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shipmanisms · 4 months

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valentine's day with the yjs ୧ 💌 ୨

cw: pretty much just fluff !!! may have swear words included tho ??

a/n: made this for me and everyone else who's single on valentine's day too :l hope this make you all feel a lil better and ily mwah mwah, happy ( early ) valentine's day babes <3

NATALIE SCATORCCIO

- pretends she hates valentines day and everything that has to do it but deep down she adores it

- will stand awkwardly looking at the different kind of chocolates and sweets and being like "uhmmmm.....reeses are never a bad option i guess?" ALSO I FEEL LIKE she'd ask other people buying stuff for their partners what they're gonna get them cuz she's so confused 😭

- we all know she's a sucker for kisses, cuddles, holding hands, AAAANYTHING that has to do with physical touch but hates showing it so i think she'd use valentine's day as an excuse to be publicly affectionate a bit

- ok that's all i might add more later on

JACKIE TAYLOR

- she's OBSESSED with holidays and celebrations, whether it's valentine's day, christmas, anything

- waking you up at like 7am and being like "hi hi valentine hey you're my valentine it's time to wake up my valentine" while shaking you and smooching you all over

- she's never letting go of you on vday. always clinging by your side, holding your other hand while you're brushing your teeth, talking to you from outside of the door while you're on the toilet, hugging you by the waist when you're cooking

- wearing ridiculous matching outfits with her in PUBLIC. i feel like she'd have those shirts that say "their queen" AND YOU "her king/queen/monarch(☠️)" OR GETTING YOU THOSE SILLY LIL HEADBANDS THINGIES WITH THE JIGGLY HEARTS..

- knows exactly what to buy you and she's already gotten everything prepared😭 it's adorable cause she'll give you a gift of something you forgot you wanted and you're just sitting there standing like :O

SHAUNA SHIPMAN

- ditches you for jackie. end.

- JK. i think she'd just treat it like a regular day honestly

- gets you a chocolate and calls it a day but not in a bad way??? LIKE she already loves you and does a lot of things to show it so she doesn't really think valentine's day is necessary

LOTTIE MATTHEWS

- she's suuuuuuuuch a softie for showing you off and getting to shower you with gifts :(

- she wouldn't wanna go out too much, she'd probably have everything set out already. your gifts hiding in the closet, your sweets hidden in the fridge, everything prepared and on point

- i feel like since some of the yjs were mean to her and telling her to just stop talking and stuff, she'd be kinda closed off at the start and she'd be scared to show you how much she loves and adores you, but then when she sees that you accept and give her the same love back and even more she's SOOOO hyper

- writes you cheesy letters that you keep in your drawer forever and probably even little drawings of your favourite things or you and her 😭

VAN PALMER

- THE SILLY!!!!!MAI SILLY!!!DE SILLY!!!:DD

- arcade dates w them on valentine's day or going like on an amusement park☝️☝️

- they'd go print out some silly t-shirts for y'all... like "i love my van" with a picture of a van LMAOO and they'd make you wear it all the time

- if you want to do smth on that day, you BET you will. they'll never let you down i SWEAR they're the sweetest pookiest babiest to ever exist :(((((((((

TAISSA TURNER

- hates valentine's day more than anything... "what the fuck im NOT wearing that" when you ask her to match outfits with you but does it anyway

- she's miserable doing anything on valentine's day cause she thinks it's cringe but warms up to it when she sees how happy it makes you

- she's the girl that said "happy wife happy life" btw so she'll do anything u ask her to no matter how much she despises it which is.. a lot probably

- gets you a chocolate and takes 2 hours to decide if she should write you a corny letter with it and she scribbles down some ideas but then just puts :)

LAURA LEE

- as a christian we shouldn't be celebrating vday but im not really that religious so????

