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chirpsythismorning · 11 months

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Realistically do you still think Milvn will breakup in the first couple of episodes? I feel like the fabdom is focusing on fanon so much at this point that they are missing canon and actual narrative on the show. It seems very unlikely to me for Mvln's breakup taking place in first couple of episodes. But the fandom are still stuk in their previous thoughts and cannot seem to think differently at all and never even consider the possibility of mlvn breakup happening way later on in the next season. Most of the Byler's analyses about El's character has turned out to be wrong. El doesnt seem to be done with the relationship. She still loves Mike (or thinks she does) and she drew strength from his monologue. A mildvn breakup right into S5 does not make any sense canon narrative wise. We can argue that the show was different that the script, while i agree with it to an extent i reaaaly think people are trying way too hard to discredit the writers intention and the script here. El was not angry at Mike. She was sad about Max and Hawkins' situation. 🤷‍♀️

What i am saying is that i feel like most Bylers are misinterpetating what is happening with the narrative here and it leads to unrealistic and baseless expectations for the characters and S5 regarding how Mlvn vs Byler will take place. And i am greatly sorry but i dont think Mike lied in his monologue, like at all. And the situation reads like "Mike loved el romantically but they wont be together bc of incompitability". El is not even still over Mike. And people expect her to be like "i breakup with you bye" right into S5. Mike still has underlining feelings for El. Like... all i am saying is people shouldnt base their expectations on headcanons and fanon misinterpretations.

Lastly, while i really would like a more detailed gay coming of age and sexuality storyline for Mike, realistically going by canon i dont think its happening. Sorry. They will mostly focus on Will's sexuality and coming of age it seems like and Mike will mostly have a "realization" arc where he realizes El and him are not fit for each other and then he decides to be with Will.

Based on the show’s trend of doing break-ups (or at least implied break-ups) early in the season, yes I do think it’s likely that the audience will at least have the impression that Mike and El are broken up early in s5.

That’s based on a technique they have done repeatedly, whereas the assumption that they will break-up midseason is based on what exactly? The Duffers saying that s5 is jumping right back into the action?

I mean, if anything shouldn’t that be an indication that the arcs heavily built up in s4, that were left deliberately unresolved, are going to be dealt with in a timely manner, as opposed to being put on pause and then squished into mid s5, when we’re arguably going to have even more stuff the characters are dealing with? Like, them literally fighting for their lives?

When it comes to Mike’s monologue giving El strength according to the script, this is actually really easy to explain and so I will!

For starters, they did not disclose El's feelings about the monologue in the Piggyback script, bc they released it knowing it would go public, at least two years before s5 is set to actually come out. They would not just throw in a huge spoiler like that, seeing as it was intentionally left unaddressed in s4, with the intention to be addressed in early s5. That’s the whole thing about s4 kind of leaving things so shaky and uncertain, with s5 jumping us right back into that, bc there was just so much set up for all of those dominos to inevitably fall.

To understand Mike’s monologue and its impact on El better, it might help to recall the memory of El’s birth and how her mother’s love is what gave her the strength to defeat Henry the first time in 79’.

I mean look at the lighting of that scene, it’s probably the brightest fucking lighting we’ve ever seen in the entire series (you know what light means... pure, genuine, true love…). And it’s because strength from love is much more powerful than strength from anger. That’s something she is literally throwing back in Henry’s face that day of the massacre, going against what he told her to do and instead using the memory of her mother’s love to beat him.

During Mike’s monologue, we see El using anger to give her strength to finally break free and stop Vecna, all orchestrated by events that Henry has had a role in impacting, meaning he was actively going up against her this second time, all while knowing that in order to actually beat her, she needed to be vulnerable and unable to use love as strength, with her only option being anger. And so what we see is anger about Mike still woefully misunderstanding what she had tried to explain to him earlier in the season, along with watching her best friend be murdered in front of her. And look at the lighting of that scene, she's literally seeing red. The atmosphere is eerily uncertain at best.

