#thats a lot more people to @ than im used to

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

#911 #buddie #anti bucktommy #i guess?? #i dont know #i dont know what to tag this and just hope i dont upset anyone #anti tommy kinard #again i guess #but not really?? #let me know if i need to add any tags:)

[crimson-rain-smoked-flower]

I’m not trying to attack you, but do you know that proshipper means someone who supports and romanticizes pedophilia, incest, and abuse? Your reblog on that post seems to read that you think antis just hate on people for having ships they don’t like. But it’s completely different than that. Just looking on the proshipper side of Tumblr and the internet and you can see people happily shipping children and adults and making nsfw content of such things.

i appreciate that you're not being outright hostile, but i have to say, that on its own put you above basically every anti i've interacted with.

i understand where antis are coming from, i really do. there are a lot of things on the internet that make me deeply uncomfortable, including the minor/adult ships that you mention. i don't want to anything to do with those kinds of ships and i would be happiest if i never saw them again. which is why i'm proship.

nine times out of ten, if i see that kind of ship brought up on my dash, it's because i was following an anti without realizing it, and they brought it up unprompted and untagged, to talk about how bad it is that they exist. they are the ones putting that kind of content in front of my face and making it harder to avoid.

the thing about people who ship those ships is that they're generally very aware that not everyone wants to see that kind of content, and so they tag it. they make sideblogs to talk about it. they don't go out of their way to shove it in people's faces. that means i, and everyone else who doesn't like it, can avoid it.

what antis want is for it to not exist at all. they want the tags to be purged and blocked, and for anyone who uses those tags to have their accounts deleted. and sure, that might get rid of some of it, but do you know what would happen to the rest? it would stop being tagged. people who don't want to see it wouldn't have the tools to avoid it. this isn't just a hypothetical, that's what's happened any time a fan space has tried to do that.

that's not even getting into the rabbit hole of what should be banned and what shouldn't. obviously any content that depicts real children or real life abuse shouldn't exist and shouldn't be allowed to be posted, but basically any platform that people use already enforces those policies, and there's not much of a slippery slope to go down there. if it involves real living breathing people being abused, it's bad. end of discussion.

but the same can't be said for fiction. ask ten antis for a specific list of all the content that should be banned, and you'll get ten different answers. what about kink? what about roleplay? what about horror and murder and anything that involves fictional characters being graphically tortured? what about people using art to process terrible things that have happened to them? what about art that uses dark themes as a horror element? if you just want to ban anything questionable to anyone, that's the line of thinking that gets any mention of lgbt existence banned. and again, this isn't just a hypothetical, this has happened before, and that's generally where it leads.

i know, from personal experience, that antis do, in fact, send harassment to people just for shipping things they don't like. i've gotten accused of absolutely vile shit for shipping two fictional characters who were both consenting adults. i've seen ship wars turn into moral battlegrounds, over ships that an average person wouldn't bat an eye at.

the thing about "romanticization" is a whole other can of worms. the anti logic goes like this: if someone sees something (even if it's very obviously fictional) in a positive light enough times, they will start thinking it's okay in real life, and go on to hurt real people. the problem with that is that it's just. blatantly untrue.

if it were true every horror movie fan would be a serial killer, every person that studies dark media would be an unhinged psychopath, and everyone who is into ddlg would be a pedophile. but they're not. they just aren't. people have directed movies just as fucked up as the darkest shit on ao3, and are still capable of being normal human beings who know right from wrong in real life.

even if someone is that impressionable, scrubbing away the existence of every piece of questionable content isn't going to solve their problem, because they're still going to be vulnerable to con men, scams, and cultists. the only thing that would actually materially help someone like that is developing their own morals and critical thinking.

children are also more impressionable, and there's a lot of content that's not suitable for them, but that doesn't mean that content shouldn't exist. it just means that they should stick to spaces designed for them (which most social media sites, tumblr included, are not) or, if they're old enough to be responsible for their experience online, they, or a trusted adult in their lives, should block and filter out things that they aren't comfortable with.

which is what everyone on the internet should be doing. it's what i do, and it's made the internet a much more pleasant place to be. and it's why i sometimes worry for antis mental health, especially teenagers, because they're being told it's right and moral to seek out content that makes them uncomfortable and to engage with the people making it. and that's just. really bad. it's not good for the creators that they're harassing obviously, but it's also really bad for them! it's not healthy to seek out things that make you feel bad, and it's a terrible internet safety lesson to teach minors that it's okay for them to seek out and engage with people making adult content.

individual harassment and crusading is never going to succeed at removing dark content from the internet. it just isn't. at best you might get a small percentage of people who create that content to stop sharing it, at worst you're just going to make people stop tagging it, and either way, you're exposing yourself to things that make you feel bad, when you don't have to.

if you want to materially change the type of content you see, you can. the block button is your friend, use it liberally. same with content filtering and tag blocking.

