#upside-down pig rules

[waywardxwords]

Chapter 3 - We'll Always Have Atlanta (Taking Chances)

Summary: After a random encounter introduces you to Dean Winchester, you can't shake the magnetic pull you feel towards him. For years, you've felt like everything in your life is under control--a promising career, financial stability and no real responsibilities. Dean's a hunter; it's his life and job. But somehow when you meet, your worlds are flipped upside down and you have to decide if it's a chance worth taking.

Chapter Warnings: Slight language, teeny bit of fluff, some good, old dramatic tension

Pairing: Dean Winchester x female!reader

Word Count: ~3k

[1] [2]

The Blind Pig was a small hole-in-the-wall sports bar, but it sure did have a lot of patrons. Thankfully, your flight had gotten in when it was supposed to without any delays, but that had you settled in at your hotel by five o’clock and ready to meet Dean by six. You had pulled out your laptop to try and get some work done, but your eyes kept pulling to the numbers on the nightstand. 

6:02. And then again at 6:04. By 6:07, you couldn’t take it anymore. So you headed the short distance from your hotel to The Blind Pig and settled on a barstool at the bar. 

“What can I get you?” The bartender interrupted your thoughts as he dried his hands on a small dish rag. 

“A Jack and Coke, please,” you answered in an effort to calm your nerves. “And a glass of water,” so hopefully you wouldn’t get too ahead of yourself. 

The bartender nodded and grabbed a glass. Every time the front door opened, you couldn’t help but turn to see if it was Dean. But it was still only 6:45, and you knew he had a long drive. 

Just as your drink was set in front of you, you heard him clear his throat behind you. “Hey, Atlanta,” the nickname brought a smile to your lips and a shiver down your spine as you turned towards him.

“Dean,” you couldn't help your smile as you stepped down off of the stool and paused for a moment. Without thinking, you reached out and put your arms around his neck in a hug. He hesitated, but only for a moment. His arms snaked around your waist and you relished in the way his hands felt on the small of your back. 

“It’s good to see you,” he seemed honest as the words came from his mouth. You couldn’t place his scent, but you were drawn to it. It was woodsy, almost; as if he had just come from a cabin in the middle of a forest. But it was mixed with the smell of leather and peppermint, like the little round red and white candies. 

“It’s good to see you, too,” you pulled back, though you hadn’t wanted to. 

In pulling away, you were forced to meet his gaze and you found yourself lost in his eyes and the freckles that dotted his skin just under them, just like the first time you met. 

“What’re you drinking?” He slipped the leather jacket off of his shoulders and tugged the sleeves off at his hands as he pulled himself onto the barstool next to you. 

“Jack and Coke,” you answered as you, too, sat back on your barstool. “I don’t usually go the liquor route…” you trailed off a bit. 

“Back to breaking the rules, I see,” he quipped. The familiar smile you had gotten used to the last time you were together found his lips and you couldn’t help but match it. 

“Yeah, well. You’re a bad influence,” you teased back with a slight nudge. 

Even though he had seemed like the Dean you met a month ago, his demeanor shifted for a moment as he took a quick glance around the bar. He seemed to study almost every patron with an intensity that surprised you. What is he looking for? You wondered. Or who?

You cleared your throat as you swirled the amber colored liquid in your glass. When you glanced back up, his gaze was on you again. “Everything okay?” You asked him gently. 

“Oh, yeah,” he shook his head and smiled. “Sorry, just a little distracted.” You were both interrupted when the bartender appeared before you. “Hey, how’s it goin’?” Dean asked as he glanced behind the bar. The bartender nodded in response. “Could I get a Coors, bottle’s fine.” 

“Coming right up,” there was an awkwardness in the air as the bartender walked back to the cooler to retrieve the beer and silence set in.  

“So,” Dean started, his hands folded on top of the bar as he leaned forward a bit on his elbows. “How often do you come to Kansas?”

You took a sip from your drink, hoping for some liquid courage to get you through the normal uneasiness that comes along with getting to know someone. 

“Well, it varies. We just opened an office in Salina, but typically I work from home in Virginia,” you explained. 

The bartender set Dean’s bottle of beer in front of him and he nodded in thanks. “Virginia? I thought you were from Atlanta,” his response even further showed how little you knew about one another. 

“Oh, I was just connecting in Atlanta. Flying out of Richmond is painful, there aren’t really many direct flights,” you found a drop of condensation on the side of your glass and couldn’t help but smooth your finger over the bump of water. 

Dean nodded as he took a pull from his beer. “What do you do for work, again? Project management, right?” It was somewhat impressive to you that he remembered that; but then again, you remembered almost everything he had shared when you met.

“That’s right, for a health insurance company,” you answered. 

“Do you like it?” He asked, as he turned his head a bit to catch your gaze once more. It was impossible to suppress the way you choked on the sip you had just taken of your drink. 

“Like it? Work?” You asked incredulously. Dean seemed a little confused by your answer but smiled anyway. “Does anyone like what they do, Dean?”

He shrugged and took another drink of his beer. “I don’t know, how’s that saying go? ‘Love what you do and you’ll never work another day in your life?’ Something like that.”

“Ha,” you chuckled and took another sip of your drink. As the liquor’s level got lower in your cup, your nerves seemed to go with it. “Yeah, well, that’s not the life we’re living over here. What about you? You love what you do? …traveling, mechanic? Or exterminator, or something?” You smirked, still unsure what that meant exactly. 

Dean nodded with a smile but avoided eye contact. “Yeah, it’s a business that’s been in my family…for a while,” he explained somewhat carefully. Finally those green eyes found your gaze once again. 

“That sounds interesting,” you mused. And it really did. You had never heard of either of those being jobs where one would travel. 

“It’s more on the exterminator side,” he cleared his throat. The look on his face seemed more serious as he explained. “We do the jobs that people really don’t wanna do.” 

You nodded as you tried to follow, but you had zero clue. “I read an article about a massive boa constrictor living in a lady’s attic once. Those kinda jobs?”

“Sort of,” he answered, but didn’t seem willing to offer up more information as he shifted the topic. “Working on cars is just something I do for fun, mostly. But if I can make some money out of it, then great.” 

The sounds of the bar sunk in around you. It wasn’t that you weren’t excited by being near Dean again, because you were. But you couldn’t help how different everything felt. As the feelings swirled around in your head long enough to make a milkshake out of them, Dean caught on. 

“You okay?” When you found his eyes again, you noticed the small worry lines indented just outside them. It took just one look for you to realize he had caught you in the midst of your thoughts. 

“It’s fine,” you smiled, but a quick glance back to your liquid courage gave you what you needed to continue. “It’s just that this feels so different than it did in Atlanta. You seem different.” You emphasized. 

A slight chuckle fell from his lips. He, too, looked back to his beer (though you weren’t sure if it was for courage, or just to gather his thoughts) before he spoke again. “Atlanta was different. Less complicated,” he offered up. 

“But Kansas is complicated?” You asked as you tried to follow. 

“I’m complicated,” he filled in the blanks as his lips found the opening of the glass bottle once more. 

“Ah,” you nodded, as your finger smoothed over another drop of condensation on your glass. “Complicated as in…married? Kids? …ex-convict?” You snuck in the last one with a serious side-eye. 

This time, he couldn’t contain the chuckle and he laughed. “No, no. Nothing like that. Definitely not married, no kids. And no convictions, or charges even, for that matter.” His words eased your thoughts. 

You nodded in hopes that he might continue, but there was a hesitation there. Still, you let it linger. You had learned that sometimes if you let the silence hang open long enough, they might just take you up on it. 

He cleared his throat and emitted a sigh. “Atlanta was…” he paused to consider the word choice. “…amazing. Truly, it was incredible. Life is complicated for me, but in Atlanta, when we met that day,” he shook his head and a smile pulled at his lips once more as he reminisced. “It was like we could be ourselves, without having to look over our shoulders or put up a front.”

You hadn’t really thought about it that way, and now that you did–you wondered if that was why you had been so drawn to Dean in the first place. But it felt bigger than that; different.

“I honestly never thought I’d hear from you again…” his voice dropped a bit softer and his eyes moved back to the bar in front of him. “Why did you call?” He turned back to you once more.

This time, you were in the hot seat. He had every right to ask. “I’m not sure, to be honest,” you started slowly. For a moment, you wondered how much you should open up to him. Again, you didn’t know him. But in the same breath, you felt too tired and too old to be playing games or skirting around difficult conversations. “You know what, Dean?” It was your turn to sigh. “Screw it, full transparency?” You hesitated only long enough for him to nod. “Something about meeting you was so different. Remember how I told you I had all these rules for myself?” He smirked, but nodded once more. “Well, when I was with you–I broke just about all of them. And I know that probably sounds stupid, but that’s a big deal to me. I didn’t even feel bad breaking them. I just felt free.” The discomfort of being completely honest with him settled in the pit of your stomach as you took a breath. Your eyes watched him closely for any kind of reaction.

Dean smiled as he took another drink from his beer. This time, you noticed the smile met his eyes and it sparked the Dean you remembered meeting a month ago.

“That’s a damn good answer,” Dean nodded as he looked back to find your gaze once more. “And for the record,” he nudged you gently. “It’s not stupid.” The feelings of discomfort were replaced once more with bubbles of anxiousness and hope–like maybe you hadn’t made a mistake, after all. The ice clinked around your nearly empty glass. “You wanna take a walk? There’s not much, but there are some cool Christmas lights up in town.” Dean nodded for the door.

