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stitched-up-teddy-bear · 9 months

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The Coffee Theory

This theory is by the fantastic @jumbledstars on TikTok

This Theory is for everyone who felt betrayed or hurt by Aziraphale in the season 2 finale or just doesn’t trust The Metatron!!!

The theory goes that the coffee The Metatron gives Aziraphale made him "switch side"

When Metatron invited Aziraphale for a chat, Aziraphale made it clear that he does not wish to follow him until he took a sip from the coffee. Metatron quote on quote forces Aziraphale to drink it rather than offering it casually. After the first sip, Aziraphale suddenly agreed to chat with him. At that moment, Metatron bitterly glanced back at Crowley, catching his attention.

In the coffee shop, Metatron reveals his plan to make Aziraphale the new supreme archangel and commander of the heavenly host, which surprises Aziraphale as he wonders where he would get his coffee. This struck me as odd because we never saw him drink coffee in the series until now.

As Aziraphale walks home, his expression appears more disoriented than when he's in the bookshop, suggesting the coffee may be affecting his brain.

Aziraphale excitedly tells Crowley about the "good news," saying that Crowley can finally be an angel again. However, Crowley disagrees, seeing heaven as equally bad as hell.

Aziraphale comments, "Of course you would disagree with hell, you're the bad guys, but heaven..." This also strikes me as odd because Aziraphale doesn't usually talk about hell or demons in that manner anymore. The last time was during the car ride in season one before they crashed into Anathema.

Furthermore, Aziraphale wouldn't be motivated enough to make a change in heaven, as he and Crowley have been on Team Earth for a while now and seem content with it. Crowley notices this and tells Aziraphale, "We're better than that. YOU'RE better than that!" He senses that something is wrong with Aziraphale or at least suspects it.

After Crowley's confession and (let’s be honest) unexpected kiss (which left Aziraphale confused and regretful), Metatron returns to the bookshop, asking him if he's ready to go, contradicting what he said just 8 minutes ago about giving Aziraphale all the time he needs to make a choice. It's as if Metatron already knows what Aziraphale will choose.

I think Crowley's confession or kiss has momentarily snapped Aziraphale back to reality, as he shows genuine concern for his bookshop and is reluctant to leave. Although Metatron assures him that Muriel will look after it, Aziraphale still appears hesitant and confused.

When asked if he needs to bring something, Aziraphale seems lost and unsure of what to do. However, he eventually regains his composure and follows Metatron with a smile.

Thank you for reading! This theory came from @jumbledstars on TikTok and it’s way too good to ignore! Link to the original theory below!!!

#good omens 2 #aziraphel #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens spoilers #good omens #ineffable spouses #ineffable lovers #ineffable exes #ineffable divorcées #the coffee theory #the metatron #theory #season finale #gifs #not my theory

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writingdinosaur · 9 months

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Holy shit. Okay. I wasn’t quite buying into the coffee theory, but did agree it was odd that they would put so much emphasis on this coffee if it was just a regular coffee. BUT THEN I REALIZED. You guys. It’s the apple. From the garden of Eden. The coffee represents the apple and the Metatron represents the serpent. Maybe I’m just slow, but I’m just now putting the pieces together. To be clear, I am not saying that it is literally the apple, but the symbolism is there. Neil Gaiman, sir, I love you.

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muddy-trails · 5 months

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all of good omens is the same but the metatron hands aziraphale the coffee in this

#i need sleep i think #please someone tell me im funny #good omens #good omens theory #the coffee theory #good omens meme #the metatron #metatrash #aziraphale #give me coffee or give me death

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virgo-79 · 9 months

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I have a new (I think) take on the coffee theory.

Now first off, I don't think the coffee theory is needed to make Aziraphale's actions make sense in terms of his motivation, his hopes for Heaven, or his desire to be with Crowley safely. I think the Aziraphale we know could absolutely get there on his own, for all the reasons that have already been examined very eloquently in other posts.

No, I think there's something to a coffee theory of some sort just because SUCH a big deal was made out of something that would otherwise be minor. They didn't have to show the Metatron getting it at all; we know there's a coffee shop right there across the street. The only reason I can think of that they needed to show it was to highlight the fact that what the Metatron ordered and what he told Aziraphale was in the drink were different: a dash of almond versus a jigger of it. That is a HUGE distinction. Adding a dash means you take your flavoring, your bitters, whatever liquid you're working with, and do a quick, tiny splash. A WHOLE JIGGER OF ALMOND IS SO MUCH ALMOND. That's anywhere from an ounce to 2 ounces of liquid depending on the jigger you're using. A drink containing a whole jigger of almond is going to taste STRONGLY of almond.

