#two of them especially feel Wolfstar coded to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whinlatter · 5 months

Note

thoughts about wolfstar? you're now the one i go to for any hp related thoughts

omg this is VERY nice of you but i'm pure flop on marauders thoughts, they're all extremely half-baked, so best left to others. here my half-baked wolfstar thoughts offered sheepishly and apologetically!

the thing is - i quite like the idea of wolfstar. to be honest i was sort of imagining a sort of wistful wolfstar vibe to how i wrote lupin in orchards in the aftermath of sirius' death. but i think the wolfstar i like is quite a specific version of it that's increasingly hard to find in fic searches so i don't often go looking for it (which is pure laziness on my part). my interest in canon coherent characterisation limits me here - i think there's such a strong case for wolfstar as a pairing written in ways that attend to the very clear dynamics (and timelines) that canon makes plausible (including in AUs, where actually characterisation matters more, not less, than in 'canon compliant' fics, because it's the reader's only anchor). there is an intensity and an intimacy to what sirius and remus share in the marauders and the significance of a boyhood spent together in their adult lives, a literal physical proximity of them living together as adults post azkaban as two men who have such complex feels towards themselves and especially to their bodies, including an overlapping self loathing, and they're both characters that can very plausibly read as queer-coded in rich and interesting ways. and then, of course, there's an inherent narrative shape to both of their canon arcs (the tragedy, delicious). these are just some of the dynamics in a potential romantic relationship between the two of them that can make for really rich and interesting potential to work with in fic writing.

the trouble i find with a lot of wolfstar, less as a matter of principle than what actually gets written more often than not, is that the stuff i personally find rewarding and interesting as a writer/reader is work that bears some relationship with the canon text (even if - especially if - it's to pull it apart and expose its flaws and complexities). a queer reading of the relationship between sirius and remus in canon is absolutely plausible and can be deeply compelling, and, as queering HP as a text remains a powerful fuck you to its author whose reaction to the ship was errrr quite homophobic, still really important.

but. challenging the text means having some sense of the characterisation of the essence of these characters as rendered in the text, and canon is clear about certain aspects of sirius and remus' characterisations that limits my enthusiasm for a lot of wolfstar that has sprung up in recent years (especially in and around ATYD, which i'll say more about in a minute). the truth is that canon strongly suggests that sirius cares much less about remus than he ever does about james (dropping @saintsenara's excellent manifesto for why unrequited prongsfoot is canon, also the rec for one of the best fics i read last year that @ashesandhackles put me onto, empire builders by shecrows, a gorgeous complex funny angsty prongsfoot fic that's not not canon compliant timeline-wise). it's also clear that the marauders as a friendship group functioned as a group of three boys all working towards james potter as the de facto leader, each with their own complicated feelings and levels of loyalty and devotion to james that undoubtedly shaped, and limited, how the other three felt towards each other (especially after james' death). the kind of wolfstar lore that's sprung up in the last few years, especially from marauderstok, of roadman remus the romeo of gryffindor tower that young sirius is wildly and hopelessly in love with, and is desperate to reunite with after azkaban, is a version of wolfstar that's sort of compelling as an original story but, for my taste, bears too little relationship to their core canon characterisation to be really up my street. a wolfstar with really fucked up power dynamics that plays with sirius' idolisation of james and remus having to play second fiddle? delicious. or even unrequited/onesided wolfstar from remus to sirius - yum. but the rest, i struggle with. by the time they've left school, remus thinks sirius is the spy and sirius thinks remus is the spy. that is not giving soulmates, in my mind. but as with most of these things, i'm very open to being proved wrong.

(with that said, though, i think the subculture and lore that's built around wolfstar is really astonishing and often extremely compelling, i think ATYD is obviously a huge accomplishment and deserves its flowers for launching such a phenomenon, and there's masses of quality writing and art and general creative talent coming out of wolfstar spaces that it's hard not to be continually impressed by. also some of those tiktok edits absolutely slap. that remus-centric animated noah kahan one. unreal)

#not great that i'm nervous to tag wolfstar every time i raise mild scepticism about aspects of wolfstar subculture lmao #sirius black #thank you so much anon!#remus lupin #meta #wolfstar

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marauders-venting · 3 years

Text

Pardon My French

pairing: wolfstar (sirius x remus)

genre: fluff

warnings: none

words: 3556

note: thank you to @ probably_wizardingworld_artist on instagram for helping me translate things into french. also i got some of the lines that sirius says from this website https://www.fluentu.com/blog/french/french-pick-up-lines/

a/n: if you dont speak french (like me) dont look up a translation! everything will be clear by the end of the fic and its more fun if you find out along with remus. i mean, i cant really stop you if you want to translate the sentences but thats just my advice :)

Remus was sitting in the library, a French to English dictionary open on his lap, sighing in frustration as he flipped through the pages. For the past couple of weeks, Sirius had taken to murmuring things in French under his breath and it drove Remus crazy that he didn’t know what they meant. He had asked Sirius on several occasions but Sirius always refused to tell him. But the fact that he didn’t understand the words wasn’t the only reason it drove him crazy when Sirius spoke French. It’s not Remus’ fault that Sirius sounds really hot when his lips curve around the words in “the language of love”.

