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#so i'm supposed to care about them more or something
prettyboykatsuki · 1 day
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✮ tags ; gn! reader, established relationship, fluff, alcohol.
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"Shouto,"
"Hm?"
"You're drunk,"
Your boyfriend leans his head on your shoulder and makes a noise in the back of his throat. "A bit."
More than a bit, you think. In actuality, you don't think you've ever seen him this drunk before. He's okay with alcohol, usually - but tends to stay away from drinking too much. You think the last time you saw him get actually drunk at all, you were both twenty and he was barely tipsy then.
He doesn't like getting drunk, he's told you before. A few times. The lack of control and hazy memories make him just slightly anxious, so he's careful around liquor.
You've been dating for years now, and unless he's living some double-life (a different one than being a hero) - you've never seen him get this wasted. Ever. To everyone else in your surroundings, it probably doesn't look that way.
But you've spent enough time to know him, and he's not like this usually. Nowhere near as absent minded he is now, at least. He hasn't been able to sit still since he downed that last bottle of shochu. He went to go play with Bakugou's cat, Momo and you couldn't find him afterwards. You lost sight of him for about half-an-hour until you finally found him in the living room while everyone else was outside, feeding Momo some treat that squeezes from a tube.
(You still don't know where or how he found where Bakugou kept the treats, but you decide it's better you don't ask. Plausible deniability, or something.)
You're both grown-ups, and you're not one to worry about his liquor intake. Still, though - you're worried. Even if it seems like he's not different to everyone else, you can tell. And it's bothering you.
"Shouto," You call out to him, your hands reaching to pet the back of his neck. He's a head taller than you, and a little heavy. Palms smooth against the prickly ends of his hair - tapered and neat. He presses his cheek to your shoulder. "Shouto, love."
"Oh," He says, suddenly remember where he is. He stands up but doesn't back away far enough to give you space. You're in a far off empty corner. Most people are in the backyard but Shouto wanted some air - so you're crowded against a wooden fence and wall with your boyfriend locking you in out by the entrance. He smells nice, you think - clean with a soft touch of aftershave. You look up at him. "Hi,"
"You're drunk," You repeat, watching him blink rapidly - bleary eyes and the faintest line of a smile whenever he glances at you. He's bent over, staring at you hard. "Is something wrong?"
His expression is the same as always. Unchangingly neutral with a strong and uncharacteristic rosiness to it. Your boyfriend is handsome, alarmingly so. You're aware of it constantly, but this new face knocks the air out of your lungs.
He's... pouting you think. But not fully. His lips aren't drawn together, it's subtle like most expressions on him.
But it's...there. You're not imagining it - the soft furrow of his brow, the press of his lips. His expression grows warmer and it only makes you more confused. He shakes it off, all of a sudden, a micro-expression that fades just as quickly as it appears.
"I'm okay."
"Are you?""
He blinks slowly at that. Concern aside, you can't help but think he's cute like this. His ears are pink enough to stick out against his skin, cold air making them flush even darker.
"I'm okay," He says, then looks at you. He sobers up if only for that moment. "Had something on my mind."
"Something you can't tell me?"
"It's supposed to be a secret," He mumbles. He's really drunk. You realize this late. "So I don't know if I can."
"Mm," You reply. You feel like doting on him suddenly, so you do, petting the back of his neck before hugging him a little. "That's okay."
He follows up with a light groan. You've never heard him complain like that, so you laugh. "But I want to tell you."
"I promise I'll keep your secret at least."
He smiles at you more fully that time.
He pauses for a minute, thinking it over. You don't do or say anything in return. A beat passes of you two standing and swaying with silence where Shout to grabs your hands from in front of you. You think he's being affectionate again, wanting to hold them.
He draws your hands to his pocket though. The angle is awkward, makes you bend your wrist on the inside of coat pocket until you feel something hard and square touch your fingers. It's velvet from the material. A box of some kind.
...A box?
Shouto guides your hand again, this time out. When you pull it out, his palm is over yours. It's a jewellery box. You blink a few times, confused. Shouto hasn't let go of your hand.
"I keep missing the timing," He says, hiccuping. The lack of sobriety more clear than ever from the slight slur in his words. "It's been in my pockets for a while."
Your eyes go wide open. You can feel your own confusion and excitement twist and tangle inside of you, frantic to get a better read on the situation. He smiles down at you, disarmingly and then closes his eyes. His forehead is warm as it touches yours.
"...I thought you didn't want to married. Not really, at least." You whisper.
"Me too," He says, a wetness to his laugh that tugs at your heart . "It was on a whim. I wanted to talk to you about it. But." He frowns a little "It's tough."
You chuckle, a sudden wetness to your voice too. "I bet it was,"
He smiles at you, big and stupid. "I love you," He closes is eyes and presses his forehead to yours more. "Thank you for everything."
"Shouto," You repeat, unsure of what else to say. "What brought this up?"
"Mm," He shrugs, getting sleepier by the minute. "I thought giving you my last name would make you suffer." He admits, soft and unsure. "But taking yours. That felt...okay. Felt nice."
"You're silly."
"Yes," He says, not denying it. "And I love you."
"And you love me." You repeat, a grin splitting your face. Big tears at the corner of your eyes, making your vision sting and your cheeks ache. You look up at him again. "Enough to marry me?"
He seems almost sheepish that time. "If you'll have me."
"Are you sober enough to even remember this?"
His embarrassment makes him blush and laugh again. "My heart is beating so loud I'm a little afraid of it. So yes. I'm sure I'll remember." He admits.
"Let's get married, then." You repeat to him, so achingly happy you think you could die. You wonder when to tell your friends. Bakugou will be pissed you did at his place. "If you'll have me."
He smiles. "I'd like too."
You lean up to press a kiss to his mouth, and Shouto holds you there to kiss you longer than you expect. When you're done kissing, he's smiling.
"Anymore secrets?"
He thinks on it, then hums.
"We should get a cat."
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y-draig · 2 days
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Oisin is a weird dude. He's supposed to come off as a like "nice dude" but it's become clearer and clearer he's not. The obvious marker there from the begining is that his best friend is Ivy, the most openly cruel Ratgrinder we've seen so far. Kipperlilly doesnt like the Bad Kids and speaks with faux-polite insults to them.
But Ivy has just been shown to be openly an asshole. Like making fun of people for having fun and saying fantasy racist stuff about Mazey. If your best friend is like that, it's a partial relfection on you as a person. (although I'm sure this aspect of herself is being played up by her assumed rage ressurection)
There's also something up with his Dragon Ancestor. The KVX bank change, the fight trailer and him offering Adaine treasure (possible dragon madness curse) for Wizard class.
I'm susicious of him, especially in light of Kipperlilly reveal. I doubt she'd have the social capital within the group to ochistrate this. Even if she's the one planning it as a mastermind, the social control within the group seems to be more within the hands of Oisin and Ivy. In the Ratgrinders the only person who ever liked Kipperlilly is now dead. The party don't like Kipperlilly, they do things just to piss her off.
