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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 3 years

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Come With Me And Never Go Away~ A Proposal Fic

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another writing one shot that I had a lot of fun with! I thought of this really cute idea for how Miya would propose to Sakura in their mid 20's after they were both settled in with their careers picked out and everything else. I hope that you all enjoy my writing because this one was a ton of fun to make!

Kicking off my shoes after a long day, I sighed as I entered my apartment that I shared with my boyfriend of eleven years.

“I’m home…” I announced tiredly and heard the familiar sound of Mario coming from the living room as I saw my adorable boyfriend sitting crosslegged on our couch.

“Baby! Welcome home, you look exhausted come here.” He instantly wrapped his arms around me and I melted into the tightly wound hug.

“I am exhausted. It was a crazy busy day at the restaurant today. Being the full chef now after I’ve been training for the last seven years is really tiring. I know that dad fully prepared me but still.” I whined as my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over to our couch.

“I know that you’re really tired Saki but hey, you get a day off tomorrow. Didn’t Jiro give you the day off?” I nodded my head. My dad had given me a mandatory one day off per week once I officially started working as a full chef. I think part of it was so that he could still work at least one day a week since it was his restaurant.

“I have something planned for you tomorrow! I’ve been planning it for a long time but I think that we’re both finally ready for it.” I blinked my red eyes curiously at my boyfriend for the last eleven years. I wondered what on earth he could have planned out for tomorrow.

“Carla, am I missing an anniversary of some kind?” I asked my own “Carla” prototype that my mom had given me when I moved out, mostly to keep track of important dates and little things like that.

“You are not forgetting any anniversary mistress.” I turned to my boyfriend just making sure that I hadn’t forgotten any big holiday’s.

“No sweetheart you haven’t forgotten any big anniversary or holiday’s for us. Even if you did you know I’m not that into celebrating them. As long as you come home to me at the end of the day that’s all I care about. How was the restaurant today?” I smiled softly putting my feet across my boyfriend’s lap with a small sigh.

“It was great. I love working in the food industry it’s one of my favorite things that I’ve ever gotten to do. How was your day? Did you stream go alright?” He nodded his head with a small smile on his face getting out his computer.

“It went really well! All of the money that I raised is going into the charity that will help me to teach those kids to board.” He promised himself and I smiled softly at my boyfriend forever proud of the life that he had decided that he wanted to make. I remembered when he told me that he wanted to mostly work from home. At first I was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to make his dream a reality but he loved what he did. He got to play video games for a living and then teach kids to skateboard for fun at the local indoor park where he was a coach.

“I’m so glad that it was able to work out in your favor love. What did you play today?” I asked him curiously and he just blew the hair out of his face.

“I played this new remastered Crash Bandicoot game, you’d love it! It’s a lot of fun, you always did love Crash. You can play as Coco throughout the entire game though~” He sang song and I instantly made grabby hands for my switch.

“Let me see it! I need some stupid mindless fun.” He laughed at me instantly grabbing the coral pink switch as he inserted the game cartridge.

“Get your socks off baby, I’ll message your feet.” I blushed a bright pink playing with the ends of my hair nervously. It amazed me that even eleven years of dating the same person I was still flustered by him.

“You don’t have to…” He instantly just took my hand in his lightly messaging out the kinks in my muscles from a day on my feet.

“Saki I want to do this for you. You’re dead on your feet and you’re going to accept my help no matter what you do. I don’t care about feet smell. Just give them here.” I sighed knowing that my boyfriend wasn’t budging from his ideals.

“Fine don’t say that I didn’t warn you cat-boy.” I slipped off my socks and he just smiled at me lightly starting with the top of my leg where I had been standing all day.

“I seriously don’t get what the big deal is. So you work on your feet all day and you sweat, so what baby, everyone does it.” I sighed halfheartedly and just melted against the back of the couch as I picked the character that I wanted to play.

“I’m just self conscious of it I’m sorry…” I apologized and Miya just smiled softly at me as he squeezed my hand.

“No need to be sorry Saki, just relax baby I’m right here.” I sighed a little bit with a small smile on my face.

“I love you Miya Chinen.” I told him and he just kissed my hand that was entwined with his as he used his other one that was lightly massaging my feet.

“I love you too Sakura Nanjo, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He reminded me and I smiled softly at him.

“So, what are we doing tomorrow sweetie?” I could see the small shred of panic that went down his spine with a small nervous smile on his face.

“How about the amusement park in the next town over? It’s been a while since we’ve gone and done a little day trip like that.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. We had so many fond memories of that theme park, it was just your typical fair but we loved it.

“That sounds great! Thank you baby, that means a lot to me. I haven’t been able to go to actually go and have fun on my day off in a while. Working all the time like I do at the restaurant while it’s lucrative it’s super tiring.” My boyfriend just smiled understandingly at me. He rubbed down my ankle and I leaned against the back of the couch.

“I just want to make you happy on your day off. This has been something that I’ve been planning for a long time.” I looked at him with an understanding smile. I knew that he had been planning a talk with me for a while but I didn’t know what it was.

“Miya hey, look at me sweetie.” I reminded him lightly picking up his chin. His sea green eyes were slightly worried and I just smiled understandingly at him.

“It’s okay to be nervous to do something. You know that right? I’m supposed to be the nervous one idiot. Don’t you go taking my job cat-boy.” I lightly teased him and he just laughed a little bit leaning his forehead against mine.

“I’m not taking your job my love it’s just that this is something that I’ve wanted to do for the last few years. It’s just that the timing was never right enough for it to work.” I blinked in confusion for a split second cocking my head to the side.

“Miya seriously, what’s wrong?” He just squeezed my hand with an encouraging smile on his face as he ran a small circle around my hand.

“Nothing is wrong Saki I’m just being all paranoid I’ll be fine I swear. Tell me more about your day? How was the bread today?” I went into my purse sighing a little bit at the fact that old habits definitely died hard and gave some of the bread that I put in there for my boyfriend.

“Try it for yourself and let me know. It seemed that everyone really had a great meal today. That’s what I love about my job getting to see people’s happy faces when they eat something that I prepared for them. Even if I have to stand on my poor feet all day I know that in the end it’s all worth it. There was a little girl there today that I helped to make her own personal pizza.” I explained the favorite part of my day since we both had a soft spot for kids. We had agreed that we wouldn’t talk about adoption until after we had gotten married though.

“Did she enjoy that?” I nodded my head with a bright smile on my face pushing a lock of hair behind my ear.

“I think that she did! Her smile and the way that her eyes lit up when she saw this was enough for me.” I rolled up the sleeve of my dress seeing the familiar tattoo.

“Kids do love noticing that, I’m just glad that you’re extremely happy with it. I know that you weren’t the biggest fan of getting it done.” He thumbed along the edge of the words that had always been there to help me whenever I needed them to.

“It did hurt, Haru knowing him probably made it hurt more somehow. But I can’t regret it because I love it now that it’s completed. Do you still like yours?” My boyfriend nodded his head nuzzling his nose against mine. He had decided on getting something even smaller, the day that we had officially started dating on his wrist. It was next to a pink bow on on one side and a purple skateboard on the other end of it.

“I still love it. I can’t regret even a second of it. Even those three year shot you were in Italy and we were in different time zones. I missed you, so much.” I sighed a little bit watery at the memory of how much we had both hated those years.

“I missed you too baby. I’m sorry but I felt that if I didn’t do the three years away than I wouldn’t be the chef that my dad is. I hated that feeling of inadequacy so I knew that I had to do something to fix it. And that’s what I did.” He clung to my shoulders and melted into my embrace with a bright smile on his face. He rested his cheek on the side of my neck.

“Sweetheart, you’re not inadequate as a cook okay? I hope that you know that now. You worked so hard to prove yourself that you could play on the same field as one of the best chefs in Japan. I know that you didn’t want to let everybody down but I’m still so proud of you my love. Do you know why?” I shook my head with a curious expression in my red eyes.

“Because Saki, you’re the best chef that I’ve ever known. You made me love food and helped me understand that food wasn’t the enemy. My mom shoved diets down my throat but you helped me to learn that food is delicious. You need food to survive. I love you from your open heart to the way that you’re always so determined to make the best food possible. Are you hungry? You are not cooking.” He already ordered me but held me to him as he walked over to the phone.

“The local Japanese place okay?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I had already been around Italian food all day and I smiled softly at the memory of growing up with my dad how he never wanted to cook Italian after a long day on his feet.

“That sounds delicious. Thank you.” He kissed my forehead before peppering the kisses across my cheeks, finally kissing my lips.

“Don’t thank me for food weirdo. You’re fine and I want to look out for you as much as you do for me. Do you need me to carry you back to the couch?” I shook my head with a small smile but tightened my arms around his waist.

“You can’t act like you’re not just as clingy as I am cat-boy.” He laughed joyfully at me pressing me closer to him.

“You’re the one who introduced me to physically affection baby so I blame you. What do you want to watch? Attack On Titan? It’s not too gory for you?” I shook my head, the show had been a favorite of my boyfriend’s when I was away and it helped him to work his way through his missing me. I had just barely started it and even though it was bloody I still couldn’t but help enjoying it because he did so much.

“It’s not, I’m not a frail little girl anymore idiot, I can handle myself.” He just laughed a little bit at me leaning his head against my hair.

“I know you can but you shouldn’t have to watch the show with me if that isn’t what you want to watch with me.” I melted into the affection of my boyfriend and rolled my eyes lightly at his ridiculousness. He called in our regular order before hoisting me up.

“Hey! I told you that I was fine and that I could walk on my own.” I lightly swatted his shoulder but he continued to carry me through the hallway.

“Darling, it’s fine I really don’t mind. Besides I’m strong enough to carry you now that I’m not the weight of a twig.” I sighed a little bit knowing that he wouldn’t back down from this without some big argument. He ran his hands through my hair that wasn’t carrying me. He flipped through the streaming services before finding our Crunchyroll application. I entwined my legs through his with a small smile on my face.

“I love you, goofball.” He laughed a little bit at me kissing my nose as I settled in next to him after another long day. He held me only letting go when he heard the doorbell ring.

“You’ve got to let go love, if you do then we can get food.” I sighed regretfully untwining my limbs from his.

“Fine, go and pay the fee, remember to tip extra god knows that they need the money.” I reminded him lightly and I swung my legs back and forth distractedly.

“I remember it’s what you always tell me sweetheart. I’ll be back in just a few minutes.” He reminded me with one more final squeeze of my hand. He went up the hallway and paid for our food that we had bought.

“Alright love now we can relax. Come here.” Miya instantly pulled me against his chest and I laughed a little bit at his typical clinginess. I somehow managed to eat even when I was caged in. I felt myself drifting off to sleep by the ending of the fifth episode. Miya carried me up the stairs to our bedroom before draping our sheets over me and pulled me into a cuddle position.

“Sleep well my love, we’ll have fun tomorrow. I love you.” I muttered back that I loved him too and he just lightly kissed my forehead. I pulled out of his cuddle position when I woke up an hour later out of sheer discomfort.

“I forgot to put on sleep clothes…” I muttered to myself quickly changing when I saw something hanging in my closet.

“Wha?” I laughed a little bit at my boyfriend’s tiredness kissing his cheek with a small smile seeing his bedhead.

“I’ll be right to be your grounding material. Just give me a second I have to brush my teeth and so should you. We both had dessert.” I reminded him lightly and he just ran his hand through his hair. I saw his Sonic themed sleep pants and I couldn’t help but smile. Adorable idiot. He yawned and I heard the little squeak at the end of it that caused me to giggle at him.

“Shut up I’m tired and my grounding device left my bed.” He mocked me lightly bumping his hip with mine and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him. I grabbed my toothbrush and as I brushed my teeth I started talking to him.

“IthoughtIsawanewdress.” Miya looked at me with his sea green eyes trying to process everything that I had just said.

“What the fuck?” He asked me rapidly blinking and I couldn’t help but laugh at my boyfriend spitting into the sink.

“I thought that I saw a brand new dress in my closet.” Instantly my boyfriend’s face paled and I pushed a lock of hair behind my ear.

“Sweetheart it’s late and you’ve had a long day. Check and see if the dress is still there at a reasonable hour. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He wrapped his arms around me protectively and I just sighed a little it knowing that he was right. He played with the ends of my hair as his eyes slowly slipped shut.

“Night baby.” He purred softly against the hands and I melted into the touch nuzzling his nose against mine.

“Good night my love.” He murmured and I finally felt sleep begin to take over. I was exhausted from my day at the restaurant and looking forward to spending the day with the love of my life. The smell of breakfast was what woke me up and I saw Miya pushing open our front door to the bedroom.

“Morning baby! I made you breakfast.” I looked at the breakfast in front of me and saw the waffles that I had made over the weekend but the eggs he made. It still made my heart skip a beat.

“Baby…” He sat down at the foot of the bed and squeezed my hands with a small smile on my face. He kissed me gently and I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“What did I possibly do to deserve this?” He laughed a little bit pulling me back from the hug and crossed his ankles together.

“You want a full bulleted list?” I rolled my eyes at him but tried the eggs. They were perfectly made. Scrambled eggs were one of the few things that my boyfriend could make better than I could.

“I don’t think that we have the time for the full bulleted list.” I joked pouring the syrup over the waffles. I cut into the fluffiness and I handed my boyfriend a bite that he ate off my fork.

“Thank you for this Miya, you didn’t need to go through all this trouble. I could have made a simple breakfast.” He just shook his head at me as he put his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.

“I am taking care of you today Saki don’t you dare protest. I want you to spend the day just relaxed and free.” He reminded me lightly as he pulled me closer into his side. The warmth that was radiating from my boyfriend never failed to turn me into a pile of comfortable goo.

“Your waffles are the best my love…” He sighed taking another bite off my fork and I laughed a little bit melting into the touch.

“Thank you for this sweetie you really didn’t need to do that for me.” I took a bite from the waffles nodding my head at the fluffy breakfast food.

“Oh sweetheart you don’t need to than me, you already do everything around the house. I just sit on my butt and play video games all day.” I lightly pulled at his cheek as he whined and protested in pain. He was always such a big baby about this sort of thing.

“That is not all you do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home to see that you’ve done the dishes and everything else around the house. I love you Miya thank you for this. It’s going to be a great day.” I saw that there was indeed a new dress sitting at the edge of my vanity. It looked extremely familiar and then it hit me.

“You didn’t…” I trailed off seeing that he had bought me the dress of my childhood dreams, Ariel’s blue town dress from my favorite Disney movie fairy tale The Little Mermaid. Skimbleshanks stretched from his cat tree and slowly climbed down.

“Good morning baby boy.” Miya sneezed next to me reaching for his allergy medication and sighed once he had taken it.

“God I hate my allergies…” He whined and I couldn’t help but feel affection for my boyfriend. I wrapped my arms around him as Skimble climbed into my boyfriend’s lap. He sneezed again as I ran a hand through his hair.

“Hi Skimble, sorry just give me until the medication kicks in.” I fed my cat a blueberry from the bowl of fruit and he just ate the food I had given to him.

"That’s better sorry about that I hate my allergies so much sometimes.” He complained and I just leaned my head against his shoulder.

“I know you do sweetie but you still take care of him anyways during the day. You’re the best.” He laughed at me a little bit before taking his own breakfast.

“I think that’s my line sweetheart. Also since your precious cat interrupted me yes I did buy you that.” My heart ached at the idea that he had done this for me strictly because he wanted me to.

“Thank you Miya. This is so important to me.” I thanked him and he softly hummed at the idea that I was so thankful.

“It’s really no problem baby, you already do so much for me and I wanted to surprise you. There’s a ribbon to match the dress.” I saw the matching blue ribbon and tears flooded into my eyes when his arms tightened around me.

“Hey, what are the crocodile tears for baby?” I shook my head singing deeply and trying to calm down a little bit.

“I’m just emotional because I really love you Miya. you’ve done everything within your power to make me happy over the years that we’ve been together even when you couldn’t physically be there. I’m sorry that I’m such an emotional mess it’s just that I love you so much.” Miya hugged me tighter to him and he just ran a hand through my hair.

“Oh my light in the darkness you’re so ridiculous sometimes. I love you so much baby it’s going to be okay. You know how I hate making you cry because then that makes me want to cry and that’s never a pretty picture.” He joked lightly and I let out a watery laugh as he gave me a bite from my waffle. I melted into the touch and the flavor of something that I made.

“I love you too Miya, more than anything in the entire cosmos. You’re the best things that has ever happened to me you coming into the restaurant that day. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you I just love you so much.” My boyfriend just ran his hand down my shoulder with a small smile on his face.

“Sweetheart, we need to really start getting a move on so that we can celebrate today.” He reminded me lightly and I clenched my fist with a small smile.

“Okay! Why is today so special?” I asked him and he just looked at me with an understanding smile on his face but I could see the traces of worriment there.

“It’s nothing really that special my sunflower, it’s just another day when I can celebrate with my best friend in the entire world. I want to treat my queen the way that she deserves.” My heart positively lunged in my chest as tears pooled in the corners of my eyes.

“Please stop saying shit like that idiot I can’t finish my breakfast if I keep on crying.” I lectured lightly and he just kissed the side of my forehead with sticky syrup lips.

“Sorry sweetheart, I can’t help it.” I leaned against him when I saw our other much smaller and younger kitten hop up on the bed. We had just gotten him because we knew that Skimble’s days were numbered amongst us due to how old and frail he was getting.

“Hello Berlioz…” I greeted my boyfriend’s Russian blue cat that he had decided to name after his favorite of the cats from The Aristocats. He curled up in my lap and I fed him a little slice of mango.

“Sakura I need to ask, are you happy with me?” I blinked at my boyfriend with shocked eyes and I just squeeze his hand.

“Baby, of course I’m happy with you. Where’s this coming from?” He just sighed a little bit his nervousness palpable.

“I just wanted to know if you’re contented in with me in your life. I love you more than anything and sometimes I just need to hear that you love me too. Even though you tell me that you love me all the time it’s still what I worry about.” I wrapped my arms around my boyfriend’s waist. I sighed a little bit, I think sometimes I worried so much and he had to take care of me if I could take care of him.

“Miya, don’t be an idiot. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. If I could still with you forever I would. Hell I plan to stay with you for the rest of my life. I love you so much. You’re my savior. You brought me out of the darkness. I was just living before I met you. When I met you it was like my world had blown up into this world of color.” He just tucked a lock of pink hair behind my ear with a small smile on his face.

“Light in the darkness, I love you so much. I know that you’ve struggled harder than anybody to keep your head above the water that’s why I didn’t want to tell you about these anxieties that I had.” He kissed my forehead softly running a hand down my side.

“There you go it’s okay to have fears about these types of things. Come on, let’s get some breakfast. Then we can celebrate and have a fun day with whatever you have planned my love.” He kissed my forehead with a small smile on his face.

“Do you have a matching Prince Erik costume?” I teased lightly seeing the pink flush go across my boyfriend’s cheek.

“I do…” I squeezed his hand with a small smile on my face. The fact that my boyfriend had gone this far into giving me just a simple good day off.

“You didn’t have to get a matching outfit Miya, I would have been fine just wearing the dress that you worked so hard to find for me.” I objected and he just laughed a little bit at me kissing my forehead with a small smile.

“I wanted to besides it’ll work for part of a surprise that I have for you at sunset.” I pouted at the idea that he was alluding to having a surprise for me but not telling me in the slightest what it was.

“You know that I hate it when people are like I have a surprise for you but then don’t tell me more details. I hate surprises because the suspense in just exhausting for me.” I kicked my legs back and forth whining at my boyfriend’s way of teasing me.

“It’ll be a good surprise I promise baby. I’m sorry to be such a secret keeper right now but it’s for the best. I just want you to be happy.” My heart melted at the idea that he just wanted to celebrate the idea of being together. I wanted to finish my breakfast as quickly as possible so that I could get on the road with my adorably goofy boyfriend. I accidentally got some food lodged in the back of my throat.

“Whoa, take it easy there sweetheart, don’t give yourself a stomach ache again. I probably shouldn’t have said anything before we leave.” He rubbed my back lightly trying for me to get whatever it was lodged out of my throat.

“Thanks sweetie I’m alright. I’ll be okay. I’m actually full, do you want the rest?” He nodded his head getting the rest of our food into his stomach. I went into the shower to get ready for the day. Putting on the dress that he had bought for me and brushing out my hair I tied my hair back into Ariel’s ponytail with her floppy bangs

“Saki…” I heard Miya’s voice from the now steamy shower as he left the bathroom with a towel around his waist.

"You look like the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my entire life. I love you so much, more than anything. How am I dating this gorgeous creature?” He dramatically leaned against my shoulder and I just laughed at my long time love.

“You’re just as pretty as me if not more so my love get over yourself.” I rolled my eyes at him lightly and he just shook his head at me.

“I’m still saying that you’re prettier. Oh! Before I forget this is your new purse.” He handed me a Flounder purse and my heart positively melted.

“Thank you!” I flung my arms around his neck with a bright smile on my face. He just kissed my forehead with a small loving smile.

“Now that you’re all gorgeous I feel inadequate, be gone with you.” He waved his hand dismissively and I laughed a little bit at him.

“Yes your highness, I have to put on makeup anyways.” I lightly stuck my tongue out at my boyfriend and went into our bathroom. Brushing my teeth and going through the rest of my morning routine I spun around in a small circle in the mirror. I truly felt like the mermaid turned princess in the getup that Miya had accumulated for me.

“It’s remarkable how you look even prettier to me without makeup on but you still look beautiful with it on. I know that you’re just wearing it for the aesthetic and the appeal to look more like your character.” I looked over at my boyfriend now fully dressed in his Erik attire. My heart skipped a beat at my childhood Disney prince come to life right in front of my very eyes.

“You clean up surprisingly nice, who are you and what have you done with my cat-boy boyfriend?” He sarcastically laughed at me but just jokingly flexed his slight muscles.

“Okay don’t go getting a bigger ego than my dad now. Black shoes where did I put you…” I muttered trying to find my black flats that would match the rest of this outfit since I couldn’t function in heels.

“They’re towards the back!” Miya yelled at me and I found the shoes in question and slipped them on getting on final look at myself in the mirror.

“You look absolutely breathtaking. Am I in heaven? Are you an angel Saki?” I blushed a bright pink and tried to use my hands to cover my face.

“Baby, don’t do that shit okay just look at me. Just look right at me. There’s nothing that you need to be embarrassed about around me. I know you, you’re my best friend. Just take some deep breaths with me before you get too far into your own head.” I followed the familiar breathing instructions and tried to follow his cadence for breathing. It always worked better when he was here holding me and making sure that I was breathing deeply and regularly to get me out of my own head.

“Did Haru tell you about his latest customer last night?” I shook my head and my boyfriend just laughed openly, one of my favorite sounds in the entire world.

“Oh god, so this Karen she came in demanding that he make her the tattoo of her baby’s birthday but when he was out of the right shade of pink that she wanted and he told her that she should come back when he had the color in stock, she threw an absolute hissy fit. Said that a cis person wouldn’t have made her go through all the trouble. Do you know what he said to her?” I shook my head knowing that whatever Haru had told her it had to have been a gold line.

“He said ma’am if I may be frank a cis person and a straight person would have thrown you flat on your ass the moment that you opened your mouth and started ranting about not having the right color of pink that you requested once you got here even though I asked you for colors a month in advance but luckily for you I have the patience of a saint and an amazing girlfriend who knows how to help me with my anger management.” I laughed openly totally getting this image of Haru doing Kyo’s count down from 10 to 0 just like in the Fruits Basket anime and manga.

“Thank you Miya that does make me feel so much better now that you told me something stupid. I love you.” I thanked him and he just lightly nuzzled his nose against mine taking a deep breath of my shampoo.

“There is nothing in this whole world that I love more than your laugh my sunflower.” He snuggled against me and I melted into the affection.

“I love your laugh too~ your laugh is so open and unabashed.” His hand entwined with mine and I squeezed his hand.

“I used to hate my laugh when I was a kid it wasn’t until I met you that I learned to love my laugh.” He intertwined his pinky finger with mine. When we had first started being friends we would constantly be holding pinkies when we were together.

“Well you know I was also self conscious of my laugh too. I love laughing with you though because our laughs are both equally loud and they balance each other out. Especially when you’re playing video games, come on amore mio let’s get out of here. Do you think that the boys can handle themselves?” I asked him and he just laughed a little bit at me.

“I think that Skimble can keep Berli in line. You both be good and we’ll be back later tonight.” He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side.

“Do you think that you’d ever go to your brother for another tattoo? Maybe a Little Mermaid one?” I nodded my head. I knew that I should ask my brother to design me another one since I did love the that I had.

“I’m going to call Haru tomorrow and make sure that he has an opening spot for me within the next few weeks. He’s usually really busy but I love supporting his small business.” Miya lightly rested his cheek against my hair.

“I’ll support you and squeeze your hand no matter what the pain is. I know that you can’t deal with pain very well.” My heart squeezed in my chest with a small smile on my face. No matter what I could always count on him to be there for me.

“I love you so much Miya.” He just sighed a little bit kissing my forehead with a small smile on his face. When he lightly guided me through the house and into the car he locked the car door.

“Okay, do you have everything that you need for the day? Nothing else?” I shook my head with a small smile on my face.

“Nope.” I popped the p and he just laughed at me pushing a lock of hair into my ponytail. I got into the car and looked through my bag to make sure that I had seen everything.

“I made sure that everything was in there before you left with it. Maybe some extra things as well.” He squeezed my hand as he pulled out of our apartment complex driveway with a small smile on his face. I opened the purse going through it. I saw the typical things, my phone, but towards the bottom I saw that there was a new set of bracelets, new earrings, and new lipstick there. He must have noticed that I was almost all out of my favorite shade of red.