#oops this got really long #cd.ask #proship #disk horse #tw pedophila mention #uhhh what to tag #tw shipping discourse #this doesn't even get into the antis that i've seen proudly professing that they care more about fictional characters than real people #because i don't know how to explain to someone that real humans matter more than cartoon characters #or how to avoid content on platforms other than tumblr bc frankly thats a lot of the reason i don't use them #i don't trust an algorithm #also im turning anon off after posting this so if you want to send me hate you cant be a coward about it #also be prepared to get blocked and ignored #the only reason i answered this person is bc they weren't being hostile

[thehappiestgolucky]

If it sucks, hit da BRICKS!!

Thanks to everyone who submitted their Rivulets, I hope I've got them mostly right, it was long and hard to do but fun!

This has only made me want to do more and I am staring at Spearmaster as my next victim-

Credits under here

@much-significant-harassment @rainworld-rivulet @soaricarus @pansear-doodles @whippiekippy @cosmikazie @verdeltiathedead @azrielfiend @chillysaint @fauxbia @girlbossespurr @mothlight-hours @shark-bytee @woopdeloopei @b1g-ju1cy @infinite-echoes @cyan-lizard @boiledegghole @ecliip @ssagesaurus @pookapufferfish @completeandtotalchaos @autism-yaoi @harborchild @emperormoth101 @tanzytechgem @dustyfandomtrashbin @the-jordas-trials @eggobuggo @subwaybug @mildeleef and then also my two at the other end

#rain world #rain world downpour #rw rivulet #doodles #rain world gijinka #gijinka #rw rot #anthro #i guess sksksksksks #this was fun! but oh my god thats so many creechurs #if i got something with the credits wrong god please let me know im not very good at this sksksksksks #thats a lot more people to @ than im used to #so I hope i got them right! im gonna go back to my doodle dump now before i request spearmasters

[sparring-spirals]

I need folks to understand that Bell's Hells giving therapy advice to each other is especially funny BECAUSE their codependence and advice is particularly questionable. That's the charm of it. "It's okay to be angry" ok gal that has a storm constantly in her veins and a hair-trigger and so. many. reasons to go apeshit. "don't bottle up your emotions" says the lil guy accidentally storing everyone's emotional damage. "do you want to talk about your problems" says The Walking Halfling Of Trauma. "don't get too attached" says the Most Protective Rock In Jrusar. Im sure Laudna has said SOMETHING about talking about problems which is deeply funny from the "All My Problems Are Alive And Taunting Me In my Head" Hollowed One. At least with Fearne you KNOW the advice is 50/50 "surprisingly good" and "do you want to see a fire". Why is Chetney "Embrace your inner murderer" the best at advice. Its fine. This party is a wreck. They love each other. They're all MESSES. That's the point. I love them.

#listen i dont use autocorrect on my phone so im sorry if there are typos #anyway. theyre all TRAINWRECKS thats the point #critical role #bell's hells #spar speaks #character meta #? #shitpost #meta #rereading this after sobering up and. uhh. yeah ill call this #my meta #sure #this post got... a lot more traction than expected considering i slammed it out drunk on my phone in about 10 minutes. im glad #glad people seem to get the vibe 😅

[spacedlexi]

speaking of fucked up overly hated female twdg characters i find it Super Interesting how people will say carver was the best villain in the whole series, but when lilly is literally just a successful carver (iron fist leader of a community turning children into soldiers) suddenly shes a bad/lame villain for some reason 🤔

