#super long post so i'm sorry if you're on mobile ^^

[partycatty]

I have this idea:

Johnny Cage x tomboy (can be gender neutral reader), I see the reader as a introvert, gamer, a bit of a nerd that prefers to wear comfy pants than elegant, tight dresses/skirts. Johnny likes to talk to them cause they can play games together (I believe that johnny being a bit of a gamer is a fact stated in mk1, when we have a Cage's Mansion tutorial?) and so he decided to invite reader to a red carpet event created because of the launch of his new movie. It's first time in their life to attend such thing and they really don't know what to do... (the rest is up to you, they can either fuck before the event while reader is trying to pick a good outfit or just go there and have fun or whatever<3)

johnny cage > zip me up

johnny's not used to seeing his best friend in anything but a hoodie and sweats. what happens when they have to dress outside of their comfort zone?

warnings: nsfw... :3, exhibitionism?, hardcore praising LOL, awkward reader (no rizz ...), reader is written as curvy? LONG POST LOL

notes: i physically cant write dom johnny without it sounding super ooc LOL ALSO!! im so sorry if the formatting is iffy, ive been forced to use desktop and the formatting is completely different than my usual mobile writing

masterlist

honestly, it's hard to gauge what games he'd actually play, so a part of me believes he mainly plays... mortal kombat. and yes, since he is canonically responsible for the franchise existing, he would main himself. or maybe he'd play fortnite, lord knows he'd have his own skin.

"come on, man! you can't keep picking general shao! you can just say you hate me," johnny groans, staring at the character select screen. his favorite thing was to drop tidbits about the characters and compare them to the real life counterparts. "i'm still mentally recovering from witnessing his ugly mug."

you chuckle and lean back in your chair, pulling your headset mic closer to your lips. "would you rather i picked one of your buddies? kenshi, or as you called him, sexy face two?"

"and now you're asking me to beat up my best friend," johnny sighs dramatically. you giggle, and it makes his heart flutter and cheeks redden. thankfully, today was a day your webcams were turned off so you were none the wiser. you make a comment that he's the one that wanted to play a game that features his real friends and actual enemies which earns yet another groan from him.

"if you're gonna be annoying, we could switch to something else?" you offer teasingly. "not my fault you choose to stare at yourself every game instead of learning combos."

"oh hush, you love me," johnny replies, earning a little peep from you out of surprise. he loved to push your buttons and flirt with you. it was in his personality, sure, but because of it you did have a massive crush on him. it was innocent and purehearted, but you just couldn't see yourself risking your great friendship over some silly feelings. "you love it when i'm difficult, don't lie to yourself."

"...shut up," you pathetically try to retort, sinking into your seat and fighting the flush on your face. "are we gonna run another round or what?"

"actually, i had something to ask of you," johnny says, tone suddenly serious and almost unreadable. you feel a pit in your stomach at his tone, wondering if maybe you're in trouble. your mind spirals as you nervously fidget in anticipation. "well, two things actually. could you turn your camera on so i can properly ask you?"

you shakily turn your camera on in discord, anxiously glancing between your monitors and camera lens. johnny smiles to himself, leaning forward get a closer look at you as if you were sitting across the table from him.

"good girl, there we go," he says encouragingly, making your thighs clench as you use your sleeves to hide your face. "no, come on, don't hide. here, let me-" he clicks on his own camera button and his webcam blinks to life. he smiles directly into the camera, and for a moment you're winded at the reminder that you're best friends with a celebrity. "-there. now it doesn't feel like i'm talking to my computer."

"well, you are-" you speak up, ready to go on one of your famous tech tangents. johnny holds up a single finger, shushing you instantly. as much as he'd love to hear your voice for hours on end, he wanted to squeeze out what he was going to say first.

"-hold your tongue, my dearest nerd," johnny quips with a wink. "my favor first." you tense up before he speaks up again. "i've got a movie coming out. finally, right? point is, cris is an absolute no-go, and my assistant couldn't find a damsel to hang off my arm in time for the red carpet. so, next best thing, i was wondering if... you'd be my plus one."

"i-i don't dress up, johnny," you protest, looking away. "all those cameras, all the shouting... not for me."

"it's not all bad," he insists with a smirk. "you'll have me. all you have to do is stay close to me and smile."

you stammer, trying to spill out more excuses for him to give in and stop asking.

"i don't have a dress-"

"i'll buy you twenty."

"nobody knows who i am-"

"eyes'll be on me."

"what if someone laughs at me?"

"doll, have you seen some of these hollywood clowns? you'll look just fine."

you tug at your hair, exasperated. he came prepared with every response, had every reason to bring you to the carpet. you wanted to say no, but truth be told, you missed johnny dearly. you don't get to see him in person often, given your medium distance and his constant work. a meek "fine" escapes your lips and johnny cheers to himself, his excitement painted all over his face. it made you warm how well he was at showing his appreciation at times.

"i knew i could count on you, sweetheart. this means the world to me. i'm getting you tomorrow at three, okay? we're gonna get you a nice dress, i'll get a matching suit tailored... oh, it'll be like prom all over again!" he's gesturing wildly as he hypes himself up over the plan.

"i never went to prom, johnny," you chuckle to yourself, eyes on your keyboard. "i wouldn't know the experience."

"well that's ridiculous," johnny looks surprised at this fact, for a reason you can't pinpoint. "i would have asked you if we knew each other then."

"i'm sure," you agree shyly, turning away to try and hide your blush. "i'll see you tomorrow, johnny."

"see you tomorrow, doll," he smiles at the camera again, and you catch a glimpse of it as you weakly return the expression. then, johnny leaves the call, leaving you huffing and blushing. he just asked you to be his plus one on the red carpet, for his movie, for his fans... all eyes will be on you. the thought terrifies you, but maybe you could push through for your friend. you were a software developer, mostly confined to your dimly lit bedroom. this was a whole new realm!

you roll around on your bed and kick your feet, wondering why you're always so awkward around him. if you fumble at all in public, your world might just fall apart. sleep doesn't come easy for you, but it eventually overpowers your anxiety.

sunlight creeps through your windows. despite your usual tendency to sleep in, your nerves shot you awake slightly earlier than that, and you tried your best to negate your shakiness through games and squeezing in any work projects you could make up - before a firm knock was at your apartment door.

you fly to the door and swing it open, excited to see the only man that gets your heart pumping. he's matching your energy with a cheesy grin, immediately charging at you to embrace you in a bear hug. his cologne makes you tingle as you breathe in his shirt fabric. when he pulls back, he chuckles to admire your attire. you're wearing your usual sweatpants, hoodie, and slippers.

"you clean up nice," he compliments you sarcastically. "it's nice to finally see you, honey." you shrug with a shy smile at his endless pet names. "let's get you into something more flattering, yeah?"

he encourages you to his car, it's one of his nice sports cars with his name printed across the seats. you always felt out of place in his luxurious lifestyle. however, even through the two hour car ride back to malibu, you found yourself familiar and comfortable alongside johnny.

"you didn't have to drive four hours just to see me," you insist quietly, voice muffled against the window as you admire the waters. "it's a lot of trouble for one night."

johnny seems to genuinely seem taken aback by your deprecating comment. he leans over and slides one hand on your knee, patting it gently.

"you know i'd do anything for you," he speaks in that dangerously low tone, stealing quick glances as he desperately tries to focus on the road. "i want you with me."

even after his comforting pat, his hand lingers for a moment, sliding up your thigh with feather touches. you cover your lips with your finger to muffle any whimpers that threatened to escape. you always hated how touchy he was, and by hated, you mean it turned you on embarrassingly easily. as the road straightens out, you realize he's staring directly at you with suspiciously blown out pupils, but snaps back into reality as quickly as you noticed. he clears his throat and removes his hand, settling them both back on the steering wheel.

perhaps he just missed me and wants to be closer, you thought. he's always clingy, he probably just... you're having a hard time justifying his needy glances. they looked off. it's been a stupidly long time since someone eyed you down like that.

after what felt like a thousand years, the city comes into view and johnny parks at a luxury outfit boutique. it's small, but the window mannequins alone make you swallow nervously.

it takes quite some time to decide on a dress, because you internally decide that every possible option is unflattering. each time johnny pulls a dress from the selection, you cringe and shake your head. the sleeves were either too long or too short, the skirt was too flowy or too loose, or the color wasn't quite right.

"how about i pick one for you?" johnny offers, a little exhausted at how difficult you were being. "you just go sit in the dressing room, i'll slide you a couple dresses and don't think too hard about this. you'll look great in anything, my dear."

you agreed with his idea. maybe it'd be best for the celebrity that's known to dress nice to put you in something that'll definitely turn heads and keep you confident. it was unfamiliar territory for you, after all, since the last flattering thing you wore was a one-piece swimsuit on a beach trip with your family.

after some time of fidgeting in the dressing room, johnny slides the curtain aside and greets you with a smile, his veiny arm holding about a dozen dresses. he's got his iconic shit-eating grin as it seems he has something devious in mind for you.

"don't look so afraid," johnny shrugs, nudging you playfully. "i'll treat you right, pinky promise." he holds up the first dress, a flowy one with off-the-shoulder sheer sleeves. it looks like something out of a fairytale, and you're reluctant to deny his suggestion when he's cheesing so damn hard. you smile back and shove him back behind the curtain, giving yourself space to change.

you slide into the dress, catching it on your hips momentarily but pulling it past without tearing it thankfully. when you pull it up to your chest, it takes quite a bit of tugging, seeing as the fabric isn't as stretchy compared to what you're used to. when you fall silent as you try to pull the dress up, johnny assumes you're ready and slides the curtain aside, stepping in eagerly.

"how's it-" he cuts himself off when he gets a good look at you. you're flushed from trying to squeeze into the fabric, and your breasts (that he didn't even know you had) were spilling out of the front. his lips get sucked inward as you witness the gears come to a screeching halt in his head. his eyes may have been hidden from his sunglasses, but you know for a fact he's checking you out. "i like that one." his voice is too monotonous for him to truly be emotionless. it's like it's taking every ounce of his being to be normal.

