#this isnt the only thing that made me sob uncontrollably | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kissesforsatoru · 1 year

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Haiii! I love your blog so much and I'm not sure if this has been requested or not?? Could I request Childe, Cyno and perhaps Ayato with a darling that quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome? QvQ;

Their darling probably tried to escape once, but only midway stopped herself and the moment she notices them, she runs back and apologies repeatedly? Earlier she was mortified with her situation, but now she fully submit. Their darling probably clings onto them sometimes, giving them a form of affection even if this relationship is extremely harmful.

Maybe their darling would even go as far as to defend//protect them if they're given the opportunity to even talk to others and they suspect things.

I hope this isnt a lot!

𓏲 ˖. pairing. . . cyno x reader, childe x reader

𓏲 ˖. summary. . . darling escapes without realizing they have stockholm syndrome

𓏲 ˖. warnings. . . general yandere themes, stockholm syndrome, punishments, descriptions of injuries (not graphic)

𓏲 ˖. warnings. . . i’m so sorry, but i couldn’t think of a way to do this for ayato so i decided not to include him . i hope that’s okay!

cyno is pissed when he comes home to find you gone, and it takes every ounce of self restraint in him to not flip the fuck out. he breathes slow and heavy as he looks in every possible place you could be, thoroughly making sure that you really aren’t there—and when he comes to the conclusion that you aren’t, he angrily storms out of the house to go look for you. he almost missed you, your frame hidden well behind a crate in front of the house, but he couldn’t have missed the weak cry that left your lips as he stormed by. he was honestly surprised when you tightly grabbed the fabric on his waist, crying as you murmured how sorry you were for trying to escape.

scenario ;

“what the fuck were you thinking?” he practically growled as he bent down to pick you up. you bite your lip and turn away from him, embarrassed by the whole situation, but you still cling to him despite how bad you’re feeling.

“i’m so sorry, please forgive me. i’ll never run away again.” you sob, shoving your face into his chest. cyno doesn’t say anything, but you can tell he’s angry because of how tightly he’s holding you against him. you’re sure there will be faint bruises where his fingers are later on, but you don’t really mind. you’re just happy to be back with him.

after running away, a group a eremites followed you until they had you cornered. all you could think in the moment was how scared you were, and that you wished cyno was there to protect you, because you knew he would. it made you sick to think about those things—you didn’t want to want him, you didn’t want to depend on him. you were lucky enough that you could run away from the eremites before they could catch you, and subconsciously you found yourself back at cyno’s house. you couldn’t help but cry as you realized the kind of situation your gotten yourself into.

“yeah, you fucking won’t. not after i’m done with you.” your lip quivers at the thought of what he might do to you, but you nestle further into him and try not to think too much about it for now—instead focusing on how warm and comfortable he’s making you feel in his arms.

childe panics when he realizes you’re not in your room anymore, instead probably deep into the snowy woods of snezhnya by now. his first instinct is to massacre all the fatui guards that let you escape, but when he realizes how dangerous it is for you to be out all alone, he quickly abandons the thought for the time being to go find you—and when he does, his heart nearly stops. you’re curled in the snow, breathe shaking and ragged as you shiver uncontrollably from the incessant coldness against your skin. he thought you were dead at first, and you might as well have been. he doesn’t hesitate to take your limp body into his arms, wrapping his fur coat around you tightly before taking you home.

scenario ;

you didn’t expect to wake up surrounded in warmth—really, you didn’t expect to wake up at all. after running away you quickly realized just how bad of an idea it was. you missed the warmth and comfort of childe’s house, as much as you hated to admit it. you desperately wanted to be tucked in his arms again where you were safe from the sharp biting winds and cool pricks of snow—in his arms where you were meant to be.

you did try to go back before he noticed, but you failed to realize just how bad the storm had gotten, and you quickly got lost. it was only so long before you’d collapsed in the snow, wrapping your arms tightly around your shivering body, trying to cling to the last bits of warmth you had left. you could barely feel anything as you passed out, your last thought being how you regretted ever leaving childe’s mansion.

the last thing you’d expected was to wake up wrapped in blankets near a fire, tucked tightly into childe’s side. at best, you thought that childe would’ve thrown you in a cell and kept you there for who knows how long to punish you for running away. but this was an outcome you wouldn’t dare complain about, because this was way better than all the horrible ways you could’ve died or been punished.

you grabbed his thick jacket tightly and nuzzled further into his warm body, the chill from earlier still lingering faintly. biting your lip you mustered up the courage to whisper an apology—one barely audible, but you knew childe heard when he hummed and wrapped another blanket around you.

maybe you’d be punished later, but right now you couldn’t help but enjoy the warmth childe provided you.

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justanotherteentitansblog · 3 years

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L, I and Y for the fandom ask 😊

I would sob uncontrollably if someone drew my bbrae babies from my fics from Bbrae week

Tumblr hasnt made me dislike any fandoms but seeing ship wars really irrtates me. Like it's cool if something isnt for you but you dont need to attack the thing I like you know?

I dont know if this counts cause I only just started watching it but The Owl House, but I literally have only been able to watch the first edisode

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yama-no-mononoke · 4 years

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for all you non howl haters out there who are oh so curious about why i, and many of my followers dont like howl, ive made a comprehensive list of reasons i dont like him

1. Howl is mischaracterized

first off, I want to acknowledge that an adaptation changing the elements of a character is not inherently bad. but when it comes to miyazaki’s adaptation, howls character was not improved by the differences. in fact, his differences make him a weaker character.

how is portrayed by miyazaki as a cool, suave, magic man, who always knows just what to do, and just what to say. and when he blows up because of his hair, it comes out of nowhere, and its really jarring, because the fact that howl is unstable and deeply vain is never really addressed anywhere else, or confronted at all in miyazaki’s adaptation.

And like... watch the movie, and count how many times something weird, or bad, dangerous, or even interesting happens to howl. now, how many of those times did he react with any emotion other than vague amusement?

this man has 2 emotions.

sure, he got red hair one time and flipped out. which only really exacerbates the problem. nothing bothers this guy. not strangers in his house, not the woman trying to kill him hitching a ride on his escape plane, not imminent death. just... different color hair.

miyazaki tries WAY too hard to make Howl calm and collected, but with deep insecurities bubbling beneath the surface. if he did a better job, it would have been pretty faithful to the book, and made for a compelling character arch. But just because we can tell what miyazaki was trying to do doesnt make it good.

2. The “appeal” of howl

i dont get it, but from what i understand, this is what people like about howl:

howl is a powerful, cool pretty boy. but hes deeply insecure, and really scared of... war? being drafted?

and no, dodging the draft doesn't make you sexy. dodging the draft makes you a normal fucking person. so he gets no points for that.

and can we talk about this for a sec? howl ‘running away’ and not wanting to be involved with the war was an element that rings hollow when Howl goes out of his way to attack the army multiple times BEFORE the big climactic “i finally found something to protect” scene. also... you can protect Sophie without putting yourself in danger, howl. its not a noble sacrifice, its just foolhardy and needlessly dangerous for your friends once they have to save you.

he’s got that “im sexy, but i need a woman to love me or I can’t function” thing going on.

also, ive been over already how howl’s whole character is a mess. and its really a stretch to say Howl is at all conflicted. its more like, hes just one way at all times until arbitrary things cause him to sob uncontrollably.

also, because Sophie is such a blank slate, its easy for women to project onto her and imagine that howl is in love with them. not saying its bad to project onto sophie, just saying its easy to, and thats partly why people like howl.

3. Howl isnt as hot as everyone thinks

You’re allowed to think howl is attractive. beauty is subjective. but when people talk about how sexy howl is, I feel like thats owed entirely to how howl is animated.

there are MANY shots, especially early on, where the camera pays excessive attention to howl’s hair, his jewelry, his clothes, and so on. Miyazaki clearly intends for us to understand that Howl is supposed to be beautiful. and in fairness to miyazaki, he is really good as a filmmaker at allowing the camera to gaze longingly at men and not just women. its really good to see a male filmmaker who isnt afraid of trying to make men attractive.

But, the treatment the camera gives him is mainly to establish how beautiful he’s SUPPOSED to be. No matter how miyazaki draws him, it cant make people like me, who dont like him, find him attractive.

its like the movie is tricking you into thinking he’s hot. like. there are only a few mainline ghibli films with adult men you can crush on. and if you’re already a fan of ghilbi, its easy to be enamored with the visuals, and the world, and the tone of the film, and accidentally fall for the trick and finding howl sexy even though hes like a solid 5 with more hair colors than emotions.

final thoughts

I think Howl in the book, the idiotic, self absorbed fratboy, was too far out of Miyazaki’s comfort zone. But Miyazaki could have done better if he tried.

and if you like howl then i think you are bad

#howls moving castle #epic anime fan defeats Howl with logic and facts

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you-did-well-moon · 5 years

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Who Do You Think You are? |Monsta x 8th Member Au|

Monsta x boys X Arslyn/ Other trainees x Arslyn/ More Changkyun X Arslyn

Summary: Arslyn and the other boys find out there will be a new trainee added to the show. Arslyn had already been a part of the show. The other boys dont react too well, but how will Arslyn react?

Type: fluff/angst get ready boys

No Trigger warnings yet

A/N: Hey this is my first time posting a piece of my writing on this website. This is an original character of mine. I want to see how this post is received, and if received well I will put a whole description for her and I will continue the series. Please enjoy.

