#so i made swatches like i am supposed to do

[mapoptart]

Knitting socks

#knitting #socks #my dolls #so i went back to knitting after crocheting a furby bag #still have to upload that #and then i remembered that i still haven't finished the 2 at a time socks #and i had other sock yarn left #so i made swatches like i am supposed to do #and then made mini thigh highs for my made to move curvy Barbie #i made them separately from each other because i was still working on a pattern for it #anyway this was just another instance of me minimizing things for my dolls #dolls

[necroflame]

On the Way to a Smile (Dark!Rafe Cameron x F!Reader)

Paring: Dark!Rafe Cameron x F!Reader

Summary: On the cusp of your wedding, you are haunted by a shade from your past who just can't seem to leave you alone.

Warnings: Implied non-con, drugging, loss of virginity, original characters, wedding crashing, possessive behaviour, flashbacks, bullying, substance use, cheating, implied eating + body image issue (18+)

🦇gill – "I made a story board for this on pinterest if anyone is interested, this is my first dark fic + semi smut so any feedback would be very appreciated! I also included some linked visuals but that's only how I imagined things to look, you can follow your own destiny." 🌬 17k (buckle up ya'll)

i.

"What's all this?"  

Strewn across the Cameron's dining table was an array of objects that could only be described as a mixed blessing. Multiple binders containing silk swatches protruding from the edges, sticky notes with potential dietary requirements, and different flora species – planning a wedding was less of a journey and more of a ride. 

Averting your burning eyes from your laptop screen, you acknowledged Rafe with a cordial smile, lazily gesturing to the conglomeration of wedding itinerary. 

"My future." 

The blonde simply hummed, eyes narrowing as he leisurely rounded the dark oak to stand beside you. He silently lingered there for a moment, ring-clad fingers dancing across the drafted invitations with an indecipherable expression. 

"Where's Sarah? Ain't she supposed to be helping you with all this shit?" 

You refrained from rolling your eyes. Rafe was, after all, a friend of the family, and by extension earned your respect. Even If he could be a complete dick–

"I am helping, thank you very much!" 

Sarah's voice, now tinged with irritation, reverberated from the pantry before she emerged with a bag of microwave popcorn. "What do you have to offer other than giving us a headache?" A deep crease settled between her brows as she threw her flaxen locks into a low ponytail, setting the bag into the microwave. 

"Well you see, Sarah, I'm a man with a fine eye for detail." He prodded his haughtily puffed chest which Sarah scoffed at, glancing towards you with disbelief. 

"Says the boy who'd be leaving the house with his shoelaces undone were it not for Wheezie." 

"Now you're just making shit up–"

"Both of you, please!" With an exasperated sigh, you cradled your throbbing temples in the seat of your palms. "If you're going to argue, do it somewhere else."

Ding!

A much-needed reprieve from the stifling tension in the room, the microwave beeped, signalling that the popcorn was ready. However, the pause was short-lived. As soon as the timer stopped, the silence was disrupted by Rafe's voice. His tone mocking and derisive.

"Ordering me around in my own house, hm?" His short, dirty blonde locks cascaded over his eyes as he shook his head, failing to conceal his lour. "Nah, that's not how it works sweetheart. Maybe I'd allow it if you were marrying me."

"Rafe." Sarah hissed. "Shut up and get out."

In the typical fashion of the first-born Cameron, Rafe disregarded his sister's command, instead opting to leer down at you like some voracious beast reading to trap you in its gaping maw. 

"So where's the lucky man? He got to stake his claim, now he's leaving all the work for you?" 

You ignored his taunts, for that was what they were. He fed off reactions like a leech. You had come to realise this over the years as he evolved into an obnoxious variant of the boy you once admired. Rather than giving him the attention he craved so dearly, you turned your focus to Sarah as she came to sit beside you. 

"If you must know, he's working to pay off his student loans," You fought the urge to bite back at his spiteful remarks, ultimately losing when you added; "Maybe one day when you take care of your responsibilities, you will understand."

Sarah suppressed her snot beneath a mouthful of popcorn. As you reached for a handful of your own, a hand slid in between, suddenly pushing the bowl out of reach. 

"Careful." Rafe drawled warningly, pointing to a trumpet silhouette dress advertised in a women's magazine you had circled with a red marker. "That dress is real pretty, it would be a shame if you outgrew it."

ii.

It was winter, 2006. 

You were five, perched on your mother's lap in the front seat of your father's Chrysler 300C as she consoled you through hiccuping sobs. This Christmas, the esteemed Camerons were your family's special holiday destination; a far cry from the usual dinner and movie at your grandparents.

Numerous road signs were posted throughout Figure 8, warning drivers to approach the winding roads with caution due to the unusually high levels of sleet. Despite the treacherous conditions, your father traversed along as he usually would. You whimpered and pawed at your mother's blouse in a bid to be reassured, but she merely shushed you.

"Don't worry, baby. You're safe."

As you pulled up along a circular drive encompassed by large plains of neatly trimmed verdure, a house came into view… if you could even call it that.

 A quadruple frontage acting as a supporting beam for the large balcony above donned with red, white and blue flags and multiple seating arrangements. On the right side of the glass entry doors was a metal plaque spelling 'Tannyhill' 

You beamed up at the place in awe. "Is this a castle?" 

Your father chuckled, ruffling your loose hair. 

"Something like that."

A man emerged from the double doors, dressed in the typical 'low-key' Figure 8 attire: white slacks, a chequered shirt, and leather loafers. He was a splitting image of your father and all the other men on the island, carrying an aura of confidence in every sedate step.

You were urged out of the car with a gentle but firm push. The strange man’s beady eyes— like two pale corks screwed into his head— landed on you disconcertingly, as though you were a microorganism being inspected beneath a scope. 

"Hello, little one." His eyes crinkled as he smiled, bending down to your level. "What's your name?"

Your young mind could not fathom why he frightened you like the animated villain in your favourite TV show. When he extended his hand to you, you instinctively retreated into your mother's skirt.

"Don't mind her, Ward." Your father emerged from the driver’s side of the vehicle. "She'll warm up real fast if you offer her something sweet."

"A sweet tooth?" The man, Ward, mused. His voice mild-mannered and pleasant to the ear. "My son is the same, I'm sure you'll get along just fine."

Inside, the house was even more impressive. Tannyhill had been the proud ancestral home of the Cameron family for generations and their wealth and prestige were evident in the sheer opulence of its interior. The walls of the hallway were draped in thick upholstery, varying in shades of crimson, indigo and gold. An ornate floral pattern embroidered in gold thread was meticulously sewn onto the walls. 

Adorning the hallway to the kitchen were multiple picture frames. One in particular caught your interest; a young boy sat on Ward's lap in a velvet-lined chair, smiling and well-groomed with golden locks and a well-pressed collar. 

You wondered if this was the aforementioned son.

Ward's explanation of the Plantation's historical significance fell on deaf ears as you gaped up at the towering ceilings. Your mother attempted to conceptualise it for you through the metaphor of an onion; Tannyhill was composed of multiple layers of history, each integrating to create the rich heritage value of the place. 

"You came here once when you were just a little bean in my belly."

"I don't remember that."

She pulled you into her side by the shoulder as she laughed. "Of course you don't, darling." 

Ward came to a halt at the staircase, raising a finger to his lips.

"Sarah's nursery is upstairs. We just got her down before you arrived but I'll let you have a peek."

 "Oh, that’s alright, Ward. We wouldn't want to disturb her." Your father interjected, mirroring Ward’s hushed tone.

"That won't be an issue, my angel is a heavy sleeper," he whispered, motioning for you to follow him with a reassuring wave of his hand.

“Rafe's up there at the moment,” Confusion enveloped you as a frown settled in place of his previous jovial demeanour. When his stiffened gaze met yours, heat bloomed beneath your cheeks and you perked up. “Maybe you can keep him company, little one." 

The first door on the right was painted a light, dusty rose. Above the door frame were little wooden letters decorated by fairies and flowers spelling out ‘Sarah’. The dry hinges screeched as Ward opened the door.

“Rafe, come meet our guests.” 

The boy from the picture emerged, older now and taller than expected. Unlike the bright smile he wore in the photograph, there was not a trace of joy on his face. But despite his gloomy demeanour, there was a certain charm about him that you couldn't help but notice.

Beautiful, he’s beautiful. 

“Hello.” He said robotically, as though the syllables were being tugged out of his mouth by an invisible wire. 

Ward glared disapprovingly at his son. There was a silent exchange between the two before Rafe finally sighed as if submitting to some sort of inevitable conclusion.

“Merry Christmas, it’s nice to meet you all.” 

His eyes met yours. Crystal orbs of cerulean, framed by a dark outer ring… you were transfixed by his beauty. 

You sat mutely at dinner, only answering direct questions with the bare minimum of words. Mrs Cameron was a lovely and welcoming woman who did her best to include you in the conversation despite your reluctance to participate. Rafe's occasional snarky remarks seemed to anger Ward. His face would darken each time and he would glare in his son's direction with a look of disapproval. The tension between the two was thick, oozing onto you from across the table. You made eye contact with Rafe a few times. He held it with no indication of discomfort whilst you were always the one to eventually flit your attention elsewhere, unable to withstand the strange intensity. 

As the maids began to clear the table, Ward suggested to both you and Rafe, “Go and play while us adults have our talk.”

With the sun making a hasty departure below the treeline in the distance, It had cooled off exponentially outside. You trailed behind Rafe as he led you to a small shed next to the pool, struggling to tug your gloves over trembling fingers. 

You waited outside as Rafe disappeared beyond the frame, returning a few moments later with a black and white ball.

“Do you know how to play?”

The ball was familiar but you shook your head, unsure of the rules. 

“Don’t touch the ball with your hands or make contact with me.” 

“Make contact?” You tilted your head in confusion. 

“You can’t kick your enemy on purpose, got it?”

You gave a nod– still unsure about why you’d want to kick anyone on purpose– and Rafe tossed the ball at you. The ground was partially frozen beneath your feet and you stumbled backwards with the sudden force of the ball, nearly toppling over. 

“Good, let's play.” 

At first, it felt hopeless as your feet slipped on the icy ground cartoonishly. Rafe’s size, strength and experience did not deter him from going full pelt, and it quickly became apparent that the only way you could gain any leverage over him was if you were to be sneaky– which of course, was easier said than done. 

Every pivot of your foot he anticipated. His agile movements made it nearly impossible to bypass him and you found yourself huffing in frustration as he swiftly confiscated the ball from your weak stance. 

“This is not fair!” You cried exasperatedly, ego depleted after numerous failures.

“You’ve got to try harder if you want to beat me.” 

Rafe’s arrogant tone only stoked the flames of your wrath. Slowing down, you realised that your frantic footwork before an attack left your defences vulnerable. Watching Rafe’s strategy, you could see that he was coming head-on, anticipating that you would focus your resources on an attack. 

This time rather than barreling towards him head-on, you hunkered down into a low stance, turning slightly and awaiting his arrival. Once within range, you swiftly kicked your right foot out, connecting with the ball. It shot through his legs, the suddenness of your attack delaying his reaction ever so slightly, allowing you ample opportunity to rush past him and possess the ball. 

After the shock wore off and Rafe turned to face you, his face was adorned by a countenance of surprise. “Wow, not bad.” 

“Got you!” You giggled, spinning around in glee. 

“You’re more fun than Sarah.” Rafe earnestly remarked. “She never wants to play. All she does is sleep and cry.”  

“I like playing with you.” 

The corners of his lips tugged upwards, his dour demeanour melting away into a softer grin. 

“Let’s try something different.” He suggested, your stomach clenching in apprehension at the mischievous glint in his eyes.

“...Ok.” 

“You stand over there,” He pointed to a small clearing between two trees, “That is the goal. You have to try and protect it.” 

“Ok.” You giggled, heart thumping in rhythm with your hasty steps. 

“Ready?”

You gave a thumbs up and he backed up. Once he was pleased, he took an initial calculative step before thundering towards the ball, sending it soaring through the air. You were sure that it would not make contact with you as it was well above your head. However, after it had risen, it quickly descended back down with the speed and precision of a hunting eagle. It slammed into the edge of your brow, making contact with a surprising amount of force. Your legs gave way under the pressure as you clutched the spot where the ball hit, eyes tearing up from the impact.

“Ow.” Your voice wobbled as you cradled your head. 

“Oh, oops.” Rafe rushed to kneel beside you, gingerly lifting your chin to inspect your face. “Are you ok?” 

You didn’t respond, and when he noticed the tears welling up in your eyes, his entire body stiffened. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t cry, you’re ok.” 

Blinking furiously, you managed to keep it together, but your voice came out as a dry croak. “Am I bleeding?”

“Nah, it’ll just be a little bruise. Nothing to worry about.” 

His assurance dampened your concern, and you nodded. “Even though that really hurt, I still won. The ball didn’t pass the trees!” 

Rafe began to chuckle but was abruptly disturbed by the click of the back door. Your mother called your name into the still air. Sniffling, you brushed your hair back into place when his tight grip clasped onto your shoulders, stilling your frantic movements. 

“I was saving this for later,” His voice was hushed now as he removed a lollipop from his back pocket. “But it’s yours if you promise not to tell.” 

Wiping the corner of your eyes, you smiled, “Alright.”

iii.

You froze in front of the mirror.

Floor length, delicately laid seams stretching taut against soft curves, the colour perfectly harmonious with your undertones– The dress was a beautiful testament to how far you've come, like a chain binding the past and the present together.

There was just one issue…it wouldn’t zip up the whole way. 

You urged the seamstress to keep trying, tugging the resistant zip until it eventually gave way. It didn't, and on one particularly harsh tug, the zip got caught and pinched your flesh. You hissed, and she apologised before releasing it down and backing off. 

“Your wedding is in a week?” She inquired, glancing over your frame insouciantly.

“Yes, Saturday week.”

“I should be able to add some alterations to the back in that time.” 

Her attempt at assuaging you was futile – your mind could only focus on the wheel of possibilities, endlessly spinning. “What if there’s nothing you can do? Or the alteration destroys the style of the dress? Is there another alternative?” 

Her smile was solemn as she met your frantic gaze in the reflection. “Well, I suppose the only other suggestion I can make is to move more and eat less.”

You pressed your lips together before stepping out of the changing room into the harshly lit waiting space. Your mother’s eyes immediately widened as she shot off the couch with a mixture of admiration and concern concocting within her irises.  

“Oh, Darling. The dress is beautiful, but you don’t look happy. What’s the matter?”

“There is a slight issue…with the back.” The seamstress sighed, urging you to turn. 

Your mother attempted to stifle her gasp beneath a freshly manicured hand. She skittered forward brushing delicate fingers over the fabric, prodding and pushing at the broad opening. 

“Mum,” You groaned. “Just be honest with me, how bad is it?” 

“Well, it’s about two inches so it’s not unnoticeable.” A crease formed in her brow as she inspected you, momentarily stuck in thought. “Have you considered styling your hair down?” 

“Yes, but that's not going to fix the issue.” 

She nodded, turning her attention to the seamstress, “Ma’am, I am willing to pay the price to have my daughter's dress prioritised.” 

Before she could even consider the request, the familiar chime of your phone rang out, breaking your dazed stupor. As you peered at the screen, the name vibrantly lighting it up like a lighthouse beacon made you deeply exhale. 

“Sorry, I’ll just answer this.”  

“Is it Thomas?” Your mother’s ears piqued up in interest as you shuffled back to the changing room, her thin lips stretching into a downward crescent.

“Don’t sound more excited than me, mum.”

You swiped the accept button on the call after clicking the lock shut. “Hey sweetheart, how’s it going at the shop?” 

A pit swelled within your stomach. “Things could be better.”

“Is there an issue? Last time you couldn’t have sounded happier.” Thomas’s voice was laced with concern, the image of his deep-set frown and fidgeting fingers flashing into your mind.

“I mean, it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. Just a minor issue with the beading.”

“Alright then, so it could be worse? Regardless, I’m certain you look beautiful.”

“You’re kind of required to say that, y’know, as my fiance.” You whispered timorously.

“Required or not doesn’t make a difference if I mean it all the same.”

The impressive weight of the dress’s train dragged the bodice down with it as it cascaded into a pile of limbs on the floor. A chuffed smile melded onto your face. “Was there any real purpose to this call?” 

“Depends on what you count as purposeful. I wanted to hear my beautiful fiancé’s voice…and ask what other plans she has for the day?”

This time you snorted. Thomas was always vying for your attention. “I’m supposed to be meeting Edie at the club for lunch. She’s afraid you’ll hog up all my attention after the wedding and plans to get me drunk so she can find out all your dirty secrets.” 

“Well she’s not wrong about the first part,” He heartily chuckled. “But try not to reveal too much, I think we’ve had enough rumours spread about us for a lifetime.”

“I’ll do my best. Anyway, I probably should get going, I’m already running late.”

“Alright, I’ll see you later then. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Your mother resumed her position on the plush white couch while she waited for you, snapping up as you beckoned for her towards the entrance. She stalked closely behind your tail, approaching warily as you headed to your car. 

“We discussed options on how the dress could be altered. It seems like the quickest solution will be to make it backless.”

“Honestly at this point, I don’t really care,” A heavy and tired sigh escaped your lips as you unlocked your car. “As long as it fits, that's all that matters to me.” 

“Darling,” Her cold grasp caught your arm, forcing you to face her. “I know how you get. Your mind is all over the place, I can see it in your eyes.”

“It’s fine mum. I gave up on perfection a long time ago.” 

“Either way, this is your big day and I want you to enjoy it. Don’t let this small mishap ruin it for you, alright?” She sagely advised, soothingly rubbing your shoulders. 

“Ok, I won’t. Promise.” Though the smile was forced, you didn’t have it in you to counter her pleading eyes. She hugged you firmly, planting a kiss on your cheek as you parted ways. 

The country club was brimming with familiar faces, each passing by with a nod of the head. In all honesty, you couldn’t remember half of their names, only being acquainted through your parents. Etiquette was an expected part of the club, though, so you returned their superficial pleasantries with an equally superficial smile. 

The dining hall was occupied by an elderly couple sharing hushed whispers beside the far right window and a group of young men ravenously devouring their meals after an afternoon playing golf. 

However, there was no sign of Edie. 

Allowing your intuition to guide you through the hive-like hallways of the facility, you eventually ended up at the outdoor bar overlooking the course green. That was where you found her; firey tresses flowing loosely over her shoulders, hunched over the bartop as she swirled a glass of glistening rosè. 

“I see you started without me.” 

Without having to turn she squealed as the sound of your voice carried over to her, attracting the attention of curious onlookers. “You made it! I was starting to think you’d bailed on me…again.”

“Ed, that was months ago. I think it’s time we move on.”

She hummed and with a light giggle tapped the stool beside her. “Only if you let me buy you a drink and promise not to complain about the heat.”

“Deal.” 

Nothing ever changed with Edie. Some people would describe her as immature, solidly stuck in the same old adolescent patterns of staying out late, drinking to the point of blacking out and entertaining unsuitable partners based on her attraction to them. But despite the opinion of others, her consistency came as a comfort to you. She knew how to have fun, and this energy never ceased to rub off on you.

