#so I might actually go delete that sorry

[rozugold]

Wait, what happened? I can't watch streams nor vods so I'm a bit lost here--

In her last stream Shubble talked in depth about an abusive ex. She did not say any specific names but based off the behaviors and tidbits she mentioned about that person has ME thinking of a specific name. I won’t say who because I’m not trying to start shit and spread rumors, You’ll have to watch the vod and come to your own conclusion.

What matters right now though is Shubble. Please send her lots of love and support. She deserves the world

#rozu asks #anonymous #I don’t think it’s wise to start pointing fingers #my brain is an overthinking mess and I needed to yell somewhere #so I might actually go delete that sorry #I’m freaking out and assuming things but I don’t want others to do the same

[sickfreaksirkay]

when people say it's stupid to learn latin because it "isn't useful" i literally go crazy wild like i get violent and aggressive and start gnashing my teeth looking like a dog with rabies or something

#like ill kill you you're so stupid and you're SO smug about it #i don't even need to get into all the reasons why latin actually IS useful #even if it was the least useful thing in the world who gives a fuck everything is worth learning it doesn't need to have a set purpose #latin #classics #personal #sorry just got. overcome with rage might delete this later #these people will never know the joy of going to a ruins site and actually being able to read the inscriptions #and that shit changes your life forever let me tell you

[moonlume]

tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism. #sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art... #i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this. #but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again. #its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years. #im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again... #but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it. #anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human. #i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable #but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start #ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍

[oshiawaseni]

My sibling, who is an anime only said they would not be surprised if BKDK became canon considering the depth of their relationship, their interactions, and their character development regarding each other ... despite how Bones added in Izuocha scenes and cut out some critical BKDK moments in most of the seasons so far... And, seeing how one-sided the "love" is between Izuocha, which I believe is deep admiration as of reading the manga- I have to say I agree.

Izuocha, is fine on the surface but is unhealthy. Izuku would not pay attention to Ochaco they he would need to if they were in a relationship. And Ochaco only saw "Hero Deku" rather than all of "Izuku", which would cause her to unknowingly encourage Izuku's reckless self-sacrificial behavior.

BKDK is different because not only they know each other beyond the surface level, but they also have their sights on each other and the mere presence of their partner inspires them to become better and stronger people at heart because they have genuine love for each other...

I honestly do not understand what is in the Dudebros' mind other the fact that they are lacking emotional intelligence and critical thinking... but I will just enjoy what they are missing. (Sorry for rambling...)

Hi anon! Sorry it took me a bit to get back to you (reason in tags). Let me just reply to your ramblings with some ramblings of my own :)

I actually really enjoyed Season 6. The only thing I faulted Bones for, was creating that jarring opening that made out like Ochaco was the hero of the retrieve vigilante Deku mission (which sadly only fueled izuochas more on mhatwt), when it was 1000% Katsuki's doing and there is one panel which proves this beyond a shadow of a doubt.

See this? Who is the one standing in front of Shoto and Tokoyami, addressing the whole class? It's Katsuki! Not Ochaco! She was seated with everyone else. This is why it's so frustrating when they say she was the reason Izuku was brought back to U.A. That arc was all about Katsuki's feelings for Izuku and wanting to return his smile.

He was even so worried he lost sleep over it, wondering where Izuku was, if he was okay… he must have stayed awake in bed, thinking and thinking about Izuku and how he could get him back. Katsuki was used to Izuku being by his side, and it was the first time Izuku had willingly left it. It provided him clarity about how important* Izuku was in his life, which only made him worry even more. (*see also: crucial, vital, imperative, watch me emotionally die slowly inside if you aren't around me anymore.)

Katsuki losing sleep, at a time Izuku was not sleeping was such a symbiotic soul mates power move Hori added in for flavour. I love it SOOO freaking much. There are no lengths this man won't go, to prove how in sync they are with each other, how much they need each other, the empathy they share with each other, even on a completely spiritual level where they share in each other's sufferings, *without even knowing it* such as right here, just like Katsuki wants to share all of Izuku's burdens so that he's not crushed by them.