- but laura lee is so anyways she would be all like "im not going to sin, i don't want to disappoint my lord" 😭😭😭

- she'd still go on a date w you, well more like flower picking and stuff and she'd probably pull out the the bible and start reading to you but you love her too much to say no so you just listen

- ok yeah that's it end of post mwah mwah

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tf2yall · 2 years

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Mercs hygiene habits?

Sorry this took so long 💔 here u go!!!

Scout

Ok based on general vibes, im pretty sure scout would think deodorant was a fancy roll up kind of candy. But on the other hand i think his ma raised him right and he cleans himself regularly

Always takes very quick showers as he hates standing still for too long. (And he's just used to having to be fast as he grew up in a house full of too many people for one bathroom) Would probably use regular body wash as shampoo.

Brushes his teeth once a day before bed.

All in all, most of the time he just smells like a teenage boy. It's not incredibly intense, but it is definitely there

Soldier

His hygiene routine is very military-like

Ice cold showers that are precisely two minutes long. Beard and hair always cropped down to the skin. Unscented bar soaps.

That being said, once he starts dating Zhanna, she occasionally throws perfume or something at him to get him to stop smelling quite so much like sweat and blood

Soldier discovers that he quite likes perfume. And if anyone says anything about it, he's kicking their ass straight to the moon. (Which he doesn't actually believe exists, but thats a different matter entirely. He has a whole conspiracy theory about it)

Pyro

Nobody really knows what Pyro's hygiene care is like. They always kick everyone else out of the bathroom whenever they want to use it

Prefers baths over showers and got Engineer to install a tub for them. The water is always ridiculously hot and if anyone were to come in they wouldn't even be able to see Pyro behind all that steam

Pyro smells nice. Not that anyone else would ever be able to tell beneath their suit, but they know and they're happy :3

Is definitely the reason why Spy's fancy soaps keep going missing

Heavy

Y'know those like scrubby brushes on sticks you see people using in cartoons? For some reason I see him having one of those.

Smells neutrally nice. Like, he smells nice but he also doesn't smell like anything?? Occasionally has a tendency to smell almost medicinal because of all the time he spends with Medic.

Brushes his teeth but doesn’t floss. He also won't start because Medic annoyed him too much about it and now it's a principle thing.

He can grow hair, but he likes it shaved because it's easier to look after.

Demo

Pretty good at taking care of himself. He washes his hands a lot so he doesn't accidentally end up mixing chemicals or getting them on food or something

Has a rubber ducky. Someone (Scout) scribbled a little eye patch on it and Demo is careful to touch it up every time it starts to wash off

Even though he takes a shower after work every day, he pretty much always smells like alcohol and gunpowder. It's not entirely pleasant but I also don't think he knows so don't tell him. You'll hurt his feelings :(

Takes very good care of his teeth because he didn’t when he was younger and now is utterly terrified of losing them.

Engineer

Okay, I don't know if you've ever smelled a mechanic, but he smells like a mechanic. Basically engine oil and dirt and grease and steel. But like. In a good way.

His hygiene habits are shit. Everyone thinks he's got it together, but in reality he's just the best of the mercs at acting normal. Sometimes he'll get too involved in projects and stay up all night and then you'll catch him hurridly washing up in the sink ten minutes before he's due on the battlefield.

He can't grow hair on his head and he's actually really self-conscious about it. He keeps trying out new methods of encouraging hair growth and trying to invent some himself. Spy knows about all of these attempts and is waiting for the perfect opportunity to blackmail him with it.

For some reason I see him as an ice cold shower kind of guy.

Medic

Obsessively clean in some ways and very nonchalant in others. Won't bat an eye if there's blood all over his shirt but will scream at someone for twenty minutes if they track mud inside.

Like Pyro, he prefers baths to showers, although he doesn't have them quite so hot. Usually bathes with Archimedes in the room because he throws a fit if Medic doesn't let him in. He also occasionally has long drawn out conversations with Demo's rubber ducky.

Has no qualms about nudity and if he has a good idea in the middle of a shower he can and will run off to act on it without even bothering to grab a pair of pants.