This monologue was SOOO necessary for the narrative in order to keep the public away from considering Byler. Because they already don’t want to consider it as it is, and that monologue gives them an excuse not to. You saw how they reacted to the piggyback script? Like it was this huge sigh of relief for them? Meaning that they were having doubts…

The thing is, I have considered the possibility of a mid-season Milkvan break-up. I’ve talked about how waiting until mid-season, something that would be unprecedented bc they’ve never done it before, would be odd considering we will be dealing with vastly different concerns and conflicts by that point.

For them to hold off settling a break-up, that was built up all of s4 (arguably since s3), until mid-s5, would fall flat. If anything jumping right into the action means all the major stuff built-up, but left unaddressed in s4, is what we’re jumping back into.

They need to address those things so that they can move on to the aftermath of all of that and then beyond that. 5 episodes of ignoring that, and then 4 episodes of it happening and processing all of it AND dealing with endgame right as the finale is coming to a close, would be hard to juggle and make satisfying.

The reason they like this approach so much, is because it allows the audience to root for the other option in the love triangle. And with Will getting home-wrecker allegations as it is, a milkvan break-up is extremely necessary this time around as well, especially with byler being endgame and them really wanting us to root for them finally.

How can we do that if the Duffer’s break their own trend of early break-ups and in turn make it difficult for us to root for byler, all while leading on milkvan’s unnecessarily even longer (with no intention of going that route), making it even more unlikely for viewers to accept Byler endgame?

They’ve been building up to this inevitable break-up since s3, with s4 ending in a way that made it sort of obvious El is not happy with Mike and with Mike clearly struggling with something.

Are we just going ignore the implications of the inevitable painting reveal or the fact that Mike called El ‘his’ superhero (the most insulting thing he could do honestly, least of all during a love confession) at the end of s4, and have that confrontation be stretched out? For what? El hasn’t even responded to it or told us her side at all? She told Mike she missed him and that’s it… That’s all we’ve got. Like, let her speak and actually say how she feels about their fight in her room and the events at Surfer Boy and everything leading up to this inevitable moment for them.

While Mike and El didn’t outright break up in s4, there was heavy implications of it, and that was for a reason. They wanted us to watch those Will and Mike scenes throughout the season and see something more. Even though it didn’t end with a kiss between them, nor them officially getting together, they still did it because they wanted us to interpret those scenes as romantic comfortably. That's also why they kept Mike and El seperate at the end of s4, because they wanted us to look at Mike and Will in a way that made us go 🫣🫣🫣 at the very least.

Now, if s5 is leading to Byler endgame, just imagine how much more important it is to make it really clear that Mike and El aren’t happening?

Another even more important reason to have break-ups early in a season in general, is to allow the overall season to have a vibe that is cohesive as it’s own entity. Major stuff happens at the beginning and major stuff happens at the end, with the middle making up the overall vibe and feeling they want us to subscribe to the whole time, with certain pairings being constant that time more than the end/beginning. It makes more sense for us to root for byler most of the season, the whole middle, and for the first time at the end now as well, while letting go of El and Mike early on, even if it’s ambiguous like it was in the previous season. Personally I think the prospects of a dump your ass parallel are high… (can we do something interesting and fun like speculate how the break up would go down? Will it be angsty? Will it be lighthearted? Like I want to see all of those hot takes bc that's actually something that is more fun to think about than the 'when').

I know some people are here because they love romances or love queer romances and just enjoy shipping in general, but I’m genuinely here bc Byler makes sense based on all that stuff you would probably consider to be reaching. That stuff is the best part to me. So, if you don’t like others doing that, then consider muting those that you deem as people ‘misinterpreting the narrative’, again, according to you.

At the end of the day you can believe whatever you want to believe.

This idea that it’s okay to tell other people they are wrong and have baseless claims, all while ignoring the actual evidence they are presenting… Like I mean this just comes off like Milkvan’s telling Bylers they’re delusional for considering Mike and Will as being a possibility at all. If you have to constantly use, it’s not that deep as your core argument after being presented with evidence, while only yourself giving maybe one or two reasons at most for why your interpretation makes the most sense, then you’re probably not actually open to considering things based on evidence. You want to believe what you want to believe and you're projecting onto others for not following along with it.

