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belle-keys · 3 years

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I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

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samanthaswishes · 3 years

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Tagged by @agents-of-fangirling (thank you!!💕)

1. First Ship - Alex x Mason (wizards of waverly place)

2. First OTP - Romanogers (mcu, mostly ca:tws)

3. Current Favorite Ship - Dousy (aos)

5. Ship(s) You Wish Had Been Endgame - Eh, not sure. Most of my favorite canon ships were endgame.

6. Ship You Wish Was Canon - I'm 100% a Dousy girl all the way, but if Skye and Trip had something going... I would be the literal captain of that ship. I'm so sad they killed him in season 2 (yes, I know it's because BJ was on another show at the time, but UGHHHH WHY DID THEY HAVE TO KILL HIM😫)

7. Ship That Most of the Fandom Hates but You Love - Devie (descendants, I don't get why people hate Doug? He's literally so sweet to Evie! Yes, he has insecurities, but people are acting like he's not expressing regular human emotions. Most of the fandom prefers Mevie/Malvie, but I dislike Mal, and Evie deserves better than how Mal had treated/still treats her, heck even Ben deserves better than Mal, and he and her are endgame, but I'm not gonna get into that right now...)

8. You Don't Even Watch the Show, but You Ship It - I'm blanking on their names, and I'm too lazy/tired to look it up right now, but the main couple from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I think they just had a kid?? They just seem so wholesome. (I need to watch it, I know😅)

9. Ship You Wish Had a Different Storyline - Philinda (aos), Fitzsimmons (aos, aside from a different storyline, but I would also like to not have them take up most of the time on the show that could have been be used to build other characters' storylines...)

10. Favorite Ship(s) That's Endgame - Dousy (aos), Mackelena (aos), Devie (descendants), LangDyne (mcu/ant-man, they looked so happy in end of endgame, I swear to god, if they break them up in any way, shape, or form in quantumania, I will literally cry)

I'm not too sure who has done this already but I'm tagging @stilltryingtowrite @eleanormei @ryder616 @backgroundagent3 and anyone else who would like to do this!

#thanks for the tag!#tag game

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grouptalekindnesssoulstories · 4 years

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The Missing Songbird

Warnings: Remus being himself, swearing (it’s me. It’ll be colorful), drunken behavior, implied drug use

Characters/relationships: Patton, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Remy, Logan, Dr. Picani (familial Moxiety, Romantic Prinxiety, background Patton x Remy for which I can’t find the name for, Intrulogical)

Roman Patch dreamed of the day he’d meet his soulmate. The man had the most beautiful deep voice, and it was worthy of praises. Virgil Picani was not so sure. His older brother Patton and Dad insisted that he’d be grateful when found his soulmate. They had already found their own, so Vee was skeptical and believed they had a bias (Heh. Logan would be proud of him. Not that he had a say either, having found Remus a number of years earlier. Their relationship had grown with them and it was cute).

Not that the world cared throwing Roman in his path the moment he walked into school. It was his first day in high school. The entirety of freshman year he nursed a crush. On his first day sophomore year, he met Roman’s eyes. For the first time he could see color, and his crush only got worse. That day he was so glad and his father took him out to his favorite restaurant. Nothing came of it, and he watched from afar as Roman dated, acted, and gained more and more popularity. The few times they interacted, Virgil snapped at the handsome man. The two became enemies and avoided each other.

And so began their Junior year.

Roman strutted down the hall. He was basically a school celebrity and everyone knew it. Other than the kids his brother hung out with, including that Virgil who he hated, everyone greeted him enthusiastically. He smiled as he saw his football player brother, talking with his soulmate and Virgil.

“-Pat’s working hard on his vet degree. He’s already excelling in his classes. He finally found ones that teach in his style, and it’s great. Rem’s been real supportive too-” Virgil was leaning against the locker next to Logan, a small smile on his face.

“Hey Stinker and Co!” Roman called, interrupting the rest of the quiet conversation.

“C’mon Ro! I just saw you. Can’t I kiss my boyfriend in peace?” Remus whined, snapping his gum and looping an arm around the smaller kid. Said boyfriend adjusted his glasses, glancing towards the other kid, who had shrank into a more defensive pose at the noise.

“....I’m going to class. See ya later Lo, Re” Virgil mumbled after a few seconds of brotherly glaring, pushing off the locker. He flipped his hood up and ducked into the stream of kids heading that way. He vanished quickly, having learned his routes by heart over the summer.

“Why did you have to do that! He was just telling us about Patton! Y’know the guy you crushed on for 3 years?!” Remus nearly shouted, his eyes narrowed.

“Whatever. I should follow Jack Smellington’s example and go to class” Roman walked away, a storm cloud hanging over his head. He was just having some fun! Now he was in a bad mood and the day had just begun. He threw his bag down in his study hall. Before the period was halfway over, he had gotten a group listening to his summer adventures and what he was planning for the school year. He left with a bounce in his step again, his soulmate had also been humming! His excitement was quickly shut down when he walked into his history class.

“I’m stuck next to him?” His mouth fell open in surprise as he saw the seating arrangement. At a desk near the back his name was paired with his arch-nemesis's, well more like annoyance but that didn’t sound as cool, Virgil Picani. The boy was already there, scribbling on the warm-up, and his purple bangs were falling in his eyes in the most adorable way. Roman shook his head to clear it of the rebellious thoughts. Instead, he focused on the quiet humming in his head from his soulmate.

“Guess we’re stuck with each other emo nightmare-” the humming abruptly stopped, but it must have been from the bell ringing “-So I better not get your sass the whole time”

“Don’t you worry your royal ass, I won’t say much” Virgil hissed, turning his seat slightly away. That period stretched on and on as the pair did their best to act like the other wasn’t there. Roman was grateful to escape to 3rd block, and lunch afterwards. He was disappointed when the humming didn’t return, but it couldn’t get him down. The school was serving the good mac and cheese, and he raced to get in line. As he was looking for a place to sit down, he heard part of a conversation.

“-How am I supposed to get through this? He acts like I’m the worst...the world” Roman moved closer, choosing to sit with some of the other theater kids at a table near the voice. It was Virgil of course, but he wouldn’t admit that he was actually interested.

“Are you sure it’s him?” Logan was asking, his voice curious.

“Yea Lo, The world exploded in color the moment I met his eyes” Roman’s heart sank at that. He didn’t even like the guy! “-a year ago. I just wish I hadn’t panicked and drove him away”

“If he’s truly the one, things will work out. It’s statistically improbable that it won’t”

“Yea! Logie is right” Remus chimed in, and his mouth must have been full of food the idiot.

“Thanks you guys. I need to get going. My art class is kinda far, and I don’t want to get stuck in the crowd” There was a chorus of goodbyes.

If he hated Virgil, why did it feel like Roman’s heart left with him every time they weren’t in the same room?

The next few months went by in a blur. Virgil and Roman avoided each other as much as possible. They shared half of their classes though, but they barely spoke. Roman sat within earshot whenever he could, and he had better ears than most so it was further than you’d think. He caught Vee, Virgil stupid brain talking with the music teacher after the play practice yet another place they were together for. Virgil was in charge of the lights, while Roman was the lead actor.

“You sure you want to do this VP?” Mr. Sanders asked.

“Yea. I think I can do it. Besides, it’s just those of us in the production. I can handle it, and my father has been bothering me for weeks to do it. Pat’s coming home too, so it’d be nice” Virgil shrugged, the small smile Roman kept seeking on his lips.

“Alright. So, you’ll be ready tomorrow?”

“Yup! See you tomorrow” Virgil called as he raced out the door. Mr. Sanders smiled before he clapped his hands together to gather all the kids to him.

“Alright you guys! We have been invited to a pre-production party. I’ll text you all the address, and I hope you guys can come. It’ll start at 4 o’clock, and wear something fun but appropriate. You can all head home now”

“Sure you can do this VeeVee?” Remus was sprawled across the couch, while Roman stood awkwardly in the entrance to the living room.

“Dad’s the one throwing the party. And the moment I say I’ve had too much, Remy and Pat will take over hosting” Virgil shrugged, lounging next to him upside down.

“They’re here Verge of Greatness” Remy called as the doorbell rang.

“Let’s get this party started” Roman smiled, bowing to the host. Virgil rolled his eyes, hissing an insult as he began his duties. The group arrived fairly quickly, reaching close to 100 within half an hour. At first, everything was good. Roman, of course, took over Virgil’s social duties unintentionally. That left the purple haired kid to hang out with his friends and chat with his brother.

“Songbird” A voice called over the crowd, slightly slurred from the snuck in alcohol. Virgil immediately stopped humming along to the music. The voice continued, getting louder and louder.

“Sing ferrrr us Vergil” Roman appeared from the crowd finally, zeroing on the host.

“Fuckin, Remus, you didn’t tell me your brother was a lightweight” Virgil hissed to the twin that wasn’t drunk.

“How was I suppose to know? Need me to get you out?” Remus whispered back, glancing between his small friend and his brother.

“Fuck yea. Lo find my brother. Re, just,,, fucking help” The pair nodded, Remus stepping in front of his brother and Logan disappearing into the crowd. Virgil darted into the crowd and ran into his room. He closed the door and sank to the floor. He remained there until the sounds faded downstairs. A hesitant knock came from his door.

“Dad?” He raised his head, rubbing his face.

“No. It’s...it’s Roman. I wanted to apologize. I’m not drunk anymore. It...Rob gave it to me and I don’t know what it was, but Patton had to treat me. It was not pretty”

“Why. Why did you go to me?” Virgil asked after a second.

“....I’ve had a crush on you for...I don’t know how long. He said whatever it was would boost my confidence. I guess it did, but it was harmful to you” Roman chuckled nervously.

“Look. I don’t know if I can trust you, but I guess I can’t keep this from you forever. You’re my soulmate” Virgil rested his head against the door again, closing his eyes again. He held back tears at the hopeful voice from the other side of the door.

“Really? Then I’m doubly sorry. I...I’m going now. See you at school on Monday. Don’t forget, our lab is due then” The house went silent.

It took a few months until Roman could look Virgil in the eyes. He’d moved to sit with his brother at their table at the opposite end. He wanted to give Virgil space but his heart couldn’t be denied anymore. The change happened in science class.