Old you would have warned you that this was still not the best idea; would’ve reminded you that you didn’t know Dean, and walking around a strange town at night with a near-stranger was dangerous and dumb. But at that moment, you didn’t care.

“Let’s do it.”

Both you and Dean had your hands shoved in the front of your jackets’ pockets–the chill of the late November air bit at any piece of exposed flesh. 

“Your favorite movie of all time is Speed?” Dean asked incredulously as his breath fogged in front of his face. Your steps were slow and carefree as your eyes wandered the multicolored lights strung around the center of the town.

“I don’t have a favorite movie ‘of all time’,” you air-quoted him, but quickly made the decision to return your hands to your coat pockets. “It’s just a good one! Don’t you remember the days they played that movie on FX over and over and over again on weekends? It was always on!”

Dean shook his head with a laugh. “I guess so, I don’t really remember. I didn’t watch a whole lotta TV growing up.” He answered. You noted that, for maybe a future question.

“Alright, alright,” you moved on with a roll of your eyes. “Favorite band?” 

“I don’t have just one,” he answered quickly. Another mental note that the man must love music and know his favorites. “Metallica, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin,” he said. “Those are some of the best.”

“Those are some good ones,” you hummed as you continued your walk. “I grew up on country and alternative rock, mostly. But I sure did love the boy band era.” The look on his face caused you to laugh. “Oh, come on. What girl in the 90s didn’t?! New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, N’SYNC…”

“Okay, okay,” he waved you off. “Enough of that crap. I haven’t listened to any of that shit so far, not happening now.”

Your feet stopped moving. Dean slowed to a stop before he turned to look at you, that some look of concern across his face.

“You’ve never listened to any of the boy bands?!” Your voice practically squeaked. Dean rolled his eyes and turned back to walk ahead. You hurried your steps to catch up to him, and without thinking, you looped your arm through his. “Oh, we gotta change that.”

“Sweetheart, did you not hear the part where I said it’s never gonna happen?” A playful smile turned up one corner of his lips as he looked down at you. In your closeness, you realized how tall he really was–at least six feet–and your throat suddenly felt very dry.

“Never say never, De,” your voice was soft but you matched his smile. As you looked back to the path in front of you, you realized the two of you had circled back to the Blind Pig parking lot. You cleared your throat and pulled your arm from his. He blinked a few times and cleared his own throat before he glanced down to his boots and then back up at you.

“You, uh, you got a rental car? Or need a ride?” His eyes grazed over the parking lot filled with ten or so cars. 

“Yep, that’s mine there,” you pointed out the red Honda CR-V. Dean made a face again with a slight scrunch of his nose, which made you laugh. “I know, I know. It’s a soccer mom’s dream.” You rolled your eyes. “What do you drive, anyway?” You folded your arms across your chest and prepared to tease him for rocking a beat up truck or his work van.

Dean, proudly, leaned against a sleek black car that looked classic and well-kept. It was one of those moments you thought you might have to pick your jaw up off of the pavement as your eyes widened.

“This is your car?” You asked in amazement as you took a step closer.

“Hell yeah, that’s Baby,” he gleamed as his eyes traveled over the shiny black coat that almost glistened in the glow of the streetlights.

“You would name your car,” you laughed softly as your eyes followed his gaze. You did feel a tiny bit impressed, though.

“Did you just try to offend me?” He narrowed his eyes at you with a smile. “Ain’t gonna work, sweetheart. This car is my pride and joy.” He looked back at you as he leaned against the driver’s side door. 

“It’s a beautiful car, Dean,” your eyes danced over the Impala before the wind blew gently against the side of your face once more and caused you to shudder. A quick glance to Dean realized he had felt it, too. “Thanks,” you started softly. “I appreciate you driving all this way to see me.”

He took a careful step closer so he was just in front of you. Suddenly, you didn’t feel as cold anymore. “Thanks for calling,” his voice reverberated in your ears as he spoke. You enjoyed how his voice was seasoned–gruff and experienced–but still had a way of making you feel warm inside. “How long are you in town for?” His eyes darted to your hairline and, without processing, he reached up to brush back a strand that had blown free from your hair tie. You followed his eyes and shivered again.

“I have some meetings tomorrow, then I leave early Wednesday morning,” you answered.

Without hesitation, he spoke again. “Can I see you again?”

A smile stretched across your face–one that you were sure met your eyes. “Are you asking me out on a date?” You bit down and pulled your bottom lip between your teeth.

He couldn’t help but smile. “I just might be.”

“Hmm,” you hummed, somewhat teasingly. “I think I could agree to that. But one condition.” Dean nodded with a slight roll of his eyes, playfully. “No more awkward first-time-seeing each other shit. I really had fun with you. I felt like we were in Atlanta all over again.” 

Dean nodded with a quick glance down to his boots, then back at you again. “Yeah, okay, I can make that deal.”

You put your hand out in front of you for Dean to shake on it. Dean took one glance down at your hand, but then back at your face with a small smirk. Slowly, but strategically, he leaned down and captured your lips with his in a soft, sweet kiss.

“See you tomorrow, Atlanta,” he murmured as your lips parted.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the likes, comments and reblogs on the last chapter! It was very much appreciated. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy chapter 3! :)

Chapters will be posted on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

Preview of the next chapter:

A quick glance at the clock on the wall made you inwardly groan–how could it only be 11:23 in the morning? Work days were known to drag on, but this was overkill. You figured it might have something to do with the fact that you were just hours away from seeing Dean again. It had taken you far too long to fall asleep the night before; you couldn’t stop thinking about that damn kiss.

The way his lips felt against yours…the way it made you feel inside…

The buzz from your cell phone distracted you and shook you from your thoughts.

Dean

Hey, Atlanta.

You didn’t think you’d ever get tired of the nickname. Another buzz caught you off guard.

Dean

Or should I say, Hotlanta?

The text made you laugh out loud, which would have been fine had you been alone somewhere. Instead, colleagues that you hardly knew because you worked remotely all turned to look at you.

“Sorry about that,” you said softly as you excused yourself from the cubicle you had borrowed for your time in the office. You stood in the hallway as you typed out a response.

Hi, Dean…you’re ridiculous, but that still made me laugh anyway.

You nibbled on a pesky hangnail that had formed on your thumb as you waited for his text back.

Dean

I do what I can. You still up for dinner tonight?

You hurriedly typed back before you hit ‘send’ and shoved the phone in your back pocket to head back to your desk.

100% yes! I can leave here at 4, but I’m driving to you this time. Just send me the address and I’ll meet you there!

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

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#supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fan fic #supernatural ff #spn fanfiction #spn fan fiction #spn fanfic #spn fan fic #spn ff #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester ff #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x ofc #taking chances #3. We'll Always Have Atlanta

[chimeride]

LA QUÊTE DES CHIMÈRES

An art challenge to celebrate the 4th anniversary of this project !

You can do one a day or spread it over months, you can use any style or media you want, you can interpret each word as you want or follow the precisions below, it can be just silly sketches if you want, make this challenge yours and the only true rule is to have fun !

Make sure to tag your work #chimeraquest so I can find them easily, you can send them to me or tag me too if you want to :)

Shitty cryptid : creature submitted on @shittycryptids​ (shittycryptids.tumblr.com).

Pseudophyta : chimeras that looks like a plant.

Shell : full of surprise.

Dragon : show us what a dragon is.

Pun : chimera based on a pun.

Ghost : flotting creatures with disturbing faces, patterns, teeth and tentacles.

Cephalopod : limbs directly connected to the head.

Centaur : hexapedal creatures with two or three distincts torsos.

Pseudofauna : chimeras that looks like another animal.

Bird : they are really cool if you look closely.

Merfolk : swimming creatures, front mammalian (not always) and rear sea creature.

Music : chimeras based on a music, or produce sound.

Vampire : blood-drinking chimera (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hematophagy).

Bug : mostly based on arthropods.

Fae : flying insectoid, probably small.

The Known Ones : tribute to a creature design you like.

Pseudoartifact : chimera based on an object.

Reverse : classic chimera, but upside-down.

Goblinoid : mostly quadrupedal and mammalian, probably small, and considered “ugly”.

Metachimera : fuse two different prompts of the list (except 16 and 31).

Unicorn : creatures with one horn on the forehead.

Zooanthrop : humanoid with animal features.

Demon : can range from classical art and occultism to pop culture.

Pseudopaleo : chimera based on an extinct animal.

Homonculus : humans fused with humans.

Sea creature : seems more adapted to live underwater.

Suggestion : take a suggestion from somebody (a friend, your followers, your mother, that guy you see everyday at the bus stop, etc.)

Gryphon : winged hexapedal creature, front avian and rear mammal.

Sponge people : body horror from the seabeds.

Hellpig : twisted pigs and boars.

The Unknown : original creatures, unknown chimeras of our world until then.

Art challenges have been very important in the Éphéméride des Chimères, they helped me to find inspiration and to give me motivation to draw even more, I hope mine will help you too.

#chimeraquest #about #ars chimera #art challenge #monster #chimera #creature design #bestiary #ink #now go have fun !!! #i hope it will inspire some of you #it also can be a total flop jdklfhjsdkhfjksd #i havent found any monster related art-challenge in july so i think its also a good time to do it

[miyoron]

Anime of 2023, a List By Miyo

Here we go again, it's 2023 and the year has gone by with another year of anime and all those kinda fun things. It felt like another year where we were encumbered with isekai stuff I mostly avoided and anime overworking its staff as always. I guess atleast there weren't any hacks that delayed Precure this time? I dunno, let's all say hello to my anime list of 2023 of shows I enjoyed or wanted to talk about some.