But with that said, though Bones really dropped the ball on the opening (and 5 previous seasons...*ahem*), there were a lot of curious changes that happened in season 6 that I did love, like Izuku dropping the "tachi" in his sentence which turned his line into "He hurt the person I love…" (instead of people)

and as we saw more of these additional changes Bones made, it got us wondering, did Hori have some regrets with the manga that he was unhappy about and wanted their romance to be more obvious? Was it only natural to get anime viewers up to speed before season 7, because they were going to find out through manga spoilers that Katsuki and Izuku are actually in love? I'd like to think so.

Changes I remember off the top of my head:

Reaching out for little Izuku's hand during Katsuki Bakugou Rising

Katsuki waking up and thinking "Deku…" and remembering his Rising sacrifice and being still hurt from it.

Izuku waiting until he was in Katsuki's arms before he apologised, which made their words of "I'm sorry" and "I know" more intimate and personal to each other. Like Izuku needed Katsuki's forgiveness the most, and Katsuki needed to let Izuku feel that he understands him the most.

Izuku's little "Ka-..." (the English dub did not catch it but I know other dubs did) as he was passing out, which made the entire hug scene feel so much more romantic.

"I'm gonna say your name when I wake up" vs "I'm gonna say your name when I fall asleep." BkDk: Always on each other's minds. All the time.

And one of the most interesting changes of all…

So get this, Ochaco gets a hand hold grab in the opening which canon-wise holds about as much weight as an "illustration" … and in the actual anime content, she grabs his wrist area instead of his hand like in the manga. Making her hand hold IN THE CANON CONTENT so impersonal. Almost as if to make up for the horrible opening they made. Why this was done still remains a mystery to us today… but I hope it's because Horikoshi asked them to make Izuocha stop being seen like a couple, and more like the friends they are.

And then, about the "brothers" "friends" comments antis love to make about bkdk. Well yeah, they're coping. In fact, Hori has shied away from labeling them friends several times when he could have! "Midoriya-kun is our friend" says Iida - with multiple people from the class, including Ochaco, presented in the panel… and Katsuki is nowhere to be found.

Or like when sAFO called Katsuki "Izuku's closest person" (motto mo naka ga ii) where it would have been WAY more natural to call him "shinyu," aka, "best friend." But that's the thing, Hori runs away from calling them friends like it's the plague LMAO

Really makes you wonder… was sAFO (I'd rather just call it AFO at this point because it's his personality being dominant vs Katsuki) alluding to hidden romantic feelings Izuku hides for Katsuki that his secret gaydar quirk picked up? Could be. In a way, at the time it happened, it felt to me like Horikoshi himself was talking to us through him, telling us very explicitly, "You're damn right. They're gay."

Either way, skirting around this label for them is being done on purpose by Hori. Like his hidden way of saying "Yeah they might be acting a bit more like the best friends they were always meant to be as kids, but their feelings for each other are not 'friendly' AT ALL. Because platonic friendship is not where these two are headed." And there are STILL hidden feelings they haven't managed to say to each other yet! The content Horikoshi has been itching to draw for YEARS that he is finally getting to. All that soft bkdk romance we've been waiting for is coming SO SOON!!! and I am HERE for it anon! 🔥

2023 will forever be known as the year of BkDk canon... these are very exciting times. <3

#asks #bkdk canon #kana writes #bakudeku #I had to write this almost completely twice over bc tumblr editor decided to delete my whole post XD fun (and I was so frustrated I'm sorry #this ask was getting a bit long so I will stop here but all your ramblings about bkdk were true anon you got a good understanding of them! #togachaco anon I'll try to briefly answer you soon but look for my togachaco meta it's not that far down on my blog - though... #my feelings are still a bit conflicted now because #I am coming around to the jealousy/envy theory as well so it's anyone's guess however what I will say is that OCHACO HAS REALISED THINGS #and those things WILL be revealed #And it's most definitely not going to be she's got a crush on Izuku #but I will write about what I WANT to see happen soon as a lover of shoujo myself :D (it just might not be what will actually happen...)

[moeblob]

sobbing at every heart event ...