“Want to be my date to prom?” Virgil nudged Roman, offering a hand. With a smile, he took it and nodded.

“Nothing would give me more pleasure my knight in shining armor”

“ughhhh that’s so cheesy shut up”

“Ma-” Before Roman could finish his taunt, Virgil kissed him. That solved that problem.

Maybe the rest of the year may turn out better than either of them thought.

#romantic prinxiety #ts sides #soulmate au

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jenniez-tv · 5 years

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HIPEC surgery (warning - photos of my abdomen after surgery will be shown)

The night before surgery I was on clear liquids only.. that was hard when all my family members kept talking about food and dessert.. the stomach growl was real. Haha. I spent the night playing mahjong with my family up until I had to pack and get ready to leave the house. An all nighter. Weeee. I really didn’t care to sleep since I don’t usually sleep til the morning anyways and I would be sleeping a lot in the hospital so it was whatever.

My aunt, mom, and I leave to go to the hospital around 4am (super early). We arrive, I’m sent to preop to get ready and I am super nervous.. I realized I forgot to take my anti anxiety Med before leaving the house.. UGH. I ask the nurse if she can ask the doc to give me one while I’m waiting and she said the Anesthesologist can give me something when they are ready to wheel me to the OR. Like wtf? How is that helpful? Why would I need anxiety meds right before I go to sleep for the freaking surgery?!? I need it for the 2hrs of waiting!!! She didn’t even bother to ask! Ughhhh.. like why? She is supposed to be an advocate for me.. Was not happy with her.. then she told me to relax.. HAHA. Glad I won’t see her again. Rude.

Me waiting at preop

Anywho.. next thing I know I’m awake in PACU. I’m groggy and in pain.. and of course felt myself up all over my abdomen to make sure I didn’t get a ileostomy bag. Thank god I did not! I did have a jp drain though. The Dr said he removed the organs he planned on-the uterus, ovaries, omentum, gallbladder along with 3 small things he found in my abdomen. I have no idea where and how big they were. They don’t think they are tumors but the pathology results have not come back yet.. feels like forever waiting for results.. either way, im glad it was found and removed. (Update- the results came back benign! Negative for cancer!)

I’m moved to the ICU and get hooked up to so much equipment. I stayed in the ICU for 2.5days. I had 2 iv’s, an arterial line, Foley catheter, NG tube, JP drain and a wound vac. My throat hurt so damn bad.. every time I swallowed it hurt.. that NG tube fked up my throat. I was also a not allowed eat or drink anything for 2 days until they took it out. I could not wait! Post op day 1 was a killer for me. Just trying to sit up made me cry. They wanted me to walk down the hall while pushing the wheelchair. I literally looked like a old person who has the hump back and couldnt stand straight while walking. The poor nurses were pretty much holding my weight lol. Even helping me scoot up on the bed hurt. My family said my entire body and face was super swollen . I just pictured the scene in Willy wonka and the chocolate factory where that girl turned into a huge blueberry. 🤭 I think the most annoying part of ICU was when they kept giving me blood pressure medication and IV fluids to increase my blood pressure. I normally have low BP like 80-90/50-60 told everyone. Apparently the Med surg unit (Unit I would be at until I get discharged) doesn’t like BP’S under 90. I mean seriously, I can’t be the only one with normal low BP’s.. With all the fluids during and after surgery.. I was 15lbs heavier. Ahh! I know it’s all water weight but damn that’s a lot of water weight. They also gave me potassium and it was so uncomfortable on my veins. Anyone can tell you it hurts..even when it’s diluted. It fked up my veins where on The last night in the ICU I had to get one of my IV’s replaced because anything that went through it (even saline) hurt . It was hurting even if nothing was running.

Anyways, I get cleared and transfer up to the medsurg unit. I was actually feeling pretty good considering just having surgery. I get my NG tube removed and am allowed teeny bits of water/ice. FINALLY. My throat can now get better! By the time I transferred I was making laps around the unit. I also get my wound vac removed. It was so painful because I developed a lot of blisters on the edges of the tape from the wound vac. It looked pretty gross. (Picture below). When they removed it, all the blisters broke and they even rubbed over it pulling the skin off. Then, one of my ivs stopped working so it had to be taken out. Luckily this unit only requires one IV not two like the ICU so I didn’t need it replaced.

Picture of the blisters

Picture of my incision with the wound vac and the jp drain.

Picture of my incision and blisters after wound vac removed

The next morning is where everything went downhill. I got super nauseous and eventually threw up 900cc of bile. My temp was around 101 degrees, and eventually got up to 103. I also had other signs/symptoms that showed that I got septic to something. I had to be transferred back to the ICU. Because they were not 100% sure where the infection came from (they had 2 guesses) I got 2 antibiotics that would treat both areas. My white blood cell count also dropped dramatically to 0.98 and my anc 0.74. This means that I was very susceptible to getting more infections. People had to wear a mask when they come to my room and I had to wear one when I left the room. The good news is my fever went away pretty quickly and I started feeling better. My wbc kept going up and down... I’m hoping it keeps trending up because I cannot leave the hospital until my wbc goes up and becomes stable. EEP.

While I was back in the ICU I had to get a second iv placed.. so now I have had 4 iv’s so far not including the arterial line). I’m connected to all the machines again and it takes forever for me to get to the bathroom since they have to disconnect all the monitors and attach it to a portable one so they made me use a bedside commode instead. Bedside commode?!?! The thought is just gross. I’m peeing and pooping in a room with just a curtain blocking the view. What if someone walked in to talk to me in the middle of my session? It was so nerve wrecking. I’ve cleaned up patients bedside commodes before and it’s fine but now can say that I really understand why patients apologized all the time.

After another 2 days in the icu and being septic.. And another iv needing to be replaced bc it infiltrated.. (apparently my veins are mad weak from all the meds and chemo) (now iv #5) I am finally better to go back to the Med surg unit. I’m transferred back and it feels so nice to use abnormal bathroom again. I’m still only allowed clear fluid and honestly.. even that was hard to do. I had to drink a minimum of 800cc a day and it was a struggle. So many days of not eating and drinking screwed me up. Plus I kept having this underlying nausea that just wouldn’t go away. It turned out I had a small ileus as well- A complication that can happen from abdominal surgery.

Everyday I got blood drawn twice a day.. and lovenox which is a blood thinner to prevent blood clots. Prior to lovenox, they were giving me heparin (which is 3 times a day..). My body was full of bruises all over.

Picture of some of the bruises on my arms. I had a bunch on my thighs too..

Anywho, I’m finally allowed to eat.. and man that was more of a struggle than drinking.. I would take one or two bites and be done.. it didn’t help that the hospital food was completely disgusting.. even simple foods you think they can’t mess up on.. was just gross. I was asked by family what I felt like eating so they can bring it.. but honestly I had no appetite at all. Completely different from when I was on steroids and eating nonstop.. lol. But I tried.. hard.. to eat and drink enough. They wanted to start me on tpn which is the total nutrition through a central line.. and I was not about to have it. I gave a hard hell no.

I could barely sleep.. it just felt like my stomach was being pulled or stretched apart when I moved.. was woken up non stop for meds/ vitals.. when I was able to doze off.. my days pretty much consisted of eating, taking a couple laps around the unit, napping, and repeat. I was still getting some iv fluids to help keep me hydrated.. and of course.. another iv infiltrates.. and another iv had to get started... I had a total of 6iv’s and an arterial line.. it was utterly ridiculous.. I had no more places for ivs! And I freaking hate ivs and getting poked.. but that’s all I got during this stay.. so many I lost count.. sigh..

On and off during my stay but especially the last couple of days, I had severe lower right abdomenal pain that was sharp and jabby. I prevented me from moving at all.. it was downright horrible and worse than my incision.. no one knew what it was from but I guessed maybe the drain that was inside.. I got a ct scan done and it didn’t show anything there but the drain so I got it removed.. the pain immediately disappeared!! It was such a relief!! No pain meds helped at all.. not even the slightest.. so having that relief felt so good. The drain coming out though.. felt like so much pressure and it felt like the spot that hurt was getting pulled on. I swear that drain was stuck there or something.. it was a good amount in my stomach.. I didn’t realize how much of the drain just sat in there.. kinda gross. And yes, I watched the whole thing... hahah.

Another complication I have is that my left upper thigh is numb.. and has been numb.. it never got and still hasn’t gotten any better.. I thought it was the duramorph I got during surgery but after a week it seemed unlikely.. the dr says that it’s most likely because the retractor they used to hold my abdomen opened was pressed on my thigh nerve since I’m smaller than the average patient and dmged it from it being compressed for 8hrs.. he says it will take weeks to months for my leg to return to normal.. hopefully.. but that there is a chance it won’t.. god I hope it comes back. It feels so weird and annoying to have the top of my thigh permanently numb ...

Finally my wbc is stable and continuing to trend upward (although still low) and I’m allowed to go home.. I could not wait to see my babies (my dogs), my family, and just sleep in my own bed!!

Sorry, I know this post was all over the place... i wrote parts of it at different times.. which is why some seems present and some past tense.. and I’m honestly not in the mood to go and fix it all. I will post again how my recovery is going at home soon.

Thank you all for your love and support. ❤️

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fireheartblackthorn · 5 years

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SPOILER REVIEW OF LORD OF SHADOWS

* This is my second time reading Lord of Shadows

STARTED: 12/01/19 FINISHED: 21/01/19

I have so many feelings, probably too many feelings on this book and I gotta get them off of my chest, holyyyyyy. All I’m saying is that I would sacrifice myself to save the Blackthorn family, they deserve the entire freaking world, I adore this series so much. Honestly one of my favourite series I’ve ever read, it still doesn’t beat TID (Cassie Clare went above and beyond on that trilogy) but its deFINITELY UP THERE. These characters, this plot, everythinggggg about this damn book got me. I have bookmarked and sticky-noted specific parts of the book that hit me right in the feels ( Both gOOD AND BAD EMOTIONS) and here they areeeeee!!

