#the ppl at that insurance? company who just worked there

[spaceepigeon]

never gonna get over that absolutely innocent jigsaw victim who got iron-bulled, like no other victim was less deserving of that than her

#does this make sense im high #the wording i mean #anyways what the fuck was #wait #he had a brain tumor thats what the fuck was wrong with him #saw #saw 3 #saw 3d #she didnt do ANYTHING and she also never had a chance #thats like jigsaws whole thing #but she had literally no say #so did the others who were used in the games like #the ppl at that insurance? company who just worked there #and were used as examples #they were just pawns but their lives were at stake #and then taken #so like #whats up bro

[transrightsjimin]

random but i sometimes read smth abt PCOS and intersex stuff and think huh. but i had the same thing. but never remember at the right moments to look into it (nd in dutch bc english medical terms r a lot of latin that idk)

#rambles #also i dont like going to medical facilities bc they dont wesr masks #nd doctors always pressure me to take my mask off as if its a nice gesture of them #nd then every time no matter who they diminish the severity or say Well it could be anything #or after a lot of effort prescribe me medication that is not per se insured #or tell me in fine w/o meds or to buy some simple non remedy bs myself tht works worse #they just never run tests it's not what dutch doctors do commonly :(( #things need to get rly life threatening bad bfore you get smth checked #likely has a lot to do w the insurance company industry #so many ppl who wont get cancerous things reoved bc it's not bad enough yet #anywwy im off topic #tmi

[trickstarbrave]

this just in for late stage capitalism: car companies are collecting ur driving data (along with all the stuff you talk about inside your car they can track with microphones) to sell your data to a broker who will then sell it to other companies like insurance companies.

i hate it here i hate "smart" cars and "smart" devices i hate everything from refrigerators to fish tank thermometers being connected to the fucking internet i hate that my car and washing machine can double as fucking wire taps and somehow my fucking printer still doesnt work right. i want everything to be analog and simple and easy to repair not come with 500 touch screens that will break within 5 years bc planned obsolescence makes more money even though overconsumption is killing us and everything spying on ppl bc corporations insist on squeezing every ounce of money from the average person. is what im even talking about in my car going to be educational? no it probably fucking isn't bc all im doing is singing or talking abt things entirely incoherent but there is a .00001% chance some guy at a company can try and use it to advertise to me so its going to be collected and sold along with if i hit the breaks a little too hard at that red light or not.

i want to kill a corporation personally. if they want rights like ppl and to be leaders in government i want to see one executed

[muchymozzarella]

I feel like I gotta mention I was a big fan of Mr Beast before and not so much now, but also like. I cannot pretend he doesn't help ppl because he absolutely does. Especially early on when he was simply spending money as fast as he could earn it by straight up giving it away. I found that charming if uninformed bc none of it was sustainable and yet it was genuine and did help ppl in the moment. He also allowed them to choose what they needed. Even now he often asks ppl what they need and provides it, which I think is good. The problem we run into is when his newer vids have such an obvious advertising angle for big companies. Oh you gave thousands of Brand Name Shoes away when many places have dumpsites full of shoes bc they don't actually need those shoes and a lot of them are bad quality, cool ok that sounds great (it does not) 👍🏾

Oh you're shilling for Tesla again sure ok whatever

I want to make it clear that I still appreciate he wants to help. Half the time he does very much help. He also informed ppl of the behind the scenes of stuff like what taxes and insurance goes into getting stuff like a new house and car and whatnot.

But philanthropy as a whole is kind of structurally harmful when it's done by rich ppl and companies that lobby against the social safety nets and structures that allow ppl to even afford to own a house. I don't know if MrBeast owns one of those companies, but he certainly collaborates with those types of companies and gives them good press to hide all the anti poor lobbying and other ethical issues

I must also say that according to him in his own interviews, his goal is just growth, which is probably Prime Capitalism and fills me with dread, just trying to one up himself over and over, when actual social welfare is not interested in infinite growth, but in sustainability. I don't know how these two goals will align if he purports to be philanthropic.

I can list down all the reasons MrBeast is Problematic but it will not change the people he helped, who I truly believe benefited from his help. But it will also not change the fact that he's become too big to be a good guy without the many, many caveats of "if you don't count his chocolate partner having a child labour lawsuit" or "if you don't count the many issues with the ghost kitchens his Beast Burgers operate out of" or "if you don't count that the Real Life Squid Game was just a clownishly bad idea that missed the point of the show entirely"

I also want to add that there's something I appreciate about him that I cannot fully agree with, but I can't say is wrong.