Especially when it comes to the whole Mike having a coming of age story or whatever, where some fans have tried to make the argument that there is nothing to support that, when that actually couldn’t be further from the truth. Bylers have provided heaps of evidence. If all of that is not enough for you, that’s something that you have to contend with at this time. Just like us believing what we believe based on evidence we’ve gathered is our concern and something we have to deal with, not you. No need to apologize! Just try to worry about your own interpretation of things and feeling confident in that, but without having to tear down others' because they don’t subscribe to yours interpretation of things.

Because I feel like it would honestly be a lot more humiliating to insist other peoples theories are wrong and they’re only going to embarrass themselves in the end, only for that person saying that to end up being wrong… Everyone is making theories and everyone is bound to be wrong about some or even most. That's okay. That's natural. That's sort of an unwritten part in the agreement we all agree to by participating in this theorizing in fandom experience.

When it comes to Mike again and his arc, I always say this, but it really comes down to this more than anything.

Finn is 2nd top billed among the kids. He used to be THE top billed among the kids for s1-3, but then he got bumped down behind Millie in s4. There is a major possibility, that Noah is going to be ranked up, with him going from being paired up with Sadie, under Gaten and Caleb, to be bumped up under Finn with them sharing a title card. Though it’s unlikely they would rank Finn down under Noah, who was not even in the opening credits of s1, while he was the first name that season and the following two, meaning Finn's character Mike needs to live up to that top billed spot right behind Millie. He needs to have an arc on his own that is equally as substantial as Will and El's arcs, and separate from them just like theirs will have aspects that are separate from Mike as well.

Because Mike was the protagonist of the first season, he HAS to be important again in a similar vein in the end for the show to work as an overall five part story. When people go back to rewatch after s5, they are going to be met with Mike front and center. That will only be satisfying if we get genuine insight into his character in the final season, beyond the surface level.

Quite honestly, ALL of the kids deserve something deeper than what you are implying for Mike, and so applying that to him, the og protagonist, is just so absurd to me. If anyone is going to come out with a surprising arc we’re not expecting, it’s Mike. The audience is already not expecting Will to actually get the boy, that's the aspect that they aren't prepared for for Will, and so what about Mike's unexpected reveal?

Literally most of the audience doesn’t even think there is the slightest possibility Mike could be queer. You don’t think that warrants some addressing and unpacking…? You know… because he never really unpacked…?

I feel like people hear me say Mike is going to be important in s5 and go oh so you don’t think Will is the main character?? And it’s like?? Honestly my answer is yes and no. I think Will is literally the spine, the heart, or whatever you want to call it. In Finn's own words, he is the reason that everything happens and he is the most important character arguably, because of how important he is in terms of all of these events taking place throughout the series.

However, Mike is at the forefront from the very beginning and we arguably see everything from his eyes in s1 and 2 more than anyone else. But that goes away in s3-4. And that felt extremely intentional based on what is about to go down (byler endgame). You can tell that by doing this, they are trying to lead up to a reveal that brings him back to his original place in the story for the audience to see him as his most authentic self again, and with answers for why we lost that insight in between.

I could count up at least 20 Easter eggs hinting at Mike being in danger/targeted, which goes all the way back to the first episode of the series.

This isn't even considering, that another trend they’re likely to bring back in s5, bc if they don’t they’d be breaking a series long trend, is Mike being late. He starts every season late. And so, what is Mike going to be late for this time? Could it have something to do with all of the unknowns about him that are yet to be addressed?

I think that sometimes we say that something isn’t going to happen because we don’t want it to. A lot of this stuff I’m saying happening isn’t based on feelings, it’s based on actual evidence.

If you don’t want certain things to happen because of x, y, z, you can just say that is the case instead of making arguments that there is nothing supporting it, when that’s not actually true?

Like nothing? Nothing at all? Baseless? Like, be serious rn.

ST5 is very likely going to give off s1-2 vibes. While Mike is going to be less in the background compared to s3-4, Will AND El are still going to have equal, if not more attention than him, bc I do believe that their bond is what is going to also be a part of saving Hawkins.

The ending is going to be surprising bc those primary color-coded bitches are the answer to it all. If me saying that upsets anyone because it goes against their interpretation of things, I'm sorry too I guess!

