#so why am I even talking about this lol

[persephoneflouwers]

🫧

#i ADORE when that specific group of fans #gets so worked up because #larries uas don’t post about stunt pics with hand holding etc #why so mad babes? #doesn’t your ‘reality’ stunt life match with mine stuntfree? #on tumblr.com? #if ​you’re looking for dumb stunt pics go check those fantastic blogs #that keep the ‘updating’ work to every stupid stunt move they make <3 #i promise you ignoring it it’s not a big deal #but I already know yall would start with the misogyny talk because larries UAs did cut the stunt women out a pic… #so why am I even talking about this lol #it’s forever endearing the way these two-three people #always reblog hlds posts or larries posts in general and say #‘well weird you didn’t see the complete version of the stunt walk with kisses or hand holding’ or whatever #and im like no it’s not your silly little brain just wants to be entertained with the reaction of our subsection of fandom #(which you don’t agree with and love to makes jokes about and give free insults because you are #personally into a crusade against another subsection of fandom that is obsessed with stunts lmao) #it’s entertaining to watch #(also hld is posting stunt pics by the way… it’s just that THEY think they should UPDATE BETTER!!! UPDATE MORE!!!! UPDATE WITH HONESTY!! #be reliable sources and not MANIPULATE THE TRUTH!!!!) #entertaining… I told you 😭😭😭 imagine wanting real updates on something that’s fake like celebrities and their love life #maybe go check the weather outside <3

[ganondoodle]

me: finally im able to cope with how much i hate totk and can fuel that energy into other things :)

nintendy: the shiekah tech just dissappeared and no one knows why or cares enough to investigate it lol. lmao. its gone bc the calamity is gone or something even tho it literally isnt bc ganondorf is right there haha lol, stop asking, why do you care. just forget it existed and look at that sexy goatman and glue instead!! glue! isnt that wild?? also its totally a direct, 100% same universe and exact same characters, despite them act totally out of character, sequel to botw-

#ganondoodles talks #ganondoodles rants #zelda #totk #im just fucking!!!! at my limit!!!! #what the fuck do you mean #the calamity is the equivalent of ganondorfs farts trying to wake himself up and you say lololo is gone so the techs gone #then why do some parts still exist huh??????? #fuyking clowns #all the threads leading organically into another game WOOOP NOPE CUT THEM ALL WE DIDNT MEAN TO GIVE IT MEANING LOL #what is ancient energy and whys there a big concetration under these regions including hyrule castle? oh my god is it bc gan is there an- #NOPE forget we ever said that haha lol lmao even #can you really blame me for feeling like im being laughed at #like totk is mocking me bc i care about botw and thought theyd take up the interesting things they set up in it to expand upon??? #and no instead they backpedal like oh no we accidentally made it seem interesting quick get the iron out we need to FLATTEN this bitch #and they keep making it WORSE by insisting that its totally 1000% a direct sequel #just fucking say its some alternative bullshit again #i am begging them to let soemone else direct the next game #bc when the guy makes accidentally good lore he needs to immedaitely flatten all the good stuff when it comes to a sequel apparently

[trans-cuchulainn]

two questions to ask yourself when you start looking for pre-christian material in medieval literature:

1. when are these texts from

2. when did christianity come to this area

i can guarantee you in the vast majority of celtic-language sources (and others) the answer to 2. is several centuries before 1. and at that point you gotta ask yourself... how likely is it that these people would be writing about something that has not been a thing for them or anyone they know for, like, four hundred years (or, in many cases, eight or nine hundred years), especially given that most of the people doing that writing are not merely passively existing in a christian society but are, yunno, monks

there are exceptions! but there are way fewer exceptions than you think there are gonna be! and the exceptions are almost always extremely nebulous sub layers that can't be disentangled from the other layers (which are christian) with any certainty so are always somewhat speculative!

and most importantly those other layers are interesting too, but if you only ever treat them like dirt to dig through to get to something "real" underneath you're sure gonna be disappointed a lot of the time (and you're gonna miss a lot of cool shit that would be really exciting if this was an actual archaeological dig and not a metaphor)!!

