#the stuff i did see was funny regardless. and i was a tiny bit disappointed at first but like. good god guys please stop being mean??? idk

[lovecoreclownz-archive]

Good fucking god what happened in the vrai tag when I was gone

#THE SHAKING GAVE ONE OF MY GUYS SEIZURE SYMPTOMS SO WE DIPPED AND PLAYED MINECRAFT FOR A BIT #NOW EVERYONE IS RIPPING EACHOTHERS THROATS OUT???? #i personally thought the brba stream was funny. just not a big fan of brba for personal reasons (THAT HAVE NO BEARING ON THE CREW.) #the stuff i did see was funny regardless. and i was a tiny bit disappointed at first but like. good god guys please stop being mean??? idk #we arent going to say much more about this. im afraid of getting yelled at. #im turning off reblogs for this actually

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Aphid

Debut: Real Life

Welcome to Funky Friday! This Friday is particularly special to me, you see, I get to talk about a creature I am very passionate about, if you know me outside of this blog, it should come to no surprise that Aphids are up there as one of my favorite earthlings ever! They’re part of my username, and hence, my internet persona, I even put little antennae on emoticons like this ==:) I’m obsessed! But I swear it’s all justified!

To protect the peace of those who may be afraid of bugs, I’ll be talking exclusively about Aphids in Videogames! They haven’t had the biggest presence, but in recent years they’ve made some lovely appearances!

Aphids. Just look at them! They’re very green, very round, and very small! They have very long antennae as well! Instantly checking off all the marks that make a perfect creature design!

Aphids are sap sucking insects, they just hang around in colonies sipping sap from plants, a very peaceful life, they’re incredibly good at just hanging out and slurping plant juice! So much so that they are sadly considered as pests by humans, but they’re just trying to get by! Like you and me, the way they’re vilified everywhere is really unfortunate, they deserve to live just like any other earthling, but whenever you google em you just get stuff on how to get rid of them, I believe their presence in art like movies and videogames can be very important to change this perception! 

Name: Aphid

Debut: Bee Swarm Simulator (Roblox)

Let’s start with the face of the post, Roblox aphid! Look at this simple model! Just a pea with 2 red orbs for peepers and sticks for antennae, I love the charm of such a simplified bug! 

Bee Swarm Simulator is a lovely little farm game that has you collect nectar and breed all kinds of bees! While out in the flower fields, you may find an aphid while collecting nectar. Like all bugs in this game, they will attack you, but to be fair, you are very tiny, so it makes sense a giant bug could damage you, even if they don’t do anything particularly dangerous!

When your bees defeat them they can drop rare items! And as such, aphid encounters are quite a blessing, matter of fact, they have rarity tiers! And they change their appearance accordingly, there’s Rage Aphids

Armored Aphids

and Diamond Aphids!

Overall very charming inclusion, aphids now come in new flavors! Every time I play this game I hope I get to encounter one of these sweet peas! Silly models of bugs are fantastic, so Roblox aphids make me very happy!

Name: Aphid

Debut: Bug Fables

Now THIS is my personal favorite fictional aphid appearance in media ever! In the world of Bug Fables, they are livestock! And you even get to go to an aphid farm! Here, they keep regular Aphids for their honeydew, Cochineals for their red pigment, and Woolly Aphids for their wool! That’s right! This game gave us representation for TWO kinds of real life aphids! It’s such a delight!

Everyone in the world of Bug Fables respects and loves aphids, people find them very cute! Some of them even keep them as casual pets! Could you imagine? A cat-sized aphid for you to hold? The people in Bug Fables are living my dream and I want in! I hope you can also agree they’re extremely cute, the artists nailed that sweet little drop-shaped face I adore so much! 

On April Fools, the Bug Fables devs released a short game all about aphids! Aphid Festival! Here you can train and breed your aphids! Which allows you to get all kinds of different color patterns for your aphids! Can you believe this? If you told me “In the year of 2021 there’s a videogame that’s completely centered around aphids.” I would’ve never believed you!

Name: Aphid Lurker

Debut: Jax and Daxter

Now I know what you may be thinking, “this is just a dog!” And yeah they’re definitely the doggiest bug I have ever seen, or is it the buggiest dog? Regardless of how you feel on the validity of their buggyness, you gotta admit it’s very impressive we have an aphid-based enemy in a game from 2001, most other aphid appearances I could find were very recent, was Jax and Daxter a trendsetter? Probably not, but maybe at least one kid out there saw Aphid Lurker and went “Woah aphid? What’s that?” googled them, and proceeded to fall in love with them! 

Regardless of their good impact for all of aphid-kind, they are very round, very green, and have antennae! So I really can’t dislike them, they even got spikes!! Which is something I like to see in my round creature designs sometimes, it just works!

Name: Aphid

Debut: Grounded

Returning to modern games, Grounded is a survival game that has you shrunk down to the size of an ant! So you gotta survive among the towering grass blades in the middle of a garden! Fortunately for us, this means you get to interact with tiny insects very up close! Including aphids!

Don’t be fooled by the fancy graphics and realistic aesthetics, aphids in Grounded are arguably the cartooniest creatures you can find! They almost look like a real aphid, but they have a vertebrate mouth! Perfect for opening in surprise when you get close to one, they’ll jump, chirp with an extremely cartoonish expression, and then flop into the ground, before scuttling away!

Now that’s a silly little mouth!

Aphids in this game are peaceful creatures, they’re a bit timid so they’ll run away from you but they will let you get close over time, they also drop honeydew, which you can use as food, so you really want to befriend and protect these little dudes if you can!

Name: Aphid

Debut: Scribblenauts

Scribblenauts is a game where you can type anything and it’ll come to life! So the devs really tried their best at including everything they thought a player could think of, and they thought of silly bug fans like me! People who would type “aphid” in hopes an unloved little bug they love could appear in the game with them, and instead of being met with the usual disappointment, were met with a cute little rendition of this sweet green bug!

Design-wise, I’m a bit sad they added a neck, they have no necks! They’re funny teardrop shaped bullets! But they DID add the cornicles! (The two little horns on their butt). Out of all the videogame aphids I’ve shown you, this is the ONLY one to include the cornicles! Not even Grounded who went with a semi realistic design got it! So thank you Scribblenauts, for considering the aphid, as well as giving them their anatomically correct defense organs.

Finally, I’d like to give a shoutout to Aphie from A Bug’s Life! Not a videogame aphid, but 100% one of the earliest aphid representations in media! And they’re very cute, just a little puppy! They got a puppy tongue and all, given ants herd and take care of aphids, having one of them keep one as a pet is a very cute way to humanize an ant!  Also Aphie has the cornicles!! Good on you Pixar, you did your research.

And that’s all for this special friday! Thank you reader for coming in this journey with me, here’s hoping there’ll be more aphid representation in the future! 

#aphid #insects #funky friday #mod sockop #not mario #aphib post.... I did it #can't believe i'm just allowed to do this #ty everyone who reads these posts by us! We just love silly creatures!

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Robron week - Day 2

This is really really tenous given the prompts, but I loved the idea and I think I made it fit!

I now pronounce you...

Robert couldn't believe now time flew. It felt like only yesterday that he'd met his daughter and now she was getting married. He was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her, Aaron outside on the excuse of checking the vintage car he'd spent months doing up for his baby girl, but Robert knew better. Aaron knew he wanted a few minutes on his own.

"Dad, you ready?"

"Been ready for hours sweetheart. You know your Dad and I got ready for our wedding in about twenty minutes."

"Which time?" He can hear the laughter in her voice, all three of their children were fascinated by their two weddings and teased them all the time.

"Haha very funny. Now come on, let me see this dress I'm paying for."

"It wasn't that much!"

"Your grandmother took you shopping, I'm sure it cost a pretty penny." He hears her footsteps at the top of the stairs and looks up. "And it's worth every single one."

She looks amazing, far too grown up for his liking. He wishes he could turn back the clock to when she was still tiny, hair in pigtails, begging him to play with her. Now she's fully grown, independent and beautiful and leaving them.

"Will I do?" She does a twirl in front of him the way she always used to, laughing as she does.

"You look beautiful. Your Dad's going to have a heart attack, you know he's not dealing with the fact you're leaving home very well. This might just tip him over the edge."

Aaron had been the one who had interrogated Euan when she'd brought him home, frightening him almost to death when he'd casually mentioned their time in prison over dessert, but in the end even he'd had to admit that they were perfect for each other.

Ana was full of dreams, regardless of any limitations and she'd ended up disappointed numerous times when she'd thought she'd failed, or things hadn't gone the way she'd hoped, but Euan seemed to balance her out, his feet firmly on the ground but fully able to keep up with Ana and her moods that he swore she got from Aaron, even if he insisted different.

"Do you think he minds that I asked you to make the speech?" He shakes his head immediately. He knew Aaron was relieved if anything, never one for public speaking, but Ana had still been worried, creeping down the stairs one night when Aaron was asleep to ask him the best way to broach the subject.

"No, course not. Anyway he's been telling me stuff to put in all week so it's just as much his speech as mine." He holds out his hand to her after checking his watch. "You ready?"

"In a minute. How did you...you and Dad, I know you started as an affair, but how did you know? That it was him you wanted?"

"Oh I don't know, it just crept on me I think. Some days it didn't matter what I had on or what I was doing, I couldn't stop thinking about him, he was there every minute, from when I woke up to when I went to sleep. You know when you've got a crush on someone and they're always in your head, and you can't shift them no matter how hard you try? It was something like that, only a hundred times more. Why?"

"I...s'pose I just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. You and Dad have got through everything together, I want me and Euan to be like that."

"Well maybe with a few less visits to the police station, eh?" She glares at him, looking just like Aaron. "And are you?"

"I think so. What if we're not?"

"Then your Dad and I will always be here. This is your home sweetheart, whenever you need it. But, you won't, because that lad survived dinner with your Dad, and an interrogation by your Grandma, and there's not many that can say that now is there." In fact they'd seen off more than a couple of her early boyfriends one way or another which she'd been grateful for eventually. "Right, come on, let's go make your Dad cry eh?"

He takes her arm, leading her outside, seeing Aaron polishing the front of the car. It's been a labour of love and no matter how much he'd complained about it, Robert knew he'd enjoyed every minute.

"There you are! I was beginning to think he'd taught you his escaping out of the bathroom trick." When he finally turns round Robert sees the tears start and he shakes his head a little. "Look at you."

"Dad." She's blushing and his eyes soften as he looks at Aaron. Somehow they've managed to raise three wonderful children. "Would you be really offended if we left the car here, and walked?"

Aaron looks stunned, after the fuss she'd made about it but he nods. "Whatever you want, it's your day. The two of you can drive it to the station later if you want. Your Dad will pick it up."

"I will?"

"Yes. So why the change of mind?"

"Just feel like walking. It's a nice day."

"It's freezing!" He can't help complaining. It was mid December after all. "The church heaters better be switched on!"

"Come on old man, don't want you seizing up do we." With that Aaron takes Ana's other arm and the three of them set off towards the church. When they reach it he's surprised that their other daughter, Sara, isn't waiting for them as she's bridesmaid, but there's no one in sight. "Must all be inside, can't say I blame them."

"No, they're not. Come on." With that Ana lets go of their arm and starts walking.

They end up outside the village hall and he and Aaron both stop when they see the guests gather round the exact spot where they'd got married years earlier. It's decorated with hundreds of lights and it looks like something out of a fairytale.

"What the..."

"It didn't feel right getting married in church, neither of us is religious, and besides the two of you haven't done too badly after getting married here. We decided to surprise you."

"How did you do this? I walked up to your Aunt Vic's this morning and there wasn't a single sign of any of this."

"Everyone helped. Seb was in charge, which means it's a miracle that it's all working right but anyway...surprise!"

He doesn't know what to say, and he can see Aaron doesn't either, he's just standing there, mouth open.

"Well done, munchkin, you've managed to stun them into silence." Seb ambles over, the tie of his suit already loose and his hair all over the place.

"Don't call me that! Idiot!" She manages to punch him in the arm before he darts away, her aim always good. "It's my wedding day, you're meant to be nice to me!"

"Yeah yeah." He grins at her before kissing her cheek. "Good luck...munchkin. You look amazing."

When he's gone she falters almost and Robert knows exactly what it is, nerves, a little bit of sadness that this part of life is over and a new one is beginning.

"You ready sweetheart?" Aaron's there, as always, calm and reassuring and she nods, taking his arm once more, looking at Robert to take the other. "Let's get you married then."

#robron week #rw2021 #just made it in time #the most tenuous link to the prompt ever #that's what I get for leaving it to the last minute!

[metalandmagi]

Summer 2020 Anime Worth Watching!

Apparently it’s time for the summer anime season, even though it feels like time is meaningless at this point. But somehow, there are still new shows coming out, so if you’re looking for something to watch when you’re stuck at home, here’s a list of the first impressions I got from this season. I don’t really know if it’s going to be worth it, considering how the spring season delayed so much, but here we are. 

As always, not all of these are available on Crunchyroll, but I’ll put a * next to the ones that are.

And if you’re looking for a bit more variety, I have lists for 2019 and the rest of this year’s seasons too...because remember when there was good anime being released instead of just everything being an ecchi or a second season?

2019 master list

My master list for every season of 2020 anime

New Shows!

*The God of High School: An over the top action anime consisting of one big tournament arc! It follows a group of teenagers competing in the epic “god of high school” martial arts tournament to determine the best fighter in the country. Following in the footsteps of Tower of God, this is the newest “crunchyroll original” that is being adapted from a South Korean webcomic. You can tell from the first episode that this will be a spectacle with crazy characters and lots of wild action and humor!

Great Pretender: When a Japanese con man pickpockets the wrong person, he ends up hopping on a plane to Los Angeles and getting wrapped up in a scheme with a sassy Frenchman named Laurent...who basically runs the mafia. There’s humor, there’s plot, there’s great characters, and it’s kinda gay. It’s an exciting original anime from studio Wit, so the animation is bursting with character, and both the music and the general vibe remind me a lot of Baccano or even Lupin III. And since it takes place in America with several foreign characters, there's hilarious English and accent shenanigans abound! The bad news is it’s still in Netflix jail, so if you want to watch it legally you’re kinda stuck for now. 

Japan Sinks 2020: A giant earthquake hits Japan, and a family must cope with the mayhem together. Because what the hell else could possibly go wrong this year? This is a new series (based on a novel) made by Masaaki Yuasa, the guy behind Ride Your Wave and Walk On Girl, if that tells you anything about the style of this anime. I’ve only watched the first two episodes so far, but I heard it goes from being a gripping realistic disaster series to a balls to the wall adventure. To be honest, disaster shows/movies freak me out, and this one is pretty devastating so far, which is a testament to how well it's made. But I appreciate that they include glimmers of hope when they’re needed. The best moments are the quiet ones that focus on the actual people and the narration that juxtaposes the time periods. There’s so much atmosphere, and the music really enhances the experience. And it’s all out on Netflix now, with a dub and a sub!

Deca-Dence: When humanity has been pushed to the edge of extinction by monsters called the Gadoll, the rest of civilization is forced to live in enormous mobile fortresses and send groups out to battle the unknown monsters. So basically like Mortal Engines but the fortresses can turn themselves into giant fists and punch the monsters. We follow a girl named Natsume who wants to be one of the soldiers who fight the Gadoll, but she is constantly rejected because of her prosthetic arm. So she ends up with five years of cleaning duty supervised by a stern but mysterious badass named Kaburagi. I honestly don’t care at all about the plot of the anime, because for me the characters are what drives everything, and these character dynamics are great. I’m not going to say it’s the most original story, but I think it’s fun so far. 

*Rent-a-Girlfriend: A typical harem/romance anime that follows the world’s most annoying protagonist named Kazuya. After Kazuya is dumped by his first girlfriend, he seeks out a rental girlfriend out of self pity….BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT’S A REAL SERVICE THAT EXISTS IN JAPAN?! Like you can actually rent moms/dads/girlfriends/boyfriends and so on. Anyway, his fake girlfriend is the picture of anime waifu perfection...until Kazuya starts being his typical asshole self and she reveals her true nature of being an absolute sass master who don’t take no shit from no boring ass main character. Shenanigans happen and the two of them end up having to pretend they are in a real relationship. And I’m just calling it now...Kazuya’s grandma is the real best girl of the series. If you want a harem that’s actually funny and doesn’t mind roasting the protagonist, give this one a shot. Although I wish this were just a straight up romance instead of a harem because there is no way in hell that any girl, let alone more than one would want actually to date this guy. 

Next Seasons and Continuations!

*Fruits Basket 2019 (Season 2): Thank goodness Fruits Basket wasn’t delayed or cancelled last season because sometimes I feel like it was the only thing getting me through the spring. I’ve ranted about how good it is enough by now. If it can’t brighten your year, then nothing will. Just watch it if you haven’t already. 

*Re:ZERO-Starting Life in Another World (Season 2): Subaru is still trapped in another world, and he’s still as angsty as ever, but that’s not going to stop him from constantly putting himself through hell when he keeps dying horribly every time he needs to reset the timeline! There are mysterious new villains, nobody knows who Rem is (again) and I think there’s a plot somewhere under all the suffer porn. Seriously though, this show is pretty cool (even if I was two years late to the party). It’s one of the most interesting isekai anime I’ve ever seen, and it feels like it’s acting as a deconstruction of the genre, kinda like how Madoka Magica is for magical girl anime...both shows certainly have enough crying. The story is weird but interesting, the world building is cool, the villains (and sometimes the heroes) are batshit crazy to watch, and I like its moments of humor. 

No Guns Life (season 2): The story of Juzo, the hard boiled detective who plays by his own rules continues in the second season of No Guns Life. In case you missed the first season, this is a mystery/action anime that feels like an old noir film had a cyberpunk baby. There’s underground conspiracies, there’s interesting side characters, and...oh yeah the main character has a gun for a head. That’s right. we came to see a bara detective with a literal gun for a face, but we stayed for the world building and mysterious plots!

*Fire Force (Season 2): I’m going to be honest here, I really didn’t know if I should include this one or not. I have a major love hate relationship with Fire Force, but I figured there may be other people out there who would like it more than I do. So in case you missed the first season, this show follows a group of firefighters who puts out fires caused by spontaneous combustion using a mixture of guns and super powers. It was created by Atsushi Ōkubo, aka the guy who made Soul Eater. So it’s bound to be amazing right?

Not necessarily. Strap in for this one lads. 

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed with this show overall. Its main characters just aren’t that interesting most of the time, it can’t decide on what kind of show it wants to be, and so much of it just dragged for a good part of the series. I don’t know if it was a problem of pacing or if the plot was just that uninteresting for a while. The first couple episodes set up a very unique plot, filled with intriguing moral dilemmas. And then it proceeded to abandon everything interesting in favor of badly timed fan-service. It just couldn’t strike the balance that Soul Eater had between its humor and its sincerity. If they wanted to make an ecchi show, they should have just made one instead of inserting the same overplayed scenarios into every episode. I don’t care if a show has fan-service as long as it fits the tone, or if it only has certain episodes dedicated to playing up the humor. But Fire Force has a habit of just inserting it wherever it wants regardless of what’s actually happening in the episode. Also, some of the humor revolves around one of the main female characters who has a really messed up self image because she’s slightly more muscular, and not a tiny delicate flower like some of the other girls. Not going to pretend that doesn’t bug me. 

But that doesn’t mean there is nothing good about it! If there wasn’t, I wouldn’t have finished the first season, and I wouldn’t be including this one. So far, the second season has actually been funny because it made the first episode more like filler, instead of cramming in too much plot all at once. And to the surprise of no one, the animation is absolutely god tier. I wish it was being used for something other than clumsy fan-service, but it’s still really something to see. The world building is super creative and 100% my aesthetic, and there were a couple side characters I really loved later in the series (Benimaru). And I did like the twists and turns the series took later in the season when it actually focused on the conspiracy behind the fire force and the cult. When it follows the mysteries it sets up, it’s more fun to watch. Who would have thought? 

TLDR: There’s good stuff and there’s bad stuff. This show is really something you have to watch for yourself to decide if it’s going to be worth it. I’m going to at least try the second season, because I want to see where this goes, but it’s on thin ice. 

Honorable Mentions

Isekai edition! Both of these came out last season, but I hadn’t mentioned them when I made my spring list. But they’re both getting dubs now so I’m still counting them.

*My Next Life as a Villainess- All Routes Lead to Doom!: A twist on the isekai genre where our main protagonist wakes up as a character in her favorite otome game...only to find that she’s actually the bitchy rival side character who ends up either dead or exiled in every route of the game. So naturally she does everything she can to prevent this by becoming a sweet and caring supporting character...who inadvertently makes every single other character in the game fall in love with her. I ignored this show for the first few episodes because I need another isekai in the world like I need a hole in the head, but after hearing everyone rave about it, I caught up with it in no time. It’s a fun take on the otome game tropes, and it manages to be funny and sweet while not committing to any particular pairing.

*Ascendance of a Bookworm (Season 2): That’s right, it’s another isekai where an adult is reincarnated into the body of a child in a fantasy world. But this time, it’s a nerdy girl whose entire purpose in life revolves around reading books (can relate). However, when our main character Mine is thrust into this fantasy world, she quickly realizes that this particular fantasy setting is a little too...medieval  for her tastes...meaning a family of commoners like hers would have no clue how to read and books are only meant for rich people or the church. So of course Mine has to figure out how to either get her hands on some books or make them herself. This is a super cute show that I waited a long time to finally watch, and since the second season is finally being dubbed I wanted to shout it out. It’s just a wholesome isekai version of Dr. Stone. There’s no real action, but it’s a relaxing watch if nothing else. 

Well, there you have it. Hopefully nothing else gets delayed or cancelled because it’s pretty slim pickings as it is. And before anyone asks, I didn’t include GIBIATE because I thought it was a massive disappointment that somehow made a time travel horror anime plot boring. There’s also My Teen Romantic Comedy Snafu, but it’s been 5 years since I watched the other seasons and don’t remember anything about it. But there’s that too in case anyone is a fan of the series and didn’t know it got another season. 

See you next season…if the world is still here by then?

#anime recommendations #2020 anime worth watching #ascendence of a bookworm #my next life as a villaines #fire force #no guns life #re:zero #fruits basket 2019 #fruits basket #rent-a-girlfriend #deca-dence #japan sinks 2020 #great pretender #the god of high school

[venusmages]

Cyberpunk 2077 non-spoiler review

Anyways here’s my writeup about my least favorite parts of 2077 for people who are interested in seeing if it’s for them. Both going to talk about content as well as gameplay. This is for PC version, too, because I know last gen consoles are suffering terribly rn and I wouldn’t recommend the game if you’re not going to be playing on PC. At least not until it’s on sale or the issues have been resolved. It really, really shouldn’t have been released on last gen consoles at all in my opinion - or at least should’ve been released on consoles LATER.

If you like Saints Row, GTA, Mass Effect, Shadowrun, or the Cyberpunk genre in general - I definitely think this is something you might want to take a peek at! I wasn’t anticipating the game until about a month or two before release - so maybe that’s why I’m having a blast - but It’s one of my favorite stories from the past decade as far as sci-fi goes. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and It’s really impressed me. I can’t even go into detail about all the things I LOVE because I really want folks to experience it themselves. Just know there’s a very intricately detailed world, all the characters are memorable and insanely well realized and complex, and the story is great fun. Also made me cry like 5 times. It’s become one of my FAVORITE games very quickly.

I’d also recommend Neon Arcade if you want someone who’s been covering the game for quite a while, including the technical and game industry aspect. He does well to go into some detail and even though he’s a fan, I’ve found him to be largely unbiased. I’m not going to go into industry politics here because I feel that’s up for everyone to decide on their own terms.

No spoilers, things to keep in mind, content warnings, etc. below!

CONTENT WARNINGS and issues with plot/story

this setting is dark. very dark. if you struggle stomaching things like dystopian landscapes, body horror, physical, mental and sexual abuse, corporate and gang violence, abuse of children, harsh language, and concepts that mess with the perception of reality - this game might not be for you. It’s a very mature setting, and I don’t mean that in the Adult Swim kind of way. I mean it in the ‘oh shit, it went there’ way. In my opinion I haven’t run across anything in it that was handled distastefully when it dipped into the depressing, but dark and gritty isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and I wanted to give a disclaimer.

The game’s universe in advertising and working for the lower class also exploits sex/sex work quite a bit. This is part of the lore itself because in this universe everyone’s become desensitized to sex and violence to the point that marketing embraces it and makes it ridiculous. I feel it’s very obvious that it doesn’t condone this message and is instead a commentary on consumerism - but people still might be uncomfortable seeing a lot of suggestive stuff all over the place regardless. 

Women in game are naked more often than men - even though there is nudity for both. This is likely a mix of appealing to the Gamer Boy demographic (even though the story does NOT actually), or the fact that media is way more cool with seeing naked women than seeing full frontal nudity on men. They probably had to tone some of it down to avoid going above an M rating. 

The story is amazing, but sometimes it dumps a lot onto you at once. It’s one of those sci-fi stories that you have to really be following the names, faces, and concepts continually to get it all down. There’s a lot of betrayal, background players, etc. I think by the mid-way point I’d mostly had it, but It’s pretty dense. However it’s still amazing. You might just need two playthroughs before every tiny detail clicks - because there’s a LOT of details. 

Honestly I think it would help to read up on the lore first so you’re not going ‘what’ constantly. But people have seemed to manage fine without that also! Neon Arcade has a really nice series of videos (like 2 or 3) that get you up to speed with the universe. It also helps you decide if the tone is right for you. 

I think the main story should’ve been longer, also. I don’t mind a 20 hr story, especially in a massive RPG, but It feels like they really struggled to cram as much into that time frame as possible. It skirts the edge of being nice and concise, snappy, and tight - and needing just a few more moments to take a breath and wait a second. This is helped if you do a lot of side quests.

The straight male romance option, River, is INCREDIBLY well written but he doesn’t tie into the main plot in any way whatsoever. It’s very strange and feels like they either ran out of time with him, or slapped together a romance with him at the last second. All the other romances at least know what’s going on with V’s story - meanwhile River has no idea, and you can never tell him. He’s an amazing guy though and I highly recommend his questline. He appears in ACT 2.

In general I’d say not to bother with the romances. There are only 4 total, and while the romancible characters on their own are really well written, the romances themselves are just kinda meh. One romance you don’t even meet until act 3. I don’t think they should’ve been included in the game at all, because they definitely don’t feel as fleshed out as everything else. 

CDPR also sometimes forget that women players or gay men exist. Panam and Judy have a lot more content than River and Kerry for example. I don’t think this is intentional, they just have a large fanbase of dudebros. It only shows in the romance content and the nudity thing though.

Johnny, Takemura, and Claire should’ve been romances and I will fight to the death on that. 

There are gay and trans characters in the game and their stories don’t revolve around their sexualities. It’s very Fallout: New Vegas in it’s approach to characters: IE. you’re going to love them. All of them. 

V’s gender isn’t locked to their body type or their genitals- but to to their voice. I don’t think it’s the best solution they could’ve used but given how the game is heavily voice acted I assume that was what they had to work with. 

Some of the romances are locked to both cis voices AND body types (not genitals if I recall but body shapes). That’s disappointing but I assume it was because of scripted scene issues and/or ignorance on the dev’s part considering the LGBT NPCS are so AMAZINGLY done. There’s no homophobic or transphobic language in the game - though there are gendered curse words and insults if that bothers you. 

Some characters MAY suffer from ‘bilingual people don’t talk like that’ syndrome. But it can be hard to say for sure given that translators exist in this universe and the way they operate aren’t fully described. It’s only momentarily distracting, not enough to take away from how charming the NPCs are.

The endings are really good don’t get me wrong but I want fix it fic :(. All of the endings out of like 6 (?) in the game are bittersweet. 

Both gender V’s are very good but female V’s voice acting is out of this world. If you don’t know what voice to go with/are neutral I’d highly recommend female V. Male V is charming and good but he feels much more monotone compared to female V. 

V has their own personality. To some this won’t be a detractor - but a lot of people thought they’d be making absolutely everything from the ground up. V is more of a commander shepard or geralt than a skyrim or d&d pc, if that makes sense. You can customize and influence them to a HUGE degree, some aspects of V will always be the same.

Streetkid is the most boring background - at least for it’s introduction/prologue.

GAMEPLAY/TECHNICAL

If you can run your game on ultra, don’t. It actually looks best with a mix of high and medium settings. Unless you have a beast that has ray-tracing - then by all means use ray tracing and see how absolutely insanely good it looks.

There are color blind modes for the UI, but not for some of the AI/Netrunning segments in cutscenes. Idk how much this will effect folks with colorblindness but those segments are thankfully short. 

There was an issue with braindances being an epilepsy trigger because for some reason they decided to mirror the flashing pattern after real epilepsy tests - probably because it ‘looks cool’. I don’t have epilepsy but it even hurt my eyes and gave me a headache. Massive oversight and really goddamn weird. Thankfully this was fixed.

There is no driving AI. Like at all. If you leave your car in the street the traffic is just going to pile up behind it. It’s one of the very few immersion breaking things I’ve encountered.

Sometimes when an NPC is driving with you in the car, they’ll drive on the curb and/or run into people. It’s kind of funny but can occasionally result in something weird. Feels very GTA  - but nothing excruciating. 

The camera angle feels a little too low in first person mode when driving on cars. You get used to it though. 

The police in this game feel slapped on and I hope they improve it. Right now if you commit a crime, you can never tell what will actually trigger it. And if you just run away a few blocks the police forget about it. 

Bikes are just way more fun to ride than the cars are. 

You CANNOT respec your character after you make them. Ever. it sucks. Go in with an idea ahead of time what you wanna do - it’s better than being a jack of all trades.

as of now you also CANNOT change their appearance after you exit the character creator. This, also, sucks. Make sure you REALLY like your V or you’re gonna be replaying the openings over and over like I did. 

Photomode on PC is the N key. Had to look it up. The mode itself is great though

Shooting and Mele fighting feel pretty standard. I don’t have a lot of shooter experience besides Bethesda games so anything feels better than that to me. So far I’ve enjoyed stealth and mele the best, but that’s just my own taste! The combat and driving aren’t groundbreaking by any means, but they’re still very fun. I look forward to running at people with swords or mantis blades, and zipping around the city on a motorcycle to see the sights. The story, lore, and interesting quests and characters are the real draw here.

I haven’t encountered any game breaking bugs in 80-ish hours of play time. One or two T-poses, a few overlays not loading or floating objects - but nothing terrible. Again, my experience is with Bethesda games. This is all usually fixed by either opening your inventory and closing it again, or exiting out and reloading your save. 

The C button is mapped for crouching AND skipping dialogue by default. That’s terrible. Change it in the settings to be HOLDING C skips dialogue and you’ll be gucci.

There’s apparently a crafting system. I have never been inclined to touch it. But I also play on easy like a pleb so IDK how it all scales otherwise.

The mirror reflections can be a little bit weird, at least on my end. They always end up a teeny bit grainy despite my computer being able to run everything on Ultra Max. You can still get good screens out of it though!

So many people text me to sell me cars and I want them to stop. Please. also the texting menu is abysmal. The rest is ok tho

It’s pretty clear when you’re going to go into a ‘cutscene’. all cutscenes are rendered in-engine BUT you often will be talking to other characters at a specific angle or setting. The game locks you into this usually by having you sit down. It works for me - after all we do a lot of sitting- but it IS very obvious that it’s a way for the game to get you in the frame it wants to display.

That’s all I can think of rn! If you’re interested but wanted to get a slightly better idea of whats going on, I hope this helps. I’m really enjoying it and despite my issues it’s exceeding my expectations. I’m going to be thinking about and replaying this game for quite a while. 

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 review #2077 review #cp2077 #rosetxt #txt

[t4t-lumpygrab]

Sick Day

by Pattercake (me!)

summary:  LSP falls ill with a strange disease and Lemongrab does his best to take care of her.

ao3 link here ffnet link here you can also read it under the cut

Lemongrab was, he had to admit, quite annoyed at his girlfriend. She had suddenly stopped by for an unexpected visit- uninvited and unannounced! Which was bad enough as he hadn't been able to prepare for her coming, and then she'd dripped rain water all down the hall. He'd stepped in it in his socks and been soggy the rest of the day.

Worst of all, now that she was here, she wasn't spending any time with him- or rather wasn't trying to. He was busy so he'd have to refuse but it felt so nice to have her pester him and insist and sulk, but instead she was sleeping away the hours.

Now he used to her getting up at an unglobly hour but even so... 1 pm was simply too much. He excused himself from overseeing production of machinery and advanced up the stairs to his study, where he would write her a letter of complaint, but froze when he heard coughing come from her room.

He opened the door to it and poked his head into the room.

She was lying on her bed, the covers in a mess around her, staring at the ceiling. He squinted as maybe it was his poor eyesight but... she seemed to be... different...

"Is everything... toooo acceptable standards?" He loomed over her, looking worried, "How dare you?"

"Yeah I'm fine..." that was his way of asking if she was okay, "I'm pretty tired and idk... think I have a cold or something."

He hmmed thoughtfully and inspected her more closely. It was true... she was most certainly different... there were only...

"One twoooo.... threeee..." he muttered as he counted the lumps that made up her body. "four five...six... hngh seven eight.... and... nine..." One missing. How... how odd...

and more importantly how worrying.

She sneezed and two lumps popped out of her. He screamed and jumped back.

"Huh what? Oh yeah that's been happening all morning."

"It is the afternoon. But that is beesiiides the POINT what is HAPPENING!" The alarm in his voice almost scared her a little and she tried to reassure him.

"Yeah don't worry about it." She poked her new lumps, "Like... I think that's supposed to happen?"

"I disagree with such a... nonchalant sentiment..." he hissed, "I suspect you are... ill?"

"Yeah maybe but-"

As soon as she said that she sneezed and morphed into a cuboid this time.

"Oh luuumpp... ugh..." She groaned," I know what this is..."

She sneezed and he suddenly had a pyramid for a girlfriend. With clunky noises and grunts of effort she managed to move and face him. "I have the flump..."

"The... flump?" he asked in horror, looking at her now pyramid shape in pure terror.

"Did I stutter? And yeah it's a super crummy disease so um... like... I need you to wait on me-" She sneezed again and turned into an ball with her tiny arms sticking out at the sides, "and stuff... I want grapes. Bring me grapes."

"Of course your highness." He bowed and ran out of the room screaming to get her some grapes and other snacks.

When he returned and wheeled in a food cart she was still lying on her bed, her black eyes all glassy. Fortunately she hadn't changed shape since he'd left. She turned to look at him, looking tired, and bored, and so round.

He wasn't in the mood for physical contact but he felt her forehead anyway.

He frowned. "I cannot sense any abnormal rises in temperature..."

"Really?" She also touched her forehead, "Idk... I feel like I'm 360 degrees..."

"THREE HUNDRED AND oh I see! You think yourself to be SO funny.... because you are a circle... or rather you are a sphere and you do not even have any angles."

"I saw you smile!" That had been pretty funny and anyway, she thought he liked her jokes.

"Hush! No time for jokes! This is a serious affliction." He walked backwards to the phone laid out on a table by the door and muttered angrily while dialing.

She coughed and croaked "What are you doing?"

"Calling my ministers to cancel our meeting, I cannot be in two places at once."

She shut her eyes from tiredness and tried to nestle into bed but she just rolled around. "Why can't you go?"

"I am taking care of you and your illness."

Oh yeah! Now that was the best thing about being sick, having people fuss over you. And he was already really fussy about her, so she was probably going to be treated like a queen. Plus he hadn't been spending as much time with her recently. Apparently he was busy but even so... it would be nice to have his full attention again.

He yelled down the phone that he was occupied and that they should mind their own business, screaming loud enough for the glass grape holding dish he'd wheeled in to crack slightly. She suspected that there wasn't a single functional phone in the entire earldom and that he just yelled loud enough for everyone to hear him anyway.

He slammed the phone down and strode over to gently roll her under the covers.

He pulled up a chair from her writing desk and started peeling her grapes to feed to her.

"You should drink some soup." he muttered as he tossed the fruit one by one into her open mouth.

"Ew no.

"Or rice." He suggested, opening a chips packet and emptying it into her mouth.

"No." She smacked her lips, quite enjoying being sick.

"Well Is...is there..." he squinted in concentration as the few remaining rational parts of his brain tried to remember everything he knew about ailments and sickness, "aaanyyy mediciiine you can take?"

"What? Oh nah... nah it stops by itself. It normally only goes on for one day, maybe two if you kept trying to use magic and stuff. Right now I'm in the early stages... that hard part comes later."

He clasped his hands nervously.

"The... hard part?"

"Yeah..." She'd had enough food for the time being so she flopped her arms to the other side and rolled away, "for now I'm just turning into shapes and lame junk but towards the end I'll start shifting between states of matter... that can be a bit of a, like, problem if I turn into a gas and then some lumping idiot opens the window."

He frowned. Turn into a gas? What on Ooo?

"That sounds exceedingly painful and so dangerous..." he muttered, "I cannot allow that."

"Eh I'll be fiiine..." she waved her hand dismissively, "I've had it before. The only thing I should do while it's still not serious is-"

He wouldn't call this not too serious- she was a ball!

"Well..." she lowered her eyes and murmured quietly, "it's a bit embarrassing..."

He kneeled before her and put his hand over his heart. "I will do anything for you."

"Woah..." she flushed, "C-calm down... I just need to take my star out..."

"Is that all?" He stood back up.

"Yeah but like... for a boy to see me without my star in it's a bit... you know..." she tried to gesture with her hands and lost balance, he had to roll her back to face him.

"Ah so it would be indecent..." he removed his hand, "I can call aaaa... female attendant..."

"Well it's not that it's just that like... you seeing me without my star in is a little bit like me seeing you without your shirt on. It's not indecent or whatever but it is kinda embarrassing." She scratched the edge of her star and looked away, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"I can take my shirt off if that would make you less self conscious." He said helpfully.

"Oh? Hee hee...." she tittered and tried to bat her eyelashes at him, "go on then."

He undid the buttons on his jacket and shrugged it off, neatly hanging it on the back of his chair so it wouldn't wrinkle. To her immense disappointment he had a grey vest on underneath.

"You have nice arms." She said, deciding to make the most of things regardless.

"Oh..." he looked down at his bare arms as if to see what was so nice about them, "really?"

"I like your shoulders too." She purred.

He rubbed his right shoulder self consciously. "Ah ha ha what what can I say they are... they are functional... but they have been aching slightly recently..."

She took another look at him. Now that she thought about it, there was a sort of tiredness to him that hadn't been there before. His eyes were more unfocused than usual, and as she thought that he rubbed at one eye with the heel of his hand and lent into it, resting slightly before blinking and sitting up.

"Hey." she asked.

"Hmm?"

"After I'm better we should swap."

"Swap, your highness?" he cocked his head in confusion and she flushed a little. She liked it when he called her that.

"Yeah." she grinned, "You can be the patient and I'll look after you."

"I do not see the need..." he said slowly, folding his bare arms, "Besides, I have business to attend to... and I would not desire to impose myself upon your-"

She kissed her teeth before he could finish and held up a hand to stop him.

"Relax! You work too hard anyway, taking a little break won't hurt!" She had another coughing fit and he waited till she had finished before continuing.

"Mmm yes but... There is so much to be done... so many things to be built and planned... so much to do so little time..."

He did sound like he had a lot on his mind. She pressed the matter further.

"But you know... there's no point working super hard if you don't take some time to smell the roses and like... meet up with your friends. Take a sick day and have some you time..."

"I don't understand what smelling roses has to do with working." his pupils turned to slits as he worked himself up, "My lemon people have suffered under a feudalist system foooor long ENOUGH! They deserve schools and tertiary jobs and... and a proper economy... and... such things." He sank back in his seat and looked despairingly at the wall, "But it will take such a long time until we are anywhere near the candy kingdom..."

"Who said you guys have to be like the candy kingdom?" she argued, "Is that why you haven't been hanging out with me or calling me back and why you're clearly pushing yourself too hard? Trying to be like PB?" she folded her arms and spat "I mean, good job, you've got her flaws on point."

He glared at her and stood up "I see you don't understand."He muttered coldly.

"Understand what?" Her voice broke into a croak as the soreness in her throat increased and she sneezed again, painfully this time, but remained the same.

"What it's like to have a kingdom to look after." he snapped, and sat back down after he realised he couldn't storm out on a sick woman without looking like an awful person.

"Oh are you trying to say that I'm not a proper-" she was overtaken by another sneeze before she could finish, she could feel her body change and hear the embarassing squeaky rubber like noises it gave off as it did so.

She looked up to see him laughing at her so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. She looked away and elongated into a hotdog shape with a final loud sneeze.

That made him fall out his chair and curl up on the floor, crying with laughter, trying to apologise through his wheezes.

"s-stop it... it's not that funny..."

"You look like a sausage!" he spluttered and lost his mind again.

"I'm still hotter than Mellissa though so there!" She huffed and tried to fold her arms, which was difficult as they were currently 1 metre away from each other on the other ends of her sausage body.

He seemed to have calmed down but he still snorted when he pulled his chair up beside her.

"Now you said something about taking your star out?" he said pleasantly.

"Oh yeah... Yeah uh... I can't do it so..." she looked away awkwardly.

"I can get it out for you-" He reached for her forehead.

"But wait! Before you do... say sorry to me."

He sighed. "I apologise greatly for... losing my temper at you... perhaps yooouuu are... right and I am...nggh overworking myself. But you have no RIGHT to judge my lifestyle!"

"Judging? I'm not judging you, Lemondummy, I'm trying to help you!" She almost yelled at him in frustration.

"No what I am doing right now is helping you, what you" he pointed at her and narrowed his eyes, "were doing was... was... telling me that I am not allowed to do my best for my people and aspire to build a society of eeeequality and happineeess..."

"The candy kingdom isn't like that though I mean... It's illegal for you to vote if you have a criminal record so there's equality for you, and what about the rattleballs? I've heard scary stuff about those guys and is it true she just leaves Goliad out on the roof for everyone to see?"

"Well yes." he admitted.

"Try to tell me that's not a scare tactic."

"W-well... but... well maybe it is not aaa perfect sociiiiiety.... but it is still better than anything I could make..."

"Now you stop that! Seriously!" She scolded him and then she sank back with a sigh. "You're so stupid... it actually hurts me to hear you speak sometimes."

"Aren't you encouraging..." he muttered and purposefully looked away.

"I just wish you would stop comparing yourself to her... because..."

"Because?" His eyes swivelled back and he mockingly raised his voice.

She stared up at the painted ceiling as she whispered "Because you're so much better than her."

He laughed again but there wasn't any joy in it this time. She'd rather he was laughing at her again.

"You are deeelusional... is your sickness affecting your mind, dearest? I truly should remove your star, maybe that will return you toooo sanity. Me? Better than myyyy mother? Absolutely not."

"But you are!" she protested.

The smile vanished from his face.

"Princess I have done terrible, terrible things."

"Oh so we're going there..." she thought to herself and muttered darkly. "Have you killed anyone?"

"What?" His eyes widened.

"Have you?" she repeated in the same dark tone.

"Well..." he looked away as it was hard to face her when she got like this, it sometimes slipped his mind that she also possessed great intelligence and could be almost deadly serious sometimes, you always had to keep in mind that despite her outward demeanor she was also a ruler "no but-"

"Your mother has; like the rattleballs, and I heard from Finn that she has skeletons in her hidden dungeon-"

"Rome wasn't built in a day," he interjected, jumping to his mother's defense, "and it wasn't built on good luck either. If you want to keep your kingdom safe, you have to be prepared to dirty your hands a little."

"A little?" she snapped, her voice sounding hoarse, but she pressed on angrily, "Okay okay... but what about my family? We've never done anything like this- ever. My parents would be SHOCKED if they heard you talk like that about killing someone. Dirty your hands a little oh my lumping glob are you crazy? I know that you're used to that kind of thing I mean... Goliad is on display, but... but it's literally just your mother who's like that... there's ways to keep yourself safe, and help your people, that aren't like that... You don't have to murder people or make people too scared to draw in public... there's other ways to be but you don't consider them. Maybe you're right... I really don't understand."

He clenched his hands into fists and screwed his eyes up as he composed himself. "We can continue this on a later date." he stated, "This is... placing stresses upon your royal body, your sickness may worsen. "

He folded his hands in his lap and stared at the floor, trying not to react to her little "ha!"

She coughed almost smugly. "Oh I got you good - you can't say anything to that huh? Ok fine. If you've had enough of me showing you how wrong you are and how right I am then we can finish arguing later. Fine by me. I'm right now, I'll be right tomorrow, I'll be right in a million years, call me for a reality check anytime."

"You do not have to sound so... smug..." he said in a hurt voice, "I am... I am doing the best I can... I'm sorry if that is... not good enough for you."

Okay... maybe she had overdone it there.

"Come on Lemmy baby don't take it like that..." she stroked his face and he didn't react.

"Hmmmmm.... nnghh..." He pushed her hand away, "How dare you..."

She drew back, a little hurt, and she rested her hand on the sheet, watching his face.

"Ok." she began, carefully, "ok we'll finish this later like you wanted. I'm sorry I mean I'm like, soooo smart and sooo clever and great and I AM right!" She insisted but then completely changed her tone, "But I dunno..." she shifted awkwardly as she admitted "for someone that writes plays for a living... I really need to choose my words better..."

"Agreed..." he still wouldn't look at her.

She shot him a look before continuing. "But if I made you feel like... like I'm not proud of you or like you're not good enough for me then I'm sorry... I'm really sorry... I, um, I love you Lemongrab, please don't ever doubt that, even when you're an absolute stupid dummy I still really love you and I only want you to be happy."

His head snapped up to look at her and his eyes widened, then he smiled to himself.

"O-oh yes... yes of course... You too are dear to me and I also am in love with you but... but enough of this."

"Okay." She sneezed again and groaned as she changed into a cube, reminding him.

"Now fooor your star..." He stood up to lean over her and gently pinched the yellow gem where it slightly jutted over her skin, seeking leverage with his fingers. Slowly and carefully he slid it out of her head and gently placed it on the bedside table with a klunk.

He stared at the hole left behind by it. A perfectly geometric star shaped hole that went right though her skull into her head. How curious... where did her brains fit exactly?

"Can you stop like..." she tried to cover it with a hand but couldn't reach, "staring at it so hard..."

He looked away quickly. "Yes yes of course... my apologies..."

"Oh uh also I need you to get a basin." she said, keeping her hand there.

"A basin?"

"Yeah it's a big bowl, or a small bath and it holds liquid and-"

"I know what a basin is." He muttered. "I am not completely stupid."

"I'm just checking I mean you didn't know what a dvd player was... or a dvd...or a toaster... or that there was a word for earplugs.. or-"

He sighed as the list went on. "I will get you the basin if it will put an end to this list of my sins."

He stood up and bowed before leaving, taking the cart of snacks with him.

With him gone she stopped holding it in and succumbed to her sickness fully, letting herself cough so hard she felt like she would spit her lungs out and doubled over, breathing heavily. She was nearly crying from how much her throat hurt. She hoped he'd hurry up... it was nearly over and she needed that basin...

He returned holding a blue basin with lemons painted on it and metal handles shaped like branches - only the fanciest for his princess.

She gestured for him to set it down on the bed and crawled into it just in time.

She turned to look up at him from her uncomfortable position. "Okay now... don't freak out but-" Before she could finish she melted like a bathbomb, leaving behind a thick sticky, oozing purple substance.

For one moment he was in complete shock. He stared at the place she'd been and started shaking, with a trembling, frantic hand he splashed in the liquid as if hoping to find her.

He felt his legs give way. "No.... no... no where did... she's gone...." it dawned on him, "My princess! My- my angel gone forever... all that's left is this... goo... purple goo..." his chest heaved with sobs as he somehow wailed in between tears "I'll never drink grape soda again!"

He curled up into a ball on the floor and let himself weep with grief. Why? Why hadn't she told him she was terminal? And he'd spent their last moments together arguing! And she'd - his angel she'd spent her last moments alive thinking only of his wellbeing and he hadn't even listened to her!

Could she ever forgive him?

With a hissing sound purple steam started pouring out of the basin into the room, gathering around him like a mist. He sat up, sniffling, and drew his arms around him in fear.

"What... what cursed sorcery is this... what is THIIS!" he waved a hand around in it frantically, "what is this nngggh strange purple MIIIST! How dare you! All persons responsible shall be arrested! and... oh my glob..."

the goop was gone from the basin.

"THE DEAD BODY!" he shrieked in agony, "Not only is she taken away from me... I can't even bury her properly!" He collapsed on the floor and started crying again.

The mist rose away from him and the floor, and started drifting to the center of the room, wafting into a denser and denser cloud until it finally took her familiar form. Her forehead opened into a star shaped hole, and beneath it she pinched her eyes as her eyeballs reformed under their lids and blinked painfully. The first thing she heard after her ears remade was him sobbing and she instantly flew over, placing a newly formed, concerned hand on his shoulder.

"Lemongrab what's wrong?"

He swiveled around and threw himself at her as soon as he heard her voice. She carefully placed a her hands on his back as he clung onto her, still crying.

She frowned as she stroked the back of his head. What was he? OH!

"Hey uh yeah... I should've warned you about that... I mean... I did say I was gonna turn into a gas but I guess I should've..." She trailed off.

He pulled away and put his hands over his eyes, still shaking and making heart wrenching noises as he tried to stop himself from crying.

"I'm okay now..." she reassured him, "what are you freaking out about... is there something else?"

He didn't seem to hear her. He kept rubbing at his eyes and smearing his tears all over his face while hysterically muttering, "I can't stop it... I can't..."

She put her hands over his and interlocked their fingers, pulling them down so she could see his face.

"Then don't stop." she stroked his thumbs with hers and he silently raised his reddened eyes to meet hers, "It's okay for you to cry. You've had a lot on your mind, and like... we, you know, had a fight, and I was sick, and then well... anyone would reach a breaking point."

He didn't say anything and another tear dropped from his eye.

"You should lie down..." She scooped him up and gently plopped him on the bed, knocking the basin to the floor with a clang as she did so. "You get comfy."

He shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

"Can I get you...something?"

He shook his head and reached for her.

"What is it?" she asked as he placed his hand on her arm and squeezed tightly, " I'm not going anywhere if that's what you're worried about- I'll stay here."

He relaxed at that, and let his arm fall back down to his side.

She sat next to him until he'd calmed down a bit, not lying down even though she was also really tired after her illness - all those transformations had taken a lot out of her.

When he started breathing more evenly she decided to do something about his tear stained face. She knew he had a handkerchief somewhere so she started reaching into his pockets and emptying them. She felt something folded up and pulled it out, but to her surprise it was a piece of paper with a photograph of her. She looked up at him inquisitively and he averted her eyes. "Mind your own... Business..." He awkwardly cleared his throat and mumbled to himself.

It wasn't a very good photo. It was of her reading a book and frowning at something... probably something dumb the characters were doing. She hated when that happened.

"You know... If you'd asked..." she traced the neckline of his vest flirtatiously with her ring finger, "I would've given you a better one..."

"Huh?" he asked stupidly.

"I have waaay cuter photos." she smiled.

"I like it..." he sounded so flustered, it was really cute.

"You do?" she moved down to place a hand on his chest and to her delight she felt his heart beating like crazy while he tried to act composed at her touch and words.

"Yes I think that such a contemplative look... quite suits you..."

"Okay then..." she smiled knowingly and could've sworn his heart skipped a beat before she removed her hand "I still think I look nicer in a dress."

She found his hanky and handed it to him so he could dab his tears away. After he'd put it back in his pocket she flopped down next to him and closed her eyes, feeling a headache coming on if she stayed up any longer.

But she couldn't rest till he was okay. "You must be pretty tired after all that..."

She felt him shrug.

"Are you sure you don't want some like... water... or something...?"

"No I do not require anything at all..." he rolled his head to look at her lying in bed barely keeping her eyes open, "you seem... to also be rather fatigued..."

She also turned to look at him and found him staring at her, their faces inches away from each other. His eyes drifted to the hole in her forehead.

"You haven't put your star back in..." he wondered aloud.

"Yeah well whatever... it's heavy as lump so I'm kinda more comfy without it."

"But is it not a little... like you... being shirtless?" He asked.

"Wel..." she thought about that, "maybe a bit but also you're my boyfriend so I think it's like... okay. You know?"

"Yes... yes that is true." He yawned and shifted.

"There you ARE tired!" she said triumphantly "Go to sleep, dummy."

"I am not a dummy." he muttered.

"Imbecile it is. Go to sleep, im-be-ci-le." she spelled it out in a sing song voice to annoy him even more.

"One day I will remove that fiiiilthy tongue... from your insulting mouth." he threatened.

She grinned. He was okay again.

"Oh yeah?" she retaliated, "I'd just kiss you and then I bet you'd wish I still had a tongue."

He looked so offended and embarrassed she couldn't help but laugh at him. He silently rolled over to face away from her and picked up the basin off the floor, hurling it at the room light to make things dark. He muttered "I am... going to sleep now... good night..."

What a cop out, but she was too tired herself to tease him and could already feel herself sinking into a doze. "Night."

He curled up tight with his knees up to his nose and sank into thought.

What a horrible experience. He'd been so... convinced she was gone... And it was like a hole no, even worse, like a wound... a bleeding, festering, painful painful wound had opened in the world, or like a cord holding him to the earth had been cut. He didn't want to think about it but.... he felt he must get to the bottom of what this implied.

He thought about the rattleballs... the dead bodies in his mother's basement... now.. now this was a forbidden thought but perhaps they too had meant something similar to someone. And his mother had no doubt been culling rebellion, squashing uprisings for the good of her empire, keeping everyone safe, taking the sins upon her own soul so as not to taint anyone else but maybe... maybe she had also opened similar holes or wounds in the world. Yes people could be rebels and problems and dangers but... but surely those skeletons in the closet must have come from somewhere.... been someone. They must have had parents, siblings even. Maybe they'd had someone too. An earl to their princess who was waiting for them to come home. But they never did.

That would make Mother a murderer... not a fair and just ruler. She was right... it was not dirtying your hands a little to commit such an action. Even the first earl, in all his twisted lonely violence, had never once killed, and only harmed his brother in ways that could be fixed.

But despite not killing the first earl was not a better person than mother. And so was Gumbald, Goliad... the opposite was true as well, Finn had killed and he was a hero but... but then there was such a thing as a righteous murder and when he thought back to his agony... his heart screamed no! Death was painful and how...how could it be right? How could anyone ever, ever... put another living creature through those tears and agony... And yet it was for that same reason that he could understand why wars and killers must be stopped, one death was surely better than one hundred? But even so... Even so...

He'd had enough. There was no answer to these moral questions, that was clear. To worry about the unanswerable was to attempt to climb infinite stairs or measure the sea in a sieve... unattainable and unacceptable... Time to think of something else. He rolled over and shook LSP till she woke up from her doze.

"What? Mmm are you o-" He cut her off with a kiss.

She mumbled a muffled whisper against his mouth but he couldn't make it out. Maybe confessing her undying love to him, which she did a lot in these moments, or making a quip about sour tasting lemons. Probably the first as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. He caressed her face until she pulled away and rested her starless head on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her and they held each other.

"Despite myyy... pride.... I think that you are right... about... being right." he eventually broke the silence.

"Huh?" She said, still in a daze after what happened.

"I think that you are correct... I have decided that... that perhaps I should reeethink the future I have planned for my nation and..."

"And?" She murmured.

"Tomorrow... I think I will... have a sick day..."

#adventure time #adventure time fanfiction #lumpygrab #lsp #Lemongrab #emetophobia trigger #it's about illness so #also death scare trigger warning #I went off the shits with this one #fanfiction #my writing

[justsomebandfanfics]

Pour La Vie - Matt Nicholls & Oli Sykes

Could you a Matt Nichols one? Where all the bmth guys are sorta bad asses and he constantly hits on you but you think he's just an ass then you end up in detention with him and in detention you are paired to clean the library and stuff. Then he admits he actually likes her and she likes him and fluff??

I do love a Matt N. imagine! I hope I didn’t veer too far away from the request. 3,708 words, written by Emma.

Poem credit: writer | link

“Meeting her he turned around, afraid she would see,” my teacher, Miss O’Dell, sighed. “But they clasped hands regardless, and agreed, ‘pour la vie’.”  

You recite the last line of the poem in your mind, smiling at the simplicity yet depth of the words.

“An amazing poem, recommended by one of our finest students, Y/N.” Miss O’Dell looks at you with a glowing expression, causing your face to redden.

You love poetry, English Literature is one of your favourite classes in school, and Miss O’Dell always loves the recommendations you give her in class. Here you feel like your adoration for the combination of words is appreciated, and you could actually do something in school you enjoy.

“Sounds a bit gay if you ask me.” A voice interrupts your monologue, so you frown and look over your shoulder.

Of course, it had to come from Oliver. Or Oli as his ‘mates’ call him. Someone who couldn’t be any more different from you.

“Gay?” You repeat, looking at him questionably as if that was even a usable insult anymore.

Oli looks at you, catching on to your implication. “Alright, Stupid.” He corrects himself, emphasising the ‘u’.

“What, because you’re analphabetic and don’t understand French?” You say, laughing harmlessly. It makes more people turn their heads at you, doing that dramatic ‘ooo’ that all kids do. “Wait, doesn’t that make you stupid?” You mock his voice, elaborating an unsophisticated tone.

Oli, amongst others in the class, laugh at your innocuous comment. Particularly one of his friend’s, Matt, looks at you with a satisfied smirk and grins wider once you lock eye contact. Blushing, you face back to your paper, trying to ignore the race of butterflies it gives you. 

“Y/N.” Miss O’Dell hushes you, trying to make sure you don’t land myself in trouble. 

Oli waves his hands at her. “No, Miss.” He shouts, looking at you. “Let her go on.”

You feel the faces of everyone in the class looking at you, making you shuffle in your seat. “I don’t have anything else to say.” You reply, looking over him and his group of friends. “Your illiteracy speaks for itself.”

“What she’s trying to say mate,” Matt speaks up, resting on his elbow on his desk. “Is that you’re a putain d'idiot. ”

You ignore the heat in your cheeks and face Matt again, who’s eyes are gleaming with a boyish grin at his comment, looking back at you encouragingly. God, his boyish smirk is enough to make you giggle like a little school girl.

So what that his callow personality, bright eyes and juvenile toothy smile gives you the inability to function like a normal human being? It’s just a crush, a tiny crush that you can totally ignore. 

“Oui.” You reply, smiling back at him.

Miss O’Dell folds her arms, tapping her foot on the floor. You know, like all impatient teachers do. “This is not French, Y/N.” She looks at you disapprovingly.

Hunching back in your chair, you pout knowing that more is expected of you than the group of boys.  

The ‘group’ compromises of Matt, Oli, Jordan, Lee and another Matt, and their sole purpose in school is to make everybody else laugh, apparently. Day to day they get in trouble, causing scenes wherever they can to kick up a fuss. Some days, it’s as simple as throwing a rubber at one another’s head, others, it’s vandalising lockers with spray paint. Who knows what they’re going to do next?

“Alright, alright.” Oli shows his palms in surrender. “Sorry Miss O’Dell-oeo-ole-yodelayheehoo!” He hoots at the top of his lungs, causing everybody to laugh again in cascades. He slams his desk hard with his laughter, making a show for himself.

Your mouth twitches, that’s all. It wasn’t that funny. You mask your smile with staring down at your book, looking up just in time to catch a glimpse of Matt staring at you again. He grins, shaking his head. You sigh, facing another direction as quickly as you can. He doesn’t seem that bad, even if he is one of those guys.

Once the lesson continues, you find yourself daydreaming about words again. Other students airily look out the window, some people are making paper aeroplanes – I bet you can guess who – others just stare blankly at the whiteboard before them. You wonder what it would be like to be able to publish your own work, you own words that you’ve constructed together to make a poem. Imagine having people out there with a piece of your poetry in their hands. It’s mad. What would it be like to actually be a renowned poet?

Disrupting your thoughts is a piece of paper hitting your face, stabbing at your eye. You spit out a “pft” and throw your hand around, waving at what you’ve realised is a paper aeroplane.

Your attention is turned to Matt, who was obviously at the opposing end of the throw. Pointing at the plane, he mouths something at you.

“You want it?” You murmur confusedly, picking it up frowning at him.

He mimics opening the plane and reading what’s on the inside.

You do as he acts, looking puzzled as you upturn the corners on the plane. You can see something written out so you tilt your head, trying to read the scruffy handwriting:

‘Hey :)’ 

You look over your shoulder at Matt, who smiles back at you and holds his hand up as a wave. “Heya.” He says, his boyish charm radiating from him. 

“You couldn’t have just said that?” You ask in a loud whisper, trying to push aside your own stupid grin. “But…” You pout your lips before letting the smile out. “Hi.”

Timely, Oli, who is sitting to his left, watches you fold the paper back into a plane before he stands up in his seat, launching his own at Miss O’Dell.

She spins frustratedly, turning directly to Oli and his friends. “Oliver,” she scorns, pointing her hand at him.

“It wasn’t me, Miss O’Dell.” He shrugs at her, pulling the same puppy dog eyes and surrendering motion. “It was Y/N.” He adds, pointing at you with a blatantly fake forlorn expression.

You squint your eyes at him, enclosing your fist around the paper plane in you hands. Of course he wasn’t trying to talk to me, you think, they just want me to get in trouble for their stupid prank.

“Y/N?” Miss O’Dell looks at you with shock, seeing the paper that’s just fell from your hands.

“It wasn’t me, Miss O’Dell.” You say, only half-heartedly, too busy shooting daggers from your eyes at Matt and Oliver, only to be ignored.

“I am very disappointed,” She says, sounding it. “You know that this means that you will need to go to detention tonight, right?” She takes the paper from you, folding it in her hands before throwing it into the bin.

You scoff, still staring at Matt who’s guiltily looking at you. “I, I didn’t even do it, it was him, Miss.”

“Don’t argue or it will have to be two evenings.” Is all she replies, her back turned to you.

Knowing better than to try and bargain yourself out of a detention after a set up, you sit back into your chair with a scowl. Of course, Matt doesn’t have the decency you thought he did.

-

After school

-

Slumping your bag onto the floor, you collapse into a chair in the detention room. You ignore the faces of other students who also reluctantly cooped up in the room, sharing your frustrated look.

The PE teacher, Mr Davis, is who runs the detention runs after school. Apparently you’re made to do daft chores around the school to save the cleaner some time, not that you knew. You’d never been in detention.

Soon enough, Oli and Matt enter the room, obviously in here for something else stupid they did today. Although it may appear petty, you frown at them, still irritated at the way they set you up. 

Deliberately, Matt takes the chair next to you, Oli by his site. “Hi.” He says, grinning.

As if he would expect you to reply to him after their immature stunt, he frowns as you ignore him and look away. 

“What, you’re not gonna talk to me?” He asks, as if he is confused. “I insulted Oli in French for you.” 

You furrow your brows. “You got me in detention for him.” You point at Oli, who’s deliriously rocking on his chair not paying attention. “Secousse.” You add, jerk. 

“Huh?” Oli asks, realising both of your eyes are on him.

You pull a face as Matt turns back at you.

“I did not.” He says.

“Uh,” You cock your eyebrow. “Yeah, you did.”

“Non.” He contradicts.

You pout. “Oui.” 

“Pft,” He looks like he’s about to say something else in your basic French battle, but Mr Davis smacks the desk as he stands up to grab everyone’s attention. It works. 

“Alrighty everyone.” His voice bellows throughout the room as he grabs a chair to rest a leg on. “Detention time, yippe.” He steps up, showing his big calves and hairy legs. You wince.

“Spence, Marie.” He reads two names from the list in his hands. “You can head into the Maths supply closet and total up... supplies." He directs. “Charlotte, you can go into the changing rooms and pick up leftover clothes... and stuff. And head over to lost property. Oli, Charlie, Ben - you can go drag PE equipment from the astro turf back indoors.”

Oliver sighs, standing up from his seat, looking across the room to the other people he’s been paired to go off with. 

“Y/N,” Mr Davis says, pricking your attention. “You and... Matt and go into the library, sort out some books and stuff.”   

Matt punches your shoulder playfully. “Yay.” 

“Merveilleux.” You look at him, shaking your head. Marvellous. 

-

“Hi, Mrs Locke.” You say, entering the library, Matt by your side.

Her old face softens as she looks at you. “Y/N. After school work or are you here for another book? We got some new poetry-”

“I have detention.” You interject reluctantly, watching her face fall.

“Oh.”

“Mr Davis told us to come to the library and help you with any cleaning up that needs to be done.” You say, feeling awkward. You never got in trouble, this is so embarrassing.

“I see.” She nods her head, looking around her desk, presumably thinking for something for us to do.

“How about we pop the returned books back to their proper places?” Matt offers, gesturing at the ‘returns’ box that stands within the desk.

Mrs Locke nods quickly. “Of course, Matt.” She says, pointing at him. “You always are so helpful.” 

You look at him puzzled, how does she know his name? It’s not like he has ever put his face in a book. 

“Don’t look at me like that, I can read.” He says, as if he knows what you’re thinking. “Yes, I go to the library after school, big surprise.”

“Probably only because of the detention you get, right?” You answer, half sarcastically. Well, you didn’t actually know, did you?

“Ha ha.” He laughs sarcastically. 

Well, did he? 

Mrs Locke pulls out a box of returned books, placing them on the counter top. “They’re all yours.” She says. 

Lifting the box with both hands, Matt takes it to a table on the brink of the library desks, that almost ventures into the shelves of books. You follow quietly. 

“How about,” he plops himself down into a seat. “We organise them all first, group them into where they’re supposed to go, and then put them back together?” 

You nod, pulling out a chair and sitting down. “Sure.” 

Together, you begin to sort through the box full of books of all shapes and sizes. You catergorise them according to what letter they are ‘marked’, which tells you on what shelving unit it belongs. 

The library was also one of your favourite things about school. If Matt wasn’t lying, how come you’d never seen him in there? Or was it just a flimsy comment he made just to put your judgemental thoughts to rest? 

As you process your thoughts, you mindlessly go to take a book from the pile, but mistakenly touch Matt’s hand instead. 

Flinching, you pull a face. “Sorry.” You mutter embarrassed. 

“You don’t need to be.” He replies, looking at you. He reaches out with his own, deliberately brushing your palm with his fingers. 

You frown, moving your arm back towards your body. That was weird. 

“Where you so scared of me?” He asks, laughing and paying his attention back to the array of books around us. 

You scoff. “I’m not scared.” You’re not. 

“Then why are you y’know, all weird with stuff like that. Or when I try to chat to you and stuff?” He asks, eyes following his own hands that flick through pages. 

You sigh, not being able to think of a reasonable answer. “Maybe I’m just weird, then.” 

“No you’re not.” He replies contrarily. “You’re smart, intelligent, pretty.” He nods at you. “You just don’t seem to wanna talk to me.” 

Shrugging, you feel your face reddening. “Thank you, I guess,” you stutter. “I don’t know, you just don’t seem like somebody I would get along with, or, be friends with.” You add. 

You’re not popular, you’re not cool and you’re not funny. You don’t fit in with people like Matt and his friends. 

“What, cause I’m not as smart as you or somethin’?” Matt says to you, opening and snapping books shut, acting emotionally removed from the conversation.  

You dismiss his underlying dig with a laugh. “I didn’t say that.” 

“Then why don’t you wanna, like, hang out or stuff?” He continues to press the topic, making you wonder. 

Why did he care that you didn’t join in with his daft pranks, or catapult pencils across the room with him? Is he really that bothered that you always shrug of their conversation with a faint smile and look away? 

“I... didn’t think you would want to, I didn’t know you thought about it like that.” You answer honestly. 

“I don’t. I mean, I do, kinda.” He murmurs, still not looking at you. “I just know there’s a lot more to you than the quiet girl who smiles at me but never says anything.” He chuckles softly, moving his eyes to yours so that you’re looking at each other. “I’m not pretentious, you know. I don’t think you’re dumb.” You say, wondering whether you really give off that vibe that implies you think you’re above everyone.

“Good.” He smiles. “‘Cause actually, I’m the second best student in English Lit..“ Nudging you, he shakes off his grin. 

“Oh, really?” You play along. “Must suck coming in second.” 

“Nah.” He chuckles back at you. “She’s great. And she’s pretty cute, too.”

Blushing, you move some hair behind your ear. “You seem to be using the word cute a lot.” You reply quietly.

“Maybe I find you cute, then.” He pouts at you, moving the now-empty box from the table to the floor. He gathers a pile of books with the label, ‘A’, standing up and looking to the corner of book cabinets.

You follow his lead, picking up the ones he’s missed. “What, cause I’m a nerd, or something?” You mimic his tone from earlier in the conversation.

“I don’t think you’re a nerd,” he begins, walking off into the shelves. “I think you’re smart.” He places the books on the floor. “You’re like, super intelligent and it’s… uh, attractive in a way I guess.”

“Well, thank you.” You smile, feeling the heat seething from your face. “That’s the first time somebody’s complimented me about that.”

Crouching down on the floor, you sit cross-legged, rifling your way through the pile of books in front of your both.

He copies you, tilting his head as he chooses a book and placing it back where it belongs. “And I think you’re like, really pretty, y’know?”

“I don’t,” you scoff, feeling flustered. “But thanks.”

You try to act like it doesn’t shock you that this was happening to you, that you were sitting here being called pretty by somebody like Matt, who frankly is your definition of perfection. He has a daft, contagious smirk on his face and the most annoyingly pretty eyes, it was unfair. You always thought of him as a good looking guy, but sitting so close to him has given you a chance to see him even closer. And maybe that hasn’t helped your mini-crush.

“Are you kidding?” He asks, looking up at you. “I could stare at you, uh, all day. If that wasn’t creepy.” He laughs.

You smile, feeling more reassured that he actually could be a nice guy and isn’t just one of those stereotypical jerks in school. “But instead of staring, you throw paper aeroplanes at me to get me in trouble.” You retort, raising your eyebrow at him.

He chuckles. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble, you know. That was Oli all on his own, I didn’t contribute to his plan… I just accidentally helped it happen.”

You pout your lips and squint your eyes at him, not reassured. “Fine.”

“Why d’you keep looking at me like that, huh?” Playfully, he nudges your shoulder, causing you to collapse in your own legs.

“Hey,” You shove back in retaliation, pushing into his shoulder so that he falls to his back.

He bounces back up just as quickly. “What, what? Am I getting on your nerves? Huh?” He teases, prodding your shoulders in an innocent way, making your body shuffle about.

“You know what? Yeah.” You joke trying to slap him away from you. It doesn’t work, so you resort to crawling backwards on the floor away from him, laughing. You press your back against the shelves.

He comes after you, leaning over onto his hands but awkwardly slipping on a book cover and causing his own demise. He slips to the carpet, making you both burst out in laughter.

Huffing, he scrambles over the books and closes the gap between you both, sitting right in front of you resting on his left hand. “You think that’s funny, huh?” He asks, looking over your face with a smile.

You realise the closeness of his face to yours and manage to distract yourself with his lips. “Yep.” You murmur, shaking away your giggles.

The quieter you both are, the more you can feel your heart beating in your chest. God, if you were just that little bit closer…

“Hm,” He scoffs, lifting his hand to your neck and touching it.

You blush under his fingers, your cheeks burning.

“This is gonna sound weird, y’know,” he sighs, continuing to draw circles on your skin that you’re trying so hard not to shiver away from in shyness.

“What is?” You ask, letting your eyes fall over him, ensuring you don’t let your breathing hitch.

“I’ve actually had a thing for you, for like, ages.” Dropping your neck, he brings a fist to his mouth, smirking into his hand. “Do you know how long it’s taken for me to get your ass into detention to force you to spend time with me?”

You whistle in annoyance, taking away the awkward, quiet setting away from the scene. “You did do it on purpose.” You push him away from you.

Matt laughs at your expression. “Of course I did.”

“Matt!” You say in disbelief, thinking of the way he tried to scheme past it not even five minutes ago. “What was this then huh? An evil stratagem to try and get us to k-ki,” you stutter, knowing you almost just kissed him. “Liar, evil.” You say.

“Worked, didn’t it?” He replies, boasting that idiotic smile. “Here we are.”

“Here we are…” You nod your head, looking at him questionably.

“You like, didn’t say anything about the fact that I’ve been scheming my way for this, for like, ever.” Matt says back to you. Outstretching his hand to you once more, this time he places it on the top of your arm.

Wearily, you look at his hand on you. “How do I know that that isn’t a part of the plan?”

“The whole point of the plan, Y/N,” he pauses, running his fingers over your collar bone. “Was to finally tell you that I liked you, and have for a stupid amount of time without doing anything about it.”

You tilt your head and look at his face. “Well then, do something about it.” You say, trying to fight the fact that your heart could leave your body in any given moment.

Rubbing his thumb on your neck, Matt slowly pulls your face closer to his. There’s a pause of anticipation as you stare at one another’s mouths, just before he leans forwards and presses his to yours. It starts softly, where he grips at your upper lip slowly. But as the two of you exhale, you move your hand to his cup his chin and eagerly bring his face closer. You begin to kiss and his other hand holds your waist, moving you with him.

Did you ever expect to be making out with Matt Nicholls in a library next to a pile of books? Hell no.

You move his head in motion with yours and your other hand pull at the collar of his shirt. You couldn’t imagine that this would feel so good. You can’t even believe this is happening. He presses his body up against yours and you can feel the shelving unit dig into your back, but you don’t care. 

You breathe heavily into his mouth, taken aback by how amazing it feels, and let him run his hands through your hair, where he pulls you closer towards him. You could moan as it feels that good.

Steadily, he tilts his head back, departing from your lips. The lights shine in his eyes as he looks at you with a grin. “Comme ca?” He murmurs quietly to you, so close that you can feel his breath on your lips. Like that?

You giggle. “Oui.” 

#matt nicholls #matt nicholls imagine #matt nicholls fanfic #matt nicholls fanfiction #matt nicolls imagine #bmth #bmth imagine #bmth fic #bmth fanfiction #bmth fanfic #band imagine #band imagine l #band imagine blog #band imagine requests #bring me the horizon #bring me the horizon imagine #bring me the horizon fanfic #bring me the horizon fanfiction #oli sykes #oli sykes fanfic #oli sykes imagine

[reivenesque]

Requested by @lovelylittlegrim for the @teenwolfexchange

1. (Thiam) A fluffy fair fic. In which Liam takes Theo to his first fair/carnival and they have their first kiss.

Umm, not so much the fluffy fic I planned on when I started and it may or may not be their first kiss. I honestly didn’t know where this was going until I arrived there, but I hope you enjoyed it regardless *hides* I haven’t written a humour fic in ages I could feel my funny bone creaking with disuse as I was typing.

All’s Fair that Ends Fare

One of Liam’s earliest (and fondest) memories was of going to the seasonal fair with his mom and whichever boyfriend she was dating at the time. The only thing Liam really remembered about the guy was that he was a huge dick and pissed at Liam for being forced the tag along because the baby sitter cancelled at the last minute. As a result, Liam made it a point to do his absolute hardest to be the worst little shit to the guy behind his mom’s back and the most innocent angel when she turned to look at him.

The date didn’t last the night. The guy stomped off in righteous fury muttering about annoying children and stupid fairs and his mom was left in confusion staring at his retreating back.

They spent the rest of the night just the two of them going on rides and playing games, and even though his mom put on a smile when she looked at him, Liam could tell that she was hurt, but at the time, his cold little nine-year old heart didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was that the guy was gone and he had his mom all to himself again.

Adult Liam eventually came to the realization that he was a terrible, shithead of a child.

But then his mom met his stepdad and the man didn’t run away no matter how much Liam tried to chase him off, so all in all, it worked out for the best in the end.

“This milkshake sucks.”

The very first words spoken between the two of them in the merry compound of the town fair that night.

“It’s free, so shut up and drink it, asshole.”

God, Theo could be such a negative Nancy. Often times Liam forgot that he was actually Scott and Stiles’s age because of how petulant he could be. But then he remembered that neither Scott nor Stiles acted Scott and Stiles’s age so that was a rather pointless train of thought to have.

“Why are we even here? If I wanted to spend my night grinding up against the smelly sweaty bodies of half the population of Beacon Hills, I would have gone to a club – where they have air-conditioning – and alcoholic beverages instead of this… watered down gluten free soy whatever,” said Theo, swirling around the white liquid in the see through plastic cup in front of his eyes and staring at it suspiciously.

“It’s not gluten free or made of soy,” he said, exhaling exasperatedly.

“Well it might as well be,” said Theo petulantly. “How come you’re having juice then?”

“Cause I wanted to get you something special! Now shut up, Theo. We’re here to have fun tonight, and we will have fun even if it kills you,” said Liam.

“Sounds like fun already.”

Liam ignored him. “What do you want to do first? Which ride do you want to try?” he asked.

“How about that one?” said Theo, motioning towards the open gate at the far end of the field under the neon green sign that said ‘Exit’.

“Hilarious,” he said, his face completely straight and his mouth downturned in a frown.

It wasn’t how he’d originally planned on spending the night, but the funfair was in town – with emphasis on fun, and he was bored as hell – Scott was away on a bro-date with Stiles and Mason was away on a date-date with Corey, and Liam who was at that moment on a sad-date with him, himself and no one else, was feeling particularly left out. Plus he’d recently come to learn that Theo had never been to a fair before. Obviously the Dread Doctors weren’t big on the fun kind of activity that didn’t involve suffering, mutilation and death.

“What about the haunted house?” he suggested. He was pleased to see that it piqued Theo’s interest.

It was also a pivotal moment in which historians somewhere down the line would jot down in their tiny little notebooks as the moment Liam vowed to never take Theo into another haunted house ever again.

The screams of terror were not out of place, obviously, it was a house designed to scare the living crap out of the faint hearted. What was out of place was the sight of the people in ghost costumes, some covered in prosthetic fur and fake ears and fangs and other limbless figures covered in blood running out of said house in absolute pant-wetting terror, shoving each other aside and stepping on toes in their hurry to escape.

Theo’s cackling laughter beside him was like the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Theo was the nail and his face was the chalkboard.

“That’s not funny,” he said, turning around just in time to see Theo’s glowing yellow eyes reverting back to the dark blue and his fangs retreating back into his gums.

“Come on, it’s a little funny,” he said. “Don’t be such a sourpuss, Liam. If I wanted to date a boring, disgruntled old man I would have asked out Derek. Or that old guy that lives at the end of the street that likes to throw sand balls made of cat litter at people who walk past his house.”

Firstly, Liam was absolutely offended by getting compared to a disgruntled old man. Secondly, he hated to admit it but it was sorta funny, but he wasn’t about to confirm that fact to Theo, the guy was insufferable enough as is.

“So? How about it? Are we here to have fun, or are we here to have fun?” he asked with a smirk.

“I don’t know what that even means,” said Liam, furrowing his brows.

“Think of it like Troy,” said Theo, reaching over to circle an arm around Liam’s shoulder in a way that was suspiciously intimate, one hand motioning out towards the sky as if he was trying to get Liam to imagine one of the unlimited – and most likely illegal – scenarios he had cooked up in his head. Whatever he was about to say, it was bound to be bad – people were probably going to end up in tears, or dead, or both. “The best way to get in with the enemy, is to get in with the enemy,” he said, punctuating each word like a different intonation would somehow make the meaning different.

“Once again,” said Liam, “Please speak English.”

“You’re the history nerd, Liam” said Theo – completely ignoring the indignant tone Liam used when he repeated the word ‘nerd?’ as a question, greatly offended, “You know this stuff right?”

Liam scrubbed at his face tiredly. He kind of had an idea where this whole thing was headed, and he didn’t like it – or did he? He hadn’t decided. He didn’t want Scott to be disappointed in him and that was definitely what was going to happen if he went through with what he was inevitably about to go through.

“Create havoc from the inside?” he asked, turning his eyes to look at Theo, only to see the insufferably smug gaze already staring back at him. He really wanted to punch Theo in his stupid face at that moment, either with his fist or with his lips. He hadn’t decided that either.

“I knew you were smart, Liam. I’m impressed,” he said.

Liam tried to keep the blush from spreading across his cheeks at the praise. But as it is with Theo most of the time, he knew to take it with a grain of salt. Theo was only super nice like that when he wanted something in return. “Shut up, Theo,” he said, elbowing him in the ribs. “So… what do you have in mind?”

“A thought just came to me.”

“God help us all,” said Liam with a sigh.

“What if we did both? Have a little fun while taking these people for everything they’re worth? I mean, the hammer game? Come on, we could beat that out of the literal park without breaking a sweat.”

“That’s cheating,” said Liam.

“Well good thing I’m here with Liam, and not Scott, right?”

Liam let out a half exhale-half groan type of inhuman sound. “Scott’s going to kill us both when this is all said and done you know?”

“Seriously, Scott would never harm one soft, moisturized strand of hair on that perfect little head of yours. And even if he does, we’ll have a lot of kick ass stories to tell in the afterlife.”

“I don’t like this plan,” said Liam.

“You don’t have to,” said Theo, “You just have to… you know, have fun.”

Liam knew that word was going to come back and bite him in the ass. He thoroughly regretted every life choice he ever made that lead him up to that point in his short sad life.

“Yeah, fun,” said Liam in an over-exaggerated mocking tone.

Everything was on fire.

Children and adults alike were crying; bawling their eyeballs out and screaming in horror.

There was the sound of a gleeful cackle in the distance over the white noise and the small explosions still going off in the background.

Theo was picking bits of glass and pie crusts out of his hair with Liam beside him, doubled over in laughter.

“That was awesome!” Liam said through his mirth. “Who knew exploding pie could cause such devastation! That’s something they definitely don’t teach in chem class.”

Theo couldn’t keep the pleased smirk off his face. “Living with mad scientists for as long as I did, you’re bound to pick up a thing or two.”

The backdrop, the once upright and proud House of Mirrors was in shambles; its wall barely hanging off the hinges and surrounded by almost half a foot of broken glass on the pulverized ground.

“I hate to admit it,” said Liam, “But I don’t think I’ve had this much fun… well, ever. We’re both about to be killed by my dad, Scott, Melissa, Sheriff Stilinski and half the population of Beacon Hills – but, this is definitely the best night of my life.”

“You could say,” said Theo with a wolfish grin, “That we went out with a bang.”

The sound of sirens pierced through the veil of the night, approaching the once upright fair, now several heaps of rubble – some still smoking and smoldering, with parts of blown apart teddy bears strews across the ground like there had been a horrific murder on Sesame Street.

“I think that’s our cue to amscray,” said Theo, smacking Liam on the arm with the back of his hand; both their eyes looking towards the incoming source of the noise.

Liam didn’t turn to meet Theo’s eyes at first, the cogs of his brain and conscience working overtime trying to override his instincts of self-preservation and will to live. He exhaled once before squaring his shoulders.

“No point in us both getting caught,” he said as the whinnying cruisers made their way into the compound, one blaring vehicle after another. “Save yourself… I’m going down fighting.”

Theo furrowed his brows. “Why do I feel like I’ve heard this before?”

“Just go, Theo. I’m not running away.”

He could hear Theo’s frustrated groan beside him but the guy made no move to leave. He opened his mouth to speak again when he turned to look at Theo, but the words were barely out of his mouth before he felt Theo grab him roughly by the side of his face, pulling him close. Everything around him slowed down to a crawl and the sound of the sirens became muffled noises in the distance when he felt Theo’s cool lips crashing down onto his.

The kiss was haphazard and sloppy; Liam wasn’t sure where to put his hands and Theo still kind of tasted like the terrible milkshake he had earlier. He could feel the heat from the car’s headlights shining on his back, illuminating them brightly as the cars pulled up to surround them like a barricade. But the moment he found the pocket of comfort inside himself and his hands found the perfect curve of Theo’s back that sloped down and back up to frame his perfect, perfect ass, Liam couldn’t think about anyone or anything else in the world anymore.

There was only him and Theo in the moment surrounded by the police cars and what sounded like helicopter rotors flapping in the distance and the only thing Liam could think was that it was a very Thelma and Louise type of scenario, which was pretty rad.

He decided in that moment that he wanted that movie to play at his funeral. He wondered if he had enough time to write out a will.

If he had a pen on him he’d definitely scribble it down on Theo’s butt cause quite frankly he didn’t want to take his hands off it ever.

At least not until he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat very close to their vicinity and the familiar stern voice saying the word, “Boys,” in a very crisp, no nonsense tone. It was the biggest of turn offs a person could ever hope for.

Liam found his tongue flicking out to lick at his red and heated lips the moment he and Theo pulled apart.

Sheriff Stilinski’s unamused face was the sight that immediately greeted them.

“Sheriff,” said Theo with a nod as a greeting.

The Sheriff’s reply was a gonad shriveling glare that he shot the both of them.

“Explanation. Now.”

Liam and Theo shared a look before launching into the most abysmal, incoherent, inconsistent explanation that somehow involved the song Extraterrestrial, a bottle of hot sauce, two cans of skimmed milk and the Ace of Diamonds – at the same time.

The Sheriff looked like he was seriously considering murder in that moment which he said as much. “I would honestly kill both of you right now, but then I’d be sparing myself the joy of watching your dad –” he pointed at Liam with a stern finger, “– and Melissa McCall –” he said pointing at Theo (who all of a sudden looked much less amused and slightly more concerned) – “Kill both of you. Slowly. Hell, if I’m lucky I might just get in on some of that action; Scott too. As a matter of fact, we’ll make a party of it!”

“Excuse me, Sheriff,” said Theo suddenly and Liam wondered if it would still be considered manslaughter of you killed a person in front of about half a dozen officers of the law. He vehemently hissed at Theo to ‘shut the hell up’, which unsurprisingly went unheeded. “Would it help any if I said that I was offended by their terrible portrayal of werewolves? I mean, what kind of self-respecting werewolf plays basketball?”

For the record, no, it did not help any.

Getting slammed into the hood of a cruiser while having his arms being yanked behind him and cuffed with cold hard steel was honestly not much fun. It was slightly more fun watching it being done to Theo and seeing the way his face scrunched up in pain. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough to get the insufferable asshole to shut up.

“I didn’t know you liked it rough, Sheriff.”

“Shut the fuck up, Theo!” he found himself hollering across the distance.

And Liam had such a positive start to the day too.

To say that his dad was livid would have been like saying a whale was a very big anchovy. He wasn’t allowed to leave the house or have any contact with the outside world at all. His only means of communication was eavesdropping whenever his dad was watching the news to hear whether there had been a reported murder in Beacon Hill or news about a dead body of an eighteen year old male, dark hair, blue eyes, insufferable attitude, washing up on the shore.

There wasn’t.

The silver lining (as Theo –god rest his soul – would have said) came a few days later when it came to light that the fair had been a front for an underground drug ring. They used the fair as a cover to move from town to town making and selling meth, and apparently, the highest concentrated amount of it was found inside the milkshake stand. Liam felt a little bad when it occurred to him that he might have gotten Theo a glass of methshake instead of a milkshake…

Sheriff Stilinski came personally to deliver the news to him and his parents. So not only was he off the hook for the shenanigans he and Theo pulled, the both of them were also getting commendations from the Mayor for thwarting a massive criminal organization.

Once he was freed from his house arrest – his dad was not so much pleased by the sudden turn of events as he was relieved – the absolute first thing he decided to do was to go see Theo (or what was left of him anyway).

Frustratingly enough, the guy seemingly came out of it completely unscathed.

“Tell me the truth,” he said straight out of the gate, “Was this whole thing intentional, or just a massive coincidence.”

Theo’s smug grin gave nothing away. “Of course it was intentional. You think I’d really wreck that much havoc on such an innocent establishment?”

“Yes,” said Liam immediately with absolute certainty.

“Okay, fine. It was a bit of both, okay? Something didn’t feel right in that place but I couldn’t put my finger on it, so I thought, what best way to get to the bottom of it while getting our kicks at the same time?”

“Right,” said Liam skeptically.

“Why do you not believe me?” asked Theo, feigning hurt.

“Cause you’re you and your middle name is ‘trouble’.”

“That’s a gross oversimplification,” said Theo.

“Oh really?”

“My actual middle name is ‘chaotic neutral.”

Liam couldn’t hold back his snort. “You’re right about the chaotic bit but there’s absolutely nothing neutral about you.”

“Please, Liam, I’m the most neutral person you know. Who else can play both sides of the field with as much skill and grace as me? Besides you, that is – I mean, between me and Hayden, that’s like opposite ends of the spectrum in more ways than one.”

“You’re really full of yourself, you know that?” said Liam, rubbing at his face with his hand.

“But that’s why you love me,” said Theo with a smirk.

“I do not –”

Liam was silenced completely by the lips that came down to meet his.

And so, all’s well that ends well, or in their case, it helped being the luckiest motherfuckers alive cause Liam was pretty fond of being alive thank you very much.

The one thing they could both agree on was to make a blood sworn oath to never talk about the Ferris wheel hot dog incident to anyone ever, dead or alive.

The End.

#teenwolfexchange #thiam #theo raeken #liam dunbar #teen wolf #reiven fics #reiven teen wolf fics #fics: all's fair that ends fare #reiven gifts

[askaceattorney]

Dear jnv11,

Only one word comes to mind in that scenario:

Poor Simon would hit a new record for the number of times he shouted that word in a single trial, and Ms. Oldbag might actually run out of breath before she’s done complaining.

Dear jnv11,

You kidding? The woman’s tough, but she’d have a heart attack in no more than five minutes. It’s been a decade since we’ve seen ’er, plus young samurai prosecutor who was suspected of killing his teacher?

Dear anon,

I think what we’ll actually do is stop answering letters that involve real-world politicians altogether, or at least ones that defame them.  Just to be clear, the answers I came up with don’t reflect my actual opinion on Donald Trump.

Apologies to anyone who was hit the wrong way by those letters.  Make no mistake, I was very uncertain about whether or not I should even bother answering them, but the “answer everything you can” part of my mind eventually won over the “avoid political topics” part.  It was all in the spirit of comedy, but, as I should’ve expected, it became more hateful than funny, so I’d say I’ve learned my lesson now.

(Previous Letter)

Dear Ethan Starbright,

..................................................Pff...

PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Okay, I’m not sure why, but the utter randomness of that fact cracked me up for some reason.  Thanks for that.

Dear Ethan Starbright,

.............

.....I don’t get it.

(Previous Letter)

Dear 55,

Glad to hear it!  The Ace Attorney series is good at revealing the plot at just the right pace to keep you guessing about who the culprit is and/or what the motive for their crime was, but it’s just as entertaining to see Phoenix and company find the truth for themselves, even if you already happen to know some of it yourself.

Plot-wise, my favorite game was Trials and Tribulations, mostly because of how cleverly it jumped from one timeline (and main character) to another.  Throughout the game, we get to learn more about the events of the past and how they relate to the present day situation -- Mia’s first encounter with Phoenix, Godot’s true identity and history, how Winston Payne lost his hair, and so on, and every tiny bit of it makes the game more intriguing.  My favorite part was Iris’s confession about what she did for Phoenix near the end.  I’d love to see Hollywood try and come up with anything as beautifully touching as that.

It’s been a little while since I listened to the soundtracks from any of the trilogy games, but I think my favorite one comes from the first game, since it’s the most memorable for me.  I sure didn’t expect to hear those kind of fast and engaging tunes in a game about a lawyer, did you?  The other soundtracks are great too, of course, but the songs from the first game (especially the cross-examination theme) are the most fun for me to remember.

Dear Anonymous,

That’s actually happened a few times before.  I remember one letter were Maya claimed she’d never been out of the country even though PLvsAA is canon in this blog, and there was another where Apollo sounded skeptical about spirit channeling, even though he’d been born in the land of spirit mediums.  Chances are we’ll have to delete letters that point out contradictions like that, but we’ll try our best to answer them if possible.  There’s no way to tell what Capcom will come up with next, but that won’t stop us from making guesses about it in the meantime.

Dear Anonymous,

If something changes in the canon that isn’t reflected in a previous letter, it’s not important. Previous means not in the moment. Not in the moment means no one will notice unless they go far back enough. And if they comment on stuff that happened a while ago, they... no offence, kinda need a hobby.

Dear Professor Oak,

Yes.

Dear Professor Oak,

No.

(Referenced Letter)

Dear Lachtigall,

Sorry to hear that, but hey, at least they picked a different character for the idea, so your letter will still get an answer.  We both answer whatever letters we find regardless of which character they’re written to, but in answer to your question about who answered that letter...

Just kidding, it was me.

Dear guquis,

That should be fine if you’re willing to wait that long.  Just make sure to indicate that in your letter.

Dear guquis,

if you want your letter to be on a specific date, specify it somehow. And also specify if you want that info blurred so it’s not obvious. It’ll be easier for us that way.

(Previous Letter)

Dear Ender,

It wasn’t intended to look scary in any way, but whatever floats your boat.  I thought she looked kind of cute like that, actually.

Dear Ender,

Trust me, neither of them are contenders in the scary contest anymore. Have you ever met Robert? THAT, sir, is scary.

Dear SC,

ComEVENo, huh?  That almost sounds like a Native American name.

I’ve finally finished watching Hotel Dusk, but I’ll save my reaction to it for last so I can go into full detail under the cut.  That’s how much I enjoyed it.

My favorite cross-examination theme is from AJ, believe it or not.  I love how it starts out slow and mysterious, then picks up speed and volume when Apollo’s about to discover a big truth.  It’s also nice how the melody begins on the offbeat.  It almost makes me want to dance to it.

I hadn’t thought much about which cross-examination I like best, but I’d probably go with the final confrontation with Furio Tigre.  While bluffing is nothing new for Phoenix, it was fun watching him use the supposedly useless evidence that Gumshoe gave him to give his doppelganger a taste of his own medicine.  It was one of those moments where I had no idea what his strategy was until Furio opened his huge mouth.  After that, it became an “Ooooooh...” kind of moment.

I’d love to see that case ranking you’ve made.  Every case has its ups and downs, but it’s fun to explore just what it is about each one that makes it memorable and...odd.  Let’s be honest, they all have at least a tiny bit of oddness added in somewhere, am I right?

-Modthorne and Co-Mod

(Hotel Dusk spoilers below)

Oh, man..........oh, MAN!!

Seriously, I can’t remember the last time a game’s story left me this satisfied from beginning to end.  To be fair, I just watched a playthrough of it on YouTube, so I might have avoided some potential frustration by not playing it myself, but man...  I can tell the developers put some serious heart into that game.  The music was delightful, the characters were all very charming, the art and animation style were done in a clever way, and the plot...  Man, oh, man.

First of all, there’s the setup: Kyle’s goal in visiting Hotel Dusk (aside from getting a delivery) is established from the very beginning -- finding his former police partner and figuring out why he turned rogue and forced him to nearly kill him.  Oddly enough, he has no real proof that visiting the hotel will lead him any closer to finding him -- all he has is a hunch.

Then there’s the way he goes about gathering information.  Even as a retired cop, his detective instincts are still keen, and by snooping around the hotel (with some help from his “old buddy” Louis), solving a few puzzles, and asking the right people the right questions, he not only gains tidbits of information about Bradley, but also learns the secrets of the hotel’s residents, and how they and their stories are interconnected.  And boy, did some of those connections surprise me.

But here’s what I loved most about the gameplay (and the entire game) -- in order to get the information he needs out of people, he first has to break them down to the point where they not only can’t hide the truth, but they realize how useless it is to keep lying to themselves.  In fact, Kyle said it perfectly himself during one of these confrontations:

Whether it’s pressuring a pretend author to admit to his plagiarism, telling the spoiled son of a lawyer how dangerous his revenge scheme is, or convincing a drunk father to appreciate what he still has -- namely, his daughter -- Kyle just won’t put up with lies, even if he has to sound like the rudest person on Earth to dispel every last one of them...and he doesn’t even need the help of a Magatama!

Like every game, of course, this one isn’t without its faults -- the interactive parts are short, there’s very little challenge in picking the right dialogue options (usually just whichever is less annoying), and the language, while not terrible, could’ve been left out -- but the charm of the story and its characters more than makes up for it.  Speaking of the story, it seems I was a little off on most of the predictions I made, but at least I was right about Melissa.  She didn’t disappoint at being adorable one bit.

Oh, and one more thing -- if anyone reading this feels like playing or watching this game, which I highly recommend, be prepared for your jaw to drop at the very end.  It’s that incredible.

And with that, my gushing about this game is over.  Thank you for suggesting it, SC!

#jnv11 #anon #Ethan Starbright #55 #Anonymous #Professor Oak #Lachtigall #guquis #Southern Corn #Mod Post #Modthorne #Co Mod

[hiraeth-doux]

Speechless

Anonymous:  18."stOP LEAVING STICKY NOTES EVERYWHERE"

Kinda old. A bit cheesy. I regret nothing. 

AO3

Everyone had ‘a thing’ - that one trait that defined their personality or their position in certain circumstances. Some could cook without learning how to, some could drink anyone under the table without even getting tipsy, others managed to be the heart of every company for no particular reason. Unsurprisingly, those were the qualities that were high regarded on Isla Nublar.

Claire Dearing’s thing was that in her nearly 7 years on the island, she only had one sick day – two years ago, a heat stroke made the world around her spin in that funny way that required bedrest. The one she didn’t manage to power through with the help of baby Tylenol like she did with just about everything else in the book.

Until four days ago.

Claire’s eyebrows knitted together in displeasure as she stared at the beige wall of her apartment, frustrated over feeling so damn helpless.

And knowing that she had Owen Grady to thank for it was a cherry on top of her already crappy mood. Well, and herself of course – for that monumental lapse in judgment when she went against sound reason and said yes to his offer to take her out for dinner. Little did she know that said dinner would consist of nachos in a tequila bar in the staff village and that they would get soaked in the rain on the way back because Owen chose not to bother with the car, probably knowing that he was going to get drunk.

She almost broke one of her heels on the poorly-paved path, for heaven’s sake! Although knowing that she even bothered to dress up nicely for this joke of a date was humiliating in and of itself.

When Claire showed up at the office the next day, pissed off, sleepy, and with the sore throat, Zara took one look at her and scheduled an appointment to finally have her tonsils removed, ignoring Claire’s protests completely. In all fairness, it wasn’t the first time something as mundane as the weather had left her in this kind of situation, and not even the second, and deep down Claire knew that Zara was right, even though she hated the idea of someone making decisions for her. Any decisions, period. She wanted to object, of course, except her urgent hissing went unheard.

Zara took her to the hospital in San Jose for a rather uncomplicated procedure and then picked her up several hours later before safely depositing Claire in her apartment with enough ice-cream in the freezer to feed a small army and a pile of painkillers. As far as Claire was aware, she was facing roughly two weeks of being stuck at home, and the thought was downright dreadful.

Doing nothing felt awful, which left her antsy and restless, pacing around her one-bedroom suite and willing the time to speed up. There was a reason she hated taking time off, after all. She tried watching TV, but it got old faster than she thought it would. She could still email and keep her fingers on the pulse of the park’s life through her assistant, but not being directly involved with anything was frustrating, and if she had to eat another spoonful of ice-cream, she’d probably get sick. Four days in, and she was practically climbing the walls, feeling trapped and bored.

Frankly, if Claire knew beforehand that the daytime TV sucked this much, she’d never let Zara have it her way. Sore throat or not, she doubted her sanity would survive another episode of Jersey Shore or something else equally ‘intellectual’. Reading required too much concentration, and in the end, she was spending most of her time going through her email and staring at her phone.

A knock on the door came just as Claire was contemplating the idea of having a crack at the biannual report that wasn’t due for the next two months but that she could get out of her way and then fill in the missing data when the figures came in. It wouldn’t be entertaining, but it could help her kill a few hours.

Still, she checked the time, curious. The only person who visited her was Zara who brought medication and food, but she usually stopped by during her lunch break, not in the evening.

Unless something happened, something that required Claire’s immediate response.

Her stomach clenched uncomfortably as she reached for the doorknob, a million worst-case scenarios crowding her head – from flood and fire to a complete financial bankruptcy that left 2000 people unemployed in a span of 5 minutes—

“Good, you’re here,” Owen said the second he saw her.

His cargo pants had grass stains on them and his left forearm was scratched like he tumbled through rose bushes while on the run from something deadly, and if Claire had to take a wild guess, based on the smell of hay and that unmistakable tangy scent of nature, he came here right from the paddock. What for, though, she couldn’t even begin to guess.

Her hand still on the doorknob, Claire arched her eyebrow, still needing more than Good, you’re here. She tipped her chin for good measure and added some annoyance to her glare to focus on something other than the fact that he was currently seeing her in a ratty tank top and the sweatpants that were at least a decade old, but too comfy to get rid of them. A flicker of panic that jolted through her indicating that she actually cared threw her off balance, and her frown deepened momentarily.

They stared at each other for a few moments.

“Can I come in?” Owen asked at last when the pause started to get ridiculous.

She tried to slam the door in his face.

However, he wedges his way into her apartment before she could do it and whistled quietly under his breath, taking in the furnishings that probably cost more than everything he had ever owned.

“Wow.” His gaze skimmed over the beige couch and armchairs, pausing briefly on the entertainment system, and then taking in the view of the park outside the glass door, leading to a patio. “You actually live here?” He asked, turning to Claire, his hands resting on his hips.

She pursed her lips into the thin line and crossed her arms over her chest, half happy that the silent treatment could probably, maybe get him out of here fast, half regretful she couldn’t tell him to get the hell out.

Talking hurt. She knew it would, but didn’t expect it to hurt this much, and Owen Grady was not the kind of person who was worth the effort, or the discomfort that came with opening her mouth. The doctor who walked her through the process before the procedure at the hospital explained that it could last for up to a week before she was comfortable speaking again.

If Owen came to continue their mild argument in the parking lot, during which Claire explicitly express her desire to never see him again and Owen confirmed it being quite mutual, he was in for a nice surprise.

“You can’t cut the budget for the raptors’ project in half, Claire,” Owen blurted out, surprising her, a concerned line wedged between his eyebrows. “I know you didn’t personally do it, but this stuff goes through you. You said so yourself at--” He cut off and cleared his throat. Yeah, that sounded like one of the things they might have covered during their very unfortunate night out. She didn’t remember because she tried not to. “You can’t do that,” he finished. “We’re already barley scrapping by. Do you have any idea how much they eat?”

Claire’s frown deepened as she tried to understand what he was talking about, her irritation growing with every passing moment. The budget was approved in the headquarters, and each entity – the park and InGen – sent their documentation individually, even though they shared the accounting department here on the island, more for convenience than anything else. Regardless, she had no clue about the issue, and if Owen Grady had a problem, he needed to take it elsewhere.

Her eyes darted toward the door, and frankly, as far as hints went, this one was pretty damn clear.  

He didn’t move.

She tried to remember what her hair looked like and whether or not she even brushed it today, resisting the urge to ran her hand through it, maybe smooth it down.  

“Of course, you don’t.” Owen rubbed his eyes and let out a long, weary breath. “Look, if you’re trying to get back at me for the other night – fine, but don’t take it out on my animals, they did nothing to you.”

Claire’s eyes popped out in disbelief, and for a moment is accusation was ludicrous she wanted to laugh, except the unfairness of it stung more than she thought it could. She huffed through her nose, glaring daggers at him across the room and hoping she would knock him out with the power of her mind or something else of that kind.

“I know you don’t see them for the living things that they are,” Owen continued, the words falling out of his mouth harsh and laced with bitter disappointment. “But they didn’t ask to be made either, and….” He trailed off, and then regarded her almost with accusation. “It wasn’t just my fault, you know? The whole date thing – it was on both of us!”

This time, Claire’s jaw nearly hit the floor. It wasn’t?! He acted like a complete jerk…. Well, most of the time. Except his table manners were fine, as far as bars were concerned. He took care of the bill and walked her to her car (in the goddamn rain, and Claire had to drive him home because he was half-drunk, so it probably only half counted). He did make an effort when their conversation stalled—

Then again, she knew wasn’t have any more fun than she did, and he made fun of her itinerary when the only thing she was trying to do was have a backup plan. It wasn’t like she was forcing him to stick to it, for Christ’s sake!

“That’s right!” Owen went on, watching her appalled expression go from confused to shocked to infuriated. And then his own frustration turned into alarm. “Are you really not going to say anything?”

Claire rolled her eyes and marched angrily toward the counter that separated her living room from the tiny kitchen and grabbed a pad of Post-It notes and a pen. ‘TONSILS’ she wrote on one, exclamation mark, underlined twice. Tore it off, walked over to Owen and stuck it to his chest with a pat.

He tore it off, his eyes running over the angry letters several times before he looked up at her, frowning skeptically. “Really?”

Claire threw her hands up in exasperation and grabbed the sticky notes again. ‘BUDGET = MR. MASRANI’. She handed it to him, shaking her head in a universally recognized ‘I can’t believe I have to deal with this’.

Owen disregarded it entirely, seemingly only now really seeing her. His gaze traveled up and down her body, taking in everything from the hair she didn’t bother straightening out because there was no point to the pink nail polish on her toes.

“So, you can’t talk? At all?”

Claire puckered her lips, her gaze boring into his. And somehow the state of her hair and the fact that she was practically in her PJs in front of him became slightly less relevant.

When did he get so tall?

“Shit,” Owen cursed quietly. “I… didn’t know. when your secretary said you had a day off, I thought—Does it hurt?”

There was something akin compassion in his voice now that made Claire’s annoyance with this whole situation deflate a little. She rolled her shoulders in a half-shrug and looked away, very much aware all of sudden of their proximity to one another and yet unwilling to step back so as not to show her discomfort for fear of having Owen notice the way her skin was prickling in his presence. It was like he was radiating some sort of charge that made the fine hairs on her arms stand on end.

“Shit,” he repeated with an inward wince, then looked around her living room before darting out  of the door on, “Don’t go anywhere.”

Claire almost forgot about him until he burst into her apartment an hour later, showered and wearing stainless jeans and a dark blue t-shirt, a paper bag cradled to his chest. She managed to start on her report by then, mostly out of sheer boredom, his appearance scaring the hell out of her as she jumped in her seat, her glasses slipping down to the tip of her nose.

“Okay, so here’re popsicles,” Owen said, ignoring her confusion altogether and began to unload the bag into her fridge, glancing at her over his shoulder now and then as she pushed up from her desk and crossed the room. “Grape ones. Because they taste the best. And jelly. You like cherry? And some soup, but you gotta let it cool down a little.”

Claire reached for the sticky notes again. Jesus, it was getting annoying.

‘WHY?’

“’Cause it’ll hurt more if you eat it while it’s hot,” he said with careful patience.

She clenched her teeth and let out a huff through her nose. ‘WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?’ Underlined.

He grimaced and ran his hand through his hair, a mental debate so visible on his face she could all but read him like a book. It was almost hilarious, except she still felt like she was trapped in Twilight Zone of sorts because none of this was making any sense.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” he said after a few long moments. “And thank god you have to listen without interrupting for once.” This earned him a dirty look. “I’m sorry about the date. I didn’t mean to mess it up.” A pause. “Shit, Claire, I didn’t expect you to say yes when I asked you out in the first place, and you did, and I panicked.” He sucked in a sharp breath. “Have you seen you? How can someone not be crazy about you?” He scowled at her defiantly, as if daring her to protest. “There, I said it. And okay, the goddamn shorts were one step too far, but come on, it had to be at least a hundred degrees then. I didn’t know you’d show up, looking like we were going to a reception at the White House or something. Which was a great look, by the way, but it’s not the point.”

How he ended up standing right in front of her, Claire had no idea, but suddenly she needed to actually crane her neck to maintain the eye contact. He smelled of a pine-scented body wash and jungle and sunshine, and she swallowed hard, her eyes nearly starting to water with the stinging feeling in her throat. Yet, she didn’t look away.

“I didn’t mean to come across as an ass,” Owen breathed out, watching her closely. “How on earth did we end up here?” he muttered, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, his fingertips lingering on her cheek for a second. “I should probably—“ He glanced at the door. “Get well, okay?”

She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down before he had a chance to step away from her, stretching up on her tiptoes to press her mouth to Owen’s in a hot kiss that tasted of strawberry ice-cream and cough drops. He was caught off guard momentarily, but recovered quickly by locking his arms around Claire while his lips moved against hers, his hands threading through her hair and running over her back and her shoulders.

“D’you want me to leave?” He murmured breathlessly between the pecks.

“No,” Claire whispered almost soundlessly and shook her head vigorously, weaving her arms around his neck.

“Shhh,” he put a finger to her mouth, and then kissed her again.

---

“Ha! Finally something you’re not god at!” Owen pumped his fist in the air, grinning victoriously.

A few days later, on his day off, they were sitting crossed-legged on his couch, playing Scrabble, and he was beating her ass mercilessly from the start. Somehow, in a span of 48 hours it occurred to Claire that being on a sick leave didn’t necessarily tie her to her own place, and while Owen’s bungalow lacked what she normally considered comfortable necessities, his company compensated for their absence a million times over. Plus, she got to wear his clothes whenever she wanted, which was a sweet deal. Like the flannel shirt and his boxers she was sporting right now.

The biggest trick was to get Zara off her back without the whole park finding out about the sudden progression in their relationship. Although Claire suspected that the ‘I don’t need anything, email me if something comes up’ text made her assistant sigh with relief.

Still, she uncurled one leg from under her body and nudged him in a thigh, miraculously managing not to turn the Scrabble board over (despite kind of wanting to).

“Hey, fair’s fair!” Owen protested, clasping his hand around her ankle and holding it in place, his thumb running over her inner ankle bone. “Luckily for me, you’re good at many other things.” He flashed a cheeky grin at her, and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively for good measure.

‘SHUT UP’ Claire wrote on a Post-It note and stuck it to his forehead.

“You gotta stop leaving sticky notes everywhere, babe,” he snorted.

Claire smirked and leaned forward, her hand curling around his neck to pull him closer and capture his mouth with his, smiling because he was smiling, too.

“Yeah, okay, you win,” Owen mumbled, tugging her into his lap.

#clawen #clawen fic #claire dearing #owen grady #jur #otp: for survival #sometimes i'm a sucker for something light ad silly

[wmucradio]

Avril Lavigne, NPR and the Future of Femme Musicians: A Conversation with Diet Cig

Pop-punk duo Diet Cig graced D.C.’s Rock And Roll Hotel last week in front of an eager sold-out crowd. Front-woman Alex Luciano, known for her contagious energy and sweetly provocative lyricism, left no one disappointed with her hyperactive splits, kicks and jumps while drummer Noah Bowman held down the fort by keeping time.

Diet Cig’s latest release Swear I’m Good At This made up the majority of the set, grabbing the audience immediately with “Sixteen,” then progressing through hits like “Maid of the Mist”, “Barf Day” and “Tummy Ache.” Woven between the new material were classics “Harvard” “Dinner Date” and “Sleep Talk.”

Diet Cig was supported by Seattle-based rock group Great Grandpa and Scottish queer-punk band The Spook School for a night of powerful rock and roll, laughter and occasional intimacy.

WMUC had the privilege of talking to Diet Cig before the set, affirming that the cheerful persona Luciano and Bowman maintain while performing, is a reflection of their authenticity even off stage:

Jordan: This show brings you to the last leg of the tour! How does this compare to tours you’ve had previously?

Alex: It’s been really different because we’re traveling as a four-piece, so playing as a four-piece has been probably the biggest change, which has been super fun. It’s still the same songs and the spirit of Diet Cig is the same, but it’s just more stuff.

How has being a four-piece affected your normal dynamic?

Noah: It’s definitely a fuller sound. It feels like we can actually do a lot more of what the record sounds like—like having the synth lines on the record that we couldn’t do before, having the bass to fill in the low end—it feels really powerful now.

Alex: I have to be more careful on stage to make sure I don’t kick anyone.

Noah: The first couple shows, you and Anna hit headstocks.

Alex: I knocked myself out of tune. But it’s been really fun to have more people on stage to goof around with.

And this isn’t the first time you’ve been to D.C. You just played an NPR Tiny Desk not too long ago. How was that?

Noah: It was wild. It was one of those things where you’ve seen it so many times and then you’re there and you’re just like “whoa.” Kind of an out-of-body experience.

Alex: We were so excited and honored to have a Tiny Desk performance, and so we wanted it to be perfect and so good. I think we were pretty nervous because we love and respect it so much, but it ended up being really fun and cool. We’ve never done anything like it before so it was really special.

—It looked like you were having a lot fun standing on the desk. Has that happened before? Did they say anything?

Alex: I don’t think so…maybe like one time before.

Well that’s an honor then, you should get a plaque for that.

Alex: Yeah haha. And for not breaking the Tiny Desk…

This is random, but I was reading around and learned that Avril Lavigne was one of your favorite artists growing up.

Alex: Yeah, I love Avril! That was my first concert ever.

In what ways do you think she inspired you?

Alex: I think the thing with Avril Lavigne was she was the first rock artist that was not a white-cis male. And I don’t think I necessarily currently take a whole ton of inspiration from her music, but I think as a kid it was really important for me to see a femme person rocking out and doing their thing unapologetically like that, and I think that was like very formative.

Speaking of your music, Swear I’m Good At This got an unusually negative review from Pitchfork. How do you respond and bounce back from opposition like that?

Alex: Honestly, it definitely sucks, but we have such incredible, sweet fans of our music that their support means more to us than anything a publication could write. Even when we get great press and people are like “Oh my gosh you got this write-up in The New York Times you must feel so validated!” Honestly, the press is not the thing that validates us. It’s really cool, but the real stuff that makes us feel good is seeing our fans at shows and interacting with them. 

The Pitchfork thing was a bummer, but we don’t do it for the press because we love our fans and we love making music, and that interaction is the most validating part. So we just brushed it off and were like “Okay, cool, let’s go play a show and be with our fans who are on the same page as us.”

Have you noticed a change in your fanbase from when you started making music to currently?

Noah: I guess it’s just growing. More and more people are coming out and more people know the words. The cool thing is what songs resonate with different cities. Sometimes “Bite Back” will be the song that everyone is yelling, and then “Sixteen” is always the one everyone misses the cue.

Alex: Everyone always beats me to it…it’s really funny. It’s been really cool to watch our fanbase grow. It feels so wild and amazing to return to cities we’ve been to and sell them out, and meet folks who like our music from the very beginning, and meet folks who are like “I found you on Spotify three days ago and I’m obsessed with your band.”

Noah: Or the ones who are just like “I found out about you just now. My friend brought me here, and I had no idea and now I’m a fan.” That’s awesome.

Alex: I feel like the demographic of our fans isn’t necessarily changing, but broadening. It’s interesting to see the newer groups of people who gravitate towards our music. We’ll have moms come and be like “I love your music. I’m going to show it to my kids who can’t come tonight” or really young kids who love it, or bro dudes who are jamming to “Tummy Ache” and I’m just like “How does that even resonate with you?” But they love it, and it’s kind of a funny thing to see how so many different people have been coming to our shows and like having a blast all together.

You guys are from New York, right? How does it feel when you play back home—is it any different from your other tour destinations?

Noah: It’s just kind of a special thing because all of our friends are still there. We don’t live in New York now, we live in Richmond, so going back is a treat.

Alex: And our family comes.

Noah: It’s always a special show every time we go back to New York.

Alex: And most of the people we work with professionally are based in New York, so our whole team is there. It’s almost like when people at their wedding joke that they never get to talk to everybody. It’s almost like that. We have so many friends and people we want to talk to and hang out with, but it’s so hectic. It’s like a tornado of love.

Alex, you mentioned The New York Times earlier, and in their piece they released last fall about women making the best rock music today you mentioned how you feel that there’s a preconceived expectation placed on you as a “small girl” on stage. What are these expectations for non-male musicians, and how do you combat them?

Alex: There are so many expectations put on non-cis-male musicians, especially contradicting ones. Like, you can’t be too bitchy but you have to be tough. It’s like you’re never enough as you are. I think our record especially is super honest and emotional, and it really covers a lot of ground across the spectrum, and I think I wanted to show that every emotion and every nuanced bit of myself and others is important. Even the stuff that is not super powerful. Even the stuff that is gross and annoying and angry.

I think just being honest and vulnerable on stage and in my writing is a really radical way to combat this view that women and non-cis-men have to be some type of way. And it’s bullshit. Rock and roll is for everybody, and your feelings are valid regardless if they aren’t easy to swallow. I think being unapologetically yourself as you make our art is a really radical way to combat that sentiment.

On the flip side, Noah, what kind of things have you experienced on this topic from your perspective?

Noah: I feel like I’ve become more aware of what is going on now, having Alex be the front person and dealing with everyone around. I kind of hate dudes sometimes. I get really almost defensive and protective. The other night this guy came on stage while we were playing. I immediately stopped, and it wasn’t a malicious thing at first, but I was just like “I don’t know what’s going to happen because when a guy comes on stage, we’ve all seen the worst that’s happened.”

Alex: I feel like you totally have our backs in a really important way.

Noah: I hate too when people come to me to ask questions about what Alex is doing, about the guitars. I’m just like “I play drums. I don’t know the answer to that question. Maybe you should ask the person who’s playing guitar.” It’s a lot of going to the guitar store and the guy’s talking to me and I’m like “I’m with her. You should ask her.” I hate that most men just go straight to the other dude. I don’t even play guitar, I can’t even have a conversation with why are you coming to me? Alex could talk you out the freakin door about guitars. I can’t. That’s what I’ve noticed.

What can you say about the community of female artists right now? Is it tight knit?

Alex: I think it’s tight knit, but not in a way that feels cliquey or anything. It’s super supportive, and the internet is really cool because we can all have each other’s backs even if we don’t live in the same place. Like Karli who plays keys with us plays in a band called Plush, who we’ve met through playing shows in San Francisco where they’re based out of. It’s really cool how connections like that have been forged by playing together and collaborating now because we’ve always supported each other’s projects.

What does the future look like for gender diversity and femme presentation in the music scene?

Alex: I think the future is looking so hopeful and amazing, and I think there has always been incredible femme musicians. I mean, women created rock and roll, and the presentation in the media and in major outlets will keep increasing. Women and femme folks will get more coverage in a way they’ve always deserved.

I feel super privileged to be making music in this time because of that, and am thankful for everyone who has come before me. I feel like it’s coming to a time where women are even more recognized for their achievements, not only as artists, but as team members: management, booking agencies, and the parts of the industry that you don’t hear a lot about. The ones that have been traditionally run by men at the top for a very long time, and I think changes are being made in big ways right now in the industry, and more women are running shit and more femme folks are taking over management and giving artists an experience that is inclusive and safe and I think that more than anything is going to change the face of music in general.

And just wrapping up, what are your plans for after tour?

Noah: We go home, and sleep in our own beds for a second, have a couple shows at some colleges, and then we’re pretty much writing our next record. So, that’s the next big thing we’re thinking about.

Written by WMUC Music Director and Socks And Sandals DJ, Jordan Stovka.

All Photos by Jordan Stovka.

#interviews #live music #diet cig #dc #college radio #musicreviews

[zenithjournal-blog]

7.17.17 / 8

So… it’s been a while. It’s 1:24 am right now. Yeah, yikes. I just spent literally 45 minutes or more searching for the goddamn email to this account because I couldn’t remember it aghhhhh that was annoying. But don’t worry, I’m learning from my mistakes and I’m writing all my emails and accounts down now lol.

I should’ve kept this going. I wish I would’ve documented my senior year which was basically the fucking point of this blog to help me gather my thoughts and memories through such a crazy time. And it was crazy. Good, bad, ugly, and very ugly. I have some good memories and I’ve done things this year that I’m not proud of and I never thought I’d do. I wish I could erase some things but that’s the tricky thing about time. It’s linear right now in this tiny, human, 2017 perspective and I can’t change it. All I can do is learn, grow as a person, and move on I suppose.

I’m gonna do a review of everything I can remember of the highlights. Starting off with my teachers: I ended up really disliking Mr. and Mrs. D by the end of the year. Mrs. D gave me hell this year, partly my fault but unnecessary grief on her part. At least I got Hamlet and Siddhartha from Mr. D and I wrote a 10 pg paper about parallel universes that I’m very proud of. Nonetheless both their classes were struggles. I liked Latin a lot in the beginning and Mr. Du of course but honestly I kind of dreaded the class being the only senior. It was kind of pointless at the end besides the credit. I did get some useful knowledge out of it honestly, so it wasn’t a waste I guess. Bio was great I looked forward to the class pretty much every day. Mrs. A was such a sweetheart, so caring and funny and smart I loved having her and being able to have a chill class during the day. She made me feel comfortable enough to talk during class and ask questions, something I never really did during high school. I’ll definitely miss her. I weaseled my way into Mr. F’s class somehow and I had Liz so I didn’t wanna die as much as I expected to lol. Art class was kind of up and down. Ms. C filled in for Mrs. S for a few months and I grew to really like her and was sad to see her go. I wasn’t really looking forward to Mrs. S coming back to be honest because of how strict she can be with some things but she is really a nice teacher and she likes me a lot. She encouraged me and complimented my art work a ton throughout the year and I’m really grateful for that. I entered my self portrait into scholastics and I won the gold key award!!!! I’m proud of myself and Mom and Dad and Grandma and Papa and Mrs. C of course were thrilled and were all there to support me that day. Mrs. W was suuuuch a sweetheart, I really loved her this year. I’ve never been able to say I liked math class, liked my math teacher, and most unexpectedly- understood the math I was being taught. She really did make such a difference for me this year I’m so so so grateful I got her this year she was so understanding of my vertigo and helped me make up all my assignments and stand up to guidance when they gave me trouble. I’ll miss her a lot and won’t forget her impact.

So in the beginning of the year I was dealing with all the stupid drama with “O”. I’m mad at myself for acting the way I do when I’m in situations where I don’t want to talk to people anymore, I don’t know why I can’t just be up front. I really hope I can work like that because it really ate at me the way I treated her. She was making me uncomfortable and it was a sketchy situation but no one deserves to be treated like that and I need to fix that about myself. But that ended around the end of November when I finally started to post on social media again. I hung out with Timmy, Kate, and Laura practically all the time in the beginning of the year. We had Laura’s birthday party in November which was fun. However, September through about December was kind of a blur. I lost my drive to seek out spirituality and was disconnected from positivity. I was focused on bad decisions involving substances that I never thought I would go near. It was honestly a pretty dark time. I was depressed and looking back I’m just disappointed in myself. I lost sight of things that were important and healthy. It did continue on for a few months but I’ll get to that.

Halloween was probably the first instance since the summer when I realized the friendship between me and Laura faltering. In the summer she was going through one of the worst times in her life and I completely understand that. But she pushed me away and didn’t listen to me and she pulled some shitty stuff over me that I never thought someone would do to me, especially her. I was hurt. Then when the really bad stuff happened to her I sucked it up and I was there for her because being there when she needed support was more important than whatever I was feeling. So we were on good terms again but it was different. On Halloween when she was just being weird about our costumes was when I felt that tear again. It sounds dramatic but I don’t know how to describe it, that’s just what I felt. Then things kind of went smoothly between us for a while.

Christmas came around and I had a really nice holiday. I don’t think there was any fights and I just had a fun time. I took Timmy to the Christmas party and it may have been later that night or the next day I went to my first house party. It didn’t last that long but yeah. Then on New Years Eve I went to my first REAL party at the same place, it was crazy. I really did have a lot of fun and I danced the whole night. But enough of that, onto other stuff. In January I turned 18. I didn’t have a huge party or anything but I hung out with my family and I went to a couple places with Timmy that night. Trump got placed into presidency officially so that was pretty depressing obviously. I had the scholastics awards later that month and unfortunately more bad stuff happened with Timmy. It was a rough time, I just want the best for him.

I drew a lot in February and took a lot of cute pictures. I was getting back into a positive mindset and I was happier this month. I started watching Koi again. Spirit week for my senior year actually went well. I participated and took pictures every day, can you imagine? Tell that to freshman year Carina and she’ll laugh in your face. I was in the art banner group so I contributed something and it felt nice to say that for once. I went out of my comfort zone, even if it was just a little and dressed up each day. I cheered on gym day with Timmy and we won! I felt included for once.

March was another pretty good month, I was still pretty positive and getting back into a spiritual mindset. I forgot to mention earlier about going to clay- the best thing ever! Me and Liz really reconnected this year and we went to clay pretty regularly since about October til it ended and I really really enjoyed it. I picked up throwing and I was pretty decent at it. I went a lot during March and made a lot of pottery. It was my happy place and I’m really glad I had a positive space for myself to express myself and hang out. The whole St. Patty’s day parade fiasco happened. This is when I started feeling disconnected from Laura again.

In April it pretty much continued from March, clay, koi, and pretty good vibes. It was a really art based month and so was May. I drew another yoongi portrait which turned out to be my bed art piece yet. I’m still extremely proud of it. I love drawing him so much. When I realized I wasn’t going to get into temple I shifted my focus into CHC. I visited it and pretty much forced myself into thinking it was right for me. I was wrong, but we’ll get to that.

A few days after that I went on the art club trip to the Barnes foundation which was so freaking fun!!!! The art was so pretty and I had such a nice time I loved it so much. May was like the month of flowers for me lol. I ran the art show again and had a great time setting up and showing off my art. I was positive and surrounded my self with spirituality. I started watching Dakota and Claire who I really connect with. I’m glad I found these beautiful souls.

To side track: Laura started basically just ignoring me for weeks at a time around these months for a reason I still don’t know. I don’t know if I did something or if she was going through something… I was upset about it regardless. I felt like I was losing my best friend and I didn’t know why. I still don’t. After everything we’ve been through I don’t want to lose her. I love her as a friend and I just don’t know what changed in a year. I’ll get back to this.

June snuck up on me FAST. This was it. 16 days and I was done with high school. Shitty freshman year, rollercoaster sophomore year, blurry junior year, and my indescribable senior year. It was all coming to a close. The trip to Hershey was a blast, I had a lot of fun and I was dead by the end of the day. I hung out with Timmy for the day because Laura and Kate didn’t show up. This was when things were still super weird between me and Laura. We were talking but it was just weird.

My last week of high school finals came. I studied kind of lol but kind of not but passed everything nonetheless. I said goodbye to the teachers that I’d miss and that was it. I’m getting a little emotional writing this now. All the graduation and class day practices came which was a blur. Some of my last moments with my class. Baccalaureate happened and Laura actually came to dinner with my family and I after. It seemed actually normal for a second. Then came class day. I walked with Timmy and I felt pretty in my dress. I got loads of pictures with my friends and I got to talk to Rachel quite a bit. I really do love her, she was my first friend and is still one of the kindest people I know. Jenn sent me a graduation gift around this time filled with Mexican candy, a lovely letter, and a beautiful necklace. I don’t know what I did to deserve her honestly she is so kind and positive and I’m so grateful to have met her.

Graduation day. I made my cap an hour before heading to the school, I might as well be rushing for the last school event. We loaded the buses and headed to the high school. While waiting in the line I got to see Mr. H. I got to hug him and tell him how much I missed him and he said the same and told me to keep in touch. I should’ve emailed him but I feel weird to do it now considering what I’ll get to in a bit. We walked past everyone and walked into the gym. I found my family while walking to my seat and tried not to get emotional. The ceremony was honestly a blur. I got my diploma and soon the hats were thrown. I turned right for my family and they were so proud. I gave lots of hugs took lots of pics and soon the night was over. That’s it. High school is done. It didn’t really hit me until a week or two later. This chapter is closed.

Then summer started a few weeks ago. Things were the weirdest they’ve been between me Timmy, Kate, and Laura. It was like we split in half, we just weren’t talking and they’d ignore us. Me and timmy didn’t and still don’t know why. Eventually we hung out but it was still just super fucking weird. We hung out 3 times this summer, it’s just not what I pictured it to be.

Speaking of that. College. So no surprise my anxiety got the best of me. Sort of. I’ve just been so overwhelmed with the thought of leaving from the money situation, me having no life skills, being away from my family, having a stranger for a roommate, having a public bathroom, not being able to make my schedule- I just blew up a week ago today. I cried by myself, hyperventilating and just full on panic attack on the guest bed. I couldn’t do it. The next day I broke down in front of my mom. She got of the phone about financial aid and I just crumbled I was a sobbing mess on the kitchen table and just let it all out for once and I told her what I was feeling. This morning it was brought up again. Tomorrow I was supposed to go for my orientation day but I just broke down again when my mom brought it up and then she broke down. I felt guilty honestly. I don’t want to disappoint my parents but I want to lead my life the way I want it to go. My dad came in and I just broke down a slobbering mess again and told them everything. He took it well and agreed that I shouldn’t rush into everything. I don’t know why I let things bottle up. I don’t know why I expect him to take everything badly when he’s so understanding and so is my mom. I love them so much I’m crying. They always support me and I’m so grateful for them I love them so much I love them so much I love them so much I love them so much I love them so much. I don’t know what I’d do without my parents they’re my rock. I’m crying in the bathroom right now it’s 2:56am and I’m trying so hard to see to type.

Okay I’m trying to calm down. This is so raw. I’ve been so overwhelmed with emotions and this is the first time I’m really just letting myself express them and just cry?? Like not over a stupid tv show but actually cry about things happening in my life and letting my parents see and help me through my problems. I think this is good. I’m confused about my life right now and what decisions to make but I think my soul is trying to guide me in the right direction and I’m trying to be more free and trust in my gut and stand up for what I want to do. Honestly, at this point I don’t want to go to college at all. I’m in a mindset that I’ve never been in before where I just want to live a free-spirited, happy, lowkey, spiritual life. I don’t want money, or status, or a huge job or house or any of the material stuff that used to cloud my brain. I just want peace in my lifetime. I want to fill my soul with spiritual happiness. However I can’t just abandon my parents hopes completely. They’re already so fucking understanding of how I feel about letting me take off a year and figure things out. I guess I’ll at least give college a chance but I just want to go to community college or something. I don’t want a fancy life or wealth or whatever. I know they want what they think is best for me which is college and a good paying job and a husband and a white picket fence but that’s just not me. I know they only want the best I do. And I know they’re gonna think they’re failures if I turn out otherwise because my mom already blames herself and it is tearing me up inside that she thinks that but it’s not anything to be ashamed of for me to want something different than the herd of society and I just want them to see that. I want a simple life where I can just make enough to get by and be happy and comfortable with what I’m doing and travel the world and who knows if I’ll get a house or kids or even a spouse. I don’t know what the future holds for me. But I just want them to be happy for me and accept my decisions and lifestyle and not think that they’ve done a bad job as parents because of how I am. As much as I feel their support right now I feel pressured to be someone I don’t want to be at the same time.

I don’t know. I’ll probably continue that talk some other time when I father more thoughts but I feel overwhelmed again and my chest is tight and I just need to breathe. I’ll be okay. That’s enough of that.

Ok.

This is so fucking long lol but what do you expect for not writing for a year Carina? So to wrap things up: this year was insane. I probably missed a lot of stuff. I’m dealing with future plans right now. I really hope I can work things out with Laura, I talked to her a bit tonight and told her about what I just talked about so that’s progress I guess? I built a better relationship with my parents this year and it’s only growing stronger. I want to work on stuff with my brother too because I’ve been the worst sister to him and he doesn’t deserve that. I need to treat people in my life better and I’m working on that. I’m in a wild emotional state and I’m trying to calm down. I’m trying to get myself to read more so I can read spiritual books and educate myself. It’s just been so hard to read lately? I don’t know why. I want to surround myself with positivity from here on out. Quit bad habits. Be around positive people or at least positive voices. I just want to be happy for once. This can be my chance to turn myself around. I hope it works out.

#3:17am #mine #my zeniths #zenithjournal #zenith talks #journal #July 17 #July #2017 #senior #senior year #high school