#byler #stranger things #st5 speculation #pls go make theories of your own and have fun #if people don't subscribe to your theories #maybe don't assume everyone else is wrong #like is that really the only possibility here #i mean we all technically agree bylers are right about byler being endgame..#so they have a record for at least being close to being right because they're paying close attention to the details #i feel like using 'all bylers think this' as like a dig or some sort of attempt at discrediting a theory is sort of weak #a lot of people probably like something because it makes sense...#is that always the case?#no obviously not #still calling bylers delusional is so triggering like come on now why are we using milkvan methods #stop even implying bylers delusional #even if it's out of love #embrace the delusion #and let people be responsible for their own emotions if they're right/wrong in s5 #this is a tv show #we'll all be okay either way #but along the way lets not make play it off like we care for other people's feelings all while basically telling them they're stupid...#be confident in your interpretation and leave it at that

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dazais-guardian-angel · 7 months

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Y'all, I think I've figured it out. Operating on the assumption that the finale is indeed an alternate timeline from the manga, then someone could have written on a page of the Book to rewrite reality to lead to the events of the finale sometime during season 5's events. In other words, this would explain the INCONSISTENCIES with things that were established or at least heavily implied/assumed prior and in the manga: Chuuya being a real vampire and not in control, nothing being planned, Dazai giving sincere speeches, Dazai really being shot and saying his "last words", Fyodor's hand not being injured, soukoku not killing Fyodor while in Meursault because they literally couldn't and Dazai needing Sigma to discover Fyodor's secrets because of that, Fukuchi's goal not being one that relied on Fukuzawa being alive since he clearly intended to kill him, etc etc too many more to count

Events and explanations in the finale feeling so contradictory and out of place, and characters feeling so ooc and not acknowledging any discrepancies, makes perfect sense if you consider that, up until a certain point, this was our canon timeline — until someone rewrote the ending of the arc with the Book, starting with Fyodor injuring his hand...! We only have one example of the Book being used to majorly rewrite reality in the manga, and when that happened, the main players — the ADA members — were aware that reality was changed, even though they did have memories of the new rewritten reality. BUT, Nikolai was unaware of this during that scene, and so also were all law enforcement because of the clause written on the page accounting for that, so what if the same thing could happen in this instance, to prevent all our characters in the finale from being aware that things had changed? We literally saw someone writing Nikolai's dialogue for him; imagine someone doing that during Dazai's final speech in the episode, and during all the rest of it! I don't know who this would be, but possibly a mysterious third party who got a hold of a different page from the Book somewhere and wrote things to turn out this way, because they wanted the ADA to win against Fukuchi and Fyodor? Maybe even because... this is the only way they can win?

Remember Atsushi asserting this plan, and how silly and too simple it sounded? What if someone else ended up doing just that, writing their own simple outcome for the ADA to win (as a narrative of course, which is probably why it had to start with the major catalyst of, again, Fyodor injuring his hand)? Additionally, if that's what happened, maybe the ending of the finale is a sort of side effect to the Book being used improperly in this way, leading to a destabilization of the timeline or a mishmash of other timelines into the anime one, leading to the alternate Fukuchi and Akutagawa we see there?

#bungou stray dogs #meta #THIS MAKES SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE AND EXPLAINS SO MUCH I'M GOING TO SCREAM #i guess this is sort of a foregone conclusion that the Book is the result of this timeline #since we ALREADY KNOW the different timelines are a result of the Book s;dlkfkgfkdlsl #but it only just occurred to me of the Book being used like. MID-PLOT #THE FINALE REALLY IS JUST BAD FANFICTION LITERALLY LMAOOOOOOOO #A BONES EMPLOYEE GOT ISEKAI'D INTO THE BSD UNIVERSE AND REALLY FUCKING WANTED THAT HAPPY ENDING FOR S5 IN 24 MINUTES COME HELL OR HIGH WATE #AND GOT ONE OF THE PAGES AND JUST WROTE IT THEMSELVES!!!!!! 😂😂😂😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣#they'd had enough of the people slandering their anime adaptation. they said oh we'll REALLY give you something to cry about #BUT THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY CHARACTERS FEEL OOC!! IF THEIR DIALOGUE WAS WRITTEN FOR THEM VIA THE BOOK!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH #....what if it's Dazai. What if Dazai wrote this ending just like he wrote the Beast timeline. What then—#I guess Beast in and of itself is one massive example of things being rewritten and no one but the writer (Dazai) remembering/being aware #that they were ever different #so.......... it's not impossible despite what we saw with Sunday Tragedy #i'm telling you though i've connected the dots #if things go differently in the upcoming chapters #and we see that other Fukuchi and we find out about someone using the Book i'm going to LOSE MY MINDDDDDD