Past Write Ups

https://miyoron.tumblr.com/post/155146006684/miyos-anime-of-note-of-2016s

https://miyoron.tumblr.com/post/168918050454/miyos-anime-of-various-notes-2017-edition

https://miyoron.tumblr.com/post/181565753419/miyos-anime-of-note-2018-rainbow-edition

https://miyoron.tumblr.com/post/189938086634/miyos-anime-of-the-decade-though-actually-just

https://miyoron.tumblr.com/post/639065021256810496/miyos-2020-anime-extravaganza

https://miyoron.tumblr.com/post/672147095495589888/miyos-animated-things-of-note-2021-hello-and

https://miyoron.tumblr.com/post/705216685374865408/miyos-animes-of-2022-a-list-about-things-i-liked

***

As always, I use whatever version of the title I am most comfy writing. Also these aren't in any order other than sort of by release? I wrote down shows when I finished them so earlier in the year shows end up first. This is my science.

TomoChan is a Girl

This show is a fun little romcom that's about a violent girl and her childhood friend who she wants to go out with. The only problem is she's ridiculously tomboyish and violent and they've been friends so long, he legit just sees her as his bestie dude karate friend. This is the driving force for the show and expect Tomo to constantly knock Jun upside the head in response to his failing to see her romantic advances.

The show has an enjoyable cast of secondary characters besides the main ones with dour Misuzu always around to cut people down and active embodiment of chaos Carol who…well, girl is just a walking ditz meme. There's fun hidden depth there even with a show that sometimes has a problem with being a lil too horny. I liked it though, they were fun chars and thinking back on them as I write this up makes me remember them fondly.

Akiba Maid War

Akiba Maid War is one of those shows that is a spectacle over substance when you think about it. However, that spectacle is bonkers and was ridiculously fun to watch. A period piece about the fictional gang style wars of maid cafes in Akihabara, the show is a tale that's as comedic as it is violent. Newcomer Nagomi must learn the ways of maids and the high stakes battles between the maid hierarchy.

Like I said, it's a VERY silly show and ridiculously violent. Calling it a black comedy is pretty on the nose but it absolutely fits. I really don't want to say too much about it, but if you want to see maids murder each other in John Wick-esque violence then I say check it out. It even has some nice drama too amongst it all. Go do it, watch the pig maids!

Nijiyon Animation

Love Live Nijiyon I don't have too much to say on to be honest. It was more time with characters I liked and they had goofy little jokes. Wild this is getting a second season next year but hey why not?

~*~Time for the Precure Cornerrrr~*~

Hirogaru Sky Precure

This is a year of firsts for Precure. The fact the first Precures were the blue and white ones, the introduction of an adult and boy Precures who aren't just side characters in one episode..lots of wild stuff. Hero girl Sora and her bestie Mashiro are such a good pair. Tsubasa is a fun nerd and Ageha rules in the tradition of "older Precure, will kick your ass." The villains have been mostly fun, if a little underwritten. Still, I liked Wario but a pig man and shithead dweeb.

The Precure this year has been pretty solid to be honest, and the official subs have gotten a LOT better in quality so things sound way less like it's being done by some poor intern down in Toei's dungeons. Good designs, good style, pretty much a good season to start with if you're curious. Also for a while we got to see older Precures at the end for the 20th anniversary so yay~

Yes Precure 5 Go Go

So we finished the second half of the Yes 5 series and it was…fine? I still don't really like Milk and even moreso Milky Rose. She's not my least fave cure but she's up there. Coco and Nuts are still bleh and new friend Syrup was ehhhh. Really the main thing I learned to love this year was Bunbee. It's an early season though so I suppose it was still growing pains. This one (like Max Heart) probably could've just been combined into the first series as one year long show and not TWO separate ones.

Dokidoki Precure

DokiDoki Precure is an interesting one because there is a lot there to like. It's got a fun cast, some dopey villains and a good energy to it all. There's also the ugliest Precure baby I can think of so there's that. I didn't initially like Cure Ace but she grew on me over time which is funny cuz meanwhile I was all in on Regina who is just a shithead goblin (complimentary).

Like I said, it's a nice little series and I enjoyed the character a lot. Mana is a good girl who loves all of her friends and anyone she can make friends with. I think my favorite is Alice though just because she's basically Batman in Precure form, even down to the hyper competent butler. I think going into this show I was thinking it was going to be one of the lesser ones, but I liked it more than I thought I would so that's a win in the end.

Power of Hope ~ Precure Full Bloom

I'm putting this on here to complete the Precure chat and I think ultimately I was disappointed by it more than happy. Maybe I was expecting something I was never going to get, who knows. The idea of grown up Precure characters having to do their adult ass lives is an interesting one and I really did like all the designs they came up with for the older characters. But the fact they all just transformed into their older, middle schooler designs, and even used the same old footage, was just kind of a bummer for me. Honestly, it felt like a movie that was stretched out over 3 months of TV and probably could've just been that. Maybe they'll do something different when they do the Mahou Tsukai grown ups next. Also Bunbee was here too so yay.

*~*Thus Concludes Precure Corner*~*

Urusei Yatsura

With friends in tow, finally actually watched some Urusei Yatsura, or rather the 2022 remake series. It's got a lot of what I feel would become the staple Rumiko Takahashi comedy violence in it and I can see why it helped her later works. This is one of those shows where I don't know much to say about because I feel people know what it's about but…oni lady from space comes to Earth, says she's a pervy dweeb's wife and shenanigans ensue from there. A goofy cast of characters that was just an overall silly time. More to come next year!

Mobile Suit Gundam the Witch from Mercury (S2)

Not too much to add to this one since I talked about how I liked it last year, but I like where it took the story. Showing Miorine having to deal with being in charge of her dad's company while he was out injured and showing how people dealt with past traumas that affected their present lives. I mean, it's probably basic Gundam stuff, but I enjoyed it. There were a lot of good dramatic moments and one particular episode that really hit hard on the heart strings.

The ending was great and, honestly, the only problem is we only got 2 cours worth and not a whole year long show. That being said, I hope we do get to see Suletta again and not just in Super Robot Wars games. Also, don't let anyone try to tell you they aren't married at the end. That's just denying the truth.

Inu-Oh

What a cool fucking movie. Cool fucking visuals, cool fucking soundtrack. Just everything about it was a good watch. Made me feel happy, sad..just yea. A tale of friendship between a blind biwa player and a cursed-deformed dancer, it's a really lovely story with like I said..it's just really good and you should check it out. Sorry I don't have better words for this. I think I just want you to discover it for yourselves!

Skip and Loafer

Skip and Loafer is a cute little slice of life with some romance elements in it with a cute cast of characters from all walks of life. Awkward over-acheiver Mitsumi tries to make her way in the big city high school where she becomes friends with others ranging from the overly chill, but complex, Sosuke to the seemingly aloof Yuzuki. It's a nice little story that treads some of the typical high school anime things but has a lot of hidden depth behind the characters.

Like I often seem to say, it's one of those ones I wish wasn't only 12 episodes and deserves more. It even has a nice bit of LGBTQ+ representation in it with Mitsumi's Aunt Nao. Seriously, fun little show, I want more.

Oshi no Ko

Oshi no Ko was initially one I wasn't going to check out because the synopsis for it made me very confused and I thought it was JUST too weird. Let there be no mistake, it's a fucking weird premise and sometimes it gets awkward because of that. That being said, I ended up very invested in the story because I really want to know the answer to the overarching mystery of the show. Who dun it huh? Who dun it?!

This show has a lot to say about the entertainment industry, specifically the shittiness of it and I think that's ultimately a good thing. Word of warning, episode 6 and 7 are REALLY heavy and the official subs even have a warning before and after the episodes because of it. Next year there's another season incoming so I will look forward to more Memcho in our future. Also, probably one of the more hype openings this year. Yoasobi is one of my new favorite artists and I enjoy when they do stuff (they also did a G Witch opening so!)

Yohane the Parhelion: Sunshine in the Mirror

A Love Live April Fools joke that became its own actual show. What a time to be alive. This is an interesting little piece though and had some nice things going for it. As always the music and visuals were good and I like the set up of it all. Plus, I'm always happy to see the Sunshine cast in things since they're the ones I've spent the most time with.

That being said, the show's plot leaves a lot to be desired since some episodes it feels like they forgot they were supposed to have one to be honest. Still though, if you like Love Live Sunshine, you'll probably enjoy this too. Some characters act a little different but I think that's fine since they're in a different setting. Go watch it if you wanna, I dunno!

Spy x Family (S3)

Spy x Family continues its fun times from last year and I'm glad to have more of it. They even did an episode on the "Yor Gets Shot in the Ass" chapter which is a really fun and silly one. Yea it was a good time for more spy times, lots of good action set pieces and silly little moments in between. It's like a hugely popular show, I don't know what all you want me to say on this. It's fun and good!

Birdie Wing Golf Girls' Story

We finished the golf! It went even more soap opera and weird! It even felt like they did a Happy GIlmore reference unintentionally! I loved this weird stupid show. I miss it.

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

This was an interesting one to say the least, I'm not quite done with it yet but Science Saru plus Scott Pilgrim is a fun set up. It's a complete retelling of the show and honestly I'm for it. A lot more stuff with Ramona and in the Japanese dub, Kim is played by Cure Gelato so yea. If you liked the original series, this should be on your list to check out. And if you liked the movie, all the original actors reprise their roles so bonus points.