#this feels a bit like lobbing a grenade into a crowded theatre #but tbh everyone who is mad at me for saying this has probably already blocked me #given that I've been saying it for several years at this point #i think these days people are so used to religion being a personal thing #they don't really comprehend what it meant to Live In A Christian Society As A Medieval Person #like. we're not talking primarily about faith or what someone personally believed #but how society is structured and ordered and the paradigms its literature lives within #AND WHO PRODUCES THE LITERATURE #education is ecclesiastical. book production is ecclesiastical. literacy itself is in many cases ecclesiastical #the christianity is coming from inside the house #anyway whatever why am i trying #i had two (2) entire sips of wine this evening (i don't drink and don't like wine) #so maybe that's why i'm posting this lol

[harbingersecho]

Marrassurma, God of Death (and Dreams) from The Abyssal

bonus Sol bc the hand kiss scene is cute

#the abyssal #the abyssal if #interactive fiction #mine #*23 #art #marrassurma #i really want to do the pestilence thing but like. why would marrassurma do that he likes humanity + the human world :/ #btw if u think marrassurma is edgy i originally thought abt marrasverisurma lol. but i was like thats way too long dude im sorry #it doesnt mean november death btw it means killing of an omen (of death) or being killed by one. google's stupid #finnish lesson ahead ig. surma can be a violent death/a killing/voluntary manslaughter/a tragic accidental death/the destroyer of something #or a poetic way to say kill. surma can ALSO be a very hard obstacle or opponent or a personification of death when w/ certain chs #and marras is just any omen of death/person who brings death/person who's about to die/any dead thing/a ghost. yeah uhh dw about it #so marrassurma can technically mean a combination of any of these but i'm using it as like. the one i explained before lol #why am i even explaining this. maybe bc im cursed with the ability to talk endlessly abt stupid shit i think is interesting

[sisterdivinium]

You know, for a show with so many female characters that so many of us love given how they all get time in the spotlight one way or another and they fill that time up rather wonderfully since they are deeper and more developed than what we're used to seeing in general media, it is peculiar (to say the least) to see so few "alternative" ships to the main one.

I'm not saying the canon ship doesn't deserve its attention -- I'm wondering instead why the canon ship and it alone seem to guide the WN fans who just so happen to enjoy writing/reading fic or fanart or whatever.

You'd think all these cool women would inspire more ships or combinations thereof, but those of us who aren't invested in avatrice just... Float along, around one another, ignored (and, yes, mostly undisturbed too; being unpopular does have its advantages and that includes a lot less weirdos leaving you strange or awkward messages -- it does not, however, shield us from people flooding our goddamn tags on AO3 with fic that has nothing to do with our little ships and I do wish such negligence of the pairing itself meant we didn't have to deal with this spam...)

I am also not saying that fandom activity should be based solely on shipping (and recently someone on Reddit was rather confused by the fact that a lot of it is, which is quite an interesting topic to discuss in itself -- after all, there is more to fan creativity than shippy fic... Or there used to be), merely that, here, it appears that a canon relationship can outshine interest in the other, non-canon ones. It's already there and it was doubtless well-done by the show, so it's natural that it should claim people's attention, sure. It's just that being canon was never the parameter for whether people were interested in these or those two (or more) characters maybe being involved and trying to explore what that could mean through fanwork.

There has always been a complaint haunting fandom spaces concerning the minuscule amounts of f/f fic, art, discussion, w/e based on how few (interesting or sympathetic or relatable) female characters there are in media at large. So what I'm curious about is why fan creations made around WN -- a show that finally gives us a whole cast of female characters that are what we have been craving for decades -- don't also reflect its diversity.

