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aita-blorbos · 5 months

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AITA for cooking meth with my former chemistry student, killing two people, and lying to my family about it?

I (50M) was recently diagnosed with inoperable, likely fatal lung cancer. I work at a highschool as a chemistry teacher, but both the pay and the students are terrible. Case in point, my "lab partner" (24M) - who we'll call "Cap'n" because of course he'd insist on a stupid nickname like that - not only completely flunked my class, but then went on to skip college entirely and become a meth-addicted drug dealer instead.

Understandably, I was a little shaken after receiving my diagnosis. It came as a surprise since I've never smoked, I keep myself in relatively fair health, etc. (Recently my wife has taken to vegan bacon- apparently it helps lower cholesterol, but I digress.) I haven't told my family about the situation yet; I'm still trying to figure out how to "let the cat out of the bag", not to mention I doubt my wife will take it very well.

As for deciding to try cooking methamphetamine, well. I'm not really sure how to explain it, exactly, but there's a lot of money in it, money that would benefit my family, and I don't have much to lose anymore. This may sound cliche, but it's as though I'm really awake for the first time in my life.

Cap'n and I formed a partnership by circumstance only; I found out he was in "the business" and offered to either turn him into the DEA or work with me, and he naturally took the second option. He had no idea what he was doing on the chemistry side of things - chili powder in the meth! applying heat to an Erlenmeyer flask! no wonder I flunked him, he clearly learned nothing in my class - but does know the trade.

(Note: Don't buy all of your supplies from the same store.)

Sorry, I'm getting too far into the weeds here, let me skip ahead. We purchased a trailer and drove out to somewhere in the middle of the desert to cook without added attention or need for dramatic cleanup if we had to leave the area in a hurry. Our first batch was, according to Cap'n, "pure glass." After all of that complaining, I had cooked the finest product he'd ever seen on the first try! Goes to show paying attention in school does pay off, ahem. In case any of you were reading this and thinking of skipping off to go and make highly illegal substances and risk years in prison instead of doing your homework. You all still have your entire lives ahead of you. I don't.

After making it, the next logical course of action was to sell. Cap'n said he had some connections - I mean, he is a drug dealer, I saw no reason not to trust him (I now see how little sense that makes.) - and came back with two men with guns pointed at both of us. You must understand, it was a kill or be killed situation. These are the kind of people who don't care about morals, or what's right or ethical or kind. If they'd lived... not just me, but my wife, my son, and my entire family would all be in serious, mortal danger. I had no choice.

Cap'n by this point had been knocked out cold- still alive, but entirely unhelpful with the situation at hand. I was on my own. So I offered to show the goons how I made the "glass", surely they wanted to see how it was done? And they did- I still can't believe that actually worked. But, ah, instead of actually cooking anything, I gave them... let's call it a chemistry lesson. When significant heat is applied to red phosphorus - a key ingredient in Cap'n and I's "extracurricular science project" - it oxidizes. Your result is phosgene gas, highly deadly, hence the "killing two people." One... technically isn't dead yet- somehow he managed to survive, I still don't fully understand how, but I'm... I'm working on it. Cap'n still has yet to get rid of the first body, so... technically I'm not failing to withhold my share of the cleanup, since he hasn't done so with his.

I realize now this is very long, but I wanted to explain the context for my actions. However, a tl;dr for those who might be in a hurry: I was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, so with nothing else to lose decided to try to make some money for my family by cooking and selling methamphetamine. Coincidentally, a former student of mine was also in the business, and I convinced him to work with me. When we tried to put our product on the market, two people tried to kill us, so I acted in self-defense.

But I really, really must know... is what I did wrong? Should I have been content to live the rest of however-long-I-have-left working a miserable job as a public high school chemistry teacher instead? Should I have found a less fatal way of dealing with the two men who tried to kill me and my partner? AITA?

P.S. It's pretty late as I'm typing this so I might've made some errors in coherency or grammar, for which I apologize.

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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a-dragons-journal · 9 months

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On Questioning An Archetrope

So I'm turning over the concept of a potential paladin (or something similar) archetrope in my brain now.

I have... kind of always viewed myself as a guardian. I've been the Mom-friend, the one people go to for advice, for practically as long as I can remember. I have a protective streak a mile wide, partly due to my territorial instincts from my dragonself. I don't really want to talk about it publicly, but suffice to say that growing up I had what I would now, for lack of better words, call a rich imagined reality wherein I (and my few closest friends, though I hung onto it the longest) was a capital-G Guardian, a hero of blade and armor, a protector of the world.

Later on, in high school, those same friends and I took on a more realistic protective streak, primarily in the form of a habit of adopting girls who a) had just been through bad breakups and/or b) were being harassed/stalked by creepy boys and literally bodyguarding them throughout the day. I still fantasize about scenarios where I get to protect people, often strangers, on a regular basis, for no real reason other than it makes me feel good. I want to be that. I want to be a protector, a shield and sword for those who need it.

My first D&D character was a paladin, and a fairly stereotypical one (although not fully Lawful Stupid). Shail is a tiefling who was abandoned at a temple doorstep as a baby after they were born, raised by one of the priests as their father, and later took up arms after being inspired by a visiting paladin and took the Oath of Devotion. They were my first experiment with they/them pronouns. I am realizing their choice of class may also have been a bit of projection.

I don't know how much of this is inherent to me and how much is something I chose and how much is something I want to choose.

A brief tangent: it so happens that I very recently saw the musical Man of La Mancha, which is based on Don Quixote. While I was vaguely familiar with the story of Don Quixote, I'd never actually read or seen it in full in any form until now. I did not expect to be as touched by it as I was. Don Quixote is... for all we often make fun of him for the windmill incident, ultimately I think Don Quixote is someone we could all stand to learn from, and perhaps even to aspire to. To stubbornly, doggedly, adamantly adhere to honor and justice and a view of the world where good prevails in the end, to fight for what's right no matter the odds, to swear yourself to these things despite the way the rest of the world laughs at you - perhaps the world would be a better place if more of us were Don Quixote in this.

"A quest?" "How you must fight? And it doesn't matter whether you win or lose, if only you follow the quest."

"To dream the impossible dream. To fight the unbeatable foe. To bear with unbearable sorrow. To run where the brave dare not go. To right the unrightable wrong. To love pure and chaste from afar. To try when your arms are too weary. To reach the unreachable star."

Perhaps the recency of this exposure to Don Quixote, and my thoughts and feelings about it and about him as a character, is influencing how I'm reacting to the exposure to archetropy. Or perhaps my reaction to Man of La Mancha is indicative of my resonance with Don Quixote as someone I would argue has an archetropal identity (if of the Knight Errant rather than of the Paladin, though the two really aren't that different) himself. Perhaps both.

Either way, I think it's an admirable thing to take up such a mantle in the face of the world's cruelties - to take up the Guardian's armor and sword again, illogical as it may be, and to aspire to such a lofty ideal as this despite the way the world may consider it foolish or daft.

(And there I go getting poetic prose-y again. Perhaps that's also part of why the paladin archetype appeals to me, ha. I have been known to monologue.)

Even my job can be argued to fall into the paladin - a healer, a helper, a servant who at least tries to value The Good Of The Patient above all else. it's not quite a guardian role - but then, a paladin is often a healer as well.

On top of all of that, there's the fact that when I, out of curiosity and experimentation, put a major problem of indecision I've been facing regarding my current job hunt through the lens of "what would a paladin do," it immediately answered the question with "wouldn't let the difficulty of the task scare them off." Which didn't completely solve my problem, but solves a good solid chunk of it.

So it appears that this may be a helpful tool for me. Even if the thought of "what would Xenk Yendar do" is a slightly silly one. (And yes, Xenk Yendar is an extremely good representation of what paladin looks like to me - and perhaps it's telling that I really latched onto him as a character almost instantly upon watching Honor Among Thieves.)

