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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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random thoughts on the rising signs

aries risings are completely different when in a day-to-day basis compared to when in a position of power. when you’re with your friends, you’re this fun, energetic, loud person, but when you’re in a position of power... terrifying. you’ll completely switch to someone very serious and intimidating, with a very intense aura. i think it’s because you understand you have a very youthful aspect to you, both in appearance and energy, and you don’t want that to keep you from commanding respect. also because you’re very attracted to leading so that’s when you’re at your most focused. you’re very easy to irritate; as an aries rising, my friends always tease me because they know i’ll immediately doom them to an afterlife in hell. SO explosive, impulsive and chaotic, but that’s what makes you fun.

cancer risings you have such a delicate beauty to you. very sensitive to others’ emotions. people probably baby you a lot without even noticing it, they just want to protect/mentor you. you do very well with older figures like teachers and your friends’ parents. you also ooze maturity. a lot of the cancer risings i’ve met had to learn to be the responsible one in their families from a very young age, so now you take it upon yourself to take care of everyone around you – that’s probably why many people talk about cancer risings as being the “mom friend”. you have the chubbiest cheeks, i wanna bite them lol they’re so cute.

gemini risings look like literal models. VERY good with people, you can probably make someone do whatever you want by just staring into their eyes and telling them pretty words. but i’ve noticed how your communication can be easily misunderstood, you might come off as having certain intentions when you’re trying to convey the exact contrary. probably the alfa of your friend group and the one who has the most reckless, unhinged plans.. yet you’re never caught doing anything bad. you require a lot of stimulation so you’ll do whatever it takes to scratch that itch in you. you remind me of that phrase “i might be a bad influence, but you can’t tell me i’m not fun.” it’s impossible to ever be bored around you.

scorpio risings have this thing where people are absolutely intimidated by you, yet are very attracted to you and just need your attention. the type of person that has random people flirting with you on the streets just so you’ll make eye contact with them for one second longer. you also look lowkey terrifying, you just have massive resting bitch faces and always look pissed off when on the inside you’re just thinking “hm, what am i going to eat for lunch?” very intense gaze and look straight out of greek-mythology, you persephone ass bitch.

libra risings look so well put together. every color on you works in perfect harmony with one another – from your clothing to your hair to your skin tone to your makeup. you’re always sporting a smile and you look so composed, but baby i know you’re close to comitting sporadic murder LMFAO no one can convince me that libra placements are the exact contrary from peaceful, you’re the most unstable people in the world, in the best and most fun way possible – and sometimes in a downright toxic way, ease with the passive-aggressiveness and confrontational nature when it comes to personal relationships.

aquarius risings have the biggest crackhead energy ever. you’re very intimidating at first, and it’s easy to misunderstand you because of that – many think you’re serious and stuck up but you’re just observing and waiting to feel comfortable around them. when you do get comfortable, you’re just funny as fuck – you’ll talk about the most random things and make them sound so interesting, you say the most hilarious things; honestly, you’re a walking meme. also you look like you disassociate so much? you’ll be in the middle of a conversation and then you’ll just start staring into the distance for fifteen whole minutes, but the whole time you were actually listening to the other person.

leo risings i just.. love you. it’s like you’re born to be the center of attention without even trying. literally so expressive and charismatic even if you’re very shy at first, great storytellers, and you’re just so loyal and the amount of support you give to your friends is unmatched. you do very well in a tight friend group where there’s so much trust and supportive energy. if you don’t have one, you probably fantasize a lot about it. how’s that winx obsession going? literally so authentic and raw in everything you do too. people call you egotistical and self-centered because they can’t stand a headstrong person like you. please don’t take insults so much to heart and let them shatter your perception of yourself, and understand that if someone mocks your appearance they’re just projecting their insecurities.

virgo risings you refuse to leave the house if you’re not absolutely perfect. i know someone with a virgo rising who simply refuses to do video-calls before taking a shower and drying their hair. VERY intimidating, will give judgemental stares and look at you in the streets like you’re the ugliest thing in the world but will probably not even realize they were staring at someone in the first place. i have so much fun teasing you, you get annoyed SO fast and it’s so fun because i practically have a degree in being annoying. you also find it shocking when someone teases you because most people are too scared to do it. you’re the most fun to talk shit with because you can be so critical and you just love some drama and gossiping. please stop complaining about things though or i’ll be forced to commit a hate-crime. your luck that i can’t help loving you.

sagittarius risings give sagittarius energy the stereotype of being so freedom-loving and adventurous. you’re very approachable and easy-going, the type of person that people will meet once and already consider you their friends. you’re up to whenever wherever, no matter how dumb the idea might sound, because you know first-hand that the weirdest, most last-minute plans make the greatest memories. i also notice that you’ll use going out as a way of avoiding your feelings. instead of allowing yourself to process your sadness and heartbreak, you just call your friends and go out so you won’t have to sit with your own, scary thoughts.

pisces risings look like they they breathe and create art with every breath they take. literally ooze emotional and artistic sensitivity. very sensitive to others’ energies and that can really take a toll on your mental health – being surrounded by negative people will literally drain you. please remember to take some me-time to recharge and process all those emotions. pisces risings literally look so ethereal, out of this world, with your sparkly eyes when you talk about your dreams and your strong sense of individuality cultivated in all your appearance, from your clothing to your makeup to you hair.

capricorn risings go through so much in their life and for what?? i swear you have so many hardships always coming your way and it angers me so much because you don’t deserve it at all. at least you always learn a lot from those experiences, which just makes you stronger and more undefeatable. you have a very melancholic gaze to you. very doll-like. naturally command authority and respect. unlike taurus risings, you thrive in situations of change – you practically seek them, knowing that learning to adapt to all situations and to work with them so they work in your favor is a gift. you turn so many heads in the street, i’m always in awe at your beauty.

it’s no wonder that the most beautiful celebrities constantly have taurus risings. you’re very strong and fixed in your ideas, making people often describe you as the taurus stereotype of “stubborn”. taurus placements just have so much difficulty accepting change and seeing it as an opportunity of growth instead of a painful process. you need to learn to let go and that good things might happen when you allow yourself to evolve and and outgrow your old self. you have a very grounded presence, while also having such a distinct sense of humour. very well-put together.