THINGS I LIKED (in particular):

* Christina, Mark and Kieran’s relationship. I was a sucker for Mark and Kieran in lady midnight + was super conflicted about mark falling for christina but woahhhh is it weird to ship them all together?? Lol idc, i still do. They all just fit together, so nicely. Ngl I’m low-key worried about whats going to happen to Kieran, I feel awful for him. Now that he know’s the truth, and he didn’t even testify but he’ still being hunted by the unseelie court, he can’t return to faerie nor can he stay in Idris and he wants things done with Mark. That gets me!!! I love how Christina is able to calm both of these angsty faerie boys ;)

* The low-key (but kinda not even low-key) throwbacks to TID and Will’s generation (JUST ALL OF THE WILL + Jem bits). I love how Clare kept referring to Jessamine in the London Institute, and the small will bits. No character as ever affected me the same way will herondale has, and how Kit was talking about “some idiot called will” who wrote in all the first editions and how Emma was looking at a picture of jem and will together. I feel like i’m dying whenever their relationship is mentioned. When tessa was advising Emma on getting someone to stop loving you, I just realised she was referring to what Will tried to do in TID. :( Alsooo, um how tf is Bridget still alive!!!!!!! She’s actually ancient and I’m confusedddd. When Bridget giggles at the plate of scones + she’s thinking of Sophie and Gideon aw

* Gwyn Ap Nudd! (+ Diana’s relationship) Those two have single-handedly made me believe in love. I love how Gwyn Ap Nudd may be the ancient leader of the wild hunt and yet he’s still a good “man” who shows kindness to Mark, and has honour. I wish everyone was like Gwyn. My favourite part of this freaking book was Gwyn being all cute and shy to Diana when he asks her on a date. Adorable!

* Diana’s back story. She deserves the entire freaking world, I hope she’s able to sort it out with the clave, I don’t want it to be used against her in the future. And I’m so glad she found someone like Gwyn who likes her and doesn’t care that she was born in a man’s body.

* The gayness in this book + the LGBTQ+ representation. We loving raging bisexuals, lesbians, gays, pansexuals + transgender peeps. AND I STAN A WOKE AUTHOR

* Lol all I could think of when kit, ty and livvy went to blackthorn manor was how it was originally the lightwood’s house and thus the worm house. All that was going through my head was HAH ITS THE WORM HOUSE

* Freaking mark + kieran’s language, + post-faerie talk + actions (if that makes sense). Like when Mark was staring distrustfully at the garden gnome, equally parts hilarious and cute

* Emma’s talk, easy-going nature: she reminds me of will lowkey and wow I’M CRYING AGAIN. Her ability to difuse tension in situations and her wit made me enjoy this book so much more. Maybe she even reminds Jem of his parabatai aw.

* TIBERIUS BLACKTHORN AND CHRISTOPHER HERONDALE AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THE END

* The poetry that was Julian’s feelings and words towards Emma. It was beautiful, and he’s such a soft boi. Especially when he talked about how they were made from the same stardust, how freaking adorable!!

THINGS I DISLIKED:

* How believable it was that the cohort was plausible and full of facists and bigots, I bloody hated Zara Dearborn (to the point of swearing at my book). Its too realistic that a group like that can exist within the nephilim, and how it can exist in the real world. I read fantasy books to escape reality, and suddenly I feel so attacked by these characters. If I wanted this bullcrap I’d just read the news omg. (how do you make me feel this way cassandra)

* People (namely bridget) being rude to my girl Dru about her weight, she cute and curvy

* Dru lying to Jamie about her age, well not exactly lying but hiding it from him. I kind of just wish she had let him know who she was. I mean I get that she wants to be treated like an older person and not as a baby but ughhhh.

* FREAKING LIVVY DYING OFC AND PUTTING HER LIFE ON THE LINE LIKE THAT. I knew this part was coming and yet I still sobbed and dampened the pages with my freaking tears. I know that it was in Livvy’s nature to stand up and go to help her brother like that, but it doesn’t make it any better. Ty’s reaction as well, after he just agreed to be her parabatai. It was just after their family got reunited also :(. It kills me that to Julian its like he’s lost his own daughter, his baby sister and when he was cradling her and calling out for her to wake up :((((((( But then I think of how Livvy said that legend has it, when the clock chimes the hour the gates of heaven open for a moment. Livvy died when the clock chimed the hour + now I know that she’s up there at peace

* The fact that at the ending, Kit still doesn’t know what’s happened to Livvy, he just thinks something bad has happened in the chamber

* NOW THAT I’M REREADIng I know that Julian thinking about future life watching everyone growing up with Emma by his side is not gonna happen bc livvy is dead and it cuts my heart out at the hope he has that his family will be happy and reunited and safe

* I thought at first that Christina was a pretty boring character, kind of there to be able to patch up the loose ends and hold the team together but in hindsight, she’s pretty freaking incredible and I think this book more so shows that off and her qualities, than Lady Midnight does. It's a freaking talent to be that understanding and empathetic, her ability to do that beyondddd impressed and shook, kind of like how Keiran is feeling about her

* I don’t like hOW MUCH I FEEL sorry for Malcolm, He was so warped and caught up in his love, his need for vengeance, his hate and grief to be able to mourn Annabel, let go of the past and move on. I mean I’d have a pretty tough time doing that too but how his love for her eventually killed him was so awful. I couldn’t believe it the first time I read that part.

* How Annabel killed Robert, his death was like meh at first, okay. But at the same time, Alec’s reaction broke my heart + he was going to help Emma and Julian!! I don’t know if he had the time to start preparing for her exile but probably not and now the next inquisitor probably won’t react the same way

STILL 5/5 OVERALL, I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH.

#lord of shadows #this v long #lord of shadows review #book review #LoS #lady midnight #the dark artifices #TDA #LoS spoilers #QOAAD #cassandra clare #tda review #blackthorns #goodreads #julian x emma #shadowhunters #fuck you zara Dearborn

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itssanamana · 6 years

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The Perfect Jump Scare

- Starring Sana

Word Count: 1392

*Halloween Special 2017

“Sana, are you sure you don’t want to come along? I know you're sick and all but I hear it’s the biggest Halloween party around! It’ll be lots of fun… last chance… coming?” Nayeon said as the other members left ahead of her. Nayeon was dressed as a red hot devil, with her horns poking out of her hair.

“I’m fine, I’m fine! I don’t want to ruin it for the rest of you guys so go enjoy yourselves! Be safe, guys!” Sana answered and shouted to her other members. They waved back in response as Nayeon shut the door. Sana smiled faintly before it vanished, she peeked outside, and watched all of her friends leave in their dazzling Halloween costumes. Momo was dressed up as a vampire, Tzuyu as a zombie, Nayeon as a devil, and Mina as a pirate. Of course I had to get sick now out of all of the times. Sigh, I guess that’s what I get for always washing my hair in the morning and leaving before it drys… Still! Ughhhh! Sana deflated and sunk into the couch as her friends were out of sight now.

“Well, maybe there’s still something that I can do around here…” Sana muttered to herself, as she pulled herself off of the couch. Being sick was the worst feeling ever, a sore throat, a throbbing headache, and a stuffy nose.

Ding dong!

Sana dragged herself towards the door, as soon as she saw the children outside dressed up in their cute costumes, she straightened herself up and smiled brightly even before opening the door.

“Trick or treat!” The three boys all announced in unison. They held up their garbage bags, their pumpkin buckets, and their spooky containers. Sana smiled warmly at them and gave them all a handful of chocolates and candy.

“Don’t eat too much! And remember to brush your teeth before you go to bed!” Sana reminded them before the kids ran off to the neighbors. She shut the door gently and decided that she should at least embrace the atmosphere of Halloween, she’d put on her costume and walk around the neighbourhood. Maybe I’ll even get to see (Y/N) hand out candy? Then again, he probably went to that party that Nayeon and the others are attending right now. Sigh, I would’ve loved to just spend the entire time at the party with him. Stupid cold, ugh. Sana thought to herself as she left the house.

“Trick or treat!” The children laughed and yelled again. You opened the door and rubbed your runny nose a little. You grinned widely and handed out lollipops and chips as you asked each and single child who they were for Halloween.

“Ah, I see, so Trevor’s supposed to be Batman, Patrick here is your sidekick, Robin, and Adam is… uh…” You said, scratching your head a little.

“I’m Joker, (Y/N)!” The five year old boy yelled, revealing a Joker card from his pocket.

“Ah… right, I gotcha now. Well, don’t stay out too long kiddos, it’s getting chilly!” You acknowledged him and exclaimed. The trio of boys vanished into the yard of the next house as their parents waved and watched them from afar. You waved back as you knew their families. Sigh, it’s getting late, maybe I should just leave the bucket out for the other kids. I hate being sick, I could’ve totally made it to that Halloween party, man, I bet my friends are having a great time there right now. I bet Sana and her friends are there too. Still, I guess I could go get some fresh air. Might do me some good, gotta bundle up though. You grabbed a jacket and a scarf, left a container of treats right outside your door, and closed the front door behind you. Brrr… jeez, I should have wore another layer or two, still, at least there’s no wind, not that bad. You walked around the block, scanning the streets and observing all of the children’s unique costumes as they sped around energetically. You smiled at the scene and continued to stroll around, then a peculiar costume caught your attention. That’s a cute hamster onesie. It’s so cold out though, I wonder if they wore extra layers underneath. Wait a minute, isn’t that Sana? What’s she doing out here by herself? I thought she was headed to that party… You ran up to her from behind quickly, seeing how she was shivering slightly.

“Sana! Hey!” You yelled out to her. She turned around slowly and rigidly from the cold, and her face immediately lit up once she saw you.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here?” Sana replied cheerfully.

“I could ask you the same thing… aren’t you freezing? Here, take my jacket.” You said, taking off your jacket without hesitation and draping it over Sana’s shoulders.

“No, no, look at you, you’re wearing a t-shirt, I can’t take this.” Sana said as she tried to hand back your jacket.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Let’s go back inside, no need to freeze ourselves out here.” You suggested. Sana nodded quickly and followed you back to your house. You went to the kitchen and prepared two cups of hot chocolate and passed one to Sana.

“Careful, it’s still a bit hot.” You commented, carefully passing the cup to her.

“Thank you.” Sana answered.