Perhaps my one big hesitance to latch onto the paladin archetype is the religious connotation of a paladin - while I suppose my relationship with Asclepius could qualify, under the "paladins are also often healers" thought, Asclepius does not cover most of what draws me to the paladin archetype. But a paladin doesn't always have to be religious; in D&D paladins technically draw their power from their oath, Xenk Yendar comes up as an example of a paladin who doesn't obviously seem to have a particular god, and besides none of the alternative archetypes I'm finding or coming up with fit quite as well. The Knight Errant is close, but requires wandering in a way I am thoroughly uncomfortable with (I am still a territorial beast at heart) and also implies seeking evil rather than defending from it.

So... perhaps that's not as big a block as one might think. I'm going to chew on this a while longer, and I'm certainly open to suggestions on similar archetypes for my consideration, but... I might have tripped into a new alterhuman identity. Oops.

#archetrope #paladin archetrope #rani talks #alterhuman #journaling #community writings

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sapphire-weapon · 11 months

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I just wanna say thank you for pushing back on the 'Leon is Italian' propaganda. I'm new to the RE space thanks to RE4R, and seeing the idea that Leon was orphaned because of Italian mob stuff, and he chose to become a cop cuz one helped him during that time is just silly.

RE2R Leon operates with the naivety of a suburban, white picket fence, church-filled Sundays, upper-middle-class type family. An orphan at least with a good upbringing would be a little more jaded walking into the Racoon City incident.

AND Leon currently has a Romanian face model with Eduard, so Capcom isn't even committed to this Italian thing. Let's be honest here, they probably never will with any character background/depth for any of the characters for that matter.

And like you said, his name is literally Scott Kennedy and the fandom won't let it go. They so badly want Leon to be spicy when he's the spice level of a plain bagel and they can't accept it.

I've said this before and I'll say it again:

I can't believe that there's a single person on this planet who looks at RE2make Leon and goes, "yeah, that guy's definitely had a hard life." This is like looking at the sky and saying that it's orange.

I think a lot of people have a hard time coping with the fact that Leon started off just as naive and sheltered as they are, but then he went on to actually be a functional adult with a six-figure job and sex appeal, while they're still too afraid to leave their houses and that's why they don't know what an Italian person actually looks like.

I know that's mean. I'm sorry.

I don't even understand why people want that to be his backstory. I always found the appeal of Leon to be the fact that he was a dipshit who had his blinders violently ripped away from his eyes. Like, he was just some kid who got tossed into the deep end of the pool, and the universe was like "okay, swim!!"

To have trauma be his background literally erases his character arc, because then he doesn't have to learn the lesson of how to cope with trauma because he's already lived through it, which no longer makes him a tragic character at all, which makes his character development between RE2 and RE4 make absolutely no sense, actually and DO ANY OF YOU FUCKERS SEE HOW STUPID THIS IS NOW THAT I'M WRITING IT OUT

But it's so obviously not a thing in canon, and if anyone ever bothered to actually look into it and just think about it a little bit, as opposed to not at all, they'd see how quickly the whole idea behind it falls apart. Time to bring this beauty back:

And, if it was a thing in canon, don't you think it would've probably come up at some point, considering the fact that he's a fucking G-man now? Like, only reason ever given in canon as to why he caught the eye of the CIA is because they knew exactly how fucked Raccoon City was, and they wanted someone capable of surviving something like that. That's all it's ever been. Leon is constantly being described as being so effective because of his resilience/survivability making him seem almost invincible. If he'd had an actual mob background, that probably would've come up at some point as being another thing that made him useful or that the government can exploit because of xyz or whatever the fuck.

You know, kind of like how canon continuously calls back to Chris's backstory of having been in the Air Force even though he got dishonorably discharged but that's not the point? Or Rebecca's aptitude as a super genius child prodigy?

In the RE6 files, Leon opens up a lot to Adam Benford. And you know what he never says, even as he's baring his soul? "After my parents died/were murdered..."

Because it didn't fucking happen.

Because Leon was just an honor roll student. That's all he was. Just any other overachieving kid who got caught on an unlucky streak that still hasn't let up, even over 20 years later.

#resident evil #resident evil 2 #resident evil 4 #leon kennedy

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deadeyedaisy · 1 month

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Tales of Destiny ~PROUST~ Forgotten Chronicle rough summary

I wasn't sure where else to post this, and Tumblr seemed like the one that would get the most use out of it.

So, I streamed my blind run through TODDC with Kio for the past several months. I ended up getting really into TOD from how much cleaner the presentation of the story and characters were over the PSX version, and was really frustrated that nobody had translated the drama CD, which had been hiding like 95% of Leon's characterization until the remake came along.

I kept a notepad of stuff to talk about during those streams. Sometimes it was off-topic things, sometimes it was little tangents about parts of the game that I thought of over the week until we'd play again. Sometimes it was summaries of supplemental material that was never localized. But most of the time, that material was translated by a fan.

Nobody has fully translated Proust. I wanted it to be translated. So I listened to it as hard as I could and summarized as best I could. The following are the unedited notes as I wrote them to be read during stream, rather than a direct translation or anything formal. I'm not good enough at Japanese to fully translate it. I'm so not good at Japanese that there's probably a lot of errors throughout this summary, too. I hope someone eventually comes along and gives us a full translation.

Also note that I'm not great at recognizing the voices of anyone that isn't the main cast of protagonists, so I probably mix up the antagonists or the generals' identities a lot.

--------------------------

So I went back through the drama cd, and I think I've got a few more little details. I could be wrong about a lot of this since there's no translation and I am really fucking bad at Japanese. But this should actually clear up a lot of misconceptions that we, or I had throughout this entire game. Foolish me for just believing everything TVTropes told me instead of trying to comb the drama cd myself.

(track 1-01 Thunder + track 1-03 Lullaby) Chris tried to escape with both children, but Hugo sent the goon squad after her?? and they managed to take Leon and mortally wound Chris. She drags herself back to the mansion to see Leon again and asks him not to hate Hugo, because this certainly isn't the same kind person she married. [I previously summarized it based on this post, which does a much better job of summarizing track 1-03: https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/136918641610/so-after-the-horrible-sad-feels-from-the-emilio]

(track 1-02 History That Was Forgotten is just Leon saying the title of the CD)

(track 1-04 Yes, My Lady) Less than 2 years before the game starts. The girls in Leon's class aren't very good at dance lessons yet, so he complains to Marian that all the girls are stupid-- oh but not you Marian, it's only other girls that are dumb. lol I can't catch why Leon's mad at Hugo this time, but Marian sticks up for Hugo, since he's the one who pretty much discovered how useful Lens could be to further technology and make modern life easier, and has for the most part made it all affordable. She's also grateful that he hired her when she had nothing. Marian wants Leon to make friends with the girls because she's worried he'll be all alone. Leon says he's fine alone and that he'll only grow stronger, and to distract Marian, decides to teach her the dance he learned, calling her "my lady". At the end, he says he'll be fine as long as he has Marian. Hugo walks in on them and Leon quickly makes an excuse but Hugo just puts him down for hanging with the staff and tells him to get to sword practice. Leon seems excited for it. Leon whispers to Marian that they'll practice dancing again. Marian says she's looking forward to it, but when he leaves, she sadly mumbles that he's a pitiful child. (Not in a mean way)

(track 1-05 True) [Oops I didn't cover this one. It's just villainy anyway. Who listens to Proust to hear Mictlan-Hugo monologue?]