#twdg #hmm im sure this has nothing to do with the fact shes a woman (a woman that a lot of people hated since S1) #AND they gave her a giant boat? thats funny #LIKE if they did originally plan to have kenny be carver in S2 she is LITERALLY JUST THAT IDEA but the woman version of it #also i find it interesting that her speech about larry and the lights is reminiscent of that first convo between shane and rick in the show #i happened to like S1 lilly for the most part and felt her evolution in S4 made perfect sense #she hated being questioned. wanted total authority. ex military and so used to dealing with military types. family/loyalty important to her #which is why her and clem meeting again and clashing heads is so narratively interesting #is this person your family? can you bring them to your side? are they even the same person? when do you let go? #so many themes in S4 mmm yummy #a theme vi/minnie share too #and mitch brings up the sentiment while burning ms martin #but yeah im in the 'lilly was actually the best villain in the whole series' camp i wonder whos in here with me. is it quiet in here #it wouldve been nice to see more of the delta... unfortunately if things needed to be cut its understandable why it was #you dont NEED to know more about the delta than whats been told #but i would like to �� #like could we have been given more fleshing out of her character? sure. do we actually NEED it? no #it speaks

[oklotea]

I wish I never made eye contact with you.

RAAGHHHHHHH LET'S SEE THIS THING REACH 13 NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOOOO THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOU WHO ARE HERE I HOPE Y'ALL ARE HAVING A GOOD EVENING!!!!!!

TROLLS NOIRE AU BY THE AMAZING @artroc-ity !!!!! READ COLD CASE OF MY HEART TODAY!!!!!!!!!

#*siiighhhhh*i want someone to look at me. it doesn't even have to be that look chaz is giving hickory i just want someone to look at me #and think deeply about me for more than 5 seconds #just trhink about meeeeeee #whatever. someone is probably thinking about me right now #i mean a lot to a lot of people and i love all of them #i hope im not just some random tumblr user..... but a memorable random tumblr user.... #okay enough monologing have somr gay yearning #are they going to punch eachother after this? are they gonna make out? will they just continue on in comfortable silence? #thats your choice #IM REALLY FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF AND I LOVE THIS COLORING STYLE!!!!! #ITS STYLISH. ITS MOODY. AND EVEN BETTER ITS CHEAP!!!! #ive also been watching a lot of extremely useful videos about composition & in this specific piece i used all the knowledge ive gathered! #life is so beautiful. my art is wonderful. and im getting better and better #i hope one day i'm able to make commissions for people with traditional art #i'll send the actual sheets of paper #i wanna do that so bad #i need to open an etsy #trolls #chaz trolls #hickory trolls #chaz #hickory #chazcory #chickory #trolls noire au #tea art 🎨 #Spotify #oklo makes a post

[secretlythatsme]

i really love dc x dp tbh but i hate how so many fics end up making the batfam dumb as shit. and i don't mean in a "loveable goof" kind of way but in a genuine "these people don't have the skills or intelligence to be heroes" kind of way. which is just antithetical to their entire thing

sometimes it's because the writer just genuinely doesn't know anything about the batfam or what they've been through so they come across as idiots. and other times it's because the writer is writing op ghost king danny or just generally op danny and they genuinely think he could outsmart or beat them. more often than not, it's a combination of the two.

it's just so sad. like not only is it disrespectul to the batfam, essentially getting rid of all the skills and experience they have just to prop up danny, but it also makes things a lot more boring imo. don't get me wrong, i don't mind the occasional "main character is super op" kind of story, but it's boring when like 70% of fics are like that and there's no real challenge or obstacle for him. part of why the show danny phantom was so fun was that it was exciting and chair gripping to see danny have to deal with his new ghost powers, figuring out how to deal with ghost attacks or vlad, and dealing with school and his parents on top of that.

but often, dc x dp fics just,, get rid of any challenge for him. sure batman is a skilled detective but danny will always be able to trick him! sure cass has been trained since birth to read people's body language but this random ghost teen knows how to conceal and control everything!! yeah damian has also been trained since birth to fight and kill but this random guy from the midwest who just started fighting in his teens is so much better!!! like, alright. it's fun every now and then but it sucks when so much of the dc x dp content is just people acting like the batfam are the worst vigilantes/detectives in the world.

and honestly i still feel this way even with the ghost king danny fics because how? he's never had to deal with people obsessively reading his body language or reading between the lines. he's had to deal with hiding stuff sure but his parents aren't the most observant people - their whole deal was being neglectful. even as a ghost king, why would he know how to outsmart, take advantage of, or beat the batfam in any capacity when he would still mostly deal with ghosts. it's a completely different skill set here - one that he likely wouldn't be prepared for. it'd be fine if they at least attempted to explain why danny would have those skills (like league danny aus) but most of them don't.

and i'm not saying danny couldn't do it at all, especially if it's a ghost king au, but i'm just tired of seeing the batfam constantly downplayed in these fics Just to make danny look better, smarter, stronger, etc. ik most people in the fandom are just danny fans but it really shows with how they treat, characterize, and shit on the dc characters just to prop danny up. it also serves to occasionally make danny look like an asshole when he intentionally messes with them and basically commits psychological torture for a goof.