“Thank you baby, this means so much to me.” He just kissed my hand that he was holding before pulling out of the hold so that he could focus on driving.

“It’s really no need to thank me sweetheart. I just wanted to see your smile. You can pick the music that we listen to.” He handed me his phone and my heart warmed when I saw the familiar lockscreen of me sleeping on his shoulder dead to the world. I went through our music just finding a playlist of my favorites and putting that on shuffle to make things easier for me. The only thing that wasn’t included here was Rush because I had them in their own separate playlist to keep it from being over 24 hours long. Hearing the familiar sounds of Journey’s love song that I had grown up hearing playing through the speakers.

“It’s our song…” Miya smiled nostalgically and I couldn’t help but smile at the memory. We had our own private prom since it was around the time when I got really into American culture and how it all worked. Miya had surprised me by doing such a simple thing and using our local skatepark but decorated for a prom for both of us.

“I’ve loved this song since I was a kid. It always had a special meaning for me. But for years I never really knew what until I met you. It was just a pretty song with lyrics that I loved.” I looked out the car window seeing so many childhood memories of going around the city when I first started skateboarding with my boyfriend. There were so many minor injuries but I wouldn’t change a thing about how I did it now.

“I didn’t know a lot of American songs before I met you. It was through you that you taught me about all different kinds of things. I found kindness in humanity again due to you. I was lonely before I met you and I-sorry I’m getting all sentimental.” I squeezed his arm with a small understanding smile knowing where he was coming from. When you’ve been dating the same person for the last eleven years of your life you learn all their little ticks. Miya’s was that he was surprisingly soft and sentimental.

“It’s okay amore I get it. Are you sure that today isn’t anything important that would make you more sentimental than usual?” He looked down at the steering wheel before sighing a little bit. He tucked a lock of dark hair behind his ear his eyes brimming with tears.

“It’s the anniversary of the day that you first talked to me…” I blinked my red eyes rapidly trying to turn back time and find out if he was right.

“It is? We don’t celebrate that one, how do you remember that?” He just nodded his head with a small smile on his face.

“I know that we don’t celebrate it but I always remember it. I loved you even back then when I was a petty eleven year old that hated the rest of the world for abandoning me. You didn’t give up though. Even when I ignored you when you tried to talk to me. You continued to press me for information about myself and why I loved skating so much.” Miya remembered the moments before we were friends and I just closed my eyes flashing back to that first day. I had seen a young skater when I was blading home from school in the skatepark that had done a rail slide down the railing. I thought that he was beautiful at skating. Little did eleven year old me know that she had just opened Pandora’s box and her life would change forever.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” He sighed but looked over at me with his sea green eyes traced with that worriment.

“I didn’t want you to think that I was some kind of creeper weirdo for remembering such a simple thing…” I instantly wrapped my pinky around his with a small understanding smile on my face covered up by a laugh.

“You really are an idiot. Miya, I’ll never think that you’re a creeper. You might be a weirdo but that’s my job to tease you and make fun of you lightly. I can’t blame you for remembering that first day that I reached out to you. It was the first time that somebody had given you an ounce of human kindness in a long time.” My longtime boyfriend’s worriment steadily went away but I still little traces of it in those eyes that I loved so dearly.

“I’ve been kind of low key panicking about that for a good chunk of the day so I’m glad about that.” I squeezed his arm with a small smile on my face.

“I get it okay? I panic all the time about the dumbest of things and I just overanalyze the hell out of my situation before eventually just coming to the conclusion that I am socially awkward and it’s a curse.” I joked and Miya just laughed at me.

“You are the farthest thing from socially awkward you just have to get yourself out of that little turtle shell of yours and open your mind to new ideas. I know that the concept is hard for you but you’ve come a long way from where you were. You were able to make a really amazing friend other than me two of them in fact.” He reminded me lightly kissing my forehead with a small smile on his face as he pulled onto the highway that would lead us to the next town over.

“It was more like Kayla picked me and you know it. I was so bad with friends at first at least least when they weren’t you. I’ve always been good at talking to you baby.” I saw the slight flush on my boyfriend’s cheeks.

“I think it’s because we’re both sort of wallflower loners but it’s okay. I always had you around so I couldn’t be lonely anymore after you came into my life.” I smiled softly at him pushing a lock of hair behind my ear.

“I never really needed anybody else other than you tesoro. You were enough to make me happy. Even during those years that we spent apart I just kept thinking that one day I’d come back to you.” He just sighed happily squeezing my hand with a small smile on his face.

“It was hardcore but I needed that time too. I think I of all people was too codependent on you and the friendship that you gave to me. I needed the opportunity to make friends of my own. That and to get my head on straight for what I wanted to do for work. I couldn’t rely on my gorgeous girlfriend forever for clout. I needed to learn how to provide for you.” I sighed a little bit fluttering my hands around in a small circle in front of me just needing something to do with all of this excess energy.

“You didn’t have to provide for me my darling. I can perfectly well provide for myself out here in the world. I love you but that’s the truth. I love that you enjoy what it is that you do for work. It’s fun for you and you always wanted to do something with video games. Being a streamer was always your dream job because then you could work from home.” As we drove into the town I could see the people gathering up their young children for the fair.

“Do you still want to adopt one day?” Miya asked me swiftly changing the subject and I nodded my head seeing a small girl outside walking between her mom and dad.

“I do want to have children and to give them a better life than the one that they’ve known. Maybe older kids and give them a place to call home. Nine year olds and up.” I thought to myself and my boyfriend just smiled softly.

“I rather like the idea of you caring for a smaller child though, one like that mom there.” He noticed and pointed out a young mother that was carrying what had to be a three year old child.

“I just think that you have really good maternal instincts Saki. I’d love to see you with a younger child. We’ll certainly adopt some older ones too but I want at least one less than five.” My heart melted at the idea of him as a dad. I knew the concept of fatherhood was foreign to him but I also knew that he would be amazing at it. He’d teach the kids to skate, play video games, show them various anime’s. He’d be the best nerdy father figure.

“Just keep the gooey stuff away from the baby.” I lightly warned knowing that he would but just wanting to lightly mock him.

“Oh please, I’m not stupid no matter how much you call me an idiot.” I lightly drew a small circle into my dress just trying to do something with my hands.

“Just because I call you an idiot doesn’t make you stupid caro. It means that you sometimes do things that are silly.” I reminded him lightly and he just smiled softly at me leaning his head against my shoulder with a hum.

“I know you do hey look sweetheart, there’s the amusement park.” I looked ahead of me and saw all the rides and attractions as well as the games that were ahead of the parking lot. Miya got out of the car first and rushed to open my door.

“I could have gotten it.” I protested and he just took my hand squeezing it encouragingly with a small smile on his face.

“It’s okay baby I wanted to get your door for you. Come on, let’s have some fun~” He sang song and I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. We walked together to the front of the ticket counter.

“Two tickets please.” I buried my head into my boyfriend’s neck with a small smile on my face. He must have sensed the light nervousness that I had about how this day was going to go.

“Are you the one who called in about the-“ Miya nodded his head rapidly making the mime to stop talking right then and there.

“The what now?” He just leaned his cheek against my hair wrapping his arm around my waist with a small smile on his face.

“Nothing Saki, it’s a surprise for later on today. I had a carriage ride planned out and this guy just ruined it.” He whined and I couldn’t help but feel tears come to my eyes at the amount of planning that must have gone into this. We were handed our day passes for the amusement park and we got them scanned as we went under the tunnel that led us to the bright and shiny main street.

“Excuse me lady, are you princess Ariel?” A small girl who couldn’t have been more than four years old asked me. I beamed down at the girl realizing that when Ariel wore this costume she didn’t talk.

“That’s not Ariel you idiot she has the wrong hair color.” The boy that the girl was with reprimanded his friend harshly and I felt a small shiver of panic go through me.

“My girlfriend might not be the real Ariel but she is a fellow Little Mermaid fan. Also brat, I’d watch your tone when you speak to her. She’s a lot nicer than you’ll ever be. You can’t treat people like you’re better than they are just because you feel superior.” I knew that my boyfriend felt like he was talking to a younger version of himself and my heart ached.

“It’s true, I’m not the princess that you want me to be. I’d still love to take a picture with you though if you still wanted to. What I’m doing right now, it’s called cosplay. I wear the costume of the character and it helps me to feel more confident. I’ve done with a handful of other characters but they all match my hair color.” I reasoned with the little tike in front of me and she just nodded her head at me grabbing her mother.

“Mama! She says that she’s a cosplayer.” The mother looked at me with a small sort of fake smile on her face.

“Oh did she now?” Miya’s arm tightened around my waist his protective nature coming through in full force.

“Mhm! She’s Princess Ariel today, she’s so beautiful isn’t she?” The mother just picked up her daughter and what looked to be her son.

“You are both despicable both claiming to be characters for the lives of young children.” I heard Miya mutter, maybe you’re just a despicable mother as I swatted his arm.

“Tesoro let’s just go. I can’t be around here anymore.” He just squeezed my hip as we walked together to him drawing a small circle there.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s just go and have fun. I see the carousel!” He encouraged as a distraction and he instantly led me over there. I saw a seahorse that was one of the riders that you could sit on.

“I’ll help you up there my light in the darkness.” He offered and I looked at him with an understanding smile on my face.

“I can get up there myself.” I whined and he just lightly squeezed my hand. I just knew that I had to let go and let him take care of me.

“I know that you can my love. I just wanted to help you out anyways.” Once the ride came to a stop he gratefully helped me up onto the seat of the horse that I wanted to ride upon.

“Oh my god that is the sweetest thing that I’ve ever seen in my entire life…” A middle aged woman came up to the two of us.

“I grew up watching that movie and I think that you’re absolutely adorable.” Miya squeezed my hand encouragingly.

“Thank you very much ma’am! I wanted to just surprise my girlfriend on her day off. She works as a head chef and is always busy working or her brain is running a million miles an hour.” I wrapped my arms around my boyfriend with a small smile on my face.

“You two are the cutest thing ever!! I love that so much, it reminds me so much of me and my beau. He runs the Disney carnival games.” My heart ached at the idea that there was a good chance that they both met here most likely.

“We’ll have to stop by there later once we get to the end of the day. I’ve been known to be quite a good at carnival games. I just don’t want to win her a giant stuffed animal and then have to carry it around all day.” He squeezed my hands and the worker just got teary eyed at the two of us before going off to start the ride. Carousels had always been my childhood favorite to ride with Haru since he got easily motion sick growing up. Now he was the biggest thrill ride seeker out there and so was Kayla.

“I love you angel, you’re so beautiful today. Don’t mind that stupid bitch of a mother she’s doing a shit job of raising her kid.” I laughed openly at my best friend. Leave it to the love of my life to realize things that I didn’t even think I was worried about.

“Are you okay though amore?” I asked him thinking about his lecture to that bratty kid who couldn’t have been more than four years old.

“I’m fine my light in the darkness. I just wanted to smack that kid upside the head so badly that I was barely restraining myself. How dare he say that any part of my girlfriend is unnatural looking!” He vented and I couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at him.

“Miya don’t let that stupid kid get to you. Let’s try and have a nice day okay?” He nodded his head squeezing my hand with a small smile on his face. The ride slowly came to a stop and the operator stopped us giving Miya a massive handful of tickets.

“These are good for any of the games that we have here on the house for being such couples goals. I’ll have to talk Jin into cosplaying with me one day.” I smiled gratefully at the young woman that had supported the both of us.

“Thank you very much ma’am!” I lopped my arm through his and leaned his head against my shoulder. We walked through the park and saw the carnival games that were set up and one booth caught my eye.

“Hey, I think that’s where that woman’s boyfriend works! Look at that massive flounder.” My eyes went all soft and misty when I saw the stuffed version of my favorite Disney side character all set up.

“I’ll win that for you.” Miya promised his fist clenched and I smiled softly at my boyfriend as he walked up to the worker with Jin’s name tag on it.

“Can you do me a favor, do you have more of the large Flounder’s?” Miya asked him and I saw the worker smile softly.

“I keep stock of all my stuffed animals if you want to win one for your beautiful princess. I can tell that she is the apple of your eye. I look at my girlfriend the same way she runs the carousel.” I smiled softly at him when Miya just lightly kissed my forehead but I moved to kiss him.

“We’ll be back by the end of the day to get that for her.” He promised Jin and he just smiled softly at us nodding his head.

“I’ll be looking forward to it. Have a nice day folks!” He got to talking with the next little girl in line to get a stuffed animal.

“I want to see if she gets her animal. If not I’ll get it for her.” Miya watched as the young girl struggled to hold up her gun and her shots went amiss.

“I’m going to go and talk to her.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face as I watched him go over to the little girl and lightly coach her on how it was done. He helped her to aim the gun so that she’d be able to hit the target.

“Your boyfriend is really good with kids. That’s my daughter.” A man pointed to the young girl with a lilt to his voice that I could tell he loved her.

“He’s always been amazing with children. I think it’s because he’s basically a big kid himself so he’s able to relate to them easier.” I smiled softly at my boyfriend as he cheered for the girl when Jin handed her the stuffed animal that she wanted.

“How long have you two been dating?” Miya put his arm around my shoulders possessively and pulled me closer to my side. I could tell that he was having a bit of a jealous fit but I thought that it was adorable.

“We’ve been dating for the last eleven years now back the hell off.” I laughed a little bit at my boyfriend rolling my eyes at him.

“Tesoro he wasn’t even flirting honestly how do I put up with you half the time when you act like this?” I asked him exasperatedly and he just melted into the touch of my hand against his cheek.

“You have nothing to worry about friend, I’m very much taken. I don’t even play for her team. That’s my husband.” He pointed to a man that was throwing basketballs into a basketball hoop game to win basketballs.

“We’ve been married for the last six years and recently adopted our first child the one that you just helped to win at that target game. I was just about to go and get my hubby to help her but you beat me to it.” Miya kissed my palm that was calming him down and he just sent me the loving smile that I initially fell in love with.

“Great job sweetie! You got the one that you wanted?” The little girl nodded and hugged my boyfriend who blinked owlishly in surprise.

“Thank you mister!! You really helped me and I appreciate it a ton.” She thanked him and he lightly patted the little girl’s head.

“It’s really no problem, I’m Miya, this is my longtime girlfriend Sakura.” He introduced me to the small girl in front of him and I got down on her level.

“Which stuffed animal did you get sweetheart?” She showed me the stuffed Marie that she had picked out and I couldn’t help but smile at the nostalgic value that character brought for me.

“Because I’m lady that’s why, excellent choice she’s always been a personal favorite of mine. We have a gray cat named Berlioz he named him.” I jerked a thumb at my boyfriend who just smiled at the two of us interacting.

“That was the first Disney movie that I ever saw. She showed it to me because I didn’t have the luxury of Disney movies growing up. I think that we are actually going to go and ride some rides, but you have a good day with your dad’s okay?” The little girl nodded her head with a small wave as I sighed wistfully at her retreating.

“That’s going to be us one day. I want to adopt kids so bad.” Miya just squeezed my hand with an understanding smile while pointing to a moderately intense looking rollercoaster.

“What about that one next baby?” I looked at the ride in question while nodding my head hesitantly. I had a feeling that the wind would probably majorly mess up my ponytail but it would be worth it. Miya loved rollercoasters and I loved hearing him laugh while he was on them. It never failed to light up my heart and live rent free in my head.

“Sure, it looks like you’d enjoy that one! Did you seriously buy a horse and carriage ride knowing that I’ve always wanted to do that?” He nodded his head with a light pink flush on his cheeks. I couldn’t help but lean that much closer to him wanting him to know what he had done really meant something to me.

“I wanted to surprise you and spoil you because I don’t get to do it very often. You don’t usually let me.” He whined plaintively and I couldn’t help but laugh at his childish nature.

“That’s because if I let you then you’d never stop wanting to. I can’t let you buy me everything caro. I have to take care of myself.” Miya took the hand that he was holding and pressed a gentle kiss to it as we got in line for the rollercoaster that he wanted to go on.

“You don’t have to do everything all by yourself. You’re not a one woman show you never have been. I know that you love having your independence and I wouldn’t want to take that away from you for anything in the entire world.” He reminded me lightly. I knew that he was right but it was my own stubborn sense of pride that got in the way of things sometimes.

“Sweetheart it’s alright to rely on me for certain things. Especially ones that I like to buy for you. Today I’m spoiling you and you’re going to lie back and not get your wallet out all day.” He swore jokingly and I couldn’t help but laugh at his over exaggerated nature of being a gentlemen.

“Okay okay cat-boy I won’t pay for anything. You didn’t have to jokingly threaten me or anything like that.” He leaned against me as the line moved forward ever so slightly. The day was rather crowded especially since it was a Friday afternoon. Once we got to the front of the line and Miya and I got to sit together at the back of the train. The train instantly started moving super fast and I closed my eyes.

“My light in the darkness open your eyes.” Miya encouraged me and he squeezed my hand and I instantly felt this shred of panic go through my body. When I looked over at my boyfriend he had a bright smile on his face. He was laughing loudly at the idea the rollercoaster and I felt my heart lighten.

“I love you.” I screamed over the rest of the sound of the rollercoaster and I laughed at him a little bit. He was beautiful.

“I love you too gorgeous!” He showed through his laughter. I knew that for the rest of the day I would be letting him pick the rides. Miya’s openness and his beauty was never something that failed to take my breath away. As the rollercoaster pulled into a stop and I pushed my hair into my eyes. I pulled my hair back into my ribboned ponytail.

“Was that ride too intense for you my love? Here, let me redo your hair.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.

“It was a lot of fun actually! I love watching you being happy. You can pick the rest of the rides that we go on~” I leaned into the touch of my boyfriend’s gentle hands running through my hair. He was always so gentle with me it was something that never failed to make melt positively into a puddle.

“Are you sure that you want to go on the rest of the rides with me choosing them?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I had desperately just wanted to hear my boyfriend laugh all day long. It had been so long since I had the opportunity to hear it for a full day.

“The next one will be more your speed!” Miya led me over to my favorite ride at the parks that would allow for me fly amongst the sky.

“You hate this ride…” He shook his head with a small smile on his face leaning against me. He leaned against my forehead with a small smile on his face.

“I don’t hate it, I actually rather love it. Mostly because you look so cute when you’re all happy like that.” He reminded me lightly as the line moved a lot faster this time around. Our buckle got put down and I instantly felt like flying. This ride always made me feel like I was on the back of a broom. Throughout much of my childhood this was one of the few rides that Haru actually enjoyed because it was soothing. Miya clung to my shoulder but I could still see that he was happy.

“Miya, look at the ground! You can see the whole theme park from here.” I looked down my breath being taken away by the beauty of everything in front of us.

“That is really quite beautiful. Nowhere near as beautiful as my company though.” I flushed a hot pink hearing the light laughter of my boyfriend against my head where his cheek was resting.

“It’s adorable that even after eleven years I can still make you just as flustered as I did when we were thirteen.” My heart squeezed in my chest and I just lightly rolled my eyes at him. We got off the ride shortly after but walked around back to the rollercoaster section of the park.

“Come on sunflower, that one looks not too crazy. There is a loop though if you don’t want to do that than I totally understand.” My boyfriend told me and I instantly felt this little shred of panic go through me. While I could handle rollercoasters I wasn’t the biggest fan of ones with loops. Still though, the idea of Miya’s laugh stuck in my head and I knew that if we went on the crazy coaster that I’d hear it again.

“I can handle it tesoro. I know that I can because I want to hear your laugh again.” He just smiled softly at me putting his arm soothingly around my shoulders.

“In my defense the only reason that I want to go on another thrill ride is so that I can do your hair again. I love doing your hair because it’s something that only you let me do.” Miya softly led me over to the line that was in front of a small rollercoaster.

“I am going to take it easy with you today because I want you to be happy more than anything. You’re my best friend.” My heart warmed at the idea of celebrating this day with the love of my life. It made me smile that he was actively caring about me and worrying about what I would want to do.

“Are you sure caro? You love rollercoasters…” He just smiled softly at me leaning his forehead against mine happiness in those sea green eyes of his.

“I do love rollercoasters but you know what I love more? It’s you. You’re everything to me sweetheart and going out of my way to make sure that you’re happy that’s the most important thing. I have one more surprise at sunset too.” I blinked at him. What was it with him today and surprises? I didn’t feel like I was worthy of all these various surprises.

“You stop that right now my darling, I already know where your mind is going.” He lightly kissed me and I just smiled softly into the kiss.

“I just don’t feel like I’m worthy of all these extravagant gifts…” Miya just squeezed my hand understandingly.

“It’s okay that you don’t feel like you’re worthy because I know you are. Sometimes our brains tell us things that simply aren’t true. Yours tells you that you’re a burden and that you aren’t worthy of the love and affection that you get from other people.” I sighed a little bit because damn it, my boyfriend had a good point.

“You’re right as per usual amore. I’ll be alright I promise. We’ll still have a great day! It’s just I need to to stop analyzing everything.” He lightly pulled me along the line and we got seated towards the front this time around. The entire day of riding rides, eating junk food, and just spending the day with my boyfriend was something more than I could have ever asked for.

“We’ll get your stuffed animal after this surprise.” My boyfriend told me getting out a blindfold. I looked at him curiously but put it around my eyes anyways.

“You are so lucky that I trust you tesoro.” I told him teasingly and he just squeezed my hand as he led me to some place where I could hear slight running of water.

“You can take the blindfold off now my love…” I looked at the river in front of us and saw a boat in front of me.

“Are we doing the scene?!” I asked him excitedly and he rubbed the back of his neck in his awkward tick. I squeezed his hand.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” I asked him rapidly and I heard his soft chuckle before he just pulled me to him into a hug.

“I’m fine. I’ve wanted to tell you something for a while. Since Christmas.” My brain did the math. Christmas was over eight months ago and it was now late summer just started to cool down into early fall.

“Let’s just get in the boat…” He carefully guided me into the row boat and slowly started rowing us away from the shore. “Miya what’s wrong caro?” I questioned trying to not let my worry seep into my actual tone and my boyfriend just filtered around his pocket.

“Saki… I had a script for this but I feel like now I’m just going to wing it.” I looked over at him as he took my hand and stopped rowing the boat.

“Ever since the first day that you started talking to me at school I’ve loved you. I might have been too much a stubborn brat to notice it at the time but it was always there. It was there in the way that you persisted and kept trying to talk to me even though I acted like a little shitbird and told you to leave me the hell alone. I didn’t know it at the time but that day going into Sia La Luce changed my entire life. It was the day that I saw this entirely different side to you. You weren’t just the snot nosed popular girl but you were passionate, outspoken, determined, independent, and absolutely the most amazing girl that I had ever met. After we started becoming friends part of me didn’t want it to end. It didn’t want for you to become friends with other people because I thought that they’d take my role in your life.” Miya started and I saw him reach into his pocket for something before taking his hand back out.

“When you told me that you loved me before I ever got the chance to tell you, I was pissed. I couldn’t have been man enough to tell you the way that I felt and you had to tell me in order to tell you. I promised myself that in that moment I’d never stop telling you how much I loved you. There aren’t enough words in any language or any dictionary for me to tell you how much I love you. Every day that I spend with you is the best day of my life. Before you came into my life I was living a life full of loneliness and I treated everyone around me coldly. You brought the warmth back into my life. You gave me a purpose that I could be a good enough person to consider your friend. I wanted you to not regret picking me that day. You could have remained the most popular girl in class but instead you decided to just be my best friend.” As Miya went on I saw him continue to fiddle with the item that was in his pocket that was bringing him so much anxiety.

“When we started dating I’ve never been happier. I got to hold your hand, kiss you, be with you all the time, and I could finally do something with the feelings that I had for you from day one of our relationship. Dating you all throughout high school and getting to be there for you through all that hell and all that anxiety. Through all the shit that my mom put you through when she made you feel inadequate everything you’ve stayed by my side. All I’ve ever wanted was to stay by your side for forever.” He reached into his pocket puling out the object that he was holding in there. It was a ring box. I gasped instantly feeling tears come to my eyes and start overflowing.

“Sakura Nanjo, will you make me the happiest man alive, and make me Miya Nanjo?” I felt the sobs leave me. I couldn’t believe that he had gone through all of this trouble to do something that he could have done at home. Taking me out on a boat to recreate my favorite Disney scene ever made just so he could do something as simple as propose to me.

“Is it too soon?! Shit- I knew that you told me that you wanted to wait until you were settled into your new job and everything and you’ve only been doing the pro chef thing for a little over a year now.” I instantly threw my arms around my future fiancé’s neck. I couldn’t allow for him to just continue stewing in self loathing.

“It’s a yes you idiot. Of course I’ll marry you. I’d love nothing else in this whole world. You’re incredible Miya Nanjo. Are you sure that you don’t want for me to take your last name?” I asked him my voice watery and he just shook his head at me tightening his arms around my waist.

“I love you so much Saki, thank you for everything. Thank you for saying yes to me and allowing for me to propose to you. Thank you for saying yes. The Chinen name means nothing to me. I’d much rather be a part of your family.” I softly played with the ends of his hair as he lightly cried against my shoulder. It broke my heart how his mother had never even cared enough to notice her son as anything more than a meal ticket.

“You are a part of my family baby, the best part of my family. You’ll always be part of my family okay? There isn’t a way in this earth that I would ever say no to you when you asked me to marry you. Did you really get a horse drawn carriage or was that just a cover for all of this?” My boyfriend laughed lightly against my shoulder where his head was resting.

“I did get you a horse drawn carriage woman chill I’m coming down from a panic attack.” I laughed a little bit at my boyfriend kissing him lightly.

“You really had nothing to worry about tesoro. Nothing would make me happier than being your wife. Absolutely nothing in the whole wide world.” I leaned my head against him with a small smile smile on my face as he sat back down.

