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catzula · 3 years

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It’s hard NOT to be a fangirl (especially when the setter is Oikawa Tooru)

A/N: is it evident how much in love I am with this man? I cried at his backstory, I did that. Well, uh, hope you enjoy! And I have a mountain of hw and exams coming up so I might not be able to write something so thats that.

Warnings: spoilers!!! For the spring tournament so beware. Cursing? 5.9k? Oikawa crying in the end? Its NOT angst tho. Also not edited cuz its 1 am

Genre: fluff, Iwaizumi's sister!reader

Synopsis: maybe confusing you with a fangirl wasn't exactly starting off the right foot, but Oikawa thought the stranger that sat with him till the beginning of his next match was... quite charming.

Oikawa might've been many, many things, but he was not a coward.

Most of the time, at least.

Whenever it was his feelings he had to be brave about, he never succeeded, especially not when they were towards you. You, who laughed and stood with him, never across but always beside him. Oikawa couldn't afford to be brave.

It was the first day of the Interhigh matches when he had met you. To say Oikawa was having a bad day would be an underestimation. He got dumped by his girlfriend that very day, right before his match, and brutally ripped out of the soft, consoling presence of his fans by Iwaizumi. He just wanted to be fawned over and comforted, maybe eat a snack or two while he was at it, but he didn't even get to do that?

"Stop pouting, Shittykawa." Iwaizumi muttered when Oikawa made an exaggerated 'hmph!' sound for the 20th time the last 5 minutes. "We need to go to the gym, and you need to focus."

"You need to focus too!" Oikawa protested, "but look at you getting ready to go to a date- hey, agh!" Holding the back of his head, Oikawa pouted even deeper this time. "You didn't need to hit me!" Oikawa whisper-yelled.

"I told you to shut the fuck up. Hold your tongue if you don't want to get beaten." Iwaizumi whispered angrily, sending a side glance at his coach to try and see if he had heard stupid Oikawa. Iwaizumi took a breath of relief when the coach didn't even look his way.

"We're gonna sit in the back stands so coach won't be able to see us. You can still watch the game from there, too." Iwaizumi finally spoke after they arrived in the gym, eyes scanning the room to find the perfect hiding place.

"You mean I am gonna sit in the back stands, all alone, cold and freshly dumped." Oikawa frowned, his frown only growing deeper when his best friend rolled his eyes. "Am I wrong? Tell me I'm wrong! As you go on your marry way with your girlfriend, I will be sitting here alone and wallow in my sadness for what... 6 hours?!"

Iwaizumi clenched his teeth, knowing Oikawa had a point. Sighing, he rubbed his temples. "Look, fuck, I'm sorry, okay? Should I tell her I can't come?" He asked gruffly, and despite all his brutality and harsh words, Oikawa knew he would do it if he said the word. "Nah, it's okay. Have fun in your date!" Oikawa answered, earning a baffled glare from the boy.

"Then why the fuck have you been guilt tripping me the past hour?"

"I'm lonely, Iwa-chan! I want attention." Oikawa grinned, professionally avoiding the slap coming his way, his grin growing even wider when Iwaizumi pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. " I wonder how I didn't murder you already. Anyway, settle there, and don't move anywhere until the match. And I mean, anywhere, no visiting your fans, looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror, taking selfies before the windows, nothing."