I think Oisin could be the real driving power of the Ratgrinders. It's definetly; not Ivy, she's too post-irony to care; not Ruben, he's just sorta kinda dumb; not Mary Ann, she's not interested assumedly. It could still be Kipperlilly but I think there's reasonable suspicion to be put on Oisin.
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sketchy--akechi · 1 day
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Shuake/Akeshu Reunion
If you were tasked to make THE Shuake/Akeshu Reunion, how would you write it/how would it play out. How long would Goro have been MIA for, and how would Akira have dealt with it? Give me all your thoughts on this. I wanna know ABSOLUTELY everything on how you'd have them come back together. Would it be them just meeting by chance on day on the street? Or would another Metaverse Shenanigans thing be going on and they would meet that way?
Okay okay okay. First of all. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PICK ONE If we're talking about fics, I love any and all forms of Shuake reunions. Metaverse shenanigans are great but them running into each other at the nearest 7 Eleven is equally as great. Or Akechi randomly showing up at Leblanc one day or in Akira's hometown. Or as part of the Shadow OPs. Seriously shoutout to each and every writer who made a Shuake reunion fic they're all great and I love you all BUT JUST FOR THIS ASK. FOR THE SAKE OF GIVING A COHERENT ANSWER. Let's assume I'm a writer at Atlus for one day and I could write the canon reunion (Atlus please hire me) Then I would really really like to pick up the scrapped idea of an Akechi palace again. Like imagine a new P5 game, about yet another form of the Metaverse appearing and the Thieves investigating, and slowly but surely they realize that they're in Akechi's palace, and Akechi is in a weird state between alive and dead AND THEY HAVE TO SAVE HIM- Ideally it would be a Royal-centric spin-off, so maybe it's just Akira and Sumi rescuing Akechi so there can be a bigger focus on the Royal Trio relationship (no offense to the other Thieves but we got enough spin-off games about them LMAO) I get the feeling that Akira would show his emotions more openly if the other Thieves aren't there, and if there's a reunion after 2/2, I REALLY need it to be emotional ya know, if Atlus portrayed Akira as a blank state self insert during a moment like this when we all know that Akechi was his biggest wish in Maruki's reality then I will. pick a fight
Also I need a hug. I don't care if it's just something like, Akechi falling unconscious and Akira catching him I NEED A HUG I NEED PHYSICAL INTIMACY BETWEEN THEM
I also need a new Metaverse outfit for Akechi based on Hereward because we all know it would slap so hard
THAT'S ALL I HAVE FOR NOW. PLEASE ADD YOUR THOUGHTS BELOW. BE CAREFUL THOUGH OR LIZ WILL HAVE TO MAKE YET ANOTHER GOROGAME
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libby-for-life · 1 day
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Could you do a yandere lucifer x yandere lilith x adam oneshot, please
Maybe adam goes back in time to eden and realize he wants nothing to do with those two. But lilith and lucifer noticed the change and decided to do something about it.
.....mmmmm. Oh, this feeds the soul!
Adam fucking hated this. That bitch cyclops just had to kill him, didn't she? And now? And now he was in some cruel twist of irony and he was back in the Garden of Eden. He was back with her and Lucifer and he couldn't stand the sight of them.
He had already seen the glances they'd been giving each other. Acting as if he was stupid and couldn't feel the sexual tension between them.
Well, he already had his week of existential crisis and his meltdown. Now? Now he just wants to avoid all of them altogether. They want to have their shitty love story? They can have it! Just don't expect Adam to watch it!
With that in mind, Adam decided to ignore and avoid them. They can get kicked out of Eden for all he cares. Just as long as they aren't near him.
Lilith notices it first. She was always trying to find a way to avoid Adam. He wasn't cruel or mean, he was just...well, to be blunt, boring. He seemed so much like a...an empty vessel more than a man. Lilith was put off by it and always found excuses to be away from him. He believed her every time and she shoved the feeling of guilt for lying but....she couldn't be with him.
Then she realized she hadn't seen him in two weeks. Seeing Lucifer in secret had never been easier. She found it...odd. Usually by now, he would be calling her name and clinging to her like....like the monkeys that swung in the trees. Sometimes...it was far too tight and she just wanted some space.
Now, as she basked in the afterglow of what she and Lucifer just did, she couldn't help but question it.
"Lucifer?"
"Hm?" Lucifer replied, looking at her with the most caring and loving eyes. Lilith couldn't help but smile.
"Have...you seen Adam around? It's been a while." Lucifer cocked his head. Probably because Adam was never really brought up in the conversations they had.
He hummed before answering. "Now that you've mentioned it, I haven't seen him. That's odd. He'd usually be looking for us by now."
They both shared a look. Well, she supposed it didn't matter. Adam must be doing his own thing.
Another week passes and now Lucifer is getting worried. "You're both under my care." He said to Lilith. "I don't want something bad to happen to him. I'm going to go look for him." Lucifer searched Eden and found him on the other side of the garden. Far away from Lucifer and Lilith.
He was sleeping under a pile of animals. Wolves. All of them were huge compared to Adam’s slimmer frame. He looked so peaceful. See? Lucifer told himself. You were worried for nothing. All the same, he walked over to wake him up. Adam would be overjoyed to see him!
Adam woke up to someone poking his cheek. He mumbled and snuggled back into Metallica's fur. A baritone laugh made him sit up. Lucifer. He stood over him with a gentle smile. Adam ignored the feeling of nostalgia when he saw that smile directed at him and instead leveled the archangel with a blank look.
"Yes?"
Lucifer looked down at him with surprise. What, Adam's no longer vying for affection and you can't understand it? Tough titty.
"Uh...I was just checking up on you! I haven't seen you in a while! How are you?"
Adam held back a scoff. He's been avoiding them for three weeks and only now has Lucifer decided to check up on him?
"Fine. You can go now." Lucifer tilted his head and flinched. "You...want me to leave?"
"Yes. You're bothering me." Adam said standing up. He was smaller than his former angel form but he was taller than Lucifer. "You know what? I'll just leave." And Adam walked away with the rest of the wolves, leaving Lucifer to stare back in shock.
"He just left? He didn't want you there?" Lilith questioned, completely taken aback. This was NOT the Adam she knew.
"I was surprised too. He said I was bothering him." Lucifer looked down in thought and a bit of hurt came across her vision. Lilith hugged him and looked up at the sky in thought. Perhaps she should try? Adam was always happy to see her!
It took her a while to find him but she caught sight of him climbing a fruit tree, oranges, and she smiled. He had a look of determination on his face. A wolf pack surrounded the tree and she smiled and petted one. "Hi, Adam!"
She should have known better than to startle him. Lilith watched with horror as Adam lost his grip due to surprise and fell from his branch.
Quicker than what she thought possible, she ran forward and caught the First Man in her arms. Adam clung to her in surprise and a bit of fear crossed his features.
"Well, that could have been a nasty fall!" Lilith said, letting out a laugh. Adam was a bit smaller than her by a head so it didn't feel awkward to hold him like this.
