#sorry i know no one fucking cares about middle english knights but i do!!!!!! also this is me revising for my medieval lit exam so

[paddymayne]

i need u all to read this bit in le Morte Darthur where Lancelot sleeps in an empty bed and the knight whose house it is “““mistakes lancelot for his wife’”” and tries to sleep with him. and then they fight about it. culminating in the knight ‘yielding himself to lancelot’ which is a normal medieval way of saying surrender but like…sure

#i read it out to my mum and she went ‘oh they had their swords in their hands did they? yeah i bet they did’ #sorry i know no one fucking cares about middle english knights but i do!!!!!! also this is me revising for my medieval lit exam so #at least there’s a good reason for my extremely lame interests <3 #h.txt #arthuriana

[tillman]

i kinda rly wanna learn more about arthuriana stuff bc of ur posts but i have almost no idea where to start 🥺 do u have any recs or links?

YES ill copy and paste my usual answer under the cut real quick cus its . late and im tired . maybe tomorrow ill make a doc explaining this better actually...

sorry to mobile users fr the read more <3

i think the best two starting options involve the same strategy of “pick a knight you like the most and consume all the content you can find on them until you get bored/think of another knight and repeat” and its as simple as “do you want to start with sir gawain or do you not know who you want to start with.”

sir gawain i think is the best starting knight if you wanna go the route of reading as much as u can about one and moving on, since theres a LOT of varied content and hes just in a lot. hes important! anyways the first recommendation i have to start with is Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. its a wonderful piece of poetry about a homoerotic beheading game, getting a movie this summer! its fucking gorgeous and a really good introduction if youve never read this old of texts before. i have a few different links so you can take your pick of what you prefer :-)

heres it in the original middle english, its beautiful and if you get the beat down sounds fucking gorgeous but i understand how hard it is to get through if youve never read through it before.

lou recomends Raffels translation above all others which i kinda have to agree with. heres part one and heres part two of that.

and the other link i have directly on hand atm is tolkiens translation which ive skimmed before and it seems really solid.

if you dont want to start with a short and tender christmas party, consider another text most arthuriana fans will consider a must read. its a bit more intimidating than sgatgks poetry but like. hey. its Sir Malory’s Le Morte D’arthur.

this is more on the level of most of the story things youll find for arthuriana and a good starting point to get an overview of a lot of major plot points and characters that show up time and time again in the legends, all of the major knights are covered through malory’s own spin on them and he tries to cover a lot of older tales in his weird fanfiction.

the text can be weird ESPECIALLY if you arent used to middle english since he …. used some weird as fuck words? even for the time. but thats malory.

I highly recommend, if you can get a copy, Kieth Baines modern retelling of Le Morte, it rewords things to make more sense to those used to a more modern prose and while it takes out some of the nuance of some scenes, its way easier to pick up and read. were working on a full scan of it atm actually but the book of arthur is up in our shared drive :-) ill shove a link down here for u

heres the first bit of baines rendition. honestly if u can find a copy for cheap grab it is a fun time

heres the pdf i use for the full text, warning for how weird its structured? its long paragraphs with no quotes around text but if you have no problems with that go for it. heres book one and heres book two.

from there, theres a ton of different options you can follow, but again i think the least overwhelming way to go about it is pick a knight you like and read whatever seems fun that has them in it !

best choices include gawain again, the marriage of sir gawain and dame ragnelle is fun, l’atre perilleux is so fucking wild and just a fun time, the turke and sir gawain has gawain playing tennis? like what more do you need

lancelot has a decent collection of old stories including the entire vulgate cycle (my favorite piece of arthurian lit, im working on scanning the entire english translation ;-)), lancelot and the hart with the white foot IS SO FUCKING GOOD and i have scans of most of the lancelot compilation works, if you have like 10 bucks to spare, Lancelot and the lord of the distant isles is on amazon for cheap and retells the book of galehaut section of the vulgate and its . so good. please care about galehaut.

tristan as wild as he is is also a really good choice for how popular the Tristan and Isolde legend was in europe. you can find a ton of versions of it, though i prefer the german one by gottfried von strassburg, another amazing one is the povest o’tryschane which is a slavic take on the legend that weirdly throws sections of the vulgate and some italian romances in? i adore it either way.

uhmmm some more off the cuff recommendations include Troyes four romances and also Perceval. as much as i bully troyes knight of the cart, knight of the lion, and knight of the grail are some of my favorite words. skip cliges if youre doing that though it sucks so bad. troyes hated his version of tristan and isolde so much he wrote cliges. that alone should keep you from it. eric and enide is ok but eric sucks SO HARD. i hate that bitch.

more modern but tennysons Idylls of the king? fucking stellar. i recently got a copy and its really gorgeous poetry. kinda like le morte in having a good overview of key events in the texts and some notable characters so this works as a good jumping off point

and finally one i cant really speak on much due to my preference of the romances, but i have many good friends who say the welsh sources are REALLY REALLY good and worth checking out :-) the mabinogion mainly, but a lot of the scattered poetry is really fun!

for finding pdfs for some of the ones i just named, u can check out my doc of whatever sources i have on hand. im missing quiet a few but i got most of the ones i recommend at least io3hewt. heres the link to that. ill post a link to the vulgate when i can finish up scanning the prose merlin !

anyways mwah feel free to msg me if u have questions im insane and like researching this stuff for hours and am willing to find out any information

#exmeowstic

[animekath]

Christopher ‘Harrington’ Knight

Thought of making Chris’s Biography, so if you want to know him, here you go!

Name: Christopher ‘Harrington’ Knight

Age: 25 (BDay - August 9th)

Home: UK, London

Family: His father owns a bank called ‘Knight Sheild’ - His mother is a famous fashion designer And has five brothers - who have their own company or work with their father. (Chris is the youngest!)

Sexuality: Gay (His family doesn’t know yet)

Crush/Relationship: No crush/Single

Nicknames: Chris, Chrissy, Bear, Mr.Bear, Richie rich, Rich bitch, British dude

Tattoos/Scars: Has roses on his left thigh which he got in Germany and a scar across his nose which he got from a drunken fight in Australia.

Hobbies/Skills/Likes/Other: Has been boxing since he was twelve and when he was sixteen; He taught kids for two years, only leaving when he started travelling. Can also play the piano but rarely plays it nowadays, since he was forced to play it at a young age. He also speaks fluent English and Spanish, only roughly knowing a few words in other languages - (Mainly thank you, sorry, hello, goodbye.) Was quite fit and muscular at age twenty-three, but now he loves and craves pizza since his travels, that he has put on some weight - mainly his belly. (Still has some muscle on his arms and thighs)

Fears/Dislikes: Chris HATES snakes, he’ll run and scream if one is slowly slithering towards him. He can’t even look at a picture of a snake or as a toy snake. The kids are thrilled with this information and always scare the crap out of him. Chris also stays far away from coffee, not because of the taste or smell, but because he’ll go crazy after one cup; being very active and wide awake - kind of like someone on crack. If you give him one cup, he’ll want more and more, until he is a coffee maniac! If you don’t provide him with coffee for twenty-four hours, he’ll be back to his old self but will have a massive headache, so don’t give him coffee!

Childhood/Teenhood/Adulthood: Since Chris is the youngest child; he didn’t get much attention from his parents nor his brothers, so he did what any child would do...Go crazy. He could shout, break things, cause trouble in school and just make a mess of everything - Just wanting any type of attention. They punished him and even forced him to play the piano, also having an awful teacher to teach him. But when he entered a contest and won first place, his parents were proud. So Chris started going the other way and kept entering contests for anything, spelling-B, music, dancing, everything - getting first or second place.

But he realised that his parents didn’t seem to care over the years, because his brothers were getting successful in their jobs, so he started doing his own thing, which was boxing. He did boxing at age twelve and was improving massively over the years, even teaching children when he turned sixteen.

But what Chris wanted to do the most was travel!

He always watched movies and tv shows about other Countries and just wanted to see the world, meet people and try all kinds of food. So when Chris turned eighteen, he left London and started travelling all around the UK - Even going to Irland, Scotland and Whales. When he turned twenty-one and could fly on his own, he went to one Country after another - France, Germany, Spain, Japan, the list goes on!

His father was throwing money at him to spend on his travels (Mainly to stop Chris from whining) but Chris was walking on a thin line when he went to America since he spent one million in four months.

So...

Main Story: Chris spent another million in America and asked his Father for more money to go back home, but his father had enough and told him straight -

Now Chris has no money and is in the middle of nowhere, so he panics - Calling his father again and again - Even his mother but she also says no. (She’s too ‘busy’ to send money over)

Chris looks through the newspaper for job offers and sees a job in a camp just near him called Camp Cambell. He gives them a call and goes over to see them - Luckily getting the job. Well...The only person who signed up for the job, but still, good for him!

He thinks it’s easy because it’s in the middle of nowhere and is dealing with some ‘stupid kids’...Oh, how wrong he was.

Characters -

David: Chis was unsure of David at first, mainly because how can a man be THAT happy and deal with these little monsters!? But he slowly realised that is just how David is and is genuinely a nice guy, loving his job and the kids. They get along well but do have their moments when David tells Chris to stop swearing and Chris getting mad at David to try and see the bright side of things, even when they are surrounded by madness. They have gone out a few times, Chris being David’s ‘wingman’ and try to get him a lady friend - But it ends badly when the woman is not interested or when the woman is crazy...Or is three girls in a trench coat. In the end, Chris comforts David with some Ben and Jerry’s.

Gwen: Gwen didn’t like Chris at first, thinking how can a rich man have struggles when she has depts and bills to pay, AND working in a crappy job that doesn’t pay her well. But after some talks and dealing with crazy kids together, they both realise they have things in common. Gwen loves romance books about vampires, werewolves and fish people - One of Chris’s favourite books is a romance about lizard people, which kind of blows Gwen’s mind. She also sees Chris as the muscle man, helping to carry heavy things and even carrying her and David after a stressful day. If it was less work for her, she was happy!

Quartermaster: Nothing. Chris is very uncomfortable and confused around this man like everyone else, so he stays far away from him.

Cameron Campbell: Chris is not a fan of Cameron, mainly because he keeps coming over with ideas and plans to tell his father so he can give money for the project. Chris likes his strength and stories, but when it comes to cash, Chris just walks away...But has been woken up in the middle of the night by Cameron about another idea.

Daniel: Chis finds him creepy as fuck and awkwardly walks away when Daniel says something about his cult, only to see the cult leader everywhere he goes. The only way Chris knows how to protect the children from him is one thing...Fighting. But while Chris knows Boxing, it seems Daniel also knows martial arts as well, but you never see it because he just pulls out a knife and chases Chris. Chris hates him, and Daniel’s feelings are mutual, but David thinks they’re great friends.

Camp Cambell kids: Like David and Gwen, the kids make Chris suffer; tying him to the pole, throwing snakes at him and getting him hurt along the way of their adventures. They call him Mr.bear or British dude because of his accent and appearance, but Max calls him ’Rich bitch’. Chris hates the kids sometimes but finds a way to connect with them in some way or another. He does Boxing with Nurf; he plays a monster or dragon for Nerris and Preston, and he throws Space kid when he wants to fly high. Chris is mainly a guinea pig for Neil for his science experiments, Nikki always climbs on Chris like a cat post and freaks out about his accent - But keeps saying he’s French. (Which Chris doesn’t know if she’s joking or not) With Max, it is similar to Gwen; they swear at each other and Max blackmails Chris in a way, but they sometimes work together to make someone else suffer or try to get money in some way. In the end, the kids drive Chris crazy, but he has a soft spot for them.

Summary -

In the end, Chris has no idea what to do. He’ll have his ups and downs about the camp but will try his best to get money to go home...Even if he has to do crimes to get it. He’ll make friends, enemies and also meet old ones this summer. Will Chris get the money he needs and if he does - will he leave or stay until the kids return home? 

Find out...If I ever make comics in the future - Maybe, maybe not!

#*sweats* I hope it's okay - it's the first time I have done this for an oc! i hope you like it! #animekath #camp camp #campsona #camp camp oc #counselorsonas #Camp Cambell #cc oc #cc #chris knight #biography #campcamp #cc david #cc gwen #cc daniel #cc quartermaster #cc cameron campbell #camp cambell kids

[thicc-anxieties]

I skimmed the ask meme just do all the ones with nine please

Sorry for the late reply ! 

9. How tall are you?

about 5′3″ 

19. Do you want a church wedding?

hmmm not particularly . I always wanted an outdoor wedding ^^

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

lol almost, but not quite comfortable enough to do it anytime soon lol 

39. Do you have any scars?

Used to ! it healed up and faded a very long time ago though 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?Innie

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck for like a second but then i gotta cronch 

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

I feel like i’m introverted the majority of the time. 

79. Who was your first real crush?

hmm well i had a crush on this girl , jessica , probably for about 4 years . But that was like..elementary school /middle school . I think my first real crush was for my best friend in late middle school to highschool . Besides like, actresses in movies and stuff she was the first person who genuinely gave me heaps of butterflies lol . 

89. Do you like your age?

Yea! I still have like..restrictions on me as if i were still like..17 lol . but I certainly feel more liberty with things, going to college, feeling like i can explore myself more. being in your 20s is also stressful as fuck , and i barely know what i’m doing. But i’ve had worse years lol . (so far lmao , i’m 22) 

90. What makes you angry?

It’s pretty hard for me to get genuinely angry . And i honestly usually don’t but , I mean like anybody a lot of things to . Something getting to me right now is people who make a mistake, use guilt-tripping to excuse themselves and make others forgive them , without actually taking the steps to better themselves. Been around too many people like that . People i care about too. It’s rough to believe you hurt someone. i get that . What i don’t get is not caring enough to listen . There are..plenty of other things that i get angry or sad about , but that’s what comes to mind for now

91. Do you like your own name?

I do ! I honesty used to hate it, a lot of people making fun of it and like being pretty racist made me internalize a lot of that. and it took a long while for me to realize it’s pretty 

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

hmm sort of? One that I’ve always really loved is hazel. but i think if i chose that my gf will want to name another kid Xavier lol 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Doesn’t matter to me ! ^^

94. What are you strengths?

uhhhh hnnnn I guess i feel like I feel empathy easy and I have come to have pretty good conversation skills ? At least I hope so 

95. What are your weaknesses?

I keep making feet jokes 

96. How did you get your name?

Named after Nadia Comaneci ^^

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Yep ! I’m actually related to the english royal family . Or at least was . Closest ancestor to my knowledge would be the ladder line of king henrys and Mary I ..which makes me related to more of them but . It’s certainly not as recent enough to have anything more than a knights family crest lol 

99. Color of your bedspread?

It’s Blue .w.

@blobfishious Thank you for the questions !!

#ask #blobfishious

[hellogoodbye741]

All the book reviews I should have been doing in real time, but imma piece of garbage(tm)

Please ignore this second (or possibly more if i don’t have enough space) long ass post

Reading Lolita in Tehran:

I really enjoyed this book. I’m not a huge fan of a lot of nonfiction writing because of how monotonous they can be, but this wasn’t like that. She really told a story about her (the author) and a bunch of young woman in Tehran reading Lolita and other banned books, and it really resonated with me.