Smells like a hospital except when he's JUST come out of the bath. His body wash smells of roses and his shampoo smells generically nice.

Sniper

Smells like urine

Gonna be honest here, Sniper the feral beast man rarely showers. He'll do it if he wants to make a good impression or something, but mostly he just rinses himself off with a rag and a bucket.

His hair is greasy as all shit because he doesn't wash it. He just rinses it and calls it a day.

I have nothing nice to say about Sniper's hygiene habits. I love him, but he very stinky

Spy

A fucking diva. Has a daily skin care routine, uses bath salts, has special conditioner so that his hair doesn't get all weird because it's under his mask all the time.

Has a private bathroom. What, you think he's going to use the same bathroom as those lunatics? Absolutely not and he's disgusted that you'd think so.

Has fancy plush towels that he bought somewhere in Europe and he will stab you if you try and take them.

Smells of expensive cologne.

#tf2 headcanons #demo #heavy #medic #pyro #scout #spy #sniper #engineer #soldier

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vaguely-yandere · 2 years

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ohohoho chami dearest…. you spoil me so… <3333 (๑´• ₃ •̀๑) <333 one thing i really really appreciate about ur blog is! actually everything. LOL i truly love it here i think(?) your blog is relatively new but as you might know, dom reader/sub love interest blogs and fics are already SO hard to find as is; subby yandere centered blogs are even HARDER to come by!! i get theres a certain charm in being dominated (i guess) but seeing a little cutie on their knees in front of you, all panty and blushy and eager….. i need more of that…! and you have delivered in all ways possible <333 lysm !! i really really appreciate u!!! <333 i feel like now IM the one sounding all obsessive ehehehe

speaking of which…. whats your love language? im curious! you can easily take a quiz by searching ‘lovelanguage quiz’ online, idk if youve ever taken one before!! you might have already, i dont know :0 i just think it would be so cute if yans found out about their darlings love language and did their best to give them affection in that way!! even if it didnt exavtly match up with THEIR love language…

that being said, their love language is well, you! so theyll do their best to cater to your needs!! words of affirmation? theyll tell you what they love about you EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. all the time. (its a bit excessive, really, but you canr bring yourself to cut off their ranting about you, even if its been going on for hours…) physical touch? well, theyll do their best to hold your hand without throwing up or shaking or sweating or passing out. quality time? they’ve already got that down! (idk if stalking can be counted as quality time, though…)

so happy you like attention bc i’ll shower you w it!! i honestly don’t keep up w many blogs (in terms of interacting w them) but id like to be friends w you if you’d allow it!! chami <333 chami <33 im p sure you’ll be able to recognize my actual user @ atp, but we can just pretend you dont <33

yes yes!!! ive always been a bit.. picky with my dom yanderes due to various reasons and i always felt bored when reading strictly dominant yanderes who just degrade you and tend to be rly rly mean or having the dom reader be so... unnatural? i don't wanna be mean to anyone, i also do enjoy a few more dominant yanderes and i love others writings but they don't rly fit what im looking for!! and i wanna encourage ppl to seek out content they like AND i wanna encourage other writers to try and write different dynamics !!! a submissive top, a dominant bottom, service tops, just write some niche stuff!!

ive always been a very dominant person and ive never enjoyed having to read about yanderes who beat the reader (literally or figuratively) into submission cause, well. that's not me! i want me a classic yandere who squeals when i yell at them, who sees me hitting them or hugging them as the same thing!!! but i do also enjoy a good service top (i always imagine them holding silver platters, wearing nothing but a bowtie, a funny top hat and a black thong and doing the classic butler pose) but a service top also ties into the weird need to step on a yanderes thigh while they're kneeling and have them smile up at me through the pain or moan when they accidentally bump their hip into a sharp corner cause theyve been pavlov'd to always associate pain with pleasure (and me! <3 in a very consensual and non toxic way. i don't wanna just spend my time beating my poor yandere :()