There are alternative ships (I'm here, all happy in my tiny Doctor Superion bubble, and I know there are Camila/Lilith, Ava/Lilith, Mary/Shannon, Mary/Lilith shippers out there, so a warm hello to you if you're reading this), but go on AO3 and compare the numbers of things tagged with these proper pairings to the grand total of WN stories. Better (or worse) still, do so with the "otp: true" trick or simply by excluding avatrice from the search to see how many are left.

It's... A considerable difference. And a mystery, at least to me.

#tagging this as #warrior nun #simply because i'd like to talk about this and maybe some of you have thoughts or theories about it #i just ask you engage in good faith if you do. i'm not pointing fingers at avatrice people i think they're fine and dandy #i'm just -- to reiterate -- surprised at how little interest there is in other ships when the potential is all there #(is it because they're nuns? that never stopped avatrice so why should it stop others...) #(besides lilith is hardly still a nun after s2. bea left. mary didn't really take vows did she? you really thought i was a nun she says...) #meta fandom talk i guess #then again about the nun thing... i have noticed a lot of people just go for aus. i can't recall ever being in a fandom with SO many aus #is the religious aspect an issue by any chance? i also recall someone commenting on how little a part religion played in these aus #curious. very curious. #i imagine some of you are wondering why i care when i don't even read fic but -- #-- to quote jillian salvius herself i am a curious person and well you are a curiosity lol

[warpedpuppeteer]

I don't know if it was the audio quality or not but it's so hilarious that Eddie just goes BUCK in such a loud voice. It's giving me 'I'm so cool with my queer best friend I'm so supportive' 😭✋🏽. "You look great together" and he sounds strangled, still talking in a high pitch voice. "Have fun, stay safe!", he probably says as he grins too wide while clutching his forgotten girlfriend's hand tightly.

#idk #it's just funny to think about Eddie being extra enthusiastic to show that he supportive and is A-okay with Buck being bi #but he just makes everything awkward lol #and buck's like what are you doing #and Eddie's like supporting you! #and also I'm a huge fan of Eddie spending his entire date talking about Buck #because he actually so would #mr i learned maths from my gf #also low-key jealous eddie #he'd be like: personally i wouldn't have chosen this place for my first date #and: oh! oh no i would NOT have chose THAT wine buck doesn't even like that one much #and marisol is there like be for real right now #and he's clutching the spoon so hard his fingers are turning white as he cheerily says: tommy's a-he's a nice guy he'd be good for buck #buddie #911 abc #911 spoilers #PLS i NEED unhinged eddie trying to be supportive but also low-key jealous #and keeps doing this until someone points out what he's doing #and he's like WHY AM I LIKE THIS #and someone shakes him like: because you're in love with him! #eddie diaz #evan buckley #evan buck buckley

[sandcobangevent]

Will there be a discord server, for everyone taking part?

I personally won't be setting one up. The event already has space on each of the four Discord servers for Sherlock & Co that I know of:

Plus while I'm not going to stop you from sharing amongst yourselves, the idea is you and your partner work in secret without revealing what you're doing to the other participants. Then you submit and at the end everyone's works get revealed together!

Everyone will be working off the same prompt and it'll be interesting to see what everyone comes up with separate from each other!

#sherlock & co #sherlock and co #fanart #fanfiction #event #collaborative creation #I won't stop anyone from making a discord server #but I'm not sure why we'd need another #and what would we even talk about since you're supposed to only collaborate with one person lol #i am old tho so

[todayisafridaynight]

i cant explain it but daigo being subtitled to just be like 'you're making me look like i have no balls' feels so illegal and wrong. hilarious but something's off