Lilith watched in fascination as a red blossomed over Adam’s cheeks and he looked away. "C-can you let me down?"
Lilith held back a smirk but let him go. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." All traces of his blush were gone and Lilith looked at his indifferent face with shock. He...had never looked at her that way before.
"I'm going to go now. Don't follow me." Lilith was too stunned to do anything but gape at Adam as he walked away with the wolf pack. This was DEFINITELY not the Adam she knew!
"He's different. I didn't know how, but he is." Lilith said to Lucifer. "What do you think made him change?"
"I don't know. But we're going to find out." For the next month, they followed Adam and observed him. He seemed the happiest with animals and played with the wolf pack constantly. Adam would run when they approached so they stuck to following.
He seemed so...carefree. Happy. The two of them would smile as they watched the First Man just live his life and was perfectly happy with being alone. But...things really changed when Lilith and Lucifer saw Adam touch himself for the first time.
They were watching him sleep, when did they start doing that, and watched as Adam’s penis became erect. What was he dreaming about? Lilith and Lucifer couldn't help but blush when they saw it.
Adam woke up to his problem and he sighed. With a blush staining his own cheeks, he grabbed his penis and began stroking himself.
A moan tumbled out. They didn't realize how...sensitive he was. Lilith bit her lip as she watched slender fingers grip his manhood and rub it. He was...cute doing this. Lilith's blush deepened when she accepted that thought.
Lucifer was watching with hooded eyes as Adam went on all fours, ass up and head down as he touched himself. He had been turned on before but this was something else. It was on par with Lilith. A glance at her told him that she was turned on as well. Her face matched his. The face of someone watching prey and Lucifer bit his lip as smirked.
"Are you liking what you're seeing?" Lucifer asked and Lilith turned to him, eyes burning. "Yes."
"I am too." They both watched as Adam’s form arched and cute whimpers left his plump lips. He came on the ground, thighs trembling from being in that position for so long.
They watch him get up and walk away, presumably to wash himself. Then, Lilith turned him and gave him her look. The look she gave him was one of want and desire.
"I want him."
They decided to ambush him while he was bathing. They watched with smiles as he played in the water and swam around. Lilith bit her lip as she walked from the bush she was watching from and slipped in. Silently moving forward, she stood behind him as Lucifer's naked form came into view of Adam.
"Lucifer?!" Adam cried out and Lilith smirked at the blush that creeped all the way behind his neck and ears. Adam was so cute flustered like this.
"Taking a bath? Mind if I join?" Lucifer said, slipping into the water. "Uh—um," Adam stammered and backed up. Right into Lilith's awaiting arms. She hugged him from behind, pushing her breasts over his shoulders so that his face was cradled between them.
"I'm going to join too."
"Hu?!" A high whimper left Adam making the two others smirk. Aw, he's embarrassed!
"Hm. I think you missed a spot." Lucifer said, swimming forward. Adam watched him with a furious blush as the archangel brushed a hand over his toned stomach.
"Wa? Missed? I didn't miss anything!" Adam protested as the two chuckled. "Why don't I show you then?"
Adam would have jumped if Lilith wasn't holding him so securely because Lucifer licked a strip of his stomach with a devious smirk. Lilith cooed and kissed his cheek as Adam hid his burning face to the side. He was really quite sensitive!
"No! Wa—mm! I—ah!" Adam protested but Lucifer kept licking up and up his body and Lilith bit his ear at the same time teeth found their way on a nipple.
"Ah~!" Adam moaned loud and clear. They continued exploring his body as Adam writhed in Lilith's grip. "Oh, isn't he just the cutest?" Lilith said as she bit alongside his neck. Adam's breath met her breasts as he tried to hide from Lucifer's piercing gaze.
"He really is," Lucifer replied. "Carry him to the bank? I think we'll need to give him the attention he deserves."
Lilith scooped up Adam easily and he hung in her grip loosely, far too lost in his pleasure to realize they were moving. Lilith sat down and placed Adam on her lap before kissing him.
Adam's eyes widened in surprise and she easily took control. Making sure that she held an arm around his waist, she brought him close.
They broke apart, a string of saliva the only thing connecting them as she stared deeply into his eyes. She smiled when he whimpered in confusion.
"Lucifer. Want to try? He's a good kisser." Lilith watched as Adam’s face was turned to the side and Lucifer kissed him deeply. She moaned. Watching as Lucifer dominated Adam was...exhilarating.
He also said he wanted to try having sex with him. Lilith was confused at first as to how but Lucifer explained it to her and she was determined to see it for herself.
Once they broke apart, Lilith shifted Adam until his face was lying on her breasts. He looked at her with a small and wobbly smile, his eyes glazed.
"Aw. Did Lucifer make you feel good, Adam? What him to make you feel even better?"
"Yesh..." Adam slurred making the two coo at him. Lucifer bent down and licked at his pink bud. Adam's eyes widened but Lilith was quick to shush him and allowed him to bury his face in her breasts as Lucifer tongue fucked him.
Moans and whimpers filled the air, even more so when Lucifer entered him using something much bigger.
"Ah! Ah! So...big!" Adam moaned out, drooling on Lilith. He slumped in her grip and Lilith smiled and kissed his forehead. "That's it. Be good for us. No more running away. Understood?"
Adam nodded, far too lost in the sticky folds of his pleasure to understand Lilith fully, but the First Woman was happy nonetheless.
"That's right Adam," Lucifer growled. "You're ours!"
"Y-yours?" Adam slurred out. "But...why?"
Lilith tilted her head. "Because we want you."
"Ah! D-didn't want me, mmmm, before...."
Lilith winced. She really did hurt Adam by avoiding him. Well, he won't have to worry about it anymore.
"Then how about we prove it to you that you're ours?" Lucifer said before increasing his speed.
Adam clutched onto Lilith and cried tears of pleasure. Lucifer must have been hitting that special place called the prostate. Apparently, it made Adam feel immense amount of pleasure.
"Lucifer! Lilith! Yesh! Yesh!" He slurred out and moaned high when he came. He passed out, his face slumping into Lilith's breasts making the First Woman hug him close. Lucifer slipped out and kissed Adam’s neck before kissing Lilith.
"Wow....he felt so good!" Lucifer said and Lilith nodded eagerly. She gently transferred him to Lucifer so he could hold their Adam. She stretched and began washing off the semen. "He's ours now," Lilith said as she sat back down. "Ours."
Lucifer nodded and they both shared twin looks of possessive desire. Adam was theirs and Heaven help anyone who tried to take him away.
