#that eta is there to pressure me into writing

[moni-logues]

Dickless

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Genre: basically pwp but like, enemies to lovers if you REALLY squint

Summary: Your boyfriend won't go down on you and it is a Problem. Fortunately, your friendly neighbourhood fuckboy (or is he??) Taehyung is there to lend a mouth hand.

Word count: 11.1k

Content: oral sex (f. receiving), protected sex, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, infidelity, some very poor communicating

A/N: it's another repost!!! because this just hit 2k notes on the old blog 🥺🥺🥺 I have a secret soft spot for this fic, ngl. I'm secretly (not so secretly) proud of the smut; I tried to do something a bit different with my writing and I like how it came out, at least those parts. I have not edited this at all due to the aforemetioned bottle of wine so, here it is as it always was

ETA: the sexual politics of this one are 🥴😬 because reader essentially won't accept the truth that sexual incompatibility is both real and a valid reason to not continue a relationship. No one should be pressured into doing something they don't want and that extends to her bf! It's not his fault! She should have dumped him months ago! And she didn't! And she's in the wrong for that!! To be clear: she is in the wrong!!!!

That said, she's not a total cunt; she is struggling with it and doesn't want to break-up with him because she does (did) love him and she feels like she should just be able to give up this thing because it's only her, it's only what she wants, it doesn't really matter-- except it does matter; what she wants does matter and she had to come to terms with that and the fact that that means she and her bf can't be together.

* * *

You remembered the first time you saw Taehyung. You were at a bar your friend had dragged you to because she knew he would be there; they had been sleeping together for a couple of weeks and she wanted to ‘casually’ run into him as he had stopped replying to her texts.  

“There he is,” Tara had hissed, pointing to a tall man across the room, dark curls bouncing on his brow, long fingers curled around a wine glass, and an intense look on his face.  

Moving further into the room, it had then been revealed that the target of his gaze was another woman and, despite your friend’s best attempts, Taehyung was not interested. She had dragged you to the toilets where she cried, real, huge tears. 

“It’s just been a couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Did you say you were exclusive?” you had asked, trying to be sensitive but shocked at the display of emotion. She wasn’t usually like this. 

“I’m not crying because I’m in love with him or something!” she had replied, her voice thick with tears. “I’m crying because he’s never going to sleep with me again!” 

“What?” 

“If he’s done with me, then that’s it. I’m done for. I’m done with sex.”  

She had fixed you with a wet, shining stare. 

“No one is as good in bed as Taehyung.” Her voice was hushed, awed. “He... You just don’t know if you haven’t slept with him, ok? He has ruined me. I can never sleep with anyone else, not knowing that he’s out there somewhere, not sleeping with me. No on-” 

“No one is that good at sex. Come on; it’s not like he’s got a magic dick or so-” 

“Yes, he has! He absolutely has. But it’s not just his dick – it's his everything. I’m telling you, y/n-” she had sniffled for dramatic effect, her tears were mostly dried- “he’s the best I’ve ever had or will ever have and, honestly, if he ever shows any interest in you, take it.” 

“I have a boyfriend.” 

“I don’t care.” 

Your mouth dropped open in shock; she knew your boyfriend; you had thought they got along well; but she interrupted you before you could argue. 

“I’m serious, y/n. This is a hall pass situation. Do not turn Taehyung down.” 

“So I can end up like you, crying over his dick in a toilet?” 

She had fixed you with a death glare but could not exactly say you were wrong.  

* * *  

That was months ago now. And, somehow, Taehyung kept popping up in your life. At the pub, at bars, at a party where you weren’t even sure he knew anyone – he just happened to be there. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him because you didn’t even know him, but you certainly had no interest in getting to know him. Men like him were ten a penny and, despite what you had been told about him, you were not convinced he was all that in the sack, because men like him never are. 

He was certainly handsome; you wouldn’t deny that. But attractive? No one that smug, that arrogant, could ever be attractive to you. Someone who thinks the world is at their feet, that everyone should fall to their knees for them, that other people exist only for their delectation... That was disgusting, not sexy. Even if you hadn’t had a boyfriend, you knew there was no way his ‘charm’ could work on you. All bluster and machismo and that quirked eyebrow and little smirk? No, thank you. 

“You know, I’ve been seeing you around a lot, but I don’t think we’ve ever spoken.”  

The voice came from behind you and you knew, without having to look, who it would be. You replied not even bothering to turn around. 

“No need. I know who you are.” 

“Oh? And who am I?” 

He was next to you then, leaning against the wall, your arms touching. 

“You’re Taehyung with the magical dick.” 

“Oh, is that what they call me?” 

“Well, I don’t-” 

“You just did.” 

“I don’t but rumour has it... Of course, I don’t believe a word.” 

“There are rumours going around that I have a magical dick and you don’t believe them... You know there’s one way to know for sure?” 

You turned to him, then, stared into his eyes – wide, innocent, as if he wasn’t just asking you to fuck him without even knowing your name – and scoffed. 

“No, thanks. I have a boyfriend.” 

“And does he have a magical dick?” 

You didn’t hesitate, not really, not for more than half a second, but it was enough. 

“Oh, sweetheart, that’s a real shame. You want my number so you can pass it on to him? Maybe I could give him some tips?” 

“Ugh, goodbye, Taehyung.” 

You pushed yourself off the wall and made your way through the room, but he followed after you. 

“Or,” he continued. “You could just take my number and not pass it on, maybe keep it for yourself. In case of an emergency or-” 

“Emergency? What emergency might I possibly ever have that I would require your assistance?” 

He leant down, so close that you could smell his shampoo and his drink on his breath. His cheek barely brushed yours as he brought his lips to your ear. 

“Maybe your boyfriend with the disappointing dick can’t get you off and you’re so on edge that you think, god I’d do anything, anything, to come right now, but you can’t. Then you’re lying there, hot and bothered and unsatisfied, yearning for something, someone, to come and sort you out, to show you the kind of pleasure you’ve not even ever dreamt of. And you think of me, and my magical dick, and you think, oh how I wish I’d taken his number; if I had his number, I’d call him right no-” 

You put a hand against his chest and pushed him back.  

“I’m not taking your number and I’m not going to call you. This-” you gestured broadly to him “this doesn’t work on me. You’re a fuckboy and I don’t fuck with fuckboys. Goodbye.” 

As you walked away from him for the second time, he didn’t follow and you had to stop yourself turning around to see if he was still looking at you. It didn’t matter if he was or not, but you liked the idea of denying the undeniable man, of being one person he couldn’t charm, couldn’t win over. You didn’t care if his dick really was magic or not because you knew you would never be finding out.  

* * *  

The next time you saw him was a few weeks later, at a party. He was on the sofa, slouching low, an empty glass held slack in his hand, dangling at the end of his wrist. He wasn’t talking to anyone, not making moves or scanning for prey; just sitting, staring into space. You turned away from him; you didn’t want to think about a sex god right now; you didn’t want to think about sex full-stop. You ideally wanted to not think at all. You left the room. 

Later that night, when you went back inside, you saw him again. He was still sitting on the sofa, empty glass (the same one?) in hand, still staring into space. You briefly wondered if he was on drugs and, if he were, whether that was deliberate or he’d had his drink spiked. Most people seemed to be ignoring him, or they hadn’t noticed him at all. You sat down next to him. 

“No conquest tonight?” 

“Nope.” 

“What? Not even one? You can’t be telling me your magical dick would miss an opportunity like this: all these people, drinks flowing, inhibitio-” 

“I said no.” 

He tipped his head over the back of the sofa and stared at the ceiling. 

“Are you ok?” 

“Yep.” 

“Are you lying?” 

“Yep.” 

You had to stifle a giggle and take a pause before you continued. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve had your heartbroken. Mr Magical Dick, Mr Fuck Anything That Moves, Mr Don’t Keep Anyone Around For More Than Two Weeks has had his little heart broken?” 

You could see his jaw work as he tongued at the inside of his cheek, as if deliberating whether or not he would confide in you. 

“In a manner of speaking.” 

The way you gasped was uncharitable, and on a different night, you might have been less callous, but misery loves company and you were delighted to find out that someone else – Kim Taehyung at that – was having relationship problems. You were just fixing on your best retort, tidying it up on the tip of your tongue when he spoke again. 

“Before you say whatever clever remark you’re currently labouring over, my fucking grandmother died, ok? So save it.” 

“Oh.” Surprised didn’t even come close. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Yeah, whatever.” 

He stood and walked away but you followed him, up the stairs and into an empty bedroom where he collapsed on the bed. You followed him in and shut the door behind you, but stayed next to it, unsure what to say or do. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” you ventured. 

“No.” 

“Do you want to drink about it?” 

He lifted the empty glass in his hand as if he were about to take a sip and then held it out to you. 

“Sure.” 

“Ok, uh, stay here then and I’ll be back.” 

When you returned to the bedroom (bottle of unfortunately cheap vodka in hand), you thought he must have left: the bed was empty. Then you saw his feet poking out from the other side and found him lying on the floor. You took his glass, poured him a drink, and watched him as he knocked it back. He grimaced and looked at you. 

“This is horrible.” 

“Yeah, I know, but I figured it wouldn’t be missed. Sorry.” 

He held his glass up for more. 

You sat, drinking in silence. You didn’t know what to say to him and he was obviously not interested in conversation so part of you wanted to leave him alone, but he hadn’t told you to leave, and he was still holding his glass out for more, and you didn’t really feel like he should’ve been alone. So, you stayed. It was nice, actually. You hadn’t really been in the mood for a party – you had just wanted to get out – so you were enjoying the quiet. You were enjoying the way the vodka was making you warm, edges all fuzzy and soft, the noise far away.  

“She basically raised me.” 

His voice was quiet and thick; you weren’t sure if he was talking to you or just talking.  

“Yeah?”  

“She-” 

He looked at you then, his eyes not quite focusing, and stopped talking. 

“You can tell me about her, if you want.” 

He shook his head with a groan and drew his knees up to his chest, dropping his head between them.  

“I’m going to go home,” he said after another short while had passed. 

“You sure?” 

He nodded. 

“Can you get home ok? Did you need me to get you a taxi or call someone?” 

He shook his head and fished his phone out of his pocket, waving it at you, unlocking it to order a car. You almost didn’t reach out for it, but you knew you would feel responsible if something happened, so you took his phone and entered your number into it. 

“Please let me know when you have got home safe, ok?” 

He looks at you, suspicious, and then playful as that all-too-familiar smirk returns to his lips. 

“It was all a ruse, huh? Get me drunk and give me your number under the pretence of concern for me, huh? I knew you wanted me.” 

“What I want, Taehyung, is to not be the last person to see you alive and the subsequent subject of a murder investigation.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say. You’re the one who calls me magic dick...” 

He winked at you and then turned, waving a hand in your direction, stumbling down the stairs. You figured you might as well call it a night yourself.  

You were back in your apartment, washed and undressed, tapping impatiently at the side of your phone, not sure if you should wait to hear from Taehyung or assume that he’d forgotten and just go to sleep yourself. Then a message came in from an unknown number. 

A head shot, but with enough of his shoulders displayed to make it clear he was topless, his black hair splayed on the pillow behind his head. He had his eyes closed, his fingers in a V over his mouth. 

???: Didn’t die. 

???: Unlike my grandma 🙁 

You choked on surprised laughter. 

y/n: Glad you got home ok. Sorry about your gma 🙁 

* * *  

Your phone rang the next evening while you were making tea and you answered without looking who was calling. 

“Hello?” 

“What the fuck is this I hear about you and Kim Taehyung?” 

It was your boyfriend. 

“Uh, I don’t know; what did you hear?” 

“Apparently, you’re fucking.” 

“WHAT?!”  

“Apparently, when you were out last night, you and Taehyung went into a bedroom for a very long time and he came out looking very pleased with himself.” 

“Ok and? That means we’re fucking, does it?” 

“I don’t know; I’m asking you.” 

“Ok, well, no, we didn’t. We didn’t really do anything. We just sat and drank.” 

“What do you mean you just sat and drank? What even is that?” 

“I mean we literally sat and drank. I wasn’t in a good mood and neither was he, so I nicked a bottle of vodka from the kitchen and we sat in the dark, in silence, drinking it. That’s it.” 

There was an aggrieved sigh from the other end of the phone. 

“So, it’s my fault, is it? Is that what this is about? You trying to make me jealous or some sh-” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I’m supposed to believe it’s just a coincidence that, almost immediately after we have an argument about me not going down on you, you end up at a party with the most notorious fuckboy in the fucking country?” 

You could feel anger swelling within you, sweat pricking on your back and in your palms. 

“Believe what you want. I’m telling you nothing happened.” 