#snap chats #WAIT I HAVE TO INTERRUPT THIS POST WITH THE FUNNIEST SHIT #SO I WAS GETTING FOOD FROM MY SCHOOL'S DINING HALL AND YOU CAN WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU WANT ON A SHEET YEAH #AND I SAID I WANTED A SAMMY AND FRIES OK BUT WHEN I GET MY PLATE ITS JUST FRIES #AND YK W/E OK I'LL JUST EAT THAT BUT THEN. WHILE IM LIKE. GETTING PIZZA TO SUB IT YEAH #I HEAR THE COOKS BE LIKE 'yoo why do we just have a sandwich here' AND THE BIN IT #AND I WAS LIKE 'was that a chicken sandwich cause uhhh <:)' AND THE WOMAN WAS JUST ':OOO IM SO SORRY' #LIKE DAWG /IM/ SRRY I FEEL BADLKAJLJ but yeah. they were nice enough to make me another one 😭 #ok. back on topic with this fuckin post SORRY. i just have all these potatoes and a pizza to eat with this sadnwich now #i didnt eat breakfast or lunch so its ok. moving on #watch me explain it lol. i think its just cause its hard fr me to imagine daigo even saying balls like that. in jp or english #like he just doesnt have the Oomph to do it like the kansai bitches #see this how i know jo from kansai.... that easy as balls to imagine... #LIKEIM TELLING YOU THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN SAY BALLS AND MEAN IT ARE KANSAI/EAST COAST BITCHES #in regards to eng its the accent... you just put a heavy mphasis on the b yk... any east coast bitches know what im talkin bout #or am i insane.it could be both idk #its cause in context he looks so meek like no !!!!! you dont be shy about balls talk !!!!!!! #I JUST IMAGINE HIM SAYING IT SO POLITE LIKE NO !!!! YOU HAVE TO SAY IT WITH FEELING. WITH YOUR BALLS #anyway daigo bb ily and i care for you but youre not hard enough to say balls #which is the most insaane thing i could say considering Daigo And His History but yk... im right...

[ramayantika]

It took me these many years to figure out that YES I am an introvert, and I can comfortably talk to anyone anytime if I WANT TO and make it seem as effortless than the general perception of introverts to be shaking at the thought of having a conversation with a new person or maybe even with a known circle of people

#samridhi speaks #sooooo people from my class ask my roommates that why don't I talk much #but I am plainly bored of the same old topics to discuss and I could care less about the latest boys hostel mischief #I do enjoy the banter but God not every conversation has to be about the couples in our class and their activities or what the boys did #after they were high #I still give out a mysterious vibe lol and I accept it #none of them will never know of the things I do #AMD THE BIGGEST SURPRISE TO THEM IS WHEN I ACTUALLY MAKE A CONVERSATION AND THEY FIND OUT THAT THIS GIRL CAN TALK #lAUGH ANC BE ENTERTAINING #BUT UH UH MY ENERGY IS NOT FOR YOU ALL TO EXHAUST WITH MINDLESS TOPICS #YEAH VERY LAAL JHANDA OF ME I KNOW I GUESS SO BUT YEAH I ANYWAY NEVER EVEN BELONGED HERE SO-

[derpinette]

girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could

#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does #i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY #HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY #OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited... #turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was #always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me #i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY #we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it #i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow ) #& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together #we even talked about finding moids ugly #it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^ #talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL #i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do #also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women #& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT) #i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy #to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD

[mrsdulac]

really do not agree with some of these takes from the vc fandom concerning the show only fanbase

#at this point y’all #some of it just seems mean spirited #like whyyyy does it matter SO MUCH to some of y’all that newcomers are show only? #why can you not just…be happy the fanbase is growing?? #and this is not directed at anyone in particular #I’m just… #i’m over the comments about the show only crowd. i really am. #why do you think they’re unable to grasp the complexity of what they’re watching #and yeah i have legit seen some blogs say this #even critizing them for reading the fanfics but not the books like…can we relax? #is iwtv a college level course with required reading now? lol like??? #the show is not the same as the books and it’s perfectly fine for people to engage with one and not the other… #having a different perspective bc you have read the books is absolutely fine but like #having knowledge from the books doesn’t mean that your interpretations and opinions concerning the show are more valid or superior #i have had three more anons in my inbox talking about this and it’s starting to drain me #let! people! enjoy! the show! without requiring some in depth meta knowledge from the book #okay…tag rant over <3 #iwtv #vampire chronicles