"Okay, okay, I'm not dumb!" Oikawa whined as he threw his gym bag on the free seats. "Say hi to her for me, Iwa-chan!" He called after his best friend.

~~~

It had been almost an hour since Iwa had left, and Oikawa was losing his mind. Why did he agree to this again? He wanted to sit with the rest of his team, that sat across the court but Iwaizumi had told him not to move anywhere (and Oikawa was still a bit hurt at how grateful they seemed when Iwa had told them Oikawa would be sitting separately), so he had opted to social media.

Oikawa wasn't aware of someone else entering the secret back stands and getting closer to him as he watched a short compilation of cat videos. "Oikawa-kun?" You approached him, hiding your snicker when he jumped in his place to look at you. He was quick to hide his shock, a mask of smugness quickly finding its place on his pretty face.

"That's me." He smiled, his chocolate eyes scanning you and meeting your eyes back quickly. He watched as you sat a seat away from him, close but not approachable. He quirked his brow when you stood quiet, holding your phone a little too tightly. A shy fan, how sweet, he thought, smirking as he turned your way. He had an idea of what you wanted.

"Did you, perhaps, want a photo? I might not look as I normally would, though." Oikawa suggested, going by how you held your phone, checking the time every once in a while, you wanted a picture. His brows raised when you didn't say a word but bit your lip as if holding in a smile.

"That's your que to say 'no, Oikawa-kun, you look amazing!" He told you, not expecting your laugh to ring in his ears, baffled both by how sudden and how pretty the sound was. "No, you do look tired, actually." You finally answered, earning a gasp from the boy across you.

"Oh, to think I was going to see the days of my fans calling me tired-looking and ugly!" He dramatically brought his hand to his face, peeking through his fingers to see what you were going to do. You should at least deny he looked ugly, he thought, but his eyes grew wide when you chuckled. Now you were just rude! Did he really look that bad?

"Sorry, I'm not a fan." You pressed your lips in an apologetic smile, trying to hold it sorry and not smug when you spotted the blush on his cheeks. "Oh- I thought..." He cleared his throat to hide the embarrassment. "Most of the pretty girls like you who aproach me are my fans, so I just assumed." He spoke when he finally managed to find back his high-toned, flirty persona.

"That crowd of groupies in the entrance should belong to you, too, then?" You teased, not expecting him to answer yes, bursting into laughter with the unexpected positive answer.

"I kind of have to ask, though, if you're not my fan, why did you approach me, calling my name?" He seemed nonchalant as if he was used to that, but you had to admit it was a bit creepy.

"Oh, Haji- Iwaizumi sent me." You corrected yourself when you remembered how your brother had told you not to tell Oikawa you were siblings (he had warned you about how flirtatious Oikawa could get, and he might see it as a challenge if he figured you were his best friend's sibling. You didn't think it was true, they were best friends after all, but it was better to be cautious anyway.

"Iwa-chan? Ah, so he does care after all!" Oikawa blurted out, his words reminding how your brother had sent you here and how it was something way different than caring. "Well, he did want me to make sure you didn't leave here or call your ex. Heard you had some... problems."

"Cold as a stone, as always." He sighed, and you chuckled. "Can't exactly call it a problem, but being dumped isn't the best feeling in the world." He shrugged, taking a sip out of his water before flashing you a charming smile. Your brows furrowed when he admitted he was dumped, of course, Hajime had already told you that, but judging the boy by his looks, his nonchalant acts, and everything your brother had told to warn you, you hadn't expected him to admit that, especially not to a stranger.

"Well, uh, that sucks." You answered awkwardly, not knowing how to approach the situation. "I'm sorry about that."

"Its okay, as it was bound to happen, anyway. Our relationship wasn't exactly sailing smoothly." He shrugged, but it was evident he was a bit broken about it. "I- uh, I'm not the person people would come for advice in these kind of situations, but I can... listen?"

You felt something warm blooming in your chest when his gaze locked on you, chocolate brown eyes the prettiest you've ever seen, but the surprised, almost grateful look was what made you feel that way. Did he only want someone to listen?

"It's okay, I don't want to burden you with my stupid problems." He chuckled, pulling his playful nature back on the surface. "I don't even know your name."

"Oh, shit, you're right!" You laughed when you realized you hadn't even told him your name but had offered a shoulder to cry on. "I'm Y/N, nice to meet you." You stuck your hand out, his warm (big-) hand gripping yours and causing that warm feeling that was in your chest to spread even more.

"Y/N-chan, it's very nice to meet you." He winked. "So, what is your relationship with our dearest Iwa-chan?"

"Oh- well, uh... you could say he sees me as a sister." You shrugged, not expecting him to pout sympathetically. "Oh no, sibling-zoned? That's harsh, man."

"No it's- hey, you have no right to pity me, you're the one freshly dumped!"

"Hitting low, are we?" He laughed, making you laugh with him. "You look like you're gonna die if you don't ask me how we broke up." He sighed after a second, although he still had a playful smirk. "I guess I have to tell you." He sighed one more time. "We're stuck here for at least 5 hours, anyway."