#ascendant in the signs #rising signs #aries rising #leo rising #gemini rising #scorpio rising #libra rising #taurus rising #virgo rising #sagittarius rising #aquarius rising #pisces rising #cancer rising #capricorn rising

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horrorslashergirl · 3 years

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Decebal Avram Chirilă Headcanons

Authors Note: I did some Headcanons for my Romania Original Characters and used a lot of history references to depict his character. I think it turned out to be good, but I am very certain. Also, I have no grudge against other countries and such. This is strictly for my character. I mean; just because you create a character that kills that doesn’t mean you support real life murder or you kill yourself. Good, now that we made that clear. ENJOY!

Rebel with a cause; Outlaw by heart

Decebal is someone that both stands out and can blend in, which is a paradox. He stands out mostly because of his very tall form and handsome eccentric features; basically, when he enters a room he lights it up with his attitude. The blend in part is mostly after the big entrance in a room. He is multilingual and can fake accents, which confuses people. For example, he went to Italy multiple times and the local ones there thought at first he was a foreigner, until Decebal put on the Italian accent, speaking it fluently; the locals were confused. Is he Italian? Doesn't look like it.

He doesn't like uncultured people. He is a man who loves to learn about other countries' histories and culture, to broaden his horizons in this aspect. Knowledge is the second most valuable treasure along with Freedom. He is happy to explain culture and information misunderstandings about his country. 'No, dragă. Romanian isn't a Slavic language. It's a Latin language.' He had to explain this way too many times.

History has put a great impact on Decebal; he loves and hates it at the same time. He loves it because you get valuable lessons out of it; for example, in November 1942 Soviet forces launched a counteroffensive against the Germans arrayed at Stalingrad in mid-November 1942. They quickly encircled an entire German army, more than 220,000 soldiers. In February 1943, after months of fierce fighting and heavy casualties, the surviving German forces—only about 91,000 soldiers—surrendered. How did this happen? Stalingrad wasn't an important target, but Hitler wanted to destroy it mostly because of its name that comes from Stalin.... In conclusion, PRIDE destroyed them.

Decebal is anxious around Russians, although he does visit the country, mostly because of Ukraine and Belarus. Decebal is anxious around Russian's because of their history. One issue is that prior to World War I, the Romanians sent their gold reserves to Russia for safekeeping but the Russians did not return the gold after the war. Take it like this; Romania was an ally with Germany and Russia. The German's when they went to brothels, they brought flowers and chocolate, while the Russian beat and raped them. The Romanian women covered themselves with charcoal to make themselves ugly and unattractive to the Russians. Now, Decebal doesn't judge because of your nationality, but if you do prove you are like that, well.... Tough luck. Russia is a nation with power or strength as its national idea and they have repeatedly shown that they do not care about ideals like “legality” or “legitimacy” but respect force and military power only. This trait does not make you popular among your neighbors. Instead, you´re seen as an aggressive jackass who abuses and bullies others.

There are also many reasons why Decebal has anxiety towards Russians, all because of history. Romanians were forced to learn Russian. Romanians who are older still, almost universally, will tell you that they know one phrase in Russian: "Дайте часы!" ("Give me a watch!") Because that's what the Soviet liberating soldiers told every Romanian as they liberated them of their wrist watches (and anything else they fancied) when WW2 ended. Among other things that the Russians liberated from Romanians? The entire Romanian national treasure. Oh, and Moldova. Decebal has Moldovian blood running through his veins. Basically, Romania trusted Russia with its national treasure, Russia being an ally.

Decebal, if he is your ally, won't ever leave you on the battlefield, he is a 'go all the way or die' type. He's tired of how cowardice has affected his country and himself, so he is willing to fight till death. If you have strong beliefs and are passionate about something he will support them. Think of him as a shield of steel.

He hates the dictator-like attitude; he had to endure a lot of that shit and he is in no mood to listen to someone that thinks they're the big bad one just because they induce fear and brutality like an uneducated mindless jackass. Seriously, don't try to impose him with that kind of attitude because at some point his rage will come undone. There's a Romanian saying 'Mi-sa umplut paharul', which basically means that he won't take your shit anymore. Decebal is as scary as he is friendly. You don't wanna see this guy get into that mood. When he gets angry, which rarely happens, there's a cold wind that hits the nape of your neck, a dead silence that makes you wonder what will happen and a shadow casts his face, his almost white eyes illuminating under that shadow. Short story.... If you're the unlucky soul that has angered him, your body will be turned into shish kebab.... very tiny pieces and he will do that oh so slowly.