You hung up. You were not about to be accused of cheating by a guy who, frankly, already owed you an apology. As if you would’ve done that. Even if you had been single, you wouldn’t have slept with Taehyung – not ever, but certainly not last night. You had a little more decency than that. Hell, even Taehyung had more decency than that. You tried to push it from your mind; if you had been your boyfriend, maybe you would’ve thought it, too, or at least, felt insecure about it or unsure. You could admit that it didn’t necessarily look great – you were very aware of Taehyung’s reputation and maybe you should have considered that before shutting yourself in a room with him. But you also knew you hadn’t done anything wrong. So you were prepared to let it blow over.  

* * *  

Taehyung: You coming tonight? 

y/n: Coming where? 

Taehyung: Jimin’s party? 

y/n: 🤷‍♀️ not invited 

Taehyung: Ok, I’m inviting you. 

Taehyung: So you coming? 

y/n: Can’t. Have a date 

Taehyung: You dumped disappointing dick??!!! 😄😄😄 

y/n: No. 

y/n: He’s still my boyfriend. My date is with him. 

Taehyung: Boo 😒 let me know when you finally leave him 

y/n: Fuck off, taehyung 

* * *  

You didn’t see him for a few weeks after that, until you found yourself actually searching for him, peeking into dark corners in clubs and bars to see if he was there. You weren’t sure why you did; you weren’t friends and you certainly weren’t interested in him. But you were intrigued. You always assumed people like him were shallow – truly of the no thoughts, head empty kind. You hadn’t really considered that he might be a real person under there somewhere. Albeit a smug, arrogant, charmless, shameless person. Who may or may not have had a magic dick. 

You thought about what your friend had said, the first time you met Taehyung. How she had cried, not because she liked him, not because he broke her heart, but because she would never get to sleep with him again. You couldn’t imagine it, sex that good. Not that the sex you had was bad (it wasn’t), it was good, even, but you couldn’t imagine it being so good, so much better than now that it would inspire such a reaction.  

You began to think about it more and more as things with your boyfriend went from bad to worse.  

The club was hot and loud and you were happy to be drunk and dancing. Happy, that is, until you weren’t. Your phone buzzed once, twice, three times, four times. You knew it was your boyfriend and you knew it was because you were out without him. Which was kind of the whole point; you didn’t want to speak to him. 

You wandered outside to the smoking area, for some air, to scan your eyes over your boyfriend’s messages and see if there was anything worth replying to. And there was Taehyung. He hadn’t seen you yet and you knew you had only a few seconds before he turned around and noticed you. You realised, with what might have been clarity or might have been too much gin, that of all the people in all the world that you might speak to about your problems, Taehyung was probably the best: experienced, not your friend, you didn’t care about his opinion of you, and he didn’t think much of your boyfriend. 

“Hey, Taehyung,” you called as you approached.  

He turned and his smug, little smirk turned into a genuine smile when he saw you. 

“Y/n! It’s been a while. Still being disappointed in the bedroom?” 

You almost changed your mind. 

“Shut up, Taehyung. I have to ask you something.” 

“Go ahead.” 

“You have a lot of sex, right? Like, a lot of sex with a lot of different wome-... people? Right?” 

He shrugged. 

“Some, sure. Maybe a lot. Depends who’s asking.” 

“Whatever, you know what I mean. When you have sex with someone with a... with uh, a vulva, do you go down on them?” 

He looked at you as if you had suddenly grown another head and, when he answered, he spoke slowly, as if you were an idiot. 

“Yes, if they have a pussy, I go down on them.” 

“Always? Like, every time?” 

“Well, I guess probably not 100% of the time, but... I don’t know, 95?” 

This was not the answer you had been hoping for.  

“Why are you a-” He cut himself off with a gasp and looked at you, shock and glee in equal measure on his face. “Does Disappointing Dick not go down on you?” 

You blushed furiously, your face hot, and stomped your foot, shushing him viciously. 

“No,” you admitted, through gritted teeth. “No, he doesn’t. Not ever.” 

“Not ever?” 

“Not ever.” 

“Like, not even a little?” 

“I said not ever! What do you not understand about those words?” 

“Why?” 

“You mean why doesn’t he?” You shrugged, trying to appear more unbothered than you were. “He says he doesn’t like it.” 

“Doesn’t like it? Is he gay?” 

You rolled your eyes and turned away with a groan, intending to drop it, but he grabbed your arm and turned you back. 

“I’m being serious. If he’s not going down on you, he can’t be that into pussy. Is it just you or was he the same with previous partners?” 

“He says it’s everyone, not just me. He says he just doesn’t like it.” 

“Has he tried? With you, I mean?” 

You grimaced at the memory. 

“Once.” 

“And how was it?” 

“Awful. I couldn’t relax because all I could think about was how much he didn’t want to do it and he was so awkward and tentative and then he got annoyed because I wasn’t enjoying-” 

“He got annoyed?” 

“Yeah.” 

Taehyung’s brows came over his eyes and his lips pouted forward. He looked at you, thinking carefully. 

“Do you go down on him?” 

“Well, yeah, but I like doing it so it’s not an issue.” 

“But him not going down on you is an issue?” 

“Yes. I know I shouldn’t make it a big deal and maybe it’s not and I’m just being selfis-” 

He held up a hand to cut you off before you could even finish the word. 

“You’ve done things you aren’t that keen on in bed, right?” 

“Uh, wh- what do you mean? No one’s ever forced me to do-” 

“No, I don’t mean that. I just mean... There are some positions you like more than others, yeah? Or maybe he likes to fuck in the shower but you prefer not to or he likes morning sex and you don’t really, but you sometimes do it anyway, even though it’s not your favourite thing?” 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“So why do you do them?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well if they’re not really top of your list, why do you do them at all? Why not just say no and only do it how you want?” 

“Because it’s not just about me. It’s about them, too, and I want them to have a good time. And, ok, maybe we do it that way this time, and next time, we’ll do it my way.” 

“Exactly.” 

“I don’t see your point.” 

“My point is that, even if eating your pussy isn’t his favourite thing to do, he should still do it because it’s something that you like and that makes you feel good and he should care about that.” 

“You care, do you? About all the people you have sex with?” 

“Yes, I do.” His eyes were sharp, his lips almost sneering. He seemed annoyed but you couldn’t work out why. “Why are you asking me about this anyway? Want me to give you what you’re missing?” 

You punched him in the arm, a little harder than you’d intended, and he scowled, giving the area a rub. 

“No. Why would you ask me that? Of course, I fucking don’t. I have a boyfriend.” 

“Yeah. And maybe you shouldn’t.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

He lifts an eyebrow at you, disbelief and impatience clear on his face. 

“You know what I mean. And you know I’m always here for you.” 

For one second, you really thought he was being nice and thoughtful; you thought he might be treating you like a friend. And then reality came back to you and you realised precisely what he meant. You punched him in the arm again.  

“Fuck off, Taehyung. I’m not fucking you.” 

“That’s not what I offered. Come on, sweetheart-” 

“Don’t fucking call me that!”  

“Y/n, seriously.”  

He cradled your cheek with his hand and looked closely at you. His brown eyes were so warm, inviting, so wide and open and sweet that you couldn’t believe what came out of his mouth next.  

“What’s a little oral between friends? Let me show you your pretty little pussy’s worth wanting.” 

“Ugh!” 

You ripped your face away from his hand and stalked off, even as he called after you. The juxtaposition of that cute, teddy-bear face and his fucking depravity would give you whiplash. You told yourself that’s what it was; that he was confusing and you didn’t know how to take him, didn’t know if you could trust him. That’s why you could feel a cold stone of anxiety sinking in your stomach; you were discombobulated, that’s all. You were drunk. He had knocked you off kilter.  

You were fine. 

The next day, Taehyung messaged you. 

Taehyung: I’m sorry for overstepping, ok?  

You didn’t have time to read the rest before he was video-calling you. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” 

“You haven’t even given me three seconds to read your messages yet.” 

“I know, but it said you read them so I knew you were looking at your phone and I wanted to speak to you.” 

“I don’t know if that’s smart or creepy.” 

You could tell he shrugged by the jolt of the camera. 

“What do you want, then? You’ve already apologised.” 

“I don’t want to apologise. Not really... Well, I do if I made you uncomfortable. I am sorry if I did but I’m not going to apologise for anything else. Not even this... 

“No partner should ever make you feel weird or self-conscious or bad or insecure or anything like that. If you are putting your trust in someone, if you’re literally putting your body in their hands, they had better make damn fucking sure that they’re treating it right, that they’re taking care of you, that you feel good, that you feel better being with them than you do on your own. That’s all non-negotiable. It doesn’t sound like Dickless is doing that.” 

“What happened to Disappointing Dick?” 

“I demoted him. He doesn’t deserve a dick.” 

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. 

“I’m fucking serious. You deserve better.” 

You hung up on him. You didn’t want to hear it because you didn’t want to admit that it did make you feel bad; that you were self-conscious now; that something bad was definitely happening inside your brain and you didn’t, somehow, feel like you had the right to blame your boyfriend. 

Taehyung, persistent as ever, sent a text. 

Taehyung: I’m sorry if you’re upset but I’m also not sorry. You deserve better. You deserve to be feel like your body is perfect because it is. Your body is a site of worship and if he’s not praying to you, sacrificing to you, he’s blaspheming. You deserve to be fucked by someone who will recognise what you are, will recognise how lucky they are to be with you, will make sure they let you know just how desirable and sexy and fucking perfect you are. That's all. 

Y/n: You mean someone like you? 

Taehyung: 🙄🙄🙄 

Taehyung: NO. I’m not trying to fuck you; you’ve made your feelings on that abundantly clear. This is not about me at all. How many times do I have to say I’m serious about this? Your boyfriend is a sack of shit.  

You did not reply. 

* * *  

It was a Monday morning, hardly the highlight of anyone’s week, when you next ran into Taehyung. As you entered the café, you could see him, waiting for his coffee at the other end of the bar. You ignored him and placed your order, hoping he would be gone before you had finished.  

No such luck. Worse still, he immediately started talking to you. 

“I just have one question; will you let me ask one question?” 

“What?” 

“Are you prepared to go the rest of your life with no one going down on you?” 

“What?” 

You could feel your face heat and you glanced nervously around, hoping no one else had heard him. You were furious with him for bringing it up here, in public, first thing in the morning, but you were also not prepared for that question and a cold feeling of dread slipped through your veins like ice. 

“You’re in a relationship with this guy; at some point, eventually, you’ll get married, right? And that’s it, then; you’re staring down the barrel of what, 70 years without it? You’ve already had your last time. Do you remember it? Was it even good?” 

You knew it wasn’t because the last time anyone did it was the first – and only – time your boyfriend had and that had been an unmitigated disaster.  

“We’re not that serious, Taehyung. We’re not getting married.” 

“Maybe not now, but if you don’t break up, that’s where you’re headed, isn’t it? Is it really something you’re willing to give up forever? For him?”  

Your coffee had arrived and you had hoped you could take it and run, but Taehyung picked up your cup with his spare hand and wandered towards a spare table.  

“I don’t even know why you care so much,” you hissed as you sat opposite him at the table. 

“I don’t know why you don’t. You asked me for a reason and you are apparently completely unwilling to listen to anything. Is what I’m saying so radical? What do your other friends say?” 

You couldn’t answer that question because you hadn’t told anyone else. It was too embarrassing.  

“Have you even told anyone else?” 

“No.” 

“Then why me? Because I’m just some disgusting, shallow fuckboy whose opinion you don’t care about except when it might benefit you? Because you expected me to say that I don’t go down on the women I sleep with? Expected me to make some crude joke or cruel comment about them? Because you think that, just because I sleep with a lot of people, I must not respect them enough to treat them right? All of the above?” 

The silence between the two of you was thick, untouched by the noise and bustle of the café around you. You couldn’t deny that basically everything he had said was true, but hearing him say it made you feel thoroughly shamed. 

“I’m not offended,” he continued. “Because I know that none of that is true, as does everyone who actually knows me. You haven’t bothered to get to know me-” 

“Yeah because all you do is try to get in my pants!” 

“How is that true? Did I not just tell you that I’m not trying to fuck you? That this isn’t about me? Contrary to your beliefs, you are actually not some kind of irresistible siren whom I will make it my life mission to bed. I can live without fucking you, thank you very much. And you think I’m arrogant.” 

“I don’t think I’m irresistible,” you protested weakly.  

“I’m not interested in arguing with you. I’m a lover, not a fighter.” He paused to give you a dramatic, over the top, sexy wink and you couldn’t stop yourself rolling your eyes. “But, for the millionth time, I am serious about this. And you need to get serious about it. Here, enjoy your coffee, sweetheart.” 

He slid your cup towards you, stood, and left before you could tell him off for calling you that again. You were rattled and frustrated and couldn’t stop thinking about the rest of your life.  

You couldn’t stop thinking about it that day or that week or even into the next week. You saw your boyfriend three times and had sex that you couldn’t enjoy because you couldn’t stop thinking about it.  

