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dilly-oh · 3 months

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Gimme a Break

“Kakashi, what’s wrong?” Iruka asks from across the table. “You’ve barely touched your food.”

“Sorry, I’m already full. You’re such a feast for the eyes,” Kakashi replies instantly with a cheeky wink.

Iruka snorts at him and returns to his meal.

They’re on their third date, at one of the nicer restaurants in Konoha. The place is a little swanky but not too snooty about it, fancy enough to show Iruka he’s serious but not expensive enough to cripple his wallet for the rest of the week.

And Kakashi is serious. This isn’t just some casual fling with no strings attached, and he wants to prove that to Iruka. He truly, genuinely likes the man, and is eager to see where this goes. He even rushed through a last-minute mission assignment earlier that day to make it back on time for their date. Kakashi wouldn’t have missed it for the world, not even for several cracked ribs, a dislocated arm, a fractured pelvis, and a sprained ankle.

Which he has, but that’s beside the point.

Iruka doesn’t need to know. Honestly, it’s not even that bad.

He holds back a scream as he reaches for the salt.

Okay, maybe it is pretty bad.

The rest of the meal passes, the talk a bit stiff and stilted. Kakashi can’t really carry a conversation right now, seeing as talking and/or breathing is quite excruciating. His clothing hides the worst of the injuries, not to mention the plethora of bruises blossoming all over his body. He just needs to make it through the date, and then he’ll stagger his way to the nearest hospital. Piece of cake.

Speaking of cake, a waiter heads toward them, intent on offering a dessert menu, but Kakashi locks eyes with the man and he freezes in place, goes white as a sheet, then hurriedly backs away through the swinging doors into the kitchen. Another man, trembling in fear, is shoved out and cautiously brings them the check. Kakashi feels a bit bad and gives him a generous tip.

“I’ll walk you home,” he says, because above all else, he is a gentleman.

Also Iruka is wearing a deliciously tight pair of slacks and you can really see his rockin’ ass.

It’s the only thing distracting Kakashi from the walk from hell.

Every step is agony. With each one, he can feel his ribs grind together, pelvis creaking, his entire body howling in pain. He manages to hide his limp, mentally cursing that he’d chosen a restaurant so far away from Iruka’s apartment. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, they arrive at the complex, and then Kakashi remembers.

Iruka lives on the third floor.

He lets Iruka climb the stairs first just so he has something to motivate him.

They reach the door without him passing out. Kakashi calls that a win. Now to make a quick exit.

“Well, that was fun,” he begins, already slinking away. “I’ll see you again-”

Iruka starts fiddling with his keys.

Kakashi stops.

That’s it. The signal. Iruka’s giving him the go-ahead. Kakashi had been polite before, only kissing the man’s hand at the end of their previous dates, but when Iruka is the one offering, all bets are off.

Kakashi wants so badly to lean in and kiss the other man, ravish him until he’s gasping for breath and weak in the knees.

But he can’t. He can’t.

Like, physically. His ribs will snap.

So he just stands there like an idiot as the moment drags on, eventually reaching an awkward stage where it’s obvious Kakashi has missed the cue. Iruka finally finds the key he’s been looking for and slots it into the keyhole.

“I had a nice time,” he says, looking back over his shoulder at Kakashi, who gulps. He needs to leave before he decides broken ribs are worth it.

“See you again,” he repeats, then turns to go, a wave of relief washing away his lingering guilt and regret. Now to head to the nearest clinic, get treated, and leave Iruka none the wiser-

“Actually,” Iruka says, and Kakashi’s stomach drops in dread. He slowly turns to see Iruka unlock his front door and hold it open invitingly.

“…Would you like to come in?” he asks in a sultry voice.

Kakashi freezes.

…Oh.

Oh NO.

This can’t be happening.

Iruka can’t be inviting him in right now. Because that would only mean one thing. One certain thing that Kakashi would very, very much like to do with Iruka, but currently lacks the physical capability to do so at the moment. It was one matter to turn down a kiss, quite another to turn down this lavish offering.

Which he has to. Kakashi’s pretty sure it’ll kill him.

Iruka’s still standing there, waiting expectantly. Kakashi scrambles for an answer, fumbling words out of his mouth before his brain can even catch up.

“No thanks,” he blurts out.

The silence that follows is heavy enough to smother him to death, which he would gladly welcome at the moment.

