugging, crying and pleading will go over his head. Arthur has seen and demandend too many executions to bother, really. He won't interfere unless his darling spices her offers up a bit by promising all sorts of things, basically chaining herself to him and his will completely.

Satisfied with that, Arthur may stop the execution.

~~~~~

France:

The old man was hungry and poor and your heart ached for his soul. He had to steal, there was no other way. Dying by the Guilloutine? No way.

• Tbh Francis would easily give in as soon as he saw the old man, breaking down in tears. He has a soft spot himself and hates having the last word in executions.

• "My love, you know this isn't right."

"Je sais, mon chou"

"We... still have the power to stop this."

• will always give in when you talk to him long enough. He's soft like that but won't back down when there are serious bad guys about to get killed. In that case his darling probably wouldn't want to stop their death either tbh.

~~~~~~

Russia:

Ivan likes to take matters into his own hands

So when you walk in on him beating the waiter that tried to get your number a few days ago into a bloody pulp, you were shocked beyond belief.

• "IVAN STOP!"

"Mhm? Darling, he deserved this, didn't he? Get out, please."

"He didn't deserve this!"

"You know what he could have done to you? That's exactly how pretty girls like you disappear, (y/n). Now get out"

"You don't know this, please, just let him go!"

• it will take a lot of begging, pleading and reassuring kisses to make Ivan drop his metal pipe. He was honestly just worried and wanted to protect his love.

~~~~~~~

China:

"凌遲 ", also known as "1000 cuts" was the most horrible way of dying you could imagine and seeing it happen turned your stomache up everytime.

Today Yao decided to bring a silk blindfold for you, so you wouldn't have to see it; but the terrible screams as the man's skin was pierced was enough to make you cringe and tense up in your seat.

• "Yao, please, make it stop. Make it quick, I can't listen to this."

"I know, my little flower, but you have to attend. We have to be present."

"Let's choose another death. I-I can't do this one more time."

• sighing Yao will either accept your proposal of choosing a more mercyful death, hold you and cover your ears while the 1000 cuts are performed or send you away for a light breather once every 5 minutes.

~~~~~~~

Canada:

The bullets, you could hear them already.

One quick motion of Matthew's hand and thousands of bullets would pierce the man that was leaning against the tree a few meters away from you.

• "Mattie, honey, are you sure you need to do this?"

"I'm positive."

"Whatever makes you feel better but... you are better than this. You know that."

(...)

"Lower your guns. Get him back to his cell"

• The way Matthew was emotionless during all of this scared you to death. He spared the soldier but had to lock himself in his office for the rest of the night to think. That soldier killed his best man and good friend, he deserved to die, but he knew it wouldn't have make him feel better nor bring his friend back. No sentencings, no deaths anymore.

#hetalia #imagines #alfred jones #aph america #aph england #aph france #arthur kirkland #francis bonnefoy #aph canada #aph russia #aph china #matthew williams #ivan braginsky #wang yao #request

[yandere-romanticaa]

Can I request how would the 1p face family plus Russia how would the get there crush to like them?

♡ 1p! France ♡

Not surprising, Francis is going to be the smoothest and most romantic out of the entire bunch. He knows just what the laddies like, and after stalking his s/o for so long he finally knows what their favourite flowers, TV shows and books are. He will use this knowledge to his benifit, but he won't be pushy. He doesn't want his s/o to think that he's desperate(which he is!).

He will also slowly stop flirting with everyone else, and he is going to be a lot more affectionate with his s/o. Constant hugs and kisses, and he seems to have a new compliment for his s/o every single day. He will also often invite them on small dinner dates at his house. Francis is after all an amazing cook, and what better way then to get to someone's heart then through their stomach? Anything that his s/o desires to eat will be made in no time!

He is very subtle, but you can always catch him staring at his s/o. He just has this look in his eye and you can just tell that he is in love! He can also get a bit defensive when it comes to his s/o. He doesn't mind it when someone compliments them, but if they ask s/o on a date, Francis draws the line right then and there.

Honestly, it's really hard not to fall for Francis. He is the perfect guy. He is sweet, gentle, patient, an amazing cook and a damn good listener. And with his charm, confidence and charisma, it is only a matter of time before s/o starts running in to his arms!

♡ 1p! America ♡

Uf, this boy is awkward as Hell. He tries to be smooth and cool, but he always fails. And yet, that somehow always works in to his favor! Alfred just has this boyish charm to him, and no matter what he does he always looks so adorable. He could trip over a rug and spill coffee everywhere, and yet he still looks as handsome as ever.

He is also undeniablely cheesy, but that just makes him even more appealing. He's a sucker for cute and simple dates, such as heading off the McDonald's, going to the cinema, or just having a nice and long walk. He will always wants to hold s/o's hand, and to him it just feels so perfect.

He can also become really protective. If he sees that anyone is giving his s/o a hard time, Alfred will immediately jump in to action. He wants to be s/o's hero, and he will do anything to protect them and their love. He can also get jealous quite easily. If his s/o doesn't pay attention to him for a few minutes, he will start whining and complaining rather loudly. The way he clings on to his s/o is just a dead giveaway by this point.

Alfred has a hard time with hiding his feelings, so it wouldn't take a genius to figure out that he likes someone. Unless his s/o is really dense, Alfred will go in to full bloody yandere mode. If s/o accepts him though, he will never let them go. And with such a sweet and positive guy by your side, how could you not fall for him? Love him or your friends and family will die lol.

♡ 1p! Canada ♡

Sweet, sweet Matthew will be such a sweetheart and a amazing listener! He will be the most amazing friend anyone could possibly want. But regarding his affections, he can be super shy and not to mention awkward and blushy. Red, red, red, poor Matthew will turn cherry red if s/o shows him any sort of attention. He is incredibly happy, but he isn't the best in expressing it.