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existencebringsonlypain · 2 months

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alright, so if we do end up fighting Kris in the last chapter of Deltarune, we will most certainly win. For we are the player, and we have the power of saving and loading. Debatably, Kris has this too, but either way the end result is the same- This will be a fight of iteration and endurance.

I hypothesize that this fight will have two (or three, depending on how you look at it) endings: You persist, or you relent. Persistence would likely look like a LOT of grinding, figuring out which actions in what order will allow you to "win" and take control back over Kris. And relenting, or perhaps convincing them to relent, would look like A: fleeing or mercy, or B: the same thing as persistence, but choosing to pursue mercy. The third option would be death, and subsequently giving up.

Now, we must remember that Deltarune is a 2018 video game developed by American indie developer Toby Fox. Deltarune oriciy came from Toby's fever dream portraying the ending of a video game. So there's every chance that rather than having the option to either fight to achieve mercy or simply give up and die, you can only die. That IS the only way to free the game from the player. Any other way, and you'd still be in control.

This option also would align with Toby's "there is only one ending"- The ending is persistence, and taking over Kris again. The other "endings" are just death.

This alone makes me inclined to believe that that's exactly how it's gonna go. The only thing that makes me doubt this is how Deltarune is a commercial venture, and that's a pretty unsatisfying "ending". But I could absolutely see Toby doing it anyway.

For we are the player. And if we fight for it, we WILL win. But winning means making Kris suffer, and the only way to avoid that is to no longer fight.

#this also works with chess theory #if we go down the line to Pawn #which is likely to affect Kris a lot‚ since they are. also a pawn #then that could get them the willpower to resist our command for long enough to initiate a battle (presumably with the others on their side)#i initially wasnt too on board with chess theory since i really do think in the last chapter‚ we will fight kris #and kris IS a pawn‚ so you'd have to have two chapters with the same piece to end with pawn #the alternate way for this to work is you fight them in chapter 6‚ you can reach a compromise‚#and then you all team up to fight‚ like‚ Gaster. or Toby. the real masterminds of this game- the creators #but that's REEEEALLY meta and while I don't doubt Toby would DO it #i don't think that's something he would have dreamed up in 2013 #especially with all the context #so. not too on board with that #QUICK GUYS INVEST IN THIS POST BEFORE IT TURNS OUT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS #OR THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HAPPENS #nutdealer posting #deltarune #utdr #deltarune theory #deltarune analysis #sort of #theory #theorycrafting #that's just an inference #A GAME INFERENCE #or i suppose it IS a theory #this is what the recent matpat deltarune theory would be if he had the BALLS to go further with it #i mean. he does agree that we'll fight kris at the end. so #i dont remember much of the video‚ most of it was simply proving kris was sentient independent of us. which like. yea. we know #so i guess #that's just a theory

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ivyithink · 1 year

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@kingslionheart come get your boys, please? your tags are yet again the sole reason for all ... this ..., whatever it is, existing, so i demand shared custody

also, i hope you don't mind me using this screenshot of your tags, tell me if you do!))

Ursula translates to "little she-bear", which both of them know, because they are smart, unlike me, who had to google for possible names and then vibrate exitedly when i found the perfect one (for me at least). her breed is the great pyrenees mountain dog, and those beauties grow up to be BIG big

#my art #my doodles #glad to have at least this finally kinda sort of partially out of my system #it's been rotating in my head for quite some weeks #and it's not even all actually #i hope i get to do the second part of this idea but uuuughhh who knows we'll see #but i wanna cause it's fun #that second piece reminds me a bit of book spreads i used to do in uni #giving me nostalgia...#i WISH i could illustrate a tlk fic for my diploma that would have been something lol #but alas #speaking of fics #i am again sorry for all the text #everyone has been very sweet about it on my previous stuff #so maybe that's why it's getting more and more out of control...#*face in hands* at this point i should probably just start writing like drabbles or something #just for myself to get the idea out of my head and so that my art doesn't turn into A4 sheets of text with a scribble in the corner #the last kingdom #tlk #tlk alfred #tlk uhtred