[procuder]

Let's see some of what they have sacrificed (a whole chapter lol I'm almost crying no I'm crying so hard rn I won't shut up about it) for that 'I want to be his friend' (my ass) scene! (I'm only choosing my favorite)

So, only after both of og lloyd and suho were on the train, before og lloyd got reincarnated btw ☺️ so we will see. What we were robbed just for half of chapter.

"Seriously? Are you still sulking?" Lloyd lifted his brow. "..." "What? Why? What? Don't look at me like that. Speak." "..." Ghost frontera didn't speak. But its gaze at Lloyd was distinctly different from a while ago. There wasn't anger, resentment, frustration, or any of the negative emotions that played across its eyes as it blewoff steam at Lloyd. The corners of Lloyd's lips rose slightly. "Hey, you're grateful but embarrassed for getting angry at me earlier, right?" "..." "I can see you flinching in guilt." "Oh, tsk... Come on." "If you're thankful, just say it. Don't curse me out."

And what's more funny is how suho cares for og lloyd lmao this is the proof that shows us how good person he is. And. You know. Yeah I'd rather not talking about how they portray his character out like that I cannot shut up.

"Hey, tell me if you feel motion sick." "Why?" "I'll remove the trap. That way, you can stick your head out and vomit." "I might as well just kick you out of the trap," growled Ghost Frontera. "Did you forget already how i beat you up after you tried to do that?" "No, I didn't, bastard," huffed Ghost Frontera. "Then let's just go reincarnate like a good boy. Anyway, how do you feel? What does it feel like to be the passenger of this monumental train?" "Well, nothing much." Ghost Frontera roughly scratched its jaw. "I want to get a drink. It's been a while."

Man...the more I write, the more sad I become when these good things are replaced with something. I don't know, you thought it was boring so you changed it? Even if it's just an unnecessary conversation but you know what? That allows readers to get to know the characters more. Get to know the character's attitude more. And can also relate more to that character...but...sigh. just. Sigh.

So I'm going to share my views on og lloyd right here. Tbh, he's a trash. Yes, he's inherently bad. And some people are just that bad no matter how good their family is. But if you try to analyze it through lloyd's pov on his home and his family. It's another kind. He finds his place boring and he is always dissatisfied with it. But with the little information we've gotten about what he was like when he was very young, and things he's noticed, even he considers them very boring. Of course, even though this bitch is a trash lol I never forgive him for what he had done (like-hate relationship for me and him lol)

Okay so. Hear me out. He did care for his family (*ahem* JAVIER EXCLUDED!!!!) but instead of changing himself he chose to let it be....yeah ykwim🤷‍♂️ As I've said before, he cares about his family and he knows he shouldn't have done that in the first place. But he was not the one to even say it because he thought he would do it in his next life. What makes you think that he'll do whatever tf he does in the webcomic? Lmao let me grab your collar and have some private discussion!!!

"You're heartless bastard. Don't you miss your family back there?" "No. My parents all passed away." Ghost Frontera paused for second before saying, "They say your family is always with you as long as they're in your heart. Cheer up, scumbag." "What are you saying?" Lloyd frowned with a smile. "Forget it. What about my parents? Are they well?" "Of course. They are as healthy as a horse." "Really?" "Yeah." Lloyd stared at Frontera. Then he continued in honesty, "Come to think of it, I'm relaying this news late. The Frontera family is no longer a barony." "What? What do you mean?" "It's county now." "Whaaat?" Ghost Frontera's eyes windened. "Surprising, right? I'm surprised too. Anyway, the count has resumed his hobby recently too." "Wood carving?" "Uh-huh. There are a bunch of wooden sculptures in the study already." "Then what about Mother's garden?" "It's still there. Oh, it has doubled in size. But I'm slightly worried about the count's back and knees." "What's up with that old man's back and knees?" "He's helping out with the gardening. He insists on crouching and giving a hand when he's not used to the work." "Tsk. I guess the man is still senseless as always." "Aren't you going to ask about Julian?" "Don't have to. He's a smart kid, so I'm sure he's doing well on his own."