~~~

"Here you go, a granola bar. Are you sure you didn't want anything else?" You tossed the granola bar to Oikawa, who had his legs on the seats in front of him, making himself comfortable in the uncomfortable seats.

"Yeah, that's enough. Thank you, Y/N-chan." He smiled cheekily, opening the packet with his teeth. "The match is in about an hour, anyway, I shouldn't eat much."

"Sure, whatever you say. Well you were talking about a new player before I left."

"Before your stomach started to scream, you mean." He laughed, and you found yourself watching the smile. These past few hours had flown by so quickly that it almost felt like barely an hour. Oikawa was easy to talk to, and you always found something new to talk about, laughing almost at everything he said. He was really charming, and the confidence that oozed out of every move he did, every word he spoke was attractive, you had to admit.

But as much of a smug player he could be, he often acted childish, too, especially when he talked about a certain Kouhei of his did you see the childlike jealousy and competitiveness clearly. Though despite that, he would have a fond, soft look in his eyes whenever he talked about his teammates, making you feel almost jealous at how affectionate he looked about them.

You knew he was charming and flirtatious, your brother had warned you not to get close because he could and would have you falling for him in no time, but you had underestimated him. You had thought he was acting overly cautious as always, but apparently not.

You saw him checking his phone for a new message. "I gotta go warm up now." He told you as he stood up, the playful glint in his eyes not being missed by you. "I trust you'll watch and cheer for me, right, Y/N-chan?" His smirk was self-satisfied, already knowing the answer, but you didn't want to give him the pleasure. "I'd rather cheer for the ace, actually, much cooler than a setter."

Another dramatic gasp came from the proud setter, making you laugh. "How dare you! Setters are much cooler than aces, I'll have you know. I'll prove it in this match, too." He leaned towards you, and although you already knew how long he was, having him towering over you like this sent goosebumps down your spine. "I'll prove it, just make sure you watch closely."

~~~

"So, was I right or was I right?" Your phone chimed with a new message, and you instantly knew who it was that sent the message. You opened Instagram, accepting the message request.

"I couldn't tell since I was watching the ace the whole time, didn't have the chance to see if you were cooler." You texted back, almost able to see the pout forming on his lips on the other side of the screen. It was a lie, too. The moment you saw his serve, you were unable to take your eyes off him. He looked like a different person on the court. It was almost scary, how focused he suddenly became the moment he grabbed the ball, how he was aware of everything that was happening around him, developing strategies half you didn't even understand and it was terrifyingly beautiful, you had to admit.

"Mean! And I had played exceptionally well just because you were watching :(" You giggled at the text, not noticing how your brother's eyes were narrowed and turned to you instead of the TikToks his girlfriend had sent him. "Who are you talking to?"

"Hm?" You flinched, so concentrated on your phone, you had forgotten your brother was there, too. "Oh, no one. My friend sent me a meme." You stared back at your brother, who was still watching you with narrowed eyes, waiting for you to crack, but you didn't. He nodded curtly, and though he could've pursued it further if not for his phone starting to buzz, the name of his girlfriend appearing on the screen.

"Gotta take this." He told you, standing up and making his way to his room. "Don't stay up late texting." He told you as a warning.

You wished you had taken your brother's advice the next morning when he came in to wake you up. You had texted Oikawa for hours into the night, only stopping when you fell asleep mid-conversation.

"Y/N, I need you to come to the sport center again, today." Hajime told you as you were brushing your teeth, and he was putting gel in his hair to make it look like his signature spiky style. "Again?" You rolled your eyes, earning a soft slap on your head from your brother.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, and don't roll your eyes at me."

"I'll do whatever I- Ow! Okay, okay, I'll be there!" You muttered angrily, but a part of you, the smallest part of you, wasn't as angry as you showed him to be.

~~~

You were there before him, this time. It had been almost 10 minutes since you had arrived, but Oikawa was nowhere to be seen (and you got ready especially neatly this time! What a shame). You sighed, opening your phone to text Hajime Oikawa wasn't here just as you felt a pair of warm hands closing your eyes from your back.

"Quick, tell me the coolest volleyball position!"