“So why aren’t you at that party? Did your friends go without you? I saw them leaving earlier.”

“Oh no, I got sick last minute… so I decided to stay home and rest up…”

“Yet you were outside in the cold weather wearing a hamster onesie.” You finished for her.

“Just teasing you, but yeah, that makes the two of us.” You started.

“You’re sick as well?”

“Yep. Lucky us. So… do you want to do something together? I mean it’s better than you staying home alone right?”

“Uh, sure, what did you have in mind?”

“Well, I rented out this horror movie that I was planning to watch by myself, but since you’re here we could watch it together. If you’re okay with horror movies that is.”

“It is Halloween, I’ll try my best…” Sana reluctantly said. You loaded up the movie and closed all of the lights. The movie progressed quite nicely and when the jump scares began you tried blinking your eyes really quickly to lessen the impact. Holy, how is Sana not reacting to this? I swear I’m going to get a heart attack from this. You turned to see how Sana was doing, and you found out that she had pulled down the hood from her onesie over her eyes. You laughed out loud once you saw this and Sana realized that she had been discovered.

“Oops…” Sana playfully said as she lifted her hood.

“Okay, okay, no hoods, no pillows, nothing to block our vision. Or else it’s not fair.”

“Ughhh…” Sana groaned as she leaned back onto the couch with a pillow in her arms.

“Come on…” You urged, removing the pillow from her hands. This time when the jumpscare hit, the two of you instinctively looked away from the screen to the side, and as a result, the two of you locked your eyes together. The screen went to pitch black, resulting in the entire house to be shrouded in darkness, yet the both of you knew that the other hasn’t moved. Then you slowly leaned in, and met Sana’s lips halfway. The demon jumped out from the darkness on the screen and the characters were all screaming for their lives. Despite all of the chaos and screams from the movie, you and Sana shared a warm and delicate kiss. Then Sana pulled away.

“Sorry, sorry… I, uhm…” Sana began.

“Did I do something wrong? No, don’t apologize.” You frantically said.

“No, no, not at all. I just didn’t want the background noise, you know, the screams and demonic noises to-”

You turned off the TV and now the entire house was in darkness, except for the pale moonlight that entered through the blinds and onto the sides of your faces.

“Better?” You said quietly.

“Much.” Sana smiled as you felt her hands pull your head in once again. I’m so glad I got sick. This is exactly what I wanted. The two of you thought to yourselves.

Sorry for the two week delay! I still really wanted to get a Halloween Special out there! BTW be sure check out my main blog’s (Momoring) Halloween Special as well! These two may have some connections... ;)

- itssanamana

#sana #minatozaki sana #twice #twice scenarios #sana scenarios #twice imagines #sana imagines #short fanfic #kpop fanfiction #halloween

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talesfromacrip · 4 years

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more ehh thoughts (recent edition):

w o w

can’t even speak my damn mind anymore in this house I guess without getting the whole, ‘get out then if you don’t like it here. look for a section 8 place and blah, blahhhh’ speech.

the signature speech of my parents when I get on their ‘last nerves’..

all just for speaking my mind. lovely

all bc I said something in regards to something political my dad was talking about. then saying black lives matter after bc it was also apart of the conversation

(which is my opinion)

that word doesn’t sit well in my parents ears.. my dad to be specific apparently.

he then started saying I should just look for somewhere else to go and that if I say that again, something will happen. (not anything violent on me,but make me leave to somewhere else type of happen )

guess my parents (specifically my dad) wants me dead if he wants me to go out and find somewhere else to go. it’s not like, idk, i have a fucking immunocompromised system or anything like that ya know?? also.... during a fucking pandemic as well ?? helllloooo, old man?? i just don’t know anymore sometimes with my parents

caught me off guard a bit and hurt really fucking bad.. like, wow. if that’s how you feel, then let me go which you won’t and won’t admit.

used to it though which is silly to say, but I can’t do anything much about it even if i tried. so, I must deal for now anyway I can.

we settled our differences though which, I’m glad, but I hate that I was the first one to do it. shows how it is in my family at times

at least my mom and few friends are on my side. ridiculous to be treated like this for having a fucking opinion.

doesn’t help either to get teased about it. like I haven’t been most of my life already ya know, shit.

sick of this house sometimes. the people in it, I should say.. sigh

———

I feel like I’m not, as ‘feminine’ as a lady should be. adds to my existing body probsss

can’t put makeup on. can’t get my nails done. can’t use bath bombs. can’t use facial creams or certain acne products. can’t buy clothes I’d like to shape my body and whatnot.. it goes onnnn. I would like to do what a lady likes to feel/look her absolute best ya know.

I can’t though. trying?????which doesn’t really go anywhere much tbh

I have an unused makeup palette and lippies going to absolute waste in my drawer.

which, cost me gooood money bc gooood brand. treat myself.

to see it go to waste though,is heartbreaking...

I could be using it now during the pandemic,but I have no one to help me with it. I can’t do it myself with my fucked up arms/hands either so that’s a nope.

my mom won’t help me and I’ve asked. she has more important things to do than make me look like a little clowns spawn.

I have so many ideas and I can’t execute them as I’d like. never can and it hurts. maybe on a drawimg, but having it applied to your face is a much better experience. very relaxing as well,but to take off.. that’s a process

doesn’t help that I’m told I’d look better with it as well, which totally helps my self esteem ya know. "it suits your moon face and covers those acne bits.."

fucking hell.. like, let me be.

guess not though it seems :lllllll

I feel gross about my skin.. dry and flaky at times from my medication and bc my body is a lil ass. it’s fucking oily on occasions as well.. ughhh. a whole nightmare, in my opinion

small acne scars,pimples from an imbalanced body in miscellaneous spots and places where they shouldn’t be.. I hate it.

I cannot look at myself without wanting to scream sometimes. I just stare and flip through a plethora of thoughts until I’m sitting there watching myself cry

I can’t buy the right skin products without suffering a break out or some kind of allergic reaction either. that’s how ‘sensitive’ i am.. ughh and people think it’s sooo fucking easy to take care of your skin.

help me out then and do it for me instead of telling me when I’ve said why I couldn’t in the first place..

fucking shit

I use to do my nails and paint them different colors almost every other week or so when I was younger. that was when I could move them to a certain extent. now i just can’t much for that. maybe?but I don’t want to risk twisting my wrist again. which, oddly helped a bit, but I’m not risking it

can’t even paint my right hand without leaning into a terrible spine position bc of my curled in fingers. it’s "so easy" though.my big ass it is

so, I just leave them bare nowadays

I have chipped and or broken nails anyway from fidgeting and anxiety. so, that’ll get in the way when they’re colored

sigh

bath bombs are the most elegant form of hygienic self care. a bubbly concoction for your skin to dip in.. ughhhh. sounds so relaxing and funnn

can’t sit in a fucking tub though to enjoy it and I don’t have the walk in ones. just a plain walk in shower. every time I see someone post about them, I melt inside. so pretty with the glitter fragments and the colorsss...mm

how I wish I could endure a porcelain tub to soak and forget about the world for a moment.

I can dream, but that still hurts as well.

I used to wear slim fitting tops for my stomach bc I was one of the chubby ones ya know.

now, I want to use them more bc my body doesn’t look how I thought it would be at my age. due to medication and lack of movement, just made it worse and it’s not my fault. feels like it is though and I tried. still am and it’s been hard lately with the pandemic. massive buying spells again so, some healthy goods are not available.

apparently though it seems nowadays being ‘thicc’ is in when years before it was absolutely frowned upon.

I got teased for being ‘thicc’ and now I’m somewhat getting praised for it?? kinda weird circus did I buy tickets for? unless I didn’t??

like, what do y’all mean, now it’s in????? stop being such a rude wad of shit and quit playing with people like this.

I don’t know what to accept much anymore and it’s bothers me so damn much

even if you do get praised,you must meet the standards. with some that is, I should say. must be at least some sort of skinny. some sort of, shaped being that I don’t really want to explain bc I feel it’s obvious.

some disabled folks are almost never in this section and when so, seems very fetishized.

hopefully this paints a small picture or whatever size you prefer your canvas to be. I’ve already talked about my body and more like this just gets me upset

———

uggh why are people still making stupid party plans, going to crowded places and doing other irresponsible shit... during a fucking pandemic?? It’s literally s o fucking irritating.

these people do not grasp this it seems, but ooooooohhh. gotta go out and risk it for someone who doesn’t even care about my health,others and even themselves.

fucking dumb

funny to see them complain about being home and all bc of this. like, how do you think I’ve felt and countless other disabled folks like me? sucks h u h. no freedom to go anywhere for risk of a fucking accident or worse, d e a t h.

it’s easy as hell to stay home and keep yourself occupied but apparently it’s a big ass deal

read, write, draw, cook, c l e a n. go out in your, idk, backyard as your outside relief?? is it really that b a d of a need to go somewhere??

especially when eventually it’ll drain you and you’ll eventually go back h o m e anyway ??t’s ridiculous.

"you should be thankful you can even go out."

yeah, to appointments, groceries, and concerts o n l y.

I don’t have the fucking privilege to go out at my own leisure and when I do, I have to plan like a mf.

it’s not easy. can’t drive. van is always busting on us. parents are my only source of a ride. can’t even generally go out anywhere bc of stupid stairs and all that.

I swear. every time I see a friend, mutual or family put something like that.. irritates me. I wanna comment so bad,but I don’t want to start anymore drama.

maybe soon I will. who fucking knows

———

i miss shows and all, but I just don’t as much.

I’m paranoid to think of going to future ones now..

I’ve already missed a majority of concerts my whole childhood and teen years due to my disability.

I don’t want to miss out on my young adult life now that I’m somewhat in a ‘better state’ bc some of y’all don’t want to be cautious and follow rules.

shows are therapeutic for me, but idk anymore now if it’s makimg me like this

disabled folks like myself who enjoy these shows are in so much fucking danger, it’s ridiculous.

we already were anyways with moshing and all.. which I know some act like they don’t know.

y’all are so desperate to go like, what about the other fandom folks who can’t even attend these shows though?? sad

these lives performances some artists have been doing are perfect and we need to support them more with this format. encourage the fuck out of them like the do to us with their music and whatnot.

