#though I’ve always had this issue lol I guess this is just my life

[brunetterightsactivist]

It’s the way every product I can actually use on my lips gets reformulated like first my beloved bite beauty agave lip mask which was literally the greatest lip product of all time and now glossier balm dot com which was my substitute @ whoever made the decision to reformulate fuck you and fuck your family cuz I need to find a new product AGAIN that moisturizes my lips and doesn’t make them peel

#every product I use makes my lips peel like literally all lipsticks lipglosses lip balms #idk what it is but when I’d use the lip mask at night it fixed my issue 😢 #gonna try lanolips now but I’m not excited about it #also I look up why my lips are peeling always and get no answers like I don’t get it #though I’ve always had this issue lol I guess this is just my life

[yamujiburo]

HANAMUSA (JESSIExDELIA) MASTER POST

I probably should have started doing this forever ago but I wasn’t sure how long I was gonna stick with drawing these comics. But I guess we’re in it now! This will be continually updated~ EVERYTHING UNDER THE CUT

BEFORE YOU START:

This post is required reading about Team Rocket’s ages since that’s usually a question that comes up a lot LOL. As for Delia’s age, she is said to be 29 in Takeshi Shudo’s (original writer on Pokémon) novel that built out the world and characters of the anime.

Next, I feel like this chart helps give the vibe of what these characters relationship is (all just headcanons except for their names and ages)!

WHERE TO START:

Here’s a post I made detailing how Jessie, James and Meowth initially start living with Delia. It also goes into what each character does in this AU. Before going into the post, you might enjoy this fanfic my girlfriend commissioned! It’s based off of said post and is a more enjoyable read.

Here’s also a list of headcanons!

COMICS:

Here’s all the comics I’ve done! The order of most of them are pretty ambiguous and up in the air but I put them in the order I kinda see in my head! There are some that do take place before Jessie and Delia start dating though! Also a few comics that have several parts but the “next” and “prev” links will be in each comic. So I’ll only link the first part of those ones in this masterpost.

Pre-Relationship

Fast Food

Ophidiophobia

Whipped

Making Eyes

Hairbrush

Inquiries

Separated

First Kiss

During Relationship

Big Bed

Tattoo

Crumbs

Pet Clown

I’d Like To

Jessica

Lipstick (not a comic but some fun extra dialogue for this)

Glow

Official

Stare Down

Shovel Talk

Invisible Walls

Date Night

Face Blind

One Motto Away

Babygirl

Snowgasboard

Delia’s Got a Cold

Mr. Jessie Ketchum

Peek-At-Chu

Hands Off Pikachu!

Wine Nights with James

Beauty and the Beach

Turning Point Arc

Sunscreen

Where Do Babies Come From

Head Scritches

Love Life

Ugly

Ace Trainers

Pikasitting

Mother’s Day

Father’s Day

Gift for Delia

Gift for Jessie

Jessilina Fan

Crossdressing

Type

Hickeys

Journey Arc

Tone

Cooking Twerp

Son

Cooking Advice

Serperior Facts

Cassidy’s Cabin Arc

Father/Son Bonding

Uniform

Hand-Me-Downs

Glasses

Study Help

Happy Valentine’s Day

Wrapped

Daddy Daughter Double Battle

Splinter

Married Life

Wedding

Arbok/Weezing Reunion

Snake Eyes

MISC DRAWINGS:

I’ll update this with links to my other miscellaneous drawings later! 

FAQ:

What does "Hanamusa" mean?

Hanamusa is a combination of Delia and Jessie's Japanese names, Hanako and Musashi respectively.

When does this AU take place?

It takes place sometime after the Mezase Pokémon Master/To Be a Pokémon Master series. So all the events that happened in the series, unless retconned within the series, happened. Ash is 10 at the start of the comics.

What's the status between Jessie, James, Meowth and Giovanni/Team Rocket?

Not great terms since they were fired, but also not the worst terms. Giovanni just let the three of them go without any further issues. I will say that I've always loved the theory that Giovanni keeps Jessie specifically around because of her parentage and he as a soft spot for her that he keeps a secret. I feel like Matori was the one that got the three of them fired and Giovanni wasn't able to make an excuse for them this time (without showing nepotism/special treatment) so he was forced to let them go.

If you headcanon Delia as a lesbian, how did Ash come to be?

Delia was young when she had Ash and I hc that she just didn’t really explore her sexuality much! I myself didn’t realized I liked women until I was 18 and didn’t know I liked ONLY women until like 2 years ago. She got married, had a baby and realized after her husband left that she liked women (trans people exist obviously but I’m also interpreting Ash’s father as a cis man).

Who do you think Ash’s dad is?

I don’t know and I don’t really care to explore it. I’m going off of the novel interpretation that he’s just a deadbeat that left to be a trainer, failed and never came back because of the shame. He’s not important.

Isn’t Giovanni Ash’s dad?

That’s a common misconception that people remember wrong from the Pokémon Live show. Delia mentions she dated Giovanni but then left him and his gang after meeting Ash’s father. I also don’t consider the live show canon personally! I follow The Birth of Mewtwo timeline where Madame Boss founded Team Rocket.

Do you think Delia and Giovanni dated at least?

Nah, I think he’s too old for her? I always got the vibe from The Birth of Mewtwo that he was quite a bit older than Jessie and it’d be sus if he was dating Delia when she was married to, and had a child with her husband at 18/19. He’s a bad guy but not a BAD guy.

You mentioned you still ship Jessie and James. Why not make a Jessie, James, Delia polycule?

I have a few reasons I’ve mentioned before! 1. I’m in super deep with this AU already and I feel it’d be very confusing for casual viewers of my stuff if James was added into the relationship haha. 2. I’ve drawn Jessie and James together since 2011 and took this AU as an opportunity to try my hand at writing them as queer, platonic besties bc I love that interpretation of them a lot as well. 3. I’m not poly myself and the way I write this ship is largely based off of my experiences with my girlfriend. I just know I’d favor the Jessie/Delia of it all which isn’t fair and not a good interpretation of a poly relationship. All that said, I DO super enjoy seeing peoples’ poly headcanons and art!

Who does James end up with in this AU?

No one. He's aroace and is happy to be single

Do Jessie and James have all their Pokémon in this AU

I think they have all the Pokémon that they did by the end of Mezase Pokémon Master (all their Pokémon that were left at HQ). Most of their released Pokémon have stayed released and the Alola Pokémon are still in Alola. I bring back Arbok and Weezing post-Jessie and Delia getting married. I may bring back Chimecho, Growlie and Cacnea if I think of an idea I like!

What are Meowth and James up to in this AU?

Hop back to the top of this post under the "Where to Start" section. All your questions will be answered.

Does Ash travel with anyone at this point of his life?

I don't have anyone in particular in mind! I could see him making new friends (Nemona???) or traveling with different combinations of old friends. Like him, Misty and Goh, him, Dawn and Cilan, him, Serena and Lillie etc.

Will Delia ever get over her phobia of snake Pokémon

Not fully! I think overcoming fears is fine and good but I think real PHOBIAS are much harder to get past and I don't want to cheapen it. She slowly gets used to Jessie's Seviper specifically and gets to the point where she can pet it comfortably with Jessie in the room. But otherwise, still scared and would need that same amount of time per Pokémon

Is Jessie gaining weight or is it just me?

Not just you! Jessie puts on a bit of relationship weight overtime as you'll see in the later comics in the timeline. Jessie grew in poverty, never knowing when her next meal would be and that continued into her life as a Team Rocket member. Once she was able to settle down (with a woman who runs her own restaurant no less) she's able to live a healthier lifestyle with regular meals and puts on some weight because of that.

Does Jessie ever feel self conscious about gaining weight?

Nope! She feels happier and healthier and hotter. She's also unreasonably excited to clear out her old clothes and get a new wardrobe.

Would Jessie and Delia ever have kids together or adopt?

Nah, Ash is enough for them! I have come up with hypothetical kids for them but they're not canon to this AU. Just a fun little thing for me.

Will you ever put this on webtoon?

Nah. People mostly ask me this because they want to read everything in the order of the timeline but to my knowledge, you can’t reorder chapters or installments which would defeat the purpose. I also don’t think nintendo fan stuff would fly there. Also, also it’s just extra work and another place to upload and I want to keep this all fun for myself~

#hanamusashipping #hanamusa #hanamusa comic #master post

[tarotphlow]

Astro observations 6

🃏Libra Mercuries are easy to pinpoint in conversation because they usually reply with phrases like: that’s fair, that makes sense, understandable,

🃏 Jupiter in cancer is weird, cause like it’s exalted and everything, but the most exalted thing about them is an obsession with religion/ spirituality.

🃏 I feel like Saturn in Gemini get annoyed really easily with their father not understanding things if that makes sense.