:)

Hidden Figures:

I had been told several times that this book was not going to be what I expected and that I should read the children’s version of it instead because that was more like the movie. Should have listened. I enjoyed the book, but it focused way more on the scientific side of things instead of the more story-line aspect of history. Not saying that it wasn’t great and a fascinating read into such pivotal people in America’s timeline, it just wasn’t my thing.

:/

Virals:

I had been putting off reading this series by Kathy Reichs because it wasn’t the Tempe Brennan character, and therefore I did not care. BOY WAS THAT A WRONG OPINION. This book (and the subsequent ones I have since read) are amazing! They were written with teens in mind, but you can enjoy them at any level. They are chocked full of sci-fi fun that keeps you begging for more and more. I say this about very few novels, but I would totally read again.

:)

Noir:

I absolutely adore Christopher Moore books. I have read several of his, and have never found any at fault. This one, however, wasn’t up to par. It was okay, but not like his other works. I couldn’t get into as much, and it wasn’t as funny. The story is written very much like a noir-style movie, so I could find no fault in that, but the twist at the middle/end was very unexpected and left me confused. I think I would have to give it a read and more pay attention to more finite details to make sense of it.

:/

Number One Chinese Restaurant:

I was expecting to really enjoy this book, but honestly, it kinda sucked. I didn’t really like any of the characters, and never felt any sympathy for any of them even when they were going through struggles. The writing was a little choppy, and the constant POV change was jarring. It was a little bit of a struggle to get through, not gonna lie.

:/

The House That Lou Built:

I know this book is meant for younger audiences, but I absolutely adored it. Like I have nothing else to say, it was adorable and I will protect it with my life.

:)

Crazy Rich Asians:

I enjoyed this book. I’m not a huge fan of multiple POVs, but the way they did it in this book wasn’t bad at all. I really want to see the movie and see how it compares.

:)

Da Vinci Code:

Tis a classic I have read several times over. Dan Brown got it going on.

:)

Post Mordem:

I love the Kathy Reichs books and have read several of them (unfortunately not in order).  This is the first book in the series, and I really liked seeing how it all got started. Kathy Reichs tries to make sure to make the science aspect of the book both for the idiots and the people who know their shit, which is great. Gotta represent my North Carolina ladiesss

:)

77 Shadow Street:

This book was all kinds of fucked up. Every time I thought I got the plot and what was going on, they fucked me over again. I said “what the fuck” at least once every chapter.

:(

Raisin in the Sun:

Don’t know how it took me so long to read this play. Absolutely adored the characters and the storyline, and the resolution at the end was bittersweet. Would love to see it performed and get the true experience and emotion.

:)

House on Mango Street:

I have read this book a handful of times too, and I enjoy it every single time. The book is short and sweet, and the poetry graceful and moving. Will probably read again and again in the future.

:)

Whipping Boy:

I first read this in the 4th grade and it has resonated with me ever since. It takes like an hour to read, but it is filled with so much in the meantime. All about dat bourgeoise bullshitttttt and how it can be rectified.

:)

In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson:

Haven’t read this since elementary school, and had forgotten how sweet this story is. The trials the young girl goes through and how she triumphs, in the end, leaves me with the biggest smile on my face.

:)

Red Scarf Girl:

Also been a while since last reading this book. It’s a beautiful and tragic story about the rise of communism and the struggles that everyone in their country faced. I think it was based on a true story but honestly can’t remember. Would definitely read again.

:)

Journey of Little Charles:

This was an endearing ‘growing up’ historical novel. I enjoyed it.

:)

Ivy Aberdeen’s Letters to the World:

This was absolutely GREAT. Such a beautiful way to explore and introduce the LGBTQIA+ community to younger audiences.

:)

Children of Blood and Bone:

I really enjoyed this book, and want to read the rest of the series too. It was a very immersive story that kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the whole story.

:)

Chaos/Code/Exposure:

I’m just going to do these three as one since they’re all part of the same series. I really enjoy the Virals series, and each time you think there’s nowhere else to go, Reichs and her son introduce something you would have never expected.

:)

Sing, unburied, sing:

Thought I was gonna like this one more than I did. It just kinda lagged for me and was hard to get into.

:/

Lucky Broken Girl:

I thought this was a beautiful and heartbreaking book (and true story) about a girl who is confined to her bed practically paralyzed. It was nice to watch her get through her struggles and come out on top in the end.

:)

Finding Langston:

This was a very cute story about a poc country boy going to the city and discovering himself through a love of books, and though it is meant for younger audiences, I enjoyed it immensely.

:)

The Dollar Kids:

Another cute story meant for kids about finding one's self and working through trauma in a way that children can understand.

:)

Winnie’s Great War:

It’s the absolutely true story of the English army adopting a bear in the 40s told through the POV of the bear. I do not need to say more.

:)

Ballet Shoes:

I’m a sucker for three young girls following their dreams and one of them being ballet. Yaas queen.

:)

Song for a Whale:

An absolutely stunning tale of following your dreams and fighting through all adversities to get there. Also, the main character is deaf, and being HOH myself, loved having the representation (even if the story if for younger children).

:)

It’s Not a Perfect World, but I’ll take It:

Told from the perspective and real-life story of a girl living with autism, and some things that can help others learn how to accept that they are just like anyone else, and some things on how to make life a bit easier. Loved seeing life through that perspective, even if it was only for a little while.

:)

Rapunzel’s Revenge:

Loved this comic’s twist on the classic tale of Rapunzel. Rapunzel takes her life into her own hands and kicks ass

:)

Ghost Doll and Jasper:

This was a perfect mix between cute and creepy. A combination most would find weird, but I loved it!

:)

Color Purple:

I’ve been hearing about this book for as long as I could remember, but never at any point had anyone ever talked about the plot?? It wasn’t what I expected at all, but it really made me feel something,

:)

We Will Not Be Silent:

NEVER AGAIN MEANS NOW, NEVER AGAIN MEANS NOW

:)

The Woman Who Smashed Codes:

A fascinating read, but on par with Hidden Figures where there was a lot that I just didn’t understand.

:/

The Lowlands:

It took me almost 3/4 of the way into the book to actually get into the plot and understand what was going on. Maybe another read-through might help, but eh.

:/

1776:

I love history, but the sheer length of this book and the unending quality about it was #strugglebus

:/

Born a Crime:

Nobody should be born illegal, nobody should be illegal period. Trevor Noah, I’m sorry a rude ass country did that to you.

:)

Stalking Jack the Ripper:

Yooooooo, read this shit!

:)

Winnie the Pooh:

You already know who it is

:)

Eragon:

It has been so long since I have read this series. I had forgotten how long the books were, but #worthit

:)

Titus Andronicus:

Did not understand it while I was reading it. Saw it performed the next day and was like “ohhhhhhh, i get it now”

:/

How to Train Your Dragon:

Nothing like the movie, at all. Still cute tho.

:)

Howl’s Moving Castle:

Was just like the movie, except even more. There was a whole other plot point that just added to the concept of Howl that made it even better.

:)

Other Words from Home:

Beautiful story of a young girl moving halfway across the world and dealing with the hardships that come with it.

:)

Hunting Prince Dracula:

Do you like UST between two dork scientist badasses??? READ DAT SHIT

:)

Sweep:

This was both incredibly sweet, and absolutely sad, while also throwing in some kill the capitalist bourgeoise and I loved it.

:)

Errant Prince:

Four words-

Gay.

Trans.

Wizard.

Knight.

:)

Diary of Anne Frank:

You get so enamored with the girl she was, that you forget that she never got to the be the girl she could have been.

:’(

The Help:

EAT

MY

SHIT

:)

Black Leopard, Red Wolf:

Not a big fan of the random and multiple rape scenes, and the plot was hard to follow.

:/

Hunger Makes me a Modern Girl:

It was a good, short read.

:)

In Another time:

I got straight and happy couple baited and I was denied but in a beautiful way so #allowed.

:)

A Place For Us:

Another one where the plot was a little hard to follow, but I actually enjoyed it nonetheless.

:)

Sun is Also a Star:

Thought I was gonna be denied my happy ending, turned it around on the last page. Hell yuss.

:)

Prodigal Summer:

Thought I was gonna enjoy it more since I too am from rural Appalachia. Nah

:/

Zombie:

Alright, okay, a little fucked up, okay, okay, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED, the end.

:/

Fox8:

I cried at work reading this????

:)

Fire and Fury:

Not my thing, nice to see what’s up tho

:/

Song of Achilles:

GAAAAAAY

and

TRAGGGGIICCC

:)

Genesis Begins Again:

No matter what anyone says, you’re beautiful

:)

#book review challenge #hawkybarton

[xiaoliaobao]

Angels Ch1.1 - Eleanor x MC Fanfiction

Eleanor tries to adjust living in the 21st century with help from her girlfriend.

ao3 link

words: 2,077

You’re sitting on the passenger's side of Victor’s car, absentmindedly gazing at the scenery as snow gently flows outside the window, falling on top of the trees, giving them a powdery white cap. The car is quiet, a soft jazz song plays on the radio in time with Eleanor’s sighs from the backseat. You turn around and see her sleeping peacefully, obviously exhausted from today’s events. She’s lying down across the seats, your black jacket draped over her, both hands clutching the sleeve. You look at her sleeping form for a few moments and turn back to see Victor side eyeing you, a small smile on his face.

“What?” You whisper, not wanting to wake Eleanor.

Victor’s smile grows bigger. “So Eleanor, huh?”

You feel the heat rush to your face. “What about it?” You mumble, shifting in your seat.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” You feel Victor’s eyes on you and you want to make a quip about keeping eyes on the road but you can’t seem to find your voice.

“I-we kissed, and… stuff.” You quickly say, glancing back to check if Eleanor is still sleeping.

“You like her?”

Your gaze drifts back to the window, your mind instantly going back to the day at the manor. The way she easily got flustered when you flirted with her, the blush on her cheeks when you kissed, the feel of her body against yours, and the fact that she welcomed you to her home despite being a complete stranger. You’ve only known each other for a day and yet everything feels so right when you’re with her.

“Yes, more than i’d like to admit.”

\\

After a few minutes the forests turn to buildings as you near Hartfeld. You’re still looking out the window, watching the colors change at the intersection when Victor speaks again.

“Where’s she going to stay?”

You frown at the question. Truth be told, you don’t even know. All you know is that you had to get Eleanor out of that house, the logistics of the situation only dawning on you as you got back to the city.

“She can stay in my suite for a while,” you say with a nod. Your suitemates might not like it but it’s not like you could just leave Eleanor alone, “but we need to find her an apartment.”

Victor nods in agreement. “It’s going to be hard since it’s the middle of the school year, but I’ll ask around the coffee shop.” He makes a turn towards his street. “In the meantime, we better get her some clothes from this century.”

\\

Eleanor emerges from the bathroom in Victor’s pajama pants and a Knights shirt. She consciously crosses her arms over her chest as she caughts you staring from the sofa, having changed out of your 20th century clothing to a sweatshirt and jeans. “What is it, I look weird, don’t I?”

“No, no!” You hold your hands up and shake your head. “You just look, really amazing even in sweats. I’m just really baffled, because wow you’re really pretty.”

You cringe at your reply. You’re about to say something more subtle but Eleanor suddenly smiles shyly at you, her cheeks turning red at the compliment. She strides over and sits beside you, taking one of your hands. You smile at her and lean forward.

“Hey, oh!” Victor suddenly stops at the doorway, two steaming mugs on his hands. “Sorry to interrupt but here.” He crosses over the living room and hands you and Eleanor some tea. “Figured you could use some tea before we go back to Hartfeld” You and Eleanor mumble your thanks and Victor goes back to the kitchen, presumably to get his cup.

Once you’re alone again Eleanor looks up from her mug. “Go where?”

“Oh,” you shift in your seat to face her, “this is Victor’s apartment. I actually live in Hartfeld, where I study. Uhm, I figured you could stay with me for a while until we find you a place of your own. Uhm, if it’s okay.”

Eleanor frowns, her gaze dropping back to her mug. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude-”

You wave her off-“You’re not intruding. And besides, you welcomed me into your home when I arrived, just think of it as me returning the favor. Also, I asked my roommates and they’re okay with it.”

Eleanor’s head quickly snaps back up. “Roommates?”

“Yeah,” you reply, giving Eleanor’s free hand a squeeze,”I actually live with five other people. I told them that you had to leave home abruptly because of problems and that you needed a place to crash for a few days. Uh, we should talk about that by the way. About what’s your story so people wouldn’t you know, suspect.”

Eleanor nods, she brings up the mug to her lips and takes a sip. “I suppose you’re right. What would you suggest?”

“Uhm, I wasn’t sure what was okay with you but what I said to my roommates was you were having some problems in your house and you had a row with your mother.”

“Yes, I suppose being murdered by my own mother does count as a row.” Eleanor replies with a grim smile.

Your eyebrows knit together in worry. “Eleanor-“

She shakes her head-“No need to worry, I’m quite fine. But yes, I can go with that story. As for my siblings,” she sighs loudly and puts her mug on the coffee table, “I’ll just say they died, suffered from tuberculosis or some other illness.”

“Eleanor,” you start again, but Eleanor shakes her head and turns to you.

“I’m fine.” She says in a thick voice. You’re about to argue but her eyes are looking at you, pleading, to just let it go, and by now you know better than to push Eleanor into talking when she doesn’t want to.

You squeeze her hand and give her a tight smile. “I’ll let it go, for now.”

\\

Your suitemates instantly love Eleanor.

It’s not really a surprise, Eleanor has this certain quality that draws people to her, like how she smiled when you first saw her and you instantly feel captivated by her. You stand by the fridge, watching her near the counter, surrounded by your housemates who kept asking her questions after questions. You think they’re enamored by how pretty she is or her old english accent, though judging by how they stare at her when she talks, you think it's the latter.

After a few moments, Eleanor looks more relaxed, her voice returning to its normal chipper. Your suitemates doesn’t ask any questions about her family, instead they ask about her hobbies and interests, something that Eleanor would gladly talk about. You quietly excuse yourself and go to your room, hanging the garment bag that contains Eleanor’s old dress behind your door and putting your backpack by your bed. You return to the kitchen and Eleanor’s gaze instantly turn to you. She gives you a soft smile, beckoning you to come over. You walk over them and intertwine your fingers with Eleanor’s as you smile shyly at her. The moment of course, did not go unnoticed by your suitemates.

They start asking questions about the two of you. How did you two meet? We’ve known each other for a while, Eleanor answers confidently. What do you like about her? Eleanor turns to you, a twinkle in her eye. She’s very… determined, she answers, still keeping her gaze locked at you.

“She’s also really pretty, yeah? Even if she’s annoying as fuck.” One of your suitemates ask.

Eleanor blushes profusely and looks down, a small smile on her lips. “Very.”

You feel yourself turn red and you look away, biting your lip to stop from grinning like an idiot, because yeah, the girl you like thinks you’re very pretty, you don’t even care that your suitemates called you annoying.

“Did you guys kiss already?”

Eleanor’s face turn redder than it already is as she tries to stammers out an answer. You put an arm around her shoulders and draw her close, turning to face your suitemates.