They drew our attention to that fact. Not only was it a point of discussion twice, there was a significant difference in the ingredients mentioned. If they just wanted to paint the Metatron as using all of Aziraphale's sweet spots to manipulate him, all they had to do was have him bringing coffee -- or whatever -- as that gesture.

I don't think for a second Metatron mind-wiped Aziraphale, but I absolutely think he put something in that coffee. The level of attention brought to it and the discrepancy don't make any sense if we're weren't supposed to notice it.

But to what end?

I1¹ understand the jump to cyanide -- strange almond taste you say? And we have a canon example of poison affecting celestial beings very differently than humans, what with Crowley shotgunning a whole bottle of laudanum and getting high as a kite.

But. There's also the "almonds for purity" symbolism. And that's the one I'm particularly interested in. Not for the possibility of Aziraphale's mind being made "pure" and supernaturally suggest able. But as some kind of deterrent against *impurity.* Against demons.

Against Crowley.

Because while I think Aziraphale is absolutely in a place where he would have been vulnerable to the idea of ruling Heaven with Crowley, the part of their scene together that does seem like it could have gone differently in Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss.

Watch that scene again and tell me it couldn't read as Aziraphale being in pain. Watch him touch his lips afterwards. Shock at the kiss? Sure. But doesn't it also kind of look like he's been hurt? Or burned?

This is Aziraphale getting kissed by Crowley. When they were just dancing hours before, and he was gushing about how much Crowley loves rescuing him. Fight or not, conflicting beliefs or not, I still feel like Aziraphale would react to being kissed by his Crowley with pure joy.

And the "I forgive you" then reads TOTALLY differently.

I think the Metatron poisoned Aziraphale against Crowley specifically.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #ineffable husbands #the coffee theory #good omens 2 #metatron is a dick

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felt-squirrels · 9 months

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Has this been done yet

#as a fandom we are not okay #good omens s2 #good omens 2 #good omens tv #good omens #good omens 2 spoilers #go2 #aziraphale #the metatron #the coffee theory

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tylered-up-in-blue · 9 months

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Response to “The Magic Trick You Didn’t See” / The Coffee Theory

I, like many people in the Good Omens fandom, have already read the big essay “The Magic Trick You Didn’t see” –which blows up the coffee theory that’s been circulating on my twitter page to greater heights and big claims. I have some thoughts.

First of all: I think that the original essay has a few details wrong, essentially because it falls into a kind of utilitarian perspective with the whole magic show metaphor. The thing is –sometimes details which are left hanging, or themes which are shown to be important, don’t always tie up somewhere. Sometimes they’re there because they’re interesting, or poking at intrigue –trying to get you to notice and note down for later, rather than evidence of one ultimate solution that’ll be revealed as a holistic great plot. Also “I didn’t think the writing was good in this moment” isn’t very convincing to me, I’m sorry.

But –I do think that they were onto something. I hesitate to make any grand claims, like “Maggie isn’t real,” or “The Metatron is editing the book of life,” because -to be honest- I don’t trust myself to put my name to something as big as that, and I don’t want to erase my favourite thing about Good Omens: its whimsicality. But I will say that there are themes and notable elements which I think will be important later and hint at some larger fuckery (if you’ll excuse the OFMD reference) going on, so consider this a kind of rejigging of the theory to be a more thematic approach that lays out things I just thought were interesting under an more open-ended (or flip-floppy, depending on how you take it) idea:

Something was going on this season which will be revealed as a Heavenly plot to split Aziraphale and Crowley up by the end. It worked. And the person to reveal the greater plot will be Muriel.

I’ll write down first of all a list of things that have been introduced to the world of Good Omens which I think are important, and highlight why one of them sticks out to me. Then I’ll work on a thematic basis of what things are shown to be worth narrative focus/presuppose S3. The first two themes are very much commentary drawing on the essay I’m responding to, and the second two are more my own ideas –certainly the fourth.

Okay, so: there are introductions to the Good Omens-verse which are clearly there to expand our world for later use. I don’t know if all of these things will come up again, but by the end of this season we know:

There are Nazi (and possibly more) zombies running around London.