I was so fucking thankful DGD did one.

it was a great time, but not so great when everyone is like, but what about an ‘actual show’?

it’s just, never enough with some of the fans I swear. irritating

yeahhh ,lets risk the fuckin band/bands getting sick so they can play for us. yasssss. shows how much they read up on the members and care about their health/wellbeing.

———

being sober brings back a lot of suppressed memories. nights are bit hard when going through this

makes me remember quite a bit of conversations that others have probably or most likely have forgotten by now as well

irritating and sad. that’s how I get some of my dreams as well which cause lack of sleep at timessss y a y

———

I, over share too much at times it seems.. how the hell do people want to know me though????

if I’m making the situation, odd or whatever, fucking tell me instead of ignoring it and trying to move on with some stupid shit

if I can fucking sit through y’alls oversharing.. can with fucking mine

———

I hate how everything that’s so wholesome and genuine I see, I can barely even do and say..

I especially hate how I imagine it with someone who deserves better. this is wearing me out I swear to fucking god

I put some of my eggs in the wrong basket.. again

ohhh fucking boooyyy

least it’s a good basket..

———

sometimes I feel so uneducated when taking with friends. my mind is like a fucking mad libs book on new game plus.

it’s blanks out and replaces important vocabulary with some silly childish shit instead

#therapy journal #uhhh

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taetaeisbaebae7 · 7 years

Text

Lawlicht fanfic : Clean Freak

A/N : @canthydefromthelicht Happy birthday girl. May your special day be blesses with all the joy, peace and glory you wish for. Light and blow out each candle on your birthday cake and……..WHY THE HELL AM I BEING SO FORMAL?!?!?!? AHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARI-CHAN!!!!

Note: It gets a bit nsfw-ish i guess? Idk…..

“Everything in this world is dirty. Be it objects, be it humans. Even the air I breath. Everything needs to be purified….”

Licht often wondered if he was the only person pure in the world and was sent to this filthy planet to cleanse it, which resulted in him being gifted with the title “angel,” by those around him. Not that he minded it. In fact, he often claimed himself to be one as well. It had become a common term for him. Apparently, Licht had a severe case of mysophobia, a disease where the victim has an abnormal fear or distaste for uncleanliness and contamination. But he never once minded it. Never once did he think he was distinct from the rest.

The raven teen always hated going to school, going anywhere outside of his home. He kept everyone at a distance because the thought of being defiled by someone’s touch always resided in the back of his mind. And his menacing frown helped him to keep others at a distance. Licht was contended with his lifestyle and whenever someone advised him to try to get himself treated, he would just glare at the individual and make the other regret ever saying it. He was famed as the most aggressive and violent student in the school, quite the opposite of his other title as an angel. No one dared to even approach the boy. Except one. The blonde transfer student who immediately got attached with Licht on their first meeting. Licht’s meeting with this demon changed his life forever……

“He’s an idiotic asshole who doesn’t know the meaning of mind your own business,” Licht ranted to Krantz, his uncle and the only individual he ever preferred to interact with. “Who are you talking about? Is someone bullying you in school? ” Krantz asked, worry evident in his voice. “He’s a bastard who doesn’t listen to anyone. I’ve told him a million times to just back off but does he listen? Noooooo. And UGHHHH, he has this annoying habit of hugging me every time we meet.” Licht groaned in annoyance. Krantz raised his brow in confusion but before he could ask anything, Licht interrupted him, his voice extremely high pitched as if trying to imitate someone. “Licht-tan this. Angel-chan that. My little angel babe. Ughhhhh. He’s the most irritating person I’ve ever met.” Licht snarled,his face perfectly matching his murderous tone.

Then he got up from his chair and as if swearing an oath to himself of never resting till he had purified the demon, stomped out of the room, ignoring whatever Krantz had to tell him. Krantz just shook his head in disappointment, sighing.

Several weeks passed by ,and they sure were hectic for Licht, with their normal day-to-day routine of Lawless unexpectedly glomping Licht and the latter pushing him off and kicking the daylights out of him. But unbeknownst to both of them, Licht slowly became accustomed to his stupid antics and though he would rather die than admit it, he started to admit Lawless as somewhat of a friend. An annoying, demonic one, but still a friend.

Lawless started to notice these changes in his latest toy’s behavior. Like that one time where Licht had helped him out when he was doomed to be stuck at an hour long lecture from the principal and the other time when some delinquents were pestering him just like they did to all other transfer students, and Licht came and drove them off. That time Licht really did look like an angel to him. His feelings had begun to change and he begrudgingly came to admit that at some point he had started to develop some feelings for the violent angel as well.

Licht was frustrated, he was fed up of that damn demon always lurking around him and was happy that recently the shit rat had given him more space and wasn’t as clingy as before. But the sole reason he was irritated was that he felt more restless without the demon’s presence. Also that whenever Lawless clung to him, Licht found himself unwilling to violently push him away. But his tsundere powers would take control each time, and he would shake his head vigorously at even the thought of wanting to be with the demon and would hit the poor latter with more force than needed.

“Licht-tan!!” The blonde boy exclaimed while hugging the grouchy angel. “Just great,” Licht muttered, shrugging the other off his shoulder. “Damn demon, DON’T touch me.” Licht continued, passing a punishing scowl at Lawless, warning him to back off before he snaps. “Demon? I’m not some demon.” Lawless exclaimed, rubbing his eyes pretending to cry, his voice as mocking as ever though. Lawless hugged Licht again much to the boy’s annoyance. “But don’t you want to be defiled?” The raven-boy blinked his eyes in confusion at the question, as he quirked an eyebrow at the transfer student. Seeing the boy’s reaction, Lawless smirked, dragging his fingers down Licht’s back, making the other shiver and arch his back. At the same time, a high shriek escaped Licht’s mouth. Licht covered his mouth almost instantly but all too late. Lawless grinned at the raven-boy’s reaction, continuing the motion of his fingernails downward while whispering in his ear, “someone else’s touch must feel foreign, right? But that makes it feel all the more better, doesn’t it?”

The blonde’s breath felt hot against Licht’s ears and he immediately shove the other away in embarrassment. He couldn’t help but do anything else except cover his face to hide the flush of red adorning his cheeks. Lawless just chuckled and started approaching him, much to Licht’s dismay. “S-Stay away.” Licht ordered, but instead his voice came out more like a whimper of a weak animal. The smirk as well as the latter’s movement continued, not bothered by the other boy’s continuous warnings. Licht took a step back, ready to run any minute then. But his body was acting weird. It wouldn’t move. Was it due to fear? Or something else completely? Either way, he couldn’t escape the beast approaching. His heart skipped beats and felt ready to burst any second and the feeling multiplied with every step closer. Lawless didn’t stop till they were close enough to feel the other’s breath mingle with their own. The mixture created a seducing effect , making the both of them jerk with pleasure. “Stop” or “don't” were some of the words Licht wanted to shout out but his body was already marking him incapable to even breath properly, speaking was a much higher feat. Lawless slipped his hand under Licht’s shirt making him squirm under the blonde’s playful fingers. Licht gasped at the foreign yet amazing sensation followed by a quiet, seductive moan, which made Lawless’s heart race. Sliding his hand higher, he exposed even more of the teen’s skin and ready for playing. Then he placed his lips on the other’s. Licht’s mind was too clouded to register what was happening anymore. He felt disgusted, trespassed. But at the same time he couldn’t ignore the amazing emotion he felt bottling in his chest and lower part of stomach. Gathering his strength, Licht finally spoke, though his words came out slurred. “S-Sh-Shthaa-aap.”

Lawless’s grin just widened at that cute reaction because at that moment, Licht’s face looked more pleading than resisting. Licht’s tongue was sticking out gleaming with his own saliva, begging for more action. Lawless couldn’t help chuckling looking at the situation he put the oh-so-pure angel in. But no matter how impatient Lawless felt, how much he wanted to continue this, he was aware they were on school grounds and could be caught any second. Secondly, he wanted the angel to run to him and beg for more on its own will. He wanted to make Licht remember him, suffering and muttering his name all day long. “After school,” he whispered in Licht’s ear, licking the former’s ear shell, making the angel shudder in response. He backed away slowly but then gulped noticing, the scene he had made. Licht’s face was wet from sweat, flushed red and panting for breath, making Lawless question his decision of not gulping the angel there and then. But he knew irrational actions would just later evolve into trouble. Gathering his will, he decided to leave his angel there. Just before he turned around and could exit the scene, he felt a force tug his shirt from behind. “M-more.” Licht muttered. With that, Licht launched himself at Lawless, creating a situation where he was sitting atop Lawless. He didn’t care what happened next. He needed to vent out this hot tension evolving in his lower stomach. He had absolute no idea how but he was sure Lawless knew how to erase it. “Li-Li-Li-Li-Lich-tan!!! What are you doing? Get off.” Seeing Lawless had no attention of helping him, Licht pouted, and started rubbing his ass on Lawless’s delicate part making the blonde moan loudly, cupping his mouth a moment too late. “Have you lost it? Do you want to be devoured?” Lawless yelled. Licht felt corrupted giving in to such desires. But then again, he was a human in the end. And humanly desires were present in him. He just wanted to release this pumped up energy somewhere. He lowered himself till his lips were inches apart from Lawless’s and their breaths were ghosting over each others. Just when he was about to seal his lips to Lawless’s, he heard a collection of gasps emit from behind him, which also helped in knocking him back to his senses. He immediately got off Lawless and brushing dirt off his shirt, left the scene acting like he was just a passer-by on the scene. Lawless’s heart still hadn’t calmed down and he couldn’t properly hear the outside sound over his own heart’s. He still couldn’t get his mind about what had just happened so he also just dashed away before anyone could make any comment.