He isn't very confident, and knowing that there are much stronger and handsome men then him, Matthew is pretty desperate in keeping his and s/o's dates private. His favorite kind of date is taking his s/o deep out in the woods, watching the beautiful sunset as they had a little picnic. His favorite part of the meal are of course, pancakes. He makes sure that they are perfect each and every time. Similarly to Francis, he wants to get to s/i through their love of delicious food. He will also ask Francis for help, and he will happily help out.

But the one thing that could make anyone fall for Matthew is hearing him speak French. Dear God, his voice just becomes to smooth, you just want to beg him to never stop talking. It will take him a while to start this though since he isn't sure if s/o will like it or not. But he decided to take a risk and it ultimately payed off.

♡ 1p! England ♡

Arthur will be nothing short of a perfect gentleman to his s/o. He will hold the door for them, he'll them carry their things and he would just make every mundane thing a bit brighter. He will always have a smile for them, and he loves inviting s/o to his house for some tea. He tries to contain his snarky remakes and sarcastic comments because he doesn't want to sound rude. But to his surprise, these very traits somehow make him more appealing and likable.

He has a hard time believing it, but s/o genuinely likes his geeky hobbies, his horribly burned scones and just everything about him was amazing. To s/o at least. The two would often have very long conversations about their favorite books and TV shows, but in due time the conversations just became deeper and deeper.

Arthur can't really flirt with s/o, but he can smoothly deliver some cheesy but cool pick up lines. His main appeal is his snark, and the fact that he gets blushy easily. Enjoy it while you can because things can easily go down south. Just stay loyal and sweet, and things should be fine! Don't make him jealous, he is even worse then Alfred.

♡ 1p! Russia ♡

Ivan can be very clingy and downright possessive at times. He will never leave s/o's side, and he will always want to touch them in any way he can. Despite being rather creepy at times, Ivan is never a nuisance and he can be very helpful. He can help his s/o clean their house, with their job or homework, with anything really. Just say the word, and he will do it.

He will often shower his s/o with different kinds of gifts. Ranging from really fancy jewelry to just a simple sunflower, Ivan's gifts will all be full of love and adoration. He will also want to often cook with his s/o and he just loves taking them out somewhere. It can be a fancy restaurant or a simple walk in the moonlight, Ivan is very versatile.

Be careful with him though, and be on the lookout for red flags. With Ivan they can be very easily spotted, but there is no escaping. Once Ivan decides that s/o is the perfect partner for him, he won't ever let them go.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere Headcanons #yandere hetalia #aph yandere #hetalia yandere #hetalia axis powers #axis powers ヘタリア #axis powers hetalia #hetalia x reader #dark hetalia x reader #yandere hetalia x reader #yandere france #yandere america #yandere England #yandere canada #yandere russia

[artificialqueens]

2003 (1/2) (Vanique) - Ortega

a/n: VANIQUE MUST RIIIIIIISE!!!! ayo team, welcome to this. i pulled this ship from virtually nowhere when i was writing n19f and people seemed to like i as much as i did, so i wrote these two together for the fic challenge. i’ve split this fic into two halves, as they’re two very different vibes. this part follows Vanessa and Monique as they go through primary school and then start their first couple years at high school, so it’s definitely more platonic than anything else but it’s cute! also overall this was inspired by two songs, one being 2003 by Todrick and the other being I Choose You by Kiana Ledé which will be the title of the next part, so look out for that. i so so sosososo hope u enjoy, bc i highkey love this pairing a lot. lots of lo-ove, by-ee!

tw: implied child neglect and drug use

summary: Vanessa Mateo and Monique Heart start school in the year 2003. They love girlbands, superheroes and football, and they’re best friends forever. At least, that’s the plan.

***

The room smells of squeaky floors and play-dough. It’s not like anything she’s ever smelt before, but it’s weirdly comforting. She’s sat on a carpet patterned with all kinds of fruit. It doesn’t have pineapple (which is her favourite), but that’s okay. The walls are covered in colourful paper, an arts-and-crafts rainbow explosion. There’s words too, different curly and spiky shapes making letters. She knows one has a “V” in it because that comes at the start of her name and it looks the same, but she can’t read any of the writing yet. Some of the kids in nursery could already read and one of the boys could even write stories. Vanessa couldn’t. She still can’t, but that’s okay. She can write her name and say please and thank you in two different languages and she knows how to count up to 12 (she gets stuck after that, but she’ll learn the rest).

She looks around the carpet. There’s a girl nearby her with two huge black plaits and huge brown eyes to match. Her skin is dark, and Vanessa feels comforted by the fact she’s not alone in sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the Snow Whites and Cinderellas and Auroras and their matching porcelain-skinned Disney princes that are sitting on the carpet with her. She scratches her head, feeling the bow her Mama tied in dark her hair shift. She hopes she’s not made a mess of it. Then Mama would be mad.

Her teacher’s been talking for a while now. It seems like she’s been talking for two hours. Maybe she has been talking for two hours. Vanessa looks up at the clock, even though she doesn’t know how to tell the time yet so the information is less than useless to her. Bored, her eyes drift towards the girl she was looking at before. She’s wearing a white polo shirt and a red pinafore, and her white socks have got red bows on them. Vanessa is jealous. Her new jumper with the school logo is scratchy on the inside and she told her Mama that her leggings have a hole at the knee but they can’t get any new ones until she gets paid.

She bum-shuffles across to sit beside the girl, keeps her eyes trained on the teacher like a sniper as she leans in and whispers. “You look like a princess.”

The girl gives her a big smile. Vanessa knows she should say thank you, but maybe she doesn’t know as much about manners as Vanessa does. The girl whispers to her. “You look like Meg from Hercules.”

Vanessa smiles at her. She’s seen Hercules- it’s not her favourite, but she’s seen it- and Meg was her favourite character. “Thanks.”

“It’s okay,” she whispers. There’s a pause before she hisses to her again. “My name’s Monique, what’s yours?”