There is a gun in Aziraphale’s bookshop -in case it’s needed.

Heaven is interested in keeping things quiet, and they will fiddle with memories to do so. Erased memories can be “stored” in things/creatures.

There is a thing called “The Book of Life” that if you’re written out of, you NEVER EXISTED. (It can be edited, too, presumably.)

Crowley is possibly the most powerful being in the show. “Half a tiny miracle” ends up being enough to resurrect someone 25 times over, and his attempt to stay calm after a little tiff with aziraphale results in draining the street of electricity. Also he created the entire universe. (coming back to amend this with the fact Neil said he got going just "that tiny corner of space" -but I still feel there is significant evidence to say he is very powerful:) )

I lay these out because they’re just good to have noted down, really, and because they’re definitely GOING to be important. ALSO because the last one makes sense for the greater aim to be breaking up the ineffable husbands. Emphasis on Crowley’s power –and for their shared power– sets up a REAL threat for what we KNOW will be the basis of s2: The Second Coming. If you’re Heaven, and you want the second attempt at an apocalypse to be successful, you’d be stupid to let the two celestial beings who were meddling in the whole averted-apocalypse ordeal last time to just be AROUND for it. Especially when one has the ability to stop time!!! You’ve GOT to break them up.

Theme 1: Investigation (Muriel!)

Investigation is a fun little theme in s2: Aziraphale goes full detective mode. He loves the clues, he’s in his little trilby investigating. All the marketing was very investigative and invites the audience to pay close attention. And there are SO many little easter eggs. From The Colour of Magic appearing to Gabriel reading the first lines of Good Omens –even as small as a Terry Prattchet impersonator speaking over the tannoy in Hell, or the film in The Resurrectionist being chosen specifically to play because there’s a scene where Jimmy Stewart talks to a fly.

So! Investigation is fun! It’s important. And my favourite part of the essay I’m responding to is definitely that about Muriel. I think that all this build up to the detective-vibe is going to cumulate in their s3 role. Essentially: I entirely agree that they are coded as the one to blow open this whole case in S3. The police costume and giving them The Crow Road are certainly suggestive–but more than anything, leaving them in charge of the bookshop (full of Aziraphale’s diaries and books and everything) props them up perfectly to earn the promo they got for s2. Because I’m not sure about you, but my mutuals and I were shocked that the NYCC scene (“hello hello hello, I’m a human police officer!”) didn’t happen until episode three. From the way the promo was going (character profiles, trailer etc.) I thought Muriel would be in s2 WAY more.

They also make a HUGE point of how Muriel is considered “nobody.” They say it themselves, they’re called “the dull one” by Metatron.

They set them up perfectly to solve this later.

Theme 2: Memories and Stories:

Memory! Another theme! –memory that can be tampered with, contained, erased and returned.

Heaven is willing to meddle with and erase memories if necessary. They are, then, SUBTLE.

There is no God narrator.

There is a statue immortalising a very real Gabriel (somehow/for some reason –Gabriel was also involved in its making?)

My favourite part of season 2 was definitely the minisodes. The costumes, the settings –I was so surprised to find the horses and carts in ep 3 were CGI in the X-Ray! They look so good! I loved how every single flashback was incredibly vital and interesting to expand on Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship –that convo on the rock in ep 2? WOW. Stunned. Anyway, not to go on.

I completely disagree with the conviction that these were edited. I think that, to the contrary, these memories are (IF there’s something going on with temptation/persuasion (more on that later) and The Book of Life) are ENTIRELY real. And the reason for that is highlighted in the very essay: each memory is tied to a physical record of it happening. The Book of Job; the Polaroid in ‘41, and Aziraphale’s diaries. This is not to say that there aren’t still gaps: where was the “I’m sorry” dance of ‘41? If Aziraphale wasn’t drinking in 2500 BC then when did he start? Just little things like this.

This is the thing: stories, words, are vital. The challenge that they gave the guy who did Sherlock (I can’t remember his name I’m sorry!) –it’s talked about in the X-Ray– was to have words pop out in 4 different ways across S2. This a fun stylistic choice, but it also gives words narrative attention, so ties in with all this. Without God to narrate, narratives and accounts are left to the characters within the world. It’s fun and important both. So is the spelling stuff. Maggie can’t spell, neither can the demons. (She may be a demon herself –I’m not entirely convinced it’s this simple, tbh, but Aziraphale’s miracle not working on her in ep5 is definitely a red flag.) Anyway – it’s also interesting.