And ;) they replaced these precious conversation with that. Changed long ass heartwarming conversation into 3 speech bubbles just to sped up the story and ooc'd literally every characters. I'm so okay sir. I'm completely okay.

This is just a part of chapter 243 you know TT you know how much we were robbed right? I am okay right now. It's not like I'm going to talk about how they manage to portray my king hellkaros like that too. Yeah I'm to tally okay with it!

Anyway, it's true that og lloyd cares about his family but, dumbass. he hated javier so much you know lee hyunmin-nim you already have read ch 408 how the hell did you manage to understand that 'wow this guy is actually a good person maybe he even wanted to be friends with javier too!' How????????????? He cared for his family, yes. And javier was there too? No. He's scumbag? Obviously. So he's a good person? NO DUMBASS. LOOK WHAT HE HAVE DONE TO EVERYONE AND TELL ME HOW.

Or are you just not good at writing complex characters? lol Not even mentioning what he was reincarnated as...

Qidjwkwiduiqoq I'm ; ;;; arugh. qidjqkqodk okay sir. well done.

I'll draw og lloyd and suho conversation soon ^^ watch me draw what it supposed to be soon! Watch me!!!!!!!

Also, how the hell again did you think he cared for his estate may i ask some simple question.

#tged #tged spoiler #ch 243 #God I love Hell arc so much that I cried #og lloyd frontera #lloyd frontera #kim suho #do you know the reason why I stop here? #you guys...it's better to read the whole arc yourself it's so good^^ #i am not dragging myself to talk about hellkaros here or else i'll going insane #i don't care who tf is webcomic hellkaros is now i'm done #the only good webcomic hellkaros has is he's fucking dilf and hot grown ass man that's all #which is i don't even want to think that this mf is my gorgeous hellkaros ofc #i'm totally fine okay?? #lol guys read the webnovel please!

[blueskittlesart]

me, thinking that i have at least a base level understanding of botw: :)

blue, about to write a 1,000+ word essay that is going to completely revamp my understanding of the game and interpretation of its events: bada bing bada boom

i dont know how you do it. i am incredibly impressed and using all of this for fic inspiration. keep writing

every time someone asks me how i do this shit i have to regrettably inform them that the real genuine answer is that i am fucking insane. my 2 passions in life are writing and video games and the place where the 2 converge fascinates me to no end and i am that special kind of crazy that is capable of latching onto something and not thinking about anything else for 10 years. so. the only thing i have cared about deeply for the last several years of my life has been the way video games are written and constructed. and zelda is one of the most interestingly constructed franchises i have found to date. these games are just like. the absolute perfect story for my brain to work with and i truly do not know who i would be without them. and i am genuinely incredibly grateful that ive been able to build a platform where people like. CARE about what i have to say and take the time to ask me to think about the games because like. i would be doing it ANYWAY but knowing that there are people who actually read my analysis and appreciate the amount of thought i put into this stuff makes me really happy lol