Side Things I Enjoyed But Don't Have Much to Say On

Otaku Elf

It's a cute silly little series about a dweeb ass elf. It was fun~

Akane Banashi

This is a manga I started reading a couple months back about a girl trying to become a pro Rakugo performer to avenge her father, but also to claim her own spot in the competitive world of this Japanese art. It's a fun thing that's played really over the top like a sports/battle manga. I enjoy it, you should cheek it out!

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady

A series that's ostensibly an isekai but the main character does not seem to have any knowledge of her previous life. At least, outside of vague things like "I saw a witch flying on a broom in a dream that may have been memories of a past I don't remember?? so I'm going to fly on a broom." An interesting one that didn't take the coward's way out at the end either.

So I think this is all I have to say this year? It's not much but it's my little list~ I hope you all enjoyed it~

For next year, I'm looking forward to finishing up the last old Precure season, Happiness Charge. We've also started the original Doremi so that should be fun. We also started watching Freiren so I feel that'll probably be on next year's list so watch out for that. And Dungeon Meshi is very soon too! Hope you all had a good 2023 and let's hope next year is a good one. Or atleast a non painful one.

#animelist

[napsfork-brainrot]

Loveless Biker Boys and SEX!!!!!!

@ewwwabug @spoonsilverwire for you pookie 😘

(This is NSFW/NSFT teehee.)

Dice Carroll

He's a major top. Like DOM DOM top. This man will ALWAYS be down to tie you down, up, sideways, upside down, it does not matter.

The man's favorite position is the mating press, him on top, you on bottom. He likes to be right over you and stare you in the eyes as he pounds away at your holes.

His hands usually go to your arms to hold them down or into your hair. He likes to choke also, almost to the point of making you pass out.

He's into growling, I don't make the rules.

Eye. Contact. He stares you DOWN while he's on top and DEMANDS you maintain eye contact with him.

"Don't you DARE look away from me! You wanted me to do this for you... So you're gonna look at me when I tell you to, slut!"

Jatay

Like Dice, Jatay is also a MAJOR DOM.

Wrestling position. Specifically with one foot on the floor, one on the surface, and drill right into you. He makes sure the penetration goes SO deep, as deep as he can go. And he fucks like a rabbit, nonstop panting and thrusting.

A DIRTY, FILTHY TALKER!!!

Will playfully nibble on your clit/tip if you don't behave for him.

"Oink like a pig for me, you WORM! Thish ish for FUCKING with my sh-pike-sh!"

Jeff Levasseur

Service top, your honor. 🧑‍⚖️

Any position is fine for him, but if he gets to choose, he does the eagle position. It's essentially a missionary position but with your legs lifted in the air for as much space.

Oh he will do ANYTHING you ask him to. Eat your pussy out? Done. Eat your ass out? Done. Suck your dick? Done. Fingerblasted? DONE.

He is a major tease. If you don't tell him exactly what you want, he will stop just to hear you whine and beg for him to go back down.

"Awww... Sorryyyyyyy, did I make you all frustrated~?"

Varai Vard

Power Bottom all the way.

He doesn't care what position he's put in. He is down for ANYTHING as long as he has a safe word.

While he does beg and whine for you, if he doesn't get what he wants, he'll start to grab you and try to force you onto him. (If ur okay with that ofc)

What a FUCKING WHORE!!!

Is really into spit play. Like, he wants you to spit in every hole he has.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, spitinmymouth, spitinmymouth, spitinmy- AAAGH~!"

Unsurprisingly, he is usually very obedient to his tops. If they want him to be still, he will be as still as a statue... or at least try to.

He's also into being collared and leashed. He prefers not to be leashed in public, but in private?? He's begging for his collar to be on and for you to put it on TIGHT.

#lbb #loveless biker boys #loveless biker boys headcanons #not safe for minors #dice carroll #jeff levasseur #varai vard #jatay

[emmamountebanks]

okay i want to make pet headcanons for all of the quarry kids now

Abigail loves reptiles. She always wanted a puppy, but her mom's allergic. Regardless, she's still happy with her bearded dragon and leopard gecko. She also has a couple of fishes, with a beautifully decorated tank. Honestly, she loves the routine of the reptiles and aquarium since it motivates her to take care of herself as well.

She's seriously considering getting a chameleon, but she's got literally no space left for anything.

Dylan has a black cat and an orange tabby. He got them a couple years ago when they were both kittens, and he definitely cherishes the kitty company in hard times. He pampers the hell out of them, and makes sure they have plenty of Meowijuana around.

Emma is the only one to have horses, since her property has the space for it. They're more her parents than hers, but she still likes caring for them. After summer camp is over, she invites Abi over for horsebacking riding. She had never done it before, but Emma is patient in teaching her and Abi ends up loving it. Whenever Abi comes over, they make it a habit to ride the horses.

Inside the house, Emma also has two black-and-white cats and a calico. She may or may not be running one of those pet instagram accounts for her cats. They may or may not be just as famous as her.

Jacob has three dogs. A chocolate lab, Siberian husky, and toy Australian shepherd. He loves teaching them tricks and staying active with them, throwing frisbees with them outside, setting up little "obstacle courses". He takes his pet care very seriously, and gets nervous whenever one of them does something odd.

After meeting Laura, he'll always shoot her a text or call her. She has to talk him out of going to the vet a lot. Just because his lab likes to sleep upside down and hanging off the couch doesn't mean he's dying.

Kaitlyn has a corgi and a fluffy Maine Coon cat. She may be fierce and feisty, but she gets so mushy over her tiny little pets. She pspsps's and spoils them with treats and has conversations with them in the kitchen like they can understand her.

On the other side, she heard Nick had a snake and immediately asked to come over to hold it.

Laura would fill her whole house with animals if she could. She absolutely loves guinea pigs the most though, and has had guinea pigs her whole life. She always wants to dump a lot of money on extravagant enclosures, and really has to hold herself back.

It's impossible to take her anywhere she can adopt a pet, because she will beg Max if they can take it home. He definitely needs to accompany her though, so she doesn't "accidentally" bring one home.

One of her close friends had a pregnant cat, so Laura got a little silver tabby kitten out of it.

Max has a rat named Crumb! And his brother's German Shepard. Max loves snuggling the dog, but he really loves his chunky rat the most, thinking that this little guy is so cool and smart.

Laura also loves Crumb, and sometimes Max is convinced she comes over just to see the rat more than him. She bought a little rat leash and harness, which Max originally made jokes about, but he totally uses it. His rat loves going for walks.

Dylan suggested once that his cats and Crumb should have a pet playdate. Max had to stare at him in an uncomfortably long silence before telling him how bad of an idea that could be.

Nick lives in an apartment with a no pet rule unfortunately, as he would love a dog. But honestly, he seems like the kind of guy to be super chill about snakes and could feasibly keep it in his apartment.

Nick having a snake, and Abi having her lizards, the reptile love was one of the things that got them initially bonding at camp. Same with wanting a dog, they dove right into a conversation about the dog breeds they always wanted.

Ryan has a rabbit from an animal rescue. She's a blind bunny, but that doesn't change how sweet she is. Lately, Ryan's been toying around with the idea of getting another bunny so she wouldn't be lonely. Dylan texts him "Angus Beef" as a name suggestion. He's left on read.

There's also a Pomeranian puppy running around now since his sister really wanted one. Ryan decided to splurge in and get her the puppy for company.

BONUS: Travis is a cat person. He's always liked them a lot, but maybe it's the family of werewolves thing that's causing an aversion to dogs. Chris points this out and pokes fun at him for it.

#the quarry

[singaporesainz]

what in the actual FUCK is this shit show of a race? i put my phone down for not even two hours and carlos is being penalised??? for damages that aren’t his fault??? at the shittiest upside-pig track known to man. what the FUCK

im pissed im pissed im PISSEDDDDD. like none of this makes sense to me. i feel like there needs to be some sort of exception to the rules all things considered but maybe im wildly biased

#a-nonnie

[afewproblems]

AO3 First Lines Tag Game

I was tagged by @2btheanswertothequestion thank you so much for the opportunity!

Rules: post the first lines of your 10 most recently published ao3 stories (if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics) 

(I definitely cheated a lil bit and included the first blurb of each fic)

You can Only Remember What You Want To Forget

Stranger Things, Steddie, WIP, 4K, Misunderstandings

"Shit!” Steve hisses, wrenching his face away from the open oven door as a cloud of hot moist air rushes out, he wipes his face with the free hand not holding the oven door handle. 

“You good man?” Robin laughs from where she’s perched on the counter, her dangling legs swing joyfully back and forth. 

“Peachy,” Steve mutters, grabbing a hot-cloth to pull out the baking tray, he shakes the mini pigs in a blanket around to dislodge them from the foil before putting the tray back onto the middle rack, “put on another fifteen would ya?” he says over his shoulder to Robin.

Just A Little Push

Stranger Things, Steddie, 2K, Meddling Gareth, mutual pining.

This was the last straw, Gareth thinks to himself, his face in his hands, fingers dangerously close to plunging themselves into his eyes. 

“I can’t take it anymore man,” Gareth groans as Jeff takes a seat at their favorite table. It’s tucked away into the far corner of the Hideaway, the thick shiny veneer has been dulled over the years and the honey wood beneath is covered in thick layers of graffiti and carved initials. Jeff is particularly proud of the Metallica logo he painstakingly free-drew out on one of the corners while the bartender wasn’t looking. 