“That was probably the most nerve-racking thing that I’ve ever done in my entire life.” I smiled understandingly at him squeezing his hand.

“You did not need to go this hard in your proposal Miya. I would have accepted a simple take out meal at home.” He squeezed my hand with a small smile on his face tucking a lock of pink hair into my ponytail.

“I know that you would have but I wanted to do something more special for you. Come on, let’s head out of here.” I smiled softly at him as he road back on the boat. I looked around at the atmosphere around the two of us.

“I still can’t believe that you did all of this for me… everything….” Miya just lightly cradled my cheeks in his palms kissing me.

“This is something that I wanted to do for you. I want to look after you and take care of you for the rest of my life. I love you more than anything in the entire world.” I repeated the sentiment and my heart melted as we repeated back toward the exit.

“Come on my light in the darkness. We need to get you onto that horse and get you that Flounder.” I cheered at the prospect of getting my stuffed animal as we stopped off at the carnival games. Jin waved us down and I smiled brightly at the worker.

“You already know what to do man, but this time for one of the big ones you need to hit it ten times.” Miya kissed me for luck and I went to sit down next to him. I watched as my boyfriend hit the target ten times in a row.

“Nice going! Okay, here’s your Flounder ma’am. Congratulations on the engagement!” He encouraged us and I squeezed the new stuffed animal that I had received. “Do you love him baby?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face as I hugged my fiancé tightly. I looked down at the ring on my finger and saw the sparkling diamond there.

“It really is beautiful. It’s simple and not too big…” He nodded his head against my shoulder with a small smile on his face.

“I wanted to get you something simple but a to the same time something that you’d still enjoy.” I nodded my head gratefully as I leaned into the embrace of my best friend.

“Well you amore succeeded at picking out the perfect engagement ring!” I encouraged him. I had never been one for gaudy makeup or rings mostly because I preferred the simple and elegant things.

“I was so worried that you’d hate it…” I lightly cradled his cheek in my palm forcing him to look up at me.

“Even if I did for some weird reason hate the ring that you had picked for me, I would love it because it came from you. I don’t need some big fancy wedding. I’d prefer a smaller one with family and friends.” He nodded with a small huff of a laugh against my shoulder as I saw the horse and carriage that was up the road.

“Mr Chinen?” The horse driver asked us and my newly found fiancé nodded. Fiancé that was going to take some getting used to.

“Congratulations to you both!” The worker helped the two of us onto the back of the car. I squeezed Miya’s hand tightly throw my own.

“I love you, so much tesoro.” He kissed me lightly and rested his forehead against mine. He squeezed my hands in his.

“I love you too my savior, more than anything else on this earth.” The carriage road down the cobblestone road and I snuggled deeper into my fiancé’s arms. This had been the best day of my life. Hands down, no contest I’d do it all again.

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blackhakumen · 3 years

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Mini Fanfic #646: New Year's Resolution (Sonic x Crash Bandicoot)

Wave: Happy New Year's Eve, brats.

Coco: Happy New Year's Eve, blantent know it all!!!

Wave: ಠ︵ಠ

Tails: Happy New Year's Eve, you guys lol!

Coco: Happy New Year's Eve to you too, buddy! (✿^‿^)

Wave: Care to explain to me why you name called me, but not Tails?

Coco: Simple. Tails my best friend and I love him.

Tails: I love you too, Coco~ ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Coco: ( ꈍᴗꈍ)( ꈍᴗꈍ)( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Wave: Okay. Obvious favoritism aside, do either of you twerp have a resolution for this year coming up?

Coco: Mines would be to keep living life and junk. Might not be not the most special resolutions out there, but it's something at least. What would yours be, Wave?

Wave: Eh. Mines would be to get my projects done on time. And hope Storm doesn't try screwing them up again....

Tails: I haven't heard from the guy in a while. How is he?

Wave: As stupid and thick-headed as ever.....

Tails: So.... he's doing fine then?

Wave: Yes. He's doing just fine, Tails...... He's still an midless idiot though.

Tails: Oooookay then.

Coco: It's your turn now, bud. What's your resolution gonna be?

Tails: To better myself going forward. And not be useless to everyone anymore.

Wave: "Better Yourself?" What do you mean by that? And why would anyone think you're useless?

Coco: Tails.....no one's not making you feel bad, are they?

Tails: Wellllllll........There was that one incident that happened a few months ago where those two guys started ridiculing me and everything.

Coco: ...........

Wave: ...........

Tails: Uhh...you guys? Are you there?

Coco: Who are they?

Wave: And where do they live?

Tails: Why are you asking me those kinds of questions?

Coco: Oh no reason. We just wanna have a little....chat with them is all.@

Wave: With our hands.

Coco: And our legs.

Wave: And a wrench.

Tails: Hold on a second, you guys!! There's no need for either of you to worry about them! Honest!

Wave: You sure?

Tails: Yeah! Amy already dealt with them during that time! So please don't try to confront for my sake, okay?

Wave: Alright. We won't do anything.

Coco: You have our word.

Tails: Thanks, guys.

Coco: But you still haven't explain yourself yet, mister.

Wave: Yeah. What makes you wanna better yourself in the first? Did something happened?

Tails: Well.....this might be a lot to explain, but....a while ago, back when Eggman attacked and invaded our town, I was trying to fix up Omega on the streets. Then suddenly, a telegraphic version of Chaos appeared and.....I..... suddenly gotten scared, desperately called out Sonic's name and...covered myself in fear....To this day, I still don't have any clue as to how or why it happened other than it...just did. And I can't change that....No matter how much i wanted to.

Coco: Tails.....

Wave: So that's why you want to better yourself.....

Tails: Exactly! I wanna do whatever I can to build up my courage and make extra sure to never let any of that incident happen again. That's a promise.

Coco: Well, if you need any help on that resolution of yours, don't be afraid to ask us for some help, alright?

Tails: You would do that for me?

Wave: Of course. I mean, we ARE friends after all. So it should be expected, shortie.

Coco: I told you once and I'll keep telling you this a million times over again: We ALWAYS got your back, bud!

Tails: Oh. Right lol. But in all seriousness though, thank you. Really.

Wave: Eh. It's no problem. Just try not to let your past get to you alright?

Coco: We can tell by your text that this has been bothering for a while now. Am I right?

Tails: You have no idea how right you are, Coco. That incident bothered me for the longest. So much so that I even started hating myself once.

Coco: Well, you shouldn't do something like that! You hear me!? Me, Wave, and all of your other friends and family loves you with all of our hearts!

Wave: Which is all the more reason why you shouldn't let this bother you too much. There's nothing wrong with making a few mistakes, so long as you try learning from them and doing better. If you can do that moving forward in life, then I know that you'll do just fine.

Tails: You two are right. It won't do me any good if I keep worrying about forever. It's time for me to move on.

Coco: That's the spirit, bud! And like we said before: If you need any help, don't hesitate to ask us, okay?

Tails: You got it. Oh and guys?

Wave: Yeah?

Coco: What's up?

Tails: I love the both of you too. Thanks for being my friends. (✿^‿^)

Coco: ( ꈍᴗꈍ)( ꈍᴗꈍ)( ꈍᴗꈍ)( ꈍᴗꈍ)( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Wave: Anytime, kiddo. If anything, we should be thanking you for being ours to begin with.

@26shann

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@lovekittynoir

@albion-93

@ma-lemons

@anxiousmuffinstuff

@caleb13frede

#sonic series #crash bandicoot series #miles tails prower #coco bandicoot #wave the swallow #storm (mentioned)#amy rose (mentioned)#tech trios #group chat #lots and lots of fluff here #a bit of humor #pure friendship #new year story #new year's resolutions #a bit of hurt/comfort

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coyotiearch · 4 years

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LAYER 001 : THE OUTSIDE.

NAME - malia cassidy tate. EYE COLOR - dark brown, blue as coyote. HAIR STYLE / COLOR - naturally dark brown, gets blonde highlights. keeps cut short, just above her shoulders and lets it keep its natural wave. HEIGHT - 5′8″ CLOTHING STYLE - usually wears a lot of mismatching clothes, never really been one for having a particular style. wears a lot of shorts with high-knee socks, a lot of flannels and vintage sportswear. usually goes for comfort over style. doesn’t wear a lot of accessories. BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE - if one were to ask malia, she would say her best physical feature is her smile. a smile can be so many things, bared teeth is usually a sign of aggression for animals, so she likes the implication that a smile can be both kind and threatening.

LAYER 002 : THE INSIDE.

FEARS - driving. to this day, malia still doesn’t like driving. it is something that she can do, but she is always on high alert when she does so. anyone who drives with her will notice how tense she is the entire time. this also applies to being a passenger in a car as well. GUILTY PLEASURE - “reality” tv shows. some of her favourites include: tattoo far, pawns stars, storage wars & nailed it. BIGGEST PET PEEVE - people who are close to her lying to her!! but also people who talk way too loudly on the phone in public. AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE - truth be told, malia doesn’t have a lot of goals for the future. due to the nature of her job, she spends a lot more time thinking about the right now rather than the future. she would like to see some more of the world, however.

LAYER 003 : THOUGHTS.

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP - panic. she still suffers from awful night terrors, often wakes up in a cold sweat because of it. THINKS ABOUT MOST - the guilt of what happened to her sister and mother still eats at her; especially when she is having a good time, or feels happy, the guilt starts to encroach and makes her feel awful about being a survivor. THINKS ABOUT BEFORE BED - what she has to do the next morning, and sometimes, if she is feeling sentimental, she thinks about beacon hills & her pack. WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS - where some people will think it comes off as rude or blunt, malia likes that she has a no-nonsense attitude. it allows her to speak her mind freely, with little care about how it might affect others.

LAYER 004 : WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES - single, much more intimate. TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED - respected. BEAUTY OR BRAINS - brains! DOGS OR CATS - dogs, absolutely. cats don’t like her.

LAYER 005 : DO THEY…

LIE - sometimes, but only as part of her job. she tends to not keep too many secrets from those she genuinely cares about. BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES - most of the time. BELIEVE IN LOVE - not in this point in her life, no. perhaps she might have at one point, but now she tends to keep herself closed off in that regard. WANT SOMEONE - sometimes, when she gets lonely.

LAYER 006 : HAVE THEY EVER…

BEEN ON STAGE - nope. DONE DRUGS - yes - to little effect, however. GOTTEN DRUNK - yes, again, to little effect. CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN - not intentionally. she does dull down her brash attitude depending on who she is with, sometimes.

LAYER 007 : FAVORITES.

FAVORITE COLOR - purple FAVORITE ANIMAL - dogs!! FAVORITE MOVIE - her favourite movie as a child was dumbo, she still watches it sometimes. star wars has a special place in her heart as it was one of the first “adult” movies she watched thanks to stiles. FAVORITE GAME - crash bandicoot.

LAYER 008 : SLEEP.

HEAVY OR LIGHT SLEEPER - light sleeper, thanks to supernatural hearing & coyote instincts. WHAT SIDE OF THE BED DO THEY SLEEP ON - the left, or the middle depending on if she is alone or not. WHAT DO THEY WEAR TO BED - usually a large tee-shirts and underwear in summer, the same but with long pants in the cooler months. WEIRD THINGS THEY DO IN THEIR SLEEP - she moves a lot in her sleep - you know how dogs sometimes run in their sleep if they’re dreaming? yeah, malia does the same thing. she also usually ends up cuddling something -- her pillow, anyone who sleeps in bed with her -- for comfort.

LAYER 009 : LOVE.

BIG DECLARATIONS OR SMALL - small. OPEN OR CLOSED OFF - definitely closed off. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT OR SLOW BURN - slow burn. ONE TRUE LOVE OR A STRING. malia convinces herself she is happy with a string of different lovers, but somewhere deep down, she wonders if she would find herself more at peace if she just had one person. coyotes mate for life, you see.

LAYER 010 : FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I LOVE - my dad. I FEEL - so much. I HIDE - the crushing anxiety. I MISS - my sister & my mom. I WISH - i could take it back.

TAGGED BY - stole it from @blindhim TAGGING - @skaiwar , @biirdbone , @hellconsumed

#i love u miss tate #☆ dash games ⁖ 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳.

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #271

“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”

Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.

#survey #quiz #questions

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trashyocstash · 4 years

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i should've done this a while ago, but anyways, here's an updated list of all my ocs. descriptions and generally from the original.

rick and morty

julie:

my version of rick’s wife from the show “rick and morty”. she’s a very kind, sweet, loving, caring and forgiving person with a big heart. she’s also a huge hopeless romantic and has dreamed of love since she was a little girl, but the problem is, julie is painfully shy, quiet and gets easily nervous and scared. so for the longest time, finding a partner was difficult, until she met and fell in love with rick.

in addition to loving romance, julie also loves to read books, make food, listen to music, stargaze and is a huge girly girl. she likes to wear pretty clothes, make-up and jewelry. she does have a tomboy side, seen in her love of adventure with rick, but overall is very girly and feminine.

during the story, julie is 27 years old. she’s from the 1970s and was born in 1951, the rick/julie story takes place in 1978.

mark:

mark is one of julie’s best friends. he’s a peace-loving, goofy and friendly hippie, but don’t make him angry or you’ll regret it. he has a big kind heart, and likes to help people, he sees a lot of injustice in the world and wants it to be a better place. he’s the comic relief type.

he has a learning disability, and also suffers from severe depression, but lives in a world where mental health is taboo, so he tries to deal with it as best he can. his goofiness is really an attempt to hide his pain with a smile, he doesn’t want his friends to know he’s suffering.

he also really loves sci-fi and superheros, big comic nerd. he loves franchises like stars and star trek.

mark is 26 years old during the story, but as he was born in 1951 as well, he’s on the verge of turning 27. his love interest is vivian.

vivian:

julie’s other best friend, they’ve known each other since they were babies. vivian is more short-tempered and serious, not usually seen with a smile on her face. but despite the fact she comes of callous and humorless, she does have a good heart deep down and cares for others deeply, just isn’t the best at showing it.

she likes reading books, and secretly shares julie love of romance, and reads julie’s books on her, but tries to hide it.

she’s also bisexual, but due to the stigma surrounding lgbt people in the 70s, she avoids relationships with women. mark is her love interest.

vivian is also 27 years old during the story.

chris:

the son of rick and julie, and younger brother of beth, christopher “chris” sanchez looks like rick, but his personality is closer to julie’s.

he has an encyclopedia-level knowledge of plants, and works as a botanist. as a child, he also had his own garden in the backyard that julie helped him with. he and julie were also very close, in part due to rick being an absent father, and was devastated when she passed away when he was only 14. this, combined with rick being an absent father and abandoning him at only 11 caused chris to develop abandonment issues.

chris is very friendly and kind, and tends to patient and understanding. however, dealing with his family can cause him to become sour pretty quickly, as they won’t deal with their problems properly and don’t react well when julie is mentioned. on a side note, he’s also the only one who has dealt with her death properly and visits her grave every mother’s day to lay the same flowers they planted in his garden together, and to let her know that if she’s still out there in some way, that she’s still loved and cared about.

she ra

flameria:

flameria is the princess of tambora and also…an arsonist, she just can’t help but light things on fire. she has a very excitable, extroverted personality and is filled with energy. she yells a lot and can be a bit…much for people…also huge lesbian.

flameria can control fire and survive in extremely hot temperatures, it’s why she can live a volcano.

she’s dating @glampyra‘s oc jungleira.

duerma:

duerma is the princess or nubelaria, and has a very serene, gentle and mellow personality. she also has the ability to enter people's dreams, which she uses to help people. in addition, duerma can generate, control and manipulate clouds.

she is also known to he very patient and understanding, perhaps due to her dream ability.

crash bandicoot

kallipso:

kallipso is a tiger quoll, and is dating pinstripe. she has a cutesy vintage aesthetic going on, and also named herself.

undead ocs

leila:

leila died more recently, so she's still having some trouble adjusting to the afterlife, but thankfully for her, she has her friends and black cat spooks to help.

she has a cheerfully morbid personality, and likes making dark jokes. leila likes to stay positive and keep a smile on her face at all times, feeling it's for the best.

leila is also 20 years old, and died by drowning in algae-infested waters while she was unconscious, evident in her green skin and hair. her love interest is edgar, and she helps him learn more about the modern world.

edgar:

edgar died in 1924 when he was 23, accidentally getting electrocuted on the job. he's the most adjusted to life in the afterlife, and helps teach leila more about it. because he died in the 20s, he also sometimes spits out 20s slang, and leila, being his girlfriend, is the only one that understands him.

he has a hardworking personality and doesn't quit, even when he should. he has a more realistic view of the world, which is why he appreciates and admires leila's endless joy and optimism.

raine:

raine died in 1986 of an eye infection at 21. she has asperger's syndrome, which is why she's so intently interested in fashion and history, and can ramble on about both for hours.

raine loves to make fashions, and likes combing her interest of history into it as well. she makes clothes for her friends and boyfriend servius, just out of the kindness of her heart.

as she's autistic, raine is also very shy and quiet. she has trouble socializing, but her friends and servius are trying to help her out as best they can. it's also why she had the worst reaction to entering the afterlife, realizing she was dead and couldn't see her friends and family and couldn't go home sent her spiraling. but she's thankfully doing better now.

grant:

grant died of pneumonia at 22 in 2017, a result of his weak immune system. so because of that, grant is a germaphobe and perfectionist. he doesn't like messes, even though since he's dead, he can't catch any type of disease anymore.

he's also gay and dating xavier, but his overprotective and sheltering parents thought his homosexuality was just a phase and always dismissed it. as they sheltered him, and his weak immune system meant he didn't get out much, grant is terrible at socializing and is nervous to try new things. but he's getting there, slowly but surely.

as sad as it is, grant is more free dead than he ever was alive.

xavier:

xavier died at 25 in 2015 after falling off a cliff while hiking, as he wasn't looking where he was going. he has adhd and so tends to get easily distracted and forgetful.

xavier loves to pull off stunts and other crazy things. now that he's dead, he has no fear of getting injured or even worse. and it always worries grant, who he helps learn new things.

he's very reckless and headstrong, and excitable. it doesn't take much to make him laugh.

cassandra:

cassandra died at 19 in 2013 after getting murdered by two ex friends. as a result, she keeps herself closed off from others, afraid any new friends she get will betray her. it took her a long time to open up to the others.

she comes off as angry, bitter and moody, but once she's opened up enough, her true personality is revealed. cassandra is a prankster, and loves using her ghost abilities to mess with the dead. she loves to have fun and be wild and crazy.

cassandra also is a music lover, being part of a band when alive. and she's never stopped playing her music.

servius:

servius was an ancient roman soldier who died on the battlefield after getting shot in the heart with an arrow. he's very stuck in the past, and even now, he retains a belief in the roman gods. raine is helping teach him new things at least.

he has an intimating appearance, but he's a sweetheart deep down and raine has gotten him to develop a love of art. she finds art therapy is a great way for him to control his anger issues. in one word, he's a himbo.

supernatural ocs

evelyn:

evelyn is an anthropomorphic bat from a large rich family, and so has a lot of expectations placed on her. she's never been allowed to be herself and has been scolded for her interests in the past. however, mona has helped her open up and be herself. so she's a pastel goth instead of a "full on goth", which is normal in their world.

she has a deadpan, snarky and brutally honest personality, but also has a good heart deep down.

mona:

mona is an anthropomorphic pumpkin girl, and is basically the equivalent of goth in their world: she dresses up in pink and loves cute things. she comes from a large farming family, who don't understand her, but love her dearly. she also has an irish accent.

mona has a cheerful and excitable personality, and she loves to be silly and goof off. but she's also a hard worker and takes her job on the farm seriously. and she and evelyn and gfs.

yuka:

yuka is a qalupalik, a creature from the traditional inuit belief system. she has a ghost husky named amaruq, and has an adventurous and fun loving personality. she loves to do various snow-related sports like snowboarding and skiing.

mortis family

victor:

the father of the family, victor is a goofball with a dark sense of humor. show him a horror movie, he'll probably laugh. he's a dedicated and caring father, while astra works, he will care for the children and loves to play with them. victor is also a loving husband and can easily make the stoic astra laugh and smile.

astra:

the mother of the family, astra is a witch and comes from a family of them. she is a strong, powerful and confident woman, but isn't very front about it. she appears callous, but is really very loving and kind. she cares deeply for her husband and children, and keeps protective crystals in the children's rooms. astra runs an online business selling materials needed for witchcraft. her familiar is a samoyed named "snowdrop".

ravenna:

12 year old ravenna loves gothic fiction and hopes to write novels of the genre herself someday. her room is full of books and she loves to read and write. ravenna is the nicest of the family and has a big heart, but is very socially awkward. the other girls think she's weird and so she keeps her distance, and despite her mother trying to instill self-confidence in her, ravenna struggles with it because of her social problems. she is secretly jealous of ricky's social skills. she also helps her mother with witchcraft and has a familiar of her own, a pet raven named "poe", who she named after edger allen poe.

ricky:

his name is a pun on "rigor mortis", and he's 8 years old. ricky is fascinated by death and loves learning about anything relating to it, especially execution and torture methods. he has toy replicas of the methods as well and loves to play with them. he wants to be a mortician someday. ricky has his own group of friends who think he's really cool, and they play together a lot.

morella:

morella is 3 years old, and is just grasping her magical abilities. she can sometimes be seen climbing around on the walls and ceilings, and is very silly and mischievous. she also loves to draw, and her art hangs up on the fridge.

dracul:

he's not a member of the family, and instead is ravenna's love interest. he's from romania, specifically transylvania, and has a love of vampires, and specifically dracula due to his name. he's non-judgmental and is close to ravenna.

#julie #mark #vivian #chris sanchez #flameria #duerma #kallipso quoll #leila #edgar #raine #grant #xavier #cassandra #servius #evelyn #mona #yuka #victor #astra #ravenna #ricky #morella #dracul

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docexe-mx · 5 years

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While several of my prior wish list picks didn’t happen, I’m very satisfied with both the base roster of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, as well as with the DLC characters that have been announced/released so far.

That being said, l can’t deny that the announcement of more DLC coming has prompted me to prepare another wish list. As with the prior ones, I won’t be particularly sad or angered if any of my picks don’t happen, but I definitely will be elated. (Heck, as things stand, I will probably accept anyone/anything they add to the game provided it at least has an interesting move-set).

Some base assumptions made before going into the list:

Until stated otherwise by the development team, I’m assuming that, besides the fifth character of the Fighter Pass still pending reveal, we will get at the very least a Second Season/Fighter Pass that will contain the same exact amount of content as the first Fighter Pass: Five new characters, each with their own stage, music tracks and Spirit battles.

I’m assuming that, as with prior DLC on the Fighter Pass, all the new characters will be Third Party rather than Nintendo owned. I don’t expect more Microsoft or Sony owned characters, however (yes, Banjo and Kazooie are finally in the game, but they honestly feel more like an especial exception, rather than any indication of things going forward).

I’m also assuming that characters already in the game as Spirits, Assist Trophies or Mii Costumes won’t be part of the upcoming DLC (so, sadly, no Geno, no Rayman, no Shantae and no X ;_;).

Without further ado and in no particular order:

KOS-MOS from Xenosaga. A somewhat unlikely pick, but then again, Bandai Namco is one of the few Third Party publishers already present in Smash Bros. that don’t have multiple playable characters in the game (conspicuously even, given they are helping to develop it). Given that KOS-MOS seems to be one of their characters that most often shows in crossover games, her inclusion seems plausible. Now, if I have to be honest, I particularly want her because I think the Xeno series (and by extension, Monolith Soft, the studio responsible for all its iterations and which has been a great asset for Nintendo in recent years) deserves more representation in Smash Bros. However, with Elma, Rex and Pyra/Mithra out of the competition by virtue of being Spirits, KOS-MOS is the best bet to get another Xeno character in the game (mind you, I do like her design and think her move-set could potentially be interesting).

Nightmare from Soul Calibur (with Sigfried as an alternate costume). A very unlikely pick. While Terry Bogard being announced as the next DLC character makes me think we will see at least another fighting game character as DLC, it’s way more likely that we will see a Tekken character than one from Soul Calibur, by virtue of the former being more popular than the later. However, as I have mentioned before, I don’t really play Tekken, and Soul Calibur is my favorite 3D Fighter franchise, so pardon me again for the blatant favoritism.

Ryu Hayabusa from Ninja Gaiden. This one seems like a no-brainer by this point. Ninja Gaiden is one of the few iconic franchises originating from the NES era that hasn’t appeared in Smash Bros. yet, and Koei Tecmo has maintained a close relationship with Nintendo in recent years (even helping with the development of Fire Emblem: Three Houses). Furthermore, Hayabusa is probably their most iconic character, not only being the protagonist of Ninja Gaiden (both the original NES series, as well as the modern reboot series), but also a mainstay in the Dead or Alive franchise, and even having cameos and guest appearances in the Warriors franchise.

Crash Bandicoot. Somewhat unlikely but not impossible. His major disadvantage is that he comes from a Western franchise, and Masahiro Sakurai and Nintendo tend to prioritize Japanese franchises when it comes to deciding on newcomers for Smash. That being said, the fact that the games on the original PlayStation were very popular in Japan and that the franchise is currently having a renaissance of sorts help his chances. If I have to be honest, while I have developed a soft spot for Crash after playing the N. Sane Trilogy recently, I mostly want him in Smash Bros. for a) The inherent appeal of having him battling Mario and Sonic as the big videogame mascot characters from the 90’s, b) the sheer irony of Nintendo getting three (3!) Third Party PSX icons (Crash, Snake and Cloud) in their exclusive fighting crossover when Sony didn’t even manage to do that for theirs.