When he says he's "apolitical" outside of being LGBTQ+ positive, my first reaction is the usual cringe of people claiming to be apolitical, but then he follows it up with the fact that he believes there's no political boundary to charity and being poor, and quite frankly he's correct. In the USA both Democrat politicians and Republican politicians protect corporate interests, and there's functionally no political divide when it comes to class struggle.

He's directly worked with people who know the needs of those who are struggling. He works directly with people who actively volunteer or work for nonprofits that help poor people.

He may be a bit too centrist for some of y'all but I think he means well and is much more left than right.

I worry that he seems to aim to be a billionaire. I worry that he's further entrenching himself in that sort of crowd.

I liked the guy I used to see in his videos and the more he rubs elbows with crypto shills and billionaires and corporations the less I see of that guy.

I guess this is my long-winded way of saying I don't think Jimmy Donaldson is a bad guy. I just worry that, outside of his recent stand against transphobia, it doesn't seem like he's becoming a better guy than he was years ago. I could be wrong, but idk.

I also think his products mostly suck but that's not a personal failing lol that's just average YouTube product releases

#mrbeast #jimmy donaldson #thoughts

[yagamisdiary]

hey amara! is leasing agent a good job for a college student (as if it's possible to combine the two)? what are your responsibilities?

yes!! it’s honestly a really good job to have during ur college years

my first reason would be because it’s usually 9-5 every complex you work out which means you get out pretty early and have the rest of the evening to do homework or class

responsibility wise you have to answer any email that comes in whether it’s from residents who already live at your property or interested prospects who want to live there, as well as answering the phone for both too

another thing is when people move out, usually the leasing and assistant manager walk the unit and take pictures of any damages and stuff to charge the person after they leave

you also have to take notes of what needs to be repaired before the next person moves in and get it scheduled with off site vendors (ex: if the carpet is extremely dirty or ruined, you schedule a carpet cleaning company to either replace the carpet or shampoo depending on the severity of the carpet)

you also have to communicate with the future resident the entire time before the move in and keep them updated on when their home will be ready and make sure they have everything uploaded in their file (applications, pay stubs, proof of insurance etc)

i do want to mention it can be a very mentally draining job! yes, you work inside in the AC all day long so it has its perks but you talk to ppl ALL DAY LONGGGGG so sometimes you can be a little overwhelmed if you don’t have the biggest social battery

also a lot of times, the leasing agent is the first person someone sees when they walk into the office which means unfortunately you get all the heat sometimes if they’re upset 🥴 like if their ac isnt working or they’re getting double charged they’ll come in and get mad and take their anger out of you which is very annoying but you just have to understand they’re frustrations and realize they’re not angry at you but rather are just venting to someone. if it gets out of hand, i just redirect them to my manager and she handles it

i hope this helps!! i can go a little more into detail if needed :)

[narrie]

does Germany have free healthcare? Or do you have to pay for even check ups and scans etc ?

ugh i tried to explain this once but it's lit rally so complicated and i do not even understand it all meself 😭 basically we have statutory health insurance for one and u do pay a monthly fee for that but how much exactly depends on ur job (ur employer will usually have to pay half of ur health insurance), ur age, ur insurance company yada yada i think i'm currently paying around 90€ and bc of that i don't pay for any regular doctor visits. there are just certain additional things that u do have to pay urself (if u don't have extra insurance for it), like certain treatments, usually teeth stuff (getting them cleaned, certain filler material etc) or gyno things when ur under 35 and stuff like that but u never pay extra for any check-ups, scans, mris, the ER etc etc basically everything that is considered necessary is included (well it's supposed to be but def not always the case). but then there's also private insurance and u do have to pay EVERY cost. there are def benefits if u choose to do that (u def need to have the funds obvs) bc u get preferred treatment and shit but there are also certain ppl who HAVE to get private insurance, e.g. teachers (don't ask me why). my sister had private insurance when she was working in germany as a teacher and she got the full bill but then she had a private insurance company who would pay half of it. idk there are loads of rules and regulations and i don't think it's considered free health insurance but i think the german system is still up there (which is scary bc there are def loads of flaws)

#ask

[moonlit-positivity]

How to find the right therapist for you

Starting therapy can be an intimidating process for many reasons. Trauma survivors already have a hard time opening up & trusting people as it is. We are also still fighting against so much stigma around therapy & mental health itself. When I was growing up, therapy was seen as a punishment or a way to get you locked up in the psych wards & have your freedom stripped away from you. And today, the long standing stigma around mental illnesses & personality disorders does not help either. But we have come a long way. There ARE therapists out there who are fighting tooth and nail against the stigma, against the socio-economical boundaries, against the race, gender, sexuality, health, and mental boundaries that separate us all as individuals. Hopefully this can help you find the right therapist for you.