“I’m Vanessa,” she replies quietly. Vanessa picks at the hole in her leggings. It’s now about the size of a 1p coin. She knows about coins, at least. “Hey, you wanna play princesses at playtime?”

Monique nods excitedly, then whips her head around, scared. Vanessa looks up at her teacher. Her eyebrows are almost joined-up and there’s little lines on her forehead and her eyes have gone all hard. Vanessa knows this means she’s feeling cross.

“Vanessa, Monique! It’s rude to talk while someone else is talking. We don’t do that in school.”

Vanessa knows she should nod, but her stomach feels all fizzy and she finds herself frowning at her teacher instead. Monique says sorry. Maybe Vanessa should say sorry too. She decides she doesn’t want to.

“She’s been talking for about 5 hours. Maybe even 4 years,” Vanessa whispers to Monique again. Monique covers her mouth with her hands and lets out a tiny giggle. Their teacher gives them a suspicious look again and Monique shuffles away from Vanessa. Vanessa knows this means she doesn’t want to get into trouble. As soon as the teacher starts talking again, Vanessa hisses over to her.

“Monique!”

No answer. “Monique!”

Monique turns around a little bit to face her. “What?”

Vanessa cups her mouth with her hands so the girl can hear her. “Do you want to be best friends?”

Monique gives her another big smile. It makes Vanessa feel happy too. “Okay!”

She’s only been here for five hours, maybe even four years, and she’s already made a best friend. This school thing is easy.

***

It’s the two of them for life. Vanessa just knows it. They’re BFFAEAE (best friends forever and ever and ever). They get in trouble for chatting at school and their long-suffering teacher monitors them like a hawk. They’re banned from sitting near each other on the carpet because even when Vanessa tries to listen (even if it’s P.E., her favourite), she’ll think of something funny she just has to share with Monique, and of course Monique is incapable of laughing quietly so she lets out a screech that completely disrupts the whole lesson and earns them both five minutes off their reward time. Vanessa doesn’t even mind losing reward time. They sit at the same table while everyone else plays and they write out the class rules, but Vanessa doesn’t mind because it’s the only time they’ll ever be allowed to sit together in class.

In the playground and after school it’s a different story. In Reception they play princesses and animal rescue with their threadbare, well-loved stuffed animals they sneak into school in their schoolbags. By Year 1 they’re popstars learning dance routines and designing album covers and falling out because Monique wants to call their double-act The Strawberry Babies and Vanessa knows that obviously The Starlights is a far superior name. In the Summer between Year 1 and Year 2 Vanessa’s Mama takes them to the cinema to see Fantastic Four and so for the whole of Year 2 they’re obsessed with superheroes, rolling around on the tarmac play-fighting with each other and getting bruised knees and scraped elbows and so far removed from the girly girls they were when they started school.

Vanessa knows everything about Monique and Monique knows everything about her, because that’s what it means to be best friends. Vanessa knows that Monique’s brother is eleven and goes to Big School and doesn’t play with her and slams his door and plays rap music that Monique can hear when she’s in her room with the door closed. Monique stays in the high flats with her brother and her gran.

“Do you have a Mama?” Vanessa remembers asking her one day in the playground, drawing in the dirt with sticks.

Monique’s voice had been quiet. She hadn’t looked up from drawing in the dirt. “Uh-huh.”    

“Where is she?”

Monique had shrugged, scribbled out the happy face she’d drawn. “Gran says she’s not allowed to see us any more.”

Vanessa could tell talking about her Mama had made Monique sad, so they don’t talk about that any more. Dads are off the table too. Vanessa doesn’t know hers and Monique doesn’t either. Vanessa doesn’t really need a Dad. Her Mama works in the supermarket and keeps their tiny pebbledashed council house in the estate spotlessly clean and is always on time to pick Vanessa up from school. She drags Vanessa kicking and screaming to mass every Sunday (Vanessa doesn’t like it because all the chanting scares her) and threatens her with El Coco until she’s blue in the face. Monique goes to church too but hers sounds more fun- they laugh and clap and sing their hearts out. Monique sings the songs in school. Vanessa thinks she sounds like she could be in the Sugababes, not that she’s allowed to listen to the Sugababes.

Monique comes round to Vanessa’s house every few weeks or so. She lives close, and Monique is allowed to walk round on her own. Vanessa is jealous of that. She wishes her Mama would let her go places on her own. She tells her that one day and Mama howls with laughter, says she’s not allowed out on her own until she’s at least twenty-one. Vanessa thinks she’s joking. Thinks.

Vanessa gets excited when Monique visits because she knows her Mama will make an effort with the dinner. That’s unfair and disrespectful, she knows; Mama works hard to put food on the table, but her stuffed arepas are just better than rice and beans (and microwave meals if it’s near her pay day, which her Mama makes Vanessa promise she’ll never tell her Abuela they eat). They sit and eat with their bowls on their laps on the sofa in front of the TV and watch The Weakest Link. They sometimes get the questions right even though they’re only 7 and the people on the show are fully-grown adults. Monique is smart, though. Smarter than Vanessa. Vanessa thinks she’s smarter than their teacher. She’s the best at writing in the class and the best at maths too, and she can read any word at all.

Vanessa’s not that smart, but she knows Monique is, and she thinks she’s amazing.

It’s a grey-clouded day in July in the Summer of 2007 when Monique pulls up outside Vanessa’s house on a brand new bike. It’s blue and the seat is close to the ground and the spokes are all shiny. Vanessa runs out to see her, sticks her feet in between the bars of the rusty iron gate at the front of their house and swings back and forth as Monique talks.

“My brother got me it. Someone from the skatepark didn’t want it any more and it’s too small for him, so I guess it’s mine now,” Monique shrugs happily. There’s a smudge of dirt on her face that Vanessa knows her Mama will wipe off with a hot cloth if she sees it. “It’s kinda big for me but it works okay. You got a bike, right?”