The rest of the week went by normal. No, wait. It was anything but normal. The news of these two being together and doing things spread like forest fire till it was the only thing anyone was ever talking about. As if these two weren’t popular enough for being the hottest duo. Now that the two most popular boys were a couple, well, things were getting intense. Licht hated to be paired with anyone and to be paired with that idiot annoyed the shit outta him. Not just that, whenever Lawless’s name was spoken, Licht would remember what happened back then and would blush with embarrassment. To think an angel like him had degraded to such extents. He should have felt disgusted like he normally does with anyone else and pushed him away, but why didn’t he? The very question echoed across his mind and it was driving him nuts. “Its all that shit rat’s fault,” was the conclusion he always hit in the end. He hadn’t seen Lawless face to face after that incident. Both of them would walk away whenever they saw each other. The number of fights were reduced to none. No hugging. No kicking Lawless across the classroom. Nothing. Both wanted to face the other properly, but could never find the courage to do so. But fate is cruel, and just had to create a situation where they had to talk and interact.

Apparently, these two got paired up in home economics class. “ Just great,” Licht muttered, fully showing his disagreement to the idea. “Can’t I team with anyone else? ANYONE?!?” Licht demanded, slamming his hands on the teacher’s desk. “ Sorry young man. You can’t change team. You’ll have to deal with it.”

Licht turned to leave while cursing under his breath. Just before leaving, he took a glance at Lawless, his apparent teammate. He had expected the blonde to make some comment at this but the latter just sat there, silent.

“Okay, students. Today you have to make a cake, am I clear?” Announcing that, the lazy teacher began reading his newspaper, having no interest in whatever mess the students were making. The first 10 minutes went by silently for our two protagonists before one finally snapped.

“Why are you so silent, shit rat?!” Licht yelled loud enough to direct everyone’s attention to these two. But Licht didn’t care. He was getting more and more irritated each second passing by. “Wh-what do you mean? I didn’t see any need to talk. That’s why I didn’t-” “Don’t act dumb!! You know you’ve been avoiding me this whole week. Don’t think I wouldn’t notice.” “Hah?!? So its all my fault now? Don’t act like you weren’t doing the same!!” Lawless yelled back. Licht noticed it had been quite a while since he had last heard the demon’s voice and he felt relieved now that he had assured that Lawless still had a tongue. “You started this shit. Take responsibility and end it.” “What do you want me to do?!?! You’re so damn difficult to figure out. Just say what you want me to do. I’ll do it.” “ That’s the only thing you have to do and you’re asking me? Guess it yourself, idiot.” With that, Licht left the classroom while slamming the door on his way out, ignoring the teacher’s rants. Lawless just sat there confused about what the hell had just happened. Their week long silence’s result was just another fight? Lawless felt hurt at this thought. He had realized his need for Licht. He couldn’t ignore his feelings any longer. But the part he was unsure of was the angel’s feelings. Did the other feel the same emotion he did? Lawless had started teasing the raven-haired boy as just a game, but had slowly found himself more attached than he should’ve been. Now he was regretting for even starting this mess. He was afraid of the fact that Licht would reject him. He didn’t want that. He would rather stay a friend with Licht his whole life then confess and be rejected. These were the thoughts that always used to revolve his mind. But after that unexpected reaction from the raven teen, Lawless was beginning to think that the feeling was mutual. He was really happy to know that the other individual felt something towards him. But the main problem was that Lawless had never expected for this to happen and had no idea how to tackle the situation. And by tackle, meaning confess his feelings. He slapped himself thrice in an attempt to knock himself back to Earth and gather his courage to finally announce his decision. If not now then when, he questioned himself, chasing the angel.

Licht couldn’t understand why he was so pissed and had just spoke what came to his mind which now was making absolute no sense to him. “Did I just ask him to confess?” he inquired himself. “Damn it.” he cursed under his breath. Licht wanted to bang his head against the wall in embarrassment. Before he could finish his train of thoughts, he was interrupted by an annoyingly, similar sound emitting from behind him. Before he could turn around and check the source, he got knocked down against the floor, hitting his head in the process. “Damn that hurt like hell!!!” Licht exclaimed. Rubbing the aching part he tried to sit up and kick the culprit to next week for doing something so stupid, but he suddenly felt a warm feeling against his lips. The culprit had kissed him. He blinked trying to make out the blurred silhouette in front of him and when he finally did, his eyes opened in astonishment. It was the very demon that had caused him so much trouble. But he couldn’t find it in himself to shove the blonde away. Mainly because the kiss was so warm and sweet. Licht relaxed into the kiss and didn’t react much. Lawless backed away after what felt forever to both of them. “You asked for my confession? That’s my response Lich-tan. What’s yours?” Lawless’s face had a real smile adorned on it. A sight not normally seen. Normally it comprised of a mocking or playful grin. Licht yanked him closer, sealing their lips once more, but now with much more force. Lawless grabbed the back of Licht’s head and pulled him even closer deepening the already pleasurable kiss. Both attempted to gain dominance over the other. Licht bit Lawless’s tongue warning him to back down which made Lawless hiss in pain. Licht smirked, proud on his little victory but Lawless took this little opportunity to slip his tongue in Licht’s territory. Both their tongues entwined eliciting various slurping sounds, exciting both of them. Licht gave in earlier, being new to this type of challenge. Lawless parted his lips from Licht giving time for both of them to catch their breaths. Their eyes locked and they just lied there staring into each other’s eyes, not uttering a single word. They were so indulged that the crowd gathered around them went unnoticed by them both. When finally they looked up at the click sound of a camera capturing a picture. Observing the camera was pointed towards them, they understood the reason for this huge gathering. Lawless quickly got off Licht and extended his hand to help Licht up as well. Licht was a bit late in calculating what was happening and now that he had done it, he felt embarrassed enough to die. He dipped his head attempting to cover the pink flush visible on his pale skin. The silence was broke with a “I knew it,” shout from someone present in the crowd followed by high screams of joy from some girls. Licht and Lawless knew they won’t be able to escape if another second passed by idle. They took a run for it. Both ran with full pace and knew fully well that this was a life and death situation in which “the fallen would be left behind to die.” They ran like crazy and got separated along the way somewhere. In other words, their confession was left unfinished due to some outside disturbances. A weird chime caught Licht’s attention. It had come from his phone. It was near 10 o clock and he was preparing to go to sleep, just after cleaning his home. The thoughts of the occurrence today was clung to his memory like glue. He couldn’t stop thinking of how to respond the next day. Either way, after finishing his cleaning, he turned the lights off and lied down on his bed. Then proceeded towards checking the unread message notification on his mobile screen. It was from the demon. Licht felt his face warm up a bit before finally mustering up the courage to click open the message. “You awake?” it read. “Yeah. Something wrong?” Another message popped up saying, “Oh it nothing. Just a bit curious of what happened earlier today. Was that a yes from your side?” Licht could feel the tension and nervousness from Lawless even though they were far away. He knew his reply now would change his life forever. If he replied no then the blonde would leave him alone, and he could live his life like he always did. But if he responded yes, well, they could continue being friends. Or maybe evolve into something more. That would be decided later. The issue on hand now was figuring out his feelings. What did he desire? Licht knew he felt secured around that rat. No matter how many times he tried to shrug this feeling away, he couldn’t. He knew it was genuine. But was this love? Did he really want to be with someone? Wouldn’t he be dirty? What if he infected me? These questions resounded in his head in an endless loop. But his heart won the battle in the end. “Yes.” Licht responded, anxious about the other’s reaction. “Thank you.” A warm feeling gushed in his body as he slowly put away his cell phone, somewhat smiling, a rare happening for the angel. He just pulled the covers over his head, trying to hide his embarrassed face from who knows who. He kept mumbling “damn demon” till he lulled to sleep.

#happy birthday waifuuuuu #<3333 #me loves chuu #servamp #lawlicht #fanfic #lawless/licht #lawlessxlicht #lawless #licht jekylland todoroki #birthday present #licht/lawless #licht #my fanfiction

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raganandhersurveys · 4 years

Text

6/11/20~CIV

~Ready to answer 151 Questions?

1. When was the last time you swam in a pool?

~last summer.... i really need to go soon

2. Do you like to party?

~if it’s with people i like, for sure. the parties that people from my highschool throw are kinda lame tho://

3. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do?

~i don’t think my heart could take it because i lowkey still have feelings for him soooooo

4. Are you a virgin?

~yes

5. What are your parents views on your relationships?

~my parents supported both in the beginning. i honestly didn’t open up to them a lot about my first boyfriend so i never truly told them about how bad our breakup was. however, my second boyfriend was different because our dads were best friends in high school. he was really close to my dad so my dad supported it and that made me happy. but since we aren’t together anymore it’s really hard for my dad to even mention him anymore.

6. If you ran into your current boyfriend/crush in 10 years, would you marry them?

~i don’t really have either one at the moment

7. Is your best friend dating anyone?

~yes

8. Describe the shirt you’re wearing?

~it’s a tiffany blue ribbed t-shirt from aerie

9. Do people who wear Hollister and Abrercrombie every day bother you?

~no because that was me in middle school. along with j.crew ://

10. Could you go out in public without wearing make-up?

~lol yes

11. What is one feature that you don’t like?

~on me, my butt lol

12. Would people describe you as happy?

~i think so but it would also depend on who you asked

13. Are you single?

~i am

14. Does it bother you that pretty much every survey you take asks if you’re single?

~i mean yeahhhhhh just because i’m still going through it from my last relationship

15. Do you have Tumblr?

~......

16. What about Xanga?

~i have no idea what that is lmaooo i feel like that makes me sound super young

17. Have you ever babysat before?

~yep

18. Is there a teacher who you absolutely hate?

~i wouldn’t say HATE but i’ve had a couple of teachers that i wasn’t a fan of but it was just because our personalities

19. Ever shopped at Sephora?

~more of a ulta girl but yes

20. If your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away, what would you do?

~again, don’t have one

21. Do you have any university plans?

~i start applying to colleges this fall ughhh pray for me

22. If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do?

~well it would definitely surprise me because she has a boyfriend buttt i would obviously be supportive of her decision and still love her just as much

23. What are your views on sex?

~it’s a great thing ya feel

24. Do sexual questions bother you?

~not at all

25. Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend or break up?

~ummmm that sounds like some narcissistic stuff ahaha

26. Have you ever dreamed about your wedding?

~ughhhh yes

27. Does it bother you when people TYpe 1yk dis’?

~yeah lol i kinda have a stroke reading it

28. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook?

~lol yeah??