Remus tries not to think about it but it’s becoming increasingly more difficult because every time they’re alone together Sirius seems to find something to say in French (if only to piss Remus off).

The last time Sirius had said something in French to him had been last weekend. It was the first sunny weekend since the winter and Marlene had suggested that they all go down to the lake for a swim.

Remus’ brain could barely form a single coherent thought from the moment Sirius took off his shirt; he was too busy trying not to stare. He remembered jumping into the lake and trying to get warm by swimming to the far side, away from all his friends. Sirius had followed him to make sure he was okay.

“I’m fine,” he had said, smiling slightly at Sirius. “Just cold.”

“Oh okay,” Sirius said, looking relieved. He had glanced back at their friends before whispering, “On devrait t’arrêter pour excès de beauté sur la voie publique” and submerging his head in the water and swimming back to James, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary and Alice. Remus had felt a shiver down his spine that had nothing to do with the cold.

Then there was the time that Sirius had skipped Quidditch practice to visit Remus in the hospital wing after a particularly bad full moon. James, being the captain, had been able to delay the practice so that he and Peter could come to visit as well but they had to practice for the game the following day. James had to be at the practice because he was the captain and Peter had to be there because they didn’t have another Keeper to fill in. But James had given Sirius permission to stay with Remus (which showed just how terrible he felt that he couldn’t stay as well). They watched a bit of the practice from the hospital wing but Remus was getting frustrated, having to stay in a hospital bed for so long. So, after clearing it with Madam Pomfrey, Sirius helped Remus climb all the way to the Astronomy Tower. They sat up there watching the sunset when Sirius said, “Il y a tellement de soleil dans tes yeux que je bronze quand tu me regardes.”

“Ugh, do you make it your life goal to patronize me?” Remus had said.

“Of course, Moony, what else would I live for?”

“Are you ever going to stop doing that?” he asked.

“Probably not,” Sirius had replied, grinning at him. “It’s too much fun.”

“Why do you even bother?” Remus said. “You know I don’t understand a single word of what you’re saying. Why don’t you go talk to someone who speaks French?”

“Because then they’d know what I was saying,” Sirius replied simply. He had refused to answer any more of his questions.

Remus had needed to spend that night in the hospital wing again. All night, Sirius’ voice rang through his head but every time he tried to make something coherent of it, actually words or letters or even sounds, he couldn’t. He could never remember what Sirius had said long enough to actually look it up or ask anyone.

But lately, Remus had noticed that Sirius had been repeating the same sentence in French practically every day. He recognises the sound of the words in Sirius’ mouth.

So today, Remus waited until he was alone with Sirius, waited for Sirius to say what Remus knew he would. And when he did Remus repeated the words in his head a million times until he remembered them. And now Remus was in the library and looking up the words in a dictionary.

He knew that he could’ve gone to Lily and asked her to translate it for him but he didn’t want to. He knows it’s stupid but he feels like this is something that Sirius is saying to him and only to him. Remus had never heard Sirius whisper in French to anyone else. And as much as Remus pretended to be annoyed by it, he actually liked that he had this with Sirius. He liked that they had something that was just their own. And even though it was probably nothing, he didn’t want to share it with Lily right now.

Chaque jour je tombe plus amoureux de toi. That was the sentence. Remus looked up each word individually and came to the conclusion that he must have heard wrong or maybe the words were spelt differently to how they were pronounced. Because there was no way in hell that Sirius had said these words to him. It was impossible. Right? Remus didn’t know. And he knew that the only way he could be sure was by asking Lily. He had asked Sirius a million times to no avail. And he needs to know what Sirius has been saying to him, especially now that there’s a chance… No, Remus tells himself, you just translated wrong. Don’t get your hopes up. So Remus gives in. He’d rather ask Lily and find out what Sirius has been saying to him every day for the last month than keep this to himself without even understanding it.

“Hey Lily,” he started, getting her attention. Remus had waited until the two of them were alone, just in case he had translated right. Which he hadn’t. He knows he translated it wrong. But he’d still rather nobody knew about it. “What does ‘chaque jour je tombe plus amoureux de toi’ mean?” He fumbled across the words a bit, hearing how terrible his pronunciation was. Lily looked at him, her eyebrows raised.

“Where on earth did you hear that sentence?” she asked.

“I read it somewhere,” Remus lied easily. “So what does it mean?”

“It means ‘every day, I fall more in love with you.’” Remus’ jaw dropped open. “Remus, who told you they’re in love with you?”

“What? Nobody! What makes you think someone said that to me?”

“You said that you read that sentence somewhere but if you had read it, you would have no idea how to pronounce it. Besides the look on your face when I told you what it means is more than enough. So who was it?”

“None of your business,” he said. “But y–you’re kidding, right? That’s not actually what it means. Right?”

“No, I’m not kidding, Rem. That’s what it means,” she replied, laughing at the look on his face. “Come on, tell me who it was.”

“No fucking way,” Remus said. “Besides, they’re probably joking. I mean… no, they’re definitely joking.” Lily shrugged.

“Just ask them,” she said. “And then you have to tell me who your secret admirer is.” She poked him in the side.

“Stooooop,” he said, jumping away from her and laughing against his will. “I’m going.” He got up and started walking away.