Vanessa cringes, thinks about the pink bike with streamers at the handles that lives in their back garden and is probably crumbling away with rust. “I got one, but it ain’t as cool as yours.”

Monique smiles, satisfied with the compliment. “Well, go get it an’ we can go for a ride.”

Vanessa blushes and thinks of how many cool points she’s going to lose when she tells Monique that she has to ask her Mama first. Monique laughs at her good-humouredly, sticks her tongue out at her and calls her a baby. Monique turned 9 two months ago and Vanessa has to wait four more to catch up with her, so the comment stings but she pretends it doesn’t.

To her surprise and delight, her Mama lets her go out on her bike with Monique but only if they just go round the estate and they’re back before dinner time. Vanessa has never been able to follow the rules, though, so when Monique tells her she knows a place by the river under the bridge with a scrub of sand like it’s the seaside then Vanessa doesn’t hesitate to follow her. Vanessa wonders how Monique seems to know the city so well: she takes her on a journey through dark underpasses with yellow strip lights and bright scrawls of graffiti, narrow bridges above busy roads that Vanessa tries to pretend don’t scare her, secret little paths through the big park Vanessa goes to with her Mama sometimes. They pedal wildly and everything zooms by so quickly that even though she has no idea where she is, Vanessa feels safe. Any vaguely scary things they see (big dogs) are gone a second later, and Vanessa knows Monique would protect her if anything scary did happen. She would protect her too. That’s just what best friends do.

They arrive at the place Monique had been talking about. The brown stone bridge hangs high above them but Vanessa can still hear the cars on it pass by. They’re drowned out slightly by the babbling of the river, inky and cold and black with jaggy rocks underneath its surface. There’s huge clusters of boulders that they both have to climb over to get to the sand and they have to leave their bikes leaning against the wall on the path. It’s not a pretty place, but it’s still a little bit magical. It has the aura of adventure rather than beauty and they’d be more likely to discover pirates here than fairies, which is just how Vanessa likes it. Together they chuck stones into the water haphazardly, their hands growing more grubby by the minute and the dirt black under their nails.

“What’s that?” Vanessa narrows her eyes, reaches down to pick up the object she’s spotted. It’s embedded in the sand and she can’t really see what it is, but it looks like what she got her injections with at the doctor’s. Monique races over to see what she’s talking about and pushes her hand away quickly. Vanessa snaps. “Hey!”

“You’re not s'posed to touch that, it’s dangerous!” Monique cries, outraged. “What if you got stabbed?”

Vanessa snorts a laugh. “It’s ain’t a knife, M'nique, it’s only a stupid needle."

Then, almost as if Monique’s warning had been a dare, Vanessa picks it out the sand with her thumb and index finger, holds it by the plastic tube. Monique’s face falls. "Stop it, ‘Ness, that’s creepy.”

Vanessa laughs, starts making the needle float about while making spooky noises. Monique takes a step back, her face all panicked. Vanessa gives a giggle. Monique’s acting like a scaredy-cat; she does that sometimes and it’s funny to wind her up. She usually takes it well but she’s growing more distressed than she usually does. Her eyes are all wide and Vanessa stops playing the moment she sees tears start welling up in them. She immediately drops the needle into the river and crosses over to her, her trainers leaving huge Nike ticks in the sand.

“Hey, what’s the matter? I’m sorry,” she mumbles. She regrets joking around now, and Monique is wiping at her eyes and sniffing and smearing dirt across her face.

“They used to be all ‘round my house before we lived with Gran,” she sniffs. Vanessa gets a churning feeling in her tummy. She doesn’t really know what that means, but it makes her feel frightened just hearing about it. She can’t imagine how frightened Monique felt seeing them for real. Slipping the sleeves of her hoodie down over her hands, she gives Monique a hug, pats her back in the hope it’s comforting.

“I threw it in the river. Don’t worry. You don’t need to see it ever again,” Vanessa says. She’s not Monique, she doesn’t know what it’s like to have a sibling, but Monique is the closest thing to a sister she has and she wants to keep her safe. Monique is smiling at her when she steps out of the hug, and Vanessa feels relieved.

“An’ if it does come back we’ll just stab it before it can stab us first!” Monique jokes. It’s a silly joke but Vanessa still bursts out laughing.

“We’ll stab it with a stick!” she joins in, and soon the two girls are laughing and anything vaguely threatening has been forgotten about.

They end up cycling a lot that Summer, Monique showing Vanessa all sorts of hidden places all round the city. Vanessa never feels freer than when she’s racing around on dirt paths behind her best friend, and worries are a distant memory. Vanessa’s life is good and she has a lot of things to be thankful for but she knows she looks different and doesn’t fit in, she knows there’s a lot of things that the other kids have that she doesn’t, she knows that there are times when her Mama sits up at night time with her bills spilling out across the kitchen table and a calculator in her hand. Monique is a bright smile and a sense of adventure and she makes Vanessa feel happy.

They don’t go out on their bikes as much when they go back to school after the holidays. Year 4 flies by almost as quick as they used to cycle, as does Year 5. They don’t pretend as much in the playground anymore, preferring to run riot on the astroturf with the boys in their class and play football and get bruises on their shins from being tackled to within an inch of their life. Not much changes by Year 6; their last year of primary school when they should be responsible and conscientious and yet they’re still getting in trouble for giggling in class and playing pranks on the other kids and whispering swear words in Spanish (that one is Vanessa’s fault).

They’ve only got a month left of primary school and Vanessa’s allowed to walk home with Monique now as long as she keeps her phone on loud and texts her Mama to tell her if they’re stopping by the park or the snack van. Today is one of those days. They’re sat underneath the huge cherry blossom tree at the park; Vanessa wants to climb it but Monique’s saying that’s too babyish. They’re too old for that now, so they’re bluetoothing each other Tinchy Stryder and N-Dubz songs and blaring them at full volume out of their tinny phone speakers instead. Vanessa’s about to show Monique a parody somebody’s made of You’re Beautiful by James Blunt when Monique breaks the not-quite-silence.