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xdinaryheroes · 4 months

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xdinaryheroes logging on for the first time in 2 months who thissss

#x #first of all happy birthday jiseok<3 #second of all i cant see myself coming back here giffing any time soon #and i think im finally giving up on lqxh #im the busiest ive ever been and i honestly have no motivation to do anything rn #i cant even keep up with xh😭#but hey we need to wake up and rearrange our priorities sometimes #and i think giffing and being heavily engaged in kpop is something ill leave in my teens #i need to sort my life out lol #but trust ill be back here every now and again #might even churn out a gif or two if im feeling funky but we'll seee #for now im just gonna linger here #and even if im not that active pls remember i will alwaysss be the no.1 hyeongjun lover #kisses

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bredforloyalty · 4 months

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thinking about. you know. this and that.. it really tears me apart that you can force love

#and someone can hurt you way beyond what you could've previously imagined and make you into a thing that loves them #and it's not an antidote to the love‚ taking and destroying‚ not at all‚ maybe nothing is #!#i don't know why i'm hung up on this or similar situations or dynamics but it's the biggest thing for me..#a clumsy attempt at verbalizing something but i hope you sort of get it. catharsis is found in the 'how far can love extend?'. very far!!!#and‚ it's incredible how far we'll go to preserve ourselves and our well-being‚ what mental processes play out. to escape pain and #uncertainty. if humanity does one thing well it's adapting‚ we adapt #it's grim but beautiful‚ makes me want to bash my head into the wall #kata.txt

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pttucker · 6 months

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[Do you want to free the citizens of your industrial complex?] "Free them." [All citizens of the industrial complex are freed from your influence.] [The citizens of the Kim Dokja Industrial Complex have received the 'Escape Scenario'.] [The citizens of the Kim Dokja Industrial Complex can now choose an industrial complex.] [You have acquired a new legendary story!] [The story 'Liberator of the Industrial Complex' has been acquired.] Messages poured out and I left a final message. [Everyone, please leave. I will stop them until everyone leaves.]

Love that we get to see Dokja getting back on his feet so quickly. He may not have been strong enough to fight for First Murim himself, may have believed that the only option was to turn a blind eye as everyone around him began to suffer and die, but not this time. This he can do.

This is how the real Kim Dokja operates.

#I love that for just a few chapters it felt like maybe he was straying from his own self determined path #that he was becoming the very constellation that he hated #and that HE was the one starting to get some kind of regressor depression or something #willing to sacrifice as many people as necessary for the end result #it was cool to see him sort of flip positions with yjh #but I will say that I love the kdj who says 'just this once everybody lives' a lot more #we'll see if he'll manage to hold out until the end of the novel or if he ends up as jaded as final chapter yjh...#orv #orv novel chapter 257 #orv spoilers #orv liveblog #omniscient reader's viewpoint #kdj

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datastate · 7 months

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orientation hcs. uhhhhhhhh one qtaro plesae. or sara.

LOOKS AT YOU SO, SO SWEETLY <3

Q-TARO B.B. — NON-BINARY (HE/HIM) BISEXUAL

Transmasc non-binary; & since he's multilingual, he primarily uses he/him in English, él/lo in Spanish! Although he doesn't use them for himself, he doesn't mind if others use neopronouns for him!!

Masculinity is, and always has been, very important to him! He generally sees himself in it and values a lot of the casual culture. Only once he transitioned, did he feel comfortable enough to return to messing with his gender presentation as well, and it's because of his friends/partner that he realized his identity was more flexible than he initially believed; he's now confident enough in who he is to grow out his hair (though that is also of cultural significance), and no longer limits his wardrobe to what he thinks will help him "pass"...! It's far more comfortable for him now :]

But! Unfortunately, it was also because of other people that he used to find it incredibly difficult to truly embrace either masculinity or femininity.