🃏 if your Neptune is in retrograde you may be less likely to have an addictive personality

🃏 I’m once again, here to talk about Pluto in the 12H. 12H is such an interesting house it just somehow seems to embody everything else in the other houses somewhat. Anyways though, I’m beginning to realize this placement is a master at manifesting things, understanding the manifestation process is… well a process, but once they fully understand it’s intricacies it becomes sooooo incredibly easy for them, they may have manifested stuff without realizing it!

🃏 Jupiter in the 7H natives can manifest the properties of the placement in a couple of ways, Lots and Lots and LOTS of relationships (this placement can be an indicator of a playa highkey highkey 🤭) or being with people on the ✨bigger ✨end orrrr marrying into wealth! Yet again, it could also be a mix of the three.

🃏 Having Mercury at 6° in a natal chart can indicate a speech issue like stuttering or so.

🃏 Sun sextile Pluto can mean that your an old soul, or you’ve lived a different life before!!

🃏lastly, if the audience has noticed I’ve been studying degrees recently in my free time, I’ve been looking at a specific degree recently that has caught my attention, and that’s the 2°. The zodiac sign Taurus rules that degree and it’s such a powerful degree to have in your chart, if you have it, consider yourself blessed and lucky!🍀☺️. The 2° can show that you have near perfect or have perfected whatever placement the degree is in in your lifetime, I’ll give an example. A good friend of mine has neptune in 2°. Seeing as this degree is a sign of perfection this kid has like super omega awesome intuition, there’s a story of them talking with one of their friends about a boyfriend, the 2° native had noticed something was fishy about said boyfriend and tried to talk thier friend out of the relationship. The 2° native told their friend about how the relationship was going to go down why it was gonna go down and what time it was going to happen. Every single thing that kid said was gonna happened, happened. Down to the MINUTE. It’s insane right? It’s always so fascinating to see things like this play out in astrological terms!!! I’ve heard that placements that aren’t planets like AC, DC, IC tend to achieve great things in their lifetime so that’s also an added reason as to why this degree is so cool! I myslef have my Cap ascendant at 2° and my cancer descendant at 2° so ig something big or great is supposed to happen to me??

end of observations! I hope y’all enjoyed this one! I apologize about my inactivity recently, I’ve been like, going through it lol, life is kinda hitting hard rn so I’ve kinda gone into hermit mode a bit (guess what placement makes me like that lololol) but I’m still very happy that people appreciate these observations 🖤🖤🖤 likes and reposts are appreciated!!

Also… I have some news coming in during the next year! Stay tuned!!!

Oh also also! I now understand how replying to reblogs work now. Kinda embarrassed I didn’t realize it sooner but yea.

#astro observations #astrology #astro community #astro notes #astro placements #astro posts #astro blurbs

[illiicits]

A year and a half

Hi everyone! This is my first cod work. I’ve played the game for years mostly multiplayer but I’ve always held the call of duty games close to my heart. I just found the tumblr side of cod and can I just say these works are 🥵 and very well written. So if you write thank you so much for giving me entertainment. Secondly, this is not proof read and the idea came randomly. I may make some more parts depending on if you guys like it. I’m thinking different months and some other issues thrown in with the Y/N life. The original story was going to be just college Y/N having to wait 6 months for ghost to come back and during the time he’s gone she starts classes back up. There would be a guy who crushes massively on Y/n and he’s always breaking boundaries. (No cheating, cause ew but I love civie Y/N trope). Let me know if you guys would want more.

Warnings: mention of sexual acts (nothing graphic i don’t think, kind of sad vibes, nicknames (babygirl, princess and love), idk any other warnings lol.

Word count: 1758 (something like that).

———————————————————————————————————————

The first day:

The light filtered through the closed curtains around the edges. It was barely noticeable but it definitely was there. You turned your head to look at the clock on your nightstand reading 5am. With a small sigh you turned to look up at the ceiling staring at it.

Closing your eyes and focusing on remembering the weight and warmth of the body lying next to you. Embedding the feeling and weight of the tattooed arm laying across your bare stomach. Your pointer finger lightly tracing the tattoo.

A soft deep groan escaped from Ghost, his arm laying across your body tightened around your bare torso, pulling you closer to his body.

You’ve been with the man for awhile now, but somehow knowing he’s stark bare and his legs are tangled with yours has a warmth heating your face and down your neck.

You knew he left love marks all over your body. You could feel them pushing in your skin as a reminder of yesterday.

Last night was different than the other times. He had been different. He was desperate and angry that he was leaving you so soon after he just got back months ago.

<————————————>

He had stormed his way into the front door of your shared home. He was grumbling to himself looking through the house to find you. It didn’t take him long for him to find you snuggled into a blanket on the couch watching some tv show he no doubt will have to listen to you talk about over and over again when something exciting happened, not that Ghost minded, he loved seeing you happy and excited about something.

You startled when you noticed movement out of the corner of your eye. Ghost is always so quiet on his feet, moving in complete silence even when he’s home.

“You scared the shit out of me baby” you said giggling at yourself. “I’m sorry my love.” Ghost replied pulling the blanket away from your body as he went to sit down on the couch next to you. He tugged your wrist lightly guiding you to sit on his lap. “I’m so sorry my love” Ghost started his voice deep and sad. “I tried everything to get out of it but they need me. The team needs me.” Ghost said softly moving a fallen hair back behind your ear.

Your stomach sank at his words and you stared at your hands that sat in your lap. “How long is it for this time?” You asked softly, holding back the lump in your throat. “Yo-you just got back though, can’t they send any other team?” You questioned Ghost stuttering a little, finally looking at his face. “About a year they are guessing but could be more”. He wrapped his arms around you and gave you a little squeeze. “I don’t want you to go… I- I don’t want- please don’t go.” You started crying, choking on the words. You pleaded with him not to go. You just got him back from the last mission.

How can you do a whole year? You missed him desperately already.

“I know baby girl, I know… shhh. It’s alright you’ll be okay I promise.” Ghost tried soothing you with hushes and kisses. He held you as you cried into his arms. He hates seeing you like this. “We won’t be able to talk at all during this mission. They strictly are cutting all outside communications. No cellphones, no computers, mail, emails or anything of the sort”. You sobbed harder little hiccups leaving your lips. Ghost stared at your wet cheeks and puffy red eyes. He leaned down and kissed each eye and then your nose. “I’m sorry my beloved.”

“We won’t be able to talk about anything for a whole year?” You cried out, the reality of what it would be like without talking to him for a year… how would it affect your relationship?

Ghost and you sat on the couch for a while cuddling and watching your tv show.

Before bed the energy had shifted. You had showered and came out in one of Ghosts black shirts, the fabric ended mid thigh. You had gotten in bed and his arms instantly wrapped around you pulling your body nice and close to his. He kissed you sweetly, innocently until he got bored of it and decided to escalate the situation. He had pulled you on top of his lap kissing you deeply and rubbing his hands all over your body.

That night ghost and you made love over and over again. Sweet and slow, fast, deep and desperate. He left love marks and bruises all over your body. Something about this time was different, the sex the night before, the way Ghost carried himself, the way he talked about the mission information, at least what he could tell you. Not being able to text, call or mail him anything hurt. That was what was different. Not texting or anything at all was different. He always made a little time to talk and text at least once a week.

<————————————————————>

You sigh as he finally woke up and kiss your cheek, staring into your eyes after. He watched as your beautiful bright eyes filled with sadness and tears. The morning had dragged on as you watched from the warmth of the bed.

Your eyes followed his movements as he threw on his boxers, followed by his black cargo pants with more pockets than he actually probably needs. Eyes lingered on his hands as he looped his belt and buckled it, the loud noise sounded deafening in the quiet of the room. He threw on a long black sleeve shirt. His dog tags hung around his neck.

Ghost could feel you watching his every movement. His heart is heavy at the inevitable time where you both go to base and you say goodbye to him for the next year or more.

He hated it.

At some point his packing was done and you found yourself behind the wheel of his car. One hand on the steering wheel and the other holding his hand in a death grip. You pulled up to the base gates watching as men in gear holding guns walked around your car, one with a dog. You handed over the id and information Ghost had handed you to the gentleman. They all stood a little straighter when the guy checking the information boomed out some information. The gate had opened in front of your car, you grabbed the information saying a small quick thank you to the man, driving off and into the direction Ghost told you.

You parked and tears filled your eyes a little, but you will yourself not to cry. Trying to hold back the lump threatening to spill out from your closed lips. Ghost jumped out of the car coming around to your side and opened the door for you. He took your hand in his lacing your fingers together. As he opened the back door, grabbing his duffel bags and throwing them over his shoulder.

He looked down at you, squeezing your hand in his once, twice, three times. A silent but meaningful message to you- I love you. You squeezed his hand back tighter, one, two, three, four; four times. A silent I love you too. You walked hand in hand into the building, dreading the moment where you can no longer pass through.