With all this, my idea that Heaven/Metatron had been planning the aziracrow divorce from the beginning might mean they’re tampering with The Book of Life –it also could mean that they’re ABOUT to do something weird with Aziraphale’s memories, or all these pieces are going to become very very helpful for Muriel’s investigation.

I really do wonder what this role of records, memories and narratives will come to, but I have a feeling it’ll bleed into s3.

Theme 3: Food

Crowley was the reason Aziraphale tried food in the first place. I just wanted to put that down because of course he was, but also it is deeply INSANE that he INTRODUCED AZIRAPHALE TO THE CONCEPT OF EATING. God, David was right. They really don't exist without each other.

This is kind of the point I make with food here: it’s a HUGE theme in s2, largely just to emphasise the fact that it’s powerful.

For some reason (jokey or otherwise) eccles cakes can “calm you down.”

Aziraphale becomes significantly bonded to Crowley by eating the Ox in ep2. Later, Crowley is “as strong as an Ox." –fun little echo.)

They drink the same wine as always in ‘41 –they share no wine in s2, just the sherry and whiskey respectively. They also don’t share a meal, which seems interesting. I personally think that it’s to do with consumption being a metaphor for queer desire, and the absence of it being a sign of C/A being on “their own side” in s2. Crowley abandons temptation as Aziraphale abandons attempts to “save” Crowley. –-Or it may mean something else!

Crowley drinks laudanum and it makes him go lala. It ALSO makes him turn tiny, then giant, and he does something kind –kind enough to get him dragged off to hell and tortured so badly that he’s asking for holy water as “insurance” 40 years later.

That fucking oatmilk almond coffee. Okay. So if food is powerful, this has weight. From the colour of it being weird against the background to the fact (to quote my dear friend Jey) “nobody fucking drinks almond syrup!!” –I’m sure you’ve see all this going around. Almonds are obviously very poison-coded, and considering the above point I smell something strange. (I don’t believe it was quite a case of drugging per say, but more metaphor: Aziraphale is being tempted. He’s being manipulated, and drawn back into the culty office world of heaven.)

So what we know here is that food is powerful. An important metaphor and force (especially for aziracrow.)

Theme 4: Resurrection

OKAY: so, this is the most original of my listing in these themes. I am so interested in this resurrection thing they’ve got going.

The Resurrectionist pub: where Gabriel and Beez come to their plan. We see that The Dirty Donkey is a lift to heaven (which NOT enough people are talking about) –so what about The Resurrectionist? What power does it hold as a space? Why is the legacy of Mr Dalrymple important?

Why did (wee) Morag’s eyes glow briefly? Is she a zombie now?

Zombies exist. We know this. They’re also tied to the concept of consumption, which is cool.

Heaven measures miracles by Lazarii.

Gabriel, in one of his flashes of prophecy, says: “there will come a tempest (...) the dead will rise from their graves and wander the earth once more.”

These are all cool. Thematically, it seems that being raised from the dead is going to be something big. I’m interested in this, considering that after Gabriel said the above mentioned prophecy my good friend Jey said “hold on, is this going to be about The Rapture?”

Now: we know that “668: Neighbour of the Beast” was supposed to be set in America. Whether it actually is or not, I don’t know, but I think that if it is about a second coming on American soil, The Rapture feels VERY pertinent. The dead are the first to rise and be with God in The Rapture, but all believers join them: and they join them permanently. In some versions, there is a period in which Christ rules the earth. All very fun and interesting prospects for s3!

Where this leaves us:

S2 is the “bridge” between 1 and 3, in Neil’s words. It’s the “romantic filling” of the sandwich.

I would argue that some seriously tough bread started with “oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever,” but hey ho, that’s the very ending of the season. I just want to talk about coded language/draw on what I’ve just said to talk about how we’re set up for the structures of s3:

Heaven is a CULT. A serious cult. From the (temptation) manipulation of the coffee, to the man at the pub calling Gabriel a “mason” –which I’m assuming he means freemason– to the frankly INSANE smile on Michael Sheen’s face as the credits roll (also sickening lighting there)– they are a big threatening cult, and that is going to be important. I think it’ll just get increasingly so.

FurFur and Shax have it OUT for the ineffable husbands. Like they are NOT fans. And they seem to also be buddies now so… not great news.