My eyes flitted around the room taking in the sight of all the boys who had practically raised me. My heart felt light seeing them laughing and their eyes shining after all the tears that had been shed. Losing Minkyun had been no easy blow. Thankfully, K.Will had given us a chance to escape the cruel consequences of the reality show by treating us to dinner.

I had been seated between Hyungwon and Yoonho. My outfit was quite simple. A black beanie adorning my head with my soft brown locks in a loose braid, and my bangs framing the side of my face. Big black glasses were sitting on top of my nose. I had a grey over sized hoodie with a black jacket that was now hanging on the back of my chair. Black ripped tights fit snuggly around my legs keeping the cold at bay. The whole outfit was paired with a pair of black dirty high top Converse.

Even though we weren't standing on a stage in front of him, I couldnt bring myself to feel comfortable around K.Will. Minkyun's face kept popping up anytime I made eye contact with him, so I settled with only looking at his forehead. I did my best to push the thought of him packing alone back at the dorms out of my head, and I let myself fall in a state of rest. I leaned back in my chair, and I smiled and laughed with the boys as I ate.

It seemed almost like a dream. I hadn't been able to feel this at ease since before the reality show when we had all just been innocent trainees. Now every night was filled with restlessness and doubt. Every morning was filled with a rushed awakening, and it was spent in the practice room. It seemed like a constant cycle of practicing, producing, and executing the missions.

There was no time for sleeping or eating. There was no time for sitting back, and letting yourself drift off. There was no time to be human anymore. I had to debut.

Hyungwon seemed to notice my distracted state and nudged me. I stepped out of my head, and I snapped my attention to him. He raised an eyebrow, but I simply smiled and shook my head. It seemed to be enough for him since he went back to talking with Hyunwoo and Hoseok. Just for assurance he took my hand and gave it a squeeze before letting go of it.

We ate and continued to laugh and tease each other. The atmosphere tensed for a little when K.Will pulled out the ranking cards. He gave them out with me being in third place behind Hoseok, but in front of Hyunwoo. My eyes fixed on Hyunwoo. Only worry plaguing my mind.

Everyone had given him the title of leader without him asking for it. Now whatever team he was put on, he would carry the hopes and insecurities of his other partners along with his own. Both times his team had lost someone, and I could tell it was taking a toll on him. I could practically see the words "It should have been me" written across his forehead.

I couldn't remember the last time I had seen the smile where his eyes scrunch up, and his cheeks puff up. He was a quiet man, but he was sensible, and he had the natural instinct of protecting others. He had a big figure, but he had an even bigger heart. At first, he had been awkward but the one day I started playing with his hands before a mission it seemed to have broken down the walls surround him. While playing with his hands, telling him all my doubts, and wishing him good luck he had softened. He seemed to look out for me a lot more since that day.

My heart hurt for him, and I was about to call his name to atleast try to make him laugh when I was stopped by K.Will addressing us.

"Enjoying your meals?". A chorus of "yes" rang around the room while my mouth stayed shut. A nervous feeling settling down on me.

"Something completely unexpected has happened. At where you are...this could be your biggest obstacle". My eyes widened as my breath got caught in my throat. My hands seemed to fidget with the cuts in my tights as I took in everyone's reactions. Eyes were either widened or narrowed, and the room had gone silent. What could be worse than the pain of having to watch as one of our close confided friends and brother got taken away from us.

"Regardless to the program, I think this is almost natural to happen in the process of becoming an idol group." he continued. Natural? Had someone been in a scandal? Was someone getting so much hate they had to get eliminated by default? At this point my hands were shaking, and it felt like my heart was being squeezed by an ice cold hand. I quickly took the hands of Hyungwon and Yoonho in mine with a tight grip. Their hands tightening around mine with hyungwon rubbing my knuckles with the pad of his thumb for comfort.

"I came to realize we dont have enough rappers. 3 of 10 trainees are rappers". I looked at the boys and quickly realized it was true. The vocalist outnumbered the rappers by a huge amount. I was one of the vocalist. Were they going to eliminate one of the vocalist to even it out more? My mouth felt dry, and my eyebrows had furrowed. I licked my lips in anticipation. My throat felt like there was something blocking any air coming in, and my chest felt heavy.

Was it the opposite. Would they add- No! They wouldn't. Right? This would create chaos, but at the same time an icy liquid ran through my veins with the thought of having to lose someone else. They wouldn't be as cruel as to-

"We'll be adding a new trainee to NO MERCY" My chest heaved with a silent gasp. I forgot. This was a show. A survival one. They didn't really care about us. This was about ratings and the money. That's what we were worth. That's what had defined us since the very beginning. They would be cruel because to them we're simply their puppets. It was sad to admit, but they were the ones with the strings.

Both grips on my hands tightened making me snatch my hands away. Looking down I saw the red spots quickly disappear until my skin was back to it's normal olive tone. I looked at them, but they were all staring at K.Will. My eyes wandered to all the boys as looks of uneasiness were quickly transforming into glares.

I couldn't keep my head up. I looked down at my hands shaking in my lap as tears gathered at the corners of my eyes. I felt numb. All feelings had gone and now I just felt empty. After all that? Tears shed, sweat dropping, and uncontrolled sobs getting choked out. After all the pressure, and the heaviness of our choices put on our shoulders. They were going to add someone else?

I could feel the bile coming up the throat as my head felt light and the room became blurry. The silence defeaning, but my ears were ringing.

"I'll bring him over."

What? A small scoff escaped my mouth but went unnoticed by our senior. My face was still hidden, but my head managed to shake. My nose scrunched, and I pursed my lips. He really wanted to rub it in huh?

The empty feeling in my chest was replaced with a nasty hot feeling. Anger and hate. Two emotions I despised, but I couldn't help it. My head snapped up, and I managed to make eye contact with the older man. My eyes narrowing, and all the curse words imaginable repeating like a chant over and over again. He held my heated gaze.

" I hope you guys say hello to each other." The atmosphere seemed to darken more than it already had. "Now?" Hyungwon asked with a disbelieve look in his face. I could tell he was incredibly annoyed by the look in his widened eyes.

" Yes, he's coming to the restaurant. I'll bring him in" with that last hate inducing sentence he got up and left the room. We wouldn't have any time to prepare. We wouldn't have any time to clear out our minds of any hurtful things. He was hitting us with a surprise attack, that would change the directions of our paths that had seemed so clear. I bought my hands to my face, and hid behind them.

I hadn't met this guy, but the only thing I could focus on was the crippling emotion of hate. It grasped and weaved it's way into the deepest crevices of my mind. I looked up. Jooheon had put his turtle neck up so that it covered half his face. Others were staring to do the same. As if it would help them block any occurence of the situation. It gave them a mask to hide behind, so that the new guy wouldn't have any idea. We didn't know his name, and we were already thinking of strangling him.

At that thought a little voice seemed to make it through the haze. This isnt right. It's not his fault. My head started to pound. My heart was starting to be pulled into two different directions, and I had no idea what to feel. I felt like an outsider inside my own body. Frustration and pity probed and poked at me. The one minute of absolute hate was slipping away even though I tried grasping at it.

No.

I had a right to feel this. Do you?. I could feel my body slumping into the chair with my head resting at an uncomfortable position. It was giving up. My body was giving up. My mind was giving up. My heart was giving up. I was giving up.

"Will he be as good as kwanji, Yoosu, or Minkyun?" I recognized Gunhee's voice. I wanted to speak up. We have to give him a chance. He doesn't deserve this. He could be as good, or he could be worse. But we can't do this. We can't take out our anger on him. He's human....just like us.

I couldn't find it in myself to speak out. My usually clear and strong voice had abandoned me. All that was left was a meak broken sound.

Coward.

I opened my mouth in a weak attempt to get air into my lungs and clear the haze that was still clouding my eyes. My eyes closing and opening again. As I heard two pair of footsteps coming down the hall I let them close , and allowed my head to slump.

One minute...that's all I need.

Having any distastasteful feelings for a stranger went completely against my morals and beliefs. It went against who I was as a person. That person that had been hell bent on detesting another human being was not me.

"Hello I'm I.M and I'm 20 years old. I'm a rapper. Nice to meet you". A deep wavering voice filled the past silence of the room, but I ignored it.

I let any negative feelings I had housed slip through my fingers. Holding a grudge against someone one for the sole reason of existing wasn't me.

" The rest of you get to work now and prepare to perform even better than you did yesterday". K.Will's parting words made no effect on me as I continued with my eyes closed.

Loathing someone for wanting nothing but to do what they love and live for isn't me.

"oh gosh I feel sick" my mind wavered a bit at Minhyuk's harsh words.

Tearing another human being down instead of helping them stand up was not me. Becoming the exact connection to their insecurities and using those doubt filled voices against them was not me. Leaving a terrified vulnerable human being alone and without a hand to hold was not me.

"We can't really welcome you right now. And to think you replaced him..."

Trying to justify something I know is wrong for the sake of evading any guilt and avoiding looking bad was not me.

"We can't be all that nice to you."

"I can."

My eyes snapped open as I raised my head high. My voice back to the effective and stable tone I had always known it to be.

I am Ceol Arslyn. Not lower than anyone else, but not better either. Just human.

Everyone turned their attention to me. Some with looks of betrayal, and some with disbelief. There was one. One that looked at me with eyes full of hope, and he happened to be the one sitting directly in front of me with a pale face and his lips set in a frown. His eyes flicking down and up every so often with fidgeting hands.

"Who do you think you are..." I let my tone get clipped, and I watched as his eyes widened and a certain strain settled on his face. "to come here and act so horrified". I let my body become at ease with a bright smile pulling at my lips as I stood up.