“You gotta crush on anyone?”

Vanessa wrinkles her face up, snorts a laugh. “Ew! Nah. All the boys in our class are gross. I ain’t ever had a crush on any of ‘em.”

Monique gives a quiet laugh. “Me neither. They all use that Lynx Africa like it’s gonna cover up their B.O.”

Vanessa lets out a howl of laughter. She wasn’t lying to Monique; she doesn’t have a crush on anyone. If she thinks about it, she’s never really had a crush on any of the boys in her class. It’s just not something she thinks about. She cares more about her best friend than she’d ever care about any boy.

Their laughter dies down, and Vanessa gets a knot in her stomach. It happens every so often when she thinks about high school. Their class went up to see the school last week and it felt like such a terrifying maze of identical-looking corridors and crowds of kids so old they looked to be mini adults. Their teacher had told them to write down three friends they wanted to be in the same form class as, even though she said she couldn’t guarantee they’d get to stay together. Vanessa had written only one name on her form- Monique Heart - in her curly, barely-legible handwriting, the “i”s dotted with hearts. It’s been on her mind ever since, though. They’ve been together since Reception, Monique is all Vanessa knows. She wouldn’t begin to know how to make any other friends. She doesn’t want any other friends.

“M’nique,” Vanessa says, and the other girl looks up. “What happens if we ain’t in the same form class next year?”

Monique gives a small, humoured laugh. “Well then we ain’t in the same form class.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes and shoves her. “Duh, idiot! I mean like…with us. We still gon’ be best friends?”

Monique laughs dismissively, shakes her head at her. “Now who’s being the idiot?”

“I’m serious!” Vanessa objects, annoyed that Monique’s still got her eyebrows raised at her like she’s a little kid. She’s going to be 12 in October; it’s not like she’s a baby. “What if you find other cool girls to hang out with? What if you get a new best friend? What am I gonna do?”

“You’re gonna do nothing, cuz that ain’t gonna happen,” Monique insists. Her face lights up as she gets an idea, jabs a finger against the tree trunk. “Okay. If I carve our initials into this tree, it’ll be like a promise. That we’re always gonna be best friends. I don’t want to hang out with cool girls. It’s fun just me an’ you.”

Vanessa smiles, her heart feeling all warm at the reassurance. Monique rummages around in her bag and produces her keys, starts stabbing at the bark of the tree relentlessly. Vanessa flinches a little, part of the reaction a residual memory from watching Pocahontas too much when she was really little; she used to believe that trees could feel things like humans. She shares the memory with Monique who doesn’t laugh at her, even though she probably has every right to.

“Well humans feel things an’ they get tattoos. So this is like a tattoo for a tree,” she shrugs. She’s chipped a big capital M in the bumpy bark so far and is starting on an H.

“Hey, you think we should get matching tattoos when we’re grown ups?” Vanessa suggests, the idea exciting her. Monique frowns as she drags her key over the wood.

“Don’t they use needles for that?”

Vanessa regrets the idea as soon as Monique says it; she’d forgotten about her friend’s fear. She decides to commit to the idea. “They do, but they’re all clean an’ safe. An’ you wouldn’t have to be scared cuz I’d go with you.”

Monique nods as she starts on Vanessa’s name. “I never feel scared when I’m with you. Except when Mrs Del Rio yells at us.”

“She’s a big baby. She just hates us cuz we would be better teachers than her,” Vanessa shrugs. It’s true.

“Well, what tattoo are we gonna get? We need to decide now so we can start saving up for it,” Monique questions her. Vanessa scoffs.

“How much do you think a tattoo costs? It’s like ten pounds, God!"

It’s Monique’s turn to laugh. "Nah, it’s way more than that! My brother’s got one and his cost a hundred and fifty.”

Vanessa lets out an outraged screech. “That’s a damn lie! You’re gonna go to the bad fire if you keep tellin’ lies like that.”

“An’ you’re gonna go to the bad fire cuz you just cussed.”

“Well, see you down there,” Vanessa shrugs. She considers Monique’s question. “What about we get BFFs in cool writing?”

Monique nods enthusiastically. “Yeah! With a heart maybe.”

“Yeah!” Vanessa agrees, excited about the prospect of their matching tattoos. She Googles “when can i get a tatoo” (spelling’s never been her strong suit) and lets out a groan at what she reads. “Ugh. We have to wait seven whole years.”

“You have to wait seven years, I only have to wait six!” Monique boasts, Vanessa sighing. She hates being one of the youngest in the class. She doesn’t have time to feel down for long though, as Monique shows her her handiwork with a flourish; MH + VM, scratched into the tree forever. “There! Best friends forever.”

Vanessa feels as if her smile is going to break her face. It feels like her body is made of the sun’s rays. When Monique says that, high school doesn’t seem so scary any more.

“Where we gonna get these tattoos anyway?” Monique speaks again. Vanessa’s smile turns wicked and she can barely get her thoughts out without laughing.

“Imagine we get them on our butt!”

Vanessa thinks Monique’s Gran might be able to her them screeching with laughter from the top floor of her tower block.

***

Things change though, despite the promise they make. Monique doesn’t think either of them mean to break it but life gets in the way and God has other plans. It’s what she believes at least.

Though she doesn’t know what his plan was for separating her from her best friend. Monique cries for forty-five solid minutes when she receives the letter telling her what form class she’s in; she knows it’s different to Vanessa’s. Her Gran holds her tight and rocks her against her chest on the sofa while her brother yells at her to shut up and slams his bedroom door. Her Gran is full of comforting words: you’re a strong girl, and you’ve been through worse in your life than this, and this isn’t going to change a single thing, hush now. But it is going to change things. When she’s with Vanessa, Monique feels like she can take on the world. She brings out her confident side when she feels shy, matches every shriek with a screech, takes her mind off the fact that she lives in a shoebox fourteen storeys high in the air where the elevator doesn’t work and the stairwell smells like piss. She can’t imagine starting high school without her. She doesn’t want to imagine it.