In The Scene </3 Crowley stops himself short of saying he’d like to spend eternity with Aziraphale, and instead asks him to “go off together,” just like s1 –I think their language is going to develop hugely in s3. It’ll go back to being the space they “carved out for themselves,” only further.

And finally: a bet. The last time we see Crowley, he’s in a car full of plants because he’s carrying “their side” away with him. I am willing to bet –not that this is a hottake or anything– that it’ll end, as it began: in a garden. S3 will end in the garden of their South Downs Cottage !!!

#gos2 #the coffee theory #good omens #good omens 2 theory #good omens 3 #ineffable husbands #permit me a soapbox

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considerablecolors · 8 months

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If the coffee theory becomes CANON canon I will actually eat my own foot- BUT here's my proposition: the coffee theory but it's a theory crowley comes up with.

like yeah no something has to be going on here, aziraphale's literally stuck by your side for centuries, he wouldn't just throw it all away for some job, he knows what heaven is like now, he knows, something else must be going on- and hey, he gave him coffee, right? that's weird. that's a weird thing to do, right? maybe it's a small thing to focus on, but your life is literally coming crashing down around you, and you can't help but grasp to this one thing that feels wrong- why did he give him coffee? there's got to be something there.

and hey, thinking about that ball earlier, thinking of those dumb romance novels aziraphale is always reading, isn't this exactly the kind of thing that would happen? right when the couple almost gets their happy ending, the villains comes out of nowhere and messes with one of them- kidnaps, or blackmails, or hypnotizes, or poisons- and why else would the metatron offer him coffee, he's from heaven, heaven doesn't care about aziraphale, about crowley anyone, heaven isn't nice, why would he do that- and why would aziraphale take it, knowing everything heaven has done to humanity, to the world, to crowley aziraphale- so it must be that something was in the coffee.

and hey. when the villain poisons the hero, or hypnotizes them, or puts them under a spell, how does it always get fixed? true love's kiss.

and yeah, it's stupid, this whole thing is stupid, it's impossible to believe, but surely it's still more likely than the idea of aziraphale actually leaving him after all this time, after they gave up everything to have their own side, after crowley's laid his entire heart out on the line, so yes, it's the coffee, it's just the coffee, but it's okay, it's okay because crowley can fix this, he just has to kiss him-

but it doesn't work. it doesn't work. which means one of two things- either after 6000 years it's somehow not true love, or there was never something in the coffee at all. either way, the conclusion is obvious-

crowley isn't enough. not enough for aziraphale to love him, and certainly not enough for aziraphale to stay.

#it's fine aziraphale will go to therapy for his religious trauma and come back for crowley ok?#aka coco takes a theory they don't like and changes it until they like it :)#good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #Crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #ineffable wives #coffee theory #the coffee theory #the metatron #the coffee good Omens #cc speaks

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a-zira-fell · 9 months

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The Coffee Manipulation

The tactics of heaven are so simple but soo effective. That's why Aziraphale goes back to them so easily. He was out, but still so adjacent (in his morals and views and thought processes) that all he needed was one Strategically Reassuring Hand (Humble Offer of Coffee) from an Authority Figure (wow the Metatron himself) on his shoulder, to signal that a symptom of what Aziraphale himself had always considered to set him apart from other 'purer' (paraphrased from Gabriel s1) angels (consuming food and drink), was not something that should keep him from Heaven (Institution).

That Crowley (The One Who Introduced Aziraphale To Food) (the temptress) (Aziraphale Knowing About Crowley Tempting Eve) and this ''''lifestyle'''' (with all that entails) they are creating for themselves, was not something that should keep him out of Heaven (Institution).

And what's more, Crowley could join him there.

It's like dangling a carrot (Aziraphale in a heaven he has always hoped he'd be good enough for despite being so much better, with Crowley at his side, restored to the form that Aziraphale deems appropriate with how good he perceives Crowley to be) in front of a Minecraft Hog (Aziraphale, eager to Eat A Carrot and have hearts evaporate from him).

#ineffable husbands #the coffee theory #crowley #aziraphale #good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 #gos2 #quip #good omens meta #character study #metatron

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cunn1ngboy · 9 months

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if i had a nickel for every time Derek Jacobi played a seemingly kind old man who turned evil and ruined David Tennant's life-id have two nickels. but its still weird that it happened twice

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brokendoor16 · 4 months

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OK SO. THE COFFEE THEORY (split into for and against bcz why tf not)

For:

-Almond syrup. Obviously Crowley gets high off poison so we don't know what reaction deadly substances cause in angels and demons- could cyanide make Azirophale suggestible?? The metratron gave him an 'oat milk latte with almond syrup' and yk what smells just like almonds?? CYANIDE.