"You look like you just saw your mom get our her shoe when you talked back because dude samee" I made my way around the table and took in his reaction. He visibly relaxed and looked at me with a funny kind of amusement.

I dragged Hoseok out of the seat next to his and let myself fall on to it. "why are you so nervous hm?" I looked at him and saw as he shifted in his seat. He looked up at me, but quickly let his gaze drop. He responded with a shrug and a mumbled "I don't know".

"You don't know why you're feeling? Uh that's deep but save it for when we're in the studio, and Jooheon a long with Gunhee start googling words that rhyme". I saw the two mentioned men sit up, but I payed no mind as I offered him my hand.

When he took it, and I gave his hand a little shake I continued "I think we should start with real names first. I'm Ceol Arslyn. Vocalist, dancer, and producer. But you can call me Slyn." With a nervous twitch in his eye he cleared his throat

"Im Changkyun" I gave his hand a squeeze and with a soft tone "Nice to meet you. Rapper huh? I look forward to seeing what you can do with that deep voice of yours but for now lets settle for getting to know each other..." as I finished my sentence I gave a pointed look to Jooheon.

I looked at everyone waiting for then to introduce themselves, but everyone stayed quiet. My nervousness at their reactions was soon changing into annoyance. Beside me Changkyun once again shifted in his seat.

Fine. Looks like I'm doing all the work.

Letting the smile return to my face, I put my hand on Changkyun's chin lifting it up so that he was looking at Jooheon. I let my hand drop and lift in Jooheon's direction. "That's Jooheon. Rapper and producer. Just a little warning he's number one right now, but he's really not that scary. Don't let that stupid glare fool you. He's just scared becaue he has some real competition now" my smile widened as both Jooheon and Gunhee narrowed their eyes at me.

Going in order around the table I introduced everyone. I threw in little jabs here and there because they were literally about leave him on his own to figure everything out. I almost did too.

As I finished introducing everyone I didn't see the soft look Changkyun was giving me. He had braced himself, and had put up walls while on his way over here. Ready to be hated and despised, but here you were. Your petite stature that barely came up to his chin with your big eyes and glasses that kept sliding down your nose. You were willing to risk the friendship you had with the other guys, and who you had known for years...just for his sake. For someone you had barely met. He felt like his heart had gotten lighter, and it was easier to keep his head up. You had risked everything...just to do what you thought was right. Your soft orbs filled with a certain kind of light that made him feel comfortable enough to make eye contact with the others. You made him feel safe, and whatever came his way he knew he would have you to lean on. It was a soft mundane blanket of calmness and peace that covered him being around you.

You suddenly stood up making the chair screech as it moved across the floor. "I think we're done here. I'm ready to go home, and pretend I'm doing something productive. You guys can keep eating, but I'll be waiting in the van." I got the jacket I had left on the chair, and let a grin take over my face when I saw Changkyun get up.

"You coming with me?" A quick nod while shrugging on his jacket answered me. I waited for him to walk up to my side before I started walking out if the room throwing a peace sign at the table of boys who had stayed silent. They had scoffed and glared at me. It hurt. Of course it hurt. Having someone like Hoseok look at me with disgust made my breath hitch. I had to remind myself that Changkyun would have gone through worse.

I hope when this all over, they won't hate me.

Changkyun and I walked in silence. Our footsteps echoing around the hall as we walked towards the exit. Leading him into one of the vans, I chose to get in the very back seats. Changkyun sat beside me with his hands grasping at each other. I took a deep breath in.

"So, what's your favorite color?"

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vulture-jack · 5 years

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What are some of your favourite anime shows and movies? I'm trying to get into more anime

On paper my favorite anime is Mob Psycho 100. Its an easy recommendation, and imho just straight up one of the best anime ever made. Ive never watched something and been like "wow this is better than mp100". Specifically season 2. Before season 2, Space Dandy was my on paper favorite anime. Space dandy has a raunchier sense of humor that isnt gonna click with everyone, but I love it and like, as art? Its criminally underrated. If you are more familiar with english than Japanese this is also one of the few times when I will STRONGLY reccomend the dub.

Im also like head over heels for JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Its a blast. Its so much fun to love jojos. Its a gift that keeps on giving. Its not for everyone, but its for me and i think it radically changed both how I perceive and create art. (Part 3 onward no comment but like. Part 1 and 2? Dub kinda Awful. Nearly stopped me from getting into jojo.)

Those are my current Big Three Things I love. All are artistically unique, high energy, wacky, and over the top so I definitely have a Type. On to some others I enjoy.

Some low key or dramatic shows I enjoy are a Place Further Than The Universe (i cried lmao), Mushi shi (i think ill always wish there were more mushishi. I could watch mushi shi forever), Yuru Camp and Flying Witch (two God Tier aesthetic iyashikei shows), ive only watched the first season so far but im weak for period drama and I really loved Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju s1, Shiki is a good horror anime I didnt expect to hurt me the way it did. Ill put sports anime here and say I have too many Yuri on Ice prints not to include it despite its flaws, and recently really loved Run With The Wind (great cast dynamic). This year Ive really loved the remake of Fruits Basket as someone going into the series p much blind. I need to finish Silver Spoon but the first half is <3 (same author as Fullmetal Alchemist!)

Speaking of FMA for action/adventure FMA Brotherhood is an obligatory recommendation. HunterxHunter is great, and i ADORE the cast of Boku no Hero Academia (and the rest of the show). This year Im enjoying the hell out of Demon Slayer Debated reccing this as it puts the Problematic in Problematic Fav but fuck it I LOVE Kill la Kill and if you can get past the fanservice (and i dont blame you if you cant or just plain dont want to) its so goddamn good. I dont wanna make a new category for these but recently I loved Zombieland Saga. And Ouran High School Host Club is a long time favorite. I also love Yugioh DM but like. Thats not something i generally recommend to people as its not really a great watch experience, its the characters that keep me there, but theres very little time made for th3 Good Stuff (i only pray one day it gets the Brotherhood treatment.) Im leaving out a lot honestly like. Megalobox is dope as hell. I enjoyed Fate/Zero even with like no knowledge or interest in Fate as a whole. Im probably gonna remember something I adore after I post this and be frustrated with myself. Like Anohana! Or Soul Eater! I mainly tried to only count shows ive either finished or finished a whole season of. Like im really loving dr stone but its like 8 episodes in.

MOVIES. Uh. Every Mamoru Hosoda movie Ive seen so far (missing a few) but especially Wolf Children. This director is REALLY good at making me cry.

Recently saw Maquia When The Promised Flower Blooms? 10/10 would sob uncontrollably in the theater again.

I liked a Silent Voice a lot. Especially how it like...visualized the main characters isolation. And that amazing subtle character animation. Really gorgeous movie.

I dont think I need to recommend ghibli movies to people but special shout out to my personal fav Mononoke Hime.

Satoshi Kon as always is worth looking into if you havent, ive only seen Paprika and Tokyo Godfathers at this point and the latter is my favorite of the two.

For some cute kid friendly stuff Arashi no Yoru Ni and You Are Umasou are uhhhhhadorable. Also the little witch academia short movies. If you like those check out the show.

Making this post also makes me realize how much stuff I WANT to watch or need to finish. (Like Red Line and K-on and Psycho Pass and Steins;Gate. All stuff i feel like id recommend if like. Id seen all or even half of it)

I watch a large variety of genres from dark psychological horror to cute girls go camping so I tend to tailor my recs to the person who is asking, but I tried to make this a general purpose collection of favorites lol. I def left some stuff out because typing on mobile as almost as unreliable as my ability to recall Things I Liked.

#long post/

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janetbrown711 · 5 years

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"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my-" Hazel and Selena 😄