“Have fun with your mystery lover,” she called after him without looking back. Remus rolled his eyes but his mind was racing. So apparently he hadn’t been wrong. That was what Sirius had said to him. What does this even mean? He’s teasing you, said a voice in his head, like always. Sirius doesn’t love you. Not like that. But he said he does. Don’t be stupid. Sirius isn’t in love with you. He’s joking. Like always.

The next time Sirius said it, they were in the Room of Requirement. Sirius had ambushed Remus in the middle of his prefect rounds with Lily levitating a cardboard box in midair. Typical. He had practically given Remus a heart attack by interrupting his conversation with Lily, leaving Remus to wonder just how much of the conversation he had overheard.

“So have you talked to your mystery French lover yet?” Lily had teased. Remus groaned.

“No, I haven’t,” he said. “And I probably won’t.”

“Why not?” Lily demanded. “They’re being very romantic, Remus, you should at least appreciate their effort.”

“I’d appreciate it more if they’d just tell me what the fuck they want instead of sending me coded messages that they know I don’t understand,” Remus grumbled.

“Moonyyyyy,” Sirius said, coming up from behind him. Remus jumped, turning around, heart racing in his chest.

“Sirius? What are you doing here?” he asked. “You know it’s after hours, right?” Sirius snorted.

“Yes, Remus, I am fully aware of the fact that I’m breaking a school rule,” he said, smirking.

“Are you aware that technically Remus and I have to turn you in?” Lily said.

“Ah, but do you really plan on doing that, Evans?” Sirius asked.

“That depends,” she replied. “Why are you here?”

“Right,” Sirius remembered, then he turned to Remus. “James forgot to put this box with the rest of the stuff for tomorrow so I said I’d take it. And you’re coming with me.”

“Remind me why again?” Remus said.

“Moony, come on, don’t make me go alone. I’ll be lonely,” Sirius pouted.

“You are insufferable, did you know that?”

“And yet, you’ve tolerated me for 6 years now.”

“Yeah, the keyword there is ‘tolerated’,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “Lils…” he started, turning to her.

“Nope,” she said before he could even ask. “No way. You are not leaving me to do these rounds alone because then I’ll die of boredom. So unless you want me to tell McGonagall that your planning something for tomorrow, you’re going to finish this floor with me and then I’ll go back to the common room and you can do whatever the fuck you want.”

“Evans…” Sirius pouted.

“Nope, that’s non-negotiable, Black. Also, do I want to ask?” She gestured to the hovering box.

“The less you know, the better,” he said. “Although, I would avoid the classrooms near the dungeons tomorrow if I were you.” She nodded and Remus thought he saw her smile slightly for a second.

“You go on, I’ll catch up,” he said to Sirius, knowing that Lily’s mind would not be changed. He couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t have let her leave him to finish this chore alone either. She was right, it was painstakingly boring. Which is why he would much rather be with Sirius. But it was only fair that he finished tonight’s rounds with her; she did cover for him around the full moon, after all.

Sirius pouted but knew better than to argue and turned to go to the Room of Requirement. Remus watched him and he disappeared up a flight of stairs. Only then did he notice Lily was smirking at him.

“What?” he asked, sounding a bit defensive.

“So Sirius is your secret French admirer?” she said.

“W–What?” he spluttered. “What makes you think that?”

“Well, for one, the look on your face when he showed up right behind us while we were talking about your mystery lover,” Lily said. “It was the look people make when you’ve just been talking about someone and then they show up and you’re worried that they may have overheard you.”

“That… is a very specific look,” Remus said, avoiding the question she was asking.

“Then you smiled at him when you called him insufferable,” she said.

“So?”

“So it was one of those I’m-smiling-at-you-while-I’m-teasing-you-cause-I’m-secretly-in-love-with-you smiles.”

“Again, that's a very specific expression,” he said.

“Look, I know you like him, so will you just admit it already?”

“Why? What good would that information do you? It’s for me to worry about and for Sirius to never discover, ever.”

“Remus, you’re kidding, right?” she said. “Sirius literally told you that he loves you, in French no less.”

“Exactly, Lily. In French. If he actually meant it, why would he say it in a language that he knows I don’t understand? He just knew that I would look it up and he wanted to make some joke.”

“I really don’t think so, Remus,” Lily said, shaking her head. “I think he really loves you.”

“He doesn’t,” Remus said. “He can’t. Not like that.”

“Remus, do you love him?” she asked. Remus closed his eyes.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I love him.”

“So why are you doing this to yourself? Just ask him what he meant when he said it. You don’t even have to tell him anything, just ask him what he meant.”

“But… what if he says it was a joke?”

“First of all, I don’t think he will,” Lily said. “But if he does, that’s what you’re expecting, isn’t it? It won’t be a surprise or anything.”

“I know, I know, I just…” Remus sighed and looked away from her. “I don’t think I’m ready to hear him say it. To be properly rejected.”

“Oh, Rem,” she said. They had reached the end of the corridor and Lily stopped to hug him. “Obviously I’m not going to make you do anything. You know what I think. Go find Sirius now, he’ll be waiting for you. Do what you think is right.”