Getting over these dark vibes, Decebal is a music lover, one of the many things that keep his grin on and his eyes sparkling with life. He has an mp3 player with earphones in the pocket of his jacket and loves to listen to it during the most normal and abnormal times. He will listen to music at night while sitting on the roof of a house/building or..... He will fight with the earphones on and music blasting. He sings, and he is pretty good at it.

Decebal has so many faces that it's hard to really put a label on him. Some see him as a very cultured gentleman with a charismatic personality that brightens every room he enters. Then there are the ones that describe him as a hooligan, a punk, a very vulgar and blunt person who has no shame and mercy. He is really just a way too honest misunderstood guy with a vertebral column that cannot be bend.

He is a guy that appreciates the little things life has to offer. Life during Romanian communism really imprinted on his life. Give him a little piece of bread and he will be grateful to you. The food ration during that time was harsh; no more than half a loaf of bread, not too much meat, or sugar, and so on. Food is a luxury in Decebal's eyes.

Decebal is more used to the night than day, mostly because all his life he spend it in darkness. He spent months in underground jails without seeing the light of the day, losing track of time. Plus the communist government cut off electricity from 6:00 - 8:00 pm each night across the country to preserve energy. He sees in darkness like a cat and his ears are very sensitive.

Decebal loves his home country very much because he knows how much potential this little country has. Romania is Europe’s richest country in gold resources, Romania boasts the world’s largest administrative building, The largest population of brown bears in Europe lives in Romania, The Statue of Decebalus in Orsova is Europe’s largest rock sculpture, The only gold museum in Europe is found in Romania and also Romania has one of the happiest cemeteries on Earth, a reason for why Decebal makes jokes even in the face of death. On each grave there, is written dark humor poetry. Here's an example:

Under this heavy cross

Lies my poor mother in-law

Three more days should she have lived

I would lie, and she would read (this cross).

You, who here are passing by

Not to wake her up please try

Cause’ if she comes back home

She’ll criticise me more.

But I will surely behave

So she’ll not return from grave.

Stay here, my dear mother in-law!

#Decebal Avram Chirilă #Slasher OCs #Original characters #Romanian OC #Killer OC #Headcanons

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crisps-craft · 2 years

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hello!! i hope your day is lovely ❤️ may i have a soul reading if they're open? i'm aries sun, aquarius moon 🌸 thank you so much! - o.p

hi strawberry! i hope you are doing well! here are some messages i got:

first of all, i really like your energy. you exude a lot of sensitivity and sweetness? but there's something about it where you experience such a deep sensitivity to your environment and other people where you might internalize or take on other people's emotions. in this regard, you might find yourself getting overwhelmed or even scared in social situations- maybe even your family tbh, too. i kept feeling the sensitivity and sweetness from your soul but it kept taking that downturn into fear and anxiety- please make sure to nurture and nourish yourself- don't take on other people's problems. if someone is dealing with something, you need to let them deal with it on their own. theres a good quote i heard recently, "empathy without boundaries is self destruction" so ive been trying to share that a lot. it might help you

i got this mental image of a child helping an injured baby bird. i think thats you- you are the helper and you swoop in when someone needs saving. vulnerability and people who are struggling really strike a chord in your heart. you never EVER look down on someone who is struggling or "weak" in any way- i think you see yourself in them. in many situations, you have been the injured baby bird yourself. however, i think that in those situations, you may have had to heal yourself. other people either didn't bother to try to reach / understand you or they tried to reach and connect with you, but couldn't. you felt very misunderstood and misconceived. this might've resulted in identity issues. you tried to mold yourself in a way to make it "easier" for other people to accept you growing up. i think that you've grown from that and have gained more confidence in who you are (im so proud of u awe). i think that experience was very troubling but you came out the other side with so much wisdom from that experience. i see a lot of maturity in your soul. you dont look down on others, you respond very peacefully / calm emotionally. i dont see you taking things out on other people no matter how much you may be feeling (which the emotions you do feel are... scary to say the least. i dont know why but i kept feeling these emotions of disarray, chaos, feeling overstimulated but keeping it under a tight lock which only made it worse- make sure you have a good outlet for your emotions)

i think you have a tough time defining boundaries because of this- its because your loves knows no boundaries (do you have a 12th house venus?? maybe some sort of pisces / 12th house energy in your chart too!) you can see past the illusions people set up of strength and confidence and gaze into their soul and weaknesses. you can perceive the emotional undercurrents of people, you can see who they really are. i think this is very very powerful to be honest. i think you have the gift of sight- you can see people for who they are. no matter how cruel of pathetic they are, no matter their mistakes, you can always find good / see the inner child or vulnerability of a person. just be careful to set up those boundaries. you dont have to accept people who are cruel or are a detriment to your comfort and safety.

(this might be a hit or miss) esp ^^ in regards to that, i felt the sense of someone in your family who you might find really pathetic? like they are emotionally immature, destructive, aggressive. they might have even had substance abuse problems or be an alcoholic (or maybe they recovered / are trying to recover from it right now) im getting the sense that this person is a woman but has very toxic masculine energy ? idk if that makes sense. like an abusive mother but she was veryy dominant. she might've made you endure cruel or humiliating things growing up. she might've used your sensitivity against you to make you feel weak. but please just remember- you are very strong, wise, and mature. you are perceptive to a fault and can read people very well. you have such an interesting vision and way of seeing the world. you are a very special soul, please dont forget that. your guides wanted me to tell you that <3 they are sending you lots of love right now, strawberry

i hope that they could help! let me know if it resonated. feedback always helps me improve as a reader <3

#tarot card readings #free tarot card readings

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dianamjackson · 4 years

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How To Achieve World Peace (2020)

I have figured out a few things that explain common phenomena in society but are routinely overlooked.

