#thought id post this one aswell

[iamtheeggsnake]

“I don’t care how many times i have to go back… Its worth it for her.”

#you guys liked the last one #thought id post this one aswell #hope u like #big sad #pmmm broke me #never been the same #madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm #pmmm homura #pmmm madoka #madoka x homura #madoka magica homura #homura akemi #pmmm rebellion #blorbos #kyubey #it’s the fucking. #fuck kyubey #rat bastard

[1tsjusty0u]

i Will figure out a way to make this character arc finish in a timely manner

#the thing is this is. ‘’canon’’ to my botw au? so i dont want to au it even more if that makes sense #the problem is the calamity. i cant have them win it but id rather not continue the arc 100 years later #but well. ending it before it and then having it hit would make everything. ironic in a sense #thoufh on one hand its a bit fitting. on the other hand it just kind of pains me mentally #i might aswell do post calamity honestly. i have a thought for that and everything its just too soon i think #mghj i gotta figure out my thoughts on this whole thing (mainly about post cal in general. and also learning how toby fox makes these thi #ngs work. that makes no sense out of context. oh well

[chabooey]

Thought i give an update on myself

Thought of posting this here since less people will see this (id prefer it that way) latley ive been dealing with ilness that causes me to have a hard time breathing when i sleep which also causes small convulsions. unfortunatly currently i dont have the budget to go to the doctor nor buy expensive medicines, the only thing that mitigates my health problems is my excersice routine (though keeping at it consistantly is hard due to my depression aswell) all this is only but one of many other problems, when keeping in mind everything sometimes is makes it difficult for me to draw (though i do the best i can).

In anycase ill just hope for the best and try to keep a positive mindset.

I hope i can finish a couple of drawings i owe some people and open commissions on twitter in the future.

[suethesocks]

Max 10 Speedrun

I have not posted in over 6 months so now i need to catch up on all the ben 10 art i have not posted hueheuhe. Also have some asks which i will get to !!

Swampfire! Tried to honor the bloomed design with the collar and bright fingers even though i really hate it in the show (lol) also gave him 1 eye to represent his weak eyesight. Also the weakness i gave him about the fire burning him shouldve been a thing in the show tbh

Echo echo, tried to go for a more boomboxy vibe bc yk boomer Max. I like the idea of aliens looking extremely different while still being the same species (not a subspecies like murk and perk gourmands, thats cool too but different)

Humungo. I actually was never a big fan of him lmao, i always thought you need to do more with him than just "dinosaur" especially with that color scheme he has in the show. I got the idea to give him feathers to show the drastic change in age also bc i love chicken dinos and think they should appear more. Fun fact the power change come from what i used to think his powers worked like when i was a kid

Jeffrey!! One of my fav aliens ever. Not much about this is special just bigger with different colors. I also took a few notes from the concept art with the weirdo shaped eyes and having his body be a mantaray with legs sticking out to make him less humanoid, since ben's jetray design looks more like a man with wings than a mantaray with legs yk?

Another screenshot redraw!! This is the only other one ive done sadly, i really oughta make more screenshot redraws tbh. This one is of the scene where kevin and ben get chased by the entire frickin fbi or something for stealing a video game. I imagine in this version max chases after them and comes for the rescue

Lodestar! Never been much of a special alien. Design on the right is made by me aswell since i wanted to do my own spin on bens lodestar (basically the same just give him longer arms). Once again he has 1 eye to represent max's eyesight problems

Brainstorm! Instead of giving him specially weaker eyesight i made his shell cover his eyes as the way to visually represent that (as well as the classic squinty eyes i have going on for each alien

Also i got asked while making this how come maxstorm is so big when psychobos is also old and visibly smaller, and my answer to that was that third image. In my head i always saw psychobos as sort of disfigured and mutated, and not representative of what is typical for his species. If he were to turn into a human thatis what i think hed look like

Goop! I always loved goop, and the idea of a ufo antigrav device helping him navigate because hes not built for earths gravity is a super unique and cool idea. However i i wanted to go for something entirely different with my goop since i never liked the idea of the omnitrix creating non-clothes for the user (bc then you have to consider that it would create a respirator for ripjaws, and thats lame)

And thats all!! Id expect myself to have made as many Max 10 drawings since i stopped posting as before, but sadly i have slowed down significantly over time, especially on max 10. Im not really happy about it and im trying to be a fast artist again but its not coming to me. On the brightside though, ive got a fair bit of other Ben 10 stuff to show!!