“Okay guys!” You say, shooting a glare at them. “We had a really long day so, I think we should get some rest.” It’s true though, it’s already past one in the morning and with everything that’s happened, you just want to sleep for ten hours straight.

Your housemates each bid goodnight to Eleanor, who in turn thanks them profusely for letting her stay. You guide Eleanor to your room, shutting the door behind you as she steps forward, looking around the space. She walks toward your desk, crouching a bit to stare at your posters.

“You must have, like a million questions.” You say, your back still pressed behind the door.

She straightens her back turns to you. “A lo-” Her reply is cut off by a yawn. She’s just as exhausted as you are.

You smile at her as you take a step forward. “We can get to the questions tomorrow but for now,” you gesture to your bed, “You need to sleep.”

Eleanor nods and makes her way to your bed. You turn back to the door. “Goodnight Eleanor, I’ll be outside if you need me.”

A hand on your wrist stops you from opening the door. You turn around and see Eleanor reaching out to you, eyes covered in worry. “Where are you going?”

You grab her hand, your thumb stroking the inside of her wrist. “I figured I would sleep in the couch, give you some space.”

Eleanor frowns and she shakes her head. “That’s unacceptable, this is your home-”

“-It’s fine,” You quietly interject, “I’ve slept there hundreds of times.”

Eleanor doesn’t say anything. She just keeps her head down, keeping a tight grip on your fingers, the moonlight dancing against her pale skin. In this moment she looks so much younger, she doesn’t look like someone who’s endured a century of burdens, all the hardness from her, gone. In this moment she’s just like you, an 18 year old girl who’s scared and lonely and your heart aches for her.

“Would it make you feel better if I stayed here with you?”

Eleanor nods, still looking down. You guide her to the bed, lifting the covers up and lying down. You pat the spot beside you and Eleanor lies down beside you, a respectable amount of distance between your bodies. After a few seconds of silence, you fumble through the dark, reaching for her. She finds your hand and you pull until her head is resting on your chest. You hear her sigh contentedly.

“I must apologize,” Eleanor whispers through the darkness, “I must look so desperate.”

You shake your head, pulling her closer to you. “You don’t need to be sorry. It’s okay to not want to be alone.”

Eleanor nods and you feel her breath on your neck, making the ends of your hair stand up. Suddenly you don’t feel exhausted anymore. “Your heart.” Eleanor’s hand rests on top of your chest, just by your heart. “Why is it beating so fast?”

Honestly you have no idea. It’s not like you’re doing anything, you’re literally just sharing a bed with Eleanor and you slept with her the night before so you don’t know why you’re so nervous. But at the same time it’s Eleanor. The same Eleanor that kissed you like there’s no tomorrow, the same Eleanor that looked at you with so much adoration despite only knowing each other for a day. The same Eleanor that, as cliche as it sounds, makes you feel like there’s butterflies in your stomach.

You chuckle nervously. “It’s not everyday that I get to have a pretty girl in my bed.”

You could almost feel her blush against your neck, saying nothing. You place a small kiss on the top of her head. “I feel like I’m the one who needs to apologize. My bed is really small and I know it’s not like what you’re used to in the mano-” You’re suddenly cut off by the feel of her lips against your own. You wrap your arms around her neck and deepen the kiss.

After a few moments, Eleanor pulls away and goes back to resting her head on your chest. “Darling, don’t apologize.” She presses a kiss on your neck and you try to suppress a shiver.

“There’s no place i’d rather be.”

#playchoices #the haunting of braidwood manor #eleanor waverly #eleanor x mc #mc x eleanor #XLB fanfic #Angels series #ch1

[woohooligancomics]

Webcomic Whimsy: Return of Wonderland

Welcome to the Woohooligan Weekly Webcomic Whimsy! If you're a webcomic author and would like a review, you can see my announcement and review rules here.

Title: Return of Wonderland

Author: Emily McKenna

Site: ComicFury

Genres: Comedy, Fantasy, Adventure, Slice of Life, Blood-Bath Mystery, Acid-Trip War Story

Rating: PG (?)

Updates: Unknown

My Starting Point: Page 502 begins what appears to be the 16th chapter. Emily suggested starting on page 1, but there's a marked improvement in the art over nearly 600 pages and I want to give her the best chance of finding new readers. I read the prologue for background, but won't be including those pages here.

Synopsis (from ComicFury): Allie Leland has grown up in a small town where everyone has a missing family member. No one knows why they are disappearing, and the few that do turn up have lost their mind. Allie wanted to help find the truth while still sticking to her normal high school routine, but when she is suddenly attack by a two head monster things start to unravel around her. Now she must become the Alyss for the White Kingdom of Wonderland if she ever hope to find the truth behind the disappearances.

Several things are obvious at the start. First, the story is a treatment of the world from Lewis Caroll's Alice In Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Secondly the art is hand-drawn, although I'm not sure if the colors are crayon or pencil, and the lettering is digital even though the dialogue balloons are part of the hand-drawn panels. It's a little jarring to see the obviously digital letters placed into hand-drawn balloons, and I suspect it's caused problems for Emily on occasion when a balloon isn't large enough for the dialogue she planned.

What's not as obvious is that the spelling and grammar for the series are pretty rough. I presume that "hello there, non-cat animus" is supposed to sound a little odd, coming from a Wonderland native, but it's often hard to know whether phrases like "in work" (instead of "at work") or "it will be easy to communicate better" are deliberate or if they're written that way because Emily is young(?) or speaks English as a 2nd language?

With or without reading the prologue, "we have a rabbit hole to inspect" should ring bells for anyone who's ever heard of Lewis Caroll's work.

The following page shows two other dudes who appear to be nearby but not actively engaged with the heroine, Ally, and the Hatter.

Why is he saying "both of you"? Does the blond guy have multiple personalities? Anyway, both of them seem to be Wonderland natives in disguise... and although the one is a rabbit, he appears to be a tan color, so I don't think he's the White Rabbit from the book. The faces in the middle panels here are a good example of why I didn't want to start on page 1. While the art as a whole is rather rough, moments like this show that Emily has real potential. :)

As a bit of an aside, everyone who treats Caroll's work fixates on the Hatter, who was kind of a footnote in the books... once I'd like to see a treatment where he's not a main character and they focus on someone else instead like the Mock Turtle or the March Hare. I'm not picking on Emily, it's just something I've noticed about writers who piggyback on Caroll.

Oh, the dormouse is in Allie's purse... I didn't get that on the page where I started -- looking back now I see it.

I can't make heads or tails of anything else on that page... This may be like the TV series Lost where you can't miss any episodes or you won't be able to follow the story.

That's an interesting interpretation of the Cheshire Cat... Maybe it's just the illustration, but he looks like Danny Trejo. To be fair, "we're all mad here" is totally a Trejo line. :P

The story switches back to the rabbit and the red knight, who're investigating something that I can't quite follow... and then.

Oh, it's a Five Nights At Freddies parody, too...

And then we're back to Allie, Hatter, Cheshire and the Dormouse.

You have to be careful with size-changing cakes... they're addictive. I hear the same thing about Viagra.

You know, Allie is supposed to be bringing peace after the 100 years war... (according to the prologue)... she seems to be doing a pretty shit job, even her friends are fucking bloodthirsty.

We're a representative democracy!

We're not a representative democracy!

You have to respect an informed murderer...

Hatter's dialogue is spearing Cheshire in the head? ... Isn't he beat up enough? Now he gets death by Scrabble?

Oh, the Red Knight is the other "Alyss"... it's in the Prologue -- "Alyss" is a title given to prophesied peace-bringers. But I guess the Red Alyss is hacking into people with a sword, so maybe Allie's doing a better job anyway.

Oh, the other peacekeeper is a bloodthirsty dick... there's a twist I didn't see coming. "Extra! Extra! Peacekeeper begins peace talks with brutal massacre!" ... That's a bold strategy, Cotton, let's see if it pays off for him.

Okay, I'm sorry to Emily if I haven't really been able to piece the plot together here... if you're a fan of Lewis Caroll fan fiction and ultra-violent mysteries, give Return of Wonderland a look!

If you are a webcomic author and are interested in a review from me, you can check out my announcement and my review-request rules here.

If you enjoyed this and want to help me make more reviews, you can contribute on our Patreon or if you're short on funds you can also help by checking out and sharing my own comedy and laughtivist webcomic, Woohooligan!

Thank you for sharing yourself with us! Sam

#webcomic #review #fantasy #adventure

[ofcacthuxandkylosaur]

Shook in a good way or a bad one?

Hello Anon, thanks for asking and sorry for my late answer (busy days, sleepless nights :/ ) This got bit long and also took time to write…

I’d say Shocked because I was so not excpecting this…unfortunately, althought I did like some stuff in the movie and I could have actually enjoyed it had it not been a Star Wars sequel, it was not a really good surprise… Too much OOCness for me.

I am also left with some frustrations and a lot of worries about what will happen in ep IX and what will happen to the fandom…

I put more details (a lot of it being kylux related) under the cut (beware for spoilers (obviously), me being the anxious and dramatic bitch I am, rambling and probably poor english (I am so tired,sorry)).

So first of all, as I said, there were things I liked: Rose (being a badass), Finn wanting to find Rey, BB8 being a badass ass well, Luke being critical of the old  jedi order, Kylo not being able to kill Leia despite trying, Leia being alive at the end of the movie (I didn’t thought It’d hurt so much when I though she died!), R2D2 showing Luke Leia’s message, all those new alien spieces (loved those big cat-horses!!!), lightsaber duels (wow), new and interesting ways to use the force (I am now craving for long distance cuddling/sex thanks to the force), getting to see a lot of Kylo’s face and hair (dashing!),Kylo dropping his robe Obi-Wan style,…

But my main and big problem was how OOC felt most of the characters…

Luke. Luke with a lightsaber above a sleeping Ben and wanting to kill him. No. I mean, they did explained he never wanted to kill but lighted it on out of pure reflex when his jedi senses went tingling, but still…

Hux. Come on, Hux is not an idiot! He is competent and rutheless and sassy. It didn’t bother me seeing Poe making fun of him. I mean Hux is his enemy, of course he would take on the occasion to diminish him/make him look like a fool. What did bother me was Hux’s reaction. Like he wouldn’t realise what was happening!! Only at the end of the movie did I feel like I recognised him (It was relieving reading I was not the only one in the case)! Also I didn’t see him repeating Kylo’s orders as a joke but rather as a proof the he was the one in command (they did obey him!).

Kylo may be the one that upset me the most thought! He turned from Snoke too fast if you ask me (Rey too was prompt to “accept” Kylo) . And him being unable/unwilling to kill her! So what he can kill his father (even if it shatters him) but not a girl he met twice?? This plus the topless scene makes me fear they could make Reylo happen (I do respect people shipping it but I really don’t like it). Since they obviously won’t make Stormpilot happen (I did not have a lot of hope but well) my only hope is now that Finn and Rey end up together (and that the “purpose” of that kiss with Rose was to introduce unecessary jalousy in their relationship (and not a way to destroy all the other parings involving Finn, making Rey “available”)).

And the way he treated Hux hurt me. I know I sound dramatic and all but it did (I was uncomfortable with the strangle and actualy yelled in protest in the cinema when Hux was pushed against the wall). I know they kind of hate each other and that Snoke himself made sure to maintain a rivalry between them, but that was unessessary (I could even argue that if Snoke took the calculated risk to encourage the rivalry, it was because he knew that Hux had the shoulders to take on the competition and that Kylo somehow respected him enough to not kill him/damage him (otherwise the co-commandship would have been compromised)). You don’t see Vader strangle Tarkin, and I can’t imagine him doing so even if the Emperor had died. Plus, Kylo may be a bad guy but he was never shown taking pleasure in inflicting pain for the sake of it, so I don’t see him enjoying hurting Hux for revenge.

On a side note, as much as I like how “Supreme Leader Kylo” sounds, part of me still fail to understand why would Kylo want to be Supreme Leader in the first place and why he didn’t just…leave. Maybe he would want to “take” his master’s position, but the fonction is also highly political, and at that point Kylo was pretty much “fuck the resistance fuck the order fuck them all”. Of course ruling the Order would mean he has troops and equipment at disposal (useful to track Rey, Luke,…) but for that he would need Hux… And where are my Knights of Ren anyway??

I am scared for the Kylux fandom right now. With a new movie coming, the perspective of gaining new shippers was real. But now I feel like Reylo will be the (only) ship that will gain a lot of popularity (again, I don’t mind people shipping it, as long as no one spread hate, but it makes me still sad for Kylux (+Finnrey and Stormapilot)). To be honnest, had I only see TLJ, I would have never shipped Kylux (hopefully I’ve seen TFA and I don’t intend on stopping). The relationship was depicted differently, in a way I don’t like. I am aware I may seem like an oversensitive bitch but I need a relationship to be balanced for me to ship it  And I absolutely hate anything that looks like an abusive relationship to me (of course I am not talking here about consensual practices between responsible adults). I don’t fancy seeing Kylo raising hands on Hux and I would basically rather have had no scenes of them together than having had those. I have read meany beautiful Kylux fic, were I found them to be on character and and I didn’t have this feeling during the movie.

This somehow terrifies me because I felt like there was a Kylux dynamic (now of course everyone has their own headcanons, that’s not what I’m saying) and I am so affraid that all this could be lost. That they may be seen as a violent/abusive couple now besause no. That is never how I’m gonna see them. And that is not how their relationship was depicted in TFA (and yes I know I am not completely stupid, TFA did not declare Kylux canon I am just talking about their interactions in general). And I know my anxiety may seem stupid and ridiculus and anxiety episodes might often look that way, even from the point of view of the anxious person but it doesn’t stop it from deeply shaken you because for you it’s important and frightening. And I have really not been good lately with a weight on my stomac (wella big weight that hurt) since leaving the room and my mind running wild on bad thoughts so.

But enough with my state of mind, their are also two other main things that bothered me and that was

-Snoke’s dead. WTF???(I was in shock in the cinema with my mouth open, yes) How did Kylo turned against him so fast (I can consider the fact that killing his father made him reconsider things but still it was a big turn) and mostly What? Like that? So fast? It was almost too easy! And won’t we have any explainations about him?!? Who is him? What are his motives? Why is he so force-powerful? What was he even doing on this ship in person after being a distant hidden figure during ep VII? (and where did he find those golden bathrobes??). At this point I am almost convinced that he is not dead, that his presence aboard the ship was a force projection (like Luke’s) and that it all was part of the plan, and I am going to be pissed if he is not in ep IX (and if we don’t at least get information about him!).

-The second thing was Holdo’s actions. I was waiting to see her and was happy to see the actrice again (I am also happy everytime 35+ looking actresses get a job) but I found the character frustrating. I can’t find a single reason why she woudn’t inform her fellow resistance members that she did have a plan (a retreat planet waiting for them). Was she afraid of a mole? Was she afraid Poe was a mole (he was strangely careful in the begining of the movie but that’s a bit extreme)?? If not why did she not just told him what was planned? And if she thought there did was a mole or had any other valid reason not to tell it, why did she not at least tell “Yes, I have a plan. I cannot explain it to you yet but there indeed is an other option than to run out of fuel and be killed”. When there begins to be this much tension inside the group it may be time to do something so you don’t destroy each other before the enemy can! ‘You don’t have to wait for the day to believe their is a sun’ well at least tell me there is a sun so I can believe in it and wait for it! How can people trust you if you don’t inform them their is something to trust? If you don’t tell people there is an option of course they will try to find one?!