which i guess makes sense because my love language is acts of service! i love going things for people and i love having people do things for me!!! a close second would be gift giving but that's just because im greedy lol. i can already see a yandere taking this to the extreme and coddling me (something i hate) by always doing everything for me until i eventually snap at them and then they spend the next few hours begging for forgiveness

which is weird! because i really don't like needy ppl who need my attention on the 24/7 or else they'll spend hours whining and asking for reassurance (this is fantasy why am I taking this so seriously) which is. kinda stupid because the base layer of being a yandere is being needy??? but i think that also just ties into why i like sub yanderes! i have control most of the time! i want alone time? they'll stalk me from a distance! i don't want them putting cameras in the bathroom (i never liked this idea as someone with stomach issues. somethings not even my fantasy yandere needs to know about) fine! they'll just make it suicide proof which is fair and they also demand having walkie talkies in there so they can check in when their anxiety is too high. they physically can't handle leaving me alone? they'll let me tie them up for a while and leave em at home while i do stuff. they wanna kill all of my friends? no. bad yandere. ive had enough bad relationships in my life and i can excuse the stalking, taking of undergarments (but at least replace the expensive ones, damn), possible killing of my enemies, etc etc but i draw the line at being a dick! (again, please know i don't encourage this kind of behavior irl. for roleplay purposes and fantasy purposes ONLY.)

plus, something just gets my heart racing when some pathetic lil cutie is desperately trying to hide how desperate they are for me! again, im an attention whore at heart and i desperately need some obsessive lil nerd (think discord mod oc but cute!) to give me the attention and love i deserve! feed my ego! i refuse to be humbled by a dom yandere >:(

and subby yanderes are so cute and can fit into any category! you want it rough? a yandere with a knife obsession (rival yan is perfect for this) or maybe you wanna be spoilt? CEO yandere who'll let you spit in their face, call them an idiot and then let you drain their bank account while thanking you! (just don't hit them too hard, they're very sensitive:() or maybe you're more of a sadist? rival yandere is there for you! enjoy bottoming but don't like getting dommed? submissive service top! (again, CEO yandere!) or maybe you just adore babying and humiliating your yandere! sensitive yandere will let you call them a filthy whore all day long!

maybe you enjoy platonic yanderes who are more submissive as well (but not in a sexual way) then the girly yandere is for you! sure, they were written romantically but any character can be written as platonic! (except maybe rival yandere or sensitive yandere. they both have issues some serious issues- well, maybe sensitive yandere could be more platonic, who knows!) or maybe a doting parental figure? CEO yan will happily take you in! anyone who crosses your path will be begging for forgiveness in no time! submissive yandere can also be p platonic, maybe they're your big sibling (it's weird using traditionally sexual rhetoric to describe a familial role uegh there has to be a better word for it) who always gives you what you want! gifts? candy? games? a ride somewhere? help beating the shit out of a friend who hurt you? they'll do it all! (i always imagine Tanjiro from Demon Slayer like this.. except he has more morals than a yandere but only slightly lol)

there's just so much potential!!!! <33 and id love to be friends with you sunny darling but i have a confession... i try not to pay attention to who likes what or who doesn't like what! despite being an attention whore, it's so tiring feeling my hopes sink when someone who likes EVERYTHING doesn't like something :( so i just don't pay attention to it! but i love making friends!! EVERYONE should feel free to dm me!! all i ask is to please respect my boundaries (in my pinned post) and to pls be patient with me (im very autistic and socially underdeveloped so chatting is hard sometimes) and don't worry about "coming on too strong" or smthin like that! the entire reason i made this blog is for more dominant ppl (and again! love submissive ppl as well and also welcome them here!) who are okay with setting boundaries! which means i like setting boundaries! and i enjoy practicing setting them! and i think it'd be good for other ppl (esp you sunny :3) to maybe practice taking up space! talking a lot, being loud, or just fairly dominant when traditionally you aren't supposed to be isn't a bad thing! and if someone has an issue with it, trust them to tell you and talk it out like mature adults (cause this is an 18+ blog!) and if they don't wanna talk it out or just don't tell you why they have an issue with you, you don't need them in your life. you have too much shit to deal with to add someone being an asshole on top of that!