It was the last time, with him pounding away inside you, that he finally noticed. 

“Hey, y/n.”  

He slowed, but didn’t stop.  

“Where have you gone? I feel like you’re not there.” 

You dragged your eyes back into focus, onto him. 

“Do you think you’ll ever like it?” 

He frowned, confused, and came to a stop, resting his weight on you a little. 

“Like what? What are you talking about?” 

“Oral.”  

He groaned and you knew, even though you couldn’t see his face as he rested his forehead on your clavicle, that he was rolling his eyes. 

“Do we have to talk about this again? I feel like this is all we ever talk about and I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

“I want you to give me a reason! Tell me why you won’t do it!” 

He rolled away, slipping out of you, and sat up and you pushed yourself upright next to him. He had never really given you an answer, other than that he ‘just doesn’t like it’ and you thought this little pause might be him finally deciding to tell you. 

“Tell me why it matters so much!” he countered and your hope deflated. “I get you off, don’t I? It’s not like I’m selfish. Why do you need me to do it so badly?” 

“Because I like it! Because I do things for you! Because... Because it makes me feel bad that you don’t.” 

“Oh I make you feel bad? All this time I spend trying to make you feel good-” 

“I don’t! I don’t feel good! I don’t feel good because you make me feel like there must be something wrong with me! No one else has ever had a problem with it-” 

“Now who’s making who feel bad? If everyone else you’ve fucked likes it so much, why don’t you just go and ask them to do it?” 

“What?” 

“Well, if they all love doing it so much and you need it so fucking desperately, why not ask them?” 

“Are you serious right now?” 

His jaw dropped as if you’d just hit him. 

“Of course I’m not fucking serious! Are you joking? You’re my fucking girlfriend! As if I would let you do that! I don’t understand why you can’t just be happy with what we have.” 

He was standing and putting his feet back into his boxers and trousers. You didn’t want him to leave. Because you wanted him to stay and change his mind. You wanted him to suddenly turn around and say, actually, I was wrong, please allow me to go down on you for hours and hours... You knew he wouldn’t. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed and took your hand. 

“Do you love me?” 

At that moment, no, you truly didn’t. It took all your strength to look him in the eye and answer. 

“Yes, of course.” 

He kissed you and told you the same and then he told you to get some rest and sleep on it and that things would look better in the morning.  

You had had this argument enough times to know that it wouldn’t. Things would look the same in the morning. In actual fact, they looked worse.  

You still couldn’t get Taehyung’s words out of your mind, any of them. The idea of anyone worshipping you was faintly absurd, a rhetorical flourish you’re sure he didn’t mean literally, but he seemed so sincere and, well, they didn’t say he had a magical dick for nothing.  

You called Tara.  

“Ok, I need you to be really real with me and also to not ever tell anyone I asked you this.” 

“Oh my god, the intrigue... Go on.” 

“Just exactly how good is Taehyung in bed?” 

She cackled loudly down the phone and then sighed, suddenly wistful. 

“Still, by far, the best I have ever had. I still miss him.” 

“Ok, but I don’t know how good the other people you’ve slept with are. I need like, some objective measure-” 

“Why? Are you planning to sleep with him?” 

“No! God no! I just don’t believe that what people say about him can be true, so I’m … I don’t know... checking...” 

Her responding hum sounded unconvinced. 

“Well, he once made me come for like, two straight minutes. I thought I was going to die and I could barely walk the next day; every muscle in my body was sore.” 

“Is that... good?” 

“YES! I meant it when I said you shouldn’t turn him down if he ever offers. I have never had as many orgasms in one night as when I was with him. He just... He fucking loves it and he loves you when he’s fucking you. He kind of takes it almost weirdly seriously? But like, in a good way. I don’t know. It’s hard to describe. I may have been drunk at the bar that time, but I honestly could still cry about how much I miss fucking him.”  

“Jesus.” 

“Not even he can help me, y/n.”  

“Ok, well, thanks. I guess.” 

“Did that help? I seriously think you should fuck him; I promise I won’t even be jealous because it is truly something I think everyone should get to experience at least once.”  

“I am not sure that’s a normal thing to say about someone.” 

“Taehyung is not normal.”  

* * *  

Two days. It was two days before you snapped. You took a deep breath, pressed call, and held the phone to your ear. 

“Hello?” 

“Do you want to eat me out?” 

You could hear choking at the other end and a muffled ‘hold on’. You held on. 

“Sorry, what the fuck did you just ask me?”  

“I said, do you want to eat me out?” 

“Is this a hypothetical question? Because you know I have already made the offer.”  

“So you do want to eat me out?” 

“Again, is this hypothetical or are you asking me over right now?” 

Another deep breath. 

“I’m asking you over right now.” 

“Give me your address.” 

You paced up and down your living room, anxious, impatient. The sheets on the bed were clean; you’d showered and then done it again for no real reason other than an irrational fear of him thinking you were dirty; you hesitated over whether or not to light candles – it felt like too much, too romantic but would also mean you could turn out the lights, keep it dark... You were just about to find the matches again when there was a knock at the door.  

“Hi.” 

“Hello.” 

His grin was wide as he stepped over the threshold but it did nothing to put you at ease.  

“Do you want a drink or something?” you asked as you made your way to the kitchen. 

“Whatever you want. I am at your service.” 

He bowed, thrusting an arm elaborately to the side, his head dipping low as he bent deeply from the hips.  

“Please don’t be weird. Don’t make this weird.” 

“What’s weird about it? Like I said, what’s a little oral between friends? Platonic pussy eating, that’s all it is.” 

“I said don’t be weird! Why do you have to put it like that?” 

“Well, what is it if not that? I assume you don’t suddenly want to date me.” 

“God, no-” 

He raised his eyebrows at you, questioning, demanding. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.” 

He shrugged. 

“It’s alright. I know you still think we’re not friends, but, just so you know, I wouldn’t do this for just anyone.” 

“Oh, wouldn’t you?” 

“No, I wouldn’t.” 

He was suddenly close to you, a little too close. He looked down at you, and you expected to look up and see that arrogant smirk, the quirked eyebrow that he thought was so sexy, but he’s just smiling, sweet, cute.  

“I’m glad you called, though. Glad you’ve finally seen the light and ditched Dickless-” 

“I haven’t. We’re still together.” 

His eyebrows shot up, his mouth a little ‘o’ of surprise. 

“You haven’t? And yet here I am... I thought you were a good girl.” 

“Shut up, Taehyung. Stop trying to flirt with me.”  

You moved away from him, towards the fridge, and got out a bottle of wine, more for something to do than anything else. You poured two glasses and held one out to him.  

“How do you expect me to go down on you if you won’t even let me flirt with you a little?” 

“You don’t have to flirt with me if I’ve already agreed to it. There’s no need.” 

“That’s what you think flirting is? Just a way to get into somebody’s bed? That is not what flirting is for – well, not the only thing.” 

He considered you carefully over his wine glass and you could feel yourself blushing all over; he kept his gaze steady, his face betraying nothing, and then he held his hand out to you. You didn’t take it but you moved closer to him, just close enough that he could reach out and grab you by the waist, pulling you up against him.  

“Just so we’re clear,” he began, his voice low, his eyes pointedly fixed on yours. “If we do this and you don’t break up with Dickless, I will consider it a failure.” 

You didn’t know what you felt. What would make this a success? What would make it a failure? Did you want it to be good? So good you ended your relationship? Or did you want it to be disappointing, maybe literally anticlimactic, so that you could stay with him and not feel like you were missing out? You had absolutely no idea. You didn’t even really know why you were doing it. Was it a good idea? What had possessed you? All you knew was that it had to be done. Now or never. For once and for all.  

He placed his wine glass on the counter and slipped his fingers underneath the hem of your shirt, his fingers just lightly grazing your skin. Your stomach twisted and you squirmed out of his grasp. 

“What are you doing?” you asked, trying to stop your heart racing.  

“What are you doing? Did you or did you not invite me over so I could go down on you?” 

“Well, yes, I did, but that doesn’t mean all of... All of that.” 

You heard him chuckle behind you and you turned slightly, just enough that you could see him run his hands through his hair and roll his eyes, the boxy grin back on his face.  

“Y’know, I’m starting to think that maybe you are the problem. At least a little bit.” 

When you didn’t move and didn’t respond, he sighed again, lightly exasperated. 

“Come here,” he commanded softly, holding his hands out to you. When you didn’t move, he walked towards you instead. He took your face in his hands and made you look at him. “Do you trust me?” 

When you didn’t answer, he shook your head lightly side to side.  

“I don’t mean like, trust me with your family secrets, trust me to take care of your pets while you’re on holiday. I mean... Do you think I’m going to hurt you?” 

You shook your head and he moved his face even closer.  

“Do you think I’m going to do something you don’t want?” 

You shook your head and he lightly pressed a kiss to your cheek. 

“Do you think I’m going to make you do something you don’t want?” 

You shook your head and he kissed your other cheek. 

“So, do you trust me?” 

You nodded, dumb with anticipation and tension, shocked at the way your body was responding to this, just this: he hadn’t even kissed you on the mouth but you were trembling, warm, wet.  

“Ok, then,” he whispered and he moved his hands down your body, then back up on the inside of your clothes. His hands were cold and you shivered against him, closing your eyes. 

“Look at me.”  

Your eyes flicked back to him and he kissed your lips, just barely, still looking you in the eye, and a whimper caught in your throat. He closed his eyes and pulled you closer, his lips pressing against yours now. He removed a hand from your waist and gently pressed his thumb against your chin, opening your mouth to allow his tongue inside. His kiss was warm and sweet with wine; his tongue was soft against yours, slow as he licked into your mouth and retreated. You chased after his mouth when his lips left yours and you could feel him smile as he let you close the distance and kiss him again. He ran his tongue along your bottom lip and sucked it gently, a barely perceptible pressure that made your knees tremble. 

You could feel all the heat rushing through your blood, flowering on the surface of your skin in warm blooms as you let yourself relax. All the tension you were holding melted away, evaporating on your skin, leaving you soft and pliant. A deep, dark want blossomed in you, its petals unfurling in your core, arousal first like dew drops, then like a sudden summer downpour buffeting the pale heads of roses. You had thought this would be quick, frantic with need, with guilt, with anxiety, but all of that was held at bay by the gentle way that Taehyung ran his tongue over yours, ran his hands over your body, held you just close enough that you could feel him against you but not so close you felt trapped.  

He moved from your mouth and placed kisses on your temple, your ear, your jaw. As he sucked kisses down your neck, you were so distracted that you didn’t notice him unclasp your bra, only aware when he rubbed his thumbs over your nipples, already hard. He moaned against your skin, his teeth sinking into your flesh as he pulled your hips against his. You gasped, both at the bite, and at the feeling of him, stiffening, growing against you. He ran his tongue over the indentations in your neck and you shivered.  

“Can I take your clothes off?”  

His voice was raspy and low in your ear as he tugged at the bottom of your shirt. You sighed a yes and looked into his eyes as his fingers worked on the buttons of your blouse. His eyes were soft, liquid, the light glinting off them in gold and honey. He took his time, each button slow, his eyes never leaving yours. He nudged your nose with his, licked your bottom lip, sank his teeth into it, sucked it into his mouth.  

He pushed your shirt off your shoulders and let it fall to the floor, then he pulled the straps of your bra down and it fell, too. He finally dropped his gaze and took in the sight of your naked torso, nipples taut, goosebumps spreading over the swell of your breasts as he gently took them in his hands, massaging, squeezing your nipples between his fingers. He hummed quietly.  

“Shall we go to the bedroom now?” 

You couldn’t speak, only nodded, and walked backwards until your legs hit your bed, then you let him lay you down. 

“Can I take this off?” he asked again, holding the edge of your skirt. Again, you nodded and he pulled gently, the fabric almost burning against your legs as it dragged. He kissed your feet and you squirmed. 

“Ticklish?” He grinned and licked the sole of your left foot from heel to toe with the tip of his tongue as you squealed.  

“Yes, I am!” you gasped. He chuckled and relented, trailing soft, wet kisses up your legs. You held your breath as he licked at your inner thighs, anticipating him at your core.  

But he wasn’t there. He slipped his hands underneath at the hips and lifted the fabric so he could lick the crease of your leg and then pulled it down so he could kiss across the waistband from hip bone to hip bone, but he didn’t touch you. Your heart was racing in your chest now; what was he waiting for?  

He hummed against your skin and moved above you, his hands on either side of your chest. He looked at you, almost quizzical for a second, and then that look faded into a smile that – had it been anyone else – you might’ve called adoring. He lowered his face to yours and kissed you. 

“Relax, y/n. I can feel your heart beating from here.”  

Resting his full weight on one hand, he placed the other between your breasts, atop your sternum, your heart pushing back, thumping against your ribs.  

“But aren’t you gonna...?”  

