#the stupid bit is that we told him there wasnt gonna be enough. my sister straight up told him he wasnt sharing! whyyyy?! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

poppy-metal · 3 years

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Demure

Wc: 4k

Pairing: eren jaeger x reader

Cw: car sex, fingering, emphasis on reader being innocent and a virgin. reader is armins little sister. corruption kink

you're 6 years old when you first meet eren jaeger. apparently he'd run off some people that were bullying you big brother, armin. you admire him and mikasa immediately.

you're 8 and he's 11 when you get a scrape on your knee from playing tag. eren runs into your mothers bathroom to fish out the first aid-kit, you know he just doesn't want you to tattle, you never would anyway, but he pulls out a pink band-aid with little ariels all over it and places it gently over the cut. he stays there for a few beats, soothing the skin around the hurt area with his thumbs. his big bright green eyes look up at you, "better?" and that's the first time your heart skips for a boy.

you're 11 and he's 14 when armin starts becoming protective. "he's had like. 5 girlfriends in middle school, who knows what he's gonna be like in high-school"

it intrigue you, for some reason.

you're 13 and he's 16 when he taps furiously on your window at night, wild eyed and wearing a t-shirt and sweats. he falls ungracefully on his ass when you let him in, though he grins at you from the floor. "thanks, squirt"

you wince at the nickname, knowing it solidifies you as someone only platonic to him. armins little sister and nothing more. "what's this all about?"

he gets up and swipes imaginary dust off his sweats, looking around your room. its absurdly girly. he picks up one of your plushies and tosses it up, then catches it, peering over at you and grinning. "i hope you never change," he sighs and flops down onto your pink sheets. "girls my age are fucking psychos"

you creep closer to him, snatching your plush back. "im sure there's something you're leaving out there. im not completely dumb, you know"

he waves his hand, "yeah but you're....i don't know? innocent or whatever. you don't care about shit like boys and drama"

i do care about boys, you think, watching the way his shirt rides up to expose a hint of tan skin. you look away, squeezing your plush to your chest. "im gonna grow up eventually, ren"

he sighs and sits up, looking at you from under his ridiculously cute floppy brown hair. "Just promise me you won't go boy crazy"

you roll your eyes and sit down next to him, he leans in and licks a broad stripe against your cheek with his tongue, grinning "we have cooties"

you swat at him and wipe your cheek, groaning and calling him gross. "i know that. you and armin never let me forget how gross boys are", you side eye him. "what did you even do? really?"

he looks to the side, only now having it in him to look the least bit sheepish, "my girlfriend may have caught me with my hand down historias skirt..."

"EREN JAEGER!!!"

yeah, boys really are gross. but not eren, no he's beautiful and magical and makes you feel all the fluttery things. but he's also a player, a bad boy, dangerous and completely off limits. maybe your crush should have ended there, but of course it didn't.

You're 15 when you go on your first date with a boy. until now you haven’t allowed yourself to even think about men outside of the enigma that is eren jaeger, but that’s a lost cause, a stupid crush you need to let go of. and despite what eren thinks, you’re not that innocent. not in your head anyway. you’re a girl and you have fantasies.

the guy is nice, armin likes him enough. big and tall and humble, reiner brought you flowers for your first date. the age difference is a little weird, he’s in erens grade, a senior, but you think its harmless. you’re turning 16 soon. the date goes well, you smile and giggle alot, and reiner seems smitten by the end of it. he even goes as far as to kiss your hand when he drops you back off at home, at 8pm sharp, just like he promised. he was kind and sweet, and you liked him, but you wonder what it means that there were no flutters in your belly, not like when you’re around him…

you’re still thinking about that when you open the door, and walk inside. the house is quiet, and you wonder where armin is, and eren. thinking they both must be in armins room, you go to the kitchen to get a glass of water, stopping on your path there when you see eren on the couch. he’s lounging back, hand idly wrapped around a gaming controller as he watches you.

you glance around him. “where’s mimmin?”

he doesn’t take his eyes off you. “annie called”, he leans forward a little, propping his chin in his palm as he observes you quietly for a moment.

you squirm in place, his eyes are too hot. “oh” and you make to start moving again but his voice stops you.

“so. braun, huh?” his tone is hard to discern, the words coming out cool and detached, but his eyes are that intense green.

“yeah” you say, shifting on your feet. “he was nice. kissed my hand and everything”

“sounds like a dream” and that is definitely said sarcastically. you bristle but eren is already turning away from you, facing the TV. “didn’t think he was your type though”

because erens been your type since forever, you guess he’s right. reiner couldn’t be more different in both personality and looks, but maybe that’s a good thing. “maybe he can be” you say softly, looking at your feet. you dont see erens eyebrows jump, or his lips twist disdainfully.

“If you wanna settle for missionary the rest of your life, then sure, go ahead” he sounds a little miffed and that confuses you. makes you look up. you don’t even know reiner that well, but you feel the need to defend him from erens usual snarky jabs.

“not every guy that doesn’t live on Xbox and fuck half the school is a bland guy” you huff. you feel a little guilty for calling him out but he started it. eren hated preps, that was obvious, but its not like he was a model person either, if his long track record of promiscuity was anything to go by. reiner wasnt boring he just…..wasn’t eren. but that wasn’t a flaw. It shouldn’t be.

“you been keeping tabs on me, princess?” eren asks wryly, smirking now. you just glare at him, quirking a brow and daring him to prove you wrong, to say he’s better.

he doesn’t. he just looks at you, sets his controller down and does that tick he’d developed since he was young of jiggling his knee, tapping his finger on it. “don’t go on more dates with him”

you squint your eyes, “and why not?”

“because i said so”

“you’re not my boss”

“because..” he scratches the stubble on his jaw, gaze looking far off as he stares at his bouncing leg. “guys shouldn't touch you”

your mouth pops open. you get that, right now, you’re too young for stuff like sex, but being touched? everyone your age had boyfriends, why should you be any different?

It feels a bit like deja vu when you tell him, “m’not staying innocent forever. dating and s-sex are apart of life. you do it, why shouldn’t i?”

you didn’t really get his whole overprotective bit, armin, who was your brother, wasn’t even this bad. he’d seen happy almost, when you told him about your date with reiner, even, so you really don’t see where eren is coming from.

erens lip curls in a smirk and he points a finger at you. “that’s why” he says. “you can’t even say the word sex without stuttering. what’ll you do when you see a cock for the first time?”

your skin heats, hating that he’s right. “I’ll grow out of it” you promise him.

he huffs a laugh. “sure thing, dork” but then his face gets serious. “you don’t need to change though. sex is lame, i promise.”

“you seem to have alot of it, so there must be something good about it”

“for me, yeah” he grins. “but im selfish. most men are, and you deserve better than some highschool tumble with a guy who looks like he can’t find the clit to save his life” his eyes weigh you down. “just keep bein’ you. If i come back from college and hear that you’re the towns tramp stamp, m’ not gonna be happy”

and that’s that.

you’re 16 when eren leaves for college. you get to 18 without ever being touched.

you’re 18 and you wish you hadn’t begged armin to let you come to this stupid bomfire party. it’s just the first time he’s been home in the 2 years since he’d left for college, and you know that means eren is back too, though you have yet to see him. he’s supposed to be at the party though.

you wonder if he’ll react to having seen you after not for awhile, if he’ll look at you different now that you’re grown. you’re wearing a simple pleated white skirt and a pink top, the picture of innocence you’ve always been, never changing.

being around so many people makes you uncomfortable, you want to cling to armins side, but you don’t want to be annoying so you tell him its okay to leave you. your eyes scan the mass of people on the crowded beach as you nervously hold your solo cup to your chest.

your eyes stop their nervous skittering when they land on someone familiar.

college eren is completely different and yet wholly the same since you’d last seen him. he’s wearing a red bomber jacket, over a black t-shirt and skinny jeans, scuffed converse kicking in the sand as he shifts from one foot to the other. you peep tan skin, a hint of a tattoo peeking on his neck and….and black hair. he’d dyed his hair, and, is that jewelry on his ear? rings on his hand?

he’s smiling easily with a pretty blonde and...and reiner. talking to them like old friends as he tilts his head back and laughs, taking a swig from his cup. he’s still chuckling and shaking his head when his eyes flick distractedly over, rove over you and then stop. even from all the way where you are the green of his eyes pins you in place. the warm glow of the bonfire dances across his features, and you see the bastard has a lip ring as well. he takes his time cataloging you and you do him, before his lips tilt, he hands off his drink and he makes his way over to you.

your whole body is tense with nerves as he gets closer and closer.

when he’s standing in front of you, the smell of his cologne wafts over you. his smile is small and genuine. “hey, pip”

pip as in short for pipsqueak. you have to fight the urge to grin at him, your cheeks warming pleasantly, even though you groan out loud. “m’ not little anymore”

“I can see that” eren eyes rake over you, linger on your bare legs before dragging slowly back up. his eyes feel like a caress and when they meet yours again, you’re already tingly. you’ve never been touched sexually, and just one look from eren has you wet between the legs like nothing. “still dress like you wanna be an extra in a Bratz commercial”

the tension disputes as you swat his arm. “shut up!! Its a fashion choice, not like you’d know. dressed like a wannabe rockstar”

“aw, c’mon. you’d be my groupie right?”

you roll your eyes. “you wish, jaeger”

“mm” he hums softly. “s’cute though. always has been”

before you can even register the compliment, he’s leaning forward to peek into your cup, swiping it easily from you. “underage drinking, are we? left you for a couple years and you go rebel barbie on me”

you squawk as he chugs all of your drink back in one gulp, crushing the cup in his fist and tossing it behind him. “ren! I wasn’t even drinking it. It was..” you wave your hand around. “for the aesthetic”

“uh huh” he drones, but then he jerks his chin. “i’ll get you another one to stand around and look pretty with then. C’mon”

cute, pretty. the compliments are gonna make your heart fly out of your chest if he doesn’t let up. you follow him as he leads you to a keg, one that’s a little ways away from the bustle of the party, close to the parking lot where you came in.

you shyly say ‘thank you’ when he fills you a cup and hands it to you, proceeding to lean back against a car as he goes back to observing you.

to distract yourself you mumble, “you can’t just lean on a strangers car for the sake of being cool”

the grin is back. “you think im cool?” when you glare at him he rolls his eyes and slaps the hood of the car. “she’s mine, pip. you can untwist your panties”

you blink at him, “since when did you get a new car? and when did you dye your hair?”

he looks at you curiously, drumming his fingers. “do you not, like. follow me on instagram?”

you look away, kicking your feet in the sand. hesitantly you admit, “didn’t wanna miss you, so i didn’t look”

he doesn’t say anything to that. the silence stretches between you, making you nervous. should you not have said that? you guessed it was weird, after all, but it was true. If you’d looked at how erens life was progressing without you there to see it, you’d have cried and been a total lovesick girl about it.

he finally breaks the silence. “do you have a boyfriend?”

you look back at him. “uh...no? do you?”

the smirk you wanted ghosts over his lips again, and your eyes are drawn to his lip ring when he tugs it between his teeth. “nah, you know me. unattainable”

“yeah, i know” you say under your breath, thinking of how eren jaeger had been an unattainable fantasy for you for years.

“so no current boyfriend or…?”

“no boyfriends...ever” its embarrassing to admit, but less humiliating than admitting that the reason that was is because you’re in love with your brothers best friend, the very man standing before you now.

“that’s kinda tragic, pip” eren hops up on the hood of his car and fishes a cigarette out of his pocket. he waves a hand at you, “you’re rockin’ a bod like that and no one’s bagged you? thought you’d be beating down options with a bat by now”

you watch the smoke that plumes in the air, the way it coils and wisps, and really look at eren. he’s tragically beautiful. his no black hair is boyishly messy, tangled around his head in a dark halo. his face is sharp and tan, his eyes striking and making you feel like you’re sinking into the sand beneath your feet.

you’ve wanted him for so long, it makes you ache. years and years of pushing away men and declining confessions for this man in front of you. you’d never expected anything from him, but you couldn’t move past the fantasy in your head. couldn’t imagine giving any of your firsts to anyone but eren.

“you told me to stay innocent” its out before you can stop the words, they just fumble out, spilling from your lips and into the air like the smoke.

eren stills, pauses from where he’d been about to take another drag. his expression is unreadable. he flicks the ashes from the cig on the sand, stumps it out under his foot as he hops down. the wind ruffles his dark hair as he just looks and looks and looks at you.

“yeah?” and oh, jesus, if the rough gravel in his voice doesn’t make your cunt warm immediately. “and you listened?”

you squeeze your thighs together, an action that draws erens gaze between your legs. to late to back down now, you think, and wet your lips. “y-yeah. I did”

“you didn’t let any boys touch you while i was gone?” eren continues and he draws closer, creeping towards you.

you shake your head, silent as he comes in front of you. he reaches up to delicately push a strand of hair behind you ear with one of his ring fingers. he keeps it tucked behind your ear as he towers over you, staring you down. “you’re still my innocent little girl, huh?”

you wonder if this is how it feels to be seduced, seduced by eren jaeger no less. his eyes are warm, and they make you feel warm from where the rest on your eyes, and then, your lips. they part under his gaze, on instinct. “I am, ren. always have been”

his eyes darken, and the finger behind your ear becomes his whole hand sliding to cup the back of your head, slowly fisitng your hair in it. “shit” he tilts your head up. “you can’t say things like that, baby”

baby, baby, baby. your head swims. you’re on autopilot now, speaking without thinking and you think that’s good because if you were thinking clearly you wouldn't have the courage. “i’ve always been your good girl. no one elses”

you have one second to hear his exhale before his lips are crashing against yours, and oh. oh, he’s good. you feel the metal of his lip ring against your bottom lip as he slides his tongue in your mouth, eating you up.

“god, you’re sweet” he nips your lip. “knew you would be”

you pant into his mouth, your hands curling on his chest, “y-you’ve thought about me?”

“‘course i did, im not blind” he pulls away. “I just really like my dick and didn’t want it chopped off. armin is scary”

you know he can be when he wants to be, knows if he saw eren ravishing his little sister against his car right now, body parts would be strewn about. and that’s just from armins verbal warfare.

you look at eren demurely from under your lashes, “i don’t want anything to happen to your…” you trail off at the end.

erens eyebrows climb up his forehead, he presses close to you, tugs you to him. “my…” he prods, eyes glinting with mischief.

you look away, pouting. “know i can’t say it” you mumble, hating that even now, saying vulgar words is embarrassing for you.

erens chest shakes with a laugh. “you just sucked my tongue down your throat, pip, and you can’t talk about my cock? you’re precious, c’mere.” he starts walking backwards, towards his car. “we gotta be sneaky about it but-” he dips down to kiss you again, once, twice. “i really wanna touch you”

you gulp, and nod, let him pull you to his car and open the backseat for you, climbing in after you. he shuts and locks it behind him and then he’s facing you, eren jaeger giving you his full attention. looking at you like he wants you, like he’s seeing you, like he wants to do alot of bad things to you.

you place a shaking hand on his shoulder. “im- i dont know what to do..”

you want to impress him, but pretending you’re good at something you’re not won’t do that. eren doesn’t like liars anyway.

he scoots close to you, pulling you halfway onto his lap until you’re sitting comfortably against him. you bite your lip when you feel the hard ridge of his cock pressing against your ass under your skirt. one of his hands settles on your bare thigh, scooting it up just barely.

