kidnapper: so i have your kid
levi, quietly readying his weapons: which one? i have like seven
kidnapper: the loud, annoying one who won't shut up
levi, sighing: again, which one? that description fits... wait, do you have my kid or do you have my wife??
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*arguing*
Hanji: *takes off glasses* I don't want to see you right now
Levi: ??
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Armin: Team A will consist of myself, Reiner, Annie, and Pieck.
Armin: Team B will consist of Mikasa.
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Armin: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
Eren: Just rip the bandage off.
Armin: It’s Jean.
Eren: Put the bandage back on.
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Levi, teaching Mikasa to drive: Okay, you're driving and Jean and Eren walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Mikasa: Oh, definitely Jean. I could never hurt Eren.
Levi, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.
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characters as things family + friends have said
erwin: what is in your heart? naughty words?
levi: yeah, honestly.
erwin: well, it should be jesus.
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Reiner: What the hell were you doing with Armin?!
Annie: You know what they say. If you can't beat them, fuck them
Reiner: That's NOT the saying!!
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Gabi: Look..! Gnomes! :3 I had an art book full of these. I always thought they were pretty cute :3 Not fairies though. They creep me out.
Levi: (trying to be nice) …Alright then.
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Levi: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.
Abbie: Hi, I’m ‘things’.
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hange: if i died, how much would you miss me?
levi: it's cute that you think death can get you out of this relationship
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Armin: You know, when I said 'bring me back something from the coast' I meant like a seashell or something.
Eren, struggling to hold onto a seagull: Well how was I suppose to know??
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Pieck: So you’re dating Annie?
Hitch: What? No! I’m just buying her an accessory since she has terrible fashion sense.
Pieck: That’s literally a wedding ring.
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Bertholdt: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Zeke: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Annie: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Porco: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Pieck: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Reiner:
Reiner: I have emotional scars.
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Armin: Hey, Captain Levi, have you thought about having children?
Levi: ...
Levi: Does looking over you and the others not seem like I already do? Because I promise you, it sure feels like it.
Eren: But we're not childr-
Levi, already distracted: SASHA, CONNIE, PUT THE GUNS DOWN!
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