#this is NOT comprehensive or well structured i just had to get these thoughts out in writing or id explode

[txttletale]

socialism: elysian and scientific

[whispering to you in a movie theater in between mouthfuls of salted caramel popcorn--other moviegoers who just want to watch we bought a zoo (2011) are glaring at us but i don’t care]

so in 1880 friedrich engels wrote a snappy little number called ‘socialism: utopian & scientific’. it’s a foundational marxist text and one i’d recommend to everybody--and i think some of the ideas in it are incorporated and built on in disco elysium in really interesting ways.

socialism: utopian & scientific does a few things. first, it lays out the ideas of the 18th century utopian socialists and explains the societal context in which they developed their ideas--and the core idea of the dialectic development of ideas. engels harshly critiques the enlightenment's conception of the history of thought as a history of individual thinkers attempting to capture an eternal, immutable corpus of truth and justice--he describes this worldview thusly (emphasis mine):

What was wanted was the individual man of genius, who has now arisen and who understands the truth. That he has now arisen, that the truth has now been clearly understood, is not an inevitable event, following of necessity in the chains of historical development, but a mere happy accident. He might just as well have been born 500 years earlier, and might then have spared humanity 500 years of error, strife, and suffering.

and of course it jumped out to me playing disco elysium that this is exactly how human development works the world of elysium--innocences are singularly world-changing individuals who personally establish systems and ideologies within their lifetimes:

dolores dei in particular is a pretty clear synechdoche (both narratively and, because of how innocences work, diegetically) for the bourgeois revolutions of the enlightenment--her followers, the moralists, are clearly analogous to the real-world post-enlightenment liberal international system. the “kingdom of conscience”, is, i think, also a pretty heavy-handed reference to engels’ sardonic use of the “kingdom of reason” to describe the empty promises of the 18th century bourgeois revolutions:

Now, for the first time, appeared the light of day, the kingdom of reason; henceforth superstition, injustice, privilege, oppression, were to be superseded by eternal truth, eternal Right, equality based on Nature and the inalienable rights of man.

so--moralists are liberals, that’s not exactly groundbreaking. the innocentic system is a literalization of the metaphysical vision of the history of ideas--that’s interesting, but it doesn’t really say anything in and of itself. so let’s go a little deeper. if engels doesn’t think philosophers, are accessing a nebulous immaterial well of absolute truth, what does he think--well, he cites hegelian dialectics, a system he and marx develop into material dialectics and historical materialism. what the fuck are hegelian dialectics--well there’s a lot of really long fucking books that answer that, but let me just quote engels here:

In his system — and herein is its great merit — for the first time the whole world, natural, historical, intellectual, is represented as a process — i.e., as in constant motion, change, transformation, development; and the attempt is made to trace out the internal connection that makes a continuous whole of all this movement and developmen

hegel posits the history of mankind as the history of ideas evolving in concert with one another--the ideas of, say, the enlightenment weren’t just waiting in the aether during the age of feudalism, fully formed until some singular genius could grasp them--instead they are the product of the ideas before them interacting through the process of thesis-antithesis-synthesis. this is dialectics--the idea that progress broadly takes the form of contradicting forces generating a novel force through their interaction.

now, engels identifies one key flaw in hegel, which is that he’s still idealist--he is putting the ideas first in this historical model, positing them as drivers of history rather than products of it. engels then goes on to lay out the fundamentals of historical materialism, which is the application of dialectics to a material view of history--when engels says “all past history [...] was the history of class struggles”, this is what he means, that historical development is the process of the creation and resolution of contradictions between modes of production and exchange (how stuff gets made and who gets it and why).

[i take someone elses double gulp soda out of their hand and slurp it loudly, ignoring their obvious outrage]

okay that’s all cool but what does this have to do with beloved crpg disco elysium (2019)? well, for a start it takes a very distinctively historical materialist worldview when it comes to its own history--the history of revachol is very much the history of class struggle, from the revolution to the strike--and the idea that the elements from which future society will arise are already present with current society is a recurring theme:

the future is change--society is in motion, contradictions must resolve, the world is dialectic--and the moralists are in opposition to this, desperate to maintain the status quo, to maintain contradictions perfectly suspended forever. from the dialectic point of view, moralism in disco elysium is the quest for no future at all:

as engels explains, a dialectic view of history means that you need to understand the past if you want to understand the present, because the present is born from elements of the past:

From this point of view, the history of mankind no longer appeared as a wild whirl of senseless deeds of violence, all equally condemnable at the judgment seat of mature philosophic reason and which are best forgotten as quickly as possible, but as the process of evolution of man himself.

for the moralists, the past is something to be forgotten, cast aside for an eternal unchanging present. which is interesting because in disco elysium there happens to be a global world-threatening force which is forgetting the past: the god damn pale. the pale is the accumulation of all human history into something flat and meaningless, the detachment of history from its context--the pale is the future, past, and present not as dialectical continuum of cause and effect but as meaningless incoherent chatter. the pale is the moralist’s view of history made real global force--

--and it has the potential to destroy everything--

and this is what moralism is. engels says of metaphysical philosophy:

In the contemplation of individual things, it forgets the connection between them; in the contemplation of their existence, it forgets the beginning and end of that existence; of their repose, it forgets their motion. It cannot see the woods for the trees.

by understanding the world in repose, as a dead thing, moralism is killing it. by discarding the past it is creating a debt that can’t be repaid. and what brings this all together is this bit of information from the game’s concept art:

innocences create the fucking pale. what they’re doing, their immanentized personificaton of the kingdom-of-reason model of history, is destroying the future. very literally, the non-dialectic view of the status quo--the quest for the right ideas to ensure endless stagnant stillness--is killing the world. the man who killed dolores dei was right:

we were supposed to come up with this ourselves. so--all that done--what’s the point of this post? what do i think any of this proves, other than that i and the DE writers are fancy communists who read books? well, my read on it at least: the pale is the destruction of history for a purpose--because if we do not understand history, we will think we cannot change it. we will wait for the great people to do it for us--we will wait for them to invent a future to live in and we will wait until we die. we are supposed to come up with this ourselves. as engels says:

The possibility of securing for every member of society, by means of socialized production, an existence not only fully sufficient materially, and becoming day-by-day more full, but an existence guaranteeing to all the free development and exercise of their physical and mental faculties — this possibility is now, for the first time, here, but it is here.

liberalism tells us that the future is unknowable, untouchable, that all we can do is wait for it to arrive. socialism--and disco elysium--tell us that the future is here, now, that everything we need to build it ourselves is already in the world. the second hardest part of that is realizing it--the hardest part is doing it.

[i am dragged bodily out of the theater by my ankles, frantically snatching snacks out of other people’s hands as i go. for the road]

#disco elysium #marxism #this is NOT comprehensive or well structured i just had to get these thoughts out in writing or id explode

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Breath of the Sky Ch 14 (SS meets BotW)

Summary: When Princess Zelda goes to the Spring of Courage to pray, accompanied by her appointed knight, a giant magical cog spitting out a goddess is the last thing she expects, but it is what she gets. Meanwhile, the Spirit Maiden Zelda is trying to figure out what the heck is happening and where her missing chosen hero is.

AO3 link

Chapter 14: A Set Path

The sunlight was being hidden away by the clouds, reminding him strikingly of his days on the Surface a few months ago. It was still warm, almost too warm, but he shivered nonetheless.

Link and Zelda had been given some privacy as they’d walked away from the picnic site, instead standing on a hill overlooking a good portion of the field. In the distance there were many structures, some stone and some wood, some with people and some with strange animals.

“I didn’t think we’d be stuck doing this again,” Link finally commented, feeling Zelda’s fingers interlace with his own.

Zelda sighed solemnly, staring out at the vastness of the land alongside him. “I… didn’t either.”

There was no going home at this point. They both knew it.

“You sure this wasn’t part of your plan?” he asked, glancing at her. Given his earlier accusation, he felt like dirt even asking, but he had to at least have something to cling to.

“I wish it was,” Zelda muttered bitterly. “At least then I’d know what to do.”

Link felt… hopelessly lost. The words of assurance from the captain echoed in his mind, but what good were those assurances when Hylia’s own plan fell through?

Well. It wasn’t like Hylia had been perfect, he thought with maybe a touch too much resentment. He squeezed Zelda’s hand all the more, trying to push that out of his mind. As much as he tried to separate the two, there was no separating them. As much as Zelda insisted she was still the person he knew, that didn’t change the fact that her past was intermingled with something far beyond his comprehension.

That didn’t mean she still hadn’t used him.

What difference does that make? It was for a good reason.

A reason which had failed. But he knew that was his own doing, not Hylia’s.

Link’s gaze drifted back towards the stone pillars, towards the area in the center of the field where the other two sat. His successor and his descendant. The pair were eating quietly, one more eagerly than the other, but both seemed to occasionally remember Link and Zelda were there and would glance in their direction.

He supposed there was no avoiding them now. Not that he minded being near Zellie all that much, but goddesses above sometimes it was just too much hearing about all of it. As for his successor…

“Link, I…” Zelda started to say, her words lost in the wind for a moment. Link looked back at her, heart clenching at the torn look on her face. “I’m sorry. For all of this.”

“Don’t apologize,” he immediately replied. “This isn’t your fault, it’s mine.”

“But it all started with me,” Zelda noted quietly. “It all started with Hylia.”

Link bit his lip. He’d be a hypocrite to argue against her at this point, at least after all he’d said earlier. Goddesses he wished he’d kept silent. He tried a different tactic. “Whoever started it, I’m the one who—”

“Oh, just stop,” Zelda cut in tiredly, releasing his hand and hugging herself. “Please, just—I just—”

“I just wish it wasn’t like this,” Link finished for her, slowly wrapping his arms around her and letting her melt into the reassuring embrace.

They were in the future. The future. They were beholding the fruits of their efforts. Why couldn’t this just be a happy occasion? At least for Zelda – for Link it would’ve been beyond his comprehension, really, overwhelming and amazing and wild and wonderful, but… anything would’ve been better than this sinking realization.

It’s over. It’s finally over.

Zelda’s words, mixed with tears and choking on relief and joy, echoed in his mind. They’d thought it was over.

“What are we going to do?” he asked her.

Zelda shuddered in his hold, burying her face in his chest. “I don’t know. They… they don’t even know if the Triforce still exists.”

Link blanched, pulling away. “What? That was the entire crux of our plan!”

“I know,” Zelda cried. “I know! I don’t understand how—what—they said something about beasts, about those guardian things and the sword—”

“Fi? How’s Fi going to fix this?” Link asked. “Can she—is she even awake? Can she talk?”

He didn’t think she could, honestly – not based on her reaction when he’d held her at the festival. She’d sung, yes, but he should’ve heard her voice. Fi had said she’d go into an eternal slumber for the sole purpose of keeping Demise sealed away.

Maybe that was where they could start, then. Maybe something had happened to Fi.

“We need to talk to them,” Link said firmly, looking back at the pair again. His resolve faltered at the thought of speaking to his successor, as he didn’t really even deserve to, but Zelda’s tears motivated him well enough. If his beloved was floundering, he’d find a solution, because he would never leave her in such a helpless state.

Link’s resolve faded the closer they got to the pair, but it was too late by then. Zellie and the new Hero noticed their approach, watching them. As Link’s steps faltered from shame over his failure, Zelda took the lead, guiding him forward with a gentle hand. When the pair sat across from the other two, the Hero carefully pushed food towards Link.

Everyone stared at each other awkwardly.

“So,” Zelda said, finally taking the lead. “You mentioned guardians and divine beasts would help you fight De—Calamity Ganon. And then… you two would fight him? Right?”

Zellie looked at her Hero and then back at Zelda before nodding.

Link opened his mouth to ask about Fi and then found his voice not cooperating. He looked down, hands balling up his tunic and releasing it in anxious movements.

“And you need help with your powers,” Zelda continued.

The princess visibly wilted, looking down.

Link blinked. “What powers?”

Zellie and the new Hero’s eyes immediately went to him, widened as if he’d spoken some kind of heresy.

“I think she’s supposed to have the magic to seal him away,” Zelda answered hesitantly. “That’s what I’ve gathered, at least?”

The pair switched their horrified gazes to Zelda now. Well… at least Link wasn’t melting under their stares anymore. But why the faces?

“You—you think?” Zellie repeated. “But I—my prayers—”

“Look,” Zelda interrupted. “Let’s get this straight. Whatever prayers you’re saying, or anyone is saying—I’m not hearing them. I’m not—I don’t have that kind of power, to read people’s minds and stuff. And—and whoever you’re praying to, you’re doing it in this era, you know? I’m—we’re from the past.”

“W-well, yes,” Zellie acknowledged a little uncomfortably. But it seemed curiosity got the better of her, her eyes shining. “But—how—what is it like, where you are? Can you sense—I mean, you got here somehow, and—”

“I got here because of Link,” Zelda interrupted before hastily adding, “B-but obviously we were destined to be here, too. I mean—what else are the odds that we learn of the demon king’s survival just as you’re preparing for him? But I—this wasn’t my planning. I don’t know what’s happening. We’re trying to piece it together.”

Link’s gaze drifted towards the Master Sword, and he found himself making eye contact with the Hero wielding it. He quickly looked back at Zellie, who seemed simultaneously worried and fascinated.

“All my life, I’ve… I’ve had to try and teach myself this power,” Zellie said softly, her expression growing despairing, frustrated, before she looked hopefully at Zelda. “If you can… if Your Grace would be so kind as to help me… I…”

“I already promised you I would,” Zelda assured her with a smile. “Knight’s honor.”

Zellie blinked. “Knight’s… honor?”

“Oh. Sorry. Expression,” Zelda chuckled nervously, rubbing her hands together.

“Zelda’s a knight,” Link immediately said. “Not a goddess.”

Well. She was his goddess, but that was beside the point. The point was he knew how much this Your Grace nonsense was bothering her. He’d seen her tolerate it fine with Impa, but that was during her rediscovery of her past. She’d been trying to reconcile it since then, and Farore knew this wasn’t helping.

Zelda sighed at the bemused expressions they were receiving. “I… I am the goddess Hylia reborn. But I… look. I’m just… I was born a human like everyone else. I can barely remember my life as Hylia. I…”

“Why?” the princess asked before catching herself.