Loud laughter and booming voices filled the room. Men all dressed similar to your boyfriend stood in a group all with luggage and gear of their own. You don’t remember what any of Ghost’s squad members had said to you. Their voices went in one ear and out the other, your ears were ringing loud. Heat filling your face as it reddens and tears wet your cheek.

The time had come for them to leave.

With a heavy sigh leaving Ghost lips, he turned to look at you, grabbing your forearms and pulling you tightly into an embrace as you let out a quiet sob.

Ghost held you in his embrace squeezing you tightly as his one hand cupped the back of your head and ran his rough fingers over your soft hair. Ghost lifted the mask to uncover his lips. He rests his cheek against the top of your head every so often to kiss it. “You’ll be alright, love” Ghost whispered to you. “And- and I’ll be fine too. I promise I’ll be- I’ll be safe” he promised. “As safe as I can be princess.”

His promises didn’t ease the pain and worry that was already starting to fill your head. You pulled back and looked up into his eyes. His eyes normally masked with light emotions that for strangers would be there and then gone in a flash, but with you, you could read his eyes something that bothered Ghost sometimes. Eyes locked on eyes; you stared into them, Watching the small amount of water that made his eyes glossy pool in the corner but he didn’t dare let them fall.

He was sad and he was sorry.

You knew he was, but none of the words he whispers to you and no matter how many promises he makes, nothing will change the feeling sinking into the depths of your mind, heart and stomach. You appreciated the effort though. Giving Ghost a soft smile and getting on your tippy toes to kiss him.

“I love you.” Ghost whispered against your lips while his arms wrap around your waist pulling you up off the ground and squeezing you to him.

“I love you too.” You whispered back tears falling down your cheeks making your kiss salty.

“Let’s go, Ghost!” Price yelled from down the hall. “Give her a kiss and hug from the squad too.” He yelled down the hall; Hollers and whistles followed after the 141 cheering at prices words.

Chuckling Ghost let you back on your feet, slipping his body away and grabbing his bags he discarded on the floor.

One quick kiss to your lips and cheek.

“I’ll be back in a year, love.” Ghost spoke softly, a promise lingering in the tone of his voice. “Be good, and stay safe princess.”

A smile broke through your grim expression.

“I will.” You promised.

“You better come home to me Simon Riley.” You told me.

“Always.” He replied with a wink; then he turned, tugging his bags on his shoulder and walked down the hallway towards his squad mates.

That was the start of a year and a half with out him.

#simon ghost riley x reader #ghost cod #ghost x reader #task force 141 #mw2 141 #simon ghost riley #simon ghost x reader #ghost x y/n #ghost x you #ghost mw2 #ghost x f!reader

[halsteadlover]

Just a little rant here about my personal life so feel free to skip lol

I know nobody is gonna read this and I’ll probably delete this when I’ll come to my senses but right now I feel so depressed I just need to get this out of my chest. I always felt tumblr like a safe space so here I am.

I don’t know if you remember the times where I took some time off because of anxiety and my mental health.

Lately it feels like it’s getting worse and I really don’t know what to do, I don’t know if many of you will relate (I really hope not) but it’s just like I don’t know how to be happy and I really hate it here man. I’m so tired of feeling like this, always worrying and having anxiety about something I don’t even know about. I feel so crazy sometimes you know? Like there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m honestly so grateful for the things god gave me. I’m healthy, I have a loving family (even if sometimes they’re overbearing to the point of crazy), I get to study for my dream job, I have a bf that puts up with my ass, friends even if few of them, there’s nothing wrong there are so many worse things people go through and I don’t even have to right to rant about any of this. So why do I feel like I don’t deserve any of this?

I have such deep trust issues it’s ruining my life and relationships, I don’t know why. I hate myself and I sometimes think I don’t deserve to be loved, I’m not that speciale and I’m so damn insecure that every good thing that happens in my life I can’t help but think it’s gonna fade in a minute, that something bad might happen, that I’m so easily replaceable.

Sometimes I truly think that if I disappeared no one would notice or miss me, I thought about doing it but I’m so damn scared. I don’t know where this is coming from, maybe the bullying had something with it I don’t honestly know but I’m so tired of feeling like this.

Why can’t I just love me? Why can’t I enjoy a single good thing that happens to me? Why do I keep sabotage myself by thinking I don’t deserve any happiness and it’ll soon fade away?

For example, these last two days I took three different exams and even though I’m relieved I can’t help but think I’m such a failure, that my parents are so disappointed in me for taking so long to finish a degree I was supposed to finish years ago.

I had an anxiety attack yesterday morning while I was with my bf and I sobbed for hours while he held me but if you ask me what triggered it I wouldn’t know how to answer you.

Why am I like this? Why am I not normal?

It’s just a bit of everything and I honestly don’t know what to do.

But please don’t judge me. I’m aware these “problems” are nowhere serious like some others and I’m so sorry for being so dramatic it’s just… I don’t know guys, I just want to be happy, to feel loved without actually thinking about the worst.

Am I soo pretentious? Do I sound so ungrateful? Complaining about these things when I have everything some people unfortunately dream of? I don’t want to sound like that and I feel so guilty about having these thoughts.

I know you’ll think I’m an attention seeker, fishing for compliments or things like that, I’ve been told that before here and I’m so sorry if it seems that way but trust me it’s the opposite of that. I’m telling this here because I guess it’s easier behind the screen, when no one knows you and can really judge you, but I also thing you’ll judge me anyway but at least it was good for me to let this out.

If someone reads this I hope you won’t think of me any less, and if you’re feeling something like this too I’m so sorry and if you want to talk my inbox and DMs are ALWAYS open for you guys, I’m here even if it takes me some time to answer.

Sorry if something doesn’t make any sense, I didn’t even read this back I’m just cried my eyes out while writing this post and now I have a headache. At least I hope the sleeping will be good lmao.

But tomorrow will be better, I’m sure of this.

[charmedreincarnation]

to the last anon, how i wish i had the same problem as yours😭 i’m not ridiculing you at all. I’m so happy that you entered the void and i hope after charm’s answer you realise how fun it is to be, where you are. You can be anywhere, everywhere. (totally didn’t steal that from a movie lol)

If you end up seeing it, and if you don’t mind, can you tell us how did you tap in?

I know it’s useless to vent and i know no one can physically do it for me. I know only i have the power to change my life. I promise you if you were to quiz me im your A plus student on paper. All my life i have been that. When it comes to practical things, i am terrified. I won’t go into my story but charm, how do i explain to you that i know everything there is to know. I truly believe that if i desire something then i’m meant to have it.

I don’t want to sound corny but i have always prayed to God asking for a “do-over” because the mistakes i made were hella silly but drastically changed my life and mind you, i used to specify the fact that i don’t want to start a new chapter in this book. I actually, truly want like a “new book” if it makes any sense. I want to be a drastically different person. I always prayed for it even though i knew just how crazy and illogical it sounded (if i were to tell anyone about it)

And guess what? i found out about the void. I couldn’t believe my eyes. God listened to me. I have the ingredients now. I can’t beg him to bake the cake for me. I want to do it myself but i genuinely wonder why i haven’t been able to tap in yet. (I have been “seriously” trying countless times, i persist in the knowing i’m here for a reason and i’m meant to have my dream life) I know anything is possible.

Coming to my technical issue:

I affirm, focus on my breathing. I feel the symptoms. I get this intense pressure around my third eye. I feel like i’m floating, my head is spinning. I twitch a little (not a lot, i used to, but luckily i manifested them away) Sometimes i visualise i’m in the water, floating. When that doesn’t help or gets distracting, i just focus on the black in my eyes. I get to this stage and i think i know i am already in but i never am. I persist at least for an hour but nothing.

(This was my spiral era that used to happen a lot. I don’t do this anymore)

I think after the one hour mark, i get impatient i’ll be honest. I feel beaten because i did “everything” right so why didn’t i make it. I spiral. I get myself together and try again. I remind myself i’m god and again, I get to the symptoms part and i just stay there. Like i am stuck on the same floor and can’t make it to the rooftop (if i were to explain this in layman’s terms)

I cannot go on like this anymore. I can’t wake up in the same bed tomorrow. I don’t want to. I know i am not doing anything wrong when i attempt for the void. What do i do😔

You’re doing everything right, but I’ve learned that even better than discipline is just natural fulfillment . I actually changed my mind when I say discipline is better than motivation. I still agree with that statement but even better than that is just feeling happy doing what you do. No one is forcing you to meditate for hours if it just makes you angry by the end of it. I also personally hate meditations and only do it for basic breathing practices, but I have stuck to intention, daydreaming, and scripting, and trying other methods out of curiosity, such as the void.