Ezio Auditore da Firenze from Assassin’s Creed. Another unlikely but not necessarily impossible pick. The major issue against him is that he comes from another Western franchise, his major advantage is that it’s Ubisoft’s most popular and best-selling franchise worldwide, and Ubisoft remains as one of Nintendo’s major Third Party supporters. Now, if this franchise do comes to Smash Bros., I think they could pick any protagonist to represent it (possibly even go the Hero route and have several protagonists as alternate costumes with the same move-set), but Ezio seems to be the most iconic of them, hence why I have chosen him as my pick (and before somebody asks or protests: Yes, he has actually made an appearance on a game for a Nintendo console: Assassin’s Creed Discovery for the Nintendo DS).

A character from Capcom. This one is admittedly cheating on my part. Capcom has so many iconic characters and franchises (several of which have historical ties with Nintendo consoles or finally arrived to them thanks to the Switch) that you could fill an entire Fighter Pass solely with them. However, it seems that Nintendo is trying to spread their collaborations among several companies, rather than privileging a single one in particular, so at most I would only expect one or two characters from Capcom as part of Ultimate’s DLC. But rather than engage in the monumental task of boiling down the selection to only one or two characters, I will simply list here all the Capcom characters that I think would be neat to see in Ultimate: Phoenix Wright from Ace Attorney, Rad Spencer from Bionic Commando, Morrigan Aensland from Darkstalkers, Frank West from Dead Rising, Dante from Devil May Cry, Mike Haggar from Final Fight, Firebrand from Gargoyle’s Quest/Demon’s Crest, Sir Arthur from Ghost n’ Goblins, Amaterasu from Okami, Leon S. Kennedy and/or Claire Redfield and/or Chris Redfield and/or Jill Valentine and/or Albert Wesker from Resident Evil (yeah, I couldn’t boil down this franchise to one specific pick, it just has too many iconic characters without a single one being more representative than the rest), Strider Hiryu from Strider, Joe from Viewtiful Joe.

Finally, a bonus pick: A character that I honestly believe is so incredibly unlikely to ever get into Smash Bros. that I’m not really considering him seriously, but I would laugh out loud if it actually happens:

The Doom Guy/Doom Marine/Doom Slayer from (duh!) Doom: It seems like this character has gotten a lot of clamor among certain circles of the Smash Bros. community in recent times. I can only assume that he started as what you could call “an ironic meme pick”: Most of the people who originally talked about him and proposed him for Smash Bros. didn’t actually want him in the game, but it was fun to bring him up given the incongruity of such an ultra-violent character appearing in an E10+ rated game …Then characters like Bayonetta and Joker were actually added to Smash Bros., and people started to consider him as a serious candidate. In his favor: The Doom series actually has historical appearances on Nintendo consoles (the SNES got a version of the original Doom running with the Super FX chip that powered Star Fox; Doom 64 was an acclaimed game that was exclusive to the N64 until very recently), the entire series is going to be playable on the Switch after Doom Eternal releases, and if you can tone down Bayonetta enough for her to appear in an E10+ rated game, you can certainly do the same with the Doom Slayer. Against him: He comes from another Western franchise, but unlike Ubisoft or Activision Blizzard (which have been long time Third Party publishers on Nintendo consoles), Bethesda only started to support Nintendo on the Switch era; most importantly however: the First Person Shooter genre is exceptionally unpopular in Japan (and Doom as well by extension), it’s pretty much a niche genre there in the same way that RPG’s used to be in the West. So, for those reasons, I’m not really expecting to see the Doom Slayer in Ultimate’s DLC, even if, strictly speaking, is not out of the realm of possibility for that to happen.

#super smash bros ultimate #super smash bros #smash bros #nintendo #monolith soft #bandai namco #koei tecmo #activision #ubisoft #capcom #bethesda #character wish list

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tokiro07 · 5 years

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There’s two DLC slots left (assuming there’s only going to be one season pass), and there’s a lot of ways it can shake out, so I’m gonna cast as wide a net as I can so I have a decent chance of being right

The one thing that we can say for absolute certain is that the two characters will either be from a Nintendo property (1st or 2nd party) or from a 3rd party property that has been on a Nintendo system before

Since this post ended up getting kind of messy, I’m going to be highlighting the ones that I think are the most likely from each developer or category

If it’s from a Nintendo property, then it’d either be:

Someone from a relatively long-standing Nintendo franchise that doesn’t have a fighter or Assist Trophy yet; the best I can think of would be the Wars franchise (probably Andy), the Excite franchise (probably Excitebiker), Chibi-Robo, Custom Robo (one of the models of Ray), or Rhythm Heaven (if Spirits are out, then probably Tibby or Marshall, but if Spirits are in, Karate Joe or the Chorus Kids)

A character from a recent game or series such as BoxBoy (Qbby) or Ever Oasis (Tethu) which have been gaining some attention lately, or upcoming Nintendo game, like Astral Chain (Akira Howard), Daemon x Machina (either the pilot or the mech), or some other game that we don’t know about yet

A character from an older Nintendo game that may have only had one or two games, like Balloon Fight, Mach Rider, StarTropics (Mike Jones), or any others that don’t have a fighter or Assist Trophy

For 3rd parties, it could be from a developer already represented in Smash:

Of the 3rd parties already in, Bandai-Namco is the only one that only has one series as opposed to two (not counting Bayonetta, technically 2nd party, or Banjo, a former 2nd party), which is especially odd given their involvement in the creation of the game itself; their new series could be Dark Souls (most likely the Chosen Undead), Klonoa, Katamari (the Prince of All Cosmos), Dig Dug (Taizo Hori), Tower of Druaga (Gil), Tekken (Heihachi), Soulcalibur (Nightmare), or the Tales franchise (probably Lloyd). Alternatively, Bandai specifically could get in on the action with either Tamagotchi (Mametchi) or its more action-oriented counterpart Digimon (probably Agumon), which both started out as Game-and-Watch style digital toys and evolved into video game franchises in their own right, though Digimon had a much greater focus on that

Sega, who technically only has one (Sonic), since Persona was an acquired property rather than an original property, could get Alex Kidd, NiGHTs, Super Monkey Ball (AiAi), or Virtua Fighter (Akira Yuki, who already has a Mii costume), though their most likely addition would probably be Puyo Puyo (most likely Arle), as despite being another acquired property (from Compile), it is most heavily associated with Sega and is currently one of their most popular franchises. They could also get other Sonic characters, like Tails or Eggman, but I’m mostly leaning towards new franchises. Also, though I don’t believe it has any real shot, Sega does make the Vocaloid rhythm games, Project Diva, so there’s a non-zero chance that we could get Miku.

Capcom, who already have Megaman and Street Fighter, could potentially get Monster Hunter (as the Rathalos is already a boss), Ace Attorney (Phoenix Wright), Devil May Cry (Dante), or possibly even Resident Evil (Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, or most likely Leon Kennedy, since he has the closest ties with Nintendo)

Konami, who already have Metal Gear and Castlevania, could potentially get Frogger (an icon of arcade gaming), Silent Hill (unlikely, but Pyramid Head is a horror icon, so it wouldn’t be too far-fetched), Mystical Ninja (Goemon), or Contra (Bill Rizer/Lance Bean). If Bomberman weren’t already an Assist Trophy, I’d say he was a strong contender as a Hudson rep, though Bonk is still in the running there

If you consider Banjo-Kazooie a Microsoft property, then it’s possible that Microsoft allowed Nintendo to use it on the condition that they get another character in as well, though this seems unlikely. If that’s the case, though, they’d most likely go with Minecraft (Steve/Alex), since as far as I know that’s the only property of their’s that’s ever been on a Nintendo platform outside of other Rare properties, though maybe that hypothetical deal would open the gates for series that have never been on a Nintendo console, like Halo (Master Chief)

Square Enix most likely won’t get another one, but they do own Taito, formerly a major studio in their own right, and thus could reasonably get Bubble Bobble (Bub/Bob) or even Space Invaders, though I’m not sure how viable that would be. For Square Enix themselves, the Mana series (likely Randi) or even Kingdom Hearts (Sora) would be good choices, but I don’t see it happening

If Nintendo wants to keep bringing in other companies, though, there are still four more of the top 10 biggest gaming companies in Japan that aren’t in yet:

Tecmo-Koei has pretty close ties with Nintendo, co-owning the Fatal Frame franchise, which already has an Assist Trophy; chances are good they’d go with Ninja Gaiden (Ryu Hayabusa), since that’s one of the iconic classic Nintendo games, though they could also potentially go with Dead or Alive (Kasumi) or Dynasty Warriors (though for the life of me I don’t know who they could go with. Lu Bu?)

Level-5, who frequently gets help from Nintendo with international publishing, would most likely go with Professor Layton or Yokai Watch (likely Jibanyan), though Inazuma Eleven (Mamoru Endou) or Ni no Kuni (Oliver, Evan, or Roland) would also work in a pinch. Interestingly, Level-5 also owns Comcept, so Mighty no. 9 (Beck) is a possibility, but an exceedingly slim one

Sony, Nintendo’s most major rival, doesn’t have much to offer since most of their first party games aren’t on Nintendo systems, and their most significant viable IP, Crash Bandicoot, is currently owned by Activision, so even if Crash got in, it’s hard to say that it would be as a Sony rep. Still, Crash is a gaming icon and former mascot of Sony, which would heavily symbolize the rivalry between Sony and Nintendo even if ownership has changed hands. If being on a Nintendo system isn’t an issue, Little Big Planet (Sackboy), Sly Cooper, or God of War (Kratos) would all be excellent choices. Interestingly, everything I’ve said so far has been developed by Sony’s American or European subsidiaries. For Japanese studios, their most likely reps would probably be Ape Escape (Spike) or Gravity Rush (Kat). Sony also currently owns Q*Bert (formerly owned by Gottlieb), who would be a perfect representative of arcade gaming, though I don’t imagine Sony would pick Q*Bert over any of their original IPs if given the choice.

Marvelous, who happens to be making Daemon x Machina with Nintendo, frequently releases their games on Nintendo platforms; by far their biggest series is Story of Seasons (likely Pete with Sara as an alternate costume, though other player characters such as Mark, Pony, Toy, Claire, Henry and Holly would also work), or its spinoff, Rune Factory (likely Raguna), but Muramasa (Momohime/Kisuke) would be a fairly strong contender if only because of popularity. They also own Senran Kagura (Asuka), which got its start on Nintendo consoles and still remains there to this day. Its risque nature makes me hesitant to call it viable or likely, though that certainly didn’t stop Bayonetta, but either way Story of Seasons feels a lot more likely. There’s also Little King’s Story (Corobo), but that’s a fairly niche title, I think

More in line with Microsoft, there are also a number of particularly big Western companies with a lot of support for getting into Smash

The biggest is probably Ubisoft, who is definitely the Western company on the best terms with Nintendo; they would most likely use Rayman, especially since he’s had a trophy and a Spirit, though a Rabbid is also possible. Assassin’s Creed (probably Ezio or Altair), Prince of Persia, or even Starlink (Mason Rana) may all work, but Rayman is definitely the best bet

A representative from Bethesda, another major Western company which seems to be on at least friendly terms with Nintendo; since Bethesda owns Id, I’m inclined to say Doom (Doomslayer), though I would think that Bethesda would want to use one of their original properties, so potentially Elder Scrolls (Dovahkin). Fallout (likely Vaultboy) may work too, but that’s also an acquired property

Though mostly inactive now, Atari was once one of the pillars of the video game industry. Unfortunately, they don’t really have many iconic characters that are particularly viable, but as I’ve said in the past, the Centipede would make a really interesting fighter

Activision Blizzard doesn’t have much that’s been playable on Nintendo, though there are games from both Activision and Blizzard individually: Activision could potentially contribute Call of Duty (Private Martin?), but they did acquire Spyro and Crash from Sony, so that would probably be a better fit for Smash, though it’s hard to say if they’d use someone else’s mascot; on Blizzard’s side, Overwatch (Tracer) was recently announced to be coming to Switch, and Diablo has gotten a lot of attention from Nintendo, what with the Diablo variant Switch and the Loot Goblin amiibo, though I’m not sure who would be a viable representative

Warner Bros. Interactive doesn’t really have a ton to offer since it mostly does licensed games, but it does publish NetherRealm Studios’ Mortal Kombat (Scorpion or Sub-Zero), one of the most iconic fighting games of all time, and 5th Cell’s Scribblenauts (Maxwell). The latter certainly isn’t as iconic as Mortal Kombat in terms of video game history, but it’s at least a lot easier to associate with WB

The Tetris Company doesn’t explicitly have any characters of their own as far as I know, though Tetrominos are a surprisingly popular choice. I however propose that they could use Tee from Puyo Puyo Tetris, as he is the closest thing to a Tetris character that there is. Unfortunately he’s probably considered a Sega character since he was designed by Sonic Team, but who knows, maybe the Tetris Company co-owns him

EA has...uh...the Sims, which used to belong to Nintendo? Dr. Wright from SimCity is already an Assist Trophy, but Nintendo never lost the rights to the character, so that doesn’t really count. They don’t really have much else that’s useful. Plants vs Zombies? Need for Speed? Dragon Age...? Regardless, EA has said that they are distancing themselves from the Switch (though they immediately backtracked on that statement), which seems evident since they don’t appear to be putting the new PvZ on Switch, so it feels unlikely that they’d get any representation in Smash at all

CD Projekt Red is getting Witcher III on Switch, and people really love Geralt, so maybe? Doesn’t seem super likely, but not impossible

Take-Two Interactive has GTA and LA Noire, but I’m not sure if those are viable

Epic Games has Fortnite which...I guess could just have eight different outfits? I don’t know anything about Fortnite

Some smaller Japanese studios (smaller than the top 10, not necessarily indie) may also be decent choices, since they have games with enough history to warrant being in Smash:

SNK has King of Fighters/Fatal Fury (Terry Bogard or Mai Shiranui) and Metal Slug (Marco/Tarma). SNK has officially gotten Fatal Fury’s Terry in Smash, seemingly to represent the Neo Geo system, which honestly I should have considered would make SNK a stronger contender

Cooking Mama Limited has...Cooking Mama

Nippon Ichi Software has Disgaea (Laharl)

ArcSystem Works has BlazBlue (Ragna), Guilty Gear (Sol Badguy), and iconic beat-em-up series Double Dragon (Billy/Jimmy Lee) since acquiring Technos Japan from Data East

Grasshopper Manufacture has No More Heroes (Travis Touchdown), which has had pretty much its entire history on Nintendo systems

Natsume is probably the least likely of this entire post, but they have what is currently called Harvest Moon (Farmer?) and their more well known original title, Medabots (Metabee or Rokusho) which is surprisingly still going

And of course, there’s the indies, both Japanese and Western:

Nicalis currently has the rights to indie forerunner Cave Story (Quote), and are the current publishers of classic SNES series Umihara Kawase, but the real star for them is definitely Cave Story

WayForward’s Shantae is already a Spirit in Smash, so of indies, I think she has the best bet, but only if Spirits don’t preclude fighter status

Not technically indie, but Inti Creates broke off from Capcom several years ago and released Azure Striker Gunvolt (Gunvolt) before teaming up with various indie developers to help them with their projects, so I’m gonna go ahead and count them. They also have Gal*Gun (Ekoro), Dragon: Marked for Death (likely Empress) and now have the rights to Blaster Master (Jason) from Sunsoft. If they only have the license and the rights still belong to Sunsoft though, then chalk Sunsoft and Blaster Master up in the smaller studios category above

Toby Fox’s Undertale (Frisk) has a lot of demand, so it only seems fair to put it on this list

For the sake of acknowledgment, Yacht Club’s Shovel Knight is the only indie to have an Assist Trophy, so while I doubt Shovel Knight is going to be in the DLC, he could come up in a future Smash

Devolver Digital is getting pretty big lately and has a ton to offer, and with their flagship series Hotline Miami (Jacket) confirmed to be coming to Switch, their chances have certainly improved. The Messenger and Enter the Gungeon would both work too, but Hotline Miami is definitely the go-to for Devolver

Gears for Breakfast’s A Hat in Time (Hat Kid) is the latest indie darling making the rounds, and with its imminent release on Switch, its chances have only gone up

Similarly, Team Cherry’s Hollow Knight is gaining a lot of traction, to the point that its sequel had its own segment at E3 this year

Brace Yourself Games’ Crypt of the Necrodancer (Cadence) has a crossover with Legend of Zelda, an honor that I don’t believe I’ve ever seen an indie game get from Nintendo before

Choice Provisions’ Bit.Trip (CommanderVideo) had a trophy in Smash 4, making it the first indie to be acknowledged in Smash, although CommanderVideo did not receive a Spirit in Ultimate. They’re also the current publishers of Bubsy, which...I would hope doesn’t get in

Edmund McMillen has at least two successful indies, Super Meat Boy and Binding of Isaac, and while I don’t think either of them will make it, I felt that they were at least worth mentioning

StudioMDHR’s Cuphead is on Switch and ostensibly getting a physical release soon, and from what I’ve seen is one of the most hotly requested indies for Smash

Similarly to Cave Story, Kikiyama’s Yume Nikki (Madotsuki) was wildly influential for the indie scene and would be very interesting, though highly unlikely, for Smash

Speaking of influential indies, Team Shanghai Alice’s Touhou Project (Reimu Hakurei) is one that I see a fair bit of clamor for, especially now that it’s getting console games

Supergiant Games’ Bastion (the Kid) is yet another influential indie game, and also interestingly enough was published by Warner Bros. Interactive, so if Mortal Kombat doesn’t work out, this is another good option

And of course, how could I forget Matt Makes Games’ Celeste (Madeline), a game with tremendous pull by fans to get into Smash

If I think of any I missed that I think have a decent chance, I’ll add them in later

#super smash bros #super smash bros ultimate #smash ultimate #fighter pass

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icequeenjules26 · 6 years

Text

A drop in the ocean

Summary: Dan had been ecstatic when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing wanted him in the next season, until he found out HE would be there.

Word Count: 12,3k

Tags: Musician!Dan, Actor!Phil, Fluff, Angst, Strictly Come Dancing AU

A/n: Written for the @phandomficfests, crossing off the prompts Dancing with the stars (Writer's choice), 2012, Pen Pals, dog, second chance, birthday, communication, Starbucks sofa, commitment, picnic and #spon! (What a list, lol) As always the biggest ever thank you goes out to my angel @succubusphan for doing everything she could so this would get done on Phannies' day!!!

Read on AO3

August 2018

@DanIsAGod3918: This is happening oh my god

@PhilLikesMen: finally i waited forever for this

@dannyboiiiiiii: still can’t believe they worked alongside each other without ever meeting? wtf

@bisexualDan: @dannyboiiiiiii ikr but i’m so here for it

@phanwillbeathing: FUCKINGFINALLY they’ll be together and in front of cameras this is a dream come true

Dan groaned as he scrolled through the comments on his latest instagram post. It was honestly unbelievable. How could he not have known? He couldn’t do this - he couldn’t deal with this. It had been 6 years and Dan was still hung up about it - how was that even possible?

He didn’t want to be here, honestly, not anymore.

He had been ecstatic at first, when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing, UK’s very own dancing with the stars show wanted him in the next season. He was a musician, so he hadn’t even bothered to ask them - musicians at least had the rhythm it took to dance, putting them into an advantage - but they had apparently seen the making of to his newest music video.

Which wasn’t bad, not particularly, at least - it just showed him attempting to do an easy dance routine his choreographer had designed just for him but failing miserably. He first and foremost was a pianist, with mediocre guitar skills, but even the singing part was pushing it from time to time. Dancing? Like actually, physically moving his long limbs in an attempt to look at least somewhat graceful? The word alone let laughter bubble up his chest.

But he had tried, for the sake of his team, and if it’s that what got him into this show in the first place then he was glad he did.

Or maybe not so much, anymore.

Not since… Him.

He had been invited under a bit of false pretences, Dan decided - they could’ve told him they were planning to get him as well, could they not? - as he stared at the coffee table in front of him, or more specifically, his laptop, displaying an article from some sort of gossip page. Headline:

The meeting the UK has been waiting for: Howell and Lester both starring in strictly come dancing.

He groaned again, shutting his laptop with his foot and letting his phone drop from his hand to sling an arm over his eyes instead, sliding down his sofa until his back laid flat on it, his butt hanging from the ledge in an awkward angle, feet propped up on his coffee table. This couldn’t be happening.

He had been good, so, so good for so long, he had momentarily forgotten what he has even good about. But, as always, life will come and fuck him over when he least expected it. He should be used to it by now.

He had nearly done it. Nearly forgotten those piercing blue eyes. Nearly forgotten this soothing voice, the blinding smile.

He had almost gotten over how his stomach would swoop on the sole mention of the name, how his heart would skip a beat before picking up its pace.

This brought it all back - and not in a good way. He couldn’t do it, it wasn’t fair. It had been years and the multiple edits of them together floating through the infinite space of the internet still made him feel like his heart would get squeezed harshly inside of his chest. He had accepted it by now; he would probably never be over him. He didn’t have the right to be, either, but meeting him now… Like this… It still hurt.

A lot.

Like a rusty knife in his chest.

He had managed to avoid meeting him even while working on the same movie, for fuck’s sake. He had even skipped the premiere and every other event and interview he knew he’d be present at. Now they were being forced together by a bloody dancing show, one he was excited about, sure, but not excited enough for this.

Never for this.

The reaction of his fandom didn’t make it any easier. He had seen the theories and shipping all over tumblr and twitter, of course, but it had been sort of inevitable, with all the stuff they had in common and the fact they were both open about their bisexuality. Now, with the movie long over, he had thought it would subside as fast as it had risen.

It didn’t, though, and Dan had no other choice than to go through with this.

He groaned again. Sometimes, he hated life.

:::

April 2004

Dan was ecstatic when he first learned of a thing called “Pen Pals”. His Nana had explained it to him and he loved the idea of having someone, somewhere, that he had never met but could share things with nonetheless, loved the idea of writing letters back and forth, of being excited to get home from school to check the mailbox, to see if something would be in there.

He was only ten, but he knew enough about writing letters to do it properly, he thought. He’d also get the first checked over by his Nana, that was for sure, to make sure he wouldn’t embarrass himself on the first try. He was so excited to get started, but when he took the time to go through the suggestions the teletext had for him he was gutted. Not one of the kids there seemed genuinely interesting, not enough. Some lived so close it wouldn’t be any fun to write letters, and others were just too old.

Then he got to the last page and a large grin erupted on his face. “Phil Lester, 12, Rawtenstall. I like Sonic and crash bandicoot and i love pokemon! buffy is the best tv show ever created. I’d love to gain a friend from far away!!!” it said, and Dan knew he’d found them. The person he’d write to.

:::

September 2018

So far Dan had done an incredible job at avoiding Phil. His shooting with his tall, but quirky and optimistic dancing teacher and partner Cathy went well and fast enough for him to evade Phil. He was there during the group foto, obviously, but Dan had made a point of wanting to stay on the opposite end and surprisingly, no one had caught up on it or commented on it in any kind of way. After a week of simple dancing lessons they were now about ready to start practicing for their group dance. He was running out of options.

That was the reason he allowed himself a chill night before the first group practice. A funny netflix show was running on the TV, he had a hot cup of tea on the coffee table and Jennah had her head resting on his thigh - he was relishing in the feeling of it.

When his phone vibrated from somewhere next to him he grumbled along with his lady. Picking it up with his left hand he brought his right one down to lazily stroke her head. “It’s okay,” he mumbled when she opened her eyes to look up at him, only paying attention to the still offensively vibrating phone when she nuzzled closer and closed her eyes again.

“Howell,” he answered it grouchily, head sinking against the back of his sofa. “I hope this is important.”

Apparently, life hated him.

“Dan? It’s Louise.”

He suppressed the urge to growl lowly in his chest, almost certain about what was to follow. “Louise,” he huffed out instead, closing his eyes and bringing his right hand up to gently massage his glabella. There was exactly one person who knew of the whole debacle Dan had had with him, and he really didn’t need to hear another lecture about it from her.

He knew it had been his fault.

He also knew there was no way of undoing it, even if there was nothing he wanted more than to set things right.

Yet, she kept pushing.

“I just got home from vacation and checked instagram.”

Oh. That’s what this was about. She hadn’t heard it before.

“Louise-” he started, but got interrupted almost immediately. “No! Do not Louise me, Dan! This is getting ridiculous! Why can’t you just talk to him? If not to make it right, then at least for closure. What do you think will happen, the fucking apocalypse?!” He could tell she was aggravated, gruntled. She had always wanted him to do something, to not just sit around and let it weigh heavily on his heart, and this show obviously only made it worse.

He couldn’t hold in the growl this time. He was gritting his teeth trying to keep himself from saying something that he’d regret later, but even that was getting harder. Jennah immediately reacted to his distrust, opening her eyes and sitting up next to him before moving closer, nuzzling his shoulder. She knew how well he reacted to cuddles, and she was willing to provide them. He could only move to stroke her back in a silent thank you. “I can’t, Louise. I fucking can’t, okay?”

He could already hear her, taking a deep breath, setting up for a monologue, but he was having none of it. “No, Louise, no. I can’t hear it anymore. You think I don’t wish for what you want me to do, every day of every fucking week? You think I like this, doing nothing, suffering in silence? Because that’s what I’ve been doing for the past six years. But as long as you haven’t miraculously invented a time machine on your vacation, there’s no way to undo this. Have you?”

His friend on the other end stayed silent, and he could feel the tears starting to pool into his eyes. “I thought so,” he closed, his voice breaking along the way. He managed to keep it together for as long as it took him to end the call, but then he broke down, sobbing violently. His body started shaking, he didn’t know what to do, how to make it better, so he did what he always did when he needed comfort: he threw his arms around Jennah and moved to press his face into her neck, hiding from the world.