“Yeah,” Remus said, hugging her back. “Yeah, okay.” So Lily went in the direction of the common room and Remus went to the Room of Requirement.

He found Sirius sitting with his back against the wall, the box beside him.

“You’re an idiot,” Remus told him, trying to put the conversation with Lily out of his mind. “You’re practically begging to get caught.” Sirius shrugged.

“I was waiting for you,” he said. “Come on, let’s go in.” They paced back and forth in front of the wall three times. We need a place to hide our things, Remus thought. A door appeared and Sirius opened it, leading the box in with his wand. They had been here before to hide loads of things. The room was pretty cluttered from years of students dumping their things in it but they knew where exactly to hide the box so that they’d be able to find it tomorrow when they needed it. Remus followed Sirius through aisles upon aisles of junk, looking at all the broken, discarded things people threw in here.

They found the corner where they’d left everything else and Sirius added the box to the rest of the pile.

“Are we done here?” Remus asked.

“Yep, we can leave now,” Sirius said. They had started walking back towards the door when Remus heard Sirius say it from behind him.

“Chaque jour je tombe plus amoureux de toi.” Remus turns to him and stops him in his tracks.

“Pads, why do you keep saying that? Who are you talking to?”

“Remus, you are aware that you’re the only one here right? I’m talking to you.”

“Then why… why are you—?”

“I know, I know, you don’t understand French,” Sirius says. “That’s why it's fun. It’s amusing to know something that you don’t, for once.”

“Sirius… I know what that sentence means,” Remus says quietly. Sirius’ neck snaps up.

“What?”

“I know what that sentence means,” Remus repeats.

“No, you don’t,” Sirius says, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I do. I asked Lily after the last time you said it. She translated for me.”

“Fuck, I didn’t know Lily could speak French,” Sirius says, rubbing a hand over his face. “So… so this whole time you’ve known what I’m saying? So you know that I… you know that I… oh god, Remus I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I didn’t want to… I was just…” Sirius starts to back away, shaking his head and looking anywhere but at Remus. Remus reaches out and grabs his hand.

“Don’t go,” Remus says. “Sirius. Is it a joke? Are you making a joke? Actually, no, don’t tell me. Cause if it’s a joke I’d rather you bury me under all the crap in this room and spare me the pain.”

“What?”

“It’s not a joke, is it?” Remus asked, a pleading look in his eyes.

“No,” Sirius said, softly. “It’s not a joke. I’m sorry, Remus, I didn’t mean to—”

“Shh,” Remus said, pressing a finger to Sirius’ lips. “Sirius,” Remus tucked Sirius’ hair behind his ear. Remus was vaguely aware of Sirius stepping towards him, towards his touch. “I love you, too.” Sirius gapes at him

“Really?” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Remus says. He’s still holding Sirius’ hand. He pulls Sirius closer and lets his other hand graze Sirius’ cheek.

“Puis-je t'embrasser?” Sirius whispers.

“Pads, I… I don’t know what that means.” Sirius lets out a small laugh and looks down at the floor. Then he looks back up at Remus, his grey eyes glistening in the last sliver of sunlight. He’s biting his lip.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Remus says, without thinking. He feels the blush blooming on his cheeks but Sirius is already kissing him, rising on his tip-toes to make his lips reach Remus’. Remus feels electric currents dancing around his body, unable to contain the excitement. He’s kissing Sirius. Sirius is kissing him back. Sirius loves him. Sirius loves him in the same way that he loves Sirius. Sirius is snaking his hands around Remus’ waist pulling him closer. Sirius’ hair is soft, tangled between his fingers. Sirius is here, in his arms, and it’s everything Remus has been wanting and more.

“Wait, so now can you tell me everything you’ve been saying in French the whole time?” They’re sitting in the same large armchair, hands still linked together, legs tucked against their chests, knees and thighs and hips pressed together. Remus is very aware of every point where his skin is making contact with Sirius’. He’s counting them.

They found the armchair in the Room of Requirement; it’s unclear to them whether the chair is something that’s been dumped in the room by somebody else or if the room conjured it up because they were looking for it.

Neither one of them wants to go back to the common room yet. Remus doesn’t want to see Lily’s smirk and to have to admit she was right at the moment. He’ll do that tomorrow. Right now, all he wants is to be with Sirius. To press little kisses to his nose, his cheeks, his jaw, his lips just because he can.

“Oh god,” Sirius says, burying his face in between Remus’ shoulder and the back of the armchair. “It’s like you want me to embarrass myself.”

“This surprises you?” Remus kisses the corner of his mouth. Then his jaw. Then his neck. Just because he can. “Please.”

“Ah fine,” Sirius gives in. “Um, what do you want to know?”

“What did you say that day at the lake?” Remus asks.

“Oh that. I said, ‘on devrait t’arrêter pour excès de beauté sur la voie publique’. It means uh… ugh, you’re going to laugh at me for this. It means ‘you should be arrested for excessive beauty in public’,” Sirius said, blushing. Remus rolled his eyes but he felt his cheeks heat too. He smiles a little.

“What about that day on the Astronomy Tower?” he continues.

“Ugh,” Sirius buries his face in his hands. “You’re trying to kill me. I said, ‘il y a tellement de soleil dans tes yeux que je bronze quand tu me regardes’. Which means, uh… ‘there’s so much sun in your eyes that I get a tan when you look at me.’”