Zelda quickly waved off her apology that she was about to splutter. “Because I—Hylia, I mean—was killed. I—Hylia sacrificed herself to seal the calamity away until I could come back to defeat him with Link.”

Here she paused, looking at Link, eyes alight with love, face glowing with pride. Despite his own guilt and shame, Link couldn’t help melting a little at the gaze, smiling at her in return.

“Fascinating,” Zellie whispered.

Zelda and Link lost the girl’s wonder in their own attention to each other before his beloved finally smiled back at the other two. “If we’re going to figure out how to stop the demon king, we’ll need to see everything involved in this plan of yours. And as for your powers… my memories were awakened at the sacred springs. Maybe we could start there?���

It was interesting watching the princess’ reactions to Zelda’s words. She was delighted at first, and ashamed at the end. Clearly, her powers were a point of contention for her.

Link could sympathize. Goddess… he hoped she didn’t feel as he did, but he had a sinking suspicion that was indeed the case. How could she possibly feel such a way? It wasn’t as if her lack of abilities had caused harm yet, right? It couldn’t be any more catastrophic than his own failures – despite the obvious one, he’d also nearly let Zelda die at the hands of Ghirahim. Were it not for Impa in the Earth Temple, all would have been lost due to Link’s ineptitude.

And in the end, what difference did it make?

Link shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. Stop. This isn’t helping.

He looked ahead again and saw the knight staring at him. Abruptly, he felt his cheeks flush and he looked down at his uneaten food. He hesitantly pushed it back towards the knight.

The pair stared at each other again before their gaze drifted to the plate. The knight hesitantly took the food back, eating it.

“Well, if you want to see guardians, I can show you some at the castle,” Zellie said eagerly, rising to her feet. “But the divine beasts reside in their champions’ domains. I can arrange for all of us to travel across Hyrule! It will—we can stop at the springs as well, but—you’ll see all that we have built, all we have prepared for the coming calamity.”

Link and Zelda looked at each other, surprised, before looking back at the princess. “There’s… more to Hyrule?”

Zellie practically glowed with pride. “Why yes, of course! Come, we must hurry, I’ll prepare everything!”

Well… at least they had a plan. Link rose at the same time as the knight, and the two nearly bumped shoulders, making Link stumbled towards Zelda. He was pretty certain he’d fumbled enough conversations today, so perhaps he’d save asking about Fi for later. But as the four walked, it was immediately apparent he was stuck lingering with his successor while Zellie babbled excitedly in the front of the group, nearly holding Zelda hostage with her conversation. Link found that he couldn’t help but stare at the blade, aching for its warmth, for Fi’s voice to echo in his mind and heart.

He felt so incredibly alone seeing her on someone else’s back.

Zelda stopped abruptly. “Oh! I almost forgot. We have to have nicknames, or this is going to get way too confusing. We have a few already – Dove, you’ll go by Cloud, and he’ll go by Champion. Now we just need to figure out me and the princess.”

Cloud? Link tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow at his wife, curious where that nickname had come from. He’d accept it, of course… did this have to do with the cloud barrier? Skyloft? Or was it a joke based on that story at the festival?

He felt a smile pull at his lips. As much as he’d shot down the ideas the princess had brought up about his existence, it was beginning to grow on him. He could at least garner some entertainment from the absolute ignorance surrounding his identity. Besides, he’d promised himself he’d buy into it the next time someone brought it up. It was too funny not to.

Helpfully, he added, “The princess said she’s okay with going by Zellie.”

The knight, Champion, stared at the princess a moment, and though his face was placid as ever, Link could sense some kind of underlying question hidden in it.

“I guess that just leaves me,” Zelda muttered thoughtfully.

“Your Grace… wants a nickname?” Zellie questioned.

“Of course I do!” Zelda answered sincerely. “I mean… we’re going to be friends! I don’t want you addressing me like some distant deity and the like. I may be the spirit maiden, but… I want us to be friends. This isn’t… this isn’t my…”

Zelda faltered, stumbling on words and thoughts, and Link watched her reluctantly. He wasn’t exactly eager to back her up in this instance – she’d spent their entire venture discovering her identity as someone else, and she had been struggling to retain her own self as Zelda since then. He wasn’t going to encourage her taking on a new persona, even if it was just a nickname.

“We’ll figure it out,” he finally cut in quietly just to move the conversation away from it.

Zelda sighed, shrugging, and the princess continued to lead them back to the castle. Link kept up this time, though, so as to avoid looking at Fi any longer. It seemed Champion always remained two steps behind his princess, anyway.

Noticing how the Champion lagged behind, Zelda smiled welcomingly and fell back so she could be in step with him, leaving Zellie and Link in the front. As Link looked around, he found other things to focus on. Like how distinctly open and alive this place felt while simultaneously… lacking something. The more he stared at the world around him, the strangely more apparent it became, and he wasn’t sure why he’d only just noticed it now, or what it meant.

This land of Hyrule was beautiful and vast, stunning beyond all comprehension. But the Surface that Link knew was brimming with something else in the air, the very fabric of the life woven through the land was teeming with magic and energy. Here, it simply… wasn’t. He wasn’t sure what to make of that. It felt like something had been lost while so much had been gained, and it suddenly made him pause. Perhaps this was what was lost when there was no trace of the Triforce, no guidance from Fi, with magic steadily draining from this land.

Link felt all the lonelier for it.

“Hero? Um… C-Cloud?”

Cloud? Oh, yes. That was him. Link looked somewhat reluctantly at the princess, waiting for her to continue. They’d talked so easily earlier, but he’d left that conversation rather abruptly. He hoped he hadn’t seemed too rude. Not that his conversation with Zelda had gone any better, though at least…

Wait. Wait. Had those two… had they been there? If that captain had heard his argument…

Oh goddess.

Despite his own feelings on the matter, the princess’ eyes showed only pity. That solidified his dreaded suspicion, though it simultaneously confused him – given how horribly he’d talked to Zelda, he’d expect disgust or disdain, not whatever it was Zellie was currently conveying.

Despite seeming to be practically overflowing with words to say, the princess faltered in her approach. Instead, she looked down at her clasped hands, wringing them nervously. Link wished he could say something instead, wished that he could maybe figure out if she truly did feel like she was failing because of whatever issue she was having with her powers, but… he could hardly hold on to any kind of assurances for himself; there was little way he could find a way to comfort her.

But Link hated to see her like this. He hated to see anyone he cared about hurting. And by the goddesses, he could see Zelda in every feature of this girl, in her blonde hair, in her intelligent eyes, in her love and pride in her people.

And he could see himself. He could see his sensitivity in her, he could see how the responsibility on her shoulders was crushing her just as his journey had crushed him.

Instinctively, Link reached out, letting his hand rest on her shoulder. Zellie jumped a little, startled, and looked back at him as he smiled at her. Perhaps he didn’t have the words to cheer her up at the moment, but he could at least offer support in other ways.

Zellie let out a soft sigh and smiled. “I can’t wait for you to see Hyrule.”

The words settled in Link’s heart, and he smiled in return. Despite his catastrophic failure, this land had not only survived but grown far beyond his ability to even fathom. And that… that had to mean something, didn’t it? If time and time again Demise had tried to destroy the land, and it had still somehow managed to turn into this, then…

Then maybe it wasn’t such a failure, after all.

XXX

The beauty of the castle gardens was terrifyingly diminished with the howls of anguish and anger coming from the royal horticulturalist as Mipha awkwardly sidled away from the newly tainted silent princess flower bed. She had escorted the Hero of Myth to the others before excusing herself, as she was not at all capable or important enough to be near a goddess, and had sought peace near the fountains in the castle grounds. Given the drama unfolding with other royal attendants trying to calm the woman, Mipha decided it was best to patrol the area.

Seeing Hyrule Castle was always an incredible sight, but the longer she lingered here, the more she ached for home. She missed her baby brother Sidon, she missed her father, she missed the flowing rivers and waterfalls, the diving places and beautiful scenery and mountains. Zora’s Domain was a sprawling city in its own right, but it somehow was far more homely than Castle Town, and it was less stifling than the royal halls. Perhaps it was the open architecture of her home, or perhaps it was the looming responsibility that hung heavily in the air here, a constant reminder of an evil that was coming.

It was no wonder Link had grown to be so quiet and stressed. Mipha would too if she were constantly living here.

The Zora princess leaned against a stone wall, hiding in the shade so she could enjoy the cool a little bit. She would be returning to the Domain tomorrow with her entourage, which was a relief. She would miss Link, but… well… duty came first. For all of them.

Her heart a little heavier, she tried to cheer herself up by finding her guards and attendants, when she instead nearly walked into the path of the goddess Hylia herself, and Mipha bit back a startled yelp as she dove for the nearest bush to hide in. She landed highly unceremoniously, feet in the air as she was caught in branches, hissing as twigs rubbed against her scales, though thankfully they could not cut through them. Mipha wiggled helplessly, at least tucking her feet in as best she could, before she heard gravel crunch and footsteps stop in front of her newfound prison.

When silence prevailed, Mipha turned her gaze as best she could, catching sight of familiar boots. She hesitantly whispered, “L-Link?”

Hands rested around her waist, making her heart speed up far more than it really should have (and oh why did that have to be the case, when they used to be able to laugh and play and push each other and fight as children and never was it so strange or awkward or different), and she was gently lifted out of the bush and placed on the ground. Link’s hold stayed on her as he stared at her, face calm but eyes soft, one cheek sucked in like he was trying desperately not to laugh. Mipha’s eyes looked frantically around them, and she was relieved to see that the rest of the party must have moved forward without him.

“O-oh, I’m—that was so incredibly—I’m very sorry, Link,” Mipha stammered, growing ever more frantic the longer the two of them stood so close to each other. Link’s hands slid off her waist at that, and he took a step back. Mipha cleared her throat and also mirrored the move, giving both of them more breathing room. “W-well. I. Yes. Thank you.”

Link watched her for a while longer, all earlier frazzled energy long gone. He was back to the stoic knight he always seemed to be, or at least most of the time. His eyes caught sight of something, and he reached forward to pluck a leaf out of her jewelry on her head.

Mipha felt herself blush in embarrassment at the reminder of her silly maneuver and even sillier predicament, and she ran her fingers across all her jewelry to ensure she was presentable. Trying to push the matter aside, she asked, “D-did… did everything go well with the goddess?”

Her friend nodded.

“Well, that’s good,” Mipha said with a smile. Then she shifted a little, heart growing heavy once more. “Link, I… I’m going to be leaving tomorrow. I… it was truly wonderful to see you again. I hope, perhaps, we can see each other again soon.”

Another nod was the acknowledgement. Mipha bit back a sigh. She understood, truly. But… well…

There was a way for him to ease up a little. But he had to agree to it.

“I was wondering… before I left… if—if, well…” oh goodness, this shouldn’t be so hard to ask! They used to swim together all the time! “I was going to go for a swim in the moat tonight. Would… would you like to join me?”

Link watched her a moment, and Mipha felt like she could melt into a puddle as he deliberated it. But then he nodded again, and her heart fluttered as a genuine smile pulled at her lips. She gave him a place where they could meet up, and he nodded, continuing along the path where the others had gone.

XXX

To say that he felt sure of anything in his life anymore was little more than a joke. Ever since his wife’s death and the prophecy, King Rhoam had felt like his life had spiraled entirely out of control. He had been an outsider to the royals, marrying into the family, purely there for support of his wife as she ruled the kingdom and served as a religious symbol and leader to their people. Yet her untimely death left him in charge, a man who had not been raised for such a rule, a man who had to do everything in his power to be the steady leader the people looked up to him to be, and to somehow raise his daughter to be just as wise and powerful as her mother.

He was failing, of course. As was Zelda. But Rhoam had continued to persevere, and if pushing his daughter to the breaking point was the way to protect her and help her grow, he’d be the subject of her ire. Despite it all, she had to prevail, even if he was failing.

But by the ancient goddesses, he had never in his life felt so utterly useless and lost. The franticness and demands that Her Grace Hylia had spouted during their conversation rang in his mind like a bell. Words of a mystical Triforce, something that was only remembered through symbolism and threadbare stories, made him feel far more incapable than he thought possible. How could he have failed Hyrule so? The prophecy had spoken of the solution to the Calamity being found under the ground, and the ancient Sheikah tech had been discovered buried in the earth. It had seemed heaven-sent solution, alongside the appearance of the Hero. Rhoam had just needed to get Zelda ready and it would have been fine. But what of the Triforce, then? The goddess seemed downright frantic at his lack of knowledge on the matter, and though she had promised to help Zelda, giving him hope, he still felt like he’d failed catastrophically.

He had to figure this out. A trip to the royal library was in order. To his surprise, the king found his daughter there as well. “Zelda?”

His dearest yelped as she whirled around. “Father! I was just doing some research and preparation. Her Grace, the goddess Hylia, and her Sacred Hero will be accompanying me as I show them the Divine Beasts and—”

The Divine Beasts?! What did that have to do with her training? Feeling his cheeks grow hot, the king interrupted, “You should be focusing on your duty, Zelda, not that of the Champions. Do not waste such prestigious guests’ time. I prayed to Her Grace for your sake.”

Zelda stiffened. “Y-yes, I—I know, Father, I just—they wanted to see them too.”

Oh. Well, then. The king found himself incapable of backtracking after snapping at her, and he felt all the worse for it. “When will you leave?”

“The sooner the better,” his daughter answered, regaining some of her excitement, though it was far more muted. Rhoam truly prayed that Hylia could help his child – the sooner she could discover her powers, the sooner she could be safe, the kingdom could be safe, and maybe… maybe he could attempt to rebuild his relationship with her. “I was thinking tomorrow, perhaps? But I wanted to plan the trip a little first.”

Rhoam agreed that the sooner his daughter could embark on her training the better, but he also felt his heart beat a little faster at the thought of such a quick departure. It wasn’t just his daughter with her appointed knight, a pair who could travel fairly indiscriminately and not attract too much attention outside of towns and villages. The two were safe together. But to include the goddess and her Hero… it felt nearly inappropriate to rush such a journey with them involved. Perhaps he should get the captain of the royal guard and arrange for some kind of escort?

The king left his daughter in peace to prepare, catching movement out of the corner of his eye, but when he looked there was no one there. Filling with anxious energy, he set out to summon the captain and then he could return to his own studies. Perhaps he should save researching about the Triforce for tomorrow… but no. He had to focus on his own duties as much as he pushed Zelda to focus on hers.