“Now I know you’re probably sick of hearing it,” Already knowing where this was going, you rolled your eyes to emphasise how you felt about this turn in the conversation. Her voice was slightly slurred at this point, having gone through half a bottle of prosecco together. If you didn’t keep your wits about you, your tongue would soon become looser than you wished. 

 “But I have to ask–”

“Ed.” Your tone was firm. 

“Are you sure about this?” 

You sighed, leaning back in the stool like a beleaguered outpost, utterly surrendered and defenceless against her heavy onslaught. 

“The amount of times you’ve asked me this is making me think you just don’t like him.”

“Babe, you know it’s more complicated than that.” She gently clasped your hand. “If you’re happy, I’m happy, promise…even with his track record.” 

Your muscles stiffened, weighing you down like a heavy stone in your seat. “We put that behind us many years ago.”

“Well yeah,” She reticently continued. “I guess I’m still in the process of forgiving him, though.”

“If I can then I’m sure you have it in you.”

Her viridian eyes continued to pierce into you as she tilted her glass up to glossed lips. Sensing the finality in your tone, she nodded. 

“So, are you?”

“Am I what?” You chortled incredulously. 

“Happy!”

“Yes! Trust me if I wasn’t you’d be the first one to hear about it.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” She shimmied her shoulders with a giggle, the previously heavy aura dissipating and being charioted away by the breeze. 

The debate over your love life has been a perpetual thorn in your side for many years. People liked to voice their opinions as though your life was paltry gossip they could pass on to their hairdresser. But not many took the time to consider your perspective, your feelings, your anguish. 

Edie geared the topic of discussion to her latest rendezvous. A welcome change. Her sporadic lifestyle always kept you on your toes, considering there had been no major updates in your life for some time now... well, aside from the engagement of course. With the warm buzz pulsating through your veins, nothing could disturb the serene ambience of the club.

Almost nothing. 

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the two finest women on this island.” Kelce, and that could only mean–

“And if it isn’t our favourite troublesome trio. What brings y'all here this evening?”

Rafe lingered behind his posse like a shadow, his feathery locks tucked beneath a dull grey cap. Though his eyes were shielded by black-out shades, you could sense the burning heat of his gaze from a mile away– your body well attuned to it. 

“Only the same as you two of course. Mind if we join you?”

“Sorry boys, but it’s kind of a girl’s night.” You quickly interjected, masking the unease in your tone with a fleeting smile. 

Edie groaned your name, “Come on, the more the merrier.”

“Yeah come on,” Rafe echoed petulantly. “It’s been a while since we last hung out.” And you got the feeling he wasn’t talking about the rest of them.

Kelce and Topper occupied the two stools adjacent to Edie, leaving the last available seat directly beside you. Rafe was entirely isolated from the group, nursing a bitterly scented beer, and you had become his sole companion.

His stool made an awful scraping sound as he encroached on your personal space. The thick, solid weight of his thigh nudging into yours caused you to flinch and you could have sworn he smirked at the. 

“So, how’ve you been?” He lazily drawled and you didn’t miss the way he blatantly zeroed in on your ring. 

“The same as always Rafe, but I can’t say that bothers me.”

“No? Y’know that surprises me, you were always so…adventurous. Didn’t think you’d settle for the housewife lifestyle so soon.” 

“You of all people should know that others can change.” You argued with a morose huff.

“Yeah, but not you.” His chuckle was merely a blank imitation of humour, shamelessly inauthentic.  

“This is kind of unfair. You seem to know my whole life story while I can barely piece yours together these days.” 

“You wanna know what I’ve been doing?” You nodded and he slouched back against the bar stool, taking a hefty swig of his beer and removing his shades with a flick of the wrist. 

“I was at the shops recently, saw your mum,”

“...Ok?” You scoffed, struggling to see the relevance. 

“She says you’ve been acting strange lately, distant, that true?” 

“She always thinks I’m acting strangely.” She also apparently likes to gossip about my personal life.

“Thing is,” He paused for a moment, grimacing as if struggling to formulate the proper words. You knew better. Nothing Rafe did was without reason. “She’s under the impression it’s got something to do with the big day.”

“The big day, are you kidding me?” 

Your heart synchronised with the beat of the music, drowning out all other immaterial noise as it pounded slow and steady in your ears. For the first time that evening, you dared a glimpse into Rafe’s eyes, immediately noticing his pupils dilated to the size of pennies.

“Jesus– Rafe,” You hissed, snatching his chin between your fingers. “I thought you gave up on that shit.”

“Always worryin’ about me.” A humourless laugh floated from his hollow chest. Cool silver dug into the supple flesh of your wrist as he gently pried your hand away. With a bated breath, you snatched the limb from his grasp. 

“Yeah, well someone has to.” You scoffed. Remanence of snow dusted his collar and without thinking you brushed it away, watching as it fluttered into small clouds before dispersing. 

“I did give up on it, by the way,” You frowned as your eyes flitted back up to him, brow raising in disbelief considering the blaring evidence that suggested otherwise. “But something’s been bothering me recently. You know what that is?” 

“No.”

His grin was so juvenile you struggled to fathom how this man-child before you was in actuality a twenty-two-year-old well on the way to developing his frontal lobe. 

He leant forward, resting the weight of his upper body on those muscly thighs, shallow breaths puffing hot and dewy onto your neck. There was no subtlety to his show of bravado. No attempt to hide his objective as the invisible string urged him forward, enabling his crude behaviour. 

He wanted to make you suffer. 

“The fact that I may have been the first man to have you, but in a week… I might not be the last.” 

iv.

Brighton Grammar wasn’t any ordinary school, and it certainly wasn’t for the weak.

On your first day, you witnessed a scrawny boy with haphazard streaks of green throughout his locks get tripped in the hallway and laughed at. The next day, he returned with a full head of brown hair. 

His conformity was duller, sure, but it removed a target off his back. The positive side to being different was that you stood out and the negative was that you stood out. 

It was a lose-lose situation. 

“I don’t see why you bother with all those clubs and shit.” Rafe dallied beside you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He took it upon himself to chauffeur you between classes, and you didn’t miss the way the crowds parted for him like a proverbial red sea. 

A sense of discomfort washed over you as Rafe’s hallowed presence had both girls and boys alike turning their heads. Then there was just you. Plain old you. It was unfair, like pitting a stone against a diamond– ultimately you stood no chance.  

“I’m trying to find my passion and form connections. You should try it sometime, then maybe you won't be such a grouch.” He snarled and swerved to the side when you reached to pinch his arm. His reaction stirred a playful snicker from your lips. 

“Uh-huh. You talk like my fuckin’ grandma, y’know that?” 

“I guess that means, unlike some people I have manners.” He glared at you again, a growing grin nearly breaking his unbothered countenance. “Anyway, I am very capable of making my own decisions and I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“You, capable? That’s not something I ever thought I’d hear.”

“Oh screw you! Starting today I am an independent woman.”

This time he barked out a laugh. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

You came to a halt outside the locked classroom, leaning against the bulletin board frame and waving at your classmates as they mingled amongst each other. Rafe snatched the scheduling paper from your hands, snorting when you cursed him for it. 

“General maths with Mr Dubra? Damn, all I can say is good luck.” 

His words registered someplace in your mind, but your attention had ventured elsewhere. Rafe followed your transfixed gaze to the bulletin board; a bright-coloured poster with cursive font drew you in like a moth to a flame. In the centre of the A4 page was a picture of a small collective of students, the boy at the front particularly capturing your attention as his pointed finger directed at you. 

Auditions for Brighton Grammar’s Hamlet are to be held in the auditorium during lunchtime this Thursday! Do you have what it takes thou thespian?

“I think I’ll join the theatre club.” 

Rafe’s expression could only be described as utterly mortified. “Hey if you want to be labelled a fucking loser, be my guest,” He raised his hands in surrender. “I ain't gonna stop you since you’re an ‘independent woman’ now.”

Your attempt to swing at him failed miserably as he dodged your attack with ease. 

Ironically enough, you had been joking. The spotlight never called to you the thought of that much attention made your skin crawl. What you were drawn to on the other hand was the underappreciated art of stage crew, the glue that binds a production together. 

But the ironic part of it all was that you did end up joining. For one, pathetic and degrading reason:

Thomas Hughes. The boy on the poster.

While you would describe Rafe as universally attractive, Thomas was the kind of handsome that not everyone could appreciate; a somewhat lanky build, eyes deep set into his skull as though he were eternally sleep deprived and unkempt hair tied into a loose bun. 

But most notable was his aura, one of complete self-assurance and radiating warmth. He was also in Rafe’s year level– the grade above you –and you were certain the blonde would not approve, which made it all the more thrilling. 

And for the sole reason of your silly little schoolgirl crush, you found yourself itching to get out of class after fourth period on Thursday. Unbeknownst to the pack of hounds you liked to call friends. 

“You coming to lunch?” Topper asked as you passed him in the hallway, heading in the opposite direction of the cafeteria. 

You shook your head with an affable grin. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

“Rafe won’t be happy.” 

“Remind me to give a fuck.” 

The auditorium was located on the west wing of the school, an old block that had been neglected by the school's previous funding. The heavy double doors creaked as you pushed through them, eyes momentarily adjusting to the dim lighting. 

At the front of the stage sat a panel. Some students, some older, presumably teachers. You took a seat a few rows behind them, intent on simply observing. 

There were six others in the crowd, bouncing their knees and fidgeting with their jewellery anxiously. All apart from one girl who sat up straight, clad in a stained white gown. She caught your intrigued gaze and softly beamed in return, offering you a wave. 

Thomas emerged from the right wing clasping a manila folder. “What a turnout, huh? Now as you probably all know, I will be starring as Hamlet–” The audience erupted in a fit of claps and he bent over into a small bow.

“Thank you, thank you, I am honoured. But more importantly, we are in desperate need of an Ophelia, Gertrude and a Polonius. The show can not go on without them! So I invite you all today to give it your best shot.” 

He gave a cue to someone in the light box and the overhead fresnels were adjusted to a neutral glow. “Well then, I don’t see any point in keeping you all waiting. Who would like to go first?”

The girl in the white gown sprung her hand up with little hesitation. “Alright, thank you, Cindy. The stage is all yours.” 

Cindy, as you now came to know her, strode up the steps, hips swaying confidently like a lioness on the prowl. She was offered a script but turned it down, “I’ve memorised this act.” Another girl in the crowd scoffed, shaking her head. 

As she began, you took note of the dip in her cadence as it transitioned from her naturally firm voice to something delicate and wispy. She had an interesting way of manoeuvring across the stage, light-footed movements carrying her graciously on the wooden surface akin to a small cloud conquering the great big sky. As her performance came to an end, the panel of judges clapped and hooted, and she hid her face in the palms of her hands as it turned notably red.  

Thomas offered his hand to help her off the stage, “Great job Cindy! Although I would add for you to maybe tone down on the crazy. It is only the beginning of the play, Ophelia is still fairly sane.” 

The gleam in her eyes faltered slightly. “Oh–uh…ok. I’ll remember that for next time.”

“If there is a next time, don’t get too cocky,” Thomas spoke without looking up from his notes, missing the way her jaw fell open in surprise. 

“Who’s next?”

The room was swept into silence, everyone glancing around with hesitation. 

“You in the back!” Your head snapped upwards, heart dropping instantly, and you awkwardly gestured to confirm that he was indeed referring to you despite the burning of eyes trained on you like being under a spotlight. “Yes, you. Since no one else was brave enough to volunteer, I nominate you.”

“Oh, well I wasn’t actually going to audition. I was just interested in seeing how this all…works.” You chuckled nervously. 

“Nonsense! We don’t bite, do we?” A chorus of ‘no we don'ts’’ echoed in the large space. “Besides, it’s worth a shot. Some people are naturals and you will never know if you don’t give it a go.” 

It wasn’t like you couldn’t refuse. These were theatre kids not abductors with a gun held to your head. But there was an indescribable intensity radiating off of them as if they could sense the refusal on the tip of your tongue, and for the first time, you felt the agonising weight of what your mother would call peer pressure.

 “Alright, why not.”

“That’s the spirit!” You were ushered up to the stage before you had the chance to reconsider, face burning and legs trembling. Thomas’s fingers scraped against yours as he handed over the script. Your breath momentarily hitched and you flinched as though a spark of electricity had been transferred between you. 

“Just read what’s been highlighted, the other shit isn’t necessary.” 

You nodded, mumbling in recognition as you noticed that at least two-quarters of the page had been highlighted in yellow. 

Inhaling deeply, you centred your focus on the script, attempting to block out the sets of eyes trained on you. You opened your mouth…and laughed. A painstakingly timorous noise that could only be controlled by slapping a hand over your traitorous lips. 

 “I’m sorry, this feels so unnatural to me.” 

“No need to apologise, we’ve all been there,” Thomas’s tone was earnest, void of any judgement and this quelled the pin-pricking sensation circulating through your extremities slightly. “How ‘bout we read through the scene first so you have a better understanding of it. Shakespearean language can be a real bastard if you’re not used to it.”

You giggled at his jocose attitude, relief washing over you like a damp cloth. “I think that would help, thank you.”

From what you gathered the scene went as follows: Ophelia's father Polonius and her brother Laertes say their good-byes, consecutively warning her not to trust Hamlet’s promises of love as well as ordering her not to see Hamlet again. 

Although you still admired her performance, Thomas’s criticism of Cindy’s portrayal made much more sense now. Though Ophelia is famously driven to madness later on in the play– accumulating in her untimely and equally ambiguous end– at this stage of the story, she is merely a heartstruck girl observing the world through rose-tinted lenses. 

“Good to go?”  

“I think so.”

“Alright, everyone! Give it up for…sorry, what’s your name?”

Your voice echoed with a newfound confidence and the crowd repeated it in a cheer. Perhaps you had been wrong, maybe you did like the spotlight, only you’d never given it the proper chance. 

Mimicking Cindy, you adopted a higher pitch. Not shrill like the birds that resided outside your window each morning, but a pleasant touch of feminine; soft and delicate. You ambled across the stage, not in the same floaty manner she had employed but instead surefooted, conveying Ophelia’s clear-mindedness at this stage of the play. Unlike Cindy, however, you did not have the lines down, forcing you to take a slower approach. But this seemed to work in your favour, your slowed speech giving you plenty of opportunity to focus on your facial expressions, ensuring that they matched what was being described in the cues. 

As your performance wrapped up and the adrenaline steadily receded, you couldn’t resist fixating on Thomas in the crowd who gazed up at you as though you hung the moon and stars in the sky. 

And for the first time at your godforsaken school, you felt seen.

v.

The hum of silence echoed in the Cameron’s dining room, encompassing the yellow walls in a damp sheen that refused to dry. Silver cutlery clinked against delicate porcelain, and as you picked away at your food, Rose smiled at you from across the table. 

“So…Rafe tells us that you’re going to be in the school’s performance, what was the name–” 

“Hamlet.” The blonde blankly interrupted, and you were surprised that he even knew that. “She’s playing the girl who kills herself.” 

Ward hummed in interest, passing you the salad bowl. “That's excellent news. Theatre was a thriving business in my generation but it seems to have become somewhat of a dying art. Good on you for keeping it alive.” 

“Well I didn’t exactly plan on joining, it just kind of happened–”

“She’s got a thing for the main guy, Tobias or some shit, that’s why she auditioned.”

“Rafe!” He grunted as you nudged his shin, lips peeling into a provoking smirk at your scolding. 

“You gonna tell me I’m wrong?” He teased with a venomous undertone only you seemed to register, and your eyes narrowed at him.

“I want to see, I want to see, who’s this guy?” Sarah wheedled with her big brown eyes. 

“Shut up, Sarah–” 

“Rafe! Do not speak to your sister that way.” Ward’s voice boomed like a deafening clap of thunder, and once his pulsating anger settled, a small cry erupted from Wheezie who tried to conceal her tears beneath a dotted napkin. Rose was quick to placate the young girl with promises of dessert, whisking her off into the kitchen but not before refilling her glass of chardonnay. 

Once they were out of sight, Ward beckoned Sarah to clamber onto his lap, folding her small face into his broad neck before regarding his son with a scalding glare. “Look at what you’ve done.”

The interaction was unsettling, to say the least, but not uncommon. Rafe’s lips pinched shut, suppressing a whimper. In the face of his father’s wrath, he would always detract from his usual tough persona, retreating into the shell of a wounded puppy. You didn’t blame him. Ward could be cruel with no regard for the effect his words had on his son, and you loathed him for his blatant favouritism. 

You reached for his hand underneath the table, intertwining the cold extremity with your own. He flinched at first, aggressively flicking his head toward you. But as you gave it a gentle squeeze he seemed to catch on to your intention and his body fell back into a relaxed state. 

You tried to be there for Rafe as much as you could, but despite your efforts, the void left by an absent father was irreplaceable. You could only try your best, but sometimes you had to put yourself first, even if that meant neglecting the needs of those closest to you. 

The production was a much bigger commitment than you initially thought. Rehearsals pulled you from classes multiple times a week and you began to worry that it could potentially detract from your other subjects. But as a young woman, the possibility of it reeling you from your scholarly responsibilities was not quite as concerning as it was that you felt you were failing at your duties as a friend. 

It had been raining consistently for the past five days. Endless bouts of downpours during spring thickened the soil and left the air with an unpleasantly muggy tinge. You and Rafe slouched against the linoleum floors of the school gymnasium, slightly obscured from view by the red curtains of the wall-length window. He shut your concerns of being caught down by offering you a swig of whatever concoction he’d brought onto school premises.

“How about instead of getting your tits in a twist about it, you have some.”

Classic Rafe. 

But you did end up having some because as soon as he began ranting you knew it was necessary for your own mental wellbeing. 

“You better fucking be there ‘cause there’s no way I can deal with all those old farts on my own.”  

“Am I even invited?” You grimaced as the bitter taste invaded your tastebuds, eagerly handing the flask back, to which he condescendingly snorted. 

A gathering with Ward and his highly esteemed guests could only entail boredom to a deadly degree. Even thinking about it made you yawn, but on the other hand, you would feel bad if Rafe had to endure it on his own.  

“Dad says you're more than welcome, he likes having you around,” He let out a small chuckle, ruffling his short bangs. “He says you keep me sane like we’re an old married couple or some shit.”

At that, you couldn’t help but barked out in laughter. “Yeah right. Say we ever did hypothetically get married, one of us would probably end up killing the other.”

“Yeahhh, probably.”

 He drank again, eyeing you scrupulously, and in that moment you wished you could climb into his brain to know what he was thinking. There was a brief awkward pause before you cleared your throat and asked, “Wait, when did you say this was again?” 

“Friday, afterschool…why?”

“Shit, Rafe–”

“Nah. You gotta be fucking kiddin’ me, again. They can’t keep you after school on a Friday! That’s criminal.”

“I know, trust me I agree.”

“Don’t go then.” He countered with a raised brow, testing you. 

“I would If I could, you know that. But there’s two weeks till the show, there’s just too much to do.” 

“Sure, whatever you say.” He lifted the silver cylinder back up to his lips, taking a long swig. 

“Rafe,” You sighed, trying to reason with him. “Please don’t be mad at me, I’m sorry–”

You were cut off as the doors to the gym groaned, opening to reveal the last person you expected to see.

Thomas. 

“Oh, hey. What’s up?” He seemed surprised to see you, but even more surprised to see you with Rafe, eyes flickering between you with confusion. 