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zerobaselove · 1 day
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a perfect fit | zhang hao
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pairing: campus crush! zhang hao x reader
genre: fluff
word count: 3409
warnings: minor swearing probably?  lowercase intended, not proofread
prompts: 4. "what do you want?" "you" 5. "i want to help you, so please, let me." 11. "is that my sweater?"
notes: combined a hao prompt request (i changed the phrasing of 4 a little bit IMSORRY) with a campus crush! hao request and came up with this,,, honestly longer than i was expecting and somehow shorter than i wanted it to be ?? idk.. anyways geology major! hao you are dear to me (i want him so bad i'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure) hope you all enjoy <3
college was stressful. you knew it would be, it had to be expected. but what you didn’t expect was that the hardest part wasn’t the coursework or the seemingly constant stack of homework sprawled across your desk; it was actually paying attention in your classes.
how were you supposed to focus on mantle convection when three rows down was arguably the prettiest boy you had ever seen in your whole life. zhang hao.
you only had a few classes together, but coincidentally, due to your wandering eyes those happened to be the classes you were falling behind in. and he was to blame. 
truth be told, it seemed everyone had some sort of campus crush on the boy; between the way he dressed and carried himself and the way he always managed to be at the top of every class, just about everyone either wanted to be him or be with him. and you couldn’t blame them in the slightest. 
zhang hao was someone to admire from afar; across the lecture hall or the path between buildings. so when he ended up in a study group you had joined in an attempt to graduate with a respectable grade, you were dumbfounded, what was someone like him doing in a study group for a class he was passing with flying colours? maybe it was charity work, you convinced yourself.
the study group was only so effective for you, with zhang hao in the group you couldn’t focus, yet again. it was too hard to not notice the way he fidgeted with the pen in his hand or the way he doodled small animals in the corners of the paper. or the way he leaned over a fellow classmate as he helped them with a particularly complicated question in the textbook. 
you were doomed.
——
after a few weeks of no progress, you were just about to give up. maybe i’ll just drop out and work at a department store or something. you told yourself as you crouched down outside the library you all studied in. 
sure, you were being a little dramatic. but you were one question away from bursting into tears as you walked out of the study group an hour early. the embarrassment of leaving paled in comparison to crying in front of the boy who had been your reason to showing up to class some days. 
“are you okay?” the question pulled you out of your pity party, looking up to see the tall male in front of you. he gave you a worried look at your curled up frame leaned against the brick. “i’m just feeling a little stupid,” you tried to laugh, a dry husk of humour pushing past your lips.
the boy didn’t respond right away, opting to crouch beside you as he sat down on the concrete right next to you. if you weren’t so stressed about your academics right now, you probably would’ve been a stuttering mess at the close proximity. maybe you would’ve even noticed the scent of his cologne. but all you could do in that moment was frantically wipe your eyes and attempt to not look as pathetic as you felt. 
his eyes softened as he watched your hands rest on top of your knees, “you’re not stupid,” he said, a sweet tone in his voice, comforting even, “it’s a difficult class, everyone has been struggling.” his kind words tugged at your heart more than you’d care to admit.
“but everyone else seems to be getting it eventually.” you sniffled, concentrated on the tears threatening to spill again, “and i just keep slipping further and further behind.” you let out a heavy sigh, “i’m never gonna catch up at this rate.” 
you almost forgot the boy was even sitting there, silently listening to your troubles. “shit sorry,” you let out a pitiful laugh, “i didn’t mean to drag you into being my therapist.” 
he shook his head, a smile spreading across his face, “it’s okay, i’m glad you told me.” he turned his head towards you, “how about we make a deal?”
you only tilted your head in curiosity, urging him to continue his train of thought.
“you let me tutor you from now until exams. if you pass, then we both win, and if you don’t, then at least you tried your best.” 
the offer was sweet, but you couldn’t help but wonder why zhang hao of all people would take time out of his days to tutor you.
“what’s in it for you?” you let a small smile break out across your face, the first in what felt like weeks. 
“well,” he pretended to ponder for a moment, “maybe i just want to pass my knowledge onto someone.” you couldn’t help but laugh at the reason as he continued.
“and maybe, this can double as a way to make a new friend, if you’d want.”
sure. “friend” had no real implications of anything beyond a good acquaintance. but you almost choked at the disbelief. the university’s sweetheart, zhang hao wanted to be your friend? the boy you had spent the better part of the last two months trying to tear your eyes off of while your professor droned on about chemical reactions and the composition of rocks.
“are you sure? i don’t wanna take up too much of your time and-“ he cut you off before you could finish. “i wouldn’t offer it if i wasn’t sure,” he smiled gently, “i want to help you, so please, let me.”
you pondered the offer for a moment again. maybe it was the prospect of spending more time with him, or maybe it was just the idea of finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that was this class, but you had made up your mind.
“deal.” your smile widened as you stuck out a hand, his own coming out to shake yours as he mirrored your expression. 
this was going to be interesting.
——
your one on one study sessions had only been going on for a few weeks but you were already starting to grasp the concepts more with zhang hao’s help. “just call me hao.” you recall him insisting on multiple occasions, unaware of the way your brain would try and twist the intimacy behind it. just friends, you had to remind yourself, that was all you two would ever be, and that was honestly more than you ever could have expected. 
“hao,” the name rolling off your tongue, “it’s getting late, can’t we wrap this up?” you whined, pouting a little in hopes of getting sympathy from the boy. as smiley as he was, he was also quite the hard-ass when it came to studying.
“one more question and then we can be done for tonight, deal?” he smiled, gesturing to the last practice question from this page. you let out a huff as you mumbled an acceptance of the deal, grabbing your pencil once again as you wrote out the explanation, scouring your brain for the scientific phrases to communicate your thoughts. 
zhang hao looked over your final answer with a content hum, his hand coming over to ruffle your hair, “good job, you’re getting the hang of this.” 
you stiffened at the contact and praise, you had never really gotten validation like that, especially not from someone like him, and your brain was running with it. 
when you originally agreed to this arrangement you hoped that maybe it would be your way to get over your little campus crush on the boy sitting next to you, but it had only gotten worse, and you were slowly losing it. taking a moment to shake the thoughts from your mind, you started gathering your stuff up to leave, as was zhang hao. 
“don’t forget you’re stuck with me tomorrow too, y/n!” he chuckled lightly before saying his farewells and leaving first, rushing off to meet up with his friend; you were sure he mentioned his name once before, ricky maybe? something like that.
you only nodded as you waved, grabbing your jacket off the back of the chair and slinging your backpack over your shoulder, but then something caught your eye; a light blue hoodie draped across the back of the back of the chair next to you. zhang hao’s sweater. the boy was already long gone, and based on how often he was sporting the hoodie, you assumed it was one of this favourites, so you couldn’t just leave it here. “i’ll just give it back to him tomorrow.” you mumbled to yourself, picking up the sweater and resting it over your arm.
when you got back to your dorm you folded the sweater nicely on your desk, right in your view so you wouldn’t forget it tomorrow. as much as you tried to ignore it, that night you couldn’t help but notice the warm citrus scent of his cologne, and you swore you could smell it in your dreams that night.
——
the next day was a brisk spring day, the warm air having been replaced by a crisp, almost cold, breeze. to say you had not dressed properly was an understatement, you thought to yourself as you walked across the campus towards the library. in a moment of weakness as you called it, or rather a moment of strong winds, you took it upon yourself to throw the pale blue hoodie over your frame. he wouldn’t mind too much right?
sitting at your usual table in the library, you set up your many papers and textbooks, not paying attention as the boy you had grown close to approached the table, a little out of breath. 