A Clear and Present Threat of Tongue

Stranger Things, Steddie, 5K, Mutual Pining, inspired by New Girl 

It’s all Gareth's fault in hindsight. 

As his best friend and confidant, Gareth really should have taken Eddie’s feelings into account when he suggested a party out loud in front of everyone.

Warm My Cold and Tired Heart

Stranger Things, Steddie, 24K, Whump, Getting Together

Steve slowly walks around the cluttered and dirty boat house, armed with an oar and reflexes honed from years of basketball and baseball practice. He ignores the irritable scoffs and doubting gaze that Dustin keeps shooting him from the sidelines as he prods the lumpy tarps draped over the single boat. Dappled moonlight barely streams through grimey windows, while the smell of gasoline and mold stings sharply in his nose. Steve tamps down the urge to rub at his face, it's not a pleasant smell by any means but it's not the fetid stench of the Upside Down, this one still holds notes of the living rather than the decay of the Otherworld.

Ice Cream Sundaes and Cherry Lips

Stranger Things, Steddie, 1.3K, Scoops Era, alternate meeting

Eddie wasn't sure what he had done to deserve this. 

Hawkins finally opens a shitty new mall to loiter in, deal behind, and peruse music at. 

An air-conditioned building within driving distance for Eddie and Gareth, the only two in their band who had gotten their license --what Jeff was waiting for was anyone's guess, and there was only one rent-a-cop that slept in his office every day from noon to four.

It should have been paradise! Eddie was owed paradise God Dammit.

Always Quick and Never Painless

Stranger Things, Steddie, 3.8K, Mutual Pining,whump

Steve always falls first, falls fastest.

It happened three years ago with Nancy, it happened with Robin back before the bathroom confession cemented their platonic soulmate status. It happened with Lauren MacNeal in Steve's freshman year, and Cindy Carlile back when he was eight years old.

He knows himself and knows the beginning stages. It's always quick and never painless, and seems to hurt more with every passing year. A dull ache in his chest that throbs and whispers darkly, 'remember Harrington, you'll always be bullshit'.

And when he finds himself falling for one Eddie Munson, he knows exactly when it starts.

To Trust an Unknown Future 

Moon Knight, Moon Knight System, Adventure, Mystery, incomplete, 6.4K 

Marc opens his eyes to sunlight streaming across his bed. He breathes in deeply and shifts to his side, arching his back in a nearly feline stretch as he does so. His dark eyes fall on the figure asleep in the mirror beside him. Steven, his face is soft with sleep, curls draped over his forehead. Marc can’t help the smile that spreads over his lips at the sight.

The Safety of Darkness 

Moon Knight, Moon Knight System, 900 words, Whump

Sunlight streams across honey wood floors as dust motes sparkle and dance in the air, Marc waves a tiny hand through them and grins at how they undulate. The purple Hot Wheel he’s holding careens over imaginary curbs -dust motes the engine’s exhaust.

Marc raises his head from the pillow on his bed, his eyes trained on the door. He pauses to listen for a moment, the room is quiet save for the light bird song trickling in from the open window next to him. He breathes out through his nose slowly in relief and brings his gaze back to the toy above his head.

Wayward Miracles

Daredevil, Fratt, It's A Wonderful Life AU, 2.5K

"This, this is the shit I’m talkin' about Red," Frank growls as he smooths the gauze pad over the newly stitched gash on Matt's stomach.

It hadn’t been an easy evening.

Frank had been a block away when the fire fight started, navigating the quiet winter streets that were still bustling with New Yorkers on their way out of town for the holidays. While Matt had mentioned where he would be patrolling that evening he had left out, conveniently , the thieves he had been tracking for weeks. Thieves who also happened to carry a plethora of weapons, a generous gift from Wilson Fisk; Matt may have neglected to mention that as well.

See You Around Red

Daredevil, Gen, can be read as pre Fratt, Season 3 alternate beginning.

“We should kill this son of a bitch,” a voice says above him, muffled and clipped as though underwater. A swift kick to Matt’s rib cage reaffirms the thugs position on the matter.

“Nah man,” a second voice pants, slightly farther to the right, “leave him.”

Footfalls, heavy boots crunching against the broken glass, announce the other man’s path back towards the van. An irritated scoff floats down to where Matt lays, the ebb and flow of movement and sound nearly non-existent after the many blows to his head.

No pressure if you've already done this one but I'd like to tag: @flowercrowngods @steddierthings @strangersteddierthings @outpastthebrakers @henderdads @monstrousfemale

#ao3 tag games #afewproblems writes #shameless self promotion #I have about 25 fics on my ao3 but my most recent ones are stranger things

[emptymanuscript]

You know... maybe it's just the news I happen to read but I begin to feel like the end of Animal Farm is never inappropriate for discussing the news.

There was a deadly silence. Amazed, terrified, huddling together, the animals watched the long line of pigs march slowly round the yard. It was as though the world had turned upside-down. Then there came a moment when the first shock had worn off and when, in spite of everything-in spite of their terror of the dogs, and of the habit, developed through long years, of never complaining, never criticising, no matter what happened-they might have uttered some word of protest. But just at that moment, as though at a signal, all the sheep burst out into a tremendous bleating of- "Four legs good, two legs better! Four legs good, two legs better! Four legs good, two legs better!" It went on for five minutes without stopping. And by the time the sheep had quieted down, the chance to utter any protest had passed, for the pigs had marched back into the farmhouse. Benjamin felt a nose nuzzling at his shoulder. He looked round. It was Clover. Her old eyes looked dimmer than ever. Without saying anything, she tugged gently at his mane and led him round to the end of the big barn, where the Seven Commandments were written. For a minute or two they stood gazing at the tatted wall with its white lettering. "My sight is failing," she said finally. "Even when I was young I could not have read what was written there. But it appears to me that that wall looks different. Are the Seven Commandments the same as they used to be, Benjamin?" For once Benjamin consented to break his rule, and he read out to her what was written on the wall. There was nothing there now except a single Commandment. It ran: ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL BUT SOME ANIMALS ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS After that it did not seem strange when next day the pigs who were supervising the work of the farm all carried whips in their trotters. It did not seem strange to learn that the pigs had bought themselves a wireless set, were arranging to install a telephone, and had taken out subscriptions to John Bull, TitBits, and the Daily Mirror. It did not seem strange when Napoleon was seen strolling in the farmhouse garden with a pipe in his mouth-no, not even when the pigs took Mr. Jones's clothes out of the wardrobes and put them on, Napoleon himself appearing in a black coat, ratcatcher breeches, and leather leggings, while his favourite sow appeared in the watered silk dress which Mrs. Jones had been used to wear on Sundays.

[suchscary]

Notice: Upside-Down Pig rules will be in effect between the dates of August 14th and August 17th, inclusive.

#ask

[realhankmccoy]

Q: so you’re saying even your typical high school quarterback or Amish male is more of a man than the trump 5

A; yes, unfortunately for the trump 5, these 18 year olds are far more manly, typically

they’re involved in communities and codes of honour and around a lot of men all day, instead of just basically being incels with a laptop who heard something on Fox News or out of Trump’s America that was upside down about who’s a man

lacking critical thinking, ambition or creativity, needing a role model at the presidential level because they have no clue what a man is — the lie easily got into the Trump 4 brains and they will replicate Trump’s dishonesty for the rest of their lives unless they are cucked by a more compelling force to cuck themselves to than trump. As Guinea pigs with nothing to say, they just leapt for the chance to screw up manning up and instead engaged in Trumping Up

they’re too dumb to know it tho

blind to the world of men, they truly think they got Trump’s agenda from under a rock or something they figure maybe they found it on a blog and it has nothing to do with him they think maybe they found it from somebody who’s username is literally titled ‘alphatoxic’ or something and they have no idea what that means they think maybe that’s a gateway to a truth about manhood that they’re craving so of course they leap like Guinea pigs to fly down the rabbit hole and down there they find (but have not the faintest of clues) they’re changed into the opposite of a man, a creature that resembles more of a baby crossed with a gremlin, a polemic Twitter account and a cartoon rabbit

that’s how you know these weaklings are just products of their leader

if trump weren’t the leader

and they were in Russia they’d be supporting conquering Ukraine like it’s no big deal

and they were in Israel they’d be executing every Palestinian like it’s no big deal

and if they were in the Catholic Church they’d be molesting kids like it’s no big deal

they do Trumpian things because in trump’s America it’s no big deal

weaklings always follow somebody else’s rules and worldviews and misconceptions, and the Trump 4 leap like flying Guinea pigs out of the water to adopt the ruling king’s misconceptions and entitlement, and are legit so entitled that they’re legit upset when you don’t want them or baby them, like you’re supposed to just baby every totally weak totally cucked alien implant you come across

but to most men worldwide it is a big deal, all of it

[cepetriwrites]

Into the Storm - Chapter 6 - Lucerys I

Read on AO3

Summary: Helaena always found her sister Rhaenyra and brother-in-law Laenor more attentive to her than her own parents. As a young child she hopes to marry Jace in order to join gain them as parents. As she grows older she realizes a dark truth, there is a storm coming. With two rising factions threatening to tear apart her family and homeland, she comes up with a solution that can ensure everyone's survival. A marriage between her and Jace, but is such a union even possible with her grandfather's power grab and mother's hatred?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucerys was the youngest of the newest generation of Tarygaryens, there were upsides, being fawned over as the baby of the family, and downsides, being treated like the baby of the family. His aunt Helaena was always trying to play house with him and Jace, and making him be the baby. Almost everyone called her weird, or ‘unique’, but he knew the truth: Helaena was cool.