#art #digital art #fanart #ben 10 #ben 10 fanart #grandpa max ben 10 #grandpa max

[natsmagi]

Do you ever feel bad about your art? I've tried drawing before, but it never looked good so I just quit

OUGH SOMETIMES TBH....... though id kinda say thats part of the drawing process 💔💔

for me theres two types of "feeling bad" abt my art; the first being more imposter syndrome-y where i just kinda feel guilty over the amount of recognition i get when theres so many artists that i think are better and deserve it more than i do and other things along that line

the second one (and probably more universal) is, ofc, the feeling that ur art kinda sucks sometimes. honestly its very rare for a drawing to turn out the way i had originally envisioned because i simply do not have the skills to pull it off, which sucks!! and honestly, alot of the time i just try pushing through despite me hating the way the drawing looks. usually ill still post it even if i hate it, because in a way i think its kinda important to let myself be bad at art, and my blog was never meant to be used as a portfolio anyway, so why not post the things im less proud of aswell? especially since the communities im part of are rather niche, and i feel as though even if the quality is bad, someone might still be happy to see it!

so i let myself not be perfect with my art, as i feel being stuck on the same piece is only going to stagnate my growth and make me frustrated. not to mention the drawing usually only ends up looking Worse the more i try to fix it, and me posting a drawing is basically me putting a full stop to working on the drawing, forcing me to move on to something else and try again

art doesnt always look good!! and it most DEFINITELY is never perfect, but i also kinda find beauty in that yknow?? especially when uve been drawing for a while, its always fun to look back and see ur progress! its fun to see ur missteps and how u managed to improve! ive mentioned it before, but the sole reason i even created this account was so that i Would improve my art. i didnt really have much going on so i thought id genuinely try my hands at art again, which i had grown less passionate about the years prior. this blog is me sharing what ive created, no matter how amateurish it is, no matter my ups and downs, because i believe that will help me grow in the end! ive posted numerous attempts at various styles (moreso rendering styles) to see what i think suits me and what i find most pleasure in, aswell as my art style in general being rather stylized (the simplistic faces for example), figuring out what ways of drawing made me happy and what didnt through trial and error!

the first step is always the hardest, but its better than no step at all! so if you wanna draw, just go for it! its ok for it to look bad! keep trying various styles and methods until you find one that makes you happy!! its ok to be inconsistent!!

#having ur art journey documented online is all fun and games until u remember ur old ugly as fuck art is still available for everyone to see #But u dont have the heart to delete them because that would ruin the purpose of why i started doing this to begin with #so i just gotta SUCK IT UP. #ITS OK TO BE BAD!!!!! WE ALL SUCK SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!! ITS OK!!!!!!!!!! #ask #no matter the quality all art is valuable............. this is what i believe

[dreamywolfdd]

Sonic Thoughts

this will be different than most of my posts, but id like to type this out since i been thinking bout it alot, nothing wrong is going on btw this is mostly me typing out my thoughts

________

but if you want a tl;dr:

not entirely leaving/done with it, but i want to focus on other stuff aside of sonic the hedgehog in general, i want to focus on my other interests and obsessions

________

i been thinking bout it and i decided that sonic superstars will be my last sonic game i'll buy for who knows how long

this does not mean i hate sonic now or i'm done w it or anything, but i been recently thinking bout how sonic's been these past few yrs, content wise and what i personally think bout it currently

latest releases such as sonic prime, sonic movie 2, idw comics and sonic origins made me think bout it alot, as much as i enjoyed the movie and liked the idw comic i got as a gift, this is a whole new generation of fans we speaking of now, its been more noticeable how a new era of sonic is here thanks to the movies and that makes me so happy but it also makes me realize how some of the recent stuff flat out isn't rlly my thing (like sonic prime), sure, they may be good on their own and such but there's some stuff i just dont think its worth for me to look at, but i do however hope the newer generation enjoys it alot, i dont feel like part of that target demographic anymore

one major thing that made me question it too is pmuch with the quality of games, i recently gave frontiers a second playthrough and it made me remember why i had a fun experience with it, but it also made me see the flaws it has aswell too, its not a perfect game by any means but you can tell morio kishimoto, lizuka and everyone at sonic team have been wanting to deliver an amazing experience for a while now, remembering how the director had to convince higher ups to get more time for development made me think alot, this will be a dumb comparison maybe but if there's one thing i would love for sega to have its give more time and budget for its developers and such, recently, even if sometimes nintendo has been very questionable and sometimes bad, i will give them alot of credit and respect by how they been treating their artists and devs recently, games such as tears of the kingdom and smb wonder, seeing how they gave alot of time to their developers and artists to craft such wonderful games, i definitely want that for sonic games to have as well too, it has been admitted before and it has been a thing i been agreeing for yrs too