But babe, It should feel natural and not forced. You shouldn’t be doing anything you wouldn’t be doing if you didn’t know about the law. You’re just reminding yourself you’re trying to get something which isn’t the goal. you just want to feel what it would be like to have those desires and receiving it in the 3D is a nice bonus :)) go back to the beginning, start from there and then apply the law. You should feel free, or (maybe feel “apathetic”, it’s different from everyone.) but if you’re feeling stress it’s because you’re doing what you think you should be doing, not what you want to do. You understand the law which you emphasized so you know you’re okay and everything is yours. Why would you give yourself stress knowing that and knowing anything you do (even if that’s nothing if you so desire) will work out in your favor.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #my asks

[chickensarentcheap]

Fandom: Extraction/John Wick crossover

Pairing: Esme Drummond and John Wick (platonic)

Face claims: Rachel Bilson and Keanu Reeves (obviously lol)

@tragiclyhip @munstysmind @themaradwrites @thebejeweledwatercat @youflickedtooharddamnit @secretaryunpaid @kmc1989 @karimac @asirensrage @residentdormouse @alisbackalleybbq @theesirenteller @ninjasawakenedmystar @mrsmungus

AFTER THE CUT:

Smiling, she raises her mug to her lips. “I’ll say it again, Jonathan; you’re a really good friend.”

“And about what you brought up…the whole ‘business proposal’ that never was…”

“Let’s not revisit that, okay? It’s not one of my finer moments. It was humiliating as hell. I’m still embarrassed. All these years later.”

“I didn’t say no because I was against it. In theory. Had it been another place, another time, another life, I would have gladly helped out.”

“I can’t believe I ever thought it was a good idea. Recruiting a friend to help out like that. I know I always wanted to be a mom, but…”

“I was flattered. That I was at the top of your list. And had things been different…had our lives been different…I wouldn’t have thought twice about going along with it. I just wanted you to know it was never about you; why I said no when you brought it up. It wasn’t because I was disgusted or thought less of you for asking. And I know you’ve probably thought it for years. That you were out of line.”

“I was, though. I was completely out of line. It’s a crazy thing to ask of someone. But thank you; for setting my mind at ease. It’s nice to know I wasn’t the issue. At least not in a bad way.”

“It wasn’t a good situation. With both of us being caught up in this life. Even if you’d walked away, I still would have been knee-deep in it. And that isn’t who you would have wanted to have a kid with. Someone like me. All the enemies I’ve made. That’s why I said no. Because you deserved so much better than that. Better than me. And I knew that guy was out there. Somewhere.”

“What’s the saying? ‘All’s well that ends well’? Had we gone that route, I never would have met Tyler. Which means I wouldn’t have Millie. And I wouldn’t give her up for anything. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Aside from her dad, of course.”

“And as far as this being a good friend? Being there the other night, all the help I’m giving now. I guess in a way, I feel owe you.”

“Not The High Table stuff again. I thought we agreed; it’s all water under the bridge.”

“I was thinking of something more important. More…personal.”

Esme smiles up at him. “Helen.”

Wick nods

She returns to looking at the window, drink clutched in both hands as fingernails repeatedly tap against the porcelain of the mug. “She was one of a kind.”

“She certainly was.”

They’d met in a coffee shop in Brooklyn, strangers living in nearly identical brownstone apartment buildings within a block and a half from one another. Two women living very different lives; Helen, a famous and world-renowned photographer, and Esme, only six months into working under The High Table. Frequenting the same cafe twice daily, their busy schedules, sought-after skills, and expertise had made anything more than warm smiles in greeting and simplistic, minor chit-chat impossible. But they had been paying attention; learning each other’s standing orders and one often treating the other. A rather simple gesture that means so much; signifying a door left open when it came to a potential friendship.

Fate intervened three months into ‘knowing’ one another; both finding themselves at the receiving end of some well-deserved downtime. An extremely rare occurrence of clear schedules that allowed them to stop, breathe, and take in the world around them. Helen was already seated when she’d spotted Esme stepping through the front door; calling out a greeting and then flashing that brilliant smile before gesturing to the various offerings on the table. It had been the start of something so beautiful; both surrounded by the sea of humanity that ruled over New York City, yet never feeling more alone. And they’d spent hours in that cafe; drinking countless cups of tea and coffee, sampling various desserts, and lamenting about ‘single girl life’ in The Big Apple. There’d been o talk of their respective careers; instead, they’d chatted about their hometowns and large yet fractured families.

After that, they’d prioritized meeting every morning, whether at the cafe, each other’s favourite breakfast spots, or even for jogs through Central Park. Helen quickly became not only her best friend, but a sister figure. Only four years separated them, but at times Helen had seemed so much older; wise, learned, brimming with positivity and always prepared with the perfect advice for any situation. Ad she’d been more of a sibling to Esme than any of her blood relatives had ever been; suffering through even her very early years with five older brothers that lived to torment her.

“I think about her all the time,” Esme swallows around the lump of emotion sitting square in her throat. “Even now, after all these years. She was my first friend…my ONLY friend...here. Outside of the circle, anyway.”

“It’s hard. Making any connections beyond all this. Most people…regular people…wouldn’t understand. Why we do what we do.”

“I’m right in the middle of it all and most of the time I don’t even understand it. And I know it sounds horrible; to say I’m at least glad she was gone before I left the city and moved to Prague. Had she been alive, I don’t know if my heart could have taken it. Saying goodbye.”

“She thought very highly of you. Always had something amazing to say about you. She valued your friendship. She would tell me that you were the sister she never had. Say how she would have given up all four of hers for one of you.”

“She was an incredible woman. Just so beautiful and so talented. And she was so perfect for you. You were perfect for EACH OTHER.”

“And that’s why I feel like I owe you. Because you were the one that brought her into my life. I got a chance at normal because of you.”

“It was merely a blind date. I just thought you’d be good together. And you were. You were so good.”

“Helen was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never thought I’d get away from this life. I thought it would always be ‘live by the gun, die by the gun’’. It never occurred to me that I could have anything more than that. Or that I even deserved to.”

“You sound so much like Tyler. The number of times he used to question the same thing; whether or not he deserved having me in his life. When really, it’s always been me that hasn’t deserved him. And considering five years ago…what I did to him…how badly I hurt him…I honestly don’t. I don’t deserve him. He should hate me. Not want anything to do with me. Yet here he is.”

“He loves you. Just as fiercely as he did back then. If not more. And there’s an extra layer to that now. You’ve made a human being together. He’s a dad again. How could he ever hate you? You’re the mother of his child. You talk about Millie being the greatest gift you’ve ever been given? I bet he’s thinking the same thing.”

#Tyler and Esme series #Lost and Found #Extraction/John Wick cross over

[heyiwrotesomethings]

Trust

ShinoMitsu Week 2023 Day Five

A/N: This one was hard to write until it wasn’t. The worst part was trying to come up with an idea and I was even iffy writing about ice skating as I ultimately decided to do because I know basically nothing about it, but watching some stuff on YouTube helped lol. Thanks for reading! Word Count: 1,094

Their coach had stepped away from the rink to take an important phone call, leaving Shinobu and Mitsuri to their own devices. They had just won a pairs skating event yesterday and were still riding the high. Despite their overwhelming victory, practice was held the next day as usual. No time to celebrate or relax when you are trying to make the Olympics. However, with their coach distracted, Shinobu convinced Mitsuri to goof around a little bit.

“Come on, he’s not going to know.” Shinobu singsonged, skating backwards around Mitsuri. She held her arms outstretched and wiggled her fingers at her skating partner and girlfriend enticingly.

“We should really be doing drills…” Mitsuri weakly refuted, yet she took Shinobu’s hands on her next loop around, joining her in a slow spin.

“What’s Tomioka going to do? We’re his star pair. We succeed even though he’s quite lacking as a coach. I think we earned a little time to just skate without the intention of perfect precision for a minute, don’t you? Like when we were kids.”

Mitsuri recalled where they started from years ago and smiled fondly. They had nearly grown up on the ice of this very rink. The memories they had here could not be replaced for anything. They even shared their confession and first kiss behind the bleachers after a passionate routine that left their feelings bare with the moves they executed. Subtle movements and expressions that only they could correctly interpret.

“Okay, just a minute though.”

They swayed and swirled together, hands interlocked, gazing at each other with boundless love and devotion.

“I want to try something,” Shinobu suddenly spoke, “Be my partner?”

“Always.” Mitsuri cocked her head to the side, “But what is it?” She didn’t trust the gleam in Shinobu’s eye.

“I want try a headbanger and then get raised up into a Detroiter. Wouldn’t that be exhilarating?”

“What? No!” Mitsuri gawked.

“But we never get to do those in competition. When else would we be able to give them a try?” Shinobu asked, almost pouting.

“We don’t do those in competition because they’re banned moves, Shinobu! And for good reason, you could get horribly hurt!”

“Oh Mitsuri,” Shinobu sighed, “If you had half of the trust I have in you, you’d believe you could do anything.”

“This isn’t a confidence issue, it’s just a common sense safety concern.”