“you ever watch porn, sweetheart?” erens breath puffs against your ear and you squirm on top of him.

you push down your own embarrassment, resigning yourself to be a big girl and be honest. “s-sometimes”

“yeah?” god, why does just that word turn you on so much? “tell me what kind of stuff you watch when you touch your little pussy”

his vulgar words go straight to your cunt, at the same time his hand slides up your thighs and slips under your skirt. you close your eyes when you feel the tip of his finger trace over the band of your panties. “they’re always a couple..” you gasp when his hand dips inside, palm cupping over your pussy. “a-and the guy has dark hair..”

“Imagining anyone in particular?” eren teases, but you hear his breath catch at the same time yours does when he sinks one long finger inside. the folds around your slit part seamlessly around the intrusion, sucking his finger in like your pussy wants it there. “so wet, baby. keep talking for me?”

ever the good girl, you push through the tingles and the heat spreading down your legs, the slick sound of his finger fucking in and out of you filling the silent car as you struggle to find words. “s-shes always inexperienced. Its her first time and...and hes gentle” you moan a little when erens thumb comes to swirl around your clit, hips lips finding your neck. he’s teasing another finger at your tight entrance when you swallow another groan and try to keep talking like he’d asked. “he’s gentle but he takes. t-takes what he wants”

“mm” eren hums, tongue sliding against your skin. you gasp when the tip of his ring finger edges in beside the other one, stretching your tight passage around his digits in thorough little twists of his fingers. “that’s real good, baby. you like the sound of that, huh?”

eren hooks his chin over your shoulder, bunches your skirt around your waist so he can see where your little pussy is clenching and squeezing around him, clit engorged and throbbing for attention. when you don’t answer, he continues, using the slick dripping down your slit, gathering it and then pushing back into you. “I bet” he says, low, husky. “In those videos, he eats her out real nice, yeah? makes sure her little virgin cunt is wet enough to take his cock”

“y-yeah” you pant, holding his wrist but not pulling it away, pushing him more towards you. you’re starting to grind down against the pleasure, walls rhythmically fluttering around his fingers, fucking yourself on them without even knowing it. he curls them, and your head thumps back against his shoulder as you cry out.

“i’ll give that to you” eren promises, pumping his fingers faster, his other hand coming up to cup one of your tits over your blouse, giving it a squeeze. “gonna take you home after you cream around my fingers and lay you out on your bed” he kisses your cheek, holding you firm against him when you start to twitch and writhe. “lick this little flower open. wanna feel your thighs squeeze my face when i drink the cum from your pussy, get you all loose and wet and then i wanna feel you drip down my dick when i slide it inside”

“oh god, ren!” you jerk in his hold as you feel your orgasm crest over you, gushing down his palm, as you ride his hand, milking it as tingles shoot across your whole body. A milky, creamy film rests around his knuckles when he slides his fingers out of your weeping cunt, still pulsating and twitching from the come down.

he rubs the excess slick around your folds and clit, rubbing it in. you whimper and he chuckles and kisses your cheek.

you sag against him, fucked out. eren brushes some hair from your forehead and kisses it. “wannabe punk pounds sweet virgin pussy into her bed”

you look at him, confused and dazed “huh?”

eren grins at you. “s’ gonna be the name of our porno”

#poppy speaks #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger smut #aot smut #i hate this kinda but oh well #woof #eren jaeger imagine

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hotpinkrathian · 3 years

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20 Years Ago Pt 1

(Kyalin)

Kya stood back with a grin. She did it. Despite her mother's doubts she had successfully pulled off the perfect highschool reunion. People were chatting, dancing and congratulating her.

"Well Kya, you did it." Her bother said, standing beside her with a glass of punch.

"Don't drink that," she said, "it's spiked."

"How do you even know that?" He asked looking into the cup.

"Waterbenders intuition." She lied. Truthfully, she had been the one to spike it.

"Look," Tenzin said, gesturing to the door."

"Hmmm?" She turned her head, her brows furrowing. Lin Beifong.

"What is she doing here?" Kya asked, she knew for a fact she didn't invite her.

"I asked her to come," Tenzin explained, "she doesn't get out a lot and well, I thought it'd be nice for you two to see each other." Kya rolled her eyes. She had no business with Lin, and the idea her brother thought otherwise was stupid.

"I have nothing to say to her." Kya stated, taking his cup and downing it.

"It seems like you do." Tenzin replied, letting his sister walk away.

Kya huffed, sitting down at her table, two cups of punch in her hands, both of which were for her. It seemed everyone here was having a good time, except her. She couldn't help it, Lin's prescence set her off.

"How am I supposed to enjoy myself when she's lurking around?" She spoke to herself, taking a drink from the left cup.

"Still talking to yourself, I see." Lin said, sitting next to her.

"Still condescending, I see." Kya mocked, finishing one of her drinks. Lin reached a hand over, grabbing the other one.

"Thats mine." Kya said. Lin raised an eyebrow, keeping eye contact with the older woman.

"Then take it." Kya looked at her quizzically, Lin had a sadistic grin on her face, like she was enjoying Kya's anger.

"No." Kya replied, "you have it. On me." Lin smirked, placing her lips to the cup and downing the whole thing her face unraveling in a look of disgust.

"Thats so sweet." The metalbender groaned.

"Some people like sweet things." Kya retorted. Lin sighed, glancing to the stage.

"You know, we're kind of old to be doing this." Lin said.

"I think I know how long to hold a grudge." Kya replied, refusing to look her in the eyes.

"Raava, Kya do you even remember what you hate me for?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

"Then enlighten me."

"It was my senior year, you promised to come with me to prom, we had it planned and everything. Then someone started dating my brother and ditched me to give a blow job behind the bleachers. I had no other friends Lin, everyone hated me for... well, you know, and you just... you left me alone. To be ridiculed by my entire grade. I had to leave out the back door because by the end of the night I was covered in punch and didn't want to be seen by the cameras."

"Okay, wow. First of all, it wasn't a blow job." Lin started, "second of all, I didn't mean to leave you. I just didn't know how long it would take."

"Oh my God, Lin, do you not hear yourself?" Kya asked, "you left me alone on my night to fuck my brother. Dick move, by the way."

"I wasnt fucking your brother!"

"Right so he let everyone believe that you and him fucked for the rest of the year?"

"Yes!"

"Really? You think I'm that stupid?"

"Kya, ask Tenzin. We didn't do anything that night, I didn't have the guts too. I never intended for he and I to do anything but he got ahead of himself and told all his friends so I told him not to worry about it." Kya looked away in disbelief.

"If that was true, why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried, you were so upset and 'banned me from the island. I asked that idiot arrowhead to talk to you but I guess he never did." Kya stared at her, unsure of what to make of this. Lin had lied before, but she seemed so sincere... stop. Remember how you felt.

"I'm not listening to this. I have a speech to give." Lin slammed a fist on the table and let Kya go. The watsrbender made her way to the stage, motioning for the crows to gather.

"I just want to say how happy I am everyone could make it today." She began, "it's been a long time since we've seen each other and I have to say I'm absolutely thrilled with the people you have all become."

"I'd like to say something!" Kya looked down at the speaker, he had a hat on, a jersey for some pro bending team and awfully greasy shorts. Roy Cavanaugh. The idiot who had splattered her with punch on prom night.

"Well I'm not really-"

"Roy! Roy! Roy!" The crowd chanted.

"Fine," Kya caved, "come here." He climbed onto the stage, taking the mic from her and holding it a little to close to his mouth.

"Can I just say," he started, "had I known you were gonna look like that when you were older I would've been nicer to you." Kya pursed her lips.

"Thats enough-"

"With that being said, are you still a dyke? Because I'd like to show you my-" Kya took the mic from him, staring at him angrily. Laughter mixed with awkward silence. She stared into the crowd, their familiar beady eyes focusing on her. Passing their judgment and she realized then and there she didn't want this reunion to see people, she wanted closure.

"Roy," she said, "you're an idiot. You always will be. Maru," she directed to his wife, "he cheated on you. Multiple times with Christine. Blonde hair, two girls down. Yeah that one." Roy looked at her, his eyes begging her to stop.

"Also," she said, "we all know it was you who shit on the floor during gym class. Everyone did. Just some of us were decent enough human beings to spare you that guilt. Now get out of my party." He jumped off the stage, his friends no longer sticking beside him, his wife ignoring his call.

"Oh to answer your question," Kya called before he left, "I am still a dyke. And that's not going to change for any of you." She smiled, satisfied with herself. She caught a glimpse of Lin who had a look on her face that resembled a smile. She dropped the mic, marching down the stage steps with gusto when she fell backward and collided with the steps.

"Kya. Kya. Kya, wake up." Kya's eyes batted open, pushing past the pulsing sensation in her head.

"Where am I?"

"The school gym."

"Why?"

"You slipped. Hit your head pretty bad." Lin said, pushing her down when she tried to sit up.

"Wheres Tenzin?"

"Jinora got sick, he went home. He sat here with you though, for an hour."

"How long was I out?"

"Three hours."

"Three hours?!" Kya tried to sit up, but her head refused her.

"Stop moving so much, just lay on this." Lin took off her coat, bundling it up and placing it under her head.

"Where is everyone" Kya asked.

"They went home. After your speech and... trip, I guess they decided they didn't deserve to be here." Kya snorted, taking the water Lin offered her and holding the freezing ice to her head.

"That works too," Lin said, moving beside her.

"Why did you stay?" Kya asked, moving her eyes to Lin.

"I am a police officer, it wouldn't look good if I left an injured person here."

"Oh." Kya said, trying not to sound disappointed.

"But also... I wasn't done talking earlier."

"You? Lin Beifong had more to say. I'll be damned." Lin laughed slightly before taking a deep inhale.

"I'm sorry, for everything." She said, "what I did to you that night, it wasnt fair." Kya smiled reaching her free hand to Lin's and holding her leg.

"Can I be completely honest with you?" Kya inquired.

"Of course."

"I think I over reacted, just a bit."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, now shush. I... I had feelings for you, back then." Kya admitted. She felt herself blush, and immediately regretted everything she had said.

"Kya, I know you won't forget that night and the trauma it caused you, but you shouldn't know I never meant to hurt you. I didn't go because I was scared. I made these other plans because I didn't want people to see me with you and-"

"You were embarrassed of me?"

"What? No, God no... Kya I didn't want people to see me with you and talk because I knew that if we danced, or shared a drink, I'd have to confront the part of myself that liked you, too. And if that was true then what other rumors were?" Kya looked at Lin in disbelief. All this time, all this hatred she had kept for Lin when the true enemy was fear. She pushed herself up, leaning against the wall and putting the ice next to her.

"Lin," she spoke softly," I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to feel that way. If I pressured you or-" before she could finish, Lin's lips met hers. She was taken aback by how soft Lin's lips her. The Beifong kissed with so much emphasis and emotion Kya had to pull away for a moment.

"Lin..." she whispered, "you have no idea how many times I thought of this moment."

"I think I do," Lin replied, "I thought of it everyday for the last 20 years." Kya grinned, pressing her forhead against Lin's before wincing in pain.

"You're in pain." Lin said, pulling away.

"No I'm fine just a little headache." She winced again and Lin moved to her knees, standing up and offering her hand.

"Come on." Lin said.

"This unnecessary really Lin-"

"You can't stand, can you?" Kya shook her head. Lin side, bending down and reaching one hand under her shoulders and the other under her hips. She pushed, taking Kya in her arms with a grunt. Kya blushed when Lin met her gaze, doing her best to keep her head up.

"Are you going to carry me all the way back to the island?" Kya asked.

"Maybe. I was going to put you in the back seat of my satomobile."

"That works." Kya replied. Lin carried the Waterbender out of the highschool gym, Kya stifled a chuckle at the disaster her party had turned into. At least she'd missed most of it.

Kya had fallen asleep on the drive over to the docks, waking up briefly to get on the ferry before passing out again on the railing. Lin must've carried her all the way to the temple because when she finally came too, she was on the couch in her childhood home.

"Well, she might not remember that part." Kya blinked her eyes open, seeing her mother and Lin sharing tea over the coffee table.

"Good morning." Katara said, getting up and putting a hand to her daughters head.

"What time is it?"

"Six."

"In the morning?" Kya exclaimed. As if on cue Lin opened the blinds, revealing the sun as it peaked over the horizon.

"Lin caught me up, dear," Katara said, "you had a minor concussion, nothing I couldn't fix. But please take it easy okay?"

"Yeah, thanks, Mom." Kya pushed herself up, accepting the cup of tea Lin handed her.

"So, how big of a fool did I make of myself?" Kya asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Eh, I've seen worse. If they didn't remember you before, they do now." Kya sighed, taking a sip of the tea.

"Well it is what it is." She whispered. They sat in silence for a moment before Lin stood up.

"Where are you going?" Kya asked, motioning to follow her.

"Relax," Lin said, pushing her back onto the sofa, "I'm just going to bathroom."

"Oh."

"Was the whole night not enough time to catch up?" Lin asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well no, I was passed out for most of it." Lin chuckled slightly and Kya blushed again.

"Then I'll be right back."

"Okay." Kya watched her go with a longing look in her eye. She looked back to her mother who shook her head with a dumb grin.

"Oh stop." Kya scolded.

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to."

"She stayed awake the whole night you know." Katara said.

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Whatever you say, dear." Kya pursed her lips, looking back in the direction Lin had disappeared to.

Well shit.

#legend of korra #lin beifong #kyalin #avatar the last airbender #suyin #kya ii #kyalin ff #enemies to lovers #soft at the end

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amazingmaeve · 4 years

Text

Crush - Michael Gray

Main Masterlist // Peaky Blinders Masterlist

Summary: Y/N has had a crush on John Shelby for a while but she never expected falling for his cousin.

AN: Johns still alive in this. And sorry if it sucks and has an abrupt ending.

Pairing: Michael Gray x Female!Oc, John Shelby x Female!Oc (platonic)

Warnings: Smoking, language, drinking, mentions of sex

Y/N has had always had a crush on John Shelby. Ever since her mother took her over to Aunt Pollys house. She remembered that day like the back of her hand.