I can explain why conservatives and liberals have always existed, and why conservatives are often in power. I can explain ‘black sheep’ of families and why almost everyone has a ‘weird aunty’ or a ‘weird uncle.’ I can explain why artists are so often depressed, so creative and so misunderstood. I can explain conformity and non-conformity. I can explain Michael Jackson’s attraction to shiny things, and everything else about him.

The thing to remember is that we are animals like all the others, and that our evolutionary history shaped us — not culture. People who think culture is stronger hold that individuals choose their preferences in life, which is false. People choose the things they do because they’re programmed that way by evolution, and it is not one size fits all.

There are two main sorts of humans on the earth: family types (making up at least 80% of the population) and leaders (making up the rest).

Family types evolved to survive, raise families and do exactly what their parents did. For this reason they are conservative, incurious (because any new thing is a potential threat to existing conditions), blinkered and have a practical and deductive intelligence rather than a synthetic and inductive one. Leaders are explorers — their education never ends. Their permanent curiosity ensures they are forever exploring, making new connections and forming new hypotheses.

Without this neat ~80/20 balance, human society would not progress. Without the leaders, no new inventions would be created and we’d all still be living in caves. Without family types, nothing could be instantiated and there would be anarchy. Nature or God or whatever is responsible for the order we see in the universe worked this ideal ratio out so that beings could develop and differentiate and proliferate — basically, to make manifest the creativity of the universe.

I remember a few years ago reading Satoshi Kanazawa’s book The Intelligence Paradox, wherein he describes the traits of people with above-average intelligence: they are usually night owls, are less likely to marry and have kids, enjoy experimenting with drugs, are highly curious and creative. I think he was fired from Psychology Today for stating his findings. Ah, political correctness getting in the way of science, again.

Growing up I noticed a pattern in every family I encountered: the parents were normal enough (after all, they were parents), one child was robust and similar to the parents, and the other was a highly sensitive, interesting and curious type. If there were more than two children, there were more robust types than sensitive types.

Growing up I had a hell of a time in my family. I loved staying up late reading, writing and playing music. I loved the night so much that I covered my windows during the day, which is something Jimi Hendrix also did. My parents were dismayed and couldn’t understand why I was so different to them. I also liked going out for days, exploring and experimenting. I was, of course, extremely artistic from the beginning. I understood concepts at school very quickly, and got in trouble for breaking the rules and prioritising my own ideals over that of my superiors.

All these behaviours label children, and the adults they become, ‘troublemakers’ and rebels. “Why can’t they just behave?” parents and teachers lament. Well, because evolution programmed them that way. But back then I would’ve utilised a far shorter answer.

Leader types, being highly sensitive, experience the discord of growing up in families of followers very intensely and in far higher resolution. If a father is strict and domineering, the sensitive child will feel he is ruled by a tyrant. Off-handed criticisms will be stab wounds that are nursed for years and years. Their deep processing will have them mulling and stewing over the slightest things that followers forget in the very next moment.

Thousands of years ago, human tribes had to hunt animals, gather foods, build shelters, live in the shelters and raise families. Distinct human types evolved to carry out these different tasks.

Leaders are the hunting and exploring type. They were the ones who went out, probably at night, to look for food. To be good at this, they had to be highly sensitive so they could hear every noise, smell every smell, feel the vaguest touch on their skin and see the slightest movement. They had to be brave and bold to explore scary places. They had to be graceful and silent as cats to sneak up on prey, but aggressive enough to actually kill. They had to have loud, developed voices in order to communicate with other members of the hunting party. They had to be confident of their own opinion and communicate it effectively to others in order to lead.

They also had to be able to imitate other animals they encountered, to seem less threatening. They also had to be ingratiating in order to win the trust of people they only just met — and they would have met many people on their travels. They had to be highly adaptable to quickly get used to ever-changing environments. They had to be physically robust and agile to withstand the rigours of their itinerant hunting life. They developed the classic ‘rolling stone’ personality — Jimi couldn’t stand being in the same place for three months, let alone years. They also needed great and detailed memories, to remember where they’d been.

With their keen vision they would spot anomalous objects in the environment — shiny things might indicate water, and colourful things (especially red and yellow) would indicate food. Look at the colours and shiny things Michael wears and is attracted to. Watching him shopping is literally watching a leader type hunting in the forest thousands of years ago.

Their sensitivity is responsible for their artistry. As I read somewhere (possibly in Elaine Aron’s book The Highly Sensitive Person), not all highly sensitive people are geniuses, but all geniuses are highly sensitive. Charles Darwin lined his room with cork to keep the noise out. Jimi, as mentioned, covered his windows with black fabric. All this is to minimise stimulation. Because highly sensitive people take in so much more information from their environment, and process it so much more deeply, they need to restrict it only to what is most important to them.

Being a night owl, as Kanazawa found in his research, was related to higher intelligence. Much hunting probably occurred at night, when the animals were about, or it was easier to travel without being seen. The peace and stillness of the night also minimises stimulation for highly sensitive leader types. Intelligence itself is required to make connections between disparate phenomena, entertain several possible explanations, and synthesise information to decide on a verdict and course of action. The activity of hunting would have honed the intelligence of leader types. Any kind of physical bodily movement and coordination increases brain power — dancing for example. Moving the body in space. I relate this to moving ideas around in one’s head. This is how I did philosophy at university: I literally saw concepts as interacting forms in my mind. Einstein also thought in visual-spatial terms.

