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#snotlout and fishlegs are the funniest to me
rosiethedragongeek · 2 years
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the gang's middle names are so funny to me
hiccup horrendous haddock
snotlout gary jorgenson
fishlegs justin ingerman
ruffnut eugene thorston
tuffnut laverne thorston
like there's nothing wrong with them or anything i just think they're hilarious
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roshambo05 · 4 months
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So I decided to rewatch RTTE because I felt like indulging in some childhood nostalgia. A few things to note:
- Snotlout and Fishlegs are dating. Good for them.
- The twins are the best characters. Still don't know wtf a boar pit is.
- I know those are supposed to be dragon scales on Ryker's shoulder and arm pads but they look like turtle shells I'm sorry--
- Actually good disability rep?? Hello??
- Hiccup how tf are you still alive?
- "Toothle plama bla" is perhaps the funniest thing in any piece of media ever.
- On the subject of Gruffnut: There's another one???
- How does Tuffnut know so many languages? Did these languages exist in this time period? If so who taught him? Is Tuffnut Odin in disguise? Would that make Ruffnut Loki?
- Hiccup is AuDHD. No I will not be taking comments at this time.
- Where tf did Hiccup get his dragon blade in midnight scrum? Why did he not use it to free himself or fend off his attackers? Also, on the subject of midnight scrum, how is this boy's neck not broken??
- I stan one (1) Heather the Unhinged. Go off queen. Feral bastard child.
- Ruffnut is actually super smart?? And cool?? What??
- I did not watch the series before this one so Dagur's entrance confused me so much at first. Who is this man and why does his beard look like that?? Please shave.
- Gonna punch Snotlout's dad. Gonna kick his fucking ass.
- Why is Viggo so aggressively British? And why is his brother Scottish? Come to think of it, there is no consistency in any of the accents.
- Sir, that is not a dragon, that is a Pokémon (you know exactly which dragon I'm talking about don't pretend you don't know)
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evilwriter37 · 8 months
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:D
I'm so glad all is good and you accepted the apology. Still, as a part of it, have a dumb idea that suddenly hit me out of nowhere
Post Triple Crosa in Viggo lives AU. Hiccup and Fishlegs went for a flight around the island (for whatever reason, maybe collecting herbs or sth). When they come back they see their newest addition to the populace of the Edge (drenched from head to toe) wrestling a very angry Skrill. And everyone else is just. Watching. When Hiccup asks wtf is happening, Snotlout goes "Viggo is trying to groom his dragon. Funniest shit ever" just as the man in question is thrown at a stack of crates by a disgruntled dragon with aversion to water
😂😂😂 Thank you! That sounds like something that would happen in an episode, oml. I love it!
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phecdasolar · 3 months
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN NOBODY ASKED BUT I HAVE DELIVERED!!!
After several days of analysis and brainstorming I have successfully classpected the dragon riders from HTTYD :DDDDD
Hiccup - Page of Blood, Prospit Dreamer
Astrid - Prince of Rage, Derse Dreamer
Snotlout - Thief of Hope, Derse Dreamer
Fishlegs - Rogue of Heart, Derse Dreamer
Ruffnut - Witch of Time, Prospit Dreamer
Tuffnut - Sylph of Space, Prospit Dreamer
If anyone wants to know my reasonings it was a combination of Dahni Witch of Light’s classpect analysis and bouncing ideas off of my friends
Fun facts:
Hiccup was a tough choice between Blood and Breath, and I decided if he had indeed left before the fight with the Monstrous Nightmare and went to live with the dragons he would absolutely be Breath.
Another fun thing was Maid of Rage Hiccup if he was, well, angrier. Read Dahni’s description for the classpect and think of Hiccup going on his villain arc and you get the picture lol
My friend brought up the fact that Valka is Breath tho and I ABSOLUTELY agree with her
Tuffnut was originally Sylph of Breath! But after reading the description for Sylph of Space I thought it fit a lot more
Fishlegs I was initially gunning to be Mind, but it was the existence of one Thor Bonecrusher that made me realize omg, no, he’s Heart
Snotlout was a tie between Thief of Hope or Heart but after figuring out Fishlegs, and looking closer, Hope fit way more
Astrid was. A process. Hope, Time, Rage, Space, Knight, Heir, Prince, Bard, it took A WHILE but Prince of Rage seemed to fit the best (if you can think of something better I’m all ears, actually she’s the only one I’m still not entirely confident on 👀)
We have four!! Homestuck kinnies here lol Fishlegs the Nepeta kinnie, Astrid the Kurloz kinnie (it was SO CLOSE to being Eridan or Cronus I’m DYING-), Tuffnut the Kanaya kinnie, and Ruffnut the Damara kinnie
Final fun fact, I wanted to see what castes they’d be on the hemospectrum and Hiccup is the only one with a canon birthday but the FUNNIEST THING TO ME OKAY, is that he’s Fuchsia, aka the highest caste, literal royalty, and I find that funny because of his whole being the chief/son of the chief thing oml it’s just perfect it was meant to be
For the others, Astrid was Rust, Fishlegs Lime, the Twins Gold (duh), and Snotlout was so confusing bc like so many people couldn’t decide if he was Taurus or Scorpio, but then I thought since he’s Hiccup’s cousin what if he was Violet and I like that but it would’ve made him a True Aquarius.
Bronze would’ve been funny bc it would’ve been all the other riders at the very bottom of the spectrum (in order to boot!) and Hiccup all the way up top, I ended up going Cerulean as it was a nice halfway point but tbh I’m still kinda fond of Violetblood Snotlout so idk
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whoismartiganmadat · 1 year
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Thanks for @verdart for the idea! ❤
My native language is Hungarian. Now Idk if ya'll know anything about the Hungarian lang, but it isn't a fairy tale, very difficult to learn, takes time and practice. Even native speakers have problems with it sometimes.
Sooo, I'm going to start with the 'okay' ones to the 'who?'. (Ofc, just for fun, translators always do their best. ❤)
(I won't give the proper pronounciation for the words, because that would make this post an hour long, to write and to read, too.)
Valka, Astrid and Eret (son of Eret 💅) stayed the same. Heather is Hanga, which is a real, used Hungarian name.