In the end I felt as if TFA had been made by people who knew and love Star Wars (I had low expectations about it and ended up so happy!) while TLJ was made by someone that wanted to made a sci-fi movie and that’s all. And since I came to see a Star Wars movie I feel somehow tricked…I also had the feeling that things were a little bit rushed, as if this was supposed to be a stand alone movie rather that the middle part of a trilogy… And I am not sure I amgoing to take everything in the movie as canon rather than as the realisator’s own vision…

Wow this got really long, thanks for reading if you did and sorry for throwing my fears and frustrations around but I needed it! And don’t let soft Kylux die please…

#tlj #tlj spoilers #review #kind of #kylux #congrats if you manage to read it all! #you don't have to of course! #and if you want to talk to me about someting i said #just do #if anyone want actually #but now i am going to sleep #well soon

[andromeda---galaxy]

i’ll protect you

The line they’re in wraps around the building and winds down the street, full of monsters and ghouls and a whole lot of superheroes. There are kids here that Philip thinks probably shouldn’t be, and he thinks he sees his Social History of Photography teacher dressed like a giant frog with his wife and child in tow.

 Lukas shifts anxiously at Philip’s side.

 Philip takes his hand and Lukas smiles softly down at him. They’re both dressed like cowboys and Philip is trying to focus on everything else but how hot he thinks Lukas looks. They got their costumes entirely from Good Will and Lukas is actually wearing chaps, which Philip already plans on asking him to keep on later on tonight when they close their bedroom door. Philip tips his hat back on his head and they step forward a little bit as the line moves.

 “You think Izzy is having fun with her cousins?” Lukas asks, his voice wavering a little bit.

 Philip laughs. “I’m sure she’s still hoarding that hot dog toy because she’s bad at sharing.”

 Lukas scoffs. “As if they don’t have an entire basket of toys at home because Angela gets them that monthly dog box thing.”

 “We need to do that for Izzy,” Philip thinks, imagining it.

 There’s a shriek and Lukas jumps, eyes finding the haunted house in front of them. He looks worried and Philip clicks his tongue.

“Kinda sucks Jen and Evan couldn’t come,” Philip says, trying to distract him.

 “I like her but Jen is way, way too wrapped up in her work,” Lukas says.

 Lukas met them in his Advertising Management class, and he didn’t realize they were a couple until about two weeks into term. They’ve both also been wondering if they’re in the right major, and Philip hadn’t seen Lukas so positive he was doing the right thing until he met them. They assured him using marketing and communications knowledge would help him market himself in his motocross career, and put him ahead of the pack with other riders who didn’t have that knowledge. Surprisingly, Evan drives a dirtbike too, and Jen plans on managing him when he gets into the circuits. Which gave Philip some ideas he’s yet to voice.

 “What do you mean?” Philip asks.

 “She’s got some English essay that’s due in a couple weeks but she said she got into it and couldn’t leave,” Lukas says. “Evan had costumes for them and everything. Now they’re just answering the door and handing out candy. Evan felt really bad, but Jen gets into this zone and she like, can’t get out of it.”

 They’ve hung out with them a couple times so far and Philip likes them, but he knows Lukas would like to hang out with them more often. Jen is definitely more focused on school than they are, and they’re pretty damn focused on it.

 Philip bumps into Lukas’s hip. “You tired of just me?” he asks, pouting a little bit.

 Lukas scoffs a bit, looking scandalized. He tips his hat back and leans in, smashing their mouths together hard, like he always does when he’s trying to make a point. Philip hums a little bit and they take a step forward, still kissing.

 “You’re ridiculous,” Lukas says, kissing his cheek before he straightens back up. “I love you. I love you. I love you so much I’m going into this crazy ass haunted house because you want to.”

 “You don’t want to?” Philip asks.

 “I want to because you want to,” Lukas says.

 Philip smiles slowly. “You’re scared.”

 “I’m not scared,” Lukas says, pointedly looking away from him.

 “You’re scared,” Philip sing-songs, straightening up a little taller so he can rest his chin on Lukas’s shoulder as they continue forward. “Don’t worry, babe, I’ll protect you.”

 “Nope, I’m gonna protect you,” Lukas says, reaching down and wrapping a secure arm around Philip’s waist. “From the wolfman, from fuckin—ghosts and whatever, whether I shit my pants or not, I’m protecting you.”

 Philip snorts, turning into Lukas’s chest. “So romantic.”

 ~

 It takes another twenty minutes before they’re scaling the squeaking stairs and Philip holds onto Lukas and hopes it curbs his fear a little bit. A tall man that looks like Frankenstein’s monster lets them into the lobby in groups of four—they’re paired with two girls, who are also holding hands.

 “Oh thank god,” the redhead says, looking them up and down and immediately getting closer. “Another set of gays.”

 Lukas snorts and he towers above the two of them, they’re so short.

 “I’m Philip and he’s Lukas,” Philip says, nodding in their direction.

 “I’m Diana, she’s Zoe,” the other girl says. She has dark hair and she’s dressed in a NASA uniform, and Zoe is dressed up like an alien. “We’re here on a dare—if we make it out we get fifty bucks each.”

 “Really?” Philip exclaims.

 “If you make it out?” Lukas asks, his eyes wide. “What the hell’s that mean?”

 Zoe shrugs, getting closer to her girlfriend. “My sister puked in here last year and had to stop and get her husband to come in and rescue her.”

 “Her husband should have been with her in the first place!” Lukas says, holding Philip tighter.

 “That’s what I said,” Diana says. “Fifty bucks each. We really need it.”

 “Well, this one thought it’d be fun,” Lukas says, looking down at Philip. He looks around and a shudder goes through him. Philip follows his gaze—the walls look like they’re bleeding, moldy and gross. It kinda seems like it’s supposed to be an old disgusting insane asylum, from the signage and the strange front desk. And Philip doesn’t feel scared, probably because Lukas is holding him so close.

 “Maybe he should go in front,” Zoe says, widening her eyes and pointing at Philip.

 “No way,” Lukas says. He sets his jaw, trying to look strong. “I guess—I guess I’m going in front.”

 “Babe, I can go in front,” Philip says.

 “No,” Lukas says. “No way.”

 Philip gazes up at him, shaking his head.

 “Aw, that’s sweet,” Zoe says. “Diana, why don’t you—”

 “No way, honey bunch, you’re going in front of me,” Diana says. “I’m gonna have my eyes closed the whole damn way.”

 Lukas presses the bridge of his nose against Philip’s temple. “I’ve got you,” he whispers.

 Philip’s heart does a little summersault. He’s torn because he doesn’t want Lukas to be scared but he’s also really, really into the whole gallant white knight thing. He just nods, smiling softly.

 The door in front of them slowly opens, whining like they’re in a horror movie.

 “Oh Jesus Christ,” both Lukas and Diana say at the same time.

 Philip tries not to snort, sharing a brief look with a horrified Zoe. He’s glad they’re not going through this alone. He looks back behind Zoe and sees that the wall is closing in on them. Literally moving closer to exactly where they are. He stares at it for a moment to make sure it’s actually happening.

 “Uh,” Philip says, tugging on Lukas’s sleeve.

 “Oh fuck,” Lukas says, and he immediately ushers Philip behind him.

 “Great, we got the goddamn Star Wars compactor scene happening here,” Diana says, reaching for Zoe’s hand and backing away from the moving wall.

 “Come on, we gotta go through the door,” Lukas sighs. He starts forward and he reaches one arm back, wrapping it around Philip’s hip.

 “I’m so sorry but I’m putting my hands on your shoulders,” Zoe says, close behind Philip.

 “Yeah, we’re making a train,” Diana yells.

 “It’s okay,” Philip snorts. “We’re obviously gonna stick together.”

 “She’s gonna—fuck!” Zoe yells, and they all jump because the door slams closed behind them.

 “Can you open it?” Lukas asks, his voice shaking.

 Philip snorts. “What, you wanna go back out?”

 Lukas narrows his eyes. “Of course I wanna go back out.”

 Diana tugs on the knob over and over but it doesn’t do any good. “Nope,” she says. “We’re about to face certain death.”

 The hallway is dark and Philip can hardly see in front of him, only the outline of Lukas’s hat and the shine of his suspenders. Lukas squares off, swallowing hard. “Okay, okay, let’s just—go as fast as we can, come on.”

 “You gonna barrel forward?” Philip asks, laughing a little bit.

 “Babycakes, I’m gonna need you to stop laughing,” Lukas says, patting him on the hip.

 “You told your mom we want a joint funeral, right?” Zoe asks.

 Philip laughs again, turning around and grinning at her. “C’mon, guys, we’re gonna be—”

 There’s a loud, high pitched, other-worldly howl behind them and it definitely isn’t either one of the girls, Philip doesn’t care if they just met, he knows that for a fucking fact. All four of them start screaming too, like that’s gonna do any good, and when Lukas takes off he holds onto Philip with a vice grip.

 “We can’t run!” Diana yells, though all four of them are fucking running. “We’re gonna—”

 But Lukas is suddenly skidding to a stop and pushing Philip even further behind him. “Oh shit, shit, shit—”

 Philip feels like he has a monkey on his back because Zoe is absolutely clinging to him, but he can’t blame her because he’s doing the exact same thing to Lukas, his arms wrapped around his middle. It’s so dark, but he can fucking see that there’s a large, imposing bald man in front of them. With an axe buried into the middle of his skull.

 “Okay, dude, just—go find a hospital, you’ll be fine—” Lukas says, trying to inch around him.

 Philip follows, spluttering and burying his face in Lukas’s shoulder. They only have a sliver of space to work with to get around the guy and they have to press against the wall to keep going. As Philip passes Lukas throws his arm out in front of him, like that’s gonna do anything if the guy decides to attack.

 “Don’t look at him, please,” Lukas says, his voice still shaking. “Just, yeah, don’t look at—my—my Philip—”

 Philip laughs again, feeling Zoe reach down and take his hand.

 “Don’t make eye contact, Di!” Zoe yells, speeding up and watching the guy zone in on her girlfriend. “If you make eye contact he won’t leave you alone.”

 “Great, Jesus—fuck—thanks—”

 Lukas wraps his arm around Philip again and they hear Diana squeal as they rush past. “Baby, stay close to me please—” Lukas says, groaning a little bit, and not in the good way that Philip is used to.

 “You’re being so polite tonight, Lukas,” Philip says, plastering himself against Lukas’s back, tugging Zoe along behind him.

 “I’m gonna kill you later,” Lukas growls, shooting him a look. “Crazy cute—weirdo—”

 Philip chuckles, but the sound dies as soon as they turn the corner and get out of the hallway.

 “Goddamnit, fuck—why—” Lukas moans.

 There’s one buzzing lightbulb hanging from the ceiling and it’s doing its best job to barely light up one single solitary chair in the middle of the room.

 “Shit, Lukas, be careful!” Diana yells.

 Lukas leaps like he’s been electrocuted and Philip’s breath catches in his throat when he sees what she saw—a woman, all in white, standing right next to Lukas and facing the wall. Lukas nearly topples over but his main intention seems to be to put his entire body in front of Philip, and even though Philip’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he saw her, he’s trying not to get turned on by how much Lukas needs to protect him.

 “Zoe, she looks like that crazy-ass roommate you had freshman year!” Diana shrieks from somewhere behind them.

 “Honey don’t make this worse than it already is!”

 Philip tries not to laugh again. He’s having the best time.

 Lukas looks up and Philip follows his gaze, watching the dirty lightbulb. “That thing is swinging all on its own, Philip,” Lukas says, sounding resigned. “It’s swinging all on its own.”

 “Just—just angle around her,” Philip says. “Just—just weave—”

 “Is that the only way out?” Diana asks. “That black hole right next to her?”

 All four of them look around manically, searching for another exit, and just as they’re turning to look at their only way out the woman in white rushes them, screaming her guts out. All of them start yelling again too, Lukas’s shrieks coming out in little short, harried bursts. He nearly picks Philip up off the ground as he makes for the exit, and Philip can hear the girls tumbling over each other because Philip’s hand is ripped away from Zoe’s.

 “Don’t leave us!” she yells. “We have a dog at home, we can’t die!”

 “We have a dog too!” Lukas screams, weaving through the door and into another hallway. This one is really close quarters and Philip is hurled forward into Lukas’s back when both girls run into him.

 “Sorry, sorry!” Diana yells. “Got a little—overzealous—what kind of dog do you have?”

 “Australian shepherd puppy,” Philip answers, because he knows Lukas is too concerned with taking tiny baby steps forward. Lukas’s arm that isn’t wrapped around Philip is stretched out in front of him, waving frantically in the darkness. “What about you?” Philip asks.

 “We’ve got a Golden,” Zoe says. “Her name is Ginger, she loves treats and—”

 “I’m glad you guys are just like—having a conversation,” Lukas says. “Just, talking about dogs as I’m just sacrificing myself here—”

 “Sorry, sorry, right,” Zoe says. “Task at hand.”

 “You’re our fearless leader,” Philip says, running his hand up and down Lukas’s side.

 Lukas sighs and doesn’t answer, taking the next turn. Philip looks around—they’re in the middle of what looks like a set of prison cells, and the ceiling is a lot higher than it was in the hallway. Everything is rusty and old looking, like the walls would hurt their hands if they tried to touch them. There’s sinister-sounding laughter reverberating off the walls and Lukas sighs again.

 “This room is too big,” he says, shaking his head. “I feel like—I feel unsafe.”

 “Let’s just—let’s just run,” Diana says.

 “You were the one saying not to run earlier, dummy,” Zoe says.

 “Just go,” Philip says, close to Lukas’s ear. “Just—straight shot. Straight ahead, I think that’s the way out right there.” He points to a door at the end of the room, beside a big crate that looks like there’s blood seeping out of it. He feels like Lukas isn’t gonna move any time soon and Philip leans in, pressing a kiss to the back of Lukas’s neck. “C’mon, babe.”

 Lukas sighs for the third time in five minutes and starts walking, but as soon as he takes his first step all of the cell doors slide open. And before they know it a fucking hoard of zombies are shuffling out, heading toward them.

 “Oh shit,” Lukas says, his head whipping around.

 Diana echoes his sentiments, hissing another string of curse words.

 “I don’t like this show,” Zoe mutters. “I hate this show, I hate the way they sound.”

 The zombies slowly come towards them and they look disgusting, jaws hanging off their hinges, eyeballs gouged out, arms half in sockets. Their clothes are ragged and hang off their broken bodies.

 “Let’s go,” Lukas says. “You’re too cute to be in here, Philip, I’m like, almost offended to see all this disgusting shit this close to you—”

 Philip lets him tug him towards the exit and he never thought he would get so turned on in the middle of a haunted house. But when they’re two feet away from the exit the bloody crate flips open, revealing a mass of limbs and a head that’s still alive, drooling and gasping and gaping at them. Lukas shrieks, cursing, and Philip dissolves into hysterics again.

