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study-coffee-chicago · 2 years

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Self-Care (A Jay Halstead + Halstead Sister Imagine)

A/N: I hope you enjoy this one! Thank you for reading and remember to reblog and comment!

Enjoy!

God, you hated college. Well, it wasn't college you hated exactly, it was more your schedule you hated. You worked two jobs, one at a coffee shop during the week and another at a group home on the weekends. You were also taking a full course load and needed time to do homework.

For the past two weeks, you had been getting tension headaches due to all the stress. You always made sure to get your assignments done in your time between classes on the few days of the week that you were stuck at school because you had blocked your classes. And, you loved when you had to work the night shift at the group home on the weekends because you didn't do much except paperwork, clean, and check on the kids to make sure they were sleeping, and this meant that you probably worked one to two hours during an eight-hour shift and used the rest of your shift to cram in all your homework for the next week so you weren't drowning in it by Tuesday.

Today was one of those nights.

You had gotten all of your stuff done for work, and were currently sitting at one of the tables doing homework. You had finished up reading a few chapters in your psych textbook, so you moved on to your Spanish homework. Your stupid professor gave assigned homework (not just reading the textbook) and it was all random definitions of people, places, and things. And, to make matters worse, some of those words weren't even in the assigned chapters, so you had to go hunting on the internet for them! And then, he gave you a pop quiz every class before he even lectured over the topic.

Yeah, you didn't do so good on those. But hey, your grade was still an A-, but you knew you needed to start studying for these stupid quizzes if you wanted to keep that grade.

So, you logged into the website you used for school and saw that the homework for the week wasn't there yet.

The first one was due by Tuesday and the other was due by Thursday. But, you needed to get both of them done now. You didn't have time the rest of the week. Fieldwork Monday, work and classes Tuesday, work and classes Wednesday... etc.

At least next week is spring break.

But, that still didn't help the fact that you needed to get this Spanish homework done now because you'd be sleeping late tomorrow and making food for lunches for the week and and and...

You felt tears sting your eyes and quickly shook your head, trying to keep them at bay.

Everything would be fine.

But if you didn't do this homework, then you'd have to do it between classes on Tuesday, which meant you wouldn't be able to study for the pop quiz that day, which meant that you'd fail that pop quiz, which meant that your grade would go down, which meant that--

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you told your coworker, Tamara.

"Okay, I'll be here," she responded.

You used your keys to let yourself out of your groups' unit and then down the hallway and into the staff bathroom. Then, you closed and locked the door.

You looked in the mirror. Your lip quivered.

You looked utterly exhausted...well, more than you normally did on your second night shift in a row. You thanked God that you started needing glasses this year because at least they hid the bags under your eyes because you had stopped wearing makeup. You didn't have time to put on makeup and frankly, you didn't care. It was just one more thing to remember and sometimes, it would make you break out and get acne if you were too hot and started sweating while wearing it.

You leaned over the sink and took a deep breath, but it came out more like a sob.

You had one more week of school and then you worked next weekend, and then you had the week off of school, but still had to work your other job during the week, but then you got that next weekend off. Or, did you get next weekend off and not the weekend after?

Fuck, the days and nights were all just starting to blend together at this point.

Before you knew it, tears of stress and exhaustion started running down your face.

You pulled out your phone and checked the time. It'd been ten minutes. You must've been lost in your thoughts for longer than you thought. You needed to get out of here before--

"Y/N? You okay in there?" you heard Tamara ask as she softly knocked on the door.

"Y-Yeah," you stuttered and sniffled. "Be right out."

"Okay. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

You quickly blew your nose, wiped your face with a wet piece of paper towel (even though you knew that wouldn't make your bloodshot eyes go away), washed your hands, and left the bathroom. Then, you went back inside your unit.

"Nothing crazy happened while I checked on you," Tamara started. "I had Jen from across the hall come over here real quick and- Y/N, are you okay? You look like you've been crying." She quickly walked over to you.