"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my-" Hazel grabbed her chest as it began to ache from breathing so heavily. Her mind swirled as she looked around and felt slowly impending doom surround her."C'mon follow me. We can climb up that tree," Selena grabbed her cousin and quickly dragged her by an oak tree and climbed up before helping Hazel up. "You okay?""Th-the tree isnt going t-to last. Th-theyre just g-gonna f-find us a-and- a-and- oh why am I so stupid?! I should've known this wouldn't work! Stupid! Stupid!" Hazel was hysterical and smacking herself on the forehead. "Hey! Hazel calm down, its gonna be fine. You aren't stupid," Selena grabbed her wrist and looked her in the eyes. "B-but I-its m-my m-mom a-and m-my fault we're in this whole stupid mess," Hazel tried to choke her sobs. "No its not, its my fault. My idea. Stop blaming yourself," Selena said. "But I'm her daughter," Hazel released her wrist and covered her face. "So?" Selena asked. "So I'm the reason shes DEAD!" Hazel stopped choking it and sobbed uncontrollably. "Hazel... Hazel, no... Its not your fault," Selena rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort. "She-she left Dad because she didn't want ME. I'M the reason," she weeped on."Hazel, its not your fault, he didn't even know you," Selena tried more to get through her but the groans and moans of the zombies had suddenly grown uncomfortably loud. Selena looked down and saw four or so were starting to approach the tree. "Dang it. Where is moms grappling hook when you need it," Selena rubbed her forehead, "Hazel we need to get a move on before we get stuck," she turned to her, "you got any ideas?" "H-huh?" Hazel wiped her eyes with a sniffle. "You got any plans on how to make it out?" Selena asked again. "I-I'm n-not the dangerous one, y-you are. I-im made of paper. I-im weak. I-im not a strategist," Hazel tucked her knees to her chest and Selena sighed. "Hazel, I love you, but we don't have time for this. We need to move. Fast," Selena opened the book and flipped through it, searching and scanning fornany answers, but she never was good at reading ancient languages in a panic. After a bit of scanning Selena snapped the book shut with a groan and grabbed her cousin and they started to climb down. "Wait-! Where are we going?!" Hazel questioned. "Away. Follow me, I'll fight em off," Selena broke off a large tree branch and started whacking the zombies with it. To describe the unread as grotesque, would be an understatement. Their feathers and fur were torn and exposed rotting yellow skeletons. Their eyes were yellow as expired milk. They smelled even worse. But Hazel didn't have time for observations. She had to follow Selena, and she did. She ducked and dived past several of the unread as they tried to reach for her. Despite what the movies said, these zombies weren't slow. They moved at the pace of a normal person if they weren't feeling good that day. Of course, the ones with missing body parts were the acception. Hazel was doing a good job at keeping up, but a hand one again grabbed both of her ankles and she fell to the ground with a thud. "Selena!!!" Hazel cried out. Selena skirted to a stop. "Hazel!!!" Selena started to make a turn around but Hazel soon started to be dragged away and Selena was starting to get overwhelmed by the numbers that were rising. Not to the point of danger, but the stick and the fact she wasn't even a teenager yet were soon going to be a disadvantage. "Selena!!!" Hazel called out again but soon she was dragged so far off she could no longer hear or see her best friend. "Let! Go! Of! Me!" Hazel attempted to kick and flail as bet she could but then the decaying figure picked her up. It was of a woman. It had once had short hair but it was now mostly gone. Her rotting flesh had several scars and wounds and something in her breath smelled of booze. She wore a muddy brownish red dress that had been eaten away by moths and was covered in dirt and whatever else was oozing out of gaps in her rotting skin and eyes. On her head, she wore a golden flower crown that had yet to decay. "M-mom...?" Hazel asked. The zombie didn't appear to be listening. "M-mom I-its me... H-hazel!" she tried to speak but the zombie opened her jaw. Her breath smelled so strongly of booze mixed with rotting innards. The zombie grabbed hold of Hazel's head and she screamed. Just then, there was a loud thwang of a bow and both Hazel and the zombie dropped to the ground. Hazel had barely a moment to process when she heard three gunshots that made her cover her ears. She opened her eyes an saw none other than her Uncle Dewey holding a hand pistol shooting the zombie in the head. Hazel sat herself up and saw her aunt Webby had been the one to shoot the bow and was working on killing the other zombies as well. To her right she saw aunt Lena holding a purple book of spells. Lena opened it with confidence and started chanting. "et abiit immortui canino," she spoke with rigor. As her voice carried through the zombies started to cover their ears and they started walking back to their graves and reburying themselves. Well... The ones that weren't being shot in the head by Webby and Dewey. "Restitui venistis putrescunt inferos!" Lena snapped the book shut and all of them disappeared either into their graves, or laid on the ground with rotting brains lying about. And with that, it was over. Hazel took a moment to look around and again saw the body of her mother. She gasped and went to it. "Woah, kiddo you should step back," Dewey tried to stop her but Hazel shoved him away and looked at it. "Who is-.... Oh.... Oh no," Webby moved next to Dewey, quickly sending a text. Hazel stared into her mother's glossy yellow eyes. They were disgusting. Everything about her was disgusting. Nothing was beautiful. Nothing was what she expected. She was horrifying to look at, especially now that she had an arrow and several bullet wounds to the side of the head. Once her tears started they didn't end. She touched her mother's wrist and suddenly heaved over in uncontrollable sobs. Time and thoughts didn't happen. She just laid there on her knees weeping and sobbing until eventually she felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around her and hold onto her tight. He told her it was going to be okay. He told her it was okay, but her fathers words did nothing to fix anything. Hazel sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, clinging onto her father like life or death. She didn't want to let go. She never, ever wanted to let go again. Not in a million years. Selena tried to say something but Webby stopped her. "Selena, you've done enough tonight. Go and wait in the car," Webby spoke with a dark and unfamiliar tone of seriousness. "But I-""Go. That's an order," Webby said. Selena stepped back. She glanced at her cousin, sobbing and shaking with fright, and knew she had to leave. So she walked away, her head low. On her way back she saw Lena chanting disappearing spells on the corpses as they vanished into thin air. Selena gripped the book tightly before tapping her aunt. Lena stopped and looked at Selena. "This is yours," Selena handed it back, but Lena didn't turn to accept it. "I'm not allowed to speak with you Selena," Lena said simply. "Wh-what?! They can't do that!" Selena was outraged. "Yes they can. They are your parents. Selena, what did you expect? I warned you over and over again to never perform magic without me and to never mess with the undead. Did you really think everything would just be okay after this?" Lena gripped her own book tightly. "I-I... I don't know w-what I expected..." Selena stepped back. Lena sighed. "Go to your car. Your dad is waiting," Lena still continued to not look at her. "...when will I be able to talk to you again?" Selena asked. Lena remained utterly silent, but the message got through. "O-oh... I-I.... I see," Selena felt a hot tear roll down her face. She wiped it away quickly. "I-its ok-okay. It'll be fine. I'll be fine," Selena wiped her other eye. "Car. Now," Lena said. Selena tried to look into her eyes but Lena turned away, but not before Selena saw a drop of water land on the book she was holding in her arms. Selena wiped her other eye again. "I'm so sorry," she apologized and set the book on the ground before quickly walking away and out the, and into the parking lot where Louie was waiting outside the car. "Selena," he straightened up from leaning against the door. "Dont," she snapped and walked right past him and walked all the way home by herself. It was long and she had never felt more afraid and alone in her life but she did it. She opened the front door wide and ignored her two younger siblings before going into her room, locking the door and broke down completely. She lied there and mourned. She mourned the loss of the greatest friendship she had ever known. She mourned the loss of her magic, the one thing that had truly set her free, and she mourned the loss of her aunt, the only woman she felt truly understood her. Gone. All gone. All because she threw it away. She threw everything she ever loved away. The thought made her cry more until there were no more tears left. Only the hollow and empty feeling that had replaced where her heart and love should have been, but there was nothing left to love, so instead it just remained hollow, and empty. Everything was gone. Nothing was left.

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sneezingfits · 6 years

Text

Entertainment- a review by Rowan Sneezingfits

Keep in mind I'm not an official review person, these are just my thoughts on each song and the album as a whole! Also if I sound like a broken record I'm sorry I'm kissing parx's ass with this lmao-

11:11- The beginning immediately hooked me, but the hard-hitting drums and Awsten's voice really drew me in. The verse was soft, and then the chorus just slams in at the right level, keeping me wanting to listen. I can see why a lot of people loved this song, the breakdown synth part around the end really gives me a spacey feel (which I can ALWAYS appreciate), and as always, the lyrics are clever. "My favorite flight of stairs is to your room." All-in-all, a REALLY great opening track!

Blonde- This is a really nice mix of all the great things from Double Dare, with its own Entertainment twist. Using color analogies was a really clever idea, and it was really the instrumentals that kept me listening to this one, not mentioning Awsten's lyrics. It's almost as if the drums and guitar were played by the same person at the same time; they're so in tune and sound extremely fantastic all throughout. This was a great first single, as it gave us all the Double Dare feel, but still introduced us to that nice Entertainment sound. Great track!

Peach (Lobotomy)- ngl, when they said this would sound country, I wasn't so sure they'd be able to pull off a country vibe. BOY, WAS I WRONG. The deep lyrics, mixed with the acoustic guitars and the whistling REALLY pulls it together at the beginning, and then everything else kicks in and I was left floored by just how they managed to keep that sound of Waterparks while giving it a country kind of twist that I love. AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE COUNTRY MUSIC!! If this isn't on the radio in the next week I'm suing, I swear. (Also can we talk about those high notes at the end???? Pure gold!!)

We Need To Talk- this was a cute sounding sad track, which is wild that they were able to pull off a cutesy, lovey sounding vibe to....those lyrics. There was so much emotion (Awsten's little laugh in verse 2, that got me lmao) without being so wild you got lost. It's a restrained kind of sad, as if he didn't want to go all out, but you can still hear all of his angst and that is something wild. It's hard to do what Parx does with this song- give a full-on sad vibe at only 50% sad. Props to you, Mr. Knight.

Not Warriors- The first verse immediately hooks me, and then the chorus rips me in the best way. I get a HEAVY early 2000s vibe and I am HERE FOR IT! And once again, it may sound like some cheesy early 2000s like, Big Time Rush song but they still give it that Waterparks feel with the astounding lyrics. The bridge, with the low toned vocals, doubled with Awsten's singing is honestly my favorite part, it adds a whole new level to the song, which I'm pretty sure even the preps at school can jam to. Amazing track!

Lucky People- Ah, yes. The song that was supposed to be happy but collectively made the entire fandom sob uncontrollably. History of the song aside, this is the perfect love song for your significant other. The adorable lyrics, coupled with the cutesy acoustic guitar, really give it a soft, yet raw and powerful feel. The faint tambourine in the chorus is really the icing on the cake, and... THAT ENDING. Even just slowing the chorus down was enough to make me break down bawling like a baby. Great job, Parx. Great job.