"i don't," you mumble, continuing your fruitless attempts much to johnny's delight as your boobs ripple with each pull. "i can't get the stupid zipper up in the back, either."

eager hands shoot out to you as johnny takes quick strides to stand behind you. your front is facing the mirror, your hands resting atop your breasts and eyes focused on the man behind you. when his head tilts town to get a good look at the zipper, you notice his eyes are far darker than the typical warm brown.

his hands fumble tremendously as he tries to keep his shit together. he uses one hand to keep the parts together and the other to get the zipper sliding.

the sudden jerk catches you off guard and you're far from balanced. thankfully, your palms press against the mirror to keep yourself upright, and johnny lurches forward as his grip is pulled with you. his hands fly to your waist to ensure he doesn't topple you over.

you would have gotten up like nothing happened, and maybe apologized, but during the scuffle you felt something hard and warm through your skirt. johnny's nose is tucked in the nape of your neck when you fully realize your predicament.

as you sputter out his name to call him out, you feel his lips smile against your back. his hands loosen momentarily, but don't pull away.

"uh, sorry, doll," he mumbles into your skin, not sounding all too apologetic. "pretty girls in dresses just... gets me goin'."

"i'm not pretty," you mutter, averting your gaze. johnny lifts his head and looks at your reflection incredulously.

"you're joking, right?" johnny replies, brows furrowed. "babe, look at yourself." he grabs your jaw from behind and angles your vision on your body. "i didn't know you were carrying all this. i almost want t'take you out and get you a whole new wardrobe just to get you out of those garbage bags you're always in. pardon my french doll, but you're fuckin' hot." as he speaks, his hand snakes down your throat, your shoulder, and then settling firmly on your hip, not even hiding the brief sweep he made against the flesh of your chest.

you're left staring in awe. he was always charming around you, but never outright flirting. you glance toward the curtain; what if someone heard all this? you swallow thickly, moving back to look at johnny apprehensively. he's biting his lower lip, suddenly thrusting more against your body, letting a shaky breath as his face is now buried in the crook of your neck as he tries to hold it together.

"you got me all riled up seeing you in that, you know," he warns you in a husky voice that dampens your panties. "so you can't say you aren't pretty. feel what you did to me." the air feels intensely different than it was when you guys were just friends. he's confessing something he'd implied to feel for quite some time, but you never envisioned the day it'd come to fruition. you can't really say you were complaining when he pulls your hips toward him, letting him use your ass to grind down on ever so slightly. your stillness throws him off for a moment, and he looks up at you through the mirror with concerned eyes. "you don't seem into this. i can stop."

"n-no!" you yelp out, sounding a little more desperate that you'd like to admit. "this is okay."

"just okay?"

"well, no, but - i'm sorry, i don't know what to say."

"do you want me to stop?"

"...no."

"good girl."

he presses a little harder against you, keeping you upright and stopping your knees from buckling with his rough hands. abruptly filled with a primal hunger, johnny tugs the long flowing skirt up in bunches, gripping it tightly to get a glorious view of your ass. this interaction was not prepared for, so you couldn't help but feel flustered when your boyshort panties are fully on display. johnny just chuckles to himself as he grabs a shameless handful of one of your asscheeks anyway, squeezing hard enough to leave red prints behind. you bite down on your lips to stop any noise from coming out, but a moan of surprise slips through.

johnny wraps one arm around your midsection for stability, and the other flies up to your lips to hold his palm over your mouth.

"if you want this, you're gonna stay quiet, is that clear?" he growls into your ear, head tilted toward you but eyes fixated on your reflection's eyes. all you can do is nod. "i'll show you how fuckin' pretty you are."

he slides your panties down with ease, expelling a shaky groan when he watches a trail of your wetness follow the fabric. his cock is swiftly freed from his dress pants and he slides his throbbing tip against your folds, creating a sopping sound to the trained ear. if the store was quiet enough, the entire building would know how soaked you were for your best friend. all you can do is whimper and gasp as your noises are muffled by his hand. johnny leans forward and gently shushes you, lips brushing against your ear.

"you can do it, princess," he assures you in that husky voice before holding intense eye contact in the mirror. "you look so good like this, don't you think?"

your pupils were blown out and your cheeks were stained a deep red as you're bent over for the actor. you didn't feel pretty, still. you felt... needy.

you pressed back against his cock, and it slips between your folds before catching on your aching hole, making you twitch. the sloppy friction makes johnny moan against your skin as he hungrily matches your movements. he slides his hand down and toys with your clit, wetting the area with your own juices which seems to be plentiful. he sticks two fingers inside, not bothering to ease you into the process at all. he needs you now, and if "now" is in a clothing store, then so be it. your pussy burns from the sudden stretching, but you take it because it makes him happy to see how eager you are for him.

"i should've put you in a dress sooner," he mutters, hazy eyes staring right through you as he relishes in the way your walls embrace his fingers. "you look beautiful, my dear. angelic. i wanna ruin you so bad, baby, but i can't. not here." his words already bring you closer, but as you feel the tension building inside he leaves you empty and sopping... but not for long.

his tip slides in with ease, and he has to bite down on your bare shoulder to stop himself from losing it entirely. it's the first time in a long time a pussy has been too good for him. he's stuck his dick anywhere and everywhere, but you take the cake. his bite deepens when he slowly but surely bottoms out, his own knees buckling at your gorgeous insides.

"mmf, so fucking good," he groans into your flesh, eyes clenching shut. "my pretty girl. all mine, yeah?" you nod lazily, too entranced in the fact that his cock is buried inside of you. you'd had sex before, but it had been quite some time. years. and his dick just felt impossibly big.

"i could stay like this forever," he mumbles, almost forgetting to thrust. you remind him quickly when you shake your ass needily. "ah, but i shouldn't. you deserve to feel good."

he pulls out slowly, admiring the thin coat of juice painting his shaft before thrusting back in. he's careful to move just enough to hit deep, but not enough to make the slapping sound too obvious.

"there you go," johnny encourages you as he starts to slowly pump into you. "you take me so well, so pretty with my dick buried in you."

you almost wanted to pinch yourself to see if you were dreaming. just yesterday, he was your duo in your favorite game. and now, he was fucking into you in public. the thought makes you dizzy and you have a hard time keeping your head upright, that is, until johnny pulls your face up to the mirror again, still muffling you with his palm. you want to say you're the one enjoying it most, but that might be johnny. his once cocky demeanor is now down the drain as he fights for his life to not cum with every second of friction. you were just so good, he's already pussydrunk. he seems to be living in his own heaven when he lazily peppers kisses and licks all around your back, neck, and shoulders, breathy whimpers and moans warming your skin up nicely.

his thrusts grow increasingly sloppy as he completely loses himself against you. his eyes are swapping between you and him in the mirror as he admires your wetness dripping down your thighs and splattering against his own front. he would be mad you were ruining his nice clothes, but he's just going to buy another suit with you anyway.

"you wanna cum on me, doll?" he huffs into your ear, letting go of his fear of the slapping noise and now progressively slamming into you harder and harder. "let me feel it, baby, i'm real close."

johnny's arms readjust, one snaking under your armpit and over your shoulder, and the other rhythmically swirling circles against your clit. what once was hungry groans is now turning into needy whimpers from the both of you as you cum simultaneously. your lower half feels warm as he cums deep inside of you, watching it drip and splatter out with every finishing thrust. your vision becomes tunneled as you see stars, head thrown back as each throb from the orgasm makes you forget you're in public entirely.

he holds you both there for a moment, breathing in your damp skin. you both feel dazed, but incredibly satisfied. johnny kisses your cheek from behind, dancing his way to the corner of your mouth and then captures your lips in a messy, brief kiss.

"you know i didn't need a dress to want you that bad, right?" johnny asks against your lips, his fingers brushing against your bare thighs. "i really do think you're beautiful. always have."

you nod, taking in a quick inhale of breath to gather yourself. "i wasn't sure before."

"well, i hope you are now," johnny chuckles, and kisses you again. "at least, i hope so - hey, hey -" the embrace stops as he steps back and notices his semen dripping down your leg. "don't get that on the carpet. and definitely don't get that on the dress. we're buying that one for the red carpet-" he checks his watch. "-that we're late to. shit."

he doesn't really regret it.

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #johnny cage #mk1 #johnny cage x reader #johnny cage smut #marley writes ☆

[foxpunk]

In one of your recent posts you mentioned mastodon. I've been thinking of trying it out but I'm a bit overwhelmed by the amount of different servers. Which one would you recommend? Preferably ones that are trans and autistic friendly?

oh wonderful! always glad to help someone try something new.

some general info, before we start. for you and anyone else who may be reading this:

mastodon servers aren't isolated from each other. it's like how t-mobile and verizon are different phone networks but can call and text each other. it's also harder for larger servers to moderate their user base well, since the vast majority aren't run by businesses/professionals, just individuals. this aspect is similar to forums and discord. and so, pick whichever server you want based mainly on the server's rules and moderation! to be clear, i DO NOT recommend mastodon.social for the above reasons.

with that out of the way, here's my server recs!

if you take my word for it, you can assume they're all well moderated, LGBTQ+ friendly, and staunchly anti-fascist lol. that being said, always be sure and read the about and rules pages on any server before joining! i recommend reading through the rules of multiple servers even if you decide on just one, so you can get a better feel for how things work.

first, the three servers i have accounts on:

tech.lgbt / on the larger side, but really nice. main user base is lgbt people in the tech field (shocker) and a significant amount of furries (the overlap in this venn diagram is Huge) but you do not have to be one of those things or post that content to sign up there whatsoever!

cutie.city / smaller and super chill lgbtq+ run server, lots of general posting, cute pics, artists, etc. very easy to talk to, and very friendly! highly recommend this server if you are just starting out and feeling things out.

urusai.social / cool and friendly fandom focused server, mainly focused on animanga, light/web novels, e. asian dramas, video games, etc. it has a sister server (sakurajima.moe) you can also check out.

here's a few servers i'm not personally on (yet) but that i have friends on, have read the rules for, and have seen are well moderated:

mastodon.art / on the larger side, and is the main mastodon server artists and creators of all kinds join! friendly, with lots of fun events run by the main mod.

strangeobject.space / super small instance, really chill.

fandom.ink / another fandom focused server, but much more general and not so heavily focused on e. asian media.

honorable mentions that i have mutuals from but dunno much about personally: floss.social / mstdn.games / socel.net / queer.party

if you want to follow people who aren't on your server, all you have to do is place their account url into the search bar of your server and follow from there. (there's other ways to do this, but that's for another post, this one's long enough already). for accounts to follow after signing up, i recommend:

FediTips / nice account with tips for new users

FediFollows / run by the same person, they post follow friday lists of cool accounts to follow.