“sorry i’m late,” he breathed out, catching his breath after seemingly running here. 
“it’s okay, i was early,” you laughed, finally looking up at the boy who’s cheeks were flushed light pink.
you watched as his gaze traced your figure, taking notice of the sweater you were wearing, “is that my sweater?”
now it was your turn to flush a shade of pink, trying to form a sentence as you stuttered through excuses, “oh, i’m sorry,” an awkward laugh escaped your lips, “it’s just you left it here yesterday and so i was bringing it to give back to you but it was colder outside than i thought it was and so i put it on on the way here without really thinking, i can give it back right now,” you barely stopped to take a breath, “or i can go wash it and then give it back if you’d prefer.” your train of thought was stopped by his hand on top of yours, your mind going from a million miles a minute to frozen solid in mere moments. 
“it’s okay y/n,” he chuckled at your flushed expression as he sat down next to you, “it looks cute on you anyways.” he said simply, moving his gaze to the textbooks in front of you as he flipped to the pages you were on the day before. 
this boy was going to be the death of you.
——
something in the air seemed to change after that day, and it wasn’t just the scent of the blooming cherry blossoms in the breeze. something had changed with you two, and perhaps that was how the two of you ended up in your dorm room rather than the library, and on a saturday of all days. 
“what homework have you got for me today teacher zhang hao?” you joked, leaning back on the arms as you sat on the end of your bed, looking at the boy who sat comfortably in your desk chair.
“aren’t i allowed to just hang out with my friend without talking about plate tectonics?” he said, a joking sarcasm lacing his tone. 
you only laughed in response as you tried to control your heart beating out of your chest at the simple, friendly, term. 
before you knew it, the day had faded into night in a blur of laughter and conversation; real conversation. it was a nice change of pace, and as much as you hated to admit it, the more you got to know him, the more your campus crush had changed into just a genuine crush. 
you tried to ignore it, but it was so hard to ignore the comfort you felt being around him, how easy it was to slip into conversations and how easy he made you laugh. how were you supposed to not think about that.
and much to the dismay of your heart, these weekend hangouts had become a sort of routine. on top of seeing him most weeknights at the library, your interactions had spilled into the weekends quite seamlessly. whether it was just having a movie night in your dorm room, wandering campus during sunset, or even just doing normal young adult things like going shopping. the two of you had even gotten into the habit of accompanying each other on errands just to keep the other company. 
it was nice, you couldn’t lie, but the domestic activities made it that much harder to separate your romantic and platonic feelings for the boy. 
and here you were, awaiting the arrival of the boy on a saturday night. every time your phone lit up you rushed to grab it, just in case it was from hao, the casual name becoming more natural over the weeks.
this time it actually was a message on your screen, you found yourself quickly unlocking your phone to see what it said. “i’m going to stop at the store on my way over,” the text read, “do you want anything?”
before the voice of reason in your head could object, you typed back a quick response, “you.” simple, straight forward, to the point. everything you weren’t. it was already too late to cover up your boldness as you watched the typing bubble appear, in sync with the wave of anxiety and near nausea that washed over you.
“you think you can afford me?” he joked back, rolling with the conversation more smoothly than you ever could have, evidently. you typed back a quick laugh, hoping he wouldn’t see the truth behind your original response, “probably not, maybe i’ll just take some gummy worms.” you replied before nearly throwing your phone across the cramped room. 
and to think, you were stuck with him all night.
——
you tried to focus on the movie, you really did, but the all too familiar feeling of wandering eyes and a racing heart took over your senses, and who could blame you? it wasn’t every day you found yourself sharing a blanket with the prettiest and kindest boy you’d ever known. you almost wondered if he could feel the heat radiating from you, or if he would just blame it on the fuzzy blanket covering your legs. you hoped it would be the latter.
soon enough the credits were rolling and you finally pulled yourself from the thoughts spinning around your mind, just in time for hao to turn to you with a smug smile. “you didn’t pay attention to any of that movie, did you?”  the question caught you so off guard you actually choked a little on the sharp intake of breath. was it that obvious? you wondered. you really had to work on your expressions it seems. 
“what’s on your mind y/n?” the smooth, almost teasing tone in his voice would’ve probably made your knees give out had you not already been sat down in your bed.
you managed to stutter out a response, rather reminiscent of the first real conversation you two had months prior. “oh it’s, uhm,” you quickly tried to come up with a believable excuse, settling on possibly the worst one, “it’s nothing.” the stiff laughter did nothing to help your case as he grinned at you knowingly, hopefully not too knowingly. 
“so i’m nothing now?” he feigned offense as his hand came up rather dramatically to his chest. “i thought i meant more to you than that, y/n.” he teased, obviously enjoying watching the gears turn in your brain as you attempted to process the conversation that was happening.
busted.
there was no coming back from it now and you knew it, and more importantly, he knew it. at some point he had picked up on your lingering gaze, your quick glances that you thought had gone unnoticed. all there was left for you to do was either admit your growing feelings, or play dumb about the whole thing. and somehow you decided the latter was the smartest option. 
“i, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about.” another forced laugh pushed past your lips, getting past your thumping heart on the way out. 
it seemed that your reaction filled zhang hao with a new sense of confidence, because he did the last thing you expected him to do; lean in. not close enough for your lips to graze each other, but close enough to feel his breath on you, to feel the heat radiating off of your faces. close enough to feel the thick tension in the air, but you were sure anyone could feel that if they were here, you could even cut it with a knife.
“i think you know exactly what i’m talking about,” he smiled, your eyes darting down to his lips that were only a couple inches from your own before looking back to his eyes; warm and inviting. 
you weren’t sure what to say anymore, and so you made the bold decision to close the gap; only briefly, but long enough to taste the cherry lip balm that coated his lips, to feel the way his lips fit against yours. like tectonic plates.
what started as one chaste kiss turned into 2, and then 3, and then a gentle kiss of yearning, of waiting, accompanied by his soft hands on your cheeks. you couldn’t help but lean into his touch, his soft hands feeling like silk against your burning skin. you could feel him smile into the kiss as your body eased, relaxing into a rhythm. time slowed and suddenly the two of you were the only people in the world, the boy in front of you filling all of your senses. zhang hao. zhang hao. zhang hao. your brain echoed as you pulled away, giddy smiles plastered across both of your faces.
“is that what you were on about?” you smiled, your voice barely above a whisper as your eyes flickered between his lips and his eyes once again.
he let out a small laugh, “what do you think?” he sat back against the wall once again, admiring the way the glow from the tv illuminated your skin, and the way you couldn’t wipe the grin off your face. “i thought you’d never do something about it.” he laughed again, this time grabbing your hand lazily.