Toothless is Fogatlan, which is the exact same. Fog means tooth, -atlan means the lack of smthng (we lit have 6 different ones: -talan, -telen, -atlan, -etlen, -tlan, -tlen; and you connect it to words based on grammar rules).
Snotlout is Takonypóc. Takony means snot, póc is a kind of fish 💀, but the two together lose their og meaning, and it can be used to say someone is yet an immature child, used to humiliate mostly young adult men.
Ruff and Tuff, let me tell you, are Kőfej és Fafej. Kő means stone, fa means wood, fej means head, és means and.
Fishlegs is Halvér. Hal means fish (singular), vér means blood. Someone who is halvérű (adj) (lit meaning their blood is fish blood, I'm not going to elaborate on that ű, because Hungarian has a lot of that shit), is calm and has a rather cold personality.
Hiccup is Hablaty. Hablaty is a kind of speech that has no real meaning behind it, so the person who "hablatyol" (singular they) is talking about everything but really, nothing.
NOW TO THE MORE CONFUSING ONES!
Gobber is... I'm sorry, it's just. Gobber is Bélhangos. Bél means gut, hang means sound, but see that little -os? Yeah, in this case, that makes it "loud". So his name literally means someone who has loud guts.
Stoick is the funniest, I think. Stoick is Pléhpofa. Pléh means tin, pot or vessel made from metal, or metal sheet, and pofa is face (but in a more animalistic way, the normal way of saying face is saying arc). Again, the two together can be used to describe someone who has a bored face or lit antipathetic, and yes, it IS a real word. My poor man, they did him dirty.
I think I'm done. I encourage you to learn Hungarian, because it is one of the most beautiful languages imo, but at the same time, run if you see ű or ő.
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autumndragon · 2 years
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One of the funniest minor details about Race To The Edge is how the Riders sometimes get locked into a cage with bars wide enough for them to crawl through.
Take the episode "Gold Rush" for example
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I mean...
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Don't tell me Astrid, Ruffnut and Tuffnut can't fit through those lower ones.
The only one who might not fit is Snotlout (and Fishlegs if he had been here too), because he's too broad-shouldered.
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one-strugling-bean · 2 years
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Random thoughts on HTTYD RttE S3 (Ep8-13)
Ep8 - Yayy, cousins on a mission
God, Snotlout is like, a whole head shorter than Hiccup, why do I keep noticing these things??
Oh nooo, they're gonna make Toothless participate in the dragon fights! At least that's what I'm predicting
I'm gonna take the twins messing with Snotlout then as their way to calm him down - he really looks worried
Why would you trap those two together?
The difference between Fishlegs and Heather asking where Toothless was taken
That hunter must be so confused
Snotlout is actually really serious for a change
That exchange with "the business was fun
Also, Astrid my girl!!
I swear the Gronkles are so freaking cute
You know, it would be pretty funny if Toothless just made friends with the Razorwhip
God, I love the twins
Triple Strike looks totally like a Pokémon
Yayy, Toothless made friends with the Pokémon!
Guessing Toothless' mercy was a callback to HTTYD1
Snotlout and Fishlegs are pissed, as they should
Sleuther is sho cute, good for him
Ep9- I really don't wanna go over another "Snotlout being an idiot with girls" moment, please don't do that again
Awwww, he's so cute!!
Please, someone shut Snotlout up, I love you boy, but there's a limit
A bunch of time from this episode is being dedicated to Chicken, and I'm okay with it
This is the second time someone sings a lullaby to a baby dragon, and I'm kinda surprised to know Snotlout was the other one
God, Astrid please punch Snotlout, he's been asking for it all day
Oh yes are they all singing, that is so cool!
Garff riding on Hookfang's head looked so sweet
Wow, so we actually get to see how he got all of his gadgets from HTTYD2
Astrid, your jokes are awesome
The Deathsongs are so prettyyyy
They're all singing together that's so cool!
Ep10 - Sooo, today Ruff and Tuff are stylists?
No reason in particular, but I really liked that Heather cut their sails like that
I mean, I get the confusion since these are Hunter boats, but marble is usually a very precious rock, so it wouldn't be too surprising for the sailors to protect the cargo so fiercely
Pink and blue Nadders are so pretty
"I regret nothiiiing!" "I regret everythiiing!" the twins always get the funniest lines
Nuuu, poor Barf&Belch
Sometimes I forget Monstrous Nightmares are supposed to be like, super powerful and scary and all that
Weren't there three guards tied up? where'd the other two go?
That is so messed up, poor Quakens...
"Oh, no, he did not." My reaction, exactly
God, he's even posing and everything
Today is not Barf&Belch's day
Yes, Fishlegs showing how competent he is, I'm into it
Of course, Tuff would have a cousin in Stockholm who related better to their captor's cruelty than to an outsider's help
Aww, they made him an eye patch!
Why haven't they taken the hammer from the hunters?
I'm gonna start a petition for Dreamworks to make a new show about the riders where Fishlegs has a hammer like that - he looks so cool and it fits him pretty well
I can just imagine Snotlout, in all his bi glory, drooling over Fishlegs with that hammer - you cannot tell me he wouldn't
Oh, it's on, biatch
Ep11 - I love Dagur, his character is so fun to watch interact with others - and his VA did a really good job with his voice
Yikes, so who's gonna tell him?
Not sure keeping him a secret is a good idea Hiccup
Shattermaster is an awesome name, and it was given to the cutest Gronkle ever, my god, he looks so sweet
I'm guessing Snotlout appearing on that one shot where the riders catch Dagur is a continuity error
Toothless is cool with Dagur now, it seems
The peeps are actually teaching him, wow
Whenever they want to point out what not to do while Dragon riding, they use Snotlout as an example, it's a funny joke
He would get along well with Tuffnut
Like, I guess it's easier for me to forgive Dagur because i havent seen even half the stuff he's done, but I really feel bad for him
Also, he's got the makings of a himbo, doesn't he? Just thought of this
Why would you trap them together? That feels remarkably dumb
Ha, he used their tricks against him
How many daggers does he keep on him?