-The 'gross matter' issue. All of the angels in good omens so far (except Azirophale, but I'm blaming Cowley for that) have a MAJOR aversion to consuming or encouraging the consumption of human good (gross matter), but the metratron gave Azirophale a coffee and was very stubborn in encouraging him to drink it- why would that be such a big deal if not for some sort of ulterior motive?? Plus, he didn't actually ask Azirophale any questions until he took a sip of the coffee.

-'Nothing lasts forever'. When he's questioned by Cowley ('what about the bookshop?') about his decision, he responds 'nothing lasts forever', which is ENTIRELY out of character for him. I mean, we're talking about the Angel who own a bookshop but won't sell anything, wore the same clothes for 6,000 years, and is terrified to denounce heaven because that's all he's ever known. Surely he wouldn't say that without any sort of intervention??

Against

-Seeing the good. As an angel, but also as himself, Azirophale sees the good in everything and everyone. Whilst Crowley (and, let's be honest, the whole audience) knows not to trust the metratron, Azirophale is determined to see the best in everyone. Is it really so implausible that he would accept the offer out of hope that the metratron is truly good??

-Making a change. Azirophale is fully aware that heaven is not the best environment, but has always seemed uncomfortable criticising it. It could very well be the case that Azirophale truly believes that, by taking the job, he can be the one to bring about those much-needed changes.

-'You really are a very nice person'. Throughout the whole series, there is a recurring theme in Azirophale and Crowley's relationship; Azirophale's stubborn insistance that Crowley is, deep down, 'good'. This could be because of his natural tendency to see the best in everyone, or his obvious loveblindness where Crowley is concerned, but it could also be a way for him to mentally avoid the guilt and consequences that come with being an angel in love with a demon. His determination that Crowley is 'good' could well lead to him seeing heaven as where Crowley belongs, since despite all of it's issues, he still sees heaven as 'the good guys'. This, in turn, could lead to his desire to transform Crowley back into an angel, either for what he believes is Crowley's own good or to absolve himself of the guilt of being in love with a demon.

-Manipulation. It's pretty fucking obvious that throughout the show, Azirophale is manipulated and borderline abused by the higher-ups in heaven, in part due to his people-pleasing nature. This could easily lead to him being manipulated into taking the job; yet another possible explanation for his seeming abandonment of Crowley.

So erm yeah. That's where I'm at. I honestly have no idea what I think about it other than SEASON 3 NEEDS TO BE RELEASED ALREADY. Lmk what you think <33

#good omens #good omens 2 #anthony j crowley #azirophale #ineffable husbands #Theories #fan theory #character analysis #the coffee theory

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begaydoslay · 9 months

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Season 2 spoilers ahead

Crowley getting into the Bently: how could you do this angel?

The Bently: *starts playing don’t try suicide by Queen*

#good ineffable omens #ineffible husbands #ineffable idiots #ineffable husbands #the coffee theory #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens #Crowley #anthony j crowley #crowly x aziraphale

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dramaticmotionblur · 9 months

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THE COFFEE THEORY IS CLICHE AND WRONG HATE ME ALL YOU WANT IM RIGHT

babygirl aziraphale did all that on his own sorry

#fuck the coffee theory #neil gaiman wouldn’t do that #fight me #good omens #good omens 2 #the coffee theory #neil gaiman #crowley #aziraphale #michael sheen #david tennant

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andsomemaniacgotridofthewheel · 7 months

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Good Omens Theories

My Personal General Speculations:

There will be a second kiss between Aziraphale & Crowley, if only to make up for the violent nature of the first one.

Aziraphale & Crowley will absolutely NOT be having sex or be revealed to have had sex in the past, both neither implied nor explicitly. I mean have you ever listened to anything Neil Gaiman ever said about them. And also that's what fan-fiction is for.

There will be no apology dances that relate to the final fifteen. (Past ones like the one in 1941 are fair game, also present ones if they're about something else, like Crowley leaves the toilet seat up or Azirphale dents the Bentley.)

There will be a 1941 Flashback Part III (I mean something is clearly missing so far).

Crowley's angel name will only be revealed if it becomes plot relevant. (But if you tag speculation about it judgmentally with "deadname" I'm blocking you on sight.)