Rare- Okay, I know you hear this ironically all the time, but really listening to the rawness and power of this love song brought tears to my eyes with all the nostalgia. This is another song that puts me way back to 4th-6th grade, but still has that Waterparks feel. The chorus is SO powerful, and this isn't even their final form. I could totally see this song playing in some cheesy movie like Lemonade Mouth with how it still has that pop-rock feel in our Lord 2018. They really blessing us out here with these early 2000s sounds aren't they? (Obvious bonus: those lyrics. "Just know I think you're rare" gets me every time)

TANTRUM- Okay. I'm gonna be biased as FUCK in this one, because it's my absolute favorite. I LOVE how they started (and ended) it with text-to-speech bots, and then the guitars just throw you back in the best fucking way. This is by far WAY angrier than Little Violence. Awsten's tone really conveys his raw anger, dare I say infuriation. THIS probably isn't even their final form, but if it isnt, I'd be surprised. The shifts from the verses to the chorus are so fantastic. Also, "Excuse my tantrum, but can't you see I've got my hands full" is probably the best part of the song, it gives us a nice buffer to kinda calm down after Awsten's screaming at us. At first, I was taken aback when it so abruptly ended, but that makes it so much better, because that's what a tantrum is. It's a fit of unbridled anger that abruptly cuts out, and they did it PERFECTLY while fitting an aesthetic I can't quite describe.

Crybaby- I was waiting to hear this one lowkey, and it did not disappoint. If he hadn't told us these were demo vocals, I wouldn't know. They sound so official while still holding a raw sadness that I think Awsten was going for. There's not much going on instrumentally, but way more than enough to keep me captivated until the last second. I get heavy Worst vibes with the build of the song, and i love it. If I said anything more about this song, but I'm afraid I'll sind like a too broken record! Great job, Waterparks, that is all.

Sleep Alone- Once more, the beginning reeled me in. The pre-chorus is the perfect wait for the chorus, which hits in and leaves your head banging. The bass is barely there, but when you can hear it, it adds so much to the song that I can't describe. This was a perfect ending to the album, and I don't think I'd have it any other way. It ends, leaving you wanting more, but the album is over.

Entertainment is a very, very clear growth from Double Dare. It's as if they took the best parts of Double Dare and maximized it by a million. Each song kept me listening and wanting more, and I was kind of shocked when it reached the end of Sleep Alone, I wasn't expecting the album to go by so fast. This is DEFINITELY an album I'm gonna keep playing for a LONG while. Great job, Waterparks. Y'all really outdid yourselves with this one.

#long post #again im not an official reviewer but i just wanted to get my thoughts out about this album #probably gonna go back to bed now lmao

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cleopatraas · 7 years

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Okay but...Nehemia instead of Aelin and the cadre

Stop because I would give my life for this to be true.

This is super long so let me put the divider.

Nehemia has to have some kind of magic for her to be able to draw Wyrd Marks. And because simply because I can, I’m making her super powerful and she knows it. She knows with a simply cut of her forearm, draw a simple symbol, she could level Erilea.

But that’s not how she wants to rule. She wants to rule through words, through peace, through love and kindness. She has wanted this ever since she was born, while she grew up. She has taught her brothers to want this, she has slowly urged her people to want this.

And Adarlan was ruining that. That’s why she went to Adarlan. She hoped that her words, her actions, her kindness, would be enough to sway the King and his people. Little did she know, there were a lot more powerful beings at work.

Little did she know, she would meet Aelin Ashryver in Adarlan. Nehemia is now dealing with powerful forces, forces that could level cities if they wanted to. But she knows one thing, she will not let them level her country, her people.

Nehemia DOES NOT die for Aelin. I know. Shocking.

She may not be the chosen one, but she has chosen HERSELF to save her people. She may not be able to create fire, control shadows, shift into a wolf, or have iron claws and teeth, but she has her heart and her will.

Her brothers, Kharis and Deji, run Eyllwe while she is away.

She goes to Wendlyn, she goes to Doranelle, she goes to face Maeve, to face the deadliest Fae. Because if Nehemia was willing to die for a mere hope Aelin could save the world, she is willing to die for herself to save the world

This is not a love story with Nehemia and Rowan. This is not a simple story where Nehemia replaces Aelin. This is a story about a girl who refuses to let the world push her down, who refuses to give up.

Who tells herself she will push back, she will push back and push until the world gives up. Until she comes out victorious, but unlike all your other heroes and chosen ones, she will not do whatever it takes.

She will keep her soul, her heart, and her kindness, but do not be mistaken. Nehemia Ytger, the True Queen, will not sacrifice the will of her people, to save their lives. And she WILL save their lives.

And Rowan respects that on a different level. Nehemia is not broken, because she doesn’t allow herself to break. She will bruise, bleed, and suffer, but she will not break.

If you think Aelin ever castrated Rowan, man, Nehemia didn’t let him BREATHE.

Every time Rowan tried to be a Male™, Nehemia would raise a hand, “Imma let you finish, but, you sound real stupid so, let me spit some KNOWLEDGE” Because she is a Queen and she knows it, and she knows what she’s trying to do. And it isnt to be bossed around and saved by this male.

In fact

Nehemia saves Rowan on several occasions, oh yeah, Rowan, you thought you were all tough and bad, well here’s this nineteen year old, glorious goddess, saving your three hundred year old life.

Not once.

Not twice.

Not thrice.

Jesus, how much trouble can Rowan get in? A lot.

And there is no “You let Rowan go because I have this ring you care for and I can burn down your city”

No. Nehemia doesn’t play that game.

She doesnt play the game where Maeve is allowed to hold six males prisoner. She has slaves that live in her country, she knows slavers thrive, she wants to stop this. And Maeve is just one big slaver.

Oh baby no, honey, no, Nehemia does not PLAY.

“You will let them go. If you don’t, let it be known, no matter how far you run, I will be whispering in your ears. I can not burn you, I can not kill you. But I can stay with you, wherever you go, Maeve. And you will dream of me, have nightmares about me, the mere suggestion of me will have you quaking. Because you know, you know, I will not break a promise. And that promise is, that when my country is free, when Eyllwe is thriving and happy, I will come for you”

“Politely, of course. War is so tiresome” mic drop

IM SHAKING SHE’S SO POWERFUL EVEN MAEVE IS SHAKING

Aelin is uncontrollable rage

Nehemia knows what she can do, she knows her limits, but SHE KNOWS SHE CAN BREAK THOSE LIMITS AND NOT BREAK HERSELF IN THE PROCESS

THE TRUE QUEEN

“Even with your males by your side, I have a feeling they will fight you every step of the way. And six enemies by your side doesn’t sound too pleasant. They are not property, they are living, breathing, free beings. Let them go. They are not mine, they are not yours. And they will not come for you”

Maeve?? Lets?? Them?? Go?? Iconic. Literally never been done before. LITERALLY NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE

Maeve’s fight isn’t with her, it’s with Aelin. So you bet I just threw Aelin under the bus. Sarah threw Nehemia UNDER A BLADE SHE WAS LITERALLY CARVED OPEN YES IM SALTY

Okay continuing

Fenrys and Connall? Literally in love with this goddess, this woman, THIS ETHEREAL POWERHOUSE who just saved them. Connall feels like this weight has been lifted off his shoulder.

He crushes Fenrys in a hug and tells him over and over and OVER AGAIN HOW SORRY HE IS FOR GETTING THEM TANGLED UP WITH MAEVE AND FNERYS IS JUST SOBBING AND CLUTCHING ONTO HIS BROTHER

And then he turns to Nehemia and just whispers, “Thank you” and his words are literally so broken. This woman, THIS HUMAN THAT THEY DONT EVEN KNOW JUST FREED THEM AND EVERYTHING IS SO EMOTIONAL AND Nehemia just lifts her chin and she says

“I meant what I said. You are not property. Go. Run. Run far away from here. Be free”

Free. That word is so POWERFUL TO THESE MALES AND EVERYTHING IS SO EMOTIONAL AGAIN and Fenrys and Connall just share and look and they place their hands on Nehemia’s shoulders and Connall smiles AND THE TWINS TAKE TURN SPEAKING

“We will help you-”

“-Get your country back”

“To show our thanks”

“And gratitude”

And they don’t bow to Nehemia. NAH THEY ARE EQUALS IN EVERY WAY AND THEY AREN’T MATES. IM SHOCKED. HOW GLORIOUS. Nehemia bows her head and they bow their heads and that’s it. There it is. The beginning of the best friendship.

The twins move to STAND ON NEHEMIA’S SIDES, NOT BEHIND HER, THEY ARE DONE BEING PROPERTY, BEING CHAINED, BEING CONTROLLED and Nehamia smiles, and she looks at the other males.

“It’s your choice. I will not force this on you. Run, be free, or help me”

For Rowan, the choice is easy. Not because he loves her. But because THIS H U M A N stood up against M A E V E to not only free him, but his friends, his brothers.

He silently stands next to Fenrys.

And Gavriel stands next to Rowan.

And Vaughan stands next to Connall.

AND GOD EVEN LORCAN moves to stand next to Vaughan.

I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS THIS IS THE MOST POWERFUL SCENE I HAVE EVER WRITTEN IM IN TEARS OKAY.

Moving on.

They all slowly clasp hands and Nehemia grips the twin’s hands gently and NEXT THING SHE KNOWS SHE’S WINNOWING I LOVE IT WHEN THE TWINS USE THEIR POWERS TOGETHER WOW SO POWERFUL, SO GREAT, SO UNIQUE.

There’s just, one teeny problem.

There’s no magic in Erilea.

And that sheer force, or lack thereof, causes all of the cadre to get sick as soon as they land (roughly) in Eyllwe. And Nehemia TAKES CARE OF THEM MAN. FOR A WEEK, A WHOLE WEEK, NEHEMIA TAKES CARE OF THESE SIX MALES, with Lorcan grumbling the whole time, what a buzzkill.