Something fascinating about stimulation is that leader types seem to become rapidly overwhelmed by experiences that family types consider quite routine and harmless, but at the same time, they crave intense stimulation. Paradoxical personalities, innit? Clearly, not all stimulation is created equal: a normal day in an office as an employee would be intense and overwhelming for a leader, but then they go out at night, attracted by the bright lights and shiny things of the city, loud music and the stage, and crowds.

A hypothesis of mine is that leader types are born with ‘happy’ neurotransmitter deficits. The strong correlation of substance use and abuse with artists, I think, is related to this deficit. In general, almost everything that makes us feel good — no matter what type of animal you are — does so because it fulfils some evolutionary prerogative. Leader types evolved to be sad — is what I’m saying. They are naturally sad. Therefore, they are forced to do things of a specific kind to alleviate that sadness. Michael is really good at being sad, but he’s also really good at alleviating that sadness. Drugs, alcohol, excitement, driving fast, athletics, dancing, bright colours, shiny things, movement, strong sunlight, making people feel and do things, eating certain foods, exploring, romance, helping and educating people, learning, discovering, conquering, mystery — all of these things alleviate the natural depression of the leader type. Fasting, too. What could more blatantly inspire a person to go out and hunt, besides hunger? Both Michael and myself had anorexia, but his was more extreme perhaps because he was more sensitive or his upbringing was more damaging, and he was constantly in the spotlight. But apart from the self-soothing reason, and the aesthetic reason (wanting a “dancer’s body”), I think we literally like to be hungry, as it were. I do believe he said, in his delightful hyperbole: “I hate food.” It keeps us searching. Anything that inspires a leader type to go out and be a leader will feel good, because that’s what nature wants us to do.

Mystery is integral for the leader type. It’s one of the main motivators of action and a guarantee of happiness and flourishing. I finally understand the propensity for this type to entertain idealistic romances and muses. Try making a person give up something that guarantees them happiness! As C. S. Lewis said so well “Desiring desire is the fullest possession we can know.” I finally understand this. What I want is to be in a state of desire, because it’s animating, life-giving, exciting. Why else would I love improvising so much? I love the mystery of not knowing what will come out of my guitar, what I will sing, or what dance moves I will come up with. I love mystery so much that all my essays are pretty much streams of consciousness.

Everything is on a spectrum, including family type/leader proclivity, and gender too. Effeminate men prefer masculine women; masculine men prefer feminine women. It’s all about balancing genetics to bring about the best complementarity. Who you’re attracted to is not a choice. Those with feminine hips are attracted to masculine hips; those with deep-set eyes are attracted to protuberant eyes; square-jaws are attracted to heart-shaped jaws; pinched-in cheeks are attracted to smoother, convex cheekbones. You can set your watch by this stuff.

Leader types also tend to be gender-indeterminate, or “in the middle” with respect to the male-female spectrum. This gives them the best of both worlds — e.g. deep empathy and nurture from the female side, and single-minded determination and action from the male. I do not think this is a degeneracy. Rather, in my view it is actually a requirement for leader types. To be too male or too female would be a hindrance for a leader.

In politics, there will always be conservatives and liberals, and more conservatives than liberals, because these represent the two primary types of humans, and their ratio, on earth.

The way to achieve world peace is to acknowledge the two broad types. Both are necessary for the survival and continuation of the human species. Conflict can seed change, but oftentimes we could do with a little less conflict and a little more understanding. Understanding of the millennia-old biology of our species that is — not politically correct ‘tolerance’. We need to understand things instead of merely tolerating them.

But the sobering reality is that family types can never fully understand leaders, and leaders can never fully understand family types. Each has a very different evolutionary prerogative that is very deeply ingrained. For one to understand the other, the one needs to literally inhabit the physical body of the other — which is currently impossible. Type ‘goes all the way down’ — the nervous system is different, the brain is different, the emotions are different, the values are different — everything is different.

This is why ‘black sheep’ — a derogatory term that betrays a lack of understanding on the part of the family types (but it is after all in their nature to demonise difference because it is threatening) — get along better with friends, aunties and uncles and other leaders unrelated to them instead of their own families. And it’s interesting that they’re called ‘black’: I have noticed highly sensitive leader types do often wear black, and I think this is to minimise stimulation. It’s one less item for them to process.

This is why certain kids act out at school, and why every person I admire from Debussy to Miles Davis to Isadora Duncan to Walt Disney quit the schools they were at. This is why Michael left the Jacksons and struck out on his own. This is why Zappa stayed up all night drinking coffee making the music he wanted to hear regardless of what other people thought about it.

This is also why the majority of people — the followers — shun, disbelieve and are afraid of leader types. The reason J. K. Rowling had to pitch her book to 200 publishers was because she saw the value of her work, but the publishers — who aren’t leaders — could not. The more innovative a thing, the less followers can comprehend its value. Followers are biologically programmed to play it safe and not take risks. This is infuriating for leaders, but the solution is not anger, but rather perseverance. Think of J. K. being turned away from the 199th publisher. Perseverance. Bang on long enough about something and family types will eventually stop feeling threatened because now you’re part of the furniture.