 “Baby, you—Philip, dammit—”

 “I hope we’re almost to the end,” Diana says, as they enter the next hallway. “My heart can’t take much more of this.”

 “Remember we have brownies and OnDemand at home,” Zoe says, close to Philip.

 “I think something just touched me,” Diana says, her voice high.

 “Shit!” Lukas says, jumping. “Something just—Jesus!”

 Philip feels it too and it’s he can’t tell what it is, a vine or a hand or something reaching out from the walls and brushing his arm. It sends shivers up his spine and he doesn’t know why but this is the scariest part of the house so far. He presses up against Lukas, holding onto him. “Go faster,” he mutters, his heart raging in his chest. Something touches him again and Philip cringes away from it. “Faster, Lukas.”

 “Shit, shit—”

 “Oh my God,” Diana exclaims.

 “OnDemand and brownies at home!” Zoe repeats.

 Then the hands build and they’re everywhere, hundreds of them, reaching out and touching, brushing against shoulders and heads and hips, dragging through Philip’s hair underneath the brim of his hat.

 “There are breasts here!” Diana yells. “No touching of the breasts!”

 Philip tries not to laugh. “Run, Lukas,” he says, urging him along. “Go, go—”

 “Don’t have to tell me,” Lukas mutters, picking up the pace, still holding onto Philip. The hands reach out farther and Philip can’t tell if they’re real, they feel rubbery but it’s gross, like they’re coated in something sticky. They all run and the hands seem to extend out farther and farther as they go, worse and worse until all four of them are batting them out of the way.

 “Kick the door down if you have to!” Diana yells.

 But Lukas doesn’t have to, because it falls open as soon as he’s about to touch it. They nearly topple down again but they right themselves fast.

 They’re in a graveyard.

 It’s huge and Philip can’t even tell if they’re inside anymore. The sky looks kinda fake, but good enough that it’s fooling him.

 “How the hell did they hide this shit?” Zoe asks. “Are we still in the building? What the hell?”

 “It’s so quiet,” Lukas says. “Too quiet. Untrustworthy quiet.” He tightens his hold around Philip’s waist, and the way he’s reaching back looks uncomfortable. But he doesn’t falter.

 “I think it’s almost over,” Philip says, rubbing Lukas’s arm up and down. He doesn’t even hear crickets. He does hear Diana and Zoe whispering harshly to each other, something about puking, and Philip tries not to look at the names on the graves. The grass feels weird and fake under his boots. “You think this is the end?” he asks, feeling a little dizzy.

 “Somehow, I doubt it,” Lukas says. He twists his neck around, looking every which way. They walk up close to a brick wall and turn the corner, seeing another long expanse of graves. Philip’s stomach starts turning a little bit and he squeezes his eyes shut tight. His mind wanders to places he doesn’t want to remember. A small funeral, Gabe’s hand on his shoulder, Helen trying not to cry. Lukas so close, strong and stalwart. His mom’s body being lowered into the ground.

 He feels like he’s being stupid. He was having such a good time. They couldn’t have gotten paired with a better couple. Lukas has been so cute and funny and protective. This isn’t the same graveyard, his mom isn’t buried here. But the sickly feeling bubbles up in his throat anyways and he swallows hard.

 He thinks he might have made a small noise, because he feels Lukas pulling him up alongside him, wrapping an arm tight around his shoulders. “You okay?” Lukas asks, softly.

 “You think it’s almost over?” Philip asks. The pain flashes in his eyes, the fear and worry and loneliness, the desperate sadness. It’s almost like he’s there. Back there, in that moment.

 “Yes,” Lukas says, even though Philip is sure he doesn’t know that. Lukas looks around for a moment and squeezes Philip’s shoulder. “Look. There.”

 Philip follows his finger. There’s a nice, pretty white gate a good ways away, the word EXIT weaved above it in red and pink roses.

 “Right there,” Lukas says. He leans in, tipping Philip’s hat a little bit when he kisses his temple. “So close.”

 “You alright, Philip?” Zoe asks, rushing to catch up with them.

 “It’s okay, it doesn’t even look that scary,” Diana says. “You’re okay, cowboy.”

 Philip smiles a little to himself, looking over his shoulder at them. But when he does he sees it. He doesn’t like how it looks, on top of everything else his mind is doing, and his heart stutters. “Uh, uh—guys.”

 “What is it?” Lukas asks, turning to look.

 A man. Standing back in the shadows by the bushes, tall and menacing. And he’s holding something.

 “Uh, bad,” Diana says. “Bad.”

 “What’s he—”

 They hear the rumble of the chainsaw.

 “Oh fuck, Jesus Christ, no,” Lukas says.

 They all four stand there for a minute as the lunatic revs the chainsaw again, and then they see him running, no, sprinting out of the bushes and in their direction. They start backing up and Philip feels his eyes getting wider and wider, then Zoe starts to scream.

 “Run!” she yells. “Run if you want to live!”

 They all turn and start to move, and once again Lukas wraps an arm around Philip’s waist and hauls him along with him. The chainsaw sounds like it’s getting closer and closer and they’re all shrieking wildly, not daring to look back at him for fear of seeing him right the fuck there behind them.

 “Oh shit, oh shit!”

 “No, no, no! He’s coming!”

 Philip keeps his eyes on the pretty gate, the exit written in roses, and they’re close now, they might make it now, the wind rushes by in his ears—he feels a hand on his back that definitely doesn’t belong to one of the girls and they sound like they’re screaming louder and the chainsaw is blaring, but Lukas yanks him away and practically carries him through the gate.

 They don’t stop running until they’re at least another twenty feet away and finally the chainsaw sound stops.

 “Oh my God,” Diana says, collapsing to the ground. “Holy shit. Holy shit.”

 Zoe crawls over to her and collapses down next to her. “Fifty bucks each. We made that money. We earned that goddamn money.”

 Philip is heaving, his breath coming fast, and he feels Lukas’s hand in his hair. Something occurs to him and his heart leaps. He reaches up, patting Lukas’s hand and the top of his own head. He looks at Lukas. “My hat,” Philip says.

 Lukas narrows his eyes.

 “I lost—I lost my hat,” Philip says, looking at Lukas’s own still snug on his head.

 The girls look over at them and both seem at a loss for words.

 Philip walks over so he can see inside the gate. He doesn’t hear the chainsaw, can only see the grass and all the graves.

 And his hat, right there in the middle of it all. Way, way too far away.

 “Fuck,” he says, looking at it. It looks so small from here. “I guess—I don’t know.”

 “Stay right here.” Lukas leans in, kissing him on the cheek. “I’ll be right back,” he says.

 Philip’s heart lurches. “No, babe,” he says, grabbing onto Lukas’s arm. “It’s fine, I’ll come back tomorrow or something during the day—”

 Lukas takes Philip’s hand and kisses his knuckles, letting him go without another word.

 “Lukas,” Philip says. He knows he’s not in any real danger, that even if the chainsaw guy caught him he wouldn’t actually hurt him, but watching Lukas walk into a dark, creepy-ass graveyard that they just ran through doesn’t make Philip feel very good.

 “Oh damn,” Zoe says, watching. She knocks Diana in the shoulder. “Honey, look.”

 Philip’s heart is in his throat. Lukas is walking really slow and Philip doesn’t know if that’s the right tactic, but he watches him get farther and farther away. He finally reaches his destination, snatching Philip’s hat up into his hand.

 Then they hear the chainsaw.

 “God, fuck,” Philip mutters. He sees Lukas mouth the word shit, breaking into a run. “Come on, Lukas!” Philip yells, gripping his chest. “Come on baby!”

 “Come on, Lukas, come on!” the girls chant. “Come on, come on.”

 The guy is chasing him. He’s wearing a fucking Leatherface mask and Philip kinda feels like he’s gonna puke, watching Lukas get chased by him. He starts towards him and Lukas holds out his hands, shaking his head.

 “Come on,” Philip says, watching the guy get closer and closer. “Come on!”

 He gets so close and Lukas yells, but then he crosses through the gate and the guy immediately backs up into the shadows, the chainsaw boiling down to silence.

 Lukas runs into Philip’s arms and Philip clings to him, burying his face in his neck.

 “Got your hat,” Lukas says, holding it against Philip’s back. “Almost lost mine, but I—I got it.”

 Philip laughs, shaking his head, holding him as tight as he can.

 “Jesus,” Zoe says. “So gallant. Hun, would you have done that for me?”

 “No. Way,” Diana says, and Philip can’t help but laugh.

 ~

 Lukas and Philip are sitting together in the bath a little over an hour later, and Philip tightens Lukas’s arms around him. He never takes baths alone but he loves doing it with Lukas, especially when they’re both exhausted and don’t feel like standing in the shower. Or when they’ve been running from a homicidal chainsaw killer. Angela was horrified to hear of how scary it was, and reiterated how happy she was just to bring her dogs over and let them play with Izzy for a couple hours instead of going with the boys on what she calls their hell journey.

 “I feel like you should wear the hat in bed later,” Lukas says into Philip’s ear. “You know, that might be a good idea.”

 “Babe I’ll wear whatever you want me to wear,” Philip says, smiling to himself.

 “And maybe we should watch, like—a romantic comedy or a cartoon or something,” Lukas says. “With all the lights on. Maybe we should put a bow in Izzy’s hair and take a bunch of pictures of her.”

 Izzy is laying inside the bathroom by the door, and her tail thumps against the tile when she hears her name.

 “You trying to wipe your mind of that place?” Philip asks.

 “Yes,” Lukas says. “With nice things. Like the image of you riding me wearing that hat.”

 Philip hums to himself, pushing back against him a little bit. “I mean, that’s only fair. After you were so—so gallant. So sexy. So protective.” Philip doesn’t think of the graveyard but he thinks about everything before that—how scared Lukas was but how Philip was always, consistently and without fail, his number one priority.

 He doesn’t want to think about it but it pops into his head—when Ryan Kane took them by surprise, in the old apartment. Lukas tried to protect him then too, tried to shield him with his body right away. But then Kane started threatening, took his gun out, could tell Philip was Lukas’s weakness—

 “Hey,” Lukas whispers, kissing his cheek. He nuzzles his nose there, drawing his fingers back and forth against Philip’s stomach. “Hey. Come back to me.”

 Philip closes his eyes and sighs, focusing on Lukas’s hands and his mouth, the feel of him. Nothing else. “Best part of that shit was meeting those girls,” Philip says. “I’m glad we exchanged numbers.”

 “Me too,” Lukas says. “They were hilarious.”

 “You were pretty funny too,” Philip says, smiling.

 Lukas scoffs. “Yeah, I’m trying to protect you with my big, strapping, attractive body and you’re fuckin’ laughing at me.”

 Philip laughs again now, arching his neck back on Lukas’s shoulder. “Big, strapping, attractive body. Yeah, that’s you.”

 “Maybe next year we’ll fly down to Orlando and go to Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween,” Lukas says, kissing his cheek again. “Feel like that’d be more enjoyable. They give out candy.”

 “Mmm, I’d like that,” Philip says. “But tonight—romantic comedy and cowboy sex sounds perfect. Izzy photoshoot we can do in the morning. I need to prepare for her antics.”

 Izzy grumbles a little bit but wags her tail again.

 “Happy Halloween,” Lukas whispers, biting at Philip’s neck.

 Philip hums, his eyes falling closed. “You a vampire now?”

 “Mmmhm.” Lukas sucks at his neck and Philip sighs, shifting to give him better access.

 “Alright,” Philip says, his breath starting to get fast. “Think we should head—head to bed.”

 “Yes sir, Sheriff Shea, sir,” Lukas says. But then he stops, his mouth coming to a halt on Philip’s skin. “Oh—no. No, Helen is the sheriff.”

 Philip snorts. “Lukas, just take me to bed.”

 “Yes,” Lukas says, kissing his cheek, over and over. “Yes, that I can do.”

 Philip knows he has a lot of hurt locked up in his head, and he doesn’t ever know when it’s gonna crop up, fall forward, try and blind him.

 But he’ll always have Lukas’s arms to fall into when it does.

#philkas #eyewitness #Lukas Waldenbeck #philip shea #my writing #some halloween shit

[42wallaby-way-sydney]

Tiny Hero au pt.2

part 1

aka: the au where the Defenders are in highschool and juggling hero business and their own lives. (more stuff because I love this au fight me)

- Misty has four sisters, two older and two younger

The Knight sisters names are: Hyundaisha, Cami, Misty, Porschea, and Lexus.

Vladimir is the only one to realize. “Are you all named after cars?” Daisha “…ohmygod…” Misty “Well. If nothing else our parents are consistent.”

- Cornell Stokes runs the drug ring at school. He gets the athletes steroids. Band kids weed. He sells cocaine, Ritalin, and Oxycontin to anyone else.

Trish gets addicted to Ritalin. Ward gets addicted to Oxycontin. Jessica has a personal vendetta against Cottonmouth because he’s the one who brought the drugs into the school. He didn’t personally sell them to Trish but Jessica doesn’t care.

- Kilgrave is an asshole teacher who stalked, sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused Jessica her sophomore year. Dorothy didn’t take Jessica seriously when she told her what Kilgrave was doing to her but Trish believed her and wants to fight him. Consequently because Jessica believed no one would believe her, that they’d all brush her off just like Dorothy had, and she didn’t tell anyone other than Trish what happened, Kilgrave still works at the school. Jessica just tries to avoid going down the hall where his classroom is.

Eventually the other tiny heroes learn about what was done to her and Kilgrave gets an ass kicking. (good)

- Luke’s dad ends up leaving Luke and his mother Etta when Luke gets sent to juvi for the summer. 

Willis had been in juvi a few years before Luke and James wants nothing to do with either of his sons, his wife, or his secretary Dana. Stryker blames Luke for this of course.

- Danny is adopted at the young age of four and does not remember his biological parents and so is very surprised when his half Chinese parents tell him when he’s fourteen that he is adopted.

Danny, “I’m adopted guys!” Luke, “And…. you are just now being told this?” Danny, “Uh huh!” Jessica, “And this surprises you?” Danny, “Why wouldn’t it?!” Luke, “Your… Chinese parents… told you you’re adopted… I’m so sorry? This must be so hard for you.” Matt, “… I don’t get it. Why is this sounding all awkward?” Jessica, “Danny is white Matt.”

- All of the other tiny heroes don’t have younger siblings and so they all adore the hell out of Wendy.

Wendy, Danny’s younger sister, and Candace (Candy), Foggy’s younger sister, are in the same grade, same class, and best friends.

- Claire leaves first aid kids at the club house for them so that in the middle of the night they can bandage each other up and she can hopefully get a full night’s sleep without them climbing up her fire escape.

- When she and Elektra start dating and Elektra stays the night, Elektra will steal her scrub pants and wear them sometimes (even if she has to roll them up a little bit because Claire is two and a half inches taller than she is)

- Matt sleeps with Maya, Elektra, Claire, Karen, and Natasha even though she doesn’t go to the same school as them. When he sleeps with Karen he gives her Foggy’s number instead of his because he’s a horrible friend.