“Hi Thomas, we were just,” His attention flitted down to the flask, incriminating evidence that you quickly swept beneath Rafe’s folded leg, “Uh, what are you doing here? Never took you as the sporting kind of lad.”

Shit, that was bad. As if Rafe was thinking the same thing, he snorted into his fist. You wanted to crumble right then and there.

Thomas seemed to find your comment amusing, however, bowing his head as he chortled. “Damn, it’s that obvious, huh? But nah, I’m just tryna help Cindy find her phone. I would ask what you guys are up to, but…well, I don’t really wanna know.” 

“Ah, well I hope she finds it. We didn’t see anything, did we, Rafe?”

“Nope.” He popped his ‘p’ when answering, and you frowned, unimpressed by his cavalier attitude. “Hey man, why don’t you join us?” 

Rafe tilted his head at Thomas in what would appear to the average eye as a friendly gesture but you knew better; he was up to no good. 

“I would. But as I said, I gotta–”

“Oh c'mon, I’m sure she could do with the detox.”

“Uh…”

“Is that a yes?” He gestured toward you, “She won’t mind. In fact, I think she’d much prefer to hang out with you than me–”

Classic Rafe. You desperately waved your hands at Thomas, attempting to damage control before he had the opportunity to make the situation even more awkward. “Don’t listen to him, he’s way too used to getting his way. Go if you need to.”

A brief glint of relief flashed across Thomas’s features, and like a rabbit caught in a tiff, he seized the opportunity you provided to flee. “You’re right, I really ought to go. Thanks for the offer though, man. See you both around.” 

As soon as the doors clicked shut again, you wasted no time. Rafe didn’t even attempt to defend himself against your slew of attacks, simply taking your weak hits for what they were.

“What the fuck was that?” You finally hissed out once you’d calmed down. 

“What was what?”

“Don’t be a moron, are you trying to embarrass me?” 

“Oh, sorry for being a good wingman.” His shrug was insouciant, further frustrating you. 

“What you’re being is a pain in my ass.” 

He didn’t react to that in the way you expected. Generally, he found the humour in your insults, but this time a coldness you weren’t accustomed to receiving glazed over his eyes.

“You really like this guy, huh?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Cut the shit. You’ve only ever acted like this with that kid who proposed to you in the sandpit.” As you stood he sighed, realising you were refusing to engage in this conversation. “So will I see you on Friday or not?”

“Probably not.”

“See! I knew you’d rather hang out with him than me!” He shouted after you as you stormed off to your next class, gait regretfully swaying as the effects of Rafe’s concoction set in.

In the weeks leading up to the performance, things only became more hectic. If you were to get your cortisol levels tested the results would likely conclude abnormally high. To make matters worse, Rafe was mad at you. Topper and Kelce tried to assure you that he wasn’t, but you knew better. He didn’t respond to your texts, barely acknowledged your presence at school and hadn’t invited you over in a week. All very abnormal behaviours as, while yes, he was an inherit dickhead, you were usually exempt from this. 

So naturally, you did what any normal person in such circumstances would do; gave him the same treatment in return. Only acknowledging the damage his behaviour was inflicting upon you in furious scribbles in your lavender spiral diary. 

You were having your costume fitted in the small dressing room adjacent to the auditorium. Cindy was booked for her appointment afterwards and in the meantime she lazed on the tattered purple couch in the corner of the room, scrolling through her phone. 

A girl from the costume department examined the logistical functioning of your costume as there were a few instances in the performance where a quick change was necessary. Her vivacious red curls bounced as she turned the room upside down in search of her pins. 

“Ok then, you’re pretty much done. I’ll just have to hem the base so we adhere to theatre-safe practices and all that stupid shit they assess…” She paused and eyed you over, tugging at the loose sleeve of your dress with a hum. “You look so pretty, like a fairy.”

“Thank you.” You bashfully smiled. She returned it before turning to the other girl in the room.

“Cindy.” 

“Hm?”

“Cindy.” 

“What?” She snapped, tearing her gaze from her phone. 

“What do you think?”

“I mean it’s alright” She shrugged, face peeling into a saccharine grin. “Not really your colour but you definitely suit rags.”

 You would’ve burst out into laughter had you not been so shocked.

“Now I remember why I don’t ask for your opinion,” The redhead rolled her eyes, shoving Cindy’s garment bag into her lap. “Be useful and get changed into this. I’ll get started on you in a moment.”

Once Cindy had left the room, she bowed her head apologising. 

“I’m guessing you’re not her biggest fan?” 

“Not a fan, period.” She sullenly snorted. “She’s a sanctimonious bitch who can’t keep her nose out of other peoples’ business.”

“She’s pretty at least.” You tried to see the best in people, despite how difficult they made it for you. 

“Well, that’s about all she has to offer. I’m Edie, by the way.”

And the rest was history. 

Similarly to the majority of the cast and crew, Edie was in Rafe’s grade. And when she discovered (during your break on Friday rehearsals) that you knew the infamous blonde personally, you did not hear the end of it.

“You’re friends with Rafe Cameron?” Her jaw fell open so quickly that you worried it would pop out of alignment. 

“Yeah, I mean we practically grew up together. I’ve spent half my life at his house.”

“You go to his house?! Holy fuck, you’ve been living my dream life like it’s nothing to you.”

“Trust me it’s not as good as you might think. He can be a real ass–”

“Hope you’re not talkin’ about me?” An arm suddenly snaked over your shoulder. The limb was heavy but warm– comforting –and emanated a pleasant aroma. Thomas let his hair hang loose today, long ebony strands pirouetting over the surface of your skin when you glanced up at him.

“Ah-ha not specifically, but I don’t know, maybe it applies to you too.”

In true theatrical style, he sputtered out a choking noise, clasping onto his chest to imitate immense pain. “Ouch. I think you just broke my heart.”

“Oh really? I didn’t realise Martians could feel pain.”

He gasped, and Edie chuckled at the interaction from beside you, shaking her head at your antics. “O-kay as cute as that was, can we please get back to the topic of Rafe.”

Thomas’s expression pinched in discomfort at the mention of the blonde and you recalled your last interaction with them both, inwardly cringing. “Does he have a problem with me or something? I feel like he does.”

“Wouldn’t be surprising. He’s always looking to have a problem with someone.”

“Seems to tolerate you though.”

“Barely,” He opened his mouth to respond but was beaten to it by a loud screech sounding out the syllables of his name. Cindy stood atop the stage, tapping her foot rhythmically against the solid wood with her arms crossed over her chest, not bothering to contain her lour. 

“Thomas!” her voice pierced across the auditorium again like one of those pesky drillers going off on a Sunday morning. “I want to go over the cues for this scene, c’mon.”

“Hey,” Edie halted him as he begrudgingly moved to acquiesce to her demand, “Just remember you have free will.”

“Well look how far that’s gotten me.” 

You weren’t sure what he meant by that, as though it were some cryptic message you’d been tasked to decode. He smiled, bidding you both goodbye with a simple wave and you paused for a moment, observing as he trudged away. 

Edie cleared her throat and you were snapped out of your daze, returning to the present only to realise– with much dismay –that your face had been donned with a damning grin. Her brow quirked and you knew what was coming. 

“What’s that look for?” 

“Something you wanna tell me?”

“Um… I don’t think so?” Your voice came out in a pathetic squeak and you cleared it, although the damage had already been done. 

“Oh come on,” She scoffed with an omniscient smirk, “You’re about as transparent as my gran’s panties…You like him.”

“Not you too.” You groaned, pivoting on your heels to take a seat in one of the rows of chairs furthest away from anyone else. If she wanted to have this conversation it was going to be out of earshot. Lest someone else managed to uncover your secret it would soon spread like wildfire. Her girlish giggle followed, and she saddled up beside you. 

“There’s no shame in it, babe. Tom’s a good guy, and you seem to get along…but–”

“But what?” 

Her expression soured, as though the words on the tip of her tongue were full of bile. “One thing you should know about Tom is that for many years, he had a thing for Cindy,” Her eyes rolled to the back of her head, “She rejected and rejected him, and eventually he moved on…but she didn’t like that. Not one bit. But now it seems the tables have turned. Did you know she fucking hates theatre?”

“Doesn’t seem that way to me.” You were prompted to glance up onto the stage where the two were currently rehearsing; she made it seem so effortless. How could she hate the things she was good at?

“Exactly. That’s why she’s so dangerous, she can keep up a good act.”

“I see…” This information shouldn’t have unsettled you. The past was set in stone for a reason and it was only possible for it to be resurfaced if you allowed it to. But it did unsettle you. Cindy possessed a classic kind of beauty you weren’t sure you could compete with. “So do you think if she were to ever bring it up, he would go for her again?”

“Hard to tell, with both of them. I’m pretty sure it’s just a game to her, she likes the attention. But as for Thomas, I think he’s beginning to see things clearer now.”

You tilted your head, unsure of what she meant by that.

“He’s not thinking with his dick.” She clarified bluntly, the crass wording making you gasp and then chuckle.

“Right. Good to know.”

Your phone vibrated from within your jeans pocket and you were surprised to see that it was Rafe calling you, considering you’d essentially gone with no contact for days. Assuming the worst, you excused yourself.

As you placed the phone to your ear you could only manage to make out a whooshing sound as though he were standing atop a viciously windy mountain. Then it stopped in tandem with what sounded to be like a string of expletives before he finally spoke.

“Yooo, what’s up? You coming?” Your brows furrowed at his elated tone. Last you’d checked, he was ignoring you. 

“Rafe, I already told you I can't–”

“Chill, it's fine. Got dumb and dumber to come over, keep me entertained”

“The fuck you just call us?” Topper and Kelce both shouted in unison somewhere in the background. Aside from their outburst, you couldn’t make out any other noise so you imagined they’d locked themselves away from all the action with Ward and his friends. Rafe detested hanging out with the oldies.

“OK, good. Saves me from feeling bad. But are you alright, you sound a bit…” Happy. The word you were grasping for was happy because you couldn’t remember the last time he’d sounded so carefree. 

“Better than ever!” 

“And are we ok?” 

“Yeahhh, you’re too cute to stay mad at for long.”

His response stifled you for a moment. “That’s real funny, Rafe.”

But in the coming days, something told you this may not be the case. 

Instead of avoiding you, Rafe wasn’t even showing up to school anymore. You were worried he was still clinging onto the remnants of his unjust anger until you received another phone call at 2:30 am, the night before your performance.

“Rafe…” You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, voice groggy and disoriented as you checked the glaring red lines on your digital clock. “What’s wrong? Do you even know what time it is?”

“Yeah, uh I’m sorry…” He sniffed. “I’m outside, can I come– ah actually y’know what just come out front, will you?” 

You paused. On any ordinary occasion, you’d have told him to piss off, too tired and frustrated to entertain his larks. But a stab of concern reared its ugly head at his shakey tone– this was very out of character.   

“Yeah, yeah of course. I’ll be out in a minute.”

It was a blisteringly cold night so you shrugged on a coat before trekking downstairs quietly, praying your parents weren’t lying awake to witness you sneaking out of the house in the wee hours. 

The front door scraped against the doormat as it opened. Rafe remained slumped against one of the white veranda pillars, motionless, as though he hadn’t heard you. His breaths were heavy, and upon assessing him you frowned at the fact that he was merely clad in a thin polo shirt and khaki shorts. 

“...Rafe?” You brushed your fingers gingerly across the wide expanse of his shoulders. He violently flinched, whipping around as though your touch was a burning affliction upon his supple skin. But his harsh reaction quickly softened when he saw it was just you.

 “Shit, don’t do that.”

“Sorry.” You whispered, dragging your eyes from his head down to his toes, assessing for any injuries. His unmarred skin left you stumped and it was only when you honed in on his frantic gaze did the issue finally dawned on you.

“Are you high?” 

Your question seemed to strike a nerve. He scrunched his face within his hands, as though he were in pain.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I-it’s like I’m seeing shit and hearing shit and my head hurts so fucking bad.” He was reacting badly. “And all I could think about was seeing you.”

“Did you fight with Ward?” This time he didn’t flinch as you grabbed onto his bicep, hoping to ground him. 

“Yeah, uh, yeah he’s just–”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to explain that right now. I’m here.” His burly arms engulfed you as he accepted your hug. You entangled yourself within his embrace, understanding that right now, all he desired was some comfort. 

“Thanks.” 

His voice was muffled by the position with his head stuffed into your shoulder. You gently tighten your hold in response, focusing on the rapid stuttering of his heartbeat which gradually slowed and levelled out into a calmer rhythm.    

What came next was like an inevitable chain of events: both of you pulled back at the same time and a frisson of confusion swept over you as he remained there, content with your noses practically intertwining. Although you weren’t confused. No. You were evading the truth. The truth that had become crystallised at this moment, glistening so bright you could hardly ignore it. 

One moment you were pinned to the spot by his sodden gaze, sporadically alternating between each region of your face. Mapping out each detail but notably lingering on your lips. Emotions raged within those viridian orbs like a violent coastal storm, threatening to destroy whatever stability you had left. 

Then, as though it were natural to him, he met you in the middle. 

You’d never experienced anything like it, and any story you’d been told was not comparable. His lips were firm and demanding in a way that surprised you and there was not a single trace of hesitation in his movement, as though he’d been waiting for this moment for a long time. 

Reality came crashing into you like a truck; you were kissing your best friend. The boy you bathed with as a child, who allowed you to snot into his sleeve as you wept and who vowed to protect you from the plight of men; It felt nice, but this sentiment was so heavily outweighed by the fact that it felt wrong. 

This revelation ignited your dormant reflexes. As he began to paw at your lower back, you realised this had gone too far. 

The rate at which you pushed him away stunned even you, and a wave of guilt ebbed through your system as his back collided with the pillar; you didn’t mean to be so harsh, after all, he was already in a vulnerable state. He remained crumpled in that position, fingers ghosting over his lips as if he were attempting to savour the taste of your own. 

“Shit, I-I’m always fucking up, I’m sorry,” He cupped your chin, the action causing you to jerk. “Sorry.” 

It unnerved how contrived his apology sounded, and you wondered if he could hear it too. 

“Uh-no no it’s ok,” Your body was frozen in a state of shock. “You're all over the place,” Surely he’d brush this off as a mistake by morning. “let's get you inside, yeah?”

His eyes glazed over your face once again, scrupulously this time, as though he were searching for something. He nodded when he didn’t find it, seemingly wanting to say more as he brushed the back of his neck but he chose to remain silent as you led him inside. 

It wasn’t unusual for you to share a bed; you’d done so numerous times in the past. But it felt different now, like an invitation you were reluctant to hand out. You wanted to be there for Rafe, but you couldn’t let him get confused.

So you lay there, keeping an appropriate amount of distance from the snoring blonde. If you acted normal, things would remain as they always had, right? Would it be swiped under the rug? Deep down you realised the implications of what had just occurred, and the potential for your…brief mistake to alter both of your futures. It was a classic tale, one you’d heard so many times (both in reality and fiction) it had burned deep into your psyche. A slow evolution between boy and girl, from friendship to beyond. But that didn’t mean you'd end like that, you repeated it over and over again like a mantra. 

You just couldn’t.

So you lay there, deciding to enjoy this peaceful moment. Naturally, your mind drifts over it all: the play, Thomas, and Rafe beside you. All share a common denominator– pumping your life full of both excitement and stress. 

But as the saying goes; all good things must come to an end. 

vi.

Rafe experienced what you liked to call a reverse metamorphosis during your senior year. 

Why reverse? Well, instead of transforming from a raggedy moth, expanding his wings to flourish as a butterfly, he took a drastic turn for the worse; as though he’d retreated into a slimy cocoon. 

Not that he’d ever been exceptionally well-behaved throughout his schooling years– busted for truancy more times than you could count, dabbling in all sorts of allusive substances among other nefarious things that you try not to dwell on –but as a recent graduate privileged with all the resources needed to pave a bright future, you had at least expected he’d try.

Unfortunately, things didn’t always pan out as you imagined they would. 

If he wasn’t drunk, or at least on the brink of it, then he was under the influence of some other powdery or herbal substance. Wasting his days away under the soft confinements of his bedding, recovering from late nights and remaining slumped against the toilet for the better half of his waking hours. Then he’d repeat the cycle, with absolutely no lessons learnt. 

Sometimes you’d receive a call. Incoherent slurs that reminded you of that fateful night months ago, where lines were blurred and boundaries crossed. His drunken words held no meaning, right? That’s what you would tell yourself, like a mantra, over and over until your mind believed what it heard the most. 

Nonetheless, you couldn’t spend your whole life worrying about Rafe. Not when you had other, more imperative issues at hand. 

Or… between your legs. 

The nonsensical droning emitted from the food network on your TV fell on deaf ears as you sat perched on Thomas's lap. The weight of your knees was supported by cherry sheets and pink frilly pillows as your lips moved against his at a languid pace. It was soft, sensual…tame, but at the same time exhilarating, and you trusted Thomas to guide you through it.

He let out a low groan as your fingers absentmindedly tugged on his shiny locks. Much to your dismay, he recently cut his hair shorter than it's ever been; his new look attracted attention from those who previously dismissed him, and this stoked the flames of unease within you.

You lowered your position, leaning impossibly closer until your chest brushed against the flimsy cotton of his t-shirt. A jolt of electricity transmitted up your spine as his hands found purchase on your lower back, traversing dangerously low, and a soft whimper floated from your chest.

But as you were still discovering, the art of intimacy was much more complex than you initially believed, and you hadn’t quite learnt how to toe the line.

Without thinking, your thumbs dipped into the waistline of his pants. Just barely tickling the surface, but enough to make Thomas jerk his head back, the hasty action subsequently halting your heated movements. 

 “What’re you doing?” His voice was outlandishly thick as his breaths came out in heavy puffs, scented in confusion. 

“I-i just thought…” You sat back, feeling suddenly unmoored. “Sorry, am I doing something wrong?”

“Of course not, just not right now, ok?” His deft fingers kneaded into your side, but their intended comforting effect did nothing to quell the pang of his rejection. 

“Sure.” You halfheartedly smiled, slipping off of his warm body to settle by his side. 

Had you been as stiff as a board this entire time? And why was your bedroom becoming increasingly suffocating? As though the walls unanimously decided to close in and focus every second of awkwardness into one concentrated area. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” Thomas eventually broke the heavy silence, refusing to broach the elephant in the room– which you were thankful for.

Clearing your throat, you rolled out of your bed, pulling on a pair of fuzzy socks. “Yeah, I’ll-uh get us something to eat. You choose the movie.”

Your relationship with Thomas had been smooth sailing…until it wasn't. 

As you busied yourself slicing up a platter of fruit in the kitchen, you couldn’t resist analysing each possibility as to why. Thomas was acting strangely. This wasn’t an assumption, and it couldn’t have been a coincidence that his change in demeanour always seemed to occur in your presence. So then what were you doing wrong? And why did he insist on keeping you in the dark?

Your train of thought came to an abrupt halt as you noticed an onslaught of notifications popping up on your phone. With an exasperated groan, you leaned over the bench to see who dared to disrupt your moment's peace.

Rafe. Could you get a break?

To: Princess Rafe 🙄👑  Piss off I’m busy.

You left it there, praying to any deity willing to lend you an ear that that would suffice. But clearly, you’d also managed to vex the higher beings, as his response was immediate:

From: Princess Rafe 🙄👑 I’m going 74 mph yet I take the time to talk to you 🖕

Yep. No break for you. 