Another paradoxical thing about family types feeling threatened by leaders is that leaders are, in almost every instance, seeking to make the world a better place with their works. Think of Tesla. Leaders need family types — the two are in symbiosis — so it is definitely not in a leader’s interests to harm their followers. They are shepherds, not wolves. Empathy for their pack is high, because a leader who doesn’t care for their flock will not be followed for long. The extremely high degree of similarity between myself and Michael can be, to a great extent, explained by the fact that we are of the same human type (and probably share some genetics too). He has all the characteristic leader type qualities: he’s highly sensitive, an artist and a musician, he’s obsessed with the way people and animals move and is very curious. He loves bright colours and shiny things, which are food. I believe he said he loved Disney films so much “I could just eat (them)!” (I told a friend once that his photographs made me hungry; he looked at me like I was insane.) And of course the beautiful — Michael loves beauty — he goes weak in its presence. If there’s something he doesn’t understand, he’s fascinated by it and will obsess over it. He has a highly developed somatic-neuronal ability (that’s my term; I don’t know the correct neurological term), which is why his movements are so fluid and why he can imitate others so easily. He’s both male and female, has a great strong voice, resists authority, is ingratiating and immediately loveable, likes climbing trees and running around, staunchly believes in his own vision and he made looking after his ‘tribe’ the central mission of his life. He owned thousands of books and was constantly reading, usually by himself. All Michael’s searching made him very knowledgeable, of course. He liked to associate with fellow talented and driven people, from whom he gathered even more leadership advice. Michael’s not messing around — the advice he gives you is the advice he’s given himself. He experiments on himself. He’s a leader — a real leader — so he wants to help. One day I was dancing at home and came up with a certain move. Two weeks later, I happened to be watching a video of Mike’s and saw him do the exact same move. I couldn’t believe it. At the time I came up with it, I had no memory of having seen him do any such move. I was dancing in the mirror, and happened to trace the outline of my thigh with a finger — it was totally spontaneous and improvised. I liked that I was drawing and dancing at the same time — I do draw and dance, so it was exciting for me to do them simultaneously. In his video he was dancing to Dangerous, and he did that move. I thought “So now he’s copying me?!” This kind of thing happens often, and not just in dancing. For example, I’ll have some opinion about something, then later hear that he has the same opinion about that thing. Or I’ll happen to think of something I did when I was a lot younger, and it turns out he did the exact same thing. Then there’s the Star Wars thing, the one glove thing, the cape thing, the cutting the front of our shirts thing, the liking the same colours thing, the gum and TicTac thing, the similar music taste and compositional style thing, the sitting down with one leg or arm stretched out thing, the liking the exact same part of the flight attendant demonstration thing... We even have the same taste in women. Type, type, type. Once you know someone’s type, you can pretty much get out your checklist and starting ticking things off. Although, I don’t at this point know where type ends and genetics begin, because a lot of these similarities must owe to genetics, not type. I’ll work on this.

Being childlike is, I am positing, an integral part of the leader-hunter-HSP type. Mike and I both retained our childlike attitude to the world. For me, I distinctly remember the day I made the decision to never grow up. I was 14, on the basketball courts in junior high school near the end of the day. I thought “It’s just so much fun being a kid, I’m not going to grow up. Why should I?” It was also around that time that I decided what my life’s goal would be, having just read Freud: to be myself. I didn’t want to be a fireman or a lawyer or a teacher — I wanted to be myself, my truest self. Even back then, I knew this was a worthy goal, and I knew that it would be difficult.

Mike famously identified with Peter Pan, and passionately championed a childlike view of the world. He often claimed this was because he was denied a childhood, but I think there’s more at work here than that fact alone. Even if he had had a more normal childhood, he’d still probably have remained pretty childlike, because that’s an integral characteristic of the leader type. Being childlike — being open, innocent, relentlessly curious, able to withhold judgement, and trusting — is essential to being a leader. If leaders weren’t open to new information (i.e. adaptable), etc — they wouldn’t be effective leaders. If a leader didn’t trust his advisors, he couldn’t get anything done. Suspicion is poison.

It’s known that Mike was trusting. He advised his friend Brett Ratner that one of the big lessons he learned was “not to trust everybody in the industry; there are a lot of sharks.” But a person who is naturally trusting has a hard time trying to become the opposite, let me tell you. To be trusting is beautiful; when a trusting person is betrayed, it is not they who have erred.

It has fascinated me over my lifetime to observe the way sexual desire can be completely decoupled from child-rearing. Leader types definitely have sexual desire: just think of Jimi. Mike too, Madonna, Greta Garbo, Picasso. With men it’s fairly straight-forward, but I always wondered how female leaders could get away with it, seeing as they’d be having so many children but no desire to look after them — clearly a less-than-ideal situation. Maintaining a pregnancy and then a baby would definitely slow them down and make them vulnerable to attack. Nature may have solved this problem by making leader types infertile. After all, their genes will be passed on via their siblings’ children, so there’s no need for them to do it personally. It prevents overpopulation. And besides, their legacy is cultural innovation, not physical progeny. Some say that Mike was infertile. It could well be that this is by nature’s design.

Barbara Sher calls leader types ‘scanners’. Scanners are people who flit from one thing to the next, seemingly at random, are reading 50 books at any one time, and change careers frequently — you get the idea. But my contention is that leader types do this in order to get the best ‘lay of the land’. If they didn’t, if they were a specialist in some tiny nook of expertise, what would they know about the world? Nothing! All they’d know is their little area (which there’s nothing wrong with by the way, it’s just not the scanner approach). Scanners scan. They try to get the best view of everything — figuratively and literally.