Psychologytoday. org has a list of therapists in ur area & you can read their bios so you can see what they treat & specialize in, you can pick some to call & schedule a preliminary meeting before you decide for sure which one to go to. You can also filter payment options on this site to see which ones take insurance & stuff.

ask them questions. It is perfectly fine & acceptable to ask them interview questions on the first meeting, or even down the road. Good therapists will encourage this too. But like, it's okay to ask them things like: how many years have you practiced? What are your qualifications? How many patients with X have you treated? Are you qualified to diagnose Y? What are your views on suicidal thoughts/self harm? When would you intervene with hospitalization? How do you treat patients who experience XYZ? Etc. These questions will give you a lot of insight on how they work.

It is okay to leave a therapist or request a new one. Ppl do this all the time. You do not have to stay w/one therapist just bc you feel like you need therapy & don't want to give up. If they aren't vibing w/ you, you don't have to stay. In fact it's a good idea to bounce the minute you feel like it's not gonna work out that way u save time & money, & put that time into finding a better fit for you. There is nothing wrong with quitting. It doesn't mean you won't ever heal. It doesn't mean you won't ever try again. It just means the situation right now is not working and you need to stop.

No two therapists are the same. Therapy isn't a one size fits all approach. There are many types of therapy too- many therapists can have specialized approaches, ie trauma informed therapy, sexual assault, queer/lgbtqia+, race related trauma, asian mental health, etc. It can be beneficial to spend some time considering what exactly it is you're wanting to focus on, and what kind of therapists you'd like to be sitting across from you to handle your life & vulnerabilities. Therapy in itself should always be a process of self exploration. Boundaries, self esteem, self worth, and venting about our problems so we can gain introspection in our daily lives. So keep in mind that there are different options available.

Some therapists will give you homework, others would never do that in a million years. Some might encourage EMDR, DBT, etc; while others might not have the capability of offering those kinds of services (usually due to the company they work for). Some therapists might work top down, others might work bottom up. Some therapists are Cool, others are Not. Some therapists can offer telehealth, while others are still preferring face to face appointments. Again, it can be beneficial to spend some time considering what it is you're looking for in a therapist and the kind of care you'd like to receive.

Get ready for the long haul. It takes time to fully open up & trust a complete stranger. It will also take some time to figure out what kind of therapist you have, what your dynamic will be; and also what kind of therapy style would work best for you. Like for example, my current therapist & i started out doing inner child work through talk therapy. I really liked the way she approached me, she was really nice & validating, and didn't expect me to do or share anything heavy until I said I wanted to. That worked well for me bc it gave me a lot of control over everything. So I stayed w/ her & we've made tons of progress. She is also very Cool. I have told her all sorts of things & she knows that reporting or having me committed would break a lot of trust between us, but I also know she would react if I said I was in real danger. Compared to my first therapist, we were not a good match at all. He wouldn't answer my questions at all. He would sit and wait for me to figure it out on my own. But for me, that made things worse because I needed a lot of validation for my trauma & what I was going through. Our dynamic left me feeling awkward and exposed in a vulnerable way that I was not comfortable with. So I quit.

Check out what other services they can offer you. Mine also offered case management & currently working on med management as well. It is very convenient to have them all with the same company.

If & when therapy isn't an option:

There are other options to healing & recovery outside of therapy that can be just as beneficial, but will require a bit more research & self effort to find out what you need.

Self help books: check your local library for the self help section. Here is also a file of free trauma & dissociation book PDF files.

Some popular recommendations:

🟢 The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

🟢 Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

🟢 Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson

🟢 Codependent No More by Melody Beatie

🟢 Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns into Loving Lasting Romantic Relationships by Eli Harwood

Social Media Therapists & Content: there is an abundance of healing, recovery, & trauma informed content currently being circulated by liscenced therapists more and more each day on socials like TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Id recommend you to make a spare account specifically for cultivating a healing space, so you can set your algorithm to push those videos in your face.

Recommendations:

🟢 AttachmentNerd aka Eli Harwood on IG: specializing in gentle parenting & reparenting in adulthood from early childhood disruptions in attachment & abuse

🟢 TherapyGhost aka Sandy Tuffs on IG: specializing in healing from csa & sexual assault

🟢 MegJosephson on IG: specializing in recovering from people pleasing, social anxiety, and anxious patterns in childhood attachment

🟢 Dr Raquel Martin PHD on IG: specializing in black mental health & race related trauma

🟢 MrChazz aka Chazz Lewis on IG: specializing in gentle parenting & reparenting attachments in adulthood

🟢 Trauma and Somatics on IG: trauma informed & aware content on somatics, emotional regulation, & nervous system healing

Hopefully this list can help you utilize your time in therapy, healing, & recovery to the max. Good luck & hope this helps.