Foggy, “Why does Karen keep texting me about how great last night was?” Matt, “I slept with her.” Foggy, “Matthew.” Matt, “What?” Foggy, “Aren’t you Catholic?!” Matt, “Never said I was a good one. Also can we talk about how she thinks she’s texting me but I’m blind?”

- Mariah Dillard is a rep for the local college who comes to the high school for community service and to recruit kids for the university.

Shades is thirsty as hell for her and everyone but Cornell knows it.

- The tiny heroes all get their comic outfits and wear them. Matt and Danny love theirs. Jessica wants to gag. Luke says they all look like damn fools.

The idea of costumes and codenames comes up when after a week of crime fighting they keep yelling each other’s names. So Danny, “We need codenames.” Jessica, “Probably super suits. No capes.” Luke, “Agreed. No capes. They’re ridiculous. Matt, “I know a guy who can make us costumes.”

In the end they get rid of the suits. (”How is a chain as a belt functional?!” “Danny that collar is ridiculous.” “I look like a stripper.” “Matt… what the hell is with the devil horns?”) They go back to their jeans and hoodies and masks. But Danny so wears the tracksuit outfit. 

- Misty has been going to Colleen’s grandpa’s dojo since she was a kid and even though she and Colleen are two years apart, they’re the best of friends. They will fuck someone up if that someone hurts their bestie.

- Matt is a little snot to Maggie because he’s so sure she’s going to send him back to the orphanage.

She legally adopts him after he knows she’s his biological mother. She asks if he would be alright with her adopting him before he knows though.

- Elektra is adopted by a Greek family and skypes her older brother, Orestez, who is in college in Greece.

She was also trained by Stick for quite a few years until he sent her to Greece when she was 8. She and Orestez are fairly close. She speaks Khmer, English, and Greek. 

When she and Matt broke into a house their freshman year and her father came to pick her up and he asked her, “What the hell were you thinking?”  She says, in Greek, “I don’t speak English.” So he switches over to Greek. “What were you thinking, young lady?” She switches to English, “I don’t speak Greek.” “You’re speaking English now.” She switches to Khmer, “Well now what are you going to do?” He can’t understand her. “Okay. You are grounded.”

- Colleen is a quarter Chinese, a quarter Irish, and half Japanese. Her hair is shockingly surprisingly red. She dyes it brown because she doesn’t think she looks good with red hair.

- Ever seen pictures of Sebastian Stan’s twink phase? (I mean…) Yeah. That’s Matt’s fashion sense in this whole au.

- Anatoly is the most overprotective brother. Not even just to Vladimir but to the tiny heroes. Which confuses them because “Aren’t you supposed to be trying to kill us? And aren’t we supposed to be kicking your ass?” “I can’t. You’re children. All my brother’s age and I raised him. I can’t fight you idiots. GO THE FUCK HOME!”

- Fisk has adopted Maya Lopez and is raising her. 

She doesn’t know he’s the reason her father is dead and Fisk did not approve at all when she and Matt briefly dated.

- Anatoly is sassy as hell but Matt is still the sass master.

- Claire is the best at giving sutures in her whole class since she gets far too much practice on the tiny heroes.

- Elektra’s favorite game to play is the knife game. She likes to do it blindfolded and it scares everyone but she has so much fun.

- Elektra and Vladimir argue over which ESC song is the best but agree full heartedly that “Love Love Peace Peace deserved to win. We should have been able to vote for it. Also, where is my Love Love Peace Peace single? Come on now!”

- When Matt begins to really trust Maggie he invites Foggy over to his house.

“Wow. Everything must be going well.” “Huh?” “It’s just… you’ve never invited me over to a foster home of yours before. You know? This is the first time ever. Usually you want to come over to my house.”

and YIKES this got looong! Eventually I’ll one day write for this au because I love it so much.

#tiny hero au #defenders #matt murdock #daredevil #jessica jones #jewel #luke cage #power man #powerjewel #danny rand #iron fist #misty knight #ironknight #claire temple #night nurse #elektra natchios #elektra #ninja nurse #colleen wing #trish walker #hellcat #abuse tw #maggie murdock #sister maggie #I COULD LEGIT WRITE SO MUCH JUST FOR MAGGIE AND MATT FOR THIS OKAY #mattimir #the big ships in this tbh #jessica x luke #misty x danny #matt x vladimir

[come-on-eileen-snowbaz]

It's just a late night out.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: F/F

Fandom: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell

Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, Simon Snow/Agatha Wellbelove

Chapter 1.

The minute after I’ve finally told her ‘I love you’ officially starts here and now.

I hold my breath for a little bit. This moment is perfect. She is perfect. Her blond hair, her dark purple lips and her smile. I know, that this is the beginning of the rest of my life.

“I love you too Simona.” Agatha says and puts a hand on my shoulder. She squeezes it a bit and laughs. “But stop being so dramatic, ok? We are best friends, of course, I love you.”

“But… But I meant –” Damn you, English words, where are you, when I need you the most? Agatha smiles at me once more, then picks up her phone and starts typing a message. To her new boyfriend probably. To one of them. There are a lot of people in this universe, I remind myself, who have crush on her besides me.

“Ok. Who is he?” I dramatically grab her phone just to see a bunch of smiley faces on the screen. “What does he have that I don't?” I say painfully, trying to avoid her look. “A dick? A Fred Perry polo shirt? Fucking gel in his hair?”

“Sim, stop that. We’ve had this conversation before. I am not bi, you know that.”

“And I’m not bi either! It’s not about being bi, it’s about me being in love with you. As a person. And that's all.”

“If you are not bi, then I am not blond.” Agatha laughs and pulls her hand through her perfect hair. Which suddenly makes me hate her even more on some deep level, where rejected girls like me start to hate perfect girls like her. “And give me my phone back, jeez, I am in a middle of a conversation here.”

I want to tell her that sending emojis back and forth is not exactly a conversation. I want to tell her that this guy looks stupid on his picture. I want to tell her some deep-level shit that will make her stop staring at her phone and look at me just for a moment. But I can't. There is no point.

I grab my drink and rush out to the cold evening street. “Shit! Fuck! Bullocks!” I scream, kicking the wall with my Doc Martens (finally something that this fucking boots are good for).

From behind me I see a blink of a cigarette light in a far-right corner. No wonder that I haven't noticed anyone at first. The stranger is a girl and she is almost perfectly camouflaged against the wall, wearing black skinny jeans and a black jacket (the kind of cool jacket you always want to have, but it never looks right on you). The only part that I can see perfectly is her pale face, that is now turned to me in surprise.

“Sorry.” I mumble shamefully.

“That's ok. I can suggest a few more walls for kicking if you would like to. Like the one around the corner looks pretty decent.” She takes a drag and I can see her tired face without any cosmetics on, but with shadows under her eyes, dark fine hair, short enough to be a bob, but too messy to suggest an actual attempt to make it look good.

She is skinny. And flat. Too flat as for my taste. I blush a little bit.

She takes a last blow and carefully puts out the cigarette. Then takes a few steps towards me. “So, who we are kicking here?” She asks curiously. “A boyfriend?”

“A girlfriend. A friend. Whatever. A person I love and who doesn't love me back.”

“Well, I’ll kick to that.” She slightly kicks the wall with her black trainer and winks at me. She is pretty, even though completely not my type. But since my type consists mainly of one person, that doesn’t matter anyway.

“See you later, partner in crime.” And before I could say a word she disappears behind the door.

When I finally make my way back into the bar there are two guys hanging with Agatha. One of them slides the disappointed look over me and I can guess what he sees. A clumsy girl in an old t-shirt, which says “Meat is murder”, in jeans which are supposed to be vintage fit, but just fit weird instead, with overdone eye makeup and probably with terribly messy hair. In a second he slides his glance back to Agatha and I don’t blame him.

I scan the bar looking for the girl that I’ve just met, in an attempt to stop myself from thinking about them. Agatha is laughing and one of the guys is already squeezing her knee under the table. It's all so boring and predictable. Though it hurts just the way it always does, today even more.

Finally, I see that girl sitting alone on a far-away sofa. I notice that she is a little bit tense, maybe because her legs are crossed or maybe because she automatically pulls her hair back time to time. How can somebody look so tiny and unprotected from a distance, but also so cool and fancy at the same time? I wish I could be in the different kind of universe, which is exactly the same as this one, except for the fact that I can actually hang out with her instead of this fucking circus.

What the hell. “Where are you going?” I hear Agatha’s voice behind my back as I order two drinks and make my way towards another universe girl.  As I am almost there she turns her head and smirks at me.

“Hi Bonnie, do you wanna go kick another wall?”

“Yes. But can we have a drink first?” I ask awkwardly standing beside her.

“I don't drink today.” She shows me her coke and for a moment I feel rejected, but she moves a little bit, making some space for me near her on the couch.

“More for me then.” I carefully sit down trying not to be too obvious in my attempt not to touch her knee with mine.

“So, I suppose this is her?” She points to Agatha. “And these two knights in shining armor are here to save you?” I nod grumpily and take a first shot. In a very ‘Humphrey Bogart drinking alone in his bar in Casablanca’ way. At least I was aiming for that look.

“Oh, wait. Take it easy, Bonnie.” She grabs the other drink and moves it away from me.

“But why, Clyde? Don't you wanna see me wasted?” I am trying to catch up with her careless tone, which is actually much easier than I thought.

“Because. If you will go on drinking in that way it won't be possible for us to make out in the backyard later.” She gives me a quick look and I can't tell if she is really joking or not. “I have two rules, don't take advantage of someone drunk or someone heartbroken.”

“But even without that shot I am still heartbroken, Clyde” I point out trying to make sense of a strange feeling that crawls in the bottom of my stomach.

“You are so cute that I can forget about the second part of my rule.” I see her grey eyes and the word ‘cute’ lightly bumps in my head, making suddenly everything seems easy.

“How about, you’ll drink this one instead of me. Then we will be equally drunk and with equal possibilities to take advantage of one another. Besides you should drink in bar. Is it any other reason to be here?”

“Maybe I am here to pick up pretty girls who still believe that love does exist.” She smirks a little bit and then takes a shot with one elegant move.

---

Later we are in the backyard again. This time the wall is right behind my back. And she is right in front of me with her hand on the wall near my shoulder. I guess she wasn't joking about the making out part. Is it really so easy nowadays to pick up somebody in the bar and just go out? I wish I was brave enough to at least pull my hands out from my pockets.

“Are you sure you really want this?” She asks leaning over me and I can feel her warm presence with my every breath.

“Yes.” I say trying not to blink under the careful gaze of her grey eyes.

“There is one catch though. You should kiss me in a way, so that I know you’re not pretending I’m her”

“But we are in the different universe. There is no her here.” I say with all my confidence, trying to look anywhere else beside her lips (and failing miserably).

“Prove it.” She breathes out and puts her lips on mine. First I feel awkward, like I usually do. But something in her lips, an uncertain touch reminds me of how I spotted her tense posture in the bar before. This memory suddenly makes everything easier. I slowly pull out my hand and finally do what I was only dreaming about back then. I lightly touch her face and slide my fingertips over her perfect cheekbone, feeling her tender skin. And as the response the pressure of her lips become stronger while the kiss transforms to something that only different kind of universe deserves.

“The moment I saw you, I knew it would be this good.” She withdraws for a few inches and I blink in surprise. “What? Hasn’t anybody ever told you that you are hot?”

I remember Agatha, I remember a few boys that I’ve been with, no, none of them ever told me that. And none of them ever looked at me that way. Like I am real. Like everything that happens is real.

I put my hands on her waist, then slide them a little lower to her hips, pulling her closer. “You are hot too.” I say, trying to process the fact that only few hours ago, I didn't know anything about her, I had no idea how skinny she is, what her voice sounds like and how only one kiss with her made me forget everything.

“What is your name?” I go as far as sliding my hand into her jeans back pocket, not sure if I am prepared to go further.

The pause lasts, but not in a bad way. It's like the silence that hits before the sunrise. Or in this case before she kisses me once again. This time I can feel her tongue inside my mouth, while her hands gently travel through my hair, pulling my head back a little. Something shifts, like suddenly it is crystal clear what I wanna do next.

I still hold her tight and the moment I can feel my breath back I say, “Your place or mine?”

She moves away a little bit. Now her hands on the wall are helping to keep our bodies apart. “Fuck. Don’t do that to me. Just don’t.” She shakes her head and takes a deep breath in. “Give me you phone, ok?” I silently pass her my old iPhone with a cracked screen and she types something in.

“Just give me a call tomorrow.” She says very quickly. “If tomorrow you still remember this. If it still matters to you. And now, Bonnie, let me get you back to your friend.” She takes my hand in hers and drags me back to the backdoor.

“No! No! I don’t wanna go there! And I am not Bonnie.” I say in a panic. “I am Simona Snow and I want to stay here with you.”

“Ok, Snow, listen here.” She squeezes my hand. “This is all real. It’s not different universe. Just let me get you back to your friend. And tomorrow you will text me and we will go and have a fucking cupcake or whatever. And you will see how terribly boring I am and then if you still can stand me for a fucking minute, I will take you to my place and cuddle the shit out of you. Do you hear me?”

I nod. I look at her and see her tense smile. Her hand stays in mine for just a little longer before we enter the bar and then she lets me go.

“Simona, where have you been?” I see Agatha’s worried face and turn my head back to give a last look to the girl I’ve just kissed, but she is already lost in the crowd. Instead Agatha starts to shake me with both of her tiny hands.

“I saw who you’ve been with. Don’t fucking tell me that I am right and you’ve been with her. That girl is a fucking nightmare.”

“Do you know… her?” I say in surprise.

“Yes, I know her. Don't you? That’s Baz. Of course, I know her. That girl has a fucking reputation.”

“What reputation?” I ask awkwardly.

Agatha rolls her eyes. “Do I need to explain? She literally fucks everyone. She even tried to fuck me once.” Suddenly I feel the fire behind my eyes. I furiously shake Agatha’s hands off.

“I don’t believe you. She hasn't mentioned that she knows you. And her name isn’t Baz, her name is –” I swallow helplessly.

“Oh, that’s brilliant. She hasn't even told you her name.”

“No, but she left me her number.” I pick up my phone and open contacts. But there is nothing there. Fuck. I feel the tears starting to burn in my eyes. “It must be some kind of a mistake. Just let me go back to her and check...” I try to let go of Agatha’s hand, but she only holds me stronger.

“Simona, just...” Agatha hesitates for a moment. “Just stop chasing people that don’t want you around.”

I freeze. I feel tears finally start to run over my cheeks.

“Why do you think she is hanging around all alone in this bar?” Agatha continues without remorse. “Look there, she is already picking up some other girl.” I look where Agatha is pointing and see Baz there. She is talking to a girl in a light pink tank top. She is smiling, the girl is laughing. I feel the universe slowly starts to disappear. Not only this one, but another one also, the one where good things happen.

“Please get me out of here.” I say to Agatha and she nods and hands me my bag. And for a first time I can finally see who she really is. Not my crush, not my sad story, not the love of my life. She is something else. She is the person who is there. Who can help me pick up the pieces. My best fucking friend.

“Your place or mine?” I ask her in a broken voice before going out, not daring to look behind my back one more time.