He kissed you again, forceful this time, leaving you breathless as he pulled away. 

“Yes, I am. But we’re doing it my way, ok? Just relax; I’m going to take good care of you.” 

He shuffled downwards, lips everywhere on his path down your neck, across your chest. You whined when he took your nipple in his mouth, your back arching into him as he sealed his teeth around it, his tongue lapping at your tightened bud. 

Everything was so slow. You felt like a frog in a pan; you hadn’t really noticed it building, this huge, hungry desire, but now you were drowning in it, burning, melting. It enveloped you, held you, suspended, cushioned in its warmth but needled by its intensity. It sent its buds out from your centre to your extremities, your fingers and toes tingling, your body trembling, your breath catching in your throat. Flowers of want blooming all over you, petals falling from Taehyung’s lips, soft and sweet and warm.  

You let out a long, shaky whine when he finally locked his fingers around your underwear and tugged them down, his hands sliding against your legs as he pulled them all the way off.  

“Taehyung,” you whispered as he pushed your legs apart, crawling back towards you.  

“Yes?” 

You didn’t know what to say. You knew there was something, something inside you that you wanted to tell him, but you couldn’t find the words. Everything was obscured by the veil of your greed, your craven yearning for him. You wanted his mouth on you so badly, wanted to be wanted. You remembered what he said about worship and a sudden panic sliced through you with painful clarity. 

“I-… What if it is me? What if there’s something wrong with me?”  

He pressed a soft kiss against your inner thigh and then loomed over you.  

“It’s not you, I promise.”  

He rested his forehead against yours, your noses pressed together, his hand on your cheek. 

“You’re perfect. Perfect, you hear me? If you’ve changed your mind about this, that’s ok-” 

“No, god no,” you answered quickly, immediately, absolutely sure that you wanted this, your nails digging into his arms. “Please...” 

He kissed you, slow, even slower than before, and he lowered his body down on top of you, his weight pressing you into the mattress. It’s only then that you realised he was still fully dressed. And you were completely naked beneath him, so exposed and so vulnerable. You pushed him back, a light palm against his chest, and he looked at you, frowning. 

“What’s wrong?”  

You looked at his eyes, somehow both shining and dark at the same time; his pouty mouth just barely open; his hips pressing into yours; his erection hot and hard against you, almost exactly where it needed to be, so you could just tip your hips and rub yourself on him, feel the friction you were desperate for. He looked at you so openly and it wasn’t like you expected it to be at all. None of it was. You thought he would be arrogant, cocksure, swaggering; you thought he would be rough, wild, frenetic; you thought it was all bluster and machismo, that he’d keep calling you ‘baby’ and asking how you liked it and trying to make you scream. You hadn’t even really believed that he would get you there. Whether due to you or to him, you had thought it probably wouldn’t happen. Your boyfriend had made you too self-conscious; Taehyung wouldn’t put the effort in or wouldn’t know what to do.  

But it wasn’t like that at all. He looked at you questioningly, searchingly, like he actually cared. And he had moved so slowly, so patiently; he was rock-hard against you, but hadn’t even mentioned it. He hadn’t even taken his clothes off. This was the first time he’d even really pressed his hips against you so you could feel him. You closed your eyes and tried to control your breathing, tried to feel yourself in your body. You could feel the ghost of his breath over your face, his hand curled around your shoulder, fingers dancing lightly over your skin. There was the weight of his body, the warmth of it. You wanted to feel his skin in yours. 

“Take your clothes off,” you whispered, opening your eyes to look at him.  

He grinned and sat back on his knees, unbuttoning his shirt. You reached out to unzip his trousers but he batted your hand away. He unzipped them himself and stood to step out of them.  

“Better?” he asked, already making his way back to you, but shook your head. 

“No. Everything.”  

His eyebrows raised just a hair and he paused, considering you. 

“You know this is not about me, right?” 

“I know. I just want to see you.”  

He nodded slowly and hooked his thumbs into boxers, sliding them down and stepping out. His dick was wet with pre-cum and you couldn’t believe he could be so hard when you hadn’t even touched him, when he had barely touched you. He knelt at the end of the bed and grabbed your ankles, slowly pulling you down, down, down, until you were just barely still lying on it, your feet touching the floor until he spread your thighs to the side, as wide as they could go.  

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” he asked, his words muffled as he kissed your thigh. 

“Yes, fuck. Yes, Taehyung. Please.”  

He was still slow. Slow as he pressed kisses against your lips, on your mound, back out to the crease of your hip, your thighs. You whined when he ran his fingers through your folds, hearing the slick of your arousal as he dragged up to your clit and down again, as he opened you up. He pressed a kiss to your clit and you jumped, swallowing hard, trying to catch your breath as he opened his lips and sucked. He laved over your clit with the soft, flat pad of his tongue and you sighed, having forgotten this feeling. 

“Talk to me,” he said softly, sprinkling kisses across your legs, your mound, your lips. “Tell me what works for you, what doesn’t.”  

But you couldn’t speak. You moaned and mewled and whimpered, but no words would come. You were swept away on a wave of pleasure, not in the room anymore, but somewhere else, somewhere nothing else existed – just you and Taehyung and this bed. You wanted to tell him yes, like that, more, yes, please, please, please, but the air was tight in your lungs, stuck in your throat, whipped away as it left your mouth in a strangled whine. 

He moaned loudly as he licked over your slit, drinking you in.  

“Y/n.” 

His breath was warm, brushing against your flushed skin. 

“You taste so good, y/n. I fucking knew you would.”  

He moved his mouth away again, biting down on the soft flesh of your inner thigh as he slipped first one and then two fingers into your wet heat. You whined, greedy, needy, grinding your hips, trying to feel some friction back on your clit. Taehyung hummed against your skin and you felt his lips stretch into a smile.  

“Don’t hold back, y/n. I love the way you sound.”  

And you didn’t. You let yourself go, let yourself fall into it, abandoned yourself to him. With his fingers still inside you and his mouth back, sealed against your clit, his tongue alternately flicking hard circles around it, then licking softly over it, you felt your body shuddering to its climax. You expected him to stop as your walls clenched hard on his fingers, to stop when your legs clamped over his ears, to stop when you writhed beneath him, fully overwhelmed as wave after wave swamped you with pleasure.  

But he didn’t. He thrummed his fingers hard against your front wall, not letting you squeeze them out. He kept his mouth on you, your slick and his spit mixing as you came, gushing around him. When you finally cried out, cursing him, calling his name, he slowed, but he still didn’t stop, and you felt your whole body convulse under him. With a flash of clarity, you remembered what Tara had said, and you couldn’t believe it, knew you couldn’t take it, knew this would kill you if it went on any longer.  

But it did. And you didn’t die. You felt yourself floating, your limbs weightless, your head dizzy as you climbed to your second peak, your, soft, weak body tightening, pulling in all directions at once, your skin burning, your heart like a hummingbird’s, blood roaring in your ears like the waves of the ocean. Your hands twisted in the bedsheets as you came, the noises you were making nothing short of animal.  

When you flopped, spent, melting into the mattress, you pushed your fingers through Taehyung’s hair and tugged, your body screaming with over-stimulation, your bed and thighs soaked. You could hardly see; nothing but flashing lights in front of you, stars shining and twinkling on your ceiling, swirling, disappearing and reappearing like a kaleidoscope.  

“Taehyung,” you panted, weak and quiet. “Stop.” 

He was immediately still, those wide, open eyes looking up at you. You whimpered as he pulled his fingers from you and you fell, slithering like a slinky from the bed and into his arms. He held you tight, pushed your hair from your face and kissed your forehead. 

“You ok?” 

You looked up at him, blinking hard to stop your vision swimming. He was shiny and sticky all around his mouth, all over his chin. Those deep, autumn eyes all dark now, swirling black, glazed and penetrating. You summoned what strength you could and crashed your lips against him. You could taste yourself on him and you knew he was right. You weren’t the problem. It wasn’t you. And it certainly wasn’t this.  

“Fuck me, please,” you asked, taking his face between your palms. “Please, Taehyung.”  

He started shaking his head, his lip bitten between his teeth. 

“That’s not what- you don’t have to- we don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to. I want to. Please.” 

You twisted in his lap so you were straddling him, his cock leaking against you between your bodies.  

“If you want to,” you added. “I... Only if you want to.” 

He laughed, deep-throated and rich – you could feel it rumble in his chest.  

“Oh I absolutely want to but this is... Are you sure you want to? I mean... You are still with Dickless and this-” 

“Don’t fucking talk about him. I don’t want to think about him. Please, Taehyung.” You pressed another kiss against his lips, insistent, urgent. “I want you. I just want you.”  

He moaned against your mouth, his arms encircling your waist, his tongue encroaching. Then he rolled and lay you down, the carpet surprisingly soft against your skin.  

“I just,” he said, his mouth wandering all over you, slowly making his way down. “I just want one more taste. Please.”  

He looked at you, waiting. He licked his lips and held the bottom one tight in his teeth. You could see him swallow hard, his breathing deep and heavy. You nodded and dropped your head back, keening as he licked through your folds, humming against your clit, smacking his lips as he raised himself back on his hands and knees.  

“I told you you were fucking perfect.”  

You moved backwards, out from underneath his arms and gave yourself carpet burn on your knees as you shuffled to the bedside table, rifling for the box of condoms you kept there. You grabbed the whole thing, crawled back to Taehyung and emptied it onto the floor. He laughed again. 

“Sweetheart, even for me, that is truly ambitious.” 

“Shut up.” 

You fell back, your chest still heaving, your limbs still trembling, as he tore one open and rolled it down his length. He paused, his dick in his hand, held at your waiting entrance and he looked at you. 

“For god’s sake, Taehyung, don’t ask me if I’m sure. Please just please just fuckin- ahh...” 

He didn’t wait for you to finish. He plunged into your soft, wet cunt and moaned. 

“Fuck. Please tell me that feels good.” 

“It feels fucking incredible.”  

He grabbed at the backs of your thighs and lifted, pushing them up and out, keeping hold of them as he began to move. Smooth and fluid, his hips rolled. Your cunt, wet and soft and sweet, held him tight, moulded to his cock, your walls fluttering around him. Heat radiated from your centre, a fire burning there, flames licking up your body. You were so sensitive, close again almost immediately, whimpering with every thrust.  

You grabbed at him, pulling him down, your hand around his neck to bring him closer and closer ’til you could kiss him. Your tongues tangled and the adjusted angle made you moan straight into his mouth. You could still taste the wine, still taste yourself on him and with a shock of remembrance, you whined. This was what you loved; this was what you had been missing. The proof of the pudding: your arousal all over his face made you hot with a sudden rush. Your boyfriend could never be enough. Because it wasn’t just about you and your desire; it was about his, too. And he didn’t have it, not like this. Not like Taehyung. The strangled moans and gutteral groans escaping his throat, the rumble in his chest as he breathed ragged and uneven made you shaky with feeling. Feeling wanted in your entirety. Wanted in your animal mess. Wanted from head to toe. Inside and out. No holds barred. 

“Taehyung.” 

“Fuck, y/n, yeah? Tell me- tell me...”  

He kissed your lips and your cheek, his hand skirting your body and grabbing at your thigh, pushing further, holding tighter, his thrusts faster now, harder, his pelvis tantalisingly close to your clit. You put a hand down between you, circling slowly, your third orgasm bubbling through your veins.  

“You feel so good,” you breathed. “Fuck, so, so-… ah... shit.”  

Already there, your toes curling, Taehyung hissing, cursing as you squeezed him tight inside you, pleasure blazed through you like a forest fire, every inch of you alight and burning, sparking, fireworks bursting all over you, inside you, filling your vision with dizzying colour. Taehyung was gasping, stuttering, his fingers digging into you, his teeth biting hard. 

“Come, Taehyung,” you whispered to him, your voice wobbling, shaking like the rest of you.  

“I w-wanna-” he stammered. “I wa- wan-” 

“No, just come. For me.” 

You brought your mouth to his, pulling his bottom lip with your teeth, sucking gently. 

“Oh, fuck.”  

He juddered, thrusting hard as he let himself go, gave himself to you, gave in. He let himself flop against you for a moment, just a moment, and then he pushed himself up on his hands, looking down at where you bodies met, still together. He rolled his hips one last time and you mewled, over-sensitive, overwraught. He grinned and pulled back, turning away from you as he took off and disposed of the condom.  

He crawled back to you and pulled you onto your side so you were facing each other. He knocked a leg between yours and traced the curve of your body; you shivered, even his hands feeling like fire against you. He kissed you, once, and then again, and then a third time.  

“You’re perfect,” he said, barely moving his mouth far enough from yours to speak, his words mumbled, muffled. “You’re fucking perfect. You understand?”  