(track 1-06 Man of the Mask) I forgot about this detail and its MASSIVE importance. In the original, Leon and Hugo's relation wasn't known for a long time. In the remake, their relation is paraded around loudly. Hugo will not let anyone forget that Leon is his son, and Leon's motivation is to not be a nepo baby. But in the original, specifically in the drama CD, Hugo doesn't want their relation known. He doesn't want Leon around while he's doing business because it might reveal their relation. He reprimands him for coming home while he's doing business and tells him not to come home so often. Leon was actually excited to let him know of one of his missions' successes, on his 15th birthday no less. Chaltier tries to comfort Leon when he's basically told to gtfo, but Leon tells him he's not sad at all, and that he just wants to be acknowledged by someone as skilled as Hugo. His cadence is fairly fond as he says all this, but he's awfully insistent about it. Like thou-doth-protest-too-much insistent. Leon thinks he saw a masked man, but Chaltier says he doesn't sense anyone. They go on their way, but a filtered voice of Hugo calls Leon's name.

(track 1-07 Emilio) The following track makes it more clear that yes, he was actually very fucking upset about it. I already talked about this track since it was one of the only 2 tracks that were fully translated by someone else. Where Marian has a little private birthday party for him and he breaks down. With the added context of the previous track, the breakdown makes a bit more sense. He's just been told and brushed off again by Hugo even after so many smashing successes. Took it upon himself to put up a strong front in front of Chaltier. Then Marian does this gesture of kindness that I guess makes him feel like he's being treated like a child or mocked, and that's the last straw. Marian is of course calling him Emilio, and he refuses that name because Emilio is worthless, nobody needs Emilio, and he's all alone. He insists he's Leon Magnus, because he's at least useful as a tool for Hugo. Marian doesn't like him calling himself a tool. Says he's her precious Emilio. And Leon cries. [Previously summarized based on this post, which actually has a full translation!: https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/136880537875/jeredu-spoilers-for-tales-of-destiny-for]

(track 1-08 Family) Next track takes place a year later and has Leon being the wunderkind beating everybody and being taken under Finley's wing. They've all got praise for him but are a little put off by him being so uptight. Late at night, Leon sneaks into Marian's room through her window because of the lecture he got about COMING HOME TOO OFTEN jfc. He's excited to tell Marian about officially working with the knights, and asks to dance with her. I think I skipped a bit. Leon only started trying to become a knight because Hugo told him to, so that he'd have a pawn within the castle to help further Oberon's goals. I think he moved out of the mansion after the last track to dedicate himself more fully to cementing his position there?? I'm probably wrong. But he's been a lot happier this way. Later that night, Chaltier tries to suggest that Leon just continues living like this and become a full fledged and honest knight instead of working for Hugo, because all of the generals seem to like him and are nice people. Buuuut Leon's already fallen asleep. Boo

(track 1-09 Nightmare) Next track has Leon and Finley talking and they think Greybaum's sus. They meet with Greybaum and Chal also thinks he's sus. That night, Leon has a nightmare where a man is telling him he can save Rutee. Except Leon doesn't know who Rutee is yet, or her name. The man is wearing a mask like the one from the mansion. It seems to be the real Hugo. He attacks Leon when he knocks his mask off I think?? and I guess Leon wakes up and is back at the mansion temporarily? I have no idea what's going on here but Hugo's not doing great and Leon rushes to his aid but Hugo basically tells him to gtfo his house again. I think real Hugo is fighting Mictlan, because Leon says something about Berserius. Belserius. Berselius. Fuck it. Scene change and Leon's at a tavern or something. The waitress fawns a bit, showing his good reputation has spread. Leon thinks about the nightmare and what the heck a Rutee is. Then he overhears some guy talking about a demonic lens hunter dude and the waitress is like oh nah you mean that girl Rutee? and Leon all but trips over himself to go violently interrogate the waitress. The guy she was talking to gets mad and tries to attack Leon and a fight starts. Finley shows up and slaps Leon and reprimands him and I think threatens him?? But Leon got the information he wanted out of the waitress.

(track 2-01 Masquerade) Next track. The villains talk stealing the Eye of Atamoni. A masquerade ball is held in Seinegald. Leon's all ready to be big bad security but Finley says he should blend in and dance. But he ain't got no fancy clothes! So Finley arranges to get him some fancy clothes. He's about to arrange for a partner too but Leon's like nah I got a girl for this and yoinks Marian up. She's worried she's not allowed to attend such a party, but Leon assures her she's part of the mission so it's fine. She tries to make excuses to not go but he shoots them all down. He sounds like he's having just oodles of fun on the carriage ride with her to the ball. He's laughing and smiling and it's just great. This moment is probably literally the happiest Leon will ever be in his entire life lol He… sneaks her in through the BACK DOOR and gets stopped by guards who ask who dis. And he says, "my partner" and they say they can't let randos in and he says NO SHE'S MY PARTNER and they say :/ that's not good enough bro, come on, and Marian takes his arm all suggestive like and says "What part of partner don't you understand ;)" and they let them in??? okay But Marian hasn't received her dress yet, so Leon's waiting for her to get dressed. And Chal teases him a bunch implying Leon's nervous to see her in her fancy dress. Leon tells him to shut up but Chal notes he's blushing really hard. But, Leon suddenly sees the masked man again, and this time Chal sees him too. Leon attacks but he disappears. He hears the voice and he's big mad 'cause he thinks he's being jerked around so he shouts a lot. Marian hears him shouting and rushes to him and real-Hugo goes whoops sorry about that I guess lmao and goes away. The ball gets into full swing and allll the girls are wowed by how pretty Leon's partner is. Marian says she feels awkward and Leon tells her she's beautiful, but she still doesn't think she should have come. He asks her to dance, she tries to make excuses not to, but he keeps asking, calling her "Lady" again like when they danced alone ;A; aaaa So they dance, and Leon is just so entranced and whispers that he wants to go far far away together to a place with only them, that's quiet and warm. He says something like he lost such a promised place inside of him a long time ago, but feels that it's also right there with her, and he's about to say something that MIGHT have been a confession, but they're interrupted by an attack and are separated. SO YEAH I'D SAY HIS FEELINGS FOR HER ARE PRETTY ROMANTIC. HOLY SHIT. I felt like I was listening to one of those listener-POV CDs where they do nothing but sweet-talk you, gosh. Whether his feelings are actually romantic or not, he's still just entirely fucking smitten with her. oh my god.

(track 2-02 Venomous Snake) Next track, I have no idea what's going on because I'm not familiar enough with all the villains' voices, but it's villain stuff. I think it's Greybaum mostly, and they're messing with King Isaac, the Phandaria King. And Greybaum is evil monologuing but Leon was hiding in the room and ambushes him. Hugo shows up before Leon can do any damage and something happens or is talked about, idk, villains get away. Leon's like what the fuck, dad, they tried to kill the king. Hugo says Isaac's spent too long in office and ain't doin his job right no more. So it's fiiine just let it go, besides, Graybaum's gonna be a useful tool. And the word "tool" sets Leon off 'cause it's always about tools with Hugo, and Hugo goes YEAH, A TOOL, A TOOL JUST LIKE YOU. I'VE BUILT HIM UP AND I'M TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIM, JUST LIKE I DID TO YOUUUU. And he demands Leon apologize but Leon says no, he's done being Hugo's puppet, he's going to live for himself, he's not going to accept this shitty fate anymore, he's going to carve his own path and make a place for himself in Seinegald. And Hugo goes "Ohoho what silly thoughts Finley's put in your head. Sure, you could do all that, you could escape me no problem, you're good enough for it, but I wonder how Marian is doing~ Sure hope she's okay after getting separated from you. It's just such a scary world out there, you never know when or where such a fragile little thing like her could get got." So basically the ongoing threat on Marian's life has begun. It's not explicitly stated, but obviously the implication is that Leon could leave and take Marian with him, but Hugo will get to her one way or another. Then it's just 20 full seconds of Leon desperately calling and looking for Marian.