She was quiet, sure, but she knew the name of every bug and anything that crawled. She had a pet tarantula and scorpion that she let Luke hold. The tarantula tickled. Helaena was probably the coolest Tarygaryen to ever live. Their ancestor Aegon had united the seven kingdoms, but had he ever eaten a live worm?

It had happened one day when Luke was digging through a courtyard showing Helaena every bug he could find and seeing if Helaena knew their name. She was working on her special book that would detail information about every bug in Westeros. He had presented a wood roach to Helaena, to which she said, “Did you know some regions eat bugs?”

“Ewww,” Luke squealed, “Whyyy?”

“They’re crunchy, and tasty, and very filling, apparently.”

“I can’t believe you can eat cockroaches.”

“That’s not the only bug you can eat.” She teased.

Luke started having Helaena flip through her book, asking which bugs can be eaten. The answers were mostly yeses and maybes, only a few were definite nos due to their poisonous innards. Luke spotted something crawling in the dirt beneath them, he pulled out a dirt encrusted worm. “What about this?”

Helaena nodded, “You can even eat it raw. Try it.” Helaena pushed the worm towards Luke’s face. He laughed and dodged the wriggling creature.

“No! You!” He shoved the worm into her hand, “I dare you!” Helaena stared at him for a moment, looked around the courtyard for any witnesses, and then, to Luke’s shock and delight, threw him a wink and then tossed the worm back, and swallowed.  Luke squealed like a pig, part excitement, part disgust, “What did it taste like?”

“Dirt. And it wiggles on the way down.” Yes, Helaena was the coolest Targaryen, and only Luke got to see it. It felt like his personal secret.  He didn’t even tell Jace! Playing house got old, he was starting to get at the age where being carried felt childish, but Helaena let him have pet bugs and touch her tarantula when he agreed. 

Not only that, she had spent the last few months intensely dedicated to her dragon training. His mother had been very hesitant to give permission, establishing several rules and benchmarks Helaena had to meet. She gently warned him Helaena may be too wrapped up in getting to know her new dragon to be focused on giving him rides. To his mother’s surprise (and probable chagrin), Helaena stayed true to her promise and focused on building a bond and mastering Dreamfyre to Rhaenyra’s comfort. Today was the final test. Rhaenyra had given Helaena a sequence of aerial commands to attempt. If Helaena successfully led Dreamfyre through it, then she could give Luke a short ride, with Rhaenyra accompanying on Syrax. Up, down, diving, gliding, steering left and right, Dreamfyre smoothly went through the sequence, finishing with a smooth landing in front of Rhaenyra and Luke.

“She did it!”

“Yes… she did,” Luke could tell his mother did not want to allow this, but a promise was a promise, no take backs. Helaena called Luke over and he hurried to climb onto Dreamfyre before Rhaenyra put a stop to everything. 

Luke was sat in front of Helaena, and tied in, “You can feel her scales,” Helaena placed both their hands on the dragon's side.

He could feel vibrations under his hand, “She’s purring!” 

“She does that a lot, and stretches like a cat, I think she might be one.” Once mother was on her mount and gave her nod, Helaena gave the command and Dreamfyre took to the sky.  The she-dragon climbed into the sky until the people of King’s Landing were the size of ants. Dreamfyre began gliding in a lazy circle around the city, with Syrax flying by their side. Luke excitedly waved at his mother. He had ridden on hers and father’s dragons before, but each ride on a different dragon was a unique experience. He stuck his hands in the air and enjoyed the wind whipping through his curls. Luke couldn’t wait till Arrax was large enough to ride. It would only be a few more years hopefully.

“Can you have her dive?” Luke asked.

“Your mom will kill me!” Helaena said.

“It’d be worth it!” His aunt decided against pushing her sister’s patience, and after about ten minutes safely landed them on the ground. He wanted to stay in the sky forever.

Helaena gave Luke a hug and whispered in his ear, “Tomorrow, sunrise, I’ll let you and Jace take some dives on Dreamfyre. Don’t tell your mom.” He nodded, nearly bursting with excitement. He couldn’t wait to tell Jace.  

The next morning, as the dawn was breaking, Luke was waiting with Jace near the entrance of the dragon pit, which faced the sea. The young prince was buzzing with excitement, he wasn’t a troublemaker like Aegon. He would normally never be near the dragonpit unsupervised. Only Aemond had a penchant for trying to get barbecued. Which made today so exciting, a secret dragon ride before everyone was awake! Luke knew the aerial moves Dreamfyre was capable of, he was excited to experience it. He and his brother had snuck out before the sun had started rising, and crammed a small breakfast of apples, cheese, and bread that Jace had secured the night before.

He heard the gate open, and Dreamfyre came sauntering out without keepers. They were lax with Helaena, who always responsibly returned the she-dragon to her nest. Dreamfyre had a lot of energy as well, and would often take solo flights for hours after Helaena had ridden her. 

Once Luke had gotten settled in place, Helaena handed him a pair of glass goggles. “What are these for?” 

“It makes the dives less irritating on your eyes. Is your cloak secured?” Luke double checked and nodded. He had been ordered to dress warm, as the early morning and high altitude would be a chilly combination. 

“Soves Dreamfyre.” The dragon leapt into the air with a speed that jerked Luke back into Helaena. Cold air rushed past his ears making him shiver. Higher and higher they climbed. “Are you sure about this Luke?” Helaena asked.

“Yes!”

Helaena gripped the handles on her saddle, “Brace yourself.”

Luke placed his hands next to Helaena, they were cold and clammy, his heart beating fast in anticipation. He was glad to be between Helaena’s arms, it made him feel safe. “Why?”

“Because Dreamfyre wants to have fun.”

Dreamfyre gracefully and slowly arced her body up and then down, for a moment, as Luke and Helaena were the highest point on the dragon’s body, it felt as if time stood still. He could see the glorious city, the bay, and orange and pink colored clouds. It was breathtaking. Suddenly they were rushing towards the sea, faster and faster, his tiny body was shaking from the wind battering him. Dreamfyre had folded in her wings to increase her speed. Helaena started screaming in excitement and Luke joined her, the wind drowned them out. The ocean was approaching at a dangerous rate, but Dreamfyre did not pull up. When was Helaena going to give the signal? Less than a hundred feet, neither rider or dragon was moving. Jace was starting to get bigger.

“When do you pull up? Helaena? HELAENA! HELAENA PULL UP!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, they were fifty feet above the ocean. Dreamfyre unfurled her wings and the dive turned into a level glide. He collapsed in relief against Helaena.

His aunt was laughing, “Dreamfyre! You almost gave him a heart attack!” She said in Common and then in Valyrian. The dragoness made a noise that sounded like laughter. He started shaking, “Are you alright?” She asked, squeezing his shoulder.

“That was amazing! I want more!” He said giggling.

“Oh Dreamfyre,” Helaena said in a sing-song voice, he felt a shudder run through Dreamfyre’s body. He was not bound to the dragon, but even he could feel the excitement radiating off of the beast. “Soves.” Soves meant flight, but the tone Helaena used signaled the permission Dreamfyre was waiting for. 

She shot up again, going completely vertical and then soaring backwards into three loop de loops. His stomach did three corresponding somersaults. Dreamfyre climbed higher and soared horizontally before spinning her body. Luke felt as if his eyes were rolling around in his skull. She did another dive, shorter, and getting closer to the ocean, so close the sea sprayed him as he screamed in delight. The future Lord of Driftmark, both dragons and the sea were a delight to him.  

Helaena landed near Jace, Luke tried to climb off, but found his legs were made of pudding. He slid down and collapsed, the world was very wobbly. “Luke! You’re green!” Jace said, running to help him up.

Luke opened his mouth to tell him how amazing the flight had been, instead he vomited, dropping to his knees. Helaena was by his side, “Are you okay?” He dropped to the ground, and rolled to his back, giving Helaena a shaky thumbs up. 

“Best. Flight. Ever!” His muscles were sore from gripping so tight, every extremity was chilled, the ground and his stomach were still moving, he couldn’t wait to do it again.

“Maybe you shouldn’t do this Jace,” Helaena said, probably worried about their mother, Luke would make sure he wasn’t sick before he needed to go back to his quarters.

“Are you kidding! I have to ride Dreamfyre, and I’m not throwing up.”

Luke looked at Dreamfyre, who he swore winked at him. Five minutes later Jace was back on the beach, on his hands and knees, trying not to vomit while Helaena and Luke were in tears laughing. “He looks like a cat.” Luke said as his brother’s back rose up and down as he tried to quell the rising vomit.

“Jace c’mon, you’ll feel better afterwards,” Helaena said, Jace finally relented and vomited, before collapsing like Luke had. “Why aren’t you sick?” 

“I skipped breakfast.” She flinched away from the handfuls of sand they threw at her while yelling. Once they had recovered, the boys dunked themselves in the ocean to wash away the smell of dragon. They rushed back to their quarters to get changed for the morning. Mother would likely chastise them for going to the beach unattended. Father would wave it off, saying they were Velaryons, of course they were going to play in the ocean. Luke was an erratic mess for the septons that day.  Instead of giving his full attention to the history of Westeros or training in the yard, he daydreamed of his flight on Dreamfyre, and when he could do it again.