The captain of the royal guard came promptly when called for, and he knelt immediately upon entering the sanctum.

“Rise,” Rhoam ordered. “My daughter will be setting out with her knight tomorrow, and Her Grace, the Goddess Hylia, will be accompanying them alongside the Hero of Myth. I want to ensure their security is of paramount importance.”

Captain Abel watched the king a moment, stoic demeanor the spitting image of his son. The boy had come from a fine lineage of knights, and his father was no different. The captain was reliable, and Rhoam waited patiently as the man thought through the process.

“Your Majesty,” he started. “With all due respect, Princess Zelda and Her Grace Hylia are protected by the best Hylian knight in the land and the Hero of Myth and Legend, a warrior created by the goddess for the sole purpose of defeating Ganon. It would be a misuse of resources to send the royal guard, or even a battalion of knights, to go with them. We must stay here and protect you and the royal scientists, as well as their important work on the guardians.”

Ah, and this was where father differed from son. Link was a silent knight, obeying every command given to him. While his father’s loyalty was unquestionable, the man did what he believed was best for Hyrule, and though he would also inevitably follow any command ordered of him, he might offer a rebuttal first. Rhoam appreciated it, as his advice was usually sound.

Such as now. But the king couldn’t help but worry. “Surely we can afford to send at least a few knights, Captain.”

“I will do as Your Majesty commands if you wish it so,” the captain answered with a bow. “Where will they be going?”

“They will be visiting the Divine Beasts, as well as the sacred springs,” Rhoam replied.

Captain Abel remained quiet a moment, considering, and then suggested, “Perhaps we could request the Champions to accompany them? I can think of no finer protection.”

Ah, yes, of course! Although Rhoam had little authority to command certain Champions to act as guards for his daughter, they would be obliged to accompany Hylia, particularly if going to their own domains. Rhoam smiled at the captain. “That is a perfect idea, Captain. Please, summon the Champions to the sanctum. I will make my request to them.”

The royal knight bowed deeply before exiting the sanctum, leaving Rhoam to his thoughts. With the added protection of the Champions, the goddess would be both safe and honored properly. Perhaps it would help his daughter focus a little better too, as she often lost her way when left in charge of an expedition. Nevertheless, Zelda was the commander of the Champions, and it was good for her to travel a bit more with them anyway. Rhoam prayed it was enough. He would research tirelessly on other ways to help, however minimal it might be.

It would be enough. It had to be.

XXX

The sun hung heavily on the horizon as Link and Zelda sat side by side on stone that helped support the highest tower in the castle. After the fairly awkward picnic lunch, the group had gone their separate ways, Champion disappearing entirely upon reentering the castle grounds while Zellie eagerly said she’d plan out their trip and vanished around a corner. Link and Zelda had remained quiet for most of the afternoon, piecing together their resolve while still drawing strength from each other. They had silently grown tired of the confinement of the stone walls and climbed to the highest point of the castle. The air was a touch chillier here, though not nearly clear and relieving enough, but it was still better than being trapped inside.

And Zelda would be lying if she said it wasn’t beautiful.

The scale of the castle was all the more apparent up here, rivaling Skyloft in size, and Castle Town was nearly as large. Beyond the large protective walls of the town was the sprawling green beauty of greater Hyrule, and settlements speckled the area, promising of more to see and more to explore. Zelda could hardly believe it.

Link’s fingers settled over hers as he shifted his hand closer. Zelda glanced over at him, seeing the sunlight sparkle in his eyes as he gazed out in wonder.

This felt like all the times they’d sit together at the edge of Skyloft, having played themselves into exhaustion and silence. Link had always been a quiet one, and Zelda had never had an issue with it, sometimes enjoying the tenderness such silence could bring. She especially appreciated it on days that Groose was particularly loud and annoying.

But looking at her beloved husband right now reminded her of their earlier fight, of his words and the princess’ fears and the king’s request and her own anxieties. She again found herself wondering how she was going to juggle all this, how she could help the princess fight Demise, how they could even defeat him this time. At least with a trip to look at these divine beast things, there was a plan in place. Zelda could work with a plan.

Besides… maybe the springs could hold something for her as well. Maybe… maybe in the past… when she’d been Hylia… surely she’d seen this coming, right?

Right?

Zelda didn’t know what to do. She had no guide. She missed Impa so much it hurt.

At least I have Link with me this time, she thought, though there was a touch of bitterness to it. Of course he was with her this time – it wasn’t like he could escape this wretched fate, either. But honestly… she couldn’t imagine dealing with this with anyone else. As much as she wished Impa was here, she was forever grateful that Link was. If only both of them could accompany her. If only things could make sense.

But never mind that. There was a whole new world to explore. The Surface had been amazingly new and beautiful, and her restored memories had not lessened that. She couldn’t wait to see what the Surface had become now.

She tried to focus on that, tried to reorient her mind to recognizing that this wasn’t just a terrifying preparation for the war to begin anew. It was an adventure, and she would make sure it ended well.

But wait. Someone else had been on their adventure.

Zelda found herself thinking of her own people, of her friends and her father and the other settlers. She hoped and prayed they were alright.

And that they wouldn’t get near the Gate. Surely… surely they wouldn’t. There was no way they could. Groose was injured (Golden Three, she hoped he was doing okay), and no one else dared enter the Sealed Temple.

She hoped the guards she asked for would keep the place safe.

Zelda leaned over, letting her head rest on Link’s shoulder, and her husband settled his head atop hers. Tomorrow was going to be the start of something entirely new, and she was glad they would face it together.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Link turned his head to nuzzle into her hair a little more, and his arm moved to wrap around her. “I love you too.”

XXX

Hyrule Castle hummed with anticipation as the last rays of sunlight seeped out of the sky. Champions genuflected to the king, spoke with their guards and servants, and prepared themselves for the honor of accompanying a deity. The princess of Hyrule sprawled out on her bed, maps and books all over the covers, though they did little benefit as the girl’s head slowly plopped directly on to a book about the history of the Temple of Time, soft snores escaping her. The royal guards protecting the goddess’ quarters grew anxious as no goddess appeared, while two teenagers snuggled high up above the castle, enjoying the clear night sky. The captain of the guard prayed quietly in his quarters, dinner forgotten, as he thought about the trip the next day. The king moved restlessly through the royal library as he tried to find any clues of the Triforce.

Meanwhile, the princess’ appointed knight snuck around the castle walls, looking around the docks before finding a suitable place to strip off his shirt as the Zora princess waved at him.

The water was cold, and Link felt himself involuntarily gasp as he dipped his bare feet into it. Grabbing hold of his resolve, he leapt into the water, knowing the best way to adjust to the temperature was to just take the plunge. He let it invigorate him, startling all the worries of the day out of his mind as he just focused on swimming. Somehow, just floating in the water helped carry his worries away. He always enjoyed it.

Mipha giggled, catching his attention, and he swam over to her, smiling. They hadn’t done this in what felt like years—maybe it actually had been that long. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it until just now.

“Oh Link,” Mipha said happily. “I’m so glad you could join me!”

Link’s smile grew, and the princess took that as a cue to continue.

“King Rhoam asked for me,” she noted, catching his attention. “Alongside all the other Champions. He asked us to accompany you and the princess as she took the goddess Hylia around Hyrule. I could hardly say no to such a request, but—oh, Link, how can I even get near such a being? Surely I’m not worthy of that. Do you think she’ll go in a carriage or something? At least that way she’ll never see me.”

Link stared at her a moment, letting the words flow through him like the water. The king wished the Champions to go with them? That wasn’t unreasonable, but it certainly changed things a little. Mostly for the better, honestly.

Except for Revali. Ugh. Great.

But having Mipha around would be nice. And Princess Zelda would appreciate Chief Urbosa’s company. Not to mention Daruk’s company would be nice. Though… Link wasn’t sure how Hylia or her Hero would take it.

But Mipha’s concerns registered in his mind, and he shook his head. In the solitude of the castle waters, he didn’t have to hide himself, though the paranoia persisted despite being with his friend. He pushed himself to speak freely. “She’s… not what I expected. I don’t think she’ll dislike you, Mipha.”

“Perhaps,” his friend agreed uncertainly, eyes looking at the moonlight dancing on the water.

“Nobody could dislike you,” Link reassured her, swimming a little closer and sinking into the water so he ended up in her line of sight. Mipha giggled at him as the only part of him that was visible above water was from his nose to the top of his head. She dove abruptly, and Link followed suit, the pair smiling at each other as they swam in circles. It almost felt like they were kids again, playing in Zora’s Domain while Link’s father was assigned there. It almost made him forget everything that was happening.

Almost.

Though, now that he had stepped away from the others, now that he was allowed to just have some simple fun and be with a friend, his mind felt much clearer. The usual immense weight on his shoulders felt a little less heavy, even just momentarily. While Hylia herself was still quite the mystery, her Hero was less so. And while Link still felt a little intimidated approaching him or Her Grace, he could at least draw courage from the fact that neither of them hated him.

He hoped the trip would be fruitful for Zelda. He truly did. The poor princess deserved it.

But what else would this trip bring? What could Link possibly contribute to it? Nothing, he supposed, except for his protection, as always. He supposed that was enough.

As Link and Mipha breached the water’s surface, he glanced back at the castle, wondering what this journey would bring. The playful moment was gone, Mipha stilled beside him, and then she said quietly, “The Calamity draws ever nearer… but Link… we have so much going for us. It must all end well, right?”

I don’t know. He truly didn’t. But… he nodded nonetheless. Because Mipha didn’t need to worry, and honestly, Link would do everything in his power to ensure that Calamity Ganon would be defeated. That had always been enough.

“I pray it will,” Mipha continued, before smiling gently at him. “I will strive to improve my fighting abilities in the meantime. I hope Her Grace and the Hero enjoy seeing the Domain—oh! Oh, I must send word to my father! We can’t be unprepared over such a visit!”

And just like that, his friend was in a frenzy, fretting about divine visitors and speaking about how Zora’s Domain should be ready. Link followed her back to the shore, somewhat amused—he was pretty certain there was nothing she could do to alert her father at the moment, but he was no stranger to worrying over everything and nothing in the middle of the night—and the pair snuck back into the castle. Link tried to hide his shivers as he crept along, listening to water drip off them both on the cobblestone.

“Oh, you’re freezing!” Mipha fretted, immediately grabbing him and holding him close. Link felt his heart skip a beat and by the goddesses he wished he didn’t—they’d done this as children; all the Zora had huddled together for warmth when exiting frigid waters. As children they weren’t quite adept and regulating their temperature, and they knew that Link himself was not capable. But it felt—now it was—

Link swallowed, feeling his cheeks warm up far faster than the rest of him, and Mipha froze. The two locked eyes for a moment, and the Zora princess immediately spluttered and stumbled back so quickly she nearly fell into yet another plant. Link reached out automatically, catching her by the wrist, and she hastily said, “I m-must go, I’m so very sorry, Link, good night!”

The young knight watched his friend practically flee indoors, and he felt… he didn’t know. Guilty? Sad? Embarrassed? All three?

He sighed as his gaze drifted upward along the castle. The worries from a moment ago bled out of him easily as anxieties over tomorrow filled the void. He didn’t think he would be sleeping much tonight. But the focus was back on Princess Zelda, where it belonged. He was there to fulfill a duty as well, but it didn’t require attention or scrutiny. He could guard and watch. He could do that.

He found himself wondering if the Hero of Legend would do that as well. He found himself wondering what he was even supposed to do with that Hero.

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do anymore, honestly. And while he no longer held any worry that his predecessor hated him, he certainly had little idea of how to help him. Assuming he even needed help.

It was all just… confusing. If this trip was fruitful in any way, he hoped it would at least make things less confusing.

I suppose I’ll find out, he thought as he followed Mipha’s wet footprints inside the castle, slipping back into the façade of the perfect soldier.

#writing #breath of the wild #skyward sword #legend of zelda #breath of the wild link #botw link #breath of the wild zelda #botw zelda #skyward sword link #ss link #skyward sword zelda #ss zelda #zelink #miphlink #mipha and link are anxious little beans in love #and too dumb to figure it out #everyone needs an adult and a hug #even the adults lol #Abel deserves a pay raise #Rhoam needs some counseling on how to be a good dad #he's got the right spirit but DUDE #the royal guards assigned to protect Hylia and the Mythical Hero when they realize they're missing again: YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME #nobody knows the lovebirds are sitting on the top of the castle #Abel is gonna get a frantic messenger again and sigh heavily #Zellie is planning a great National Geographic Tour of Hyrule and is super excited about it #WHO'S READY FOR A ROAD TRIP #breath of the sky #skye time travels through the queue

[ukfrislandembassy]

Anti-Chomskyan masterpost

Sticking this up as a compilation (ever expanding) of all the material I've read and would recommend you read to get a handle on the criticisms of the linguistic ideas of Chomsky. This isn't just intended to be a criticism of Chomsky personally, but also the manner of linguistics that he engendered (basically anyone that uncritically cites Chomsky as a source on the nature of language). I have ordered these by date of publication in an effort to get across how long this has been around for.

I've tried to find publically accessible links where possible, but unfortunately not everything is so available even though it should be, so I've linked in some cases to JSTOR or similar (you might be able to get a copy if you e.g. request through researchgate but that might be it if you can't get Sci-Hub to work). Also, I've not directly linked to any PDF files, so for some of these you might have to do a little crawling through a long list of publications to find them, though that should be easier given these things are usually ordered by year, a piece of information I've given you.

I do expect to be adding to this post, so expect regular updates, as well as it being pinned on my blog.

What Did John Keep the Car That was In? (1972) - in merely six pages Dwight Bolinger Destroys Chomsky's Argument (in the New Yorker) with Facts and Logic (specifically making an early point that polar question inversion doesn't make the point Chomskyans want you to think it makes).

Cognitive versus Generative Linguistics: how commitments influence results (1990) - George Lakoff (the metaphor guy), gives his take on how the baseline assumptions of the generative model influence the results that emerge from its research.

Concerning the generative paradigm (1994) - Esa Itkonen's comprehensive criticism, including a criticism of e.g. generativism's conception of what 'Language' is, as well as the more specific points about acquisition, UG etc.