(track 2-03 Requiem) Next track, he finds Marian and clings to her and sobs in relief that she's okay. She says yeah it's okay I'm fine, but Leon just cries harder. Later after he's calmed down, he brings up that far away warm place he spoke about. He wonders where that could even be anymore. Probably somewhere further than the moon. He wonders if he can go there. Then it's very suddenly Finley's funeral. People are crying. The priest is praying. People are swearing vengeance. Hugo, Chaltier, and Finley's voice echo in Leon's head. Hugo coercing Leon into poisoning Finley. Chaltier asking him not to do it. Finley telling Leon they're alike in that they both lost their parents at birth. That he'd like for Leon to think of him as his father, because he thinks of Leon as his son, I think. Hugo reminding him where his place is, and that that's never going to change. Finley succumbing to the poison, in disbelief that it was Leon, and desperately asking why. Leon's sure he's never going to get to that place. Hugo and friends do some villain talk and make some snide remarks at Leon, and he just says it's fine. He's defeated at this point.

(track 2-04 Rutee) Next track has Leon on his way to Cresta to look for whoever Rutee is. Chaltier recognizes the name a little but doesn't remember. Rutee runs into him and runs away, but Chaltier recognizes Atwight on her back right away and they give chase. Rutee's giving gifts to the kids at the orphanage, is asked how she made the money for this and she's like "eehh I worked really hard :D" Chal finally remembers Rutee was the name Chris spoke of before she died and he's super excited that Leon's not all alone, that he still has his sister. But Leon just runs away. Chal's like what the fuck, where are you going, and Leon says it's been 15 years, so it doesn't matter, they're not family. Chal keeps trying to get him to go back to Rutee, insisting she must have been looking for her family for a long time, and that he should reach out to her. Leon admits that he's scared that Rutee won't accept him. Chal tells him that's stupid. Leon admits he's scared of Rutee also betraying him like Hugo did, and cries that he's truly all alone. The track ends.

(track 2-05 Flow of Fate) Next track, it's revealed Greybaum's theft of the Eye of Atamoni was actually not in the plan. He did that on his own and betrayed them. They plan for Leon to lead the investigation and gather the swordian users. Leon asks if Hugo knows who wields Atwight, and Hugo, like a fox, says mmmyessss. During Leon's first real meeting with Rutee, while she goes off on him, he's thinking to himself that he wishes he met her sooner, but he's too dirtied to face her for real by now. Chaltier insists to him that it's not too late, but Leon refuses. A bunch of scenes of Leon traveling with Stahn's group pass. Leon thinks about how Rutee has good friends and a home and family to return to, and feels even worse that he can't be happy for her. He hates himself for it, but he can't help it. Chaltier tells him he could become a part of her family. Leon says it'd be nice, since he's being shown such a warm place, but he can't escape his fate. More scenes pass, and Leon is moved by Stahn's resolve. He thinks maybe he was wrong about fate, because everyone is fighting. More scenes pass, and Leon is even moved by Batista and Greybaum, because they went against Hugo. Even if they couldn't win against their fates, they still tried. He's confused and doesn't know what to do, but Chaltier doesn't have answers for him. The only thing he knows he can do is protect Marian. The only reason he has to keep living is Marian.

It continues in the mines. Hugo and friends say they need to buy time to escape Stahn's group. He tells Leon to stall them as long as possible, and then detonate an explosive. Tells him exactly what will happen, down to the sea water flooding in. So Leon absolutely knows he's going to die if he agrees to do this. Leon asks to be alone with Marian, as his first and final request as Hugo's son. Marian observes that Leon doesn't want to go through with this. Leon says it's fine, he'll just do what he's told. He asks why Marian is here, why she's still a maid for Hugo. Marian answers it's because Hugo was trying to save the world, or whatever. She owes him a lot. So she'll do whatever she's told, too. Leon asks what'll happen if he dies. Marian says she'll probably never stop crying. Leon asks how much, for how long, because it's not possible to cry for him for her whole life. Says she'll probably cry for a bit, but eventually she'll meet someone he doesn't know, fall in love, get married, and have children, and she'll forget all about him, and then he'll truly be gone and not exist anymore. He'll disappear. Leon cries, really hard. He pulls himself together, apologizes, says she should go. She goes, but she calls after him that it was fun. That being with him was like a dream. He says quietly to himself that, yeah, it was like a dream to him, too. (The wording is different from the opening song! Important to note because the remake did a full on title drop in its climax. The opening song is 「夢であるように」, but the wording here is 「夢みたい」. But it's still probably a 100% intentional reference to the opening song.) [I cut off here because I previously summarized these two posts about the end of this track, which is an exchange with Chaltier: https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/136997902840/i-dunno-if-its-possible-to-fall-in-love-with-a https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/137057162215/checked-with-a-friend-who-knows-more-japanese-and]

[I yada-yada'd track 2-06 Father, Friend because I already summarized it previously based on this post: https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/143045097730/i-finally-typed-up-a-summary-of-father-friend]

(track 2-07 -Epilogue- Yes, My Lady) In the final track, Rutee is visiting Marian. She asks Marian to live with her. Marian declines, saying she has to keep Emilio's room clean for him for when he comes back. Rutee says he's already gone, but Marian interrupts and asks Rutee to dance. She teaches her how to dance. She calls Rutee "My lady" like Leon did with her.

-----------------------------

May I just say, if Leon retained his character from the drama CD in the remake, he absolutely would have broken down crying after Stahn convinced him they could work together to save Marian. And maybe hugged him or held his outstretched hand with both of his. While crying. Drama CD Leon is a huge crybaby and I'm so here for him. I was disappointed he didn't get to cry through the remake.

And also that hot damn, Hikaru Midorikawa was allowed to emote SO MUCH MORE in the drama CD than in the entirety of the remake, not even counting all the crying he does.

#Tales of Destiny #Leon Magnus #Marian Fustel #Tales of Destiny PROUST Forgotten Chronicle #translation

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just-antithings · 9 months

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Re: refrainbow (creator of the Boyfriends webtoon) saying the n-word. (Note, I'll be switching between he and they pronouns for refrainbow, since he uses both, I hope it doesn't end up confusing. Also, the bold is to help with reading (at least, it helps with my ADHD, but there's also a td;lr at the bottom as well))

I don't have screenshots or links, but it's been noted that refrainbow has admitted to having said it when he was younger and still learning English (mostly from the internet). They are Indonesian and did not know the history behind the slur. I'm not sure they even knew it was a slur until getting called out for it; from what I've seen, refrainbow thought it was English slang calling someone stupid or bad, due to learning it through I think gaming, where the n-word and other slurs were often thrown around liberally.

People ofc are valid being wary around refrainbow or anyone who's used the n-word or other slurs as general insults (or just saying them in general). No one is entitled to anyone's forgiveness.

One thing I've seen thought up, though, is people saying that refrainbow should have known anyway that the word was off-limits. One anti art-commentary youtuber said, "I knew as a little kid that it was a BAD word, that you just DO NOT say." And yes, as an American kid, I'm sure they were observant enough to realize that it was a horrible word, even if they did not automatically know the history of that word.

Refrainbow is NOT American. He was learning English mainly through the internet, iirc, and even if he was also taking formal English classes, there usually isn't a section on slurs in said language. Now, in my French class, part of the lesson plan was learning about racism north African and Middle Eastern people faced in France (a very compressed lesson; I barely remember what the teacher told us in that lecture). We were not told slurs and told "Do not, under any circumstances, say these words." If I'd been in an online gaming community with a bunch of French kids back then, there is every possibility I could have repeated slurs in French, not knowing they were slurs, if everyone around me were using them like general insults. I would have assumed it was slang first, not slurs.

As for why antis add refrainbow saying the n-word at the very end of a rant/call-out, this is a pretty common tactic that I've seen in call-out-type posts I end up coming across. Lots of buzzwords are used, many with the barest amount of "evidence" (if there is any, or if there is, it's usually worst-faith takes of some post or passage from a fic). Usually it's full of rhetoric meant to stoke people's anger or disgust, and then at the very end is a claim not mentioned in the bulk of the call-out/rant and usually a shorter sentence. It's usually something worse than what else has been stated and may or may not come with actual proof, and this last part might be actually true or true if you hide context around it.