Not because they are hers. Not because she loves them.

But because no one has truly cared for them, no one in a long time. Nehemia, as I said before, wants to rule with her heart, with words, with honor, love, and kindness. And peace. And now trust.

There’s a little bit of teaming up with Aelin because those towers have to go down. And THERE’S DORIAN OH MY GOD. Rowan senses his power first. And you know WHAT, Fenrys saves Dorian. That scene where Aelin and Dorian are falling from the glass bridge or whatever, Fenrys winnows and catches Dorian, Rowan softening their fall.

WOLF KING/FENORIAN IS BORN.

I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.

There’s this amazing moment between Nehemia and Dorian. Dorian is scared of his new powers, of everything that’s happened, he’s only nineteen/twenty, he can’t-

Nehemia grabs his arms and squeezes gently. “Dorian. This is your country now. These are your people. We aren’t so different. I will help you master these powers, but first, we must be strong for our people”

“I don’t know how to rule a country”

Nehemia places one hand over his beating heart, the other cups his face. And Dorian finds himself leaning into the touch. “You rule with your heart as much as your mind. You rule with kindness, with words not war”

Do you know who rules by his side? Sorscha. If you think I’m building a love triangle. Wrong. Dorian will have a boyfriend and Dorian will have a girlfriend, Dorian will have a King and Dorian will have a Queen. WATCH ME MAKE THIS CANON.

Ship name: Sorcha means brightness, so you know what, Bright Wolf King sounds amazing.

“And you” My Queen Nehemia is SPILLING WISDOM. And it’s Aelin’s turn. “You will rule Terrasen. You will be their Queen. Your throne is bruised, bleeding, but it is not broken. Do you hear me? You will clean it up, you will gain the trust and love of your people. Let them know their Queen has returned, and she will not leave them. Ever again”

Nehemia touches Aelin’s beating heart, and cradles her head. “And you, too, rule with your heart as much as your mind. You rule with kindness, with words not war. Do you understand me? We are the future, and we will not destroy it like those that came before us”

SPIT THAT WISDOM, MY QUEEN, SPIT IT OMG LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Gavriel pulls Nehemia aside. “I know I have made you a promise. And my honor means everything to me, but-” Gavriel swallows and looks at Aelin, THEN AT AEDION OH YEAH, OH YEAH, HE’S HERE TOO OKAY, HE’S HERE.

Nehemia’s eyes widen and she clasped Gavriel’s shoulder. “Do not ask for my permission to live your life”

I love the sweet sound of Gavriel being a council for Aelin and Aedion and being very close to them and having time to heal wounds he didn’t know he caused. I love the sweet sound of Aedion and Gavriel having a proper relationship, I love the sweet sound of EVERTHING BEING FINE.

Meanwhile.

THE WITCHES.

Manon has overthrown her grandmother and she’s realized she’s a Crochan. I’m cutting out some stuff, but the point is, THE GIRL IS A QUEEN. The Ironteeth have new Matrons: Asterin, Petrah, and a random Yellowleg.

Manon and Elide? Canon. The Queens of the Crochans. Accept that. Beautiful. Original. Perfect love story. Manon saves Elide, Elide trusts her with her life, Manon begins to trust and care for Elide far more than she’s trusted or cared for anyone else. In love, invented love, I love them.

The Thirteen are the bridge between the Crochans and the Ironteeth. The WASTES IS HEALED THATS HOW THAT GOES.

Fenrys stays in Adarlan with Dorian, and as a result, Connall stays, causing Vaughan to stay. Fenrys becomes a King, as well as an emissary with Connall, so yes, they are free, but they have a HOME not a prison.

They are wild things with a HOME to come back to.

Rowan and Lorcan decide to go with Nehemia back to Eyllwe. Wait for it.

ROWCAN IS CANON SIP ON T H A T.

You can hear my intense cackling in the background at how well this was planned.

Rowcan is the original slow burn, it takes a long time for them to remake themselves and their relationship, Maeve-free. To realize Nehemia will never control them, and they are FREE.

Lysandra and Aelin? Queens, together, of Terrasen.

Aedion and Ren? General Commander and Lord of Allsbrook.

Every last one of these relationships are slow burns because everyone deserves time to HEAL without a significant other HEALING THEM. THEY DESERVE TO HEAL THEMSELVES AND THEN FALL IN LOVE.

These Queens and Kings, of Eyllwe, of Adarlan, of Terrasen, and of the Witch Kingdom, they are the future. Fenharrow, Melissande, and the Wastes fall into line eventually.

Erawan and Maeve were defeated. That’s it. No details. THEY GONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER.

This is not just a story of Nehemia and the care. This is the story of Nehemia Yter, Queen of Eyllwe, who was not the chosen one of someone’s story, but she made her own story, made herself the chosen one. And the countries thrive, Erilea thrives.

Nehemia Ytger. Redefining being a savior

THATS IT. I hope you guys liked that.

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ocpdzim · 7 years

Text

list of current things im upset over (probably incomplete i am very discombobulated right now) in no particular order, some of which are way more major than others

under a cut bc i might miss tagging some stuff since it is LONG so proceed with caution

inadequate school performance

i havent eaten enough today and now i cant because i am upset and also it is late

recent information that came to light about a situation involving a family member i am afraid of ending up like (intentionally vague on this post but i will talk about it if you want to hear it but be warned its very upsetting to me personally so i might be hard to understand while talking about it)

i feel dirty

my back hurts

my foot hurts

i am overcaffeinated and dehydrated but i will nto stop drinking coffee

phone call from new jersey that i intentionally didnt answer which may or may not have been my old abuser who lives there and has my phone number

locked test

recent discovery of my own unintentional involvement in something thats probably not actually a big deal to anyone else but to me it feels Unforgivable(tm) (i wont talk about it so do not ask)

my parents will not take me to the dentist even though i keep asking and even though my gums keep getting worse despite me brushing them and flossing them until they bleed and then for a good deal of time afterwards every night because “the dentist will jsut tell you to floss more uwu”

as a result of the previous bullet point i taste blood like 75% of the time now and it isnt an AWFUL taste but it doesnt go well with like ANY foods and so it makes it harder to eat which is hard enough already

i still dont know what kind of plant that one that i saw in austin is andi really want to know

psychologist appointment with YET ANOTHER new psychologist is monday and not only do i not want to go, it has been scheduled directly over my art class and is gonna stop me from going to it

on the topic of new psychologist: my previous psychologist who i actually did LIKE fairly ok despite her being decidedly not great at her job because she was at least not pushy and awful and seemed like a nice person? she wont see me any more because she has no idea What The Fuck To Do about me and so she just referred me to another psychologist who!! i have not met yet!!! but who will probably try to force me to eat nasty food in her office bc she is supposedly a specialist for “picky children” which also pisses me off because i am 17 with an eating disorder it isnt going to be fixed by ~pretending the brocolli is an airplane uwu~ which honestly??? is the kind of recommendation i expect to recieve from someone who specializes in getting picky kindergarteners to eat stuff

honestly? still pissed off about being made to ~take a walk to calm down~ after the dirty pizza restaurant episode a few days ago. hate to break it 2 ya but being made to promenade down a busy street while sobbing is actually !!! not helpful!!! no matter what your ~mindfulness~ books tell you about taking a walk being helpful!!! it doesnt help!!! it made it WORSE

your biggest concern when your child is sobbing uncontrollably in a pizza restaurant because the restaurant is dirty and the napkin is dirty and the plate is dirty should NOT be whether or not it would be rude to ask the waitress for an “actually clean napkin” or whether or not it is reasonable to put herbs in something after being told at least 8 times that it should only have cheese and nothing else

i bought a coffee at the starbucks in a texas grocery store like,, a while ago and they totally botched my order and i didnt say anything bc they were busy and i didnt want the baristas to feel ba d but i paid 7 dollars for that coffee and it was FUCKING DISGUSTING and i cried when i got bac k t o my grandparents house for an HOUR and they didnt know why i was crying and iwas too upset to explain and you know what? ???? i am STILL MAD.

all the sticks to my fundip packets got broken in the car

i can still eat it bu t it makes it way more difficult

i am alreaddy forgetting shit thta just happened and i ahte it

Is That A Really Really Bad Memory Or Just An Intrusive Thought Masquerading As A Bad Memory? (i wont talk about this one at all either it is too upsetting)

its illegal to have fights i think even if everyone involved agrees ahead of time to be in the fight it is probably still illegal and i really really want to fight someone i literlaly dont even care if i win or lose i just want to fight to vent off frustration if i got seriously injured which is likely due to my osteoporosis you know what??? that’d be a bonus i would not object to that at least it’d be exciting

commissions have piled up and are unmanageable

i have another class i need to finihs

and the TEST IS LOCKED

so i CANT DO IT

which makes me WANT TO DIE

i have one specific pimple that bothers me because it hurts when i accidentally scratch it and it wont pop

i got fancy “liquid eyeshadow” for christmas and i cant figure out how to use it?????? it just makes a mess and i reall y like the color but it still just makes a mess

my cousin dumped a bunch of her old clothes that no longer fit on me and i know i should be thankful but like 75% of those clothes are that one specific fabric i dont know the name of but i hate that fabric so much it looks fine but it’s the scratchiest most unpleasant shit i have ever had the displeasure of touching and it’s popular everywhere and i couldnt reject the clothes bc it’d be rude and now i have to wear them or my parents will pull them out of my closet and say “why do you never wear this it’s so cute :(”

as always because i am not out as nb irl people continue to tell me what a pretty girl i am and say stuff like “you girls go do that” or “haha yeah us girls know what thats like and men dont” (even worse than the others bc it is almost always some basic thing that people of all genders experience sometimes!!! but they gender it for no reason!!) and it is Not Good for The Dysphoria(tm)

i hate the way our voice sounds it isnt even a dysphoria thing i just think i sound annoying and awful when i talk it’s awful and grating

my brother intentionally and meanspiritedly mocks me during breadkowns and if i dare to compalin about it my aprents say “your brother tries so hard and it’s understandable for him to slip up from time to time stop expecting so much!!!” and you know what???? i do have thigns that thats a reasonable thing about like, making clink noises with silverware for example. i knowthats impossible to avoid 100% of the time so i try to not get angry when he does it accidentally. but INTENTIONAL MOCKERY? thats not a fucking accident and he shouldnt get any sympathy it is not HARD to avoid viciously mocking your loved ones while they are crying ?? and if i say “well i do not mock him during his breakdowns” they tell me “but he is a BOY and it is HARDER FOR BOYS :)” uh????? why??? why is it?? it SHOULD NOT BE. it should not be difficult to avoid vicious mockery of crying people.