“listen,” you started, “i didn’t think you noticed, and i was okay to keep it that way,” you looked down at your interlocked hands, your mind silently replaying the last 5 minutes on a loop, rendering yourself no better than a broken record. “you’re the zhang hao, everyone has at least a bit of a crush on you, so why would i assume i had any chance.”
he shook his head as a proud smile spread across his face, “everyone?” he asked, leaving you to lightly smack his arm, a small yelp coming from the boy. “okay okay, no need to smack me,” he laughed, “but really, you thought you didn’t have a chance? why would i have offered to tutor you if i didn’t have at least a bit of an interest in you?”
you let yourself ponder for a moment, looking back on the now distant memory. “i just thought you were being nice!” you stated matter-of-factly, earning another giggle from the boy, you could get used to that sound, or rather, being the reason behind it.
he merely smiled, pressing another kiss to your lips, “well i’m not nice like this to anyone else, if that helps make it more clear.”
“good,” you mirrored his smile, taking in the beauty that was the boy in front of you, the boy who seemed to fit with you like the tectonic plates.
“because i don’t think i could handle the idea of you spending your wednesday nights talking about rocks with anyone else.” 
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otomehoneyybearr · 1 day
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Golden Week Happy Bag 2024
Kagari’s Story
One day, during my stay in Kogyoku, I had been whisked away by Kagari.
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Kagari: "Princess."
Emma: "Wah...!"
Suddenly pulled back by the shoulders, I instinctively cling to Kagari sitting beside me.
Kagari: "...You were leaning too far forward. You would have fallen if you stayed like that."
Emma: "Oops, Sorry, I'll be more careful."
Kagari: "You better be. If you get injured, it'll ruin the cherry blossom viewing."
(Even though it was you who forcefully brought me here...)
(But you don't often get to see such a beautiful view, do you?)
The place where Kagari took me to was atop a cherry blossom tree in the castle with red tiles.
The fully bloomed cherry blossoms filling my sight, along with the blue sky and the town visible through the gaps, create a fantastical scene like a painting.
I gaze in wonder, as a gentle breeze caresses my skin, carrying the cherry blossom petals that fluttered around.
(It's beautiful...)
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Kagari: "In Kogyoku, it's said that if you can catch falling cherry blossom petals with your non-dominant hand, you'll find happiness."
Kagari: "I suppose you want to try it, Princess?"
Emma: "Of course. I'll make it happen in one go, so please watch."
Focusing on the fluttering petals, I waited for the right moment.
(Now!)
Kagari: "..."
(Here it is!)
Kagari: "..."
(This time for sure!)
Emma: "That's odd, seems like I'm off my game today."
Kagari: "Just admit that your reflexes and visual acuity are lacking."
(Well... that's harsh.)
The result was a crushing defeat, ending with me just grabbing at thin air.
Kagari: "Your hair seems to be doing a better job."
As soon as the hand wrapped in red gloves touched my hair, petals began to fall from it.
Kagari: "That’s one, two, three... four petals."
Emma: "That's a lot."
Kagari: "It seems you're fond of this cherry blossom. Hold still since there are still some left."
Emma: "Uh, okay."
(It feels like being petted on the head. It's nice, but a little embarrassing.)
Pretending not to notice the warmth on my cheeks, I wait for Kagari to withdraw his hand.
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Kagari: "..."
Emma: "Um, is something the matter, Kagari?"
Noticing the intense gaze, I keep my gaze on Kagari without averting them.
For some reason, Kagari takes a cherry blossom petal from my hair and puts it in his own, then tilts his head towards me.
(Is he… asking me to take it?)
Reaching out to his fiery red hair, I pluck the petal.
Occasionally, my hand is pressed against his head, and instinctively, I start to stroke it...
(Ah… it feels like being affectionately approached by a big cat, it's cute.)
Seeing a slight softening in his expression, my heart tightens.
Kagari: "Is it over already?"
Emma: "Yes. I've taken all the petals out."
Kagari: "...I see."
(Somehow, he seems disappointed.)
(Come to think of it, why did Kagari bring me to see the cherry blossoms?)
Subordinate: "Your highness."
I lowered my gaze at the sudden voice to find Kagari's subordinate standing there.
Subordinate: "The preparations for the meeting are complete."
Kagari: "Alright. You may proceed with it."
Subordinate: "Yes, understood."
(A meeting...)
●●●●●● Flashback ●●●●●●
Emma: "Um, Kagari, you seem to be injured..."
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Kagari: "It's not my blood."
Kagari: "Your timing is truly terrible, Princess."
●●●●●● Flashback End ●●●●●●
(Is another battle about to begin?)
Anxiety and fear crawl up my spine as the image of Kagari covered in blood flashes in my mind.
(I’d been taught that battles are like everyday occurrences in Kogyoku.)
(Still, I hope the damage isn't too severe.)
Although I'm an outsider, I can't help but earnestly wish for it.
Kagari: "...Apologies are meaningless now."
Emma: "Huh?"
When I looked up, the expressionless emerald eyes that had been staring at me turned towards the cherry blossoms as if passing by.
Kagari: "The cherry blossom viewing is over. It was a good distraction."
The wind once again stirred the cherry blossoms, showering petals.
Kagari effortlessly plucked a petal dancing in the air between his thumb and forefinger, and offered it to me.
Kagari: "A petal caught by a demon should have some effect."
Emma: "Only some effect?"
Kagari: "Don't want it? Fine then, suit yourself."
Kagari: "Did you want to become that happy?"
Emma: "I want it because it's a petal you caught for me."
Kagari: "Is that so?"
Emma: "Yes, it is."
Kagari: "...I see. It feels good to hear that."
Emma: "Thank you. I'll treasure it."
(An apology... Was that the meaning behind the cherry blossom viewing?)
(Yasha and battle maniac are terms used to describe him, but at heart, he's a kind person.)
I carefully cradle the received petal in both hands, making sure it doesn't get swept away by the wind.
(Another memory that's been made in here in kogyoku.)
Kagari: "You're that happy over just one petal? You're an easy-to-please Princess."
Emma: "Whoa...!?"
As I’m forcefully pulled closer, Kagari scooped me up in his arms and descended from the cherry blossom tree.
He’s always abrupt and forceful like this.
As my feet touch the ground, a sense of loneliness washes over me, as if signaling the end of a dream.
Kagari: "Farewell, Princess."
Emma: "...Yes."
(I've met Kagari many times already.)
(Yet... he never says "see you later," does he?)
▼・ᴥ・▼
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smartycvnt · 20 hours
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Title: Talk It Out
Pairing: Rhea Ripley x Reader
Word Count: 984
You felt like everything was a bit too much. You had been fed loss after loss on the biggest stages offered. Tonight, however, it felt a little more personal. You hadn't been up for a championship, but it was your first time wrestling in your hometown in nearly five years. You had hoped for a win, to be hailed as a winner in your homecoming match, but instead, you had been humiliated.
You didn't know where you were going as you stormed off backstage. Everybody avoided you like the plague. Anger and discontent radiated off of you in waves. The looks of pity only made it all worse, so you went to the one place where nobody else would know to go.
The years spent working at this venue as a teenager had paid off well. All of the old secrets you had discovered were left how you remembered them. The stairwell leading up to the roof was still well hidden behind a janitor's closet door. You made your way up there, not expecting to be followed. It was supposed to be your chance to truly be alone for a few moments.