I think there are two main reasons for this. One is that depending on how long the call-out/rant is, most people are more likely to pay attention to just the beginning and end parts, skimming over the rest. Placing "the worse/worst thing" at the end then makes sure people actually read it. Another reason (tied to the first reason) is that this last point is more likely to stick in people's memories this way, so if people only skimmed the rest, they're more likely to believe the other points are true, too, especially if that last point has evidence attached or is easily searched.

There's been a few call-outs in my fandom recently (some were technically responses to earlier call-outs, showing proof that the original people making their call-out posts were lying/twisting the truth), so whenever I find myself getting disgusted or upset, I make sure to go back and read it more closely (if the call-out is about someone I follow/a mutual; I don't have energy to read rants about people I've never heard of before).

td;lr: refrainbow did say the n-word before, he's apologized, explaining that he was still learning English at the time and didn't know how bad the word was, and using points like this at the bottom of a call-out post seems to be deliberate, so that people remember The Bad Thing about the person more clearly.

#mod erin #ask #just anti things #posted without comment #n word mention

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littlestpersimmon · 2 years

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Basically I had an idea where there is this necromancer who is a failure of a necromancer, but somehow got into the classes of a famed sorceress (she is his aunt) and everyone hates and resents him for being a nepotism witch (lol) and all the other necromancers bitch and bemoan about him and bully him for being a terrible witch, so he wants to prove himself to their little secret society. He runs off into this ancient fort-turned-tomb to retrieve a very difficult to obtain grimoire.. while he is trying to wander its terrible and dark and awful-smelling mulchy walls, he gets attacked by a bunch of wolves.. He starts running for his life and clambering and climbing onto the walls, literally crying and shaking and thinking, ohhh it's the end for me!!!!!

But in the desperate and false hope that he has learned a little from his necromancer aunt, he starts groaning a single spell in hopes that something in the tomb reanimates and he could use that as a pawn to fight off the wolves, and to his surprise, one of the corpses actually animates. Anddddd. It was the recently deceased prince who Died Fighting A Demon.

He starts dispelling the wolves with wicked ease, swinging his sword mightily and ooh the rot of death has not touched his sweet face, the poor Necromancer leans on his hands, almost sighing like a green maiden bcos the prince was so so so handsome.

When the wolves are dispelled, the prince turns to the necromancer and does a floppy bow, and the necromancer jumps down, and grins at his rescuer, but the prince is stony-faced and asks the necromancer to return him to death. The necromancer smiles Evilly at him.

Bcos he's like "how can I return you to somewhere you've never been to?" And the prince is like. "What." And the necromancer smiles even WIDER in scammer-to-scammer recognition. "I've not known a single necromancing spell in my entire life"

The Prince is immediately starts cursing himself because now he's been found out, and he's faked his own death and hanging out at the catacombs to escape his own princely duties, and a political marriage he was SO NOT looking forward to ! ! ! !

And the necromancer, even though this prince has just saved his life, immediately starts laughing and teasing him, "If only you were less noble, you coulda kept up this charade" but then the prince like, threateningly lifts his sword and the necromancer is like wAIT!!

he's like "DONT YOU SEE. THIS IS A GOOD THING."

And the necromancer starts telling the prince about how most necromancers of their age are not true necromancers, but just magicians who reanimate corpses to do their bidding, but then! There would be one necromancer!! Leaving the city of the dead, the necromancer who would be the greatest sorcerer of all time, and it would be they who can truly resurrect the dead who have gone into the cold!

The Prince would LAUGH at the necromancer, because the necromancer was basically proposing a scam where they team up and present themselves as the one who came back from the cold, and the master necromancer..!!!!!!

Because the necromancer's plan was to re-emerge from the tombs, and have the prince pretend that the necromancer called him back from the dead, body and soul intact. And the prince thinks that's a STUPID plan. Why would he even....!!

The prince is all thoughtful like. "

At your beckoning? No fucking way dude."

Until the necromancer is like "um excuse me you live in this stinky dank tomb, this is a most un-ideal bachelor pad ever. Would you not like to leave?"

And oh the prince starts taking in how, while very annoying, he notices how very pretty the necromancer is, and he did fake his death to escape a marriage because he didn't want to come out as gay.. hmmm!! This could be a very good accord!!

Anyway, gonna cut this here because it's already way too long but djsjsjs. Why do I wanna make a comic of this. . . . .

#long post

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diosama27 · 1 year

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Usui Takumi

So lately I've noticed a blonde guy from my class looking at me... No, to be accurate staring at me.

An: Yn was in the big girl group so no one literally gave her any attention, well she was fine with that cause she was one of the "independent women" they say but it's all because of the trust issues that she had with her past relationships and things she heard from others.

But for some reason, you knew that he was staring at your closest friend rather than you. Boys would swoon over the school's reigning queen. Misaki fucking Ayuzawa was who she was.

Misa was a typical tsundere girl who was literally without imperfections. The boys would do everything for her to notice, and since she's the prez, she obviously excels in the curriculum.

She is the goddess, a "smexy goddess," the all-powerful, supreme being. She has even rejected girls, which is painful to behold.

Everyone with a rational mind will, of course, fall for her. Because you two were great friends, a lot of males even approached you to introduce them to her.

Seriously, some guys merely talk to you to attract her attention, but she's just very protective of you and fears that you will get wounded as a result of everything. You weren't sure why, but you liked being the most important person to the school queen.

It's true because she detests men who use you as a stepping stone to approach her. She is the kind of friend that everybody desires.

But recently, she came clean about her emotions for Usui. Who has been the bad boy that most girls adored.

Honestly, after hearing this, you felt a little sad because you'd have to share your sexy bestie with someone else.

If she enters a relationship, you won't be able to spend time with her and hang out like you used to, but if she's pleased with it, you wanted to support her.

You want to make her smile, make fun of her, and discuss all the wonderful times she has had with her significant other.

That was like hearing about your daughter's love life and how happy it made you. Indeed the goddess and the bad boy thing would make a great couple, I reckon.

You get the impression that he has feelings for her, too. This relationship is now legitimate, and in a few days it might even become official.

Next day at school~~~

"Yn!! Why are you late today, uhh? What am I going to do with you?" She sighed. "Btw did you have your breakfast? Wait that's a stupid question so here" she handed you a bento similar to hers.

She does this so often she would bring food for you everytime. She's just too kind.

"Thank you misa~~~!!!!" you play cried and ate the food with her. She would do everything for you, protect you, bring you food, you can be comfortable around her, you will fall in love with her if this continues.

AN: And did I forget to mention that some of the guys and girls actually envy you for being treated like a lil baby by the queen of school.

Well you would've died a hundred times if dagger eyes could kill you, she would support you and just be there for you. The perfect waifu that everyone wants but is mine only. (Hehehe)

This usui guy wanted to say something to Misaki as he was literally all around her the whole day, but she just rejected him. It's to be mentioned that they were still in the friend stage.

You knew misa was not able to conceal her love for him. She was rejecting him only because if she spoke, he would've learned why she was a red tomato the whole day.

But you wanted him too find it out so they could get together you wanted to do something to help them confess their love for each other and come clean.

Students were already leaving their classes as the school bell rang, laughing and sighing alongside their friends and loves.

"Yn!!" When you turned around after hearing an unexpected voice call for you, you spotted him—the crucial target of your mission—in front of you.

Since you've never really said a hi or a hello to this man, you reasoned that God was on your side. You were trying to think of a way to approach him when he appeared.

"Wait, he's going to ask me to assist him in telling Misa how he feels. Yes of course, everything is going smoothly, and I only need to convince her to accept his offer. You were too preoccupied thinking about where they would go on their first date and how Usui would surprise Misa.