After that day she always had this crush on him. He would never pay attention to it though. Y/N thought he didn’t know.

But everyone knew. Especially when she talked to him. Y/N would stutter and always looked at the ground. Y/N would have butterflies in her stomach.

John knew he always thought it was adorable that she had a crush on him.

When he got married to Esme Y/N still had a crush on him it didn’t change anything. She didn’t hate her though.

The same as John she thought it was cute Y/N had a crush on him. Esme didn’t take offense knowing that John didn’t have feelings for her. Except maybe as a little sister.

But now her being 19. Things were changing.

Currently Y/N was at the bar at the Garrison. Drinking little at a time. She knew she only got served for knowing the Shelbys.

A few hours ago she overheard John joking about her to his brothers. Arthur said that John had a little tail referring to her. John waved it of saying that was just a little school girl crush.

Y/N frowned trying to hold back her tears. She got the drinking thinking when she was drunk on how she was so stupid for having a crush on a guy who was married. She knew she had to move on from him or at least try.

Y/N kept waving the barmaid down for refills on her drinks.

The brothers left an hour ago bidding a good bye to Y/N who was drunk giggling as she said goodbye.

They didn’t even notice how drunk she was. It made her sad that they didn’t even notice. But she got over it quickly as she had another drink.

When Michael entered their bar the only people he saw were Y/N and a few drunk guys who were looking over at her. But she was to drunk to notice them.

Michael rolled his eyes at the blokes who thought that Y/N would sleep them.

He walked up to her sitting on the other bar stool. When he sat down she didn’t even notice him since Y/N’s head was buried in her arms as she was sleeping.

“She’s not gonna feel good tomorrow,” Michael muttered under his breath to make sure Y/N didn’t hear.

He put his hand on her shoulder shaking her a little to make sure he didn’t hurt her. Y/N groaned and stirred.

“Y/N sweetheart you passed out in the bar,” Michael grinned when she groaned lifted her head not wanting to get up.

“What time is it,” Y/N groggily asked looking at Michael.

“2 o’clock,” Michael cooed her as she asked again.

“My moms gonna be so pissed at me,” Y/N sleepily said getting up but almost tripping. Michael caught her before she fell.

“Okay let’s get ya home,” Michael murmured as he wrapped a hand around her waist getting her up and began walking her home.

Once they got her home Michael carried her to her room and laid her down her bed. Michael explained to Y/N’s mother that he found her at the pub and decided to take her home.

Y/N’s mother thanked Michael and they bid each other far wells. She knew that the shelbys were there that night and was slightly agitated that they didn’t take her daughter home. She was going to talk to Polly about the next morning.

The next morning Y/N got up with a huge headache and the feeling to vomit. She ran to the toilet and threw up. She knew she would get an earful from her mom about getting drunk. She only remembers a few things from last night.

What she didn’t know was that her mom was at Pollys thanking her for her son who wasn’t there.

As she washed her mouth trying to get the taste out the door bell rang.

“Wonder who that is,” Y/N muttered under her breath as she walked down the stairs towards the door.

When she opened the door she saw Michael standing there holding his cap on his hand. She know remembered he had helped take her home.

She knew who Michael was but they barely spoke unless they didn’t need to. He had been around for around 2 years they just didn’t communicate that much.

The reason Michael was there is to check up on Y/N. He was worried that she wouldn’t have a very good morning.

“Michael,” Y/N stammered feeling a bit embarrassed for the night before. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “W-what are you doing here,” She asked quietly, her shy side coming out.

“Just wanted to make sure you were ok you looked pretty drunk last night,” Michael explained rocking back on his feet.

They stood there for a few minutes feeling a bit awkward. “Oh come in,” Y/N grinned as she opened the door wider letting him walk in.

Michael sat down while you started to make tea for the both of them.

“Oh I just wanted to say thank you for last night,” Y/N stated with a smile on her face.

“No worries just didn’t want you to get taken advantage of,” Michael reassured with a smile on his face. The smile made her heart flutter which confused her since this only happened when John smile at her.

“Still it was nice of you, you could of just left me there but you didn’t,” Y/N softly replied as she sat down and put the tea in front of him and started sipping on her own.

“Well Polly would slap me over the head if I didn’t,” Michael teased with a smirk on his face. Y/N let a little giggle out. “I couldn’t ask you last night but why were you drinking that much,” Michael asked with seriousness in his voice.

“Nothing,” Y/N lied as she looked down at the table picking her nails a bad habit she’s had since she was child.

Michael knew she was lying but decided not to push it not wanting to make it awkward. Michael nodded and finished the tea she gave him.

“I think it’s time for me to leave,” Michael stood up with a cough.

“Are you sure I feel bad I haven’t done anything for you and you had to deal with me last night,” Y/N interjected feeling bad hasn’t done enough.

“You don’t have to feel bad love,” Michael soothed approaching you pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Ok”, Y/N whispered feeling butterflies in her stomach. As he was about to walk out the door Y/N stopped him “Will I see you again.”

Michael stopped his footsteps and turned around to face her he gave her smile and nodded.

For the next few weeks Y/N had been ‘accidentally’ running into Michael. She knew she liked him. She actually had a chance with him unlike John. She didn’t hate John but the crush for him was starting to dwindle and the crush change to Michael.

On that day Michael came over she went to Polly’s, where she apologized for the brothers for not taking Y/N to her house.

Y/N reassured her and telling her that it was good that Michael got her home before something bad happened to her.

Her mom was there as well and got an earful about drinking late at night. Y/N apologize knowing her mother worried for her. She was happy she had such a caring mother.

But as the weeks went and she continued hanging out with Michael, she began dropping hints to prove that she liked him. Y/N didn’t know if he felt the same.

Michael liked Y/N before she had even had a crush on him. He wasn’t very good at getting the hints from her. Until Polly told him which he was surprised to hear.

Michael finally asked Y/N out, which she excitedly agreed to go out with a huge smile on her face. They went out to dinner and had a great time. Both of them very nervous that night.

A few weeks after they began dating she was offered a job as his secretary. Y/N doubted not wanted to get special treatment because she was dating him.

He reassured her that would happen so she accepted his request.

Now here they were with Y/N sitting on the desk and Michael standing between her legs while making out. His hand rested comfortably on her thigh massaging it.

His lips left her mouth and began to travel down her neck trying to find that sweet spot. Once his lips started kissing her collarbone she began moaning quietly.

Before they could continue the door opened to reveal the Shelby brothers.

Michael let out a groaned of frustration before looking at them. Y/N was feeling embarrassed. She never thought she would get caught making out with Michael gray.

“Michael if you’ve feel like you’ve finished we have a meeting to attend,” Thomas snapped at his cousin angry at his actions. They even haven’t saw Y/N’s face yet.

“Don’t worry Tom I’m done,” Michael sighed giving a kiss to Y/N’s forehead, a thing he had been doing for a while which she loved.

As Y/N for down from the desk and face the Shelby brothers. They were shocked they didn’t even know that they were dating.

“Sorry for keeping him,” Y/N apologized to Thomas before turning to Michael. “See you later,” She pecked his lips a goodbye before she bid everyone else and then left.

John wasnt jealous he felt over protective. A feeling he’s had with Ada. He didn’t care that she didn’t have a crush on him anymore just worried if Michael would break her heart.

“Right let’s get on this meeting,” Michael coughed out of the awkwardness. Thomas nodded and they all left the building to go to the building.

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

Text

Home - Part 20

A/N- Hey!! So this part is just fluff! Lol and a few time jumps as we near the end! 💕

12 weeks pregnant.

Bucky and I had just come out from my 12 week scan, Dr Forester said everything was looking great which was a huge relief! We were currently sat in the car looking at the newest scan photos.

"i cant believe how much has changed since the last scan! You can actually see their babies now!" I said shaking my head "The weeks are flying by Buck!"

"I know! They'll be here in no time" Bucky said his eyes comically wide before he started laughing "i can't wait".

"Me either, now we just have to tell the girls" i looked over at Bucky biting my lip nervously "do you think they will take it well?"

"You kidding me? They'll be so excited baby"

"Yeah?"

"Of course!"

"God i hope so" i mumbled as my hand stroked over my tiny bump, it didnt take long before Bucky's hand reached over to join mine.

"You have nothing to worry about i promise" he kissed me quickly "i cant wait for them to know so you stop hiding this cute little bump".

I rolled my eyes at him before chuckling at the man i loved. Bucky was obsessed with the tiny bump i had, his hands resting over it any chance he got.

"Come on lets go break the news".

When we got inside we found Steve fast asleep on the sofa the girls asleep all around him, Rosie was on his chest, Brooke and Allie tucked into each side.

"Oh my god how cute is that" i smiled down at them pulling out my phone to snap a photo.

"They must have had a busy day at school huh" Bucky laughed "Lets get dinner sorted while they sleep, we can tell them later".

We were all sat around the dining room table an hour later eating dinner, Steve stayed too of course!

"Daddy can i have some more juice please, im thirsty" Allie looked up at Bucky while tapping his arm.

"Sure sweetheart"

"I'll grab it i'm gonna grab another beer anyway" Steve said pushing his chair back and heading towards the kitchen.

"Grab me one too please" Bucky called after his friend.

"Hey, are these the new scan photo's?" Steve called through before holding up the photo's from todays session as he walked back in with Allie's juice and a couple of beers.

"Yeah take a look" Bucky nodded proudly.

"OMG..... look at that!"

"What are you looking at Uncle Steve?" Brooke asked trying to look over at the photo.

"Um, its a secret" he said with a look of panic on his face, he knew we hadn't said anything to the girls yet and he didn't want to be the one who told them.

"Bucky why don't you tell the girls what Uncle Steve is looking at?"

"Yeah?"

"Go for it" i chuckled nervously, hoping they would be happy with the news.

"Okay, girls..... Y/N is pregnant! She's gonna be having a baby... two babies actually"

"TWO?!" Brooke asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah sweetheart, its twins" i smiled.

"Oh my god thats so cool!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!.... but wait, am i gonna have more sisters? I really want a brother" Brooke suddenly asked making me Bucky and Steve burst out laughing.

"We don't know yet, its still a little early" Bucky told her as Allie slipped off of her chair and walked over to stand in front of me. She stood there staring down at my belly looking confused.

"You okay babe?" I asked her stroking back some loose bits of hair from her face.

"There's two babies in there?" She asked pointing to my tummy with her head tipped to one side.

"There is"

"How? They wont fit in there"

"Their still really tiny at the moment Al, but they will get alot bigger soon".

She walked closer and put a hand against my tummy before whispering "hi, I'm Allie. Im your big sister"

It was the cutest thing ever!!!

"They can't hear you Allie" Brooke rolled her eyes at her little sister.

"Sure they can!" Bucky added quickly seeing Allie looking like she was about to get upset.

"They can?" Allie asked as she fell into my arms wanting a cuddle.

"Of course! Thats how they know who you are when their born"

"Sounds stupid" she huffed with attitude giving Allie the stink eye "I hope i have brothers this time"

"We need some more boys around here, Buck and I are outnumbered already" Steve added.

"I totally agree with Steve, but i'll be happy either way" Bucky laughed.

"Well we'll find out soon enough".

Rosie didn't really understand what was going on yet, i think it will effect her more once the twins are here and she's no longer the baby of the family.

The girls were all in bed and Steve had gone home..... i sometimes wondered if he lived here too! I was laying on the sofa watching a movie while Bucky was making me a cup of tea, i had just started to fall asleep when i heard the tiptoeing of a sneaky child who should be asleep! I kept my eyes closed and waited to hear Bucky tell them to get back to bed.

"Hi.... I'm Brooklyn, I'm your biggest sister" i suddenly heard her whispering next to me "i'll take good care of you i promise...."

"Brooke....whatcha doing hun?"

"Um nothing..... i couldn't sleep"

"You wanna come lay with me a while?" I offered holding out my arms, Brooke wasnt usually one for cuddles, she liked to act like she was too old for that. But she surprised me when she nodded and came to cuddle with me.

"Y/N.... i want the babies to know who i am so I'm gonna talk to them all the time"

"Ok hun, thats fine" i chuckled kissing the top of her hair.

"What are you doing out of bed lil miss?" Bucky asked walking in with mugs of tea before sitting back down next to me so i was leaning against him.

"Couldn't sleep"

"I said she can stay with us and watch the rest of the movie then bed"

"Okay okay" he smiled and we all got snuggled on the sofa....10 minutes later Brooke was fast asleep.

20 weeks pregnant.

Waking up with awful heartburn (AGAIN!) i looked over at my phone on the bedside table to check what time it was, 5:15am! Jesus! Id had it bad for the past couple of days now and it was driving me crazy. I slipped out of bed to go head downstairs for a glass of milk and noticed Bucky was already gone.

I poured myself a glass of milk and while i stood in the kitchen taking a few sips i heard the grunting from the basement. Ooh! Bucky must be working out! I smiled to myself before quietly making my way down there. When Bucky and the girls moved in he made the basement into his gym being as it was never used. I stood in the doorway watching Bucky laid on his back making the most beautiful noises as he lifted some weights. I bit my lip as i leaned against the doorframe watching him....admiring him.

"Ahh fuck!" He moaned lifting the weights above his head once again.

I squeezed my thighs together as the sinful sounds shot straight to my core.

"Jesus christ" i mumbled to myself, my eyes raking over his body....

"Hey doll" the sound of his voice making me snap out of the lust fuelled trance i was in.

"Hey"

"You okay? You look a little flushed" he asked looking smug as he dropped the weights and sat up.

"Mmhmm I'm great, just admiring the view!" I smirked taking a sip of the milk while looking at him, his navy t-shirt clinging to his chest....

"Heartburn still?" He asked noticing the glass of milk in my hand.

"Yep" i nodded as my free hand stroked over my growing bump "your boys hate me i swear" i chuckled.

"They don't hate you" he chuckled shuffling over to me on his knees, he placed his hands either side of my stomach and pressed a kiss to my bump.

"Come back to bed Buck.....watching you down here has turned me on like crazy!"

"Oh really!?"

"So much, i need you.... now!"

"How about i just take you right here, huh?" He smirked pulling me down into his lap.

"Fuck yes!" I groaned before kissing him hard and grinding down onto him.

"Your insatiable baby" Bucky mumbled making me laugh.

"Pregnancy hormones are out of control i swear" i chuckled "everything you do turns me on!"

"Is that right?" Bucky said as he slipped a hand into my panties and moaned instantly "god doll your soaked already!"

"I was soaked the second i walked in and heard you making those noises Buck"

"Don't worry, i'll take care of you".