When he was younger, he had often overcompensated his masculinity—typically unintentionally, as with his appearance/height indicating the idea he was "brutish" (to his peers), then making any attempts to reassert the baseline "masculinity" he wanted as something redundant and just... try-hard, essentially. It would instead put his insecurity on display, for other teenagers who were similarly struggling to figure out what masculinity meant for them and were still at the point of "I'm not [x]" methods of elimination to find their conclusion.

Excluded from this "ideal" at the risk of being "weak" or supposedly "feminine" were certain types of (healthy) affection. Even among the friends that Q-taro had at this age, conversation would often lead into being far harsher with one another, and they'd disallowed physical shows of affection (which especially hurt him, and would often associate, again, to him trying too hard to be a man when he was "too soft"). Q-taro, through his own experience, knows that physical affection can often help ground people; he prefers having that certainty that he's helping someone he cares about. When it comes to words, especially when they'd set the precedent that any and all conversation was to devolve into insult, he felt especially clumsy with attempting any actual verbal consolation.

(With all of that, Q-taro couldn't properly bond with any of these people... and that lack of secure connection still manifests in how he feels he must impress people, not linger on the negatives or perceived "weakness" (in present-day, taken on a new meaning) for too long, or people will leave him. I will not digress here...)

However! Once he passed exams and reached high school, he managed to find a group of people who he tentatively realized he could be openly affectionate with without having his masculinity questioned. It was difficult at first to open up to other people once he'd lost his "friends" from the past schools he'd gone to, splitting off from them, but this was his chance to start anew. The point at which he realized change was possible, was... actually when he'd hurt one of his closest friends with his words, because he was still accustomed to that sort of humor indicating "closeness" in large groups—it was because of this friend communicating that Q-taro fully realized he didn't even. enjoy doing this either, and that it was an expectation he'd been blindly following. After this point, he worked to convey his genuine, often-caring intentions and found a support system that felt assuring enough to truly be himself with.

...And it's because he now felt loved and could love freely, without needing to suppress any parts of himself, that he finally realized he was gay as well.

Prior to this, he'd dismissed any attraction to men because 1) he was surrounded by boys who were, frankly, wearing away at his self-image and 2) his transness played a large factor in who he felt he was "allowed" to be attracted to, especially before he socially transitioned. However, being given the chance to be considered a "gay man" was largely important to him. (Funnily enough, it was this stark difference in what he'd thought attraction was versus this experience that made him initially think he was solely attracted to men. From lesbian -> straight man -> gay -> bisexual... he's had it all.)

(Also, I couldn't find a good place to put it, but I hc him to be polyamorous as well—although he only has one partner atm in my headcanons :D)

SARA CHIDOUIN — GENDERFLUID (SHE/E) AROMANTIC

Sara's genderfluidity specifically comes from how much she identifies as a girl on any given day (in essence: rather than shifting between boy or girl, she experiences gender as overlapping circles of "girl" and what'd classify as "nonbinary" (which may be most accurately described as agender, but she doesn't often delve into the particulars of it...)) ... While I don't think she would be able to outright state that she is genderfluid, I do think she does recognize which days she feels "off" even without the vocabulary to fully delve into it.

(& I will mention: her gender, unlike Q-taro's, matters more to her as an individual rather than how it interacts with or is interpreted by other people... while it'd be nice, a lot about her has already been disregarded if it's inconsistent with the person people want to perceive. She's doing this for herself, within the boundaries her parents have set...!)

Regardless of how she is that day, this doesn't usually affect how she presents! Instead, her sense of style is often dependent on her chronic fatigue... ;-;

Sara is accustomed to wearing (semi)formal clothes—especially if she's out in public, it's expected of her to put thought into her appearance. For the most part, she doesn't mind! The only issue comes when she lacks the energy to truly put in the effort required for dressing this way. Surely, she couldn't ask her mother for help with braiding her hair, or her father to help with tying the bow, before she leaves to meet with Ryoko... she's no longer twelve...! This usually results in her wearing "casual clothes" (of which there are few she is allowed to wear outside of the house; most of them are ones that her father used to wear), often involving a blouse with a fancy pattern and plain black pants or skirt so she doesn't have to think much about color-coordination... If it's a cold day (which will also exacerbate pain) and she's low energy, she'll just throw on one of her father's dark coats instead of figuring out a sweater that'd match her fit and keep her sufficiently warm.