#hotd #house of the dragon #hotd fanfic #hotd au #helaena targaryen #ao3 #writing #aemond targaryen #writers #jacaerys x helaena #slow burn #angst with a happy ending #rhaenyra targaryen #team green #team black #lucerys valeryon #aegon ii targaryen #prince aemond targaryen #mine #into the storm

[romcombc]

Book Review for Seven Rules for Breaking Hearts

Initially a tad off putting and very slow to find its rhythm, Kristyn J. Miller’s debut novel Seven Rules for Breaking Hearts finishes strong as it weaves a cautionary tale of how too many rules protecting us, can also act as the weights that sink us.

Meet Margo (Go for short) of the dynamic duo Jo and Go from the Seven Rules for Breaking Hearts – a podcast by single women, for single women who want to stay that way. At least, that was the plan until Margo discovers that her partner in crime has found the love of her life and is getting married! Now Margo’s world (and financial future) has been turned upside down. Their audience is not happy, their sponsors are dropping, and Margo is fresh out of ideas. With Season Seven coming up and Jo’s impending nuptials only two weeks away, Margo decides to go nuclear. She is going to break all seven rules and prove why they are necessary for those who are now questioning the validity of the show. The problem is, Margo needs a guinea pig. Stuck on an island, her choices are limited. Solution? She sets her intentions on the groom’s best man and conveniently – her former childhood nemesis. Not only will she get the content she needs for the show, she’ll finally get a little payback for the nightmares he caused her in high school. Staying true to her commitment to being single, she isn’t worried about catching feelings or wanting a relationship. All that matters is she gets what’s needed for the show. She just has to keep telling herself that as her heart starts to get other ideas.

Once the author was able to step away from the scenery and hone in on the characters, Seven Rules for Breaking Hearts was a lighthearted, fun, and swoon-worthy treat.

Thank you @netgalley and @stmartinspress for allowing me a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

Available now (Happy Release/Debut Day!)

Check out the spoiler-free review in the Facebook Group - The Romantic Comedy Book Club (https://facebook.com/groups/romcombc) or the full review on the main website: https://romcombc.com/book/seven-rules-for-breaking-hearts/

#Romance novels #romance books #steamy novels #steamy books #contemporary romance #romantic comedies #romantic comedy books #romances #book suggestion #book reviews #the romantic comedy book club #book club suggestions #reading suggestions #romance novel #romance book #books to read #book lovers #spicy book #steamy book #spicy novel #one handed reads #must read romance #romance novels #book recommendations

[anurean99]

You Know...

Fuck the gangs.

Fuck the police.

There's too many youngens out there who've decided to play in Uncle John's yard.

Uncle John, is a reformed felon.

Uncle John went to reform school.

Uncle John sticks to sketchy company and utalizes sketchy networks.

Uncle John has schizophrenia, lives off a disability claim & speaks of himself in third person.

Uncle John maintains that socializing with others is bad for his psychological well-being.

Tumblr, was sort of mafia owned and driven. The owner, David Karp, has to pay his rent and his taxes. The company is based in NYC with volunteers in California designed to keep the crime to a minimum and does slap people with liability lawsuits. The reason there are rules here at all, is to prevent further slayings of people within the tumblr community. In about 2010 there where over 50 Tumblr users killed in the city. All of them where Christian consumers who had reported Wicca Blogs to the priesthood and rabbi circles of Chicago & New York City. The killer, was a consumer of mine. We sell gunpowder. The killer, was defending the rights of every American Citizen.

It is my American right to sit here and say...

"Hail Satan, Kill the King of England and no, that Squa in Wales cain't never not no have any not no any American Oolong Tea."

If you dont like my content, fuck off. Because I do sort of maybe you know... have to have others killed from time to time when I cannot have them locked up.

What that means is...

Stop being a junkie on our networks.

Stop being a crack whore.

Stop being a retard.

Stop being a shit starting drama queen.

Stop irritating the Satanists, Wiccans, Buddhists, Muslims etc.

Stop being a little kid.

Stop being a sodomous prostitute (a blatant fag)

You better snitch, and collect a reward from the pigs, and tip Tumblr.

Otherwise we will have to yank a few million dollars out of you little kids and cut your fingers off.

Now fuck off...

Uncle John has to sit down and rudely drink tea in front of the Duchess of Cornwall and remind she, that one of she Injun Redskin babies belong in the USA. This way he can conspire and opperate perfectly violently on behalf of siblings in England until they small Tribe of Topeka a Queen or King of the whole English speaking world.

In prissy poo nancy-pants france England...

They call that being a "knight", sort of like prince charming or the Jack of Spades. The Jack of Spades is a what? The son of a prince or princess who has a sword or switchblade knife. The Jack of Clubs just has a rolling pin to beat you brats upside the head and is a fat retard who work in NYC as a cook for tips, and tips only.

He also have to work with the royalty of Spain and France until they royal families too...

are all Mohawk...

and do so without being bootisnatched in prison by Peaches, Apaches, or Whites.

Up in this bitch we won't be tolerating not no Romance, Tuatha, Apache or Human Tribes calling theyselves "authority".

#Mafiosa #Rent #Bills #Liability #Liability Lawsuit #Tumblr #FTP #Mohawk #Mohawk Gangs #Mohawk Empire

[thatsbelievable]

#pigs #pig #yay pigs! #upside-down pig rules

[letsperaltiago]

Spider-Man Kiss

Amy is sitting on the couch, reading her newest book when suddenly she hears her 2 year old squeal like a pig.

Usually, or more like a year ago, she’d jump like a ninja to go asses the situation. But living with two Peralta-boys, she come to get used to unusual sounds that actually don’t mean anything alerting or dangerous. Her new rule is: no crying? No problem.

So she doesn’t flinch and keeps reading. The squeal reappears, multiple times, but mixed with laughing so she really had a good reason to not react. That is until Mac suddenly appears in from of her: UPSIDE DOWN! He’s squealing and giggling, toothy smile shining and wild curls dangling. Amy doesn’t have to turn around to know that Jake is standing behind the couch, holding their son by his ankles.

“Jake…” she tries to sound wary and bothered but the sight of her son’s bright and happy face right before her, even upside down, makes it hard.

“Mammi, kissy!”

“Yea, mommy: Kiss Maccy! Cuz daddy’s arms are getting tired” jake chimes in, voice shaky and Amy can tell his arms are shaking too.

“You can always have a kissy from me, baby,” and so Amy leans in, nudges her baby’s nose with her own before pecking his already puckered lips.

“Again! Again!”

“Oh nonono, daddy’s arms are tired, bud,” Jake tries to laugh nonchalantly but the struggle is clear in his voice as he pulls Mac back in and puts him down.

“You no Stwong like swuperman, daddy,” Mac giggles, back on his feet.

“Hey hey hey, mister!”

Amy can only laugh, hiding her grin behind her book

[rigmarolling]

Historical Holiday Traditions We Really Need To Bring Back

Here comes Santa Claus, and also a bunch of annual holiday Things we do to ensure he commits a truly boggling act of breaking and entering and leaves goods underneath the large plant in the living room.

Because I’ve always got a hankerin’ for the days of yore, here are some historical holiday traditions we really need to bring back:

1. Everything that happened on Saturnalia

Saturnalia was the ancient Roman winter festival held on December 25th--which is why we celebrate Christmas on that day and not on the day historians speculate Jesus was actually born, which was probably in the spring. 

Saturnalia was bonkers. As the name suggests, it celebrated the god Saturn, who represented wealth and liberty and generally having a great time.

Above: Their party is way cooler than yours could ever hope to be.

During Saturnalia, masters would serve their slaves, because it was the one day during the year when everybody agreed that freedom for all is great, actually, let’s just do that. Everyone wore a coned hat called the pilleus to denote that they were all bros and equal, and also to disguise the fact that they hadn’t brushed their hair after partying hard all week, probably.

Gambling was allowed on Saturnalia, so all of Rome basically turned into ancient Vegas, complete with Caesar’s Palace, except with the actual Caesar and his palace because he was, you know. Alive. 

The most famous part (besides getting drunk off your rocker) was gift-giving--usually gag gifts. Historians have records of people giving each other some truly impressive white elephant gifts for Saturnalia, including: a parrot, balls, toothpicks, a pig, one single sausage, spoons, and deliberately awful books of poetry. 

Above: Me, except all the time.

Partygoers also crowned a King of Saturnalia, which was a predecessor to the King of Fools popular in medieval festivals. The king was basically the head idiot who delivered absurd commands to everyone there, like, “Sing naked!” or “run around screaming for an hour,” or “slap your butt cheeks real hard in front of your crush; DO IT, Brutus.”

Oh, wait. Everyone was already doing all that. Hell yes.

(Quick clarification: early celebrations of Saturnalia did feature human sacrifice, so let’s just leave that bit out and instead wear the pointy hats and sing naked, okay? Io Saturnalia, everybody.)

2. Leaving out treats for Sleipnir in the hopes of avoiding Odin’s complete disregard for your property

The whole “leave out cookies and milk for Santa” thing comes from a much older tradition of trying to appease old guys with white beards. In Norse mythology, Odin, who was sort of the head god but preferred to be on a perpetual road trip instead, took an annual nighttime ride through the winter sky called the Wild Hunt. 

Above: The holidays, now with 300% more heavy metal.

Variations of the Wild Hunt story exist in a bunch of European folklore--in Odin’s case, he usually brought along a bunch of supernatural buddies, like spirits and other gods and Valkyries and ghost dogs, who, the Vikings said, you could hear howling and barking as the group approached (GOOD DOGGOS).