29. Would you ever date a friends Ex?

~my friends have ugly exes so no lmaoooooo

30. What’s the last book you read?

~me and sydney are currently reading since you’ve been gone

31. Ready for 10 simple questions?

~hit it

32. What is your last name?

~quate

33. What grade are you in?

~i just finished my junior year so i’m going into 12th

34. What school do you go to?

~i’m not gonna reveal that srry

35. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring?

~fall

36. Favorite Color?

~pink

37. Are your parents together?

~nope

38. Any siblings?

~i have one sister

39. Favorite subject?

~choir or literature

40. Least favorite subject?

~mathhhhhh

41. Favorite song?

~i’ve been super into slowed and reverbed stuff rn so any hip-hop/rnb song slowed

42. Okay. Simple questions are over. Happy?

~lol yeahhhhh

43. How many friends do you have on Facebook?

~i don’t have facebook lol but on insta i have 787

44. Ever been requested by some old guy from another country?

~yeah

45. Have you ever googled yourself?

~yep

46. Have a Formspring?

~again, proof that i’m young i assume lol

47. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do?

~obviously go cause they’re free lmao

48. Would you rather spend the day at an amusement park or a water park?

~amusement

49. Been to Disney world?

~i have but it’s been so long

50. If someone posts their status “9 Inches :(” do you know what they mean?

~bahahah uhhh i’m thinkin of something but i don’t think that’s what you’re referencing

51. Ever had a boyfriend?

~mhmm

52. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know?

~omg so many. i will never tell someone i like them until they tell me first or they make it super obvious they like me back

53. Have you done something in the last week that you regret?

~most likely. i can’t remember anything specifically tho

. 54. Ever drank alcohol?

~yes

55. Know anyone who’s currently doing drugs?

~yes

56. Ever watched The Hills?

~i’ve heard of it. i think it came on mtv in like the 2000s??

57. What about Jersey Shore?

~ughhh yes my mom and i still watch the reruns

58. Ever called someone a slut?

~as a joke

59. What do you think of short shorts?

~i wear them but not the ones where my whole ass is hanging out aha

60. Does it bother you if people swear around you?

~nope

61. Have you ever gotten an A in a subject?

~i have

62. What about a B?

~mhmm

63. And a C?

~yes hate chem dude :(

64. How about a D?

~nope

65. Ever skived?

~idk what that is

66. Would you consider yourself popular and outcast or somewhere in the middle?

~between popular and the middle. i’ve never been an outcast

67. Are most of your friends older or younger than you?

~my best friends are roughly my age, give or take a few months

68. Ever been stabbed in the back by a close friend?

~oh yes

69. Do you think it’s immature when people laugh at the number 69?

~my humor can be immature so it doesn’t bother me

70. Ever watched porn?

~not on purpose lol

71. How many laws do you think you’ve broken in the past month?

~none

72. Do you wake up with an alarm clock?

~when i had to go to school. man it feels like it’s been literal ages since i’ve been

73. Do you prefer Wednesdays or Thursdays?

~when i was in school, thursdays because it’s closer to the weekend but since quarantine i usually forget what day it is anyway

74. If your school had a Glee Club would you join?

~ahah yeah my choir teacher would make me

75. Ever performed in a talent show?

~many times

76. Have you ever cried in public?

~maybe twice as an older person. i hate crying in public

77. Do you have a favorite between your Mom and your Dad?

~no there are things between both of parents that i relate better on

78. Would you audition or a reality talent competition?

~nope

79. How many celebrity crushes have you had?

~so many

80. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had?

~not near as many

81. Name 5 male celebrities who you think are attractive

~jimmy garapollo, kelly oubre jr., dave franco, jamie dornan, and mark wahlberg

82. Name 5 female celebrities who you think are attractive

~madison beer, margot robbie, angelina jolie, julia roberts, and alicia silverstone

83. Ever been compared to a celebrity?

~nope

84. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook?

~ok for the record everything that says Facebook, i’m inserting Instagram instead. but no i have taken down anything i deem embarrassing

85. Do you think spending £20 on Lip Gloss is a waste of money?

~it depends on the brand and if it has good reviews

86. Are you opinionated?

~lol yes

87. Do you have a favorite store?

~target, goodwill, urban outfitters, and antique stores

88. Would you ever wear Flare Jeans?

~yesss i love them

No. 89. Do you own jeans that aren’t skinny?

~yeah quite a few

90. Have you ever worn the same outfit twice in one week?

~lol yes

91. What’s the longest period of time you’ve been away from school?

~lol 3 months ig since corona

92. Do you google abbreviations you don’t understand?

~sure?

93. Does it bother you when people have cats as their profile picture?

~lol no i love cats soooo it’s good with me

94. Own a pair of converse?

~yes

95. Is there a teacher at your school who has obvious favorites?

~LMAOOO yes

96. If yes, are you one of them?

~not for the one i’m thinking of

97. Do you text in class?

~yeah sometimes

98. What brand of jeans do you wear the most?

~american eagle

99. At what point do you think sizes are “Plus Sized?

~like 18?

100. Do you want to lose weight?

~a little, yeah

101. Ever seen a therapist?

~yes

102. Ever watched porn?

~not on purpose

103. Ever purposely ignored a text?

~all the dang time

104. A facebook message?

~all the time

105. A poke?

~idk what that is

106. A friend request?

~yes but if i don’t want them to follow me i’ll usually just decline it

107. Would you say you read into things too much?

~definately

108. Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do something stupid?

~refusing for sure. i usually suggest the stupid stuff

109. Do you have a “fun friend?” (A friend who you have tons of fun with but you never really have deep conversations?)

~yeah quite a few but they aren’t my best friends

110. Ever been called a bully?

~probably but like i don’t remember

111. Ever purposely hurt yourself?

~no

112. Ever gone to church?

~yep

113. Would you call either of your parents screw ups?

~lol no

114. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased?

~uhhh not really. i love my mom but we are NOT the same

115. What do you want to do with your life?

~just to be happy i guess

116. Let me guess… You have brown hair?

~i do actually

117. Already know what you’re being for Halloween?

~not yettttt

118. Do you still go Trick or Treating?

~no, i feel like once you turn like 17 people give you weird looks

119. Ever liked someone WAY older than you?

~lol alwaysssss

120. Does it bother you when people have really loud conversations on the bus?

~i guess a little but i don’t even know the last time i rode a bus

121. When you have sunglasses on, do you stare at people?

~yeah but not on purpose

122. Ever had a credit card denied?

~i don’t have a credit card

123. What’s the last movie you watched?

~uhhh this movie my mom was watching called what lies beneath

124. Last TV Show?

~wildin out

125. You see your Ex making out with one of your friends. What do you do?

~probably cry not gonna lie

127. Are you american?

~i am

128. Ever made yourself throw up?

~nope

129. Have you ever kissed someone who wasn’t your boyfriend?

~i have

130. Are you Cute or Gross?

~probably gross

131. Does it bother you when people say “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN!”?

~no but they are definitely lying because i haven't grown since 7th grade

132. Can you say intelligent things around the guy you like?

~lol yes?

133. Ever had the lead in a play?

~i have!

134. What about a solo in a concert?

~yes as well

135. What kind of a student are you?

~an a/b student for the most part

136. Worst subject?

~It was always math<---- mood

137. Best subject?

~choir or literature

138. Ever had a crush on a teacher?

~no but i’ve always wished i would have a hot teacher

139. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant?

~yeah because my mom can’t have kids anymore

140. How late do you sleep in?

~like 9:30; i don’t sleep late

141. Do you edit your profile pictures before posting them?

~lol yeah

142. Be 100% honest. Do you have any friends who are uglier than you?

~my friends are all beautiful genuinely

143. Do you believe in love?

~i do

144. Would you consider yourself a good student?

~mhmm

145. Does it bother you when Surveys ask “Did you like this survey?”

~no but it’s kind of a stupid question

146. Salty, Sweet, Sour or Spicy?

~spicy for sure

147. Are you going into High School this year?

~no, this will be my last year :((

148. What about Junior High?

~lmaooooo thank goodness no

149. What is one thing someone could say to you right now that would make you cry?

~you’re ugly bahaha

150. Where did you find this note?

~tumblr????

151. Last question. How many unread messages are in your phone?

~none at the moment

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survivor-themyscira-blog · 6 years

Text

My tribe SEEMS nice so far, but it's weird how there are so many meninists here instead of women fighters. When I win, it's gonna be funny because I'll literally ruin Wonder Woman's legacy

I AM SO PUMPED TO BE PLAYING! I really like a lot of the people I'm playing with and I really want to get to know people I don't know already and if merge DOES happen I really want to work closely with Emily and make her my number one! I'm so excited, I can't wait for this to be another great season, woohoo! <3

okay, my number one on my tribe as of right now is going to be JACK! we played in another game together and I didn't speak to him until like right before I got booted, and I tried to flirt with him to keep me so this time we're going to work with one another FROM THE BEGINNING! But believe me, when it's time to merge or tribe swap?? EMILY is gonna be my number one! Also... talking to JG is like talking to a wall look- [10/11/17, 10:55:41 PM] JG Carse (SirDragon) 🐉: Heyyyy [10/11/17, 10:56:00 PM] Ruthie: hey! how are you? [10/11/17, 10:56:18 PM] JG Carse (SirDragon) 🐉: Great [10/11/17, 10:56:41 PM] Ruthie: that’s good! i’m so excited for this season! I HATE ONE WORD ANSWERS MORE THAN ANYTHING UGH. also I doubt I'll ever write this many confessionals so...... i'm also looking forward to working with logan he is one of my FAVES! but i don't want to rely on people I've known before so I really hope I get to know everyone better.

Oh GROSS did I really flirt with a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD in that other game, why did I think Jack was like 22 or something, EW. anyway he's still going to be my number one this season! why am I still making confessionals

There Charlotte. Now you have something to read. How could you put me on the same tribe as Kai and Andreas?

It's been an hour and I still don't know what the fuck is going on.

Holy shit, I was hoping this would be a nice return to TS and it did not disappoint! I mean, sure, I was only gone for a short while, but still. So far, my tribe looks amazing, and I really wanna get to talk with some of them more. I'm excited to meet with Billy and Jack once we merge or swap, and it'd be nice to play a game with Madison for once! There's one weird thing, though. Jordan Pines volunteered to be my goat. Yes, you read that right.