Curator / the admin for mastodon.art. boosts cool art a lot and has events (run through hashtags) that lots of people join, so you can find new artists

Hashtags / this isn't a specific account. on mastodon you can follow entire hashtags, similar to the way you can here, but better. it's one of the easiest and best ways to find new content and new people to follow.

Also, after signing up, your server will have a /directory page where you can easily find more people to follow!

once you're signed up, be sure to set up your profile, make an introduction post (and tag it with #introduction, hashtags are the best way to find people, remember), and have fun!

if you'd like to learn more about mastodon (either casually, or in depth) AllThingsTech and Fedi.Tips are great sites to do so! and you're free to ask me whatever you'd like about it as well, even if it's a "small" question.

P.S. - sorry for the long response, i hope it wasn't too overwhelming! i wanted to give more info not just for you but for anyone else who may be interested or confused.

TL;DR: the instances i linked are great to join! just look at the links, lol

#ask #ky speaks #mastodon #fediverse #im viralvulpes on those three instances btw feel free to follow me as well!

[theheartlandsblog]

hello @neonxdecay ! i remember you! i WAS in the middle of drafting an answer for you, but it turns out that if you save a drafted answer for later on mobile, then the ask just gets straight up deleted, as does the draft. 😑 so here's where the answer is going to be now, and sorry about that!! thank you for your kind words.

i'm also SUPER glad you asked. i love talking about history. i got wordy (I CANNOT OVERSTATE THIS, IT'S HUGE) so it shall be underneath the keep reading/expand post prompt. this will all be about the 19th century, ya know, cowboy times, just FYI. just let me know if the hyperlinks work. 🤎🤎🤎

i'm going to talk about my russian history first! undeniably, the very best sources i've ever come across are these two books - EAST OF THE SUN by benson bobrick, and THE FAMILY ROMANOV by candace fleming. they're both nonfiction books about russian history, but not textbook-y - instead the authors have written an actual, compelling *story* of the history. these two have taken me a LONG way.

EOTS spans the entirety of russia, begins in antiquity and ends in the 1980s/90s - the book itself was published 1992. it talks about everyone and everything - the native people of eurasia, the immigrants, the europeans, the wildlife. TFR, on the other hand, focuses on the ruling family of russia, when they still had kings/queens and such (the romanovs!), and their impact, both good and bad, on the country. combined, they're a fantastic perspective on pre-revolution russia, which is the russia that existed in RDR's timeframe, which i've found really hard to get since interest in pre-revolution russia seems so slim - ESPECIALLY here in the states. it's profoundly difficult to find conversation in the USA about russia that isn't heavily biased and stereotyped. i'm ukrainian from my dad's side, so it's a passionate matter for me. i enjoy every second.

i also study the russian language! just knowing about what people speak helps you understand them. i've been working through it on duolingo for a little over a year, and i know duolingo isn't fantastic (and neither is my russian), but it is all i have access to at this moment. i'll watch movies in russian, videos of RDR gameplay where the game is in russian, i'll literally go to r/russian on reddit and just read the discussions there. i like to read wikipedia articles on timely occasions like the construction of the trans-siberian railroad, or what traditional clothing for the poorer population was like, and even what the plant life is like.

i think the key ingredient is ravenous, ravenous curiosity. i do all of this for my russian characters in HOMEWARD. i am so compelled to tell stories, and from whom they originate hardly matters to me. i love history!! i am a nerd!!

now, onto my american history, which is thankfully a lot more easy to find when you live here, and is a little more accessible than books and language programmes! for this, i am extremely happy to report that youtube is my go-to and is a delightful way to learn.

i started with studying CLOTHES. i have an enormous playlist full of videos on history of anything, from all about the world, and 19th century american clothing remains the overwhelming majority. literally just studying clothing will by default teach you more than simply *clothing* because then you have to learn about what materials they were made from, so what was grown or what animals were raised for that, and then you learn about who the people were in charge of making them, and what culturally influenced aesthetic, modesty, wealth, etc, etc, etc... i know it sounds a bit wild, but if you're gonna study any history, choose someone's clothes! ♡

channels like bernadette banner, the sewlo artist, nicole rudolph, and abby cox are treasure troves of information about historic attire. i love these women!!! studying history is a lot easier when you find someone passionate about it. don't go dragging yourself through a college textbook to try and learn, unless you're passionate about that.

but you know what? let's go deeper than that. let's start getting even *more* niche into history. i guarantee to you that it's out there. here is a playlist by a channel called real pixels which describes in detail how historic relevance and accuracy relate to RDR2. here is a video by a henry films, showing off the real-life counterparts to RDR's towns. here is a video by a channel called early american (this entire channel is a GOLDMINE) about what it was like to do laundry! here's a video by a lost leadville, about old western accents! i've watched all of these, and i watch them often, again and again and again, and i watch them as i write, and i watch them for fun, and THAT is how you learn.

but you mentioned and asked for books, and boy, do i have some american history books for you, too! here's two - WALDEN by henry david thoreau, and STATIONS WEST by edwin d. culp.

WALDEN is an autobiographical account of the real mister thoreau, who voluntarily lived alone in a little cabin he built on the shore of the real walden pond, in concord, massachusetts. evelyn miller from RDR2 was based on him! the book was published in 1854, and is an irreplaceable source of what it was like to live in young america, not-yet post-colonial, that wary, small culture, sometimes even that abject poverty, that wilderness. STATIONS WEST is a little different. it's half pictures and half text, and though it's focused on a fairly niche subject (trains!), it's proved a fascinating collection of primary sources for 19th century living in the united states. newspapers describing accounts of travel, pictures of railroad maps that people scrawled on, ticket stubs with prices of 10, 15, 20 cents. i heavily referenced a lengthy newspaper story from there just to emulate how english was written back then, for the letter that reverend swanson wrote to arthur in chapter 4 of HOMEWARD!

you have to get creative with it! to me, nothing is enough - names and dates aren't enough - pictures aren't enough - sometimes, even whole books aren't enough. i ask myself how can i apply this history? how can i bring life back into it? how can i use it in a context that is not words and static depictions on paper? how does it make me happy? where do i see it echoed today in my present day life?

FINALLY, i also read historical fiction - as in fictional stories that were published in the time period - and i think that step is literally just as important as reading nonfiction. i could go on about this one for ages, but my god, i already have, so i will leave you with this: storybooks from then are delightful on their own because they're books (who doesn't like that!!), and doubly so when you're approaching them to research, because they provide cultural context to when they were written, examples of how written english has changed, and sometimes they're a little more accurate to life back then than a period piece is now. here's two - for my russian fix i'm working my way through WAR AND PEACE by tolstoy (published 1867), and i've just finished TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA by jules verne (published 1870), this is a ✨️french one, but was (and is still) loved around the world.

so, holy bejeezus, i think i'm done showing off some of my sources and explaining how i use them. if THIS doesn't answer your questions then i have no idea what will. thank you for asking such an engaging question, this was a lot of fun! 💐 ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ here's one of my cats sitting on my books while i got them out, as a treat.

#admin #asks #theheartlands fanfiction #SCREAMS BANGS MY HEAD INTO MY CARPET #i lost control 😭😭😭😭 #added some paragraph breaks for ease of viewing

[tvheadfalls]

programmer here (with cs degree, it job etc) sorry this is long and im on mobile but i wanted to give you my 2 cents :D i actually dont recommend javascript as your first language, js has really weak "rules" and basically allows you to do whatever you want when writing code, including really shitty things. this can be great in many situations if you know what you're doing and makes js very flexible but if you're starting out you will probably pick up bad habits and it will be difficult to move onto different languages (like typed languages)

for example i learned C as my first and i'm very glad for it, it's not used much outside of certain fields now but it's fantastic to start out, especially bc it operates at a lower level than most modern languages and by learning it you understand what's going on "under the hood" in your program and forces you to get used to many good programming practices.

imo the most important thing when starting out is finding a course that teaches you the main concepts common to most programming languages, once you are familiar with those you can learn others very easily. and it's better to start with a language that has strong rules, and then move onto those that are more lax. python is very popular and beginner friendly so it's an ok point to start for many, definitely better than js, and includes OOP as well so you can get familiar with that too. although if you want a really rigorous approach i'd still go with a typed language as your first.

basically: if you really care abt writing good code and eventually want to learn other languages i'd recommend C, or its more moden cousin Go (which is one of my fav languages and getting pretty popular), as your first. If you just want to throw yourself into programming and don't want to waste time with a language that is not super popular/don't care about, then python is good.

i'll try to look up some resources later maybe, i'd love to give you my uni courses materials but they're not in english/german :( anyway best of luck !! anyone can learn programming if they try, i know it can be really hard and confusing at first but dont give up !! :D

i knew itd work if i make another post abt it, i Love when i ask smth and all the expert professional anons following me just crawl out of the woodworks DFGJKFDJK

this is all very good to know thank you!!! goin on the to-research list. dw abt the resources, i am still only pondering at this so literally anything will do for now and actual uni course materials sounds terrifying LMAO

#ask

[strawhatsoraya]

see, THIS is why I am so patiently impatient because the way you understand Sanji is the exact way I do too!! I can't help but notice the way he's just so full of love and care and I love that in characters, when they face horrible situations but still treat others with love and kindness – bonus if they don't expect it back. Like cmere my baby boy, I will shower you with all the love YOU DESERVEEE TT.TT

I'm super super excited for this fic, so don't even apologize! I know it will be worth the wait, so take your time and trust me to come scream in your askbox when you do finally put it out <3

also, I'm curious if you're also writing the Zoro and Ace prompts I gave? no pressure tho, I know you said you might not do every prompt and I'm already over the moon that you're doing the Sanji one, I'm just curious about everything like how many wips you have going on rn 😂

uni is great!! I have exams coming up in October so this is rush period to finish the syllabus and start prepping >< how's things over there for you? anything interesting going on that you would be okay sharing? <3

- 🍥

(p.s. if my long asks are overwhelming, just let me know, I'll try to cut back haha~)

HII~! I'm sorry for the delayed response. I just got my laptop charger last night. My dog is a terrorist and likes to eat my chargers when I don't pay attention to her.