"No, it's just allergies," you lied.

She put her hand on her hip. She had dealt with manipulative girls in this line of work for over twenty years, so she could spot your lie from a mile away. She tilted her head to the side.

"Now, I'm not gonna force you to tell me, but what's going on? You looked exhausted last night, too. And it wasn't just normal night shift exhaustion."

You sighed. You weren't getting out of this one.

"School and work and I just feel like I don't have time for anything anymore," you admitted. "But I just have to get through this week and next weekend and then I'm off--"

"Take next weekend off."

"What? Tamara, I can't do that."

"Yes, you can. I'm working with you next weekend and I've worked plenty of nights all by myself in all my years here."

"What about Ms.--"

"I'll talk to Ms. Mari," Tamara said. Ms. Mari was the home supervisor for your unit and had been here longer than you had been alive, hell longer than Jay had even been alive. "She'll understand. You can't do this job if you're not taking care of yourself."

"But, I--"

"No buts. It's fine. One thing you learn in this job is that the rate of burnout for day shift is high. Us overnighters, we don't have that as much. You work all shifts, so when you're with those girls, you need to be on the ball. And hey, if missing two overnight shifts helps with that, then I'm happy to work by myself next weekend." She looked around. "Better yet, it's only three hours until the end of shift, you've done everything you needed to do, and it's been a quiet night. Go home, Y/N. Get some rest."

"It's only three hours. I can make it," you protested.

"Y/N, go home. I don't need to get a call tomorrow saying you got in a car accident because you fell asleep at the wheel going home at the time we typically get off. Go home and sleep."

At that point, tears started forming in your eyes again. You needed to hear that.

"Thank you. Can I give you a hug?"

"Of course," she answered, and then the two of you hugged. "And, don't worry about talking Ms. Mari. I'll talk to her and if she has any questions, she'll email you."

"Thank you so much."

You put your homework in your backpack and then put on your coat and left.

Now at least you'd be going to sleep three hours earlier, so you could wake up earlier and get that stupid Spanish homework done.

So much for taking a break. But, you figured going to bed at 5 am was better for your body than going to bed at 8 am, so you took it.

***

Jay woke up at 7 am. He groaned. Typical, he thought. This was sleeping in for him. He wished he could sleep like you, at any time during the day, whether it was day or night or light or dark out.

He glanced over beside him where Hailey was sleeping. She had spent the night last night and he figured he'd let her sleep.

He got up and started to the kitchen. He needed coffee.

When he glanced out the window, he saw your car, which was weird. He knew you had literally gotten off your shift three minutes ago, so there was no way you could be home by now.

His brain went to the worst-case scenario first, which was that you had gotten sick at work and got sent home.

He filled a glass with water--he figured if you were sick that he'd need to make sure you stayed hydrated--and then made his way to your bedroom. He gently knocked on the door and, since he didn't hear you respond, he pushed open your door to see that you were totally asleep.

Jay weighed his options. The first was that he could just leave the water on your bedside table and leave you to sleep and tell him if you were sick later. The second was to wake you up now and ask if you were sick.

He knew that you were 21 and knew how to handle yourself if you were sick, and he figured that if it were an emergency you would've called him from work or woke him up when you had first gotten home. He knew he shouldn't wake you up, but his overprotective side came creeping in, so he placed his hand on your shoulder and whispered your name.

You groaned. "Hmm, what?" you asked and reached your arms above your head to stretch.

"Why are you home so early?" Jay asked. "It's only 7:00."

"Tell you later. Let me sleep." You rolled over so you weren't facing him.

"Are you sick? You didn't get fired, did you?" he asked worriedly...and there was a twinge of accusation in the second question.

"No, they overscheduled me," you lied. "Lemme sleep."