“You’re quite the poet, aren’t you?” Remus smiles. “And what about tonight?”

“I thought you said you knew what that meant,” Sirius says. “Or were you bluffing the whole time?”

“No, I know what it means,” Remus says. “I just want to hear you say it. In English this time, please.”

“So demanding,” Sirius teases. “I’ve said it in French a million times already and you want me to say it in English? What difference does it make?”

“Well, none to you, you speak both languages.”

“Oh, alright,” Sirius says. It’s the first time Remus has seen his face really go red. He decides he likes it. “Every day I fall more in love with you.” Remus can’t hide his smile, nor does he want to, as he leans in to kiss Sirius. He brushes his lips against Sirius’ timidly before connecting them, his hand caressing Sirius’ cheek. Remus loses count of the points of contact between him and Sirius as their bodies melt together and Remus worries that he’s about to wake up from a dream. But when he feels Sirius’ hand gently tracing the scars on his hand he knows that this is real, that Sirius can really love him. Sirius does love him.

People come to the Room of Requirement to throw things away, to hide things that they don’t want anybody else to know about, to leave things they never want to see again. But that night, Remus didn’t just leave something in the Room of Requirement. He found something, too.

#remus lupin #remus lupin fluff #sirius black #sirius black fluff #french sirius #moony #padfoot #wolfstar #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #wolfstar fanfic #Wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar oneshot #remus x sirius #sirius x remus #lily evans #lily evans fluff #Marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders oneshot

306 notes · View notes

girlwithacrown · 5 years

Text

of canines and razors

AO3 - girlwithacrown

fluffy, angst, first kiss

Summary:

A wolfstar story inspired by the Remus Lupin fanart of nastja stark @dasstark

When Remus Lupin hits puberty the wolf decides to make him a mess, thank Godric, Sirius Black can keep a secret or two.

****

"Stop moving around so much", Sirius words were spoken hard but not without compassion.

"Sorry, I hate that part"

"I know", Sirius was muttering concentrated on the task at hand.

The necessary routine had become a secret escape from the outside world. Totally uncomfortable for Remus and at least a little nerve-racking for Sirius, they normally still enjoyed the hidden time together.

************

It had been his second year in Hogwarts and the first full moon after Christmas, when Remus awoke in the hospital wing- different than ever before.

His eyes still closed, he listened to the young Madame Pomfrey humming a popular wizard love song. In the time he had been in Hogwarts he really had grown close to the medi-witch and he smirked thinking about how sincere she had appeared to him back in the beginning of his first year. Remus could not remember being brought back to the castle in the morning, but as this was sometimes the case he did not think of it twice and just opened his eyes.

A scared scream surfaced on his lips as he saw the world painted in deep shadows and highlighted colours - the different shades vibrating through the air. This was not right.

Madame Pomfrey's humming had instantly stopped. She hurried to the bed, her wand ready. "So there was a change within", the young healer almost sounded triumphing.

"What do you mean? What is happening to me?", Remus' voice still carrying the shock of his new vision.

"Well, Mr. Lupin, I am afraid you are a teenage werewolf now. Of course nobody could have foreseen these changes ..."

"Changes?", Remus' heart skipped a beat. His hands were rising to his face in anticipation of - of what exactly? A snout? A big sign that says BEWARE TEENAGE WEREWOLF?

No, there was nothing like that. As far as his hands could make out, his face was still the one of good old Remus Lupin.

He grounded his teeth together, as he did so often, feeling those upper canines that had grown a bit to long after his seconds had come in at the age of seven. "Wolf teeth" the word lingered in his mind while Madame Pomfrey hushed away his hands and took to inspect his eyes. "We will have to figure out if we can glammer them back to brown".

Remus' heart skipped another beat. In his mind he pictured those black eyes that were haunting his dreams ever since he had been attacked and bitten.

"When you are ready". Madame Pomfrey placed a mirror in his now resting hands. With this she draw the curtains and went to search for an answer to the question at hand.

Remus hands were shaking, but he knew it was pointless to wait any longer and his anticipation of the awaiting horror grew with every second. So he gave himself a push and turned the mirror to look into the scared face reflected back to him.

Still not used to his new vision he found his eyes in the mirror. They looked unsure, doubting and scared, even more scared then usually. But there was something else. Not the black void that gave him nightmares, but the brown he had gotten so used to was replaced by a golden and taunting yellow. The eyes of a wolf.

Taunting, yes, but somehow strangely familiar and .. He could not put a finger on it. Sirius' silver eyes flashed on his mind and Remus chuckled. He could picture his best friend's look when seeing that he no longer was the only marauder with a special eye colour. Of course, Remus had to remember himself, he could not share this with his friends. Secrecy was his only protection.

This time he stayed longer than usually in the closed hospital wing. Not because of his new scratches - Madame Pomfrey had healed them even before he had awoken in the morning after the full moon. But the healer just couldn't figure out a way of covering the new glow of his eyes. It was not of lack off trying, of course. But even with the help of potions and a very well exercised glammer charm, his eyes had broken free from the magic.