"Ace!" You answered and heard his exaggerated sigh. "No, Y/N-chan, I thought we clarified this yesterday!"

"I never admitted to it, though." You told him with a sly smile, causing his fake anger and annoyance to fall and a laugh to breakthrough. "Clever little Y/N-chan." He muttered, plopping down to the seat next to you.

"You look tired." You remarked, making him gasp. "And whose fault is that? You fell asleep! I waited an hour for you to write back, thinking you had something else to do." He frowned, making you chuckle.

"I take none of the blame, you talk too much." You teased.

"Only with people I like." He shot back, catching you off guard and making your eyes widen. "Ah, finally, I won this round!" He cheered. "You, on the other hand, look especially nice today, madame."

"Thank you, kind sir, I got a good night sleep, unlike you." You smiled cheekily, and he was about to answer before loud cheering filled the room and made you wince. You noticed how almost everyone was on their feet, watching the game closely.

"What's going on?" You asked the boy sitting next to you, now also watching the game with a Cheshire cat smirk.

"Karasuno's game started." He answered without taking his eyes off the game. "It was the freakish quick they used just then that caused the cheering."

"The freakish quick?" You repeated.

"Yeah, watch." He told you, sounding excited and annoyed at the same time. You turned your eyes to where he was pointing at, a short, ginger boy. Your brows furrowed, trying to understand just why-

"Oh, shit." You gaped when the boy flew over the court in mere seconds. The ball was on the other side of the net in almost less than a second, and it took you a moment to realize they had just made a spike.

"Oh shit, indeed," Oikawa answered, his smirk still on his lips, but his eyes weren't looking humored. "That little bastard, he had to be this fucking talented." He muttered, speaking almost to himself.

"You don't look worried, though." You smiled. "There is no reason for me to be worried." He smirked proudly in answer, although it had a slight waver to it. "I'm much better than him as a setter. What worries me is the team itself."

"Are they that good? You looked much better in the match yesterday."

"Ah, I knew you were watching me, Y/N-chan! I'm too pretty not to look at." He swiped a soft-looking lock of hair out of his face with a playful smile.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." You muttered, hiding your embarrassment from him by turning back to the game. "See him, the short boy in the back, he's the libero." Oikawa told you, getting slightly closer to explain, and you would've understood it if it wasn't for how close he was all of a sudden. "He's one of the best I've seen, actually."

"W-what makes him so special?" You asked, turning your eyes back to the game from his pretty face (as if he wasn't handsome enough, he also had a good side profile?!) "That." he answered, his eyes glinting with something you could say awe. You turned back to the boy who leaped to the ground after the ball, his hand sliding over the surface and sending the ball straight up. "His reflexes are unbeleivable, and he's fast and smart, like the rest of his team." He explained further, not aware of how focused he suddenly was, and it was clear he was passionate about the sport. You had never understood why your brother felt devastated after a lost game, or why he was cheering on the top of his lungs, sometimes pushing himself so hard in training that he passed out, coming home late almost every day because of his practice.

But seeing Oikawa watch the game, seeing him in the game, you felt like you could understand what it was. You could never grasp the feeling, but you could understand what it was. And it was infuriating, made you jealous, and you couldn't understand why, but it also amazed you, making you yearn for the strange feeling.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I must be boring you to death." He realized, bringing his hand to scratch the back of his neck in embarrassment, cheeks flushing slightly after talking for almost an hour about everything going in the game, explaining them all in detail.

"No, no its fine!" You answered, laughing at his flushed face. It was funny how he was a charming, devilish, smart, and manipulative guy at one second and a volleyball geek the other. "It helps me appreciate the game better." You shrugged, not aware of how his eyes glinted with your answer. "But don't you think I realized how you're overlooking everything the setter does. You didn't say anything about him."

"What, you're interested in him?" He pouted, causing you to laugh.

"I didn't say I was interested, I'm just telling you you're ignoring him!" You protested after your laugh, but he still had a frown. "Sounds like you're interested, to me."

"No! Okay, okay, keep ignoring him, then. But don't think I missed the jelaousy-" You couldn't finish your sentence because of a sudden hand closing on your lips. "Nope, we don't say that here." He whispered, and somehow, you were able to hear him despite the loud cheering, the crowd, and the loud thumps of your heart.