Chapter 2.  AO3

#my fic #snowbaz #snowbaz fanfiction

[onepunchmanchatroom-blog]

Eggcruciating Puns

[Name] has created a chatroom. [Name] has invited Saitama, Genos. [Name]: Yellow? Genos: Greetings, [Name]-san. But may I ask why you are greeting us with a color similar to the sun? Saitama: Oi, what do you need? I was in the middle of finishing my book. Saitama: And, Genos. Genos: Yes, Sensie? Saitama: Aren't you in a class S meeting? [Name]: Rude, I'm still here ya know? Genos: I apologize, [Name]-san. But you still haven't answered my question. Genos: And yes Sensie. I'm in a class S meeting, but [Name]-san added me in this chatroom and [Name]-san is more important than some meeting. Saitama: Your just saying that because the meeting is boring... Isn't it? Genos: ... Yes... [Name]: I just accidentally pressed Genos's name. And by the way Tamago, your ecchi manga can wait! I'm in the middle of a crisis here! [Name]: And to answer your question, Genos. Because, I can. [Name]: Hey! I thought you actually cared for me, Genos! Saitama: DONT CALL ME TAMAGO! Genos: Ok, but [Name]-san, may I know your location? [Name]: Why? Saitama: So he could stalk you, just like he once stalked me. [Name]: Okay, first off, what the fuck Egg head?!? And second off, ya sure that he stalked you only once? Saitama: ... Genos: Sensie, I do not wished to stalk [Name]-san, I am simply asking for them to reveal their location so I can go there and exterminate the threat that they are referring to. I am really worried on what will happen to them. Aren't you worried also Sensie? After all, [Name]-san is been with you since forever. That is what you said. And [Name]-san, aren't you not in danger? Saitama: ... [Name]: I'm pretty 100% sure that Saitama didn't read all of that... And no, I'm not in trouble, Genos. So you could calm your... Um... Man metal tits? Genos: I apologize. But, [Name]-san. [Name]: ? Genos: I do not have what you call  'tits'. Saitama: My kami... [Name]: For fuck sakes... This cyborg is going to be the death of me... [Name]: It was just an expression! Genos: Oh, okay. Saitama: Anyways, [Name] in danger? Pfft, I feel more sorry to the sucker who will face that demon. [Name]: Hahaha, very funny egg head, your the one to say that. I'm dying of laughter here... Hahaha... Genos: It is not possible to die with laughter, [Name]-san. [Name]: Genos... My beloved, talking and also oblivious toaster... That was sarcasm... Genos: Oh... Genos: I don't get it... [Name]: AcvMbnjKabwGgvEBJ VjhbdkwwhHvhHKjamqcbcyeH hrdjkokhrByhqMq ALJBhvihsqshnm poiyhbjaagckaHvsl  aLliaosbPhjgva JfLbcsyGhogQe Saitama: I can feel that [Name] is hitting themselves with their phone... [Name]: I am... [Name]: Anyways, I'm bored... Saitama: That's it? Genos: Sensie, be nice to [Name]-san. [Name]: :P [Name]: Thank you, Genos. Your my favorite hero now. Genos: I feel honored. Saitama: Oi, if you two are just going to flirt. I'm going to continue reading my book. Saitama has left the chat. [Name]: Hm... Genos: May I ask what are you planning, [Name]-san? [Name]: Nothing~ [Name]: Just, you know, thinking of different things to annoy Saitama. Got any ideas? Genos: Annoying Sensie is disrespectful, [Name]-san. Especially if he doesn't want to be disturbed when he is reading his books. [Name]: :( Genos: But... [Name]: ? Genos: You requested me to think of some possibilities to annoy Sensie. Perhaps telling him some horrible puns? [Name]: :D [Name]: Genos, you are literally my favorite cyborg hero! [Name] has cleared the chat. Genos has left the chat. [Name]: :( [Name]: He left me without saying good bye... [Name] has cleared the chat. [Name] has added Saitama. Saitama: What do you want? Saitama: I'm middle of reading a book here! [Name]: Bro chill. And the perfect term for your 'book' is actually manga. Get your terms right! Saitama: Whatever. What do you want? [Name]: I want eggs... Saitama: What? [Name]: Never mind. What are you reading anyways? Saitama: I was in the middle of reading a specific dramatic battle scene when you had to add me here! [Name]: So... Your saying that the scene is getting EGGciting? Saitama: Yes. Saitama: Wait... [Name] has added King. Saitama: [NAME]!!! King: Yes, [Name]? King: We're currently in a middle of a meeting... [Name]: Sorry King. But would you like to say some EGGtastic puns with me? King: Sure. It sounds EGGciting. Saitama: [Name] already finished that. King: Oh, hello there Saitama. [Name]: Lol, that was kinda ROTTEN King. Since I already said that. King: Oh? Well, my puns are kinda CRACK up right now. [Name]: Pfft, that was EGGcellent. «[PUN: 5]» Saitama: Ugh... [Name]: What's wrong Saita? Saitama: I'm going to ignore you... King: SHELL shocked... «[PUN: 6]» [Name]: Ignore me all you can Tamago. But you could never stopped me from annoying the shit outta you! King: [Name], your language. [Name]: What? Your Captain Spandex now? King: Captain... Spandex? [Name]: When your meeting is finished... I'm so going to show you Captain America and some Marvel shows... [Name]: Anyways, got some funny jokes? King: I still have some YOLKS up my sleeves. «[PUN: 7]» [Name]: Should we WHISK inviting the other class S heroes? «[PUN: 8]» King: Sure, that would be CRACKING to see them saying some egg puns in the meeting. «[PUN: 9]» King: Meeting... That reminds me... [Name]: ? King: Why aren't you in the meeting? [Name]: To lazy to go. Besides I'm not a class S hero... King: Your class is unknown but you are strong. [Name]: Thanks... Now, let's invite some class S heroes to entertain since meeting suck ass! King: Language. [Name]: English! [Name]: But seriously, I'm so going to show you Marvel... Especially Captain Spandex... [Name] has added Puri Puri Prisoner, Genos, Metal Bat, Tank Top Master, Flashy Flash, Watchdog Man, SuperAlloy BlackLuster, Pig God, Drive Knight, Zombieman, Metal Knight, Child Emperor, Atomic Samurai, Silverfang, Blast. [Name]: Yellow! Blast has left the chat. Metal Knight has left the chat. [Name]: What... The... King: [Name]... [Name]: Duck... Happy? Silverfang: What seems to be the problem, [Name]? Metal Bat: Oi, what's the problem? [Name]: Okay, First off... [Name] has changed Silverfang to Bang. [Name] has changed Metal Bat to Bad. [Name] has changed Puri Puri Prisoner to Puri. [Name] has changed SuperAlloy BlackLuster to BlackLuster [Name] has changed Watchdog Man to Watchdog. [Name] has changed Tank Top Master to TT Master. [Name] has changed Flashy Flash to Flash. Bang: ??? Bad: OI, CHANGE MY NAME BACK!!! Puri: What's the purpose of shortening some of our names? [Name]: To make it easier for the author. The Author has joined the chat. The Author: Oi, [Name], don't fucking break the fourth wall... Repairs aren't cheap ya know? The Author has left the chat. [Name]: ... Flash: That was clearly unexpected... TT Master: Yes, I didn't expect that at all. Child Emperor: [Name]? You still there? [Name]: Yeah... I'm still here... I just didn't expect that Haru will... Ya know, show up... Bang: Who? [Name]: Never mind... Let's just... Forget what happened a few minutes ago... Yeah? King: Agreed... Watchdog: Why did you added us in the chat, [Name]? You do know that we have a meeting... Right? [Name]: Oh! Yeah, I added you guys to entertain you all! TT Master: Why? King: Oh dear... [Name]: Because meetings are boring as fuck! Bang: Language. [Name]: English. Bang: That... Was... It wasn't... [Name]: Yes, Bang bang? Bang: Forget it... [Name]: :D [Name]: Anyways... Wanna hear some egg joke? Flash: ? Bang: Hm? Child Emperor: Huh? Bad: What the fuck is this? [Name]: Bitch, just answer my goddman question! Bad: Alright, damn, jeez... King: There are children here... [Name]: ... TT Master: Um... Sure? [Name]: Good, because it's really CRACKED up! «[PUN: 10]» Puri: [Name] darling... That... That was one of the worst pun I heard in EGGxistance. «[PUN: 11]» Pig God: Don't know about that... It was kinda good, I suppose... Just like the pair off BACON and EGGS... «[PUN: 12]» Zombieman: That was a pun... Wasn't it... Child Emperor: Bacon... Considering you are called PIG God... Pig God: Since I said a pun, I'm going to continue eating... Pig God has left the chat. [Name]: Next time... I'll fucking make a chat that no one can leave! Genos: [Name]-san, language. [Name]: FUCKING ENGLISH! Saitama: How do you off the damn nofications on this damn thing??? Flash: Suffer with us... Child Emperor: Suffer... Saitama: Hell no. Genos: Saitama-sensie, it is very easy. You just have to go t– [Name] has banned Genos from the chat. Saitama: NOOO!!! [Name]: Jee, I wonder who banned him... TT Master: It's very obvious that it was you... [Name]… [Name]: It wasn't me... Child Emperor: Really? [Name]: No, seriously... Who banned my toaster? King: [Name], it's in the chat... [Name] has cleared the chat. [Name]: What in the chat? [Name]: I would never ban my toaster! Bad: Your what? [Name]: Shut up and don't judge me... I can feel your 'WTF' expression here... Bad: ... [Name]: Anyways... Let's get some egg punning! Saitama: What? King: How about we throw a prize? BlackLuster: What kind though? [Name]: Hmm... How about, whoever gives the best pun... Will have a free buffet meal. On me. Saitama: Deal. I'll get that free meal. Bang: I suppose. Puri: Oh~ I'll have a lovely meal with my cute [Ridiculous Nick Name From Puri]-chan! I'm so EGGcited! «[PUN: 13]» Child Emperor: Who said you'll be the one to win free meal from [Name]? Don't get your EGGxpectations up. «[PUN: 14]» Zombieman: Hm... This will be interesting... And it's only FRYday... «[PUN: 15]» BlackLuster: Hahaha, were all comediHENs here. «[PUN: 16]» Watchdog: EGGxactly, BlackLuster. «[PUN: 17]» [Name]: Guys, please, OMELETTE you all finished but... «[PUN: 18]» [Name]: We all know that I've got the EGGtastic puns here... «[PUN: 19]» King: Ok... I have to admit... That was actually pretty good... Child Emperor: EGGreed... «[PUN: 20]» Bad: I feel like were missing something... Watchdog: Yeah... But I couldn't sniff out who... TT Master: Did no one notice that Atomic Samurai has been quiet? [Name]: I did, he's probably still mad at me or he off his chat notifications... Either way... Bad: Wait... Why would that old man be mad at you? Bad: Know what? Never mind... Genos has joined the chat. [Name]: Ey, it's my toaster! Flash: Metal Bat, stopped with that ridiculous expression on your ugly face. Bad: WHAT DID YA SAY BOBBY PINS?!? ILL SMASH YA'R HEAD TO TINY DAMN PIECES!!! [Name]: Bad, chill your damn tits. Genos: But [Name]-san, Metal Bat doesn't have an– [Name] has banned Genos from the chat. King: [Name]? [Name]: Okay, I'm possessed to ban him? Terrible Tornado has joined the chat. Terrible Tornado: HOW COULD ALL OF YOU HAVE A CHAT AND DIDN'T INVITE ME?!? [Name]: Who the fuck are you? [Name] has banned Terrible Tornado from the chat. Bang: [Name], you do know that the person you have ban was Tatsumaki, right? [Name]: Yes. [Name]: Wait... [Name]: WHAT?!? Terrible Tornado has joined the chat. [Name]: OH SHIT! Terrible Tornado: HOW COULD YOU BAN ME FROM THE CHAT!!! [Name]: SCRAMBLE!!! «[PUN: 21]» [Name] has left the chat. Saitama has left the chat. King has left the chat. Bang has left the chat. Bad has left the chat. Flash has left the chat. BlackLuster has left the chat. TT Master has left the chat. Watchdog has left the chat. Child Emepror has left the chat. Zombieman has left the chat. Puri has left the chat. Terrible Tornado: Hmmph! Rude! Terrible Tornado has left the chat. Atomic Samurai: All this EGGxcitment and I wasn't present... «[PUN: 22]» Atomic Samurai has left the chat.

[tillman]

do u have any arthurian legend book recommendations? ive been wanting to get into it but have no idea where to start i just think knight sexy

LOL Yes of course i do. i love answering this ask.

people will tell u different ways to start but they r wrong. i am sexy and know a lot and thus am right (sarcasm ive seen a lot of starting positions in the legends this list is just from my personal experiences with whats easiest and most engaging :-))

also dear lord this got long so im throwing it under a read more sorry

i think the best two starting options involve the same strategy of “pick a knight you like the most and consume all the content you can find on them until you get bored/think of another knight and repeat” and its as simple as “do you want to start with sir gawain or do you not know who you want to start with.”

sir gawain i think is the best starting knight if you wanna go the route of reading as much as u can about one and moving on, since theres a LOT of varied content and hes just in a lot. hes important! anyways the first recommendation i have to start with is Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. its a wonderful piece of poetry about a homoerotic beheading game, getting a movie this summer! its fucking gorgeous and a really good introduction if youve never read this old of texts before. i have a few different links so you can take your pick of what you prefer :-)

heres it in the original middle english, its beautiful and if you get the beat down sounds fucking gorgeous but i understand how hard it is to get through if youve never read through it before. 

lou recomends Raffels translation above all others which i kinda have to agree with. heres part one and heres part two of that. 

and the other link i have directly on hand atm is tolkiens translation which ive skimmed before and it seems really solid. 

if you dont want to start with a short and tender christmas party, consider another text most arthuriana fans will consider a must read. its a bit more intimidating than sgatgks poetry but like. hey. its Sir Malory’s Le Morte D’arthur. 

this is more on the level of most of the story things youll find for arthuriana and a good starting point to get an overview of a lot of major plot points and characters that show up time and time again in the legends, all of the major knights are covered through malory’s own spin on them and he tries to cover a lot of older tales in his weird fanfiction. 

the text can be weird ESPECIALLY if you arent used to middle english since he .... used some weird as fuck words? even for the time. but thats malory. 