Grammaticality as evidence and as prediction in a Galilean linguistics (2009) - Nick Riemer makes a specific criticism of the notion of grammaticality in the context of Chomskyan argumentation. Follow-up after Chomskyan complaining is On not having read Itkonen: empiricism and intuitions in the generative data debate (2009), continuing the point.

The Incoherence of Chomsky's 'Biolinguistic' Ontology (2009) - Paul Postal gives his take on Chomsky's claims to being based in biology (note Postal is problematic in many ways, especially politically; I think on this one he has the right points, but I thought it worth noting).

Why Chomsky doesn’t count as a gifted linguist (2010) - a post from Dominik Lukeš that makes the point explicit, and provides alternative suggestions of actually good linguists who have had a positive impact on the field

Pullum sobre Chomsky en la UCL (2011) - Geoffrey K Pullum reports (in English, contra the title) on a talk given by Chomsky and outlines the major flaws in his rhetorical argumentation (and I mean rhetorical, there's not much in the way of actual argumentation, as you'll see)

What Chomsky doesn't get about child language (2012) - child development academic Dorothy Bishop lays out the problems with Chomsky's perspective on acquisition and how it has been superseded by pretty much all of the research by actual acquisition specialists in the decades since.

On the logical necessity of a cultural and cognitive connection for the origin of all aspects of linguistic structure (2015) - Randy LaPolla points out how odd it is to claim that Language isn't influenced by extralinguistic factors.

The description-comparison approach and the audacious Chomskyan approach (or: how to frame better) (2023) - not technically anti-Chomskyan per se, but rather Haspelmath trying to frame/put a name to the overall camp that he (and many others such as myself) reside in.

#linguistics #masterpost

[gokubrain]

hello!!! so i am the person who asked you about cell arch, and the one who hasn't seen the buu arch,,, well l'm happy to say that that's no longer true! I finally watched it and I have SO MUCH TO SAY ITS CRAZY!!! I don't even know where to start or how to make this comprehensible but l'll try my best, im also really nervous but it's ok:-) this is definitely gonna be very chaotic and i apologise in advance because I don't know how to write so l'lI just be saying everything that comes to mind,,,

SO! let me just start this out by saying that YOU WERE SO RIGHT!!!! this arch literally changed my entire perspective on how I view kakavege and it was so good I watched the whole thing in like 4 days xD, I also needed like a whole week to process everything that happened and go through all my notes to compose all my thoughts xDD but ok, here we go,,,

firstly, I just couldn't believe at first how vegeta was like, actually nicer?? like when they went to the tournament he was actually like hanging out with everyone else? this might seem like not much but to me that was so crazy because up until that point, vegeta would always be standing somewhere in the corner angrily and try not to associate with anyone. but now when goku asked him if he wants to go watch goten and trunks fight he agreed and when trunks wins vegeta puts his hand on gokus shoulder??? since when??? that's was like the first big change I noticed and I just couldn't get over it at all, it just seemed insane that vegeta would suddenly be acting not as aggressively. AND THEN THE FAMOUS SCENE!!! where goku and vegeta just communicate without actually saying any words??? | was just speechless, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I think I was still underestimating just how gay this arch is gonna get.

then vegeta not wanting goku to leave with kaioshin because they were supposed to fight in the tournament??? like him just saying that all he wants to do is fight goku and that that's the only reason he even joined??? man I love that scene so much.

then when they are on babidis spaceship it's just very cute how they both trust each other to be able to defeat the enemies,and then when vegeta gets impatient of waiting for the next opponent to show up, he gets angry and wants to destroy the ship, and then goku grabs his arm and tells him to calm down, then they just look into each other's eyes for a long time and OF COURSE, vegeta calms down,, that was so crazy man,,,

god i don't know if this is a normal way of writing this, like l'm just kinda writing things that I liked in the arch and not an actual review, I don't know what l'm doing really but l'm probably just overthinking xD

ok so now we're getting to the good bit😃

vegeta turns Majin ON PURPOSE??? and he only cares about goku?? And when babidi tries to control him to kill other people he just, refuses??? is vegeta really that gay that even mind powers simply don't work on him????

and the fight itself???? ITS SO UNBELIEVABLY GAY!!!! they hold hands so much man!!! and that one scene where vegeta pins goku to the wall with the rings??? i couldn't believe my eyes xDD

and now here's the thing, l'm not very good at writing so I don't know how to structure this well but I wanna talk about the scene where Vegeta knocks goku out and decides to go fight buu,

in my first attempt of writing this I just straight up described the entire scene and i feel like that's just extremely too long and im just gonna assume that everyone knows that scene and not gonna worry about it anymore,,,

that scene literally made me understand kakavege,,, and it sounds a bit silly but it really did, so here we go

in that scene vegeta literally says that he doesn't care if his family and the entire earth dies, and then, goku says that he doesn't believe him, and that he knows he still has good in his heart and vegeta just looks at him for so long, and I think that's when he finally realised how much of a mistake he had made, like do you know what I mean?? i don't know how to explain this well enough so l'm just gonna say it, when goku and vegeta first fought, goku speared him and gave him a second chance. later in the frieza arch when vegeta is dying he tells goku ever since he was little he always had this one path in life: being evil and killing people, and being with frieza didn't help, he made him what he was, an evil killing machine with no remorse, nobody ever even gave vegeta a chance to be anything else than evil, that's all he knew,,, except for goku, he saw the good in his heart and gave him the opportunity to change and be on a different path, and even now, when vegeta turned majin and is at his lowest, after everything he's done and all the people he has hurt, goku still believes in him and gives him another chance once again, and right in that moment, when he's looking at goku, he realises how much goku has done for him, how he always believed in him when nobody else did, and that's when he decides, he's gonna finally repay goku for all the things he has done for him, that's why he knocked him out, because it's finally time for him to start fighting for other people, not just himself,,,

and so now we have arrived at possibly the gayest scene in all dragon ball: vegetas speech before fighting buu!!! (i was gonna put the whole clip here but apparently you can't do that xD)

first of all, goku WAS someone who would get on your nerves????? I cannot get over this, he's literally admitting he doesn't get annoyed by goku anymore this is crazy, and I just really like the line "after you ended up saving my life, you died on me"🥺 i also can't get over the "have a good, long sleep" line!!! it just sounds so🥺 he's saying like, you've done so much for me, now it's my time to do something selfless for you,,, it's so good man!!!!! i had a mental breakdown the first time I saw that😩😩

BUT THATS NOT ALL!!!

the episode where vegeta dies is called "for those whom he loves, vegeta perishes”, and at the end of the episode when he's about to die he's saying his final goodbye and he says,,, "farewell! bulma,, trunks,„ and you, kakarot!"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? so basically what they're telling me is that vegeta is dying for those who he loves and then he lists those people and he includes goku as well!!???! so he just basically confirmed that he loves goku,,, cool😎

god ok I have to say this, I actually cried when vegeta died ×DD I feel so embarrassed to even admit that men!!😩😩 it's the combination of vegeta FINALLY HUGGING TRUNKS!!!, and vegeta literally flinching and looking like he's holding back tears when picolo told him he's not gonna be able to see goku after he dies,,, like I know he's obviously not actually dead for real but still,,, it genuinely made me sob xD i just really fucking liked that whole scene ok??? XDD

OK I THINK THATS ALL FOR NOW!!!

jesus I wrote so much xD in conclusion, thank you so much for encouraging me to watch this arch!!!! if you haven't it would have definitely taken me a lot longer to actually do it and l'm so glad I watched it!!! it genuinely changed my entire perspective on how I view kakavege and it just brought so much joy!!!

also, I already watched fusion reborn and,,, I HAVE EVEN MORE TO SAY ABOUT THAT THEN THIS!!!!!! i literally could analyse every second of screen time that vegeta and goku get together in great detail, so because of that l'm not going to do it here and maybe write another one of these just about the movie.

and if it wasn't clear, EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH THE BUU ARCH IF THEY HAVEN'T ALREADY!!!!!💜

theres a lot here to process and respond to (not complaining i love dbz i love hearing & talking about it i just have adhd) so i’m just gonna touch on a few things u said :3

for starters, i wanted to talk about this thing u said:

“[…] when vegeta turned majin and is at his lowest, after everything he's done and all the people he has hurt, goku still believes in him and gives him another chance once again, and right in that moment, when he's looking at goku, he realises how much goku has done for him, how he always believed in him when nobody else did […]”

this is it man you GET IT. you have figured out exactly what kakavege is at its very core. this concept is the foundation of this ship.. goku has always seen good within vegeta. thats it, at its simplest explanation, that IS kakavege.

it takes so long for vegeta to grasp this, for him to understand that goku sees within him something worth salvaging, because literally no one has ever had that sort of faith in vegeta before. there is nothing quite like being certain you are damned and evil and unsaveable only to have the most amazing and kind person alive believe you are good. its something vegeta doesn’t even deserve frankly, after everything he’s done not only in general but everything he’s done to goku as well…

and of course he knows that, that’s the point of his sacrifice vs. buu… definitely during the fight with goku he realizes he needs to do something to atone, and though dying did absolutely nothing (so fitting with his theme btw), he still felt as though he had to do this as a sorry to goku, even going so far as to namedrop goku in his final words before dying. idk idk i feel pretty normal about it i think

also , no scene will ever top the you are number one speech for me. ever. ever ever ever. its PEAK its peak dbz its peak kakavege its peak anime. it fuckin rules.

to me its the moment vegeta realized his feelings for goku, how all this time he shouldve been adoring him and admiring his strength instead of lamenting him and dedicating his life & fighting career to ending him … aahgg

TL;DR: buu arc kakavege <3

#sorry i didnt ramble quite as much as i usually do im lile #aahgg dumb excuse but i just finished the moving process and im tired >_< #so be gentle w me #kakavege #dbz #answered

[albertbutyoucancallmebert]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

(prev) The precious nugget of rat gold that Sherri Jr. had so generously shared got put back on the tray. Teddy took his gloves off before lovingly scritching Sherri’s cheeks. “I sure hope so~” He smirked at Bert’s remark and held her little paws. “Wow. This little genius not only identified unknown chemicals at a glance, but discerned their purpose within seconds? If she was a watchdog she’d put me out of a job.” Teddy stared into her beady eyes. After a long pause he said, “Could you tell us how to recreate that solution, ma'am?”

Sherri Jr’s ears twitched. She did not know how to recreate the solution. She remembered that day as well… When the chemicals spilled, the driving reason for why she ran over to drink from it was because it just smelled so good… And it tasted yummy too! But she also remembered how sick she felt afterwards and how concerned her father was.

However, Sherri suspected that maybe she could identify what she licked up if she were to smell samples of the chemicals again. But her father won’t let her around them any more. She even tried expressing this idea through text to him, but “let me smell chemicals” probably didn’t get the correct message through to him. Oh, to be able to structure her rat thoughts into comprehensible sentences better…

So, with no answer for Teddy and feeling none too proud about the incident, she sheepishly nuzzled her face into Bert’s shoulder. 

Bert chuckled. “D’aaaw,” he cooed as he loosened a flap of blanket that he was sitting on and wrapped it over his rat. “You’re still a little genius! We will figure it out!”

#stuckinuniformdevelopment

[tomwambsmilk]

just wanted to pop up to say thank you for pointing out logan's trauma and how it affects his relationship with kids as well as the possibility of tom's trauma. because when i started succ posting on here like 3 months ago, all the meta i saw was showing logan as a beast who manipulated his kids for fun with nothing behind it and tom as this guy who had a perfectly normal childhood and life overall but then hit his head on a concrete floor and suddenly got all this psychological issues. and i was like tf have we all watched the same show?

it just makes so much sense with a childhood emotional neglect. because his low self-esteem, extra sensitivity to rejection, him being really hard on himself, having hard time to recognize his emotions and also expressing them in the right way, as well as the fact that it's really hard for him to really speak about his true feelings (i think this is something that mattmac pointed out about the 2x10 beach scene, he said that it was really hard for tom to tell shiv how he really felt). like all of these are the signs of emotional neglect. and i don't necessarily think that his parents did this intentionally, it just often happens that parents don't see children's interests/problems as interesting or important, they'll say things like "it's not a big deal" or "you're just being dramatic", they have trouble understanding their children’s needs for love, affection, they won't praise their children for their success and also won't comfort them when they failed and even blame them for the failure, saying "you should've tried harder". and it just makes so much sense for tom? his desire to reach over the top might come from the fact that he just wants to prove himself to himself and others, wants to show that he can be richer, smarter. and i also think that his desire to get a higher social status does not come from him necessarily, but from his parents and his childhood/teenage years. like maybe someone put that “becoming rich is the most important goal in life” idea in his head? idk like this might be just me projecting too hard, and i’m not trying to justify his behavior, he’s an adult and obviously responsible for his actions and thoughts, but i think it if we’re talking about how roy siblings were affected by trauma, then we need to talk about tom’s experience too

Credit where credit is due - I think @tomwambsgirl and @reasoncourt pointed out Logan's abuse first, and I'm only piggybacking off of them :) But yeah, I've been a little uncomfy with the way the fandom understands Logan for a while, and I've debated writing about it but haven't ever really felt able to summon the words. (I'm also going to touch on Tom, but I'm starting with Logan because in some ways that's more straightforward to me).

This is maybe a good place to say that - elsewhere on my blog I've talked about Logan as a kind of Luciferian/Satanic figure in the narrative, and I really want to highlight that when I say those things I'm talking about broad narrative structures and archetypes and roles, much like when we talk about Kendall as a sort of Christ figure. There are characteristics he has that, if you step back and look at Succession through the lens of a sort of morality epic, a story about people selling their souls and becoming corrupted, he fits a certain narrative part to a T. But that's only one very broad lens through which to view Succession, and it's one that's inherently limited because it does require reducing the characters to certain roles or archetypes - it's fascinating to me, but it really shouldn't be the only read, and I really don't want people to think I'm saying Logan the man - the human character - is Satan incarnate, because it's a lot more complicated than that. If I learned anything from my literary theory classes, it's that comprehensive readings of a story require you to look at them through a variety of lenses and angles, and with Succession one of the most important lenses is that of generational trauma.