I know this type is rare, but I don’t know how rare. I’ve certainly never encountered anyone as similar to me before, but then I don’t know everyone. Surely a person with such obvious and anomalous qualities would rise to prominence, almost by default. They’re generally in art, but not just anywhere. They’re in the ‘I’m either myself or dead’ camp. Michael’s well-known because he’s well-known, and because he so strongly felt the need to share his values with the world, he thereby revealed himself. There could be many of us. Some may prefer to remain unknown. I don’t know yet.

As I said before, everything is on a spectrum, so you could be a more or less extreme leader type, and a more or less extreme family type. There may be sub-types. The ‘lone wolf’ is an extreme leader type. Aldous Huxley said “The more original and powerful a mind, the more inclined it is to the religion of solitude.” I think lone wolves relate best to other lone wolves; other types will simply be too different. They’re introverted because there’s a whole world inside their heads, and much of the outside input they’d encounter would actually hinder their progress. As a leader, stepping outside of the leader pack can be incredibly demoralising. Out there, there's a flattening going on. If you have a sleepover with kids, all of a sudden it's about sex. If you say the n word, it's suddenly all about race. And you think, “Why is everything about sex and race? Are there not more things to discuss? Develop some granularity in your approach already!” The flattening is in full swing at the moment, with so many red herrings slapping around that you can’t hear yourself think. (Contemplating that kinda makes me hungry... All those shiny fish...) Maybe the majority do this in order to feel safer: if they can reduce indeterminate phenomena to something simple, then they can feel like they know what they're dealing with. Simplify and blame. It’s a stupid game, and so boring. I'm not at all surprised that artists feel the need to invent entirely new worlds to escape this shit.

So there you have it: there is a naturalistic, evolutionary explanation for so many of the specific human behaviours that we observe in society. The choices people make are, in large part, due to their evolutionary type. Encountering Michael was the icing on my cake of investigation, because I reasoned there had to be an explanation as to why we’re so similar and I knew that it wasn’t due to mere chance.

So if you’re a sensitive, introverted kid who likes doing their own thing and your family gives you hell for being strange and different — for God’s sake, understand that there’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You’ve been designed to be the way you are over millions of years of evolution, because this is the only way humanity can work. You are the reason we have electricity, cars, great works of art, beautiful films and music, incredible dancers and athletes, mathematics, poetry, physics, philosophy, engineering, comfortable houses and beds, heating, space exploration, wonderful stories and the rule of law. All of these things were invented by leader types. The most important thing is to know who you are. It’s Quincy Jones’ first rule too. Once you know that, you will make much better decisions in all areas of your life. “A guy can dig ditches and enjoy it”, as Jimi said. If you want to be happy and effective, you must be doing things that align with your particular nature.

Don’t waste years doing things other people tell you to do. What do they know about you, anyway? Do they know your deepest desires? No they don’t, because to discover them is long, personal work. No-one can do it for you. Your mum can’t do it for you. I don’t care if she’s your mother and she wants the best for you -- she’s not you. Don’t do things for extrinsic rewards like money or fame. I recall reading a teacher who complained that all his kids just want to be famous, but then he asked them “Famous for what?” People who become famous do so because they’re passionate and obsessed with something and thereby become very good at it. Don’t desire to be famous, desire to become obsessed with something. Fall in love with something. Then you’ll probably become famous anyway, but by then you won’t care, because all you want to do is the thing you’re obsessed with.

But family types are essential too. Just because they don’t innovate, they create a stable society in which everyone — including leader types — can live. They create and maintain order, follow instructions and implement your ideas. They start families and actually create the people society needs, including all future leaders.

The two types must know about, respect and be thankful for each other, for neither could live without the other.

Masses of conflict rage each day because people think that other people act the way they do by choice. But things are so incredibly ingrained, that it’s quite absurd to think that anyone makes any kind of choice. We do have free will, but can only exercise it to the point our fundamental orientation allows. Can’t fight one’s nature, as Orwell said. Fight it too long and she’ll make you pay, with your health or your life.

It is apparent to me that my entire discussion has remained completely materialistic. I’ve not touched upon so-called ‘supernatural’ phenomena at all. I don’t like the term ‘supernatural’ because, if something exists, it is natural — no matter how perplexing or odd, everything is Nature, everything is natural. It’s not like the earth and its rocks are natural, and then precognition of the future and witnessing midnight processions of long-deceased people — as Jung and others did, centuries apart mind you — are outside of the natural. Everything is natural. If it happened, it was natural, and there is an explanation.

Now it might seem boring to learn that all these things in fact have a boring materialistic explanation. But as usual, there are many more things that we don’t yet know. The perplexing nature of time, for example. I suspect that time is very different to how most people conceive of it, but that discussion is for another time.

Back to the strictly material. A few hundred years of culture won’t put a dent in millennia of evolution. Culture is itself an outgrowth of evolution, and it needs to humbly acknowledge this fact instead of thinking that now it is king. The patterns and drives of Nature are king, and they explain everything. DS 06-07/2020

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brentrogers · 4 years

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How to be Assertive When You’re Worried About Being Criticized or Rejected

It’s hard to be assertive when you’re really worried about the other person’s response. Maybe you’re worried they’ll think you’re being ridiculous and reject you. Maybe you’re worried they’ll be critical, and you’ll feel even more uncomfortable.

These are legitimate concerns.

Maybe they’ve even been substantiated by past experiences. For instance, after trying to be assertive, you’ve left an interaction feeling “misunderstood, shunned or ignored,” and the issue went unresolved, said Leslie Garcia, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of Counseling Space in New York City, which focuses on the mental and emotional wellness of women business leaders and CEOs.