#i sincerely think video games are an art form and that so many stories benefit from being told interactively via video games #and i'm especially fascinated with the way loz chooses to tell its stories because the games are almost always designed so that the player #actively makes every decision in the storyline even though every game only has one preset ending. that's SO COOL. #ive found myself frustrated recently by rpgs that are super cutscene heavy and i was struggling to articulate why until i went back and #looked critically at the way zelda games are designed and i realized that there isn't a single cutscene in loz that openly takes away the #player's autonomy. cutscenes are almost always reserved for dialog or the beginnings of fight scenes but link almost never makes choices #without the player's input and that's a huge part of what keeps the games engaging! YOU are link. he's not a vessel you occasionally #control. he is you. his decisions are always yours. #and that's generally easier to do with a less complex storyline but the way botw kept that autonomy despite its complex story is SO clever #by making the cinematic cutscenes MEMORIES there's never any percieved loss of autonomy because the player understands that this is #something that has already happened so obviously there's no way they can alter link's choices. that's SO SMART #ANYWAY. i didn't mean for this to be a tag essay about video game mechanics sorry but tldr i am so so so passionate about this LOL #if you cant tell. very few people irl will listen to me talk for this long. this is why i love tumblr #asks

[hella1975]

‘oh you have a new interest? thank god you’re being normal about it and not spending all your money-’ SHUT UP. CLASSICS SECTION IN THE CHARITY SHOP DOWN THE ROAD

#okay oresteia was £8 online and i regret nothing #but the fact i was like yesss oresteia let’s go!!! and then blacked out in the classics section and somehow managed to bag the other two #and now i have antigone oedipus electra and the satyr plays…. girl… #£2 EACH FOR THOSE TWO BOOKS BTW!!! and the guy working the bookshop was rlly knowledgeable about it #he was like ‘are you studying or just interested’ that is a VERY SORE SUBJECT BEST FRIEND #but he was so sweet I was like nah im an econ student he was like ‘you will have such broad knowledge now with both!’ #like yea okay 😭 and then he kinda started mansplaining about astronomy of all things for a bit #and another man joined in and I was like i truly cannot tell if youse are talking to me like this bc im young or bc im a girl #but for the sake of a nice interaction im willfully ignoring the second option in favour of the first #<3333 #OH and the copy of the satyr plays is kinda worn which is my fave thing about 2nd hand books like I LOVE when u can tell they’ve been read #and I bought sticky notes bc im planning to fully sit and annotate these as if i actually am studying them #i feel like im at school again but in a good way this is so fun like i remember why I used to enjoy learning #and didn’t feel thick as shit all the time and drained of all joy. lol. lmao even #hella goes to uni

[strawberrybabydog]

for me, some level of trauma related to being the least-favourite child is directly related to playing videogames and boredom

growing up my younger sister got handed the SNES controller and i didnt. she played with my parents and by herself and i watched but didnt play. sometimes this was because i wasnt allowed and other times i thought it was a choice, even though, my choice was because i didnt know how to play and if i asked my mom would have said "really? you want me to start a whole new save file JUST for you?" and i would have quietly said nevermind, and remembered not to ask ever again

when we got a wii, for my sister's birthday she got 2 wii games. for my birthday i got decorations even though i was too young to understand what a decoration is and i just tried playing with them (emphasis on try). sometimes i would come home from school and my sister would have a random gift (something i never got) - another wii game! because it was on sale at blockbuster, and oh sorry Luna, we didnt get anything for you because they didnt have anything you would like.

by the end of our wii, i had 1 wii game that was mine - i chose whenever i wanted to play it, for how long, and if anyone else wanted to play it they had to ask. that was the rules, because it was mine. my younger sister has 11 wii games.

when i was in middle school, i was not allowed to get a better (real) console. it was too expensive. plus, we have the wii, it works perfectly fine, just play on that. m...my one game? that i've been playing since i was 9? that i've 100%'d 5 times? yes.

when i was in highschool i wasnt allowed to have money, especially not to spend online. "luckily" i met an internet friend who was a hacker and sold what he claimed to be abandoned steam accounts. he gave me one for free. i played stardew valley and oblivion religiously, because my laptop was built in 2010 and could barely handle the lowest graphics settings of a game several years older than it. it ended up getting double-hacked so after a year of using it, i once again had no more videogames

now im an adult and i just... cant play videogames. basically none of them. after abut 30 minutes of playing i get so anxious that i have to stop. i havent played stardew valley in about 2 years, my favourite game of all time that i used to stay up until 8am playing.