“So you think you could swing me around and then pop me up over your head successfully, but you still won’t do it?”

“Well, yeah! You weigh nothing to me, I’ve thrown and lifted you a billion times before. But even if I think I can do it, I wouldn’t want to run the risk hurting you.”

“Please, Mitsuri?”

“Nope, not doing it.” Mitsuri stuck her nose up and Shinobu hummed, shrugging her shoulders.

“Then I guess I’ll ask Kyoujirou when he comes to practice tomorrow. I bet he would give it a try.”

“Eh?!” Mitsuri shook her head, “You can’t!”

“Why can’t I? I’m in the prime of my life. This is something I would like to do before I’m too old. I’d rather do it with you, but if you don’t want to—“

“Fine!” Mitsuri cut her off, dragging her closer as if she was worried Kyoujirou would suddenly pop in and steal Shinobu away, “Okay, I’ll do it!”

Shinobu suppressed a smug smile. Mitsuri was a very sweet and easy going girl, but when it came to skating, she couldn’t stand the idea of Shinobu skating with someone else. It was the one thing she simply could not compromise on.

However, Shinobu didn’t want to manipulate Mitsuri into doing something she truly didn’t want to do. She only meant to tease her a bit.

“I’m only teasing, Mitsuri. I won’t ask him. Kyoujirou only does singles anyway so it probably wouldn’t end well.”

Mitsuri still wore a pensive expression and after a moment, Shinobu felt the grip Mitsuri had on her waist tighten.

“Mitsuri?”

“Engage your core.”

Shinobu asked no further questions and simply grinned, letting Mitsuri spin her around the ice, gaining enough speed to make their hair whip around them. Shinobu took her partner’s cue and rose her leg to Mitsuri’s hip. Her hand encircled Shinobu’s ankle and when enough speed was gained, Shinobu brought her other foot off of the ice and into Mitsuri’s free hand, going stiff as a board.

It was so exhilarating, she couldn’t help but laugh, not even blinking when her nose came within inches of the ice. After a handful of dizzying spins, Mitsuri suddenly let go of Shinobu’s left ankle, but she did not panic, staying rigid as Mitsuri took hold of her right arm on the upswing.

Shinobu caught the determined look of concentration on Mitsuri’s face when she was flipped into a bridal carry and then hoisted above her head to rest briefly on Mitsuri’s shoulders behind her neck while her hands moved meticulously to find a better grip, all the while they still spun, scraping several rings into the ice.

Then Mitsuri lifted Shinobu clear over her head and when the speed was right, she briefly lowered one hand, spinning Shinobu over her head with but a single arm. When she began to slow, she brought her other hand back, dropping Shinobu back down to her chest into a bridal carry once more and finally slowing to a stop, breathing heavily, windswept, rose-y cheeked and matching Shinobu’s grin. Shinobu rose her hands up to cup Mitsuri’s face and lightly stroked her cheeks with her fingers.

“I knew you could do it. That was incredible. You are incredible. Thank you.”

“You bring it out of me.” Mitsuri murmured, nuzzling her forehead against Shinobu’s.

“You’re supposed to be doing drills.” A monotonous voice drawled.

“Come on, Coach,” Shinobu sighed, “Let us live a little. This is why people don’t like you very much.”

Giyuu blinked once slowly, stone faced. Then he pointed at the couple, “Drills. Now.”

Before Shinobu could retort against the poor man, Mitsuri kissed her quickly, then brought her back to her feet.

“Come on, Shinobu! We only have an hour before open skate and I want to practice more lifts and didn’t you want to practice the toss into a triple salchow?”

Shinobu knew an attempt to distract when she saw one, but she chose to give Giyuu some slack. Mitsuri had just done her a huge favor anyway, the least she could do was follow her lead now. She took Mitsuri’s hand and kissed her palm.

“Whatever you’d like my dear.”

#demon slayer oneshots #kny oneshots #shinomitsuweek2023 #shinomitsu #shinobu x mitsuri #shinobu kochou #shinobu kocho #mitsuri kanroji

[esotheria-sims]

Sims Tag

Got tagged by the fabulous @deedee-sims - thank you! 🤗 Throwing in a random in-game pic because I can.

1. What’s your favourite sims death?

Hum, tough one. I guess being struck by lighting is pretty cool, not that I get to see it that often. Also being hit by a satellite, but I’ve literally never seen it happen in my game unless I cheat.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Alpha, obviously. Although I prefer to call my style ‘semi-realistic’.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?

I used to, but now I’m like, nah. Let those sims have some meat on their bones!

4. Do you use move objects?

All the time, bruh.

5. Favorite mod?

If I only had to pick one, then Gunmod’s radiance lighting. Picked based on the fact that it’s always the first mod I get whenever I have to reinstall.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?

I think it was Nightlife? But my PC from back then was so weak that I couldn’t get the EP to work at all, save for a couple outfits that were randomly showing up in CAS.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?

Been pronouncing it ‘aLive mode’ ever since I started simming. I never even knew there was a debate about it until I saw a post on simblr some years ago.

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

What, just one? D: I have a bunch of faves, and you can probably tell who they are by the fact that they crop up in every new iteration of my game.

9. Have you made a simself?

Never, nor do I plan to! Having a sim version of myself in the game would just feel weird.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself?

I don’t know them all by heart and I’m too lazy to google 'em, so pass. xD

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?

I wouldn’t say that I necessarily have a favorite, but I noticed a lot of my sims tend to have black hair.

12. Favorite EA hair?

Imma go with hairshortcombed solely based on the fact that I don’t have a burning urge to replace it the second I see it in my game.

13. Favorite life stage?

Adults, duh. And teens. They’re pretty fun too.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

I do a bit of everything, but I definitely lean more towards gameplay, especially since starting my BaCC.

15. Are you a CC creator?

Yep! Got my own cc tag and everything! 🙂

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad?

I want to think so! ^^

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4)

Sims 2 all the way, babey!

18. Do you have any sims merch?

Nah

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims?

Nah

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I think it’s gotten more consistent? I’ve been trying to find a balance between realistic and cartoony cc to maintain that elusive ‘semi-realistic’ look that I’m so fond of, and I like to think that I have a pretty good grasp on it now, after so many years of simming.

21. What’s your Origin ID?

Never had one, lol.

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?

One favorite cc creator? BRUH. I have a 10GB downloads folder, and you better believe every creator whose cc is in there is my favorite! 🤣

23. How long have you had a simblr?

11 years! Golly, has it really been that long?

24. How do you edit your pictures?

By offering a blood sacrifice on a full moon. Nah, kidding. No blood is spilled during my editing process, though it does feel that way sometimes, considering how effin' long it takes me to iron out all the small kinks that annoy me about my screenshots. I kinda hoped having a dedicated photoshop action would help, but it only speeds up the process so much, unfortunately. :(

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?

For Sims 2? Dunno man. Maybe a higher-res remake with all existing EPs/SPs and all known issues ironed out. Which is probably never gonna happen, but a girl can dream, right?

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far?

I’m partial to Apartment Life because it introduced witches, one of my favorite supernatural life states!

I’m tagging: @blackswan-sims @eleysims @episims @rudhira @ho3sferatu @analog-mothman @nervosims @frauhupfner @mrs-mquve-cc and @gphoenixsims! But feel free to ignore! ^^

#tag meme #meme #sims 2 #ts2 #sims #bacc #wyverns bay extras #wb townies #charlie o'donnel #mine

[bitegore]

I’ve been wanting to get a cane for a good while now, but something in the back of my mind just feels weird about it in a way I can’t quite kill off. I have broad pectus excavatum, which compresses my heart and lungs to a certain degree. This affects my tolerance for exercise and makes me exhausted from simple things like getting up and using stairs. Doctors say that my heart isn’t compressed enough to have a tangible effect on my day-to-day life, but I still feel like it does. And my sister gets on my case for even speculating about having a disability that I haven’t been diagnosed with because she fried herself on Reddit r/fakedisability discourse and thinks I’m doing it for attention, so I don’t even know what her reaction would be to getting a cane. I guess I just don’t feel disabled enough for a mobility aid, even though intellectually I know that I can do whatever I want forever… I’m worried its some form of internalized ableism that I’ll have to unpack, lol. Idk, can you relate? Do you need to get a cane from a medical professional?

-

Ah, I can't say I relate - my issues are very, very different - but I know for a fact you can get a cane in places like Walgreens and CVS (and if you're outside the US, likely at other pharmacy type convenience stores as well). You'll have to pay out of pocket for them and they're not custom-made for your issues, but my mom bought one from CVS when I was a kid and it helped her out when she had issues with her ankles. So that's one issue down.

I would say to ignore your sister + if she can't mind her fucking business you can always lie and say a doctor or some other medical professional or w/e told you you could get it if you thought it'd be helpful. But I really don't think her response should be... idk, relevant? Like you said, she's fried her brain on r/fakedisability and anything she says is going to be unhelpful and stupid.

