#they don’t care | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sp00kysk3lly · 1 year

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Date: 25th January 2023

Time: 03:24 AM

Feeling: Exhausted, Depressed, Given Up On, Lost. Angry.

Explanation: I’ve had 2 hospital appointments. One last week (Thursday 19th) and another one on Monday 23rd.

Both appointments were stupid and useless and I wish I had never gone to them.

The first one (Thursday) was my first diabetes appointment since 2021, (which they messed up a few times, I’m suppose to be seen every few months, not once a year!)

Before I even sat down in the doctors office the doctor, mentions my weight gain, knowing full well that I have issues with my looks and especially my weight. Then she just assumes I am eating large portions! Which I am not, I barely eat anymore. Not due to weight issues, more due to my very severe bowel condition that affects me with everything I eat.

Also she said “more activity” meaning get more exercise. Which I have done and I also have the proof off on my Apple Watch which I got for the purpose of tracking my activity. (I am disabled, my bones don’t really work how they’re suppose too so I have been walking a lot lately. (Proof in pictures below, some of them anyway. I’m not going to sit here and take pictures of all of them. I’ve been walking every day since 6 July 2022 when I got this watch)).

As you can see by my evidence, I have been doing a lot of “activity” every single day. So, yeah, clearly something is wrong with my body that they don’t want to admit.

Which is understandable because, they are the reason for my abundance of illnesses. They also know this, but like many doctors, do not like to admit that fact.

Early on when I was diagnosed in 2016 as a 18 nearly 19 year old with Type One Diabetes, I constantly and continuously asked for support. I begged them to help me get control of my sugars. I even wrote them a detailed letter asking for this support, saying that I don’t feel supported with my diabetes care. And they did take that on board, but it only lasted a couple of months and then they were right back onto not supporting me with anything.

They won’t let me and still don’t let me do the DAFNE course (Dose Adjustment For Normal Eating) which is a carb counting course for diabetics to go on to manage their sugars and so on.

Their reasoning for not doing this is “you have to talk in the meetings and you won’t.” Ummm… how do you know I won’t talk? Also, I have spoke to many diabetics who have gone on this course and they have told me, that they don’t have to speak if they don’t want too. If you don’t want to talk then you just explain or you can take someone with you who will speak on your behalf.

So, they are the reason why I have all these illnesses and conditions that I now have to live with for the rest of my life. And they know this. They know that I blame them for EVERYTHING to do with those conditions and illnesses.

But I will post more on that maybe in the future. My point is, she was totally wrong to say anything about my weight, or my exercise which she knows NOTHING about. She knew this would hurt me, she also knew that I would go home and constantly think about it. Because I care a lot about my looks, she knows this. I have lost my teeth, all of them because of their no support. Which makes me even more self-conscious in my day to day life.

I will now go on to the Monday appointment with my Gastro clinic.

I hate this clinic even more than diabetes. You’ll see why in a minute.

First off, my gastro doctor never actually sees me, he always has his lackeys do it for him. I don’t know why this is, the man acts like I’m going to beat him up every chance I get. (Which obviously I wouldn’t, but that’s what they think of me, mainly because I have anger issues. But it’s not my fault that they (The NHS) treat me like crap most of the time!)

So I went and got my weight checked (I hate that part) and my height. Then I waited for the doctor to come get me.

Once in the doctors room he asked me the usual questions. (i.e how many times do you go to the toilet? Do you have any nausea or vomiting? Etc.)

Once that is done then he goes on about the colorectal appointment that I couldn’t go to, because my mum had a virus. I’m not going to make my mum go to an appointment with me (she’s my carer) when she’s ill. Am I?

So he starts acting like it’s our fault and that we wasted his time in making the referral, which apparently took 6 months. (DISCLAIMER! The colorectal clinic is the place where they discuss stoma bags and all sorts of stuff like that, which I had asked about). It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t go, I can’t just assume my mums going to be sick or well on certain days can I? Just like I can’t assume I’ll be well enough on certain days.

He tells me that there’s a tablet that I could try, which honestly, considering all the other enzymes and medications these people have given me have not done anything to help I don’t really have much hope for it. But I agreed that I would try them for a month and see how I get on.

Then he began telling me that “badly controlled diabetes” causes gastrointestinal problems. Which I already knew about (I do a lot of research on my illnesses so I know what to expect later on in life). And apparently there’s another medication I could try (remember this for later down the post). So that’s it, appointment over. He said he’ll make another referral to the colorectal clinic and we leave.

Yesterday morning (24th January) I get a letter which I normally do after my appointments explaining what was said, and so on.

So I read it, and it’s fine. Until I get to the last part of the letter. Which says this. (Photo down below)

So, that’s it! Gastro have given up on me! Without any actual help. They diagnosed me with EPI (Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency) which I still don’t think I have, because everything and I mean EVERYTHING I eat doesn’t stay inside my body and the fact that it even happens when I am eating absolutely NOTHING!! Which if you know what EPI is, then you’d know shouldn’t actually happen.

So, they’ve pretty much left me with nothing. No help, started me on these stupid pathetic tablets that won’t work, and now if they don’t work, I won’t be able to tell them or even explain to them why they’re not working! So yeah, that’s why I feel given up on and lost.

They’ve also made me angry. Because not only do I feel even more self conscious of my looks and weight now, I also have no help from the gastro clinic. And I basically have to deal with this terrible rare illness on my own. Which is going to result in me probably starving myself! Something I shouldn’t obviously be doing but I have absolutely no choice anymore.

When is the NHS going to understand that people with chronic lifelong conditions, need complete 100% help and support.

This makes me feel like it’s personal. Because I have seen them behave completely different with other patients. And then they get to me and it seems like they hate me and don’t want me there at all.

Like my DSN (Diabetes Specialist Nurse, for those that barely go to hospital), she speaks to every single person and when she gets to me acts funny with me.

I feel like just giving up on all my illnesses. The diabetes, by not taking my insulin even if I do have a pump now I’ll just take it off and ignore it. The bowel condition by just starving myself.

Will they care then? Will they care when I’m dead? Will they see that I need support when I’m laying on a hospital bed in hospital because I’m giving up on everything because they gave up on me? Why should I care when they don’t?

I understand that the NHS is “under funded” I get that. But you go into the job to HELP people. That’s what makes good doctors and nurses because they are passionate with their jobs. They actually care about their patients and want the best for them. But mine don’t care about me. I know they don’t. I can see it every time they speak to me, every time they have a appointment with me. And honestly I feel like sending them a link to this post so they can see what they have done to someone like me.

Who knows who else they are doing it to. Probably no one because they only seem to act this way with me. My friends have noticed it, my family have noticed it. So I am not the only one who has seen this.

Also the reason I am exhausted, is because for the past few days since Saturday, I haven’t slept properly and I have no idea why. I’ve tried everything. Lights off, TV off, Reading, Walking around. Taking tablets to aid sleep. And guess what?

If you guessed that the NHS didn’t care, you’ve got it in one. I’m still trying to get into the doctors to be put on sleeping medication. I’ll try again in the morning, but looks like sleep won’t be coming for me tonight. Getting more headaches, more eye problems (I’m losing my sight) because I’m up all night for no reason. I am even surprised that I am still functioning normally, but it’s whatever. Maybe I should stay up all night and then maybe I’ll get a decent nights sleep.

Vent Over!

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