#man... #i Do like this crossover but i completely understand why so many dc fans hate it #the oocness the fanon the constantly making these skilled trained characters fumble around and get outsmarted by Some Guy #ghost king danny isn't even canon to dp! which isnt a bad thing by any means ik the dp fandom goes crazy for fanon #and generally speaking the fanon Is a lot more fun and engaging than dp's canon #but as a dc fan its insane to watch #i want to engage more with dc x dp content so badly like this crossover is really interesting to me #but so much of it is just 'the bat.fam are actually fucking useless and my blorbo is so much better :)))' #it's almost like they dont even like the bat.fam!!! they keep saying they just dont know/understand them #but it fully feels like they straight up dont like the dc characters #it definitely comes across as 'hey this is a fun world to put danny in lets do that while also shitting on it and all of the characters' #'lol bruce is so stupid this random teen can outsmart him and he can lie to cass and he can beat dick in a physical fight lol' #there's a point where it stops feeling like indulgent op blorbo and more like insulting anyone who isn't danny #<thats actually exactly what it is and its insane to me like why even like crossovers if you dont want to engage with anyone but danny #how can you say you like them when you outright refuse to know them or respect them? #and obviously im using 'you' in a vague way im not specifically calling anyone out #ik there are people in the fandom who are genuinely fans of both and Do know and respect the dc characters #but so far its very few and far between which is just such a fandom culture shock for me #like in most fandoms im able to read a lot of fics and only occasionally think 'thats not right' #but with this one its the other way around - im constantly going 'they wouldnt say/do that at all why does the op think that?' #like 9 out of 10 fics im like 'oh yeah this person has never read a comic in their life' #i can immediately tell when someone has only read the webtoon its extremely obvious unfortunately #maybe i should make a dc masterlist for dp fans... like here you can write about them again After you do your homework ajdhgl

[lilpuffyart]

Ughhh last few days have been wiiiild /pos

Gonna take a shower, eat something and try to draw for a few hours <33

#i jave something quick i did for new years #its not cotl but yeahhhh #a lot of things are changing irl; also im genuinely trying to follow 2 whole music albums bc thry speak the truth #soooo #gonna try to finally work on commisson stuff so get read for it to drop in a few days <333 #and im gonna be annoying about it <333333333 #gonna use it to help me start raising lacaune sheeps hehehe #putting my plans on a paper and making them become more than dreams #just like yung lixo told me to 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 #rambling aside tysm for the support even if art has been less and slower #it means a lot to have people that still like and enjoy my art even if i dont post as often #puffy talks #btw... i might try start posting some animal studies if thats aight

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

hes cute when he thinks hes about to be murdered

#see? missy couldve said that #i do think that like 13 does this better maybe? #in general i have the impression 13 is less needlessly mean or insulting to bystanders than previous doctors #which HELPS in not accidentally turning people against you in stressful situations #but also i feel like she maybe.....hm....takes control of rooms in a slightly smoother way? slightly less noticeably. she announces it less #might be a combination of how bystanders are written and also her appearance tbh she gets maybe underestimated easier #but also i think the bubbly thing helps. she PRESENTS as nonthreatening more than 10 or 12 do #dont really recall 11 much at the moment but i think he might be a bit more like her in this regard? wanting family etc #though he does also insult people #but my impression might be a bit skewed rn bc ive got like the doctors daughter and sontaran 2 parter and now this all in a row #and maybe it just gives a skewed perception of 10 #although now that i just listed all those eps thats kind of a lot of eps so maybe he really is just like this. #not entirely sure if 13 really actually is Less like this tho or if my impression of HER is actually skewed #but i feel like 13 like. takes control from out of the spotlight slightly more than stepping into it #but that might be just smth i made up #im trying to think of specific scenes to use as examples for or against but cant really think of anything #i know she Does use the 'did i not mention? im really clever' at least once in 11x2 with the woman #it's just if you say it with that bubbly friendliness instead of selfimportant seriousness then its less offputting idk #it IS specifically the thing that catches up with 10 here tho so maybe my perception IS skewed for both of them actuallyl #anyway. 13 IS less insulting in general #she gets bitchy when she feels threatened but she really does try her best she wasnt wrong abt that #and its smart too #better not to give people reason to dislike you from the getgo #in case of tense bus rides you know