:::

April 2007

It had been two years since Dan had send his first letter to Rawtenstall near Manchester.

Him and Phil had become fast friends and the amount of letters they were sending to each other had become ridiculous by now. Dan’s Dad had gotten mad at him for spending that much money on postal charges only a few months after the first letter and basically told him to stop being friends with Phil - or at least tone it down considerably - so they were now using his nana’s letter box so his dad wouldn’t catch him.

Even his nana had become agitated with it after a while, so they had a deal now. Dan did chores around the house or the garden, like doing the dishes or wiping the floor, and his nana would give him postal stamps as a payment. Other kids wanted to buy candy or save the money to spend it on games, but all he wanted was to write Phil. His nana could probably make him do anything if he’d get those postal stamps in return. To him, they were worth more than diamonds.

They had exchanged pictures of themselves and their homes, they shared their secrets with each other and knew everything there was to know about the other, and Dan reveled in it. The had even exchanged phone numbers, but they had to pay calls in minutes, so they usually didn’t call each other except for special occasions.

Today, apparently, was such a “special occasion”.

When Dan got out of school he didn’t even bother to go home. Instead, he walked directly to his nana, who lived right next to him. That was a normal occurrence by now - he spent most of his time here. His parents were barely home anyways and his nana was watching his little brother after school, so it didn’t even attract his parent’s attention,

Luckily. His dad would probably not like it. Especially not the reason behind it.

Because, obviously, Dan didn’t spend all his time at his nana’s just because he loved her so much. He did, but he was still an introvert; he loved having time for himself and not having to talk to other human beings - he did this for Phil.

Ridiculously much he did seemed to be for Phil nowadays.

He was waiting for a new letter that should probably arrive today or tomorrow. It usually took four or five days, sometimes six, from sending a letter to receiving one, and he had send one last wednesday. It was monday now.

When he opened his nana’s door with his key she was already sat in the kitchen, obviously waiting for him. After greeting her he sat down his bag on a kitchen chair before taking a seat himself, snatching an apple from the fruit bowl sat in the middle of the table. “Everything okay, nana?” he asked after taking the first bite. It wasn’t usual she was waiting for him like this, she was usually up and about around the house or reading in the living room when he got home from school.

A smirk slowly creeped onto her face as she obviously observed him closely. “A very agitated young man called around an hour ago. Said he wanted to talk to you,” she stated and he perked up immediately, eyes flying up to her face. “Phil?” he asked, almost breathlessly, and felt the heat rising through his neck all the way up to his cheeks. He cleared his throat. “I mean - Was it Phil?” He forced his voice to be calm this time, but the grin on his nana’s face had already widened and he knew she had picked up on his behaviour immediately. “It was. I told him you’d be back around now, he should be calling again in a few minutes.” She paused, raising an eyebrow mockingly. “Anything you’d like to tell me, son?”

He could feel his cheeks heating up even more and almost desperately avoided her eyes.

He was about to start saying something, anything, when a shrill ringing interrupted him. “I’ll go,” he practically squeaked out and jumped up to run to the hallway to get the phone.

“Phil?”, he answered it breathlessly and was rewarded with a laugh. “Dan! Take a guess who can now phone people as much as he wants without having to pay more?” greeted him an excited voice on the other line and a wide grin stretched his face in seconds. “Hm, I don’t know. Sarah Michelle Gellar?” Again there was laughter on the other side and Dan wished he’d have a way to look at the other boy’s face when he laughed. “It’s me!” was the answer and Dan could feel excitement bubbling up in his chest.

He looked around the hallway, realizing there was nothing to sit down on while talking on the phone. Maybe they should put a chair in there somewhere. He could see himself needing it a lot in the future.

:::::

September 2018

Dan’s day was not going great so far. He was exhausted, probably dehydrated and he hadn’t eaten in a few hours, but still did not have the time to catch a break. He hadn’t gotten any proper work done for months now - since he had written the music for the movie, actually - and his manager was getting nervous. Not that he could blame her, he’d promised her a line-up for his new album back in July - but that had been before Strictly come dancing had poked its head at him. He couldn’t have let this opportunity go, so he’d had to promise her he’d work while practicing for the show.

It wasn’t working. The whole idea had been rubbish to begin with, to be honest; he’d known the show needed his whole attention and utter commitment. Stef was just ridiculously persuasive, that was the problem here.

Still… He couldn't do it. He just couldn’t. He’d just have to talk to Stef, he decided when he let his pen drop and looked up for the first time for hours from his place on the ground in his music room, musical sheets and random pieces of lyrics scattered around him. His head was completely blank, not one idea breaking through properly.

He wasn’t used to this. Normally he sat a pen to paper and had an almost finished song mere hours later, but now all that came out of his head was crap.

Or a name, he realized when he got up, looking around him to get a general view of what he’d written. His name was smudged across random pages, written in large, black letters that instantly managed to catch his attention. His breath hitched. How had he not noticed he’d been doing that?

His heart hammered in his chest and tears were starting to pool in his eyes as he looked over the papers scattered across the floor. Without thinking he pulled out his phone, taking a picture and sending it to Louise. He would probably regret that later, but he didn’t even realize what he was doing in his horrified state.

He left his music room in a hurry, closing the door behind him in panic as if he could contain the ghost of his past relationship in there, trapping it inside. How was this still getting him? How was he still basically unable to function with the thought of it, after more than six years? Why was he still unable to let go?

Somewhere at the bottom of his heart he knew why. He knew why he couldn’t breathe at the prospect of being in the same room with him for hours - he knew what it meant that his heart was hammering in his chest every time he set foot into the studio they were practicing the group dance in.

He knew it. Had known it the whole time.

He was still in love with him. Six years later and the feelings he had been fighting against the whole time were still there, strong as ever.

He knew it, but - it didn’t change anything. Not really.

Not when he couldn’t even think his name without breaking down into tears.

Phil.

:::

April 2008

It had been four years since Dan had written his first letter to Phil. He was fourteen now, and he spent most of his time on the internet.

Actually, he spent the most time talking to Phil.

Through the internet.

He was lucky his family had still not caught up on it. He was pretty sure his nana was aware he had not just miraculously stopped talking to Phil, even though the hour long conversations in her hallway had lessened immensely; but the rest of them - especially his dad - were still in the dark about it.

And that was honestly the only thing that was important.

Today was a slow day so far. It was wednesday, which to him, was amazing, because it was a day he had only a few hours of school while his parents usually stayed out far longer than usual. Why, he had no idea; he just assumed it was the busiest day of their week.

He had gotten home around an hour ago, had made himself some lunch and settled down in front of his TV to watch some mind-numbing midday show to calm himself down after school.

Normally, he would already be talking to Phil, who usually had a slow wednesday as well, but for some reason he wasn’t picking up, neither on his skype nor on his cellphone. He wasn’t that worried yet, but he still thought it was odd. It happened from time to time that Phil wouldn’t be there that early on wednesdays, for example when his mum caught him before he could get into his room, forcing him to do stuff for her. Normally he’d at least let him know via text, so Dan was getting a little agitated by now.

When Phil still hadn’t texted him or picked up his phone three hours after their usual skyping-time he grew increasingly worried. He seriously considered calling Phil’s landline but was a bit scared to only reach Phil’s mum - the woman didn’t seem to like him much, not that he could blame her.

At the exact moment he was about to call, his laptop started making noises from its place next to him on his bed, indicating an incoming skype call. He accepted the call before even picking it up.

“Phil!” he called when the video finally loaded, revealing an obviously excited Phil, eyes sparkling and hair pushed up into a messy quiff in contrast to his usual, neatly arranged fringe. “Dan!” He grinned broadly, bouncing up and down, making the video jump along with him in the process. “You won’t believe what happened!”

Dan was unable to hide the fond smile sneaking its way onto his face. “Robert Downey Jr. joined a cult and you get to replace him in Iron Man 2?”

He almost choked on his own spit when Phil pouted in response. He could feel warmth wandering up his neck, settling in his cheeks and knew he was probably about as red as a lobster. How could someone be so goddamn cute and handsome at the same time?

“Sadly, no,” Phil answered before a new grin lit up his face as he clapped his hands excitedly. “But! I did just get a role!” he exclaimed, with a smile so wide Dan was surprised it didn’t split his face in half.

“What?” he asked, almost dumbfounded, staring at his best friend as if he’d just told him the sky was green. “Are you serious?”

“Yes! I just got home from casting, that’s why I couldn’t call earlier. I scored a role in the sixth series of Shameless!” Phil answered, excitedly bouncing up and down again, and Dan was left to do nothing but stare. The news hardly even reached his brain with the way Phil looked, excited and glowing and all focused on his screen. Focused on Dan. He secretly pressed the Print Screen key on his laptop, conserving this picture to look at it again and again and again.

That’s when Phil’s words properly registered in his brain. “Are you serious?”, he croaked, voice raw with the emotions coursing through him. When Phil nodded he started bouncing up and down as well, completely unconsciously, beaming so brightly in the process, the muscles in his cheeks started burning almost immediately.

“Yes! I get to act! And I’ll earn my own money!” he exclaimed, obviously still not completely able to believe it himself. Dan let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, eyes wide as he stared into the blue eyes of his best friend - the best friend who made his heart flutter and his breathing hitch. That was normal, right? That’s what best friends were supposed to do to you?

Deep inside, he knew they were not, but he enjoyed living in denial for just a few days longer.

“I’m so happy for you, Phil!” he replied, happiness seeping through him from his head all the way down to his toes. “What will you do with the money?” His voice was high pitched and giddy and his best friend chuckled in response.

“Well, there’s someone I know that’s in desperate need of train tickets for his birthday…”

Dan’s eyes sparkled so bright for the rest of the day, even his mum caught up on it hours later.

:::

September 2018

As the date for the launch show drew incredibly near so did the point where he’d finally have to talk to Phil. The amount of requests for interviews with them both together were growing ridiculous and the bbc hyped it up as much as possible. He was a professional, and he got the general idea of why the bbc reacted the way they did, but that didn’t mean he liked it.

Not really. Not at all.

Still, when the launch show was rolling he managed to not exchange a single word with Phil. Whenever there were cameras he was at least 20 meters away from Phil so they couldn’t force them both in frame with the little time they had backstage.

He got on stage sometimes in the middle of the show and was interviewed. It was mostly just general questions about his life at the moment, how his new album was coming along and if there was anything planned, but he truthfully answered that right now, he was entirely committed to this show. It meant a lot to him already. He was excited to learn even more about music and to dance, and when he announced that any money he’d make during it would be donated to Young Minds the audience basically flipped. He was amazed at the reaction it caused; he hadn’t expected it.

The questions got a bit more personal afterwards. They packed it nicely, sure, asking about any Ladies or Gentlemen in his life that could be offended with his dedication to the show, but it was still basically the question of if he was in a relationship or not.

So he decided to have a bit of fun with that.

“Well, there’s always Stef, my manager. Oh, and my queen, of course, she’s really not amused I’m spending so much time away from home,” he answered with a chuckle, all teasingly and with a suggestive wink, hinting at something that wasn’t there. He predicted that it would grant him protection from the bbc’s shipping attempts at least for the first few shows; it was also their own fault.

They didn’t know “my queen” ment a five year old Shakita Inu lady named Jennah after the queen in his favorite video game. Most of his fans would obviously know or at least assume that - she was all over his Instagram after all - but even that could take a while.

He looked around when he said it, gauging the reaction it caused in the audience. He had expected everything, really, from joy to devastation from his fans, some of who were clearly sat in the audience right now; but what he did not expect… Was Phil.

He caught sight of his face only briefly, but he could not believe what he found there.

Phil’s face was scrunched up, hurt written all over it, and when their eyes met for just a single blink, the blue was dull and washed down, more grey than colourful. He could have sworn there were tears glistening in the corner of them, threatening to fall any moment.

But that had to be some kind of coincidence.

It had to.

There was no other option.

After the interview he somehow successfully weaseled himself out of without giving away too much information, he performed his latest single, written for the movie Phil had played the leading role in. He could feel Phil’s eyes on him the whole time he played, the look burning on his skin like melted caramel, sweet and hurtful at the same time. His fingers prickled with the knowledge that those eyes were finally looking at him again, playing a song that was obviously based on their relationship.

Not that any song that Dan had written had not been somehow based on that.

For a brief moment, Dan wondered if Phil had realized, if he still cared. Cared that his career was basically solely based on the things Phil had told him when they were younger. Did he even realize how big his impact on Dan’s life had been? Or did he still believe the things Dan had told him six years ago to push him away?

He didn’t know. He only knew that it hurt.

A lot.

When the last, sorrowful notes of the song thrummed through his fingers and his throat as he pressed the keys and sang the words, his mind provided him with the fact that their anniversary was only a few weeks away and he couldn’t stop a single tear from making its way down his cheek. His heart was throbbing forcefully in his chest and his breathing hitched the exact moment the last note had rung out. He just hoped no camera had caught that.

Knowing his luck, they’d have it on closeup.

::::

October 2009

Dan didn’t know why, but this time things seemed to be different when he arrived at Manchester Train station. Phil seemed agitated, almost nervous when he greeted him, fiddling with his jacket and adjusting his fringe whenever his hands weren’t otherwise occupied. Dan wasn’t sure what to make of that, but decided to let it slide without much comment. He was sure whatever it was Phil would tell him as soon as he was ready. They knew each other for longer than 5 years at this point, Phil knew he could talk to him about everything.

Instead of taking the bus back to Rawtenstall Phil lead him on a journey through Manchester. They visited sights Dan had never payed attention to and afterwards they went to get a coffee at Starbucks, sitting together closely in the booth they always occupied when they were there; so closely their whole sides were touching. Dan’s right hand laid on the table as they talked, occasionally sipping on their caramel lattes, and he itched to take Phil’s left one into his, placed just a few centimeters apart. Did Phil realize he had his palm up, basically inviting Dan to take it, or was it just coincidence?

They continued their journey when they were both done with their coffees, talking and laughing as usual, yet, something seemed different. When they walked, their hands would brush together, and Dan could have sworn Phil’s fingertips were outstretched towards the back of his hand.

He knew it was probably nothing more than wishful thinking, but a guy could dream, right?

Phil still was straight up on edge when they arrived at their destination, which Dan quickly identified as the Manchester eye. Why they were there, he had no idea, but he liked it. He had been living close to London his whole life, yet never had had come around to take a ride on the London Eye.

“Did you do it on purpose?” he asked gently when they got into the cabin, both sat on the same bench, pressed up together. “Do you remember?” The view got better and better the higher they went, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Phil, whose blue eyes shone brightly in the light of the setting sun.

“Of course I remember,” Phil answered softly, eyes completely trained on Dan, “You always wanted to visit the London Eye, so I figured this is the next best thing.”

Dan couldn’t keep the eye contact any longer, so he turned his head, looking out the other side. He could feel tears rising, that’s how overwhelmed he was with the whole gesture, but he blinked them away. “This is better,” he murmured, voice barely above a whisper.

Then there was a hand on his cheek, gently taking a hold of his chin, turning him around until his sight was back on Phil. All the previous tension and nervousness seemed to have left his body. His movements now were confident and certain, determination shining in his eyes as they gazed into Dan’s. “Everything's better with you,” Phil whispered and Dan breathing hitched, his whole body shuddering with anticipation.

When they finally kissed Dan realized it had been inevitable from the start. Phil’s lips felt warm, velvety, right against his own and it was like the world finally set into place. Like everything had been unsure and wavering all his life, turning and spinning around him, leaving Dan unable to ever find his footing, but now it had clicked into place and everything stood still for the first time in his life.

After the kiss ended Phil didn’t let go of Dan. Instead he sat his hand on his cheek and pressed their foreheads together, his bright, blue eyes gazing into Dan’s as if he was the only one that would ever matter. “I like you, Dan,” he whispered, voice almost inaudible. “I really, really like you.”

Dan’s heart stopped for a few seconds, his breath caught in his throat and he felt like the world around them had come to a crashing halt, like time had stopped for everyone but them. Was this really happening? Or was it just one of the dreams that would keep him on edge for hours afterwards, knowing it would never come true?

He had hoped, wished for this for so long; had prayed to a god he didn’t even believe in - yet Phil had never made the first move. They had felt like a real possibility from the first time they met over a year ago on Dan’s 15th birthday, when Phil had stumbled over his words when they had hugged and his cheeks had burned crimson red. Dan would never forget that day; the day he had realized that he wanted them to end up together against all odds.

Then his neck started burning from the way it was bend and he realized - this was real.

It was raw, it wasn’t perfect, but it was real, and Dan could feel tears rising into his eyes. “I really, really like you too, Phil,” he answered and then Phil leaned in to kiss him again, a sob of relief breaking from his throat.

And for that one, single moment Dan felt like they could defeat everything that would ever stand in their way.

:::::

October 2018

Their anniversary had always been particularly hard on Dan. Normally he’d spent the day curled up on his couch with Jennah, eating a ridiculous amount of chocolate and drinking too much alcohol, Louise on the phone or somewhere in his flat, keeping him from doing things he would regret later on - like calling his dad; he’d done that one year, hadn’t ended well. Not really.

This year, Dan wouldn’t be able to do that. This year, he’d even have to meet Phil at some point of the day for rehearsal, probably for longer than he’d be able to endure.

Because that’s what he was doing, Dan realized as he checked into his hotel room, enduring Phil’s presence. It was still torture to even be in the same room as him, let alone talk to him. What would happen when Phil finally got tired of ignoring him; when his selferestrain would finally break and he’d unload six years of pent up aggression towards him?

Dan would crack at the first word, turn around and run, public appearance be damned.

He was just hoping it wouldn’t happen during a live broadcast.

This week Dan had decided to screw the hotel’s room policy and bring Jennah with him. He needed her today, more than ever, he wouldn’t survive the day without her - especially not the night, when he’d have gotten back from rehearsal - after seeing Phil. Fortunately, he didn’t even get one single negative comment when he lead the lady dog into the hotel, suitcase in tow. The pretty, courteous dog got nothing but positive comments from the staff, especially when they realized how well-trained she was, following his commands immediately even when he accidentally dropped her leash. She was wary towards strangers, still hadn’t even completely accepted Louise as his friend, but she trusted him with a burning passion that overshadowed everything else.

They finally made it up to their room and Dan didn’t feel energized enough to do anything else but flop down on the bed. Jennah, who knew she was not allowed to climb onto the bed without an explicit invitation, whined softly at him, and he didn’t have it in him to deny her request. She was incredibly sensitive of his emotions and sensed that he needed comfort, but was unable to provide it due to the distance Dan had put between them.

He softly patted the space next to him and she jumped up immediately, laying down cuddled into his side, head gently resting on his shoulder. He drapped his arm around her, stroking her soft fur. She continued to make quiet whimper like noises, but they were less needy now, more content.

The tears started rising without his consent. He didn’t even know what caused them, he just knew that suddenly, they were there, threatening to fall; and then there was a sob escaping his throat, the dam broke and the tears started flowing freely. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

A few more hours and it had been nine years on the dot. Exactly nine years since Phil had made the first step, kissing him on the Manchester eye.

Dan wanted nothing more than to kiss him again, like he had been able to until this faithful day six years ago, to kiss him and hug him and love him - but he couldn’t, and it was ripping him apart from the inside out.

It wasn’t fair. He was aware he hadn’t always been the best person, was aware he’d made mistakes, but didn’t everyone? What was it that entitled him specifically for this sorrow, this heartbreak; a pain you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemies?

When it was time to head over to the studio for the final rehearsal he was barely able to let go of Jennah. He knew he couldn’t bring her with him, but that didn’t make it any easier to leave her soft fur and gentle comfort behind.

He managed to though, eventually, tears dried and the puffiness of his eyes immensely decreased after crying for what felt like hours.

Maybe it had been hours. Or maybe he’d stopped crying halfway through and had just laid there, cuddling Jennah and staring off into space, into nothingness, into a time where he and Phil had been together and so happy Dan had thought he might just burst any second.

Before his world had been ripped into shreds.

Arriving at the studio he discovered that life definitely hated him. He and Phil had never really met on camera and he’d managed to avoid him during the aftershow and even the daily talk show, but now he saw this week’s order of dancHe didn’t have it in him to say much more, his heart was itching to tell the truth and he knew he couldn’t trust himself much longer.ers and he wanted to barf or cry or die on the spot.

It was just his luck that put him on seventh spot with Phil in eighth - the exact time they had kissed, half past seven - which meant that despite his best efforts he would definitely meet Phil today.

Out of all the shows, why did it have to be today? Wasn’t it enough he was already laying on the ground, broken beyond repair? No, life had to send someone after him to squash him, again and again and again until he would be unable to ever get up again.

While waiting for their turn Cathy, his dance partner, managed to keep his mind off of things. They talked and laughed and when she asked him about how his queen was doing he gladly took out his phone, showing her a few of the array of pictures he had taken on their walk last night. Her eyes started sparkling immediately. “She’s so beautiful. And she’s completely fixed on you, Dan, like you’re her everything, it’s so cute,” she gushed and Dan blushed.

Something crashed then and he looked up, only barely catching sight of a distraught looking Phil scurrying away in a hurry.

Surprisingly, his rehearsal went okay. He was a bit more nervous and jumpier than usual, but he was a professional, so he was able to act it off quite successfully.

When he was done with it, though, and turned to get backstage, that’s when it all went to hell.

Cathy had gone on ahead without him, claiming to desperately need water, so there was no one else around when he met Phil on the way. He was trying to get past him as fast as possible, but due to the passage backstage being so small there he had to brush Phil - that’s when he felt long, slender fingers reaching for him, closing around his wrist. For a moment, their eyes met and the blue was so vengeful, so cold Dan was left standing in a snowstorm.

He stopped dead in his track, eyes wide open, staring ahead, trying to not look at Phil, to not give him any more openings.

Because this was it, Dan thought; this was the moment his carefully mended heart would get smashed into pieces all over again.

Phil moved his face next to Dan, so close he could feel Phil’s breath on his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. “I hope she’s good enough for you,” he hissed into Dan’s ear, voice so cold it froze the remaining pieces of Dan’s heart. They clinked a melody as they burst, a melody sounding dangerously like the song Dan had written for the movie, the song Dan had written solely for the purpose of reaching Phil.

He didn’t even know how he got away. Maybe he hadn’t, maybe Phil had just moved past him and let him stand there, desperately clinging to the remaining shards of his heart. They seared him as he tried to hold on to them, but he didn’t even feel it anymore. The pain was gone, all that was left was a numbness that could’ve, should’ve scared him.

The next thing he knew he was sitting on a sofa in one of the resting rooms backstage, a bottle of water in his hands. He could hear people walking by in the hallway, but he was completely alone, which he was more than glad for. Streaks of tears were running down his cheeks as he sobbed quietly, and all he wanted to do was to get to Jennah, to press his face into her soft fur and accepting the knowledge that yes, he would never be okay again, but it didn’t matter as long is this amazing creature loved him.

The opening of a door tore him out of his thoughts and he stood up reflexively. He had hoped that maybe, it was Cathy checking in on him or one of the crew members informing him that he could go back to the hotel now, but no.

No. It was Phil.

Of course it was.

He looked horrible. His form was hunched over, as if he barely had the strength to hold himself up anymore and his eyes were red and swollen with tears running down his cheeks.

Dan took an unconscious step forwards, moving to comfort Phil, until he realized that he had lost all privilege to do so years ago.

How was he still not used to that, he wondered briefly when Phil finally raised his head and their eyes met.

“You know,” he started, voice hoarse and barely above a whisper, “I want to forgive you. I want to forgive you so that -” His voice broke and he took a deep breath - or maybe it was a sob. Dan couldn’t be sure. “So that I can stop.” He got louder, more confident and Dan wanted to say something, anything, but he was frozen, unable to move or even breathe.

“Stop thinking of what you did to me… Stop thinking of you,” he continued and fresh tears sprang into Dan’s eyes, a pain in his chest, so soaring he was sure it would consume him any moment.

“Forgive you, so that I never have to think of you ever again… Because I refuse to.” Phil’s voice broke again as a sob rattled him, new tears spilling from his eyes and he looked so broken Dan’s heart was pierced by a million spears all at once.

Just for a second it was quiet, complete silence engulfing them aside from the distinct chatter coming from somewhere down the hallway. Not that Dan even registered it as they continued to stare into each others eyes, a pain soaring through his body like howling flames, burning their way through his veins, leaving behind nothing but destruction.

“But I can’t.” Phil sobbed again and finally looked away, down to the ground before he lifted his gaze again, staring dead into Dan’s eyes. “I want to, so, so desperately, but I can’t.”

He didn’t even wait for Dan to react, not for the hurried “Phil, wait!” Dan finally managed to throw after him, only released from the spell that had kept him rooted to the spot when they broke eye contact, nor for the sob that fought its way up his throat. He just turned around and left Dan to break down on his own.

:::

June 2012

Dan’s nineteenth birthday was the most beautiful one he’d ever had.

Firstly, he was in a generally good place in life. He had finally started pursuing music as a real career option after Phil had practically begged him to for years and had gotten his first contract a few weeks ago. His parents were surprisingly okay with it - or at least his mum was - and his nana was the most encouraging he’d ever seen her.

Secondly, Phil was the most amazing boyfriend he ever could’ve asked for. He was supporting Dan’s every decision, he was thoughtful and attentive and, quite frankly, hot as fuck. He always took Dan’s opinions into account when he made decisions and was considerate of whatever problems Dan had - which were, mostly, about the fact that Dan’s parents still didn’t know of either the fact that he was still in contact with Phil, nor about Dan’s sexuality - let alone his relationship to Phil. It didn’t make things easy, but now that Phil earned a lot of money he sponsored Dan a train ticket every other weekend - at least when he wasn’t away for whatever acting role he was doing at the time. It was a system that worked for them, and Dan didn’t care about anything else.