"What, saying you're jealous?" You spoke beneath his fingers, noticing how his smirk grew wider and cheeks flushing pinker.

"Yep, let's not repeat that and I'll take my hand off you." He waited a few seconds as you stood silent, removing his hand, still having a suspicious look in his eyes. "Good girl." He told you, causing your eyes to widen and shout a protest. "O-oikawa! What the fuck?!"

"What, I didn't mean anything?" He answered innocently, but there was still a smirk on his lips. "Well, okay, I'll tell you about him if you're so curious." He sighed.

"As I said before, he's my Kouhei." You nodded for him to go on. "He's... talented. Very talented. A genius, actually." He laughed uncomfortably. "He's not on my level yet, but his talent... it even makes up for it and I hate to see how despite all my days I spent training, he's still better than me easily."

"I- oh." You muttered, not expecting something like this, especially for him to admit someone else was better than him and will always be better than him.

"Tomorrow we're playing with them." He told you, and despite the forced smile, you could see how he clenched his teeth. "I can't- I won't lose to him."

"You won't." You agreed.

"I'll fight as hard as I can but we won't lose to them. I'll fight Shiratorizawa, I'll play against Ushiwaka and show him, prove him I did the right thing by choosing Seijoh and not his dumb school." He looked determined, eyes glinting with such determination that even though you had no idea what he was saying at that point, you wanted to agree and cheer him on.

"You will." You agreed once again, causing him to smile. "I'm sorry, I think I'm just a bit stressed."

You smiled, shrugging as if to say it's nothing. "No, no problem, I understand what you mean. It must be nerve-wracking."

"Well, it is."

"I'm horrible at advice, but uh, want me to show you what I do when I'm stressed? Like before exams and stuff. It might help." You smiled, extending your hand out to show him, not expecting him to do the same, and hold your hand like a handshake.

"You're right, that does help." He grinned, shaking your hand and making you burst into laughter. "That wasn't what I was going to do!"

"Oh, it wasn't? Still helped, though!" He told you innocently, teasing you even more. "C'mon, stick your hand out like this." You giggled.

"Now start drawing-" you told him, focusing on drawing shapes and letters in his hand. He was going to say a snarky remark at how that wasn't how it went, but Oikawa couldn't bring himself to stop you from doing whatever you were doing as he watched you focus on his hand, fingers running over his calloused ones, the tip of your tongue sticking out from the corner of your mouth without realizing, and every move of your finger sent goosebumps down his body.

Noticing you had lost yourself in thought, absent-mindedly going on drawing on his hand for a good few minutes, you raised your eyes to meet his brown ones. "Does that... help?"

"It- uh, it does. I'll need you to do this before the game tomorrow, too, though." He smirked playfully, his hand closing on yours just as he said it. "Well, I'm glad I could help." You shrugged, trying to hide how embarrassed you were. You could tell he already knew how you were feeling by the smile on his lips, but instead of teasing you about it, he turned to the game without letting your hand go, smiling even wider when you didn't pull it, either.

~~~

"You guys were great at the game today." You texted Oikawa that night, not sure whether he would answer, though your thoughts disappeared when he texted back instantly.

"It must be your doing." He wrote, sending a picture of him doing the peace sign right after.

"I don't think I can come early tomorrow, though. I won't be able to do it again. Are you ready for the game tomorrow?"

"Oh no, how could you? I can never overcome the stress now. Will you let me call you if I say I'm not ready?" He texted back, making you chuckle.

"Just this once."

Your phone started ringing right after, a 'yahoo' greeting you when you picked it up.

"Hi, Oikawa-kun."

"Are you free?" He asked, and you shrugged as if he was across you and not on the other side of the phone. "I was getting ready to bed."

"Thinking of me before bed, you must have a crush on me, Y/N-chan." He chuckled, somehow still able to tease you through the phone. "Hey, I-"

"No, actually, don't answer that." He stopped you. "I had something else in mind when I called you, but you cute voice is too distracting." He sighed.

"Oh." You answered, making him laugh, his laugh ringing in your ears.

"Yeah, well... I was wondering, I mean after the match tomorrow." He cleared his throat. "No, actually, will you cheer for me tomorrow?" He finally asked, and you could tell he was holding his breath.

"Cheer for you?" You repeated.

"Yeah, only- only for me." He spoke, this time merely a whisper. "I mean, of course you cheer for me, everyone does because I'm that-"

"Yes, Oikawa." You laughed and cut his self appreciating ramble off. "I'll cheer for you, and only you."

"Y-you will? Well then, maybe you'll accept my offer to perhaps grab a coffee or something after the game? To make up for not being there with me tomorrow?" You were trying to stifle a laugh at how unsmooth he was despite his reputation when he spoke again. "Am I- am I pushing it? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, you're not making me uncomfortable!" You protested quickly, already aware of how dramatic he could get. "I'm just, well, surprised. But yes, I'd like to grab a coffee with you. Anywhere but those god awful stands, actually." You chuckled, hearing the relieved breathe coming from his side of the line.

"Well, if that's settled," he spoke, and you could hear the smile in his voice. "Tell me, Y/N-chan, what's your favorite color?"

Wow, you thought, he really sucked at flirting.