To: Princess Rafe 🙄👑  ???? Dude get off your fucking phone. 

From: Princess Rafe 🙄👑 Since you asked so nicely.

And if his cavalier regard for the law wasn’t bad enough, his next message sent your jaw straight to the floor.

“Nope. Not dealing with this.” You shoved your phone into your pocket, ignoring the buzz of a new notification, both for your sanity and Rafe’s safety. 

When you returned to your room, Thomas had migrated to the carpet, perched atop a pile of decorative pillows you’d previously discarded onto the floor as he flicked through the pages of a familiar lavender spiral notebook. 

You gasped, the realisation of what he was rifling through and slapping you right across the face. 

“Oh, hey.” He smirked– that sick, condescending bastard!

“STOP!” You screeched, and his laughter verged on hysterical. “Put. That. Down.”

He swiftly dogged the stuffed animals you pelted in his direction, pouting derisively as you proceeded to storm towards him. “Aw, why would I do that? I was just getting to the part where you’ve described my scent. Lemon myrtle? That’s pretty specific, it’s actually musk–”

“Thomas.” Your tone acquired a sharp edge, but clearly, he hadn’t tortured you enough as he teasingly flicked to the newer entries.  

“Oh, and what’s this…” His posture went lax, abruptly pausing. His wide eyes darted in between the lines as though the words were a mirage he was reluctant to put his trust in. Then his lips pulled down into a small frown, and your stomach clenched. 

“What? Where the hell are you up to?” Your attempt to snatch at the book was fruitless as he kept it raised well above your reach. “Wha–”   

 “Alright, I’ve had enough of this game for one night. Let’s watch the movie.” You stumbled to catch the book as he carelessly discarded it, pivoting around you as he flopped back onto the bed.

“Okay…but don’t make a habit of breaching my privacy.” Your laugh was intended to lighten the mood, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. 

“Why, got something to hide?” He sullenly spoke, staring at the ceiling. Again, the inexplicable tension had wormed its back into your room. It was like a stubborn parasite that adapted to its surroundings, never completely disappearing. 

“Nothing too damning I’d imagine.”

The movie Thomas chose was a 20th-century romantic tragedy featuring many themes typical of that era such as misogyny and class which made your eyes roll. Your attention to the plot was continually hijacked as Rafe continued to flood your phone with messages, making it difficult to follow along with the plot. You’d been in the middle of responding to one of his many texts (complaining about how some guy at a party was getting on his nerves) when the movie suddenly paused.

“Mm, why'd you pause it?” You peeled your eyes from the screen to be met by Thomas’s blank ones.

“Can I ask you something? And I want you to just be honest with me, don’t tell me what I want to hear.”

“Uh, sure.” His quick transition into seriousness caught you by surprise, and your body tensed like a coiled spring. 

“Alright look, I hate to be this guy,” His face scrunched into a grimace as he glanced anywhere but your eyes. “But you’d tell me if there was someone else, wouldn’t you?”

“Someone else? What do you mean?”

He sighed, clearly frustrated. “Let me be more clear then. If you liked someone else, would you string me along…or would you break things off?”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, now twisting your body to face him with a scoff. “Who do you think I am, Thomas? I was the one who asked you out, remember? That wasn’t on a whim, I did that because I liked you.”

“Liked?”

You groaned. Why was he making this so complicated?

 “Liked, like. What difference does it make? To me, this seems like you are trying to come to the conclusion you want to hear?”

“I’m not jumping to conclusions, just tryna test my hypothesis.”

“Okay, and what’s that?” Probing information out of him was like bribing a kid with vegetables; fucking tedious. 

“That you care about Rafe more than you’re letting on, maybe more than you even realise.”

“What?” You almost laughed in disbelief. Where was this even coming from? “He’s one of my best friends, wouldn’t it be more concerning if I didn’t care for him?”

“I never said you couldn’t care about him to a normal degree, but he may as well be in the room with us! It’s never just me and you, he’s always occupying your mind. Do you not stop to think about how that makes me feel?” 

He did have a point. Rafe was like a dog, constantly demanding your attention, and it had been that way since the day you met him. Still, you sat there in shock, realising he must’ve been bottling this up for some time now. 

“I didn’t mean- well alright if we’re suddenly being honest, half the time I’m with you it feels like you don’t even want me there.”

“What does that mean?” Now it was his turn to sound confused, offended even.

“You confuse me! One moment you’re all over me and the next you’re pushing me away as though I make your skin crawl.” 

He paused, contemplatively digesting your words before his pretty features twisted into an indignant scowl. “So does that excuse what you did? Because I don’t show you enough attention?”

“What did I do?” You were at your wit’s end.

“Oh stop pretending like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I saw it, written in your pretty fucking handwritten; you kissed him.”

Oh. Shit. Of all entries, it was that one he had to have read; which did not paint the clearest picture of that night. You got halfway through documenting what had happened before stopping right at the point when you realised it was wrong, no longer feeling in the mood to relive the moment…no wonder he was furious. 

“It’s not what you think.” You internally cursed yourself for how cliche that sounded. 

“No? Enlighten me then.” He sat up straight like a judge awaiting your testimony from a convicted criminal. 

“Rafe has issues…okay. Stuff at home, and he’s never known how to cope on his own–”

“Oh right, so that’s where you come into play. Are your lips like some magical cure for interpersonal issues?” He queried cynically. 

“Would you shut up and listen!” This time, he reared back at your outburst, “That night he was really out of it. I’m talking delirious, like some rabid dog. He kissed me, not the other way round, and I stopped it because it didn't feel right… and because I liked you.”

You could see the cogs churning in Thomas's mind as he absorbed your words, taking the time to process each one. With a gentle gaze, he met your eyes, his expression softening into an apologetic smile.

 “I see. This all happened before we got together?” 

“Yes, of course it was before. I would never do something like that to you,” His drop in hostility spurred you to lean forward, dragging his warm limbs into your embrace, “I promise.” 

Surely this would be the end of it. It had to be. Everything was out in the open, and miscommunications cleared. But when you pulled back, his guilty grimace told you otherwise. 

“There’s something else I have to tell you.”

vii.

Ring. 

Ring. 

Ring. 

Ring. 

Another fervid sob was ripped from your maw. You burned from within, rife with malice clawing up your raw oesophagus till it was raw and prying through your lips in ugly bated breaths. You allowed a moment to pass before trying again. 

Ring. 

Ring. 

Ring. 

…

“You ignore my fuckin’ texts and now you wanna talk.”

“Rafe,” Your cracked voice butchered the syllables of his name, sounding almost unrecognisable. Pathetic. “Can I see you?”

Not even 10 seconds later a notification appeared on your phone. He’d shared his location, some vaguely familiar residence on the outskirts of your neighbourhood. 

“What–”

“I’ll see you soon.”

Being vulnerable wasn’t your forte, nor was it Rafe’s, and there was no doubt he was currently perplexed by your sudden change of heart. But tonight, you needed someone. And that’s how you found yourself stepping into a stranger's house at 12:45 am, scouring the misty rooms in search of a familiar burly figure. 

A low whistle piqued your attention. Topper emerged from the kitchen as you were passing by, two red solo cups in his possession. “Didn’t expect to see you here, not that I’m complaining.”

His eyes quickly swept over your frame, the respectful gentleman he was. You couldn’t contain your scoff. Even in black track pants and a muted pink top… guys really could be attracted to anything as long as it walked on two hind legs. 

“Bit cliche, don’t you think, Top.” You retorted with a halfhearted snort, gesturing to the cups. What was this, a freshman's first house party?

He rolled his eyes, extending one to you. The nefarious liquid sloshed over the rim and you shook your head. “Uh, no I’m good, thanks.”

He fixed you with a pointed look. “It looks like you could use it.”

With a huff, you snatched the cup from him, to which he chuckled. “I hate how you’re always right.”

He began to ferry you toward Kelce and their gaggle of friends who huddled around a small coffee table in the living room, passing a clumsily rolled joint between them. When Kelce’s wide-set brown eyes landed on you, he abruptly stood, knocking the table's contents in doing so as he manhandled you into his side. 

“How’s my favourite girl doing?”

He balanced the joint between two fingers, residual smoke clung to his body in a damp sheen. Your eyes watered as you suppressed a cough, “Fine, until I caught a whiff of you.”

“C’mon, nothing takes the edge off like a good toke.” He waved it in front of your face, an offer, snorting as your face contorted into a grimace. 

“As great as that sounds,” You pushed his arm off its perch on your shoulder with a bitter smile. “Is Rafe here?”

“Yeah, pretty sure he went upstairs.” His hand absentmindedly flicked toward the staircase and you quickly excused yourself before they could become too attached to your presence.

The ambience upstairs was much more quaint than below, mainly consisting of couples who split off from their respective groups. A few were making out, some others collapsed asleep on the furnished floorboards; typical party antics reminding you as to why you generally avoided these places. 

The walk from your house had cooled your system, remedying your flighty instincts ever so slightly. This you were thankful for, as upon opening the final door along the lengthy hallway, you were met with Rafe’s determined gaze, and you knew he would demand answers.

“Been messaging you.” The mattress creaked as he lifted his weight off its surface. His gait was straight and steady, and this was perhaps the closest to sober you’d seen him in a long time.

“I know, I just wanted to see you in person.” Despite your best efforts, the burning of your eyes became so overbearing and you fought to hold back the overwhelming emotions coursing through your veins. It was like the moment someone asks if you're okay when it's obvious you're not, the floodgates open and emotions come crashing down around you in an unrelenting wave.

“Hey hey hey, what the fuck happened to you?” He rushed over, forcing you to face him with a firm grip on your shoulders. 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“The fuck it does,” His hands rubbed over his face exasperatedly as though he were controlling the urge to be rougher with you and extract an answer forcefully. “You can’t call me all hysterically crying and shit then give me nothing. Did someone hurt you? Did Thomas do something?”

The mere mention of his name sent you spiralling even further. “Alright, come on, sit down.” Rafe didn’t give you much of an option, dragging you to the bed in an iron grip and then forcing you onto the black sheets as he sat beside you. 

“What happened?” 

“It’s Thomas.” You affirmed solemnly. 

 “I’ll kill him.” He seethed through his teeth and your head violently shook. 

“No, no I won’t tell you if that’s how you’re gonna respond.” He went to ark up but you interrupted him before he had the chance. “Rafe, I'm serious.”

“I’ll decide for myself once you tell me.”

With a heavy sigh, you finally conceded. “Do you remember that one girl from my theatre club? The diva one?”

“Who?” 

“Cindy! Blonde hair, beautiful. She was in your year level.”

Rafe’s brows furrowed in confusion. “I seriously don’t know who the fuck that is.”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, before me and Thomas started…dating, I found out he had a thing for her for quite some time.”

“So?”

“Jesus- just let me finish!” He reluctantly relented, nodding for you to continue. “Since you’re so impatient, I’ll tell you the short version: Thomas stopped liking her then me and him started dating. He thought we had something going on secretly and confided in Cindy…then he used that to justify sleeping with her.”

The silence that followed was like dust settling back onto the road; static but still very much disturbed. 

“What.” 

“There’s nothing else to say.” You croaked, dabbing your sodden eyes on your sleeve.

Not a moment later he shot up, pacing back and forth a few times before submitting to the battle raging in his head and storming toward the door. “Rafe, no you promised me–”

“I didn’t promise you shit!” He whipped back around to face you, face wild with fury. “That motherfucker is gonna get what’s coming for him!”

“RAFE.” His cheeks were ablaze as you cupped them in your hands, eyes darting around sporadically as though he were high on adrenaline. “Please, I need you right now. What happens next is for another time. Let it rest.”

His nostrils flared as he finally met your eyes. You pulled him closer, sensing your words were having an effect, softly whispering another plea– and it was like deja vu when his lips met yours for the second time. Only it wasn’t. As he pressed himself firmly against you, unyielding in his advance, you realised this was truly happening again… and to your horror, it felt nice. 

In fact, you didn’t want it to stop. 

In the time you’d been together with…Thomas…the intimate experiences you shared allowed you to act with heightened confidence, no longer feeling the need to skittishly paw at his chest like a bunny caught by the big bad wolf. Now you moved with your own validity, placing your hands upon his taut chest and following the pace he set. 

His palm suddenly clamped down on your ass and you gasped into his mouth, surprised. Thomas was a respectful lover, never so daring, but Rafe’s impulsivity stirred a concoction of excitement and nervousness within your belly. 

He took this window of opportunity to dip the tip of his tongue into your mouth. Testing the waters at first, and when you showed no signs of disapproval, delving full throttle. “Shit,” He groaned, using his grip on your lower half as leverage to guide you backwards. 

Your libidinous scrambled brain only registered his intention when the backs of your knees came into contact with the bed, instigating your loss of balance. A pathetic squeak floated from your throat as you fell onto the soft confinements of whoever's sheets these were. 

Rafe didn’t hesitate to slot himself between your parted knees, crawling over your limp body like a predator readying itself to ravage a meal. His head dipped into the crevice of your neck, planting strategically placed kisses and sucking on the tender flesh, subsequently sowing the seeds of your growing excitement. 

But as he remained in that position– feverish palms exploring your clothed body, hot enough to burn through the fabric –your heart began to race. Why did you feel a shudder of anticipation run down your spine? What if he were to stop and really look at you? Why were you scared?

It wasn't until he gained the confidence to explore the curve of your body beneath the fabric that you jolted back into reality, your heart racing and breath catching in your throat.

“Wait!” He peeled himself off of you with an expectant look, blown pupils peeved by your interruption. “I’ve, uh-... never done this before.”

You whispered it, timorously, ashamed even. 

You were expecting rejection, after all, that was the only response you ever received from Thomas. What you weren’t expecting, however, was his lips to twitch up in a haughty smirk, his desire for you not faltering whatsoever. You would even go as far as to say that the gleam that appeared in his eyes indicated that he found this revelation rather pleasing. 

“You trust me?” 

Your nod was automatic like a reflex, saving you from mulling over the question too deeply. In response he sat back on his thighs, swatting away your hands which had fallen to your stomach (perhaps subconsciously attempting to create a separation between the two of you) allowing him to slide your loose shirt above your navel and then over your chest, the material bunching around your neck. He marvelled at the exposed skin, tentatively brushing over your stomach causing you to squirm at the new sensation. 

“Then lay back and relax, sweetheart.” 

From then on, the sequence of events was a blur; a tangle of limbs and a symphony of noises all coming together to form an incoherent memory. 

Your shirt was the first to come off, followed shortly by his. Rafe’s bare chest was nothing you hadn’t seen before, but in this context, your vision was obscured by a rose tint. His sculpted biceps flexed as he worked on tugging your pants down and you couldn’t help but notice the way he tucked his lower lip between his teeth in concentration or the dewy sheen covering his skin. 

It was akin to looking into a kaleidoscope for the first time and not knowing where to cast your gaze.

“If he thinks he can hurt you like this,” His firm lips danced across your throat.“Then he’s got another thing coming.” 

He spoke in a harsh growl, hooking his fingers beneath the straps of your bra and dragging them down in one sweeping motion. 

You squeaked in shock, heat blossoming beneath your cheeks at the abrupt exposure of your tits. Your tingling nipples quickly began to harden, and you weren’t sure if this was due to the draft slipping through the slightly ajar window or the firm attention Rafe was paying to your flesh. 

Nonetheless, your arms instinctively twitched upwards, preparing to cover yourself from his prying eyes. He anticipated this, however, promptly collecting your wrists and pinning them beside your head. 

“Don’t, don’t do that.” His voice exploded into a vehement tone. “I don’t even remember who that bitch is, let alone what she looks like…think that’s saying something.” 

Before your short-circuiting brain could formulate a response, his lips descended upon your chest, laving at one of the sensitive buds before sucking on it harshly. Your body reacted viscerally, flailing at the newfound stimulation. You mewled, squirming, as he pulled away with a breathless chuckle.

“See what a girl like you does to a man.” He forced one of your hands down to his boxers. Your eyes widened as you felt how hard he was, and you let out a soft gasp as he throbbed around your palm.

“Feel that? Yeah, that’s all you baby.”

“Rafe, ple–” Your breath hitched as his knee drove forward, the delicious pressure nudging into your clothed core. 

“Go on, I want to hear you say it.” 

“Please…”

“Already speechless? That’s cute.” His words had you shrinking in on yourself, trying to flee from the heat radiating off his body. “It’s alright, I know what you need.”

While your racing thoughts kept you occupied (as well as demanding lips), you were oblivious to the fact that Rafe had removed his knee from between your legs, opting to slink his deft fingers inside the flimsy cotton of your underwear. That was, of course, until you felt something foreign swiping against your most sensitive area, teasingly prodding at the tight entrance. You flinched, shuddering beneath the unfamiliarity of his touch.

“I’m gonna fuck you now, is that okay?”

Your head bobbed up and down ardently, voice tiny and breathless and he grinned. “Ok.”

“Okay then.” 

Your body fell in and out of consciousness, wrecked from a night filled with both pleasure and anguish. When you finally woke up, it was well into the night. The heavy breaths falling onto you from behind drowned out the eerie silence of the house. A gust of wind howled through the night sky, and your naked form shivered as the cold managed to slither beneath the sheets.

Rafe’s arm laid heavy across your waist. Anchoring you down as though— even in sleep —he was paranoid you’d slip away. You carefully lifted his arm, halting as his breathing accelerated before replacing your warmth with a pillow.

The first step went surprisingly smoothly… but that must’ve been a fluke as what came next was nearly debilitating. 

An aching pang shot up between your legs, sharp and sudden. You gasped, clutching onto the bed frame for support. The sensation wasn’t extremely painful, rather unpleasant and even worse it acted as a punishing reminder of the choices you’d made tonight. 

What you just did.  

Fumbling around the floor on all fours was equally deplorable and you now understood what others meant when they described the after-fact as a ‘walk of shame.’ 

You eventually located your pants, desperately patting them down to find your phone. The screen flashed on when you pulled it out of the pocket and you hissed as the harsh light penetrated your retinas, a dull throb settling between your eyes.

There was a flurry of texts from Thomas. Apologies, explanations, and pleas for a response. He’d left your house without much resistance earlier in the evening as you cried for him to do so, but it seemed he wasn’t giving up on you so easily. 

Your heart clenched painfully, and it was as though all of the synapses in your brain fired at once; What have you done?

A pool of saliva formed within your mouth, stomach suddenly churned. You stumbled across the floor, making a beeline for the ensuite as your throat heaved. In a matter of seconds after collapsing on the floor before the toilet, you were vomiting into the bowl. Violent hurls that only subsided once you were completely empty. 

Could you be any more putrid? 

The facet rasped as you turned it, a steady flow of water filling the bathtub as you rinsed out the vile taste in your mouth. It was bitingly cold as you slowly lowered each aching limb into the water, sighing in relief as your body acclimatised and began to relax. 

When you were on the cusp of sleep once again, you started cleaning yourself. Scrubbing your skin raw with soapy suds until the water turned a sickening pink and you felt sick for the second time that night. 

You dipped below the water and watched as bubbles rose to the surface.

viii.

Everything was becoming surreal. 