Monique batters out of the flat despite her Gran shouting after her, dashes down the stairs like her life depends on it. Her heart feels ready to give out when she reaches the lobby and bursts out into the open air but she still unchains her bike from the rack outside, pedals madly to Vanessa’s house. The bike is too small for her now and it’s uncomfortable to ride but it’s all she has to get her to the person that matters most. She reaches the house and Vanessa’s Mama lets her in, and Monique takes the stairs up to Vanessa’s bedroom two at a time where they hold each other tight and bundle up in Vanessa’s duvet and sob and sob and sob.

But looking back, Monique knows she’d been a little dramatic that day. Not being in the same form class as Vanessa really is not the end of the world. They walk there together on their first day and give each other a tight, nervous hug before they each head to their own form rooms. Monique pushes down on the doorhandle and anxiety fills her body as she walks in, freezes at the doorframe. There’s about twenty other kids already in the room and the whole scene is a bit chaotic. There are two boys chucking a ball to each other across the classroom, some girls with hair in high ponytails screeching and playing Katy Perry out of their phone speakers. Even though Monique has sat through countless interviews with social workers, child psychologists and police officers, this is one of the scariest experiences of her life.

“Hey. You wanna sit with us?”

Monique’s eyes fall on a table of girls with skin just like hers and hair to match. Monique instantly feels 80% more reassured; she’s never seen a classroom with a colour palette like this in her life. She and Vanessa had been the only two girls in their year at primary whose skin colour had deviated from the sea of pink or almost-translucent. There’s one girl who fits that mold at the table with the others, and Monique thinks it’s funny that she’s got pale skin, blonde hair and blue eyes and still happens to be the odd one out.

The girls take her under their wing that first day, and the next, and the next. They’ve all gone to a different primary school from Monique and so are already closer than close, but they never make her feel like an outsider. Asia with the sleek, black hair that tumbles down her back has a sweet smile and explains all the in-jokes that Monique doesn’t understand. Antonia, the girl who invited Monique to sit with them, has an intimidating face and a skinny frame but a kind heart and always shares her snack and pens with her. Roberta- Bob- has a huge untameable afro and personality to match, and her cousin Monét isn’t dissimilar apart from the fact that her hair is wavy and caramel instead of jet black and curly. They bicker with each other and gossip about their teachers and make Monique laugh when she’s down. And Brianna is kind and caring and is always able to put a smile on Monique’s face.

Before long, it seems like Monique has made five new friends without even having to try. She wishes she could say she’s friends with Vanessa like she always used to be, but that would be lying.

Because Vanessa’s made friends too. They’re the girls Monique’s Gran always warned her about- friends with the devil and they’ll lead you on a path straight to him. Akeria and Silky make a reputation for themselves at high school within a week of the year beginning. They mess about in class, text during lessons, Silky starts fights with other girls in the corridors that her victims never have the balls to finish. Akeria flirts with the boys and the rumours say she’s had her first kiss already. They backchat teachers and keep cans of spray paint in their bags and walk along the train tracks to the depot after school to spray their wobbly initials on the side of freight trains.

But despite the fact they don’t hang out as much in person any more, that doesn’t diminish the light that Monique keeps burning in her heart for Vanessa. They bump into each other in corridors and chat excitedly in the five minutes they have between lessons, smile and wave at each other from across the lunch hall, and they still text each other and walk there and back from school together. Well, until just after the start of Year 8. Vanessa starts getting a lift from Akeria’s Mum in the mornings and hanging out at the shopping centre with her and Silky after school. It’s not her fault, and Monique supposes she’s no better- Monét lives on Monique’s route to school so the two of them start walking together instead, and after school the girls often go to the chicken shop in town and shovel down wings to make up for the disgusting school lunches.

By her second year of high school it’s almost like Monique has a new best friend.

But she doesn’t want to think like that, so she’s overjoyed when it gets to the start of Summer, just before the last term of their second year ends, and Vanessa’s texts change from general small-talk chit-chat to an invitation to have a sleepover at her house at the weekend. Monique feels embarrassing levels of excitement as she texts back confirming she’ll be there.

M: Are your other friends gonna be there??

V: nah just me n u

And it is just her and Vanessa. It’s a gorgeously sunny day and Vanessa’s Mama puts up a tent in the garden that they can camp out in. It’s nice to be back with her, talking and giggling and laughing about stupid stuff. Vanessa laughs uproariously as she tells Monique about Silky and Akeria’s latest exploits and Monique listens nervously, anxious just hearing about them.

“Do you join in when they do stuff like that?” Monique asks her, after a story about how Silky signed her name in the same Sharpie she does her eyebrows with on a toilet cubicle door and got detention. Vanessa shakes her head, smiles bashfully.

“Nah. I tell ‘em it’s good to keep someone onside in case we get into trouble. The teachers’ll let us away with more if they like one of us. 'Least that’s my excuse,” she explains. Monique smiles, reassured.

“I didn’t think you were like them,” she says, relieved. She thinks Vanessa narrows her eyes at her, but she blinks and her expression has changed. Vanessa’s started wearing makeup and it suits her, even though her foundation is maybe a little off-colour. The mascara she’s swept onto her lashes opens up her eyes a little more and lets Monique see the twinkle that seems to be permanently shining in them.

She is so pretty, and Monique wishes she could look like her.

They talk as if nothing has changed over dinner, various barbecued meats grilled on a disposable barbecue Vanessa’s Mama got from her work. Monique has never had a barbecue before and she decides that burgers charred to within an inch of their lives are the best thing she’s ever eaten. They make smores from chocolate digestives and marshmallows for dessert and Monique howls with laughter as the chocolate and marshmallow melt down half Vanessa’s hand and she licks it off as her Mama rolls her eyes, goes to find her a hot cloth and mutters in Spanish that Monique doesn’t understand but knows is long-suffering. She has almost forgotten the way Vanessa can make her belly laugh just by acting the fool. Monique has spent two whole years not even knowing how much she’s missed her friend, too distracted by her new ones.