My name is Jaiden Hantz and I have something to say...! So I found the Ares Helmet, a super hidden immunity idol. The catch is, it can only be played at the first tribal!!! Damn! As shitty as it is, I don't really want to go to the first tribal. I want Jordan Pines to go home first more than anything, so I'll pray for the best possible outcome. This kind of power falling into my hands is SUCH a fun twist because I'm the only player that would actually use it at the first tribal council if given the opportunity. While not quite at Bahamas level of record time to find an advantage, I'll take what I can get here. I TRULY want to win this game because I need some redemption from Bahamas, so let's do what I can to get there. I don't need to play Athena eleven times to win (my main seasons are SHAKING). Let's get it done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2epIBobywQ&feature=youtu.be

Welcome to Themyscira! We have NO FREAKING IDOLS

I swear to god I'm going to rip my hair out I did that gosh darn puzzle it took me half an hour (probably why I didn't find it) and I discover that it is... not there. On 10/11/17, at 11:43 PM, charlotte (themyscira host) wrote: > Unfortunately there is nothing left to find. Sorry! Nothing hurts my heart more. Anyways, other than knowing that the idol is already in play and that I don't have it, things are going well. I know Rhone, Jordan, and Toph (three men... ew) so I already have connections with them. They have all come to me separately talking about working together and I'm like nut sure but if they ask me to vote out a girl then I'm cutting them lol This season like I'm only looking out for me and my girls ya know what I'm saying I love women I like Madeline she seems fun and I want to be her friend and I also like Nicholas. Kai has yet to respond to me but I love inactives because they're an easy vote jfdkfaslka I'm just hoping we win this first immunity so we don't have to go to tribal and... risk being the first boot. I'd cry. Also this is ICONIC I was playing in a game with Jordan at like 10:30, got voted out (5 [me] to 2 [Madison, who I believe is on the other tribe fjlskdfklas]), and now I'm on another tribe with him at like 10:35. He voted me out like five minutes ago and then HAHAHAHA I'M BACK I HOPE YOU MISSED ME! I love selfie scavenger hunts because like omg I love selfies and I love scavenger hunts so like it's a major nut. I also see that the hosts want us to lip sync to a song... they're most definitely going to put all our videos together so like I'm going all out I gotta look cute and I gotta get er done well. Oh just a reminder that Lily, Madeline, and I are making merge 100% and if people try to vote us out I'm literally gonna be like remember when this was supposed to be an all female season yeah let us have it and um they gotta! It's just the tea! I'm a little grossed out at how many boys there are but I am just letting it be known that merge will be all girls and that's that on that. Okay I'm ending this with a quote from Toph: Me: I'm going to be PG in this confession. I'm going to replace my curse words with more appropriate words Toph: Like moist? This game is so freaking moist!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHgjh-NrLSU&feature=youtu.be

Okay but like Lily is already speaking my language: On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Emily wrote: > are we like 2/3 girls on this tribe On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > i think we are On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Emily wrote: > wow gross On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > gross indeed On 10/12/17, at 12:34 AM, Emily wrote: > hopefully one day there’ll be all girls On 10/12/17, at 12:34 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > tru! > how would u feel about an all girls alliance > or at least a Hippolyta girls alliance On 10/12/17, at 12:36 AM, Emily wrote: > I would nut Lily can like... get it! And SO CAN MADELINE I LOV HER TOO SHE'S SO NICE WTF i just want to be her best friend like wow I love the 2 other girls on this tribe and no doubt about it I'm making an all girls alliance with them at some point. I love women this whole confession is dedicated to how much I love Lily and Madeline ALREADY

Ughhhh i just got the worst advantage ever. The lasso of truth. It reveals who voted who in a tribal of my choice. I guess if i use it efficiently it would work well but Kai is not a strategic bunny so. Everyone on my tribe seems great so far but theyre asleep so im gonna assume theyre great arent i. I know a few people too so hopefully.those relationships carry me.

Logan

aaaaaa ill make a real confessional soon but aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I hate jordan pines

MADELINO AND KAILET FOR THE WIN.

For me the challenge is going alright, I'm about to upload a few more picture and a couple videos. I'm not much concerned with how everyone else has been handling it, it seems pretty straight forward. I hope we win cause I don't want to risk being first boot and that becoming my worst placement ever after going 1st then 5th in my two other games. As far as tribe interactions go, Nicholas and I seem to have similar academic pursuits, that could be a bonding thing or turn each other against ourselves in a late game scenario(not even close to that so I won't worry to much, just keep it in the back of my mind for now.) Toph has talked a little to me, but I'm hesitant to try to push for more at this stage, Emily is a sweetheart, Madeline seems chill, JORDAN PINES I've heard a lot about him and would rather him be with me than against me. Lily has said much to me, and it looks like there will be no chance of a Kuang Si Alliance as Andreas and Kai have given me the cold shoulder.

Alright!!! Hello everyone and welcome to The Mascara. That wasn't funny and so won't be anything you'll be reading from here on out, but that is okay because I say so. Soooo, I wasn't here at the first day but I am here now and I am happy to see that I am teamed with Ian! I love the guy, even if he's a powerhouse and will be a threat later on. But why care about that now... right? Besides Ian, I've only been able to chat with Emily and Jordan Pines so far and I think I've given them a glance into the abyss of my personality. I'm also excited to eventually meet up with JG again. Please mind that I am still very new to ORG's, so I still need to learn a lot. :-* ---- The first challenge sounds amazing but I don't think I can get a lot done, but I'll do as many as I can do today. I want to carry my own burden, so nobody can say I am not trying. That'll be all for now, thanks for watching the Andreas Show! Cheers!

I am the only one that has turned any of my selfie things in and it is SO frustrating, COME ON TRIBE, get your shit together!

Andreas is a lil weird but I like it he’s like teaching me how to cook pasta like #thankyou and he also told me I’m doing well on the challenge and I’m happy! He said the people that aren’t doing the challenge will like first boot so that’s reassuring that ya know won’t go home first woooo. Also like I just love Madeline so much and I want to be her best friend she’s so nice and wow. Like she already is like telling me she loves me and I’m like https://tmblrsurvivorextra.tumblr.com/post/166363315731 (credits to duncan for making this gif of me)

I hope Jordan Pines gets 2nd place again!

Let's do a little cast assessment jush. Idgaf about the other tribe but I love this tribe so thank you so much for not fucking me over like Tumblr Survivor loves doing ok: Jordan Pines - I actually want to sincerely work with Jordan this season because I will absolutely stomp him at FTC if I can get him there, and he'll always be targeted before me. So I'm treating him like my ride or die and so far we're making all decisions together. He's a really sweet person but he is so annoying at times it borders on disturbing. Madeline - Ok what a fucking queen, I love that we're the same age and just have similar senses of humor and stuff, plus she's new to the community so she'll want allies and Jordan and I are happy to be that for her. I love ha. Emily - Love ha too, queen of sincerity, queen of me knowing her game inside and out bc I just hosted her for 27 days and she does like SO many confessionals so I know all of her tea lmao. She could be a liability down the line but premerge she's good to have in my camp. Lily - So great and it's been forever since I've last seen her so I'm really happy she's here. Me her and Jordan all worked together in a game once upon a time and that didn't end too great so this can be our REDEMPTION. Nicholas - Nicholas is such a bae and my friend but literally where is he lmfao.

Kai - Really really sweet but we haven't talked a ton yet, probably gonna work with him. Toph - He's nice but we just haven't connected. I can't be promising everyone that I'll work w them if we end up going to TC you know? Which leaves... Andreas - Yeah he hasn't added me back yet yet has done like a ton of the selfies for the challenge so Idk what the deal is there. Survivor is a really difficult game and all I want is to go as far as I can while staying true to myself. My Achilles heel has always been my self-doubt and second-guessing tendencies so I'm trying to nip that in the bud right now and take advantage of a very advantageous premerge situation for me. I'm dreading a swap bc I barely even know who's on the other tribe but we'll just have to wait and see!

Honestly I’m pretty happy with the tribe so far even tho I’ve made no connections and my flop ass will probably be first boot

Not to be rude or anything but we have two hours where the fuck are Lily, Nicholas, and Rhone

RIP JG. Sucks to have to quit the game early, and it doubly sucks what he's going through. Obviously I'm a bit relieved to be safe after contributing a lot to the team's score and watching us get demolished, but it's certainly not a good omen for things to come.

Jordan is really nice I’m just reluctant to work with him. But like ya know I think I’m gonna anyway because I hate myself. But also um I need to talk to Madeline and Lily about that all girls thing lol I can’t not make an all girls alliance this game u know like. I just can’t not

I also told Jordan about the idol being missing when I completed the idol puzzle and he seemed surprised but ... he also could be lying. He said he didn’t even know we could search yet. And I don’t know if I believe it but hmm I’ll consider it

It’s just kinda annoying that Jack is being rude to me about us losing. Like I could’ve either done nothing or get us another 20 points - tops. Sorry that we lost but we don’t actually have to go to tribal council, SO check your attitude mister! I take full responsibility for not submitting. I don’t know what I was thinking, I KNEW it was due today but it just didn’t occur to me that it was actually due I guess. I’m shaken up. I feel terrible that JG had to leave but I hope he’s doing okay :( I kinda want to see what would happen if we DID lose a challenge though. Tribal council is an interesting place to be, I wouldn’t mind going there myself..

Imagine being spared as first boot by a med-evac? Truly a miracle! But I feel like even if JG hadn't left, Raymond/Jaiden would've been bigger targets to leave since they didn't do the challenge. Right now I'm hoping that the relationships i have with Logan and Dan from before this game can keep me afloat. Tbh I would rather be with the other tribe. They seem cuter to me.

OH ALSO WE WON SJSBSJSNS I FORGOT TO CONFESS ABOUT THAT AND I GOT THE MOST POINTS OUT OF EVERYONE AND J GET A SPECIAL THING but there was nothing in my matches #rig

I'm really digging this game so far. My tribe is super active and nice. I feel bad that I'm not around much, but I'm hoping once things calm down I'll be able to hang out more.

#whatidoisnotuptoyou #athena11 #episodes

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