I highly recommend, if you can get a copy, Kieth Baines modern retelling of Le Morte, it rewords things to make more sense to those used to a more modern prose and while it takes out some of the nuance of some scenes, its way easier to pick up and read. were working on a full scan of it atm actually but the book of arthur is up in our shared drive :-) ill shove a link down here for u

heres the first bit of baines rendition. honestly if u can find a copy for cheap grab it is a fun time

heres the pdf i use for the full text, warning for how weird its structured? its long paragraphs with no quotes around text but if you have no problems with that go for it. heres book one and heres book two.

from there, theres a ton of different options you can follow, but again i think the least overwhelming way to go about it is pick a knight you like and read whatever seems fun that has them in it !

best choices include gawain again, the marriage of sir gawain and dame ragnelle is fun, l’atre perilleux is so fucking wild and just a fun time, the turke and sir gawain has gawain playing tennis? like what more do you need

lancelot has a decent collection of old stories including the entire vulgate cycle (my favorite piece of arthurian lit, im working on scanning the entire english translation ;-)), lancelot and the hart with the white foot, though i havent been able to find a FULL translation, is wonderful and with that the lancelot collection of old stories is a lot of fun the dutch loved him, if you have like 10 bucks to spare, Lancelot and the lord of the distant isles is on amazon for cheap and retells the book of galehaut section of the vulgate and its . so good. please care about galehaut.

tristan as wild as he is is also a really good choice for how popular the Tristan and Isolde legend was in europe. you can find a ton of versions of it, though i prefer the german one by gottfried von strassburg, another amazing one is the povest o’tryschane which is a slavic take on the legend that weirdly throws sections of the vulgate and some italian romances in? i adore it either way. 

uhmmm some more off the cuff recommendations include Troyes four romances and also Perceval. as much as i bully troyes knight of the cart, knight of the lion, and knight of the grail are some of my favorite words. skip cliges if youre doing that though it sucks so bad. troyes hated his version of tristan and isolde so much he wrote cliges. that alone should keep you from it. eric and enide is ok but eric sucks SO HARD. i hate that bitch.

more modern but ive only heard good about lord tennyson’s Idylls of the king...

and finally one i cant really speak on much due to my preference of the romances, but i have many good friends who say the welsh sources are REALLY REALLY good and worth checking out :-) the mabinogion mainly, but a lot of the scattered poetry is really fun!

for finding pdfs for some of the ones i just named, u can check out my doc of whatever sources i have on hand. im missing quiet a few but i got most of the ones i recommend at least io3hewt. heres the link to that. ill post a link to the vulgate when i can finish up scanning the prose merlin ! 

#i have. a lot to say . about old books . im so sorry #Anonymous

[bondedtales-blog]

Deacon to the Rescue

Deacon: -the doctor’s visit had been dealt with and Sebastian was tucked securely into bed. I was grateful that no bones were broken though Dr. Van Wyck advised that there might have been a cracked rib sustained in addition to the multitude of bruises that colored the young man’s body. Taking a seat in the Eames style chair in the corner of the room. The room was decorated much like the rest of my home, Mid Century Modern with touches of what could be considered industrial. It was only my bedroom that contained what one would expect of a well bred English gentleman. With a shaking of my head I pulled myself back from my thought and focused on the here and now. Sebastian needed to feel secure, safe and that his needs were my foremost thought- Do you require anything, Little one?

 Seb: *I was so nervous when the doctor was examining me. I didn’t like being poked and prodded at, but he wasn’t like other doctors. He was sweet and could sense my fear. Once it was all over I was laying in bed. I couldn’t tell if it was his or someone else's but it smelled nice. Turning my head into the pillows to inhale the scent, pausing once I hear your words. Looking over at you, seeing that your eyes were on me. Shifting up I look around the room then lets my eyes meet yours* Well..I think I could take a shower, and have a fresh pair of clothes. *I was still wearing the gown the doctor put me in. Blushing as I think about the doctor seeing me naked. I felt exposed at first but soon relaxed more as he reassured me. During that part you were asked to leave the room, but I sensed something from you. As if you maybe wanted to see just how badly I was hurt. Shifting up in bed feeling the covers fall* Would you escort me to the bathroom, Sir?

 Deacon:  Of course. -rising, I made the short few steps to the bed and offered him my hand. Even though I’d been asked to leave the room, I knew that Van Wyck would give me a full report on the injuries sustained. It was horrifying in description, the welts, bruises, the marks that marred Sebastian’s wrists and ankles. What kind of inhuman philistine would treat one that is in their care with barbary. Actions such as these baffled me- Come, Little one. -looking down tenderly upon the near boy. No matter the length of Sebastian’s stay, I would ensure that he knew what it was to be cared for as a submissive should. To know that his needs in the emotion sense would never be trodden upon. The idea that he would leave my care only to fall victim to another such as the bastard that hurt him this way bothered me greatly. Ensuring that he knew how a true Dominant would treat him and care for him was paramount-

 Seb: *Nods and moves to get out of bed. Looking at the outstretched hand I felt a sense of worry. What if he was just like him? What if it was all a trap and this is not the life that I thought I wanted? Frowning for a moment as I weigh all the options in my head, pausing as I hear those words. Flushing as I look up then slowly reaches out to take your hand. My fingers push into yours and curl around before I move forward with you to the bathroom. Once there I let my eyes roam over the beautiful bathroom. Fuck you had a tub that was the size of a swimming pool. It was absolutely gorgeous. My hand falls from yours and I bring my arms around my middle before gazing at you, waiting for you to make a move here*

 Deacon: -once in the bathroom, I released your hand. There had been a moment where I was unsure if you would take my hand but even in the face of those reservations you chose to push beyond them and that showed me the bravery in your heart- Do you wish a shower, Little one or would you prefer a bath? -I’d stepped to the side to allow you a bit of space, from my own experience I knew what invasion of personal space could do to someone feeling vulnerable. Despite that knowledge it did little to stop the desire to want to hold him close and give him the comfort that I could see was so very needed-

 Seb: *I was shocked when he asked what I wanted. Normally I was use to people choosing for me. Biting my lip as I look at the shower. It was nice but it didn’t compare to that cozy bath that would just soothe my sore muscles. Nodding to the tub as I part my lips to speak* I choose the bath, Sir. *Clearing my throat before I shuffle a bit, watching as you move to turn it on then throw some bath salts in. While you are fixing it up I reach behind me to tug at the strings on the gown I was wearing then lets it slide off my body. Bringing my arms around myself as I notice you turned around and we're seeing me, naked. Everything was exposed. The marks, the cuts, the bruises, and me. Swallowing I look down slowly then steps forward towards the tub and climbs in. Hissing softly as I feel the hot water against my skin*

 Deacon: -I would chastise myself later for not schooling my reaction to the state of his body; the bruises were horrific making his body a gruesome patchwork of colors, I also saw welts from what could only have been a belt and finally, the scars. If I were to have my druthers I would find the bastard that mistreated Sebastian so badly and make him suffer as this young man has suffered. Watching as he gingerly settled into the water, I moved a few steps to the side so that I was in his line of sight- If I were to get that ice pack for your face, will you use it because you should or because you believe that I expect it of you? -what I’d really like to do after retrieving the chilled pack was sit on the edge of the tub and gently wash all of his horrific day from his skin-

 Seb: *Bringing my knees to my chest and lowers my chin to rest on them. Listening to your words I take a deep before I stare at the water then nods* I will do it because I should. *It was the truth. My face was sore and in pain and I probably should be icing it. The feeling of being numb from it all was wearing off and if I didn’t take care of myself soon my face would look worst in the morning. Turning my head to the side as I try to read your expression. It looked like there was something you weren’t telling me. I frown then look away and whispers* I know...I look just awful huh? *Warm tears fill my eyes but I don’t let them spill over*

 Deacon: -it was the sight of his tears that did me in and I took the few short steps to the large tub. Settling on the edge, I spoke softly but with a firmness- Yes, little one, you do but that is through no fault of your own. You hardly asked for this to happen. -picking up a flannel from where the housekeeper had left a small stack, I offered it to Sebastian after gently using it to dry his cheeks- Do you remember my saying that I would never lie to you? -after the words left my lips, I realized that I’d said that a Dominant should never lie to their submissive; not that I would never lie. It seemed that I was beginning to put myself in that role with him-

 Seb: *Feeling you wipe at my cheeks gently. Wiping away the tears and all of my emotions. I watched you carefully. Listening to your words and for the first time in awhile I feel butterflies in my stomach. My cheeks flush a tad but probably because of the warm water. Yeah. Nodding slowly* Yes I do remember that. I remember you saying that. *Swallowing hard before I let my hands grip the edge of the tub and then takes a deep breath. Tipping my head back to look up at you, wondering what you thought. Wondering if you just felt sorry for me*

 Deacon: -a flurry of emotions crossed his sweet face whilst I watched- If you are worried about pity, Sebastian you have little to fear with that. While I feel bad for you because of your current situation, I see strength in you. Pardon me for just a moment. -rising, I moved quickly over the cool slate tiles of the bathroom then the plush stone colored carpet to the bedside stand. Picking up the cold pack, I retraced my path back to the side of the tub and gently laid the protected ice on the side of his face-

 Seb: *Watching you leave then come back shortly with the ice pack. You move to my level again and press it to my face. Leaning into the ice I let out a soft hiss then a sigh* Thank you, Sir. *Keeping my gaze on you for a moment before I realize that I was staring. Looking down at the tub and moves around a bit, the water sloshing around in the tub. My cheeks got even hotter then I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Shit maybe it just wasn’t the hot water, maybe it was you that were making me well..blush. Gazing up again as I try to read your emotions*

 Deacon: -leaning past him to take a flannel from the stack that lay on the back ledge, I dipped it into the steaming bath water and gently wiped it over his chest. I had failed to use soap but the bath was more to ease his muscles than it was to clean. Working the cloth from his chest to shoulder then repeating to the other shoulder, I softly murmured an Irish lullaby. Upon realizing that I’d been speaking aloud even if it was softly my eyes widened ever so slightly and I became quiet again. The draw toward this young man was one that I couldn’t afford; he was everything on the surface that I wanted but how skittish and damaged he was underneath….it had burned me in the past.

 Seb: *My eyes go wide when I hear you start to sing, not expecting it. Slowly I felt myself relaxing. Your touch, the song, the warm water, and you. It was all so mesmerizing. I knew that I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it to lean up and let my lips barely graze yours in a soft kiss that was sort of a thank you. Where would I have been right now if I hadn’t stumbled upon you. You were like my knight in shining armor, which I knew sounded so cliche but it was true. Looking up at you with soft eyes as I try to read your emotions, only hoping I didn’t overstep in anyway*

 Deacon: -his lips were soft with the timid kiss, I kicked up a brow in query though it was more of the things running through my mind rather than his motive- Sebastian, you have no need to feel obliged to me. You are my guest…. -I allowed the comment to die and resumed my  roaming with the flannel. His face appeared so open and honest, I should have had alarm bells tolling at my reaction to his kiss rather than finding it endearing; in this I failed- It is time for bed, little one. If you stand I will help you dry. -whilst I spoke, I had rung the cloth of water and draped over the porcelain edge of the tub-

 Seb: *My brows knit together as I feel slightly rejected, but he was right. I was his guest, and this wasn’t about that. Standing slowly, listening to the sounds of the water dripping off my naked body as I try to process what just happened. Finally finding the words to speak. I look at the dominant and murmurs* I know I'm your guest. I didn't do that because I felt I had to. I did it because...well I wanted too. *My cheeks turn red again. Feeling slightly embarrassed I look down as I wait for you to dry me*

 Deacon: -I was bothered by the melancholy look that stilled his features, it made me want to kick myself in the backside. It wasn’t often that I put my foot in my mouth but it would seem that I can do arse over tits standing still. Plucking a plush towel from the nearby stack, I set about quickly but gently drying his skin- I want you to understand that you needn’t feel that you owe me anything. -with an ease of movement I slid the cotton sheet about his hips and tucked the corner down and in, securing it on his hips- Do you need help dressing, little one?

 Seb: I know that. *My brows stay knit together as I watch you dry me then tuck a towel around my waist. Rubbing a hand over my face before I shake it* No, Sir. I can dress myself. *I waited until you were out of the room before I tugged the towel off and chucked it at the door. What was I doing? Looking into the mirror, I stare at my beaten face. I should just go back to him. Maybe if I went now I wouldn’t be in that much trouble. Whimpering slightly before I feel a rush of tears spill over my face. My legs wobble slightly as I drop down to my knees and wraps my arms around myself*

 Deacon: -I had scarcely made it back into the bedroom when the low sound of sobbing hit it. Turning on my heel, I re-entered the bathroom and crouched next to his trembling form. Resting a comforting hand on his shoulder, I spoke gently- Up on your feet, Sebastian. -offering him my hand to aid his rise to his feet and gathering him in my arms- You are welcome here and I have no issue with the kiss, I was simply ensuring that it was by choice and not that you felt beholden to me. -resting my cheek against the soft hair near the crown of his head-

 Seb: *My face turn bright red when you came in. I felt so embarrassed as you scooped me up into your arms, and just as I was about to protest I hear your words. As I feel your cheek rested on my head I let out a low sigh before wiping furiously at my eyes, gazing down to realize I was still naked. My arms loop around your neck, inhaling your rich scent as I whisper* I feel like such a mess and a burden to you. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Deal with me. *Wiping at my nose with the back of my hand before pressing my forehead to your shoulder. Only a few stray tears fell now and landed on you* I think I would like to lay down now if that is okay.

 Deacon: You are hardly a mess, little one. You have had a horrific day, this entitles you to your emotions and tears. As for dealing with you, it is my pleasure. -turning my head ever so slightly, I pressed a kiss to his hair whilst walking into the bedroom- Do you prefer to sleep with or without pyjamas? -lightly settling him on the edge of the bed, skimming my eyes over his body for my own selfish reasons rather than looking for a wound that required attention-

 Seb: *Now when you looked at me I blushed for a whole different reason. I saw a slight hunger in your eyes that caused me to swallow thickly. Shuffling under the covers but only enough that barely my lower half was covered. Still leaving the patch of hair above my base showing as well as the V line and my chest exposed. My head hits the soft pillow and I let out a relaxed sigh* This is fine. *Chewing on my lip as I shuffle in this huge bed. Wondering if there was another one for you or this was the only one you had* Is this your bed? *My blue eyes flicker up to lock onto yours*

 Deacon: -dear God in Heaven, I drank in the sight of him whilst trying to ignore the bruises that marred his skin or the obvious edge of ribs that were a sure sign that he hadn’t been eating well or often enough. It was a bit of a struggle not to grind my teeth together in anger at the man that had treated him so horrifically. Pushing my murderous thoughts out, I curved a corner of my mouth in a slight grin- No, little one. This is the guest room, my own rooms are down the hall. Would you like me to stay until you fall asleep? -leaning so that I can push one of the slightly raised buttons on the side of the night stand, turning off the light. This had a twofold reason; one to help ease you to sleep and the other to show that with the bathroom door open there was dim illumination from the LED light strip that was under the kick plate of the vanity-

 Seb: *Nods and shuffles a bit to the other side of the bed to make some room for you. Turning on my side, feeling more of the sheet slip from my bare body. Resting my head in my hand as I gaze at you, watching as you move to lay beside me. I feel my eyes grow heavy but I fight to try to keep them open. Letting out a soft breath as my split lip parts. Keeping my eyes on you as I whisper softly in the dark room* Thank you Sir…

 Deacon: -stretching out beside him, I lay my head on my bent arm using my other hand to gently thread my fingers through his hair in a slow rhythm- Sleep, little one, you are safe here. -I planned to wait for you to sleep before placing a call to Eva, I wanted to know who this fuck was and I was going to make bloody sure that he knew to keep his distance from this boy. Sebastian’s breathing had evened out, I stayed for a few more minutes to ensure that he was truly asleep then rose to set plans in motion-