#sunny darling #yandere scenarios #yandere #platonic yandere #yandere x you #ceo yandere #rival yandere #sensitive yandere #asks

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chicspo · 3 years

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how to glow up ♡

some tips on glowing up because if no ones got u just know i got u! always!!! xo

mental glow up

be yourself: im serious!! im not being corny or cringey shutup. if ur currently trying to fit in or be like the people around u, STAWP. u will never be them. theres nothing u can do to be like them. just like they will never be u, and thats ur power girl! figure out who YOU are and be the best version of YOURSELF. be confident in the fact that no one will ever amount to you! bible!!!

ignore jealous btches: they're irrelevant babe! if anyone talks shit abt u, whether its to ur face or not, they're just insecure. people who spend their time talking abt someone else are fans! they're so obsessed with u. other's opinions doesn't matter bc it's subjective, they project their own insecurities onto you. they see whats worst in them on you, but it has nothing to do with you gf!!

stand out: do ur thing, wear whatever you want, do whatever u like!! and who cares if people stare or talk about u, they all look the same. they wish they were as confident in themselves as you are babe! don't live for others, do ur thing and do it for YOU.

physical glow up

start fresh: take a shower or a relaxing bath! let go of anything thats been annoying u or overwhelming u lately. put on fresh new clothes (or comfy pjs if its late xo), put on some perfume, do ur skincare, etc. this will help with setting a new start, as if u were now a blank canvas

brush ur hair: do it! i have naturally curly hair and i used to only comb it in the shower, but now i brush my dry hair more often and its way better. if u take care of it i promise it wont even look frizzy, it will help keep it looking soft and clean!

accessorize: it doesn't matter if ur all dolled up or just wearing sweats, accessories make everything better!!! i prefer golden jewelry over silver most of the time, it makes me feel so chic and put together. put on some rings, some bracelets, necklaces.. make it cute!

finding ur own style: this ties into what i said before about being yourself. figure out what ur personal style is! don't put urself into a box or an already existing "aesthetic", that's tacky and it limits ur possibilities. just do whatever u want! maybe one day ur feeling more like wearing dresses and the next u wana wear sweats, and thats normal and cool asf! u should wear what makes u feel good, confident, and comfortable

thats all the advice i have for now! hope it helped♡ and as always u can tell me if u have any other blog post suggestions, love u xo

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damonsexywifey · 3 years

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helo today i am going to be talking about daddy papi sexy icon Damon Salvatore. I know im fucking obsessed but this man makes my ovaries explode so i need some way to let it all out so here i go

first things first his mf looks

his eyes omfg his eyes he could stare at me and i would melt his bright blue eyes i already am quite a fan of pretty eyes but his eyes ive been obsessed for a very long time like wtf his eyes are so seductive and for what why do you do this to me huh damon why oh why HIS eyes omg when he looks at elena is with such care and love, id PAY for him to look at me like that HE COULD STOMP ON ME AND ID SAY SORRY AND THANK YOU ok now his little smirk oml when he did something bad he'd do his little smirk and i know it'd be very sociopathic of me to actually enjoy that but why the fuck did i get turned on by that why is he such a sex icon big dick energy is radiating I COULD LITERALLY BE WATCHING A SCENE OF HIM AND ELENA FLIRTING CASUALLY AND I'D BE SWEATING THAT WOULD FILL A WHOLE OCEAN I'D NEED TO PAUSE AND TAKE A BREATHER BECAUSE THAT MAN IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.