Jay knew you were lying, but he also knew that sleep was important, and when your internal clock was messed up from working all different shifts, there was no such thing as too much sleep. His years in the army and working time-sensitive cases in the Intelligence Unit had taught him that...if only his body would listen and sleep past seven in the morning like yours did.

"Okay," Jay said. "We'll talk later." He wanted to talk now, but he knew if you were this tired, you'd be grouchy and just dodge his questions. It was still too early for that. "Brought you some water if you need it."

And then he left your room so that you could sleep.

***

"What are you doing up so early?" Hailey asked when you walked into the kitchen around 10 am. "Didn't you just go to bed like two hours ago?"

You shook your head. "Got sent home. Scheduling issue. I went to bed around five." You poured yourself a cup of coffee from the pot and put two pieces of bread in the toaster. "I'm gonna get some homework done," you said.

"Scheduling issue, huh?" she asked. "I thought they would've caught that before you went in."

"Yeah, me too," you lied. "But, what can you do, right?"

Hailey looked you straight in the eye and cocked an eyebrow. "Y/N, I know you think you're a good liar, but you're not. What happened?"

"Like I said, scheduling issue," you lied again. "That's it. I promise."

Your toast popped up and you took it out of the toaster and started slathering it with peanut butter.

"Morning," Jay said as he two entered the kitchen.

You internally groaned. If Hailey thought you were lying, Jay knew you were lying.

"Morning," you said and stirred some creamer into your coffee. "Gonna go get some homework done."

"Hey, me and Hailey are getting pastries. Wanna come?" Jay asked.

Hailey looked confused, but then quickly recovered. She knew what her boyfriend was doing.

The weather was finally starting to turn into spring and Jay knew you loved lazy Sunday mornings at the small cafe two blocks away. Typically, he'd bring a book and you'd bring your homework, and you'd stay there for an hour while you sipped coffee and ate a pastry and did homework. It was your ideal morning and he knew it.

"No," you said. "I already made breakfast. And, you'd have to wait for me to wash my face and stuff."

"That's no big deal," Jay said.

"No, it's fine. You two make it a date this morning."

"Are you sure?" Hailey asked.

"Positive," you confirmed and then made your way to your bedroom to start on your homework.

"Something's up with her," Jay said to Hailey.

"Oh, yeah," Hailey agreed.

***

You wanted to scream. You had taken a break from studying for an hour and scrolled through Tik Tok. You wanted something to snack on. So, once you found a recipe for these giant chocolate chip cookies, you decided that's what you were going to make.

Everything was okay except for when you went upstairs and couldn't find any vegetable shortening. You were playing calming music and focusing on relaxing while swaying around in the kitchen (basically trying to calm down from studying and stress) and then you couldn't find the vegetable shortening. You looked everywhere, the baking cupboard, the pantry, hell, even the fridge, and you couldn't find any.

You swore you had seen a tub of it on the second shelf of the baking cupboard a few days ago. You knew you did. And, you knew you always had it because some of the recipes that were passed down from your mom to Jay (and then to you) used vegetable shortening, so Jay was always sure to keep some in the house. And, it was rare you ran out all at once because Jay typically bought it in bulk because it was cheaper.

"Okay, okay," you said to yourself. "I can just use extra butter. It's fine."

You grabbed all your ingredients and then looked at the recipes.

"No! I don't wanna use the mixer!" you cried. "It takes too long to wash and this is gonna take so long and I don't have time for it. I just want cookies!"

You sunk to the floor and leaned against some of the kitchen cabinets. You put your head in your hands and started to sob. You had so much to do: make food for this week, plan out this week, finish homework, work tomorrow...

And this is how Jay and Hailey found you.

"Whoa, whoa!" Jay said as he quickly set down the latte and the pastry he had gotten for you on the counter and crouched down in front of you. "What's wrong? What happened?"

You sniffled and looked up at him. "I just wanted to make cookies, but I don't have time! I don't have time for anything anymore, Jay! I can't do this anymore!"