"Disabled enough for a mobility aid" is. How do I put this. There is no such thing as 'disabled enough' for a mobility aid to Society, the message is always that you can try harder unless you literally cannot move at all and if you have even the slightest amount of mobility you shouldn't use a mobility aid at all. So it's a losing game no matter what. Instead I figure if you think it'll help you, get a cheap cane and find out how to adjust it to fit you, see if it'll help, and if it doesn't help then like idk see if you can give it to someone who'll need it. You'll never know if you don't try and you'll never satisfy the question if you don't find out, I figure. If you don't have the funds for it then that's irrelevant but a bunch of these are like, $25, that seems about reasonable to me.

I don't think I'm really the guy to ask about this, but like, idk I am on the "do whatever you want forever" train and it sounds like this is something you at least want to try. So I think you should try it. And if it works out then you should probably look into getting a real deal cane that is actually suited for you and won't hurt your hands or wrists, because I know that can be an issue with the cheaper canes, but then you'll be able to have an easier time with walking and stuff, and if it doesn't work out then you know it's not what you need.

#submission #red replies

[craftmausoleum]

last night i took apart this GINORMOUS 7 panel maxi skirt that has been sitting in my closet for at least 6 years. i have a vision for this fabric, a vision i need to bring into the real world…but i cannot for the life of me find an existing pattern.

using pictures from some Kibbe body test thing (i guess i am a dramatic classic, but i didn’t need a test to tell me this ;p) i tried to sketch it out + create a visual guide of my own measurements.

the issue here, and an issue i’ve always had, is my shoulders. i have sharp, broad shoulders, though this is concealed by the fact that im not particularly muscular. i like this element of my shoulders, as it suits my height!

but simultaneously, i have round shoulders. no matter how straight im standing, my shoulders are just at an angle. i think the fact that i have scoliosis in two places contributes to this. they quite literally cannot be straightened.

this has been both a figurative and literal sore spot for me, and has always called the shots regarding what clothes i wear. i want to learn how to make this blouse, because maybe i can finally feel comfortable wearing pretty shirts/dresses THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING FIT!!! AND I DONT HAVE TO FEEL LIKE CRYING!!!!! lol

if anyone has tips…or like…words of encouragement…thoughts insight words of wisdom…hit my line 🫰🤌👌🫶

#sewing #personal-sewing #pattern drafting #posture check #attempting to tag with intelligence #vintage sewing

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi! I’ve read a lot of your posts, especially your ones about the inferior functions which was really informative to me. (Thank you!). I am fairly sure that I am an XSTJ type. I was wondering if you could give your insight on which one you think is more likely? I can’t figure out the order of the functions but I think I use Si Te Ne and Fi. Sorry this is kind of long.

For background on my Fi section - I have recently had some problems in a workplace — bullying/unsafe practice/poor management. It escalated and fell apart in a big way (I got screwed over basically lol) and I eventually made the tough decision to leave for my own well-being. I had been involved with the company for 2 years and gave everything I had to that company. It was my dream job and I worked so hard for it. And I worked so hard for my degree too. My friends and family and even colleagues told me it wasn’t my fault and they would’ve quit too and they told me I handled it well. I feel like I defined myself on my work. I was so proud of my … success? I guess. I don’t even know.

This first part I have this sort of recurring issue in my life where something goes wrong at work for example and I start feeling this way when normally i’m fairly level headed and ambitious. I think it’s Fi, and maybe inferior? I thought I was an ISTJ but your description of inferior Fi really landed with me lol.

It’s like I’m having some sort of existential crisis. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or maybe I never did. I question everything about myself. I am trying so hard to figure out what matters to me and I can’t. I don’t know where to go in life. I’m so emotional for no reason. I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I’m pushing my friends and family away because I’m embarrassed that I had to leave my job. I’ve isolated myself from everyone. I feel so irritable all the time and I hate it. I feel like I failed.

People close to me have told me I need to stop being so hard on myself but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m wasting my time and my life by being so emotional. It’s so incredibly frustrating. It’s not like me, usually I bounce back and try again but this has really shaken me up. I feel like I should ‘follow my heart’ so I can be happy and fulfilled but I don’t even know what I want and I’m wasting time trying to decide, the more time passes the more restless I feel. I’m so scared of getting old and dying with regrets about the way I’ve lived my life. I think I’m also scared of not being able to make my family proud or make myself proud. I’m so torn and lost. I don’t know how to stop defining myself and my worth on like … working lmao.

More generally, I think I can get stuck in patterns where I worry excessively about my values and who I really am. It happens maybe a couple times a year lmao. But I also think I usually do know my values? There are things I don’t tolerate and have no patience for and like I wouldn’t change my mind on it cos it’s one of my core values. Like, bullying/injustice/unfairness etc. So I don’t know if my Fi is inferior. I have a lot of feelings, I just usually like to avoid them but I’m getting better at dealing with them on a day to day basis, unless something happens like my work drama. I don’t share my feelings with people easily cos I don’t like feeling vulnerable. I know it’s like a necessary part of the human experience though.

When I was in my teens I went to therapy and didn’t cry in therapy for years lol. Every time I almost cried I stopped talking and pushed it down until I could continue. They always told me it’s okay to cry but I always told them I hate crying cos it makes me feel weak. I’ve grown up some since then lol and i know crying or emotion isn’t a weakness. Logically I know that and would never consider someone else weak for crying or expressing emotion. I think it’s a good thing and healthy. Still, I struggle to stop seeing it that way in myself and always beat myself up when I know I shouldn’t. It’s one of my biggest struggles in life. I do cry in front of some people now though hahaha. (And then feel v embarrassed later!) lol.

For Ne, I have a tendency to catastrophize and assume the worst. Like, if one of my family members goes out for a drive and doesn’t text me when I know they should have arrived at the destination by now. I start to think something bad must have happened to them and I start panicking.

It used to be way worse when I was younger and I did it with everything. Car trips, plane rides, being picked up late from school, etc. Maybe that’s just anxiety tho? I tend to prepare for the worst because I don’t like getting caught off guard. I’m known for being a worry-er in my family lol. I worry about everyone. I heard that like imagining multiple worst scenarios for a situation can be low/ inferior Ne.

I think I can use Ne sometimes though. I’m bad at mind mapping and stuff like that, it doesn’t come naturally but I’m good at planning holidays and coming up with ideas of places to go or things to do/see. I get excited about stuff like that, and I like thinking about the future and possibilities of things I could do. I just tend to be more focused on like my life in the here-and-now. And I have to try pretty hard to think in that big expansive mind-map way lol. I sucked at doing mind maps in school.

I think I’m maybe a Si user, because I don’t think I’d even exist without memories. Everything I do and see and experience is for and guided by my memories. Idk though that’s probably true for everyone, do individual people even exist without their memories? it’s like, what makes us unique. There’d be hardly any difference between people if it weren’t for their memories and experiences. Everything i’ve ever done, ever seen, smelled, touched, tasted or heard has made me who I am. I can’t go anywhere without being reminded of the experiences and connections i’ve had before. It’s just intrinsic to who I am. Part of the reason I love music is just the way it can bring you back to an exact moment in time and you can relive it like you’re there. It’s the way I navigate the world I think. I know what to do because i’ve seen it before and if I haven’t then i research to figure out how. I can’t just do things with no preparation.

Te — I think it’s maybe Aux or not dominant because i find it hard to think about how I use it lol, I just do. but idk I’ll try. I rely heavily on data and facts and statistics. I won’t believe anything without proof. I won’t make a claim if I can’t back it up with reliable evidence. I care about efficiency, I like things to be done and done right lol. I often end up doing things myself in group projects and organising the work + delegating tasks to everyone else. When I was studying I organised like all the group work cos otherwise nothing got done lol. And I usually ended up editing and cutting it together at the end so I could make sure it was coherent and looked good.

I like to help my family organise their life admin stuff because I’m good at it. I plan holidays cos I’m good at it, I know how to make a plan that makes sense and works. I research where things are in relation to each other so I can make an itinerary that gets the most done each day with the least amount of time wasted on travelling from A to B etc. I was good at making step by step plans for essay writing at uni and then followed them to get it done. I love writing to do lists for myself and using schedules. I can’t work without a to do list or a schedule lol i write one like every day. Even when I had jobs where I did the same thing every day I wrote a list to keep me on track.

When my friends have their lives falling apart they usually come to me to help them with a game plan lol. Sometimes I do get overwhelmed and stressed, but I feel like in serious crisis situations I’m usually able to put aside any feelings and just get shit done. I’ve had family medical emergencies on my hands before or a loved one getting evicted before and have managed to just go into action mode and deal with the problem first and then feel however i feel about what happened a few days later lmao. Feelings get in the way in situations like that imo and there’s no time for it when shit is hitting the fan. I can be bossy sometimes in moments like that but usually apologise later and people understand that I was just dealing w the problem at hand lol and my bossiness wasn’t personal.