When it’s time to go to sleep they both cosy up under Vanessa’s duvet that’s been dragged outside and a sleeping bag each under that. Every available pillow and cushion in the house has been utilised in lieu of a blow-up mattress but the set-up is still comfortable, even though it’s pitch-black both in the tent and outside. It might be the end of June but it’s still cold once the sun goes down, and Vanessa has shuffled up near to Monique in a bid to try and keep warm. Vanessa being so close makes Monique feel warm on the inside as well as the outside.

“Hey, you know that rumour about Akeria kissing Dean from Year 9?” Monique pipes up, interested. “Is that true?”

Vanessa rolls onto her tummy to face Monique, and her eyes are sparkling with mischief even in the dark. It makes Monique’s stomach do a flip. “Yeah. They did it at the food court after school one day. You wanna know what else?”

Vanessa’s face is so full of glee that Monique can’t help but nod in anticipation. She’s almost in fits of laughter as she tries to get the secret out. “He tried to get her to touch his…you know!”

Monique lets out a screech that is equal parts horrified and amused as Vanessa dissolves into giggles too. “GROSS! Did she do it?”

“Ew! What do you think? Of course she didn’t. That shit’s nasty.”

There’s a pause in which Vanessa lets out a few more giggles. Monique doesn’t. She’s silent. She’s thinking.

“I wonder what it’s like.”

Vanessa’s voice is loud in the silence of the night. “What? Touching a boy’s-”

“No, idiot!” Monique laughs, explaining herself. “Kissing someone. Wonder if it’s as nice as people say it is.”

Vanessa falls quiet as well. Monique wonders what she’s thinking. She decides to break the silence. “You ever kissed a boy?”

Vanessa lets out a snort. “Come on, M’nique, you know I ain’t.”

“No I don’t!” Monique protests, her voice dropping to a murmur as she feels herself pout while she speaks. “I feel like I don’t know anything about you anymore.”

They both fall silent, and there’s a shift in the atmosphere that Monique can’t quite put her finger on. Vanessa lets out a sudden giggle.

“What?” Monique asks awkwardly, unsure if she’s meant to be in on the joke or the butt of it.

Vanessa’s face is scheming. She laughs a little, buries her face in her pillow before she speaks. “You know we could practise?”

Monique is slow on the uptake at first. “Practise? Practise what?”

She realises as Vanessa lifts her head and gives another giggle. Monique lets out a screech, takes the pillow from underneath her head and thumps her friend with it. “Ew, Vanessa! Ew, ew, ew! You’re so weird!”

“Oh, c’mon! I don’t wanna go kiss a boy and then be really bad at it, then he’s tell his friends and they’d tell their friends and then the whole school would think I’m shit!” Vanessa insists. Monique’s heart gives a very loud thud as Vanessa inches her face close to Monique. She’s not taken her makeup off and her mascara is all smudged around her eyes like makeshift eyeliner. She looks really pretty.

Monique shoves her away back onto the pillows. “I ain’t doin’ that shit with you! Ask Akeria since she’s so experienced.”

“But I don’t wanna practise with Kiki! I wanna practise with you!” Vanessa says matter-of-factly. Monique’s stomach gives another churn. Something is different, something has changed. Monique isn’t sure what it is or what to make of it.

“Well, tough shit. We ain’t…practising,” Monique huffs, turning her back to Vanessa and letting her eyes burn holes in the flimsy tent walls.

Vanessa’s voice comes from her side of the tent. “Fine! But if they call you…shit, I don’t know…Washing-Machine Mouth Monique…don’t say I never warned you!”

Monique lets out another huff, squeezes her eyes shut and wills herself to sleep. She feels weird. Her heart is going too fast and her stomach feels fizzy and it takes her a moment to realise her face has gone all hot.

“M’nique?” Vanessa’s voice comes from the darkness. She ignores it. “You mad at me?”

She sighs, rolls her eyes even though she knows Vanessa can’t see. “No.”

“Okay,” Vanessa says. Her voice is soft, and she rolls over onto her side. She rests her head against Monique’s back and puts an arm around her. They hug all the time, but this one feels different. It’s nice, though, and Monique feels warm and safe. “I’m sorry we haven’t hung out much. You know. Like we did in primary.”

“I’m sorry too,” Monique sighs, bringing a hand up to pat Vanessa on the arm. She ends up simply leaving it there.

“Hey, we should hang out more in the Summer! You know you can always come round to mine,” Vanessa continues.

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Monique murmurs, letting out a heavy sigh. She’s not lying- it would be nice. She knows she could never have friends back to her flat because they don’t have the space and besides, most of them wouldn’t even want to set foot in the high rise anyway. Monét’s parents are doctors and Asia’s Dad is a barrister and her Mum is a lawyer, and Bob’s parents work in something accountant-y, and they all live in big houses with sweeping paved driveways and garages and gardens the size of the Emirates stadium. Granted Antonia’s Mum and Dad both work two jobs to pay the rent and Brianna’s Dad is a dustbin man while her Mum stays at home to look after her baby sister, but at least their families are happy ones. Monique has never known the luxury of a fancy house or a private garden or a car or a perfect, cookie-cutter family. She wonders if she ever will.

She’s pulled out of her thoughts by Vanessa giving her a gentle squeeze, cuddling closer. She didn’t think it would be possible but she somehow manages it, and Monique isn’t complaining. “G'night, M'nique.”

Monique is too tired to think any more. Vanessa’s arms feel comforting around her, and she chooses to settle in them. “Night, 'Ness.”