He was nervous, not at all like the bad guy he was, and you thought he really loved her. "Yn I want you to do me a favour and please don't say no, it's really important for me and only you could do this since Misaki trusts only you, so please," he said.

You mentally yelled out, "Yess it's here," and then asked, "Well, I'd do anything for Misa, so what is it?" You inquired, anticipating the responses you had in mind but this was different like really totally different.

"Actually, I need your support in arranging a date for Misaki with one of my friends. He attends a different school, and you can trust me when I say that Misaki would adore him. I'm not really sure how we became friends because he is nothing like me.

He is my best mate, and I want to do something for him because I know he would sacrifice his life for her. For her, he would do anything for her."

You just stood by and watched as he chuckled like a little kid while he reminisced about him and his pal.

"Please, Yn, help me in this. I know you would feel exactly the same way about Misaki, who needs to settle down with someone so she can have a lifestyle beyond the school as she's far too consumed with everything else to take care of herself. So, please."

He begged with you, and you were unable to even answer to his questions, like, "What the hell was he saying? She likes him, yet he's here asking me to set her up on a date with his best friend."

"That's not likely to happen; if he cares about her, he should come out and say it. How can she ever trust a coward who can't even communicate his own thoughts and emotions? If he truly loves her, ask him to grow up and have the guts to admit his feelings because the wonderful queen Misaki who she sure is doesn't need a love like that."

You were about to walk away when he said. "No, it's not like that, you should understand. He loves her, but he doesn't want her to know because he feels that he's not good enough to love her."

You are now really mad at how things turned out as you said "Even if we set up a date for them, Usui, do you honestly believe that Misa will accept his feelings? What are you even expecting when she doesn't even know who he is?"

He was puzzled but came up with "then how about we plan a double date so that we both could also go and make preparations for them to spend some alone time. How about that?"

'yes bye-bye misa I'm going to miss you, I'll miss you soo bad' you thought treasuring all those memories you had with misa and locking them all up in your heart.

"Wait no, no, no. That's not how it should be" you tried to think of other options but you couldn't come up with anything. When you heard him question "Then how should it be?" You were not in your right mind, millions of thoughts which were trying to make you go insane ran in your head and without even realising you blurted out the truth, the truth that only misa could say, the truth that only she has the right to say.

"Well, Misaki is in love with you" he was shocked and was comprehending what he just heard with an expression in his which waited for you to correct the sentence thinking that you made a mistake but no, it's the truth.

"What was that? No, it can't be true right? No." he paused for a few seconds but said "Yn, I'm actually in love with you. To be honest I wanted to confess in a better circumstances but I guess it too late now as it has come to this. But I have feelings for you and misa is just my friend, nothing more."

You were so shocked that your thoughts began to fade into the background of yourself and Misa and towards the reaction of the entire school once they learned what had actually happened.

He is the playboy, but now it's not the same him. He's dead serious and was anxiously anticipating your response, and you could see it as you stood still and stared at him.

You were confused, so you tried to take a glimpse of everything which happened so firstly you were You were trying to pair them up. Secondly Usui approached you and asked you to help him set up a date for Misa and his friend.

Finally he says that he's in love with you. You almost felt like you were in some kind of a tv drama or something. Things kept crashing into you.

"No, Misa is in love with you, and you need to be too. I should have no part in this, neither should your friend. Why did everything end up this way?" You could feel his hands on you while you were jabbering out loud and heard him acknowledge,

"Yn, I know all this is too much on you, but it's true, I genuinely love you and I can't even think about someone else in your stead. Don't make this a matter about others, please. I want to know what you feel about me, not how your friend thinks, please" usui says.

"I don't really know how to feel about this, maybe I need some time." You turn around to walk away when he pulls you and kiss you and says.

"I love you and I would do anything for you to love me back but I can't move on from you, no not in this life, so please give me a chance." He pleads while you stand there dumbstruck after the kiss.

Because to all this you never noticed Misa behind Usui standing in full shock trying to hold back the tears which were threatening to fall.

She just lowered her head and after a brief moment of looking away Misa murmured, "Yn, are you not cold? Would you like to walk with me as we head back home now that it's almost dusk?" As she was staring blank into your lifeless eyes. With that, she walked ahead saying "Let's meet up tomorrow, then. Take her home safely, Usui."

You didn't wait for anything and just ran behind Misa trying to stop her by then you were far away from Usui and near the local park were y'all sometimes chat for a while. She had tears stained her cheeks you couldn't just look at her like that. She was hurt. You hurt her.

"I'm sorry Misa, it's not like that, please understand. You are my friend and I'm sorry that you witnessed all this, I'm sorry, it's my fault, please, please forgive me." You cried as you hugged her.

Misa also couldn't control her emotions anymore and bursted into tears in your arms.

"Yn, I know, it's not your fault, it's just.... I can't. I don't want to loose you because of these emotions. You are one of the most important person in my life. I want you to be happy too."

"I know you love him too...."

You were trying to comfort her but when she said the last few words you knew you fucked up.

"What are you saying Misa, you think I like him, no, not a chan..." Before you could finish she said. "Yn no, stop, I know you, don't give me that crap. But I'm sorry because I realised it too late, just after I, realised my feelings for him and when I confessed it to you that's only when I knew you also like him. I'm sorry, I should have said it before."

She sobbed onto you and you couldn't console her no more, she was broken and so were you. You knew you had feelings for Usui but it didn't matter when she had the same feelings for him.

"Yn, you should go back to him and tell him how you feel. I want you to be happy and find the one that you love, now that you found him you should do all you can. Yn, do it for me, please."

Stop this, it's not how it's supposed to be. No, I don't know what to do. By then Usui caught up to you and was just waiting for y'all to have your moment. "I'm sorry Misa, I didn't know all this, I'm sorry."

She wiped her tears away and said

"It's alright Usui, atleast you knew about my feelings, and I won't regret ever having feelings for you. But please understand yn and try to pursue her by anyway possible. You won't get anyone better than her. I can assure you for that."

She looked at you and said "Yn, nothing will tear us apart, this friendship is for life, as people say you either be with me or you die, so guess it's not the later?"

She playfully teased as she forms finger gun and points it to you. You just couldn't stop the tears which were now flowing like a waterfall. You hugged her so tight and she just pampered you for some time.

"Now I feel relieved. Please take care and take her home safe. Byee." She hugged you one more time and said "I love yn, let meet tomorrow. Bye" then she left.

Now it was only you and Usui, he saw you and said "A genuinely good friend to have, I guess." As you smiled and he hugged you removing the coldness in you when Misa left.

"I love you Usui, thank you for everything." You said as you were in his arms.

You could feel him tightening his grip around you as you face upwards you find his face beaming with joyful tears. He wipes them away and says "I love you too babe. I love you sooo much"

#chubby reader #usui takumi #misaki #maid sama #angst #fluff #usui x reader #anime

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tmntkiseki · 2 months

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TMNT Art Diary 2: The Importance of Art Goals and Focusing Your Attention

Happy March, everyone! How are we doing? It's been almost a month and a half since my last turtle art diary, so I figured it was about time to type up yet another set of ramblings talking about my experiences learning how to draw the 2003 TMNT.

Before we get started, I feel it's worth mentioning that the future of this blog is kinda up in the air at this point? From the beginning, I've been against AI generated images because of the ethics involved and like many in the Tumblr art community, recent going-ons with the site have me concerned for where things might be headed. I'm not planning to jump ship just yet, but there is a pretty good chance that I'll be posting less and less original drawings here and start utilizing my newly created Pillowfort instead, as the staff has taken a very firm anti-AI stance to the point of completely banning both AI generated images and writing on the site (the official Tumblr post regarding their decision). If you're a fellow artist, TMNT or otherwise, they might be worth checking out as a potential alternative to Tumblr.

With that out of the way, let's begin!