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

@bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense @heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan @ladymelissastark @93generation @sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple @Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31 @superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language @booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl @wildest-dream- @michelehansel @thummbelina @abbylizy @sweetlittlegingy @lorabem @barnesandrogersworld @dumblani @broco8 @xxloki81xx @keithseabrook27 @jesseswartzwelder @saiyanprincessswanie @stormi-ames

#bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #sebastianstan #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan #home

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: [Enough time later that you might think you’ll not hear from him again, realistically like a day or two but given what you did it’d seem like longer/regret and dip ‘cos ya should but we know that ain’t it]

Joe: you spent Charlie’s modelling money yet

Ronnie: long gone baby like you

Ronnie: if you were after a cut shouldve taken it sooner

Joe: nah, it’s yours

Joe: his but sounds like he enjoyed himself, by her account

Joe: no need to ask what you spent it on

Ronnie: but you wanna hear my account yeah

Ronnie: thats what this is

Joe: do you think that’s what this is

Ronnie: youre not taking up space in my head mckenna

Joe: and not in your diary, as you pointed out up top

Joe: busy busy yeah

Ronnie: i werent asked to audition to be a doss student cunt 💔

Ronnie: & the one he brought back didnt fancy me enough to ask me to join in either

Ronnie: busy getting out their way

Joe: leave it a couple years you’ll be a mature student and they ask less questions

Joe: how rude

Joe: after you told him about your massive cock and everything? 💔

Ronnie: go ed and dig me up when youve graduated then

Ronnie: 3s a crowd when 2 of em are scousers & the others from fuck knows where didnt have you to translate or the horse for scale

Joe: after an invite? Sure thing, sis

Joe: not Kent then, gutted

Ronnie: less questions you said put your ? away gobshite

Ronnie: not england but i aint a skinhead who cares so hes as alive as dorothy ever leaves em

Joe: people love that though

Joe: black EDL members and asian conservatives, such a laugh for ‘em

Ronnie: too late to go back and put the boot in now he ll have been shown the door & it wasnt me getting a name or number

Joe: his loss all ‘round then, I get it

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: alright, so I need linking

Ronnie: you got cash or you selling yourself

Joe: I’ve got cash, just not the contact

Ronnie: hand it over ill pick up for you

Joe: you think i’m that green

Ronnie: what colour do you reckon you are

Joe: you’ve got no prejudice, apparently, so what’s it matter

Joe: [picture of some of the multi-coloured bruises you acquired]

Ronnie: he was a pussy & you want me to connect you to people who aint

Ronnie: youre an easy target

Joe: you wanna pocket my money yourself instead, I get it

Joe: you can have a % of the shit, alright

Joe: not asking you to do it for nothing

Ronnie: thats all theyd do when you show up with your baby face and habit

Ronnie: ill take your money & still have it pocketed cos i dont need student loans to score no shit are you asking me to do it for nothing

Joe: what you gonna give me to keep hold of ‘til you give me mine

Ronnie: add an arm to your collection what do i care

Joe: yeah, what do ya

Ronnie: you want a easy pick up get a schoolboy plug i dont know any

Ronnie: i care about money youre ready to waste

Joe: that’s part of the appeal

Joe: why get it in a safe, nearly legitimate way

Joe: half the fun, eh, alright, alright

Joe: do it then, I don’t know no fucker else I can ask yet, I’ve gambled on worse

Ronnie: i just wanna get it thats the fun

Ronnie: get into a fight with whoever the fuck you like whenever for a pissing contest

Joe: you wanna start one ‘fore I’ve given you the cash and you’ve given me mine?

Joe: that’s blatant bullshit

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: save your childish excitement for the phone call home like

Joe: nah, you’re full of shit that it’s not just as much about the company and authentic experience

Joe: there’s plenty dealers that are nowt but businessmen

Joe: nothing but a transaction and they’ll sell to a junkie and city banker as one in the same

Joe: don’t act like you don’t have a deathwish or what was the point of taking me there and showing me

Ronnie: where the fuck am i meeting buisinessmen or getting the cash to pay em

Ronnie: dont be fucking rem

Joe: everyone’s stupid enough to wanna get their dick sucked over cold hard cash every other deal, no matter how presentable or legit they play

Ronnie: ive got the links ive got

Joe: fine

Joe: where you wanna do this then

Ronnie: whats your problem

Ronnie: [but a location anyway]

Joe: what’s mine

Joe: thought we’d covered that in length or are you less convinced now

Ronnie: convinced youve got fuck all to cry about

Joe: obviously

Joe: definitely bother with you if that were true

Ronnie: you wanted a big sister im doing all the hand holding

Joe: I never did and I still don’t

Joe: but you carrying on with the pretence if it makes you feel better

Ronnie: i didnt come to you or ask for fuck all to make me better

Joe: yeah you’re blameless

Joe: all in my fucked up head and not yours

Joe: what’s it like being an 👼🏼

Ronnie: i already told you you aint in my head & you werent in my veins for long enough to get fucking soft about it

Joe: i’ll be there in [however long that’d take you]

Ronnie: boss

Joe: you sound like them, you know

Ronnie: i dunno who the fuck youre talking about

Joe: the rest of the fam, of course

Joe: glad to see that the level of chatting bollocks to make yourself feel better is genetic, s’not depressing at all

Ronnie: that still dont clear fuck all up for me except that youre a bigger cunt than i thought

Joe: you don’t think about me

Joe: and none of that shit happened, your memory loss and confusion extends to that, don’t worry

Ronnie: you like me but you still compare me to em every chance you get

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: yeah, fuck me

Joe: like you haven’t just

Joe: forget it, actually forget it

Ronnie: youre as full of shit as you reckon I am

Ronnie: forget that its been ages & youre speaking up now cause you want something

Joe: i haven’t been able to flick my brain onto anything else, never mind shut it down, I haven’t slept or eat or done anything to take me away from it, you

Joe: and it meant nothing to you

Joe: fuck you

Ronnie: gear not me

Ronnie: theres the authentic experience you were going on about

Joe: no

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: this is what I mean

Joe: you know as well as I do what it was

Joe: why are you fucking lying and saying I am

Ronnie: im a junkie all i do is lie & nothing else means anything to me

Ronnie: youre worse than green if you dont fucking know that

Joe: you’re lying that it meant nothing

Joe: not lying that it did

Joe: even if it made you fucking sick, that isn’t nothing and I don’t believe you

Ronnie: dont believe me i dont care who the fuck are you

Joe: your brother

Ronnie: youre nothing

Joe: yeah right

Ronnie: the dealer means more

Joe: already pointed out you’re that much of a cliche

Ronnie: what we can’t both be a cliche take it then

Joe: never heard that one

Ronnie: nows your chance to make a final comparison between me & whatever family member you hate or are turned on by the most

Joe: final chance, alright then, sound even more stupid

Ronnie: sound like more of a pussy that youre kicking off over this but not gonna fuck off

Joe: why would I?

Joe: i’m not pretending that it weren’t a thing

Ronnie: nah youre pretending it was

Ronnie: whoever the fuck ever told you youre special is the liar here like

Joe: your mate don’t count, you ain’t done that before either so fuck off with your jaded routine

Ronnie: hes my brother when & where it counts

Joe: there’s no blood and no reason not to go there, that’s where it counts

Ronnie: if i wanted to fuck you too your ma wouldnt stop me she means even less than you

Joe: yeah

Joe: you and your life aren’t totally fucked because of how much you care

Ronnie: you dont know shit about me or my life

Joe: you wish

Ronnie: you dont

Joe: or do you, actually

Joe: you shove it in everyone’s face, what do you reckon everyone thinks

Ronnie: youve seen a few scars & now youve seen into my soul yeah

Ronnie: shut the fuck up for all you know i lived a couple of doors down from you for your whole bullshit childhood

Joe: you look like that and reckon it doesn’t scream mommy issues? Fuck off, you aren’t that dumb

Ronnie: fuck you

Ronnie: everything you do is pure about her

Joe: not everything but I can admit she contributed

Ronnie: shes the 1st bitch to fuck me over but not the only is the difference between us

Ronnie: that unwanted bullshit was a pattern

Joe: you don’t know me either

Ronnie: i know you had a set of parents who kept hold of you however fucking west you were

Ronnie: no cunt was calling you racist shit or trying to touch you up

Joe: you’ve got a monopoly on fucked then, got it

Ronnie: like fuck have i but mine dont start & stop at mommy dearest how you think

Joe: of course it doesn’t

Joe: neither does mine

Ronnie: stop acting like youre an expert on how and why my head is wrecked and i wont have to kick yours in

Joe: you started it

Joe: but that’s good with me

Ronnie: get over yourself mckenna

Ronnie: you like what i start

Joe: i prefer the other night

Ronnie: yeah i like when youre getting punched in the face too

Joe: you can do the honours in a bit

Joe: fuck healing, yeah

Ronnie: what did your girlfriend say

Joe: oh, I got mugged and her dad’s gonna get her some pepper spray and a rape alarm 👍

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: but she ll have dreamt you fell off the horse only got the single fantasy in her

Joe: that her dad’s so responsible and caring? would be her #2 if she had the range

Ronnie: if hes delivering that shit in person let me know so i can start something with him

Joe: oh god

Joe: that reminds me

Joe: She wants to invite Charlie over for like, a dinner party or something

Ronnie: if her daddy is there hes gonna need that rape alarm back off her to fend off mary

Joe: 😂

Joe: idk if she’s that oblivious and now wants Charlie to fuck her, or she thinks he’s my only mate 🙄

Ronnie: shes over you baby i scared her off

Joe: or she thought you was gonna ask for a line 😏

Joe: if that’s true I’ll owe you, again

Ronnie: ket hook up

Joe: you think she’ll let her love be in pain on your behalf?

Joe: not likely

Ronnie: not gonna ask politely

Joe: hot

Joe: I was gonna hit you up sooner

Joe: I tried to find you after

Ronnie: you didnt try hard

Joe: I only had one eye, by that point

Ronnie: im an attention whore with screaming mommy issues cant make it no easier to spot me in a crowd

Joe: in that crowd?

Joe: or will you be pissy if I call you dime a dozen

Ronnie: still got the accent as my own personal rape alarm

Joe: where’d you go then

Ronnie: youre a tourist theres no point telling you

Joe: if you left with that lad, no need to go over the details, got the picture

Ronnie: why the fuck would i leave with him

Joe: you mean you weren’t in his pants for his benefit

Joe: careful, getting bit close to honesty

Ronnie: i mean to go where i dont need a horse or an en suite

Ronnie: youre a hopeless romantic like

Joe: that’s a new complaint, I’ll tell my exes

Joe: deffo their fault after-all, buzzing

Ronnie: how many are there

Joe: get less slut-shaming off Soph, cheek

Joe: I dunno, I had to keep it moving because of all the secret mommy issues, you know

Joe: I’ll do a tally

Ronnie: its not already carved into your arm no wonder theyre pissy at you

Joe: if that worked for any of ‘em they could come back from the ex thing

Joe: 💔

Ronnie: try her initials whatever the fuck they are in between dinner party courses and win her back

Joe: you should come

Ronnie: id be made up if she pepper sprays me

Joe: it’d be the only way this won’t be the worst evening ever

Ronnie: loads of ways to take out your other eye ill pass you a spoon

Joe: give a go doing my A-Z carving with it too

Joe: 🤞 she invites her twink classmate and you can try for your threesome

Ronnie: she’ll get in there before us cause youll have distracted me with the state of your cackhanded 💘 carving

Joe: can’t say I’d be sorry

Ronnie: you catholics invented anal but i reckon its overrated

Joe: you’d probably feel different if that’s where your g-spot was but can’t say I disagree with that either, not that that’s anything too deep to have in common so we’re fine

Joe: and raised strictly un-catholic so the pope can’t have a go

Ronnie: nah no cunt would find it if it was there either

Joe: 💔 baby

Ronnie: you mean it

Joe: yeah

Joe: which bit, though

Ronnie: my invite to the shitshow

Joe: ‘course

Joe: if it’s shit, you’ll only have yourself to blame for not livening it up enough

Joe: and I will have to kill myself if I have to be there sincerely

Ronnie: he knows about you

Ronnie: might wanna kill yourself if he opens his mouth

Joe: oh

Joe: so I’m gonna have to act all nice and respectful, yeah

Ronnie: if you wanna make me sound full of shit

Joe: what did you say?

Ronnie: told him i shot you he werent best pleased about it but youre not his brother so fuck all he can do

Joe: sweet

Joe: still not gonna fuck him though

Ronnie: hed get your g spot for you 🍒

Joe: not if he’s worried about my innocence

Ronnie: hes worried about my head getting wrecked not yours only bitch who is

Joe: you’ll have to tell him what you told me

Joe: I ain’t in there

Ronnie: you fairies bring everything back to your obsession with your mothers course hes no fucking exception

Ronnie: & cos i stole my file when i was a kid he thinks i give a shit too you were part of the happy 🏡 picture he was getting in a flap about but i tore through that 🌈 optimism with the 💉

Ronnie: you can have lively

Joe: better he knows than goes on about it

Joe: it’s far from 🌈☀️ even if you were up for it

Ronnie: every soft lad but him knows its ⛈ if not outright 🌨

Joe: when I started looking, if you were like them, I weren’t even gonna bother to talk to you

Joe: just give her the info and let her do it herself

Joe: but I knew you weren’t

Ronnie: told you youd have liked me at 9

Joe: 😏 yeah yeah

Ronnie: shed have bailed before scrolling that far back even with the pure messy sketchy shit kept off for the sake of dorothys cv

Joe: idk,she bangs on about her own glory days as ‘precaution’ enough

Joe: probably dead proud

Ronnie: raincheck on dinner i gotta go slit my throat after hearing that like

Joe: yeah, it’s real fun

Joe: far as starters go though, you’re welcome

Ronnie: cos you owe me go ed & drag my corpse there dress it up like horse girl and send her that info so i dont make her proud yeah

Joe: gotcha

Joe: the fibres sending Soph down are an unfortunate side-affect or added bonus, depending how you feel

Ronnie: dressing like a dyke art teacher is shady to my mourners hed have loved having me on the team

Joe: sure she wants to be buried in her jodhpurs, like

Joe: not gay but kink-adjacent, he’ll be alright

Ronnie: inside the horse youll have to hollow it out for her

Joe: poor horse not ready to be made into glue but there we go

Ronnie: but when youre ready to follow me to the grave only need a plastic bag

Joe: follow you anywhere, or whatever sounds good in a song

Ronnie: not had a little brother like that before

Ronnie: never know the mime is behind you or not

Joe: he shy or you cut his tongue out altogether

Ronnie: saving that for you cos i know how you feel about 🍒 & theres fuck all else left