And thirdly, his amazing boyfriend had managed to get some time off from filming so they could spend a few precious days together over his birthday.

Spending time together got increasingly difficult with Phil’s rising popularity, but they spent a week all alone in the cottage that Phil’s parents owned, a cottage on top of a cliff on the isle of man. They went on a picnic on the beach almost every day, and it was during one of those on monday, his actual birthday, when Phil gifted him with a key to his new flat in London and a speech soaked with the love he felt for him.

Dan had never felt more like flying than he did in this moment.

Unfortunately, that only made his fall even harder.

When he got home on thursday the atmosphere at home seemed weird from the very first moment he stepped through the door. He was well rested and had been in a bliss-like state the whole week, but now he got anxious when he climbed the stairs to his bedroom, suitcase in tow.

His suspicions got verified when he pushed the doors to his bedroom open and revealed his little brother, hunched over on the edge of his bed, clutching a pillow to his belly and sobbing loudly.

Dan closed the door behind him and hurdled over to his little brother. “Adrian!” he murmured apprehensively, moving to sling an arm around the boy’s shoulders. “My god, what’s wrong?”

“I-i’m s-so sorry, D-Dan,” he squeezed out in between sobs. Dan tried to comfort him, gently murmuring encouraging nonsense, until Adrian had calmed down a bit, at least enough to form semi-coherent sentences. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, I swear, I was just looking at the pictures and dad came in and-”

Dan’s blood froze in his veins, his heart stopped and the hand on his brother’s arm clenched involuntarily. “What did he see,” he clenched out between gritted teeth, missing the questioning tone but Adrian answered him anyway. “One of the picture of you and Phil kissing. I’m so sorry.”

Dan didn’t even hear him anymore. He felt like the world had been pulled out from under his feet and he was falling, tumbling down an endless cliff he had no idea how to get out of.

His dad choose this exact moment to storm into the room, looking about ready to murder his innocent child. “We need to talk, Dan,” he said in a monotone voice, but his eyes were so aggressive Dan wanted nothing else but to curl up into a ball and hide. It’s fine, he wanted to make himself believe, you can just go and live with Phil if he throws you out.

But it went worse than he had feared.

It turned out his father didn’t want him out of the house, now that he was on his way to success in the music industry, and he had his way of forcing him to stay. Instead of screaming at him, threatening him to throw him out, he blackmailed Dan.

He still screamed, a lot, about what a disgrace he was and why, out of all the males in this country, it had to be this one. Dan strongly assumed it wouldn’t have made any difference if it would’ve been Prince Harry or whatever other male member of the royal family, but he kept his mouth shut.

He briefly toyed with the idea to jump in to defend Phil, to tell his father that he was a successful actor and an amazing person, but he didn’t give him the chance to say anything.

“I want him out of your life. You are going to cut every and all ties to that filth and will not contact him again in any kind of way. That clear?” His father’s voice had gone from screaming to hissing and the volume had gone down considerably, but his eyes stayed the same, fixing Dan in a gaze harder than steel. He took a deep breath. That was it. That was him standing up to his father for the first time in his life.

“Why?” he asked, eyes set dead on him, “Why would I do that? I love him, Dad. I’ll stay with him, no matter what you say. I don’t care what you’ll do to me.” He was proud his voice didn’t break or falter in the slightest, and for a moment he thought that he’d done it, that he’d won.

Then a smirk creeped onto his father’s face and he knew something was about to go terribly wrong.

“You might not care about yourself”, his father said, voice cheerful like he knew he was about to ruin Dan’s life, and he liked it. “But don’t you care about your boyfriend?” Dan hadn’t been aware that the term boyfriend could sound like a slur, but suddenly it did. “I have acquired some pictures the public might find incredibly interesting…”

Dan hadn’t noticed it before, but his father had Dan’s old laptop open on the table in front of him; the very laptop he had given his little brother because he had gotten himself a new one from his first self-earned money.

Dan already knew what he would see there when his father turned it around. He had transferred, but forgotten to delete all the pictures he had saved on there, including a variety of ones of Phil and him, cuddling, kissing - happy. Maybe he hadn’t even particularly cared to delete them, considering Adrian was aware of Dan’s relationship, had been for a long time. He had been happy for him and the warmth Dan had always felt at the prospect had frozen to solid ice now.

Tears started prickling in his eyes and it took all his willpower to suppress the sob that was threatening to rip from his throat. He knew what his father was suggesting. He was obviously waiting for Dan to make a choice - but they both knew there was no choice to make.

The crushing realization that he would give into his father’s blackmail made his heart shatter into a million pieces, but there was nothing he could do about it. The public had become much more open about those topics, but they both knew a sexuality scandal would be enough to destroy Phil’s entire career.

They also both knew Dan couldn’t do that to Phil - not even risk it. His father had his resources, and when he wanted to know of every interaction between Dan and Phil, then he would.

So Dan had to end it. For good.

He was given the chance of one last skype call to break up with Phil. He knew he wasn’t the best actor and that Phil would be able to tell he’d been crying and how incredibly crushed he was, so he had to make sure that Phil wouldn’t realize, make him preoccupied with himself.

He had to play into Phil’s insecurities. He hated himself for it, but it needed to be done; even if it tore him apart in the process.

Phil greeted him in his usual, cheerful voice when the call connected and Dan could already feel the tears starting to rise, a sob threatening to escape his throat. There was a weight on his chest, so heavy he didn’t know how he was able to stay in an upright position. He carefully plastered an indifferent mask onto his face while his mind went back in time to keep the tears at bay; back to his birthday, back when he’d been so happy he hadn’t even known what to do with all the happiness.

He cut right to the case, unable to put off the evil any longer.

“Phil.. I can’t do this any longer. I have tried, but… I can’t. You’re just…” His throat constricted and he almost had to gag. He had never said words more untrue in his entire life. “You’re not good enough for me.”

He couldn’t look Phil in the eyes as he said it. He didn’t want to see the pain, the sorrow; didn’t want to hear the sobs and the pleeds. He wanted away. Far, far away; to a place where he and Phil could be happy… Could be together.

He felt like a monster.

Would feel like one for a long time.

“But I love you!” Phil pleaded. Dan’s heart constricted in his chest. His palms were probably ripped open with the force he pressed his nails into them, trying to keep himself from breaking.

He didn’t have it in him to say much more, his heart was itching to tell the truth and he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his facade much longer. He couldn’t help but let a tiny, incredibly quiet “I’m sorry, I love you” slip out, but it was drowned out by Phil’s cries.

Louder, he said “We’re done. Don’t contact me ever again,” ended the call and forced himself to block Phil on any and all social media.

Only then did he allow himself to break down.

He knocked the glass from his bedside table as he started wailing, crumbling apart; and he watched it fall to the ground and shatter into a million pieces…

Just like his heart.

::::

October 2018

Dan didn’t know how he made it back to his hotel room. He only knew Jennah was already waiting for him by the door as he stumbled inside, whining when she saw his state. She was by his side immediately, whimpering as she pressed her head to his thigh.

He didn’t even make it to the bed. Instead, he sunk to the ground right there, back pressed against the door. Jennah didn’t waste any time to cuddle into his side nuzzling his shoulder. He raised his hand to stroke her ears and she rewarded him with a soft whimper, nearly drowning the sound of his sobs.

He couldn't do this any longer. He had endured the pain for six years but now It felt like he had reached his breaking point. he couldn't do it one single second longer. He was at his breaking point.

He skurried a bit to fumble out the phone hidden in the front pocket of his black skinny jeans. Jennah continued to provide comfort, and he appreciated it more than anything else, but he needed more. He needed his best friend.

He had to discover that the reception in the hotel was more than bad, though, so he had no other choice but to drag himself across the room to the balcony. He slumped down again when he was outside, sliding down with his back pressed against the glass. It was the middle of October and only around six pm, but it was almost completely dark outside already. He could see the stars from where he sat and briefly wished he would be up there, somewhere far, far away, where the way his heart had been crushed meant nothing anymore.

He was aware there was no such place, no matter how far away. But for a moment, he let himself dream.

Until Jennah’s wet snout nuzzled into his hands.

She was back at his side again, a chocolate bar held carefully in her snout, and he wanted to cry again, out of love for this wonderful creature. “Thank you. I love you so much,” he whispered and ruffled the fur between her ears affectionately, taking the chocolate and ripping the wrapping open to take a bite. It was a bit inconvenient with one hand, considering he still held his phone in the other, but -

Wait. Phone, balcony…

Right. Louise.

He dialed her number as he swallowed the first bite of chocolate.

She picked up on the first ring. “Dan. How are you doing?” she asked, gently and caring, and suddenly there was warmth spreading through his chest. “I’m okay,” he tried, but his voice was croaky and hollow and he didn’t even believe himself.

“Oh, honey. What happened?” Of course she wasn’t fooled. He shouldn’t even have tried.

“I.. He… He talked to me.” He cuddled into Jennah for the extra comfort as he talked, who sat pressed into his side, a bastion of calm in the middle of the storm that was his pain.

That’s how he told Louise everything that had happened. How they had passed each other in the entry to the stage. How Phil had come back to talk to him, what he had said, how broken he had looked. He started crying somewhere halfway through the story and there was some kind of rustling on the balcony beside his, indicating there was someone there, but he didn’t care.

“Oh, Dan,” she whispered when he was done, and he could almost feel her embrace. He was so accustomed to her present, especially on this particular day, and it was strange to not have her there with him. He sobbed again. “It’s just,” he croaked, new tears spilling from his eyes, “In the end he’s right. It’s my fault. What happened is my fault and I just -” He halted, unsure of how to continue. “How could I do this to him?”

“It’s not your fault, Dan,” Louise remarked, voice still soft, obviously scared to make his breakdown even worse by unsettling him.

In the end, maybe it was that what unsettled him the most. The carefulness, the way she treated him like he was a small child or a wild animal, like he could get spooked and run away every second. “But it was!” he cried, louder now, and Jennah next to him howled lowly. “There has to be something I could have done differently! I could’ve tried fighting my dad, or try to make him see reason! Or at least something to make Phil understand I did it just to save him and his career!”

It was silent for a while before he continued, and he knew she kept quiet just to let him get it out. “I was just so scared. I loved… Love him so much, Louise. Everything I did was just for him.” There was a broken sob from somewhere to his right and he froze immediately. For a second he thought it had been him, choking out a sob unintentionally, but Jennah’s head was turned over to the right too, staring intensely into the darkness. Again, there was rustling on the balcony there, a sound like a door sliding closed. His lady dog growled lowly for a second, but then complete silent engulfed them both, aside from the voice of Louise in his ear, murmuring soothing words.

He was starting to think he’d imagined it all when there was a harsh knock on his door. He sat there, frozen, head turned to look through the glass pane, across his room to where the sound came from. He sat completely still, a hand laid on top of Jennah’s head tentatively to keep her quiet. A few seconds the knock came back, louder this time, more insistent. “Dan, open the door!” a voice shouted from the outside and his breathing itched. That had almost sounded like…

“Phil?!” he questioned quietly, talking to himself, which made Louise quiet down on the other end of his still going phone call. “Louise I think… I think Phil is at my door,” he whispered into the device, unsure of how to proceed. “What are you doing still on the phone then?! Go talk to him!” she insisted in a high-pitched voice and had hung up on him before he could even react.

“Dan! I know you’re there! Open the goddamn door!” the voice shouted again and there was more knocking. For a second he looked between his phone and the door, unsure of what to do, but then he got up and made his way inside of the room. Jennah followed him cautiously, but he stopped by the bed. “Can you stay here for me, love?” he asked her, pointing to the ground she stood on, and she sat down reluctantly, throwing him a look that was clearly not amused and slightly worried. “I’ll be fine,” he whispered and moved forward. He turned on the soft light on the headboard of the bed through the switch by the door before he opened.

In front of it stood Phil, hair ruffled, cheeks reddened, if from the shouting or the obvious tears, Dan couldn’t be sure. He marched into the room, brushing past Dan as if he hadn’t even seen him, but stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted the dog still patiently sitting next to the bed.

It was silent for a while after Dan had shut the door. Phil stared at his dog as she stared right back, silently estimating each other, and Dan stood slightly to the side, gaze switching between them like he was watching a tennis match.

“Come here, girl. It’s okay,” he said after a while in the direction of his dog, who stood up silently and made her way over to them. She let Dan stroke her fur before she bravely marched forward, right up to Phil. Dan held his breath as he watched her generously accepting Phil’s outstretched hand, letting him pet her.

“Phil, meet Jennah,” he introduced them, and Phil, who had crouched down to be on eyelevel with his dog, stopped dead in his track, head wiping up to meet Dan’s gaze for the first time since he marched through the door. His eyes were blue, so blue in the soft light and Dan’s heart constricted in his chest. He felt like drowning.

“Jennah?” Phil whispered questioningly, eyes wide, still stroking the dog’s fur, “as in… Queen Jennah?”

He whipped his head around, looking between Dan and his dog as he obviously made the connection. “She’s not a girl,” he stated, louder this time, “When you said your Queen you… You meant your dog?”

Dan just nodded. He didn’t trust his voice in this moment. The weight of the situation came crashing down on him, and he felt himself swaying a bit. He moved over to the couch in the corner of the room, sinking down on it, closely followed by Phil and Jennah.

“I thought…” Phil murmured to himself as he sat down quite close to Dan, not quite touching, but it was a close call. “You thought I was talking about my girlfriend,” Dan stated in a matter-of-fact tone as he pulled his legs up to his body, leaning against the backrest of the couch. Jennah sat right in front of it, her head cramped on the couch in the small space between his and Phil’s leg.

“Yes,” Phil answered breathlessly, absently stroking Jennah’s fur, staring at her like he couldn’t quite believe she was real. “She likes you,” Dan declared fondly, full of affection, “She doesn’t even let Louise that close. And she usually sits her when I’m gone.”

“Is that who you were talking to?” Phil asked softly, turning his head over to Dan now, who tensed up immediately at the question. This was it, then. They would talk about this, right now.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest and a light feeling bubbled up in the pit of his stomach, a feeling he couldn’t quite place… Not until he recognized it as something that he had deemed impossible for a long time now. Was that... Hope?

“Yeah,” he answered, and his voice was deep and husky and nearly broke halfway through this one single word. He was so nervous he couldn’t even hope to control his breathing and had to wrap his arms around his legs to keep his hands from shaking.

“How much did you hear?” he whispered, stoically staring ahead, avoiding Phil’s eyes. “Pretty much everything, I think,” Phil answered and Dan’s heart almost leaped out of his chest. Oh god, what was he supposed to do?

He started chewing on his lower lip as he took a deep, but quivering breath. “What happened back then, Dan?” Phil asked softly, body completely shifted into Dan’s direction now, one leg folded under the other to allow him to sit sideways. He was still stroking Jennah’s fur absently with one hand and the lady dog savoured it with closed eyes. Traitor.

For a second, Dan didn’t know how to breathe. He shot a quick glance over to Phil, to his eyes, and he wasn’t sure if the look in them made it easier or harder to say what he had to say. There was something in there… Something speaking of feelings Dan had contemplated as long-lost. He shuddered.

“I was… So happy with you that week, Phil,” Dan whispered, tears nearly choking him as they silently started rising into his eyes again. Where he even took them from anymore, he couldn’t be sure. “But when I came home I…” His throat constricted heavily and he had to suppress a retch. “My little brother sat on my bed, crying. Telling me he was sorry and that it was an accident.” His voice was unbelievably quiet now and completely breathless, and he felt Phil leaning in closer to understand what he was saying. “I had given him my old laptop before we went to the isle of man, do you remember?”

He took the courage to look over to Phil again, who nodded. “You were so proud you made money with your music,” Phil reminisced tentatively, matching his volume to Dan’s, “So you went and bought yourself a new laptop from it.” He chuckled lowly. “You were so excited, said you’d finally be able to see me when we skyped.”

Dan nodded back and had to close his eyes for a moment to keep the tears at bay. “I had forgotten to delete the old pictures still on there. Or maybe I just didn’t do it, I can’t even remember. Adrian knew and I didn’t-” A choking sound escaped his throat before he was able to continue. “I didn’t think it would matter,” he closed breathlessly, so quiet the blood pounding in his ears drowned out his own voice.

It was at this moment Phil obviously made the connection. He shot up from his hunched-over sitting and stared at Dan, wide-eyed. “Your father saw the pictures?” he asked and Dan could see the shock in his eyes.

“He barged in on Adrian as he looked through them,” Dan confirmed, his voice back to a slightly louder volume. He shook his head. “He was so shocked, Phil. Full of guilt.”

Phil sucked in a sharp breath. “What did your father do?”, he asked, tears clogging up his throat on their way up. Dan could feel his eyes on him as he moved to burrow his face against his knees. “Oh god, Dan, what did he do?” There was a panic in his voice now and Dan failed to keep the next sob from breaking out.

He raised his head, tears stinging in his eyes as he looked over to Phil. “He blackmailed me, Phil. My own father. He told me... “ His voice broke and Jennah whimpered from her place on the ground, sensing his pain. “He told me he’d out you in public if I wouldn’t cut all ties to you.” He was full-on crying now and before he knew it, Phil was suddenly there, taking him into his arms, gently stroking his back. Jennah nuzzled his thigh and he moved one hand to gently caress her head.

“I’m so, so sorry Phil,” he squeezed out in between sobs, burying his head in the crock of Phil’s neck. “I was so scared he would destroy your career. He would have found out when I would have tried talking to you in secret and I just... I couldn’t let him do that to you. I loved you so much.”

For some time he just sat there, crying as Phil held him in his arms, mumbling soothing words and gently rubbing his back.

It was Phil who eventually broke the silence, long after his cries and broken sobs had rung out. “Out there on the balcony, when you talked to Louise, you said…” He let his voice fade out and Dan could feel him swallowing heavily. “You corrected yourself. You said…”

Dan knew what he wanted to say. “I said I still love you.”

He felt Phil nodding, felt his hand tremble as it rubbed circles into his back. He uprighted himself, staring straight into Phil’s blue eyes.

I was now or never.

“It’s true, Phil,” he whispered, voice hoarse as he stared. “I love you. I never stopped. It’s been six years and I just...” He let his head hanging down, closing his eyes. “I could never forget you. You were always there. I couldn’t even watch you on TV without breaking into tears because of how much I missed you.”

Suddenly, there was a hand on his cheek and he opened his eyes, wordlessly staring into Phil’s. The blue was shining brightly and there was a smile on his face, so wide Dan was sure it hurt. “I love you too, Dan,” he said, his voice full of joy and happiness - and love. “I love you too, oh my god, I never stopped. I wanted to, so badly, but I couldn’t.”

There was a moment of silent communication, of Phil asking for permission and Dan granting it, and then they moved forward in utter synchronicity until their lips met in the middle in a kiss so sweet it would put every candyfloss to shame. Somewhere in the room the needle of the wall clock ticked half past seven.

When they broke the kiss to come up for air it was quiet for a moment as they looked into each other’s eyes, and then they were crying; crying and laughing and reveling in happiness, Jennah cheerfully barking back at them.

“Can you… Will you give us a second chance?” Dan asked when they both had calmed down considerably, holding Phil’s hands in his, thumbs moving over the smooth skin on their backs; still unbelieving of the fact that he was allowed to feel it again.

There were tears in his eyes as Phil looked at Dan, silently, and then he was laughing as the tears started falling. “Of course. Of course, Dan, of course. I would like nothing more than to be with you again.”

This time, the kiss was a bit less sweet, a bit more heated, and it lasted a lot longer - at least until Jennah, obviously dissatisfied of being left out, was suddenly there, running her tongue across both of their faces.

“Jennah!”, they both screeched in unison, laughing at the Shiba and Akita Inu Mix, who had her forelegs on the sofa to reach their faces, her tail energetically wagging around as she whoof-ed at them happily.

They all slept in Dan’s bed that night, closely cuddled together, Dan with his head on Phil’s chest with Jennah somewhere in between.

Four weeks later when, in the middle of a show, Dan heard about the fact that both him and Phil had been nominated for the german filmfest Berlinale, indicating that they were strong contestants for the upcoming Oscar-Nominations, he didn’t even hesitate. He ran right on stage after Phil’s dance, catching him in a bone-crushing hug. He told Phil what he had heard, tears of happiness in his eyes. Again, there was some sort of silent communication and then Phil was kissing Dan, right in the middle of the dance floor, in front of millions of viewers.

They didn’t care they all knew - all that mattered was the happiness radiating between them.

#phan #phanfiction #dnp #phanfic au #my writing

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komodo-bros · 5 years

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((Part 3! This time with the masks, trophy girls, and Motorworld staff.))

((Large wall of text incoming))

Masks

Aku Aku

Joe: Can come off as this righteous figure of virtue who speaks too much about being good and kind. He thinks it’s all false gospel, and that the witch doctor probably has done some wrong in the former past. At least Joe’s grateful to not be kicked from islands.

Moe: Thinks about how cool the feathered mask can float the ground. He even tells great stories about when he was alive many eons ago.

Uka Uka

Joe: A pain in the neck who’s even less bearable than his twin brother. Whenever he pops up during a race, Joe takes the opportunity to insult his inept behavior, and how he’ll never work for a manchild baby like him ever; especially when the mask has two scientists under his employment he dislikes. Cue the petty insults and death threats.

Moe: Is waiting for Joe to give him the signal to turn the angry mask into firewood.

Elementals (Rok-Ko, Wa-Wa, Py-Ro, Lo-Lo)

Joe: Has heard from Aku Aku how powerful they were, once being spiritual shamans like him who used their magic to wreck havoc across the world. Sure they might cause another apocalypse if released again, but they’re nothing he hasn’t dealt with before. Although, rumors spread about they are free, but now work for someone else. At least that’s what Joe got from some washed-out tourist down by the beach.

Moe: Their names sound like words he’s heard before.

Velo Mask

Joe: A flying mouthpiece.

Moe: Tries to catch it so he can use for Halloween.

Trophy Girls

Isabella

Joe: Figured that she’s friends with the bandicoots for being their trophy girl. Other than that, he doesn’t know what to think. Maybe she’s close friends with this Tawna character he’s barely known.

Moe: Has watched her in the show, Bay Waters. She’s probably the best part of it when considering the overall, “so bad, it’s good” quality of every episode.

Ami

Joe: Only knows her for handing out his trophy whenever he wins. Other than that, he doesn’t pay much attention to her. However, as soon as he heard she was getting into kart racing, Joe’s interest sparked. Seems like he’s got another upcoming rival who’s willing to make the tracks burn aflame.

Moe: Kind of reminds him of Joe with her fierce attitude and defiance. Wonders if she’s their lost long sister who became a bandicoot.

Liz

Joe: Must like cute animals if she’s the tiger and bear’s trophy girl. Now that she’s super rich, she must have bought some exotic pets to accommodate her lavish lifestyle. Maybe the bandicoots can hand over the two pests to her once they’ve fully grown.

Moe: Thinks she likes stuffed animals and owns a large collection of them.

Megumi

Joe: Is associated with Team Cortex, so that makes him automatically not like her that much. Also, her perfume makes him wanna choke the life out of random carnivorous plants.

Moe: Despite Joe’s opinion, Moe thinks she isn’t bad despite handing over trophies to the evil scientists. She seems really smart, and he loves the perfume she made.

Motorworld Inhabitants

Ebeneezer Von Clutch

Joe: Never in a million years would he ever find someone who was a genuine fan of Dr. Lame-O Netflix. Guess that would explain why some of the attractions were barely functional.

Moe: These bionic produce are getting out of hand, now a lima bean has been brought to life through science and owns a large park. It seems the invasion has only just begun.

Pasadena O’Possum

Joe: Is impressed by this daredevil racer’s tricks when it came to burning rubber in the demolition arena. However, he soon realized she wasn’t the smartest when she mentioned about never seeing two walking gators around the park before. He’s still yet to determine where this possum fits on the stupid idiot scale.

Moe: An avid fan of hers. Has a couple of merchandise in his desk, along with an autographed photo shot.

Willie Wumpa Cheeks

Joe: Never thought he’d find fruit uglier and rotten as this former mascot, not to mention callous to the core. He and Moe have been hired once by Willie to assassinate Von Clutch for ruining his life. In return for killing his boss, the brothers would’ve gotten a power gem as a reward. However, they failed for whatever reasons, thus the partnership ended much like the bitter aftertaste of wumpa whip.

Moe: The dude scares him, so much that he hides behind Joe whenever he shows up. Also, the fruit beverage wasn’t that great to drink.

Chick Gizzard Lips & Stew

Joe: Their voices are grating and annoying. The one who changes hats often seems to like juvenile humor way too much.

Moe: Free chicken stew.

Bonus

Farmer Ernest

Joe: Has never seen him in person. The bird was most likely traumatized after Cortex shot him with his gun, forever locked up in his home in paranoia. Although, the fields are being taken care, so maybe he only comes out during nighttime.

Moe: Wait, they had a emu neighbor this entire time?

Bearminator

Joe: Apparently up in the North Pole, there lies a mutant polar bear who terrorizes nearby areas with mechanical bears. Likely will never come in contact with him, as the environment is much too cold for the lizard to bear.

Moe: It’s Polar’s papa!

Carbon Crash

Joe: Splendid, another dumb clone of Crash that’s just as braindead, except with leucism. How it never got eaten by any predators is beyond him.

Moe: Another cryptid he likes to look for just like Fake Crash.

#Brains & Blades (Joe)#Brawn & Blades (Moe)#headcanon #character thoughts #character interactions #crash verse

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secret-diary-of-an-fa · 3 years

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A Farewell to Tossers (Or ‘Trump is Out: Hooray!’)

TRIGGER WARNING: COVID; Discussion of Racism; ‘It’s the Great Rape Satsuma, Charlie Brown!’