That was the thing, though; you never actually saw Odin’s hunt--you only heard it. And hearing it did not spark the same sense of childish glee you felt when you thought you heard Santa’s sleigh bells approaching as a kid--instead, the Vikings said, you should be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

Because Odin could be kind of a dick.

Odin was also known as the Allfather, and like any father, he hated asking for directions. GPS who? I’m the Allfather, I’m riding the same way I always ride.

And that was pretty much it: “I took this road last year and I’m taking it again this year.”

“But,” someone would pipe up from the back, “there are houses on the road now--we’re gonna run right into them. We could just take a different path; there’s actually a detour off the--”

“Nope,” Odin would say. “They know the rules. My road, my hunt, my rules. We’re going this way.”

So if you were unlucky enough to have built your house along one of Odin’s favorite road trip sky-ways, he wouldn’t just plow right past you.

He would burn your entire house down--and your family along with it.

Kids playing in the yard? Torch ‘em; they should have known better. Grandma knitting while she waits for her gingerbread Einherjar to finish baking? Sucks to be her; my road, my rules, my beard, I’m the Allfather, bitch.

Above: Santa, but so much worse.

To be fair to Odin, he could be a cool guy sometimes. He just turned into any dad when he was on a road trip and wanted to MAKE GOOD TIME, DAMN IT, I AM NOT STOPPING; YOU SHOULD HAVE PEED BEFORE WE LEFT.

To ensure they didn’t incur Odin’s road trip wrath, the Vikings had a few ways of smoothing things over with Dad.

They would leave Odin offerings on the road, like pieces of steel (??? okay ???) or bread for his dogs, or food for his giant, eight-legged horse, Sleipnir, because the only true way to a man’s heart is through his pet. 

People would generally leave veggies and oats and other horse-y things out for Sleipnir, whose eight legs made him the fastest flying horse in the world and also made him the only horse to ever win Asgard’s coveted tap dancing championship. 

(Side note: EIGHT legs...EIGHT tiny reindeer...eh? Eh? See how we got here? Thanks, nightmare horse!)

Above: An excellent prancer AND dancer. 

And if Odin was feeling particularly charitable and not in the mood for horrific acts of arson, children would also leave their shoes out for him--it was said that he’d put gifts in your boots to ring in a happy new year.

If all that didn’t work and the Vikings heard the hunt approaching, they would resort to throwing themselves on the ground and covering their heads while the massive party sped above them like a giant Halloween rager. 

So this holiday season, leave your boots out for Odin and some carrots out for his giant spider horse or you and your entire family will die in a fiery inferno, the end.

3. Yule Logs

Speaking of Scandinavia, another Northern European winter solstice tradition was the yule log. Today, if you google “yule log,” something like this will pop up:

...which isn’t an actual log, but is instead log-shaped food that you shove into your mouth along with 500 other cakes at the same time because it’s CHRISTMAS, and I’m having ME TIME; so WHAT if I ate the whole jar of Nutella by myself, alone, in the dark at 3 am?

But that log cake is actually inspired by actual logs of yore that Celtic, Germanic, and Scandinavian peoples decorated with fragrant plants like holly, ivy, pinecones, and other Stuff That Smells Nice before tossing the log into the fire.

This served a few purposes: 

It smelled nice, and Bath and Body Works scented candles hadn’t been invented yet.

It had religious and/or spiritual significance as a way to mark the winter solstice.

It was a symbolic way of ringing in the new year and kicking out the old.

Common belief held that the ashes of a yule log could ward off lightning strikes and bad energy.

Winter cold. Fire warm.

Everybody loves to watch things burn. (See: Odin.)

The yule log cakes we eat today got their start in 19th century Paris, when bakers thought it was a cute idea to resurrect an ancient pagan tradition in the form of a delicious dessert, and boy, howdy, were they right.

In any case, I’m 100% down with eating a chocolate yule log while burning an actual yule log in my backyard because everybody loves to watch things burn; winter cold, fire warm; and hnnnngggg pine tree smell hnnnnggg.

(Quick note:  The word “yule” is  the name of a traditional pagan winter festival, still celebrated culturally or religiously in modern pagan practice. It’s also another name for Odin. He had a bunch of other names, one of the most well-known being jólfaðr, which is Old Norse for “Yule father.” If you would like to royally piss him off, or if you are Loki, feel free to call him “Yule Daddy.”)

4. Upside down Christmas trees

I just found out that apparently, upside down Christmas trees are a hot new trend with HGTV types this year, so I guess this is one historical trend we did bring back, meaning it doesn’t really belong on this list, but I’m gonna talk about it, anyway.

Side note: Oh, my god, that BANNISTER. I NEED.

Historians aren’t actually sure where the inverted Christmas tree thing came from, but we know people were bringing home trees and then hanging them upside down in the living room as early as the 7th century. We have a couple theories as to why people turned trees on their heads:

Logistically, it’s way easier to hang a giant pine tree from your rafters upside down by its trunk and roots. You just hoist that baby up there, wind some rope around the rafter and the trunk, and boom. Start decorating.

A Christian tradition says that one day in the 7th century, a Benedictine monk named Saint Boniface stumbled across a group of pagans worshipping an oak tree. So, instead of minding his own damn business, he cut the tree down and replaced it with a fir tree. While the pagans were like, “Dude, what the hell?” Boniface used the triangular shape of the fir tree to explain the concept of the holy trinity to the pagans. Some versions have him planting it right-side up, others having him displaying a fir tree upside down. Either way, it’s still a triangle that’s a solid but ultimately very rude way of explaining God. Word’s still out on whether anyone was converted or just rightly pissed off that this random guy strolled into their place of worship, chopped down their sacred tree, and plopped HIS tree down instead. Please do not do that this holiday season.

Eastern Europeans lay claim to the upside-down tree phenomenon with a tradition called podłazniczek in Poland--people hung the tree from the ceiling and decorated it with fruits and nuts and seeds and ribbons and other festive doodads. 

(God, who lives in these houses? Look at that. That’s like a swanky version of Gaston’s hunting lodge. Where do I get one? Which enchanted castle do I have to stumble into to chill out in a Christmas living room like that?)

Today, at least in the West, upside-down trees are making a comeback because...I don’t know. Chip and Joanna Gaines said so. 

Some folks say it’s a surefire way to keep your cats from clawing their way through the tree and then puking up fir needles for weeks afterward, which checks out for me.

5. Incredibly weird Victorian Christmas cards

So back in the 19th century, the Christmas card industry was really getting fired up. Victorians loved their mail, let me tell you. They loved sending it. They loved getting it. They loved writing it. They loved opening it. They loved those sexy wax seals you use to keep all that sweet, sweet mail inside that sizzling envelope. (Those things are incredibly sexy. Have you ever made a wax seal? Oh, man, it’s hot.)

The problem, though, was that while the Victorians arguably helped standardize many of the holiday traditions we know and love today (Christmas trees, caroling, Dickens everything, spending too much money, etc.) back in 1800-whenever, a lot of that Christmas symbolism was, um...still under construction. No one had really agreed on which visual holiday cues worked and which...didn’t.

Meaning everyone just kind of made up their own holiday symbols. Which resulted in monstrous aberrations like this card:

What the hell is that? A beet? Is that a beet? Or a turnip? Why is it...oh, God, why does it have a man’s head? Why does the man beet have insect claws? 

What is it that he’s holding? A cookie? Cardboard? A terra cotta planter?

And then there’s this one:

“A Merry Christmas to you,” it says, while depicting a brutal frog murder/mugging. 

What are you trying to tell me? Are you threatening me with this card? Is that it? Is this a threat? How the hell am I supposed to interpret this? “Merry Christmas, hide your money or you’re dead, you stupid bitch.”

Also, why is the dead frog naked? Did the other frog steal his clothes after the murder? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?

Victorian holiday cards also doubled as early absurdist Internet memes, apparently, because how else do I explain this?

Is this some sort of tiny animal Santa? A mouse riding a lobster? Like, the mouse, I get. Mice are fine. Disney built an empire on a mouse. And look, he’s got a little list of things he’s presumably going to bring you: Peace, joy, health, happiness. (In French. Oh, wait, is that that Patton Oswalt rat?)

But a LOBSTER? What’s with the lobster? It’s basically a sea scorpion. Why in the name of all that is good and holy would you saddle up a LOBSTER? I hate it. I hate it so, so much. Just scurrying around the floor with more legs than are strictly necessary, smelling like the seafood section of Smith’s, snapping its giant claws.

This whole card is a health inspector’s worst nightmare. It really is.

I gotta say, though, I am a fan of this one:

Presumably, that polar bear is going in for a hug because nothing stamps out a polar bear’s innate desire to rip your face from your skull than candy canes and Coke and Christmas spirit.

This next one is actually fantastic, but for all the wrong reasons:

I know everyone overuses “same” these days but geez, LOOK at that kid. I can HEAR it. SAME.

If you’ve ever been in a shopping mall stuffed with kids, nothing sums it up better than this card. This is like the perverse version of those Anne Geddes portraits that were everywhere in the late 90s. “Make wee Jacob sit in the tea pot; everyone will--Jacob, STOP, look at Mommy; I said LOOK. AT. MOMMY--everyone will love it.”

Actually, you know what? Every other Christmas card is cancelled. This is the only card we will be using from now on. This is it. 

Wait, no. We can also use this one:

Merry Christmas. Here’s a fuckin’...just a dead fuckin’ bird.

#victorian #listory #christmas #holidays #mythtory #norse mythology #odin