the game loads, and im anxious because i forget the controls. i walk up to an npc and get anxious because if i dont pick the perfect dialogue tree, im failing myself by not being perfect, so i'll pause the game and go on my phone for 10 minutes to find the answer (i HATE doing this.) i approach a puzzle and im anxious because what if im not smart enough to solve it and i fail again? i need to check if anyone's in the room with me now because if anyone is watching me play they'll know i'm a failure too so i should stop playing. but, videogames are communal (they must be,) i have only ever experienced playing them with someone else there (watching sibling/parents play, watching youtube letsplays) but if someone else sees me fail i'm the worst person ever. and i mean, realistically, how do you even play a videogame for more than 1 hour? how do focus on 1 thing for that long? sounds fake to me

but... i want to play videogames. i know they're experiences. and i want to have experiences. especially because as a disabled person my only other option is youtube. so if i'm not playing videogames, i'm bored out of my skull laying in bed, doing nothing, staring at my youtube screen watching the exact same video essay for the 6th or 7th time this week because the algorythm's only other choice is "perfect damascus steel knife blade DIY"

other than youtube, what am i supposed to do? i cant play videogames - i'm not perfect at them, i cant focus, and i just dont deserve them. there is nothing else.

#and im not even touching on how this has othered me socially #i had to go to high school and listen to my friends talk about playing soulsborne while i had to go home and play fucking #my sims kingdom for the wii. that was my game. that was the 1 game i had #i didnt even choose it either. or ask for it. or know what it was. my parents bought it because it was in the fucking clearance bin #once again i should emphasize that there was no reason for them to treat me this way at fucking all #i am autistic but i am also like very fucking normal. painfully so #i was especially a very normal child #but in their brains they just see me as the RWord and that's enough justification to not give me things that i need or make me happy #sorry for posting this on this blog i pretty much have 1 friend and she talks to me like once a week lol #personal #not dog #parental trauma #yes im including this as trauma btw i literally cry when faced with the task of playing a video game i literally panic #there's also something to be said about growing up in a hypermisogynistic environment and how living with 1 male and 1 TV #makes me immediately give up videogame powers to him. like. why am i playing the tv im a girl he's in charge He should be playing videogame #big shout out to the 0 people who will read this entire post why tf am i posting this oh riiighhht i have no friends. ok tumblr post now

[haveyouwatchedthiscartoon]

REALLY IMPORTANT UPDATE PLEASE READ

Hey y’all, so this blog is probably gonna be on a VERY SHORT hiatus. Just like. Literally less than a week.

The short long of it all is that my parents are coming in tonight for the holidays and unfortunately as much as I tired I didn’t have time to queue up enough stuff for that period of time.

The ask box is STAYING OPEN during this period of time! So you CAN keep sending stuff in there just won’t be any polls for a hot second! Holidays are just kinda hectic, you know? Lol

But thanks again for everyone’s support and I’ll see y’all after I’m done showing my beach parents around the mountains haha

Also! In case anyone is interested! Cartoon Network is on YouTube streaming Holiday Special reruns of their cartoons for FREE for this month! Here’s the link! Happy Holidays and go watch cartoons!!

#also I just wanna say. i know the queue has died a few times #and I’m just really greatful and thankful that even if any y’all DID notice #that no one was like. weird or rude about it #i hope it goes unspoken that yes! i love this blog! soooo much!! #but I also am an adult with a life and full time job lol!!! #but yalls support means the world and I’m so excited to come back and keep going! #also I’m gonna make sure that with the next batch of polls to also bring back the data reblogs! #I’m sooooo dorky I LOVE the data part of it all #but those reblogs do take a LOT more time and effort than the polls themselves which is why they don’t come out as often qwq #BUT THANKS AGAIN #AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE!!!! #toonz talks