"What can't you do anymore?" Jay asked.

"School, work, homework! It's too much I- I--" You felt like you couldn't breathe. Your chest was getting tight and you still wanted to cry out.

"Y/N, Y/N, I need you to look at me, okay?" you nodded as your breathing escalated rapidly. "Match my breathing. I need you to breathe with me." You nodded again and tried to match his breathing. You couldn't. "Y/N, you need to slow your breathing, or else it'll get worse."

"I- I'm try- trying," you argued.

"Jay, can I try something?" Hailey asked and crouched down in front of you as well.

"Yes, please," Jay said and moved out of the way.

"Y/N, I'm gonna squeeze your hand, okay?" you nodded. "When I squeeze, I want you to breathe in, and the next time I squeeze, I want you to breathe out when I squeeze again. Is that okay? Can you do that?"

You nodded again and she squeezed your hand. You breathed in, waited a few seconds, she squeezed again, you breathed out...and repeated this for about three minutes until your breathing was back to normal.

"I don't know what's happening," you admitted as you were still sitting on the kitchen floor.

"Do you wanna talk in the living room?" Jay suggested. "Maybe drink your coffee while at it? We grabbed you coffee and a turnover with Nutella inside."

You nodded and made your way over to the couch. You grabbed the throw blanket which hung over the back of the couch and wrapped it around yourself.

Jay handed you your coffee and pastry. You took a sip of your coffee. "Thanks," you said.

"You're welcome." He shot a look to Hailey. "Is it okay if Hailey stays in here or do you want her to go to another room?"

You shook your head. "She can stay. I trust her."

"Okay. So, what's going on, kiddo?" Jay rarely called you kiddo anymore. He only did that when he was trying to comfort you.

You shrugged. "I dunno. I think it's just stress. I feel like I don't have any time to breathe anymore. I'm either working, at school, studying, sleeping, or commuting."

"Is that why you came home from work early?" Jay asked.

"How did you know?" you asked as you looked him straight in the eyes.

"Whenever you lie, you do this little smirk thing, and you did it when you told me this morning and when you told me and Hailey before we left. So, what happened at work?"

"You're gonna think I'm stupid. I haven't had a breakdown like the ones I've had today since junior year of high school."

"We won't think you're stupid," Hailey said. "We just want to help you. And we can't help you if we don't know what's going on."

"She's right," Jay agreed.

"I had a mental breakdown at work," you admitted. A few tears slipped down your cheeks. You weren't supposed to be breaking down at work, but you did anyway. "I needed to do my Spanish homework and it wasn't up yet and I just, lost it I guess. I didn't know when I was gonna get it done if I didn't do it at work. And then I went to the bathroom and I just broke I guess."

"So, you came home early?" Jay asked.

"Well, Tamara basically forced me to go home early because if something happened with the girls, well, I probably wasn't in the right headspace to handle it, to be honest." You took a deep breath. Now it was time to tell Jay you weren't working next weekend. He might be mad. He was a stickler for hard work. "And I'm not working next weekend."

"What? Why?"

"Tamara said she could handle it. And, she said I looked like I needed the time off. I'm sorry! There wasn't anything I could do to talk her out of it and I can see if I can pick up extra shifts at the coffee shop or—"

"Y/N, you don't need to pick up any extra shifts," Jay said gently and placed his hand on your shoulder. "If your coworker noticed it, then I should've noticed it. I'm sorry I didn't stop you from working so much."

"You are?"

He nodded. "You don't think I've noticed you constantly complaining about headaches these past few weeks and taking ibuprofen day and night?" You shook your head. You honestly didn't think he had noticed. "Well, I did. And, I think you need a break. Now."

"But, I can't! I have homework and classes Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I have fieldwork and work tomorrow. I work—"

"Y/N, it won't be this week, but this weekend." He turned to Hailey. "I know we said this long weekend that we took furlough for was just for us to celebrate our one-year anniversary as a couple, but do you mind if Y/N tags along?"