Ronnie: hed never get attention whore out or mommy issues w & m forget it

Joe: I can feel the slutshame

Joe: there hasn’t been hundreds, come on

Joe: you were being weird, I needed to get you talking, it worked

Ronnie: how many then

Joe: I guess 6 total, not counting anyone before like 15 because that isn’t real, maybe 7 but we might be pushing the term girlfriend there

Ronnie: 💘 how many songs

Joe: not destined for the bin? Fuck all

Joe: cliche points off the charts though

Ronnie: i know youve seen the busking vids hes still got posted up that im in i cant say shit

Joe: you’re good

Joe: even when you have to go Top40 for the tips

Joe: class thing about the cello, looks more pitiful ‘cos the case is massive, people try to fill it, like

Ronnie: soz im not killing myself fast enough for you

Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy cliches 🖕

Joe: don’t worry, the songs were ‘insert name here’ jobs if they were anything

Joe: don’t wanna sound like I’m singing about a 75 year old bloke, do I

Ronnie: if itd been changed you wouldnt have found me shit at stalking as you are songwriting like

Joe: you’ve already got your own song anyway, don’t be greedy

Ronnie: ill keep you some 🐴 if youre not

Ronnie: 1st thing i tried if you do wanna follow after us

Joe: trip down memory lane we can both handle

Joe: ‘course

Ronnie: dont have any exes itll have to do

Joe: prefer the ket

Ronnie: write a song about it

Joe: [blatantly will in a pisstake way]

Ronnie: k gonna be dead easy to carve with the spoon can do it rattling

Joe: your faith in my abilities is appreciated

Ronnie: youre not fucking here youll have to

Joe: just got out the station hold on

Ronnie: fuck telling me to hold on you hurry up

Joe: if you shut up I can run

Ronnie: can you

Joe: fuck off i’m not that unfit 😂

Ronnie: nah dead fit far as homos and horse girls reckon

Joe: lucky me

Ronnie: youve had 7 bitches no cunts gonna feel sorry for you

Joe: all various shades of boring though

Ronnie: no shit

Joe: so you’re saying you ain’t gutted for me? 💔

Ronnie: your virginity sob story is like me in that crowd of cunts you couldnt find your way through

Joe: Christ, don’t remind me, first and last time I ever went near a virgin

Ronnie: theyre all older than you itd be pathetic well as boring

Joe: exactly

Joe: too much hassle having to worry about them, destroys any point of doing it

Ronnie: gotta put their kids in the cupboard as is

Joe: fortune in gaffa tape, like

Ronnie: still not 💔 mckenna going on about how flush you are since i met you

Joe: amazing how far you can stretch the loans when you steal Soph’s food and do fuck all that ain’t necessary

Joe: not like I actually dated any sugar mommies

Joe: should’ve, clearly but carefree 18-25s are easiest actually

Ronnie: gears necessary now youre gonna have to start stealing more than her pasta shapes

Joe: you’re my manager now, are you 😏

Joe: there’s shit I can do, music gigs, it’s fine

Ronnie: fine for your baby habit

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: alright doom and gloom

Joe: not gonna learn how to cover my teeth yet

Ronnie: fuck off & fuck you

Joe: i’m here so come say it to my face

Ronnie: youre not better than me cos you can nod through a cello practice

Joe: where’d I say I was

Ronnie: when you said how fucking functional you are

Joe: I didn’t, I said I could get cash, that’s all

Ronnie: so can i its not the fucking point

Joe: and I didn’t say you couldn’t so what’s yours

Ronnie: youre not a fucking kid at the pool if youre gonna pussy out cos the waters too cold fucking do it

Joe: I’m in and you know that

Joe: so let me in

Ronnie: bullshit are you

Ronnie: youre proud of yourself for treading water

Joe: you’ve got the plug, I’ve got the cash, what is the problem with that

Joe: it’s an equalizer, if anything

Ronnie: we ll never be equal

Ronnie: you can cover your arm run off to class & pick up another boring girl whenever the fuck you like

Joe: what do you want me to do, seriously

Joe: say it

Ronnie: stop talking

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: [Show up hun]

Ronnie: [I love the idea that they have to wait around for ages for this dealer in awkward silence haha]

Joe: [the casual tension]

Ronnie: [god knows what she’s gonna use to ease the tension with a lil bit o self harm because god knows where they even are, I worry about you and all the infections you would get gal]

Joe: [the casual one-upmanship until you’re interrupted]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not paying him in cash and we know why she’s not please don’t get into another fight Joseph]

Joe: [got to let that one go as she was specifically like you’re not better than me, probably fuck off whilst that happens ‘cos not gonna stick about]

Ronnie: [take your heroin and calm down huns]

Joe: [hope you take enough to pass out ‘cos you’re not gonna be in any sort of mood now either of ya lol]

Ronnie: [we’ll do you both that favour]

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tylerwritez · 3 years

Text

7:45 p.m. Sunday June 20th

Okay well... writing about the entirety of my day is gonna be. Quite the task.

Whatever. I'm dedicated to making this blog A Thing.

Today was Father's Day, so the first thing I did was get up and go downstairs. Gave my dad his presents. He made us pancakes. (I definitely ate too much today... but tommorow is monday so itll be easier to restrict)

We are, watched youtube, then we drove to Wabuman Lake. Idk,, the drive was just that: a typical car ride in which I struggle to find "car friendly" songs, aka songs that everyone will like... aka anything but metal and vocaloid... aka Radiohead, Weezer and Soda Stereo XD

When we got there, we rented a yellow paddleboat, which is this clunky plastic boat that you pedal to move, like some weird water bicycle. It was sunny, and honestly? I've always found being on the water to be calming. After that, we got ice cream (I got Blueberry Cheesecake flavour, my sister R got Cookies N Cream, and my dad got Burgundy Cherry)

I noted that there were at least 2 historical buildings there, along with... I forgot what I was gonna say. Nothing important.

Oh yeah, lots of cool old shiny cars.

We drove back. Got home, exhausted. I cleaned a bit. Idk. Didnt do much until after supper. Since we had fast food for lunch, we only ate a piece of bread and fruit smoothies for supper. We went out, I got a monster XD even tho my parents told me not to...

I got home, took a shower. While I was in the shower my dad got pissed at me for eating some of his chocolate but HE WAS SO SO SO MAD I was thinking to myself he cant be this mad over some choclate but you never know with my parents... they kinda hate me but also dont at the same time it's weird and hard to navigate.

Anwyays when I went downstairs he just. Seemed to have forgotten it ever existed and I mean, if he didnt mention it I wasn't gonna either. I did some homework then "went to sleep" aka went to my room, turned off the light, and pretended to sleep but actually talked to people online

People keep inviting me to hang out with them and I just hope my parents say yes to it all...

My friend Bee on Tuesday, Jay on Wednesday, on Saturday a group picnic...

If they say no to any of this I'll cry /hj

My talk with Jay tonight: I want to fuck him again RIGHT NOW. GET IN MY FUCKINF BED. RIGHT NOWWWW ugh. But also I noticed that since I explained one of my tone tags to him... HE USED ONE IN CONVO WITH ME. And idk. That made me so happy? I dont know. I like how he proves consistently and constantly that he CARES about being considerate and cares about me.

That's a lot of the letter C but yeah.

And he said at some point that he missed

My body... and my shitty nerd gaming stuff and like. Omg he LIKES MY INTERESTS. I DIDNT BORE HIM TALKING ABOUT COMIC BOOKS AND VIDEO GAMES! SCORE. also he said he'd be down to cuddle without fucking which is. Great too... since I'm touchstarved and well... I call him Daddy. Nuff said.

As for Star... sometimes she just says shit that concerns me like it's nothing and I never know how to respond because I cant help her! I'm not a fucking mental health professional.

... when I told her mY shit she wasnt one either... why do I even try n help. Why dont I just tell her to go to therapy?

I'm angry at her a bit actually. She says shit like "haha just purged" and I'm like.... okay??? What do u want me to say to that.

Or like,,, I NEED TONE TAGS, OKAY??? I DO. this is mainly why I'm mad. She keeps making jokes without /j and I dont register them as jokes.... or maybe they aren't jokes at all and she just says they're jokes cos I get upset.

Sometimes instead of actually telling me how she feels, she uses this emoticon and... I dont understand what shes tryna tell me. And it keeps stressing me out. Idk. I told her look I dont understand it and she said "I'm tired of this Jude, it's a fucking emoticon" and like...

She tells me all the time no ur not overreacting dont let people tell you that you are and here she is. Telling me I'm overreacting. OUCH. THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME CRY IRL. STOP INVALIDATING MY FEELINGS PLEASE.

It actually hurt me. Like I'm fr crying right now because. Ouch. How hard is it to just put a fucking "/j" after ur words? How hard is it to... use words and explain how u feel instead of giving me a straight faced emoticon. Its frustrating.

Also she keeps saying shit like "omg ur never horny what's wrong w u omg I'm the only one with a sex drive in this relationship how come u never initiate anything I need to fuck someone maybe *sends pic of model* maybe her" which like. A) is ignoring all the times I DID initiate stuff and B) makes me feel inadequate and like. I dont know. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough.

:/ I cant really be mad at her for my own brain being stupid.

Why am I so stupid? How come I never understand when people are joking? How come I have these weird things I do to feel comfortable? Why do I twitch and flap my wrists? Why is my ability to sleep restricted by the amount of weight on top of me (I need lots of weight)?

Why am I the worst person ever? I'm being 100 percent serious. My brain doesnt work! It doesnt. My emotions are too strong. They fuck everything up. I hate myself. Like, when Star said "I'm tired of this Jude, it's a fucking emoticon", I started crying. But when Jay said "I always want you to feel comfortable around me", I immediately felt such love toward him and I told him I love you... but I had to say it was as friends. Cos we have a "friends with benefits" thing going on... not even an actual relationship.

Well now I'm sad that he doesnt like me romantically but whatever. Hes too perfect and sweet anywayssss he deserves better than me.

Wait. Where does that leave me?

Alone? Again?

Alone?

ALONE????

Maybe I deserve it... but I actually genuinely cant live like that. I cant. I cant live. Without love. My parents fucked me up like that 🤪

But also I realized that I'm a lot happier in good relationships where people show me they love me and care about me and such.

FUCK JAY JUST TOLD ME HOW MUCH HE LIKES ME... even if it's just as a friendship thing.... I appreciate it so much. Hes so fucking sweet it hurts. I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO SO MUCH. he told me, our sex can be rough but our relationship has to be built off trust and respect... LITERALLY FUCK ME RIGHT NOW.

Update we are now officially "best friends forever" but we also kiss and fuck and cuddle okay. That's a thing. I LOVE HIM. it's okay though. I don't know I said yeah let's be bffs then I physcially cringed. It's okay though. I'll be fine. It functions as a sexy romance thing anwyays.

I love him so much. Hes the best. Fucking hell. Hes the kindest person ever.

Also can Star please stop fucking with me. She said she'd stop using the emoticon and I said "thanks" and then she used a weird emoji to react to my thanks because she wanted to "acknowledge that she read my message without liking it".... oh so you dont like it??? What??? I said "okay" and she was like "yikes, you upset?" And I said idk cos I am but whatever and she USED ANOTHER SFUPID DUCKINF EMOTICON THAT I DONT UNDERSTAND WITH THE WORD OKAY OMFG. OMFG. PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT THAT MEANDS. OH MY GODDDD. I'm angry.

Fucking hell. I just wish... whatever.

If Jay liked me ROMANTICALLY as well... perfect life.

Whatever.

My parents have fucked me up really badly. I know so. Today I saw a comic where a kid started crying while getting yelled at and their mom HUGGED THEM. Omfg. If I cry when my parents yell at me they just yell more. The best thing I can do is stay quiet. Fucking hell. Fuck. I wish I got hugged. When I was upset.

Its 1:03 am. Fuck all this emotional turmoil I'm SLEEPING. Fuck this. FUCK MY PARENTS, FUCK STAR, FUCK MOVING AND FUCK SCHOOL. And FUCK STAR.

#JudeJournals #judejournals

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theworldsoul · 3 years

Text

Sorry guys, I'm gonna vent Again, so if you don't want to read it just feel free to skip this post

Okay so basically we have a Gecko. Don't ask, that's another story for another time. My dad has grown fond of it, and I used to think he was cool until a specific day. On that say I fed him worms with a tweezer. When I picked them up, I could PHYSICALLY FEEL THEIR PAIN. I dont really know what happened there, but I physically felt their pain and i squeezed them. My dad said, "squeeze harder, do it by the head", and i tried it and i felt a jolt of pain... I told myself "you are just imagining the pain, its okay" but then when I looked back at the worm, squirming and struggling... I connected some dots in my brain and this hard realization came upon me, that I was causing this poor creature pain. I began to cry and my dad had to feed the gecko that day. Ever since then I havent interacted with the gecko because every time I do it freaks me out a bit. I dont really understand what happened that time but I want to forget about it before I go near the gecko again. I've been trying to get closer to him but I always freak out.

So today I was on my computer, right? Drinking a tea. Trying to feel peaceful. Then all of a sudden my dad is there, all happy with the gecko, and I go "oh hi!!!" Because I am under the impression that the gecko will stay ON HIS HAND. Of course I'm wrong. My dad encourages him to go onto the table to see me. I EXPECT the gecko to walk onto the table and towards me, but TO MY SURPRSISE, the gecko basically jumpscares me by suddenly jumping from his hand onto and nearby watterbottle. I jump a bit, startled, and I spill tea all over my computer, the table, and my sleeve. As I'm processing what happened I'm overtaken by fear and I begin to cry.

Of course I'm fine and I'm just overreacting, but I was scared. I wasnt hurt, my computer mousepad barely works now but I wasnt hurt. So why was I so scared of a little gecko? I dont know. So I'm crying and trying to clean up the mess of tea everywhere and my dad is mad at me for spilling my tea and he asks why I did that and I tell him that I was scared since it jumped so suddenly, yknow I wasnt expecting it. I dont remeber his exact words but it was soemthing about me being 15, like "oh well since you're 15 now you should grow the fuck up" basically. Then he left. Like???? I am literally trying to get my breathing back to a normal pace because I'm SCARED, I was just JUMPSCARED, and you get MAD AT ME??? YOUR CHILD IS FUCKING SCARED AND YOU JUST LEAVE THEM?? the whole time I was cleaning I could hear him in the other room talking to the gecko, all carefree and happy... while I did my best not to cry. Damn okay. It almost made me feel like I was below human.

Usually this wouldnt be such a big fucking deal, but I'm an emotional person. And also I notice that,,, whenever my sister is scared they lunge at the chance to help her feel safe again. It's like they hate me specifically.