I'm speaking here from my own observations, which may be flawed, but I think that often people with visibly terrible childhoods tend to reduce everything wrong with their upbringing to the most visible fault or faults. It's a really understandable impulse! If your parents were beating you within an inch of your life, you're probably gonna spend more time thinking about that than the ways in which your parents didn't fully support your emotional growth - something which feels far less serious compared to the real physical danger you were in. Consequently, though, when they raise their own kids, they think that if they just eliminate the really obvious bad things, that should fix the situation. I've always viewed Logan as that kind of character; I think he puts his own shitty upbringing down to physical abuse and extreme poverty, and that he's always believed that if he can make sure his own children experience neither, they'll turn out okay. Except they didn't, and now they're adults he can't figure out what the hell happened. Maybe he has an inkling that he fucked it up, but he can't really acknowledge that because he feels that he did his best. Maybe he did, in fact, do his best - the ideas that "my parents did their best given their circumstances" and "my parents fell far, far short of being good parents" are not mutually exclusive. It's something people are really uncomfortable with, though, because everyone wants to believe that if they try their best it'll be okay

(As a side note, the incident with Logan hitting Roman and gaslighting him about it later has always exemplified this for me. Logan seems to really define his parenting style in opposition to 'evil uncle Noah'. I fully believe that he told himself he would never hit his kids - but then he did, not as often or as seriously as uncle Noah, but he still did, because he doesn't have the emotional toolbox to control his temper. If he's defining himself as a parent in opposition to uncle Noah, though, everything in his being and his worldview is invested in not acknowledging that or believing it to be true. When he says 'I would never do that' to Roman in the car, I think he really believes it! That's not him. He's not uncle Noah. He would never hit his children like that, so clearly they just misremembered the situation.)

There was a Tumblr post that was travelling around a couple weeks ago that stuck with me, because it spoke to something in my own experiences that really rings true. It said that, if you want to help people who are suffering, you have to make peace with the fact that they likely will not be good people. It is possible to face suffering and make choices that make you a better person, but it is very difficult, and most people do not succeed, especially if they lack support systems. Sometimes, if you and others step in to try and help them, they may become good people - but not always, and not often. And that's such a difficult reality to confront. I think we want clean narratives, split between perpetrators and victims, that are easy to digest and understand, but that simply isn't how people work. That's why generational trauma is so devastating. I think a lot about Kendall's line, "I love you but you're kind of evil," because I think that really captures it. Logan is evil, but he's also a person who is loved, genuinely and truly, even by the people he's hurt, who are also the same people he loves. That's a hard thing to wrestle with, but it's something we have to wrestle with, because it's incredibly true to the reality of these situations.

And TOM. Boy oh boy do I have thoughts about Tom. (I'm tagging @mcperaltiago in this, because months ago you sent me an ask about my thoughts on what's wrong with Tom, and that kind of turned into a creative writing project filling in some of the gaps in his backstory that I've not yet finished. However it's been haunting me that I never actually answered that, so this is essentially the more analytical answer to that question).

I absolutely can't recommend enough the book "Running on Empty" by Jonice Webb, which I think anyone who has ever felt there was something not quite right about their upbringing should read. It unironically changed my life, both in helping me understand my own issues and giving me the tools to start working on it before I was financially stable enough to pay for therapy. Her main focus is Childhood Emotional Neglect, something which she believes runs absolutely rampant in North American society, but most people are utterly unaware of, because: "it dwells in the sins of commission, rather than commission; it's the white space in the family picture rather than the picture itself. It's often what was NOT said or observed or remembered from childhood, rather than what WAS said." A lot of people who were emotionally neglected as children come from families that seem ideal - and not in the sense of 'we're doing a good job at hiding our dysfunction'. There's often nothing at all outwardly wrong with the family and the way the children are brought up.

I actually grabbed "Running on Empty" off my bookshelf to reference while I wrote this, both because I think it explains Tom to a T, but also because the information in it is incredibly valuable, and I kind of want to throw some of it out there in this context in case it strikes a chord with anybody. So this is incredibly long, and I don't fault you if you don't read through the whole thing, because I also want to use this as an opportunity just to raise a little bit of awareness about CEN for people who don't know much about it.

Webb breaks down twelve different types of emotionally neglectful parents:

Narcissistic parents take their children's mistakes personally and punish them for it, rather than offering the help their children need.

Authoritarian parents equate obedience with love, and feel personally rejected and unloved when their children disobey, which causes them to respond overly harshly.

Permissive parents appear loving to others and to their children because they avoid conflict, but this leaves their children utterly unprepared to deal with the realities of the world.

Divorced or widowed parents without strong support systems are often unable to help their children properly process the grief of losing a parent, because they themselves are struggling to manage their own grief.

Parents with addiction issues behave unpredictably, which can cause chronic anxiety and insecurity in their children.

Depressed parents who aren't receiving proper help and support in managing their illness often don't have the energy or enthusiasm required to be emotionally present.

Workaholic parents don't pay enough attention to the needs and feelings of their children.

Parents who have children with special needs, especially if the family has a poor support system, are often unable to care effectively for the children without special needs, who seem to need them less than the special needs kids do.

Parents who focus on achievement and perfection and pressure their children into doing what they want (rather than supporting what their kids want) unintentionally force their kids to squelch their own needs and feelings.

Sociopathic parents who lack the proper support in managing their illness tend to lack awareness of their children's feelings, and so can't effectively support them.

Parents who 'parentify' their children - who allow, encourage, or force their children to behave as parents in the family - unconsciously teach their children that their feelings and desires don't matter.

Parents who are loving and well-meaning but were themselves emotionally neglected as children struggle to be 'in tune' with their children because they lack a general understanding and awareness of emotions.

(It's important to remember that a lot of these parents are not bad people - otherwise, it might feel unfair to single out widowed parents, or depressed parents, or parents of kids with special needs, many of whom are genuinely trying their best. And Webb points out that experiencing those kinds of hardships do not automatically mean that a parent will be emotionally neglectful. It's very possible for parents who experience these things to stay attuned to their children, and provide them with the care and attention they need, although it's challenging and requires deliberate effort. Studies have shown that parents need to notice and respond to their children's emotional needs only 33% of the time in order for their children to grow up emotionally literate and stable.)

We get so little information about Tom's childhood, but it's possible that any one of these situations could apply. I think a lot about the exchange in "Pre-Nuptial" when Tom freaks out over "his mother dying of thirst"; yeah, he's a hyperbolic drama queen, but it's such an overreaction that it does stick out to me, especially when coupled with his mother protesting because she doesn't want to be a burden. It's only one small window, but there's something not quite right going on there, I think. Somewhere along the line Tom learned that expressing needs, emotional or otherwise, is burdensome and bad, and that if you love someone you're going to keep an eye on their needs for them so that they don't have to ask for it.

Even without knowing too much about his upbringing, we know his mother is a highly successful divorce attorney, and I think his father might be an economist? They never clarify that. But if Tom's mother was a highly successful attorney, she probably was around far less than other kids' parents were, simply because of the kinds of hours she'd have to work. His parents also have a sort of WASP-y vibe to me, especially with how they insist on paying for the wine at his wedding, and then Tom's dad can't help but let everybody know how expensive it was. Status is clearly important to them. And on top of that, WASP-y types aren't exactly known for their emotional intelligence; it's really easy for me to imagine that Tom grew up with a physically absent mother and an emotionally absent father, without any siblings and probably desperately lonely. Maybe his father taught him not to bother his mother when she was home, because she works so hard and loves them so much and 'we don't want to burden her'. Maybe Tom became somewhat parentified, and felt it was his job to look after his mother, and maybe his father too if his mother's job kept them apart for long periods of time. Maybe he felt a little bit neglected and unloved and felt guilty over it because he knew it objectively wasn't true, but he also couldn't help feeling this way. Maybe he started idealizing wealth and status as a way to prevent himself from being a burden, or because wealthy people seemed to be loved by everyone. Maybe his mother would talk about her cases at home and it made Tom fearful of all the ways a marriage could go wrong. Or maybe his parents simply came from emotionally neglectful upbringings themselves, and just didn't have the toolkit to pass on to him.

Since emotional neglect is often something you can't see in childhood, it's mostly identifiable through signs and symptoms present in adults, and Webb breaks down ten. All of them are things that everyone struggles with to a certain degree, but what sets emotionally neglected people apart is the unusual severity with which they experience it, and the degree to which it prevents them from living fulfilling lives. I'm going to break down each of them and the ways I feel like Tom exemplifies them.

The first is feelings of emptiness. Most emotionally-neglected people who come to therapy for anxiety, depression, or family-related problems eventually express empty feelings in some way. Typically the emptiness is chronic, and has ebbed and flowed over the course of their lives. At times, they might feel physically empty inside. They might be emotionally numb. They might question the meaning and purpose of life. They might have suicidal thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere. They might be thrill-seekers. They might feel mystifyingly different from other people. They may often feel like they're on the outside looking in.

This is one that's hard to pin down to a single moment with Tom, but I've always gotten the sense is somewhat omnipresent. Tom is not a man who is happy with his life, and it can't all be put down to his marital situation. We get little glimpses of it in Matthew Macfadyen's performance, especially in the first season, particularly in the way his face will kind of fall sometimes when no one's looking. We also get very muted reactions to things that must be incredibly emotionally devastating, like when Shiv asks him for an open marriage. He's clearly upset, but we know this mostly because of the absence of joy in those moments, rather than an outward show of emotion.

It's also abundantly clear that Tom feels like he doesn't quite fit in, which results in him over-compensating - trying to make sexually suggestive jokes that come out wrong, trying to be enthusiastic or affectionate and saying something strange or off-putting, and a degree of people-pleasing that's almost cloying. The irony is that this makes others view him as an outsider, which makes the whole situation worse. While I think being catapulted to the Roy's level of wealth and status made those feelings worse, I would bet that they didn't start there, and it's something that's plagued him probably for most of his life, and is a big part of why he so desperately wants to be a member of the elite.

The second major theme is counter-dependence. Emotionally neglected people are afraid of being dependent, and will go to great lengths to avoid asking for help or appearing needy. They make every effort not to rely on other people, even at their own great expense. They might have feelings of depression but not know why. They might have inexplicable, longstanding wishes to run away or simply be dead. They might remember their childhoods as lonely, even if they were happy. Others might describe them as aloof. Their loved ones might complain that they're emotionally distant. They might prefer to do things themselves, and find it very hard to ask for help. They might be uncomfortable in close relationships.

The example you cited of Tom struggling to say how he feels in 2x10 absolutely screams this to me. While at first glance we might think of Shiv as the counter-dependent one (and she definitely is counter-dependent), Tom is constantly swallowing down his emotions. When he finds out that Shiv has moved the wedding to England in 1x06 without asking him and gets upset, she responds by getting frustrated and he immediately backs off, despite the fact that this is clearly something that matters to him a lot. Throughout most of season 2 he's in varying states of emotional crisis, but he never actually articulates this to Shiv until 2x10, which is part of why it takes her so utterly by surprise. And if it wasn't for Shiv throwing him under the bus at breakfast on the yacht, I think he probably would have continued simply swallowing his misery for a long time, unable to actually ask for or even simply express his needs. He definitely is needy, and he definitely wants reassurance, but he’s afraid to openly express that, so he starts playing five-dimensional emotional chess in his marriage, trying to hint to Shiv that he needs reassurance without openly looking like he needs reassurance, and Shiv, who has her own host of issues rendering her emotionally illiterate, truly believes nothing is wrong because he hasn’t told her anything is wrong.

The third theme is unrealistic self-appraisal. It's not just low self-esteem, although that's pretty common - but emotionally neglected adults have views of themselves that are inaccurate, even if they aren't negative. It might be hard for them to identify their talents; they might over-emphasize their weaknesses; they might not know what they like and dislike; they might not sure what their interests are; they might give up quickly when things get challenging; they might choose the 'wrong' career or change careers several times; they might feel like 'a square peg in a round hole' or a misfit; they might be unsure what their parents actually think of them.

I kind of connect this to Tom's obsession with being rich. I think about 1x06 and his night out with Greg, how he feels he has to mold Greg's palette, and then they go out to a club and drink overpriced vodka for no reason other than they can, and I think - this is not a guy who has hobbies. I don't think he has any sort of personal taste beyond "expensive = good", and I think it's probable that when he started actively social climbing (probably in college) he compensated for not knowing his own tastes and likes and dislikes by just deciding to like things that were expensive and classy, because that means he has "good taste". The first time we get any sort of inkling of personal interests is when he tells Greg he bought a book on the Romans to read in prison. Other than that, his hobby is basically "doing rich bitch shit" which is not a hobby and barely a personality trait.

The fourth theme is a lack of compassion for oneself, while having plenty of compassion for others. They're very forgiving of others' foibles and flaws (at least on the surface), and they appear non-judgmental and accepting when it comes to others, while being judgmental and perfectionist about themselves. Other people might seek them out to talk about their problems, or tell them that they're good listeners; they might have very little tolerance for their own mistakes; there might be a critical voice in their head, pointing out errors and flaws; they might be much harder on themselves than others; and they might often feel angry with themselves.

Tom definitely doesn't seem to be in the category of 'easy to talk to', except - with Shiv he is. He listens to her problems and her struggles even when it hurts him deep down to do so. Again, the wedding night conversation is example number one; a lot of people would respond negatively to being asked for an open marriage on their wedding night, and maybe even angrily, and... probably wouldn't be altogether in the wrong. Changing the parameters of a relationship so dramatically - and presenting it almost as an ultimatum - immediately after making a lifetime commitment is kind of a shitty thing to do. But even though Tom is clearly devastated he responds sympathetically and compassionately, reassuring Shiv that it's okay for her to tell him that, trying hard to understand where she's coming from and getting on that wavelength... at least on the surface. Yeah, the resentment eats at him deep, deep down, but he's extending an incredible amount of grace in this situation that most people wouldn't.

And on the other hand? We all know he doesn't like himself. "I don't really like who I am, Greg," is a pretty defining moment for him. I'm not even going to bother listing examples because I think in the space of about five seconds we can all think of multiple examples of his self-loathing oozing through. (Props to Matthew Macfadyen's performance once again.)

The fifth theme is guilt and shame. If their feelings weren't validated by their parents, then they may struggle to validate those feelings for themselves, and may blame themselves for their negative emotions. They might feel depressed, sad, or angry for not apparent reason; they might feel emotionally numb; they might feel like something is wrong with them; they might feel that they’re somehow different from other people; they might push down or avoid their feelings, or hide them so others won’t see them; they might feel inferior to others; and they might feel like they have no excuse for not being happier.