Hailey laughed. "And you ask me in front of her? I can't say no now!" She said sarcastically and laughed. "Of course, I don't mind. We can get face masks and do mani-pedis, something I can't do if it's just me and your brother."

"So, what do you say, kiddo? Wanna go up to the cabin with us this weekend?"

"That sounds amazing."

***

Four days later, Thursday

"With traffic and stops for food and gas and bathrooms and going to the grocery store," Jay started when you got into the passenger seat of his truck, "we'll probably get up there around midnight."

"Okay." You turned to look in the backseat at Hailey. "I'm really sorry, Hailey. If you wanna switch halfway up, so you can sit in the front seat, we can--"

"Don't worry about it," she said with a quick wave of her hand. "You get car sick and I don't. I'll be fine in the back. You don't have to worry about me."

"You are slowly becoming my favorite sibling," you said, causing Hailey to laugh and Jay to give you an offended look.

"Hey! I was the one who offered to let you come!" Jay protested. "And, she's not even your sister!"

"Well, with the way you two look at each other, she'll probably be my sister-in-law sooner rather than later."

Jay rolled his eyes and backed out of the driveway.

"Can we listen to High School Musical songs?" you asked. "Please?"

Jay groaned and handed you his phone, which he had quickly unlocked. "This is gonna be a long car ride."

***

"Y/N, Y/N, wake up," Jay whispered and shook your shoulder.

"Mhm," you muttered and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. "We at the cabin?"

"Uh-huh," Jay confirmed. "You knocked out after two hours. We figured we'd let you sleep, so your food's inside."

"Okay. What'd you get me?"

"Classic beef and cheddar, mozzarella sticks, and a chocolate shake from Arby's."

"Mhm, I love you."

Jay laughed. You were definitely still half asleep. "Alright, wake up and get inside so you don't fall asleep again."

"Uh-huh." You slipped your shoes back on which you had taken off after an hour into the drive and then grabbed your backpack and your duffle bag from the backseat and then made your way inside the cabin.

"Good nap?" Hailey asked when you walked in.

"Yeah. Some of the best sleep I ever got."

"It's because she had Dramamine before we left so she wouldn't get nauseous," Jay said as he walked inside behind you.

"Yeah, that really helped." You paused and looked around. "Did you call Mr. Brown to have him check for mice? Because if you didn't--?"

"I did. Don't worry," Jay reassured you. "No mice at all. We are good."

"Oh thank God. I wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't check before we got up here."

Jay laughed. "I know. Do you want me to push the two twin beds together upstairs in the loft for you?"

"Yes, please," you answered.

"You just eat dinner before you fall asleep again," Jay said.

"Okay."

And then, twenty minutes later, you were sitting in your bed upstairs in the loft, reading a book by the light of a lamp near your bed, and finishing off your chocolate shake.

It was a great start to your spring break.

***

When you woke up the next day, the sun was shining through the windows. It was nice to not have to wake up when it was dark out for school or to work when it was dark out and then sleep when it was light out. You grabbed your phone to check the time and were shocked to see that it was noon! You had slept for twelve straight hours plus the time you had slept while Jay was driving up here.

You figured you should probably go downstairs so that Jay and Hailey didn't think you were dead.

You walked downstairs to see the two of them snuggling on the couch.

"Y'all better have pants on underneath that blanket. I swear to God Jay if I see anything--"

Hailey cut you off by laughing. "Nope. We're both fully clothed."

She threw the blanket off the two of them to show you that they were still very much in their pajamas.

"Hey!" Jay protested and threw the blanket back over top of them. "I was warm!"

She rubbed his cheek. "Such a big baby," she said in a baby voice.

You snorted. "Are you guys like this every morning?"

"Nope, because typically Jay's crazy and works out before the sun is up on weekdays," Hailey answered.

"At least I don't work out at night."