Well then. Trump is no longer President Elect of the United States and the world breathes a sigh of relief. At last, we can all stop worrying that the increasingly unstable leader of the free world is going to blow us all up with nukes because he mistook the big red thermonuclear button for the ‘send’ button on fucking Twitter! It actually feels nice to go back to worrying about more nebulous threats that don’t come with a fuck-ugly face and a dubious web presence attached. This being space-year 2020, we still have to cower in fear of COVID, the collapse of the global economy and a slow, choking death courtesy of a climate and planetary ecology that are frankly sick of our bullshit, but it’s still good to celebrate the fact that there’s one less dangerous, narcissistic prick with serious political power. The last four years have felt like a deeply disturbing docudrama answering the question ‘What if the Annoying Orange Ever Got its Hands on Real Power’, but the nightmare is over now. Well, I say ‘Annoying Orange’. He’s really more of a Rapey Satsuma, but let’s not split hairs of semantics. The tosser’s on his way out and that’s a cause for delight.

Now, obviously, this blog is somewhat overdue. Sorry, humans, but I just haven’t had the time to compose snarky think-pieces on major news items in real time. I’ve been busy being in love with- and making love to- an amazing woman (who’s also my sometime glamorous assistant over on my Youtube channel where I post magic vids), writing four novels, playing through the recent rash of Crash Bandicoot games and trying weed for the first, last and only time in my life (the only effect it had on me was to make me crave Mars Bars, which happens to me on a semi-regular basis anyway). However, don’t mistake my taciturnity for ambiguity! I am overjoyed that America has finally gotten rid of the psychotic Cheesy Whatsit who spent not quite half a decade shitting on the poor and disenfranchised while stumbling disastrously around the international stage like a very stupid, ill-tempered bear that’s suddenly found itself in the middle of a production of The Importance of Being Earnest. Like most of my American readers and probably every sane, right-thinking person outside America, I greeted the news that he was on his way out with a fist-pump and a little dance of happiness. I might have twerked. I can neither confirm nor deny twerking.

But what lessons can we learn from this election and the fact that Trump clawed his way into power in the first place? Surely the last four years weren’t just the result of one nation’s collective brain-fart and their abrupt end nothing more than a spontaneous return to sanity? Well, no. The main reason Trump managed to grab hold of power was because he pretended to care about the American working classes. He didn’t, obviously: as soon as he got into power, he started taking away the social securities on which many of the poorest depend and dismantling their access to healthcare, because he’s a megalomaniacal rich dickhead. But he pretended to care well enough to convince an enormous quantity of people who felt alienated and disenfranchised by modern politics and- in particular- by a version of liberalism that seemed entirely focused on city-dwelling, self-consciously woke hipsters and regarded everyone else as a joke. A large part of the reason Joe Biden was able to wrest power back from the tantrum-throwing saveloy wanker was because he bothered to go out to the most impoverished parts of his country and remind that them that yes, the Democratic party did know they existed and did give a shit. Admittedly, he wasn’t the best candidate for working class voters- that would have been Bernie Sanders- but he was the best guy to get the message across in a way that wouldn’t seem patronising. So, Lesson One: ignore the gargantuan body of unskilled and menial labourers who power your country’s economy only at your own peril.

The second, related lesson should probably be something along the lines of ‘maybe prioritise rigorous analytical thinking as part of your country’s education strategy from a young age’. Seriously, it might seem obvious to you or I that Trump is a dangerous bullshit artist, but he hoodwinked a lot of people. And no, they’re not just naturally, randomly stupid. Okay, some of them are- nature bestows a fresh bounty of total fucking clods on the human race with every new generation, after all. But the point is that natural idiocy doesn’t adequately explain why so many people voted for a twat who clearly didn’t have their best interests at heart. The ability to recognise predatory charlatans is a subset of the ability to think critically about information with which you’re presented. Both the US and the UK education systems fail spectacularly to give people the mental tools they need to do this early on, with a heavier emphasis on learning rote facts and formulas which- while useful- only help to build crystallised intelligence not vital fluid intelligence (one is just stats and dry information, the other is the skills you need to navigate modern civilisation). Because fluid intelligence becomes harder and harder to acquire as one gets older, teaching people critical thinking skills early on is really important. Neither the UK nor US education systems really start to seriously teach it until pupils are almost adolescent, meaning that by the time they get to adulthood, they just don’t have the ability to peer through the miasma of obfuscating horseshit that surrounds most political candidates and accurately assess who is going to fuck them in the gall-bladder least. Biden was able to win this time round partly because he was really good at putting his message in a non-obfuscating way that helped to mobilise people regardless of their level of critical thinking. That’s great for him, and anything that helped oust Trump is a good thing, but it doesn’t address the underlying problem. The underlying problem, of course, is that, so long as education doesn’t take analytical skills seriously, the political system will always favour candidates with big, simple messages over more nuanced politicians with complex and ambiguous views, regardless of who the most qualified person is.

If Lessons One and Two were about understanding why people voted for Trump four years ago and why the didn’t this time, Lesson Three is our big ‘fuck humans’ moment, because one thing the election of Trump made is clear is that racism is alive and well in modern America. Yes, many of his voters were hoodwinked. Yes, many of them were legitimately alienated. But a significant percentage of them were also just xenophobic, racist arseholes who voted for him because they thought he’d get rid of some Mexicans for them. It’s tragic that these attitudes still persist in the modern world, but they do. Worse still, I’m not sure how you could easily address it. Fear and hatred of difference- even if it’s a superficial difference like skin colour or accent- seems to be hardwired into some people. While we can work to build a world where these attitudes aren’t acceptable, so long as we humans think of ourselves as belonging to different nations and groups, it’s almost impossible to extinguish them entirely. We’re just not at the point we need to be at: the point where we think of ourselves as a species with common goals and needs, not a disparate collection of tribes and interest groups. Trump and his election to power were symptomatic of this problem. His recent de-election might help alleviate it for awhile. However, only time and repeated, positive mutual interaction between different groups of people (on both the global and individual level) can ever cure the disease itself. And that shit’s going to take time. There’s years of genocide and exploitation and war and rivalry and mistrust to make up for and, frankly, it’s still going on, which just makes it harder to drag the human race in the right direction.

Fuck, that got deep. This was meant to be a funny, celebratory blog about how we no longer have to put up with that prat Trump, and instead it turned into a lengthy disquisition on the failure of education and the problems inherent in how humans relate to one another through Tajfel’s Social Identity Theory (that’s the whole in-group/out-group/fear-and-distrust-among-nations-and-peoples thing I was going on about). Sorry, folks, sometimes life is just like that: you tune in for laughs and get punched in the dick with a dry, depressing polemic on our failings as a species. Happy 2020, everyone! Anyway, tune in soon for a review of Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time, which I promise not to turn into a didactic on the role of Nietzsche’s hypothetical superman in a civilisation that relies on the suppression of certain, key choices… aaaaaalthough…

#Secret Diary of a Fat Admirer

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macosandi · 4 years

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First Things First: Why Did I Decide to Start Documenting my Days?

As some of you might’ve figured out by now, quarantine and lockdown have not been the best for everybody. Some people are just not equipped to be inside the same walls for long periods of times—and some households are not built to have every member of the family cooked up together for long periods of time. As someone whose family drives her crazy (and someone who, admittedly, drives them crazy too), I need something to keep my ever-wandering mind occupied.

This seemed like the perfect excuse.

So, as I sat in solitude, doing my best to take care of my health, and my family’s health, I figured: Why the hell not? It’s not like I have anything better to do, anyway. Plus, I’ve realized that this time, although highly inconvenient, serves perfectly for me to take back some of the old hobbies I abandoned out of sheer exhaustion or just… lack of motivation. Such hobbies include:

1. Drawing

2. Journaling.

3. Maybe painting.

4. Reading an unhealthy number of books in just a week.

5. Learning how to cook.

6. The one hobby that has made me cry out of frustration: creative writing.

Turns out, writing books is often not as fun as reading them. Maybe that’s why I left it, and decided that I’m just not good enough for the job. Even so, I can’t seem to shake it off. It’s something I like to do, and something think about often, constantly dwelling in all the universes that never came to be simply because I couldn’t be bothered. I keep telling myself that maybe one day everything will work out, and who knows? Maybe that day is closer than I think.

But let’s not hang around that thought too long, shall we? Let’s talk about all the other things I could do while sitting in my bed. Like…

- Downloading a dating app, for example. Explore some options, and see what else is out there besides a failed high school sweetheart.

- Google options about how to convince my mother that adopting yet another dog is our way out of a boring routine. Maybe explain to her that betta fish take up a lot more time and energy than she thinks they do, and that owning one should not be just a goal to have a pretty decoration on the table below the mirror. Negotiate that, if we do get one under the right circumstances, we get a girl and call her Betty.

Now, while I’m not frantically planning the future of a non-existent fish, there’s so much more I could do. Netflix is always available, and when not, YouTube is a great invitation to be entertained. Even if the creators I enjoyed aren’t as involved anymore—or not at all—there are always some others willing to fill the gap. I’ve been getting into gaming videos a lot, there’s just something about watching people struggle through a level of Crash Bandicoot that makes my afternoon just a little lighter. And, when none of this seems to be good enough, there’s always music.

Speaking of, all hail the biggest, loudest, Taylor Swift fan you will probably ever meet. I know every lyric, every note, almost every backstory that there is to know. I relish on that fact, and you will never see me shy away from at least mouthing the lyrics of whatever song of hers is stuck in head on any given day. Lately, it’s been Mirrorball. I won’t elaborate much on why, or what the song represents to me. I wouldn’t want to tarnish anyone’s first time listening to it.

No pressure, of course.

Let’s move on to something that’s maybe more important and interesting than my taste in music. That something is, of course, the list of who will be keeping me company through my days at home. Now, just because I don’t have friends around doesn’t mean I’m alone… kind of. I have other companions that keep me entertained and loved-up enough to go through all of it.

1. My sweet baby Olivia.

Olivia. A 2 year old mutt that might be a bit too crazy to be considered a normal dog, but has become what is, maybe, the most crucial part of my life. Don’t take me as a freaky dog lady… okay, maybe I am. She’s like an actual baby to me. No, I don’t dress her often or anything… but her Santa Claus outfit during Christmas has never been ignored. Just because it’s not ignored doesn’t mean she likes it, of course. She’s never in it for longer than it takes to snap a quick picture, and even then, she doesn’t look pleased.

2. Abby. Commonly known as: Mochi.

While Abby doesn’t match Olivia’s evidently crazy personality, she has proven to be excellent company for when you just want to cuddle. Gentle, and maybe a little bit spoiled, she has lived her 8 years of life being the sole ruler of the household. She might just be my sister’s love of her life. Unlike Olivia, Abby gets clothes, and actually likes them. She has pajamas, and coats, and all sorts of things to match her eternal collection of collars (all with different patterns, of course). All of this has earned her the common nickname of “Princess” which she answers to... when she feels like it. Even if my sister’s way of raising her designated life companion might be a bit over the top, I can’t bring myself to blame her for it. After all, Abby did show up when she needed her the most.

3. Chris. Simply Chris.

When I say that Covid-19 has been an inconvience when it comes to seeing your friends, I mean it. Just... not with Chris. See, Chris and I have always been far away from each other. Me here, and Chris there, all the way in Montana, United States. How we came to meet is a very common story of friendships that develop online; one day you’re tweeting normally, the next there’s some crazy person on your direct messages that you just happen to hit it off with. Out of nowhere, you’re best friends and a whole trip is planned around you two meeting for the very first time. Luckily, Miss Covid-19 did not ruin that for us. Chris did come to Costa Rica back in March. It was great... until the entire country started shutting down due to this strange new virus no one understood yet, and we had to say goodbye. Nonetheless, Chris remains one of my daily companions, always being one text away, 24/7. Guess I have the universe to be thankful for because this wasn’t a creepy, derranged situation.

4. My Sister From Certainly Another Mister.

There’s not enough things I can say to describe Grace, since we just kind of have been inseparable since the very first day we met back in uni. It’s like we’re the same person, while also being completely different. It’s weird to find people you fit so easily with, but it never makes you feel less lucky. From making sure we take almost every class together to crying over One Direction’s songs as if we were back in 2012, Grace is someone that has had my back through it all. I mean ALL. All the intricate, messy situations I’ve gotten myself in, or have gotten dragged into. All the times I’ve cried and been annoying. She’s been there when I need a reality check, and I like to think I’d been there every time she needs one, too. Covid-19 just can’t take those things away.

5. The Inevitable Disaster that I Adore Everyday: Chloe, Emma, Elise, and Steph.

While Chris is practically family by now, they are not the only friend I’ve found in the depths of Twitter. There’s always groupchats, and while some people you might end up hating from one, there’s always the group you learn to cherish. The kind of people you scream at, “I absolutely hate you,” to, and they know you don’t mean it while also saying “I absolutely hate you, too.” So, I guess the “Folklore Stans” Groupchat had more to offer than I initially thought it would. These four are always there when I need them, and I plan to always be there when they need me too. Since I know they would murder me for posting their faces, here’s just this very... soft and tender moment.

Well, I think that’s a good ending. While lockdown and quarantine might be two things that make you feel alone, hope my little list of companions helps as a reminder that there’s always someone. Even if it’s just a pet, or someone behind a screen looking forward to hear everything about your day.

Maybe that’s why I decided to start documenting my days: to remind myself of the amazing things I can do even from home, and to remind myself that even if I feel lonely, I’m not really alone.

Anyway, I think that’s it from me. At least for now.

All the love, Mari.

#macosandi #introduction

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blackhakumen · 3 years

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Mini Fanfic #604: The Garden (Sonic X Crash Bandicoot)

4:23 p.m. at Tails' Backyard.......

Coco: Wow....(Amazed at the Slight in Front of Her) So this is really your garden?

Tails: (Smiles Softly) Yep. I organized it myself a while back. (Walk Towards his Garden) Whenever I'm taking a break from my workshop for the day, I would always come here and tend the plants. Something to ease my mind for a while, you know?

Coco: (Follows Tails Towards his Garden and Look Around) You know, I always wondered what an actual garden would look like. Given that Crash and I are Islanders and all.

Tails: Well, it's not nearly as impressive as all the other fancy gardens in this world, but at least it looks the part.

Coco: You kidding? You're garden looks great, man. It doesn't have to be fancy to look it's best, you- huh? (Suddenly Notice a Giant, Green Pot in front of Her Direction) Hey, Tails?

Tails: (Already too Busy Watering a Few of His Plants) Yeah?

Coco: What's with that giant, green pot you got there?

Tails: (Immediately Stops Watering and Turns to Coco) Giant.... Green pot?

Coco: Yeah. Are you actually gonna grow yourself a Venus Flytrap?

Tails: (Chuckles Lightly While Making his Way to Coco and the Pot) Not exactly. It's....well...(Starts Looking Away...While Frowning a bit Sadly) u-umm..... Y-You see, it's uh...

Coco: (Place her Hand on Tails Shoulder Reassuringly) Hey. Is everything okay, bud?

Tails: I....(Takes a Deep Breath) Coco, if I tell you about what's in that green pot....You... won't think less of me, would you?

Coco: Of course I won't think that way about you! You're my friend, Tails, no matter what. If you really don't feel like telling me about it, then I totally understand. I just don't want it to make you feel sad.

Tails: (Slowly Starts to Smile a Little) Don't worry, Coco. I'm gonna be okay. Really. I was just a bit afraid of how you would react if I tell you. It might be pretty weird.

Coco: (Crosses her Arms Confidently) Please. I've seen and heard weirder things before in my short lifetime. Hit me with your best shot.

Tails: If you say so....(Takes Another Deep Breath Before Speaking) Okay. So..... I'm trying to see if I'm able to plant an Seedrian.....Who is a girl named Cosmo.

Coco: (Already Intrigued) A Seedrian? What's that?

Tails: They're a group of species from another planet called the Green Gate.

Coco: Ah...I see.....So....This Cosmo girl is one of them, huh?

Tails: (Simply Nodded) Me, Sonic, and the others first met her when she crash landing here and we all became friends with her quickly. So quickly to the point that....the two of us became really close with one another. (Smiles Softly) She was really kind and caring.... I'm sure you would've liked her a lot if you two would've meant.

Coco: I can believe that. (Frowns a Little) If you don't mind me asking....What exactly happened to her?

Tails: ('Sighs Heavily') Well.....A lot has happened during that time. But long story short, we had to fight off an evil group of robotic aliens from outer space. Along the way, she.....(Takes Yet Another Deep Breath Before Continuing) She gave up her entire life.....just to save all of us that day....

Coco: (Eyes Widened in Genuine Shock)

Tails: (Points at the Green Pot) The seed in that green pot, is what left of her. Sonic told me that if I'm lucky....and take care of the seed properly, there's a chance she'll might come back to life. But....... B-But...(Tears Finally Starts Falling Down From his Eyes).... We're already in a new year now....('Sniff') And that pot is still empty. There's no progress or any kind of hope to this theory at all! I even tried doing research upon research to find alternatives to bring here back and everytime, it ALWAYS leads me back to square stinking one!!

Coco: Tails.....

Tails: (Gotten Down to his Knees) I know....('Sniff') It's.... really stupid of me....('Sniff') To think that she would even come back to this world....('Sniff') Even after everything she been through....('Sniff') Maybe....('Sniff') If I did something to save her sooner.....('Sniff') Then none of this would've even hap-

Before the two tailed Fox could finish his sentence, Coco kneels down to Tails' level and pulls him into a tight, comforting hug.

Tails: (Taken Back By Coco's Sudden Hug) C-Coco?

Coco: Tails, I....(Takes a Deep Breath) I can't say I know how it feels to lose someone close, but..... I'm really sorry that you, Sonic, and all of your other pals had to go through all of that.....I really am....

Tails: Coco......

Coco: Also......

Tails: H-Huh?

Coco: You really shouldn't try blaming yourself over this. It's not healthy. I know I don't know anything about this Cosmo girl as much as you do right now, but turst me when I say that she wouldn't want you to bring yourself down like this. She would want you to be happy and keep living life to the fullest. And if you ask me, I honestly don't think that what happened to her that day, was ever your fault to begin with. I can tell this is all have been bothering you the moment I asked you about that pot. So please..... (Gives Tails a Really Sad, Worried Look on her Face) Don't do this to yourself, Tails. Okay?

Tails: Coco...('Sniff') I.....I....I-I-I.....

And just like that, Tails finally begins to burst out crying. All while hugging Coco back in her arms.

Coco: Oh buddy.... It's okay. I'm guessing this has been bothering you for a while now, huh?

Tails: I-I-I'm.....('Sniff') S-S-Sorryyy....(Continues Crying Softly)

Coco: Don't be. It's alright to let out your emotions every once and while. (Starts Hugging Tails a bit More Tightly) Just know that I'm right here with you and I'm not gonna let go....(A Bit of Tears Fell Down From her Eyes) I promise.

Thirty Minutes of Emotional Comfort Later..........

Coco: (Still Holding Onto Tails') Hey. How are you feeling now? You okay?

Tails: (Still Hugging Coco While Calming Himself Down) Yeah....('Sniff') I think I'll be just fine now.

Coco: ('Sighs in a Bit of Relief') That's good to hear. You really had me worried here, bud.

Tails: (Chuckles Lightly) Yeah....Sorry you had to see me like that.

Coco: (Smiles Reassuringly) Don't be. Honestly, I'm just glad I was even able to help out at all.

Tails: (Smiles Softly) I am too, Coco. (Snuggles Onto Coco) Your hugs are still amazing as ever.

Coco: (Giggles Softly) Well, I am sooooooo happy to hear you say that!~ I can't just leave my two tailed Fox hanging now can I?

Tails: (Chuckles Lightly) I know you wouldn't. But still.....(Gotten Himself Up, With the Help From Coco) I can't thank you enough for this.

Coco: It's no problem at all, Tails. You know I always got your back, right?

Tails: (Nodded in Agreement) Definitely.

Coco: Speaking of which......(Looks Back at the Green Pot) You still hoping that she would come back to life someday?

Tails: (Looks Back at The Pot as Well) For the most part....But if she doesn't, then that's okay. You were right when you said that she wouldn't want me to bring myself down like this. Plus, If the seed itself comes out as any regular plant would....(Smiles Brightly) Then I'll be happy to take care of it, as much I did to the others.

Coco: (Smiles Brightly) That's the spirit! (Place her Arm Around Tails' Shoulder) Now how we watch some TV to make us feel even more better?

Tails: (Walk Back to his House With Coco) I'd like that. Oh and Coco....

Coco: Yeah?

Tails: (Place his Arm Around Coco's Shoulder as Well) I'm really glad I became friends with you.

Coco: Me too, Tails. Me too.

Bonus

Cosmo: (Watches Tails and Coco Walking Away Together) I'm so happy for you, Tails. For having friends are there for you.....For living the life you want to live.....And for....(Tears Falling Down from Her Eyes) Still remembering me after all this time. (Smiles Brightly) I'm sure we'll see each other again someday. But until then, take very good care of your self, Miles. I'll always love you.

And with that, the ghost of Cosmo the Seedrian, happily disappears into the light. Knowing that the person she loves and care about, is in good hands.

@keyenuta

@26shann

@cyber-wildcat

@italian-love-cake

@albion-93

@ma-lemons

@miki-13

@sonicsflowers

@theincredibledogboy

#sonic series #crash bandicoot series #miles tails prower #coco bandicoot #cosmo the seedrian #sonic the hedgehog (mentioned)#hurt/comfort #tragedy #pure friendship #emotional fluff #tails x cosmo (mentioned)#have to edited it again to make it perfect. sorry about that

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #259

"i went straight to heaven, but i kept on knockin’.”