At this point we start retreading old territory, because there’s a lot of overlap between this and the other themes. I’ll just say that in addition to the other stuff I’ve mentioned, Tom’s inferiority complex is pretty apparent - and he compensates for it by trying to surround himself with people he can feel superior to (like Greg, and I would argue probably even Shiv when they first got together and she was ‘such a mess’) and buy abusing the little bits of power he does have.

The sixth theme is self-directed anger and self-blame. This is distinct from shame because shame doesn’t necessarily become self-directed anger - but it can if you don’t cope with it healthily. Emotionally neglected people might get angry at themselves easily and often; they might use alcohol or drugs as a release; they might feel disgusted with themselves; they might have self-destructive episodes or tendencies; they might blame themselves for not being happier or “more normal”. Again, I think we’ve covered this with Tom in other points, although this particular theme isn’t as prevalent in Tom as it is in the Roy children.

Number seven is the “fatal flaw”, or the sense that if people really knew you, they wouldn’t like you. They might fear getting close to people; they might find it hard to open up to even their best friends; they might expect rejection around every corner; they might avoid initiating friendships; it might be hard for them to keep conversations going; they might feel that if people get close to them, they won’t like what they see.

I think we see this most dramatically in Tom’s relationship with Greg, who I think genuinely is Tom’s best friend. First off, Tom seems to have 0 other friends. Not only do we never see him spending time with non-Roys, but he and Greg gravitate to each other in the background of every scene, even when there are other people in the room who Tom has known and worked with longer. I think he feels comfortable with Greg precisely because of the power imbalance between them, which means that even if Greg doesn’t like Tom he can’t actually say it, and Tom can pretend this is the same as genuine friendship. But even with Greg we never see him getting open or vulnerable until 3x04, and even then gestures of affection are wrapped up in threats of violence - “I would castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat”. Right up until the forehead kiss in 3x07, he makes a conscious effort to keep Greg at arm's length, emotionally.

Number eight is difficulty nurturing oneself and others. They might come across as distant, cold, or arrogant; they might think others are too emotional; people might come to them for practical advice but not emotional support; they might feel uncomfortable when someone cries in their presence, or might be uncomfortable crying themselves, especially in the presence of another person; they might not like the feeling that someone needs them, and they might not like feeling needy. I'm not going to spend too much time on this one because I think it applies to Tom a little bit, but for less than other characters, and the limited ways it does apply to him we've covered already.

Number nine is poor self-discipline, because their parents didn't set and enforce rules and expectations. They might feel lazy; they might procrastinate; they may struggle with deadlines; they may overeat, overdrink, oversleep, or overspend; they may be bored with the tedium of life; they may avoid mundane tasks; they may get angry at themselves for how little they get done; they may be underachievers; they may have poor self-discipline; they might be disorganized, even if they know they have the capacity to do better. I'm not going to spend too much time on this one either, because it's the only one I think doesn't apply to Tom at all (at least not textually; it's possibly true but I would have to read in things that aren't actually there in the show). The Succession character that I think does exemplify this one the most is actually Greg, who I think was also emotionally neglected, maybe in a far more obvious way than Tom.

The last one, and maybe the biggest and most consistent, is 'alexithymia', which refers to a deficiency in knowledge about and awareness of emotion. People with extreme forms of alexithymia find their own emotions, and those of others, utterly indecipherable. They might have a tendency to be irritable; they may seldom be aware of having feelings; they might be mystified by others' behaviour; when they do get angry, it may be excessive or explosive; their behaviour might seem rash to themselves and others; they may feel fundamentally different from other people, or like something is missing inside of them; and their friendships may lack depth or substance.

Beyond the stuff we've previously mentioned, I think the biggest examples of this for Tom are the safe room and the compliment tunnel. Both in terms of irritability and explosive anger, for obvious reasons - but also because in both scenes we see Tom wrestling with intense emotions that he clearly doesn't understand. In the safe room the closest he can get is that it 'isn't a good feeling', and when he's talking to Greg afterwards there's an air of perplexity, like he's not entirely sure why he reacted the way he did. As absurd as it sounds, I really think he doesn't know - he isn't drawing the connections between the situation with Greg and his unresolved feelings around the open marriage, and his fear of abandonment. It's a similar situation in the compliment tunnel, where he's in utter misery and has absolutely no idea why. He feels that he shouldn't be miserable, and he's kind of angry at himself for feeling miserable, and so he blames it on the drugs - but it's clear to the viewer that at most the drugs have enhanced the deeper feelings of dissatisfaction and resentment that he's been burying for months.

I won't go on for too much longer because this is... excessively long already, but I do want to briefly acknowledge that these characteristics plague all the Succession characters to varying degrees, because, while not all emotional neglect is emotional abuse, emotional abuse inherently includes emotional neglect. I wanted to highlight Tom specifically because I think he exemplifies the epidemic of invisible emotional neglect, which can sometimes plague people for decades before they or their loved ones realize something is wrong.

And since this is a lot of depressing shit, I want to also highlight that these are definitely things that can be worked on, both individually and in relationships! I want to mention a show I've been watching recently called "Couples Therapy", a Showtime docuseries that follows several real-life couples working through issues in therapy. (I was worried it would be sensationalized or exploitative, but it isn't either - all the couples have talked about it being an overwhelmingly positive experience, and are happy with how the show portrayed things in the end.) Some of the couples are working through really intense, deep-seated issues - some of which are so severe that I went into early episodes going "hey, maybe they should just get divorced". And some do - but a lot of them actually slowly start working through them and substantially improving their marriages, and it's actually incredibly inspiring and hopeful to watch. Given that 'Succession' focuses so much on dysfunction that spirals worse, I feel like 'Couples Therapy' is a nice palate cleanser, showing you that struggling with these issues does NOT mean you're unlovable and your relationships are doomed, so I highly recommend!

#this is so much longer than I initially intended #if you read the whole thing - bless #also I didn't mention here some of the strategies for overcoming childhood emotional neglect bc it felt like a tangent #but if people want to know I can make another post #I highly recommend the book but I also get that money can be tight and I want everyone to have this info!

[freebooter4ever]

Are the lines on your drawings stylistic choices or are they measurement/guiding lines? Either way, they are cool, but just wondered. I dont understand drawing at all, might as well be a magic spell to me. I was looking at the pencil (?) sketch of Malkin with the cheesecutter hat on.

i, uh, definitely did not google 'cheesecutter hat' until after i saved out these images. :/ sorry about that. if you'd like the other one broken down, i can do that too lol. my reading comprehension when im tired is kinda lazy i just saw 'cheese' and imediately thought 'omelette'. SO here's the 1) initial sketch, 2) 'clean' sketch, and 3) final lines for the omelette boy drawing instead:

also i have had a cumulative of about 9 ish hrs of sleep total for the past two days so keep that in mind for if this explanation makes no sense, its not my fault. :( anyway! the way i draw definitely has changed over the years but currently im really trying to focus on the line i "see" rather than the one that is actually "there". i've been applying this to my writing for years (story vs happening truth) and you know it never occurred to me that i could do it in my drawings too till like...a few years ago. in general these lines seem to form the planes of the subject. if you google 'stanford bunny' you can find an easy example of a 3D surface turned into triangles. I do this too - see things in relative triangle proportions, except i've been doing it long before i knew how computers worked. i cant begin to tell you how long d*sney and cartooning's obsession with round building blocks of anatomical structure fucked with my brain until i finally decided i could cast that teaching aside completely.

ANYWAY sorry off subject again. so we have these sketchy under lines, and usually as im trying to find the proportions and form of the subject these lines end up being where the light/shadow hits. here i saved out the 1) 'flat colors', 2) the 'light', and 3) the 'shadow' parts on their own (i lightened the background for the 'shadow' so its easier to see):

the light is like four or five 'overlay' layers of pale yellow/orange. you can see how each of these layers follow one of those sketchy lines i did initially. and the same with the shadow but instead its a dark red color set to 'multiply' for each layer. and when you combine everything together you get:

some bullshit :). anyway you know that anniversary edition of beauty and the beast that featured the version previewed to nyc audiences in 1990 with the glen ke*ne sketchy keyframe animation of the beast's transformation? i watched that - must have been sometime after i graduated college - and i felt robbed that THAT version was never presented as a final piece. the 'unclean' drawings had so much more life and movement and intensity to them. tldr i like the messy lines, i hate 'inking' with a passion (HATE. IT.), and when i finally allowed myself to stop giving a fuck drawing became way more interesting. but my art is shit and i will never be glen k*ane so i dont really feel like the best advocate for this "style". alas. there was this one artist on tumblr who i fucking loved whose sketches were SPECTACULAR but the asshole racists in the m*c*ha*nz*o fandom bullied her off tumblr and ive never been able to find her art anywhere else since. she was also very negative about her 'unclean' sketches and it made me so sad. there was also this other artist whose sketches were awe inspiring but all she drew was p*rn and well...we all know what happened on tumblr in december 2018.

also i 100% stole the lighting scheme from The Bear which is currently one of the most gorgeous shows on television right now in my opinion

im really really sorry if this makes no sense, if im feeling motivated maybe i'll try again when my brain is fully functioning but with the actual 'cheesecutter hat' doodle ^_^

#thank you #wip #where in the world did that hat get the name cheesecutter from???? #i guess it does look vaguely cheese wedge like #theres such a fine line between different hat forms #like those 1920s styles especially i mean #for some reason i always thought that style was called the *directors* hat #and then the more round and floppy version walt wore in the 1920s was called either newsboy or cabby hat #i searched for a version of walt's hat for YEARS #and didnt end up finding one until i moved to los angeles and stepped into go*rin bros hat shop in old pas #which is actually the same company geno uses for his trucker hat i think #that hat shop sadly closed :( i dont know why #they just sell online now i guess

[mentally-illenial]

Are you guys ready for another massive life update post??

Oy vey, where to begin lol. I think it's only been a week since I've last checked in, but I'm exhausted. In a good way, though, honestly. I've really fallen in love with the bee farm. I'm busier THAN a bee right now lol, but it's not just tedious tasks or some stressful two-step negotiation dance that gets me nowhere, thankfully. I'm just learning, helping, building, and changing my environment where I can. And it's been very fulfilling.

Pictures 1, 3, and 4 illustrate the work I've been putting towards the farm's kitchen. The kitchen was someone's brain child, but unfortunately, no one already had the knowledge, skills, or experience to launch it in a professional way, until they found me. So it has been running haphazardly since 2021. This isn't a slam post, they've been doing their best and honestly, they've been doing great for what all they have. But for someone like me who can walk into an under-functioning kitchen and immediately fix 20 things without a hard thought about it, there's so much improvement to be made. We're working on structuring the environment in a professional, safe, and healthy way, as well as developing new, sustainable, delicious recipes, formulating a permanent and comprehensive menu, as well as providing structured and consistent training to all employees who may have to step into that kitchen. I have the know how, and they have the willpower and the workforce, so we're bringing the kitchen into it's modern form for success and stability. Currently, the farm has contracts with multiple food truck owners, who come out on weekends to provide a fresh food option to patrons enjoying the campus or staying overnight. We hope to move towards being completely self-sustaining and able to provide a full day's worth of meals straight from our own means, which all highlight our most precious resource, our honey. It's been a monumental task, especially since I'm still working full time retail in the shop and bee keeping warehouse, but it's been an exciting project that is rapidly improving every day. We've bought an espresso machine as well as a commercial drip brewer, and soon I'll be training everyone on coffee and craft drinks! Can't wait. I've already made everyone's day by making them their own hand crafted, honey based lattes, and they all seem very excited to start learning.

Picture 2 is our most esteemed bee keepers, Roosevelt, working in the Learning Yard. He's been with the farm for 57 years!!!!!! He's incredibly knowledgeable, talented, and kind. I hope to do more work with him when I begin my hands-on bee keeping education. For now, I'm learning the history and functionality of the farm so that I can give history tours to customers, as well as cementing my basic bee keeping and bee tool/resource knowledge for retail, so that I can most efficiently help our customers find exactly what they are looking for according to their wants and needs, such as a whole beginner's bee keeping set up with brood boxes and bee packages, or answering more advanced bee keeping questions and offering insightful options to unique situations. I also know a butt-ton about the properties, uses, and unique flavor profiles of all our different honeys, and really enjoy giving honey tastings and recommendations in our shop. I already know quite a bit about the many kitchen uses for honey, thanks to my culinary curiosity, and I'm enjoying learning all the uses and applications of other bee related products.

Pictures 5, 7, and 10 are just some slice of life shots: a pop of spring with early wisteria on the farm, the owner's sweet puppy, Chewy, and some customers enjoying the lawn in the afternoon warmth. The weather has been up and down like crazy lately, but we're expecting to get very busy soon as the temperature evens out and rises.

Picture 6 shows me and Kate out and about in town, running errands and being 'go fers' for the needs of the crew. We're about 30 minutes outside of the main area of the local town, so it's kind of a haul to go shopping, but someone's gotta do it. Picture 8 is another queen cage, with one of our first bred queens of the season! You can see her because she has a tiny little sticker on her back for identification and inspection purposes. Picture 9 is inside of our meadery, Wildflyer. I tried some of our mead for the first time last night, just a sip. It was delicious 😋

On a health note, I'm very active all day; lifting and moving heavy objects, running back and forth across the farm, basic working and cleaning duties, etc. I've been blasting past my step goal each day and then some lol. Unfortunately, that means I'm exhausted every day when I get home, and can't fathom running or working out. I do miss running regularly and feel terrible for not properly contributing to the Fitblr Games, but I'm hoping my body will adjust to the new normal soon, and I'll be able to increase my activity level again.

#personal fitblr #me #bees #bee keeping #beekeeping #bee farm #2023 me

[a-mag-a-day]

S3 Trailer

With our first sentient of its kind in MAG 80 there is now again focus on tape recorders right at the beginning.

Daisy seems to be very wary of this place and its people after what she experienced with Jon.

Oh, I totally forgot we hear the calliope in this! I totally thought the trailer was just about the interviews for the murder on Leitner. I mean, yeah, this season's big bad is the circus.