You couldn’t look him in the eye, suddenly self-conscious, suddenly so embarrassed at what you had done. Embarrassed that you had needed this, needed him to tell you that, needed him to show you that you could be wanted how you wanted to be wanted, desired in the way you wanted, fucked like you wanted. You felt small and silly and stupid. That you had cheated on your boyfriend with the most promiscuous man on the planet just because you felt insecure. You shivered, but it wasn’t pleasure this time. You were suddenly cold and tired. Exhausted. Choked with emotions you didn’t want to admit.  

“Hey, I’m talking to you,” he said, softly, his lips against your hair now. “You ok?”  

“I don’t know.” 

Your voice was little more than a hoarse whisper, hardly audible beneath the thumping of your heart. 

“Talk to me...” 

“I feel so stupid.” 

“Why?”  

You had to think it through, carefully, how to say it, how to express it. 

“Because... I needed this. I didn’t know that I-… I-” 

You crumbled, dissolved into tears, embarrassing you further. You wanted to be swallowed whole, to sink into the ground, to dessicate and turn to dust. You couldn’t speak, shame dousing you, drowning you, your hitching, heaving breath barely enough. He let you cry and you were grateful for his patience... again. 

“You w-want me,” you said eventually, your voice thick, choked.  

“Yeah.” 

“You want me and h-he doesn’t. And I- I want to be w-wanted. I'm so... Am I undesirable?” 

“Categorically, demonstrably, absolutely not.” 

“Then why doesn’t he want me?” 

Taehyung held you tighter, pulled you closer, kissed the top of your head and stroked your back.  

“This is why I’ve been telling you to leave him, love. You shouldn’t feel like this. I’m sure he does want you, but if he can’t want you in the way that you want, in a way that makes you feel good, feel desirable, and cherished, and loved, then he shouldn’t have you.”  

He pulled back, holding your face to his, wiping your tears with his thumbs.  

“I want you. Believe me, I want you. I’ve just had you and I want you all over again. You should believe that; you deserve that. Don’t let him break you down. Don’t let him do this to you.”  

Your bottom lip wobbled as your eyes filled with tears again and he placed his thumb over it and his lips over that. He swiped his thumb across your mouth and kissed you as slowly as he had the very first time, his lips so soft, his mouth so sweet.  

“If you don’t believe me,” he said, his lips just ghosting over yours, his breath washing over your face. “I will happily show you again and again and again just how desirable you are. Just how perfect you are. It’s not hyperbole; you’re fucking perfect to me. I’ll show you.”  

And he did. 

Not just that night or the one after that or the one after that. He showed you repeatedly again and again until you started to believe it. Until you realised that you didn’t need him to show you anymore, just wanted him to. Just wanted him.  

You broke up with your boyfriend two weeks later. It was horrible and he was surprisingly vicious and you were surprisingly upset. But you knew you were right to do it and wished you had just done it earlier.  

y/n: I broke up with him. 

Taehyung: FINALLY 

Taehyung: Guess this means you don’t need me anymore... 

y/n: I didn’t say that. 

y/n: Come over? 

Taehyung: On my way 

#taehyung x reader #taehyung fic #taehyung smut #bts x reader #bts smut #bts fic #mmm repost

[catboydogma]

envie si grande et menaçante

grandiose - pomme

wc: 4,475

notes: the long-awaited vox fic for @meerlichtz :) this has been in my drafts for so long that i think it put me on (semi-unintentional) hiatus. yes, this fic is quite possibly the reason why i've written .2 fics for the last 32 years. regardless despite all the horrors i had a ton of fun writing this and hope u enjoy meer :)

summary: one Jedi Shadow Quinlan Vos gets stuck in the Coruscant Guard's medbay recovering from a mission gone meiloorun-shaped. This goes about as well as expected.

“You are not allowed to die on me,” Fox snarled, reining in the urge to shake the Jedi by the fronts of his tabards. For General Gallia to leave Fox to babysit this asshat and then have this asshat die on him was unconscionable. Fox had never failed a mission objective in his life, and he wasn’t about to let some muscle-headed Jedi change that. 

“Me?” Vos grinned. His teeth were stained pink with claret; Fox could see it foaming at the corners of his mouth, lips and tongue a ruddy crimson with it. “Why would I die when I have so many better things to be doing on you?”

Mission parameters could be flexible. Surely General Gallia wouldn’t mind that much if Vos disappeared—quietly—discreetly—

“Whoops. Now that’s a scary face.” Vos mimed zipping his lips shut. The effect was only partially ruined by the tremor in his hands, now getting worse.

“Shut up.” Fox leaned even more of his weight into the hands keeping pressure on Vos’ abdomen and ribs, ignoring Vos when he wheezed something about his ribs. A few cracked ribs wouldn’t kill the Jedi, but the hole in his chest would, even if the blaster shot had only just missed his lungs. “Medevac, ETA?”

“Closing in on your location now,” Thire reported. “Hold your position.”

“It’s worse than it looks,” Vos said airily.

“Commander Thire can be the judge of that.” Fox felt his lips draw back in a near-unconscious snarl but he kept his hands and voice steady. There was no telling how fragile a natborn could be, even one with Jedi capabilities and training.

“Commander Thire is calling bullshit on that, unless the blood loss is starting to affect the good General’s vision.” Thire arrived with two full squads of backup: he and another Corrie medic dropped to their knees beside Vos, ushering Fox out of the way as Fox started to direct cleanup efforts.

This Jedi had an uncanny ability for making situations devolve before Fox’s very HUD. General Gallia had left on a relief mission to the Outer Rim yesterday, at which point Fox had met her temporary replacement—one Knight Vos, Jedi Shadow and relentless flirt. From what limited intelligence Fox had managed to gather, Vos was conducting covert ops on Coruscant, which made it convenient for him to be stationed at the CGHQ with the Guard. He’d gone out at some point last night for what he’d cited to be “super top-secret party business,” missed his early morning check-in, and turned up two klicks from HQ mid-afternoon sans four pints of blood. Fox recalled the squads he’d sent out in search of Vos after he’d missed check-in, sent another to scour the area for traces of Vos’ attackers, and ignored the increasingly amused conversation Thire was having with the Jedi behind him.

more on ao3

#a heat rash in the shape of the show me state #oooogh god. it's so late #happy new year i finished this to trick my brain into cooperating w me. to write more this year #fics #fanfiction #tcw #tcw fanfiction #the clone wars #vox #quinlan vos #commander fox #cc-1010 #star wars fanfiction #star wars #star wars prequels #the coruscant guard #quinlan/fox #quinlan vos/commander fox #ok that's enough tags. this will get where it needs to go.

[sugar-omi]

Okay so we've had leaving Cove for Baxter but what about an uno reverse card here? A post step 4 scenario where MC leaves Baxter and figures out they've always loved Cove?

P.S. Love, love, live your writing!!!

im so glad you sent this!! tysm for the praise<333 i feel like this could relate to this: question abt the reverse also i didn't think abt it then, n maybe i said this but to finish that thought. (eta now that ive linked it, BABE U LITERALLY RAMBLED STFU<///3) but baxter accepts your feelings bc he's desperate for love and he's pined after you for years. ALTHOUGH if i were to write it canonically, he would be so offended that you'd even bother and encourage you to leave cove before you hurt him. cove would do the same, if you confess to him he would Instantly lose all respect n interest in you and would all but spit at you if you did BAXTER WOULD ACTUALLY CALL YOU DISGUSTING AS WELL... i like to imagine cove would bc yk, i like the parallel, but he wouldn't and he'd prbly go "is that what you think of me?" bc he'd feel like a piece of meat in that situation

tags : Angst (w happy ending for you), Hurt/Comfort, breaking up w baxter, unrequited to requited love, falling out of love w baxter

synopsis : you break up with baxter because you realize you don't love him anymore. then you realize someone else is piquing your interest...

baxter is surprised, but he also expected this...

lately you'd been pulling away, and you've been lost in thought. and he's walked in on you crying a few times and you didn't want to explain to him why.

he feels his blood go cold, and he feels pressure wash over him.. he tries not to cry or choke up when he speaks.

he has to act like a gentleman. he needs to be understanding. he needs to be the strong one because you're sitting on the floor and crying, apologizing and hiding your face in your hands.

your sobs and shaky form hurts him more. he knows it's not your fault. it's his, in all honesty.

he left you so cruelly 5 years ago, and even though you've been together for a year and shared many happy moments with hushed giggles and loving kisses, you couldn't find the same love for him as when you were young.

baxter tries not beat himself up, pushing down his darker minds degrading chorus...

he puts a hand on your head, smoothing his palm over his pants. his palm hurts from digging his nails into it.

tonight is going to be rough. tomorrow will be harder.

"it's okay y/n. we had a good time together right?" baxter smiles. although the thickness of his voice makes you tuck in on yourself more.

he continues soothing you, ignoring the tears in his eyes. "i understand... we're so different now, it's not surprising it didn't work."

baxter's humorless and watery laugh makes you cry more, and you know he's crying now too. "we should stop looking back on the past now." baxter pets your head, trying to milk the last bit of affection from your dying relationship.

he feels like his world is opening up.

you turn your face away and wipe roughly at your tears. you know you look like a mess, but you feel so overwhelmed, and you have enough shame to not want to face baxter.

you finally look up at him, baxter lifting his gaze from his knees to look at you, glazed amber staring back at you. your heart clenches.

even though you don't love him the same way anymore, this kills you all the same.

"i'll... get my stuff tomorrow." you whisper.

cove was torn when you got with baxter.

he's always loved you, and when you still pined for baxter even after that summer, he got accustomed to putting his feelings aside to let your relationship grow.

but now you were sitting on his couch, looking distant at his fish tank.

your eyes were blurred with tears, and it took everything to curl yourself into the corner of the couch.

"y/n?..."

...

cove goes to call out again- "yeah?" you mutter, your words tiny and soft. weak. forced.

"what can i do for you?" cove wanted to gather up all your pain and take it away. so that the only thing left was for you to be happy.

...

you lick your lips, fixing your feet that were sliding off the cushion.

"i don't know. nothing for now." you turn and try to smile. "this is okay for now, i'm sorry for bugging you i..."

you swallow. "i don't wanna be alone right now."

cove comes closer, wrapping his arms around you, hiding your face in his neck. "i don't mind, i'll always be here for you."

it's silent for a long moment, the only sound being the TV cove didn't turn off at your insistence.

less sound meant your thoughts were louder.

you focused on the trickling water of the tank and it suddenly made you aware of how dry you were after crying.

you wrestle your arm free from the blankets and cove's hold, and you feel him watching your every move.

after drinking half the glass, you lean into cove's chest and take in the sound of his heartbeat.

cove is the only thing that keeps your head from spinning and the world from crashing.

you huff. this is frustrating. you're frustrated with everything, mostly with yourself.

"do you... wanna talk now?" cove inquires gently, rambling about how you don't have to but it might help.

you don't say anything for a bit, tracing the waves and lines of cove's tattoo.

"..even though i pined for him for so long..." you start, slowly letting the words come to you. "i thought this was it, i thought i was over him leaving me. but..."

you start to cry, so you sit up to turn around, hiding your face in your hands.

"i spent so long being sad that.."

"i spent so long being angry that.."

"i spent so long being angry then sad and missing him that.."

you swallow, muttering. "that i didn't even realize when i stopped loving him..."

it's quiet. and you don't look up to see if cove heard, but you assume he did since he asks a interesting question...

"then.. why are you so sad? i mean i get it, but..." cove groans, trying to word his thought carefully and correctly.

"i'm sorry.. it just seems like you're upset about something else, too..."

you exhale shakily, despising the tears still pouring from your eyes.

you take in what cove asked, debating what to say before you speak. "i thought this was what i wanted, but now i..." you start crying, overwhelmed.

cove just pulls you back into him, deciding that was enough talking for tonight, and now it was just about cheering you up.

it's been a few months, things are... different. some days are difficult. but most of them are better, just a bit mellow.

it took a bit, but your new apartment finally feels like home, and you can sit in the silence and solitude of it without feeling like your chest is caving in.

at least for today.

you and cove laugh, falling onto your new mattress after finally getting it through the door.

after the giggles die down, you flip over and look at cove. "thanks for helping."

cove turns his head to smile at you, "nah. derek did most the work."

"well, he's not here to receive my 100th thanks, so just take it."

cove laughs heartily.

lately, cove has started to look more handsome. ethereal, in fact. and you can't look away..

"y/n?.."

you hum, looking back at the ceiling. fuck you got caught.

"you're doing it again y'know?"

you whip around to look at cove, who has a smug grin on his face. "what? that's the second time you've said that! what does it even mean?!" you exclaim, slapping cove's chest with the back of your hand.

he laughs joyously, "like you're thinking philosophical thoughts!"

you roll your eyes, "ooo big words there, ocean boy. wouldn't you like to know about my philosopher thoughts." you mock, teasing cove with a grin you don't bother to fight coming across your lips.