In half an hour your given moniker would be permanently altered. It was the ‘essence of your identity’ your mother would say, but you’d never been particularly sentimental about it. This likely stemmed from your childhood, as in the mind of a little girl, it was only a means to an end. You used to long for a prince mounted upon a dark stallion to come and sweep you off your feet with promises of a perfect future; all that was required in exchange was a simple change of your name. 

Of course, reality hit like a truck when you learnt that there weren’t enough princes around for each little girl in the world. But still, perhaps your expectations had been too high. 

Mrs. Hughes.

Mrs. Hughes.

Mrs. Hughes. 

There was a certain ring to it that you couldn’t quite pinpoint, similar to when you found a puzzle piece that looks right, but it isn’t the exact fit.   

After kicking everyone out of the room, you’d spent the last fifteen minutes distracting yourself by mulling over your appearance. The seamstress did everything she could to preserve the original cut of the dress but was ultimately forced to make it backless due to the inflexible time constraint.

Despite the reassuring gushes you’d received from the bridesmaids, you couldn’t help but feel exposed. The material that once clung taut against your curves now flowed freely in all its feathered glory, displaying the tender expanse of your back to all those who cared to witness. 

A firm knock reverberated off the oak door and your lips pinched down in a small frown; you’d been explicit in your desire to be alone.

You cracked the door ajar, bewildered to be met with the familiar blue orbs of the eldest Cameron upon peeking out into the hallway. His pale blue suit was neatly pressed and tailored to his body, a black bow tie complimenting the look, making him appear youthful.

“...What are you doing?” You whispered incredulously, glancing to each side of the empty corridor.

He flashed you a grin, holding up a long-neck bottle with a pretty red ribbon wrapped around it like a noose. “Wanted to say my congratulations. I’m guessing you’ll be a bit tied up later on.”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” His head tilted to the left in confusion and you sighed, “It’s bad luck.”

He hummed, smirk grew patronising as he deadpanned; “I thought that rule only applied to the groom?” 

“Is this for me?” You chose to ignore his previous remark, gesturing to the bottle he still held in his possession. 

“Yeah. Rose wanted to give it to you herself but she was more than happy to let me do so when I offered.” You knew what he was hinting at; she missed having you around to keep her stepson in line. You didn’t know why you were surprised, it was in the Cameron's DNA to stoop to sly tactics.

"Mind if I come in?" Your reluctance must’ve been evident by your unwavering grip on the door. He rolled his eyes, voice now tinged with a touch of condescension. "C’mon. One last hurrah, that’s all I ask for."

What can five minutes hurt? Then hopefully he’ll leave you alone for the rest of the night. “Alright, fine, but make it quick.” 

You clicked the door shut, aimlessly lingering by the window as he lined up two of the clean champagne glasses left over from the earlier celebrations. The side seams of his suit tapered around his shoulders, extenuating the strain of his muscles and they rippled beneath the fabric. You averted your gaze, choosing to fix it on a lone swan floating out on the lake instead. 

“Thought I should say,” He turned to face you as he removed the cork with surprising ease, the stopper not even popping as it was released. “You look beautiful.” 

You snorted, brushing over a crease in the thick curtain. “That’s just custom speaking.”

He seemed genuinely miffed by your comment, mouth hanging open with a small huff. “That right there is proof that no one takes me seriously, I mean it.”

“Well thanks, I appreciate it. I did end up fitting into the dress so, guess I proved you wrong.”

His brows furrowed as the cardinal liquid poured into the glass. “Don’t tell me you took that to heart? I was just fuckin’ with you.”

“Yeahhhh, I know.”

He brought the two glasses over by the stem, passing the one which was filled exceptionally fuller to you. 

“Going easy?” 

“Designated driver.” He affirmed, leaning against the opposite side of the window frame. 

Your mouth opened, a soft ‘ah’ flicking off your tongue. “I must say I’m surprised and impressed.”

With a humoured scoff, his eyes rolled to the back of his head. “Alright, it’s your special day, what are we toasting to?”

You stilled for a moment, scouring your mind for something appropriate to say. When it came to you, you grinned: “May you be in heaven a full half-hour before the devil knows you’re dead.”

He hummed in approval before extending his arm to meet your glass somewhere in the middle.

“Cheers to that.” You said in unison, falling silent as you downed the entirety of your drink– it was your day after all, so fuck it, you were going to need some liquid courage to make it through the coming hours. 

The drink was shockingly sweet, oozing down your throat like a hot teaspoon of honey and you grimaced. “What is this?” 

Rafe shrugged, placing his untouched glass down. “Some guy who distils it himself. Disgusting, right?”

“That’s an understatement.”           

Words died in the air between you, lost and forgotten as a thick silence surrounded you both. The energy within the room grew dense, tensions steadily simmering and only increasing in intensity. You squirmed in your position, noticing as Rafe grew fidgety; something was dancing on the tip of his tongue, ready to be released. 

“Remember when I told you that your mum was worried ‘bout you?”

“...Yeah.” How could you forget, his drunken induced admission which soon followed still haunted your psyche. 

“Was-uh…was any of that true about you acting strangely?”

“Your timing is truly impeccable.” Any of the previous lightness was sponged from your tone, replaced by defensive shrill which was painful to your own ears. 

“I’m just sayin’, it’s good to get this shit out in the open before everything is finalised, don’t you think?” He began to gesticulate with his hands, flapping motions which were distracting. 

“There’s nothing to ‘get out.’ I’ve had my doubts, but that’s normal. My mind is clear now.” You stated firmly, struggling to believe that he would have the audacity to question your decision just as it was about to come to fruition. 

“Is it?” His words carried a soft almost sympathetic note, as though you were a child and he was trying not to upset you. 

“Is it what?” 

“Is it normal to have doubts? I mean that reaction before didn’t seem very convincing to me.”He let his breath out in a soft sigh as your gaze remained defensive, backed into a corner like pitiful prey. “You see what this is telling me? That you don’t know how to make a decision that’s good for you.”

Your head was reeling, throbbing as the lights intensified, the artificial brightness causing you to squint. You were struggling to think, let alone formulate a sentence. All you could conjure up was a childish response: “Shut up, shut up.”

The room tilted as you abruptly stood, staggering forward like a limp doll. You were on a rollercoaster, extremities weighed down by the impressive force of gravity. Rafe caught you before you could collapse, supporting your nape against his chest. Confusion ebbed through your veins as you clung to him, a delicate whimper falling from your lips.

“Steady now.”

“Wha…” Your heart thumped realising how slurred your speech had become. 

His hand drummed along the exposed skin, shushing your protests. “It's okay,” a soft and hungry whisper. He drew the zipper down. An expanse of naked, supple skin awaited. A fresh carcass, ready for the taking. 

“I'm prepared to make that decision for you.”

#dark rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #obx fanfiction #obx x reader #rafe cameron #dark obx #yandere rafe cameron #Rafe Cameron fanfiction #Rafe Cameron smut #dark!rafe Cameron x reader #dark!rafe cameron #dark! rafe cameron #dark fic #outer banks x reader #outer banks fic #obx fic #outer banks rafe #obx smut #obx season 4 #rafe cameron imagine #otwtas

[starcaller-senni]

female frame bulge accessory

I just needed it for my favourite sim. So I made one. He is simply a femboy but I think it will have a good use on trans sims too

Base game compatible, left middle finger ring category

[more info and download (no ads) under the cut]

It works with female on feminine frame (force breast on/off) and male on feminine frame (force breast on/off)

For male on feminine frame with force breast off are diffrent swatches than for female on feminine frame or male on feminine frame force breast on. But they are in one position in CAS, even with diffrent meshes, because I like my CAS neat.

3 sizes so 6 swatches

custom thumbnails:

Download: [ SFS ] / [ GoogleDrive ]

mods used : feets / default skinblend

Full list of mods used on cover sim coming soon, because I have sharing him in plans

I’m tagging @sssvitlanz @maxismatchccworld and @emilyccfinds because I simply want a bit more attention ;w;

A bit of private at the end: I don't know why blender hates me. Doing this was a pain in the ass and so frustrating… I even cried our of frustration because nothing was working how it supposed to. How others are doing such great things in 3d and I'm cring over a simple bulge..? I'm envy… but I wanted to do it so I just can't give up (even if I should put it aside because I was doing this in the middle of the night goddamit… but I just am not captible to put things aside, they will haunt me intill I will get them done) Anyway… dones anybody know why blender just hates me? I have a beef with it over 10 years now D: 10 years of trying and no progress... HOW?

#sims 4 download #the sims 4 #the sims 4 cc #ts4cc #sims 4 #ts4 #sims 4 cc #sims 4 custom content #sims4cc #the sims #sims 4 cas #simblr #starcaller senni ts4 cc #the sims cc #thesims4 #sims4 #sims 4 maxis match #s4ccmm #starcaller senni ts4 #starcaller senni #starcaller senni ts4 mods #starcaller senni cc #senni sims #senni ts4 cc #alwaysfreecc #sims 4 preset #sims 4 male

[newtonsheffield]

A gift for @folklauerate

“Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary!”

Mary laughed at her friend’s voice in the crowded bar, taking a sip of her drink, “No, don’t get excited, Rach. I can’t stay that long.”

Rachel groaned, swaying a little, clearly far drunker than she should be at this time of night, “No! You never come out anymore since you started working! You were supposed to be here two hours ago and Mark was asking after you.”

Mary rolled her eyes, “Mark, will find someone else to fuck tonight, I am positive.”

She didn’t bother to deny the fact that she was late. She’d known she would be as soon as Tharman got home and he’d picked Kate up with a roar, his hair falling in his eyes and his smile bright and her stomach dropped when he looked at her.

“Hey, do you have time for a coffee tonight?”

It had become their little routine, somewhere along the way, Kate laying on the floor in the living room, enjoying her TV time and just for a moment Mary could pretend that this was her life. Tharman’s leg brushing hers as he told her about his day and everything about him drew her in closer. The stupid little crush she’d developed on him, threatening to drown her.

So even though she knew that if she didn’t leave right that second she’d be late for her friend’s birthday she nodded, “Yeah, of course.”

He’d grinned at her as pulled a bag of pastries from his satchel, “I was hoping you’d say yes.”

What was she supposed to say to that?! To the man who had absolutely no idea the fact he had on her. The man who saw her as his friend’s daughter.

“You’re boring now that you have a job.”

Mary clicked her tongue, “Well I do have to be responsible for the care of a child in the morning.”

“Not to mention the fact that you want to impress Daddy.”

Mary laughed, taking a swig of her drink, feeling her head starting to buzz just a little. “See, that’s why I don’t need top hook up with Mark anymore. I have a brand new vibrator and the memory of DILF Daddy Sharma’s hands on my waist when I slipped on a wet step this afternoon.”

Rachel guffawed, “Oh I bet the step was wet you dirty bitch.”

Mary rolled her eyes, letting out a groan of frustration, “He’s so fucking hot. And his daughter’s so fucking cute, she’s so sweet and he’s such a good Dad and I want that?”

“You want to have a good Dad?”

“I want a cute Dad for my fictional child.”

“Oh, she wants a daddy.”

“I do want a daddy.” Mary sighed, “Just as one little treat, I want to stop fucking guys like Mark and fuck a sweet little aeronautical engineer. Is that so wrong?”

“I don’t think it’s wrong, but you objectifying a man who wears Birkenstocks is fucking wild.” Rachel laughed, gesturing to the bartender for a round of shots, “Okay, let’s have some ore drinks, and forget all about DilF Tommy boy.”

“His name’s Tharman.”

“Imagine your dad’s face if you fucked his friend though. Hilarious.”

“Unfortunately I think the closest I’m going to get to that is his battery operated namesake.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“I’m your best friend.” Mary hummed jerking her head, “Do your shot before I change my mind.”

_________________

“Alright Katie Kat, time to clean up, Appa will be home soon.”

Mary’s head ached a little as Kate clapped her hands over her finished artwork of what appeared to be a dog co-piloting a plane next to her, all the colours bleeding into one another. It made Mary smile, swatching the tiny little girl with so much joy on her face as paint covered her hands and face and all over plastic table cloth Mary had put down to protect the table.

“Can we hang this one up? It’s a good one, Mary-Mary.”

Mary smiled at the nickname, kneeling down in front of the tiny girl whose curls were hanging down in her face. “Of course we can, Your Dad will want to see this one for sure.”

“Daddy loves all of my pictures.” Kate said proudly.

Daddy is fucking right.

“Why don’t you run upstairs and wash your hands and I’ll pop this one outside to dry?”

“K!”

Kate hugged Mary tightly around the middle before she ran off and Mary smiled after her, her heart fluttering in her chest. She sighed, a little glad to finally have a minute to herself. She took Kate’s painting, walking it carefully out to the tiny back garden and weighting it down before making her way back inside for the water and the paint palette to wash.

she should have been paying more attention but she let her mind wander as she stepped outside, sighing. She was thinking about how her fingers had typed out a text last night to Tharman and how her cheeks had burned this morning when she’d seen it, mercifully unsent.

“Fuck’s sake!”

The jar of dirty water had slipped through her fingers and splashed all over her white Tshirt, followed by the paint palette. Mary pulled the sopping shirt away from her skin, the string smell of the paint making her gag a little with her hang over. She spotted a sweater over the back of a chair not too far away and deliberated for a moment before she sighed.

She pulled her shirt over her head, dropping it to the floor and reaching out for Tharman’s sweater, the fabric soft under her fingertips. She could nearly smell his cologne clinging to it as she lifted it up and-

“Oh my god! Oh my god! I’m so sorry!”

Mary let out a surprised squeak at the sound of Tharman’s voice, spinning around. He was staring at her, with his lips parted in surprise and his hand was stopped halfway to his hair. She could feel his eyes burning into her skin and something tense rippled through the air as she stood half naked in his garden, the moment stretching on longer and longer. Heat flickered in the pit of her stomach as she saw Tharman’s throat bob convulsively and his hands tightened to fists at his sides.

She cleared her throat, “Sorry, Kate and I were painting and I… very stupidly got paint all over my short. I was just going to…” She pointed at the sweater, “Pop this on while I washed mine.”

Tharman seemed to shake himself, swallowing again and shuffling awkwardly, “I um… sorry, you um… you caught me by surprise. Yes, please, take that. Why don’t you… keep it actually I um..” He pointed back inside, “I just need to take care of something.”

He scrambled back into the house leaving Mary staring after him and goddamn it, when she went home that night she pulled the sweater over her nose as she fell into bed.

#mile high #mary x tharman #mary sharma

[demondamage]

Soo this was for an ask on my NSFWhump accoutnt for @bookerbluedragon but it ended up being cute and fluffy so uhhh enjoy

No major content warnings Words: 801 Characters: Warren and Aziphem

“Is it supposed to be cracking at the base?”

Shrug.

“I mean it looks kind of raw, are you sure you don't want like- a little lotion or something?”

Another shrug.

“Azzi- Do you have any idea how your horns are supposed to be treated” Warren sighed, putting down the razor he had been using to clean up the demon’s side shave. “And don’t you dare shrug again.”

Aziphem paused for a moment before throwing up a quick shrug and hopping off the barstool they had set up for a haircut. In all honesty he was not thrilled about letting the human touch his hair. Kotarou had been far too fond of playing with it. That said- he had become awfully shaggy without the regular maintenance. 

“I bailed out of the underworld first chance I got. How am I supposed to know how my horns work?” He shrugged, turning to the mirror by the sink. He did look much better, but he could see what Warren was worried about. The skin around the base of his horns was… cracked and damaged. “Ew– sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s not gross.” Warren tried to reassure him. “Trust me, I’ve seen worse. But- it is concerning. Has it always been like that?”

“I mean- yeah? I never really– got to look at it? Mirrors weren’t really an option for me but I do remember it hurting.” Aziphem leaned in, starting to rub at the painful skin. “I just- had more important things to deal with?”

“Azzi don’t pick at it-” Warren sighed, remnants of a losing battle about this topic weighing on his voice. He had been trying to get the demon to just stop irritating his injuries- but years of doing so was hard to undo. “Can I put a little ointment on it? Please?”

Aziphem hmmed for a moment, staring down the little pot of hand cream. It didn’t… look dangerous. And he had seen the human use it before…

“I get to put it on you first.” Aziphem crossed his arms, still untrusting of anything deemed medicine. Even if it was an over the counter hand cream Warren had got at their ill fated CVS trip. 

At least Warren would humor him. The human popped the top off of the little jar, holding it out. “I’ve put this on in front of you– too many times to count? Cmon, it doesn’t hurt.”

That didn’t stop Aziphem from cautiously sniffing it, dipping a finger in it to examine closer.

“Don’t lick it.”

“I’m not going to lick it.”

“I watched you eat my sugar scrub yesterday.”

“I– may have done that yes.” Aziphem shrunk in embarrassment, cream still on his finger. “It tasted funny.” 

“I would imagine it did,” Warren rolled his big brown eyes, but held out his arm to Aziphem. “Now, go on. Test it so we can get on with our night.”

With an unneeded amount of caution, Aziphem reached out and gently rubbed a small swatch on Warren’s exposed forearm, staring at it intently as if he expected it to burn. Instead it simply rubbed in, as moisturizers tended to.

“See?” Warren finished rubbing in the lotion. “It will not hurt you.”

It took Aziphem a few moments to agree, watching the human’s skin for any sign of red marks or bumps. Finally satisfied, he returned to the barstool after brushing a few remaining locks of hair off of it. “Fine. I’ll allow it.’

“Will you now?” Warren stifled a little chuckle. “You’re not scared of the hand cream anymore?”

“I will bite you human-”

“You keep saying that and yet you never have.” Warren rested a hand on Aziphem’s horn, gently tilting his head and applying the lotion to the base. “Let me know if it hurts.”

Horns were tools, strong appendages used for bashing and goring opponents. Much like his claws and fangs, these were weapons hardened by decades of use.

And yet Warren’s hands made them feel so soft.

The human started at the base, applying a heavy coat on the cracked skin before working his fingers up. The deep grooves were spider webbed with cracks and flaked with dirt, but Warren didn’t seem to mind. He was so gentle and tender, like a rusted and battle forged blade being cleaned for the first time in decades. Aziphem cooed softly, melting into Warren’s touch with eyes closed.

“Bad?” 

Aziphem immediately pouted as Warren pulled his hands away, like a puppy no longer being pet. The big needy eyes must have clued him in to what he needed.

“Good? I’ve never heard you make that noise Azzi-”

“Shuddup.” The demon nuzzled his horn back into the human’s hand, desperate for Warren to continue. “Please?”

“Only if you keep making those cute little sounds.”

Warziphem writing tag: @whumpsday @whumpinthepot @quietly-by-myself @whatwhumpcomments @mel-the-pirate @dont-look-me-in-the-eye @roblingoblin285 @emcscared-whumps @looptheloup

#demon whumpee #human caretaker #h/c #recovery #caretaking #Warren #Aziphem #Warziphem #necrotrophic soul

[alltimefail-sims]

You've all seen the Goth kit styled beautifully by other creators... but what if I showed you it straight up?

No cc, no pairing with items from other packs... this is what we're left with. Alternative heading: Idk how some of ya'll have made this kit look so good, but let's talk about it.

My thoughts... ↓

Right off the bat: I don't like most of the swatches on these items and I don't think I would constitute most of the swatches as "Goth." For example - what is that weird blueish-purple swirly tablecloth looking swatch on every item? More than that though, I think the biggest issue with this kit is that the items themselves don't pair well with each other.