🌺

#cptsd #recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #therapy #trauma recovery #healing #inner child healing

[eleni-cherie]

ok nobody's gonna see or care this but I'm gonna rant bc I am sick of my life and maybe someone can relate: so long story short, I'm a 27 year old graphic designer who was working 2 years at a big e-commerce shop until the new asshole supervisor didn't want to continue my contract that expired bc of his hurt ego bc I (along w pretty much everyone else bc he liked to pick fights w ppl from all departments bc he got into everyone's business) dared to argue w him BC HE KEPT CHANGING HIS MIND EVERY TWO MINS AND KEPT CONTRADICTING HIMSELF ALL THE TIME. so I lost my job last October and ever since I'm unemployed. I live in germany (Berlin) so I get unemployment money, but it only lasts for a year and it's already the end of July and I still can't manage finding a job although I've probably applied to 90 jobs by now of which only about 10-15 turned into job interviews - or the new trend "getting to know you meetings". of which only 1 invited me for a 2nd interview. now I get there's sadly so many designers, the job market is kinda oversaturated and for one job probably 20-30 ppl apply. but then sometimes this isn't even the problem. I had an interview for what seemed to be my dream job so I was super excited for this but then when I met the two guys doing it, they were very underwhelming. I mean little to no reaction to what I was telling them about myself and at the end they only asked 3 quite superficial questions. that's it. meanwhile others for companies I'm less suitable for, ask me like 20. then there's this other case, where they give you tasks and I don't mind tasks but one time I'd have needed the whole creative suit for them and like - hello? I'm unemployed and don't have the extra money to spend 60 euros every month on Adobe? I only an old Photoshop Version and that's it. then another time they gave me tasks that were only 40% graphic design related (but very vague descriptions/no real info) and 60% marketing/copyright related and like sorry, but I only have basic marketing knowledge and I'm not a fcking ad writer? there's this trend nowadays, they say they want a graphic designer but what they really want is a graphic designer / marketing expert / social media manager / copywriter / photographer / editor / etc. but still w only a graphic designer salary, so they don't have to pay five different ppl. like FCK YOU!

and thing is, in my desperation I even applied to random jobs (which said "No experience needed" in the description) like vendor or barrista. even in a copyshop where I thought I should fit in bc of my knowledge of print products, but either no response at all or I "lacked sale experience". bc Idk how it's in other countries but here you need a certificate for anything. even for a shop vendor you need a 3 year long apprenticeship. for a moment I contemplated going freelance or self-employed but a) I got no fcking clue how and what I have to do and b) taxes and insurance system in Germany is insane, I read an article and was overwhelmed.

So yeah, I'm getting fed up and sad and mad mostly also very anxious about my fcking future bc it honestly seems like I'll end up just moving back to my parents at this point. idk what to do anymore. I try and try and try, but nothing happens and I'm just done. the pressure is overwhelming and the sad thing is, I purposely decided not to visit my relatives/my grandparents this summer (the live in greece) thinking I "might find a job" and even if not, I don't have the extra money for plane tickets! they're extremely overpriced. and it's sad bc whenever I talk to my grandparents they say they miss me and how they're worried about me being unemployed. and my grandparents aren't the youngest anymore either (83 and 89) and I haven't seen then in a year, so that only saddens me more on top of feeling like an overall loser.

#young adult #adult life #real life #work life #personal rant #feeling lost #feeling depressed #Greek #i need a job and money #jobsearch #job seekers #the universe hates me #self pity

[ahaura]

members of the working class will shit on other members of the working class because they see them buy things they don't consider to be essential to survival therefore it is frivolous and a waste of money etc etc when 1) life is not just about survival like at the end of the day someone buying a second copy of their favorite book is not going to effect you but 2) there is real merit to the fact that when someone is struggling the most visible and accessible people are OTHER working class people, they are surrounded by people who are either in the same situation as them or a missed paycheck, disaster, emergency, or bad week away from being in their situation, and the truth is Most working class people are closer to people in poverty than to the capital owners. and the thing is, like, if you're suffering and something is barely out of reach for you of COURSE you're going to look at someone spending 15-30$ on something they dont need and think 'i really could have used that' because yes you COULD have. and when it comes to making sure people get what they need to just reach the threshold of survival and/or get to a point where they are not JUST surviving but financially stable enough to also thrive (because a lot of the time you will need money to do or get nice things that make your day more enjoyable, or your day to day easier, like shoes that will support ease your back pain or a new phone that actually charges when its supposed to or a nice coat that will last your for the next 5 years or a better pc so you can work and do stuff online easier or a snowblower that will help u get to work on time during the winter and let u de-ice the sidewalk so u dont slip and have to worry about an injury, the list goes on and on) the most direct route is mutual aid, and the most likely people to provide mutual aid are going to be OTHER working class people, especially other people who have been in your shoes, even if they themselves dont have much. rich people would rather die than directly put money into the hands of the people who need it, and ppl like real estate investors DONT want public housing and insurance companies DONT want accessible and affordable healthcare bec then they're missing out on a buck and they WOULD rather a poor person die than not make a profit in the short term when they could be saving lives and improving the material conditions of REAL people in the short AND longterm. and it's not like the working class at large possesses class consciousness or have a lot of localized power to make changes to benefit the public at large right now so this is why we get "isn't it classist to buy a second copy of your favorite book???" discourse

#nobody asked but every once in a while a button gets pressed and i have to type this out. sorry. #and obv i didnt cover Every point that could go into this but like. god. #°

[larnax]

real meaningful problems to postop transmascs/transmascs seeking bottom surgery

bottom surgery too much money call that shit expensive

lack of education about bottom surgery to people who don't actively look for it so allies and enemies alike dont know shit about bottom surgery and people who would benefit from it dont even know what their options are

medical gatekeeping forcing people to jump through absurd hoops only to have coverage denied for anesthesia

good fucking luck finding a urologist who has any experience with post-op patients, idiot

difficult to find clinics outside of the USA and Thailand bc while they do exist most resources assume you either live in the US or have the resources to travel to Thailand

postop/seeking op people having the topic treated like its a very serious tragic discussion so we're not included in any conversations unless people are sharing articles about gender clinics being bombed or reminding trans people that bottom surgery sucks

postop people being seen as incapable of sex or having lost their transgender sex appeal so people feel pressured not to get bottom surgery lest they lose their boypussy which theyre acutely aware is seen by many people as the only reason you would fuck a transmasc person

again bottom surgery being seen as this worldending tragedy only the most selfhating transgendereds resort to is like The biggest problem for postop people and contributes to the isolation/alienation a lot of postop people feel. making jokes about bottom surgery and bringing it up in casual conversation is Good Actually and i wish more nonop people did it so i didnt feel like i only exist when its time for people to talk about how glad they are that they arent like me

transmisogyny in the transmasc community leading people to lash out at transfems for having "too much visibility" which prevents us from working together to strike back against the real enemy, healthcare providers forcing me to get updated mental health letters to prove im sound of mind for seeking phallo stage 2 as if im going to regret Just the tip

not real meaningful problems

random trans women making posts on their personal blogs about being trans women including posts about vaginoplasty

people making jokes about bottom surgery

postop people identifying with a variety of labels or having their identity change throughout the course of getting bottom surgery, yeah even people who end up not iding as trans anymore. not my business and not yours either

non-transmasc people seeking phallo/metoidio. aside from the extremely legitimate reasons intersex people who had surgeries performed on them without their consent/ppl with natal penises who have been in a Penis Accident would get it, or nonbinary people seeking it for the same reasons i am, who am i to judge if a cis woman wants to piss standing up. again why would i waste any energy on this when insurance companies exist

#c.paradisi #was origuinally gonna be about last rb but ended up being mostly about other things #can you tell ive been trying to get everything set up for phalloplasty stage 2. can you feel my agony #why the fuck do i need a letter from someone with a phd to confirm i do in fact want my urethral stricture repaired

[53rdcenturyhero]

NHS protest & survive strategies for reluctant activists (England). I am angry and writing stuff down.

●Write to your MP (tory) saying a polite version of "stop being stealthy little shits we see what your doing & we've already paid in our taxes" , if (labour) write a polite version of "speak up against the degrading of what we've already paid for in committee stages and in H of L". Do write not email, do visit constituency offices briefly & politely saying that the nhs service to help (pick a category) is worse in your personal experience . This raises stats and the issue of expenditure at the MPs office, giving the MP the feeling of their (publicly available) voting record will have effects on their reelection prospects and makes them nervous about just supporting businesses in the area who are incoming splinters off the nhs area funding * because you see and notice what your MP is actually effectively doing on this issue*. ● Support strikes by combatting the idea that strike removal laws have any place in modern societies in conversation to combat the facebook bilge, and question the idea that three twelve hour shifts a week makes efficient use of trained staff. Question the removal of training bursaries. ●Most important of all combat conversations that say strikers are just after money. Its the work conditions they want improving. ● American style health insurance doesnt cover most stuff because what they call "pre existing' is what the rest of the world calls medical history. European style health insurance says we charge you a trivial data entry fee like two coffee price AFTER treating you zero payment by the way have you cut smoking down and what is your employer doing to reduce workplace hazards.... ● Place blame on Westminster govt political ideology choices by saying in conversation reply like "public money straight into private companies thats a bit (pick slur appropriate to the group youre in) OI THATS MY MONEY "= theyll think about their own money...

●● Register to vote, group with like-minded ppl for emotional support (protesting is by definition going against a larger group) speak when safe and be charming when you announce that you have observed their behaviour. The illusion that you are their sort of people who see and dislike their specific choices makes their ego worried and that is the best way to get these bullies to change. Know your enemy by name and get local facebook groups to be polite persistant and public community representative = "we see you've done x and are talking about x+1 and we think this is already harmful " is more effective than "help (underfunded group)". Cut off funding cuts as the excuse, youre involved in tweaking and directing funding which makes them immediately say nothing about who deserves or not deserve. ● if your group encounter fascists in charge by accident withdraw and regroup for a wider block counter. Be the better person at a distance to stay safe and protest again. Dont go it alone, act as a group.

■Take photo ID along to vote. Yes this is England, but watch out for this change. It is worth voting. Dont wait for the next big election. The NHS is in trouble right now.

#paramedics and nurses among thousands of nhs staff being urged to walkout over pay #nhs #nhs privatisation by stealth #follow the money #local news #protest and survive #journalism is in danger in england #personal safety #directed pressure protest #public info for research helps directed pressure groups #yes it is worth voting in england #register to vote #never tory if you want healthcare

[bittwitchy]

i’m gonna be a thousand percent real w you guys for a min, its gonna be under a read more, and it revolves around fears and pains and scary medical things and g/ov3r/nm3nt bullshit and stuff which is uhhh destroying me mentally and physically ig ahahahhaa

so like as some ppl know, when i was leaving work late nov/early dec of 22, i fell and injured my ‘leg’, it was a few days before i turned 26 and i couldnt get a doc appt in time w a real doc, and ofc bc i was on the male parentals insurance and it was based out of texas despite US being in california, i got completely fucked over bc they didnt want ro cover shit and i had to argue with them til almost the very end of december or so just to see a nurse practitioner who didnt know wtf she was gonna do, and refused to listen to me when i said i was not going to have insurance in a week. i cannot afford any expansive anything right now and anything that i have to do needed to be done before the end of december. all she said was ‘i hope you get better then, but they will call you when they feel like it.’

its been over a year, im still not better, because i was not clocked in at the time, and was injured in the parking lot, hr already said they wont cover it. even if i was only at that location (not my home location) for them, i was not clocked in and therefore they hold no responsibility, and the parking lot had no cameras anyways. its all just word of mouth so. i got fucked there too. C/alo/ptima has been fujcing useless and wont even send me my new insurance card so i can get a new regular pcp who will refill even just my fucking inhaler because the guy they gave me refused to even refill that.

now, when ive gotten the leg scans, they cant find anything. they dont know whats wrong. ‘oh youre just fat, lose weight and you’ll be fine.’

breathing shots pain into my leg. and the pains been spreading. ive been getting a little bit of weird treatment at work despite dlat out ignoring and pushing through my pain to please people and that wasnt even enough because i still got some pretty weird ass treatment from some ppl in management despite the fact im not choosing this, and ignoring it makes everything worse.

and ive been trying to push through and ignore it and hope it heels, because the medical system isnt going to help me, neither is the company, and i live in california. i really just cant afford the medical system here anyways.

i think when i fell, it clipped a nerve into my spine, because for those unaware im that special brand of au/tistic who can tell you the exact point of origin of my pain. from tooth pain to headaches to even searing body aches, i can tell you where it starts and where it ends. but i also have a massive pain tolerance (ive had 8 root canals and local anesthesia doesnt work on me thanks to adhd, i can and have had 9 bottles injected in and nothing happened, so i just dont use it and ignore the horrendous fucking pain of your nerves being killed because i dont want to bother anyone. THAT is my pain tolerance level, and i cant tolerate this.)

the pain is spreading to both of my legs, and when i ignore it i end up toppling over. i used to be a hula dancer, professional as a kid, still for rec until i got hurt. i cant do it anymore. i can barely walk. when i force myself into events and shit that requires walking, it feels like my entire body is being crushed the next day, and during the actual day of doing but thats obvious.

i dont know how to take it anymore, nothing is helping, no one is helping me, and even people who try to help me its like the system is working for them despite refusing to work for me. i really well and truly dont know what to do about this anymore. the pain from my spine isnt only in that leg now, its in both legs and keeps creeping to my arms. im obviously not gonna get help from the company, and even talking to a lawyer its a fucking long shot that i could get anything done from them at all since the parking lot didnt have cameras. i already have eds, and this has been setting off the issues relating to it even more. i was meant to get tested for pots before i lost insurance back then, but new doctor doesnt believe women can experience pain at all, and are lying for attention if they admit to it.

breathing is fucking painful, and i dont know what to do. i can just keep doing what im doing and ignoring my pain and pushing through to please everyone because its not like the system helps, but the system is working for others and when i do what they recommend i do it not only still doesnt work for me, but i get threats from it. i dont know if its because im autistic or not, indont know why it works for others and not for me, i dont understand and when i try to get answers all people say is ‘just push through’ but im trying and its making everything worse and im breaking my body more and more by just pushing through and indont want to get kicked off of c/alo/ptima for bothering them too much by not getting answers despite my efforts because i did get threatened and incant afford $250-500 monthly fees from my state if i dont have insurance. $250 is more than i earn a week. jts not like im getting hours at work. and i really just am so fucking broken and tired and confused and done i dont know what to do and im tired of being in pain. i just want the pain to go away. i dont want to cry anymore. i dont want to be confused and scared and alone anymore. its like everythings collapsing down and i dont know what to do.

and to top it all off, the skin welts and lesions that my old doctor was so terrified of me having are back. theyre a symbolism of my white blood cell count, and last time i got them he had me get blood tests every few months because he was worried about my developing leukemia. and everytime it got too high he gave me something to try snd prevent it, and ultimately i was ‘almost there but narrowly escaped’, and i dont know how im supposed to just keep pushing and keep living and keep going it that happens too. especially when incant afford a blood test right now. i dont know what im doing or who i am anymore and its destroying every semblance of who i am that i had left, and i just want to make everyone happy but im not happy. im not happy snd im not getting help snd i feel so defeated and indont understand how other people can argue andnits fine but i do it and i get threatened or retaliated against.

indont understand how if i do whats recommended im misbehaving and being wrong but others can do what they want. its like im a kid again but instrad of being beaten im just getting fucked over medically even more snd my body gets to further destroy itself and i dont know whay the fuck left there is to do. its like everythings collapsing down on me, jm not getting the samw care or treatment others get, and i dont think im going to because i cant keep fighting a system thats going to only verbally threaten me because they wont respond to emails. i cant use recorded conversations in court here. im scared and im tired and im in constant pain and had to beg my old doctor to send an inhaler refill without my seeing him because the new one wouldnt and my lungs were giving out. i dont want to die but it feels like its heading rhat way whether i want to or not because nothing and nobody will help me and when they try they get mad at me for ‘not trying harder’ but im doijt everythint they say and more and its nothing. nothings coming crom it but my suffering. but if i say its not my fault its ‘making excuses’ and injust cant keep doing this anymore. im so tired, and im in so much pain, and indont know what to do.

[adobecult]

i don’t like to complain bc i make pretty damn good pay compared to a lot of ppl in my field but god. as someone who has worked both employee and contract jobs, being a contract worker is fucking wild and i don’t think a lot of people understand the extent to which companies take advantage of non-employee workers. i literally couldn’t effectively unionize if i wanted to. i can “negotiate” by myself for better pay but that comes with the chance that the company i work for just decides to cut me out instead of abiding by my new rate. it is a billion times worse for people who don’t make the kind of income i do, who aren’t as able-bodied as i am or who aren’t afforded things like access to education or family support like i had when starting out in this field (which is how i got to the position i’m at currently), who get penalized for literally any time they take off work, who have to buy their own health insurance and vision and dental and will absolutely not be covered in a situation where they become temporarily or permanently unable to work unless they manage to have any kind of savings (lmao), who will be irreparably fucked if something as trivial as their phone or car or internet breaks down or they have to take care of a child or a family member or anything. all workers have it really really bad but gig workers and people who are forced into migrant or under-the-table labor have it so, so bad. fuck you if you think they don’t lol

#txt

[gaaaaaay]

Ok I totally sympathize w/ ppl who freak out about scheduling Dr appointments I've hit a wall honestly this shit is far more confusing than it should be and I actually don't even know where to start

It used to just be like go on ur health insurance company's website log in and search for a provider but now that provider list, assuming you can get the website to work, seems to have little to do with whether or not they take ur insurance

I guess I just have to call every place and ask them...the old fashioned way.