#rpdr fanfiction #ortega #2003 #vanique #vanessa vanjie mateo #monique heart #best friends to girlfriends #lesbian au #high school au #fic challenge #diversity fic #s10 #black girl magic fic #tw mentions of implied child neglect #tw brief mentions of drug use

[ontochristine]

02.01.21

Two weeks since EK’s birthdate. I had hoped to write this sooner, while things were still fresh, but I’m learning that newborn care takes a lot of attention!

To recap my labor & delivery...

My EDD was 1/29. Up until January’s Kaiser appointments, EK had been measuring a little larger so we all thought he’d come sooner. Then Jan’s appointments showed he was back on track. It was both good and disappointing news. Work picked up after the holidays and my coordinator just started, so I needed the time to catch her up and get things in order. On the flip side, at 37 going on 38 weeks, I was really uncomfortable; sleeping horribly, back hurting, eating endlessly, etc. In other words, I was ready for baby to come out asap. By mid-Jan, DK & I figured baby would come closer to his EDD, whereas before DK figured he’d come around 2 weeks early and I thought he’d come 1 week early.

Fridays became my favorite days of the week while pregnant because 1) end of work week, 2) our takeout day and 3) sleep aid night (sleeping was awful during pregnancy and the sleep aid helped me get one full night of rest). So Friday, I wound down and went to bed between 9-10pm, while DK played DOTA in the second bedroom per usual. Sat am, I woke up with a spreading warmth waist down. I thought at first maybe I had like triple the layer of blankets in that area until I felt the wetness with my hands. Then thought to myself, “Is this my water breaking?” So I started to yell for DK but he was knocked out. I waddled my way to the bathroom, stripped, washed off my body & my PJ pants. At this point, I figured, “Well who knows how urgent this is. I’ll wake up DK after I’ve called Kaiser.” So I call, they advise to come to hospital as soon as possible - but no crazy rush - and I wake up DK, who doesn’t leap to his feet but more annoyed/groggy haha. This man doesn’t like to be woken up anyway. Knowing we have time, I put on makeup (I admit it! I’m vain!), try to figure out how to stop the leaking with the limited pads I have, and start packing last few things into the hospital bag. Then I eat an apple and write Janice’s bday card (whyyy do I irrelevant things during times like this). We finally head out and because of COVID, only I walk into the hospital where I’m seen in the triage area. Since it’s so early (before 8a), the hospital is really quiet and a Korean nurse comes to see me. I count both these things as God’s hand over me :) She chatters on and on about this and that and tells me that DK should definitely bring up snacks and it’ll be a while. So I send DK to Costco and he ends up coming to the hospital around 1p, after I’ve moved to the L&D unit.

The medical staff administered pitocin around 11a (?) and from 11a-4p, we just waited for the contractions to build up. Started a new show called Cobra Kai and ate the popsicles from the hospital. ALSO important to note that I sent DK to buy snacks in the am and then we later found out once Pitocin is in my system, I can’t eat solids until baby is out. I had like 8 popsicles over the course of waiting. Anyway, come 4p, the contractions were painful enough to request the epidural and by then, I started crying from the pain. It was just like the miscarriage contractions. I think the reminder of that mc coupled with the new pain made it an emotional experience for me again. The tears wet my mask, I muffled my gasps bc of the nurses and I was embarrassed, and my mind was just blank from the pain. I don’t know how women deliver without the epidural!! With the epidural hooked up and several tubes and devices on me, the pain subsided but around 6-7p, a bunch of nurses and doctors stormed into our room saying “baby is a little grumpy so we’re gonna do XYZ”. One staff member started reading off C-section risks to me to get my verbal consent, others tried to get me into an all-fours position, while another put an oxygen mask on me. I think the oxygen mask really freaked me out. Meanwhile DK was off to the side just watching and I didn’t say anything. Eventually things calmed down, we didn’t need the C-section and DK & I agreed that some calmer context would have helped haha. We waited overnight to dilate fully and by 5am on Sunday, we were ready to go! After pushing for 5 minutes, EK was born (cone-shaped and blue) and my first words were, “What the heck!” Once we cleaned up, it hit me how freaking adorable he was. DK sent photos and messages to both families and that was that!

As the epidural wore off and the catheter removed , I was introduced to the wonderful & embarrassing world of urinary incontinence. Almost immediately, I wet myself (a lot!) and the nurses had to tend to me. Thankfully, I heard, read or watched YT videos about this so I was pretty shameless about it. Like, what can I do? I have no control! We got moved to the post partum unit before Sunday noon which was slightly smaller and there, we had a nurse or doctor check on us or EK every other hour. Going to the bathroom every three hours to prevent serious leaking was annoying and the IV became super painful, since I started to move around and hold EK. I was on email for about an hour, canceling & consolidating meetings, and crafting my final week at work message. I decided I needed one more week (even while EK was here) to transition everything smoothly and feel at peace, which is another way of saying “I know it’s unconventional but this is how I want to do things!” I finally checked my phone - not sure why, but I hated the thought of texting or holding conversations during the L&B/pp time. I think I was just exhausted. I slept so poorly with the nurses coming to check on me every hour from the night before and I was just mentally and physically off. 

Come Monday am and with the prospects of going home soon, I felt better and Facetimed umma & appa. When I got wheeled Covid with EK in my arms, the nurse covered his face with the swaddle...covid things to recall years from now. Finally, we got home! And as we lifted EK out from the carseat, DK & I were both kind of amazed. “It’s like we went shopping and came back with a baby!” And the first few nights, of just me and DK, were so special. Just figuring it out. Powered by adrenaline and burning desire to do things right for our baby.

On night 2, EK’s circumcision bandaid had come undone and hung onto his skin by a thread. We didn’t know what to do, since we were told this & that about the circumcision healing process. Anyway, we decided to pull it off and EK’s cries broke me - and I’m pretty sure it tore at DK too. We knew it was already painful for EK but the sight of the swelling, bright red part + his crying was too much for these two new parents. I cried and cried and cried haha. But to conclude the whole circumcision story, after about 1 week of careful tending, he is fully and perfectly healed :)