We'll start out with the makeup: we only got 3 makeup items with this kit and I don't feel strongly about any of them personally. I will say that the runny makeup swatch is kind of cool and unique but idk how often I'll personally find a use for it. (Sidenote: because all the makeup is slider compatible I do think he lack of swatches is okay. Also, storytellers might find the runny makeup item useful if they slide the opacity down because then it would look like more natural, runny makeup after crying. Just a thought!) It is peculiar to me that 2/3 makeup items are locked for fem frame only and I'm wondering if this was just an oversight. Regardless, I'm noting that as a negative - if you want to use the lipstick or eyeshadow on a masc frame sim you need to uncheck masc frame in the makeup category of CAS for it to show up.

I HATE the egg-head hoodie, especially because 1. it could have been such a cool item that I would have used a lot if it didn't give sims a dramatic gnome pointy head and 2. it's unusable on fem frame sims due to the bug eye issue which everyone has already pointed out but I'm going to point out as well because... wtf?! I am also not a huge fan of the earrings and necklace that came with the kit due to the fact that they're just really clunky-chunky and the necklace felt like a late addon to me as most of the outfits had a high neck, so pairing the choker with the majority of outfits from this pack didn't actually look good. I was shocked there were no tattoos, no hats, not a single hairstyle (my biggest complaint about this kit and CAS kits in general as we always need more hairstyles), no facial piercings, not even a nail polish. And, as always, masc frame sims were short-changed in comparison to fem frame sims.

One positive note is that I think a few of these items could pair well with items from other packs and, of course, some amazing cc that's out there as you've probably already seen some creators do. (But, again, that's not what I'm personally reviewing so really that's neither here nor there, but I wanted to note it nonetheless.)

Here's a list of the items I personally liked:

The trench coat full-body outfit in both frames (sans some swatches).

The Tripp style shorts - I think I will use these a lot (and I think the recolors will be great).

The very first outfit I showed above in the fem frame (mesh shirt and shorts) is workable.

The plain leather jacket top in both frames (versatile, simple, lays on all bodies well and recolors will be nice).

The t-shirt with a mesh shirt or fishnet shirt underneath.

I suppose I also like the bracelet and gloves that came with this pack, but that's just because they were simple and inoffensive lol. Idk how the sims team could have possibly screwed up those items. I'll use them at some point though I'm sure, so that's a very weak win I will give them.

All of that to say...I don't like this kit nearly as much as the Grunge kit. Most of the items are middle of the road at best and poorly executed at worst. I didn't have unreasonably high expectations for this kit, but I still think it could have been done better and I think it's okay to want better as a community (especially because not everyone can use cc, so this might be the only goth stuff they have to work with). If EA can't execute something well, they just should do it. This is why I don't agree with the "did you all expect EA to give us a well-done Goth kit?" crowd because yes, actually, I did! We should expect them to at least do the bare-minimum and do their research so they can deliver on a concept that they proposed to us in the first place and will be making money off of... but I digress!

I still stand by the fact that nearly everything looks super chunky and dated - if someone told me all of this came out with the base game or an older pack like Realm of Magic, I would believe them.

Here's a closeup of the makeup:

I'll say it again: the hoodie thing is bananas to me. Idk how they didn't catch that before releasing the damn kit but that's a careless mistake that would be funny if it wasn't so expected.

That's the Goth Galore kit in its entirety! These were just my opinions, so keep that in mind. You can love this kit and disagree with me and that's okay! But for those of you wondering what it looks like in game with no cc/reshade/or any embellishments before you buy it, I hope this little overview was helpful!

#ts4 #simblr #ts4 kit review #goth galore #ts4 goth galore #ts4 goth galore kit #ts4 cas #the sims community #the sims 4 #sims 4 #ts4 lookbook

[sihakadan]

what if you wrote reader making arcane characters a flustered mess 👀

Hehehe otay

Slightly NSFW for some adult themes or situations

I am going off of the dictionary definition because I forgot what it meant lol If you meant something different, my apologies anon. I think I made some of them more annoyed than anything. I'm so sorry...

Fluster: make (someone) agitated or confused:

"there's nothing you can do or say to fluster Bernie" · "the false start flustered me a bit"

•🐀Silco

-When you call him on his bullshit or when you're right in an argument.

-Also gets annoyed when you do a power play on him. It is supposed to be his thing and there you are, being so...sexy

"You're not being discreet, Silco. You messed up and you know it." You said as you flipped to the next page of your book. "Just admit that you were wrong, and I was right." You looked up and saw him swirl his drink, giving you an annoyed look.

"If you were right, I would-"

You shut your book and leaned forward. "Darling. The whole bathroom is bright pink. I told you not to buy her that dye-"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, lighting his cigar. "She was making you a gift."

"And I love it, but the bathroom renovations? Not so much." You got up, going to him and sitting on his knee, running a hand over his chest, seeing a slight pink on his face. "Now say it." You purred in his ear.

He huffed and leaned back, hand resting on your thigh. "You were right."

Humming and pulling on his tie, you leaned closer to his ear. "Good boy."

•💣Jinx

-When you fix things that she can't

-Wearing her clothes and looking super cute in them. Why doesn't she look that cute in them?

"Pudding, you're pouting." You said in a sing song voice from your perch on her desk.

"And you're being annoying, sitting there like some hot piece of cake." She snapped back, fidgeting with another one of her gadgets.

"A second ago I was an attractive asshole. Am I being promoted?" You slid off the desk and swayed your hips as you walked over to her, bending over when you got in front of her.

"Promoted to thief!" She huffed, her face bright red. "They're my favorite underwear and your ass is way juicier than mine so now, they won't fit."

So, your ass was bigger than hers and therefore you had ruined her favorite underwear? Oh, this was good. "Then take them off."

Her head snapped up and her eyes narrowed at you. "What?"

You leaned in a bit more and licked your lips. "Take. Them. Off-"

Jinx had you on the ground before you finished that sentence.

•⌛Ekko

-Cleaning his workspace. How. Could. You?

-Doesn't take criticism well, even if it is constructive.

You tapped your boot on Ekko's and he turned his face away, still pouting with his brows pulled together in that mean frown of his.

"I didn't say it was ugly, Ekko." You sighed, tapping his boot again.

"'Babe, I don't think that the green was the best choice for our room.'" He said in a mocking tone. "I spent all day painting!"

You groaned as he threw your words back at you. You clapped your hands together. "'Was the best choice'. Not the worst." You grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, planting a kiss on his cheek. "And it looks nice, but next time, lets pick the color together, yeah?"

"Hmph." He was still pouting, upset that you weren't thrilled about Firelight Green being the theme of the entire space you inhabited with him.

"Wanna see if the walls match my underwear?" You wiggled your eyebrows at him. "Do a couple of 'swatches'?"

He picked you up so fast and put you over his shoulder as he marched up the steps to the room, still muttering about how he was going to prove you right.

•🦇Scar (bat guy from the Firelights)

-Compliments, telling him he is handsome in front of his friends

-Really gets to him when you put yourself down. Will not have it, you are an angel on earth

You noticed the glare almost immediately when you were talking to a new Firelight and the guy had put a hand on your arm. Then the arms crossed, and you could tell he was biting his cheek to stop from himself from saying something stupid.

The man was mad. Excusing yourself, you made your way over to Scar, watching as his lip twitched. "You okay?" You wrapped your arms around his waist and looked up at him.

He growled and looked back up at the new Firelight, then back down at you, lip twitching again. "Oh, no! He was just being nice."

That didn't make him feel better. "Scar..." You pouted a bit. "He doesn't even have cute ears. How can you be jealous of him?"

Scoffing, he rolled his eyes and his arms dropped, hands on your shoulders. Smiling, you reached up on your toes to plant a kiss on his lips. "Well, tonight we can be loud enough, so he knows who belongs to who? Hm?"

You always knew how to cheer him up.

•💪Vander

-Putting yourself in dumb situations without thinking

-Backtalking

The door slammed behind you as you stomped into the room you shared with Vander; jaw clenched, and hands balled into fists. He was hot on your heels, and he had the biggest scowl you have ever seen him make.

"Don't get mad at me." He crossed his arms "You had no business getting between two brawlers to break up a fight."

"We can't afford a new pool table!" You threw your hands up. "And they already broke a regular table. Thankfully we have an extra to replace it."

"I had it, love." His scowl was beginning to fade, but he was still upset. "You could have gotten hurt."

"But I didn't." You held up your finger. "In fact, I got a couple good jabs in myself."

"That's not the point, dove." He took a deep breath and took a moment to get his thoughts together. "One of these days I'm not going to be there to get you out and then what?" He put a hand on your arm. "Please stop giving Vi ideas."

You giggled, not that angry anymore. Yeah, it was a bone head move. "Yeah, she gets all of the bad ideas from me." You said sarcastically. "Never you."

"Never." He kissed your forehead.

•🔥Finn

-Telling him no. Pouty, pouty baby boy

-Undermining him

"No, Finn." You snapped, pushing the contract back at him. "It's a bad deal and you know it."

"Do I?" His eyes turned into knives as he glared at you. "I don't think I asked for your opinion."

"Hm." You crossed your bare legs, watching his eyes gloss over a bit while he watched you do it. "I think you did when you showed it to me."

He stared you down while flicking his lighter, cursing himself for doing this while you were in your silky night clothes. He could see your nipples and your legs were exposed. "Maybe I showed it to you so you would know who really makes the decisions around here."

You clicked your tongue. "Oh, I see. Still seems to me like it isn't you."

Click. Click. Click. "Do you really want to go there?"

A devious smirk spread on your face, and you licked your lips. "I didn't have too. You did it on your own, pretty boy."

Click. "Get your ass over here and we will see who is in charge of who."

•⚒️Jayce

-Is actually a tidy person. So messing with his tools will drive him nuts and disorient him.

-Lying about touching his tools and don't blame Viktor. He knows.

"-did too." He muttered as he set the wrench back in its place. If Viktor was bad, you were worse about keeping things in place.

"Janna, Jayce, I did not!" You spun in your chair, pulling your goggles down. "I put it back in the drawer!"

"It hangs up." He straightened up and pointed at you; he just caught you in your lie. "Try again, sweetheart."

You sputtered and groaned, rubbing your face. "Ok, but I tried to put it back!"

He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. "In the wrong place."

"I tried! I can't remember where it all goes. This is crazy." You turned around, turning your back on him. "-becomes a counselor and a terror all in one week." You mumbled under your breath and picked up the gear you had been trying to carefully put in place.

"Say you're sorry, baby." You saw two large hands on either side of you and could feel his breath on your neck.

"Sorry you're a clean freak." You sniffed, pretending to concentrate harder.

You could practically feel him tense up and make a face of frustration, making you hold back a laugh. No, you would not do it this time.

"Okay, then." Without warning he had you up on the desk and pinned, smirking at you.

It made you laugh, how he thought this was going to make you say you were sorry. "Now I am definitely not sorry." You pulled on his shirt.

•📖Viktor

-Folding the corners of books to book mark them. Only animals would do that nonsense.

-Unnecessary noises drive him insane. Please, do not-

The tapping was getting louder and louder and now he was barely unable to think, just tap tap tap.

"Darling, would you be so kind as to stop?" He turned in his chair and asked you politely. You probably didn't even know you were doing it.

You looked up from your book and blinked before you looked at your hand, realizing you were tapping your nails on the table. "Oh, yeah. Sorry." You put your hand under your thigh.

He gave you a sweet smile, thanking you before turning around and going back to his work.

Swishswishswishswish- he turned back around and saw you looking at him while running your hand over a textured surface. "Darling-"

"Yes?" You smirked, seeing his eye twitch.

"Must you?" He raised his brows, his jaw flexing as he clenched it.

Swishswishswishswish- you went faster, keeping eye contact. "I fear I must."

His nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply, licking his teeth. "My dearest, most beloved darling- fucking quit."

You burst out laughing, your stomach muscles getting sore with how hard they clenched with laughter. Did he just say fucking? You had never seen him so annoyed with you.

"Oh, this is funny?" He was trying to look intimidating, but you could see the smirk. You heard his chair rolling towards you and then you were trapped between him and your desk. "You think this is funny?"

"-I made-" You wheezed. "You said fucking." Your ribs hurt so bad.

His hands gripped your thighs and pulled you closer before sliding up to more intimate parts. "I'll show you funny."

•🖌️Mel

-Tickling. Why would you do this to her?

Finding out that Mel was ticklish had been a delight to you and anguish for her. You found out by running your fingers down her side as you laid in bed with her. Your eyes lit up and a big smile spread across your face as she wiggled away from you.

"Mel, are you-"

"If you do it, I swear, I will-" You pounced and tried to pin her, but this was Ambessa Medarda's daughter and she was not going down without a fight.

"Darling, you better stop!" She was a lady! A councilor!

You were able to pin her momentarily and get her real good and for the first time you heard a real good laugh out of her. Not a chuckle or a soft, reserved laugh, but a good loud laugh right from her belly.

Stopping, you wrapped yourself around her, smiling like mad as you pressed your face between her shoulder blades. "I like your laugh."

"That was so unbecoming." She looked at you with disbelief.

Giggling, you kissed her shoulder. "I know and I loved it."

•🚬Sevika

-Hiding her cigars. She knows you hate it but babe, stop

-Using her weaknesses against her

"I swear, I put them on the table-" Sevika felt over her pockets and growled when she didn't find what she had been looking for. "Babe!" She turned around and looked at the living room. No, she didn't leave them there.

"Yes?" You called from the bedroom.

"Have you seen my smokes? I left them on the table- damn it, babe." She groaned as you appeared in the doorway of the bedroom, smokes in hand, completely naked.

"Oh, these? Yeah, I have them." You held them up and waved them around a little.

She sighed and held out her hand. "Please give them back." Try the honey first.

"Hmmm." You pretended to think. "No, I don't think I will."

She rubbed her chin in aggravation and groaned again. "I do love you, I really do, but you are being such a shit right now."

Giggling before faking a pout, you looked at the cigars in your hand. "You're not even gonna fight for them?"

What did you want? A full-on brawl? "What do you want? I'm gonna be late."

Smug and feeling very empowered, you held out the cigars. "You can have these-" You pulled them back when she went to grab them. "Or..." Your voice got sultry. "You can have me."

Oh, she loved you so damn much. "Hm, I have to think about that." She teased you back and you gasped, feigning offense.

"Ok, fine." You tossed them on the bed behind you. "Gotta get through me to get them."

Sevika was already taking off her cloak. "Oh, I'm coming."

#arcane netflix #arcane #arcane league of legends #arcane league of lesbians #arcane x reader #arcane silco #arcane jinx #arcane ekko #arcane scar #arcane vander #arcane finn #arcane jayce #arcane viktor #arcane mel #arcane sevika #arcane headcanon #arcane firelights #bat guy arcane #jayce talis #mel medarda #I did not understand the assignment #my bad anon

[bomberqueen17]

ok lol

after all that i didn't actually tell myself the story of what i have to do today

you see the hubris. i was like "i have described the problem huzzah" check a thing off the list move on.

part of the thing i was describing was how lists don't work for me. so like. in the text of that post was me explaining that i had to do a thing in order to function. and then. then! i didn't do that thing.

ok so today what do i have to do! a lot of it i have already done on sheer momentum but now i have been stymied by something and have to regroup.

i have to load and run the dishwasher, check!

i have to put in a load of laundry, check!

i have to go over to my own house, bringing a number of items which i had for traveling but which should not wind up at dude's mom's house, check!

I am going to bemusedly greet the electrical inspector for the town, who was supposed to be rescheduled and not come today, and give him a little tour of the things the electrician said weren't ready to be inspected, and he's going to say oh yes, I see what he was going for, he's done a lot of stuff already, isn't this nice, well I'll be back, have him call me when he's done those two things he didn't get to, everything else looks really good. This will derail me a bit, but I will persevere.

whilst at the house, i am going to cut out fabric to make my own not-quite-floorcloth to go under the microwave, since i want to put something there before i do anything else, and i hate the paltry shelf-liner offerings actually in stock anywhere in town, and i am too decision-paralysised to actually buy anything online rn. check! (finished measurements will be 26.5x23". I found enough white canvas for this, and have soaked and ironed it in accordance with the tutorial, but i am going to paint it and then sew it to an unpainted backing, which I hope will protect the shelf surface, as I don't need this shelf to be grippy since it's just to protect the painted surface from the microwave and whatever winds up next to it. So the backing is an old mostly-polyester sheet, somewhat pilled with wear, because i know that won't be slippery but also won't scratch the surface.)

I was going to then prime this canvas, but I don't... have any primer? This is false, I know I do, but damned if I know where it would be. I have to stop by a hardware store for paint chips and polyurethane anyway, so now I guess I'll get some primer. I don't think I need art store primer for this at all.

i have terrible acrylic craft paints but i am not trying to do anything wildly sophisticated. in fact i'm not sure what i'm trying to do. actually i could get little sample pots of a couple of the colors i'm considering at the hardware store, paint smallish swatches on the wall, and then paint this cloth with the leftovers, LOL. That might actually be the thing to do???

Dude might be annoyed if I'm swatching without even having consulted with him but 1) i know what he likes and 2) he's so busy rn he won't even put his plate in the dishwasher or talk to me about what groceries to buy so like, he doesn't have the energy to care, and anyway you can just paint right back over swatches and in fact I will do so, so whatever. Possibly the swatches will just give him something to disagree with but when you are as fatigued-in-general as he is, often that is the best way to get a decision made!

(heck what if i painted the whole shelf liner cloth a gradient between two of the adjacent swatch colors and then stenciled a doily over it in metallic gold that'd be a pretty sick shelf liner pattern)

ANYWAY the story of what else i have to do today is that i also have to go to the grocery store. so if i manage both the grocery store and the hardware store before noon i'm gonna be the fucking champion of the fucking world i tell you what. but that is my goal. i should do the hardware store first so the groceries don't have to sit in the car and get warm but that feels contrary because the grocery store is more urgent. but no, i'm going to do the hardware store first because i am a little bitch and can do what i want. and i won't forget the groceries after that. (famous last words, stay tuned to see if i do)

#about the author #personal #wittering

[victorluvsalice]

Mini VITD Sims Lookbook (Largely Alice Focused Edition)

Hi all -- I ended up downloading and playing with some more Victorian and Victorian-esque CC for Sims 4 last Saturday, looking for some new looks for my Valicer In The Dark versions of Victor, Alice, and Smiler (mainly Alice, as per the title). And, as I'm still getting the next Chill Valicer Save update ready, I figured I'd share the results, in case any of you were interested/wanted some more CC to download! Here we go:

First up, we actually have something that I downloaded from someone’s lookbook post for their Alice Sim a little while ago (I'm afraid I don't remember whose at this point ^^;) – a conversion of Alice’s London dress from Alice: Madness Returns! As in, one Mimoto-Sims ripped this dress straight from the files of that game (along with a bunch of others) and turned it into an outfit in Sims 4! :D I’ve been looking for this for a while, and I’m quite pleased with it, though it is a little weirdly shiny – and if you think Alice suddenly looks a LOT thinner than usual in this dress, she is. Apparently I didn’t make my Sim Alice underweight enough! I think I prefer my Sims 4 version having a waist that doesn’t look like it could snap in half at any moment, though. XD

Okay, onto the CC I actually downloaded on Saturday, with Alice modeling the Ever Elegant Blouse v2 and the Rather Ravishing Skirt v2 from Gilded Ghost’s New Woman set! I ended up pairing these two together because, with the apron, I thought this made another good “maid” Alice outfit – though she looks like she’s working somewhere fancier than Houndsditch in this set, that’s for sure. (Now I’m tempted for her to somehow get her hands on a maid’s outfit from the Van Dort estate when her and Smiler’s attempt to return Victor to his parents ends up in them robbing them for being shitheads who don’t care about their son...) But it’s a nice look for her, and I am THRILLED that this and the other tops from that set worked with her necklace! :D Seriously, so many outfits hide that necklace, and given that it’s suppose to be her wearing Lizzie’s room key, I’d like it to be visible more often than not!