What's something that makes you feel more creative? Music. What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? Wow, idk the last time I wore nail polish, but probably black or maroon. What's the last thing you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? YouTube is essentially my TV. Quite literally - I don't have a television in my room because I never watch it. What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? Oh dude, plenty. I have DIY-obsessed friends online as well as a Pinterest, I know this shit, lmao. I can name one though with total certainty because I was with a friend when she tried that disgusting "YOU CAN MAKE cuPCAkES IN A C uP!!!!!" crap. It's the most eggy shit you'll ever try. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I think those crafts are generally super cute. Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Oh yeah, one of my biggest being my senior prom pictures, but not for the reason you'd expect (save for two pictures of us that're just REALLY fuckin cute): I want them back because goddamn I was pretty ok and I miss that now that I hate my body every waking moment of every day. :^) What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Don't have one w/ a zipper, they're ugly. Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? No. Do you hate taking naps during the day? Nooo I love naps and usually take one a day. I tend to feel really tired all over again a few hours or so after I wake up. Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Hell no. Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Lol wow, this is mean. I don't think so. Do you buy gum? Rarely, even though I like it. What's your favorite dollar store? I don’t have a favorite, I'd say? But I think we normally go to Dollar General. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Maybe like, six? Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? BITCH I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill to get married in one, omfGGGGGGGGGGG. What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I don't remember a bad one. I loved going on field trips. The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? I’ve never been. Which country would you most like to visit? Eeeeek idk, but probably South Africa. What are your favorite types of videos to watch on YouTube? What I watch on YouTube has become pretty diverse, but I know my favorites are easily Mark's actual big projects w/ egos 'n shit alksjdflk;w gOOD SHIT MY FRIENDS. I still love let's plays, of course! Are you a hoarder? No. Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes. If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I'd loooove Shadow of the Colossus stuff, particularly the amazing figures they used to have only in Japan. And World of Warcraft stuff; all I have rn is an Illidan poster and a fae dragon plushy hanging from my ceiling that Jason got me. If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? Mother of god, a lot. #1, make me skinny again for the love of fuck. Which would result in loose skin being taken off and probably a breast lift because being overweight ruined my comfort with them laskdjfw. Whiten my teeth and give me laser hair removal surgery on my legs, please. Are your parents too controlling? Not at all. Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? VOL'JIN Blizzard what the FUCK give him BACK What shows have you seen on Broadway? None. Who is the prettiest Asian YouTuber that you can think of? Bitch Mark is Korean and he's gorgeous as fuck goddamn it ain't fair. But this is a weird question. What is the best news you've heard lately? When my mom got a follow-up blood test, things looked good!! She especially needed to level out her sugar, which she did well on. She also didn't lose or gain any weight, so that's wonderful. Have you ever flown first class? Hunny I am v poor. Have you ever had food SO bad in a restaurant that you sent it back? I don't believe so, anyway. Do you talk in your sleep? Very regularly now. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? OOF, yes. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick with me for a long, long time. At least two I remember from years upon years ago. Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? My old therapist that I trusted and loved when I fucking shouldn't have. Where were you raised? By who? Eastern NC, by my parents. What were your first words? "Dada." What were some of your favorite things when you were young? DINOSAURS, Webkinz, Pokemon, and Spyro, to name a few. What did you grow up listening to? Mostly country and pop music. What games did you play in the past? Spyro was my obsession, and I also loved hunting games (ironic, as irl I would never even consider it???) as well as fishing ones, plus Crash Bandicoot. What was the best birthday party you ever had? I'm not sure. How about the best vacation? I'm unsure; I haven't really been on a lot. Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? Yup. What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? A nightmare I had about my dad. If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah. Do you consider yourself a smart person? No. What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? I don't know. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? I shared a bedroom with an EXTREMELY volatile, violent woman once in the mental hospital. As in she had to go in solitary when she had a violent episode, during which she became very destructive to her surroundings, so as you could guess, I was worried about my own wellbeing. She was eventually moved because I was that uncomfortable. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Well, Easter hasn't come yet, but we'll probably go to my sister's house for the kids. We'll celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving without fail. We don't pay much attention to others. I'd LOVE to do something for Halloween, we just never have anywhere to go/anything to do. What was the last thing you deleted? Pictures. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? There's black there. Oh, there's s'more black. What's that???? More bLACK????? MAN, I wish I could pull off pink. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? I had a pretty intense headache yesterday. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My niece, and yeah, every time I visit. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? The fact I almost never leave my pajamas lmao. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? A few days back, I was reeeaaally bored and actually watched TV deliberately, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? It was The Witcher; wasn't bad. I'd be willing to watch more. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? uuuuuggggGHHHHHHHH let me be GOTH. Give me a corsette if they weren't notoriously uncomf with plenty of chains 'n stuff. BIG, SPIKY BOOTS. SKINNY LEATHER PANTS. UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Have you ever tried snowboarding? No. What’s your favorite planet besides Earth? Saturn is dope. Would you ever be a coach for any sport? Nope. What color of eyes do you have? Blue. Do you like tacos? NOOOOOOOOO. White or red wine? Wine is gross. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Foxes. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? No younger than 21. Do you think suits are sexy? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I was never really a fan. Respected him immensely as a musician, I just didn't care much about his music. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Ham. Turkey is always too dry and stringy. Do you look good in hats? I wouldn't know, I haven't worn one in forever. Never with short hair. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face's eyes? Colons. Do you like architecture? If so, do you have a favourite style or structure that you’d like to make note? Yes, and I should really have an answer for this, as architecture was a big part in Art History... Ummm Etruscan stands out, and of course Roman/Greek (even after the class I don't remember their differences well...). I love Middle Eastern architecture, too. What is one of your favorite words, in any language, and why? I just love the sound of "serendipity," as well as uhhhh "sakura" in Japanese and "kanji" in Chinese. I'm trying to think of a German one, as there certainly are some, but they're evading me right now. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled on foot? JESUS FUCK probably going to get Sara's brother from school, mother of all that is holy. But it might just feel like it because it was during the peak of my muscle atrophy in my legs. Are there any songs that you perhaps like but avoid because it makes you sad when heard? A good number. Do you like the area that you live in? What do you like or dislike about the area? NO. There's not shit to do and it's not aesthetically pleasing at all. Do you have a memory of when you really thought that you have lucked out on something? If so, what was it? Uhhhhh. A handful, I guess? Oh, uh, the suicide attempt to name one and probably the biggest. I took way too many of those pills to experience almost zero symptoms of an overdose; I did look up what "too many" was, because I wanted that. I'd say I was pretty fuckin lucky. If you have apps on your mobile phone, which one do you use the most? Facebook. Which do you like better: fantasy or science fiction novels? Why? FANTASY!!! I think it allows more creativity and possibilities of something magically "making sense" because yeah, it's fantasy. Science fiction has more "realness" to it, more, obviously, scientific elements versus make-believe. Do you like opossums? Do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets? OPOSSUMS!!!!!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're my second-favorite animals kdsja;lkdjaw. BUT ANYWAY, no, unless it's for rescue reasons. When was the last time someone asked you a huge favor or advice? Do you get asked often by this person? Oh I have no idea. Probably my mom? And no, definitely not. She hates asking for help. What are your thoughts on nihilism? I definitely get it, but it's not my personal outlook. Do you like the snow? More like love. What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don't know? I've never even had a real, steady job, so it's hard to really answer... I've only had bad experiences. It's kinda weird to me how you have to work your ass off (usually) to get a job you enjoy, as well as slave for some stupid green paper until the day you die just to stay alive and healthy. But at the same time, it offers a sense of fulfilment and is as well something productive and beneficial to the masses to do. Civilization would be very, very different and unadvanced if we were without them, so I guess it is a necessary thing. Humans gotta work together to keep where we're at. Do you believe in astrology? I've never actually elaborated why I don't believe in it so there ya go: not in the slightest. All it does is offer extremely broad characteristics that, in some light, almost anyone can relate to so they feel included in something. We naturally want to "belong" within something as social creatures, and astrology is an easy one with it being so vast. It gives equally indirect advice that can be applied to a multitude of situations, so people just mold what they read to fit their world. Don't base your goddamn life choices on the random positioning of shit in space. What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Well, way way way too many OCs that I do indeed love a hell of a lot. If you have a Tumblr account, do you have any followers that you wish would not follow you? Well I'm sure there are bots. What kind of books do you generally enjoy to read? Fantasy stuff, mostly. But I also love novels with deep meaning, particularly about life in general. A good plot is mandatory. Does the quality of a video, on YouTube or a television, matter to you? I mean of course in some situations, like if I'm watching something educational/something to gain visual knowledge from. What is one situation that may cause you to become shy (if there is any)? Don't don't don't don't don't point out that my serious interests/things I massively love are "weird" like it's been years and I can still barely explain why my biggest tattoo is a tribute to some fuckface on the Internet lmao. When one is depressed, what can a friend do about it? Do you find that there is a good method to approach people in helping them combat depression? It is SO important to, first, ask them what they want. Do they want advice, an ear to just listen, just your presence, to be alone? As for combating depression, that greatly depends on the origin (if any) of theirs. There are so many factors in answering this question, but what I mentioned should, imo, always be the start. Do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? Is it a little bit of both? Definitely both. When I'm sad though, I'm almost definitely listening to somber music too. Do you find yourself to be generally a forgiving person? I'm too goddamn forgiving. Do you have an embarrassing memory that you now look back at and can laugh? If so and if you’re comfortable, could you share one here? Omg I have a Bible-length collection of those suckers. I'd prefer not to. What is one skill that you have worked hard to develop? Is there still room for improvement on that skill? Damn, anxiety-coping mechanisms and actually trusting them to help me through attacks. I used to be convinced that they were useless because it just wouldn't work and weren't immediately effective, but you've gooooooot to trust the process, friends. What do you consider to be your main passion(s) and how did they come about? Spreading awareness of the seriousness of mental health and the comfort of knowing there's hope. You can never stop pushing. My own experience with mental health struggles is definitely the deeeep roots of that. Who do you think influenced you the most in your life so far? Why? Jason changed my life in many ways. Trauma does that. He taught me a lot about the necessity of having faith in yourself to survive on your own, a shitload about love and how it's not some fairy tale, and that people change, even those you least expect to. What is something that you have overheard people talk about that really bothered you? I could name more than a few things about race stuff, living where I do. What do you normally say or how do you normally act in response to a compliment? I usually do this shy laugh and say "thank you" with too much enthusiasm. How many books do you own? Do you have more physical books than electronic books? I've no clue where a lot of my old ones are. I have no electronic ones; I strongly prefer to read a physical book. What are your thoughts on higher education? Is it really necessary? In your opinion, what changes can be made? Depending on your aspiring career, it can be necessary, but just as easily, it can be unnecessary. I know for a fucking fact it should not be NEARLY as expensive as it is. Maybe even free, but I have no idea what monetary concerns that could cause with whoever runs the place. Have you ever received a heartfelt compliment from a stranger? Probably at some point. How many people would you consider to be extremely close to you? "Extremely"... like three lmao. Maybe one more or so. When was the last time you had to speak to a crowd? How well did that go? When I was taking pictures at a wedding last. It went okay. How would you describe your general outlook towards humanity? We by no means deserve to be the apex predator and Earth would be a shitload better without us. How long do you think you could last without any contact with your significant other, best friend, or a person whom you consider would be the closest to you? I'll use my mom here, in which case idk. I don't particularly want to find out. I talk to her at LEAST by text daily. Every day now that she can't work/is always home with me. Have you ever realised that someone was lying, but it was too late to confront them? Nope. Eventually speaking up is how I lost her, but.

#survey #quiz #questions

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botanistlester · 7 years

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Sweet Pea (7/?)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: Amidst the horror of this story, here's something cute and sweet! The lyrics at the beginning are from a song called All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks by La Dispute! Thank you (as always) to @littlelionsloves and @snowbunnylester for being my lovely betas! I couldn't do this without you two! I’ve also started making audiofics, where you can find on my youtube, skeletonflowers! Previous | Masterlist

Read it on AO3 Read it on Wattpad

Chapter Seven

Tell me what your worst fears are. I bet they look a lot like mine. Tell me what you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night.

It had been a few weeks since Phil had started talking to Dan, and today was the day where he was going over to Dan’s place. He was practically vibrating with both nerves and excitement. While he could hardly wait to finally get to know Dan in person just as well as he knew him through text, he was also anxious about how it was going to go in the first place.

Dan was everything Phil had ever wanted in a friend. He was witty, funny, and sarcastic at all the right times, but he also knew how to console Phil whenever he needed it. It was just strange for Phil to think that he had befriended his most valued customer, someone who he’d known for a year, but who he’d never really, well, known.

So now that Phil was finally going to his apartment? He didn’t know what to expect. He was walking into a mystery head first. What kind of flat would someone who wore grandma sweaters and who liked memes more than themselves have? Would he have framed photos of Doge hanging up on the wall? Would he have a list of his favourite memes on the fridge?

As Phil soon found out, only the latter was true.

Dan had just greeted him at the door with an overly excited hug and an exclamation of, “Phil!” that sounded just a bit more like ��Phiw’ than anything else. He had then blabbered on for two minutes about how he was nervous to finally be showing Phil around, and Phil had only been able to quiet him with a large smile and an agreement that he was also very nervous. That seemed to be enough to compel Dan to give him a flat tour, waving his hands excitedly as he gestured to his favourite belongings.

It wasn’t what Phil had expected, really. Dan was such a colourful person, in both language and wear, that it took him completely off guard when he came to the realisation that Dan’s flat was decorated with monochrome colours, whites and blacks and grays. Phil pointed this out to Dan, who shook his head.

“Now that’s not true!” he exclaimed, grabbing Phil by the elbow and dragging him towards the kitchen. Phil didn’t know what he was supposed to be looking at until Dan pointed at the refrigerator, which was decorated with a million post-it notes and a few pokemon magnets. He had trouble keeping his snort in. “A source of colour amidst the dreary scenery, your majesty. You’re welcome.”

This time, Phil did snort, shaking his head and smiling widely at Dan. “You’re such a nerd,” he told him, and Dan just shrugged as if he’d already known that. Phil turned back to the fridge, looking over all of the notes, wondering what Dan could possibly need that many reminders for. And right there, smack dab in the middle of the fridge on an orange note, read ‘FAVOURITE MEMES’ in large block letters. Phil groaned. “Of course you’d have a list of memes on your fridge. You’re my least favourite person.”

Dan made a face and grabbed a pen and a stack of bright pink sticky notes from the counter. “If I’m your least favourite because I’m fun then I’d hate to see the dull fuck who has garnered all of your attention.” Phil watched with mild curiosity as he scribbled something unknown on the note before tearing it off and sticking it right to Phil��s forehead. “There. I think that accurately portrays you as a person.”

Unable to stop himself, Phil reached up and took it off, reading over the note. He almost couldn’t read it honestly, because Dan’s scrawl was like hieroglyphics, but after probably a hundred years had passed, he finally figured out what it said.

“Boring old man?” Phil read in a flat tone. He glanced up and met Dan’s gaze with his own unimpressed expression. “And here I thought it was you who was the old person. Considering you have your very own grandma sweatshirt.”

“Hey, I wore that to be ironic!”

“Right. Which is why you’re wearing a shirt right now that says World’s Best Daddy.”

Dan gasped, covering the words on his shirt like he was trying to shield himself. “I am a man who appreciates good humour, thank you very much.” He put his nose in the air, looking down at Phil in an attempt to make it seem like he had a mightier-than-thou attitude. “Not like someone such as yourself would understand something as complex and three-dimensional as humour. You disgust me.”

With a mock-offended scoff, Phil snatched the stack of post-its and the pen from Dan’s hands. In his haste, he almost dropped them, but luckily his butterfingers didn’t betray him for once. He hid the note from Dan as he wrote his payback on it before tearing it off and sticking it to Dan’s arm.

“There,” he said simply. “Now we’re even.”

Phil could tell that Dan tried to hide his smile, but it failed miserably when he read the note. The corners of his lips turned up and his eyes considerably brightened. “Meme-loving fuck,” he read, shaking his head and meeting Phil’s eyes. His face turned serious. “Is this supposed to be an insult? Feels a bit more like a medal of honour.”

With a snort, Phil shook his head and took the note away from Dan. He stuck both his and Dan’s on the fridge, near the center because they were obviously more important than anything else. “There. Now you’ll never forget about the boring old man who called you a meme-loving fuck.”

“You say that as if I could forget about you,” Dan murmured softly, and he shot Phil a smile that was somewhat sheepish. In all honesty, Phil found it endearing. He couldn’t believe how lucky he had been to call Dan his friend. All of his earlier worries seemed to have just flown out of the window as soon as he walked through the threshold. “Now enough of this sappy shit. I’m going to beat your ass at Mario Kart.”

“You’re on.”

Playing games with Dan was fun, but that wasn’t at all surprising to Phil. He’d long since realised that he enjoyed Dan’s company, so teasing and yelling at each other as they tried to destroy each other in Mario Kart was easy. Through this, he ended up getting to know more about Dan as well.

He found out that Dan liked to yell. A lot. If there was any chance that his victory would be jeopardised, then his voice would get so high pitched that it nearly shattered Phil’s eardrums. He cussed more than usual, the F-bomb dropping every two seconds as he slammed his shoulder into Phil’s. He was competitive, which could turn anybody away from wanting to play with him, but Phil couldn’t help but laugh at how upset he got every time it didn’t go his way. It was just endearing, and Phil found himself having the time of his life.

After they got bored of Mario Kart, Dan switched to Crash Bandicoot. Even though it was only a one person game, they made it into something they could both have fun with by passing the controller to the other person whenever they died.

Dan was the one playing when Phil got a text message, and he looked down at his phone to see that Nico had texted him. A grimace played on his lips, not because he wasn’t happy to hear from him, but because he hadn’t exactly told him that he was going over to Dan’s today.

Nico x - 8:46pm

Hey sweet pea xx

Nico x - 8:47pm

What r u up to?

Phil Lester - 8:50pm

not much. Chilling at home.

The lie came out before Phil could even think about what he was typing. He bit his lip so harshly that his lip tore slightly, blood pooling onto his tongue. He glanced over at Dan, who was sitting beside him playing Crash Bandicoot and swearing loudly at the television.

Why had he lied? There was literally no reason to. It’s not like there was anything going between Phil and Dan in the slightest. They were just hanging out. Phil had no reason to lie.

Except he couldn't stop thinking about how Nico would probably be mad if he was hanging out with Dan. It’s not like Dan and Nico had gotten along very well at the party, even though Nico had been drunk. Phil feared that Nico wouldn’t approve of his sudden friendship with the guy who pretty much told Nico he was a bad boyfriend.

His phone chimed again, breaking his fretful thoughts.

Nico x - 8:56pm

Can i come keep you company?

Panic filled Phil for a split second before he took a few deep breaths. That’s fine. He could just… lie again. No biggie.

Phil Lester - 8:57pm

Im actually trying to get some hw done tonight. Hang tomorrow? xx

Nico x - 8:57pm

Cant i just come hang out while youre working on it? I miss you :-(

Phil cursed under his breath, causing Dan to pause the game and look over at him with a concerned expression.

“You okay?” Dan asked carefully, seeming slightly uncertain like he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries. It was nice of him, in Phil’s opinion, because they didn’t really know each other well quite yet and yet he still cared enough to notice that something was wrong.

“I’m fine,” he promised, and gave Dan a tight-lipped smile. He met his eyes for good measure, holding his gaze for a few seconds until Dan sighed and accepted his reassurance.

“Alright,” Dan said, smiling back at him, his eyes crinkling. He turned back to his game, picking up the controller. “But let me know if I can do anything for you.”

Phil didn’t nod, just picked up his phone and sent a text to Nico, spewing yet another lie. He didn’t know what was wrong with him or how he could possibly treat his own boyfriend like this. In all of his relationships, he was always really cautious to be honest with them no matter what. But suddenly, all of his values were crashing down around him.

He didn’t deserve Nico.

Phil Lester - 9:01pm

I miss you too :( but I really need to get this paper finished. Ive been procrastinating. See you tomorrow?

It was disgusting. He was disgusting. Phil would make this up to Nico, even though he didn’t know anything about what was going on at the moment.

Nico x - 9:01pm

Alright sweet pea. See you tomorrow, I love you.

Phil texted him that he loved him too before Dan was shoving the controller in his face.

“I died already. I call hacks,” Dan muttered, but he was smiling despite his frustration, his face so warm that Phil couldn’t help but relax slightly, the tension in his shoulder dispelling into the couch.

“Get ready, ‘cause you’re about to see the wrath of the Philinator,” Phil proclaimed loudly, taking the remote. At least he could try to hide his guilt by beating Dan at everything he did.

“The Philinator? Really?”

Needless to say, Phil didn’t end up beating Dan. But that didn’t matter because his cheeks hurt from laughing so hard and his chest felt so light it was as if he was flying. It was strange, how being with Dan could make him feel as if he had known the guy for ten years, almost like they were platonic soulmates. Even Chandler, who Phil proudly claimed as his best friend for years, didn’t have the same chemistry with him as he had with Dan.

It was nice and Phil didn’t even think about checking his phone until he left a few hours later. But even then, the fifteen concerned text messages didn’t dare destroy his high.

Phil Lester - 3:38pm

Saw an old lady get bitten on her butt by a corgi just now. Made me think of you

Dan Howell - 3:45pm

Was it her thicc ass that made you think of me? ;)

Phil Lester - 3:47pm

You wish. It was actually her impressive amount of wrinkles that made me text you.

Dan Howell 3:48pm

Ha. ur soooo funny. U should be a comedian

Phil Lester - 3:48pm

That’s the plan!

Dan Howell - 3:51pm

I’ll be the first to throw the tomatoes

Phil Lester - 3:52pm

That’s fine, I’ll just catch them in my mouth! See you at the show :*

Since they had hung out together, Dan and Phil continued to become closer with each passing day. The only person Phil used to really text was Nico, but now he found his eyes glued to the phone every minute of the day, awaiting the next text message from both of his favourite people. Now what he really wanted was for Nico, Dan, and Phil all to hang out together, and then his life would be complete.

That wouldn’t be so difficult if, one, Nico didn’t hate Dan, two, Dan didn’t hate Nico, and three, Phil had told Nico that he was friends with Dan.

Yep. He was in deep shit, that was for sure.

And Phil… Phil was the worst boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. On top of keeping the information of his newfound friendship with Dan to himself, he also found himself lying all the time when it came to he and Dan hanging out. He came up with all sorts of excuses when he planned a day with Dan.

Sorry, I have to work on homework.

I can’t hang out today, I told Chandler I’d study with her.

I have work.

So when Dan had asked Phil if he wanted to spend the weekend at his house just for the heck of it because ‘they are actually teenage girls who need to have a sleepover ASAP’, Phil had a moment of panic. How was he going to explain to Nico that he was going to be away for the whole weekend because he wanted to spend his weekend with another guy? Especially a guy that Nico didn’t like?

His perfect excuse came in the form of a well thought-out lie.

“I’m going to my parents’ house,” he said before he could blurt out anything stupid and give Nico any wrong ideas. He wasn’t spending the night with Dan because he liked him romantically. He was doing it because he wanted to, because Dan was a close friend now, because the only person Phil had bothered to hang out with lately was Nico himself.

He needed other friends, damn it.

Nico didn’t even bat an eyelash and just shrugged, giving Phil a sweet kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be here awaiting your return,” he promised, making guilt flood through Phil’s body, the knowledge that he was horrible stabbing through his brain.

He was off the hook for now, able to spend the weekend with Dan, playing dumb video games and finally being able to learn more about each other. Phil was excited, ecstatic even. Finally, finally he had a friend who he could play dumb games with and joke around with like there wasn’t a care in the world. It was refreshing, to say the least.

Most of the times they hung out, it was just that - playing video games and watching movies. Phil found out quickly what types of movies Dan liked, ranging from Baby Driver to Deathgasm. He was one of the most complicated people Phil had ever met, his personality and hobbies all over the place with no set pattern. One day, he’d show up to class in stupid ironic daddy shirts and the next, he’d be wearing the most fashionable sense of style Phil had ever laid his eyes on. He had designer clothing, which Dan blamed on his Theatre classmates.

“I’ve never bought a single piece of designer clothing in my life,” Dan told him after Phil teased him about the godawful potato sack jumper which had apparently been made by Kanye himself.

Phil didn’t really believe him, but he let the matter go. Who was he to tell Dan not to be himself? Besides, Dan rocked his style and he knew it.

Now, they were laying in Dan’s room in the dark. They were both on the floor because Phil felt weird about sleeping in Dan’s bed. and Dan felt weird about letting Phil sleep on the floor. So they compromised and were both sleeping on the floor. There was a bowl of half-eaten popcorn between them and Phil’s face was lit up by his phone screen because Nico was texting him and asking how his mum was doing. Phil told him she was doing okay and it wasn’t exactly a lie because Dan was wearing a shirt that said ‘Sewing Mum’ which made him just as good as Phil’s mother.

“This is the part of the sleepover where we talk about our deepest darkest secrets with each other,” Dan whispered after about twenty minutes of silence. He set his phone down, locking the screen, and turned over so he was facing Phil. The room was dark so Phil couldn’t see his face, but he was sure Dan was looking straight at him. “Tell me your secrets, Phil.”

Phil snorted and sent his good night message to Nico, putting his phone on do not disturb. “What exactly am I supposed to tell you? Who my first kiss was? If I’ve ever gone past third base?”

“I mean, those are great places to start. I’d like to hear about little awkward Philly fumbling through his first times. Sounds mortifying.”

Phil hummed and turned on his back, settling his hands on his belly. He closed his eyes, finding it much easier to remember when he didn’t have to worry about looking at another person. “My first kiss was Miranda Carsen. I was fourteen and we were at a birthday party. We played spin the bottle and she pretty much shoved her tongue down my throat.” Phil chuckled at the memory, smiling. “For a while, I thought I didn’t like kissing before I realised she was just a bad kisser.”

“Just as horrifying as I imagined,” Dan sighed dreamily. “I dig it.”

“Well what about you then? When was your first kiss?”

Dan grew quiet for a second, and then he let out the loudest groan he could muster. Phil raised his eyebrows but stayed quiet so he could explain. “Bryce Harper when I was sixteen.” Phil’s mouth immediately dropped open and he emitted a noise of surprise. Dan was gay? Or bi? Since when? And why the Hell had Phil never known this? “Bryce was my bully for a few years and would always tease me for being a faggot, even though I was positive I wasn’t gay back then. Once, he said some really hurtful things and I got really upset and started crying and ran away. He chased me down and, long story short, he ended up kissing me. I kind of liked it, which is how I found out I liked boys much more than I liked girls. But I was freaked out because my bully was kissing me, and I pushed him away. He never bothered me again after that, and that was that.”

Phil couldn’t speak for a moment. There was a lot of information that Dan had entrusted in Phil in only a short monologue. First of all, the knowledge that Dan was LGBT+ was making his head spin. Suddenly, he remembered all of those moments where Phil hadn’t been quite sure if he was flirting or not. Now, it made him wonder if Dan had been flirting. But knowing his personality, that could also be the way Dan just was. Secondly, Dan was bullied. Bullying was something Phil had sadly dealt with all throughout high school as well, so this was something that made them alike as well. And lastly, Dan’s bully had actually kissed him. And Dan had liked it.

That knowledge was almost too much for Phil to handle, so he ended up letting out a breathy laugh instead.

“That must have been so confusing for you,” Phil told him, turning on his side to face Dan. He tried to squint his eyes to see what Dan’s expression was, but he couldn’t make it out. “One moment, this guy is chronically bullying you and calling you names, and the next he’s trying to kiss you and be nice to you. I can’t imagine how confusing that’d be.”

Dan hummed. “Pretty confusing,” he said softly, in a voice that made Phil want to reach out and grab his hand. Not because he wanted to do anything weird, but because he wanted to offer his support. He didn’t though, because he had a boyfriend and holding other men’s hands was disrespectful. “That was a pretty rough time in my life,” Dan admitted after a moment of thought. “I had been in denial over my sexuality because I was being bullied about it, only to have everything come crashing down over me when I realised I liked it when my own bully kissed me. I thought I was sick, a masochist. Who the fuck likes it when the person who’s been torturing them for years suddenly shows some affection?”

Phil stayed silent during Dan’s rant, but he spoke up when Dan’s breathing turned heavy and he stopped talking. “You’re not sick, Dan,” he promised him. “You were just confused. That had to have been a hard thing to go through, and it’s not your fault.”

“I know that now,” Dan replied, and then there was a hand on Phil’s, one that was so gentle that Phil barely felt it at first. He was sure he should pull away, but Dan didn’t entwine their fingers, didn’t show that he was trying to come onto Phil in the slightest. He was just holding onto his hand as if he were seeking comfort, and Phil decided he could make an exception just this once. “I had some friends to help me through it and my mum was wonderful. I think the experience helped me be the person that I am today, so I don’t regret it anymore.”

The admittance made Phil’s heart constrict. He couldn’t imagine how strong Dan must have to be to get through something like that, to be able to look at himself in the past and be proud of what he’d accomplished instead of wallowing in shame. Phil squeezed his hand lightly. “I like who you are today,” Phil told him earnestly.

Even though it was dark, Phil could tell Dan was grinning when he said, “I do too.” And then a smaller, more quiet, “I like you too.”

They fell asleep a few hours later, after Phil’s throat had gone sore from laughing so hard. He hadn’t had a friend like this in a very long time, where they complimented each other so well to the point where they were giggling about absolutely nothing for thirty minutes straight. They could go from serious discussion one moment, to completely joking the next, and yet it flowed together easily.

Phil knew that he was the luckiest person in the world to have Dan as a friend.

Chapter Eight

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