OMG THESE SCENES WERE SO EXCITING FOR ME, ID PAUSE AND JUST ADMIRE THE ELEGANT BODY OF THIS SUCH MAN AND THERE WERE SO MANY BATHROOM SHOTS OF THIS MAN HAVING A SHOWER LIKE I DONT BLAME THE DIRECTOR REPEATING THIS SHOT

WHY YOU SAY?? I MEAN LOOK AT HIM ITS NOT FAIR CAN I BE ELENA

SCREAMS SCREAMS UMM DONT BE SHY UNBUTTON MORE

OK NOW IVE DONE A LOOKS ASSESSMENT. IT IS OFF TO DO A PERSONALITY ANALYSIS BECAUSE HE COULDVE BEEN REALLY HOT AND HAD A DEAD PERSONALITY like matt (sorry matt ps i still love you) but no damon has not let me down with his personality so lemme talk about that

the fucking humour:

OK THIS IS JUST mf fragments to his smart ass humour but omg this guy is carrying the show with its humour, i find humour extremely attractive so him just being a little devilish sociopathic smart ass bastard boy is all i ask for and it was received, stefan is great lemme tell u that but one of the reasons its damon>stefan for me its maybe because i prefer playful characters who can quit the intensity and actually have fun so yea personal preferences come into this

Emotional:

my boy is very emotional, hes a vampire yada yada but he hasnt flicked the switch off of his humanity hes still a ball of fluff who tries to cover it up with spikes so he seems tough but some sad scenes you can see right through him like some above. The first one is him letting things pile up over and over again and its killing him in the inside hes such a cinnamon roll and all he needs is a hug and someone to tell him hes gonna be alright...can i plz volunteer to do that ✋

the second one was a scene that made go waaaaaaa and tear up because that was the scene when he was opening up about how he wants and loves elena but shes not hers, shes stefans around then. The fact hes showed as some type of dickhead but he could be rlly douchy and literally just steal her away from stefan but he doesnt because shes "brothers girl" aaa hes caring and it hurts how much he does and his sad scenes hurt, hes not bad hes just very broken inside.

Unapologetically Honest

one of the reasons i love about him is that hes just so mf honest which is ironic because around s2 its just elena calling him a liar anyways hes honest with a lack of apology which i feel like would be extremely necessary when theres a flock of bad guys always at your doorstep, sugar covered words aren't needed tbh thats where his honesty comes in

hes aware of himself and knows that he can be dickhead some way or another so its funny when hes aware kinda gives definition to his character being a self proclaimed dickhead

i stan alarics and damons friendship theres so mf honest with eachother, alaric could be getting emotional about his relationships and this man could just go "but they're dead.. *sips tea* " hes so unbothered theres something attractive about it

Romantic:

youtube

umm so i kinda forgot the post only allows 10 pics so you lot are lucky enough that u get a video

anyways im extremely attracted to intense romance rather than cutesy lovey dovey, this guy ticks the box for intense hes so mf sexy with like one touch can u explain this science to me BECAUSE THIS GUY SCREAMS SEX WTF AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW ELENA CONTROLS HER SEXUAL DESIRES BECAUSE BITCH U SURE DO KNOW I'D DO ANYTHING THIS BASTARD WOULD TELL ME TO DO ANYWAYS THERE WAS THIS SCENE WHERE ELENA WAS WORKING OUT AND THIS GUY WAS TOUCHING HER RIBCAGE OR SOMETHING AND THE HEAVY BREATHING I'D PROBABLY FAINT IN HIS ARMS BUT THIS WOMAN HELD IT TOGETHER CAN HE PLZ TAKE ME ADOPT ME ILL LIVE IN UR HOME I'LL LIVE IN THE TINIEST PLACE IN UR HOUSE I DONT MIND ME I JUST NEED TO BE GRACED BY UR LOOKS the intensity is legit like fire to the skin, i blush and scream for elena im a literal pterodactyl screeching when he comes on screen with him naked and one towel covering his big dick i would write the director a mf big ass letter to persuade him to let damon walk in with no towel pls i beg cmon u can do it i know u want too