whenever i look back at sonic fondly, its mostly games i played in the past and still replay and hope i will for many yrs to come, same with the era and type of sonic i usually enjoy the most too, its just something thats not there anymore and its usually what comes up in my head whenever i think of sonic rather than the recent stuff, not saying its bad or anything but its my prefered one just like how many ppl have their prefered and definitive version of sonic

i been playing and enjoying many other stuff aside of sonic for many yrs now, as a kid i remember always being sattisfied with a game from the famicom for example, or how games like cave story and super meat boy made me have a blast for hours, but i do noticed how in recent years its been lowering with sonic and what i mostly do is revisit the older games and played frontiers when it came out, for yrs i been enjoying exploring and enjoying many different types of games old and new, i highly recommend sonic fans to also widen their library of games (and media in general) to explore many hidden gems

i have many other interests and obsessions that cannot leave my head, so i want to give more love to those as well too, at a far distance, ppl will know right away im a sonic fan, but will completely ignore my other interests and outside of gaming as well too, so its also why i been thinking bout this too

so yeah, if you notice my lack of sonic stuff is because of that, again, i do not hate sonic or im done with it, but its been a question in my head i been contemplating for some time now since sonic pretty much is one of the main things i literally cannot live without (xd), i will still do sonic fanart stuff from time to time, i will still replay my favorite games and such and of course, i will play and enjoy sonic superstars as my last sonic game for who knows how long, i hope ppl who have known and met me because of my sonic stuff have that in mind maybe

if you've read all of my wall of text, ty, i dont think this will be read either way but if so, ty very much and hope you have a good one

#sonicthehedgehog

[tanksbigtiddiedgf]

colors I’d think the some Shaw pack characters would have as favorites

A complete disorganized Post I have about random thought I have at 18:56

(excuse my English aswell, I live in Germany but I’m natively from Kurdistan so it’s kinda hard 😭.)

David:

honestly he’d be that kinda person to say “I don’t have a favorite color”

and then continue to main red, red is like his color in my opinion cause he just give auf red vibe tbh, it’s the McDonalds type of red 😭

Asher:

This is a hard one now for some odd reason, he’s like leaning onto green and yellow to me. he has a reasoning like

“yellow is the color of the sun, I like the sun so I like yellow :3” but then green cause “I feel down that orange tree and ate grass, it’s been on my mind since…“

Milo:

Milo is a hard orange guy for me. He likes oranges or a tangerines would smile so hard whilst eating them cause he just loves ‘em so much

Christian:

Blue. Royal blue. That’s all.

Amanda:

Purple. She’s a purple lover (I love her so much) shes like that kinda person who would rock an purple Outfit to me ☝🏽

Sam:

I don’t have much say say about him, he’d say “been leaning onto red for a while I’ll just stick to that.“

he isn’t like interested in many flashy colors (they kinda hurt his eyes.) but id think he’d enjoy a bright orange aswell

#redacted asmr #redacted david #redacted milo #redacted asher #Shaw pack #David Shaw #redactedverse #redacted audio #redacted amanda #redacted christian #redacted headcanons

[jihyoruri]

hi. what if soloist yn hopelessly in love with member of a group (idk which maybe yunjin so she can finally WIN😭😭) and they used to know eachother maybe in america and they’re bffs and go to Korea tgt and have a messy codependent almost situationship in trainee days and when yunjin leaves to america again yn doesn’t want to be in a group w/out yunjin anymore and starts training for soloist and yunjin goes 2 the company again yk like comes back for lessera and yn is jumping for joy and runs up to her but yunjin is like “I’m straight and I’m gonna be debut I can’t afford to be caught with you” and yn becomes literally distraught and insane and writes good luck babe -by chappel roan as her debut song and becomes super popular and lessera is having a cb and yn aswell and wins and does the encore and sings the song while staring at yunjin. IM SO SMART CHAT😭😭

I DONT WANNA CALL IT OFF. BUT YOU DONT WANNA CALL IT LOVE. YOU ONLY WANNA BE THE ONE THAT I CALL BABY😭😭

YOU CAN KISS A HUNDRED BOYS IN BARS 😭😭SHOOT ANOTHER SHOT TRY TO STOP THE FEELING 😞YOU CAN SAY ITS JUST THE WAY YOU ARE 🥱🥱MAKE A NEW EXCUSE ANOTHER STUPID REASON😵‍💫😵‍💫GOOD LUCK BABE‼️WELL, GOOD LUCK, BABE😭YOUD HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING😭😭 GOOD LUCK BABE‼️‼️WELL GOOD LUCK BABE😢😢YOUD HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING😭😭

think I’m gonna call it off. even if you call it love. I just wanna love someone who calls me baby-

YOU CAN KISS A HUNDRED BOYS IN BARS—😭😭

maybe it could b a love triangle tewww because yunjin never wins. but maybe she could this time.

>yunjin sees yn performing and is like oh shit I think I love her

>another idol sees yn performing and is like ID CALL HER BABY😢

>yn should end up w yunjin messy crying and shit yk what I’m saying

IF U DONT WRITE THIS ISTG I WILL😭😭I WILL DO IT I SWEAR I WILL

-🎏

why does this remind me of a daft I posted like months ago (because I always just post my drafts when ik I’m not gonna finish it) like both yn and yunjin were on produce and were practically dating but yunjin was feeling threatened by yn’s popularity and did a complete switch on her and she gets eliminated and yn debuts in iz*one and I forgot were I left on after that it was like they either met again in ssserafim or just as idols when yunjin debuts but yeah this lowkey inspired me to finish writing that even tho i thought I never would 😭

#🎏anon

[zetaro]

Rambly lil post about some things going through my head. TW: depression stuff

When I was a kid, my friend got hit in the face with a basketball. Me being ever the 9 year old comedian joked about getting them an ambulance, maybe to distract them from the pain, maybe cause I didn't know how else to deal with the situation, maybe cause I was just being a lil shit, I no longer remember. What I do remember, and what I probably will remember for the rest of my life, is what they said next: "you can't help, you can only be sarcastic". and they were right, I was not helping in that situation. I don't think I had the tools nessicary to help. My friend was in pain, and I had failed to help them.

That feeling, and those words, stuck with me. At times, it lead me to isolate myself from the people around me. If I couldn't improve thier lives in any way, the best thing I could do for them is keep my distance. A lot of lonely bus rides home were the result of this line of thinking. Those words would play out at my lowest moments and worst of failures. "You can't help" became "what are you even doing here? You can't help and will only make things worse". It made me question my worthiness to even exist.

Other times, these words would make me into a door mat. "You cant help" you say? Ill show you, ill be the most helpful person this side the Mississippi. Id bend over backwards to anyone who I might be able to prove my worth to. If they needed a light I would set myself ablaze just to help them see. Needless to say I burnt out. And when you are in a state where you can no longer help yourself, it is near impossible to help others in any meaningful way. So we cycle back a paragraph and shut ourselves off from the world.

Even though i have grown a lot since then, I still find myself slipping into these old hats every once and a while. Id like to think that i am a generous person, something that I don't intend to change, but I now realize how there are unfortunately people who are too eager to take advantage of the kindness I offer. I also still turtle up in my shell when things get tough. If I am unable to help others, then I should be alone, or at least that's the thinking process. It's made asking for help difficult, but I am still learning and growing. And even though I really want to help others as much as I can, I now realize that I need to be solid aswell. It takes a balance, one that I am still trying to get right.

I think its quite interesting how little events from our past, seeming innocuous to others, can shape the people we become. I'm thankful for what my friend said that day because it made me want to be a selfless person. But at the same time, those words haunted me, and every person I let down that voice re-appeared. "You can't help". And you know what? Sometimes I can't help, and that is okay. I am trying my best to help however I can whenever I am able. And even though I will not always be able to help, I will do my best to try, and I hope that is enough. "You can't help" becomes "you didn't help, but you tried, and maybe next time you will".

So I guess if you are reading this then thanks for hearing my thoughts, I hope they were somewhat interesting. The takeaway is idk try and do good but if it doesn't work out then don't sweat it too much. Mission failed we'll get em next time kinda energy. Change what you can, accept that you can't change some things.

[vampkitty66]

2023 Spring Anime Review: Skip And Loafer

These are my opinions!!

So awhile back I made a spring anime post where I gave my thoughts regarding some of the shows I had started watching. Since most of the shows I had given little reviews on have ended or are going to be ending within the next week, I thought Id do an overall review. Unlike my other post, I will be separating the reviews and doing separate posts. Anyways lets get into it!

Skip and loafer just ended today and honestly I loved everything about this show. I will state that I have not read the manga so I cannot compare the manga to the actual show ( although i’ve heard from a lot of the manga readers and they seemed to love the adaptation.) I thought the pacing of the show was good and all the characters are well thought out, even the characters you seem to dislike at first you start to warm up to. I love the trans representation aswell, I thought it was wonderful how the show portrayed that because I’ve seen a lot of animes ( lets be more specific... Shoujos ) where there's a cute character and they turn out to be a male physically and everyone is all weird about it?? I don’t know, I just thought that Iwakura’s aunt was great and I loved how supportive everyone was towards her and how supportive she was to everyone else too. I related a lot with pretty much all the characters one way or another, they all had something they struggled with but were able to try and work it out. One of my favourite developments was Egashira, she wanted to fit in, she wanted the guy she liked to notice her. Egashira constantly was comparing herself to others and she ended up being kind of bitter. I relate to her a little bit, when I was beginning high school I wanted to fit in, and even though I wasn’t bitter, I still envied a lot of people in my own way. I was myself but at the same time I kind of felt like I was doing things to please other people. That's where I relate to Shima a lot. Shima is one of my favourite characters, he chooses to please others rather than himself, watching todays episode almost brought tears to my eyes. When he was talking about people having goals and how he’s anxious that he feels attacked when he sees people who are passionate about something, it struck a chord. It’s the fact that he’s neither good or bad, he is envious and insecure. He’s slowly allowing himself to open up but I think he still has a long way to go. Everyone learns from Iwakura, most of everyone's development stems a little bit from her one way or another. Iwakura’s not perfect though and she goes through struggles of her own, she tries so hard for everything to be perfect and she takes on way too much sometimes but she is a strong character and she’s always able to get up when she falls and keep going; very admirable. I also want to point out the animation, I thought it was great and I think my favourite scene in the entire series has to be in episode 9 where she is eating the watermelon. It gave me this feeling that I can’t quite describe, almost reminded me of a studio ghibli scene. I felt like it truly captured that small town countryside vibe. Iwakura is always overworking herself and trying her best in her Tokyo school, but when she’s back home, she can relax and forget about her troubles for a little while. 

Overall, this might be the best slice of life and coming of age anime I’ve seen, the writing of the characters is just so crazy good and I can’t wait for another season ( we better get one )

10/10 

#anime #anime review #anime recommendation #spring anime 2023 #skip and loafer #mitsumi iwakura #shima sousuke

[samblakebooks]

Absolutely thrilled that readers are loving #SomethingTerribleHappenedLastNight!!

Thank you so much for posting!

Reposted from @xorlacreadsx *********AD-PR Product*********

Title : Something Happened Last Night

Author : @samblakebooks

Pages : 352

Genre : YA Thriller

Star Rating : 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Firstly id like to thank @samblakebooks and @gillbooks for not only gifting me the proof copy but also the final copy prior to publication day today. This is Sam's debut YA and i hope she will be writing another real soon.

Blurb :

It's Katie's 17th birthday - the dancefloor is packed, the drink is flowing and Rave-fess, the Raven's Hill School confession site, is alight with gossip. Then a huge fight breaks out, sending guests fleeing.

When Frankie, Jess and Sorcha go back to help Katie clear up her wrecked house before her parents get home, they find more than broken bottles ... There's a body on the living room floor.

The gripping teen thriller that will keep everyone guessing.

My thoughts :

I absolutely loved this story based in fictious Dublin secondary school Raven Hill. From the word go i instantly formed a bond with all of the main characters and their various life stories.

It covers all teen related topics such as love triangles and relationship issues,drug/alcohol use,pressure to conform,grief and loss aswell as how it can be difficult to be in an all girls school and all that comes with it.

I went to an all girls secondary school so i found the stories to be relatable in nature however the pressures and added hassle of social media didnt really come to the fore until the year of the leaving certificate in 2009. Now i feel old even writing this.

I read one of Sam's books earlier in the year but i think this YA has added a total new and exciting dynamic to her style and i really hope that we see it again real soon. I feel that id like another continuation story could be possible as id like to get an insight into what life has in store for the characters....

#thriller #writer #writers on tumblr #new books #books #story #murder mystery #ya mystery #ya crime #book review

[silent-dragon]

TELL ME MORR ABOUT THE CROWLEY CHILD 👀

Never thought id use this banner..

You actually seen him kinda. Damón is he! I have two AU versions of Damón. Their difference other then story & personality is one wears glasses the other does not.

•

The one posted on my blog is Damón Amsel,a RSA student who is fatherless thus story & personality is different i made him for people who dislike canon character oc children of the staff so he could still be interacted with.

•

Damón Nova Crowley is his original version. He a 4th year who a professor aide for Mozus. He very coy,sly,and always scheming something that his father can pick up on and has to usually deal with if he can't figure out what it is before he does it. Damón says he tries to do things to not burden him but always does. They share tea times/drinks together and often Dire has to go caring dad mode as Damón will confess his stresses to him when drunk that leads to crying.

•

Damón has a habit of leaving broken hearts and amassing numerous new loves as he is very promiscuous. His father is expecting a grandchild anytime as he constantly has random women in his office asking to see Damón who claim to be his girlfriend,fiancee,or even wife. Some have false claimed they are pregnant from Damón since he is the son of a well-known mage but its always false. It has only happen once but a man came to his office and said he was a lover of Damón too but wasnt there angry but instead had good things to say and advised Damón maybe just needs attention from the right people to help him.

•

One thing this Damón does that is super helpful is he is amazing at his job and other tasks his father gives him NRC wise. Mozus adores his help in getting books and other materials for his classes alot. Damón also will professionally answer student's questions before Mozus can. He mini tutors some of the students aswell. The 2nd & 3rd years appreciate him so much as they all remember him last year as he was Ignihyde's housewarden. Idia & Damón are good friends too and often Damón shares advice if he asks for some.

•

This Damón isn't on my blog cause one idk if as i said canon character oc children of staff are widely accepted. Ive asked before and it was like 50/50. He also is very matured themed and when i was deciding which to make profile on felt it was safer to put the fatherless one as his theme isnt as mature.

•

Also who wants to interact with this annoying bird who likes to mating call all the time? 😆 I may add him to my other blog but even still no one really would see him so guess this last time you will unless others ask about him which is unlikely.

#asks #oc asks #twst oc #nrc 4th yr #related to canon #Damón

[yelenasdiary]

Hello!

I just wanted to say that I am the original anon who requested CEO of Christmas back in December. It’s hard to prove bc it’s anon lol but I guess u gotta trust me!

I’ve been making encouraging comments on asks here and there on anon throughout the series but i thought i’d ID myself as it’s come to a close. Idk why I’m still hiding behind anon LMAO I guess I just get nervous requesting stuff idk. I’ve requested different Nat one shots too that you’ve written beautifully too btw (the ex wife one and the mob boss daughter one).

The series DKOL has been INCREDIBLE. Truly amazing writing, with a new situation for the character of Nat but still keeping the integrity of her character. I love Dylan and R and how we were portrayed throughout. We were complex, with all the nuance a good character should have.

I loved seeing protective mob boss Nat (boy am I a sucker for those kind of stories) and although it got hella dark, I was TOTALLY here for it and loved it. And I love how soft she is for Dylan. And also I love how throughout the series you kept the integrity and did my request justice throughout all 7 parts + the drabble (which I loved btw).

This is getting incredibly long HAHA but I just wanted to say thank u for not only writing the one shot, but continuing for MONTHS w my idea and pouring so much time and effort into it. Truly my fav series on the app (I might be slightly bias but) and I am excited for the R x Bucky series if u decide to write it one day. I love the platonic relationship you built for Nat and R and any way I can continue reading it is a win in my books. But take ur time if ur inspired to continue w a different story for now!

ANYWAYS it’s now HELLA long but thank u again. You’re truly gifted. Many blessings! ❤️

Hello!!!

I've been waiting and hoping you'd reach out!! It's so good to hear from you! I didn't expect the request to turn into a mini-series so for you, I am thankful for giving me such a wonderful idea that I was able to explore more and have a lot of fun with it! I do remember writing the ex wife fic & the mob boss daughter one! Both were popular fics for me at the time so thank you for that aswell!

I'm so glad to hear that you loved it and it was something you enjoyed reading! Every single time I would post a new chapter I was always wondering "I wonder if that anon has seen that their request has turned into a mini series" & so I'm so happy right now to be reading this and knowing you loved it!!

I am always open for more drabbles for this series, I have do any another request for one that I am hoping to have done this week!! As far as the Reader x Bucky series goes, it's still happening!! Recently I feel my mind is racing with so many new ideas for fics and stuff so I am now trying to work out which series should be posted next!

You are so lovely and kind, thank you so much for everything!! I hope to hear more wonderful requests from you in the future hehe!! If you're comfortable, I'd love to be able to recognise you in my asks, if you wanted to sign off with an emoji or something? You don't have to of course!!

Sending lots of love and positivity your way! 💖

#yelenasdiary asks #anon #different kind of love

[justalilpearlie]

hi guys dont mind me being insane again

im not tagging this too much cus its more of a personal ramble cus idk im feelin silly today and the BPD hits too hard. i wont be explainin what BPD is either so if u dont know either look it up or ignore this post,,

man i. have you ever loved someone so much you cry? /pos

like man i. its not romantic, may i clarify. most of my fps, except for my main one, are platonic. one of them is familial even

but i just. i feel like such a parasocial freako but i genuinly feel so intensely. its so positive too. if you ignore the crippling paranoia i always have abt my fps hating me or me being so intense they get uncomfortable...

but i just??? im not. normal about them.

i dont wanna sound creepy but they make my world so much better. id take a bullet from them. if give anything for them to be alright. i genuinly just REALLY enjoy their company and knowing theyre having fun with me aswell. knowing they enjoy me as a person. that im not a nuisance for the people i love the most.

and gosh i really hope they dont see this. i would feel so ashamed and embarassed if they did.

luckly i have better ways of copying with distress, attachment issues, jealousy, possesiveness, and all that other FUN (not) stuff that comes with BPD or rather specifically having an fp. A nice trustworthy psychologist (if u can afford it) does wonders to you, let me tell you.

its still hard sometimes but ive learnt to deal with it in ways that arent destructive to my relationships with those around me. i can cool down and such instead of lashing out or splitting for the most minimal things.

but now. for whatever reason. i went on a huge "positive" ramble instead. it was meant to be appreciation at the time, and still is, but i feel like its something that couldve scared them off. i showed some stuff to irl friends and online family, and everyone said theyd feel very appreciated if someone told them that stuff, but i cant help but feel is because they're my loved ones also and stuff. i really. really feel like i was too intense. i suck at showing affection in a normal way, a calm way, subtle way, like a normal person.

at this point i think. sigh i think its better if i just say nice things anonymously. i think if people, in general, not only my fps. but if people dont know affection comes from me they'll take it so much better than if they know its *me* in particular. and idk why! its just my brain being stupid again.

brains love doing that, dont they? being stupid. telling you everyone hates you oh so much no matter what you do. that theyre lying behind your back, and hate you in secret, theyre just being polite and allat.

well let me tell you, dear reader, whoever the fuck might read this, specially if its from the bpd tags: thats not true. sure, there might be assholes out there, but those people you think hate you despite how close you are, most likely dont. and i cant even get this through my own head but my sister repeats it to me all the time. "[name] talks so nicely about you and seems so happy seeing you". even then its hard to believe, i gotta stare at nice screenshots ive saved where i believe ive done something good, something worthy of appreciation, something that has not only meaning but an impact, a possitive one. and i know the chances of them actually hating me are low, but i still believe more in those chances than the proof.

i feel a bit delusional in a way. and i mean, i am, often times. but this is one of those thoughts- those god dammed thoughts where you're self aware yet- yet it doesnt shake the feeling away, you know? like no there is no proof, no logical proof at least, only what your mind twists into proof. but you still just "know it", yknow? even if you dont actually know shit and are very wrong. you feel like you do and it- it fucking sucks.

dont even get me started on splits and mood swings, highs and lows. Cause well. THATS NOT THE TOPIC OF THIS POST !! Lmao. i could go on for hours complaining tho. ough.

but yeah!! i just !! sorry, this took a turn. i just. needed to express myself idfk. i'll go back to posting abt minecraft men kissing soon or whatever, sorry normie followers /hj

i love them so much its overwhelming, yet i wouldnt change it for everything in the world, you know? not them. its hard but id rather endure it for them than have them not be THIS level of special to me anymore.

i really REALLY hope theyre not. uncomfortable by it tho. and wont dump me for it. i really wish i had a guide to how to and how to not mess up. so i could avoid doing dumb shit on accident.

and its funny cause theyre ppl that would absolutely tell me if im doing shit that bothers them, yet i believe theres smth else, stupid thoughts man. LEAVE ME ALONE FREDDY MERCURY!! UR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD !! /ref

sighhhh anyhow yeah im dropping it here. bpd is a bitch. and to anyone out there dealing w it? godspeed. you can do this, i know life already sucks and this shitty dissorder doesnt help, but i know you can push through, mi gente bella.

Pearlo out. BPD hours rlly seem to be hitting at around 11-12 am, huh? /ij

#bpd rambles #bpd fp #bpd thoughts #bpd shit #bpd feels #bpd problems #bpd vent

[jiraikwei]

i do feel like i had bad luck today because i didnt see her this morning

i expected to see her this morning ... i saw her yesterday morning walking the same route , it surprised me and i ended up looking in an awkward direction as we passed by eachother ( it always seems like we're passing by eachother and never walking the same direction ? ) im wondering if it was because im too early ..... yesterday i was early and i saw her though , so maybe she was the late one . yesterday i had come to the conclusion that i was going to have a good day because i saw her , and i did !! this girl in my first period asked to use some lotion and when i gave her mine she said things like " so this is why you smell so good every day " and " now i get to smell like ___ for the day " it made me really happy ! maybe thats really nothing to other people but i dont really talk to anyone at school so after that interaction i considered the day to be good . but today i didnt see her and ... my water botrle spilled everywhere . not jusf everywhere but a little backstory ; i was running late so i didnt properly check the cap to my water bottle before i out it in my backpack ( 70oz , i walk 50k steps everyday so i drink a lot of water aswell ) and it ended up spilling in first period . it didnt just spill a little bit . my 70oz water bottle went from basically full to only reaching 8oz . it was so embarassing !!! im a very quiet person so everybodys attention was on me !!!!!!!! we had to get a custodian and the girl at my table is so nice she took me to gef the custodian and made lighthearted conversation i think i wouldve freaked out a lot more if she hadnt spoken to me . qfter 1st period i went to the bathroom to cut , but as i thought my blade was too dull , so much bad luck ...... i think ill talk abt my complex towards blades and especially stealing them in another post . anyways i have some eyebrow razors coming in and those are sposed to be one - swipe - to - fat - layer so im excited . well not so much excited moreso curious ?