I know I'm making a big deal out of something that is really not a big deal. Really all that happened was a little gecko jumped and I got scared. I'm overdoing it. But that's just how I am now. I really don't want to believe that I'm broken or anything, but fuck i think i genuinely am messed up if stupid shit like this makes me freak out... reminder that this all began with EMPATHIZING WITH A FUCKING MEALWORM. I'm jsut so fucking broken. And in the moments I was left alone to console myself as quietly as possible so as not to make anyone angry, I felt my body become possessed with another soul.

This happens sometimes, where I will sorta have the mindset of a child. I force it sometimes to cope, but other times it happens on it's own whenever I feel unloved or otherwise bad like this. I'm not too sure if this is a normal thing. But I describe it as possession. The fact that that event made me get possessed is kinda a big deal. Usually that only happens at REALLY BAD THINGS.

But this wasn't really bad... I'm just being sensitive and overdoing it.

Honestly my parents are right... I really do need to grow up. But I think I have something wrong with me, with my brain, because there are just so many things about this story that are so... wrong. Like, what sort of person freaks out and cries for an hour because they got jumpscared? What sort of person then has their body SWITCH SOULS because they feel like their parents dont love them? WHAT SORT OF PERSON EMPATHIZES WITH A WORM??? it's all so weird. Like, who knows, maybe my parents arent that bad, maybe I'm just like... weird. I'm totally overdoing this. I'm totally overdoing this. I'm making such a big deal out of it... but I cant help it. That's just my emotions.

Shit, I should really get a therapist. All the ones I've been to so far tell me my emotional reactions are totally normal but THIS DOESNT SEEM FUCKING NORMAL TO ME. I've overreacted to shit my whole life. It's not. Helpful.

On another note, I notice that my crying doesnt induce a "concern" reaction in my father. It induces an "anger" reaction. They arent bad people, I just... I'm beginning to think they really fucking hate me.

They have all the reaosn to, but a lot of those reasons are things that couldve been fixed early on if the adults around me cared about my feelings enough to try to sort them out. It's been fifteen years and now I'm fucked up. Irreversible. Just. So.. so fuckinf damaged. I dont think I'll ever be normal. And I hate ft. But it cant happen.

Soemtimes I think it was a bad idea to choose to live after the party. It was the perfect time to die and I told myself no, dont do it. It was... perfect. Calling to me. I think it was my destiny to die that day. I think that now I am cursed since I dodged my destiny.

I try not to think that way. I tell myself that I am going to change so much. I tell myself that my passion will be my strength. But the way my life is going, it really doesnt feel like I will become anything good.

I'm failing my classes. They KNOW about my soul shifting. I cry too much. All I ever do is draw STUPID FUCKING DRAWINGS and play STUPID FUCKING MUSIC and play fashion designer in my room stitching things up... fucking hell. They're right to hate me. I'm a failure. But they're also wrong to hate me. A lot of the things they dont like about me are things that are THEIR FAULT.

Man, I dont even know what to think anymore. All I really ever wanted was their love. But it's impossible for me to get it now, so I should just forget about it. I cant though. It plagues me. The thought that they hate me. It hurts me. And when its confirmed to me... i'm sorry. All I ever do is complain about the most mundane bullshit ever. My parents are proabbly actually good people I'm just overdoing it because I'm I'm proabbly mentally ill or soemthing. And I'm a failure anyways so I cant fucking blame them for not liking me that much anwyays. God, fifteen is very old. And I'm a boy. I hate to say it but they're right. Fuck, they're right. I cant be crying... I'm so oversensitive. But wait, why am I trying so hard to justify their ideas? ITS BECAUSE I FEEL GUILTY CONDEMNING THEIR ACTIONS. WHY DO I FEEL GUILTY. goddamn it...

I dont know how I'm gonna fix this though. I kinda wish my parents would treat me with the softness that I NEED, that my mind NEEDS and has needed for a while now, but I know that wont happen and really I'm just this overgrown child thing and oh fuck I wonder who's fault that is??? Cos it isn't all on me. Oh shit, now I'm scared. If I get a bad mark on my test my parents will freak out. I think I'm going to cry again. Fuck man, I try my hardest, it's just I'm literally defective. I cant do any better. I've been set up to fail anyways. Fuck. I just... I dont know, I wish things were different.

This is stupid and I'm being stupid and freaking out over one little thing. Fuck.

#sorry lol #im kinda overdoing it #feel free to tell me how dumb im being #because i know im #being irrational

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lilacprincessofrecovery · 4 years

Text

Friends in Dark Places

Dean x friend

Dean and Sam had finished their latest hunt which meant either going to a bar to get wasted and laid not always in the same order OR hiding in the bunker watching tv drinking beer from the local corner side convenient gas station or the local drug store when they need to get to extra band aids and alcohol when Sam was feeling like it would be safer than just running any dirty ol’ germy beer from God knows where, all over their wounds and Dean needed a razor and/or snacks or some things like that and both would head back to the bunker. This time Dean went on his own to the gas station this time. He was out of pies and snacks. Dean needed his pie.

During this particular hunt there wasnt any stitches involved so no rubbing alcohol needed. He was thinking as he walked around of what to do about the vampire that Sam and he had forgotten to kill out of the coven they just uncovered. Three lives were lost in crossfire. He hated himself for it.

This man named Dean Michael Winchester (shocking middle name) had never really done much but save the world or his family and innocents. He felt guilt over everyone he lost though. He would drink and try to forget. He was Always chasing a new monster or an easy monster that he had known by then. He never had time enough for himself. He had beautiful glossy hazel eyes, blonde hair, small amount of freckles on his face and had the body of a model nicely aged like a fine wine or cheese! You didn’t really care for wine OR cheese but you didn’t care for either. You just found this man attractive easily in his mid to late. thirties. along the you were watching him too long and dedicated brother and to those few he considered friends, he was loyal but would kill for. Both men had been through and TO Hell and back, been possessed by demons and angels and Lucifer himself and met the grand writer of all the scenes in the world, God.

You realized you’d been staring too long when he glanced over your way. You pretended to look for a nonexistent earring. Then he went to check out at the register. You got up and acted like nothing was wrong and hurriedly grabbed your things and shuffled out of the store to your car. You saw the man get in a black 67 impala. An old car but it was running good. It was also aged nicely. Like a fine wine too. You tripped over a bike as you were about to enter your car and you looked up and to your embarrassment there was a hand that offered you help with your own goodies from the gas station that had previously been putting stuff in the vintage car. You looked up at the man. “I am Dean. What’s your name? I saw you watching me. You know in the store… and before… the bike that just tripped you….” “I wasn’t looking at you.” She smiled soft and blushes. He shook his head and grinned. “Alright, do i have a sign on my back again? Cuz i swear my brother is gonna get it!” He tried to wipe off the back of his jacket and you smile and say “No… No… just don’t see many people like you around here.” Dean arched a brow crossing his arms, “I’ve been here for years.” You took your bag he held and shook his hand. “I’m y/n…” He looked at your piercing (e/c) eyes and smiles a charismatic Dean Winchester smile, with the charm and all.

“You made me forget why i even came here in the first place,” Dean lies. He didn’t want to remember the faces of those lives lost. He liked looking at you. You made him feel safe. Instant friendship, even though you both met just now.

~3 weeks later~

Dean and you spent a lot of time together. He was afraid to tell you about his hunting lifestyle. Everyone he told got hurt. Especially women. You kept pressing him to go to his house and asking ‘Why haven’t you taken me to your place?’ Eventually Dean tells you, “I think being at your place makes things less complicated.” You started thinking of all the things he would be hiding from you. He was your best friend. Why would he hide anything from you? You stopped contacting him and thats when he had Sam come with him to go check on you. He was afraid someone had kidnapped you, someone had found out about his new friend. You are a great person and the best friend he had ever had.

You started crying in your hallway floor. You felt worthless. You wonder what YOU had done wrong. You wished you could make a friendship without it going horribly or scaring him away. Someone who cared. You thought that was Dean, apparently not.

Sam knocked on the door and then dean put his hands in his pockets. He was going to tell you about his secret about hunting. He knew it was time. He knew you deserved no secrets.

You got up and answered the door and slowly turned to sit on the couch. “Dean.” Sam smiled and introduced himself to you. “Im dean's younger brother. Nice to meet you.” You tilted your head and looked at dean. “I thought you didn't want me to see anything about your life.” Dean shook his head. “I was wrong.” He sat on the couch as you wiped your eyes. “It was all a bunch of crap. You are a good friend. I haven't made many in the past decade.” He laughed to himself. “I like hanging out with you.” “You dont think im too young or childish or stupid or…” Dean shook his head. “Nope. Not one bit.” You nodded your head looking at your hands thinking.

“y/n you didn’t do anything. You got it? It’s me who had been keeping secrets of who i am. You were out and open with me from the beginning…” She tilted her head. “What are….” “Shhhh…. Ok. My brother and I are hunters.” “Its ok just dont invite ME.” Sam ran a hand through his hair. “No…. i dont think you get it… we hunt demons and angels and ghosts, wendigos. You name it. We’ve fought it. Hey you have made my brother happy. Thanks.”

Dean kneeled next to you and took your hands and looked up to your eyes from the floor you on the couch. “Is it real dean? You dont have to lie to me.” Dean nods. “Its real sweetheart. Ever since we were born. And we live in a bunker thats why you havent been able to come over. Thats why i dont want you to be worried or wanna come over. I think we just need to go over there right now and know that you are awesome!” Dean winked. He quickly hugged you. “We both worried each other bat shit crazy. But thats what friends do. Make each other wanna jump off some cliffs together. We’ve both had our demons.”

You had always told him everything about your past and you loved spending time with him. Now you knew about his as more weeks go on you both learned more and more about each other. Best friend award.

for my sister.

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cxgan · 5 years

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Blizzard (Like This)

SHIP: Cegan [Carl/Negan]

SUMMARY: S9 finale fix-it. Carl never died, Rick never got lost. Carl is stuck at Alexandria watching his siblings during the storm. Carl and Negan talk while everyone sleeps.

WARNINGS: mild language, angst, fluff

W/C: 1,962

A/N: Idk where this came from because I haven’t had muse in awhile. Honestly this just started because I wanted a big old spoon chain with my babies. And of course wanted Carl alive, duh. THE FINALE WE DESERVED. Please let me know what you think. Comments > just likes and reblogs.

They had never had a blizzard like this.

Sometimes it snowed, sure. An inch or two here or there during the winter months. But aside from bundling up and having a few more fires, there wasn't much else they needed to do. Maybe the climate was finally changing after all of these years without society barreling down on the world. Maybe they were due for another ice age. Whatever it was, Carl didn't like it. He especially didn't like it knowing that his dad and Michonne weren't home during it. That they were out helping the Kingdom get to Hilltop after the community had finally crumbled. It wasn't that he didn't care for them - of course he did - but being out in this bad of a storm wasnt a good idea for even the most hardened of warriors.

And here he was. Stuck in the council hall doing nothing but trying to keep warm and watch over his siblings. He felt so... useless. Felt like he needed to get out there and do something.

"Don't be a dumb ass, you know they're alright." A voice broke him from his thoughts and he looked up. Negan, sitting on the floor with his back pressed into a cot. Looking far too casual for how cold it was.

"I'm not worried," he snapped from where he was sitting on a large mattress.

"Yeah, 'n I'm Princess Diana," the former savior said with a snort, rubbing at his wrists where he had been handcuffed moments before. Carl had taken them off the second everyone else had fallen asleep. He wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to be around the love of his life when he wasn't behind bars (did he really just think love of his life? Gross.). Negan reached out with his foot and kicked at Carl's own boot, receiving a one eyed glare in return. "Seriously, they ain't stupid enough to stay out in this hell," he gestured to everything around them. "Yer pops probably chucked them all into some smelly ass old barn for the night. They'll be fine."

"I said I'm not worried," Carl snapped again. When Negan gave him a look he rolled his eye. "Whatever," he retorted before pulling his coat around himself further and resisting the urge to shiver. They had the fire, yeah, but it was still chilly.

"Cold?" Negan asked.

"No, I'm warmer than I've ever been. Feel like I'm on a beach or something," he snarked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

The older male simply chuckled at him. Carl didn't look over at him, but he heard him shift. "C'mere," he muttered.

Carl looked up, surveyed the room around them. Everyone else had fallen asleep at least an hour ago. No one was really keeping watch with the storm going on outside. Only him and Negan were awake. He almost moved, shifted ever so slightly, but a warm, gloved hand that was pushed into his thigh almost slid off and he caught it right before it did. Half of RJ's body was pressed into his back, and Judith's hand (arms wrapped around her little brother) was resting on his thigh. He shook his head. "I can't leave them."

"Well then I'll come to you. That mattress looks a little warmer than this piece of shit," he gestured backwards to the cot.

"You're sitting on the floor."

"Case in point, smart ass. Now go lay down while I make myself pretty." He watched the man move and stand up and Carl snorted, shaking his head as he himself stood up. He watched Negan for a moment, stand and flex his shoulders, stretch his arms. It probably felt good not to be confined to a tiny room with a shitty cot. His chest ached a bit at the fact that it had been almost eight years and the man was still locked behind bars. If only he had the balls to tell his dad how he really felt about the man things would be better. (Deep down, he knew his dad would be at least okay with it. He had to have caught on by now just how much time Carl spent with the prisoner, how much he did for him. Maybe they were both just hiding the truth from fear of losing one another. But Carl knew he'd never lose his dad.)

Negan caught him staring and lifted an eyebrow at him with a cocky smirk, causing Carl to shoot him an icy glare before turning around. He saw RJ shiver from loss of body contact and quickly moved to tuck the blankets on him up closer to his chin. He shifted Judith's hands to nestle further around the youngest boy and moved to the other side of the mattress. Well. Mattresses. It was a couple of them shoved together.

He debated taking his boots off for comfort but decided to leave them on, figuring that was one of the main things keeping him warm. So he quickly lifted the thick wool blankets up and slid underneath them behind his sister. He stayed on his back while he got warm, not wanting to suck up against the young girl's back and leech off her body heat for his own benefit.

He closed his eyes and let himself relax for a moment. Negan was right, as insufferable as his reminders were sometimes. His dad and Michonne were probably fine. They had survived this long; they knew what to do. He just needed to relax and take a few deep breaths.

He was exhausted, after all. Spending the day wrangling a restless and cooped up RJ, making dinner, figuring out what the rest of them were going to do both during and after the storm. At least Judith was mature enough now to just sit in a corner and do homework while the rest of them worked. And he had to admit, her constant quips at Negan all day had been hilarious to witness. He heard the man mutter at one point that he hoped RJ left him alone when he got older, because 'two annoying Grimes children were enough to deal with on a daily basis'. Carl was proud.

He felt movement to his left and opened his eye to see Negan spreading out his own coat on top of Judith and RJ. He bit his lip. "You don't..."