Even Dumbledore and McGonagall failed at this task, his house teacher being extra careful, not wanting to crush her pupils eyes under her heavy transformation work. Dumbledore had not been very helpful as it was. The cheerful headmaster had little compassion in his curiosity. In the end, it had been Remus' mother, who came up with the most muggle solution ever to a werewolf problem.

The dyed contact lenses gave Remus a headache for the first two days, but eventually Madame Pomfrey had figured out a potion to give him some ease with this new arrangement.

*****

It wasn't before the third year and an especial awkward October for Remus (in which he had woken up more than once too aroused from dreams he could not remember that left him forced to wait a few minutes to leave his bed and face the other dorm members) that he awoke from another full moon, changed again. The slight change must have slipped the otherwise so thorough medi-witch. Or maybe she did not think anything of it. Remus only became aware of the implications during his first day back to class.

Of course puberty had hit Remus just like the other marauders. He had felt the glares that had faced him, when coming back to school, suddenly the tallest of his year. The mocking became part of the marauder's joke routine and even the girls had started to notice the hormones flushing through the boy's bodies - making, on top off all, Sirius and James more reckless than ever before.

Yes, Remus had noticed the changes within his friends. James only seemed to get more muscular and defined, his face broadened and his eyes behind the glass narrowing whenever Lily Evans was around. Peter was still chubby as ever, but he was trying (and falling) to rock a very fragile moustache. Sirius... Sirius. The raven haired marauder, being part of the Black family, had been a handsome boy by every standard. But his rebellious nature mixed with the hate for his families poshness, just had encouraged him to make himself the most outrageous good looking provocateur in all of Hogwarts history (as he himself was sure of). Not as tall as Remus or even James, he had grown in perfect proportion, his facial features included.

But with full on puberty, Remus felt as if the wolf inside him had decided not only to stretch his body as much as possible, but also to make him a hairy mess.

He gotten used to shaving in the past summer, cutting his fast growing hair by himself every weekend to match the Hogwarts dress codes for boys (which only Sirius seemed to get around). But this now was very uncomfortable.

His heavy book bag had almost scrubbed through his shirt meeting the random thick, golden hairs that had sprouted on his shoulders since the last moon. Uncomfortable he tried to shift the bag from one shoulder to the other, but it was useless. His skin was already sore.

Sirius raised an questioning eyebrow in his direction and Remus just tried to get away with a shrug. He knew that this would not be enough to satisfy the curiosity of the other boy, but he could not think about anything else. Why did Sirius have to be so nosy all the time? At least he had dropped to question him about his regular sick leaves. But Remus' furry little problem, up until now just a lunar periodic, just had become a fulltime body hair drama.

Remus waited for the other boys to draw their curtains and then some more until he could hear their breaths settling in their sleep. He got up in the dark, easily manoeuvring around Sirius' mess, to which raven haired marauder just referred to as his "homage de boheme", and closed the bathroom door behind him. He had already taken his contacts out to leave them in their potion for the night, so the mirror image he met was the vision of a face never appearing in front of his friends.

He had gotten used to his night time beauty regime and searched for his razor in the only bathroom shelf that was not a complete mess. The werewolf boy, now looking the name more than ever, removed his shirt and lend forwards to the mirror to inspect the damage done to his shoulders. The friction had left his shoulders not only sore, but almost bruised, and Remus hissed when the razor met the already stricken skin.

It appeared as if the random golden hairs did not behave in a normal beard-like fashion, but were hard and sharp like needles. At least there were only a few to worry about.

"Remus?", Sirius sleepy voice carried over to Remus' ears, them, instantly, slightly turning in reaction to the sound. His hand holding the razor slipped and blood was gushing from his shoulder.

"O Remus, what the hell?"

Sirius was across the room before Remus could stop him. He gripped a towel and pressed it against the werewolf's shoulder.

"What are you doing here? Are you okay? Why would you..." But Sirius could not finish his sentence because halfway through he met Remus' eyes.

The pupil within the yellow iris narrowed. "Sirius... don't. You can't... what are you even... you are supposed to sleep".

But Sirius did not listen, his eyes still were fixated on those of the other boy.

"So... is this normal for werewolves?"

The question took Remus by surprise. Sirius' hand was still pressing the towel to his shoulders but the other stretching out to touch the werewolf's temple.

In an attempt to save himself from the unwanted attention Remus slapped the stretching hand away.

"Ooo.. what was that for?", the silver eye boy hissed, but still kept on providing pressure with the towel.

"You know?"

"Remus, siriusly?", he always pronounced the world like his name and it made everyone mad. "I am a marauder mastermind!" He tried to reach for Remus face again, but just as before got slapped for it.

Remus let go of the razor, placing the bloody blade on the basin and then taking the towel away from Sirius, applying pressure by himself.

"Sirius...", he did not know what to say. He really wanted his friend out of the bathroom, but if he kicked him out now the heat headed marauder could do whatnot and he could not risk being exposed.

Their eyes were still fixated on each other, both of them, so it seemed trapped in the others look, curious to explore the otherness.

"Remus... I know you don't want anyone to know that's why I kept quite after knowing for sure", his voice almost hushed. Remus raised his eyebrows, "But you stopped bothering me one year ago", than realising to the fullest extend: "you have known for one year?"