~~~

"I'm here." You texted both your brother and Oikawa. It was merely minutes away from the start of the game, all because of a dumb chemistry quiz you had at school. You finally found a free seat when you noticed they were done warming up and were getting ready.

"Good, we're about to start the game. I'll probably meet my gf after the game, so don't start crying if you don't see me." Was the first text you got, rolling your eyes at how much of an idiot your brother was. "Yeah, whatever, not like I'm here to see you." You texted back, noticing how his head perked up when he read the text, eyes scanning the seats to find you as he texted a "WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!"

"Wish me luck, Y/N-chan, just remember your promise to cheer for me ;p" Oikawa texted back, also raising his head to search you in the crowd, but he was successful at finding you, eyes locking for a second, of course, he sent a playful wink at you.

The game started after that, and you could swear you were losing years of your life with each given and taken points. You had screamed at the top of your lungs at one point, so worked up, you sometimes forgot what was happening.

"Oikawa, good serve!" You screamed (he had told you to say that when he was serving the day before, and you could see it immediately brought a smile on his lips).

The third set was the worst, you thought. No one ever got to widen the point gap, always one of them at match point, points being given and being taken, and you were sure you were going to lose your mind if they-

You watched as Oikawa ran to receive a ball, running so fast that he was unable to stop himself from crashing into the table, falling on his bad knee that you could only imagine how much it hurt, but not before pointing at Hajime, your brother, the ace. He set an incredible ball for him, incredible even for someone like you who didn't know anything other than the basics about volleyball.

You could feel tears swelling in your eyes as he tumbled into the table, pulling himself back up almost immediately and limping back towards the court.

He was... he was determined to win.

But he couldn't.

You watched as Oikawa tried to receive the ball flying towards him and failed. You couldn't watch when he realized he failed. He lost. But he was still there to make his teammates gather for the lineup, patting them on the back to cheer them up, thanking the crowd, but his face was down, helping his teammates collect themselves back, your brother too when he was also devastated inside.

Still, Oikawa managed to hold it all in, unlike your brother and most of the team that was crying. You couldn't hide your disappointment in, either, eyes already wet with tears because you thought they were going to win, and they thought they were going to win too, and seeing Oikawa like this, it hurt. You watched them as they left the court, your eyes following the brunette who had separated himself from the rest of the team, going somewhere else with a quick pace.

You rose to your feet without even realizing it, running after him without thinking what to say or to do, but you just wanted to be there, and you were so focused on finding him that you hadn't realized Hajime following his friend or rather, you, either.

You were about to enter the room Oikawa had entered a minute before you when someone held you by the arm and pulled you back. "Y/N, don't." Your brother warned you, and maybe you should've listened since they were friends for years. "It's not- you shouldn't go in, not right now. Give him time."

He sighed when you freed your arm from his grip. "He wouldn't want you to-" the door shut in his face, and he only got a glimpse of his best friend's tear-stricken face, "-see him like that." Iwaizumi finished his sentence as a whisper to himself.

You thought this might've been a bad idea the moment you entered the room. "O-oikawa?"