So, the next time a similar situation arises, you inevitably recall the negative experience and do everything you can to avoid it, she said.

After all, Garcia noted, humans are “social beings; maintaining social connections is necessary for our survival and health.”

Maybe you’re worried because you have a history of people-pleasing and hate to take an opposing view, said Kirsten Brunner, LPC, a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health and relationship counseling at her private practice in Austin, Texas. Or maybe you “struggle with a pervasive fear of conflict, abandonment, or rejection.”

Either way, whatever the specific reasons, the good news is that you can stand up for yourself and voice your needs, values, thoughts, and feelings. Remember you can do scary things.

Of course, the question is how?

Below, you’ll find expert suggestions on being assertive when you’re worried about the reaction.

Make sure you’re really being assertive. Sometimes, we think we’re being assertive, but we’re actually being vague, passive, dismissive, or even abrasive. Being assertive means being kind, clear, attentive, and specific. It means “sticking up for yourself but still respecting the rights of others,” said Maegon S. Miller, LPC, a therapist and self-care coach for professional women who are looking to strengthen their relationships, work life, and everything in between.

Being assertive also means being “calm with your tone instead of aggressive or angry,” said Brunner, co-author of the book The Birth Guy’s Go-To Guide for New Dads: How to Support Your Partner Through Birth, Breastfeeding & Beyond.

Both Brunner and Garcia stressed the importance of letting the other person know that you’re listening to them by recognizing and reflecting their point of view.

It’s also important to tell the other person that you value them and your relationship (where appropriate), Garcia said. She shared this example: “I appreciate our relationship, your support, and your loyalty. It is my intention that this conversation will serve to help us better understand our perspectives and strengthen our relationship.”

Brunner shared these additional examples of assertive statements:

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you on these couple of dates. That being said, I’m not feeling the connection with you that I hoped to feel so I’m wondering if we can just move forward with just being friends at this time.”

“I see that your driveway is narrow and that you don’t have a lot of space to park. Unfortunately, my grass is beginning to die because you keep parking on it. Can we discuss other parking options?”

“I recognize that you have been working hard at the office lately and I appreciate that. I need to let you know that I am not coping very well at home and I really need more help. In particular, can you start helping me with the dishes and the laundry? That would be incredibly helpful.”

“I can see where you are coming from and that makes sense to me. Let me share with you where I am coming from.”

Know pushback is normal. “Change is hard for everyone so when you start switching things up, people may act in ways you aren’t used to seeing,” said Miller, who emphasized being patient and preparing for some pushback.

Similarly, Brunner suggested thinking about how you’ll handle negative responses. For example, how can you take care of yourself after a critical remark? She also suggested exploring why you might be especially sensitive to criticism and how you can maintain your sense of self and soothe yourself during unpleasant interactions.

Identify the worst-case scenario. Brunner encourages her clients to consider the worst thing that’ll happen if they assert themselves. Maybe the other person might be “a little uncomfortable or taken aback. But in the end, they will probably appreciate the direct communication and will respect [you] for it.”

And if your worst-case scenario does come true, remember why you’re being assertive in the first place, Brunner said. After all, you are standing up for your health and well-being.

Also, “sometimes facing the worst-case scenario can help us to see issues in our relationship that need addressing.” So, you might talk to the person and see if you can resolve the issue.

Practice. A lot. Start by being assertive in lower-risk situations with people you feel comfortable with, Miller said. Be honest with your loved ones. Tell them that you’re trying to be more assertive and ask them to be patient with you and respectful of you “trying something new,” she said. Remember the more you practice being assertive, the more automatic it will become—regardless of who’s on the receiving end.

Walk away. And other times, the best course of action is to walk away from the interaction, said Garcia. For example, if someone is constantly interrupting you, yelling, or being disrespectful in other ways, remove yourself from the situation. And if this becomes a pattern in your interactions, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship, seek professional help, or end the relationship.

Because being assertive may feel very uncomfortable (and some people might react negatively), you might be tempted to stay silent. But remember that speaking up can help you improve your relationship and it, ultimately, helps you to honor yourself. And that’s really the best reason to be assertive with anyone.

How to be Assertive When You’re Worried About Being Criticized or Rejected syndicated from

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positivepsychologyinterventions · 4 years

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How to be Assertive When You’re Worried About Being Criticized or Rejected

These are legitimate concerns.

So, the next time a similar situation arises, you inevitably recall the negative experience and do everything you can to avoid it, she said.

After all, Garcia noted, humans are “social beings; maintaining social connections is necessary for our survival and health.”

Either way, whatever the specific reasons, the good news is that you can stand up for yourself and voice your needs, values, thoughts, and feelings. Remember you can do scary things.

Of course, the question is how?

Below, you’ll find expert suggestions on being assertive when you’re worried about the reaction.

Both Brunner and Garcia stressed the importance of letting the other person know that you’re listening to them by recognizing and reflecting their point of view.

Brunner shared these additional examples of assertive statements:

“I can see where you are coming from and that makes sense to me. Let me share with you where I am coming from.”

And if your worst-case scenario does come true, remember why you’re being assertive in the first place, Brunner said. After all, you are standing up for your health and well-being.

Also, “sometimes facing the worst-case scenario can help us to see issues in our relationship that need addressing.” So, you might talk to the person and see if you can resolve the issue.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/3bmsz4H via IFTTT

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