Wait, whaaaaa- how? This was a really sudden death scene
Yeah, I refuse to believe he's dead, sorry
Ep12 - I really like Johann acting with the Riders
You wanna send in Snotlout disguised? Uhm, not sure about that myself
Wow, Stoick has zero confidence in Snotlout
He's blond! Doesn't look too bad on him, but I gotta say I prefer his original color
Yayy, Gobber!
Hookfang doesn't look like he's with the rest of the dragons, what's up with that?
No way Viggo doesn't know what's going on
Snotlout is really loving his part
Wait, so this is how he meets Grump?? Nice
Nice improvising skills there Snotlout
Uhm, Ruff, Tuff? Why did you hold onto the cages?
Everyone got caught, wow
I feel like I say this about every single dragon, but, Grump is so cute
"Is he ever going to learn?" "None of them will" Nice words
Fishlegs deserves the clapping
Man, I love Gobber, he's my favorite adult, he is so badass but also such a great father figure - I'd even dare saying the best father figure in the franchise
I mean, losing all of Berk's gold is kiiiind of an issue, but sure
Ep13 - Not best girl Meatlug!!
Did they all look kinda guilty raising their hand or is it just me?
"He needs to go to a seminar." I'm sorry if this sounds repetitive but, I love the twins - this whole conversation was super funny
I am curious about this
"I accept your surrender." Ha, that was good
So, basically what Viggo is proposing is a treaty akin to the real-life Treaty of Tordesillas signed between Portugal and Spain on the 15h century
Random little history class for you guys
We're meeting a whole new dragon-friendly group, that's fun
Uhm, okay, Throk
Ohhhh, she's pretty!!!
And her voice!!! And accent!!!
I'm in love
The little glance between Toothless and Hookfang
Pffft, I love Hookfang
Okayyyy, now she's scaring me
"He's been on trial more than anyone in Berk... Of course, he's also been convicted more than anyone Berk. But who cares?"
Ruffnut's little comments in the background while Tuff's talking make thr scene for me
This trial does bring an interesting issue though - like, sure they give their dragons a choice and they take care of them, and love them, but they do use them to do their bidding and make their own life easier
I'm surprised Toothless and the gang haven't broken free to rescue their partners yet
I'm hoping that will happen at some point
"You're betting all our lives on it." Fair point, Astrid
Wait, didn't you guys bond with a speed-stinger last season? Even Snotlout grew a soft spot for him and all
"Thankyouverymuch-"
Still not sure how I feel about this alliance
"What? You don't even like flowers!" I love their dynamic so much
To be fair, the twins did warn you
Well, that's a nice cliffhanger to wrap up the season!
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tomiyeee · 4 years
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For the ask game, how about Hiccup?
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aaaaaa thank u for sending my boy!!!! (also sorry if u saw what i just posted ajdfklsjfk)
Fav thing about them: gonna stop bein h*rny for him for a sec and say that his sass is one of the funniest parts of the series. hiccup’s sarcastic lines were p much the only times i genuinely laughed during riders/defenders of berk. not tryin to shit on the writing here, cuz i get that it’s aimed at kids who probably found the series a lot more funny than i did. just personally not my type of humor. also httyd was my fav movie as a kid (and still is!!) so there’s a little bit of nostalgia mixed in there. he was one of the og faves.
Least fav thing: i mean. what’s not to like.
Fav Line: that one part in riders of berk (im p sure ep19) where he’s called into the great hall and is greeted by a bunch of angry lookin men with no idea as to why and the first thing out of his mouth is “i’d just like to say, in my own defense: i cannot control snotlout or the twins 24 hours a day”. and his “there were dragons when i was a boy” bit from the books, cuz like damn bro. go off.
brOTP: him/fishlegs!!! (them being nerds together is really cute! i wish we could see more of them), toofless, viggo, stoick (good father/son relationship!!! cute!!!!), dagur (their episodes are always really fun :3)
OTP: vigcup (this is basically just httyd version of rhack lol)
nOTP: astrid (god i could go on about how much the Heterosexuality in this series annoys me, but it basically sums up to: “i hate the trope where if the male protag earns enough good boy points, he gets the girl as a reward” + “male and female character: *look at each other* me: oh no” + “i hate being forced to see people kissing”), snotlout (apparently they’re cousins in the books and i like that idea too much to be comfy shipping them romantically), dagur (romantically; some art is still cute but i dont actively like the ship)
Random headcanon: oh! i can actually say this, since you know who im talking about: i feel like he and blake would get along!!! they’re both nerdy sweethearts and i think they would have a lot of fun sharing their ideas for inventions n stuff!! he wears goggles in one episode and literally all i could think was “blake”
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Unpopular opinion: 1) his outfit in race to the edge was the nicest one out of any of them, and every time i see him in his httyd 2 or 3 outfit i get disappointed cuz it just looks so dull in comparison. he’s not goth enough to wear all that black and he looks much nicer in red. i just wish it coulda been in one of the movies or smth cuz i woulda loved to see it animated with that quality. 2) i don’t know if this is unpopular or not, but hiccup is a lot stronger than he looks!! that part in zippleback experience when he punched snotlout hard enough to knock several of his teeth out made me so proud :’3 he can sometimes hold his own in a fight, even without toothless. he’s strong enough to block viggo’s attacks during the sword fight in triple cross and when he can’t beat his enemies through pure physical strength (which is always), he finds ways to outsmart them or use his size to his advantage. he may not be as good a fighter as the other riders, but he’s not helpless. 3) beard!hiccup bad. the only character who is allowed to grow facial hair is blake porter.
Song I associate: ???
Fav Pic: besides the entirety of midnight scrum, cuz i mean come on... (this is cheating but i have too many pics to choose just one):
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(forgot to put this under viggo’s one so im putting it here)
also sameppp (twitter)/re-dragonboysclub (tumblr) draws THE best hiccup, hands down (though it’s mostly n///s////f//w//)
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minatoiskyuubismate replied to your post “You know what Astrid’s problem is? The writers are too scared to put...”
Astrid and Heather made her male comrades look more than once like idiots. In the first movie men and woman fought side by side like equals. In the series and following movies the focus got more and more on the femals being smarter and often stronger than her male couterparts. Esprecial the Jorgensons were mostly portrayed as idiots. Best example: Valka winning against Spitlout in armwrestling.
Welllllll... the Jorgensons are a special case, aren’t they? No one likes big mouths, and they’ve got some of the biggest of all. What everyone does like is seeing arrogant characters get knocked down a peg, which is probably where a lot of it comes from. It is kinda... uhuh... that they saw being beaten by women as the best way to humiliate them.
About the other message, yeah, I agree that they portray them that way, for the same reason that I talked about in the first post: too afraid to make fun of them and provoke the hordes. In the movies, though, it’s a lot more tolerable because they also get focus. It’s not just that they’re more competent, it’s that they’re not the comedic relief, which means a different thing in the movies, which are comedic, but not a comedy, and in the series, which are much more of a comedy and so the funniest characters will be the most favored. Hell, even freaking Stoick is a comedic relief character in rtte! In the movies, Astrid does stuff other than lord it over people and kick ass, and when she kicks ass it’s not really framed in comparison to others’ incompetence but as a thing of its own. She kicks ass because she’s great, not because she’s greater. She gets flaws that affect the plot! In the series, how they treat Astrid and Heather is extra noticeable because they don’t make mistakes, which means they don’t have conflict unless they’re scared for their lives (external conflict) or their dragons’ lives (internal conflict, but be real, is it even half as interesting as episodes when Snotlout is worried about Hookfang? No, because these kind of episodes shed light on the great love between them that often goes unsaid and buried between hostilities. Astrid and Stormfly’s relationship is... well... perfect. Stormfly doesn’t even make fun of Astrid the way Toothless does to Hiccup to give her a bit of extra personality). More often that not, they’re vehicles to the others’ plots. 
Heather’s... a special case, because she doesn’t belong in a PG show at all, much less a comedy (although I’m still annoyed because it still seems unequal. Especially after that brilliant scene when she breaks something with her axe in Family on the Edge. It was hilarious!)
Anyway, the big problem for me is the comparison. In the movies it’s not as noticeable because, like I said, the female characters are great even without the other characters to bounce off of. Even in, say, httyd 1, where Astrid is the best in everything Dragon Training, it comes from something none of the other, not even Hiccup, has: focus. Discipline. A grim approach to life, tbh. And you know what? She gets made fun of for that. Look at the scene in the mead hall. She gets nitpicky and Ruff drags her for it.
While you’re right that women in the httyd movies are more competent than men (again, because none of them, except for Ruff, who’s one half of a whole idiot, are comedic relief characters), it barely jumps out at you because they’re not usually even compared, unlike in the shows, where they rarely speak unless it’s to play the straight man to one of the other characters, like in Maces and Talons part 2, where Astrid and Heather took out two guards, but the comedy of the situation lay on Fishlegs and the twins alerting the guards and being either comedically scared or comedically confident. Astrid’s outburst in Sandbusted is funny because Tuffnut cries at the word tears. Sorry, Astrid also gives Hiccup advice, can’t forget about that!
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hanasaku-shijin · 5 years
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Okay bear with me for a second but I can't help but think that Astrid being in labor with their first child must have single-handedly been the funniest and most terrifying thing to ever happen on Berk. 
Like can you imagine? Hiccup is with her all day and night 24/7 doting on her as much as possible until it's time, at which point Valka, Gothie, Heather and Ruffnut declare the No Men Allowed rule and kick him out of the house. Hiccup is pacing around the door frantic and excited with Tuffnut Fishlegs and Snotlout all just nervously gabbing away and Hiccup's all "this is it, oh my Thor this is it, it's actually happening-" 
And then from the other side of the door all of a sudden Astird just starts fucking SCREAMING CURSES AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS "GET. OUT. YOU SON OF A HALF-TROLL, RAT-EATING, SLUDGE BUCKET. GET OUT OF ME." And on the outside of the house Hiccup and the lads just fucking shrink and fall over in COMPLETE TERROR because they have all heard Astird Hofferson yell but they have never heard Astrid Haddock yell and it's just a lot of screaming and cursing and TERROR for the longest time until it all finally goes quiet and eventually the boys are let back in to find all the girls smiling and tearing up and Astrid is holding her little baby daughter and smiling so softly and happily like she didn't just curse up a storm more wrathful than Thor's life-threatening thunderstorm of destruction.
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themosleyreview · 5 years
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The Mosley Review: How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World
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Long have we all waited for this day to come. The day that we would finally see the epic conclusion of one of the greatest stories ever to be told. There are many great animated film trilogies and like Toy Story, this film series can now be added to the list of the best animated trilogies and best film trilogies of all time. From the first film to now, it has been an emotional journey about growth, friendship and love for animals. The simple story archetype of "a boy and his dog" beautifully transformed into "the boy and his dragon" and it has stayed consistently filled with so much compassion and heart. The adventure we've gone on with these characters has truly been epic, hilarious and satisfying and to now see it end was truly heartbreaking and perfect. What I have also loved about this franchise is that you grow with the characters and the story applies to adult life as well. There are so many wonderful layers of storytelling in all the films and it was magical all the way to the end.
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Jay Baruchel returns as Hiccup and he delivers once again a stellar performance. The evolution from a kid that didn't fit the dragon slaying viking life style to now a chief who lives and takes care of dragons, was a wonder to behold. You see a change in him that shows that he is the leader his father always wanted him to be and more. Gerard Butler returns as Stoick for some deeply emotional and powerful flashbacks and I really enjoyed each one. America Ferra is even more awesome as Astrid and I loved how the relationship between her and Hiccup finally takes the next step. Cate Blanchett returns as Hiccup’s mother Valka and she was perfect as she always is. Craig Fergusen was hilarious once again as Gobber and he gets some of the funniest and awesome dragon moments in the film. Jonah Hill, Chrstopher Mintz-Plasse, Kristin Wiig and Kit Harrington return as Snotlout, Fishlegs, Ruffnut and Eret and they all get there moments to shine, especially for Ruffnut. They use her annoying banter to the fullest extent in one particular scene. I liked F. Murray Abraham as the new villain Grimmel and he surprisingly plays an integral part for entire franchise. Now one character that has had an equal amount of evolution throughout the films alongside Hiccup is his faithful dragon companion Toothless. Not only is he even more adorable than ever, you get to see a new love arrive in his life. The trial and error that Toothless goes through to try and impress the Light Fury was truly hilarious and heartwarming. The bond between Tootheless and Hiccup has never been stronger and emotionally intense and it was so hard to watch them go on one last adventure.
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The score has been consistently magical and heartwarming and trilogy composer John Powell has done it once again. There is a moment that reminds me of when Lois Lane and Superman fly together for the first time and I loved that particular piece of score. There is so much about this film that I loved and I just can't say that I love this trilogy any more without bursting into tears. This has truly been an amazing journey for this franchise and it was a perfect ending to one of the most perfect film trilogies ever made and it is the first best film of 2019. This is a must see and bring alot of tissues because like me, as I type this, you'll be in a puddle tears as you say goodbye.  
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shipmistress9 · 6 years
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FTLOAP: Chapter 2: I know not if fate would have us live as one
Prologue; Chapter 1
Thanks again to all of you for the wonderful feedback I got here, on ff-net, and on AO3. You guys are awesome! :D
And, as always, credits to my beta-reader/editor/co-author @athingofvikings who sometimes comes up with the funniest bits of side plot ever ;) 
. o O o .
In a daze, Astrid followed Timothy – or Tuff as everyone called him – out of the stables. All of her efforts went towards ensuring that her outward appearances were calm, typical, even placid – which was almost more than she could manage. Inside, her heart was racing and her head was a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions, all centred around a single question.
What had just happened?
It had started so simply. She’d gone to the stables to see the new horses that House Jag’r had undoubtedly brought, hoping to spend a few hours in pleasant company, and, most importantly, not being the perfect Princess for a while.
And she’d found that, all right...
But she’d also discovered something quite... unexpected.
What just happened...
As discretely as she could, she took a shaky breath as an old memory surfaced in her mind. She remembered a visit to the southern seashore when she was a child. She remembered watching the tide come in, a wave of water that had quickly drowned the beach that she had walked across only hours before. Some of the children on the beach, digging for clams and the like, had barely been able to outrun the rushing water.  
What just happened... it had felt like that. She’d been swamped by these unexplainable feelings and that… that vision... Like something was pulling her toward him, seemingly as inexorably as the tide.
Nothing made sense.
She fought hard against the urge to lift her hand to her lips, to trace where he’d kissed her. It was of supreme importance that, whatever she did, Tuff mustn’t notice anything. He couldn’t learn about what had just happened.
It was weird in a way, ironic even. It hadn’t been her first kiss. That she’d lost to Snotlout when she was seven. And it hadn’t even been her first real kiss either, because that one had gone to Eret two years ago – as part of an experiment.
No, it wasn’t just that he’d kissed her. It had been so much more than that.
She had felt it almost immediately, when he’d treated her like a human being, and not as an adornment or path to power. When he’d talked to her, had joked and laughed with her, had made her work, and had teased her. Even in those early moments, there had been something between them already, something more than just the thrill of being treated like a normal person. There had been a lightness, a feeling of rightness, something she’d never felt before, not with her brother nor with any of her friends.
When he’d first brushed against her, she’d felt like something inside had shifted into place that had always been slightly off before. She couldn’t describe it any better, but it had felt so… so… right! It had felt right to touch his hand, right to carefully caress his fingers, and so very right to nudge him during their bantering, as if she’d known him all her life. As if she should know him.
But when he’d kissed her…
There were no words to describe that feeling. The images his lips had conjured to her mind’s eye, and the sheer longing it had stirred within her. Longing for what she’d seen, but, even more so, a soul-deep longing for this man, this stranger who’d captured her heart and soul in merely a couple of hours.
And yet, it could never be.
Astrid balled her hands into fists at her sides to keep them from trembling. She needed time, needed to think and to put some order into her head. Right now, everything was just this chaotic mess. Just an hour of peace, that was all she needed. But she probably wouldn’t get an hour today anymore.
She wouldn’t even get a few minutes.
Almost without intending to do so, she wandered away from Tuff and the pathway back to the castle. Her gaze drifted to the small lake at the forest’s edge, and, as always, a peaceful smile crept across her face. It was a beautiful lake, a real lake, not some hand-dug pond full of gasping ornamental fish. The banks here were covered with reeds and cattails, and teeming with wildlife. It was her favourite place on the castle grounds.
Well, maybe except for the stables.
Her eyes were caught by the majestic swans gliding over its surface, and, as usual, there was this strange yearning deep inside her. A yearning to be as free as they were, and also a bit of jealousy at how they could chase off people that annoyed them and people seemed to respect that.
“Hey, hey, don’t you run off again, young lady!”
Astrid rolled her eyes, and sighed. Of course, Tuff wouldn’t let her have any more moments of peace today.
“I’m not running away, Tuff. I’m just…” she shrugged, trailing off. What should she say? She wanted to run away! She didn’t want to return to the castle, to the stiff rules, and the even more rigid expectations. Instead, she wanted to… to return to the stables, and back into those arms that had held her tightly, so tight that they’d almost crushed her.
She inhaled sharply at that thought. Freya, what was going on with her? Her mind drifted back to that toothy grin, to those lively forest green eyes beneath that mane of auburn hair, and she couldn’t help but smile briefly.
But it was nothing but a dream. As much as she might wish otherwise, she knew that nothing could ever come of it. She had to keep telling herself that. Her father would never allow it. As right as it had felt, and as much as she wanted it to come true, it still could never be. It was too dangerous, and she would not risk –
“Astrid, if you’re not coming with me right now, then I’m not responsible for my actions anymore.” Tuff had probably meant for his voice to sound threatening, but it just served to make her lips twitch in light amusement, despite her troubled thoughts. And it served to distract her, for which she was grateful. She shouldn’t think about this, about him. It could never be.
“Alright, Tuff,” she gave in, turned, and walked ahead of her warder, back toward the castle. “I’ll be good now. Just for you.”
“Oh, I’ll never understand women,” she heard him mumble almost incoherently. Then he added louder, “That’s good to hear, but I’m sure you’re not doing it just for me. Because I know that you wouldn’t want to miss Eret’s accolade. No, you can’t fool me. Even you can’t ignore an event like this.”
Astrid whirled around, and stared at him, eyes wide. “That’s today?” she asked disbelievingly. “His accolade is today already? Are you sure?”
Tuff shrugged. “As far as I’ve heard, yes. You see, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Of course, I thought you’d be at the stables, and that’s where I looked for you first. At the main stables. But those were filled with hundreds of horses and dozens of stable staff from House Jag’r, and none of them had seen you there, although the old goat was there, shouting orders and making everyone stressed out.”
“Tuff!  You know better than to call Eret’s grandfather that!” Astrid chided him, glancing to see if anyone had heard the impolitic remark, and then leaned in to whisper, “At least so long as we’re not behind closed doors.” And regardless of how true it was, she thought with a grimace.
Tuff shrugged and continued with his tale of woe. “Then I went to Fishlegs at the physician’s chambers, because I know how much time you spend there watching him mix all those weird tinctures and paints for his master. But he said he hadn’t seen you all day, so he sent me to his wife in the kitchens. Which was a great excuse to swipe one of the pastries Heather had just made, by the way. You know, these small ones filled with – oh, never mind. She hadn’t seen you either, but she said she wouldn’t even have noticed you with all the extra work they had because of the accolade. Looks like your father decided on that one on a whim. Or your brother persuaded him to do so, which is more likely, I guess. That way, we can get rid of the old goat – pardon, Eret the Elder faster. Anyway, Eret is the only sensible candidate, so it has to be his accolade today.”
Astrid rubbed her forehead as she filtered the small bit of important information out of Tuff’s extended monologue. “And why haven’t you said so sooner?” she inquired, and turned to hurry up the path toward the castle again.
“I would have if I’d found you sooner. You see, after Heather and the rest of the kitchen staff confirmed that you hadn’t been there all day, I went to every other place I could think of. I looked at your herb garden, at the archery range… Odin, I even went to the library, before I remembered that House Jag’r sometimes uses these remote stables as well. And then I had to come all the way out here. Honestly, you can’t expect me to remember every tiny bit of unimportant information after such a hike.”
She took a deep breath, but didn’t comment any further. She could point out any number of responses; that Eret had been her best friend since they were children, that she felt closer to him than she did to her own brother, and that his accolade was something he’d been looking forward to for years. Of course, his accolade was important. But Tuff already knew all that, so where was the point. Instead of wasting any more time and energy, she hurried on up the hill, Tuff on his long legs right behind her.
Once they reached the castle’s main gate, however, she paused. She waited for Tuff to quickly put her hair back into order as best he could, his nimble hands working to get the braids back into what he considered acceptable condition, and then shook the last bits of dust and straw out of her skirts. He gave her appearance a last once-over, and then nodded grimly.
With deliberate calmness, she stepped out into the open.
As always, several people greeted her as she walked along the road that led through the gate, minor noblemen who lived in town, merchants who bowed in their usual exaggerated manner, and common people who gazed at her in wonder before hastily scrambling out of her way. Calmly, she walked past them, smiling pleasantly as it was expected of her. Astrid hated this public part of the castle. She hated always keeping up appearances, always making a show of dignity and aloofness. She hated being this puppet, this royal figurehead. She understood why it was necessary, why the royal family needed to show strength and control. Those were subtle reminders as to who was in charge – to the kingdom, to the distant offshoot branches of her own House, to the other nobles, to the Temple, and to the common folk. Although to those commoners and peasants, it was less a threat and reminder of who was the boss than it was a calming reassurance of prosperity and stability.  
But she hated wearing this mask nonetheless. Because it simply wasn’t who she was.
The inner courtyard was surprisingly busy for the time of day. There were merchants with full waggons blocking each other’s way, and servants bustling about hastily. Meanwhile, the usual groups of children were running around, playing games, but their numbers seemed greater than normal, especially with the smaller groups of youth that stood off to the sides, taking breaks.
The commotion confused Astrid, but then she remembered what Tuff had said. Eret’s accolade was tonight. Of course, the castle was in chaos, trying to prepare an appropriate feast in time.
Inwardly, her pleasant smile turned into a smirk. All this effort, and the person of honour would certainly enjoy it more if the celebrations for his grand day would instead consist of telling scary stories around a campfire. But that was, of course, out of the question.
“Oh, hey!” a familiar voice called out to them, and Astrid turned toward the plump man running in their direction. When he reached them, Fishlegs dutifully bowed to her, and then turned toward Timothy.
Right… public ground meant that her friend wasn’t even allowed to talk to her.
“I see you’ve found her,” the physician’s apprentice said, gasping for air from his short sprint. He threw her a careful smile, hidden behind a hand over his mouth which she answered with a slow blink of her eyelids. The only form of friendly greeting they could risk, even with the wedding band glinting on her friend’s finger.
“Yeah, I did,” Tuff replied, lazily leaning against a stone column that supported a gallery overhead. “Guess what? She was at the stables after all. The other stables.”
“Not surprising,” Fishlegs nodded. “I thought that’s where you had looked first, or I would have suggested it.”
Astrid gritted her teeth as the men kept chatting as if she wasn’t there. It was the law. Lowborn as they were, they were not to address her directly. And in return, as a woman, she was not allowed to speak up anyway.
It was infuriating!
She was Astrid of House Hofferson, daughter of King Osmond the Kind and sister to the Prince and future King Daniel. Since the death of her stepmother four years ago, she had been the First Lady of the kingdom. And yet she could do nothing but stand and wait until her warder was finished with his chat. She wasn’t even allowed to walk on on her own, for Freya’s sake!
Not wanting to listen to her friends joking around without being able to participate, she tuned them out as best she could. It was a skill she’d learned early in her education, mostly in regards to her tutors.
“And Eret really arrived already? Are you sure?”
The mention of her friend’s name caught her attention, and Astrid turned her focus to the conversations around her without turning or looking in their directions. There were two young women standing close-by, chatting animatedly, and Astrid grinned inwardly at their topic.
“Yes, I’m telling you, he’s here already. So there’s no point in waiting near the road to accidentally fall down in front of him. Besides, my brother said he rode one of their stallions. You know, one of these really big horses House Jag’r breeds in the eastern plains. He probably would have simply trampled over you.”
“Oh, but I wouldn’t have minded. He’s so handsome, dying at his feet might be worth it.”
“You’re hopeless.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Astrid watched the girls walk away, chuckling quietly to herself. They were right, of course, Eret was handsome with his warm brown eyes, the broad chin highlighted with a few tribal tattoos, and the even broader shoulders. She’d noticed that much, alright. She wasn’t blind. And yet, it was still funny to listen to those girls swooning over him, when she knew that his heart belonged to someone else.
Cheered up by this encounter, Astrid kept listening to the conversations around her while she waited for Tuff to go on. Those other conversations weren’t as interesting and she listened to several at once instead of keeping track of a single one. Everyone was talking over everyone else, and keeping track of the individual conversations was quite a challenge.
“So, what is it about these apples you wanted to show me. Are they any special?” one young servant said to another.
Nearby, a pair of young men were chatting. “I’m thinking about taking the King’s shilling and joining the Prince out west for next year’s summer campaigning.”
“Well, they look delicious, don’t you think? Too bad we have orders to get the other ones. I would have loved to swipe one or two for later,” the second servant said.
“Huh, Trader Bartek. You've got a good haul this visit. What changed?" asked one of the Chamberlain’s men to a nicely dressed merchant, inspecting his cart.
“I dunno, Bobby. It’s still fighting, right?” the second young man said with trepidation.
“Oh, you would do that, wouldn’t you? Ah, but I agree. It’s not like it would actually attract attention if a dozen apples or so go missing,” replied the first servant.
Meanwhile, the first young man scoffed. “Aye? So? I’ve heard André got in on one of the nobleman’s ransoms from those skirmishes, and has been showing off the purse and that awesome scar on his calf. Ever since he got back, he’s had a bevvy of girls to choose from. So, what do you think, are you coming, too?”
“No, I’m not. He didn’t get that scar from falling off a horse, or something. And not everybody comes back, remember?  Jack the miller’s grandnephew got killed. I don’t think I can do that to my mother and sister,” the second young man said.
"Ah, well, with that business out west, the high roads are safe to travel again," the merchant said, sounding satisfied.
“Don’t be such a coward, Greg. The chance of actually dying in one of the skirmishes is less than for the proverbial cripple to court the Princess. Practically non-existent,” the first young man said.
“Do you think we could get away with buying an additional bag of these? The Mistress surely gave us enough money for these orders,” the servants chattered.
"Oh? I know the knights usually don’t bother merchants, but what about the bandits? They used to be quite a pest," the Chamberlain’s man said.
“Hush, she’s right over there, you fool!” the second young man hissed.
The merchant cackled. "Aye, the new lord has a way with bandits. Join the army, or hang from a tree. One forest road was just filled..."
Suddenly shaking, Astrid forced herself to stop listening. With unseeing eyes, she stared at the cobblestones beneath her feet, trying to fight off the images those last words had conjured up in her mind. She needed to get away from here, to distract herself, as those images threatened to overwhelm her. She audibly cleared her throat to catch Tuff’s attention, and gave him a stern look when he looked up at her.
“Oh, right,” he said, pushing himself off the column. “We need to get going. Still lots to do for tonight.”
“Ah, yes. Me, too. Master Mulch wants me to get more caraway, centaury, and fennel. We’re going to need those after tonight’s feast. Lots of stomach trouble to be expected. Well, I’ll see you around, I guess.” He waved shortly, and then hurried to one of the merchant’s waggons on his short legs.
Without exchanging another word, she continued on her way, Tuff close behind her, watching her. She strolled down the hallways and up the stairs, past servants who swiftly made way for her, no matter how heavy the burden was they were carrying.
Once they reached her private chambers, her shoulders slumped down, and she let out a heavy sigh. She’d successfully run the gauntlet through the public part of the castle without inflicting harm on either herself or her reputation. It might have been only a few minutes, but the role was exhausting regardless.
“No time to lose, come on,” Tuff urged – ignoring the time he’d just wasted talking with Fishlegs – and dragged her on. “Ruff? Are you here? I found her.”
Ruff appeared from the dressing room, and rolled her eyes when she saw her mistress. “How do you do it?” she asked incredulously. “It’s mid-afternoon. I braided your hair this morning. How is it possible that it already looks like you were rolling in the hay with a stable boy? Unless that’s what you did, in which case I don’t want to know.”
Astrid flinched slightly, but covered any further visible reactions by walking past her servant and entering the dressing room. Ruff’s words were awfully close to the truth, but she couldn’t let her see that.
“Close enough. She was playing with horses again,” Tuff replied.
“I didn’t play with them, I rubbed them down,” she corrected, sending a small prayer of thanks to the Gods over this change of topic. She knew the twins wouldn’t be happy to hear that, either, but it was a fairly safe bit of information. Something that wouldn’t get a certain someone into trouble.
A someone with an incredibly dazzling smile, and an irresistible laugh.
“You did what? Oh, nooo. All the dust and dirt of days on the road, and it’s all on your dress now. As if my usual work wasn’t hard enough already,” Ruff grumbled, but Astrid didn’t pay her much attention. Rachel and Timothy had fairly little work to do in comparison with the other castle servants  – even taking into account Astrid’s... tendency to rattle the bars of her gilded cage. “Okay, okay, over here now. Tuff, go and heat a little water while I get her out of this dress.”
As usual, Astrid’s focus relaxed a bit while the twins buzzed around her. Out of the dusty dress, a quick wash, and into a new, even fancier dress. Then it was endless combing of her knee-long hair before it got braided once again. She would have done parts of that herself, if only they let her. But no, works like these weren’t suitable for a Princess.
With nothing else to occupy her mind, her thoughts wandered back toward those wonderful hours at the stables earlier. She remembered how happy she’d felt in his presence, how her heart had felt so warm and her head so light. She remembered how his lips had felt as they’d moved with hers, how he’d tasted. Without her help, her hand began to wander up to her mouth, but she caught herself quickly. She mustn’t give away anything.
She remembered how hot his hands had felt on her neck and waist, how his heat had seemed to flood into her and ignite her heart and soul. How she’d never felt anything even close to the bliss that merely thinking about him at this moment kindled in her chest.
Then another, older memory rose in her mind, of another pair of eyes bulging out of their sockets, and a body twisting and twitching desperately beneath a tree branch.
With a low gasp, Astrid tore herself out of her memories. With wide eyes, she stared at her reflection, fighting to keep her hands from shaking and her breathing at a normal pace.
This was different!
What happened today… It was different from what had happened all those months ago. It wasn’t the same. It couldn’t…
Astrid was well-versed at keeping her emotions locked inside her. But it was still a blessing that the twins, who probably could read her better than anyone else, were busy getting her hair in order, or else they surely would have noticed the turmoil within her.
These blissful moments she’d spent with this man, with Hiccup, had been wonderful. And all she really wanted to do right now was to go back. She wanted to hide from the world, and pretend to be just a normal girl. But that was nothing new, she often thought those things. But today was different. Today, she didn’t just wish to be a normal girl for herself. Today, she wished she could be a normal girl, because the Princess could never be with a simple stable lad. Today, she wanted to be a normal girl so she could be with him.
But she wasn’t a normal girl.
This wish, this dream could never come true.
And she would almost certainly never see him again anyway.
. o O o .
It took almost an hour, but finally, Ruff placed the swan-shaped coronet onto her hair and Tuff declared her presentable. With mixed feelings, Astrid made her way through the castle and toward the main audience chamber where the accolade would be held.
It would be one of those events she usually dreaded the most. She wouldn’t need to do anything. She just needed to be present, to smile, and to behave while the men went about their business. She would need to wear this mask of aloofness and fake smiles all night, during the accolade itself and during the elaborate dinner afterwards. That alone would usually be reason enough for her to find some excuse, any excuse, to arrive as late as possible, to leave early under the pretence of a headache, or to not show up at all.
But for her best friend she could endure it all.
She arrived just in time to slip through the royal’s entrance into the massive, high-ceilinged and splendidly decorated room. She took her place in the smaller but still quite ornate chair next to her father’s throne. Daniel, who sat on the other side, gave her an amused smirk at her late arrival while her father threw her an irked and scolding look. Of course, he wasn’t happy about her absence earlier, but, honestly, what had he expected?
Beside them stood some of the High Priests, here to witness the accolade as well. Lord Alvin, the Priest of Odin, who was one of the King’s oldest advisors. Lord Throg, the Priest of Thor, who also was the King’s loyal general and defender of the kingdom. Lady Gothi, the Priestess of Frigga, who was older than any living being remembered, and who was said to be able to tell truth from lie, just like every member of her order. And Lady Mala, the Priestess of Freya, a beautiful woman who Astrid assumed to be more than simply another advisor to her father.
They stood to either side of them, the men next to Daniel and the women next to her, and, as usual, their presence made Astrid nervous. She wasn’t sure whether Lady Gothi needed spoken words to detect a lie, or whether she was able to see right through her mask anyway. And the services Lady Mala offered in the name of the Goddess of Love – well, no, they didn’t make her nervous.
They made her curious.
Beyond from the small group of people up on the dais, the room was brimming with people; the benches had been removed, and it was standing room only. Only a few strides from the foot of the dais stood the witnesses and guests, with the higher ranked members in front, and whatever servants had managed to sneak in or who were circulating through the chamber as needed.  
Eret the Elder was front and centre, having emerged from his semi-retirement in managing his House’s third-largest stud farm for his grandson’s accolade, and leaning on his cane. Flanking him was what seemed like half of House Jag’r’s vassals, plus all of her father’s own immediate vassals. But that was to be expected; House Jag’r was one of the three great Arch-dukedoms – what had been princedoms in their own right before her grandfather had unified the kingdom – and their horses were widely seen as superior in quality among all of the local kingdoms. Other dignitaries, officials, a few prominent subjects from the cities, and anyone else that could beg an invitation were here.
And each and every single one of them seemed to be chattering on and on, their voices echoing off of the stone walls, the tapestries insufficient to swallow the noise.
“All Gods above, I probably don’t even need to fake a headache,” Astrid murmured, sure that nobody could hear over the deafening noise in the room. But Lady Gothi shook with what probably was silent laughter at her words, and her father threw her an exasperated look. Before he could say anything to berate her, however, the fanfares sounded. They drew everyone’s attention toward the big front gates that opened now to permit a small group of men.
At the front came His Grace Sir Eret II, Grand Duke of Eastervale, Head of House Jag’r. He looked regal as usual, and the sight of him served – somewhat – to calm Astrid’s unease. As annoying as all this was to her, it was still about people she cared for. Lord Eret had always been like a second father to her, and he was more like family to her than the distant branches of House Hofferson scattered all over the country.
Behind the Grand Duke walked the person of honour for this night. Astrid had to bite her lip to not laugh at the almost comically exaggerated formal outfit Eret wore. It was customary, of course. He was to become a knight in a few minutes. Of course, he had to look stately and noble and all. But she knew very well that he enjoyed dressing up like a pompous monkey just as much as she did. That being said, he did look very dashing in the brocaded silks and silver-chased chainmail, although the rampant horses embroidered on his deep blue tabard seemed almost excessive. The finely tooled riding boots, on the other hand – utterly impractical for actual riding, with the elaborate patterns embossed into the leather that would quickly be worn smooth and filled with dirt during any actual riding – were most assuredly over the top, however. And they looked so stiff and new that she marvelled he could walk in them.
As his party came closer, Eret threw her a wide grin and winked, and she couldn’t help but grin back. She hadn’t seen him in months, but those gaps had never been able to tear down their friendship. Of course, she could have met him earlier already if she’d been there to greet him and his father. But then, she actually had expected him to ride with their horses instead, so it was his fault alone that they hadn’t met earlier. Kind of…
Not that she actually blamed him. If Eret had been there to tend the horses, she wouldn’t have spent those wonderful hours listening to that voice like molten honey and watching those beautiful eyes gleam excitedly.
Eyes that suddenly flashed at her from behind Eret, and that made Astrid’s heart burst with joy and sink with fear at the same time.
. o O o .
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