"Shut up, kid. They need it more than I do. And now I gotta hot little body to keep me warm all night, don't I?" he punctuated his words with a wink and Carl scoffed.

"We're not doing anything next to my siblings, pervert. Now get under here before you freeze to death." He held the blankets up and Negan didn't have to be told twice, dipping down and scooting onto the mattress next to Carl. The boy turned on his side to face him, immediately wrapping his arm around his torso. Even with his other jacket and the stupid dark blue jumpsuit he was cold to the touch. He gazed up at the man, silhouetted by the fire in the dark. He had pulled on a beanie at some point in the last few minutes.

"Why is it always about sex with you? Can't a man just wanna get his cuddle on and still appreciate the body he's cuddlin' with?" Negan quipped.

"Always about sex? With me? You fuckin..." It took the man's low timbre of a laugh near his head to realize he was joking. Carl slugged him in the chest. "You're a dick," he muttered, sighing and laying his head on the man's shoulder.

Negan finished his laugh and pressed a long kiss to Carl's forehead. "That's me." He stretched out and sighed, his body clearly not used to being on cushion. "Damn, you know how long it's been since I've been in a bed? Since we've..."

"Yeah," Carl muttered and cut him off, closing his eyes. It had been a very, very long time. Ages ago. He didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to think about just how long Negan had gone without normal human amenities during his sentence. Didn't want to think about how he hadn't begged Carl even once to try and convince his dad to let him out. Didn't try and get him to use their relationship for his own benefit. It just made Carl feel like an ass.

"Last time we were in a bed, yer dad slit my throat the next day. How fucked is that?" he said with a huff of laughter. Carl half-assed smacked him again.

"Shut up. Don't you ever sleep? Just let me enjoy this."

"Alright, alright. Sorry, Sleeping Beauty." Another long kiss pressed to his forehead and Carl sighed in contentment. It had been a long time since they had been this close to each other. It felt almost wrong, despite the fact they had 'been together' for so long. Only inches apart by those fucking bars but god, sometimes it felt like miles. It felt good to be this close to him again.

Of course the man didn't actually shut up. "I know my dick was in yer mouth like, two days ago. But it feels weird holdin' you like this." And of course the man read his mind again like he always seemed to do.

"It does," he agreed. He opened his eye and shifted upwards in the mans arms. Sighing, he pressed his forehead into the side of the man's head. "I'm gonna get you out of there for good soon." It was a statement. He was going to figure it out.

"Don't worry about it, sugar. Got all I need down there. Bed, books, food. Judy visits, I got you - "

"I'm serious."

For once, Negan didn't say anything. Didn't keep prattling on about how great his life was behind bars because they both knew he only ever did it to try and make Carl feel better. But Carl also hadn't ever made any sort of pledge to try and get him out before. Let alone soon. So instead of saying something, he heard the man swallow and then move to catch his lips in his own. It caught Carl off guard but he kissed him back with no less fury, only pulling back when it started to get a little too deep.

Nothing else was said and Carl sighed, beat from the day, and slid back down to his normal height next to the man. Only instead of staying facing him he turned around. Thankfully Negan took the hint and turned with him until his back was flush up against the older man's chest, arms wrapped around the boy. Carl kept one hand clutched around the arms around him and scooted forward so Judith's back was to his chest, the fibers of her beanie tickling at his nose.

"I love you, Carl." It wasn't something they said very often, which was odd considering how much Carl's family said it to each other. Maybe him and Negan were afraid of it, because whenever they did say it it was usually whispered in the dark in the middle of the night. And it was typically Carl that said it first. So Negan's soft admission caught him a bit off guard and he stared ahead of their little spooning chain, squeezing the former saviors hand a little tighter and biting his lip.

"I love you too, idiot. Now go to sleep before I punch you there," he whispered, fearful anything louder would wake his incredibly light sleeper sister awake.

Negan's chuckle rumbled against his back as the man buried his face into Carl's hair. "Whatever you want, baby boy."

He'd talk to his dad the second he got back. It was time.

#cegan #carl x negan #negan x carl #narl #mine*#im not the best at canon cegan so whatever

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thoughtfulpaperback · 5 years

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SPOILERS!!!! CHARMED 1x19

Okay y'all, I've finally seen the latest episode of Charmed.

So... overall I actually like the episode. I like that we are getting into the lore more. I like that connection to and the differences between the OG Charmed.

So in the OG Charmed magic isnt necessarily neutral. There is good and evil magic but (at least in the first few seasons) there was the idea that magic had to be balanced which is why there was a council made up of elders and demons to protect that balance and ensure the secrecy of magic.

Reboot Charmed I like the idea that all magic comes from one source and it is the actions that determine evil or good. Which just reaffirms what Harry has told Macy. By the same hand, there are some plot holes in all that. Macy is having a little bit of trouble with her demonic side since they said demon blood acts as an infection (and apparently Parker didnt always have it) that would mean that although witches are born demons are not or at least special conditions have to be met, maybe? So not sure how they will explain that. Also Macy is obviously having trouble with her demon side now. I dont know if her emotional state after the break up is contributing to that since her confidence is probably shaken as well as the fact breakups suck.

I actually don't mind the opening scene showing the Sarcana deaths. Hold on! Let me explain. The big villains of the show are white, I dont know if that is on purpose. I see they are trying to be diverse by having non-white witches and non-witches. So when you are trying to have diverse casting and people have to die and you only have white villains, your POCs are always gonna be on the chopping block. Which is why i think having diversity on a show is hard because you cant be callous with any of your characters (in general I dont think you should be, but i feel a lot of show writers write for shock or angst) because you have to remember that certain storylines take on a different meaning when the actors are non white. For example, OG charmed wasnt a stranger to mass murder. Season 4 started with the slaughter of the Elders and whether you were pro or anti elder that was still shocking as heck. Which I think the reboot was trying to do with the Sarcana. The issue is that in the OG we had 3 seasons of elders exploring thier faults and the good they do, and both the slaughters(titans) and elders were white (well primarily white, I think we only got to see like 2 non white elders in the entire series if I remember correctly). Here you have a white villian and mostly POCs being slaughtered. I totally see how wrong that looks and I think the writers or the casting directors either missed that or they are being heavy handed with the idea of abusive white villains against POCs. I think the scene was about showing how aweful and abusive Fiona is, also revealing her main motivation, that they dropped the ball on the whole "you are murdering most of you POCs here which arent main characters".

Speaking of abusive. I still want Villian Charity. I want her to take out Alastair and be an active villain not a passive one. I mentioned before that see would probably be a passive one before, but I said I wished she wouldn't be. I like villains. I like well written villains mostly. I think Charity has the perfect set up to be good villian. She began her own fall from grace (although the structure which taught her had a hand in it too), she fell into bigger evil under a tyrannical and abusive character, if she goes Lilith (CAOS reference) and decides to replace Alistair some way as the big bad I will be happy. Because I dont want to watch her be a meek used and abused character to then either be killed or do some sort of self sacrifice thing. She straight up murdered people and is a villain in spite of mostly being passive. Cole was killed in the OG charmed because at some point (we can argue about exactly where) his actions were irredeemable. Yes his story was complex, yes a lot of miscommunication and power dynamics went into all the issues there but the line had to be drawn. Charity, at least in my mind cannot go back to being "a good guy". She is getting in deeper and deeper. She obviously has emotional ties still to her sister and probably Harry, just as Cole did with Phoebe, and I want to see where those ties lead her. But I will be disappointed if after murdering a bunch of people and helping out a demon to try and bring on the apocalypse, they make her an abuse victim who dies. Not cool. Stop hurting abuse victims for emotional reactions on television! I know many abuse victims are killed by their abusers (RIP Dr. Wagner although Hunter did it we know who ordered him to). I dont want to see it overdone on the same show within a few short episodes. Charity shouldnt get off free for her murders either even though she is obviously in an abusive relationship now with Alistair (not talking romantic relationship) she has been set up to become a villian, tragic back story yes ,but her choices were made and she has to live with the unintended consequences.

Macy was being super toxic this episode. Let's at least call her out for it. Yes, imo Galvin hasnt been that great of a boyfriend except for a couple of cute moments (the really didnt get enough screen time to say whether the good outweighed the bad). But Macy needed to leave him alone. Like the whole time watching this episode I was just like "so are they spreading out the Cole and Phoebe arch to everyone?". He obviously is traumatized. He already told her he was out. I know she is hurting, imo they way he broke up with her made it worse and messed up her confidence even more than it could have, but she still seeks him out even though that is a violation of his boundaries. I dont like how he attacked her personality when he said that he couldnt compartmentalize the way she can. Macy does do that, I agree that they probably would have broken up because of that, but again he could have just said "I dont see it that way, please understand that". That also said, Macy trying to convince him other wise also rubbed me that wrong way. When he questioned her thoughts and actions over her demon side it was hella wrong! Equally for her to question him over how he feels about what happened to him. They are his feeling and she needed to respect that. I think that they arent right for each other and are kinda bring out the worst in each other. If Galvin gets killed because of magic I will be upset, because he firmly expressed that he wanted out, and if Macy or his lingering feelings for her get him killed that would be unfair. Just as unfair as charity dying doing something good after being abused and manipulated (abuse should never be a punishment I dont want a theon grey joy on Charmed characters shouldnt have to be abused to convince the audience that they deserve to be redeemed).

Parker and Maggie...I feel for Parker. I do. But your decision to not play a part in bringing about the apocalypse shouldnt be based on whether or not your girlfriend wants to be with you. I get it, he is freaked out and he thinks he killed his mom. Charity killed elders out of panic and I didnt cut her slack. I called her story a tragedy but didnt suggest her actions werent heinous. Parker is the same. I am getting Romeo and Juliet vibes here. Like stupid kids making stupid decision based on misunderstandings and feelings beyond thier Ken (or at least infatuation and adolescent hormones beyond thier knowledge). I never liked Romeo and Juliet so that could just be me.

I dont know. When my brother passed away I felt dead, my whole world and future as i saw just crumbled. I was depressed and had some PTSD (according to my doctor). Even though I had suicidal ideations, I still feel that in Parkers place I wouldnt do something that would involve hurting other people. I wanted to go away or disappear, but the idea of hurting others would be too much for me. And Parker is supposed to be this nice guy who has been fighting his demon side before he met Maggie. Maggie gave him the motivation to break away from his father but he was never into hurting people. So to go from that to, "let's destroy the world, I've got nothing to lose" ....except you might end up killing Maggie and a whole bunch of other people in the process. Considering he was horrified thinking he hurt his mom, it doesnt seem to be in character. Again Romeo is not thinking things through, but like not thinking things through was kind of Romeo's thing whereas for Parker not so much.

So like Mel and Niko should be the new Piper and Leo. Like they should be the one couple that despite there issues (only if it is done better than leo and piper was) makes it til the end from the very beginning. I am a Hacy fan but as the episodes go on I feel that they both need a lot of growth before that happens.

Speaking of Harry. I love him. He has recieved the best character growth within a season I've seen. So like he is an established good guy (not good as in not evil, but like a genuinely not trashy person) but obviously his faults kind of go along with his emotional boundaries. He gets attached really fast and that can cloud his judgment. His whole Charity relationship was so teenager in nature that I wanted to slap him upside the head, but I think he is ment to be compared to Fiona. In spite of being created and used as a tool of the Elders and being tossed aside coldly (although he was an idiot in many ways where Charity was concerned) after years of loyal and good service, he doesnt turn into a trash monster. He doesnt use being abused as an excuse to abuse others. Fiona is so angry (not gonna say she doesnt have a right to be) at being a tool for others that she uses and abuses people and feels justified in it.

I totally get her wanting to extinguish magic. But like ber issue is that magic made people want to use her as a tool and that power and having power ruined her life.... wouldnt it make more sense to just bind your powers and wipe you mind? Like less carnage and you get the same result. A life without magic. See doesnt seem to be doing it to protect others, it seems more like she wants to hurt them by taking thier power.

The episode was ok. Things moving along and I will be watching. I really want to know where they go from here and what the big finale will be.

The lore needs some help, maybe with the new staff coming on board that will be ironed out next season.

I think the last episode was better pacing wise. This one felt a little slow to me. Anyone else feel that way. Lots of problem introduced this episode I am hoping they will lead to satisfying conclusions. Or at least a super good itch for the next season. I will probably still continue to watch either way next season because for its faults I think this show is doing some really great things and i am still excited for them.

How are y'all feeling though?

#charmed remake #charity callahan #charmed 2018 #charmed reboot #charmed cw #cw charmed #harry greenwood #macy vaughn #mel vera #maggie vera #fiona callahan #niko hamada

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go.