[offyoupop-easypeasy]

when ppl say it's wrong to read cory/shawn as queer bc guys should be able to have close friendships without being gay

which like

why can't it be both?

but also mainly for me i read them as queer partly bc of their obvious love but also bc of how their relationship is kinda dysfunctional. not that they have to be dysfunctional to be gay. but just their characters have so much comphet. and it is often played for laughs but cory and shawn actually do not have the ideal friendship every likes to paint it as. not that their love is less, but if you really watch every ep you see how many episodes they talk about not having other friends and actually not being allowed to have other friends. cory especially seems to be extremely jealous of shawn having other friends. and this would be seen as a normal friendship plot that we see a lot in media. except in this show it's never actually framed as bad or something to mature past but actually excepted as good and just the way cory and shawn are and how close of friends they are.

#anyway idk if this makes sense just rambly thoughts #lord i was born a ramblin dan #boy meets world #shory #idk i had more thoughts on this but i lost my train of thought a bit #but you cant just say characters shouldn't be read as gay bc of their friendship like gay people cant be friends #or its lesser to be gay than be hetro friends #also this excuse is used so much bc There Are Actually A Lot of Male Friendships In Media That's All Media IS. #how many Canon gay relationships can you name? #how many started as friends? bc thats a thing that happens? #How many are the Main Realtionship im the show? #but also dont just lump all fictional friendships in together. some have different dynamics than others. #also as an older in the closet person i love them Because of their comphet. i love characters with issues and problems that aren't #'Good Gay Rep' #i grew up with this shit and i relate to cory and shawn as gay and closeted #and like yeah alot of ppl also dont realize a lot of the writers and stuff did some of this on purpose not as queer 'baiting' #but as this show was written in the 90s and it had to be written as subtext #subtext my dearest love that ppl always get confused with baiting #things were a bit different then #a half finished thought i found in my drafts that im publishing bc why not

[craycraybluejay]

ok guys serious question and i want answers

my standard dose is 40mg oxy

if i take 2 perc5s, is there a chance itll actually get me high? i have no tolerance (recent use) but 40 is the sweet spot. is 10 enough? will it give a better rush if i snort it even tho the high is shorter or should i just booty bump. or bite the bullet and try to iv

#i dont actually really plan to iv but maybe sometime w better stuff thats not laced with fucking acetaminophen #i care less ab the phobia the more i care less ab everything else #will it feel good? yeah. so why should i give a fuck if it gives me a panic attack before it hits #anyway #will 10mg actually get me high enough to waste #and should i snort or boof #drugblr #questions #advice wanted #tw drug use #im not a dope addict dw i just love to partake when i get hella lucky #i promised someone i wasnt using anything but smokes but honestly who give a shit #not like theyre gonna drug test me lmfao #also i wont od so dw about it just tell me if its high enough dose and what gives the best rush other than iv #i mean i do have a lot of sterile syringes but i think its like hella dangerous to iv acetaminophen at that dose #sigh #if i had the money for a dope addiction id only have one problem and solution to worry ab #how peaceful #i wouldnt even be arsed to care ab dysphoria or abusive people or anything. id be gone. like i was dead but enjoying it #anyway thats off topic point is i want to know from someone who knows the chemistry or partakes personally

[lemongogo]

#HELPP ok i have thoughts.my thinking cap back on #LOVEE the ending as far as the actual direction goes yk.like people seeing (literally) the pain&plight of plants #and vowing to protect and look after them w utmost care #loved that knives technically survived the fall and the aftermath esp in recruiting someone to care for vash #BUTTT i dont know how i feel ab his death ;___; the symbolism w the apple tree and him using the last of his energy is sweet #and i dont think i would dislike it necessarily if we just had more time #to marinate in his story.i think... the ending does not give u a lot of time to reach the full conclusion #i think that theres a whole side to his story i WISHH nightow explored and i wish we had seen knives turmoil and vashs acceptance of his #experiences more than the select few scenes we got beforehand. its soo rushed T_T DONT GET ME WRONG im still more or less satisfied that #we didnt get an ending like.. oh everyones dead and miserable and vash killed knives and ppl never learn to coexist right #like it could actually be so thematically worse BUTT im just like. THATS ITTT??? THATS ALL..sitting here twiddling my thumbs #waiting for a complete resolution thatll never come to be.and it sucks bc i wish i could look towards stampede to get that neat wrap up #but stampede completely altered knives' story and fell into the nasty horrid pittrap of aligning him with reprehensible values #so no conclusion of theres will ever touch on max!knives' conclusion and i think that is the thing im looking 4 the most #no conclusion of theirs* sry LAWL #also read some posts (by trigum LUVV ur analyses btw i need to rb some now that i finished) that the max ending #doesnt give vash an ACTUAL ending. we reach the climax in his confrontation with legato and then his commitment to save knives #but anything beyond that just doesnt exist. MY GODD imagining a reality where we got like 5 more chapters at LEAST to #give it a hearty ending #anyways. the reporter bit is so cute im bummed they went straight to that in stamp :sob: best like... cute ending fr #trigun spoilers #trigun maximum #trigun #vash