"Hey! It's relaxing!" Hailey protested. "Plus, I value my sleep."

"Amen to that," you agreed. "I can't believe I slept for twelve hours straight."

"Jay was about to go up there and check that you were still breathing, but I convinced him not to wake you up."

"What is up with both of you ganging up on me? She's only been up for like two minutes and I'm already being thrown under the bus!" Jay laughed.

You rolled your eyes. "It's because us girls have to stick together. What are we doing today? Because I know that Jay isn't one to sit around all day."

"I was thinking we could go hiking. And relax, it's short," he added.

"How short is short?"

"Mile and a half (2400m) each way."

"Okay, that's doable I guess. But if I see a snake, I'm gonna kill you."

***

"You almost gave me a heart attack!" Jay laughed as you walked up the steps and back into the cabin.

"Well, I saw a snake, so I had a heart attack!" you yelled back.

You had the best idea to avoid a snake, or at least make sure Jay and Hailey saw it first. Jay and Hailey were about a foot in front of you and Jay was on the left of you and Hailey was on the right of you. You thought it was the perfect plan.

That was until a snake decided to slither right in front of you as you were walking, right behind Jay and Hailey, but in front of you. You're pretty sure that was the loudest you had ever screamed. And then, you held on to Jay's arm for at least the next quarter of a mile (400m).

"I'm never doing that hike again. I'm never doing that hike again," you said as you went into the loft and changed your pants. (There was some mud on the trail, so your pants had gotten muddy.)

You walked downstairs to see that Hailey was in a bikini. And she also had two packets with facemasks in them, two wine glasses, and a bottle of moscato.

"What'cha doin'?" you asked.

"We are going to put on facemasks, sit in the hot tub, and drink wine," Hailey answered.

"I didn't think Jay filled up the hot tub," you said. You hadn't brought a swimsuit because of that.

She furrowed her eyebrows. "He told me he did. Babe?"

"Yeah?" he yelled back from the kitchen.

"Did you tell Y/N that you were filling up the hot tub?"

"Shit," he cursed. "I forgot. Did you bring a swimsuit, Y/N?"

"No, I didn't." You paused and mentally went through what you had packed. "But, I have a pair of spandex and a sports bra, so that'll work. I'll go change."

"Great!" Hailey exclaimed. "Jay's making sandwiches so we can eat those before we go in the hot tub."

"They're ready now!"

"I'll eat before I change," you said.

You, Hailey, and Jay ate your lunch and then you went and changed and you and Hailey put on your facemasks.

"Babe, you want one?" Hailey asked. "I brought more than two you know."

Jay laughed and shook his head. "Nah, you two have a bit of girl time without me. I gotta prep dinner anyway."

"Prep? Jay it's--"

"You're making Mom's brisket?"

Jay smiled. "I am," he confirmed.

Your eyes started to fill with tears, but you quickly blinked them back so that they wouldn't run down your cheeks and ruin your face mask.

"Am I missing something?" Hailey asked.

"Our mom," Jay started, "well, she'd always make brisket for dinner for our first full day up here. And, I figured we should keep it going tonight."

"And then we'd always make s'mores by the campfire," you added.

"Which is what we'll be having for dessert," Jay said.

You smiled. "Thank you," you said.

"For what?" Jay asked.

"For letting me tag along. Thank you, both of you. I really needed this."

"You know I'll always look out for you."

"And I will, too," Hailey added. "You're like the little sister I never had. Now c'mon, before these facemasks stick to our faces because they dried on us!"

All three of you laughed and you and Hailey started out onto the back deck and towards the hot tub. But, you didn't get a chance to shut the slider door before Jay yelled, "Don't drink too much wine!"

Yeah, he'd always look out for you.

A/N: I hope you liked this! Thank you for over 91k reads! And please remember to reblog and comment! And, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you! Up next is an imagine based on the most recent ep of PD (9x15)!

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