On some days, this is fine! But on others, it does bother her quite a bit. While she does lean toward the "practical" side of how she dresses-up, especially with regard to her hair & keeping it out of her face... she'd still like to be composed. It may sound silly, but it's harder for her to keep herself together and in the present if she's not confident in how she looks. It makes her movements feel unsure, more tentative, and she's more prone to selective mutism because of the clash of home/comforting clothes and public perception. It's crossing a boundary for her and how she's allowed to act in public—which is especially stressful without her friends at her side...

More light-heartedly, however...! Though she'd by shy to admit it, she just. plainly, finds a lot of happiness in looking at herself in the mirror and thinking she looks cute. Of course, it's nice to have others say she looks beautiful or handsome or whatever else, but for the most part... she just likes it when she looks pretty. It's the one thing she has for herself, that she feels she's allowed to embrace without needing to act older. Teachers, other students, and even her own family tend to put her on a pedestal of being someone smarter or more mature than her peers, but presenting herself as just... a normal girl, is close to her heart.

A headcanon my friend, Acci/spacefreckle, brought up was that Sara sometimes shares clothes with Ryoko or Jou if they hang out. Usually, it'd be hoodies, sweaters, or jackets that may be mismatched, but even if it's out of the realm of what Sara normally wears, it's still important to her because this is... silly. and fun. and something that also makes her feel loved and free from those presumptions that most people pose upon her otherwise.

Beyond her small interest in fashion, neither Sara nor her family has ever been too restrictive about whether what she's interested in is "traditionally masculine/feminine" or whatever else—she's just following her passions (with some of her father's guidance...), so I'll move on to her aromanticism!

Sara often struggles to connect with other people; in part due to the expectations which follow her, but also because—even with others attempting to get close to her—she isn't entirely sure how to navigate that new friendship. Many of her relationships (platonic or otherwise) are initiated by the other consistently choosing to interact with her and slowly helping her remove those unintentional boundaries. I read Sara as autistic, which also contributes to her being unsure what is appropriate for the different types of relationships in her life... this is especially clear in friendships that have an uncertain depth to them, as is the case with her best friends: Ryoko and Jou.

With Ryoko, it seems clear that she will sometimes pull back if she thinks being genuine with her feelings will cause issue, or simply not say anything if she doesn't think it's relevant. Jou, by contrast, tends to go all-in with a lot of his affection/love for others around him. The dichotomy of these two approaches often leaves Sara at a loss for how she is meant to show how much she cares for them as well.

I personally believe this is particularly what inspires the red-text ending of the miniepisode: Sara's idea that, if she was to fail in detaching herself from Jou to keep him safe, she should've leaned in further to emphasize how much he truly meant to her before death came for them. The first things she thinks of are what is stereotypically romantic and held above friendships—as I interpret it, she does this not because she harbors romantic feelings for Jou, but rather because she was made to believe her pre-existing love was inadequate... something many other people experience, even if they themselves aren't aromantic. It's unfortunately common for friendships to take the "back-burner" when romance crops up.

Despite her present beliefs, however, I do think Sara would find some comfort in not labeling her friendship with either of them because it allows this love to stand on its own without expectation for something "more" ... She considers her relationship with both of them irreplaceable, they're an integral part of who she is today; all that matters to her is that they also agree they have something special and heartwarming. They're the only ones she's ever tried to envision something romantic with, as if it's a step up from being her closest friends, but any of those ideals fail to align with what she truly values in them... if that at all makes sense :P <3

#it's a little amusing that they're both ''gender conforming'' to the point of. being very obviously trans coded #I WILL ALSO SAY: very. very fond of transfem sara... i just am unsure how i would incorporate that here. because... gestures #the vague parallels between her and the memorandum girl + if she were transfem. i imagine it'd be something mr. chidouin would sort out #early enough for her such that it wouldn't be much of an issue...? so. :'P i didn't reference it here. but my interp does often shift #between the two ideas - either way she'd still be raised 'as a girl' imo :0 #thank you hades :] i might expand on sara's later again but we'll see we'll see...#ask #friends #yttdposting #yttd hcs

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