Okay, so let's talk about something that applies to most anything when you're learning how to do art; the importance of art goals and taking things one step at a time. Whether you're a beginner artist or someone who already has years of experience under your belt, it's important to not only have goals in mind of what you want to learn, but also to try and not do everything all at once. There is a lot that goes into successfully drawing the turtles; their anatomy, applying their less human features like their shells and three-fingered hands, their expressions, their colors, etc. HOWEVER, if you're trying to learn to draw too many aspects of their designs all at once, you are going to become overwhelmed very fast and you will not see improvement as quickly, which inevitably results in frustration and loss of motivation. Ergo, you need to take things bit by bit, breaking down the turtles designs into bite-sized pieces and focusing on specific areas that you are having trouble on.

For instance, early on, I realized pretty quickly that one of the areas I was struggling in was the turtles heads; I love their shape, but damn are they hard to draw. Subsequently, there was a point where I was largely drawing turtle heads and ONLY turtle heads so I could learn what shapes went into them, what they looked like from different angles, etc. Within even a few days, I already saw massive improvements just because I wasn't trying to draw EVERYTHING all at once; just one very specific aspect of their designs. Compare the very first Donny I drew on the 5th of January to a quick doodle of Mikey I did a couple of weeks later on the 25th and you can see how much I learned in such a short timespan.

Speaking of shapes, you wanna know the biggest hack I've discovered for learning how to draw the 2003 turtles? Studying the Fast Forward art style. Yeah, you heard me.

At first glance, this seems kind of stupid. I'm pretty sure most people aiming to draw fanart of the 2003 turtles are planning to draw them in a similar style to the first five seasons, so it makes more sense to study screencaps and model sheets from those seasons rather than FF. However, the reason why Fast Forward is so useful for TMNT 2003 fanartists is because, at its core, Fast Forward is 2003's art style simplified. Anyone who has ever taken a professional art class or looked up tutorials online knows that basic shapes are incredibly important when drawing, as they are the building blocks of literally whatever illustration you're trying to make. Now, I absolutely love how detailed the designs from the first five seasons are, but because they are so detailed, a lot of the basic shapes do get lost under everything as a result, which can make it hard to figure out what actually goes into the turtles designs at a fundamental level.

Because the designs in Fast Forward are less detailed compared to what was seen in the first five seasons, many of the basic shapes that go into the turtles designs are much easier to spot. If you've been following me long enough, you know that I was absolutely LIVID to discover that one of the things I genuinely don't like about the Fast Forward style--the pentagon shaped heads--makes drawing the 03 turtle heads so much easier. To explain it in detail; a pentagon basically maps out the five "points" of a turtle's head. What these points represent can change depending on the angle from which you're drawing your chosen turtle, but if you're doing a turtle head from a front/three quarter view, the five points denotes the top of the head, the cheeks, and the chin. It requires some practice to get right, but by building off this initial pentagon shape, you can easily draw a turtle head in the style of the first five seasons. A hexagon works just as well and is especially useful if you're going for a rounder/softer head shape.

Beyond that, I think making to deliberate choice to draw in the Fast Forward style rather than the OG style is helpful for other reasons. When a turtle's head is only a pentagon, you don't have to worry as much about details and can focus on other areas you might be neglecting, such as figuring out the positioning of the eyes/mask, or developing the way you draw the turtles' expressions. (Seriously, the white pupil-less eyes are cool, but they do make conveying emotions a hassle, especially when the turtles are lacking for proper eyebrows.)

It's been about two months since I drew my very first 2003 turtle and while I'm still very far off from where I want to be, I've already made some leaps and bounds in terms of overall progress. I do sometimes feel annoying yelling about my turtle art learnings and struggles (especially when I know there is stuff that potentially comes off as Captain Obvious territory to others) but I personally find it helpful to write down everything I've learned and experienced in case I forget something and need to look back on it. And hey, maybe someone will see these disjointed ramblings as helpful. You never know.

Anyway, here's a lil Donny doodle from today to finish this entry off. See ya later!

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt art diary

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nellie-elizabeth · 1 year

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8, 10, and 15 for Malex for the OTP asks?

8. What were their first impressions of each other?

I feel like they probably knew of each other vaguely once Michael was back in Roswell and they were at the same school, but they don't have like... a specific memory of the First Time they saw each other. But Alex probably had this vague sense of Michael as an outsider, maybe even knew he was poor/didn't have parents, and didn't really think much about him more specifically than that at first. Then I picture one day people are giving presentations in class and Michael stands up and pulls something totally brilliant, and Alex suddenly notices how smart he is... and he's so cute, too...

And then Michael thinks of Alex as Liz Ortecho's friend, whatever, but then does a double-take and starts noticing Alex when he shows up to school with a septum piercing for the first time. And then he's like hmmm okay I've gotta get this guy's attention somehow...

10. Write a ~300 word argument scene for them

"It wasn't exactly your finest moment," Alex says with an eye-roll. "You were supposed to be my rescuer and you left me chained to the radiator."

"Oh, come on!" Michael says, indignant. "I accurately assessed the degree to which you were going to be an idiot and run straight for danger if you were free--"

"Says the guy who ran full-tilt towards my father holding a gun at Crash-Con."

"Yeah, after you confronted him first. I'm only stupid after you've been stupid. My stupidity is actually the inevitable consequence of your own bad decision-making."

Alex raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "Sure, yes, it's definitely all my fault."

“I didn’t exactly have any other choice. And besides, I’d done exactly what they wanted. I didn’t think they’d hurt you.”

“Mm,” Alex says, vague and quiet. He stares down at his hands, and Michael’s no longer sure the degree to which they’re joking about the ridiculous circumstances of the past, or if this is actually bothering his husband, all these years later.

"Hey. I really would have come back for you," Michael says, a little more gently. "You know that, right? Always.”

Alex looks up, a smile tugging up one corner of his mouth. “Yeah. I know.”

15. What are traits they dislike in one another?

I think an actual genuine trait that Michael dislikes in Alex is the way he shuts down and turns really cold and logical during an argument. Alex is getting better at it now that they're together, at actually accessing his feelings and expressing them, but for a long time he'd shut down and make it hard to get to the actual core of an issue, and that makes Michael feel rejected and like his own emotional reaction isn't being respected/taken seriously. He also wishes Alex would admit when he needs help more readily, although Michael has gotten better at giving him the space to feel comfortable being vulnerable.

And I think Alex probably finds some of Michael's frugal habits from his years of housing insecurity to be frustrating. Like, Michael always wants to keep doing things the way he's used to, because it's "fine" that way, and Alex doesn't like having to convince him again and again that they can afford something a little nicer and more convenient. Getting Michael to buy and use suitcases when they go on trips instead of just using garbage bags. Or spending extra money on a nicer item of clothing that will actually last longer.

I also think when they first start cohabitating they move each other's shit around a lot? Michael is trying to consolidate/make sure he knows where important things are located at all times, and Alex is trying to tidy up, and they're both constantly like "where tf did you put my shit" lmao. They get better at it after a while.

But in all the ways they clash, they both take their relationship super seriously and have learned to talk through and find solutions that work for both of them.