The last place I called the receptionist was like I cannot answer any questions about insurance the optometrist must call you back during your work time and I was like ok well I will be at work time can I at least leave the name of my insurance so they can leave me a message if I can't pick up telling me whether or not they accept it and she was like ma'am I cannot answer any questions about insurance and then later I called them back and the optician was like we do not take insurance ???? Lmao I'm done

[bellsliturgy]

sry for the lack of activity on my part here it’s been v stressful wrt the crimis season i’m dealing with a lot of small things and a couple really big things and it makes me want to eat my own hands more details under the cut if ur interested (tw mention of a horrible certain swamp scum transphobe author; fellow transpersons beware)

1) my gma is 85 and is on her last legs idk how much longer she’s got left in her and with her being in the hospital with afib (atrial fibrillation for those who dont know, basically her heart is beating 2 fast and out of rhythm (but afib can be any kind of heart beating speed, it just means it’s Not Normal) and the winter storm she is staying with us which means my mom is more Aggressive and Demanding and Hateful towards me and dad bc idk i guess hosting ur small quiet kind grandma calls for attacking your husband and child (very important ingredient cannot skip)(btw my grandma is fine she’s just very weak and is struggling to physically move around by herself but insurance company is refusing to let her go to a physical rehab center for treatment???? lol????? hashtag AICAB (all insurance companies are bastards)

2) speaking of whom i also came out to my mom as trans after an argument abt justa kunt r*wling (mom doesnt know anything abt how nasty of a creature wizard bitch is but i’m still like mom pls there are better authors out there with fictional work that isn’t harmful) book that she bought for my cousin’s step-daughter (she’s fucking NINE) and i was so triggered i was like i need to get this out it’s weighing on me (it was every time i wanted to come out to her and didn’t it was so damaging to me mentally) so that was wild and lukewarm but she didn’t kick me out of the house and says she loves me and wouldn’t reject me no matter what (unless grandma is around??? for some reason idk) so while that is a good thing it’s still been a very hard birthday month for ya boi greg

3) i’m also on the phones at work which in itself isn’t a bad thing because the calls i get are from ladies who work at the courts across the state and they are for the most part very nice and easy to work with but i have Big Phone Anxiety thanks to my time working at the call center for the same agency (i don’t even answer the phone at home anymore and i get scared when it rings, members of public are nasty and i hate them and they belong in a zoo) so that’s causing me anxiety at night andd also at work even tho when i’m actually talking on the phone it’s not really an issue it’s just the Anticipation of a Call

4) i’m in therapy!!!! with a transgender therapist and he’s WONDERFUL but we are focusing more on cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy) which is digging up a lot of pain for me and forcing me to deal with my emotions and my past trauma so THAT’s A LOT and now i have “I came Out to my MOM” for him for next time so that will be interesting (i need to just let myself cry in front of him i have a VERY hard time crying in front of ppl bc i was horribly abused for crying at a babysitter’s house but that’s 1) very heavy and 2) neither here nor there)

5) BEACUSE OF ALL THE STRESS and cold weather my lip split open and 2 canker sores formed in the split area so that’s been cool

6) christmas is just stressful for me and also my mom has been On One this whole month because murphy’s law keeps going into effect w grandma being in the hospital and her brother my uncle suggesting we have christmas separate because of covid (he and my aunt both had covid VERY recently), grandma being sick in the hospital, and the winter storm and i also have 3 cakes i’m baking so THAT’s stressful to think about and i just want it to be over lollll

#anyway sorry if u look under the cut #it is a Lot #pls feel free to ignore what's under the cut #idm i'm just venting #my friend at work is also trying to get me to do tiktok vids #which i'd like to do but #LOL?? #not yet gurl i'm losing hair rn #ANYWAY;;; #hope yall are having a good one and my fellow Winter Storm Endurers stay safe and warm #and have a happy holiday w/e u celebrate #i'm turning to wicca to get some semblance of order and peace back in my life so i'm learning a lot abt yule rn #:D #delete later #OOC.

[crazybagelbitch]

today was such A Day and i wish ppl realized that i’m receptive and sympathetic to their very valid frustrations but that i, the receptionist, have NOTHING to do with whatever went wrong 98% of the time and i will gladly do whatever i can to fix it (which usually is just connecting their call to the manager tbh but sometimes there’s more i can do and if so i am HAPPY to do it) but yelling at me over the phone solves nothing and just ruins my day over something that wasn’t even my fault

#like the biggest fuck up i could make is probably #forgetting to get your insurance info #and thus having to call them to read me their insurance ID oh nooo00oo0o what a cosmic inconveinence #i guess mischeduling an appointment would be a fuck up i could make #but i'm super careful to confirm and reconfirm that sort of thing #basically anything involving one's insurance benefits or services received #would not be my fault #and that's what ppl are always pissed off about #and guess who answers the phone and mans the front desk?? me!! #because it's literally my job so i'm not complaining about that #it's just entitled ppl who yell at me for things i didnt do and likely cant change #i didn't go to medical school and i can call your insurance company but i don't work for them #SO LEAVE ME ALONE