I already said it in my ask to MAG 80, yay we finally reached the plot! xD I mean, of course things happened in S1 and 2, Prentiss, Gertrude, Not-Sasha, the Archives being "haunted". But this is nothing compared to how the story progresses from now on, especially when Jon starts to meet with avatars, leading up to MAG 92. I do like both. I like the story which is happening to our archive crew and I like the statements and their meta-plot. Every season has it's pros and cons. But I think, after S2 I was properly gripped by it, seeking out more activities, that would allow me to listen. So to get a feel for my progression: MAG 1 bis 19: Start of September 2020 - July 2021 (11 months) MAG 20 - MAG 40: July 31st 2021 - August 19th 2021 (20 days) MAG 40 - MAG 80: August 19th 2021 - September 2nd 2021 (15 days) (Season 3 did have a bit of a break in it for me because I went on vacation when I was done with MAG 93 on September 5th and couldn't listen for a week. Which also means that I listened to MAG 81 to MAG 93 in 4 days, oops xD)

So as the story gets faster and faster, so did I xD I think the structure does make sense as well. In-universe, Jon had to be eased into this to have enough time to develop his powers, but it couldn't have happened too fast or he would have simply died (ok, he probably could have handled a bit more than your average Archivist because the Web was rooting for him). Now that these powers are developing and getting stronger it makes sense to push him more. And it also makes sense for us as audience for a very similar reason. We had enough time to get to know the world. There's little more I hate in stories than when they immediately introduce too many character and too many not yet connected story lines and get into the action way too fast so I lose track of what happened. TMA was starting a biiiit too slow for my liking (That's why it took me 11 months for the first half of S1. This and S1 prick!Jon), but I guess I also wasn't in the right headspace for it at the time. Sorry, rambling too much about the seasons in general^^

Wow that's a pretty comprehensive recollection of your experience! I don't have good memory, I just know I binged tma pretty quick

I have to say I think the tape in MAG 80 was not supernatural but intentionally planted by Elias for... Later use as we'll see :)

#a mag a day #tma #the magnus archives #episode asks #mod ashes #tma trailer #tma spoilers #lycanlovingvampyre

[undeadorion-archive]

I can't believe that in just a month, I finally graduate with an AA (2 year) degree. It only took 5 attempts at 3 separate schools across the span of 20 years.

Problems started even before I enrolled. I wanted to study animation but no schools near me had it. But I also had no idea how to find exactly what each school offered (this was back in 2001/2002 when not everyone had a comprehensive website). One of the schools I applied to even sent me a letter because they were confused why I'd apply for a program they don't have.

I finally settled on Evergreen State College in Olympia to study art. Being my first experience, I didn't realize how craptacular the school itself was. You didn't sign up for a specific program like "fine art" or "graphic design." You instead picked from pre-packaged sets of classes called stuff like "Labyrinths" that had an English class, a drawing class, and a print making class all bundled together.

My mom had promised that if I got accepted to a school she'd help me pay for books (I'd taken a year off after high school and just stayed home). When I finally knew what I'd need, I took the list to her with the final amount and she looked me square in the eye and asked how I was going to pay for it.

That school lasted only a year. After multiple bedbug scares and dealing with the crunchiest hippie types you can imagine, I was done. I switched instead to a local community college. And that was fraught with issues. Evergreen didn't do normal grades. They instead gave you a lengthy review at the end of the term with no concise way to say how well you did. So the community college just told me my credits didn't transfer.

Come spring term, I was so frustrated, I ended up having a breakdown in the advising office because nothing was working out. She made one call and got my grades transferred, it had been a glitch all along. But now I had double credits for art and english, which was...frustrating. So I'd made zero progress with an additional year of debt because of 1 person's mistake at the beginning of the year.

Determined to make it through, I enrolled for fall classes. Then everything went to shit. I injured my knee and missed a bunch of classes. I was living with a grossly abusive older sister at my dad's house who I had to get away from. I was the only one with a car, so she thought it was a good idea for me to get up at 6am, drive her to work, come home, go back to bed, then get up for my classes. She also threw me to the floor when I was injured and laughed at the fact that I couldn't get up.

I ultimately dropped out of school and had to get a full time job. Which led to a very long break from school.

In 2016, I was finally able to return to school. I was going to study set design at a local university. They actually had a program for it! At least, they did when I'd started looking in 2014. But by the time I actually was able to enroll, they'd changed the structure so you could take classes in it but it was now a big vague soup of a theater degree where you made your own path.

Unfortunately, I got hit with a double whammy in the spring of 2017. First, the department was doing away with almost every class having to do with set design. Everyone was pissed, including the teachers. Then the supposed friend I was renting a room from decided he wanted a barely legal twink from California with a vomit fetish to move in so he was kicking me out. By chance, my mom was moving back into town so we found an apartment together and I continued going to school. This was a bad decision.

With set design now out the window and yet another year of school wasted, I shifted my attention to architecture. Because I could still apply it to set design. And I did surprisingly well for a while.

The just before Christmas of 2017 (so about 10 months later), I came home from staying with a friend to find my mom had packed up and moved out. Took everything that wasn't in my bedroom, so took all my dishes and cookware. And an apron I'd sewn for myself. Just left me a note saying there was no other option and left the keys.

You see, I'd begun my gender transition in 2015. She must have assumed it was just a phase, because she burst into tears when my paperwork from the courthouse showed up just before Thanksgiving, finalizing my name change. She kept crying and saying she was "mourning the loss of her baby."

Yet again, I had to drop out of school and find a real job. That lasted about a year and I was MISERABLE. I moved back in with my dad, finally. Older sister had moved across the state years before, so I was safe. I enrolled back in the community college from my first go-round, but that barely lasted a term. I tried graphic design and I was bored out of my skull. I ended up getting a job, instead. That was the spring of 2019.

Then 2020 happened.

With so much time at home now, I rediscovered a passion for web design. Something I'd been doing off and on since the 90s. I did some poking around and found that same community college had a program for it. So when my unemployment was running dry, I applied. I started in the fall of 2021.

There were a couple points where I almost dropped out. Some classes and teachers that were so terrible I wondered if it was all worth it. But thanks to one very specific teacher, I kept going. I found I had an aptitude for the actual programming aspects as well as the design parts. He encouraged me to take Harvard's online classes for computer science and web design. And I did surprisingly well in those.

And now, finally. I'm in my last term of classes and excelling. I'm getting paid to tutor students in the classes I've already taken, even. I'm graduating with honors. Something I wouldn't have been able to do when I first started. I've joined 2 honors societies and been on the president's and the dean's lists.

No matter what bullshit life throws at you, the trick is to keep trying. Even if it takes you 10 times as long as it's supposed to, it will always be worth it when you get there.

[top-tier-tickles]

Dark Deception Tickle Au

Hoo boy, part 2, I'm so sorry for the small hiatus, I had trouble writing the mansion bit. Hope you enjoy!

___________________________________________

Chapter 3: Part 2

"304?! Are your kidding me?! That's more than anything I've gotten!" Doug complained, waving his arms around dramatically.

"Oh, hush, just get on with it and you won't have to deal with it." Bierce said with a stern tone of voice.

Doug sighed, and walked down the hallway into a large foyer. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered them as a bright light bounced off of the metallic...well, everything.

It seemed this whole mansion was made of gold, as if touched by King Midas himself. Everything glittered and shone so bright that a hazy golden glow filled the place, and a white and yellow color scheme only added to the pristine look. Even the floor had fancy patterns on it! Lit candles lined the walls, but the real kicker was a gorgeous chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

The foyer had two floors, with stairs leading up to the second one. Atop the first flight was a giant painting, in a VERY fancy frame, of a Gold Watcher who looked like it could be from colonial times.

And there was the ring barrier, dead center of the floor.

"You found the altar, now get the rest of the shards." Bierce ordered.

He had no time to gawk at the luxurious fixings, he had to get gathering before any of those statue residents came about. He was already hating these things.

Doug walked up the stairs to the second floor, however, the doorways all had golden bars on them, too strong to just break down.

He scanned the room once again, spotting two levers, one on each side of the painting. He pulled the right switch, and the two doors on the either side of the room suddenly opened, creating a path to the soul shards.

The halls of the manor glowed the same as the foyer, and it was structured the same way as the maze outside. The same traps were placed around the area as well. There were a few more traps as well, such as these swinging axes made to slow people down. There was even a few large rooms with traps covering a large majority of the floor, although there were lots of soul shards in those rooms...

After getting through one of these rooms, Doug found that all of the doors were blocked by the Gold Watchers, except for one.

With nothing to lose, he entered the room.

In the room, there was a giant vat of molten gold, with five watchers underneath it, all posed as if in pain, but with the same unflinching grin.

"They're using the ring's power to make more statues! What a waste!" Bierce exclaimed.

Doug rolled his eyes, he just wanted to get out of here.

In front of him was a pillar, and on it, another note.

This one told of how E had escaped Agatha, and ended up in the mansion. They compared it to the fable of King Midas (clever). And how the souls of the greedy were now incased in the element that they so loved. How fitting.

As Doug finished reading, his mind wandered to one question. Why did this "E" character seem so familiar? He thought he recognized the handwriting, and even the signature, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Doug's memory was still blurry, but still comprehensible, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't figure it out.

How ironic, he made it through law school, but couldn't piece together this puzzle.

The decor of the place was just as fancy as you would imagine. Intricate designs were on the walls and trims of doors, large rooms with fancy little couches and chairs were scattered around, and pretty rugs lined the floors. There were even sectors of the walls taken out, making a place for the statues to sit.

Unfortunately, it was these statues that were exactly Doug's problem.

The shards were spread far apart in the halls, and Doug could barely collect five before having to speed or teleport away from the watcher's hoity-toity laughter or their teasing whispers. At least he'd knocked the count down to 203.

Constantly having to spin around and stare down these Frenchman-fuckers, along with the overwhelming noises of clanging footsteps and snapping traps traps was starting to make Doug nauseous. The only thing keeping him from getting sick was the dim lighting of the candles.

However, the nausea was causing him to lose his senses. He would slowly wander around aimlessly before Bierce's demands or the touch of a watcher snapped him out of it.

While walking through a thin hallway, Doug happened across a small, floating sphere in the middle of it. Curious but cautious, he walked through it, suddenly, large words flashed in the air as the orb dissipated.

ENEMIES STUNNED

All of the monsters that were chasing him were perfectly still, even he when he turned away. But, the air was also filled with a loud buzzing noise, leaving Doug's ears ringing and the sick feeling growing.

Needless to say, he was tired, very tired.

With the newfound safety of the area, Doug spotted an elegant, cushioned chair with a matching footstool.

He sat down, the chair was very comfortable, the soft fabric of the cushioning allowed him to lean his head back, and the footstool allowed him to stretch his legs.

Eh, it wouldn't hurt if he rested his eyes for a few minutes...

___________________________________________

END OF CHAPTER 3: PART 2

Chp. 1-1, Chp. 1-2, Chp. 2-1, Chp. 2-2, Chp. 2-3, Chp. 2-4, Chp. 3-1, Chp. 3-2, Chp. 3-3, Chp. 4-1, Chp. 4-2, Chp. 5-1, Chp. 5-2, Chp. 5-3, Chp. 6-1, Chp. 6-2, Chp. 6-3,

#Dark Deception Tickle Au #dark deception #dark deception tickle #sfw tickling #tickle fic #gold watchers #Doug you're such a dumbass

[kailikameokacapstone]

I spent th whole weekend writing the research paper, and I'm stil one page short... The writing seems clunky, but I'm not sure if's because I'm tired of looking at it. I'm running out of time, so I guess I'll just have to hope it's good enough.

The triad chor level of my game is finished. I still need to finish the other levels, but I have a framework to build the others. The hard part now is trying not to spend too much time optimizing the organization of the code.

Recently, I was asked why I chose the Applied Science program over one of the Creative Meda concentrations. I chose it because a lot of the classes seemed interesting, and the Applied Science program gave me the most freedom to take Creative Medai any elective I wanted. By taking all these classes, I now have a general knowledge of how game deisgn, video and UI design projects are supposed to be structured, but I dno't have a defined process for myself.

It took me most of the semester to finish the research paper and figure out what project I wanted to do. Along the way, I had several ideas for projects that i wanted to do based on the reading. For example, a plantation erra game in the style of the Harvest Moon games series. But, when I thought about the prototyping I'd have to do, the game design document I had to write and then all the production work that would go into it, I knew I wouldn't have enough time.

Many independent game developers will say that you don't need all that preproduction work, and that it's a waste of time. Maybe their right. Maybe some of it is necessary, and some of it is. It's probably different for each person.

As I think about what's next, I'm developing a plan to find a process for the kinds of creative projects i want to pursue. The most important on my list is to solve my reading problem. It takes me about 10 - 20 minutes to read a page. That's why it took so long to finish the research paper. I know there are screen readers and other tools that can read a text to me, but I don't retain the informatio nas well. My inefficiency in reading made it difficult to enjoy some of my. classes like game design, because i had to rush through the reading to ensure I could finish assignments on time. If I can improve my listening comprehension and get through the research process faster, then maybe I w be so exhausted when I'm done and I'll be ore likely to finish the project.

[garrulousgeologist]

> Begin Again

I skipped to the trolls.

Haha just kidding, but could you imagine?

I love a good data structure crash course.

I’ve always been someone who struggles with comprehension when I don’t have all the context.

When my friends (s/o to snipey and cam) first pitched the webcomic to me, they gave the option that many people prefer to skip to act 5 where you are introduced to “the grey kids with the candy corn horns”, as anyone on tumblr in 2011- regardless of fandom affiliation- could have recognized.

This suggestion was due to the first couple acts of Homestuck generally being seen by young audiences at the time as dense and irrelevant to the plot, and while I admit I barely followed what was going on tutorial-wise at the time, getting to know each beta kid was and is profoundly important. From page 1 there are themes and symbols echoed to the very end with enormous ripples of influence along the way.

Yesterday on 4/13/23 I read through the first 214 pages, right up to the introduction of Rose, which felt like a good stopping point.*

I am thrilled to declare I could follow nearly everything this time, as I wouldn’t dare claim I catch every single bit of information given out in any given page. That being said every 10 pages or so I had the recurring thought that I am thrilled to be revisiting this as an adult with so much more experience reading all sorts of documents and being exposed to a wide range of fields of study. Hussie is clearly well-learned, far beyond what my 14yo brain could absorb.