#malex #roswell new mexico #ask game #portraitofemmy

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muckmage · 7 months

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how do you react to discourse on a topic you enjoy?

you have sent me sO MANY QUESTIONS i've just started screenshotting them instead to answer all at once but honestly wouldn't it have been easier to just link me whatever quiz you're getting these from??😭

ok anyway uh. first question the one in the ask. who cares? the people on the internet with stupid opinions bare no power over me, let me go play with my toys and ignore them

this would never happen to me because i can't start cooking something unless i've already gotten every ingredient out and organised. unless it's like. a bowl of cereal that i pour before realising i'm out of milk. then i wither away into dust

that'd be so awesome so cool i'd love that we could hang out so cool and awesome honestly

i'd ask them for help explaining things and if they can't help at all i'd kill them ^^ ok no i wouldn't, but if people can't explain things any better i normally just keep mulling over it until it clicks in my brain

well not that thing anymore, what am i supposed to do? i guess it depends but generally i'm pretty good at just Leaving 👍 *skeleton running away image here* you all know the one

ah well if probably try and be a bit of a mediator, explain things in a way i hope my friend might better understand, but that's only if it's like an argument based in fact, if it's just some harmless opinion thing i'd still admit i agree with the stranger but in that case i don't care about convincing anyone

wait? idk watch something, play a videogame, scroll tumblr, anything else id normally do. perhaps just with an overtone of giddiness or dread or what have you lmaofjjdks

oohhh i would so not be a protagonist,, i think i would thrive as some sort of comedic side character or perhaps even a henchman of some kind, otherwise i'd just be chilling idk

i'd try and help them understand and encourage them to figure things out on their own, nudge them a little in the right direction maybe, then again it depends on what we're doing, just showing them could be way easier and basically just as good

ooouhh i learn everything i am become all knowing and i annoy all my teachers with relentless pointless questions that even they don't know they answers too, it's great

when i'd just moved schools back in year 4, so i literally didn't know anyone or have any friends, but i overheard two kids in my class talking about minecraft at recess and i couldn't stop myself just walking up to them and loudly announcing (paraphrasing) "you're wrong actually this is what it is" and like. damn. i didn't even stop walking i just walked straight between them i didn't make eye contact or look back or anything. they became my best friends for the next two years or so alls well that ends well lmaofnjdksks- no but. i still totally would correct someone if they're like super wrong about something i care about but otherwise who cares

ooUhhj 10 image limit in the app i'm going to kill mr tumblr. whagever..,,,

#ok i guess there'll be a part two to this cause you still send me SO MANY #02

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secretnameofeverydeath · 7 days

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im writing my first ever fanfiction and it has been an amazing writing experiment/exercise.

firstly because this is my first time writing fiction in english. i'm currently teaching a creative writing course to people who are learning my native language, and although i've been speaking english longer than they have been speaking my language, i still have a very hard time writing creatively. i am constantly frustrated because i'm lacking vocabulary, my sentence structures are weird because i apparently write weirdly structured sentences in my own language (which im also learning through this exercise) but there i have control and a deep intuitive understanding of grammar that i lack in english. the point is, i am now even more impressed when the people in my class write really, really good, creative and beautiful fiction, and i feel i understand at least a tiny bit better why they sometimes get frustrated for lack of words, or when they attempt to describe how they feel, etc.

secondly, because there's no point to fanfiction except my own enjoyment. so this is an exercise in true, self-indulgent writing. i'm only writing because i enjoy writing it and so i'm trying to allow myself to write whatever i want to write. i started out with the plan to write some good ol' fix-it stuff and hurt/comfort, but of course i linger on death and dying and what it means to see someone close to you die and on grief, and i'm actually way less invested in the hurt/comfort plot because i do not want to fix these characters i just want to study them oooops.

the thing is, all these things feel so shameful to do when i'm writing literature - like, come on, choose a happier or sillier topic, like come on not again a story about death and grief? like i always feel like i need to then at least be funny, or it should not be too autobiographical, etc etc, etc. there are so many rules i feel i need to abide by and im very scared to be too much, and i find it so very hard to believe other people might be interested in what i am interested in, or my thoughts, so i tend to keep the things that are purely written for me, in different folders on my laptop that will never see the light of day.

but there's nothing to gain from writing fanfiction except the pure pleasure of it and amazingly sweet comments from readers. so it's an exercise in allowing myself to write self-indulgent bullshit, to include those stupid literary rants and descriptions of death and dying, and to actually publish it. and then when people comment they want more, are invested, or actually like the literary rant, it makes my heart jump a little.

and of course there are all kinds of fanfiction rules and fanfiction etiquette im probably failing to abide by, but this is a new genre so i do not yet feel like i need to have it mastered and also once again: there's nothing to gain from writing it so what does it matter that its probably all a bit too analytical and my style is weird and the characters are maybe a bit ooc? nobody has to read it, and if people read it and hate it it's simply their problem and it does not even directly reflect on me because yes im definitely attempting to keep this shit as anonymously as possible.

#my writing #fanfiction #rambling rambling #personal #it says enough probably #that i am treating this whole thing as an experiment #also i have not been reading fanfiction for that long and im still figuring out what i like #(i mean except for insanely long canon rewrites in which all the stupid stuff i hate gets fixed and characters get hugs i know i love those

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cure-icy-writes · 6 months

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You run into Trouble near the fruit section of the grocery store, perusing the vegetables with a smug grin like she knows something you don't.

"Hear that?" she says, gesturing at the ever-present overhead speakers. They're playing something that's about as close to punk as you can get on the radio in an alternative grocery store, but pales in comparison to your actual music tastes. "My boyfriend got a pretty big record deal. I helped him write that song, you know."

Despite your better judgement, you're impressed. It's toned down and radio friendly, but the technical skill is good. The lyrics, though... eh, you've heard better. "Your boyfriend must be pretty good, then."

"He is; have you heard of him? I mean, probably not, you don't seem the type to," she says, then launches into an explanation of the punk genre.

The thing is. You're into punk already. You like death grips and metallica and rise against, and the grunge teens screaming their hearts out at a little venue down the street from your apartment that you like to visit on weekends.

But, well, ever since becoming a single parent, you haven't had the time to get into the fashion scene. Hell, going grocery shopping without the baby is practically a vacation for you. But you have long hair, put in a neat bun that you learned from your ballet days, and a pink sweatshirt and leggings, so the woman's probably made up her mind about you already.

It's only when she mentions his full name that you stop and pay attention.

"Wait, did you say-- I think I went to high school with him, actually," you tell her, blinking. It's been four years since you graduated, and between the joint pain from years of intensive ballet classes and the marriage and subsequent divorce, you feel so much older than your age. You give the woman your name, and ask if her boyfriend remembers you.

Her expression turns...sour. You have a feeling you've made a mistake, like when you were younger and still pretending to be something you weren't. Back in high school, your looks and dignified way of talking drew a lot of clique types to you, the kind that tried to make you into one of them. She seems like the opposite of those girls, but their equal, somehow.

"Is that so. Well, he actually has mentioned an old flame by your name," she says tersely.

"It was high school; besides, you've got nothing to worry about," you reassure her. You decide not to mention that you maybe liked him too; your so-called friends at the time hated the way he always dressed in oversized hand-me-downs, but you were drawn to him somehow, for his diligence at skateboarding and the devil-may-care attitude he wore like armor. "I've got a kid at home and no time for dating anyways."

"Well," the woman says, saccharine sweet, "Maybe you should check out one of his concerts? He's touring in town, you know."

There's definitely something off about her. But you've been keeping an eye on the local music scene anyways, and if nothing else, maybe the opening acts will be promising. You check out the guy's music on MTV, chat with some of your friends, and there's already a group planning to go.

Well, okay, you've been trying to keep an eye on the local music scene. You slip out of it sometimes and forget, or get busy with parenting, and the little bug has been learning to crawl and keeping you insanely busy trying to baby-proof every possible surface.

It's a nice break, honestly, when you hire a babysitter and attend the show. You're looking forward to it, even. Except everything, all of the sudden, goes wrong. Your high school crush starts the concert by inviting his girlfriend up for a special song where she'll sing the vocals, and the lyrics sound more and more familiar. Details that she shouldn't know. Details that... oh. Has she been gossipping with your old 'friends' from high school? It's been years. Why is she still so hung up on this? You never even dated the guy, and she's singing some spiteful song about how she thinks you're stupid and shallow for.... what, 'turning him down' back in high school? If anything, she's the shallow one, for only dating him once he got famous.

But somehow you're the villain here? It's so, so fucked up, and the concert was supposed to be an escape. But here's this weird heteronormative jealous lady, on stage, singing about her beloved "Sk8er Boi" and how they rock each other's world.

#my writing

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