That being said, I haven't been writing cause I've been mobile. ;~; I know a lot of people write their fics on their phone but for some reason my brain likes a bigger screen so I can see where I'm going with the story. I go back to read a lot because i have bad memory, and want my prose to read fluidly. *babbling forever* But I have the weekend! So i'll be working on it bit by bit.

I have not started on the prompts you sent me yet but I do want to do that Ace one because I think it would be a quick little short exercise to flex my writing muscles! So I'll be doing that one this weekend while working on the Sanji slow burn.

I love the Zoro one you sent me....because it seems like so much fun LMAO And I love messing with Zoro but that one is going to be LENGTHY. Because...I am obsessed with putting Zoro in difficult situations. So that one will take time too.

I do have a Soulmate AU request for Zoro someone sent that's cuuuute. I may do a lil short thing for that too. So I have many WIPs. I should make a list and put in my pinned post? Idk whoever is interested lol.

I do not miss exams ;~; I've been doing better! My health is touch and go, and we had that Hurricane scare (I live in Florida) but so far the coast is clear? Good luck with studying and your exams <3 although I have a feeling you're doing to do great.

(no they don't overwhelm me lmaooo i am a long winded person this matches my energy)

#🍥 anon #&&. sora talks

[melyzard]

Hi! regarding your post about switching from google chrome to a other browser, do you have any suggestions for alternatives on mobile? (I'm using android btw) I would really like to use something else but I'm not yet sure as of now

Sorry it took so long to answer - my account was temporarily deleted for...some reason. Personal conspiracy theory: that post about deleting chrome caught The Google's ever-roving, ever-watchful eye. But staff eventually brought me back online! Success!

So I've done some research on mobile browsers, and honestly? Firefox is still the best one out there. I use it on my phone too (I also use android, but it can be installed on anything else, too. Although expect a google phone to cause problems with it, because of course it does). Duck duck go is fairly utilitarian, but they've had some problems with privacy and data mining lately, so again, stick to faithful Firefox. There's also Brave, if you're super against Firefox for some strange reason, but it's chrome-adjacent and not really any better than Firefox as far as layout and ease of use goes.

Good luck!

#internet security #privacy #you need to protect yourself #firefox

[tiny-chubby-bird]

hello!

as someone who likes to read and has also posted some stories myself on a secondary account, i'd like to suggest something to you. now, i am not someone to tell you what you should and shouldn't do, you're a free individual, so this isn't supposed to be a "do this or else!!" kinda post.

i'd just really like to suggest putting your works underneath the "read more" option on tumblr. if it's smut, some people may not want to read it, or maybe you don't want minors to immediately see all the dirty stuff. you could put the content warnings and notes and stuff on top, and then the actual writing under read more, for example (just a suggestion!!).

if it's not smut but also not short (i think anything above maybe 600 words can be seen as long on tumblr text post format), it would make scrolling through posts a lot easier to have those stories also under read more. i often scroll through the "your tags" section to look for stories, but will have to scroll past really, really long texts because a story with 3-5k words is not put under read more. it can be a bit exhausting, sometimes even annoying.

i see people complaining about unwanted smut and long walls of text every now and then and, while there are some filtering options, sometimes some tags still slip through and people still see what they try to avoid, and i know that tagging things properly can be a bit difficult at times if you don't know the right words/tags to use, or maybe you're as forgetful as i am. i know that's not my or your problem in particular, but we can still all work together to at least try and make this site as enjoyable as possible for everyone (not a very realistic goal, but an attempt often still counts for something).

tl;dr: it would be super appreciated if longer stories could be put under read more, so smut can be more easily avoided if it's unwanted, and there aren't walls of texts to scroll past.

if you perhaps don't know how to put something under read more, here's how:

on pc, when pressing enter to make a new paragraph, these symbols should show up

and the gray one on the far right side, when clicked, will put anything underneath it under read more. the same/similar symbols should be shown on tumblr mobile.

i am aware there's the option in your account settings to "shorten long posts" but some may not have this activated. i didn't until today because i didn't even know about it haha.

again, i'm not telling you what to do. this is mostly for new and/or younger people that may not know of this feature. this may be just my own personal preference, but i feel like it's kind of a respectful thing to do. sorry for rambling, hope you have a nice timezone!

#writers on tumblr #writing on tumblr #reader inserts #x reader #this isnt targeted to reader inserts in particular #i just feel like it's the most prominent writing tag on here #i myself write reader inserts too so i hope nobody feels attacked #thats rlly not my intention and im sorry if this comes across as aggressive or anything #long post #sort of

[klara-libri]

"Hey, admin! You've made a new post. What have you been doing lately?"

I guess I have a lot of things to say. I've been gone in this blog for another 3 years. It's going to be mostly Grand Chase-related things and my personal life, so if you're interested in reading them:

Questions that are Grand Chase-related:

Have you played Grand Chase Classic on Steam?

Yes, I did. But I didn't last long there. I've played during the CBT and OBT. I was kind of frustrated I didn't get my CBT code despite signing up for it, so a friend lend me their second account for me to try it. I had complaints about the changes they've made, such as them removing Elesis's Evasion in her skill tree, so I went with Arme as my starter. Suffice to say, it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.

What was your reaction when you find out Grand Chase is coming back to Steam?

I was surprised and confused, and so were my friends who saw it, because we didn't think KOG would do it.

How do you feel about Grand Chase Classic before and today?

I'm full of mixed bags, mostly negative. I'm sorry to say, but I don't have any plans to come back to Classic ever again. For me, it felt soulless, and I didn't understand the point of them bringing Grand Chase back as in the PC version, with the old players having to lose all the stuff they've worked and paid for. I don't ignore the fact there are players would be willing to give the game a try since they've missed it a lot and would also be willing to go back to square one. I guess they have ironed things out and tuned in that they have added new stuff, and with the introduction of Decanee and Ai. I'd still be super critical about Classic, though.

It seems like KOG wouldn't release Uno and they replaced his spot with Decanee. What are your thoughts about the two new PC characters?

For Ai, I just felt neutral. For Decanee, however:

Have you also played Grand Chase Dimensional Chaser (Grand Chase for kakao)?

Yup, but not much often than I used to do when the game was still fresh, mostly because I've been busy with my job and I'd feel lazy playing it. I'm also sadly lagging behind from players who are more active. I'd occasionally play it nowadays if there's a promotion/or character coming up.

What was your reaction when the mobile version came out?

Same as what I felt about Classic, but that time, I was more confused since "Wait, wasn't Grand Chase M a thing?".

How do you feel about it before and today?

I was skeptical, but the longer I played it, I more I admired it. I've also have played the CBT version of it. Damn, the game was very challenging, and getting an SR was anyone who has played it at first, their way to save themselves from losing the stage. I was one of those people who had that in mind. When it actually got released internationally, my friends and I have already planned to make a guild for our circle. I get to also meet new people I'd befriend as well. It's a pretty charming game. But I had to admit, it can get very stale and a grind. Them removing Prana to buy character rolls was the most annoying thing they've ever done. Regardless, I have a softer spot with this version more than Classic.

I do understand the game does have its harsh critics and the ones I hear the most are where they'd rather play the PC version instead. Some of them saying "This game will flop because it doesn't play like the PC version" was a pet peeve I'd hear. But then, Classic got released, so I guess it's a win-win situation for both types of players? Therefore, I do understand that one of them would prefer the other and that's something I can't deny.

The art style is what I admire the game the most. My favorite would have to be Amy's version of Sistina (though the floating Pandora Bag and them being used like Dancer's weapons are so fucking weird) and Siren. Elesis's Chaser and Soul Imprint artworks are also one of my favorites.

Elena returning to mobile was something I didn't expect, but her being voiced was the one I didn't expect as well. Her getting a snarky personality and acting like a sleazy businessperson are something I couldn't ask for more lol

Too bad they kind of removed her in-game as an NPC. She did retain her role of being one of Kaze'aze/Decanee's subordinates, though.

Also my apologies for talking about Elena. I used to roleplay her. 😭

What are your thoughts about how they changed the Chase and the new characters?

I love using Elesis and Amy so much! Their abilities are just a joy to play as, especially when you upgrade their Chaser and Soul Imprint. My favorite characters in the mobile version, by playability, are Nelia, Harpe, and Tia. Callisto has also grown on me. I've always loved Harpe in the PC version, so he's my current favorite on mobile. Especially when you read his Likability. You getting his original Existor outfit after finishing his Likability is the most bittersweet thing ever.

Dio and Rin were done so dirty in the mobile version, and Dio and Rin in the PC version (I'm a Twilight!Rin main) were some of the favorites (in gameplay wise and their fandom) in-game. I hope their T versions would make them more playable.

So, admin, with these two games co-existing, how do you feel about the series?

I still love Grand Chase itself and its story and characters. I just don't play the games itself at the moment. I'd wish we get to know more a lot the many NPCs KOG created but just abandoned it. Very sad, to he honest.

Wait... What happened to Grand Chase M?

Grand Chase M shut down in 2018.

So, are there anymore Grand Chase related stuff you wanted to say before you'd say your other stuff?

I was one of the winners for the Welcome Myung Hwarin giveaway. I've always dreamed of getting an official Grand Chase merchandise. I know it's not that much, but I would treasure these forever. 🥹

Questions about personal stuff:

How've you been, admin?

I'm doing okay, though I'm still focusing on my own mental health. I have my own work now, so I've been busier than ever. Been also doing some workouts for 8 months now. I've been quite depressed and dazed lately as well. Don't worry, I'll try to get through this. 🥲

What are you interests other than Grand Chase?

I love talking about Kagerou Project, Animal Crossing, sometimes a bit of RuPaul's Drag Race, and series that were dear to me in my heart. My hobby is mostly collecting things. I love collecting Animal Crossing amiibo cards and plushies (mostly rabbit ones or My Melody). Listening to my Spotify is one of my go-to's. Dream Girlfriend is the app I've been playing the most. I've gotten into Hamilton and We ❤️ Katamari recently.

So, are you going to come back to Tumblr and post here?