[caffeinatedopossum]

I'm ngl, even though I know there's nothing wrong with being autistic, sometimes I really hate it.

I hate the anxiety, I hate the alienation, I hate all the things I don't know how to do because my whole life I've been taught how to do things in a way I can't. I've had to put in twice as much effort just to adapt my own way of doing things and I STILL feel like I'm always falling behind. I hate that even when people are super accommodating and kind and ask what they can do to help me, I don't actually know. I still don't know what helps.

I always feel confused, like no matter how much I try to participate, I still never know what's going on. It feels like the whole world is keeping a secret from me. So I retreat to my own world but it's lonely there and I'm not always great company. Sometimes it feels like all I can do is quietly contain myself as I struggle.

#sorry random rant again #its just really gettung to me lately #ive always been told i cant actually be autistic #and now that im around people who actually believe me #and ill be able to actually seek out diagnosis and other resources #its great in a lot of ways. im so much happier and more myself than ever before #i used to always question if i was 'faking' or mistaken and now that i have more people validating my experiences #i dont feel that as much anymore #and the thing thats replaced that imposter syndrome now is all the anxiety #along with trying to tell people i think im autistic there was also a lot of anxiety about how it was affecting me #but that anxiety was always dismissed along with the autism #so now all that anxiety has been validated too and i never learned how to cope with it #only how to dismiss it and shove it all down and ignore it #like i have no way to disprove my anxieties because they seem to be... real

[abyssalpriest]

Honestly at a bit of a crossroads IRT what Im doing with Lev, because like. I think what I needed from my urge to revisit my "demonkin" days and identity - god just got back from the Astral talking to Hermes about shit and I look around in my body and its just. all rain outside. it feels like everything including the air itself is drenched lmfao god ok

Credit where it's due - my twinflame @rikagora has really helped me on the digestion of impulses leading me this direction to figure out what I feel about the label "demon", we discussed it a while back but

ANYWAY. i think what I needed was to reconcile the apparently disjointed "I dont relate to anyone anymore like i did when I was open about my Soul Race" and "I just dont want to go back to saying im 'demonkin' because (many reasons but at the forefront was Cringe bc it was my teenage years)" into... "Man there really isnt any options for connecting with Lev and his people in their deeper and darker aspects other than having to do it through the lens of 'demon', which in itself I dont personally agree with as a term"

Like. I'll put it this way, I want to keep exploring and working with those energies but I am tired of christianity always having to be in the background whether its catholic aesthetics or rejection of God for Satan - or its just plain using the word demon. Demon isnt ONLY used by christians I get that, but the idea of using a word for his race that is anything other than a neutrality just isn't for me* - a neutrality as in I want a term that doesnt always have anything to do with god, rebellion, teaching/knowledge, "falling", or the race that i primarily refer to when I say "angel", or even hell or hierarchies or war or antagonism or anything like. I want to work with him in ways that dont have this expectation on him, because even when we say we're divorcing the word demon from christianity, in using the word we are still conjuring a stereotype of them.

The biblical and christian and even demon idea of a demon is... Not one race, its an identity, its a political label, in terms of spirit racism its a racist label lmfao and im not saying people cant reclaim it, Im not saying people arent allowed to use it, i AM saying though that.... Look. Me and Lev (depending on what side of him you get) both enjoy the roleplay aspect of "oh yes I'm a corrupting demon im so scary and dark and haunting" but beyond roleplaying with humans, theres just so little ways of getting in contact w the energy that the label "demon" tends to be attached to

Like I would argue when Lev comes to me as Poseidon he's closer to that than when he's Shiva, Poseidon energy is the deep dark sea and the roughness of it and the stern father and the Ruler and whatnot, it grows close to encompassing black of "Emperor Leviathan" but like. This is what I missed about demonolatry: the mask-off, encompassing and swallowing teacher, the black energies, the bottom of the ocean, the darkness not painted in the light of social rules, the tendency towards elevation and respect of the animal nature, the antagonising of light-and-purity-is-the-only-good mindsets, etc... Insert other personal things from my own "demonkin" memories....