Season 3 will end in the garden of their South Downs cottage, possibly with a nightingale singing.

Theories I like/believe are closer than anyone elses:

The Magic Trick Theory*

-> Similar but with Time Loops

Crowley is up to something in 2x02

Crowley was Raphael** (see notes & entries under "Angel Names", I think Crowley was probably Kokabiel. Not sure if the latter is really going to be important, though.)

Aziraphale is Raphael** (see "Angel Names" section, entry "Israfil")

Theories I dislike and/or don't believe in:

The Coffee-Theory***

The Body Swap Theory****

Aziraphale was acting under duress and sending secret signals during the Final Fifteen***

Crowley was Raphael (see above)

Crowley was Lucifer (Thankgod Neil already pulled the plug on that one.)

Adam is Jesus (He is the literal ANTI-christ!)

Crowley was Mary Magdalene (I mean he surely tempted Jesus with more than just all the kingdoms of the world, if ya know what I mean, and I genuinely hope that will lead to interesting situations in season 3, but that doesn't automatically mean he was Mary Magdalene.)

Mine:

No, I am not letting this miracle / box thing go.

Important Clues / Props / Rules:

Crowley's changing sideburns (& more in-depth)

Crowley's changing sunglasses

Bookshop Clock Time Skips

Clocks and Time Discrepancies

Not discontinuity but continued elsewhere

Continued scene from S2E2 to S2E3

The Secret Timeline of Season 2

The Rules of the Twist

Chiastic Structure S1

Chiastic Structure S2

Blocking

Title Sequence Analysis

Aziraphale's Illustrated Bible

Aziraphale's Documents in the Box

Document on Aziraphale's Table

Musical clues (bells)

Miracle chimes comparison

The Tales of Hoffmann

Possibly Relevant Angel Names:

Israfil (sounds a bit like Aziraphale, angel blowing the trumpet to signal the end of the world & closest to God in Islam; the Christian equivalent would be Raphael, who apparently partly inspired Aziraphale's name.)

Kokabiel (Hebrew angel who fell, connected with stars and star making, most likely possibility for Starmaker!Crowley)

Baraquiel (mentioned in Hell's book of angels directly under Aziraphale, another possibility for Crowley's former angel identity)

Muriel becomes Abaddon (??? Apocryphal Texts, present at the Last Judgement and the Resurrection of Jesus)

Azrael (a. k. a. Death, as canon in book & show, listed here for exclusion reasons)

~asteriks under the cut~

*= While the theory's details hinge too much on its assumption (i. e. guess) on how the Book Of Life works, the idea that we will learn something in season 3 that completely reframes what we think we have seen in season 2 is almost a given. There will have been some sort of "magic trick".

**= Next to Gabriel & Michael, Raphael is the only other archangel we actually know by name. So that's a glaring omission from the show. And whether it turns out to be Crowley or not, I'm sure we will learn about Raphael and his conspicuous absence in season 3.

***= It takes agency away from Aziraphale, even though his actions are completely in line with his history and characterization so far, and nullifies all emotions experienced by the characters as well as the audience during the final scenes.

****= Both Neil Gaiman & John Finnemore are too good to pull the same trick twice. Yes, even if it's a variation. C'mon, give them some credit!

(I will edit this post when something changes or someone comes up with something new.)

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fearandhatred · 7 months

Text

The Alternate Coffee Theory

okay i've been thinking about this a lot. like an unhealthy amount. so: the coffee that the metatron buys for aziraphale is obviously significant. however.

i'm starting to think that its significance really doesn't have that much of a role to play in season 3's plot as we might think, or as the coffee theory might suggest. it might honestly just be important because of all that it symbolises in the last episode, aka earthly desires and by extension, the metatron's hatred of humans and crowley. hear me out

Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death, aka The Metatron Hates Humanity

when i tell y'all i genuinely even tried abbreviating Large Oat Milk Latte With A Dash Of Almond Syrup in case there was some subliminal hidden message in that order... yeah that didn't work out. but honestly i think the main thing to take away from this scene is that the metatron hates humans.

the metatron (so demeaningly): your establishment. i assume they always ask for coffee (eye roll) (deep sigh) (dripping with sarcasm)

nina: no one ever asks for death no :)

the metatron (mockingly): no i don't suppose they doooooo. sooo predictable

the metatron does not mention anything about the world or humans when he's talking to aziraphale (at least not what is shown to us, but if he didn't at all then it's very interesting that aziraphale didn't pick up on that, but that's a whole separate thing).

what this scene with the coffee mostly does is establish the metatron as The Antagonist of season 3. yeah, it's already hinted by the second coming bomb drop, but this solidifies it: he thinks of himself as superior to humans, he genuinely does not care what happens to them. and it'll be harder to change his mind (which aziraphale will undoubtedly try to) because of this.