"What are you doing here?" You heard him say, the room dim-litted, making it near impossible to see his expression, but something in you told you, you didn't want to. "I'm- well, I'm here to see if you're okay-"

"Get out." You heard him say, merely a whisper but still there. "I don't want you to see me like this, stop looking at me! I don't want to see the same pity I see at everyone else's face, pitying me for losing to my own Kouhei and-" His voice getting higher and higher with each word, he was almost screaming the last few words. So you hugged him, you didn't know what led you to do so, was it instinct to relieve his tension? You didn't know, but it still worked, you noticed.

His stiff muscles started to relax with the sudden contact, and though he stood as still as a stone, not hugging you back, you didn't feel rejected. "Shh, I know." You whispered, breathe brushing over his skin and sending goosebumps down his spine.

"We lost." He whispered, a sob finding its way out of his lips. His arms came up, hugging and pulling you to himself, almost as if he tried to swallow you whole, burying his face to your hair. He was big, much bigger than you, for sure, so the sobs that shook him shook you, too, but you didn't mind.

"We lost." He sobbed again, and again, and again and again. It took him a while to let it all out, but he felt better when he did. His arms were still around you when his cries had died, your scent affecting him to relax.

"Thank you." You heard him whisper as he pulled back, not looking in your eyes once. "Of- of course." You shrugged, feeling somewhat awkward as he wiped his face with a tissue.

"Well," he spoke, looking in your eyes for the first time for what felt like hours, "that's me. The Oikawa Tooru. Now you know me better than almost anyone else." He shrugged, trying to sound and look indifferent but failing miserably. His voice and his hands shaking, eyes looking at you with almost fear.

"Are you going to leave now?"

"Leave?" You repeated.

He shrugged. "Now that you've seen I'm not the clever captain or the charming playboy, but a- an insecure, jealous man, who is now also a failure, are you going to leave?"

"Oikawa," you whispered, noticing he was more insecure than he let on. "Just because you are more than what you look like, it doesn't cancel the others. You're still the smart, cunning, and amazing captain, the charming flirt who made me fall for him in mere days, and the man who lost a match with a point. A man, striving to be better than everyone else, with goals and a purpose in life. I don't think I could leave you for having a purpose in life." You chuckled.

"Well, that of course if you-" Before you got to finish, you felt pressure on your lips, stopping you from talking. It was his soft lips, this time, making you silent. It was a soft kiss, his hand cupping your cheek and pulling your face towards his, his lips were almost brushing yours, but it still felt heavenly.

"I think we should go before your brother marches in and kills us both." He whispered to your lips with a sly smile. "Yeah, I think you're- wait, you knew he was my brother?!" You exclaimed, making him chuckle.

"Of course I did, who do you take me for? I am the clever captain of Seijoh, I knew it the moment you told me you were like a sister to him."

"Well, the clever captain of Seijoh, use your brain to find us another way out but the door, since I'm pretty sure Haji is guarding it."

"Ah, I have the perfect idea." He snickered, picking up his phone, and entering the name of Hajime's girlfriend.

"Tooru, where are you, are you okay, do you-"

"Hey, hey, I'm alright, I just need a favor." Oikawa whispered into the phone. "I'm stuck inside a room, and the door is being guarded by Iwa-chan whose waiting to kill me, so please get him out of here?"

"Tooru, are you with a girl?" You heard the voice screaming on the other end of the line, making you both wince. "Please just help me just this once?"

You heard her sigh. "Okay, okay, hang in there." She closed the phone, and it took only two seconds for your brother's phone to ring.

You were in awe when Hajime suddenly screamed, "What?! Whose checking you out? I'm fucking coming baby, don't move anywhere." sprinting down the hall.

"You're a magician."

"I'm amazing." He muttered right before leaning in for yet another kiss, smiling against your soft lips.

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #oikawa x reader #oikawa imagine #oikawa scenarios #oikawa tooru x reader #hq oikawa #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa fluff #hq x reader #hq imagines #hq x you #haikyuu!!

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sukirichi · 3 years

Text

[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ]

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan

from track 007.

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ]

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series ( broken records )#tw: toxic

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doctormage · 5 years

Text

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!!

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

#p #this is literally like an essay #on why im a piece of shit lmao #ignore me!!!!!!

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