#stardew valley #sdv shane #farmer koi #as someone who grew up thinking i would be fine with death at 18 #as someone who struggled so hard with connecting with others because everything felt suffocating #being able to tell shane that im happy hes here is like telling myself that and hoo boy im crying #the things id love to hear and the things said to me being options in the six heart event #really impacted me #as someone who related to no after plan in the four heart event because i still dont even have a real plan in life #just wow the flashbacks to being unhappy in school the thoughts of being condemned in sunday school #and the fact you can tell him its a sin as a reason to not roll off a cliff is just enough to remind me of how much that hurts #as if im so bad you have to try guilting me into living... gosh #shanes heart events are therapy for me to actually tell someone i relate to YOURE STILL HERE AND THATS GOOD #like does concernedape know how therapeutic its been to tell shane the things i wanna hear #anyway sorry for the possibly depressing tags that is why i kept them in the tags #watch me go back and just delete all the tags but yeah this has been emotional to see from a diff perspective #im so used to being shane that its wild to see what it might look like and its kinda crushing me

[dodecademons]

Funny how like 90 percent of people wanting the wilds back hate to acknowledge the fact that it's partly their fault. I want the wilds to be renewed as well, however if I DARE say yall aren't ready for it and a small part of me thinks some viewers are undeserving I'm the bad guy. Right because the vast majority of you didn't openly admit to skipping over the boys parts in the show, smh. If you arent watching the whole episode why would they want to renew it? They want views, they want money. Do I want the wilds back? Of course. Do I think the gretchen clones deserve it? No. Be better.

#just say you hate men and quit pretending it's 'only because streaming sites hate women/wlw' #you guys LITERALLY THREATENED the actors who played the boys just because they took a job in a show they thought was cool #right and you think you deserve the show to be renewed #you arent ready for that conversation yet though proven time and time again #was it only because of that? absolutely not but dont be so willing to place the blame when we blatantly see where some problems come from #am i annoyed that my replies have been deleted on some the wilds post JUST because i said i didnt mind the boys storyline? #yup #live with the consequences of your actions #the wilds #i want the show back but some of you were really nasty just because a man existed and thats not cool #in the words of waverly earp 'reverse sexism is still sexism wynonna' #shoni was cute leatin had potential but you dont get to be a horrible human #there were so many reactors skipping the boys parts or just saying things just because the boys existed and i cant watch them anymore now #THATS LITERALLY WHAT THE SHOW IS ABOUT #the show is literally about the effects misogyny/the patriarchy has on women and men #if you actually watched the show for it's content you would see that #gretchen is the bad guy for going to extremes and subjecting children to trauma just because she doesn't like men so quit acting like her #I'm not sorry for saying facts #if you're offended you might be the issue so lets take a look at that #the whole the thing is boys vs girls so why in tf would you think they wouldnt at least be brought up a little like in s2 #ugh #i still hate amazon for canceling it

[icouldhyperfixatehim]

we have a lot of fun around here at the expense of shows w inappropriate phi/nong application and suchlike that makes clear that everyone involved is an only child, but never forget the peak of unsiblingedness achieved in why r u? where the whole plot(?) kicks off bc zol's hobby is writing bl fic about some guy at college and her brother

#as far as inciting actions go...unhinged. #the fact that she does not understand why he might want her to delete it from public viewing? #there's 'committed to the bit' and then there's 'joint bank accounts with the bit' like GIRL #sorry if this commentary is annoying but i didn't have this blog when it was live to air so i missed all the chatting about it #i binged so many shows when i was discovering the genre that a lot of them blurred together #now that i have Expectations and Some Knowledge a second watch of why r u? is really interesting actually lmao #why r u? #liomsa

[pegglefan69]

want to & probably should talk to my therapist about how i think the only way i can get my mind to accept that I've overcome a huge mental ordeal in my struggle to get on disability is by transposing it with a physical ordeal in the form of some kind of BDSM scene but. I do not know how to discuss this when:

1) I am coming from a place hyperaware of all the deranged fetishistic ideas people have about any transmasculine person even vaguely interested in any kind of bottoming or experimenting with masochism. That kind of dehumanization directly led to me being repeatedly sa'd so I have good reason for the level of aggression & wariness the topic triggers in me But good reason or not it makes it extremely painful to think about let alone discuss with my therapist Bcuz:

2) my therapist is a cis woman who interacts primarily with cis queer spaces & never in gay male sexual spaces where trans & cis men overlap so she has No Idea About & No Frame of Reference For the baggage I am bringing in here

3) talking about any kind of interest in masochism has to inevitably result in us discussing interest in sadism & domming, bcuz both are things I'm generally more interested in doing!! We've discussed BDSM loosely enough that I know that she knows dom ≠ top & sub ≠ bottom but I genuinely cannot gauge how she will react to any expression of like, a desire to do sadist shit. I see sooo many people all the time who are ostensibly 'kink friendly' get weird about sadism that I have been deliberately avoiding bringing up being a switch/sadomasochist/whatever. it is making our sessions about sex & dating circle the drain ! It's embarrassing!! I feel like I should just be able to vault over the discomfort & SAY THINGS even if that is an idiot's impulse.

4) If I want to talk about the kind of scenes that would be therapeutic for me right now I don't know if she'd Get It, considering when I said I wanted to try dating/fucking older men her first question was 'do you mean you want a sugar daddy' & then later '...so do you mean like, 30s?'. Like it really makes me think she's going to get the wrong idea or get weird. the amount of vulnerability it's going to take for me to even give her the chance to misunderstand me is. A lot. It makes me feel so crazy.

5) I don't know ANYBODY here in Maine so even if I could perfectly articulate my desires & their impetuses to a therapist (lol as if that should be my ultimate goal 🙄), & then find a man or men I could do these things with, by the time the trust necessary had developed it would be like. So far in the future idek if this need would ever get fulfilled. God this would be easier if I already knew a leatherman who could beat me up for a little bit if I asked nicely. Guess I just have to keep a fond hope alive for now...<- said with a bitter tone

#sorry i have to do the textpost equivalent of pacing around the house muttering to myself with my hands behind my back #to keep from going nuts about this #i also have to forbid myself from deleting this so i actually have a springboard for discussion on monday. ugh. #fuck man do i need a gay therapist. i might need a gay therapist. this sucks. #dial p for post #kink tag #sa mention /

[madamescarlette]

You ever have to be like, "no babe you're not bone-breakingly heart-rendingly sad, you just had less than five hours of sleep"? Yeah.

#lack of light november really doing a number on me this year! #this is not a worry-for-me post btw. it's like that comic of the raccoon advising you to shower to eat or to sleep when upset #it's my last full week of being a student going about doing student activities and i keep doing things going what if that's the LAST time?? #which i've been actively trying to avoid doing because when i left my old school i overdid it and i was actively mourning leaving my place #there for the last six months like someone constantly picking at a wound #and while it was the most beautiful time of my life and it might always be i really regret having spent so much #of my final moments there being sorry that it was final because i just grieved it! twice! #i grieved it afterwards and i grieved it beforehand and i kind of wasted my precious time grieving it beforehand #so this time i've been TRYING to practice restraint and not spend my time brooding and just be here instead! #and not say goodbye to every doorway and every leaf and every brick in the pathway until i'm actually saying goodbye #but it suddenly burst into proper fiery colors on all our foliage over the break and i came back and suddenly it was ablaze #with perfect color and i'm walking around this week with my hand on my heart going oh!!! i love you so much #thank you for sending me off like this!!! i loved being here with you!! #so. tis hard not to mourn. but till then there are papers to write and chapters to be read and then girl has to scurry #and write her daily poem before sleep #so it will be alright it will be alright <3 this i believe! #i may delete these tags later because they might be overshare-y or too despondent and not need to be said #but i figure where else can i pour out my heart into a lovingly enfolding void like this <3 #happy Tuesday tumblr i love you all dearly! #thank you for all your tags today btw I will come back and reply to them tomorrow when i'm a bit clearer-minded #thinking out loud

[boxwinebaddie]

WIAT UNCLE NINA WHYD YOU DELETE THE PETE DAVIDSON ASK IT WAS MINE AND I DIDNT HAVE TIME TO READ IT LMFSOFJFJ

aaaaaah! *hides* you caught me!

there she is officer, the repeat offense tweet/ask deleter!

that crook!

i know, i know, i know. :( i'm sorry, nonnie. it's a bad habit of mine.

please know it had NOTHING to do with your ask ( which i thought was so funny and accurate, which is why i answered it so quickly )

i just...haven't felt very good about the things i have written lately? i feel like my answers have been badly written/characterized, chaotic, uninspired and not saying...the things i want them to say? which stresses me out, starts a spiral and reckless anon/tweet deleting.

if it means anything, i had your ask message copied, was going to resend it to my blog and answer it Better, but to hold myself accountable, i'm gonna answer it now in hopefully a less messy and weird way. ( i also stress-deleted the kyle ask about him getting compliments because i didn't like my answer -- i'll reanswer it too )

but yes, RM!kenny aka mcwhoremick aka skeleKen is the ncu rem(ember) universe pete davidson.

or...has slept w/ him at least.

lowkey, this ask is making me rethink short kenny because i feel like a lot of pete davidsons energy rests on him being tall and having BDE. however, you can probably still be short and have bde. answer later.

but, like i said in the former ask, i kind of wanted to go into it a lot later because rm is supposed to reveal it slowly, but you're all smart, i'm sure you can pick up what i've been trying to put down about cd.

plus, i've been feeling so bad about my writing ( 6 in particular :/ i don't like the structure ) that i fear its gonna take us to get to the places i want to go with the characterization so

looks can be deceiving and cd is punkrockstar boyband proof of that.

they all kind of have Shitcks they're supposed to follow and kenny's is that they are the ~mysterious~ offputting entity in the back, wears the skeleton face that leaves everyone wondering what lies beneath it, doesn't talk very much, is secretive/shadowy, has elusive energy.

( i am leaning towards the concept that no one in public has seen kenny without the Skeleton Mask on...not sure yet but...hmmm... )

but...of course, kenny is kenny. kenny is playful, loud and rowdy and promiscuous, so out of pocket and the life of the gd party. so the second they are off stage, the mask comes off and kenny says 8000 curse words, starts gyratin & is back to being on their worst behavior.

speaking of their worst behavior, kenny is always doing some fuckshit. theyre constantly on a coke on someones yatcht, in some celebrity, in some music execs pants, in someone's daugther, usually college fangirls, like...every cd intern they've ever had. all quit. bc of kenny. not b/c they scared them, but bc they fell in love with them...

and kenny does NOT do commitments. kenny is like a revolving door. the tabloids reflect this. kenny is in there a lot with different celebs. its a whole mess, tbh. also no one knows how to describe them. ooh~

as a result of being messy, kenny gets into a lot of predicaments, or misses meetings/gets into trouble and raven covers for them...ALOT.

tldr: management is pretty sick of kennys shit and is This Close to getting them kicked out of the band ( like they were doin really sloppy shit ) and ravenstan...as the lead singer/face of the band is pretty much untouchable...so he can get away with a lot more so a lot of the time...raven just Covers kenny to save their ass from gettin kicked/in trouble and says that a lot of the fucked up shit kenny does is...Him.

raven is indisposible, but everyone else can be replaced is the gist.

which is :((( because you know it makes sense for chapter 2-5 Raven of Crimson Dawn to be a coke-fiend, party boy, bad influence, live wire, fight-starting, devil may care celebrity a-hole...but as rm readers and stan stans, know: ravenstan is Gods Sweet Angel who cries 24/7, picks up plants from the farmers market, is very kind to his fans, has hit someone once/broke his hand FOR KENNY, and spends his time otherwise watching anime and not...Lotharioing.

( it is also why kenny more than owed raven the favor of covering him so he could go on his #hate with kyle...which they Did ofc... tbh i wish you guys could have heard the other half of that phone call bc kenny was being so fucking funny and being so unhinged/moaning on the phone to freak ravenstan out...but the griefing, while light hearted, also came from a place of overprotectiveness, kenny was Concerned abt that whole Thing...more on that later...their rela is...interestin. )

buuuut that's what happens when you're the lead singer of the band. You're That Guy. so because stenny is soulbonded kenny protects stan bc he is sweet/fragile and stan protects kenny because theyre abrasive and constanly starting shit. and because stan frontmans the band anything anyone in crimson dawn does kind of falls on his shoulders and he carries it like its air but sigh...tell me atlas, whats heavier the world or people's hearts? i hate it here :((( my baby. </3

TLDR kenny is constantly pulling ppl. skeet davidson, bde energy. their list of trysts is a mile long like their...

you know. ;)

-uncle nina, kenny skeet davidson enthusiat and apologist

p.s. i feel like kenny basically has what kathryn in cruel intentions for her blow -- except it might be an upside cross ( or its still right side up and ironic ) and it looks like a rosary but its FULL of coke omg rip

p.s.s. i do think this is interesting because kenny has the coke necklace, ravenstan has the red heart vial and jimmy...also has a necklace...if you ask me very nicely i'll give you a little gossip on it ;)

#ok this is maybe too much i might have said too much #but god knows when im gonna finish this fic u guys and i have so much to say abt it but its so hard to write #but im sure u kinda got the gist #kenny is so pete davidson the fans are so curious and obsessed w them they have ENERGY #WHAT IS UNDER THE MASK HELLO #they ask other celebrities theyve been with abt it and all their answers are different its their mysterion moment #ALSO AHHH BC THE RAVEN COVERED FOR KENNY WHEN THEY HAD THIS MAJOR COKE SCANDAL #SO EVERY MEDIA OUTLET ITS WRITING ABT RAVEN DOING COKE WHICH SUCKS ACTUALLY SO BAD #like raven drinks a lot and def has had some public intoxication things and britney breakdowns #but idk i think that was pretty bad and kenny would have gotten in a lot of trouble and shit for it it was like the last strike #so raven just took the Blame for it and ahhhh....i hate it here #stan and kennys relationship in rm is like one of my fav ones its also so complicated theres a lot of layers #as u guys saw in ch3 when kyles name came up kenny got...weird...like very weird...if we rem(ember) that... #lots to unpack i hope i can get there #if i cant in like 2-3 months im just leaving an entire rm expose and going on live and telling u guys the whole thing like a bedtime story #SORRY I DELETED YOUR ASK I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE SORRY IT WASNT FUNNY #raven do be covering for kenny and crying and throwing up the whole time too like kENNY THAT WAS SO SCARY THEY YELLED AT ME ;-; </3 #kenny bribes him w taco bell tho & it works every single time #they are like codependent its so bad omg #mcwhoremick skeleken please just one chance

[a-passing-storm]

I am... I forgot. Potatoes. I love potatoes. Potatoes are so ubiquitous that I forgot that they were originally from South America and like... People. In the past. They didn't have potatoes. Like. People on Earth in the past, some of them, a lot of them, never had potatoes. Never knew of potatoes. If I said that this realization actually made me tear up, would you laugh?

#i'm so sad #potato #potatoes #guys. they just. never experienced the joy. of potatoes. god help me. help me. this is actually devastating to me. #how do you pick up the threads of an old life? how do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? #fuck. #dante dicit #might delete #people are people #if i ever build a time machine. no longer using it to partake in the Ides of March #but instead to just fuck up the timeline by introducing potatoes everywhere. and the environment. sorry. sorry. i just really like potatoes

[smelling-fishy]

was in a pkmn sun/moon mood and decided to spend hours in the tag. i ended up on 2016 tumblr and i think im going to run myself over with a tractor

#THIS IS SO SCARY #NOT in an ohhhhhh the cringe way. in a goodlord..... what happened... way. #i was here in 2016 saying yeet like everyone else. and similar phrases #i saw the cinnamon roll posts. i dont think i ever actually called anyone a cinnamon roll though upon further reflection. #i dont even know what the shit im posting now is. im having fun though so who care #thank god for my 16 different accounts. if anyone else had to see 2016 me i would...... run myself over with a tractor again. #i had character development. trust me #my habit of getting shadowbanned and then deleting pays off!!!!!!! believe me if i get shadowbanned again i will do it again. #the url changes are fun for me. its like how hermit crabs switch shells. they do that right #sorry to go back to the cinnamon roll thing but now im shaken. did i seriously never call anyone a cinnamon roll. i dont think i did.... #i think i actually complained about it 😭😭😭 someone called hau (pkmn) a cinnamon roll and i was such a hater about it #i need to stop remembering. i dont want to go back to that time. #might delete later because its midnight and these tags are so long 😕

[nowihatemyself]

.

#okay this is going to sound super weird #and i dont know how to articulate it properly so i hope somebody gets what i mean sksxsjnjxn #but when i see edits/gifsets of like. taylor swift's nine albums + midnights and people replace the original covers of fearless & red with #their tv covers my immediate thought is. 'why did they leave out fearless and red???' #then im like ohhhh wait #because my mind doesnt instantly recognize that fearless tv and fearless are the same album #same with red tv & red #like in my head fearless tv & red tv are completely different albums than the originals #and for some reason my mind always thinks the re-recordings we have are separate from her music #and like honestly when i think of or listen to red tv im always like. oh this is the 2021 version of red ! same with fearless tv #& i know thats weird so i'm sorry i guess #and now that i'm saying this it doesnt seem like a big deal but . still i am terrified #sooo might delete this actually <3 #cause i can already smell the fury of like a dozen swifties in my askbox and i am SCARED #but anyway :) i hope you all are good!

[flhoarder]

Therapy might help…? Either way, hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

Hey thanks for actually reading that word salad!??!

It probably would if stars align, I’ve heard really good things from people. I have tried myself but never turned out too effective. I think my issue is I couldn’t will myself to tell a real person about these things. It’s stupid, but that’s a whole issue on its own.

It was a damned miracle that I got diagnosed for my other thing but psychiatrists are different. Nowadays I just walk in and go “hi doc, the usual” and out of the door in 30 seconds. With therapy, well, you gotta actually talk. That’s a hell of a mental block to get through.

#I’m going to mark this as… not depression chat but trauma chat? doing a lot of these lately damn #which is hilarious because this account ain’t supposed to host all these depressing posts but then I did it anyway. sorry about that #might keep doing a few more posts like these in the next few days actually so #just to not make things awkward as fuck #please just block this tag. kay? #this one right here: #my bullshit my rant i am the captain of my own ship and all that crap #I will delete these posts in a few days except asks because I can’t just delete people’s asks like an asshole #and I do appreciate you for reading these things. I do. so thanks a lot if you are doing that #therapy #trauma #meta #ask

[27-royal-teas]

look ive been looping the light behind your eyes by mcr for the past HOUR and i am having so many emotions i cannot even COMPREHEND right now so i am going to ramble about mania because i have twenty minutes left in computer science class and nothing to do. this is complete word vomit i did not go back through and edit read at your own caution

the thing i really love about mania as a whole is the juxtaposition of the symbols it uses; its literally going insane. It seems kind and pretty and aesthetic on the surface but scratch the top and you’re falling into a pit of maniac despair. There are llamas and purple and the ocean and sure those seem peaceful and lovely on the outside but thats the thing theyre NOT its a juxtaposition. Its something beautiful combined with awful traits (never in my life did i think i would watch llamas stab pete to death but cest la vie i guess) and that just makes things so much more horrifying. The overuse of purple feels like a panic attack, or a point trying to get through. the llamas, which are a symbol of peace and royalty, are constantly used in a creepy/harmful way that really ruined llamas in general for me. Sunshine riptide is a fantastic song and i love it so much but its REALLY FUCKING DEPRESSING AT ITS CORE. AND !!!! the constant use of royalty as a pedestal!!!! purple is the color of royalty!!!! The purple llama’s name is Royal-Tea!!! LLAMAS ARE A SYMBOL OF ROYALTY!!!! Its like a motif idk i just think its so interesting. And then theres the song champion which is. obviously linked. 

As i write this my playlist hits me in the face with Calm Down and then Fake Out in quick succession its making me so depressed ajskfhewincn

mania is also a really interesting experimental album but the new elements are incorporated so flawlessly its rlly difficult to tell theyre new things that fall out boy hasnt done before. Also in this they add a lot of Black influences, like burna boy featuring on sunshine riptide (AUGHHHHH ANOTHER SAD SONG JUST CAME ON IM DYING INSIDE) and heavens gate is very soul influenced. but since i am not black, im just some random chinese american (i might as well just be white), i feel like whatever i say im going to get wrong and i really, really do not want to fuck up talking about cultural things, but i really do love how different cultures are peppered into this album and it just feels so NATURAL. Like for instance i also saw in the youtube comment section of hold me tight or dont that it’s kinda like salsa music? Im not positive i just thought id add that in there. 

My favorite tracks on mania are ranked as follows

Bishops knife trick (a true banger, ive talked about this already)

stay frosty royal milk tea (everyone likes it the least but it is a certified bop) 

Church (aaa)

Young and menace (my musical wife)

Sunshine riptide (everytime i hear it i want to scream. in a good way)

Heavens gate (ITS SO FUCKING GOOD)

Champion (i listen to it before i perform, every time without fail)

Last of the real ones (brings me back to radio memories from 2018. Very good)

Hold me tight or dont (idk if youve ever heard the spotify acoustic version but it SLAPS)

Like to be completely honest with you there is no way to reasonably rank these. Theyre all fucking great. Honestly i love them all so, so much. Mania has my heart forever i just kind of ranked them by how often im in the mood to listen to them

There is definitely more i want to talk about but now class is over so i am going to go pass out on the floor of my debate teachers room. im sorry this was incomprehensible. you find out too late i am insane 

#I was going to have this be an actual structured essay I tried writing it like five times but it wouldn’t work. #however brain dump DOES work #Fob #fall out boy #mania #meta #toby’s meta #(<— brain vomit actually) #im sorry if anything I said offended anyone if I made you mad for some reason please don’t hesitate to let me have it #I am so fucking tired #fob meta #this was going to be good and then it wasn’t. might delete and then edit to post again

[toothmarqed]

fallen prey to saying stupid shit on the internet without thinking and coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive. i feel sick to my stomach. never commenting on anything else ever again. deserve to be squashed under someone’s shoe and ground into powder. in all seriousness this has shocked me so much that i am quitting every platform but tumblr for however long it takes for me to get some sense knocked into my dumb fucking skull

#actually considering deleting the clock app rn #what i said was so so bad and it could’ve been avoided if i’d fucking READ WHAT I WROTE and thought abt it FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE #i genuinely feel like i’m going to throw up being seen (fairly. justifiably) as mean is like the worst thing #and i don’t deserve to be wining abt this bc i’m the one who hurt someone but good god #PLEASE make sure that when you say something online you would SAY IT TO THEIR FACE #ive gotten to used to this brusque rude dark humor on the internet that i don’t relaizw using that humor INDISCRIMINATELY WITH STRANGERS is #Not okay #they made a video on it but the video got taken down so i deleted the comment. which might have been more selfish. i don’t know what’s best #-to do in that situation? i’m going to change my fucking username and pfp atp and go off the app entirely because i’m so fucking adhd ames #**ashamed don’t know why is autocorrected to that #ok just deleted the app ‘and all of its data’ so idk if that means my videos (edits) too but atp whatever #maybe it’s impulsive but at least this way i will not know what’s going on ! and never hurt anyone again hopefully. i really hope he saw my #-comments before his response was deleted because i want them to know it was not intentional and i am truly so so sorry #i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life #i feel sick #i’m evil #and being evil isn’t fun silly times it literally makes me want to throw up from how bad i am #too much ranting in the tags and i deserve to be fucking shot in the mouth #but i need somewhere to put this that no one will see this but that is also public so that someone might see and know how sorry i am #feel like fucking bojack horseman #unironically how am i supposed to go on living. how can i live knowing i’m so bad. if i don’t kill myself im being selfish because i’m mak- #-omg everyone deal with my presence and live with a bad person. #i think i’m going too social media entirely except for tumblr maybe bc i can’t or don’t rly talk to anyone on here #i need someone to like give me a good meaning but not in a cathartic way in a way that it genuinely hurts so bad and makes me feel the full #suffering i deserve