“…Oh,” Iruka says, deflating with disappointment. “Okay. I…I just thought that-”

“I mean, not that I’m not flattered,” Kakashi goes on, babbling nonsensically while he flounders for a plausible excuse. “I am, really I am, but…this is, uh, a bit of a bad time for me. I have to…go home and…” His mind blanks, a fuzz of static replacing every coherent thought in his head. “…Water…my…plant?”

Now the silence becomes thorny enough to draw blood. He’ll welcome that, too.

“God, just forget it.” Iruka’s expression is tight with anger and hurt. “If you’re not interested in me, just say so. You don’t have to waste my time like an asshole.” He steps into his apartment with an irritated huff.

“No, Iruka, wait-” Kakashi reaches out a hand just as Iruka swings the door shut.

*Crunch!*

“Oh, fuck! I’m sorry!” Iruka yanks the door open as Kakashi staggers back, clutching his hand to his chest. “I really didn’t mean to do that. Are your fingers okay?”

“Yep, they’re fine,” Kakashi grits out. “Totally fine. I’m just gonna-”

“Don’t be stupid, they’re broken! I can see how crooked they are from here!” Iruka cries, striding forward. “Hold still, let me see-” He reaches out and takes Kakashi’s arm. The one that’s dislocated.

So naturally, he screams.

“What?!” Iruka snatches his hand away and jerks back in surprise. “What’d I do?! I just barely touched you! Here-” He tries again, touching Kakashi’s chest this time. Right where the broken ribs are.

He screams again.

Iruka goes very still, staring intently at Kakashi as his eyes narrow with suspicion. Kakashi goes still as well, like a small prey animal desperately trying to avoid the attention of a hungry predator. He feels a bead of sweat trickle down his back as he waits for the incoming assault. It doesn’t take long.

“Kakashi for the love of FUCK have you been injured this whole TIME?!” Iruka roars at him.

“…Yes,” Kakashi finally admits, “but it’s not that bad-”

Iruka jabs a finger into his ribs. Kakashi cuts off in a high-pitched yelp. Iruka pokes him again, in a different place, and again. With each touch, Kakashi squeals in pain and flinches away. Iruka throws his hands up.

“What the fuck! Is there any part of you that isn’t hurt?!”

“…My face,” Kakashi says after a pause.

“Okay, good, hold still.” Iruka raises a fist.

“Let me explain!” Kakashi cries desperately. Iruka waits, fist still cocked. “I had a mission earlier today. It…didn’t go well, to say the least. I may have several injuries that…need attending.”

“I can’t believe you hid this from me.” Iruka’s still fuming. “How did I not notice?!”

“I’m good at keeping secrets.” Kakashi shrugs, then winces.

“How severe are your injuries?” Iruka demands to know, crossing his arms. Kakashi hesitates.

“…Non-life threatening.”

“Answer the question before that changes.”

“Okay, fine.” Kakashi gives in with a huff. “I have a dislocated arm, a sprained ankle, a hairline fracture on my pelvis, and a few cracked ribs.” He pauses. “Also, some broken fingers.” He pauses again. “And I kinda stubbed my toe walking up the steps earlier.”

Iruka just gapes at him, flabbergasted. Kakashi tries again.

“…You can kiss them all better if you like-”

“Are you an IDIOT?!” Iruka cuts him off. “Why the fuck didn’t you go to a HOSPITAL?!”

“I didn’t want to miss our date,” Kakashi says weakly. Iruka stops, blinking rapidly for several moments.

“…Oh,” he says in a small voice. His eyes drop to the ground. He looks…chastened. Almost shy. He fidgets a little, shifting his feet awkwardly. “I…I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was so important to you.” Iruka glances up at him beneath those heavy lashes, biting his lip.

There it is again. The signal. Kakashi sure as fuck isn’t going to miss it this time. Not for anything.

He leans in for a kiss.

And promptly faints dead away.

---

Kakashi wakes up several hours later to find himself tucked away in a hospital bed, covered in bandages and hooked up to several monitors and an IV drip. There’s a small bouquet of flowers on his bedside table with a note attached. He almost passes out again reaching for it, but just barely manages to snag the piece of paper with his fingertips and carefully unfolds it.

Next time I’m going to be the reason you break a hip -Iruka, it reads, followed by a little heart.

Kakashi can’t wait.

-End-

(Written for @kakairu-rocks KakaIru Valentine's Week 2024, Day 6 prompt: Secrets.)

#kakairu #umino iruka #hatake kakashi #naruto #fanfic #secrets #kakairu valentine's week 2024 #kakairu.rocks #rated teen for language

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