"yep." cove pops the 'p', simply agreeing that he wants to know what's on your mind.

you watch each other in silence, and your eyes fall on his lips and he parts them to speak but you beat him to it, muttering lowly and if it wasn't for the emptiness and tranquility around you, he wouldn't have heard it.

"i'm thinking about how pretty you are..."

cove stills, you can hear his breath hitch and he stops breathing for a moment.

you continue, letting the water flow now that you've opened the gates.

"i know you've always had a crush on me, and please don't think i'm playing with you.." you swallow, keeping eye contact so as to will yourself to go on, although the depths of cove's glassy eyes make you flatter a bit.

you curl your fingers into your palms, keeping yourself from petting his cheek.

"at some point i started to.. realize just how much you are there for me. and i.." you lick your lips, "i love you."

cove starts to cry, and to that he sits up to hide his face.

you sit up as well, reaching out to cove's back. you don't know if you should touch him or not...

he cries for a bit. eventually, you do reach out, curling your fingers in the fabric of his shirt. you can't bring yourself to come closer, not sure how to comfort cove or if you even should, but you want him to know you're still here and waiting.

waiting for what? you're not sure.

waiting for him to seek your comfort? waiting for him to reject you? either way, you're waiting, and he turns around when he finally stops the waterworks.

"y-you mean it?" cove chokes, and you nod.

"yeah." you whisper, like any louder approval and it'll come off as half-hearted.

he pauses for a moment, looking at you. searching your gaze and trying to pick your brain apart.

"did you... break up with baxter because you...?" he can't say it, like he's not allowed to. like if he says it, it might shatter.

"love you?" you finish, "no. breaking up with baxter had nothing to do with you or my feelings for you."

"good, good..." cove repeats, sagging a bit in relief. "can i ask you one last question?"

"anything, cove." you assure, antsy to what will come out of his mouth. maybe this is all leading to rejection, but at least he'll know you loved him.

"you aren't saying that because i helped you through your breakup, right?" cove approaches softly. he doesn't mean to offend you, and you take none.

"no!" you lean forward, snatching up cove's hands. "i didn't say it right earlier.. what i meant was, i stopped seeing you as just a friend." you fret a bit, softening as you think about how you see cove now.

"i was hung up on what i couldn't have with baxter, and i know it sounds bad, but once i realized i was living in my head too much and didn't even know what i was feeling until after the fact.."

you intertwine your hands with cove's, looking up at him. "i realized life was so much better than in my head, and there was, is, someone greater than i could ever imagine."

you don't realize it until cove reaches up to wipe some tears from your cheeks. you laugh, "you're crying too, dummy."

cove laughs, holding your hand against his cheek.

"i've been waiting so long to hear you say that." cove cringes, "well... maybe too long. you're so hard to get over, i could never do it..."

cove looks at you with affectionate eyes.

"does this mean..?" you question, a bit egear but holding your horses.

cove laughs and nods. "yeah. i love you too, y/n."

you beam, taking his face in your hands and resting your foreheads together. "we'll take it slow, if it helps."

cove flushes, feeling a bit bold and is flustered by the fact. "not too slow, i've been waiting almost 17 years for this."

cove is the one to close the gap, swallowing your words before you can tease him, laugh, or agree.

you let him, letting cove pull you down to earth again and into him, as he always does.

#our life: beginnings & always #olba #cove holden #cove holden x reader #baxter ward #cove x mc #cove x reader #cove our life #baxter ward x reader #baxter x reader #our life baxter #baxter ward x reader angst #baxter ward angst #angst #light angst #angst with a happy ending

[the-tenth-arcanum]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Tagged by @emozionidinchiostro ages ago

1. Are you named after anyone? My dad wanted to give me his little sister's name as a middle name, and I did have it on some early pediatric reports when I was a baby, but it's not on any actual official document, so technically I do not have a middle name, even though my parents convinced me I did. I mentioned my unofficial middle name to some friends at school when I was around 12 or something, and it became my nickname forever. Everyone called me that. The friends I've kept in touch from back then still call me that. Even my mom has me saved under that name on her phone. But it's, like, only 3 people now. // tl;dr: kinda.

2. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember to be honest. This might come as a surprise to you guys but I'm not a big crier. I'm just sad and whiny.

3. Do you have kids? No and I don't want any.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I don't think so?

5. What sports do you play/have played? NONE, I suck at sports and have always hated playing them. I mean, I've tried a few but never for any significant amount of time.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? Whether they're nice/friendly, I guess. If someone is kind to me I will fall in love with them. I love kind people.

7. What's your eye color? Dark brown. I-almost-can't-make-out-your-pupil kind of brown.

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Neither? Happy endings if I have to choose, but I like drama. (I mean, comedy too, big fan. But sometimes you just want to watch a film that makes you think about the human condition and despair, you know?)

9. Any special talents? Misplacing things. Forgetting about events in the recent past. Petting cats.

10. Where were you born? Italy.

11. What are your hobbies? Not doing a lot these days to be honest :( Fannish activities (fanfic writing and the like). I'm in a funky pop-rock choir which I attend semi-regularly. I have attempted to learn Spanish at various points in my life and failed miserably, not always for reasons within my control (I enrolled on a Spanish course organised by the local library a while ago, and the teacher quit after my first term. He had been there for years. But I think the main issue is that after studying Russian for 5 years at uni, I look at Spanish and think, "surely it won't be that hard". And then I just... don't study it. I think I can learn it by osmosis or something, just by virtue of being Italian. Which doesn't fucking work).

12. Do you have pets? Not currently. I had a cat. I shall have one again some day.

13. How tall are you? About 168 cm.

14. Favorite subject in school? Italian Lit always, and in later years (high school) Latin and English Lit. At uni — I think English phonetics & phonology, weirdly enough; also pragmatics and anything related to sociolinguistics.

15. Dream job? Something to do with creative writing, in an ideal world. Or even "just writing", but not the kind that makes me want to kms (don't ask). Copywriter or radio scriptwriter both sound cool.

No pressure tagging: @nevergonnasaygoodbi @sapphicdragonlord @ayebydan @marki9 @yeetthedragon @valsansretovr @groundbreakingdot872 @vi-visected @crunchy-soup222 @fuckyeahsnackables

(ETA: sorry it's not 15 people and it's not even all mutuals, which I think was the point of the game, but *turns around and starts running away*)

#tagging memes #*

[welcometololaland]

I’m sorry if you’ve answered this already but are you planning to post ATLA? and do you have an ETA on that if you are (no pressure, I love your writing and the story seemed really interesting)

OKAY I ACTUALLY HAVE AN UPDATE ON THIS LISTEN UP EVERYONE (AKA. THE THREE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW):

ALTA has been a liiiiittle bit of a saga (would you believe me if I said I finished it in APRIL 😭🔪 ) but there have been major, major changes made to it since (I had to swap two characters and add more scenes and do a whole lot of clarifying shit and fill plot holes and I feel like I'm writing an actual book at this point).

That being said, I've scheduled a drop dead date on it for in October 2023, so...whatever state it is in on that date, chapter 1 is going out 💀

Thank you so much for the ask. I feel like I had to commit to a date, and now I have.

To be honest, I have become so disillusioned with this fic over time because of my fluctuating feelings towards writing and fandom and the mental health roller-coaster I've been on pretty much all year (I have been UNWELL I'm just gonna say it, and there have been some changes to the therapy I'm receiving that have impacted my creativity, but I think I'm coming out of my deep dark hole finally!!) also I've sort of carved out some really amazing group chats and one on one convos with other people that have sustained me. I've really enjoyed getting to know people better, and I don't even think they necessarily know how important they are to me and my happiness, but they are 💜

anyway, that was a question about alta, and I made it into a love letter to my people, but you know... the people get me through!

and also I love talking to new people so if you ever want to shoot me a dm PLEASE DO I love making friends!

#ALTA #also personal #the missing fic #its coming #i promise it still exists #i didnt lie #LOVE LETTER TO THE PEOPLE #fandom things #writing things

[magicaleggplant]

extremely belated montreal worlds impressions, part 1

i've been meaning to write this for weeks now, but never found the time for it. finally putting some thoughts down in words before i forget everything.

this post covers the pairs and women's events. part 2 will be ice dance and men (if i ever get around to writing it...) warning for extremely unfocused writing; i have been so stupidly busy lately.

ETA: here is part 2

-----------------------------------

PAIRS:

pleasantly surprised by how much i enjoyed pairs at worlds! the short program was remarkably clean, and while the free was messy, there were still a few bright moments. the level of pairs did decrease after the last olympics, but i think many teams have been gradually building up their technical content and skills, and it's good to see teams coming from many small feds. i have to admit that i did not watch many pairs events this season (it's the first discipline i cut when i don't have time to watch everything), but pairs live is much more fun than pairs on screen. i can appreciate their elements much better. in general, my favorite thing about watching live skating is the sense of speed and scale.

miura/kihara: i was nervous as hell for them but they pulled through! i really didn't know what to expect after all of their injury struggles this season. it wouldn't have surprised me if they didn't make the podium, so i'm thrilled for their silver medal. this was my second time seeing them live and it was clear that they weren't at the top of their game - there were a bunch of little mistakes scattered throughout their programs. the free went much better than i hoped. i'm glad they went back to an old program, but i really wish they had started the season with better programs to begin with... (hear me out: have you considered lori nichol for choreo?) but i think at their best, m/k are still the class of the field. their speed and skating skills really, really stand out when you see them live. i cannot stress enough how fast they are; no other team comes close to their speed. their lifts are also very steady (when ryuichi isn't injured, anyway). i was happy that the audience cheered loudly for them even though they were clearly rooting for deanna and max to win. it was a tough season for them but they are such strong skaters, and i really hope the next season goes better. i'm also really glad they were able to get a medal ceremony do-over after the men's ceremony. they looked happy there.

stellato-dudek/deschamps: the crowd was HYPED for them, i couldn't believe how many people came to watch pairs for them, considering it always gets scheduled in the middle of the week! i'm happy for their win, though there was a little bit of home cooking to help out lol. they have great programs this season. it's a bit of the opposite situation with m/k where i really liked sd/d's programs, but their actual skating, not as much. their lack of speed is really obvious compared to m/k. many of their elements feel like a fight instead of effortless. but i was really impressed with how they held up under the pressure of a home worlds. deanna's determination is amazing.

hase/volodin: ok, count me impressed by this new team. they still have a ways to go in connecting with each other, but their elements are really solid and their skating skills aren't bad, either. technically speaking, i'd put them behind m/k but above sd/d in quality. i enjoyed their short program a lot; the free was a bit of a snooze, imo. minerva is a wonderful pairs skater. i'm looking forward to seeing them improve. that one lift entry they do is SO cool.

other notes:

really enjoyed both of hocke/kunkel's programs. they're fun, i'm a fan now.

also enjoyed golubeva/giotopoulos-moore quite a bit

still can't believe cats won euros

peng/wang's throws were too big for this rink. i was very sad at their placement, but cheng is such a wonderful skater and their choreo was excellent, i especially love their free.