I'm afraid I don't have a definitive answer. I've closed klara-libri 6 years ago, as I lost interest in running the blog. I already lose my interest in it ever since the PC version shut down. I'm also afraid I can't post the extracted stuff from in-game anymore. I forgot how I did it and all of the code and files I had were lost, since the computer I used to do that broke and got replaced. I will try my best to do some posts, but I cannot promise I'll do them regularly. I don't have any plans to return to Tumblr as a person account. The changes made were confusing. The PC version wasn't much kind, but using the mobile version is much easier and comfortable for me. I try to avoid having too much social media as possible, as it just adds stress to my already anxiety-driven self.

Conclusion to this post

I just want to say thanks again for checking klara-libri and glad you all enjoyed the things I'd repost and share, and to the wonderful community creating Grand Chase posts. ❤️

I'm still surprised there's a few who would check on it, though. You may be also surprised I still have access to this account lol

Anyhow, please have a nice day and sorry for my tl;dr thoughts and everything.

#Admin's post #my ask box will be open as well

[muddyorbsblr]

So sorry that you're hurt, I hope it gets better ASAP! 🧡 If you're still answering questions, I'd love to ask: how did you get into writing fan fic and/or what advice would you give to new writers? I've really admired your work since I joined tumblr and I'm super thankful that you share your work with us!! 🥰

Thank you! 💖 The foot itself only hurts now when I put weight on the outer part of it and the knee's bruising badly and it's warm to the touch but I generally have mobility for it now.

How I got into fanfic writing…Well it started when I was 12 and I wanted to write down what happened in a dream of mine, and then it turned into this whole story that I wrote in a little school notebook. I kept going like that for a while before I started typing them down when I got my own computer at…I wanna say 14? And then I started posting as well under a name & ff.net + AO3 account that I've retired long ago.

After that I more or less left the scene when I was 17 and started college, and only really came back full force last year with 'what's today again?' that really only happened because I joined in on this thread about Loki lifting the reader with a single arm and also something a coworker of mine said and that led to me saying "I think I might be able to write something about this" and approximately 24 hours later, that oneshot was born 😅

Since then my brain's gone back to writer mode and every idea I have I scribble down somewhere so that I could see if I could extend it into either a 1k+ word story or a drabble. Granted, some of them just stay an idea, but most of them are stories that are incoming sometime in the future. 😳👀 Needless to say, since writing that story, my brain hasn't stopped churning out new ideas and I've so far been able to bend what grasp I have of the English language to my will and create stories for y'all to enjoy 😅

My advice for new writers would be this: It doesn't matter how silly or mundane your idea might seem. Post it anyways because I can guarantee you there will always be an audience for your ideas. If you wanna just write a little thing about Loki & YN making coffee together in the morning, do it. We love slice of life stories here. It doesn't have to be epic. It doesn't need a bad guy. It just needs for you to have put your heart into it and I promise you the rest will follow.

send me a 'get to know the blogger' ask to distract me from my foot injury

#get to know the blogger asks #cultofcarter asks #muddyorbsblr answers

[euphoricfilter]

hi darling 🎀 how are uuu? hope ur doing good. this is kind of like a continuation of anon asking / informing abt the links. i've been having the same trouble with the links too but ! only difference is, some of them work and some of them don't. i'm not sure of for sure actual solution (given i barely know how tumblr works myself lol) but maybe if u re-update the links? that might help? and if that doesn't do it, i say follow ur first mind as said and create a new master list. sorry this is super long hehe* but hope this helped little :)

i'm doing pretty well, thank you!! i hope you're doing good too, my lovely <3

it seems like everyone is having trouble with links as of late 😭 especially on mobile, i looked on another account earlier and when i went on a link i had to like completely exit from their profile to see the post i wanted?? it's really annoying

i've updated all the links on my main masterlist, idk if the drabble masterlist links work at all either, so idk if that's helped, if it still doesn't work then let me know and i'll definitely just make a new masterlist

it's okay, i usually enjoy reading lengthy asks, it's fun to talk to people!!

it did help, so thank you 💕 hopefully tumblr sorts out their musty ass updates so everything goes somewhat back to normal 😭

#ask #let me know if it still doesn't work #i'm moments away from committing arson #tumblr i beg you please fix this hellsite #ALSO #DARLING????? #🫡 #got me giggling or whatever

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

Hi -

So I don’t disagree with ur super long text post about small talk and deep conversations and I think it’s a good perspective to have surrounding the subject matter, but next time you blaze/sponsor a significantly lengthy text (vent) post and make people outside your immediate following and mutuals have to see it too, please consider using the : readmore : (no spaces) as a common courtesy to everyone else who is being made to see it.

I don’t even follow you and I had to scroll twice to get out of it and back to my regular dashboard and while it’s not the end of the world, obviously, it is a little annoying when it’s unexpected.

(Personally I’m much more inclined to investigate a post under a readmore and flatout ignore or even report lengthy text posts that aren’t under a readmore)

Thanks.

hey anon,

yeah i somehow haven't been able to actually get the read more function to work on mobile (which i'm on pretty much 24/7 now) or to even work properly on desktop after all the updates in the last couple years. every time i've gone to use it on either mobile or desktop, it's never worked for me. maybe I'll try the method you've said and see if it works. but with my luck with technology, i'm doubting that it'll work for me anyway.

i used to use the read more function literally all the time in my earlier days of tumblr, when I was writing vent posts and not advice posts. be glad I haven't blazed some of my even LONGER advice/vent posts from the past few years. because the one that you're referring to, believe it or not, is on the shorter side by a big margin lmao.

i don't particularly blaze my posts very often tbh, bc this one is only the 2nd post i've actually bothered to blaze lmao. I'll keep it mind for future reference, that not everyone wants to have a long/super long post on their dash. I'll make sure to edit long posts before I blaze them for more convenient dash scrolling. i actually thought it'd do it automatically on people's dashes tbh. my bad.

but thanks for the feedback, anon. sorry for the inconvenience that this has caused you, i guess.

#life #about me #anon #answered anon #i wasnt aware that people didnt particularly like long posts on their dash on the Long Post Website #or would go to the extent of reporting them.

[what-was-i-meant-to-brew]

So, this is going to be a little off from what I usually post, but this has been running through my mind all week, so I gotta share. Ok, so Tuesday, I started taking an online food science course because I've been wanting to study food science for a long time, and since I'm a TMobile customer, I had a coupon (through the T-Mobile Tuesday app) for 3 free months of a course from Upskillist. Anyhow, what's blowing my mind is how different our bodies work versus how we've been taught that they work. A few years ago, I was on a dieting app trying to limit my calorie intake because I wanted to lose a few pounds and get healthier. Because that's what we're taught, is if you want to be healthy, you have to have a lower weight and to have a lower weight, you have to eat fewer calories. Guys, a calorie is literally a unit of energy. That's it. Our bodies use energy to do things from transporting blood throughout the body to running a marathon. Having calories in your body isn't "bad", it's literally what your body needs. Another thing that we're taught is "healthy" versus "unhealthy" foods. It's not really a thing, though! Some foods have a higher nutritional value based on what nutrients it contains, but if you're providing your body with nutrients to replace the ones it's already used, then that's the point, isn't it? All my life I've heard "cut carbs, carbs are bad", but you know what one of the foods your body needs to keep going? Carbs! And fats! How often have we heard of "low fat" this and "low fat" that? But you know what your body needs? Fats! Of course, you need a balance of all of these things, you can't get all of your nutritional requirements from any one food source, but isn't it great to know that you can eat from certain food groups without feeling shame?

Anywho, sorry for the long post, I'm just super excited about my food science course, and had to share this somewhere.

#food #food science #learning #long post #no point #thanks for listening

[kanasmusings]

[Translation] Lost Alice Drama Track 1

Woohoo! Here is ‘Lost Alice’ finally~  As usual, I’ll be referring to the characters with their names in the story. Also, a huge thank you to the Anon who told me the official English spelling of the characters’ names! That was a huge help ^^

Characters:

Shinomiya Natsuki – Charles Liddell

Kotobuki Reiji – White Rabbit

Hijirikawa Masato – The Hatter

Kurosaki Ranmaru – Cheshire Cat

Camus – Albert Liddell

Jinguji Ren - March Hare

Aijima Cecil - Dormouse

Under the cut as usual, enjoy~

[UtaPri Shining Masterpiece Show - Lost Alice Drama Track 1]

LOST ALICE - Act 1

ALL: “Lost Alice”

WHITE RABBIT: Are you Alice? A beloved child.

THE HATTER: Who is Alice? An unloved child.

CHESHIRE CAT: Who’s to say who is Alice or who isn’t Alice?

WHITE RABBIT: Welcome to Wonderland! A never-ending paradise.

CHESHIRE CAT: Goodbye, oh normal world. A paradise about to meet its end.

THE HATTER: Fall! Slowly and slowly…

THE HATTER: Deeper and deeper…

CHESHIRE CAT: Now, let’s open the door to a new beginning.

THE HATTER: Climb! Gently and lightly…

THE HATTER: Higher and higher until you reach heaven…

WHITE RABBIT: Now, ring the bell of the beginning.

CHESHIRE CAT: Is this a dream?

WHITE RABBIT: Or is it reality?

THE HATTER: Lies and truth.

CHESHIRE CAT: They go hand in hand.

THE HATTER: To part with something or to acquire something.

WHITE RABBIT: What we gain and what we lose is…

  ***

  WHITE RABBIT: It was a fine May morning, surrounded by beautiful greenery.

WHITE RABBIT: What a magnificent sight it truly is.

WHITE RABBIT: It was a fun and exciting picnic where the sunlight shines on, the forest is brilliant, and you can hear the laughter of various people.

WHITE RABBIT: Yes. All but one was having fun…

ALBERT: Charles! Stop reading fairy tales in such a secluded place. Go and greet everybody.

ALBERT: After that is the tea party.

CHARLES: Why don’t you just go and do it, Big Brother Albert?

CHARLES: Why do I have to do something I don’t want to?

CHARLES: Honestly, I find these creepy tea parties very unnecessary!

CHARLES: Reading your boring books is even better.

ALBERT: Would you desist already? This is an age old tradition after all.

ALBERT: You are of age already. You have to be aware of your surroundings more now.

ALBERT: Good grief. It’s bothersome that you’ve only grown taller but not more mature.

ALBERT: Today is a very important custom for the Liddell Family. I can’t just let you do what you want.

ALBERT: It’s a picnic to deepen our relations with our friends and families.

CHARLES: There’s no one here who really wants to see me.

CHARLES: I’m sure they’ll only be talking gossip as they always do while drinking tea.

CHARLES: I’m very different from you, Big Brother. I’m an unloved child.

CHARLES: All I need is you.

ALBERT: Will you stop already?! It’s because you act like that that they think you’re unusual!

CHARLES: …! That’s right… I’m unusual! I’m not perfect like you, Big Brother!

CHARLES: Please, just leave me alone! (Charles starts to walk away)

ALBERT: Wait a minute, Charles! The forest is—

CHARLES: I hate you, Big Brother!

CHARLES: Ah…!

ALBERT: Watch out!

(Charles falls down the rabbit hole)

ALBERT: CHARLES!!

  ***

  (Charles wakes up after the long fall)

CHARLES: … Wh-where is this…?

CHARLES: I fell down a hole and then…

CHARLES: …! I can’t remember…

CHARLES: It’s completely dark. Where’s everyone? Big Brother?

CHARLES: Is no one here?

(Charles hears White Rabbit running)

WHITE RABBIT: This is bad, very bad! I won’t make it, I won’t!

WHITE RABBIT: I need this and that! If I don’t prepare them, I’ll be in trouble!

CHARLES: What’s wrong…?

WHITE RABBIT: Uwah--! Wh-who are you?! (White Rabbit suddenly stops running and runs into Charles)

WHITE RABBIT: O-ow…! Oh my, if it isn’t Alice!

WHITE RABBIT: What are you doing in a place like this?

CHARLES: Alice? My name’s not Alice. My name is Charles Liddell.

WHITE RABBIT: What are you saying? You are Alice! What should I call you aside from Alice?

WHITE RABBIT: You came from the world above, didn’t you?

CHARLES: That’s true… I don’t know what this place is. I don’t belong here.

WHITE RABBIT: Then, you really are Alice~! That’s what you’re called here.

WHITE RABBIT: My name’s White Rabbit. Nice to meet you, my friend~

CHARLES: Eh…?

WHITE RABBIT: Anyway, Alice, this is bad! We can’t just stand around here. Time waits for no one, see?

WHITE RABBIT: (he takes out a watch) I was just in the middle of turning back the hands on this clock.

WHITE RABBIT: But… This clock is broken and won’t do as I say.

WHITE RABBIT: (he turns the hands again) See? Just like this!

WHITE RABBIT: I keep turning them and turning them but… it’s a futile effort.

CHARLES: Why are you in such a hurry? What’s going on?

WHITE RABBIT: What do you mean ‘what’?! It’s a big a problem, really, a big one! Time is of the essence!

WHITE RABBIT: Time is money, you know? No, wait, it’s even more important than money.

WHITE RABBIT: It can’t be bought with money and it disappears before we know it. It is a thing to which we lose our precious things!

WHITE RABBIT: (with a sudden change of tone) It’s too late once you fail. Once you’ve lost it, life won’t give you the chance to fix it.

WHITE RABBIT: I…

WHITE RABBIT: I’ve failed many times so I know it well…

CHARLES: Then, what should we do?

WHITE RABBIT: That’s why I’m hurrying so it won’t happen again! Just like this…!

WHITE RABBIT: Even if… it’s futile…

WHITE RABBIT: It’s better to regret its results than regret doing nothing.

WHITE RABBIT: You can’t get used to the feeling of losing something no matter how many times it has happened.

WHITE RABBIT: But… not knowing what’s going to happen next is destiny.

WHITE RABBIT: And yet, once it actually happens we’re not prepared for it! We can just accept it.

WHITE RABBIT: Even when we try our hardest, there are times when we just can’t do anything!

WHITE RABBIT: That, too, is… fate…

WHITE RABBIT: But, there’s something I have to do. It’s my duty, you see?

WHITE RABBIT: See ya. I have to get going soon.

CHARLES: Wait! Where are you going?

CHARLES: I want to know the way home. This place is strange and cold… And it’s scary…

WHITE RABBIT: (in a serious and foreboding tone) There’s no way out. You just have to move forward.

WHITE RABBIT: (in his usual cheery tone) By the by~ You’re interested in where I’m going so are you going to help me~?

CHARLES: No, I just want to—

WHITE RABBIT: Thank you, Alice! I really need your help!

WHITE RABBIT: Wait, no. It can’t get started without you there! Definitely be there, okay!? (White Rabbit runs off)

CHARLES: Ah… Wait a minute, Mr. White Rabbit! Hey, please wait! (Charles starts running after him)

  ***

  CHARLES: (sighs) I lost sight of Mr. White Rabbit…

CHARLES: I’m the one who needs some help.

CHARLES: Geez… I don’t even know where I am.

CHARLES: Tch. What’s really going on?!

CHARLES: (trips on a bush) Uwah! O-ow… What’s with this bush!? I’m really down on my luck today…

FLOWER A: (laughs) What a pathetic Alice. Tripping on a rock and rolling down. Serves you right~

CHARLES: (gasps) The flower spoke!

FLOWER B: Who decided that flowers can’t talk~?

FLOWER B: As if we’d keep quiet about something as interesting as this!

FLOWER A: More importantly, this time’s Alice is a little dunce, huh?

FLOWER C: Yes~ Plus, he’s very self-centred.

FLOWER C: Even though he just tripped on his own, he blames it on other people and he’s very irritated~

FLOWER D: (giggles) Yoo-ho~ We’re not really people though~ We’re flowers.

FLOWER A: This is my first time seeing an Alice like this. The ones before were elegant and friendly.

FLOWER A: Really, he’s such an unusual Alice~

CHARLES: Shut up! What would you know about me?

FLOWER D: He’s so harsh with words, too, oh my~

FLOWER D: Looks like he doesn’t have manners, nya~

FLOWER C: Uwoohhh~ Oh, so scary~ He’s so quick to yell.

FLOWER B: He’s got no good points, huh~

FLOWER D: So true~

FLOWER C: Such a pitiful one.

FLOWER and B: (laughs)

CHARLES: …! (he runs away)

CHARLES: It’s always like this…

CHARLES: No matter where I go… There’s no one who understands me!

CATERPILLAR: (turning pages) Volume 6… “The Origins of the Forest”…  About 100 pages…

CATERPILLAR: This substance is Thee up of carbonated water and calcium as the main ingredients… I’m sure it’ll react well with sweetened water.

CATERPILLAR: A doline is a hole on the earth’s surface… I see.

CATERPILLAR: Page 64 of the tax structures…

CATERPILLAR: Inheritance is a fortune that’s divided and changed depending on the amount of people who’ll receive it… I see…

CATERPILLAR: Then there’s… page 81 of the analysis on the mind…

CATERPILLAR: The unconsciousness of a person compared to the consciousness is…

CHARLES: Um… Isn’t it difficult to read more than one book at once?

CHARLES: I’m pretty sure it’ll be easier to read and understand one at a time…

CATERPILLAR: That may be the case for you but it’s not for me.

CATERPILLAR: This is further proved that I can still hear and understand you perfectly at the same time. Worry not.

CATERPILLAR: “There’s no one who understands me!” There was so much displeasure in that sentence.

CATERPILLAR: (closes his book) However, there is no need to be so down, Alice.

CATERPILLAR: A person finds it hard to understand himself so you shouldn’t be bothered about not being understood by others.

CHARLES: …! Then what about you?

CATERPILLAR: It is in me not understanding myself that I can understand more.

CATERPILLAR: Unlike you, see?

CATERPILLAR: I am but a mere caterpillar. Nothing more, nothing less.

CATERPILLAR: But, it is quite humorous to see you irritated about others not understanding you when you don’t understand yourself.

CHARLES: I don’t… want to understand myself either.

CATERPILLAR: You recognize that and yet you’re unable to understand others.

CATERPILLAR: Well, I guess that’s just about what you’re capable of.

CATERPILLAR: (laughs) ‘Read a book one at a time,’ you say?

CATERPILLAR: I didn’t think that you’d suggest that to a reader.

CATERPILLAR: Do you think that books have more value than yourself?

CHARLES: I mean… Books are more important than people, aren’t they?

CATERPILLAR: You’re quite the selfish one.

CATERPILLAR: You think only of yourself and not consider what others are thinking.

CATERPILLAR: That is… simply your logic.

CATERPILLAR: More so—

CHARLES: Enough, please! I don’t want to hear any more.

CHARLES: You’re nagging too much like Big Brother does!

CATERPILLAR: Let’s see here… That person is…

CATERPILLAR: Is he really a bad person? Or is he only bad in your perception?

CATERPILLAR: Moreover, listen until a person finis—

CHARLES: That’s not true! I’ve heard enough. Please excuse me.

  ***

  CHARLES: This place is really full of weird people!

(cat bell rings)

CHESHIRE CAT: (chuckles) I wonder what they mean by ‘unusual’~

CHESHIRE CAT: Answering what’s unusual or not is difficult, huh~

CHESHIRE CAT: Anyway, is that something that you can say?

CHARLES: Who--!? There’s no one here… Even though there’s a voice…

CHESHIRE CAT: I wonder~ Who am I, really~?

CHESHIRE CAT: ‘I am someone, and I am not.’

CHESHIRE CAT: The only one who can decide that is you.

CHESHIRE CAT: The question ‘Who am I?’ is not really that difficult~

CHESHIRE CAT: When I am not here then I am not.

CHESHIRE CAT: When I am here, then I am here.

CHESHIRE CAT: Such as when there’s a front, there’s a behind.

CHESHIRE CAT: I’m that much of a contradictory existence.

CHESHIRE CAT: The others call me Cheshire Cat.

CHESHIRE CAT: (laughs) Do you hate strange people, boy?

CHARLES: (deep breath) Yes. I’ve only been troubled the moment I arrived here!

CHARLES: The guy I asked for the way home won’t tell me and he hurried off.

CHARLES: Some flowers just kept on making fun of me even though they knew nothing about me…!

CHARLES: I’m this troubled and yet no one will help me!

CHESHIRE CAT: Is that so, is that so? You’re troubled, huh~

CHESHIRE CAT: You said you wanted to go home?

CHESHIRE CAT: Unfortunately, no one here’s really an ally or an enemy.

CHESHIRE CAT: It’d be best to keep that in mind.

CHESHIRE CAT: Hm~ You reeeeaaally don’t know anything, do you?

CHESHIRE CAT: You’re as sweet as can be.

CHESHIRE CAT: But that doesn’t mean that you can just be protected by anyone anywhere.

CHESHIRE CAT: You are free here. There’s no right or wrong. You’re free to live the way you want to~

CHESHIRE CAT: That’s right, freely~

CHESHIRE CAT: You don’t dislike that right, boy? Being free.

CHESHIRE CAT: And yet, you’re so displeasured.

CHESHIRE CAT: ‘Alice is really unusual,’ was it~?

CHESHIRE CAT: (laughs in a taunting kind of way)

CHARLES: You speak as if you know everything.

CHESHIRE CAT: Well, not everything~

CHESHIRE CAT: What I know is the same as what you do.

CHESHIRE CAT: In other words, as long as you know it then I will, too~

CHESHIRE CAT: Hey, Alice.

CHESHIRE CAT: Do you really want to go home?

CHARLES: … O-of course I do!

CHESHIRE CAT: Heh~ ‘of course,’ huh?

CHESHIRE CAT: Then, I think you should go that way~

CHESHIRE CAT: I’m sure there’s some delicious food over there. You’re hungry aren’t you, boy~?

CHESHIRE CAT: Eat your fill first.

CHARLES: I’m not hungry!

CHESHIRE CAT: No~ You are.

(Charles’ stomach grumbles)

CHARLES: …!

CHESHIRE CAT: See? (laughs) You’re not gonna be late going home anyway.

CHESHIRE CAT: I’m pretty sure you’ll find what you need there, Alice~

  ***

THE HATTER: Cheers to the tea party where anything goes!

MARCH HARE: Cheers~! The Hatter really knows how to throw a party! Let’s all let our hearts out and enjoy this to the fullest~

(glass breaks)

THE HATTER: (laughs) Goodness, this cake is marvellous! It flies so well with the cup.

DORMOUSE: (nervously) A-ah… that cup is… the thirteenth cup you’ve broken…

DORMOUSE: Uwah…! So wasteful… Why did you do that…? It’s the end of the world…

THE HATTER: Oh, Dormouse! Let us enjoy no matter what happens!

THE HATTER: Also, it is because we’ve already broken so many that we need not be aware of what we throw next!

THE HATTER: Plus, everything that holds shape will be broken someday.

MARCH HARE: I wouldn’t dare think that even a stylish cup like this could be broken.

MARCH HARE: This might be an omen for something good~! Woah, this is the best!

THE HATTER: Exactly! If you keep in mind that we can buy new cups then, see, what do you think~?

THE HATTER: The fun will increase!

DORMOUSE: That… may be… Yeah, that’s right!

DORMOUSE: Then let me break my remaining cups, too. Cheers~

(laughter erupts from the trio)

CHARLES: (quietly) Amazing…! They’re doing toasts using tea cups. If I did that at a normal tea party, Big Brother will surely scold me.

(Charles steps on a twig)

THE HATTER: Oh my, this is…! (he claps his hands) March Hare, Dormouse, we have a guest~

THE HATTER: Young Master, your hand please. (he grabs Charles’ hand)

THE HATTER: Now, over here please.

CHARLES: A-ah, please wait a minute... U-um… I’m looking for the way home and—

THE HATTER: Let’s leave the talk for later. Have a seat first.

THE HATTER: Now, this should be fine. Everyone, please greet Young Master Alice.

MARCH HARE: Welcome, Alice~ Cute guests are always welcome! I am now a very happy March Hare~

MARCH HARE: (giggles) You’re very lucky to have met me, Alice~

CHARLES: N-nice to meet you… You’re quite energetic, aren’t you?

THE HATTER: The March Hare is truly a strange one so we have no idea what he’ll do next! He is unpredictable~

THE HATTER: You might get eaten if you come too close to him.

MARCH HARE: Hey, hey, Hatter, that’s too much of a compliment~ Flattery will get you nowhere, you know~?

THE HATTER: (laughs) It’s your turn next! Come on, now’s not the time to be sleeping.

THE HATTER: Please pour some tea for Alice.

DORMOUSE: (yawns) Sure… I am… always sleepy so I’m a Dormouse…

DORMOUSE: The tea that I’d recommend is… (sleepily) the Darjeeling from… this pot…

DORMOUSE: It’s the best—(yawns) tea there is… (snores)

(the tea cups and stuff clatter as Dormouse falls asleep on the table)

CHARLES: Ah, this is bad…!

THE HATTER: It is fine! It’s a normal thing that happens in this tea party.

THE HATTER: It’s a small matter to be angry over. Moreover, he’s participating even though he’s sleeping so it’s fine~

DORMOUSE: (sleep talking) Please continue…

CHARLES: Ah… It’s true…! This is my first time in a tea party like this!

CHARLES: It’s refreshing and very fun, isn’t it?

THE HATTER: Thank you, Young Master! The Darjeeling pot has been ruined so let’s drink some other tea.

THE HATTER: What pastry would you like to eat?

MARCH HARE: Oh yeah~ How about the usual cookie. That special one that you always keep in your hat, Hatter~

THE HATTER: That is a NICE idea! (he takes off his hat to give some cookies) This is what ‘taking your hat off to someone’ really means~

THE HATTER: This is what I call the Hatter hospitality. Would you like one, Young Master?

CHARLES: Woah, they look delicious! Such cute hat-shaped cookies. Thank you!

(alarm rings)

THE HATTER: Oh, no, you can’t! (he snatches the cookie away from Charles)

CHARLES: What are you doing? You said I could eat it a while ago! Didn’t you give that to me?

THE HATTER: It is a law that the tea party should take a break once in a while.

THE HATTER: This alarm is the signal for that break.

THE HATTER: Well, even though we say that, this alarm is broken so we don’t know when it will go off.

CHARLES: No way…! Isn’t it a weird rule for a tea party to require a break at all?

CHARLES: There’s no way that it’s a law, is there?

MARCH HARE: Even if you tell us that, it’s a decided thing. We were told to strictly obey it.

THE HATTER: It’s unnecessary but at the same time it is. This world is just like that.

DORMOUSE: (sleep-talking) You’re quite the… unusual one, huh… Alice… (snores)

THE HATTER: (laughs) You say such interesting things, Young Master. Really, very wonderful.

(Charles slams his hand on the table)

CHARLES: It’s not interesting at all! (the tea sets clatter)

DORMOUSE: (snaps awake and panics) That way of speaking…! Did the King of Hearts suddenly appear?!

CHARLES: No, I’m not the King.

THE HATTER: Then, are you close to the King?

THE HATTER: Please forgive us…! We’ll do this properly. We’ll make it interesting like you wish!

THE HATTER: Please… Smile more…

THE HATTER: We beg of you… Please spare our lives…!

CHARLES: Um… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you this much.

CHARLES: Please raise your head, Mr. Hatter.

MARCH HARE: Alice, that’s the one thing you shouldn’t say to the Hatter.

MARCH HARE: That it’s not interesting, I mean.

MARCH HARE: Those words are taboo.

DORMOUSE: His life’s… riding on it, you see…?

DORMOUSE: The King’s orders are… absolute.

THE HATTER: One day, we were just doing a tea party like we usually do.

THE HATTER: It was nothing big, really. Very peaceful it was, yes.

THE HATTER: However, we were happily content with it.

THE HATTER: Reuniting with our friends, talking and laughing about random things while drinking delicious tea. It was your usual tea party.

THE HATTER: That’s when he suddenly appeared! The King of Hearts!

THE HATTER: “How uninteresting! What an uneventful tea party!” is what he told me.

THE HATTER: “Make it grander! Make it overflow with fun, don’t be afraid. Make this a perfect and free tea party!” he said.

THE HATTER: “If not…  I will have your head…” is what he told me.

CHARLES: Unbelievable…!

THE HATTER: Ever since then, it feels as if our time has stopped.

THE HATTER: No matter how many times it happens, we just repeat the same time over again.

THE HATTER: This fun tea party bound by harsh time will continue on until the King tells us to stop.

DORMOUSE: It’s not like… we’re doing it because we want to…

MARCH HARE: We have no choice. There’s just no other way. We have to make it fun even if it’s boring. Or else we’ll lose our heads.

THE HATTER: Alice went all the way here and yet we disappointed him.

THE HATTER: I am such a failure of a Hatter. A big fool who can’t do anything…!

CHARLES: That’s not true! Mr. Hatter’s not useless. You have to treasure yourself more.

CHARLES: Thank you for inviting me, I had a lot of fun.

THE HATTER: Young Master Alice…

CHARLES: I understand how you feel, Mr. Hatter. I’m always being reproved by my Big Brother, too.

CHARLES: But, this is too strange. We have to tell the King of Hearts or e— (alarm rings)

THE HATTER: Break time is over! I’m full of energy again after Alice’s encouragement.

THE HATTER: Thank you! We’re already used to it so it’s okay.

THE HATTER: We don’t want to hurt your feelings. Now, let us resume the tea party!

THE HATTER: Now then, where should we begin?

MARCH HARE: From the part where we were eating sweets while toasting.

MARCH HARE: Then, next up is riddle time.

DORMOUSE: I’ll be careful not to fall asleep… (yawns)

THE HATTER: Now then, let us enjoy this! With smiles on our faces.

THE HATTER: That’s the rule after all~ It’s the only way our heads can stay with our bodies.

DORMOUSE: With a grin and… a fun attitude…

CHARLES: No way… That’s not fun at all! I’ll go to where the King is.

CHARLES: There’s no need for you to follow such absurd rules.

CHARLES: You can’t give up! If you really want to change then…

THE HATTER: Of course I would prefer having genuine fun from the bottom of my heart.

THE HATTER: I do but…

CHARLES: I don’t know how I’ll do it but… I’m sure there’s a way!

CHARLES: That’s why let’s have courage to move forward.

CHARLES: Come on, let’s go.