I'm tired, to summarise, of thinking I have to go to demonolatry to get what I want because "demon" isn't a neutral term for a singular race, its an identity label used (rightly or wrongly) by many different people of many different races who agree and vibe and therefore identify with the concept of demonhood; in my opinion in a couple centuries we COULD get the word to a point where it has nothing to do with christianity and its working and on-paper definitions synchronise as simply "spirits of the race of the slowest moving plane" with nothing added about anything religious, but like... right now....

Again. I dont care if others use it. I just have needed to acknowledge that "demon" for me is a really.... For me and my relationship with Lev it's roleplay. We both have an instinct to spook people who are too uptight about shit and get in our face about it, and living this life mostly in a Catholic country and growing up in a catholic school has left a huge impact, I have always felt like Im an antagonistic force by sheer existence to the foundations of catholicism, but honestly... im really neutral towards it nowadays. Now that its not pushed on to me I dont need to push back

Ive sort of been at this point for a while now because... Like how when I came up against the rebirth (more so afterbirth) of the "demonkin" label I knew I had to just jump in to my expectations and familiar places for it to then take me where it needs to go, I need to jump into this new fast-approaching gateway of... I really, really enjoyed the idea of demonolatry religions. I dont know how I feel now, but thats a part of stepping into the gate

As some of you may know, I started making my own religion for personal use with Lev. Its heavily based around the things that I'd been trying to cram and squish into the label "demonic" for years, except now it doesnt have that label. Its raw, its gorey, its animalistic, but refined in the black and adorned in ritual clothing and acts and solemn words decorated with grandeur. Its what I need. I know this much, but I stumble here because I know this is just the start of the gateway.... I thought I had several more paragraphs to go in this text because i FELT them but no, here's where I stop

I guess then I leave it at yeah, I dont like the term demon honestly, I use it for a reason but the reason doesnt fit my work. Trying to fit Lev into it beyond him dancing around in it as a barely-realistic mask to send out certain energies... Just. not feasible, nor is it something I want to do because beyond the fact that he obviously has complex feelings towards it (in positive and self-identifying ways in this case) because its such a loaded term for someone like him. He likes loaded terms, he identifies with antagonistic demiurge-esque ideas of relationships between God/Brahman and him, but like. I just.

Im trying to find, dig up, wear, coax out an energy. People slap the label "demon" (or "eldritch" as a variation, they're similar though distinct) on that energy, im tired of using terms based in/related to christians saying These People Are Evil and uhhh Lovecraft existing

#i think the issue is. as twinflame has said. that people on slower planes than ours like Lev's dont come here as often bc it takes a lot of #energy to go Up. so people dont have like... its not like all these fae and elemental and nature energies and ''high vibrational beings'' #and all these types of things its like uhhh we have on the slower spectrum uhhh. shadow people. demons. eldritch......... #and then ''parasites'' but thats so vague AS IF DEMONS AND ELDRITCH ARENT VAGUE BUT #either way i need to go again i was busy so im not. look. im distant. Hermes says HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiIiiii~ #ramblings // #diary // #but lmfao i was answering my own gateway question as i started writing about us not coming 'up' here to this plane a lot as to #what exactly im supposed to be doing w lev ALSO. that thing about planes was really paraphrased and he knows more about that #so sorry if thats paraphrased into being incorrect

[deus-and-the-machina]

ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.

the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,

but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.

It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.

#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the #colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and #yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its #absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the #provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing #seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp #their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid! #also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl #ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat #and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way' #this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural #conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his #ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more #complex than that by this point aaaaaugh #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #siren says #I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em) #ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I #like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona #experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably #upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people

[bmpmp3]

dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!

#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔 #sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as #students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists #which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way #and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL) #i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities??? #specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life #(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.) #(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms) #(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid) #(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?) #irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont #have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist #again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my #art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL #i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual #capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I #far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3 #sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist #i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware #of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number #half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it #dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!! #what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone #motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel