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underwhelmingalchemist · 1 month

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So apparently the version of the "Isn't It Bromantic" interview that gets passed around isn't the full thing

So after seeing a tumblr post I can't find, about two and half hours of intensive internet digging, and one purchase from a sketchy second-hand site later (full story under the cut, I promise it's interesting, but also long), I got the physical magazine and scanned it

So here you go: the full "Isn't It Bromantic?" TV guide interview with Robert Sean Leonard and Hugh Laurie

Feel free to repost wherever you want- I want people to be able to find the full thing

SO, as for how I found it:

I saw this tumblr post forever ago that I can't find anymore because tumblr is just Like That with a cropped screenshot of an interview with Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard. In the interview, they're asked about the "bromance" between their two characters. Leonard makes an annoyed comment about how "everyone [is] obsessed with homosexuality", followed by the interview apologizing and Laurie immediately jumping in with, "No, no, let's talk about it. Wilson and House have an unusual relationship so you have to explore…" and the screenshot cuts off there. Cue funny comment from the OP about the interaction, roll credits.

Except, as these things tend to do, it ended up becoming a bit of a brain worm, and I wanted to find it again. But I couldn't find the tumblr post. I looked absolutely everywhere, and in the process of looking everywhere, I found what I thought was the original interview- a blog post with the full quote from the actor. I didn't think too much about it, I figured it was just a short quote given to a popular blog in 2008. There's a magazine cover above it, but I don't think too much about it, because I'm focusing on the quotes in the article instead of the rest of it.

So I send screenshots to a couple friends to make jokes, and it probably should have died there.

However, late at night I end up thinking about that interview again, because of course I did. I start to think about how it's weirdly formatted for, what I assumed at first reading, was just an entertainment news blog reaching out for comment and getting a response. So I pull up the screenshots of the article (because weirdly enough, the old-ass blog only loads on mobile) and look at it again.

This is when I realize that this isn't an original piece from a blog interviewing these two after reaching out for comment. This is a blog post quoting and commenting on a full interview from a magazine, which I had originally thought had just been the inspiration for the piece.

So naturally, I go looking for the magazine.

Luckily, the name of the magazine is displayed on the cover, and so is the title of its main piece. This should be easy to find, right?

Wrong.

This is an interview in a physical magazine. From 2008. October 13th, 2008, to be exact.

I know this exact date because searching the article title and magazine name leads me to an archive on the TV Guide website.

Of covers.

And nothing but covers.

I spend like forty-five minutes searching everywhere I can think of on the web. Internet Archive, the TV Guide website, any search result that comes up when I search any combination of the words "House" "Interview" "Bromantic" "Bromance" "TV Guide" "Archive" etc. Over and over, all that's coming up are that original blog post and the cover from the official gallery.

The only things I could find online were:

The cover and date of the issue on the TV Guide website

The original blog post that was screenshotted in the original tumblr post

Another blog post that had a much shorter version of the quote, references something Leonard says from later in the article, and makes a comment on the nature of his reaction to the term "bromance"

An entry on Leonard's IMDB page's "interview" list mentioning it in title only

And:

5. A single listing for the issue on what seemed to be a second-hand site that looked like it hadn't had its UI updated since the mid 2000's, with a listing with no date or additional information besides what issue it is.

This is the only listing anywhere. I checked every other second-hand site I could think of, and then some that only came up through google searches. There's not a single listing for that issue on any of them. There were plenty of listings of TV guide magazines, including one that seemed promising because it included issues from that year, but it was missing all of October.

It seemed like the only listing for this issue on the entire internet was this one copy on this one obscure website. For all I know, this was listed in 2008 and abandoned, and just never got marked inactive. It could also be a complete scam.

A few quick google searches show that that website seemed to be legit, albeit a bit loose on quality control (which makes sense, this website seemed like the kind of thing you'd have to use the Way Back Machine to access). It also had an option to pay via PayPal, which meant I could file a chargeback if need be.

It was $11.50 when you include shipping.

So at about half past midnight, I bought the listing.

Naturally, about an hour later, I manage to actually find a scan of the interview. I had to follow a link in the comments of a post on FanPop, taking me to an old wordpress blog, and I'm sitting in front of the damn interview at last.

But something doesn't make sense. Why would their cover story only be two pages of text that aren't even full pages, and why would it cut off so strangely? There was no concluding sentence or paragraph, even though it started with a fairly long lead-in. It also led right up to the edge of the page, which felt like there should be more to it. There were more images in the interview than text, and the fact that there are so many of them and they clearly did a whole photoshoot indicated that they had them on hand for a while. The silly string one, for instance, I imagine probably had to require a couple takes, which means cleaning off Wilson's hair and face, adjusting makeup, etc. for it. Meanwhile, the conversation itself seems like it could have taken ten minutes total. I could have been totally wrong and that was where the article ended, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there might be more.

So I hold tight. A couple days pass with no update, and then the PayPal purchase gets updated with a tracking number. Promising, but it could still be a scam. Whether or not I get the actual magazine becomes a source of anxiety for the next week.

Until today, when I get told it was delivered. And when I opened the envelope it was sent in: there it was.

When I tell you I was happy stimming in my bedroom just holding the damn issue in my own hands... And then opening it and finding out that I was right, there was a missing page... I was elated. I still am, just typing this.

So I spent half an hour getting my scanner to work, and I give you the above issues.

Like I said above, feel free to repost however and wherever you want. I want all this to mean something.

In the meantime, I have two more House-themed TV Guide magazines coming to try and get articles from.

#i am so psyched to have found this you have no idea #house #house md #hatecrimes md #malpractice md #gregory house #james wilson #hugh laurie #robert sean leonard #tv guide #magazine #interview #house interview #isn't it bromantic #hilson

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jungkooksrealgirlfriend · 1 year

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Eggs Breakfast 🍳🫦

🥚pairing: jungkook x fem reader

🥚word count: 3.5k

🥚genre: really filthy smut 😭

🥚summary: while cooking breakfast for jungkook one morning, his mind cracks an idea. what if he were the one making the scrambled eggs today?

🥚warnings: dom!jungkook, sub!reader, unprotected sex, anal sex, food play, fingering, explicit language, oral sex, dirty talk, creampie, crack (🤣🍳) fic, idfk what else but this shit is dirty

🥚disclaimer (with the notion that only a small group of my friends will read this): i am not a writer by any means and i just wrote this for fun because my friend requested a fic based on an inside joke our friend group has and i wanted to take a crack (pun intended) at it. for that reason, i apologize if certain things don’t make sense. it’s also got other random inside jokes sprinkled in so if something seems weirdly mentioned, random, or goofy then that’s probably why. also, i did write this the best i could but it’s also a joke fic so don’t take it seriously. and no, i don’t have a kink of jungkook fucking eggs into my booty hole 😭💀 but if any of u do i don’t kink shame and i hope u enjoy fr 🤝 and to my friends DON’T FUCKING ROAST ME LMFAOAOAOO i wrote this out of the kindness in my heart for a friend who was in (really) desperate need. also!! i am a tumblr noob and don’t know much about formatting, but i’ve found this is easier to read when it’s not on my xxx.tumblr.com page but instead on the normal tumblr.com/xxx page (at the time of posting this in dec 2022) because the spacing doesn’t carry over for some reason? bro idk if it’s the theme i chose or it’s something fixable on tumblr but like i said i’m not a writer nor tumblr savvy 💀 so bear with me

Jungkook leans on the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watches you standing across from him, back turned his way. He hated the way his cock stirred in his sweats at the sight of you cooking breakfast in those sleeping shorts you liked to wear. If it wasn’t your exposed legs that got him going, it was definitely the way half your ass was peeking out from under the cloth.

Yet you simply continued your activities, being none the wiser to the man standing behind you. You reached for the carton of fresh eggs sitting on the counter, grabbing one before cracking it into the pan. You didn't need to ask Jungkook how he liked his eggs in the morning, because after being in a three year long relationship, you knew all too well that he preferred them over easy, just as he knew you preferred yours scrambled and with ketchup.

He also knew that you preferred iced coffee over hot coffee, and that you liked warmer weather over colder weather. But one of his favorite things he knew about you was how you were ever so willing to try new things, whether that be hesitantly tasting a new food at his favorite restaurant or agreeing to try something crazy in the bedroom.

You two were no strangers to spicing it up during naughty time, and you both have always been open and communicated about the things you’ve wanted to try. That thought alone caused Jungkook’s mind to wander, truly wondering if you really were willing to try anything at all. Because the sight of you in those shorts, cracking eggs into a pan set his imagination on fire.

He gingerly pushes himself off the counter and walks towards you, arms swaying briefly at his sides before he pushes himself against your back and snakes his hands around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. You giggle, flipping the egg in the pan.

“Getting impatient? It’s almost done, baby.”

“I think I’m hungry for something else now,” he rasps out, morning voice still present as he pushes his clothed dick against your ass. “Don’t know how you expect me to behave when you're leaving little to the imagination.”

At that you smirk, and Jungkook thinks maybe you did it on purpose to get a rise out of him. His suspicion turns out to be true when you turn off the stove, slide his egg onto a plate, and turn around with a look in your eyes that he knows all too well.

“But baby,” you say, feigning innocence as you travel your hand up his exposed chest, “don’t you want to eat your breakfast? It’s over easy, just how you like it. And eggs are good for stamina.” you tease.

“You’re a little motherfucking stinker,” he snickers. “I want you to know that.”

“Hmmm, am I?” you muse, “You’re the one talking nonsense at 9 in the morning. Maybe you’re the motherfucking stinker.”

There is no serious weight to either of your words at the obvious joke, yet he still clenches his jaw and moves his face only inches from yours, eyes meeting eyes.

He lets out a small breath, “You’re going to regret saying that. You have no idea what I wanna do to you right now.”

You can’t help but laugh, not missing the lustful glint in his eyes. You love the back and forth that often happens between you two. It causes your stomach to bubble with anticipation because it doesn’t take long for him to get you wet and in the mood.

“I never regret anything.”

“Oh baby,” he rests his forehead against yours, “you will this time.”

Suddenly you’re pulled from your spot of being pinned against the stove and are shoved front-forward against the breakfast bar, hands sprawled out on the granite countertop. You can’t help but smile like an idiot because pushing his buttons is your favorite thing to do, and what tends to follow soon after leaves you breathless.

You feel him slide his hands up and down your sides, this action alone sending shivers through your spine. But when he begins to push you down onto the counter with his naked chest against your back, hands following down your arms and intertwining with your own, you find yourself holding your breath before your cheek meets the cold surface with hands on either side of your head.

He’s almost laying on top of you, squishing your body between his own and the breakfast bar. You can only imagine how erotic the scene must look and you wish you had a mirror nearby so you could look into it and see how his body fit against yours like a puzzle piece. You feel his now fully hard dick poking your ass, his chest against your back, and his hands on top of yours. You feel him everywhere, yet not in the places you’re craving him the most right now.

He leans down to your ear and nibbles on it. “I’m not going to be nice this time. I know you did all this to intentionally provoke me. Is this fun for you?” he chuckles, “Pushing my buttons to get me riled up?”

His voice comes out raspier than you expect and it sends a shiver throughout your whole body causing you to rub your thighs together. He cocks his head to the side a bit, eyes meeting yours and you know he’s waiting for an answer, so you nod your head and smirk up at him.

“Yeah, it’s pretty fucking hot.”

This causes him to smirk back at you as he licks his bottom lip. You slightly lift your head and allow your eyes to follow the movement before looking back up into his own in an unspoken request. He understands what you want and grants your wish by connecting your lips together.

This kiss is rough and needy, but his lips feel so good against yours that you moan in satisfaction. Bodies on fire, tongues dancing together, and with the need to feel more you push your ass harder against his length in an attempt to gain some friction earning a grunt from the man who, of course, isn’t wearing any underwear.

Jungkook, knowing you better than you know yourself, grants you your silent plea as he begins to grind your covered heat with his knee. He grinds, and grinds. You feel your adrenaline pick up and you can’t take it anymore.

“Jungkook,” you gasp out, “need to feel you.”

He chuckles before pulling away, pushing himself off your back and leaving you flat against the counter. His breathing is heavy as he lifts his tattooed arm to brush his hair back, his other arm grabbing firm hold of your waist. Your eyes drop to his abs as they flex at the action, and you swear you could hear purring at this point because of how much your pussy gushed with anticipation.

He shakes his head, “Look at you, begging for my cock. Is this what you wanted all along? For me to bend you over the counter and fuck you so well like you know I can?”

His voice was low and sultry and fuck, he sounded so hot it made you automatically clench around nothing. He always knew what to say to make your knees weak.

“Yes” you say, voice coming out whinier than you expected. “Need you so bad right now, baby.”

He knew you went crazy over his dirty words, and you knew he went crazy when you begged for him.

“Then spread your legs for me, love.”

He tucks his fingers under your waistband slowly tugging them down your legs along with your panties that were now soaked with your arousal. You felt the cold air hit your core and you let out a shaky breath, stepping out of the two articles of clothing once they were by your ankles.

Without waiting for instruction, you momentarily lift yourself off of the counter to pull your shirt over your head, being left completely nude and vulnerable to Jungkook’s eyes. However, you didn’t feel embarrassed or insecure. You felt the opposite actually, since Jungkook always made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world who had the sexiest body, and he often showed you how much he loved it.

Laying back down on the counter, Jungkook places his hands back on your now naked waist, kicking your legs open with his own, wide enough for him to stand in between. He slides his long fingers through your slick folds causing you to quickly shut your eyes and moan at the contact. The combination of his fingers and the cold counter underneath your bare chest makes you shiver and you spread your legs even wider.

Jungkook snickers and retrieves his fingers, earning a protesting whine from you. Sneaking a glance back, you see him pulling his gray sweats down his hips, letting them fall to his ankles before he steps out of them and kicks them somewhere to the side along with your clothes too.

Seeing his bare dick practically makes your mouth water and you wish you could drop to your knees and pleasure him, however his hold on you is tight and you know whatever he has planned will please both of you.

Momentarily locking eyes with him, you both smirk at each other before you lay your cheek back on the surface, eagerly awaiting him to part your folds. However, the intrusion doesn’t come and you instead feel him lean to reach for something. Once again, you lift your head to look over your shoulder, seeing him grab an egg from the open carton you left by the stove.

“Jungkook… what are you doing?” you question.

He returns to his previous position, egg in hand and knowing smirk on his face. Your eyes move between the egg and his eyes, until he leans down, nose almost touching yours. You can feel his warm breath on your face and the close proximity makes you clench again. He’s staring deep into your eyes and you feel like he’s staring straight into your soul.

“I’m going to crack this egg into your ass and fuck you so hard that I scramble it. Then, I’m gonna enjoy my breakfast.”

You tense at his words. He wants to what? The idea sounds crazy but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t considering it, imagining him fucking you, using the slippery egg as your lube until you’re screaming his name. However, you’re hesitant because this is new territory for the both of you.

“You’re joking right? You can’t be serious about that. About fucking it in my ass. About… scrambling it.” you question.

Was he joking? Jungkook didn’t know. He was sure that the heat radiating off your bodies was enough to fry an egg, so why not scramble it?

“You should know more than anyone when I am and am not fucking around.” he rasps out.

You gulp, getting more turned on by his words. Were you really about to let him crack an egg in your booty hole? In other circumstances you’d probably laugh in his face and tell him he’s being ridiculous, but in this moment the raw sex appeal he’s radiating has you considering it. Really considering it.

Staring back into his eyes you slowly nod your head, your lips slightly turning upwards.

“Okay big boy. Show me exactly what you mean. Show me how well you can fuck me with that egg.”

At this he backs away and stands tall, smirking to himself before he takes a deep breath.

“Spread yourself for me.” he commands.

You lay your cheek on the counter and reach behind you, grabbing your ass and spreading it open.

Jungkook knew in order for the egg to make it into your hole he was going to have to stretch you out, so he took his his index and middle fingers and began rubbing them through your folds to gather some of your arousal.

The touch came as a shock to you and you jerked forward, mewling at the feeling. His fingers felt so good and you thought if he kept on you would’ve came before he even entered you.

He continues to gather your slick and moves it to your ass, rubbing it over your puckered hole to allow for easier penetration.

He begins to push one finger in, a deep moan ripping out of your throat. He used his other hand to caress the small of your back as he kept slowly pushing in until he was a knuckle deep. He then slowly pulled out, repeating the process until he was pumping you. The pace wasn’t anything drastic, and the feel of his single finger was definitely not enough for you to reach your high, but that didn’t stop the quiet whimpers that escaped your lips.

After deciding you needed more, you pushed your ass back and he took that as a sign to add a second finger, fingering you faster and deeper than before.

With each pump, you moaned out at the feeling, cursing under your breath when he adds a third finger. Jungkook wanted to make sure you were stretched enough, so he took his time, gradually quickening his pace.

All that could be heard in the tiny kitchen was your whimpers and the soft wet sounds of your arousal coating his fingers.

Suddenly his fingers were gone from your hole and you felt like crying, missing his touch already. A moment passes before you hear the sound of him cracking the egg onto the counter with enough force for the shell to break but not enough for anything to leak out.

Your body felt like it was on fire, your hair sticking to your forehead and you were sure Jungkook’s was doing the same. You could hardly think at this moment, barely registering the words that came from his mouth.

“You ready?” he asks, licking his lips.

You immediately nodded, eager to feel anything.

But you knew Jungkook needed to hear you voice it, so you whispered out a small “Please.”

“So needy.” he mumbles as he slightly lowers down and uses both hands to begin opening the egg, watching as the clear mucus begins to seep into your hole as you still hold your ass open.

The feeling was strange, but not unwelcome. The egg was cold, but not cold enough to feel uncomfortable. Instead, the feeling made you tense and shiver with anticipation, and the thought of Jungkook fucking it into you was the only thing on your mind right now.

He opened it wider, watching as the remainder of egg was sucked into your hole. “I’m glad this went over easy.” he amusingly remarks.

“Fuck you,” you curse, irritation hinting because of how impatient you were. Was he really making puns right now?

“You’re about to,” he smirks, pushing two fingers into your hole to spread the egg. It’s slick and if even possible, it turns him on more, especially from the way you jerk forward and loudly moan.

However, he’s brief and removes his egg-slicked fingers to take his dick into his hand, groaning at the feeling of giving himself a few pumps, coating it with a thin layer of egg white. He grabs your waist before he situates himself at your back entrance, pausing for a second before he begins to push himself in.

He was easily able to bottom out, the slimy texture of the egg being the clear reason for that. He barely gives you any time to adjust before he pulls out and slams his hips forward all over again.

You moan uncontrollably, mouth agape in pleasure and eyes tightly shut. He was pumping in and out of you with ease, further coating his dick with your arousal and the egg that was now surely beginning to froth inside your body the quicker his pace became.

The slick sounds and the way his balls slapped against your pussy made your head spin, and Jungkook was surely enjoying this just as much as you were from the way his head was tilted back and he was groaning, hands holding your hips so tight that you were sure there would be bruises later.

“Fuck!” you screamed out, tears beginning to prick your eyes as your moans began to mix with sobs at how fucking good it felt. The temperature of the egg in your body was now matching your own, a contrast to the cold plated eggs you had cooked earlier that were long forgotten on the counter.

“Jungkook,” you stuttered out, “so…so good” you sobbed.

Hearing you sound so vulnerable, saying his name while he was balls deep inside of you made his cock twitch and a moan escape his lips. He loved you so much and would do anything for you. He would get on his hands and knees and wash your feet as Jesus did for Judas, simply doing it out of his love and obsession for you.

You felt your stomach begin to tighten, a sign that you were close to your high. Jungkook was close too, but he wanted you to cum first so he let go of your hip with one of his hands and began to circle your sensitive bud as you shuddered underneath him. He then moved his fingers from your clit to your entrance, pushing in and pumping his fingers fast.

“I am go-go-go-gonna cum.” you stutter, seemingly not able to even say that simple sentence as you screw your eyes shut tighter.

The combination of his dick pumping in your ass and his fingers in your cunt brings a whole new wave of pleasure. You feel so full of him and without warning, you tense and feel the knot snap in your stomach as you cum on his fingers and uncontrollably clench around them. Your ass convulses as you’re clenching hard around his dick, seeming to involuntarily suck it in deeper with ease pulse.

Your entire body tingles as you let out a guttoral moan and say his name over and over like a chant. Tears are rolling down your cheeks as you begin to feel the start of overstimulation.

Jungkook pauses for a moment, removing his fingers from your cunt before he shoves them into your mouth and uses his other hand to hold you down by your neck, the pressure making your eyes roll back into your head as you suck his fingers and taste yourself, moaning as you do.

He then starts pumping at an even more animalistic pace than before, trying to reach his own high as you start whimpering from the overstimulation.

“I know baby, I know.” he soothes, keeping the same pace before his hips begin stuttering and he cums inside your ass, a loud moan ripping from his throat as well.

He doesn’t move, you both breathing heavily as he curses and lays his head on your back, intertwining his hands with your own. You feel content at having just been properly fucked and could really go for a shower right now.

However, he’s not done as he gives you a final pump, further mixing his semen with the raw egg before he removes his softening cock, crouches down, and lifts you up higher by your thighs.

You’re too fucked out to immediately react, but you widen your eyes when you realize what he’s about to do.

He licks a stripe through your pussy, tasting your arousal on his tongue. “You taste so fucking good.” he moans.

“What are you doing?” you question, using the little strength you have left to look behind you, meeting his eyes.

He can see the look in your eyes, see you’re surprised because you know what he’s about to do. So he smirks. That fucker smirks.

“I’m about to enjoy my breakfast.”

He takes his two fingers and gathers up the cum and egg dripping out of your hole, shoving it back in and pumping a few times before removing his fingers and replacing them with his tongue.

You gasp out, not believing he was actually eating your ass hole right after fucking an egg into you.

“Mmmm,” he hums into your backside.

Uncontrollable moans leave your mouth as he licks you clean, standing up shortly after and lightly slapping your ass.

You stand up, legs wobbly, and you have to grib the edge of the breakfast bar to stop your knees from giving out.

Jungkook felt good seeing you like this, knowing he was the cause and reason. It boosted his ego and he felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

“You’re nasty as shit,” you spit, turning around to face him while your hands still gripped the counter. However, you had a smirk on your lips showing Jungkook that you didn’t really mean it.

He chuckles, giving you a raise of his eyebrow.

“Well you didn’t seem to think so when you were begging for me to touch you.”

You roll your eyes, “You know that I love the way you fuck me.”

He walks up to you, hands sliding over your arms leaving goosebumps on your skin. He looks down at you and you look up, staring into each other’s eyes.

“I wouldn’t mind having my breakfast like that again in the future,” he smirks, “because I think scrambled eggs just became my new favorite.”

#fanfic #bts #btssmut #bts smut #bts jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook #jungkooksmut #egg #eggs #crack fic #bts au #smut

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stinkyme · 1 year

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Hello! This is a discussion I had a bit before, threesome with Nikolai and Fyodor and this is an ask of a specific person who requested :) I hope you like it and enjoy it! :) <3

CW/TW: NSFW, fem!reader, threesome, dom!reader, switch!Nikolai, sub!Fyodor, spanking, anal fingering, using strap-on, edging (?), handjob(s), praise, oral sex, ejaculation in the mouth (Nikolai & Fyodor), one usage of "mommy" by Fyodor, creampies, they are OOC lol, if I forgot anything please let me know! :)

I apologize this took me a while but I was caught up with other things, I personally dislike how this one turned out but I hope you enjoy as much as possible regardless :) (tbh had no idea how to name this fic, bear with me please)

PS. if this is formated weirdly, i deeply apologize, tumblr is so weird these days :(

I apologize for any mistakes in advance! :)

Good boys || Nikolai Gogol x Fyodor Dostoevsky x Reader

"So, which one of you will explain to me what exactly happened?" you asked in a serious, cold tone. You were part of Decay of Angels for quite some time now and Fyodor entrusted you with a lot of things given your capability and abilities. Least to say, your relationship turned out to be more serious and complicated than that, especially when Nikolai came into the picture. At this very moment, two of them made a mistake in the execution of one of the plans due to misunderstanding. Therefore you had two gullible looking men on your bed, their expressions as pathetic as they can get but Fyodor did try to hide and mask it more than Nikolai. Unsuccessfully, of course, given the fact you could see the way the beginning of his eyebrow was twitching as his gaze couldn't meet yours.

"Oh my...what should I do with the two of you?" you sighed out, tapping your heel on the floor as you kept observing them. Sly smirk curled out of your lips as you came towards Nikolai, slowly kneeling in front of him as you were resting your hands on his thighs.

"Tell me, dear, was this an issue with understanding between the two of you?" you asked in a silvery, almost compassionate tone as he nodded. Nikolai was known to be an eccentric man but at this very moment, your presence made him more tame than ever.

"Hm...I see. Well, we need to work on that then, no?" you asked enthusiastically as you got up in quick manner, moving your attention to both of them at the same time. Both of them nodded, however Fyodor seemed to be more skeptical.

"It appears I just know how to make the two of you understand each other better." you said slyly as you continued your sentence.

"Take your clothes off for me, both of you." you ordered in a sharp tone as Fyodor's gaze met yours, hesitant expression on his face.

"What's wrong my dear?" you asked him as you were walking towards him. You wrapped your hand underneath his jaw and lifted it up, making him look at you. You paused for a second, gazing over his face before you spoke.

"You believe in punishment, don't you?" you asked him slowly, raising your eyebrow at him as the corners of your lips spread into a cunning smile.

"I do however-" he said hesitantly, it was quite amusing having him in this state. You brushed your thumb over his soft cheek making him look at you.

"It will make me feel so much better if you were to be a good boy for me, can you do that?" you cut him off, gaze lustfully tracing over his features. Nikolai was always quick to pick up and be obedient, swiftly taking his clothes off and exposing his muscular body. Your gaze was tracing over his naked body, a little smile appearing on your face as you moved your hand on Fyodor's clothed cock, gently squeezing it and making him let out a low whimper. He was looking at you with half lidded eyes as he was leaning in, capturing your lips in a needy kiss. You chuckled into his lips, your tongues quickly finding each other and deepening the kiss as Nikolai sat on the bed, slowly stroking himself, his gaze cunning and lickerish. You pulled away from Fyodor, a thin string of saliva connecting your tongues as he was slightly breathless. You didn't say anything but it was enough for him to take his clothes off, exposing his thin body. Nikolai was still playing with himself as you went over to the drawer, taking out a strapon and lube. You turned around, observing their hard cocks, Nikolai was shamelessly stroking it while Fyodor's hands rested on his sides. You put both strapon and lube on the table and came up to Nikolai, grasping his face with your hand and leaning closer to him, his lips parting in anticipation as the two of you started making out. He was more demanding than Fyodor, little snivels escaping his throat and being muffled in your mouth as his wet, soft tongue moved in perfect sync with yours. He pulled away first, a little blush appearing on his face as he kept stroking himself, eyes filled with neediness. You looked over at Fyodor who was captivated by the sight of two of you making out, a small amount of precum leaking out of his tip. Nikolai swiftly wrapped his other hand around Fyodor's cock making him gasp out as his eyes widened. Nikolai was stroking both himself and Fyodor at the same time, the two of them exchanging pathetic gazes as whimpers kept escaping their lips. Fyodor was slowly thrusting his hips into Nikolai's hand as you were taking your clothes off, both men desperately watching you reveal your naked body. You took off your shirt and pants, swiftly removing your panties and bra right after as their shamelessly horny gaze kept tracing over your body. Nikolai kept stroking both of them, Fyodor's dim whimpers mixing up with Nikolai's louder, quick moans.

"Be patient boys." you said softly as you started adjusting the harness with a strapon around your hips. You put a small amount of lube on your palm and started spreading it all over the strap, making sure it's nicely coated and wet. You came up to two of them, observing Fyodor's frail body twitching from Nikolai's touch as you leaned towards him, gently licking his lips and making him part them. The two of you shared another deep kiss, Fyodor's hands messily finding their way to your breasts, gently squeezing them as he was trembling under your kiss and Nikolai's touch. You swiftly put your hand on Nikolai's cheek, pulling him closer as you pulled away from Fyodor, continuing the pace of kissing with Nikolai almost immediately. Nikolai's tongue was brushing over yours gently and he started stroking Fyodor's faster, making him whine almost in your ear. Both of you smiled into a kiss upon hearing Fyodor's sweet sounds and you pulled away from Nikolai who swiftly engrossed Fyodor's attention by kissing him. You moved away, leaving Fyodor's hands empty as the two of them shared a deep and passionate kiss. The two of them pulled away from each other and looked at you, practically waiting for the next demand.

"Good boys, now get on all fours for me." you said in a soft tone as the two of them obeyed, arching their back for you and exposing their bare asses as you were stroking the strapon, making sure it's still wet as you stood behind them.

"Me first please, Y/N." Nikolai said in an ecstatic tone, eager for friction as Fyodor kept silent.

"Hm...aren't you a needy one, Kolya." you said through a light laugh as you started slowly teasing his hole with the tip of the strap, Nikolai's body twitching from cold sensation. He let out a little giggles of excitement as you started pushing the strap deeper, making him choke on his own giggle and choke out a whimper. Corners of your lips curled into a smile as you slided the strap fully inside of him and started slowly thrusting. Nikolai was whimpering, arching his back more for you as you kept your pace. You were observing Fyodor whose eyes were filled with agonizing envy as he kept watching Nikolai's face expressing pleasure from your touch.

"Now, now, I didn't forget about you Fedya." you said lovingly as you put two of your fingers inside of your mouth, twirling your tongue around them and making sure they are completely wet before putting them on Fyodor's needy hole, teasing his entrance with drawing small circles. Fyodor let out a soft snivel, growing more pathetic for any friction as he kept watching Nikolai receiving pleasure.

"Please…" he let out in a broken tone, voice dropping lower. You swiftly pushed your fingers inside, making him yelp out of pleasure. You moved your hips and fingers at the same pace, fucking both of them stimutaniounsly as their whimpers kept filling up your ears. Watching and having two of them like this made your whole body fill up with immense warmth. You started moving your hips faster, pounding inside Nikolai whose choked whines basically silenced Fyodor's whimpers. You curled your fingers up a bit and started moving them faster making Fyodor moan out sharply as you kept relentlessly stimulating his sensitive spot. Your free hand landed a loud spank on Nikolai's ass as you kept thrusting inside of him, making him choke out a whine. You extracted your fingers out of Fyodor's ass to spank him as well, a harsh slap on his skin immediately resulting in crimson red color. You left another spank on his ass making him let out a keen sob and right after slided your fingers back inside, sliding them in and out and further penetrating him. You stopped moving your hips and with your free hand grabbed Nikolai's messy braid, pulling him towards you and making him arch his back more.

"Fuck yourself like a good boy." you whispered out in his ear and he immediately started moving his hips back and forth, fucking himself on the strap. He was letting out blissful whimpers and whines, hitting all the right spots inside of himself as you focused more on Fyodor as for now. You started moving your fingers faster making his whole body twitch as soft, under breath whines kept escaping his lungs, his pathetic hole clenching and relaxing around your fingers. You harshly spanked Nikolai once again as he kept desperately fucking himself, his hips quivering as his cock started twitching more and more from immense pleasure.

"So good...more." Nikolai was choking his words out, almost breathless as his orgasm started intensely building up inside him.

"Should I let him cum, Fedya? Hm?" you asked in a sly tone as you started sliding your fingers in and out even faster making Fyodor's body start shaking and twitching more intensely as he tried to choke his words out unsuccessfully. A little cunning smirk appeared on your lips as you watched Nikolai fucking himself dumb on your strap, moaning shamelessly loud as he was getting closer and closer.

"What a shame." you let out in a disappointed tone as you pulled the strap out of Nikolai as well as your fingers out of Fyodor. Both of them turned around at the same time, pathetic eyes looking for an explanation.

"I was a good boy, please let me cum, please." Nikolai was desperately begging, his eyes filled with agony as a little amount of precum leaked from his tip making you giggle.

"You are so pathetic Kolya." you scoffed out as you grabbed his jaw, leaning closer to his face.

"You will use Fedya's mouth, dummy." you said as you wrapped your hand around Nikolai's cock, slowly stroking it and him immediately letting out shaky whimpers.

"And you...what about you?" you asked as you looked over at Fyodor, his eyes filled with desperation.

"Please…" he let out shamefully, making you giggle as you felt Nikolai's cock twitch inside of your hand. You let go of his cock, edging him further as he let out a pathetic whine.

"Please what? Use your words, slut." you said sharply as Fyodor's cock twitched at your words.

"I want some too..please..fuck me. It's my turn." he said in a shaky, pitiful tone as Nikolai moved himself in front of Fyodor. You smiled as you stood behind him, grasping a handful of his hair and pushing him forward Nikolai's cock.

"Good boy, now put that mouth of yours to a better use." you ordered and he immediately opened his mouth, wrapping them around Nikolai's thick cock as you swiftly went to a drawer and cleaned the strap. You were observing them, ears filled with Fyodor's choking each time Nikolai's cock would hit the back of his throat as Nikolai put his hand into Fyodor's hair, pushing him further and shamelessly moaning. You quickly lubed the strap and came back to Fyodor, positioning yourself behind him as you paralleled the strap with his hole. You were slowly sliding it inside, stretching him out and you could hear him whimpering around Nikolai's cock.

"Don't mess up the pace now Fedya, it wouldn't be fair to Kolya." you were teasing as you started pounding vigorously inside of Fyodor making him stop sucking on Nikolai's cock for a moment, a chain of sharp moans interrupting his pace. Nikolai grabbed Fyodor's hair, keeping his head in place as he started thrusting his hips inside and fucking Fyodor's throat. Your skin was slapping into Fyodor's ass, leaving red marks behind as you wrapped your hands around his hips and pulling them towards you, fucking him more relentlessly. Pitiful, muffled chokes kept escaping his throat alongside with whimpers stimulating Nikolai more who was moaning sharply, eyes half lidded as his orgasm was getting closer and closer. You moved one of your hands between Fyodor's legs, your pace inside of him still unswervingly vigorous as the palm of your hand wrapped around his cock. You started stroking his cock, making him moan out into Nikolai's cock who rolled his eyes from intense pleasure. You could feel Fyodor's pulsating and twitching inside your hand as you kept persistently stimulating his g-spot. He was getting close to his release alongside Nikolai, both of them getting louder, their sweet noises making your core fill up with more warmth.

"Come on now, be good boys for me and cum." you let out quickly as you started stroking Fyodor's cock even faster, Nikolai moving his hips with eagerness as he kept throat fucking Fyodor. Nikolai was panting, chest raising and falling quickly as his abs kept flexing, a few broken whines escaping his parted lips as he finally reached his orgasm, a thick whip of cum filling Fyodor's throat. Nikolai slowed down his movement, his breathing incoherent as he was riding out his orgasm. Fyodor was pulsating even harder inside your hand, swallowing the cum quickly and pulling away from Nikolai's grip, loud whimpers escaping his throat as he was getting close to his orgasm as well. You kept your pace inside of him as well as the pace of your strokes and you could feel his cock twitching as the mixture of his whimpers and whines became louder, finally reaching his orgasm, long whip of cum painting the bed. He was letting out sharp, quick breaths as his whimpers became quieter, his orgasm slowly melting away. You let go of his cock and pulled out the strap letting him slowly sit on the bed as you walked away, taking off the harness and placing the strap on the table. You turned back and saw Nikolai and Fyodor stroking each other's cocks, hard once again.

"Aren't my boys greedy today?" you asked through a light giggle as you came up to them, laying on the bed away from Fyodor's pathetic mess as both of them immediately stopped with mutual pleasuring and positioned themselves. Nikolai was between your legs as Fyodor was on your side. Fyodor started placing tender kisses all over your chest area meanwhile Nikolai was gently kissing and biting skin on your thighs. Fyodor's lips wrapped around one of your nipples, gently sliding it between his teeth as he started sucking on it. You let out a mellow whimper as Nikolai simultaneously started sucking on the soft skin of your thigh. He swiftly put two of his fingers between your inner lips, teasing your wet entrance as he pulled away from your thigh.

"Don't worry, we will make you feel even better." he said with a sly smirk as he brought his fingers to his lips and put them inside of his mouth, tasting your sweet precum. Fyodor moved his attention to your other nipple, sucking on it and brushing his tongue over it as Nikolai aligned his cock with your entrance, slowly sliding it inside and making you whimper out as he was stretching you out. He started slowly thrusting inside of you, quick and breathy moans escaping his throat as Fyodor slowly pulled away from your nipple, slowly tracing his way with wet kisses down your tummy. You sneaked your hand between Fyodor's legs and started stroking him at a fast pace making him let out broken whines in your skin. He bit into your tummy making you gasp out as Nikolai started thrusting faster inside of you, relentlessly pressing your g-spot making you choke on your own moans. You wrapped your legs around Nikolai's hips, weakly pulling him in as Fyodor continued kissing your tummy, desperately letting out shaky whimpers as you kept stroking his sensitive cock. Three of you filled up the room with your sweet sounds of pleasure. Nikolai kept his pace inside of you as Fyodor slowly put his hand on your pelvic area, feeling the bulge that Nikolai's cock was making inside of you with each thrust. You could feel his cock twitch inside of your hand from sensation, little snivels escaping his throat.

"You like that?" Nikolai asked him slightly breathless. Fyodor nodded, his eyes slowly filling up with tears from your fast paced strokes, painfully sensitive from his previous orgasm. Nikolai giggled as he started thrusting faster inside of you, his balls slapping on the underside of your pussy, leaving a little bitter-sweet bruise behind. You were moaning loudly, mind hazy as he kept hitting your sensitive spot inside and making you grip Fyodor's cock harder. Fyodor gasped out sharply as your stroking became unbearable, sweet sobs escaping his lungs as he moved his hand further down, fingers gently circling on your clit. You let out a quick chain of whimpers as two of them kept pleasuring you, Nikolai's thrusts vigorously hitting your g-spot meanwhile Fyodor's slender, cold fingers satisfied your swollen, needy clit. Nikolai wrapped his hands around your hips, his fingernails leaving little imprints inside of your skin as he was getting louder, whining shamelessly as your pussy started clenching around him, making his contrasting eyes start tearing up. He was pulsating inside of you, little twitches stimulating you more as he was getting closer to his orgasm. You slowed down the pace on Fyodor's cock from intense pleasure making him let out a snivel of dissatisfaction as he continued messily kissing your skin. You could feel your orgasm slowly building up inside of you, your moans and whimpers becoming louder with Nikolai's as he kept persistently thrusting inside of you, his grip on your hips getting harsher. His cock started twitching more and more as his moans became agonizingly loud mixed with sweet giggles as he was finally reaching his orgasm, the thick whip of his warm cum filling you up inside making you more sensitive. You were whimpering out, your grip on Fyodor's cock slowly ceasing away. He let out another dissatisfied whine as he pulled away from your skin. Nikolai was panting, slowly fucking his cum in and out of you as Fyodor kept drawing circles on your clit. Fyodor's expression grew desperate, purple orbs sparkling from little tears of deprivation that were forming in his eyes as he leaned closer to you.

"It's my turn, let me please you. I am begging." he was pleading desperately, his cock aching for more friction.

"I don't hear you beg, Fedya." you were teasing as Nikolai slowly pulled out of you, making sure to not leave mess behind.

"Please...I promise I will be good. Please, Y/N." he was saying his pleas through a broken, almost raspy voice. You kept looking at him, waiting for more as you started stroking his cock once again to give him more motivation.

"I-, ah, I was good for you so...Please...mommy." he was whimpering his words out, his eyes desperately looking for your approval.

"So eager. Very well baby. Switch places with Nikolai." you ordered and two of them switched places, Fyodor kneeling between your legs, slowly lining up his needy cock with your soaking entrance. As soon as his sensitive tip touched your wet cunt he started whimpering.

"What a desperate slut." you said through a lighthearted laugh as Nikolai giggled next to you, his lips slowly kissing your neck and moving down to your breasts. Fyodor slowly pushed his whole cock inside of you, getting overwhelmed with your hot, wet cunt. Quick paced whimpers started escaping his parted lips as Nikolai's hand snaked between your legs, continuing what Fyodor did before and drawing circles on your clit with two of his fingers. Fyodor started thrusting faster, more coherent with his movement, his cock stimulating your sensitive spots perfectly. You were letting out pale whimpers and moans as Nikolai's fingers kept working wonders on your clit along with Fyodor's cock. Nikolai's lips wrapped around one of your nipples, his tongue brushing against it in quick but gentle circles. Fyodor was whining out, his cock twitching inside of you as he sped up his movement, closer to his orgasm. You were moaning out, your whole body filling up with warmth and tingles as your orgasm kept building inside of you. Each clench of your cunt around Fyodor's cock made him dizzy from pleasure, getting closer and closer to his release. You swiftly moved your upper body towards Fyodor, making Nikolai move away from your nipple. You cupped Fyodor's cheek, both of you panting and whimpering as your orgasms were on the edge of bursting. You kept looking at his eyes that were half lidded, a string of saliva sparkling in the corner of his lips. His cock was twitching inside of you as your pussy kept clenching and relaxing around him. Nikolai kept his pace on your clit, bringing you even closer to your release.

"Cum for me. Cum with mommy, Fedya." you emphasized the word, throwing him over the edge immediately, his cum filling you up inside as he was letting out high pitched and raspy whimpers and whines. He threw his head back as he was riding his orgasm, sloppily thrusting inside of you but trying to keep up the pace. His warm cum spreading inside you as well as the tip of his still half hard cock pressuring your sensitive spot and Nikolai's skillful fingers circling on your clit threw you over the edge, your lower tummy filling up with warmth as you finally reached your orgasm. You threw your head back, intense pleasure spreading all over your body as silvery moans kept escaping your lungs. Fyodor pulled out messily, a mixture of his and Nikolai's cum painting the bed even more as Nikolai slowed his movement completely, his fingers resting on top of your sensitive clit as your orgasm melted away.

"Good boys. Very good boys." you praised through a shaky tone as you let yourself fall back on the bed, closing your eyes and calming down. Nikolai and Fyodor came to your sides, putting their hands over your body and gently cuddling.

"Do you feel better now?" Nikolai asked in a soft tone, fingertips faintly brushing over your hip.

"I do but I still have to clean your mess as always." you said lightheartedly as you eyed the pools of cum on the bed sheets.

"Well then, let's at least make more mess that's worth cleaning." Nikolai teased through a low tone making you giggle.

"Is that your philosophy?" you asked through a little laugh as Fyodor started kissing your neck.

"As unnatural as it would be, I agree with him." Fyodor whispered in your ear making you chuckle.

"It appears the two of you learned how to work together." you said in a soft tone, the three of you continuing to enjoy each other for the rest of the day.

The End :) <3

I hope you liked this and enjoyed it! :)

Thank you for all the love and support you showed me so far, I deeply appreciate it :) <3

Huge kisses on the forehead for everyone :3

#nikolai gogol x fyodor dostoevsky x reader smut #nikolai gogol x reader smut #fyodor dostoevsky x reader smut #nikolai gogol x fyodor dostoevsky #nikolai gogol x yn #nikolai gogol smut #fyodor dostoevsky x yn #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor dostoevsky smut #nikolai gogol x reader #bsd smut #fyodor bsd #nikolai gogol bsd #fyodor dostoevsky bsd #bsd fyodor #bsd nikolai x reader #bsd fic #bsd imagines

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genericpuff · 1 month

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So this is random, sorry, but someone I know is reading a touch of darkness (I think you've mentioned it here before) and oh my gods your right?? It's literally just LO in book format instead of a Webtoon. Persephone and Hades in a "modern" setting except this time he's a gambling den owner instead of running a corporation that stands in for the underworld. Persephone is a student at university etc etc until she happens to run into Hades (and is already weirdly fascinated with him for some odd reason). Enemies to lovers tropes out the wazoo, badly written smut etc. Like wow I know there's bound to be some overlap but this feels almost copy pasted. It's like a weird vicious cycle of the modern era where we keep getting the same tired Hades and Persephone story of "their in love really and they hurt people but it's hot and Demeter is a helicopter mom" that follow the same formula. Why is it such a thing? LO, a touch of darkness, losing beauty etc. There's so many of them.

OMG SO I HAVE A FUNNY STORY ABOUT THAT ACTUALLY LOL

a pal sent me this a couple weeks back and uh. I'm like 95% sure this person is talking about A Touch of Darkness:

That said, I think it's really ironic that people are trying to 'report' whatever book this could be considering the characters in LO are not really Rachel's 'characters', but A Touch of Darkness is SUPER egregious with how much it ripped off LO. It came out in May 2019, and LO started in the Originals section in March 2018, though it was on Tumblr before that so I don't think it's far-fetched to think that Scarlett St. Claire read LO and was 'inspired' to write a novel that was exactly the same.

The reader here though says that LO came out 3-4 years before this unnamed series, which does make me think it could be something else, but it's also "series of novels" which A Touch of Darkness definitely is at this point.

So yeah, this could either go nowhere due to Rachel not owning anything when it comes to the Greek myth characters in her 'retelling', or it could lead to the smackdown of the century LOL

#ask me anything #ama #anon ask me anything #anon ama #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #a touch of darkness

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dduane · 1 year

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Damn it all, I lost someone's ask

I saved it to draft (so I could deal with it at more length) and it vanished.

The person was saying they wanted to tank up on Young Wizards printed books but were having trouble, due to unavailability of all but "the first one", and prices for both hardcovers and trade paperbacks being all over the place at independent suppliers.

Briefly: this has been a problem for nearly the last decade, and more so since the books' US publisher (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt) was ingested by another larger publisher.

Distribution on these books has always been dodgy, and frankly it's become more so over time, as their publisher keeps changing hands, staff leave or are fired, and sales staffs turn over. Additionally, all the books have appeared in multiple formats over the years, and not all of the books necessarily in all of those.

Confused yet? I know I am, and they're my damn books!

Dealing strictly with the Harcourt editions here: the first three appear only in mass-market paperbacks, with covers by two different artists. The fourth one then appears in mass market and an unusual small-format hardcover. Then (when the series took off with that publisher) all the MMPBs were repackaged, and (starting with the fifth one) were preceded by Harcourt hardcovers. Additionally, as the books were doing quite well in the early 2000s, the sales staff thought it would be a good idea if there were "digest format" editions aimed at younger readers. (These books were only physically larger than MMPBs, with bigger print: no text was ever Reader's-Digest-style abridged/condensed.) And there were only six of these, as the later books were thought to be "more adult" and hence not a good fit for this format.

After that, the remaining three books all went to hardcover-and-paperback, usually a year apart. The digest editions were allowed to gradually go out of print; so were the hardcovers, as demand for them fell off. And that's where we are at the moment, with (as far as I can tell) the MMPBs only being reprinted in small amounts when stocks fall low enough to warrant it.

This situation doesn't really support the books being easy to find. Additionally, older editions of the hardcovers from previous publishers (and older trade paperbacks, ditto) are still out there, and can be had... but at what will look like weirdly high prices. The early Dell hardcovers of So You Want To Be A Wizard, Deep Wizardry and High Wizardry, due to their small print runs, are rare, hard to find, and usually go for hundreds of dollars. (This link at Abebooks will show you what the situation's currently like for the Delacorte hardcover first edition of So You Want To Be A Wizard.) For a long time there was no US hardcover of A Wizard Abroad until SF Book Club published one set from the text of the UK Transworld/Corgi edition. (sigh) And so on. (There's a page over at the Young Wizards site dealing with this wild assortment of covers and formats.)

Now, all that said: Over at Signed Books Direct is our storefront for copies of both the newer and older books. Except for the rarest ones, we sell them at cover price (and are happy to do so, because FFS nobody needs this many of their own books). :) I acquired a lot of these from Harcourt when word came down that warehouse space was tight, stock was being winnowed, and I could have these on the cheap—or, it was heavily implied, they would be pulped. And as someone who due to a weird confluence of circumstances had half the print run of her (strongly-selling!) first novel pulped in the warehouse, the mere word, even after forty years, makes my blood run a bit cold. So I laid out the necessary cash and gave those books a home. And when people find ones they want, I sell them on to new homes with great pleasure.

So the thing for you to do (O person whose ask was in an evil hour eaten by Tumblr) is use the SBD contact email on this page to query me about what you're looking for. I'm presently in the middle of reorganizing the store's inventory so it reflects what we've actually got. The website's about to be reorganized to reflect what's on the shelves in the boot room, but that's not gonna happen this week.. so don't take what you see on the site seriously. Query me about what you're after, and as soon as I've had a rummage in the shelves, I'll get back to you.

HTH!

(And for those of you wondering, "But what are you doing about the distribution problem?" ...right now the answer is: "What my agent and I can." More news as it becomes available.)

#Young Wizards #printed book availability

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broken-risk-assessment-module · 13 days

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okay I cave. I thought about it too much and now it's a post. this one's for @ilovedthestars and @needlesandnilbogs

risk assessment module's tumblr url is accounting-for-competency and it reblogs parkour and martial arts videos, speed runs, no-hit/perfect boss fights, and fight scene gifsets from media.

in the tags it always manages to notice and appropriately compliment a very specific technique the person is using in order to protect themselves/be safe

occasionally it will also do deep in-depth analysis posts of the choreography of a fight scene from one of murderbot's serials. how the moves would work in reality, how the film translates a real move/technique so its more dramatic and visual appealing, and also the skillset/movie magic behind keeping stunt actors safe.

threat assessment module doesn't have a tumblr but risk assessment sends it links to posts about how to relax, detox its mind, meditate, or plane-shift.

"it's medicinal, y'know. for the stick up your ass."

education module just reblogs interesting facts, but always reblogs them with a reliable source link if the original post doesn't have one. it's favourite facts are about weird alien fauna and space station physics.

risk assessment convinced it to make it's url "pieceofcrap" because that's what Murderbot calls it. it kinda wants to change it to something more "professional" but is also weirdly attached to it, so it won't.

language module's url is too-many-human-words and most of what it reblogs is to do with translations of media. analyses of translations of poetry, books, and manga. meta posts about subtitles. those posts that are just people trying to explain words that don't have direct translations into other languages.

it also really likes those posts that are like... a bunch of curated screenshots of internet posts, famous quotes, and lines from poetry or books or shows, all put together cus they're vaguely about the same thing or attempting to describe the same feeling. it likes how humans find so many ways to say the same thing.

governor module does not have a tumblr but if it DID, it's url would be governor-931625384 or some shit like that. it's blog would be completely empty and uncustomised. the only thing it would use it for is searching for posts that violate tumblr's terms of service or community guidelines and DMing the poster directly to tell them which rules they've violated. it would get reported as a spam bot every time.

procedure module has a tumblr called apparently-a-panic-module that it uses like an actual personal blog, as in it posts it's random thoughts and stuff that it's done that day. also creates polls for the most out of left field stuff, including completely asinine decisions it has to make.

it reblogs how-to posts and recipes. it doesn't matter what they're for, just that they are a step-by-step guide on how to do something. in the tags it critiques the clarity and format.

it's by far the most active on tumblr out of all of them. it gets anon asks (mostly from the other modules) that are like "don't you have anything better to do" and it always just responds "no."

#self indulgent module feedsona post time everyone sorry #tho im also indulging stars and bardic. hi guys #im surprised at how much i had to say on this actually lmao #the murderbot diaries #bram's feedsonas #stuff i made

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tlonista · 4 months

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Astarion fic recs, Batch 2

Thanks so much to everyone who had kind words for my Astarion fic rec list! My habit continues unabated so I wanted to throw out another little batch of mostly recent, mostly hurt/comfort-oriented Astarion-centric fanfic that I liked. As before there's references to Astarion's past abuse and assault so mind the AO3 tags.

Anyway happy holidays fellow pale elf fans, pls tip me off if you watched the latest Larian animated short and felt moved to write about shivering blanket-wrapped Astarion sitting on Karlach's lap.

Incomplete Multi-Chapter:

The Friends We Meet in the Dark by Copaline

Astarion is captured by monster hunters while spiraling over how to earn Tav's affections. Second in a series, but can be read standalone; one of two chapters posted. Big fan of its protective f!Tav, and there's some fun banter with the rest of the gang.

I Don't Know You Yet by thbreakofdawn

Nicely executed modern Bloodweave social media (text messages and Twitter) AU. Astarion is a sex worker and Gale is a grad student struggling with his relationship to his girlfriend Mystra, and they strike up a text-only friendship after a random connection. Very effective use of the multimedia format.

If the Cross on the Door Doesn't Scare You by Aylwyyn228

Sweet, angsty "Astarion starves in the Shadow-Cursed Lands because he's too scared to ask for blood" fic with the added turn of Gale guessing exactly what's happening, but being too toxic-blooded to actually help unless Astarion tells the others about his vampirism.

a half-blown rose by winter_writes

Astarion's "Tav didn't kill Cazador" dialogue in the Patch 5 Epilogue is one of the saddest things in the game, and I'm so excited to see writers running with it. In this fic Astarion was recaptured by Cazador post-game and then finally freed thanks to a fire... but he's terribly injured in the aftermath and ashamed to have his ex-lover see him. Only one chapter so far but I'm a big fan.

death by rock & roll by falco_c

This hasn't been updated in a while and Astarion hasn't actually appeared in it yet, but I'm throwing it in as a bonus because I really love its Almost Famous-y music industry AU vibe. Its translation of the tadpole ensemble into rock-and-roll burnouts, featuring in-world interviews, is absolutely delightful.

One-Shots:

Untitled by trulycertain (Tumblr-only)

It's spawn Astarion realizing he can turn into a bat and flying around and getting tired with Tav around, that's it, that's the fic. Completely adorable fluff. But "Is this what it’s meant to be like? Being a spawn? Not a starved slave?" kills me.

Family by sword_and_lance

Astarion goes to see his family after being turned, and Cazador cements his control over Astarion by offering him some scraps of comfort in the painful aftermath. It's short and restrained and chilling and so so sad.

Pointy Ears by SpaceBarbarianWeird

Yes another fluffy fic, what am I coming to. But who doesn't want to read about Astarion rediscovering trust by letting Tav touch his sensitive pointy ears with some brief digressions into elven social norms and gift-giving.

Complete Multi-Chapter:

Desperate Measures by Asidian

One of the fics that inspired "If the Cross" above, and one of my favorite "Astarion in the Shadow-Cursed Lands" pieces. Very good at balancing a sympathetic take on the character with him being, like canon Astarion, deceptive and a little bit abrasive when cornered. Plus bonus fun with Scratch.

this is a gift (it comes with a price) by ryttu3k

A post-game Ascended Astarion fic in which AA is literally soulless and knows it, and his sometimes-lover Duke Wyll Ravengard discovers over a series of nighttime visits that he secretly hates it. One of my favorite Ascension fics in part because, intentionally or not, it feels weirdly true to the experience of depressive anhedonia?

The Light of the Seven by Verelia

@reddenmore mentioned this one in the tags on my last fic rec list and I wholeheartedly agree; it's a real good Szarr Spawn Family character study delving into the backstory and personality of each of Cazador's "children," including Astarion.

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #fic recs

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splatoongamefiles · 7 months

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hi could i get the files for the videos/ads that play on the screens inside the lobby as well as outside on those screens in the plaza thingy, thanks!!!!

oh my god theres 32 of them. jesus christ. heres the first 3 and i will suffer for the next few days because THESE ARE SO COOL

tumblr likes only one video per post, these two things are links!^

i had to edit these though. i chose 24 fps because thats just what made sense to me but i realize now it would more likely be 30. i also noticed that the dimensions of these files are not divisible by 2 which isnt supported by yuv420p (a pixel format that most videos you watch are in) and one of them is scaled weirdly.

the raw images of all of these, without my edits and fixes, are in this zip: https://file.garden/ZRWmCDccGFWyKuzh/mov00.zip

please be weary of downloading zip files off of random people from the internet

also if theres a better way of putting these on tumblr please tell me

theres also this:

i will post more soon. but christ

#ask #whoism0 #splatoon 3 #lobby #splatoon #textures #videos #edit by me

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columboscreens · 1 year

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Been loving the Twitter account and realized I'd love the Tumblr too.

Anyway, I've always wondered something... my mom and I began to realize that maybe one of the reasons classic Columbo's formula made such a splash and continues to be unique is that he's basically presented as the story's "villain".

Not in a "he was the real killer" kind of way, I mean structure-wise for most episodes the killer is the main character with the majority of screen time. It occurred to us that all the best episodes really seem to present the murderer as the protagonist, with us seeing them plan and carry out their scheme, even sometimes be privy to their inner thoughts. Then after they've done their killing, this... monster starts stalking them. It seemed to us the best episodes were the ones where WE are put in the killer's shoes the most, and maybe the character and show formula has endured so well because its thrill feels so similar to watching your favorite movie monster pursue dumb teenagers in a haunted house.

We noticed it kinda felt like it had that same weirdly sadistic glee. Like sure the movie might be "about" the campers or family or whatever, but the monster creeping around "getting" everyone is who you really came to see.

I wondered if anyone else had felt this fun "relentless antagonist" vibe from Columbo? Maybe the formula continues to feel unique even today because it isn't set up quite like a detective show. It's a rich arrogant murderer show, we just can't wait for our favorite monster to show up and chase them (with insidious, relentless politeness).

thank you!

not to needlessly intellectualize my own favorite show (i say, maintaining this blog), but there's a real sophistication to columbo, a literary quality that i think appeals to people. though the production appears facile at first, those choices in formula and perspective you mention are indeed very deliberate and part of what made columbo so fresh and special both when it aired and today. it was a very novel approach to the mystery format to have us start off with the murderer and maybe even root for them sometimes against columbo. as i always say, the show evokes dostoyevsky and doyle, not bruckheimer; it's born from old-fashioned drawing room murder mysteries, not CSI.

the mysteries are usually sharp--between columbo and murder she wrote alone, levinson and link were two of the most prolific mysterysmiths of the 20th century. but ultimately, for both the viewer and for columbo, it's all about the chase, the game, the banter. it's about a mangy little guy tussling with someone with more dollars than he has hairs on his body, and winning to boot. the legwork is important, but it does ultimately come second.

steven moffat got torn to shreds for calling columbo a sadist, but he was absolutely right and needn't have apologized. if you get up in arms about that, do you really understand columbo?

the man is a benevolent sadist. that's why he appears borderline villainous. he is a sadist with a level head and good moral compass, but still a sadist. he goes well out of his way to fuck over people who deserve to get fucked over, and he clearly enjoys every minute of it. it's how he's able to remain so relentless without getting burned out. is that so wrong?

just look at the smirk on this man's face. you cannot deny that.

like a fine wine, his power grows with time...

peter falk himself often likened being chased by columbo to "getting nibbled to death by a duck". nobody can stand there and tell me ducks aren't the cutest and also pettiest most sadistic little bastards in the animal kingdom...

sir!!!! SIR!!!!! i don't mean to bother you, i've just got this one little thing on my mind, i thought maybe you could help me...

#quek #columbo #ask #text #longpost

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pink-key · 4 months

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Aight kids, I'm doing yolo action I rewrote the thing, changing the perspective as I mentioned in one of the babble posts, it's wonky in some places, maybe a bit raw too, but I want to hear your thoughts about this garbage. If it's worse or better than the eh original 2015 one. You can comment in there, i rarely use google doc so I apologize if Its formatted weirdly. Here is pure link in case Tumblr is wonky https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z5lfR6NCT3zNpscC5UNj4WagFfVlCEwbkj62nnrbDPA/edit

#post #babble #please be gentle i am weak to criticism #i feel ashamed #i can only write uni papers decently

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dandylovesturtles · 6 months

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Wheelchair Annon is happy to help!! *salutes*. Also, sorry this ask is going to be weirdly formatted because tumblr for some reason won’t let the return button work ><. I love what you said about the realisation of Leo being left out of conversations being a slow burn (I definitely think that hurts more), but it can be so in your face obvious that it’s impossible to ignore - as in, I will ask for directions and the person I ask will give the answers to the person with me as if they asked.

ahhhh good point, thanks! it may be a thing then where the first few times it happens he doesn't realize but then when something like that happens, something really obvious, he's like... okay I get what's happening here

he is pretty perceptive after all

#rottmnt #sidelined au

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 9 days

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I finally decided to listen to the Perfect Brains podcast, did all four episodes that are out so far in the last couple of days. And, okay, I wasn’t going to say this because I didn’t want to be pointlessly negative about something people enjoy – but now that I no longer hold this opinion, I can say, I was pretty skeptical when this was first announced. It felt like a weirdly manufactured pairing, since as far as I knew Sam Campbell and Lucy Beaumont had nothing to do with each other before Taskmaster, and it’s not even like they clicked with each other especially well during Taskmaster.

It felt like one of those things where people on Reddit (or, to be fair, Tumblr) see two people on a panel show and say “Oh my God, they should have a sitcom!” And then Avalon just gave them a sitcom podcast, not because there were any artistic reasons to believe that would actually work, but just because fans thought it would be a funny concept. This seemed especially true since they didn’t even have a format when they launched, just said “Okay you guys liked these two on Taskmaster, well here, subscribe to this then.”

And I wasn’t convinced it would work. Sam and Lucy don’t have anything that would make them work well together except that they’re both weird, and they’re not even the same type of weird, or particularly compatible types of weird. Zany characters can be very funny on their own, but when bouncing off someone else, the “straight man” role exists for a reason. The weird one has to be paired with someone who’s been tailored to fit with them.

I can say all those now because it turns out my concerns were unfounded – this shit’s hilarious. It still seems like a bit of a cynical idea that might have just got lucky, but it really works. Possibly because I didn’t need to be worried about the lack of a straight man. They have a “straight man” in the podcast, and his name is Sam Campbell. And it turns out it’s amazingly funny to listen to Sam Campbell playing the straight man. He’s surprisingly good at it.

There’s a kid at the autism centre where I work who speaks almost entirely in “scripts”, in which he’s repeating things he’s heard elsewhere (songs, TV shows), mostly talking to himself, sometimes he can be persuaded to answer a question but only if it’s a very simple one and he can answer with something from his repertoire of quotes. By last week, I’d spent probably 50 hours with him one-on-one in various sessions over several months, and I was very used to his voice. But then we introduced a new program that he didn’t like, and when I started doing it, he suddenly said “All done all done!” in a completely different voice that I had never heard before. It was significantly higher-pitched. He normally mumbles a lot but this was clearly enunciated. If I heard that voice out of context I’d never have guessed it was him. It was shocking to realize I’d heard him say thousands of words and this was the first time I’d ever heard his “real” voice. How he sounds when he’s talking as himself, and not scripting from other things he’s heard. (Not relevant to the story but just to be clear: I didn’t finish the program after he said that. I do not torture children for a living.)

That’s what I thought of the first time I heard Sam Campbell respond to one of Lucy Beaumont’s most absurd statements. Sam stays in character on everything, even situations where most comedians break character (Taskmaster podcast, Off Menu), so the first time Lucy caught him so off guard that he just gave a genuine surprise response, his answer shocked me almost more than her statement. I had that same moment of “Oh shit, I’ve heard you say a lot of words before but I think I’ve just heard your real voice for the first time.” It’s not constant or anything, Sam’s still mostly in character throughout this. But every once in a while Lucy will throw him right off and it’s delightful. Her mother had him unable to keep up any persona for pretty much the whole time he was on, I think he nearly forgot he was meant to be acting and just enjoy the stories. (Please note: That moment of “Oh shit, you became a different person for a moment there and I think that’s the real one” is as far as this analogy goes, I feel the need to clarify because I know the internet is full of speculation about Sam being somewhere on some spectrum or other and that’s not the point I’m making here. I have no theories as to what spectrum Sam Campbell may or may not be on. But I do have views on how funny it is when someone gets emotionally pushed to the point of suddenly turning into the “real” person, my view is: not particularly funny if it’s a child confronted with a therapy program they don’t want and you should probably back off, but very funny if it’s a comedian who’s too confused by another comedian’s mother’s holiday anecdote to remember to do his inflection.)

The biggest downside to this podcast is I just can’t imagine anything living up to that guest episode. Tim Key was so good that by the time his segment finished, I felt bad for Lucy and her mother trying to live up to that. But I needn’t have, as by the time Lucy’s mother was done, I felt bad for Tim having given his time to that podcast only to be comedically upstaged by someone who isn’t actually a comedian (although Lucy’s mother is a playwright, and she sure crafted some theatre in that episode).

I’ve gone through various phases in my assumptions about Lucy Beaumont. It started with – well obviously that’s a character, it’s funny. Then – she is committing to that bit really hard, is there any chance she’s just actually like that and has lucked into her career? Then – oh that was some shitty misogyny of me to even consider that, no one wonders whether someone like Sam Campbell is a character act, obviously Lucy Beaumont also has a differently-pitched voice of a completely different person that she uses in real life, she just never lets it come out in a performance. Then I listened to her on the Comedian’s Comedian podcast where she started talking about how all famous literature was written by ghosts, and Stuart Goldsmith gave her so many opportunities to clarify herself, he kept saying that’s an interesting idea but she means it metaphorically of course, and she kept saying “No I mean it completely literally, I think people are possessed by spirits”, and you could hear the moment when it clicked to Stuart that he wasn’t going to get her to admit she’s doing a bit because she’s not, and he finally said “Are you pulling my leg, Lucy?” and she said no, and then he hurried off the topic. And after that I stopped feeling bad about wondering whether Lucy Beaumont might be actually just like that, not some carefully crafted character. I mean, obviously some of it is crafted. Obviously she couldn’t get where she is if she didn’t know what she was doing and understand that some of her absurd thoughts are funny, and funnier if she plays into that. But I think she does mean this stuff.

Hearing her mother on that podcast has broadened my view of Lucy Beaumont further, to thinking – oh, she might be the normal one. She might be genuinely like this but only because that’s her compromise between the normal she was taught and objective reality. And she, being very intelligent (and you can’t have as successful a career as Lucy Beaumont with having lots of intelligence, even if that someone goes alongside the belief that 1984 was written by an angry spirit), figured out where to find the humour in that compromise and in the gaps, and it’s worked out great. That’s my current working theory. I’ll let you all know how it evolves in another ten or so episodes.

The guests were great, but the three episodes with just the two of them have been funny too. Sam Campbell obviously brings a lot to the table, I’ve had the theme song stuck in my head for 48 hours straight, so fuck him for that, and Paul Williams too for good measure. It is fun to listen to them pass the brain cell back and forth, jockey for which one gets to be the weird one, and Sam Campbell normally loses, which is funny. But he still gets to be the weirder one often enough for that to also be very funny. Four episodes in and I'm sold.

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