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever. another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily

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brokenhayatim · 3 years

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exhale

idk how long this is gonna be but it goes a little something like this. you ever been so afraid of failing that you just procrastinate and avoid for so long? each day you tell yourself you’ll finally suck it up and push through but the fear and anxiety are almost so paralyzing you don’t even wanna go near the task.

i’s just been months..like maybe even five at this rate. i tell myself to start the clock the day i graduated but i know the truth. the last year-ish was my idkwhatimdoingwithmylifeohmygod era and i just thought i passed it with a bit more advice and options. but it’s like it was all almost pretty bubbles and they just popped so long ago that i’m lost and confused and afraid and nervous and all of that is so ridiculous, it embarrasses me. i’m not really that lazy but i say it to try and explain alot, i think. or i say that i’m just relaxing or something, when i know everyday my thoughts are always on this same thing and never being good enough to get through the rut. it wasnt till i was on a walk, voice memo-ing a friend and the anxiety just peeked through a bit and i was hearing my own thoughts aloud like ....thats true? and i’m told to not be afraid and to just let whatever happens happen if it’s best for me and i know that but i also dont?

everyday i constantly think about deleting every single social media app i’m on bc i feel this heavy weight of uselessness and incompetence. why couldn’t i have learned things like this person or been more out there like that person?what’s wrong with me? and i begin to rationalize it with my childhood and how i was raised and it never is fulfilling. it’s constantly not enough, nothing about me is. i’m not creative at all and what i can do, so many can do better and so why would anyone actually pick me? even the things and issues i’m passionate about, what do i really know? even my knowledge seems so below average and it’s confusing and stressful. i feel like if someone asked me a question about anything right now that i’ve just forgotten everything important and couldn’t even articulate a proper response. and i wanted to be an activist??? since i have to interview for jobs online now bc the pandemic it’s made me so nervous. i feel most in my element during in person interviews and i say that as someone that’s also awkward and nervous in the room. but i’m more anxious of the constant string of rejections i know i’m gonna receive now bc i can barely speak english and there’s nothing special about me at all. at least in person, i can smile and make it less weird. and i connect so much better that way, which loosens me up .000009% more. it’s really babyish i guess bc everyone is adjusting and i’m just not. and i thought i was with everything but i guess i really wasnt. and coming home everytime makes me fall back into this person i dont like ad i get so sluggish (my sister says its the trauma) and i dont know bc one day she’s waking up in florida and being a good semi productive human and the next she’s back in new york and its many low days and nerves. honestly the way this house sucks the life out of me, i dont even think i’d be good at any remote job. it’s kinda the reason half my brain is pushing the dead part bc i want to leave. be more self-sufficient and alone again. but where and how, you know? obvs im gonna need a job for that. it’s just this domino effect and i’m scared to push the first one and it’s annoying and i hate it goddaammit. the moment i came home, i just have always felt unworthy and other to my family. like they don;t care, like they’re not proud, like i’ve done nothing these past years and that’s my fault for not being an open book like the rest.

i’m gonna have to edit this bc i will not remember 87 months worth of pandemic thoughts into this post right now but. i tell myself i came home and decided to take a break for a bit, or focused on my health and appointments, but really..i dont know. i think i say it to justify all these hollow days of disappointment, which it never does. i’m afraid to ask for help or even a nice job recommendation from my last employer bc all i can think about is that it’s been months and what have i been doing this whole time? and i think they’ll ask that or think ??? now ??? and i get in my head. i know its not illogical and the worst anyone can say is no and yada yada but ugh this is why i hate my mind and just overthinking ... or not thinking?? who knows. i’m constantly letting myself down but .., i dont want anyone to know that. does that make sense. maybe i have this need to be superficial and make my life seem so nice and good and right bc i never see myself as that and i worry of people’s opinions and crave affirmations.

the first appt i had coming home was my neurosurgeon one and my dad and him sort of just had this rushed timeline in their heads of how i would go into the ER one day soon and bam its done. i didnt wanna think about that so i tried to focus on my job stuff .. then got stressed so i just started scheduling the appointments i needed. then stopped and did more work stuff. then the secretary called me like ???? u havent done these exams yet and i was like yeah uhhh. bc when i do them it’s one step closer to doing the surgery and i know i want the surgery i’m just getting in my head again and don’t want it to be now. my sister told me to make sure i let her know when i choose a date and i was like mhm i wanna finish the job stuff and get my life sorted first and she was just ???? what ?? this is clearly more important. but here’s the kicker. i went on a walk the other day and just cried coming to terms with it all bc honestly i still dream of not making it out alive and a part of me thinks, at least if i did this one thing right and found a job and all that, that it would okay what happens next. like at least i was successful in that one thing. i think about how unworthy and unproud i am of myself and for months now, just felt like this would be a beautifully cowardice way out. and i think about the after, and cant even imagine strong devastation and sorrow. is that strange? like i expect everyone to just go on. bc i’m a simple buffer with no real purpose left. i walk and think about dreams and hopes and what i would miss and just one thing that make me call this entire fantasy completely insane and i just draw blank. so i cry because, of course. this fantasy isn’t new either, since last year i’ve been speaking to my therapist and writing about it. we would speak of suicide and i always respond like that’s a huge no bc of my religion but i say, i think about if something went wrong and that was it, how i want it to be like that. take the pressure, take the blame, take it all off me in a way. and some days i’m scared that i’ll wake up in the hospital bed after and be in pain and coddled and annoyed by the attention i’m only getting bc of that pain. and i dont want you to be here just because of the pain but i feel like you’re here only because of that. that you came, that you’re seeing me, that you care only because of it. so what am i without it? just back to nothing? the headaches were lonely but i feel less lonely with this diagnosis, like i have something good about me, worthy about me. something that makes me important to someone, even if it’s the neurologist that wants my money. to be real, i dont even think i care about the pain leaving as much as the fact that i can’t label myself as this person with chronic pain. like even if i was cured and oo lala all better, a part of me would still want to have this neuro condition. like ?? i was thinking: imagine beating cancer and feeling better but wanting to say .. and then realized the key difference. with that you survive, you are survivor. even if it’s gone that who you are. when this leaves me, i’m nothing and i’ll just go back to being nothing. no one says u survived brain surgery or survived a brain condition. it’s just done and forgotten. there’s nothing exciting about my life other than my mri visits i swear. i decided to do the surgery bc it would be stupid of me not to, and i’m still holding back, still unsure of even a set month. i just know i didnt want to follow covid rules of 1 visitor bc i know it would be one of my parents and i would jump out the window myself. but covid isnt rlly going away so is that the best excuse i have? i havent thought past these appointments and its almost like im doing it all for the wrong reasons, like enjoying it rather than wanting it to help me. i dont know.

unrelated but a song that always makes me cry and is actually the song i was listening to when i had that panic attack on the plane: finally by james arthur around 2:30. always brings out the hollowness in me hm.

**** i’m coming back to this but i got all my plaguing thoughts outish so

#asiya's thoughts

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beautyindisguise00 · 4 years

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First depressing/emotional event in your life?

Sunday evening October 11, 2020 @5:23PM

The very firsts......:

Who was your first kiss?: my boyfriend

What was your first word?: dont remember. haha When and where did you first learn about sex?: probably the basic stuff as a freshman in high school from what i could remember. i was so innocent and clueless that i thought that making out was considered sex. hahaha but i learned the details as a senior in high school from reading stupid fanfic then did my own research. hahahahaha

If a girl, when was your first period?: seventh grade during spring break

If a boy, when was your first erection?:

Who was your first celebrity crush?: zac efron as troy from high school musical. haha

How did you and your #1 meet?: i met him at church camp that both our churches attended every summer.

First depressing/emotional event in your life?: during the beginning months of my senior year in high school i had very high hopes and expectations of how my senior year was going to be. i was gonna have a boyfriend to spend and celebrate my senior year with, i was going to attend all my senior events, and have so many hangouts with my friends. but then i realized that i was not attracting the right kind of guys. i had many friends and was in so many friend groups but i did not have a close group of friends because all my friends had their own close groups while i was hopping from one group to another cause i was just so “friendly” with everyone. i did not have a good relationship with my sister. we fought all the time. i started to doubt myself that i wasnt good enough. i wasn’t pretty enough. i was where i wanted to be and i wasnt who i wanted to be. i couldn’t sleep because my mind would evaluate my life and i would be reminded of how i suck and how my life sucked. then i let go of my relationship with God which was the last straw. from then on i barely slept, i went through the motions with everything. i yelled at everyone. i talked crap about everyone. i didnt feel anything for a long time. i wanted to be alone and i wanted to be in the dark. wow, what a crazy time but i’ve learned so much from that.

What band was your first favorite?: one direction. haha. i remember i didnt want to like them at first because they were british (well most of them), but then i fell in love with liam payne the rest of the boys. still a big fan today!

The last things you happened to do:

Where did your last kiss take place?: outside of my boyfriend’s uncle’s house by my car before i was going to take off after lunch

What was the last thing you threw in the garbage?: clorax wipe.

When was the last time you washed your face?: this morning when i woke up

Are you and your best friend better off as lovers?: nah, we’re great as besties

Do you only want the best wishes for your ex?: of course

Have you ever really worn a little black dress?: yesss. that night at the club was a night to remember! hahaha

What's the color of the hair on your arms?: black

What do you think when someone tells you to "be classy"?: no one has told me to “be classy” but i’ve been told “oh, you’re so classy”

What do you think of when you hear the word "pussy"?: depends on the content of which they are using it and if they’re being respectful and mature, if not, then im no longer listening to you

Quick, what's the first word that comes to mind when i say "curly"?: hair

Have you ever literally had the breath knocked out of you?: yes. just my cheerleading days when we would stunt

What are you gonna do tomorrow?: go to work

When does school start for you (if still in school)?:

Did you ever think about dropping out of school?: i have for a little bit when i was in college when things got tough but then i thought about my parents and just wanted to make them proud

Do you like sausage?: i like certain sausages only

Or tacos? :P: loooove tacos

How's your hair right now?: half of it is clipped up

What would you do if a zombie wandered into the room you're in right now?: uhm, i’d fight it hoping to run out. if not, im screwed.

What would you do if your best friend punched you in the liver?: lay on the ground trying to recover then ask what the heck?!

Do you pass gas a lot?: sometimes. haha and they’re usually silent ones

Or are you more of a burper?: mhm, no, not really

Do you secretly like the smell of your own farts? lol: nope

If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?: sushi! like really good sushi!

Do you have an alarm clock?: yes. my phone and an actual alarm clock for when my phone doesnt charge at night

If so, what does it play when it wakes you up?: my actual alarm clock just lights up and beeps.

I gotta ask, what's your fave song at the moment?: as of recent: i love you boy by bae suzy. hahahaha

Look at your feet. What do you see?: my white painted toe nails

How about smell? nothing right now

#beautyindisguise00 #gettoknowme #q&A #survey #questionnaire

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tumblunni · 6 years

Photo

hey do you remember these guys and how they died horribly cos i just remembered these guys and how they died horribly

so like yeah, miss me with that ‘frontier is the worst season’ bullshit don’t go saying that unless your season ended with everyone you ever cared about dying in a really sadistic and personally spiteful manner just so someone can say No They Weren’t The Real Villains, It Was Never Before Mentioned Cameo Man and then he doesn’t even pose a decent threat and everyone defeats him by TALKING ABOUT WANTING TO OPEN A NOODLE CART

srsly how were they even fuckin villains like seriously poor fuckin oikawa was just a kid exactly like our heroes, but somehow the digital world just didnt arbitrarily ‘choose’ him so he got to learn that it existed but never got a digivice and could only sit there staring at it from a distance and being really fuckin sad and like.. even after all that, he wasnt even angry?? he was dealing with his life! him and his other friend who went thru the same thing ended up growing upb into relatively healthy adults and like yeah they were a bit preoccupied with those memories of Hey Wasn’t It Weird How We Found Out About An Entire Fuckin Parallel World Full Of Hug Monsters And It Said It Didn’t Want Us and then he didn’t snap and turn evil still ALSO his best friend died and he was left alone on top of all that shit. and he just regressed back into his one happy childhood memory after a massive grief event and man it fuckin sucks when your definition of ‘happy childhood’ is ‘that one moment where magic destiny told me i was worthless apparantly’

and like fuckin its sad enough ALREADY that the comic relief villains got to die in a super gory way and nobody even mourned them but also like seriously THEY WERE THE AGUMONS OF THIS MAN even after he snapped from Super Actually Justified Reasons To Be Really Mad At The World, he still didnt even start off doing anything evil he just did all that magic evil science to create his own digimon, if the world wasn’t gonna let him have one and then he got Even More Sad cos he still couldnt go to the digital world but at least his weird half-human fusion clone children could and they were just A Family and we had a whole fuckin episode about them chilling out at christmas in a tiny house where they dont even have beds, and Mummymon adorably messing up making dinner and like seriously wtf why did you make them even more sympathetic than the heroes...

and then even when he ended up becoming all corrupted and evil over time his plot was still just I Want To Go To Digimon World And Hug The Digimon he was just the villain cos he was all ‘i’ll do it at any cost!’ but like HE WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO if the stupid badly explained destiny magic had just let him fuckin do it??? like its not even like ‘oh no adults arent allowed to be digimon protagonists’ cos he was a kid when it first happened, and plus all the heroes get shown as adults in the (really bad) ending and they still get to keep their digimon... and seriously he was written just like some sad severely mentally ill dad who didnt even understand why these kids would be scared of him cos It’s Awesome U Guys Need To See The World Of Hug Monsters, We’ll Be There Any Second I Swear And like when they AT THE LAST MINUTE KILLED HIM OFF AND REPLACED HIM WITH A POORLY DEVELOPED RETCONNED IN VILLAIN they also RETCONNED THAT THIS NEW VILLAIN DID EVERYTHING so hey we cant even blame poor oikawa for his ‘ends justify the means’ thing cos apparantly Plot Device Man was mind controlling him the whole time anyway...

and then Plot Device Man just HORRIBLY AND SADISTICALLY MURDERS HIS DIGI-CHILDREN WHILE THE PROTAGONISTS JUST STAND THERE AND WATCH and nope they couldnt even let them die at the same TIME no we just get to see him grab Grumpy Comic Relief by the throat and strangle her graphically for like seventy seconds and then decapitate her horribly and then Funny Comic Relief gets to be there the whole time begging him to let her go and NOBODY HELPS HIM TRY AND SAVE HER and then he has a fuckin weeping monologue about how he literally wants to kill himself now she’s gone, and then his One Moment Of Being Badass Instead Of Funny is him knowing he cant defeat this fuckface and charging in anyway cos he WANTS TO DIEEEEE and then hey lets fucking MELT THE SKIN OFF HIS BONES WITH ACID and then never mention the two of them ever again

and hey ok apparantly Sad Dad was laying there unconcious the whole time and now is dying from fuckin plot device cancer due to being mind controlled the whole time and like lets not even tell him that his beloved digimon just got murdered while he was out and he’s fuckin begging for someone to just.. fuckin.. help him walk TWO METRES to get to the door to the digimon world so he can at least DIE THERE and then just to rub salt in the wound we get to see a THIRD digimon of his sitting there at the door cos apparantly he really did have a Magical Destiny Partner this entire time and there was NO FUCKING REASON why he wasnt allowed to go to the goddamn fucking digimon world so hey nice to meet you tiny newly born kiwi fruit monster of adorableness, you had a brother and sister who just died, also say goodbye to your dad cos no-one fuckin HELPED HIM WALK TWO METRES FORWARD

“hello my entire family died” “didnt even know i had one” “thanks for telling me, i guess”

and then also we never know what happened to that kiwi fruit, it only exists to have one line about how happy it is to meet him and how confused it is about why he’s going away The End only fuckin consolation is that they did some disney magic censorship thing and he just ~dissappeared into light~ instead of dying normally and like they cameo’d the same magic light butterflies effect in later seasons to imply that his ghost is still floating about, I guess but hey don’t even bother giving that to the fuckin THREE GODDAMN DIGIMON HE HAD. its sure okay to show them being graphically murdered onscreen and/or just vanishing offscreen with no conclusion whatsoever in a collapsing interdimensional vortex while also being like One Day Old and having no damn concept of the horror that just happened The End The End

THE END

...also i guess for no damn reason those two were siblings i guess seriously its so weird, their whole comic relief dynamic involved mummymon having a crush on arukenimon and i guess they just didnt realise that if oikawa made both of them in a science lab using his own dna then that makes them brother and sister but really that’s just the shit cherry on a shit cake of a plot resolution, lol oh and another cherry is that they held a contest to let one kid get a digimon named after him, and it was The Kiwi Fruit Who Only Exists to Be Sad Happ Birthday, Timmy.

#yukio oikawa #man i love remembering atrocities dont you

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