Case in point, the necklace is also visible in this outfit, which is Alice wearing the Jacket Jubilee top with the Perfectly Plain skirt from the New Woman set. This set I just thought looked nice on her, and made a nice – semi-formal? This feels fancier than casual, but not fancy enough to be formal. Like, maybe this is something she’d wear if the gang were heading to the Golden Plum for a nice dinner, or to a park for a trio date. That sort of thing. Not “fancy neighborhood” wear, but a step above hanging around the house.

By contrast, Alice is definitely not leaving the house in this outfit. XD This is dzifasims’s Bespoke Corset, paired with a plain Get Famous skirt that I thought looked like a shift or underskirt (I thought the corset CAME with one, but apparently I was mistaken). It’s nice to have a plainer corset that doesn’t look like it was bought for sex purposes, unlike the base game one. Though I do like the “bought for sex purposes” one too. XD Alice probably prefers this one, though – it’s more her style, and I think it makes good underwear for her.

Onto the masc stuff, with Smiler showing off pandorasimbox’s Azariah’s Sacksuit. I have mixed feelings on this – the basic shape of the suit is okay, and I liked pairing it with the bowler, but as per usual this suit did not have any of the right swatches I needed for Smiler. The problem is, people do a lot of muted colors for Victorian-style clothes, and even the ones that include brighter swatches tend not to do a lot of yellow. Meaning I often end up with poor Smiler wearing beige because that’s as close as I can get. *sigh* I mean, I do rather like the look on them – they kind of look like they’re auditioning for a Charlie Chaplin movie – but it’s gotta be BRIGHTER, you know? *sigh* I gotta learn how to recolor clothes... (Also, amusingly, the boots are actually from Moschino – they actually look Victorian enough when you cover up the tops with a long pant.)

Fortunately, while [LonelyBoy]’s TS4 Solardius Outfit doesn’t have a yellow swatch, it DOES have a black swatch with gold decorative details, and that I can work with – especially when paired with the High School Years shoes I love so much for Smiler in the “black with yellow stitching” swatch. :) Not sure how much I like the high collar on Smiler, but this is certainly not a bad look for them!

And it CERTAINLY isn’t a bad look for Victor, who suits that high collar much better. XD As you can see, Victor got the nice dark blue swatch with the red tie, which is kind of the inverse of his tie/vest color scheme in the movie. XD But it suits him, and again, this seems like a nice, semi-formal outfit he might wear for an outing with his partners where he wanted to look a little more put together. :)

And there you have it – me playing with my favorite trio like dolls again. XD What can I say, it’s fun to dress them up in new outfits! And these particular sessions help inform me of what I’d like my trio to wear in the Valicer In The Dark universe. Since, you know, I’m pretty well obsessed with that these days. XD So don’t @ me, downloading CC is writing research, okay? Okay. :p

#sims 4 #cas looks #fashion #victor van dort #alice liddell #smiler alton #valicer in the dark au #well appropriate that I had this in the queue after getting that ask about Valicer multichapter fics #and me talking about the first fic in the VITD series that I'm working on XD #but yes more fun with CC clothes #I really do like Alice's outfits #that's an excellent conversion of her canonical dress #I have taken a turn toward preferring Maxis Match stuff but I will make an exception there #and her new dresses and corset fit her very well #and Smiler and Victor are rocking the Solardius suit #particularly Victor who looks very nice in that shade of blue #aw but the sack suit #I really DO need to learn how to do clothing recolors #there's so much stuff that would suit Smiler so well if it came in the right swatches! #who do I have to pay to add bright yellow and yellow-and-black stripes to everything #no more of this beige nonsense Smiler needs to be LOUD AND PROUD #...also someone explain to me how jewelry works in this game and why some tops hide necklaces and others don't #I genuinely don't understand :( #Sims 4 you are confusing #queued

[fangswbenefits]

The quack is ready to attack, anons are supposed to hide bc they're nervous to own up to their HORNY thoughts!!! Not bc its easier to send hate!!! For this once to help comfort you, a soft miguel idea for the lovely ruby:

Imagine shopping w miguel, sweet girl or not, he's patiently standing besides you at all times. Makeup? He's holding out his wrist so you can try swatches. Clothing? Man REFUSES to let you hold the pile you've got, ignoring all the weird stares he gets as this giant ass man waits contently for his desrest to try on their next fit. Shoe shopping? Its worse than not letting you hold your own items, he's sitting you down, bringing the shoes to you and putting them on your feet. It's corny, embarrassing, and god hes just so hot for caring so much. And the little kisses to your ankle aren't helping.

And bro is an enabler. "Idk miguel, its kinda pricey for a shirt," "get it, who cares. Money isn't important" "i dont like it that much," "but you like, right? Price doesn't matter." Its a struggle to get him to STOP buying you things. If you look at an item for a second too long, he's paying for it already. He doesn't expect anything in return either, he would actually prefer it if you didn't try to repay him. He just wants you to have fun and be comfortable all the time.

If you somehow manage to buy something with your own money, that's when he becomes a pain in the ass. Huffing and puffing as you show him new things, frustrated that you wouldn't let him treat you. "You treat me all the time!" "And? What's wrong with one more?" When you both know his 'one nore treat,' is an endless pile. Like saying you'll do something tomorrow for the 10th day in a row.

Reassuring him its a surprise for later can either calm him down or make him even more frustrated. Bc surprises? Okay, he understands, suspense is important to a surprise. But also. If it's a surprise for him... you should've used his card... bc he doesnt want you spending money on him, this is supposed to be about you!

He will calm down eventually, hes just hurt his princess didn't let him take care of them. Even if it was for a soda, or a candy bar, or something small and that little, less than a dollar, hes frowning. He just wants to make sure you never worry about price :((

But he'll get over it. And he'll focus on time with you. He'll smile real wide if you come into HQ with the new clothing you've bought with him. If someone compliments you on it, he's smirking and whispering "told you, you look good." Unless its a flirty compliment, then you're inside his office with a kiss and gentle smile before hes walking out, locking the door behind him without you realizng, so he can go chase down whoever made a move on his sweet thing.

I hope this helped some, i really am sorry people think they can just spew such sensitive topics with no remorse, especially when they don't have a face to it. That makes it feel like they know its wrong, and yet they still do it. Sending you hugs and the reassurance that Miguel and Lyla would find their IP address and report them to the police for you <3

-🦆🦆🦆

The timing of this 🥺🩷 Miguel pampering his princesa??? YES PLEASE! And of course he wouldn’t expect anything in return…. that big big heart 😔🩷

Thank you so much for sending this, my friend!

#answered ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ #🦆 anon

[thesilentmedium]

TIMING: Late January SETTING: Zane's House PARTIES: @thesilentmedium & @rn-zane SUMMARY: Jonas heads over to help Zane paint his walls WARNINGS: None

Even though it looked like a tornado of the home renovating kind had blown through the house, Zane still preferred it to the previous look. Messy as it currently was, it still looked so much more like a home at this point. Before now, the only thing he’d really made his own was the bedroom and that had pretty much just been hanging the bit of artwork he’d received for Christmas along with a fluffy bed for Buddy. Changing the whole house had felt so drastic and almost forbidden in a way. 

Nothing special had spurred this decision to finally get on with it but Zane knew he’d made the right call the second the first gloomy, old-timey painting had been pulled from the wall. Having Jonas around now, helping, also proved to make the whole process ten times more comforting. 

It was still a bit hard, looking over and seeing the eyepatch, knowing the trauma it represented but today wasn’t about that. Surely, Jonas didn’t want to spend every moment thinking about that awful night and Zane was more than happy to be able to provide a distraction. 

So here they stood, facing a blank wall with multiple swatches of color hastily painted on, a perfect representation of Zane’s complete lack of ability to decide. Between the soft, corally pink, the grayish pastel blue and the gentle mossy green, it was clear that he had no idea what he wanted for this wall. “Maybe I should just go with a basic color. Like… off-white. That’s a thing, right?” Slightly lost eyes turned to Jonas, sprinkled with the hope that his friend would provide the answer. 

—

Coming over to Zane’s was probably one of the healthier distractions Jonas had decided to partake in since his leave of the hospital. Not that he was doing anything particularly crazy to ward off the thoughts of the woods, but he had come home a few nights rather tipsy. It was odd doing such a thing, but he wasn’t sure what else he could do. Sketching barely took his mind off of it and baking was a little harder now given that his hands were constantly knocking things over. You didn’t need good depth perception to drink though or dance. The vibrations of the music and the way the alcohol muddied his mind made it easier to just have fun. He knew he didn’t want to keep doing it though. Zane having problems with home renovation was a blessing in disguise he supposed.

So here Jonas stood before the wall in a white tank top and a pair of blue jeans that were already stained with paint from previous projects. His left wrist was covered in a black sweatband that hid the marks of Zane’s bite, in case it made the other feel awkward, and his hands were placed firmly on his hips as he looked over the options on the wall, before his gaze wandered to the rest of the room. 

He was trying to get a feel for what Zane wanted, the vibe of the room, but ultimately he got distracted by the other man’s pretty eyes. Zane looked just as handsome as ever and Jonas was relieved. The last time he saw the other was in the hospital. They hadn’t really gotten a chance to talk after that but he was glad the taller man seemed to be doing well. He was even more glad he seemed able to be less awkward with Zane now. When the taller man had first set the boundary of friendship, Jonas wasn’t sure exactly what was okay to do around him. His brain had always been one for overthinking and while his heart still skipped a little when their eyes met, he wasn’t as nervous about messing up. 

Finally satisfied that the other seemed alright even with him here, Jonas offered a smile before pointing to the mossy green. “I um am always biased towards pink, but this color fits you.” Green had always been a calming color, something Zane had in common with it, so it made sense it should cover his walls. 

—

Zane smiled softly, appreciative of the honest answer. The fact that Jonas wouldn’t let his own personal bias affect even something as simple as a choice of paint was enough to bring on a new rush of simmering anger. The unfairness of someone like that getting hurt, caught up in senseless violence, almost getting… Clearing his throat in an attempt to also clear those thoughts, Zane nodded. “Yeah, okay. Green it is. I’ll find something to make pink, though, don’t worry.” 

This low stake work, even if Zane was shit at it, was the perfect distraction. Work was decent for it, too, but he couldn’t exactly let his mind wander while handling needles and medicine and people’s lives. Here, he could always just paint over any mistakes. Or suffer a bruise or two. “So the guy at the store definitely knew I was completely clueless, which means he managed to sell me like… five different types of paint rollers?” With a small chuckle, Zane led Jonas over to the array of supplies, making a gesture of ‘pick whatever’ before moving for the paint himself. 

The gray shirt he had on was already ruined, somehow covered in paint before he’d started the actual job of painting a whole wall, so at this point it was definitely useless that he’d rolled up both sleeves in order to “protect them.” Jonas had the right idea, already looking more qualified for this job than Zane could ever dream of. Still, he stirred up the paint like the store clerk had told him to before pouring it over to the tray, miraculously not spilling it all over the floor. 

“I swear, if anyone saw me at this, they’d never let me put in another IV,” Zane joked, head turned to make sure his mouth was visible to Jonas. A habit that had taken a bit of time to learn but now stuck, despite this new and still slightly tense arrangement between them. 

—

“I would love to see what you choose to make pink… Oh, um he should have given you the right roller for the type of paint you are using.” Jonas squated to take in the options carefully pulling out the roller that made sense with their choice and made sure Zane had one similar to his. He didn’t want all the hard work Zane was putting into this project to go to waste at the end of the day. He didn’t know the sorty behind this house or why Zane was changing it but he could understand the need. When he first moved back into the family house, he had set out renovating and fixing what he could. That was mostly so his family could come home to a place that was no longer showing its age. He was starting to think it would have been better to save it for later, especially when his hopes for them actually coming home were now dwindling with each passing day. 

He shook his head a little before he noticed Zane turning his head. Right, today was supposed to be a day of helping his friend and not fretting over what was going on. Jonas smiled and chuckled at the joke, holding out the roller to the other man. “I am um sure they would excuse you for the mess. You are a lovely nurse and that does not always translate to being good at home renovation. Your house does not need an IV.” Then again with Wicked’s Rest there could be a house out there in need of medical treatment. 

Jonas was beginning to wish he had a long sleeved shirt he could have used. He had always been one to run cold, if the amount of sweaters he took off once he got there was any indicator of it, he wasn’t sure if he had some sort of medical condition or it was the fact he always had ghosts trailing him but his arms were already breaking out in small goosebumps. He ignored them though, they had a job to do and he wanted to start it. “How about we uh each take one wall?” 

—

Any sort of self deprecation never landed when it came to Jonas, the man seemed to always have a compliment on hand for those scenarios. It didn’t do much to help with how little Zane felt he was deserving of those compliments but just like the house, that was a work in progress. There was no going back on the fact that Zane was confident in his decision to keep their relationship platonic, to keep his messy life and the way danger seemed to follow him as far away from Jonas as possible. However, there was no denying that removing himself completely from the other man’s life wasn’t an option, either. 

Jonas had been so relieved to see him at the hospital that vanishing completely felt unfair. If today went well, maybe there really was hope for this to be an alright friendship. “Alright, fair enough,” Zane chuckled, bringing over the paint and smiling at Jonas, letting the unease fade away with every moment. “Yeah, sounds like a plan. Just pick a wall, I’m going to put on some music and… guess I don’t need to worry about scaring you off when I inevitably start to sing along and butcher the song.” 

Zane kept the volume reasonable, not wanting to miss Jonas speaking in that soft manner of his. He wondered how much of the vibrations his friend would be able to sense, putting on a playlist of his most listened to songs since he didn’t really have to play music with someone else in mind right now. Sure enough, about five minutes into painting (after watching how Jonas used the roller and attempting to follow suit) Zane was distractedly singing along to the words, finally managing to feel completely at ease in Jonas’s presence. 

—

Jonas shook his head as another negative comment seemed to come from Zane, “I am sure you uh sound just fine. Singing is meant to be fun even if one may not be good at it.” He knew the other was joking, and was hoping he didn’t seem like he didn’t understand that but he also wanted Zane to feel good about himself. He was such a kind soul Jonas hoped he would turn that kindness to himself, not that it was an easy thing to do. He had taken several years of therapy to even do that for himself and even now he struggled with it. It had been especially hard coming back into the house his father used to inhabit. The place had so many things that made him think of Jacob Ballard and it was never a good experience when he did. 

At least here with Zane there wasn’t anything to make him feel worse, he was already accepting that the other man only had platonic feelings for him now. He could convince himself he was fine with that, he would rather be friends than nothing at all. Jonas didn’t want to be distant especially when he didn’t know what he did in the first place to cause such a thing to happen, he normally wouldn’t fight such decisions and he supposed he really wasn’t. Not outright anyway. Perhaps him constantly keeping in touch with Zane was his way of protesting the space between them just a little. Though he was sure if Zane really wanted to cut off all contact with him there wasn’t really anything Jonas could do to stop him. 

So he was more than relieved to see the taller man singing along with his music. It was just loud enough for Jonas to feel the vibration and he found himself swaying along to the beat. He smiled at Zane and was content to work while enjoying the music for a few moments. He didn’t want to interrupt the other man having a good time. He did have to stop eventually though, his height had always been a challenge in life and painting a wall taller than him was inconvenient. He mumbled something to himself about being short as he placed the roller in the paint pan and shuffled over to the front door where he had left his things. It didn’t take long for him to return with his trustiest step ladder. It was the most stable and sturdy of the lot, even had three steps! He carefully situated it in front of the wall as he got back to work. Ol’ rusty was holding up just fine till Jonas stepped down to refill his roller and the step ladder wiggled just enough to make him lose his balance. 

—

More than a few glances were spared at Jonas as walls went from depressing gray to an inviting green, warmth settling in Zane’s chest when he caught the older man moving to the admittedly catchy beat of a Harry Styles song. It had been a joke earlier about the singing but Zane knew that he would have been comfortable letting his tone deaf vocals ring out even if Jonas could hear them. There were honestly only two things he had really been embarrassed about when it came to Jonas - one of them currently covered up by an inconspicuous wrist band and the other the fact that he’d let things go as far as they had, knowing deep down that it was a bad idea. 

Jonas’s mumbles got a quiet laugh from Zane, who was having no trouble reaching the tops of the wall. He’d been about to catch the man’s attention to offer him a chair for extra height but of course, the medium was well aware of his own literal shortcomings. Zane was grinning, maybe the slightest hint of a tease visible on his face, as his friend padded up the three small steps. It looked sturdy and it wouldn’t exactly make for the highest of drops but even so, Zane found himself moving closer, at the pretense of adding more paint to his still half-full tray. 

He continued to hum distractedly, back facing Jonas so the other wouldn’t feel him staring and get worried about being a distraction to Zane, which he would. Still, he listened for each creak as he stirred up the paint, half-aware that his muscles were tensed and ready to respond. It would have made him feel stupid and paranoid, right up until the moment one of the creaks were followed by a soft, shocked gasp. 

His arms looped under Jonas’s armpits in an instant, the man barely having made it halfway towards the ground before Zane was there, hoisting him back on his feet with ease. It was very low stakes, worst case scenario Jonas would have left here with a couple more bruises so why had his heart leapt into his throat at that frightened sound? A few more bruises weren’t the worst but in the grand scheme of what Jonas had already gone through… “I thought I wasn’t going to break out my first aid kit today,” Zane attempted to joke after he’d moved to face the other, worry shining from his face as he looked him over for any injuries. A small scrape was visible on his ankle, just barely weeping blood, the step stool probably having nicked the skin. 

—

It wasn’t the first time Jonas had stumbled down stairs while out of the hospital, or even before the hospital. They seemed to be his natural enemy. Just as he was about to curse ten years of living out of a car for his inability to walk properly, he felt a familiar feeling against his back. There wasn’t much warmth in Zane, and maybe that was what made his touches even more noticeable. Jonas immediately flushed at the contact as he was set upright perhaps a little too easily. The strong arms didn’t stay there long as the taller man made his way in front of him. 

“Oh um I appreciate the help. I did not expect my feet to slip so easily.” Jonas could still feel the heat on his face as he let Zane look him over. He could feel a slight discomfort on his ankle and when he looked down he shook his head. “If that um requires first aid then I am in quite the trouble.” He joked back, he was trying to calm his racing heart while willing the redness on his face away. They were friends, being flustered from the slightest touch wasn’t the best thing to feel towards someone you were friendly with. 