Sirius dropped his eyes to the ground, his black hair coming loose from the ponytail with every quick movement. "Am I going to turn when I lick this?" He held out his bloody hand with a grin on his face.

"Oh for fuck sake, home here!" Although Sirius Black was not known for his compliance he followed the order. Remus dropped the towel, his wound instantly reacting to the fresh air with a burning sensation.

Remus made sure that all of his sticky blood was washed from his friends hand.

"What where you doing with the razor?", Remus suddenly was aware of a new tone in his friends voice. Was it pity? "Remus... were you hurting yourself?" It wasn't pity then, it was Sirius awkward attempt to be sincere.

Remus' reply was much softer than he had anticipated: "No, nothing like that, I have enough scars at it is"

Suddenly realising he did not have a shirt on, he let go off Sirius' hands under the cool running water and seriously panicking at this point turned to find his shirt.

"Remus. Stop. It's okay"

Remus felt a hand on his uninjured shoulder, just above the huge bite mark he was carrying since the age of four.

In defeat he turned around. Sirius face, most of the time engaged in some kind of dramatic or mischievous expression looked calm. "So, what where you doing?"

Remus knew it was pointless to lie. And looking at Sirius he, for the first time since coming to Hogwarts, felt no need to keep on lying. His secret was now shared knowledge.

"So you are really wearing small, hard thingies in your eyes? ... muggles are so strange" Sirius was sucking up every bit of information. When it came to Remus new found beauty routine the boy signed with envy, "I wish I had that grooming possibilities .... no wait I take it back ... Peter wishes to have those grooming possibilities..." and then, "So that's why you have these shitty haircuts that are just unacceptable". He was trembling with laughter and even Remus would have never admitted it, but it felt good to finally share.

After finishing to explain the perks (very few) and downs (a lot) of being a teenage werewolf and endless questioning by his room mate, Sirius was left with a stupid expression on his face, something that was utterly unfitting for the otherwise so smug boy. They were now sitting next to each other on the bath tub edge and Remus was relieved to not having to face his friend after everything he just told him- finally told him. "How can you even go through this and still be top of the class in most of the subjects? Is it a werewolf thing?" "Not everything is a werewolf thing, some of us just study". Sirius shoved him, Remus almost losing his balance. "Stop it you nutter" - "Oh, bite me!"

It was meant as a joke but it slapped Remus right back into reality. Sirius notices the shift in atmosphere and caught slightly: "Ok I understand... too soon". There was no point of starting a fight. "Yes, too soon"

Sirius smiled that Black smile, without any of the hate that was part of it with so many of them - just pure joy.

"So, you are really lucky I guess"

Remus looked at his friend, astonished at how Sirius could be so effortless positive.

"And why is this?"

"Because you just gained access to the most abled style and beauty companion in all the boy dormitories of Hogwarts", his smile widened into a grin.

"Oh you are so full of yourself".

But Remus smiled and after this night he never had to show up to the great hall with a bad haircut again.

*****

"Stop moving around so much", Sirius words were spoken hard but not without compassion.

"Sorry, I hate that part"

"I know", Sirius was muttering concentrated on the task at hand. The silver eyed boy was leaning against his back, using a pair of tweezers to remove the pinching golden hairs.

The necessary routine had become a secret escape from the outside world. Totally uncomfortable for Remus and at least a little nerve-racking for Sirius they normally still enjoyed the hidden time together. Although the other marauders had eventually figured out Remus' furry little problem, they still were oblivious about the extend it had on his body even after changing. It was a small secret that still only belonged to the werewolf and the raven haired marauder.

"Can we get it just over with?", Remus was restless. He could feel the upcoming full moon aching in his skull and the pressure of Sirius bare hands on his naked shoulders were unnerving him even more. "Oh, bite me", Sirius hissed, a smile noticeable in the joke that, over the years, had become a marauder classic.

Remus had gotten used to his best friends touch's in their private grooming session, but then ... everything had changed. Sirius was no longer a boy, neither of them were and somewhere along the way Remus had caught himself longing for their secret time together more and more. The gallant, pale hands moving through his freshly cut hair, the other's breath on his neck when concentrated on removing the sharp needled hairs (that thankfully had not grown in numbers).

Sirius, in his overly dramatic fashion, was not only a flirt, but he really could not change anything about his language that was through and through sexy. "Moony, just remove those stupid muggle eye-prisons" (or some other expression that was equally stupid), he would whisper as soon as they closed the bathroom door, "i wanna see your magic eyes".

"They are called contacts" he would respond unnerved but still obliging. This was as much part of their routine as the hair cutting.

Usually, this was enough for Remus. He as well as the other marauders were used to Sirius being an over the top drama queen with a strong desire for the other sex, or for any sex as a matter of fact. But not him, never him, Remus thought.

Sirius gasp triumphing over pinching out the last of the wolf hairs. "Done?", Remus was already grapping his shirt. But Sirius wrapped his arms around him and placed a smooch on his back - just between the shoulder plates, were it was impossible to scrub it away.

"Sirius, please don't", his word had been calm. But before he realised it, he was trapped in one of Sirius favourite games. He dramatically leaned over, one hand over his face: "you don't love me", fake sobbing away.