-----------------------------------

WOMEN:

a very up and down worlds after a very inconsistent season. so, more or less as expected.

kaori: her fs was a MOMENT. i think the first time i saw kaori live was...2017 skate america? it was her first senior season, and i remember being so impressed by the lightness of her jumps then. the same is true this time, but her growth has been astounding. kaori was not one of my favorite skaters when she was younger; she absolutely is now. while her free skate this season is not my favorite of hers, i love how her range of expression has expanded. her skating is lush, luxurious, she's learned to take her time with the music. and god, her speed. she makes everything look so easy. i'm so happy i got to see this confident, mature kaori win her third world title. the crowd was losing their shit for her, as they should. also love how she was the team mom at the medal ceremony with the two younger medalists. she's such a great role model.

isabeau: i feel like every time someone talks about her, they have to add the caveat that they hate her jump technique. which, yes, i do agree with that. but from now on i'm just going to talk about the positive aspects of her skating, because i think she deserves more of that. it was my first time seeing her live and i liked her! she's musical, her arm movements are beautiful, and she's not slow at all, except on jump entries. her spins are great when she hits them. i appreciate her a lot more after seeing her live. her reaction after her fs was really cute.

chaeyeon: unexpected medalist but i'm happy for her! she is not my favorite among the top korean women but i'm impressed with her improvement this season. her sp is one of my favorites. that kind of quirky program suits her really well. the fs is a bit muted, but i think she does a good job with it as well. her musicality is the less obvious kind, but it's there. she's gradually growing into her own style.

loena: her sp was a lot of fun, the audience really got into it. she can sell a program, alright. loads of charisma and she skates BIG. the fs...well, to be fair, even without the jump mistakes, i never liked it. i appreciate what loena brings to the women's field, but i hope her programs are better next season. maybe a change in choreographer would be interesting?

haein: sirens is a masterpiece. i'm so glad she could skate it cleanly like that at least once. she has my favorite step sequences in the women's field by far. we'll just ignore everything else in the fs except for the step sequence. i love her so much and i want her to win another world medal someday.

mone: her skating skills are a dream, her overall quality is chef's kiss. but when she's nervous, you can really feel it. she skated like she was terrified in the sp and it showed. it detracted from the performance. i'm glad her fs went better. i hope her confidence improves and that this worlds was a good learning experience for her. i randomly ran into her on the concourse and she signed my japanese flag! she’s so tiny and adorable.

hana: on the other hand, hana does not skate scared. she just goes out and does her thing! but to me her skating still feels a bit "small" at the moment. her lutz-toe technique is terrifying... she can also work on her dance skills a bit more, her overall polish. but i love her programs. i still can't believe she made koo koo fun work. i love that she never does conventional "pretty" programs.

other notes:

amber: love her, but it is what it is. her 3a was excellent.

katia kurakova's fs reaction was a great moment. i like that she's trying different styles of music now, but i think she went a bit too far in the "serious" direction. her natural spark feels too muted.

young you: my darling. we all wanted so badly for her to do well... her sp was wonderful, though.

olga mikutina is becoming a new fave of mine. her skating is powerful and she's a good performer!

also love niina petrokina's powerful skating

#worlds 2024 #report #mainly writing this for myself #so in some years when i forget everything i can remember what i thought of these skaters at the time lol

[kamiversee]

i have been thinking about the Nanami scene all day and night 😭 i always envisioned him to be such a gentleman and you captured that so well while also exhibiting that his mind is absolutely filthy 🥹

my heart was beating out of my chest Loonytoons style 😭 no pressure to rush things, but i was wondering if we could get an ETA on the next chapter? i gotta clear my calendar and light some candles

- ☃️

LMAOOO NOT LOONYTOONS STYLE PLS

Ive said it before but Nanami is a bit more challenging for me to write since I’m not exactly used to writing him BUT hopefully I can get the next chapter out by tmr? 🙏

#kamiversee!answers

[colgatebluemintygel]

hiiii is there by any chance an eta for the remus pov chapter??? just finished a reread & was v curious !! no pressure ofc <33

help !!!!! you guys with your rereading <3333 it always makes me melt, i actually cannot fathom ppl rereading my writing . so insane and SO delightful xxxxx

but re the chapter !!!! i have recently decided (as in! last night!) to chop her right in half because i have no self control and i think i could spend 2 whole months writing it. tbh! and it keeps growing at a rate which is slightly alarming. so that means 2 remus chapters !!! woohoo twice the agony <333 hehe but the first one will be set in the past, and the second on in the present. and the past section is pretty much entirely written (but needs a hefty edit). so..... soon !@ ish!!! it's my bday next fri and i want to tryyyy to get it posted before then so i can chill and go frolic in the mountains all weekend guilt-free <33 so i will (tentatively) say, before fri?

#oao

[yeyinde]

ah okay so my idea is,, and this is probably gonna be hella long sorry,,

Like a fae au with one of the boys? I’m not sure who, maybe they get your name by flirting with you at a bar or something. My grandmother always told me if the fae got your name they’d steal you to the faewilds and you wouldn’t be able to get out until you got it back.

Idk I don’t have this idea super fleshed out bc if you did wanna write it (no pressure at all) I figured most of the creative inspiration should be up to you, but this idea came to me because I live in a small town in a huge old growth forest in alaska and I was on a walk through it the other day and when you get deep enough into the forest there are areas of the ground just covered in this thick, pillowy moss, like it squishes and compresses so much when you touch it. I had stopped for a rest on a patch of it and immediately thought “this would be so nice to sleep on” and then my mind thought “ah, that’s how the fae get you” and then the next station my train of thought stopped at was, “this would be really nice to fuck on” and then, “this would be really nice to fuck a fae on” and idk why but then I thought of you, cause I’ve seen you mention how much you like old forests and stuff like that, so thank the ancient blankets of moss that cover my area of the world for this inspo I guess.

My poor grandmother, always warning me of the dangers of the fae and how I’d never come back from the faewilds if I wasn’t careful; and me, aged 7, wondering why I’d ever even want to leave a huge forest full of soft moss and pine trees perfect for climbing and warm sunlight and streams of cold water. Sorry nain, I’d totally get whisked away by a faerie any day

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay, so!! You had at me moss, and then immediately I opened Google docs at Alaska because there's this forest there that I've been dying to go to, so. I'm absolutely writing this, but it's ballooned to like, 6k and I'm not even finished with it yet (doing the most, thy name is Lev). I don't have an ETA, but it should be finished come the weekend, maybe? (Hopefully).

#this was taking a bit longer than possible considering it's just fucking on a moss bed #but #ummmmmmmm #i hate having requests sitting in my inbox because it feels like im ignoring them and im not

[septembersghost]

Do you know where Taylor said she was giving up on relationships for a while? I feel like I remember that but can't find it

it was in her rolling stone cover story! (a lot of the press she did at that time is tinged with things that are saddening to revisit, but also clear on what her perspective was. the vogue 73 questions is another one):

"In fact, she suggests, she hasn’t dated at all since breaking up with One Direction singer Harry Styles more than a year and a half ago. “Like, have not gone on a date,” she says. “People are going to feel sorry for me when you write that. But it’s true.” Swift says dating is hard for her. For one thing, there’s the logistics. “Seventy percent of the time, when a guy asks me out, it’ll just be a random e-mail,” she says. Some movie star will get her address from his publicist and e-mail her cold. Usually she politely rebuffs them – but even if someone did penetrate that line of defense, building a relationship is hard. “I feel like watching my dating life has become a bit of a national pastime,” Swift says. “And I’m just not comfortable providing that kind of entertainment anymore. I don’t like seeing slide shows of guys I’ve apparently dated. I don’t like giving comedians the opportunity to make jokes about me at awards shows. I don’t like it when headlines read ‘Careful, Bro, She’ll Write a Song About You,’ because it trivializes my work. And most of all, I don’t like how all these factors add up to build the pressure so high in a new relationship that it gets snuffed out before it even has a chance to start. And so,” she says, “I just don’t date.” (That goes for hooking up as well. “I just think it’s pointless if you’re not in love,” Swift says. “And I don’t have the energy to be in love right now. So, no.”) Truth be told, Swift sounds a tiny bit jaded – which, for a “self-professed hopeless romantic,” maybe isn’t the worst thing to be. “It’s not like I’ve sworn off love,” she says. “My life is just not conducive to bringing other people into it right now. I’m very childlike and romantic about lots of things, but I’m realistic about this.” [....] it’s not bad that I’m not hopelessly in love with someone. It’s not a tragedy, and it’s not me giving up and being a spinster. Although I did get another cat.” She laughs. “I asked around: I was like, ‘Does two cats count as cats?’ But then I thought, what imaginary guy’s perspective am I thinking about this from? Someone is going to think I’m undateable for a lot of reasons before they think I’m undateable because I have two cats.”"

eta: the above still applies, but i was actually remembering her glamour magazine interview with this -

"Yeah, I do feel jaded about relationships, to be honest. I think the media has sent me a really unfair message over the past couple of years, which is that I’m not allowed to date for excitement, or fun, or new experiences or learning lessons. I’m only allowed to date if it’s for a lasting, multiple-year relationship. Otherwise I’m a, quote, ‘serial dater’. Or, quote, ‘boy crazy’. The narrative has been so wrong, every time it was the same. It’s 'Taylor spotted talking to this guy, she’s chasing him.’ They create a beginning to the story that didn’t happen most of the time, so then they have to create an ending. So they always go to the same fabricated ending that every other tabloid has used in my story, which is, 'She got too clingy’, or 'Taylor has too many emotions, she scared him away’. Which has honestly never been the reason for any of my break-ups. You know what has been the reason? The media. You take something very fragile, like trying to get to know someone, and it feels like walking out into the middle of a gladiator arena with someone you’ve just met. And all of a sudden the public and the media are allowed to say thumbs up or thumbs down. So I just don’t try it anymore."

#i have a shorter version of this quote as a post saved somewhere #i'll rb it if i can find it #anonymous #letterbox #thrown out speeches #before anyone accuses her of lying here about the situationship being ongoing at this point...she had every right to keep it under wraps

[faegoddessog]

 Seventy Two Hours of Bliss Ch.24/41

Chapter  24: Elvis in the Building

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, cunniligus, unprotected PiV, (play safe ya'll!), panty ripping

Series Masterlist

Series Summary:

You are neighbors with Austin Butler on the Gold Coast of Australia just prior to shooting Elvis. You become just friends because he is taken. However, after he is single again, you both find out just how attracted you are to one another and things get unrelentingly hot.

SERIES WARNING: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only,  here there be lemons.

Authors Notes: I started writing this while remodeling my kitchen, so that informed the slightly quirky narrative. It starts slow, but once it heats up, it is on fire. I have tried to pull facts from RL as much as I could, but obviously there are some assumptions and flat out dreamy wishes  involved here. 

Chapter  24: Elvis in the Building

Austin gets so busy you don’t see him properly for a couple weeks. Sometimes you wake with him in bed curled around you. Sometimes he slips inside you in the tiny morning hours.

Once or twice he woke you up to full on fuck you in the middle of the night. Those nights, you assumed that whatever scene they were shooting must have turned him on. He is always gone in the morning and always leaves a note for you.

You make excellent progress on the kitchen/living room, building and installing cabinets and laying the floor. The countertop guy came by to measure for the island and sink run. He flirted with you nonstop and even made sure you had his personal number. He was cute and funny, but he was no Austin.

Today, you are up on a mobile scaffold, working on lighting when your text tone goes off.

Austin: I’ll be back early today, dinner?

Me: What does Elvis want for dinner?

Austin: Elvis is about to pick up good ol’ southern fried chicken and mashed potatoes.

Me: ETA?

Austin: 30 min

You dive into the shower and clean off the day's work. You slip into a fitted vintage Pink Floyd T-shirt and black lace panties. You decide to finish the light you were working on while you are waiting, so you slip into your work boots and climb back onto the scaffold.

You hear the key in the lock, Austin saunters in holding a bag with ‘Deep South Chicken’ written on the side. He has big gold rimmed 70’s sunglasses on.

“Hey hunny, I‘m home,” he looks up, freezes, seeing you on your knees, reaching up over head exposing your belly over nothing but black lace.

He pulls the sunglasses down, looking over the top of them, “Oh Lord have Mercy,” he mumbles under his breath.

“Hey baby, let me finish then we can eat,” you smile down at him innocently. You finish twisting the wire nuts.

He sets the bag on the entry table along with his keys and sunglasses.

“Well you got me hankerin’ for sumat else now ‘at I seen you,” he is fully in character. He walks over and runs his hands on your legs. You click the light cover into place.

“What do you have in mind, EP?” you say, playing into the scene.

“Well, this here is jus’ about th’ perfect height,” he tests it out with arms crossed on the scaffold, the floor of which hits him just under his armpits. “Yeah,” he nods to himself, “ ‘at’ll do.”

You sit back on your heels and lean forward to greet him with a smiling kiss.

“Git them legs over ‘ere,” he taps your legs.

You swing them around to dangle over the edge and lean back on your hands.

“Don’ you evah wear proper clothes fer workin’ in?” he smiles up at you.

“I have on work boots, safety first and all,” you kick your feet a little.

He responds by pushing your legs apart. Wrapping his hands around your backside, he tugs you closer to the edge. His fingers run lightly on the surface of your panties: up, down, in circles. Then more pressure, pressing your labia together. Quiet moans escaping your lips. He leans in and kisses the blooming wet spot in the middle.

“Lord, I love th’ scent o’ you,” he inhales deep, and tilts his head back, eyes closed, leg shaking.

His fingers slip under with the inside hem and tease your lips. He chuckles low as you catch your bottom lip in your teeth as you inhale through your nose.

“I love how wet cha always are. Wet n’ ready for me awl th’ time,” his voice heightens your arousal.

He pulls the lacy fabric aside, revealing your pink lips. His tongue drags over them once, twice, then he pushes the tip into your slit, flicking up and down.

He leans back, lips wet, and hooks his fingers on the waistband, intent on pulling them off.

“Wait,” your hand is inches away from your utility knife. You slip it into the front of your panties, flick the blade out, and cut a slit in the crotch.

He watches you do this, his brows slightly scrunched, his mouth a quiet whistle of arousal. He puts fingers of both hands into the slit you cut and pulls violently, ripping the lace apart.

“God damn babeh,” he exclaims, “'y'are so fuckin’ hot, I’m ’bout ta blister.” He pushes the tattered remnants to each side, framing you, pink and glistening.

He flips your legs up onto his shoulders tilting you back, and immerses himself in you. His lips, tongue and teeth all join in the play: nibbling on your outer lips, lapping at the wetness of your inner lips, diving in and tongue fucking you; flicking your clit with the tip of his tongue, wrapping his tongue around it, sucking, trapping it between his teeth.