anyways overall damon salvatore is my husband papi daddy and i do admit i simp for him and hes hit me like a wrecking ball im on s3 for vampire diaries ill keep u lot updated if anything happens in my shift of simp but for now im kind of addicted to this bootylicious babe actually now i think about it what if i actually ever meet him or something id probably weep and faint yes that'd happen ill probably just stare and i dont blame him if he kicks me out for being a creep anyways uh this was my essay hope u lot enjoy because i sure as heck enjoyed screaming my burning passionate love for Damon Salvatore if someone was selling a damon salvatore in store id be the first one to purchase and i feel like i speak for the nation of damon simps ily babes because i totally understand this lust you have for him

anywho bye bye xoxoxo

#the vampire diaries #damon salvatore #obsessed #fandom #vampire #hot #sex icon #omg #quotes #humour #analysis #Youtube

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mark-me-down-right-there · 4 years

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Today I am just thinking about painful times. I didnt even live with her in 2016 anymore but dam if she doesn't find a way to transcend all that. I hate how much of my mind she takes up. I want to move on and love myself but at the same time these thoughts are still there!! And now they're more tangled than before because she used to compare me to being gross like a boy AND GUESS WHAT MOM. I AM A BOY. IM A MAN AND I GUESS IM STILL A GROSS DIRTY UGLY GREASY DISAPPOINTING NEVER TRYING HARD ENOUGH DISGUSTING BOY

and it bothers other people to HAVE to LOOK at me. I manage a shower MAYBE once a week because her obsession with how I looked made me feel like I was betraying my natural self by wanting to takw a shower. That's messed up!! Showering is nice! I've got old spice body wash and shampoo now and it makes me smell manly and I love it but it's not enough to tempt me to regularly take care of myself that way because overwhelmingly I think of her berating me until I agreed to let her help me shower as a fucking teenager!! She washed my hair for me, made me take off my shirt for it, always just walked into the bathroom when I was changing to shower, and it makes me feel sick to shower now!! Ehen I locked thr door she got upset with me!! When I protested she guilted and wheedled me into changing my mind. I fucking hate white tile! I hate clear shower curtains! I hate the feelibg of someobe bending over my back and their fingers in my hair and their breath on my fucking neck!!

I hate trying on my appearance because she made me think thst the only way people would like me is if I changed everything abkut how I looked. She told me no one was ever going to wany to TOUCH me, no one was ever going to want to LOOK at me, no one was ever going to want to LOVE me. What the fuck?? She said all this and MORE from at least 2010 to now and that is 10 years of FUCKED UP and I hate her and I hate myself and I hate that I can't get past this.

Why fucking try?? Why shower? Why brush my teeth? Why do ANYTHING if no matter how hard I try or how well I think I've done on my own she swoops in and destroys me for all the choices i made on my own?? "Oh you're wearing THAT" "oh you clearly don't know anything" "are you TRYING to look disgusting? Because that's wht you look like. Everyone will be able to tell." God I fucking hate her

I hate that she'd tell me to taje off my clothes when she 'helped' me wash my hair bc "I'm your mother, it's nothing I havent seen before" well FUCK mom maybe I didn't care when I was 5 but I'm 14 15 16 17. 20 now!! WHY woukd I want to be naked around my mom?? Why did she think it doesn't matter?? Why didnt she want to respect my boundaries?

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. I hate. This. I cant believe her when she says I love u now bc of every ktger thing she has ever said to me. And she doesn't get why I hate her and she gets upset and says she was looking out for me and teaching me how to csre for myself.

Well that fucking backfired. I have to work 10x as hard to take any amount of care for myself now. I barely eat ubless I MAKE myself eat. I shower, on a good month, once a week. I have a daily routine in tge morning and I am slowly finding things that don't mke me hate myself when I use them.

I fucking wish I coukd stop thinking about her. But it bothers her to have to look at me, and it shows.

And I just wanna go

#don/treb/log #don/t rb #don/t re/blog #emotional abuse #mark me confessions #mom problems #im trying to move on but first i gotta acknowledge how fucked up this made me

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