"Where Would I Get My Coffee?" aka Aziraphale Exposing His Priorities, aka The Metatron Hates Crowley

this is where i think the coffee is REALLY important. it draws out some interesting conversations between the metatron and aziraphale that go exactly how the metatron intended. and also, while the previous scene shows how he hates humans, everything from that point on shows that he hates crowley.

"shall i?" "drink it? of course. i've ingested things in my time."

this has definitely been said before but to reiterate, the metatron is trying to appeal to aziraphale here with human things, which is funny considering we've established that he hates humans. i think from this point onwards, the metatron is trying to parse out just how attached aziraphale is to humanity.

you can kind of see his intent when aziraphale says the coffee is very nice and he replies "yes, i should jolly well hope so". when i first heard that i was all ???? why the hell did he say it like that? but i think it's him confirming that yes, aziraphale partakes in earthly pleasures. maybe there's something to be said here about gluttony being a sin? no idea. so yes, aziraphale loves the world. but then:

2. "where would i get my coffee?"

now THIS is interesting. because aziraphale says "no, i don't want to go to heaven. where would i get my coffee?" and the metatron doesn't say anything like "as archangel you can go wherever you want. you can come back to earth and drink coffee. you can manifest coffee in heaven."

NO. he says "you can have crowley with you". it's a very pointed segue. and if we take it that we are shown all the important parts of the conversation, that means that aziraphale accepts the offer pretty much right after learning that he can be with crowley.

so in the previous point, in the bookshop, the metatron confirms that aziraphale loves and knows humanity. now here, he confirms (this is what he thinks, at least) that aziraphale loves humanity, and he loves crowley more. and to him, this is A Major Problem.

The Offer, aka The Metatron's True Intentions

okay, now let's talk about the metatron's offer to 1. make aziraphale an archangel, and 2. make crowley an angel too.

yes, the second coming is the metatron's major goal. yes, he wants aziraphale to help. but not in the way he thinks: he wants aziraphale to help by getting out of the way. this means that the offer to make crowley an angel again was genuine, because no matter which way it goes, him and heaven benefit from this.

aziraphale and crowley, together, loving humanity, is literally all that stands between heaven and The Ineffable Plan, because that was the case for Armageddidn't. if the metatron gets both of them to go to heaven, fantastic! the troublemakers removed willingly from humanity and doing good (aka advancing the plan).

if crowley refuses to go with aziraphale, fantastic! he knows how much aziraphale relies on crowley. he thinks they're weaker when they're not together. by separating him from all that he loves and directing his attention elsewhere, that's when they can really start doing things.

Coffee Recap and What This Means For Season 3

ok so. tldr. the coffee was placed in the show for symbolic reasons, to set up all these scenes and conversations and show the metatron's true intentions. maybe the coffee even represents aziraphale's attachment to things that are decidedly not heaven, but are in fact heaven's rejects. heaven's fallen. the metatron has decided to make that his problem.

now maybe they really will brainwash aziraphale in heaven, or refuse to let him go back to earth or communicate with crowley in any way. but that doesn't take away from the fact that aziraphale went up there for what he genuinely believes is right, and that is what matters to me, honestly.

but this makes the metatron a lot more sinister than i originally thought. he's very smart; that offer he made wasn't an offer at all, because either way it went would have benefited him. and the fact that he's thought this through means that this is definitely not the end. crowley is probably in danger. aziraphale will be put under a lot of control that would be hard to break free of.

i don't think there's a possibility of them changing the metatron's mind, but i might be wrong. i do think that the season will end with humanity saved and heaven becoming a better place, maybe a joint partnership with hell, but whether they defeat the metatron or somehow make the whole of heaven and hell see sense is past me.

#fearandhatred #fearandmeta #watch me be completely and utterly wrong #but i do think it's slightly more plausible than the coffee theory at least #it's 3am #good omens #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #the metatron #the coffee theory #good omens theory #neil gaiman #good omens meta

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