“Maybe just a band aid would do? And if you um like I can leave the tops of the walls to you.” Jonas wouldn’t mind getting back up the step ladder to finish but something told him Zane would be tense about it now, plus he didn’t think his heart could handle it if he ended up in Zane’s arms again. The last time that happened he was in the hospital and the time before that he was in bed with the man. One was not the best of memories and the other was inappropriate to think about given their current relationship. 

—

This had been going okay. Was it still going okay? Jonas seemed embarrassed or maybe it was just discomfort from Zane rushing in to save him from an innocent stumble. The last thing his friend needed now was being made to feel like some fragile idiot. Yes, Jonas was here to help but a part of him had wanted this to be a distraction from the man, a day where he could attempt to forget being ruthlessly beaten. Probably hard to do with a worried nurse not even trusting you to work a step stool. “I - sorry. Force of habit.” 

Shaking his head, Zane allowed a small smile to replace the twisted frown of worry as Jonas joked. Always ready to defuse the situation. “You’re not in trouble,” he chuckled, nodding at the suggestion of a bandaid. “And I actually keep bandaids outside of the first aid kit so lucky us.” With what he hoped was a tension breaking expression, he moved for the bathroom, grateful for that moment to regain composure. He was half decent at ignoring unwanted thoughts but there was no pretending that even the smallest of cuts wasn’t a stark reminder for his taste buds. 

“There we go,” he said cheerily as he returned, handing the bandaid over to Jonas before turning his attention to the small steps. Contemplating. “It’s up to you. I can definitely take over on the high parts but it’s not like you’re going to break your neck on those so… if you want a do over, I’ll try my best to be chill.”

—-

“No worries, I am uh glad the scratch is all that happened.” Jonas really doubted he would have ended up with anything worse than that, but he didn’t want to point that out to Zane. He was getting used to working around people treating him like he was about to break at any moment. He hadn’t really given off vibes that suggested he was very strong even before the accident; he was shorter than most at only 5’5” and any strength he might show off my being fit was often hidden under pink fluffy sweaters. He was the least intimidating person in the room and maybe that was why he kept getting targeted over Lil. He was really starting to wish he had gotten some of the genes the giants in his family possessed. 

Though that wasn’t why he was so flustered at this moment, sure it was embarrassing to trip on stairs but by now Jonas was so used to it that he normally brushed it off. It was the lingering feelings he still held for the man that had caught him. The ones that he was painfully aware of by now the other man didn’t return. “Oh good, um saves you the trouble then.” He offered a smile as Zane wandered off to the bathroom, grabbing his face once the other man was away and willing it to stop being so red. It had all just been a spring fling, something he had had before and something he was bound to have again. Though normally he was long gone by now, the distance of several miles between him and the person who got caught up in the moment with him made it much easier to let go of feelings that seemed determined to stay. 

He didn’t want to do that with Zane though, he couldn’t. Jonas knew he wasn’t going to be leaving the town anytime soon even with what happened and being Zane’s friend had been something he was enjoying before the other man decided distance was best. He was glad they were able to be normal around one another now, even if Jonas’ face didn’t quite cooperate anytime Zane got too close. He was still trying his best to force the feelings away so he could fully enjoy being Zane’s friend. He didn’t want to lose that, especially after whatever passion that took hold of them that day had fizzled out from Zane. No, he would be a good friend to the other man! He would not ruin this, even if it meant looking like a fool from time to time. At least all this thinking got his heart to slow and he could feel the heat leaving his cheeks. By the time Zane returned he looked like regular ol’ Jonas. Or he hoped he did. 

“I appreciate it.” Jonas offered a small smile and tested the wobbly step ladder once more, shifting it till it stood still and using it for a seat once he was sure the thing wouldn’t wobble again. With the cut safely behind the band aid, Jonas stood back up and when the ladder stayed firm he smiled down at Zane, “I um seemed to have fixed the problem, if I uh happen to trip again you are more than welcomed to take the stairs from me.” 

—

Distracting himself with the process of taping up the next wall that needed painting, Zane kept glancing over at Jonas before catching himself. As if the process of putting on a bandaid needed supervision. This really had just been a scratch, the smallest of accidents but even so, it managed to confirm his fears. Despite all of this being easily blamed on a faulty ladder, it cemented just how worried he was about Jonas getting hurt around him - getting hurt because of him. At times, Zane seemed to function as a literal shit magnet, from the insane kidnapping plot to the fact that there were people out there willing to kill him just for existing. Not to mention his new hobby of snooping around The Grit Pit. 

If there had been any doubt about keeping a safe distance from Jonas, there wasn’t any now. 

He cared about him, how could he not, but had the advantage of not having a heartbeat or a flushing face that might betray him like in Jonas’s case. All in all, it would probably be even safer to cut all ties but Zane couldn’t bring himself to do that. He’d respect the other’s decision if it ever came to that, though. “If the stairs mess with you again, I’m breaking them up for firewood,” Zane deadpanned, managing a smile even through the depressing nature of his thoughts. 

Threatening an inanimate object seemed to have worked as the next hour passed by without further injuries. Not all damage had been avoided, his own clothes splattered with paint and a few new stains added to Jonas’s clothes. Zane asked about the bakery, about Lil and Blue, the topics safe and comfortable. Standing back to admire their work, Zane gave a pleased nod. “Green was definitely the way to go.” Moving to sit on the ground, legs crossed, he patted the hardwood for Jonas to join him. 

“Thanks for helping out. I know things have been weird - actually, that I’ve been weird but this was nice.” A pause, gaze turning to a stray splatter of paint on the floor. “I get that I didn’t really give you an explanation but… just know that it has nothing to do with you. You’re amazing and deserve the world but not… that’s not gonna come from me, is what I’m trying to say, I guess.” A quick glance to gauge the other’s expression. “I get if you don’t like that deal and if this makes you uncomfortable, I totally understand. But I do like having you around and not just because you help me paint.”

—

Jonas was feeling pretty good about their work, happily taking in the finished walls and nodding along when Zane agreed with his choice of color. The green brought a calmness and warmth to the room that matched its owner. Hands on his hips he stretched his back and was about to mention getting some food when the other sat on the floor and motioned for him to follow. Jonas followed the offer, looking towards Zane carefully taking in what he was saying. It was all things he had already come to realize but perhaps with it not being expressed openly he had managed to still hold onto some kind of hope that Zane would come close again. They weren’t meant to be, he knew it and yet it still hurt to have it spoken so clearly. 

Heartbreak was a strange sensation that Jonas was more than used to by now. His life before did not make for a good environment for long lasting relationships and maybe he had hoped that coming back to town would be his chance to change that, he knew he still had all the time in the world to make that true even if right in this moment he felt like someone had punched him in the gut, twisting and pulling at his stomach. He tilted his head down in an effort to hide how hurt he must look in the moment. He didn’t want Zane to feel guilty about any of this because there was nothing for him to feel guilty for. Feelings were unpredictable things and if they left they left. 

Jonas’ hand came to rest on top of Zane’s, “I am blessed to be your friend.” That was all he could really offer in this moment as he pulled back and stood up. “I do wish to stay close but um… I think at this moment it is best for me to return home.” He could feel his voice cracking as he talked, coughing to clear it as he moved to fold up his step stool, quickly grabbing his other things to leave before he broke in front of the other man. He wasn’t learning anything new, he shouldn’t be so torn but he could feel the tears forming on his cheeks and the last thing he wanted was for Zane to offer comfort. His heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

“I will talk to you later um, I hope the rest of the renovations go well.” Jonas called out but didn’t bother to turn around to look at Zane, he couldn’t. Slipping on his sweater he opened the door and made his escape, feeling everything he’d been forcing down recently threatening to bubble out of his throat with each passing second. 

#zane #rnzane #writing

[nesurii]

answering asks.

all anon asks answered below! about new cc eyes, infant cc updates, cc requests + townies.

hi! omg thank you T-T <3 !! i am going to make complete and sectorial heterochromia skindetail overlays, that's the only thing aside from vampires/werewolf eyes that i still need to do & then i'll upload them

thank you!!! ❤️ yes, toddlers to elders, and i'll update them for infants as soon as i can as well.

oh sorry to hear that! normally i do want to fulfill these kind of requests but personally i think adult sims look too young without it, cause they're supposed to in their 40s to 60s and most adults do have some wrinkles there. i could make a simple overlay skin detail to cover them up if you want, but it'd be too much work to make an additional default version for my skins without the wrinkles. and thank you for the kind words <3 !!

hey AHH thank you, you're too nice <3 🥹 fadia would 100% accept your proposal!! ily have a good day too!!

hi! i'm sorry, i made the original version like 1.5 years ago and the newer version of them that i uploaded i don't have the psd file for anymore. i'm making a new version of the asteria eyes as i mentioned in my last post with which i'll include the .psd though, and i'll add the old catchlights to it as an alternative.

maybe in the future i will, but i have to reupload all the thumbnails per swatch and gender for each file by hand so it's just such an annoying process to add more categories for them (and i really dont feel like doing it currently sorry 😫). if you want to you can also do it yourself easily if you don't mind them not having thumbnails with this tutorial.

hello! thank you ^-^ if it's as easy as just enabling them for infants in sims 4 studio then yes i'll do it asap, otherwise it may take a little longer cause it isn't my priority since it's such old content and i want to update newer things first. the skin will probably

hi! yes and no lol, i have a few sims up for download under my download tag but there's only a few that are public.

hi~ i completely forgot i used that on her! i never uploaded that one, i think it's similar to my agave skin (one of the lower opacity swatches would look most like it i think).

hey! thank you haha!! i'm gonna update all my skins when i can, just depends on when skiniator & sims 4 studio updates since i rely on them for the default files and proper tags ^-^

i'm still tweaking it a little here and there, when it's done i'll upload it. this ask made me giggle cause idk if its accidental but it sounds like you're annoyed with me over this reshade preset i'm not uploading HAHA

#asks

[palialaina]

I haven't taken this many photos in a long time...

So, I kinda of made the mistake of telling Tish I wanted to redo my entire house and also build a guest house. She rounded up practically everyone who was good at moving stuff, and showed up all too early this morning practically vibrating with ideas.

Fortunately, she let me lead.

I pointed Reth and Dad at my kitchen and dining area, telling them I wanted it smaller than it was and more separated. They did not disappoint! Dad said he'd talk to Hodari about the stuck door on my pantry, but in the meantime, an empty bookshelf worked really good for holding all my dishes! And once they wrestled my cooking stations into place, Reth whipped up a bunch of food, even stuff from the Maji market, so that everyone would have energy!

My main room is now a small living room, and it took Nai'o and Hodari a few hours to set it all up nice and proper. Tall people, I swear. Uncle B loved the performance corner though. I'm getting better at this lute! I think...

Jel mostly just helped me cut out some of the clutter and arrange things nicely. He may had teased me a little about getting a portrait of Hodari soon. I whacked him with a pillow.

And we painted the front of my house together! Tish had fun with that! Kenyatta complained that it was pink, but like... Hodari gave me a swatch of this paint! I like it!

And then we started the guest house.

I really did think about a bigger living room, but... I like this. It feels cozy to me. Maybe a little cramped, but mostly cozy.

And then the two bedrooms.

I really doubt I'll have this many guests, but Tish said it would give people variety. And like, they can also sleep on the couches if they want. Or crash on mine if they wanna be in my house, I suppose.

It feels like it took forever to get all this done. Sheesh! And there's still the bathrooms to do, which means I need to buy another tub, buy another room, and also one final harvest house so I can put together my workshop. Tish was super excited when I told her I was going to do that, so she's probably going to try and help me again. It'll be chaos, that's for sure.

Also, Zeki and I are now sort of conspiring against Subira. She wanted me to spy on him, after discovering that the Underground existed. I'm not a snitch though, and Zeki's been nice to me. Temple of the Gales crap aside, he's a softy, and I'm not selling him out to anyone.

So of course I told him. He's agreed that I can work at the Underground for a bit to 'spy' on him, but first I have to do a thing for Tamala so that she can make a thing for him that enhances the senses. Mostly it means I'm hunting a bug and a fish again, but that's a job for Later Me, because hooo boy.

I am so done. Time to have a long soak in the tub and call it a day.

#palia #palia online #singularity 6 #berry plays palia #palia game #palia journaling #palia journey #palia mmo #palia roleplaying

[gaviicreates]

FO: Berkshire Throw (Knit)

Pattern: Berkshire Throw by Whistle and Wool (Angie Bivins), available as a knit kit through Lion Brand

Yarn: Lion Brand Basic Stitch Anti-Pilling (100% Acrylic), Worsted in colorways - Stonewash, Ecru, Deep Denim, and Frost

Tools: ChiaoGoo circulars - size 8 (5mm)

When I first started to learn knitting, I worked up a long scarf in garter stitch. Meanwhile, I'd also started to do some swatches in stockinette, and I knew my next intentional project I wanted to be the next step in switching between knits and purls. I wanted it to be a pattern pdf so I could start learning how to read one. And I wanted it to be something I could stick with for a while, so I could get plenty of practice in.

I generally don't craft a lot of throws or blankets as a standard, since a blanket is a commitment. Especially when I already know in the end it's going to belong to my fur children. Except, I've totally been drawn to them lately! So this knit kit, when I happened to find it, started checking all my boxes. I just loved the texture on both sides.

I did not gauge swatch. The pattern provided one, as all good patterns should. But I didn't have all the tools yet to try going up and down a needle size if it didn't match. Rather than deal with that stress (and potential additional cost), I just used what I had on hand since it was not a garment where size mattered. Would it cover my lap? That's the main thing I focused on.

I lost track of where I was a number of times and I struggled with which was the right side (RS) and which was the wrong side (WO), so some of my color stripes are different from others. Sometimes the garter section started sooner than other times. But I turned my perfectionist off and figured "eh, I'm learning. It's going to keep me warm, and that's what matters. So let's keep going." This was fine until I made what felt like my first critical error:

I had one more garter row than I was supposed to, and it was incredibly distracting and noticeable. I couldn't let this one go, so I suffered my first panic of having to frog in knitting. I would like to never have to do that again! I have a new appreciation for when I have to do it with my crochet. But I did do it! I took the blanket back stitch-by-stitch, and in the process I learned about what makes up the stitches in a whole new way. I looked up which direction the stitches were supposed to be in the needle so nothing got twisted, and I started being able to recognize the parts that were the purls and which parts were the knits.

Aesthetically, I chose not to add tassels, as that's just asking for the dogs to mistake it as chew toy. My color palette was inspired by the neutrals that made up the original knit kit, just instead of browns, I selected colors that matched our living space. I've always found blues to be calming and comforting, and I think it's truly found its home draped across the back of my grey crafting recliner.

As far as blocking, since it's made from acrylic I threw it in the washer and dryer according to the label directions and that softened up the stitches.

Overall, I am incredibly pleased with how this turned out. I know technically it's not because of the scarf I made, but it kind of feels like my first knit project. It was the first of a lot of things, and for that reason it's incredibly special.

#gavii makes stuff #knit #knitting #knitblr #knitted blanket #beginner knitter #lapghan #throw blanket #finished object

[schleepyplays]

[Schleepy] Pupper Me This! Have been getting a lot of questions asking me if I am gonna do more puppy poses, and the answer is... Yes I am-was. I have also recolored a kiddy pool if y'all want it, and yes.... THE BLANKET, I MADE IT. You can read more info below the cut, but the dl link is below the T.O.U T.O.U -Do not reupload my poses or claim as yours! - Feel free to re-edit them - Feel free to recolour my blankie thingy, but please link the mesh back to me cause I almost tore my hair out making it. (I know it's super simple but still) - Do not include my mesh when you release a pose packkk, pls link me plox, I need gratification T_T Download here! Simfileshare, Free 5eva, ad-free! - For the kiddy pool and blankie, just type [schleepy] in buy/build's search and it should bring up the items for ease of use! @ts4-poses

Scene A has 3 puppies with one being visibly annoyed in the middle, what can I say, I love my annoyed animols.

Scene B is a proud mama/dada with their pups.

Scene C is a scene that utilises the kiddie pool! Just place the teleporter in the middle! There are 4 pups! 1,2 and 3 are having a discussion at the front of the pool! If you have seen my previous post, it was basically my whole idea for this scene.

I also made 3 recolors of the kiddy pool because I hate the original pool's patterns and colors, so you can dl them if you want.

Scene D features a pup in two different poses, beneath the blankie! YES! This is my favourite because honestly, I made it for my personal experimentation since I am a blender noob! Again, place the teleporter thingy in the middle of the blanket and voila.

The blankie is also up for download, in 6 swatches! Feel free to recolor but pls link the mesh back to me cause I really spent a lot of time making it even though it was supposed to be simple #noobproblems

OKEH DOKEH, enjoy them! I would also like to thank @simplyanjuta for helping me with the 1001 problems I encountered this time <3

#schleepyposes #schleepycc #sims 4 poses #sims 4 cc #doggo #pupper #sims 4 #ts4 cc #ts4 poses

[simmillercc]

SIMS 4 - CHANGING INFORMATION IN SIMS 4 STUDIO FOR MULTIPLE SWATCHES SIMPLIFIED

This tutorial can also be viewed on GOOGLE DOCS.

WHY I MADE THIS TUTORIAL

The purpose of this tutorial is to help creators and simmers alike simplify and speed up how to change information in the Warehouse tab in Sims 4 Studio for multiple swatches, especially if you have more than one section that needs adjusting.

So, let’s say you’ve created an entire package with 15 swatches and have saved your package. Then you realize, OMG I forgot to change something in Warehouse mode and now have to go in and change each swatch separately. (cue dramatic music)

I don’t recommend this for only a few swatches, though, because, while helpful, this is not a one shot process, but it will save time for those packages with several swatches that require fixing/changing in the Warehouse tab.

For the purposes of this tutorial, I am using the example of changing the Composition  Method in a lipstick with 31 swatches from 4 to 0. It is entirely possible to make multiple changes using this process. Literally anything in the Warehouse tab that you need to change and have applied to multiple swatches can be done. 

Note: Sims 4 Studio already allows for changing information in the Studio tab on multiple swatches. This is only helpful for Warehouse mode.

I have also used this method to change the diffuse ratio on a set of walls that were supposed to be three panels wide for a wallpaper mural, and forgot until after all of my swatches were in and the package was saved. This would normally have to be done 3 times for every swatch, so the work is tripled! Multiply that by 20 swatches and you can see it’s just too much. I could have started over with a new package, but then I would have to change the catalog name, price, any categories like color and whether it’s paint or wallpaper, ambience effects, if it reduces bills, bring in all the diffuse (texture) files (there’s a trick for bringing in new diffuse files as well, all in one shot btw), and possibly more! With makeup and clothes, or buy mode objects, there are even more categories to be sure match your project.

To simplify, you’ll be saving your color palette, exporting your texture files, changing whatever is necessary in the Warehouse tab, and re-importing your textures. There are a few more steps involved, but everything is explained here in detail with pictures.

Rest assured, it takes a while to read this tutorial, but once you do it a few times, you will complete the entire process very quickly!

----------------------------------------------------

You can view the entire tutorial on Patreon, Google Docs, or the Sims 4 Studio website in the tutorials section. It is currently still in the Creator Help section on S4S, but will be moved shortly.

#ts4 tutorials #sims 4 tutorials #s4 tutorials