MARCH HARE: That’s totally impossible~ Plus, it’s troublesome. Isn’t this fine~

DORMOUSE: (yawns) I won’t get scolded if I just sleep here… (snores)

CHARLES: I get it, you’re right. I don’t know what will happen if I go unprepared.

CHARLES: It’s scary, huh… Sorry for forcing it on you.

THE HATTER: I will go.

CHARLES: …!

THE HATTER: I will believe in Alice. And then, I’ll try believing in myself, too.

THE HATTER: Let us go together!

DORMOUSE: (sleepily) Are you really going…?

MARCH HARE: Hatter! It won’t be my fault if something happens.

THE HATTER: I am aware! Moreover, I am quite curious about Alice.

THE HATTER: It seems like he’s looking for a way home so I will help him as well.

CHARLES: Mr. Hatter…

CHARLES: I don’t know what I can do but if I’m with you I feel like I can figure it out.

CHARLES: The way to move forward…

CHARLES: Now then, let’s go!

  ==END== 

※ Please don’t re-upload these translations anywhere without permission. ^^

#tsukiuta #utapri translations #my translations #drama cd #lost alice #man those flowers were so judgmental lol #also i love how reiji's voice goes from cheery to suddenly menacing XD #caterpillar's dialogues were a pain in the ass man #so full of jargon orz #translating this made me realize the foreshadowing from everyone's dialogues lol #super long post so i'm sorry if you're on mobile ^^

[hayleysutton]

hi I don’t have any gifs of crystal reed on this computer so have a gif of rapunzel instead??

I was gonna try to make this sound poetic or whatever but honestly I’m tired of trying to pretty up something that just isn’t pretty. Over the past 5 months I have been going to a new therapist and this one is finally getting me somewhere. And I’m not gonna really expand on that - point is I’ve come to explain a few things, I guess. I know I’m not obligated to, and half of you probably don’t even come on so you’ll never even see this but it’s gonna make me feel better to know it’s here.

So, if you ever wondered “Hey, why does Brittany (or Hayley) seem wishy-washy, contradictory, etc.?” “Why did Brittany say she was gonna do this thing and then not get to it?” or anything to do with “Why did Brittany do (insert said thing here) that doesn’t seem like her?” -- OR “Hey! Why did Brittany just disappear off the face of the Earth while we were roleplaying?” I’m here to answer all of this. If you have your own pressing question about “Why did Brittany (or Hayley) do (this specific thing you have a question about)?” And it doesn’t seem to get answered below feel free to message me over here on my personal.

Let’s get this thing started before my anxiety kicks in and I chicken out LOL.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t want any of you to read this and wonder why the hell I’m posting this so I’m gonna make it super clear right off the bat. This is for me, first - and if it helps you learn, or it makes you feel better in some way, then it is also for you. I’m not trying to toot my own horn and say “Wow, look I’m learning how to be a better person.” It’s not like that -- I have lived with a lot of guilt, sadness, regret, and general yuckyness ever since this roleplay started to close and I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want you guys to think in any way you could have changed anything, or that you caused anything -- this entire “yuck” thing happening was a long time coming in my life and previous events had built up to get me to where I am today. It was never you guys doing anything, or any other roleplay I joined before or after this. But I feel close enough to all of you on here to put this out here, rather than somewhere else.

Okay, according to this blog archive I joined Exchange October 31, 2014. Sooo, almost four years ago - and I can still remember being eighteen and excited to be in another roleplay. And for a while (I think?) it was all good. I don’t know exactly when my anxiety started to leak in, but it did - because it has in every roleplay since this one. I’m not gonna track down the exact posts where things started to get a bit wonky on my end, but I know it’s in there somewhere.

I made a post a while back about being a different person than I was back when I played Hayley, and that much still holds true. I could not possibly play Hayley the way I did back when this was still up and running. I couldn’t embody my worry the way I did back then. Hayley became an outlet for basically all of my good energy, and all of the negative as well. Hayley was inconsistent as a character because I was inconsistent as a writer, Hayley was contradictory in her life because I wanted so badly to pick the “right answer” for everything that I wanted both at once. I spent so long getting to replies because I wanted to get everything “just right” because I had to make sure you guys would like whatever I was writing. And if I’m honest, I have very fond memories of all of you and chatting OOC and making memories -- But I hated playing Hayley. I hated getting on here and fearing screwing up.

So as things gradually dropped down the hill that I was tumbling down I started making promises, that I had every intention of keeping. I still have drafts saved of things that I fully intended to do. But then this little (huge) unhealthy coping mechanism would kick in -- And this is honestly my biggest problem to this day that I’m actively working on as I type this -- I would just shut down. I do this thing where I think about how big and scary everything is that I have to do and I get very overwhelmed and I shut off. And that’s not anything anyone caused, really, but because of previous trauma this is what my brain has been doing to survive. And so, for the past... Basically 10-ish years of my life I have been battling with this.

-- So there’s a huge chunk of the questions answered.

I guess another one that might have come up is “Why do you feel so badly about this in the first place?” There might be a “get over it” tacked on in there somewhere. And to that I say - Yeah, I plan to once I post this and answer any lingering questions that might come in. But to answer the actual question that I posed. I feel bad because I have spent a lot of my time trying to be seen as perfect (or at least as “perfect” as possible). I have never wanted people to see any of my flaws because I thought if they did they wouldn’t like me, or they would think negatively of me. And from there I thought people wouldn’t want to be my friend if they could see something negative. And trying to be “perfect” all the time has turned me into kind of a shitty person. (Some of you are gonna be like “what are you talking about Brittany you’re always so (insert whatever positive thing here)” and yes, thank you for that I have tried to be - but I’ve also just kind of blatantly avoided ever talking about anything wrong I’ve done)

I’ve never been good with confrontation, and it still makes me wildly uncomfortable - especially when I’m involved in it - but I encourage you to message me privately if you have ever had some sort of unresolved issue with me. Because if we ever did -- I’ve probably avoided even paying attention to it and I’m willing to have a civilized conversation. (If you’re like “Brittany, it’s old news I don’t care anymore.” That’s cool, too.)

-- I think that about sums everything up. Like I said I’ll answer questions about whatever you wanna know, really.

If you made it this far thanks for reading. Don’t know how you made it through that essay but I appreciate it if you did.

Signing off,

Brittany // Hayley ;)

#ooc #super long post under the cut #I'm so sorry if you're mobile

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I'm sorry if you already have a rec list for this but Tumblr sucks and I can't find anything so: do you have fics about their first time together? bonus if they're longer, and I'd love some good smut even if you don't get around to posting this I wanna say thank you for all the work you do, I wish every fandom had a you, you're a treasure! sending love from Italy xx

Hi Lovely from Italia!! :D <3 I’ve always wanted to go there, hee hee!

Ah, thank you for your lovely comments!! I am so happy you enjoy your time here! <3

Super excited because your ask gives me an excuse to clean out my First Kiss/Time List collection again with a Pt. 3 list! <3 I’m using any excuse right now because I’m SO FAR behind on Pt 1 lists so if I have a nice backlog I’m not as stressed hee hee.

ANYWAY, as per usual, my Lovelies, please add your own here!! <3

(NOTE to the Nonny who asked for “First Kiss”: wanted to post this list first, yours is coming soon!)

FIRST TIME Pt. 3

See also:

First Time || [MOBILE]

First Time Pt. 2

Virgin Sherlock 

Virgin Sherlock Pt. 2

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

The Invocation of Saint Margaret by Ewebie (E, 15,831 w., 1 Ch. || POV John,  Crossing Timelines, Light Angst, Fluff, Series 3 John / Series 1 Sherlock, The Matchbox, Mushy Romance, First Time, Bisexual John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Sensuality, Emotional Love Making, Snippets of Time) – When Sherlock Holmes opens the matchbox from The Sign of Three and John finds himself years in the past, back to that first dinner at Angelo's with a much younger Sherlock Holmes. Is he dreaming?

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Insanity in the Middle by DotyTakeThisDown (E, 28,010 w., 8 Ch. || Equestrian Sports AU || Alternate First Meeting, POV John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Clueless Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Passionate Kisses, Hand Holding, Caught Making Out, Bed Sharing, Spooning, Blow Job) – John is a world-class eventing rider with a gold medal and several four-star wins to his credit, but he's never won at Rolex. Sherlock is an up-and-coming rider taking the sport by storm.

A Goose Quill Dipped in Venom by Polyphony (M, 52,748 w., 16 Ch. || Celebrity John AU || Alternate First Meeting, TV Host John, Supermodel Mary, Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Case Fic, First Kiss/Time, Meddling Mycroft, Drug Abuse, Doctor John, PDA, Deductions, POV Sherlock, Toplock, Sexual Tension, Angry/Rough Sex, Hopeful Ending, Asperger’s Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, is called in to a very ordinary although brutal murder. Something is badly out of tune with the whole scenario and Sherlock finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with the crime - and also with the victim.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love, Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #e-rated fics #first times #Anonymous

[morwensteelsheen]

hi emily! if i'm right your blog used to be called something like "harry potter and the monkees" right? I remember I messaged you when you changed your url years ago and you were pleasantly surprised about me remembering that. We've been mutuals since our classic rock fandom days over 10 years ago. Honestly I just came here to tell you how much I love to read your thoughts on tolkien works, your ramblings and your critical takes. I am a big big fan of LOTR books even though I have trouble coming back to them because of how i'm constantly stressed working and studying. IDK i just wanted to thank you for still being here online just posting stuff, rambling in the tags (not even necessarily tolkien stuff) i really like reading what you post and i dont know why you're still mutuals with me i'm just a big dumb dumb reblogging silly stuff. i love so many details about middle earth and the characters... seeing you active in my dashboard reminds me i've put rereading lotr off for far too long. ANYWAY just wanted to message you with a lot of appreciation for you being active on your old blog and thanks for still following me back

I’m so sorry, tumblr mobile didn’t give me a notification for this so I’m only just now seeing it!!!

Aaah, what a lovely message, thank you so much!!! And honestly I totally feel that about struggling to find time to read, just an absolute mare. I hope things settle out for you soon though (and that work + study are going well)!!

God, ten years, that’s absolutely mindboggling. Everything seemed so much easier back then!! Amazing how much has changed.

Honestly mate, thank you so much for this message, it’s absolutely turned around a super shitty day xxx