Every time you try to push your hips into his face, he locks his hands to your hips, holding you steady. Pushing your thighs apart when they jerk together in pleasure. Your hands are grasping the edge of the scaffold, knuckles white. Heaving breath through clamped teeth, pushing out throaty moans.

Using only the glory that is his mouth, he patiently and persistently and greedily brings you so close to orgasm. Your mouth is dry from hanging open in a perpetual state of ‘almost there’.

His hands scoop under your back, drawing you upright as he pulls away from his decadent business, lower face dripping. You are almost wild with need, leaning down and kissing him fiercely.

He pulls you off the scaffolding and onto him, your legs wrap around his waist, untied boots falling to the floor, hips grinding into his stomach with need. Your mouth sucking on his neck.

“Calm down, ther’ wil’cat. I’m gon’ getcha wha’ you need.”

He quickly takes you into your bedroom and tosses you down onto the bed. You land with your legs open. You reach down to touch with yourself.

“Don’ cha dare,” his voice stern and reprimanding, stopping you in your tracks. He’s pointing to your crotch, “I’m gon’ take care o’ you, don’ chu worry none.”

Your pelvis keeps rocking against nothing as you pout. He leans over you, staring into your eyes, and slowly pulls off the wet and ripped panties, stuffing them into his pants pocket.

He unbuttons his shirt, slowly pulling it off. Then undoes his fly, kicking off his shoes, and removes his pants and underwear one leg at a time. It feels like he is going in slow motion as he displays his hard cock for you, a drop forming at the tip.

You are practically vibrating on the vision of him standing above you naked, hard and about to fuck you.

After what feels like days he finally crawls, cat-like, on top of you.

“You wan’ me inside you babeh?” he asks.

You shake your head, “No, I NEED you inside me,” you reach for his hips, pulling him to you.

“Oh, is ‘at righ’,” his shaft is rubbing between your lips, the tip against your clit.

Your open mouth moan turns into a begging whine, “Please, please, I need it all.”

He smiles a lop-sided smile and pulls his hips back, his tip dropping to your entrance. And slowly pushes inside of you, spreading you open inch by inch. It feels amazing. You are groaning in pleasure.

“Oh fuuuuck yeeeees,” your voice dips deep and long.

Once he is sunk deep into you, he starts a litany of dirty talk, resonant and Elvis-y in your ear.

“You feel so good babeh, wrapped around my dick.”

He glides out and sinks in again.

“Mmm, d’ya like takin’ my cock in that slip’ry puss o’ yours darlin’?” his voice vibrates your soul.

Your chin dips up and down. His pelvis meets yours, again and again.

“D’ya like how I give it t’ya? Ev’ry inch buried in ya?”

You don’t want to break the spell of his voice. You clasp him to you, open your legs wider, and grind your hips up into him.

“MMM yeah y’do.”

You never want him to stop-

“You are so amazin’ babeh, I love as how you let me fuck you when eveh and where eveh.”

-never stop moving inside you-

“I love how ya flood ma dick when ya cum.”

-never stop talking in that dirty, gorgeous voice-

“Y’a gonna cum for me,?”

-never stop- ever.

Your pussy clamps down on him, making him moan, pushing you that much closer to nirvana.

“ooohohoh Yeah, squeeze that hard cock, feels so fuckin’ good in ya, babeh.”

You try to push your hand between your bodies to get to your clit.

“Is this whatchu need?” he balances his weight on one arm, his hand wraps around your hip bone under him, thumb splayed into your vulva. The movement of his hips into you pushing his thumb hard over your engorged kernel over and over again.

It only takes about 30 seconds when the wave finally breaks over you in a fervid rush, a high pitched "“mmmHmm!” slides into an open-mouthed “Ohhh unnnghhh!”

“Yeah babeh,” he growls, “fuckin’ cum on that cock.”

He moves his hand and starts chasing his own orgasm as you wantonly ride yours under him, back bending to meet him, desperate to get him ever deeper into you.

“You feel so fuckin’ perfect babeh. I’ma ‘bout to cum so deep, fuck.” He pumps into you faster.

You reach down, nails digging into his ass.

“OH arrrgghhh yeahhaaha” he pushes deep into you, glutes so tight under your hands. His back rounds as he rams his shaking hips into you once, twice, three times. Each one accompanied by deep, wild sounds.

You wrap your legs and arms around him, holding him close as you both float in ecstasy, breathing hard. Eventually, he rolls to the side, taking you with him.

“Damn baby, I fuckin’ missed you,” his voice is still southern, but lighter and less Elvis, “that was not what I expected when I walked in.”

“I’m so glad you got off early and that you brought Elvis with you,” you nuzzle into his chest, “who knew he loved dirty talk so much, damn it really got me.”

“I could tell Kitten’,” he drawls low, kissing your temple, “I was hopin’ I could seduce you with him later, but clearly you had other plans.”

“Hey, you started it… I was just conveniently located … and freshly showered… with a costume change,” you admit.

“What?! You didn’t work in nothin’ but lace panties all day? Now you are ruinin’ my fantasy,” he teases you.

“Oh no baby,” you say in your sweetest voice, “of course that’s what I wear for hard physical labor. And darn it, now I need new lace panties.”

“Oh my god, when you cut those, I almost came in my pants,” he hugs you tight, "I am going to keep those, by the way."

"Be my guest," you giggle, “it was spur of the moment, but I’m glad you liked it. And thanks for bringing dinner! I’m hungry now!”

You get clothes on and go out on the balcony to eat.

#Austin Butler #Austin Butler smut #Austin Butler x reader #Austin Butler fic #Austin butler fanfic #@purejasmine #@slowsweetlove

[aconflagrationofmyown]

guuuurl you know I love me some Elaine Presley so this is a total surprise to me: I’ve become Team Gigi as well.

I know you’ve been a very busy woman this summer. I hope this is not pressuring for you, but I am curious: do you have an ETA for your next Gigi chapter drop? How do you schedule writing when you have so many different stories going at once?

This morning hopefully! Working on the tag list now! I do believe this ask has been slowly molding for awhile now, though, so I’m sorry bout the wait!

When I’m less busy I do have goals and certain schedules I try to adhere to but I find that forcing it never works. I end up deleting more than I write when I force it. So for me it’s rather a case of time and inspiration both coinciding and then the discipline of actually writing it out. 😘

#regarding gigi

[grogusmum]

Last Line Game

Rules: in a new post, show the last line(s) you wrote (or drew) and tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you feel like).

Thanks for tagging me @quicksilvermad 💚

It's been a minute since I've had anything to share! And over the last week, I've worked on 3! Is any of it any good, idk, but I'm writing so...

IRL my tumblr moots meet in person fic, with Javi G, A Kind Hearted Woman, my depression eta fic with Ezra, and today, I was working on part 3 of Class of 1974, my high-school reunion fic, JavierPeña... does anyone remember that one? Since parts 1 and 2 are from 2022, I doubt it, ugh... completely understandable. Anywho, it's all but finished. So, for anyone who is still interested (bless you BTW):

Your head is heavy on his chest as you doze, which is no longer tight, and your quiet snores are like music, a comforting song. The afternoon sun streams in the open window. He watches the curtains flutter and dust motes dance in the disturbed air, and as he hears birds, he doesn’t know. He is in uncharted territory and he has no plans to fuck it up. You are his compass and years of what not to do as his map.

No pressure tags: you!! and

@oonajaeadira @insomniamamma @writeforfandoms @lavenderursa @something-tofightfor @leslie-lyman-writes @prolix-yuy @mandoblowmybackout @thewayofthemandalorian @green-socks

#tag games #last line game

[formula-red]

thank u @gaygglejuice27 @f1-giuki and @sennaverstappen for the tags ily MWAH!!!!!!!

get to know ur moots qs!!!!

Are you named after anyone? yes but my full name was her nickname, she was a close family friend and possibly one of the most kind, intelligent, talented, and hilarious people i have ever known and it might sound cliche but i really am honoured to be named after her. my middle name is also after another woman who was a strong bad ass bitch (my great aunt) so kinda balling out in that sense.

When was the last time you cried? yesterday? yeah yesterday. i never used to cry and now i do all the time i don't know what's happened

Do you have kids? no but being a mom is my ultimate goal in life so ideally want to have some before the end of this decade lol

Do you use sarcasm a lot? uh yes. probably to the extreme. but being dry and sarcastic af has helped me get along with the brits hahah

What sports do you play/have you played? i had to stop playing sports when i got sick but i played footy since i was 3 (centre mid like khadizah heh heh), and then lacrosse and ice hockey most of my life. also field hockey for a year. but ice hockey was by far my biggest love i miss it so much. oh and i hike a lot now if that counts

What's the first thing you notice about other people? eyes and smile fs. for someone who hates eye contact i sure do pay a lot of attention to ppls faces/eyes lol

Scary movies or happy ending? happy ending, life is hard enough as it is

Any special talents? something is wrong with the joints in my pinky fingers so i can move them like a robot. also i make music which isn't that special but oh well

Where were you born? in the state of massachusetts in the grand ol us of a

What are your hobbies? f1 (in case u didn't notice), music, writing, hiking, video games, making imovies, i keep up with footy a bit

Do you have any pets? i have two dogs back in the states, one in particular was my buddy and i miss her so much. can't think about her too much or i'll cry

How tall are you? 5'3" ≈ 161cm

Fave subject in school? biology & choir pre-uni, obviously in uni psych since i've gone on to get my masters in it but also environmental bio still has my heart.

Dream job? stay at home mom or homesteader. yes yes i know i sound alt-right or something but i mean this in a fuck capitalism i wanna be a self sufficient hippie and have my kids get an experiential education kinda way.

Eye colour? blue but my right one has some brown streaks in it.

a lot of ppl have been tagged so i don't know who has n hasn't, either way tagging (as always w/out any pressure at all) my pals mwah mwah mwah @usersewis @schumigrace @simplywrong @rossocorsaseb @albonium @skitskatdacat63 **eta: @osaka-lilac i don't know why it didn't paste ur un when i copied over from the notes app you were supposed to be in here too ;;;;;-;;;;; ILY ILY ILY ILY**

#the way i basically used this post as a journaling exercise LMFAO #sorry this was so much #anyway ILY ALLLLLLLLL #tag games

[cha-melodius]

Tag ten people you want to get to know better

thanks @welcometololaland and @rmd-writes for the tag! Lola, you tagged people but you didn't fill it out! Get back here missy!

Relationship Status: Married.

Song stuck in my head: Uhhh nothing at the moment. It comes and goes, honestly, and I can't even remember what the last one was. Something off the Mountain Goats last album, maybe. ETA: well NOW it’s “Mark on You” (from said album)

Last song I listened to: technically something classical on the radio this morning, but for popular songs, "Sugar Assault Me Now" by Pop Levi

Three favourite foods: Any almond or almond-flavored dessert, pulled pork barbecue, a really good bowl of ramen

Last thing I Googled: Ochraceous Pewee (it's a bird) (yes a real one)

Dream trip: Antarctica (only continent I haven't been to!)

Anything I want right now: For the summer not to go by so quickly

If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? Being a tortoise seems like it'd be a pretty chill life. Probably one of the giant ones like Galapagos or Aldabra so nothing could fuck with me.

Would you rather have the power to read minds or fly? Oh, fly by far. I do NOT want to know what's going on in other people's minds.

No pressure tags @celeritas2997 @cricketnationrise @clottedcreamfudge @14carrotghoul @orchidscript @three-drink-amy @heytheredeann @nicijones @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @wolfpup026

#about me #tag games

[takearisk-xo]

i’m just going to preemptively post this here because i’m sure i’m about to get a few asks wanting an eta for the next chapter.

i know i don’t have to share this. i know i don’t owe anyone an explanation but still…

this week has not been good. my daughter got a virus from daycare and i’ve had to stay home with her for the last couple days. because she’s sick, she hasn’t been sleeping well. which means i haven’t been sleeping well. i’m also way behind on my actual work, for my actual job so my free time is incredibly limited.

to top it all off, i’ve had some ridiculous dental issues for the last month which give me some chronic splitting headaches. it’s all fine. i’ve got meds and i’m getting my wisdom teeth out week after next, but it’s just A LOT at the moment so if we could not pressure me for an update this time around that’d be awesome.

normally it doesn’t bother me. i actually enjoy it. but idk … right now, i just need to chill for a while and write without a deadline

i am still enjoying tpfy immensely. i love writing and editing and engaging with you all. it’s been such a good escape from the stress but i’m also exhausted. so what i used to be able to get done in 15 min is now taking me an hour.

i don’t know when i’ll post chap 11. i want it to be tomorrow but it might not be. please be patient. thanks 💖

#tpfy update #the path from you #this is not asking for pity #we really are all fine #i just need a minute without added stress