But Remus was not in the mood. He got up pulling his shirt over his scared upper body.

"You don't love me?", Sirius had dropped the fake drama in his voice and was now speaking with the sad tone that had slipped in his voice since the last summer when he had the definite fallout with Regulus.

Remus turned his head, his yellow eyes meeting the silver and he signed.

Hugging Sirius was the most natural thing in the world. It was even so natural that Remus had to force himself to loosen the grip. But Sirius tightened his and would not let him go. His face was snuggling against his shoulder. Remus just went limp, his hands next to his side. But the other boy was not having it. He nudged his head against the werewolf's collarbone. But Remus did not move, could not move. The raven haired marauder forced him in a mutual hug by grapping his hands to engage him again. The wolf in Remus head growled and strengthen his grip around his brain, sending out a new wave of headache. Remus let out a small grunt between his teeth.

"Wolf?"

It was just unnerving how well this wizard knew him. Unnerving and strangely comforting.

With this assuring thought Remus let himself sink into the hug, grapping the back of Sirius shirt and inhaling the scent of his best friend. Cigarette smoke, leather, shampoo and a little wiff of something more animalistic, just like the time they had to brew Amortentia. Remus had known then and he knew now, but he had also heard Sirius mumbling something about maple syrup and what else ... what had it been?

"What are you thinking?" Sirius voice still had the sad tone within it. They were still hugging tightly and even if he would, even if he could, he knew that Sirius was not ready to let go. No until his voice recovered. "I forgot, nothing important".

"I was thinking about you", Remus could hear the riddle that lay underneath the sentence. His head was on top of Sirius head, the smell of shampoo streaming into his nose.

"Our next prank?"

Sirius index finger painfully flipped against his ear. Then it went straight back in the hug.

"How is it that I knew you so well and you know me so little", Remus shrugged. Sirius had always so much on his mind. You could never know what he was up to. "I guess I am a very simple bloke, you know. And you are so complicated...", even Remus was puzzled about his phrasing.

"You mean a simple bloke that is a werewolf wizard genius"

Remus snorted in response.

"You mean a simple bloke - werewolf wizard genius - that let himself be hugged by a known bisexual behind closed bathroom doors in the middle of the night?"

Remus snorted even louder.

"You mean a simple bloke - werewolf wizard genius - known-bisexual-behind-closed-doors -hugger - that is the most in denial person I have ever witnessed, including Lily Evans who clearly is in love with James AND my brother who despite believing he is a dark, mysterious, dangerous Black really is as cuddly as a baby bunny?"

Remus snorted again, just repeating his former action, not really following what Sirius had just said. He was willing to play this game as long as Sirius still mumbled into his shirt- throwing shockwaves through is body with every word.

"Remus?" He forced himself to reply with a sigh. "I can feel you". "We hug". "I can feel even more of you" "Oh shit", Remus gasped, trying to pull away, but Sirius hug was a tight as ever. Remus could have shoved him away, but he wasn't ready to hurt him and more than anything else he wanted the hug to last.

Sirius had not pulled away and now he grinded his head on Remus bristly chin.

As long as they did not end the hug Remus still was still safe. They had not done anything, they had not done anything worth talking about. Sirius and James hugged all the time. They hugged all the time. Sirius was a hugger.

"Hush your thoughts", Sirius voice was barely a whisper. It was the second time this evening Remus felt as if Sirius could read his mind.

Sirius hands wandered to his neck, pulling the hair he had brought into a new shape earlier this night. It was a needy tease, a cheap trick. Remus did not need more encouragement. Sirius whisper had swept away all thoughts and every inch of his prudence.

When Sirius hands pulled his face down towards his their eyes met. Glimmering, taunted yellow and the only silver Remus could not get enough off. Sirius skipped to his toes and lifted his lips to Remus temple- wandering to his now closed eyes, placing a soft kiss on one lid and then the other.

Brushing his lips over Remus' cheek, an almost silent gasp escaped between the werewolf's pointy canines.

Remus' hands had wandered to the other's hip- pressing it closely to his own. He could feel Sirius excitement growing as fast as his own. This was okay, it was just their bodies reacting to pressure and friction. If they would kiss though and every second it got more likely that they would... than this would be...

"Fuck, Sirius ... wait", he did not let go though. On one hand, he did not want it to end like this, but on the other he was not ready to look in those silver eyes and repeating his objection.

"Just ... This isn't a game for me", he stumbled.

Just like this, Sirius tilted his head to meet his eyes.

"I know, you maple syrup eyed werewolf wizard genius"

"Maple syrup, aye?"

Sirius could not hide that grin emerging on his face and he hurried to kiss Remus to share the smile with the boy he loved.

*******

"So Sirius who is it this time?", James ignored Lily snorting in response to the question. For the sake of common room quality they decided to just ignore each others attempts for attention. "Please don't tell me it's this Slytherin girl - isn't she related to you or something?"

Remus chuckled, they had decided to leave the marauders in the dark just a little longer. "Oh come on, is it the 'puff from last time?", Peter further taunted "don't tell me you are going monogamous?"

Oh fuck it, Remus thought to himself. You can only first time snog your gorgeous boyfriend in front of all your mutual best friends once. And this as well be it.

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