"Ash," Rhea called out softly. You didn't turn to look back at her. Still, she approached and sat down next to you. "How are you feeling?"
"Like a fucking loser. He told me things would be different, and the first major live event we have here, I get fucking squashed," you ranted. Rhea placed her hand on the small of your back. Usually, you would have leaned into the touch, but you couldn't handle any more humiliation. "Rhea, don't."
"What?" Rhea didn't bother hiding her surprise. You always leaned into her embraces and touches. It was a simple pleasure that Rhea could always count on. Her feelings for you had always kept her up at night. There was always a little voice in her head shouting at her to say or do something, but Rhea never did.
"I can't handle any more humiliation, so please just don't. Go downstairs and forget that I even came up here," you told her. Rhea's brows knit together in confusion. You sounded desperate and conflicted.
"What's humiliating about being comforted?" You had always been one to champion getting help when you needed it. Rhea knew that she'd be so much worse off mentally if it wasn't for you. You preached self love and care like nobody else, so Rhea really didn't understand why you were pushing her away when it was obvious that you needed someone.
"What happened to being kind to yourself? What happened to accepting love and comfort when you can't give it to yourself?" Rhea asked. She didn't mean to sound so angry with you, but she couldn't help the raising of her voice. You flinched away a little, just as much as you could without moving out of her arms.
"Rhea, please," you pleaded.
"Talk to me. Tell me what's going on," Rhea said. You dropped your head against her shoulder and turned to try and hide your tears. Rhea could feel them soaking through the fabric of her shirt. In that moment, everything around you was Rhea. You relished in the momentary comfort that her presence granted you before it was ripped away. You hated that you got so in your head about Rhea. The two of you had been friends for years, and your feelings had never gotten in the way before.
"I love you," you mumbled against Rhea's skin.
"I love you too, Ash." The way that Rhea said it broke your heart. You had heard it a million times before, and it didn't sound any different. She had obviously heard you, but Rhea didn't understand. Once again, she felt your hot tears begin to soak into the collar of her shirt. "What's wrong? I hate seeing you like this. Tell me what I can do to help."
"You can't do anything. You've got Dom, and I'm stuck here by myself. There will always be a long line of people who come before me, and I thought that I was okay with it, but I'm not. I love you, and I want so much more than what we've got." You were practically sobbing into her at this point. Rhea gently cupped your cheeks as she pulled your face out from the crook of her neck.
"I need you to look at me. I need you to listen to me, not just hear me, but listen, okay?" Rhea gave you a moment to compose yourself before she spoke again, "I love you too. I feel the same way about you, okay?"
"Y-you do?" You couldn't believe it. You needed to hear Rhea tell you again. It would have been your luck for her to not mean it and start laughing in your face. However, that never came. Instead, you felt the gentle press of her lips against yours. You kissed her back, just as gently as she kissed you.
"I love you. I'll say it a million more times if I have to, but there are better ways for me to show you," Rhea laughed nervously. Your eyes lit up as her words registered in your brain. "Let's get back down there. A lot of people are worried about you, and if I kiss you again, I'm not sure that I'd be able to stop myself from doing more. I've wanted this for a long time."
"Me too." You smiled at Rhea as the two of you stood up and made your way back down to everybody else. Rhea had you tucked under her good arm as she walked you to the locker room so that you could get out of your gear and into your regular clothes. A few people came up to check on you, but they kept a decent distance because of Rhea's proximity to you.
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hathorneheiress · 3 days
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Episodes of surprise
Avery's POV
Sometimes they come fast. Bringing me to my knees. Other times it took a little while. Torturously taking it's sweet time to get to me. Today was the time it came fast.
I was in my room getting ready for the day when my breathing became labored and I began shaking like a leaf. I had never had to deal with panic attacks but now I did. I noticed it not to long after losing my mom but it got worse when I became the richest teenager in the world over a year ago. In that short time I had been shot at, threatened, bombed, in a coma. Chloroformed and kidnapped. Almost lost people I hold dear and so much more. Definitely something to spike my panic attacks.
I was on the floor in an instant. Cupping my hands over my ears I rocked back and forth. Trying to focus on my breathing it did nothing to calm my nerves. Oddly, it only made it worse.
"Heiress, just breath." the voice sounded so far away yet so close at the same time. Then I saw my boyfriend's face right next to mine.
Jameson Winchester Hawthorne was everything and nothing I had thought I would have for a boyfriend. Emarald green eyes that usually sparkled in mischief was filled with concern. The constant smirk was replaced with a frown. The one thing that was the same was the unruly dark brown hair. So artfully mused. 
Most people saw Jameson as a spoiled billionaire grandson with an adrenaline rush and a need for riddles and adventures.   And he was, but only me and his brothers knew there was more then the outside people got to see. He was also kind, caring, funny. Gave me distractions when I needed them the most. (And sometimes not) Gave me the best back rubs and hugs. Was a perfect kisser. Did I say that?
I felt his warm hands cup my face. "It's ok Heiress. Focus on me."
A peaceful sense came over me and was able to concentrate on his words. "J-Jameson." I murmured shakily. "What are you doing here?"
"I got home early. And I'm glad I did. How long has it been going for?"
"Not long." I confessed burying myself in his chest. He smelled of expensive cologne, whisky, bad morning breath, and cake batter? 
I sat up. "Where have you been?" I asked suspiciously.
He gave me his most charming smile. Proof he was doing something he was not supposed to be doing. "A surprise."
I gave him a look. He laughed. "Alright Heiress, you win. I'll show you what it is. But you have to promise me you are up for it. Especially after your episode. (Jameson always called it that. Trying to be discreet which I appreciate.)
Honestly, I had forgotten about it. But that's what usually happened. I'd be having a panic attack and Jameson would miraculously appear. He'd get me talking about other things and then everything negative I felt went away.  "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you."
"Anything for you Heiress." We both rose from the floor.
Taking my hand he led me through the house till we got toward the kitchen. Why were we going there?
He seemed to read my mind. "You'll see."
"Surprise!!!!!!!!" People shouted as soon as we walked through the doors. I jumped in shock. Everyone I loved and cared for was there.  Xander and Max stood in a corner holding large amounts of punch. Libby, with Nash at her side, stood next to a gigantic pile of cupcakes. There was a least 200 if not more. Frosted with every color under the sun. I noticed Grayson in another corner holding a very wiggling Tiramisu. I couldn't help but giggle.
Thea, Rebecca, the Laughlin's. Alisa Oren, and Zara too. 
Why was everyone here? It wasn't my birthday or the anniversary of when I came. "What's the occasion?" I had to ask. "Why is everyone here?"
"It's officially Avery Grambs appreciation day!" Xander shouted out.
"What?"
Jameson explained. "We have been noticing how stressed out you have been getting. And we decided that you need to take a break. Also we wanted to show you how much you mean to each and everyone of us." He smirked. "Including Thea."
"Ha ha Jameson Hawthorne." She gave a smile that only Thea herself could give.
"So all this is just for me?" I couldn't get over it.