"The moon's an arrant thief, and her pale fire she snatches from the sun." -Mark Twain

You are almost certain Mark Twain said that.

[William Shakespeare said that]

Also, Broblerone?! It was there from the beginning…

I’m interested to see how my opinion of John evolves as I remember hating him for a large portion of the years I spent reading updates as they came out. I honestly can’t say what I think of him anymore, but from the introduction alone he’s just a kid and life is a nightmare. So, no harm no foul, yet.

Dave Strider I was an enormous fan of from the get-go back in 2011 and to this very day I ride or die that kid. He’s marred deeply enough in irony that he thinks he can get away with just being real and saying how he really feels and no one can tell.

He loops right back around and ends up being a hilarious, startlingly talented, complex, compassionate and cool genuine individual. It just takes him time to figure that out himself. He also reminds me of someone possessing all those traits as well…someone admittedly more ornery from the compassion he extends…someone who is constantly fighting for his life from infancy as well…someone with the exact same demonizing eye color…hm, guess it’ll come up later.

I can tell, Dave. We can all tell.

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman

Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.

[Francois de La Rochefoucauld said that]

Rose Lalonde was my favorite character by far back in the day. I am also interested to see where that goes nowadays. I’m one of those people who came out of the 2020 quarantine as a completely different gender/person. It’s a little uncomfortable for me to look back at how I was forcing myself to identify in high school, but I don’t necessarily think it’ll taint my view of Rose. She is badass as all hell, and over-intellectualizes everything she hears, thinks and feels just like me <3. Let’s not talk about my mommy issues.

"When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield." -Oscar Wilde

Wise words by a man who likely could resist everything but temptation.

[Lao Tzu said that]

Tl;dr

No strong opinions yet other than I am so excited to be getting started again and to see what I inevitably missed. And the music!!! I missed it SO MUCH!!

*(a/n: bare with me on my timing with posts on this blog, I am an adult now with a 40hr/week big kid job and it sucks the energy right out of me, be impressed I mustered up the life force to make a post on a fucking friday)

#homestuck #homestuck reread #post2 #i told you about the meteors bro #i warned you dog

[juliadelvecchio]

Feb. 20, Tompkins Ch. 9

Julia Del Vecchio– Readerly Exploration #5

Main Idea: There are three main types of text factors: genres, structural elements, literary devices. These are present in stories, nonfiction, and poetry and aid in comprehension.

Nuggets: I love how many book suggestions/examples were mentioned in this chapter. I was really able to connect to the chapter because of those examples, and they brought me back to my childhood. I talk more about specific ones in my reflection.

Readerly Habit and Exploration: Engage in the reading process to increase the likelihood of text comprehension (pre-reading, reading, responding, exploring, applying) After you read, document your initial response to what you’ve read. Consider how the ideas you read about made you feel and what they made you think about.

Thoughts after reading:

When I read the beginning excerpt of Mr. Abrams class I thought about the phases of reading. I think he does a good job of pre-reading by letting his students preview the text and figure out the genre themselves. He could have easily just told his students the genre, but allowing them to figure it out themselves requires more thinking about the text. I also liked that he had questions to guide the students through nonfiction readings because I presume that it would be difficult to pay attention otherwise. He also had the students re-read the texts during other reading times. I love that the children incorporated illustrations in the stories that they were required to write as well! Highlighted terms which seemed important in this lesson:

KWL chart

Learning logs

Shared reading

Revising groups

Rubric

Word wall

These terms came back around towards the end of the chapter when it was explaining how to teach text features. I like that the beginning of the chapter incorporated them in an introductory lesson example first.

Text factors: genres, text structures, and text features

There are so many different ways that stories are categorized! Genre is fascinating. I took notes on this section to help me with my zene project. Rosie’s Walk was mentioned! Grace told me about this book, and I think I might get it for my classroom. I liked how this section laid out stories that illustrate the elements of structure. One of the examples I noticed is The Lion Witch and the Wardrobe which is a story that I love! I also remember reading Tuck Everlasting in middle school! This one highlights the story element, theme. I remember the themes of this story dealing with immortality, growing up, nature and civilization, and love. Under the plot section is the book Hatchet which we also read in middle school. This one definitely emphasizes plot as the whole story is centered around the survival of one person. Lastly, the book The Giver caught my eye. This was my favorite book for a long time and I specifically remember reading it twice. Looking at the plot diagram is reminding me of when we learned about the climax of the story and we started being able to pick that part out when we were reading. The mini lesson on page 305 relates to hatchet, and I love how she creates a sort of graphic organizer to display the themes that her students were proposing. 

Moving to the text factors of Nonfiction section– I felt a bit sad reading this section because the previous one was so fun and I had some questions about the first paragraph. I wonder if the reason why stories are so popular in elementary school is also because they allow students to think more creatively and “outside the box.” The book states “it has been assumed that constructing stories in the mind is a fundamental way of learning” but where did that assumption come from? Is creativity simply not as valued in the older grades because we want students to be realistic about things? 

Cause and effect is part of teaching nonfiction. I am teaching a lesson on this in 4th grade next week. I am beginning to mentally organize where some of the standards fit into specific lessons. For example, I might teach sequence in a nonfiction unit, and then move to comparison and cause and effect because those fit well into nonfiction. I am excited to use some of these nonfiction text examples in my class someday. 

Poetry– It has always been hard for me to get into poetry. I think this is because people have very creative ways of saying things using poetry, and I have a hard time deciphering what they are trying to say/what they mean. My teachers could always pick out a specific meaning from a short line of words, and I did not understand how they knew what it meant. I think I also just lacked depth of vocabulary. The poems I always liked were the ones that rhymed and sounded like a song. I do like that poetry uses more sophisticated words and phrases though. Reading about poetic devices was helpful in understanding how meaning is conveyed through poems. Maybe if I had a more solid foundation in these I would be able to grasp poetry better. 

After reading through the chapter, I saw how everything came together to explain how teaching these text factors support comprehension. When students know what strategy the author is using to convey something, they will understand the text on a deeper level. Reflecting also helped me to understand more about the reading process as described in this textbook. This readerly exploration was about responding, a significant part of the reading process. Because I made so many personal connections to the chapter, I am more likely to remember them as we are talking in class, and I am more likely to be engaged with the material. I have already thought of some ways that I might apply what I have just read about in my future classroom. 

[lovelypeasantjellyfish]

The way I love you now and the way that I loved you then - I’d tell you, “I thought I loved you too”

A/N: The last part! I really enjoyed writing in this style, just hashing out paragraphs as they came to mind, even if piecing them into something comprehensible was a real bitch. Playing with the tenses and structure of each part was really fun as well. I hope you enjoyed!

Series title is from Now and then by Lily Kershaw. Chapter title is from j’s lullaby (darlin’ I’d wait for you) by Delaney Bailey. One of the lines “My hardworking love, I need you to help me stay this way” is from 소리 (sound) by Big Mama

Pairing: Wilhemina Venable x Reader

Warnings/tags: Unhealthy relationship, freeform, just general angst.

Words: 628   AO3 Link   Part 1   Part 2

Once upon a time, while the rest of the world was busy celebrating the Earth’s journey around the sun, Wilhelmina Venable met you on the roof. The moment she saw you, colours exploded in the sky, but she heard nothing.

It was a quietness that the books she used to read talked about, a sense of calm that washed over her, one that she used to search for.

You had smiled at her and offered her a seat next to you, “Couldn’t leave a pretty lady like you standing, could I?” you said.

It was a corny line, but it made her heart flutter all the same.

And that was the start of a fine romance.

For a while, it was enough, it was fine, things were good, you hung stars in her sky, and she calmed the shaky ground you walked on. When you held her hand for the first time, Wilhelmina could have sworn she saw sparks fly and the world around her grow clearer. With your arms around her, you could have asked for the sun and she would have given it to you.

So then, how did things turn into this?

One person closing back up, trying to drown out the noise in darkness while the other dodged earthquakes. Both refusing to leave, one out of fear, the other out of desperation, two people holding hands in a crumbling house.

How will this story end?

If your efforts paid off, and she fell back in love with you, would she one day tell you the fears that once plagued her heart? Would she hold your face in her hands and whisper quietly to you, “My hardworking love, I need you to help me stay this way.”

Perhaps, if you gave each other some more time, you could look back at the earthquakes, the stars falling from the sky, and say, “I love you.” And trees would sprout from within the cracks in the ground, and the clouds would collapse and burn brightly in the sky instead of raining on the both of you.

Maybe if you continued to drift apart, she would miss you, and you would miss her, and everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be: waking up with you in her arms, her head in your lap as you told her how much you loved her, washing the dishes while she dried them, picking out each other's outfits for a date.

Or, you wouldn’t miss her, and her you, finally realising that trying to love each other the way the both of you did meant that love had already gone away.

Would there be a ‘goodbye’? A satisfying ending where you both said “I thought I loved you too” and the truth comes out? Or would the both of you simply continue to fade from each other’s life until all that was left were bitter yet wistful memories and what-ifs?

And if someone asked, Wilhelmina wouldn’t even answer the question, she would be glaring and barking at them to get lost. You would shrug and say, “It didn’t work between us, that’s all.” And it would be the truth, wouldn’t it? The both of you wanted different things, yet kept grasping and reaching that you wound up holding hands.

Even after all that, would she look at her phone during her lunch break waiting for the screen to light up with your call? Would you find yourself walking down her street every Friday only to realise that her door would never open for you again?

But for now, this, this limbo between what could be and everything that has been, all that was and all that must be, both of you are lost, unsure of what is wanted.

#Wilhemina Venable x Reader #Wilhemina Venable #American Horror Story

[cbuck215]

Readerly Exploration 7

Readerly Exploration 7 - Week 15 - 12/4/23

Hanford (2018), “Hard Words: Why Aren’t Kids Being Taught to Read?”

Wills Lloyd (2021), “Smoke signals in reading education: What is with the spate of articles about changes in reading instruction?

Big Takeaway

The big takeaway I think the authors wanted was that both phonetic and decoding, as well as reading comprehension and word identification need to be taught, more phonetic than word identification, as students learn to decode reading better and make more comprehension within the area of reading.

Nugget

I learned that there is a lot more unnecessary debate in schools than there needs to be. If research is saying something is effective, we should be doing what is effective. I also learned that we are not wired to read, which I think was a really cool element to learn. I had never thought of it that way, but after reading about it in comparison to oral language, it made complete sense, its a lot more of explicit learning.

Narration

I first set up my question boxes, as annotating in the sidelines would not be effective since there is not a lot of room. I made sure to quote the part I had read that made a question pop into my head, and then I added my question and comment with it. This allowed for me to engage in the reading a little more by allowing me to ask and process the questions and feelings I had as I read, as both of these articles raised some alarming questions and made me feel some type of way about how education is being handled right now. I was definitely rather shocked at some of the things I was reading, especially challenged by the parts that talked about teachers ignoring or getting annoyed with the research that was clearly telling them an effective way to teach so that students don’t fall behind. It kills me inside to think of all the students who are just left to inherently try to read by simply being provided materials and left to try and squeeze out meaning from words they can't even decode let alone define. This was a very very interesting read to me, and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to engage in it, especially with some of the things I see going on in my field placement that aligns with some of the topics in these articles.

Engage in the reading process to increase the likelihood of text comprehension (pre-reading, reading, responding, exploring, applying)/As you read, annotate any questions that arise for you in the margins.

Reading 1 - Smoke Signals

“... is about whether early or beginning reading instruction should promote fundamental skills (letters and sounds; “phonics”) or higher-order skills (enjoying reading; getting the author’s ideas)” - Why is the second question even an option? While it is good to focus on the author's purpose and ultimately easier for teachers to focus on, how in the world are students going to even get to the author's purpose without understanding the author's writing and word structure?

“...that simply engaging children in “reading” (book tubs, readers’ workshop, etc.) would allow them to develop reading skills independently.” - While this is important I wonder why teachers think this notion is actually the main way they should go? Why do they think that this is the main path of reading instruction? What about those who can't read? Motivation only goes so far, before students who can't read quickly lose interest and never develop decoding skills.

“The advocates for whole language approaches argued that teaching decoding was preventing traditionally under-performing students (viz, African American students) from the “good” instruction that privileged children were getting” - Under what conditions do we classify this as “good” instruction? Is it simply because kids from better socioeconomic backgrounds are perceived as typically better readers and so the teaching is perceived to be better? Is it ignoring the issue of privileged children having home lifes that potentially help with teaching reading at earlier ages and stages, differing from less privileged children’s homes? Probably.

Not a question but more a comment, I think this author is funny, very clearly echoing my thoughts on this issue as well. 

Reading 2 - Hard Words

“Research shows that children who don't learn to read by the end of third grade are likely to remain poor readers for the rest of their lives, and they're likely to fall behind in other academic areas, too. People who struggle with reading are more likely to drop out of high school, to end up in the criminal justice system, and to live in poverty.” - What in the world are we doing? I do see this in school, especially in Urban settings, so why are we not raising so much heck that this is getting fixed? I’m curious about how no child left behind factors into this as well, seeing as clearly there are still many children left behind.

“This was not just poverty. In fact, by some estimates, one-third of America's struggling readers are from college-educated families.” - It makes me wonder, is it home life? With how busy the world is nowadays, could it be the lack of parental home reading involvement? Both parents often work, so could it be an issue of that if it is not just poverty?

“The human brain isn't wired to read.” - Interesting. Why? I understand the learning process factor, but something so important to basic societal survival, why are we not more hardwired to read?

“He referred to letters of the alphabet as "bloodless, ghastly apparitions"” - While I can understand, especially for the english language, how letters can make reading confusing with all of their different rules and sounds, how is working on only vocabulary identification (word identification) going to be any better? Wouldn't kids get confused about why words are the way they are and have no explanation? Or even more so, when encountering new words they don't intrinsically know, wouldn’t it be the same process of if they were able to sound it out? Either way the student is going to have to research the word to define it, why is the extra step of phonetic awareness considered a bad thing? If its unfamiliar either way, would it not be better to at least be able to read the word before trying to comprehend?

"Is this your science or my science?" - While I understand different teaching philosophies, how do teachers not see researched facts as effective and factual?

Here are my questions in their actual format, though they are also typed out above.

#readerly exploration #fischer #reading #literacy