my mom got upset because she read an article about plastic being a health hazard and she gave a big worried speech about it and now i am also worried like most of my stuff is plastic i am Terrified and tht wasnt her intent but that was the effect

just like the microwaving styrofoam incident a while ago

he is fine now but i had a relative in the hospital with a serious illness a while ago and i am still worried even though they said he was fine and let him out of the hospital

my parents want everyone to help clean the shed together as a ~fun family bonding activity~ but the shed is dark and dirty and full of dangerous thigns and dust

cheese quesadillas, one of my VERY FEW safe foods, are rapidly becoming intolerable to me for ??? no clear reason???????

my parents agree with me that i might be getting scurvy but they refuse to buy me vitamin c pills because “you shouldnt depend on supplements :( just eat an orange” I CANNOT EAT AN ORANGE SORRY ??? so like,,, guess i’ll die?

my parents discovered the amount of syrup i get in my coffee when i ordered in front of them and they are Concerned and i am worried they’ll ban me from ordering so much syrup in my coffee

i only scare people who care about me i dont want to scare people who care about me i want to scare creepy adults who flirt with me and i want to scare the neighbors who keep demanding we do their lawn chores but APPARENTLY whenever i try to be intimidating now it doesnt even register at all but my self destructive behavior and panic attacks frequently terrify my loved ones

i am supposed to clean out my closet soon

my host has 1 friend left who will still talk to her other than me and i’m not sure i really COUNT as a friend since although i wouldnt want to leave, i couldnt if i did want to?? so just.. one friend. i have plenty of friends but i;m worried because i think she needs more friends also and she didnt intentionalyl push away the other friends they all abandoned ship due to group drama that didnt involve us directly but involved mutual friends who all also abandoned the group

my cat has feline hyperaesthesia and my parents wont listen to me about what to do about it even though i did a ton of research and they arent taking her to the vet because a long time ago when it wasnt as severe the vet said it wasnt major enough to be a real issue but now its realy bothering her and it upsets me a lot to see her suffering it isnt life threatening or anything but it hurts her. its a chronic pain condition and i KNOW HOW TO HELP HER but??? i cant because they wont listen to me

my parents want me to start waking up earlier and dont understand that i really, , cant function if i do that

i feel incredibly guilty for liking anything that ever has even one problem with it (spoiler alert that’s EVERYTHING so i feel it constantly)

i dont want to be alive but i also dont want to be dead because it’s Scary and i dont want to upset anyone also and i feel like if i died tht’d upset people

i dont want to learn to drive but i have to

we havent been grocery shopping yet since we got home and so there is even less of my safe foods available than usual

i feel like i’m always insufferably annoying

i desperately need to destroy something just smash it up into pieces but there’s nothing i can destroy because i dont own anything suitable for destruction and destroying other people’s things is not only illegal but also mean and so i cant do that either

i know it’s awful to say but i REALLY MISS destroying i really miss it a lot and being unable t o destroy anything makes me feel like shit

ripping up paper really doesnt help at all i need shattered glass and fire and screaming and notoreity

i of course wont actually destroy anything because as stated earlier, it’s illegal and not nice. so dont worry about me going out and smashing a streetlight or anything because i wont.

even though i bet i’d really enjoy it

thi s body’s so frail anyway i might hit something and break my arm instead of th e inanimate object

i cant see in low light. like,,, even with my glasses. everything looks like tv static in the dark and my famil y fucking??? loves turning off the lights because it’s “peaceful and has a nice ambience” no it doesnt i CANT SEE

my wrists hurt

wow that is way more than four i SERIOUSLY underestimated in that other post

#please like or reply if you read all of it #swearing -#negative -#medical -#violence -#abuse mention -#death mention -#death wish -#suicide implied ?#disordered eating -#fire -#injury -#parent mention -#dysphoria -#mother mention -#self harm ?#longpost -

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ecotone99 · 4 years

Text

[SF] [FF] Bam Margera fan fiction

Mars, June 20th 2041, 50KM SW of the capital city of Bezos.

“Where the fuck is this asshole?” Bam wonders. The asshole he was referring to was “Chevy Joe”, an informant of his occasionally. He says he was given the nickname by friends due to his love of Chevy trucks, Bam knows however the he appointed the name to himself. “Nothing worse than an asshole with a self appointed nickname” he thinks.

The day was rough, shit the last 30 years have been rough. Most of them spent in shit hole bars like the one hes in now. “Cant believe hes been gone 30 years now” bam thinks to himself. He can still remember it like it was yesterday, drinking back home in West Chester. Starting early, finishing late. They closed down the bar, said their good byes, and made plans to meet up the next afterenoon for some lunch like the always did the day after going out. Only that lunch never happened. No, What happened was much worse. What happened was…

“Bam Bam, how ya doing, babe?” Joe asks, breaking his thought. “Well considering youre 30 minutes late id say not well” Bam responds. “Hey, sorry. I wanted to look extra pretty for you” Joe exclaims.

“Asshole fancies himself to be some sort of comedian” bam thinks. “Only funny thing about Joe is how pathetic he is”

“Well maybe you should have taken an hour” Bam jokes. “HAHA, good one” Joe tells him.

“So where is he, Joe?” bam asks. “Ummm, Chevy Joe” Joe corrects him. Bam has the sudden urge to kick his teeth down his throat, he holds the urge bac but gets tingly at the thought. “Sorry, CHEVYYY Joe” Bam responds condescendingly.

“Mining Camp 6, Building 11, Unit 77” Bam transfers 300 Amazon units to him and leaves.

Bam hops a shuttle train to Camp 6 and settles in for the ride. It’s a 6 hour ride, plenty of time to attempt to sleep, to try and forget, if just for a moment. He takes a few sleeping pills and chases it with whiskey in hopes of getting fucked up enough to not dream, to not remember. Unfortunately after 30 years it doesn’t work anymore. Bam passes out for a bit but awakes to the image of flaming wreckage and tears in his head. He looks at his watch, still another 2 hours to go. “FUCK” he says.

Mining Camp 6 was one of many on the planet owned and run by Amazon. Filled with Africans shuttled in from Earth, they were brought their with promises of a better future. “Good pay, good conditions, good benefits” that was the lure. Unfortunately the truth wasn’t as pretty. The “Good pay” they promised could only be used at the Amazon stores. Amazon workers buying Amazon products at Amazon stores. Truth was it was back breaking labor for 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. What they didn’t mention is the rent for the unit you stay in that comes out of that pay, the cost of meals, the benefits they provide you that also come out of your pay. You could complain but to who? Amazon runs the planet, you could send an email to your family asking for help but since all emails are filtered through Alexa, anything that may make the company look bad is automatically rewritten to make it sound like youre living in paradise.

“Funny” Bam thinks. “Half the people working here came from families on earth whose parents and grandparents were also miners in Africa who dealt with abysmal working conditions all so the worlds elite could add an extra zero onto the end of their bank account” The more things change the more they stay the same.

The train pulls into the station, Bam collects himself and hops a “Johnny Cab” Ok, theyre not really called Johnny Cabs, but its one of the simple little pleasures Bam gets to enjoy up here. Little inside jokes for himself. He tells the cab to take him to Building 11 and 10 minutes later hes there. He goes to unit 77 and knocks on the door. No answer so he knocks again. The door opens up and Bam walks in.

“Well well well if it isnt Raab Himself” “Hey Bam, I was just about to call you” Raab says. Bam cracks him one and he goes flying into the wall. “Wheres the money, Raab?” he asks. “oh yeah, the money. See that’s the thing, Bam. I don’t really have it yet” Bam cracks him again. “You don’t call, you make me chase you all the way to this shithole in the middle of nowhere. And now you tell me you don’t have my money?”

“Bam, I swear im gonna get it. There was a problem. I got ripped off. But don’t worry I have the guys name, we can go get to his place right now and get the..” Bam cracks him again. “Don Vito gave you the drugs with the agreement that youd have his money in 3 weeks. Its been 5. So don’t tell me that shit” bam says. “Please just do me a favor, don’t bullshit me. We’ve known eachother a long time, I don’t want to hurt you”

Raab laughs “what could you possibly do to me that Is worse than this. Look where I am, look at my life!” he laugh. Bam hits him again and he drops “Give me the money” He says as he hits him in the face. Raab continues to laugh. Bam hits him again, the image of Ryans face flashes in his mind. “Give me it” he says again as he hits him over and over. The image of Ryan and him laughing flashes this time. He hits him again and again. As memories of that night come to him, the bar, the laughs, the flaming wreckage, the funeral.