after the cutting thing didn't work i decided that when i get home i was gonna take a shot of vodka , sake or whiskey . whatever my parents have laying around . ive actually never had alcohol or drugs or vape or anything before , id consider myself somewhat of a sheltered kid honestly . generally i think today j was very overstimulated , i guess it was just too ' different ' from what im used to . but get this !! i saw her both at lunch and in the halls after i was skipping ( an assembly ) !! in fact i saw her twice during the latter because we both turned around and went to opposite way , making us pass by eachother again . i was ' following ' her , not in like a stalker way but i was pacing around already and she was technically going the direction of my classroom so .. but yeah she turned around ? while i was walking to my last class i didnt even see her ?! im hoping i was too early or something , i think the days where i dont see her im just too early because i think ? she comes down the stairs . ive been worrying that she might be avoiding me ..? i came to the conclusion that she doesnt really think about me to the volume i think about her but i do notice that the other day she seemed to be looking at me before i even saw her so maybe shes on alert ? which is horrible for me because yesterday she looked even nicer than usual in her cute sweater and i only got to get a .1 second glance from my peripheral . she often at least gives me a glance when i look at her which makes it kinda hard to get a proper look , im starving .... ive been trying to find her instagram but im unsure if she even has one . when i got home i took a good look at the alcohol cabinet but i decided against drinking anything ( im actually annoyed by how quickly my emotions change because by 3rd period i started feeling better out of nowhere .... which is good but i wanted to take a shot of whiskey )

in total i ended up seeing her about 3 times , record timelapse of about 30 minutes !!!

i went outside and the stars are really beautiful today , too

[angeldiaries777]

life update maybe idek i just vent and its very personal and a little boring

im forgiving my family for my own sanity and well being. even if we're not as close as we used to be which is normal cuz were all getting older i hope that we can just stay civil and not toxic. im starting fresh. besides all of the mental trauama lmaoo. what im saying is im gonna try to create different thought patterns for myself and just maybe get on anxiety medication so i don't hurt others or myself. yeah. idc. but im tired of seeing people as my enemies. while i was a victim of abuse for a long time i cant deny it i just can't stay a victim anymore. sorry. i want to control my outcome. i don't think i will ever be good with certain relatives but i want to atleast be chill with my parents. yknow. and its not like those relatives are awful people. they're just average grown adults who didn't know how to speak to me when i was a child. nothing wrong with that. there were also good moments. i don't want to have such a negative view of my childhood because honestly it was pretty amazing compared to most i just also was scared of being happy because i thought id be stupid if i did things to help me cope better with my mental illnesses. im not. finally been staying consistent with brushing my teeth for thr first time in 2 years and eating more. not like a ton cuz its difficult for me after a restrictive ed however progress is progress. i just really want to make the last few months and next year really count. knowing that love from a distance is possible and even healthy. goodbyes are normal and ill figure it out with time. for once in my life i feel as if the world isn't on fire anymore and that i might be okay. still mentally ill. just learning that its okay to heal at ur own pace. and just cuz u thought something negative doesn't erase all of the good that you have done recently. honestly my goals now are to gain more mental clarity and to learn more about life and this world. i want to be ready for adulthood. time is going to pass regardless might aswell try and be present. and i know what i've been through. and no one else needs to validate me. and confidence. gonna work on my confidence issues aswell. not regarding my looks. physically im literally the girl that 7 year old me wished she looked like and while that makes me beyond happy i want to be confident in my beauty and for who i am as i learn who i am. and what i actually believe in. where my morals stand and such. basically ive i don't want to say matured because thats true but ive felt that way before i think i have just actually realized that theres an entire world out there outside of my anxiety brain and that i am fully capable of love and living a healthy happy life. no matter how difficult it was and will continue to be considering im human i know there will be other tough times. and ive already overcome so much at such a young age i just feel ready almost for whatever is next. mental illness and my relationship with it oh my god that could have its own post entirely i think i will stop typing tonight because my fingers hurt but i want to write about how healing with mental ilness feels especially with brain fog omg that would be super interesting and