I just thought of an example of what I think is me using Te. There was one time where I was with my mum and brother. Somehow a chemical got spilled on the tiles, was left there overnight and kinda destroyed them. My mum was like absolutely devastated and got so emotional and angry, she was blaming herself and also thinking we would have to spend a lot of money to get it fixed and then regretting buying the house in the first place because it has these tiles haha like she was so upset, my brother was mostly just standing there looking concerned and trying to calm her down. I had no idea how to clean chemicals off that type of of tile nor what to do to fix it when it was destroyed by chemicals.

The most obvious and simple solution to me was to just google what to do and find out. (and part of me was surprised that they hadn’t done it yet lmao). So I did that, found out what kind of tiles they were and how to clean off the chemical without making it worse etc. (checked a few different sources to make sure it was reliable info) And then I told them what I’d read and suggested we try it. And then i told everyone what we needed to get and what we needed to do and the 3 of us got to work lmao. And the tiles looked sooo much better after. Everyone stopped freaking out and it was fine, we ended up having fun cleaning the tiles together lol. And then my mum and brother were like ‘good job!’ and were thanking me. I remember thinking it was kinda silly to thank me for that cos I barely did anything to be thanked for, like I literally couldn’t imagine going about that situation in any other way. it was the only thing to do that made sense.

Anyway ok I’m gonna leave it here. If you read this far thank you so much for your time. I’d be grateful for your opinion but I also understand you get a lot of asks like this so I get it if not! Thanks again!

--------------

All type assessment requests must follow the instructions on the contact page carefully. You must answer all the questions from the Function Theory Guide for every function of the two stacks you are comparing. It is especially important to address all the points meticulously when you are comparing two very similar types like ISTJ and ESTJ.

Since you didn't follow the instructions properly, the info you provided isn't enough for me to draw any firm conclusion about your type. The most I can say is that nothing you've brought up makes me doubt ISTJ. What you seem to believe is inferior Fi (grip) isn't very convincing to me so far. You also mention receiving therapy and did not specify the reason, but that would be a very important clue for determining unhealthy aspects of your function use.

About the existential crisis: There's nothing wrong with taking pride in your work. As an individual, you have the freedom to decide how much to value work among all the other things in your life. While it's important to know and honor your values, in the real world, you don't have the time, energy, or resources to value everything equally. There are no perfect decisions, no such thing as "having it all". When you choose one path, other paths become unavailable to you. Practical limitations and constraints force you into valuing some things more than others, and you have to make some difficult trade-offs in order to keep life moving forward.

Every trade-off you make will have its up and down sides. The downside to devoting so much of yourself to career is that you will be prone to feeling some form of devastation when things go wrong in that area of your life. Similarly, the stay-at-home parent who identifies too strongly with being a parent will suffer some form of devastation when the kids grow up and move out. The price of living a life fully engaged with what you're doing is feeling a sense of loss or grief when it inevitably ends.

Every trade-off you make in life has consequences. You might not feel them right away, but they will come eventually. How do you deal with them? There are a variety of possibilities:

"Diversification": Make your trade-offs wisely so that you mitigate the impact of the consequences. For example, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Have other equally valid ways of defining your identity. However, this means spreading yourself more thinly.

"Commitment": Follow through with your decisions to the very end. Take full responsibility for the trade-offs you make, which means fully embracing the consequences incurred. In other words, accept the reality of your situation and keep moving along.

"Change": Perhaps the devastation was a sign that you need to do things differently or make different choices. Enact the change that is required to avoid suffering the same sort of devastation again.

"Reframe": Look at your devastation from various angles. Is there a different way to find meaning in it? For example, perhaps you're blowing the situation out of proportion? The problem wasn't that you failed? The problem was you were working for a company with terrible leadership that did not allow you to flourish? Therefore, the lesson isn't to quit the work and give up your identity, but to quit the company and find a better company that truly appreciates your talent and devotion. Or start your own company with full control over how it operates.

You mention recurring issues with managing feelings and emotions. It seems to stem from a tendency to interpret situations much more negatively than is warranted, which leads you to get trapped in the most negative perspective available. The stubborn refusal to see your experiences differently even when others point out how wrong you are might be indicative of Si+Fi loop. The lack of open-mindedness, in terms of not being able to acknowledge or generate alternative viewpoints, might be indicative of inferior Ne. ESTJs are usually more mentally flexible than that and also much more willing to rationalize away their failures, which doesn't fit with your tendency to feel excessively responsible, embarrassed, and ashamed for everything.

Thus, there is compelling evidence that Te+Ne development is required for getting out of the (Si+Fi) mental trap, which suggests that your extraverted funcitons are the weaker pair. It sounds like the most logical way out of the existential crisis is to take control of your life and start a new chapter, to find a place where you can feel both fulfilled and appreciated. Are you resisting proper use of Te? If so, perhaps you need to reflect on why.

#typing #istj #auxiliary te #fi loop #inferior ne #ne grip #career #ask

[dlnj]

Damn first time I’ve actually run out of diapers since getting diagnosed with enuresis. She also said that there are day time issues as well and told me I had a doctors order for diapers as often as I need. My insurance was supposed to cover my diapers but ended up shutting down on me but it’s all good I have a source that gives me a couple of packs every couple of weeks and I’ve been buying cheap Walgreens diapers that have a whole bunch in the pack and aren’t bad for cheap-o diapers. Keeps me diapered most days. Recently I’ve really been experiencing incontinence in the form of Urge Incontinence or over active bladder and some stress incontinence which is leaking when you stretch or sneeze , cough or what have you. Me being into diapers has me fine with this , almost excited actually screw almost I am excited, I started taking a med who’s known side effect is incontinence and wouldn’t you know it I am having that side effect , but im good with having to wear diapers and the medication makes me feel normal so even if I wasn’t good with having to wear diapers I think I would end up finding a way to be good with it. Anyway any time im not wearing a diaper is a risk of having an accident and lately I’ve had several including just Friday and trust me when I say this it’s a huge one , puddles on the floor and all, if and when it happens in public im pretty sure my wife will end up demanding im never not diapered again. So maybe I should let it happen and not wear diapers??? Hmmmmm . She knows and partakes as well so im sure it wouldn’t take her much to demand it lol. Always what I wanted was to not have a choice . Always felt like I belonged in diapers my whole life. Just like some folks will feel like they were born in the wrong skin and feel better as a girl or visa versa or were born knowing they were gay …… that’s how I feel, I was born knowing I was supposed to wear diapers always . Well I suppose I didn’t know at birth cause it was just a normal thing that we were in diapers but as soon as I was taken out of diapers I knew it was wrong and wasn’t supposed to be . That I was different and was never supposed to not be diapered . Of well I guess I righted that , now im in the process of becoming permanently incontinent and 100% diaper dependent. I post updates in that often. Anyway this week will be tight , im salvaging diapers that a tab was broken off on while trying to put one on , we save those for later rather than toss them out and use tape to fix them. That way we always have something . Still going to be a wet week, probably have many pant wetting accidents and at least 2-5 nights of wetting the bed. I put myself back in diapers both because I like them and because I will either wet the bed, wake up 3 plus times a night to pee, sometimes when getting up to pee I might wake up take two steps toward the door and boom right there wet myself , or make it somewhere between the bed and the bathroom I might wet myself then too so trust me when I say this , no diapers then there is a good chance I’ll have day times accidents happen and tons of something happen at night either bedwetting or wetting my self on the way to the bathroom during one of my many middle of the night trips . Oh well just goes to show that I do need to always have diapers . I have pull-ups and guards for men I typically stuff my diaper with, have to wear briefs though , works in my diaper so maybe in a pull up. I guess time will tell, if anyone knows of any adult diaper resource let me know thanks a bunch.

#ab/dl diaper #incontinence #gay diaper lover #diapered247 #diaper dependent

[fala-alfredo-pasta]

Just a ship ask: How good of a parents do you Mikan and Kazuichi would be after they get together and how they spend time together with their kids? (and also with each other years after hope's peak)

I don’t know if it’s from the same person or not, but I’ve been getting lots of Mikan and Kaz asks/requests, and I like to believe that maybe these two are secretly popular lol. The hole in the wall type of ship. In any case—good question! I have no clue how these two would be as parents to be honest. My guess is that Mikan would absolutely do her very best and would actually very much enjoy being a mother considering how she wants and likes being depended on and well kids are very much dependent on their guardians for a big chunk of their life. She might be fussy and a little overprotective of their kid getting hurt or sick and will most definitely always have bandages and pain meds on hand. But Mikan will also be a very patient and kind mom who would try to be as attuned to their child’s needs and emotions as much as possible (she’s’ gotten a lot of practice with patients after all).