"Just for you. Including the cupcakes. You have to eat all 300 by yourself."
I playfully gutted him in the stomach. 
"Oh thank you!" I went around and hugged everyone there. And got dog kisses from Tiramisu as well.
What started out as a horrible day turned into one of joy and fun. We consumed more cupcakes than I will admit and talked for hours about random, stupid things that only the Hawthornes and us would talk about.
It was good to be loved and appreciated. 
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Conversation
My 'Signalis' experience in a nutshell.
Rose-engine probably: Here are these two lesbians who are totally tragic and deep. You are supposed to love them and care about them because they're sad and they danced together on a ship.
Me, wrapping Adler in a safety blanket and picking him up in my arms to carry him away from the eldritch hellscape: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over how much I love my new son and how he deserves better.
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untouchedsoap · 7 months
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there is something sooo fucking good about early seasons ian and mickey, about watching this summer fling turn into something more, the fear that elicited from mickey but him being unable to stop, finding those little moments hidden away and taking all this meaning from small gestures and persevering in dugouts and under bleachers and barely pressed confessions in the back of a church that is soo good for my brain
like i am very glad mickey gets to shout his love for ian from the mountain tops and also beat his love for ian into his dad's face but when he was clenching his teeth shut and his love for ian was coming out regardless ohhhhh baby i was eating
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running-in-the-dark · 2 months
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had one very short interaction with my mother-in-law and once again I think I won't get through living here until the end of March :)
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blujayonthewing · 3 months
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I don't mind being treated like a weirdo when I'm being weird but is there anything worse than spending your whole life constantly running into moments where you thought you were being perfectly normal, you thought you were acting like everyone else, maybe you even were objectively acting just like everyone else, but whatever you said or did makes everyone stop and stare at you exactly like this
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weird-gay-disaster · 1 year
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I'd probably be more okay with being in LGBTQA+ places online if they weren't so predominantly white. And the only thing white people have ever done for me is annoy me.
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lord-squiggletits · 1 year
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pharma really is such an interesting case. one thing i’ve always felt with pharma is that he absolutely doesn’t want consequences. and facing up to it requires a lot of looking at and showing people what he’s done and you know. the consequences. i mean hell he’d rather start a plague than say “hey i got coerced into doing a very bad thing by the djd”
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I do understand what you mean about Pharma not wanting to face consequences, but on the other hand, I kind of understand why Pharma made a plague rather than admit to medical malpractice/murder? Because like, the thing that I don't see brought up often enough with regards to Pharma is that blackmail... is blackmail. Like, as someone who's unfortunately been on the receiving end of blackmail, the entire point of blackmailing someone is that you corner them into doing bad things by convincing them that they CAN'T turn to an authority figure to ask for help. Like, the person doing the blackmailing generally convinces the person who's getting blackmailed that if they try to reach out for help, the law/authorities/etc either won't care about their predicament or will punish them for the bad thing they did that they're getting blackmailed about.
I kind of feel like (and this isn't an attack on you, just a commentary about the nature of blackmail) when someone like Ratchet looks at Pharma and says "but you could've called for help or shut down the clinic or anything!", it kind of ignores the fact that...... when you're being blackmailed you're fucking terrified, and people who are terrified generally don't jump to the most rational, safe solutions possible? When you add in the fact that Pharma was blackmailed by Tarn of the DJD, notorious hater of Autobots and fanatic leader of a torture club, it's not hard to imagine that Pharma was both afraid and in pain (or threat of pain) while at Delphi and thus wouldn't be thinking straight about it.
I don't know, like. Yeah, on one hand Pharma made a plague and killed a bunch of people to try and cover up his crimes and maintain his career. But he didn't just do it for ego related reasons, he was also almost certainly facing threats of torture and death.
#squiggle answers#pharma apologism#i think i'm biased on this issue so anyone can come in here and add their thoughts or correct me#i guess it just bothers me because like. i've kind of been in that situation (not as serious as pharma's) where i didn't ask for help#and when i got in trouble for not asking for help afterwards and instead choosing to lie or go behind someone's back or whatever#it was generally bc i was more afraid of punishment by The People In Charge#than i was afraid of lying or breaking the rules or doing other bad things#and when i got accused (by the people in charge) of seeing myself as above the rules or thinking i was better/smarter than them#it always pissed me off because i was like. bro i didn't lie to you for fun and games i lied to you because i was afraid#that if i asked you for help you would just shun me or get pissed off at me and punish me#also re: the blackmail i was a victim of. the thing about that is it was over something ultimately petty (stupid internet drama)#and i was PROBABLY never in any real danger but like. the issue was that i FELT like i was in danger#fear is powerful. fear of being threatened at any time or having the things you care about taken away is especially powerful#i had nightmares p much once a week for months during the ordeal and still sometimes do now#like idk i really am biased on this matter but like. just bc pharma made the plague to cover up his crimes#doesn't mean that that's the ONLY reason is what i'm saying#when ppl lie and cover up things about that it's not just about ego but about dumb animal terror#and i mean. to get back to the pharma apologism brand. ratchet KNEW pharma was being blackmailed but he fucking ditched him anyways#this is the guy who was supposed to be his bestie of millions of years and he fucking told pharma he was dead to him#and that's the guy who pharma thought would UNDERSTAND. imagine what he thought other autobots would think of him#also i have a theory that tarn probably psychologically tortured pharma by telling him the autobots would just lock him up for his crimes#as a way to get pharma to not tell anyone and keep supplying him cogs. because you know. blackmail
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reddiamondyeet · 8 months
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#red rants#I'm so fucking awful. god#I care about people so much but my first thought everytime is me first. me me me.#One of my friends will be crying and there will be that overwhelming voice in my head saying “can't they just get over themselves already?”#AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT WAY. I DON'T WANT TO BE CRUEL LIKE THAT.#BUT I DON'T LOVE. IT'S NOT SOMETHING I FEEL. IN ALMOST ANY WAY.#the closest thing I have is my mother#I care about them. I really do. But I can't keep doing this.#I can't keep watching them break and not being able to feel anything for them but apathy.#what am I even supposed to say? all the tactics that work with them require those emotions i can't feel!#and all the tactics I can use only hurt them more! I'm so sick of this!#I'm sick of seeing them suffer and my first thought being “At least people see you. You're lucky and you don't even know it”#I'M SICK OF BEING A JEALOUS LOVELESS ANTISOCIAL ASSHOLE I WANT FRIENDS I WANT LOVE I WANT IT SO BADLY#but what the fuck am I supposed to do. I'm too tired to even think about changing myself.#I might as well not even try to be friends with anyone. I'm not going to able to be there for them when it counts most.#maybe I've just fucking doomed myself into loneliness. I don't wanna be alone. I don't want you to be alone. You shouldn't have to be alone.#but turns out my fucking shitty broken brain is too exhausted to care about people more often than not.#i care so much i loop back around to not caring. how fucking amazing. whatever. i've never kept anyone for that long anyway#guess I'm just doomed to fail
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sagaschan · 1 year
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If I were to add on to that rant a little more
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