Bam opens his eyes and Raabs face is beaten to a pulp, Bams hand is throbbing. Surely broken but he hardly notices it. “NOOOOOOOOO” bam screams, sobbing uncontrollably. “WHY?” he yells. “Why did I let you drive that night?! Why?!” he screams. Its at this point that he pulls out his pistol from his jacket, puts the barrel in his mouth and pulls the trigger. And after 30 years Bam finally has peace.

submitted by /u/creedncebngwtrrevivl [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2XsoVBC

#Blogger #Story

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shante-j-blog · 6 years

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Short story

shortstorychallenge

*Deadly assumption*

The long tresses that adorned my pretty little head was laid. My stylist, Keysha had really hooked my do up. I had just gotten a versatile sew-in with 24" Brazilian hair and a 20" lace frontal installed and I was definitely feeling myself. I had gotten the works which consisted of a full set and pedicure, I got my eyebrows arched and filled, and I got my makeup and lashes done too. My girl skills were limitless and even though she did hair out of her apartment, she did a better job than most bitches who owned their own salon. In my opinion, I was looking like one of them cover girl bitches you see on TV. Matter of fact I looked even better.

Tonight was date night for my hubby and I, and I was so ecstatic for my husband to take me out on a night on the town. Between our hectic work schedules, raising our busy body toddler son, Bryce Jr, some alone time with my husband was definitely needed.

"I'll see you next time boo. Thanks again for squeezing me in at the last moment." I told Keysha, heading for the front door.

" Mhm, don't make this a habit bitch," she joked, walking behind me to lock up for the night.

I quickly hopped in my 2017 cocaine white Audi, locking the doors immediately. Keysha stayed in the hood and I didn't want to risk any chances on getting robbed or worse, shot. Pressing the start button on the ignition, I brought my car to life, quickly peeling off and getting the fuck out of dodge. They won't catch me slipping. Fuck that!

Turning the volume up, I rapped along to Loyalty by Kendrick Lamar. For the moment, I was enjoying this little bit of quiet time I had to myself. I love my son with everything in me but sometimes he can be team too much. Those terrible two's were killing me.

In no time, I had made it home. I exited my car, clicked the remote, locking the doors instantly.

As I made my way up the steps, I headed straight to my son's room to check on him. He was sound asleep snoring lightly. I gazed at him for a few moments before I turned on my heels to exit his room. Twisting the knob on the door I pulled it closed and released the knob carefully. I was trying my best not to make any noise. Any sudden sound and his little ass would be up and then it wouldn't be a date with my hubby.

I quietly walked to the master bedroom I shared with my husband. I heard the shower running. Which meant he was in the shower. I laid my purse onto the dresser and was about to walk away when I heard a chime go off. It was the text alert to my husband's phone.

More than likely it was either his twin brother, Dryce, or one of his boys trying to get him to come out and party.

Not tonight boys I thought to myself

I picked up the phone to look through it and to my surprise it was unlocked. Odd I thought.

The site before me sickened me to my fucking stomach.

It was a naked ass bitch laying on a bed with her bare pussy showing. The caption read " She misses you "

I scrolled through his messages and read each and every one of them.

I was shocked and more importantly, hurt.

How could the person who vowed to love me forever do me like this. I didn't have a clue that he was even seeing anyone else. I was totally blindsided.

Not being able to stomach anymore, I placed the phone back onto the dresser, walked over to the closet and removed the safety lock box that housed my .22 handgun

The water turned off and out walked my lying cheating no good ass husband.

"Wassup baby, damn you looking good." He said, taking a few steps towards me with a smile plastered on his face.

"Who is she?" I simply replied, barely above a whisper

"Girl what yo crazy ass talking about, come on get dressed I'm not in the mood for your Lil' petty games, we gone be late. Plus we need to drop Jr. off."

"Nigga, I said who the fuck is the bitch you been fucking?!" I screamed, causing his scary ass to jump

"Man, watch out I don't know what the fuck yo crazy ass talking about" he said, walking around me and towards our walk in closet.

Pow!

I fired a warning shot into the ceiling. His ass jumped so fucking hard he could've shit himself.

"You not going no gotdamn where, while your friendly dick having ass was showering your bitch texted you. I read every fucking thing so you can't deny shit!, the only way you leaving me my nigga is in a body bag."

At this point I had become enraged, there was no explanation needed. He knew what I endured with my ex Bryan and how mentally fucked up I was behind that. He gave me his word that he wouldn't ever take me through that and he lied. This isnt my first merry go round with his lies and bullshit. We've been through this once before. Last time I fell into a deep dark depression and almost lost my life. Yea, I contemplated suicide. But I found out I was pregnant with Jr. and figured maybe we could work it out through counseling

Not wanting to hear any of his lies, I ran to my son's room and locked the door. I slid down the wall and balled crying. I thought about the worst thing that would hurt him the most and that's losing our son. He was banging on the door but I didn't care. "Get away dirty bastard!" I screamed

"Let me explain, it's not what you think." he said

I picked my sleeping son up from his transformers bed and held him. My tears soaked his polo t-shirt. Mommy is sorry I said barely above a whisper. I lifted the gun up to my son's tiny little head. Tears stained my face as I pulled the trigger, sending a single shot through his skull. Blood and brain matter decorated the blue walls. The gold letters BJ were covered in blood.

"Bitch, open up this fucking door!" Bryce commanded

He began kicking on the door until it flew off the hinges.

He gazed at me for a moment then his eyes landed on our son who was still in my arms. He dropped to his knees and began sobbing uncontrollably, mumbling inaudible words.

Taking the back of my hand, I wiped away the tears from my eyes.

"Why, Carmen, why the fuck did you do it?"

He yelled

"You hurt me in the worst fucking way ever, and now you get to feel the same hurt as I did. Why did you cheat with that whore. You said it would never happen again."

He took a few steps towards me and I aimed the gun at him. My palms were sweating and my hands shook uncontrollably. My nerves was bad as fuck and I was in dire need of a drink.

"You bitch you killed our child for nothing. You assumed that message was for me but it wasn't. I was chilling with my brother earlier and grabbed his phone by mistake. On our way to the restaurant I was going to drop it off, see" he explained, holding up two similar cell phones.

Realizing what I had done, I sobbed uncontrollably. I couldn't live with myself knowing I killed my only child over an assumption I aimed the gun to my temple and quickly pulled the trigger.

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emubop · 7 years

Text

personal shit under the cut

i havent made a vent post here in ages, but i just...i need to do this. i need to write this out somewhere where i can possibly go on for several paragraphs but also i want to know that other people can find this. no one is going to, i dont think, no one is gonna read this but i need to know that someone could

but things have been bad for...hm a while now. and today they finally came to a head when my parents and i met with my psychiatrist and everything just kind of spilled out. i dont even know where to begin i just...i feel like im only just starting to work through all of these repressed issues. i cried more than i thought i would and i know its not over yet. the tears arent over. theyll come back. but yeah, things have been not good. ive been steadily failing at pretty much everything but its been so painful to admit even to myself that i just hid it from everyone, including my parents, which they found out about last month and our relationship has been strained and i want to undo everything but i cant. (its not only me, they havent been helping either - just last week they accidentally opened my mail, realized it was mine, and then kept reading anyways - like ok thanks for the complete and utter disrespect for normal privacy boundaries dad. this whole situation is one big mess. but i caused a lot of it. if i hadnt done what i did, if i hadnt been so stubbornly rejecting of any possible help out of a pointless need to prove something, if i had just said something months ago - but i didnt. and now im paying for it.)

its not like i wanted to lie to people. i hate it. but i wanted to be good enough, i wanted so badly to just tell them what they wanted to hear so i wouldnt be a disappointment. i told myself that as long as i actually did the thing tomorrow, it would be okay and no one would have to know. and now nothing’s okay. im a bad person and i feel terrible for not coming forward in the first place but if i say that it sounds manipulative and thats the last thing i want. bad enough whats already been done, i dont want to add manipulative to the list.

and like, we’re going to work on it. i hope this is rock bottom. and it could be worse; our relationship isnt completely broken, we love each other, i know theyre trying to help me and we’re all trying to fix things. but when my psychiatrist told me that going to school right now is not a good idea since im not in a good place for success, i just started sobbing uncontrollably bc my entire self worth is tied into school and i know its unhealthy but here i am anyway. im crying again now alone in my room just thinking about this. i had plans, i thought id succeed in college, i thought ‘finally now im out of high school things will be better’ and they werent, nothing has gone right and i just want to hit reset on everything. i want to start over, freshman year of college, fresh out of high school and still hopeful for the future, and do things right - but i cant. im stuck with this situation ive made for myself and i hate it. i hate myself for making it.

the only good thing that happened is im finally, finally on some medication for my adhd, so thats something. but im 21 and i cant do anything myself without someone holding me accountable, i feel like a child and i hate it. i hate having adhd. i feel like ive been steadily ruining my own life.

hopefully this is rock bottom, but i dont know.

#personal #emubops life #idk im just kind of a mess atm...#well whatever i wrote it down and now i cant avoid it like i always do #avoidance got me into this mess and it sure as shit wont get me out of it #i dont rlly wanna talk any more about this though im done im spent

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