Kazuichi is a bit trickier for me to get a read on but if I had to take a shot, I’d say he too would try his best though would probably be a lot more confused about parenting and what it entails than Mikan would. Kaz means well but he does get overwhelmed somewhat easily in stressful situations (though Mikan does too so I can only imagine they’d both go straight into panic mode if they even remotely lose sight of their kiddo for a short amount of time lol). Unlike Mikan, Kaz isn’t exactly gung-ho when it comes to helping others unless it’s about something he knows (like machines but kids don’t usually have hardware/mechanical issues that need solving). He can fix a bike tire fast but will probably be anxious or confused on how to respond to the more emotional aspects of parenting like properly comforting his kiddo (given how his father was, I don’t think Kaz got much hugs or soothing words growing up but probably more of a “walk it off buddy” type of upbringing). Nonetheless, he’ll learn and will also show his love through his own means like making toys for their kid as a way to connect. In all, Mikan and Kazuichi will make their mistakes as all parents do but they’ll be just fine.

#anonymous #danganronpa #mikan tsumiki #kazuichi souda #soumiki #Gotta get some time to draw some of the requests #fala replies #a e i o queue

[fiercehildr]

Hi! I have 3 things if that’s okay!

Firstly, is it bothersome to ask why you stopped any ACOTAR blogging? Was it just to much toxicity? All good either way, still love you <3 I was just wondering. Pls ignore this if you want.

Secondly, what about ghost do you love? I love the art and such you’ve been posting even though I’ve never consumed any of that media lol

Thirdly, not a question but thanks for all the commissions you’ve posted! I love to see them (and I’m trying to read glow! It’s of course quite in demand at the library) k that’s all. Sorry to bother you!

Hi Nonnie! ♥️ Thanks for the ask! Sorry the answer might be long and trigger warnings: Traumatic events (second question)/A quick reference to s**cide (first question)

1- It’s fine, I can answer that no worries 🤗 What happened is that I realized the ACOTAR toxicity made my depression worse and constantly had me in a haze of anger as I could not really ignore everything going in that fandom, not with how deeply I was involved in it.

I was heavily bullied numerous times for liking a different fictional ship and I guess the last straw for me was when I was falsely accused of racism because of a commission of mine- never mind that the one thing they (-the usual suspects and bullies) complained about was the decision of the PoC artist I worked with and who they silenced or that their complaints actually highlighted how they automatically viewed a WoC serving tea as her being a slave.

I think we pretty much all knew that it was never our (the artist and mine) intent or that this drama was started with something else in mind. I even had numerous PoC in my asks and IG inbox telling me it was all good and that they couldn’t understand the issue at all. BUT… I was at a very low moment of my life, my mental health was extremely bad and I did a massive panic attack which was quickly followed by some pretty bad s**cidal thoughts where I almost did something really bad.

That’s when I decided to stop everything and after a 4 months long break from the internet and social medias, I came back but with not much love for ACOTAR anymore. I do not find joy in anything related to this fandom. My maximum is liking pretty arts from artists I like or friends and sometimes making games with the characters in my Insta stories. But I don’t even care about the characters anymore and I even feel a certain dislike for the author, for allowing us all to suffer this shitwar for the sake of her mental health. I know that, PERHAPS, the issue is more complicated than that from her side but I consider that my anger is justified anyway.

Will I come back at some point and rewrite posts and theories about the characters etc? Hopefully, but I’m fine in my little bubble right now. I’ll let the dogs eat their bones.

I hope I answer that first question for you and I’m sorry, I know it’s quite a long answer. 😅 I do love to hear you enjoyed my commissions! Always glad when I know they brought happiness to someone. ♥️

2- As for Ghost, funnily enough, he is not my favorite CoD character. I’d say he’s actually third on that list behind Soap and Price but he’s so aesthetically pleasing and makes for such beautiful art pieces! ♥️ I do appreciate his character though, mostly because I’m appreciative of his inner strenght. Now as you’re not familiar with the lore, to make it short, Ghost had a pretty horrible childhood, tortured by his father who was a notorious trash (like forced to kiss living snakes when he was terrified of them kind of stuff). Sadly, when he was in the army, he was also captured and tortured for month before finding his freedom again. Only to lose his mother, brother, sister-in-law and nephew to an atrocious murder. His past is basically the worst thing you could be imagining and if you’re interested in it, there is actually a comic about it you can find online. Do beware though, it’s pretty graphic.

So what I like is that even with that, he still remains level headed, tactical, and, to some extend, even kind. Seeing him develop a relationship with Soap and open up, even making jokes when he’s seen as this gigantic grumpy man, was actually a nice insight in who he really is! 🤗

Also watching plenty of tiktoks of him and Soap, even before I played the game (and I had never touched a CoD before!) helped me so much during my hard post acotar time.

There you go, I hope my answers was good enough and I do hope you get glow! If you do and read it, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts with me! 🤗

#acotar #gwynriel #ghost #cod #ghoap #ask #tagging gwynriel as I know some might wonder

[dancedance-resolution]

job & gender thoughts

i have just realized that a lot of the issues i’ve had at work regarding appearance are all just gender lol. first it was my scrubs fitting like shit, and it was resolved when emi gave me her old scrubs, “girl why were you hiding that figure!”. then my hair looking like shit bc i never do anything with it. then my lack of makeup. and today when emi asked if i wanted to be a “model” for laser leg hair removal and was astonished i turned down what is equivalent to a ~$1.5k series of services…. she asked why and i said some old catholic hang ups which is honestly fucking hilarious looking back but like. yeah. idk why it’s taken me 3 months here to connect the dots that it’s all gender lol

i do enjoy femininity in myself, and i fucking loved it when i was dating a butch. being with her made me feel so much joy and confidence with my gender and allowed me to explore femininity so much more. she’s not really relevant to this since we had broken up a month before i started this job but yeah - wait Oh i remember the point i was trying to make. so the big motivator to my thinking i was transmasc era was a reaction to how restrictive the forced femininity of existing in a catholic space felt to me. but the type of femininity forced on me back then was even very different from now. this is all appearance based, and in my old life i was allowed to not put too much effort into a feminine appearance (TO AN EXTENT) so long as i maintained other signifiers of catholic femininity.

i remember when i first started this job and emi sent out that text about how makeup etc is mandatory, i told my mom i’d quit on the spot if that was actually enforced. and i made it some principled social thing when justifying that to her lol bc even to my own self i think i hadn’t realized how gender related my opposition was.

(“ddr why does your job require makeup etc” estheticians work there and it’s essentially a beauty-making place so i understand it to an extent)

i know i’m not great at my job but i’m very fucking decent at it. i unfortunately do work quite hard. when i started i was basically just a cashier and now i am the sole ava person, sole pictures person, main phone person, and 9 times out of 10 the runner (though i am the cashier far less). i am always busy (i’ve stopped even bringing a book to work) and always working when on the clock. and emi knows this but doesn’t know this i think. today i told maddy i didn’t want to take on extra picture responsibility and i guess i/she conveyed it wrong bc then i overhear emi tell her “since when could ppl pick what to do at their job” and like first of all maddy “picks” not to do pictures or numbing bc it makes her uncomfy and i’m able to do it for her easily, and so i assumed i was allowed to “pick” not to be the picture file person bc taylor already does that as far as i know. i think i did decently explaining my actual thought process to emi but like. i feel like the difference btw how lauren is presumed competent (which she is!!!) and how i’m not presumed competent by maddy (lots of other examples of this) is very obvious to me but not emi. but maddy is emi’s source of info regarding what me and lauren do so. my mom would say i need to talk to emi directly and advocate for myself more but idk. this is just a job to me and i need to learn how to care less about what emi thinks of me as a worker lol.

but what im also getting at here - to what extent was lauren presumed competent over me bc she appears more professional. which is valid to an extent! like she is objectively more “professional” i think, but also i still don’t really understand what creates professionalism so maybe i’m wrong. but anyways - emi has had to fight me regarding my appearance etc and that’s never been the case for lauren. she has been competent appearance wise from day one, so i guess she gets subconscious presumption of competence at her job too. (which she is!! lauren is lovely and a hard worker! but objectively does way less than i do and yet maddy’s out here telling emi i don’t want to take on extra responsibility in a way that doesn’t paint me well i guess meanwhile she says to emi that lauren shouldn’t have to take on that same work bc lauren’s always busy, but she’s on her phone sometimes WHICH IS NOT A SIN TO ME but when i’m breathing wrong it’s a sin to maddy lol so. what’s going on with this lol.

so idk these are my thoughts. what have i gotten out of writing this, i need to care less about work lol. way less haha. i’m not on the clock why have i spent this long thinking about work. & also maybe i need to figure out a way to convey to emi that my lack of feminine appearance isn’t motivated by me blowing off her rule but rather is complicated and hard for me lol. idk if she’ll respect that (she certainly won’t understand it lol) so maybe i don’t but yeah